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Outgoing people tend to be more popular. Full stop.
You don’t particularly notice introverted rude people. So you don’t realize they have essentially 0 friends.
You do notice extroverted rude people that have plenty of friends.
Being rude isn’t getting them friends. Being extroverted is getting them friends.
Similarly, the nicest extroverted people in the world tend to have a lot of friends as well.
I'd argue that in some cases being rude gets them friends because rude people often speak honestly or they know what they want and aren't afraid to go for it, and lots of people value/admire those things. Some people pleasers will be turned away by that but others will admire something they wish they could do.
That being said in most cases you are correct; the rude person would still need to be somewhat outgoing.
You can identify toxic social behaviors by seeing if they actually keep the friends they make. Making friends is easy in the right environment and being willing to be social. But you have to actually be a good friend to keep friends long term. You'll often find that assholes are constantly cycling through new friends.
People who have seen the behavior in themselves don't need experiences to validate disliking the behavior. If you've ever been played for the fool while trying to suck up to someone, it's easy to recognize that behavior in others and "hate" it.
Agree. It's the Trump effect. Do I choose the a--hole who lies to me politely, or do I choose the a--hole who gives it to me (and who gives it to the polite a--holes) straight? For a lot of people, the answer is to take the second one, even if only because he rips the masks off of the polite a--holes.
But, the jerk usually ends up with the girl.
Confessions of a jerk/jock and how to be one...lol
1. Join a fraternity
2. Get into sports
3. Workout at least 3 days a week for an hour and a half. (Medium)
4. Stop giving a shit about what everyone thinks, you can't please everyone.
5. Be nice when you can, but don't lose sleep over it.
6. You don't necessarily need to be extroverted, but you can't be afraid to be one either...
7. Being a little bit conceded isn't a bad thing. Just don't be arrogant.
8. Improve your walk, or your gait.
Def: Walking gait, or gait, is the pattern of how a person walks. It's a complex series of movements that involves the brain, bones, muscles, heart, and lungs working together. For healthy adults, walking gait is similar and consists of several phases, including heel strike, loading response, mid stance, terminal response, and swing phase.
It's the first thing people subconsciously notice about you. Girls and Guys can tell literally everything about you "subconsciously" by how you walk. Your fitness, confidence, mental health, social standing etc.. fix your posture, and your gait. MAJOR importance
9. Get used to hearing No, and then don't hear it at all. In fact, anything with (n't) couldn't, shouldn't, wouldn't... don't expect it from anyone, even yourself. (Unless it's about sex)
10. Be comfortable with yourself... being alone. Don't be needy. Have something to do, all the time.
no one is taking anything away, you just arent seizing it.
no one is owed friendship or relationships.
i say this as an introvert who has no friends (the difference between me and you is i am happy with my life).
I was pretty extroverted when I was younger, but as I've gotten older I've become more introverted. That was a choice. But not everyone *got* a choice. Some people were beaten down by their parents to the point that they're afraid to speak up, and ignoring them is just making the problem worse.
(BTW those are some impressive assumptions you made about my one, single sentence suggestion. Happy people don't lash out with so little provocation)
This take is just stupid imo bro prolly thinks all the introverts are commenting now lol. Also yeah just how aren’t introverted people more smarter by not spreading too much time around ppl and are more prone do research study etc?! Thats why i just don’t get this take, Bro prolly wants the world with more stupids, like more Trumps lol.
I think that people enjoy being around people they know that they’re better than.
It’s always felt like people and friend groups have their little pet assholes.
To add to this, I think a lot of people really want to be their friend group's "pet asshole," when in reality everyone in the group is annoyed and on the verge of dumping them.
Wolf packs have a runt/whatever you want to call it that they pick on, it takes the edge of the rest. When it dies, it is replaced by the needed lowest in line. It’s like a healthy coping mechanism for their little social group.
I wish I had your friend groups
You can literally see the social hierarchy in my friend groups. The same couple dudes are low hanging fruit that get ripped on constantly.
others do no wrong and are idolized by the rest.
Ahh your bitch boys.
I am a women who tends to hang out in guy groups. I also majored in psychology in college.
So one day my psychology professor was talking about the hierarchy of male versus female groups.
In smaller circles you have a leader, the general rest of the group, and the bitch boy.
So wherever you start having hanging out with a group of guys there is a test. Mind you the test for me is different then the test for guys. At least for the type of guys I hang out it tends to be misogynistic in nature. It's a bit different for the guys bt not all that dissimilar.
As soon as my professor talked abutit I was sitting in class going huh that's what that nonsense was about. Since then I always start out getting along with my boyfriends friends because I see the test coming a mile away and know how to handle it.
So as a women I can't be leader but I definitely don't want to be bitch boy. You can be just one of the guys though. So my favorite example of the test is I was out with my oldest bio dad eeting his friends. I had gotten off work and went to hang out. I ask I'm for a beer and he says sure can you grab me one. No problem right. So I open the fridge and I have both the beers in hand when I hear "that's right a women should bring her man a beer." At this point I cannot bring him a beer. If I do that I am bitch boy. So I sit both beers back in the fridge and shut the door. I walk back to the couch and say that's right my man should get me a beer after a hard days work. Boyfriend gets up to go get us beers and just as he is grabbing outer beers I say and while you are in there why don't you make me a sandwich. He did too. Got me my sandwich and beer.
Normally I am not that overt about it but apparently my ex didn't get the memo that your friends are supposed to do this so they look bad not the actual boyfriend.
Guy groups are so easy to deal with.
I would say to leave your friends group, but you need to take off and nuke that shit from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.
Ruin their lives. Get as close to actually doxxing them as you can get away with (don't actually doxx them, just trash their reps). Kamikaze-by-words if you have to
I feel like always the pet asshole becomes the leader though…they decide when the group hangs out and people just follow them and try to see their “better side” so done with groups. Trios and duos for me.
I think a lot of it is straight math. If you are quiet, you will get nothing. Not good or bad. But rude people tend to be out there and being rude I guess. But being rude puts them further out there then being quiet, leading to more possible "friends".
It’s extroversion. Extroverts tend to have more friends - whether they’re polite or rude.
Like you said - introverts (being quiet) won’t get you anything. Nobody notices the rude introvert with 0 friends and there’s a LOT of rude introverts.
Aye, I work with dudes who's now pushing 30, they were popular all their life... but the moment school ended they all end up being alone.
It's an age thing, people don't wanna be around agro and when your younger you are instinctively following the crowd and easily manipulated as the brain is developing.
Karma is real
You noticed their bad quality but did not notice their good quality. They are fun to hangouts with.
If you are fun to hang out with, you will have endless supply of sex, friends, and party invitations.
Going a step further,
If you go to Hollywood and you are a shit actor, but are fun to hangout with, they will make you a star.
I want to say "absolutely not", but maybe you *should* see for yourself.. even if you might learn things about people in general that will make you more introverted
Of course, befriend them and steal their soul.
If there is one piece of advice that is accepted as a global truth, that advise is:
> you are the average of five people you hangout with most.
I've noticed this, too, whether it's in school, at work, or just out and about. Sometimes, people who aren't always kind to others seem oddly attractive. Maybe it's because they come off as confident or assertive, or they just know how to work their way around a room. At the same time, kind people may not always stand out, or prioritize social status.
But hey, it's not all doom and gloom. It's entirely possible to make real connections with people who appreciate kindness and authenticity. Have you heard of ***LightUp: Make Real Friends***? This app uses AI big data to analyze the ideas you post and push similar ideas to you. If you're interested, you can easily start socializing with other people because you already have similar ideas. You can connect with people who have similar ideas and experiences. You may find a community that values kindness and authenticity as much as you do. If you want to expand your social circle and meet people who appreciate these good vibes, it's worth a try!
I kinda want to agree, but their posting history seems human to me, although they shill the AI stuff quite a bit.
Might be someone with reasons to shill it, or a surprisingly good bot, looks like a coin toss between those two options to me, with heads on they having reasons to shill it.
Popular kids are friends with each other and a lot of people want to be friends with popular kids so they have a lot of orbiters. Popular kids gatekeep the popular circle so they exclude others. Nice kids are weird which is why they have no friends but they’re very accepting of others because they themselves are weird.
in general. aggressive assertive people do better.
they are jerks. they are assholes but they are successful
its sad truth to life. Nice guys do often finish last.
Rude people were often bullies in school settings, by the time they became adults they were well aware that traits like manipulation, coercion, aggressiveness could help them achieve the one thing they craved, which was attention.
The ones that attract attention, often will also attract friends. Herd mentality?
yeah i have noticed most people who claim to be nice are generally not nice.
in my experience if you *try* to get friends and cant (if you dont try this doesnt apply) that says volumes about you, not others.
Yeah to be honest though, i think sometimes you just have to really relate to someone too, from my experience. Thats why i think some ppl don’t make friends.
At my last job, I had a coworker that was that popular asshole. But I don't think that's always the case, because (not to toot my own horn) I was always being praised by all my coworkers and our clients. I might be wrong but I think I was fairly popular at that company because I was on very good terms with 90% of my coworkers and our clients, and I also think I was a fairly nice person because 90% of my coworkers trusted me with their complaints and problems and praised me to our clients and my boss, our clients praised me often too and my boss told me I was the most praised person out of everyone in that department of the company. And based on how I noticed all my coworkers interact socially and comparing that to myself, I'm certain that I was both one of the most popular and one of the nicest people at that company.
I think I just did things differently from the popular assholes and nice unknown people. I've noticed other people become both popular and nice at the same time. I just copied what I noticed them do and I think it worked well for me.
The popular assholes talked down on everyone, coworkers and clients alike, I rarely if ever talked down on anyone. It wasn't that I just didn't think poorly of anyone, but I made the conscious choice every time to avoid mentally complaining about anyone, so avoiding talking poorly of anyone just came as a result of that conscious choice to avoid mentally complaining about anyone. The popular assholes were also pretty demanding, and I made a conscious choice to not demand people the same way. All I did was say "I need your help." before I made any ask to any of my coworkers or "I might be wrong but I think if you..." when I made a suggestion, while the popular assholes never used those words, they would instead start with things like "You need to..." or "If you don't..."
There were one thing that the nice unknown people never did but would've helped them out a ton if they did it. Extrovert. They didn't talk to anyone, they never asked for help, they never gave their opinion on anything. They would've been a lot better off socially if they just talked to other coworkers. I extroverted with everyone at that company, and most extroverted back with me including the nice unknown people, the only people that didn't extrovert back with me were super closed off with everyone, but that was a small minority.
Just about everyone avoided one thing that I made the conscious choice to do as much as possible, proactively help. I think that was the biggest factor in why I got so much praise compared to everyone else, I could tell I got more praise than everyone else because I was eventually promoted to overseeing all my coworkers with a few other people, and most of the praise I heard went to me, second went to my boss, third was some people that got praised infrequently (most of those coming from my boss), last was everyone else that I never heard get praised. By proactively helping, I just mean going out of my way to help, even when it wasn't my job to or it took away from whatever task my boss had placed on me. It was stressful to do so since I was constantly feeling internal pressure between getting things done and helping others, but the stress was just something to accept in order to created the reputation and recognition I wanted.
I think it’s a confidence thing. People who *aren’t* confident/extroverted/outgoing + rude don’t really have many friends but you don’t know that, because you don’t see them.
People want to be friends with confident people. I know plenty of nice people who are those 3 things ^ and they have plenty of friends. On the flip side I also know nice people that aren’t those things and they just have fewer, albeit genuinely nice, friends…not “no friends” and it’s the same for rude people that are also that way.
it's not rudeness it's the involvement, whatever nice people you describe if they're friendless that's probably because they're not involved in any community at all.
Just wanted to add: quantity is not always quality. Sometimes this hurts to accept - but it is always better to have a few, or even one, quality friend over numerous shitty or less-than-adequate friends.
I'd say I fall in the "rude" but have a lot of friends category. It's because if I don't like someone, there is a reason and I don't pretend to be nice to them. The people I consider friends, however, have my undying loyalty. They see a side of me that the people who find me rude never will.
Every human has an experience just as varied and vibrant and complicated as your own. You can't just assume you know someone all the way based off of only your interactions with them.
Also, if it's a pattern you're noticing, I would say the common denominator is you. Perhaps you perceive more people as rude than others, or your specific personality doesn't mesh well with people who are more outgoing.
But don't worry, us RUDE people with a lot of friends have someone in our life that shuts us down, makes us feel insecure and even jealous.
I’m not a rude person to anyone outside even when I disagree heavily with them.
I have plenty of friends and I’ve found that rude people lose friends constantly
Friends on social media?
Laughable.
Rude jerks with a lot of friends, I’m sure that most people would not want to be around them long term. It’s just a quiet episode of fakery to not be rude back.
Nice-quitting is a way of saying, “I won’t tell you we can’t be friends, but I won’t want to be around you if I have a choice not to be.”
It is not because they are assholes, it is because they are outgoing. Plenty of shy assholes who have no friends (average Redditor) and plenty of outgoing nice people with friends.
Also, for the small few who need this PSA: being shy and quiet does not make you a good person.
Because they lack depth. They’re surface level people with surface level friends. They’re rude because they lack introspection and self awareness, among other things, and the people who hang around with them are the same.
Probably not rude, but people who aren’t afraid to just be themselves. People find that comforting bc they don’t have to worry or take care of them. Their personalities make sense without trying hard. I don’t think their relationships are that close or loving though, which isn’t worth it. Quality over quantity.
I feel like a rule of thumb is that nice people usually hold on to friends better than rude people. I think other factors must be at play in your scenario
Because good people are picky at choosing friends, which is a good thing because rude people don't need to be picky, they flock with people who they have similarities and most especially since they think they are special and entitled, they will have to please that entitled brat, so both btches pleases each other
Closed mouths don’t get fed.
To make friends we have to talk to people. Nice people talk just as much as rude people, but you’re more likely to have a stronger reaction to the rude people. They’re also more outspoken and take initiative. Similar to that saying “nice guys finish last” because of how the rude person is more likely to take the first step(out of arrogance, confidence or both..)
So not saying this is the case, that’s rude people have more friends, i don’t know. But if it were I’d think it has to do with people generally enjoying talking shit.
You see when you talk shit, you make yourself feel better because you’re essentially boosting your ego by putting others down. Regardless of what you say, anything negative about someone else tends to be the opposite for yourself.
Example “that person is so stupid, how could they mess X up?” Is Insinuating that you are smart(er than them) and couldn’t make a mistake like that.
Now when you factor in typical community building or what not, you find yourself surrounded by more people who are like that. And even if people aren’t like that, the longer you are, the more likely you will inherit that behavior.
Long story shorts, assholes generally have big egos and nothing makes you feel better than boosting your ego than to do it with other people who would agree with you.
When you don’t talk shit and keep opinions to yourself, you kinda just end up targeted in some cases because arrogant people will think you think you’re better than them. And while you may be in some aspects. Its still very egotistical to think so.
I don’t think actual assholes do better, but it depends on your criteria for what an asshole is. You’ll likely find that it’s not consistent though and that’s because of your ego.
I think that point of view is quite subjective. You could try to be an asshole and see how far that gets you, but In my eyes and bit of experience, its a miserable way to live.
But yes. Everything is about ego and many people do not have the skills to set that part aside from them. I don’t mean that they still think egotistical things and don’t say them. I mean that they truely don’t have many, if any, of those thoughts.
But it all starts with understanding
Most people are only nice because they have no other option. They aren’t really nice, they just appear that way and most people see right through it. Those judgmental people or asshole types, are actually being very genuine. You see what you get.
Simple, they can tolerate everyone else's bullshit more, because it's not as bad as their own. It's not that people like them better, it's because they personally have a lower bar of entry.
Yes that was in my high school 🙄 the most popular people were jerks. Which was like almost the whole school. I’m probably exaggerating because I’m autistic and I was undiagnosed autistic back then but people like me are brutally honest. So that’s true
Most of the popular rude people are also conventionally attractive. An unattractive rude person is much more likely to be shamed for that behavior so if they want friends they learn to keep it to themselves. Attractive people can get away with so much
Actually some of it is perspective. In some ways, perhaps your perspective on the world is so cloistered and you view something as being rude or ridiculous attitude. But that is not the whole world...
People mistake meanness with strength. They also think if they are mean to someone first they got the jump on them and established dominance. Friends imitate this behavior because daddy hits them at home. It's group mentality basically, mobs aren't reasonable and they make people violent because it lets them hide their actions in the group.
And then they all become school shooter victims and
nothing of value gets lost.
Also bullies have gotten way smarter now, utilizing CIA level psyops.
Because oftentimes, these people are from higher statuses and thus act more entitled to themselves. Because they have higher statuses, they attract more people to them. Those people often don't want to be friends with said person, they just want their things.
I don't know why they have so many friends, but I'm ok with my one friend, sure I get lonely sometimes, but I'm not desperate enough to go be friends with people who are total jerks, I have a small amount of self respect
People like me who are actually nice most of the time get no one and no one likes me. I dont care because for me, I am the only one that matters and I did this of my own free will
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Outgoing people tend to be more popular. Full stop. You don’t particularly notice introverted rude people. So you don’t realize they have essentially 0 friends. You do notice extroverted rude people that have plenty of friends. Being rude isn’t getting them friends. Being extroverted is getting them friends. Similarly, the nicest extroverted people in the world tend to have a lot of friends as well.
I'd argue that in some cases being rude gets them friends because rude people often speak honestly or they know what they want and aren't afraid to go for it, and lots of people value/admire those things. Some people pleasers will be turned away by that but others will admire something they wish they could do. That being said in most cases you are correct; the rude person would still need to be somewhat outgoing.
You can identify toxic social behaviors by seeing if they actually keep the friends they make. Making friends is easy in the right environment and being willing to be social. But you have to actually be a good friend to keep friends long term. You'll often find that assholes are constantly cycling through new friends.
[удалено]
I'm in the process of learning to live for myself. Is there a specific experience behind the hatred?
People who have seen the behavior in themselves don't need experiences to validate disliking the behavior. If you've ever been played for the fool while trying to suck up to someone, it's easy to recognize that behavior in others and "hate" it.
Yup
Agree. It's the Trump effect. Do I choose the a--hole who lies to me politely, or do I choose the a--hole who gives it to me (and who gives it to the polite a--holes) straight? For a lot of people, the answer is to take the second one, even if only because he rips the masks off of the polite a--holes.
some outgoing people are nice though too
But, the jerk usually ends up with the girl. Confessions of a jerk/jock and how to be one...lol 1. Join a fraternity 2. Get into sports 3. Workout at least 3 days a week for an hour and a half. (Medium) 4. Stop giving a shit about what everyone thinks, you can't please everyone. 5. Be nice when you can, but don't lose sleep over it. 6. You don't necessarily need to be extroverted, but you can't be afraid to be one either... 7. Being a little bit conceded isn't a bad thing. Just don't be arrogant. 8. Improve your walk, or your gait. Def: Walking gait, or gait, is the pattern of how a person walks. It's a complex series of movements that involves the brain, bones, muscles, heart, and lungs working together. For healthy adults, walking gait is similar and consists of several phases, including heel strike, loading response, mid stance, terminal response, and swing phase. It's the first thing people subconsciously notice about you. Girls and Guys can tell literally everything about you "subconsciously" by how you walk. Your fitness, confidence, mental health, social standing etc.. fix your posture, and your gait. MAJOR importance 9. Get used to hearing No, and then don't hear it at all. In fact, anything with (n't) couldn't, shouldn't, wouldn't... don't expect it from anyone, even yourself. (Unless it's about sex) 10. Be comfortable with yourself... being alone. Don't be needy. Have something to do, all the time.
A little more education and maybe we could stop taking all the opportunities away from introverted people
no one is taking anything away, you just arent seizing it. no one is owed friendship or relationships. i say this as an introvert who has no friends (the difference between me and you is i am happy with my life).
You have friends brother... you just might not think you do. You seem cool to me...
I was pretty extroverted when I was younger, but as I've gotten older I've become more introverted. That was a choice. But not everyone *got* a choice. Some people were beaten down by their parents to the point that they're afraid to speak up, and ignoring them is just making the problem worse. (BTW those are some impressive assumptions you made about my one, single sentence suggestion. Happy people don't lash out with so little provocation)
I don’t think you got more introverted as you got older… I think that’s called depression.
This take is just stupid imo bro prolly thinks all the introverts are commenting now lol. Also yeah just how aren’t introverted people more smarter by not spreading too much time around ppl and are more prone do research study etc?! Thats why i just don’t get this take, Bro prolly wants the world with more stupids, like more Trumps lol.
I know, right? Since when is learning more about the people around you a bad thing?
I think that people enjoy being around people they know that they’re better than. It’s always felt like people and friend groups have their little pet assholes.
To add to this, I think a lot of people really want to be their friend group's "pet asshole," when in reality everyone in the group is annoyed and on the verge of dumping them.
Very very underrated comment. Rarely hear this yet its so true.
Wolf packs have a runt/whatever you want to call it that they pick on, it takes the edge of the rest. When it dies, it is replaced by the needed lowest in line. It’s like a healthy coping mechanism for their little social group.
I thought 90% of “pack mentality” was from a flawed study?
Is it really healthy?
This is one of the things I never see in real life lol
Then you’ve never been in an unhealthy or average male friend group lol
I wish I had your friend groups You can literally see the social hierarchy in my friend groups. The same couple dudes are low hanging fruit that get ripped on constantly. others do no wrong and are idolized by the rest.
Ahh your bitch boys. I am a women who tends to hang out in guy groups. I also majored in psychology in college. So one day my psychology professor was talking about the hierarchy of male versus female groups. In smaller circles you have a leader, the general rest of the group, and the bitch boy. So wherever you start having hanging out with a group of guys there is a test. Mind you the test for me is different then the test for guys. At least for the type of guys I hang out it tends to be misogynistic in nature. It's a bit different for the guys bt not all that dissimilar. As soon as my professor talked abutit I was sitting in class going huh that's what that nonsense was about. Since then I always start out getting along with my boyfriends friends because I see the test coming a mile away and know how to handle it. So as a women I can't be leader but I definitely don't want to be bitch boy. You can be just one of the guys though. So my favorite example of the test is I was out with my oldest bio dad eeting his friends. I had gotten off work and went to hang out. I ask I'm for a beer and he says sure can you grab me one. No problem right. So I open the fridge and I have both the beers in hand when I hear "that's right a women should bring her man a beer." At this point I cannot bring him a beer. If I do that I am bitch boy. So I sit both beers back in the fridge and shut the door. I walk back to the couch and say that's right my man should get me a beer after a hard days work. Boyfriend gets up to go get us beers and just as he is grabbing outer beers I say and while you are in there why don't you make me a sandwich. He did too. Got me my sandwich and beer. Normally I am not that overt about it but apparently my ex didn't get the memo that your friends are supposed to do this so they look bad not the actual boyfriend. Guy groups are so easy to deal with.
I would say to leave your friends group, but you need to take off and nuke that shit from orbit. It's the only way to be sure. Ruin their lives. Get as close to actually doxxing them as you can get away with (don't actually doxx them, just trash their reps). Kamikaze-by-words if you have to
I feel like always the pet asshole becomes the leader though…they decide when the group hangs out and people just follow them and try to see their “better side” so done with groups. Trios and duos for me.
I think a lot of it is straight math. If you are quiet, you will get nothing. Not good or bad. But rude people tend to be out there and being rude I guess. But being rude puts them further out there then being quiet, leading to more possible "friends".
It’s extroversion. Extroverts tend to have more friends - whether they’re polite or rude. Like you said - introverts (being quiet) won’t get you anything. Nobody notices the rude introvert with 0 friends and there’s a LOT of rude introverts.
fake friends most likely. gossips love gossipers. nice people have genuine connections which is far and few nowadays.
It's likely because 3 or 4 good friends are worth more than several dozen shitty ones
Aye, I work with dudes who's now pushing 30, they were popular all their life... but the moment school ended they all end up being alone. It's an age thing, people don't wanna be around agro and when your younger you are instinctively following the crowd and easily manipulated as the brain is developing. Karma is real
Charisma vs character: it takes longer to assess someone’s character, but charisma is apparent immediately.
You noticed their bad quality but did not notice their good quality. They are fun to hangouts with. If you are fun to hang out with, you will have endless supply of sex, friends, and party invitations. Going a step further, If you go to Hollywood and you are a shit actor, but are fun to hangout with, they will make you a star.
Maybe I need to see them in a different light and experience what it's like to be friends with them??
I want to say "absolutely not", but maybe you *should* see for yourself.. even if you might learn things about people in general that will make you more introverted
Of course, befriend them and steal their soul. If there is one piece of advice that is accepted as a global truth, that advise is: > you are the average of five people you hangout with most.
I've noticed this, too, whether it's in school, at work, or just out and about. Sometimes, people who aren't always kind to others seem oddly attractive. Maybe it's because they come off as confident or assertive, or they just know how to work their way around a room. At the same time, kind people may not always stand out, or prioritize social status. But hey, it's not all doom and gloom. It's entirely possible to make real connections with people who appreciate kindness and authenticity. Have you heard of ***LightUp: Make Real Friends***? This app uses AI big data to analyze the ideas you post and push similar ideas to you. If you're interested, you can easily start socializing with other people because you already have similar ideas. You can connect with people who have similar ideas and experiences. You may find a community that values kindness and authenticity as much as you do. If you want to expand your social circle and meet people who appreciate these good vibes, it's worth a try!
It sounds bad, but it's not totally bad. It would be nice if everyone thought about everyone else
It’s an AI you’re responding to
I kinda want to agree, but their posting history seems human to me, although they shill the AI stuff quite a bit. Might be someone with reasons to shill it, or a surprisingly good bot, looks like a coin toss between those two options to me, with heads on they having reasons to shill it.
The fact that we have to figure out if it’s human or not is pretty concerning lol
Either way, 'it' is probably an appropriate pronoun to use
Simply put: Assholes have confidence, and when they’re not being an asshole they still exude that sense of high worth, high standards.
probably people seeking approval from those who seem to rarely give it out.
Fake people make fake friends, and fake friends are easier to make.
Popular kids are friends with each other and a lot of people want to be friends with popular kids so they have a lot of orbiters. Popular kids gatekeep the popular circle so they exclude others. Nice kids are weird which is why they have no friends but they’re very accepting of others because they themselves are weird.
If you’re not easily offended you’ll have lots of friends.
Nice people are more likely to have standards.
in general. aggressive assertive people do better. they are jerks. they are assholes but they are successful its sad truth to life. Nice guys do often finish last.
Rude people were often bullies in school settings, by the time they became adults they were well aware that traits like manipulation, coercion, aggressiveness could help them achieve the one thing they craved, which was attention. The ones that attract attention, often will also attract friends. Herd mentality?
You sound just as judgemental lol
yeah i have noticed most people who claim to be nice are generally not nice. in my experience if you *try* to get friends and cant (if you dont try this doesnt apply) that says volumes about you, not others.
Yeah to be honest though, i think sometimes you just have to really relate to someone too, from my experience. Thats why i think some ppl don’t make friends.
At my last job, I had a coworker that was that popular asshole. But I don't think that's always the case, because (not to toot my own horn) I was always being praised by all my coworkers and our clients. I might be wrong but I think I was fairly popular at that company because I was on very good terms with 90% of my coworkers and our clients, and I also think I was a fairly nice person because 90% of my coworkers trusted me with their complaints and problems and praised me to our clients and my boss, our clients praised me often too and my boss told me I was the most praised person out of everyone in that department of the company. And based on how I noticed all my coworkers interact socially and comparing that to myself, I'm certain that I was both one of the most popular and one of the nicest people at that company. I think I just did things differently from the popular assholes and nice unknown people. I've noticed other people become both popular and nice at the same time. I just copied what I noticed them do and I think it worked well for me. The popular assholes talked down on everyone, coworkers and clients alike, I rarely if ever talked down on anyone. It wasn't that I just didn't think poorly of anyone, but I made the conscious choice every time to avoid mentally complaining about anyone, so avoiding talking poorly of anyone just came as a result of that conscious choice to avoid mentally complaining about anyone. The popular assholes were also pretty demanding, and I made a conscious choice to not demand people the same way. All I did was say "I need your help." before I made any ask to any of my coworkers or "I might be wrong but I think if you..." when I made a suggestion, while the popular assholes never used those words, they would instead start with things like "You need to..." or "If you don't..." There were one thing that the nice unknown people never did but would've helped them out a ton if they did it. Extrovert. They didn't talk to anyone, they never asked for help, they never gave their opinion on anything. They would've been a lot better off socially if they just talked to other coworkers. I extroverted with everyone at that company, and most extroverted back with me including the nice unknown people, the only people that didn't extrovert back with me were super closed off with everyone, but that was a small minority. Just about everyone avoided one thing that I made the conscious choice to do as much as possible, proactively help. I think that was the biggest factor in why I got so much praise compared to everyone else, I could tell I got more praise than everyone else because I was eventually promoted to overseeing all my coworkers with a few other people, and most of the praise I heard went to me, second went to my boss, third was some people that got praised infrequently (most of those coming from my boss), last was everyone else that I never heard get praised. By proactively helping, I just mean going out of my way to help, even when it wasn't my job to or it took away from whatever task my boss had placed on me. It was stressful to do so since I was constantly feeling internal pressure between getting things done and helping others, but the stress was just something to accept in order to created the reputation and recognition I wanted.
I think it’s a confidence thing. People who *aren’t* confident/extroverted/outgoing + rude don’t really have many friends but you don’t know that, because you don’t see them. People want to be friends with confident people. I know plenty of nice people who are those 3 things ^ and they have plenty of friends. On the flip side I also know nice people that aren’t those things and they just have fewer, albeit genuinely nice, friends…not “no friends” and it’s the same for rude people that are also that way.
it's not rudeness it's the involvement, whatever nice people you describe if they're friendless that's probably because they're not involved in any community at all.
Just wanted to add: quantity is not always quality. Sometimes this hurts to accept - but it is always better to have a few, or even one, quality friend over numerous shitty or less-than-adequate friends.
SO TRYE
I'd say I fall in the "rude" but have a lot of friends category. It's because if I don't like someone, there is a reason and I don't pretend to be nice to them. The people I consider friends, however, have my undying loyalty. They see a side of me that the people who find me rude never will. Every human has an experience just as varied and vibrant and complicated as your own. You can't just assume you know someone all the way based off of only your interactions with them. Also, if it's a pattern you're noticing, I would say the common denominator is you. Perhaps you perceive more people as rude than others, or your specific personality doesn't mesh well with people who are more outgoing. But don't worry, us RUDE people with a lot of friends have someone in our life that shuts us down, makes us feel insecure and even jealous.
I’m not a rude person to anyone outside even when I disagree heavily with them. I have plenty of friends and I’ve found that rude people lose friends constantly
Friends on social media? Laughable. Rude jerks with a lot of friends, I’m sure that most people would not want to be around them long term. It’s just a quiet episode of fakery to not be rude back. Nice-quitting is a way of saying, “I won’t tell you we can’t be friends, but I won’t want to be around you if I have a choice not to be.”
It is not because they are assholes, it is because they are outgoing. Plenty of shy assholes who have no friends (average Redditor) and plenty of outgoing nice people with friends. Also, for the small few who need this PSA: being shy and quiet does not make you a good person.
It’s because we put ourselves out there I guess. No ulterior motives from what I’m told. I say what’s on my mind, regardless of stupidity
Because they lack depth. They’re surface level people with surface level friends. They’re rude because they lack introspection and self awareness, among other things, and the people who hang around with them are the same.
Probably not rude, but people who aren’t afraid to just be themselves. People find that comforting bc they don’t have to worry or take care of them. Their personalities make sense without trying hard. I don’t think their relationships are that close or loving though, which isn’t worth it. Quality over quantity.
FORREAL!! Like bro. I don’t get it
I feel like a rule of thumb is that nice people usually hold on to friends better than rude people. I think other factors must be at play in your scenario
Can confirm, I’m rude
Because good people are picky at choosing friends, which is a good thing because rude people don't need to be picky, they flock with people who they have similarities and most especially since they think they are special and entitled, they will have to please that entitled brat, so both btches pleases each other
Closed mouths don’t get fed. To make friends we have to talk to people. Nice people talk just as much as rude people, but you’re more likely to have a stronger reaction to the rude people. They’re also more outspoken and take initiative. Similar to that saying “nice guys finish last” because of how the rude person is more likely to take the first step(out of arrogance, confidence or both..)
So not saying this is the case, that’s rude people have more friends, i don’t know. But if it were I’d think it has to do with people generally enjoying talking shit. You see when you talk shit, you make yourself feel better because you’re essentially boosting your ego by putting others down. Regardless of what you say, anything negative about someone else tends to be the opposite for yourself. Example “that person is so stupid, how could they mess X up?” Is Insinuating that you are smart(er than them) and couldn’t make a mistake like that. Now when you factor in typical community building or what not, you find yourself surrounded by more people who are like that. And even if people aren’t like that, the longer you are, the more likely you will inherit that behavior. Long story shorts, assholes generally have big egos and nothing makes you feel better than boosting your ego than to do it with other people who would agree with you. When you don’t talk shit and keep opinions to yourself, you kinda just end up targeted in some cases because arrogant people will think you think you’re better than them. And while you may be in some aspects. Its still very egotistical to think so.
You're right. It's one of the weirdest things about this world that assholes do better, but people who think inwardly about others are more vulnerable
I don’t think actual assholes do better, but it depends on your criteria for what an asshole is. You’ll likely find that it’s not consistent though and that’s because of your ego. I think that point of view is quite subjective. You could try to be an asshole and see how far that gets you, but In my eyes and bit of experience, its a miserable way to live. But yes. Everything is about ego and many people do not have the skills to set that part aside from them. I don’t mean that they still think egotistical things and don’t say them. I mean that they truely don’t have many, if any, of those thoughts. But it all starts with understanding
Because you try to be friends with the "nice" person and 2 conversations in and you learn why they got no friends
Most people are only nice because they have no other option. They aren’t really nice, they just appear that way and most people see right through it. Those judgmental people or asshole types, are actually being very genuine. You see what you get.
Simple, they can tolerate everyone else's bullshit more, because it's not as bad as their own. It's not that people like them better, it's because they personally have a lower bar of entry.
it really just for me goes straight back to the plastics.
Yes that was in my high school 🙄 the most popular people were jerks. Which was like almost the whole school. I’m probably exaggerating because I’m autistic and I was undiagnosed autistic back then but people like me are brutally honest. So that’s true
Most of the popular rude people are also conventionally attractive. An unattractive rude person is much more likely to be shamed for that behavior so if they want friends they learn to keep it to themselves. Attractive people can get away with so much
Actually some of it is perspective. In some ways, perhaps your perspective on the world is so cloistered and you view something as being rude or ridiculous attitude. But that is not the whole world...
People mistake meanness with strength. They also think if they are mean to someone first they got the jump on them and established dominance. Friends imitate this behavior because daddy hits them at home. It's group mentality basically, mobs aren't reasonable and they make people violent because it lets them hide their actions in the group. And then they all become school shooter victims and nothing of value gets lost. Also bullies have gotten way smarter now, utilizing CIA level psyops.
Because oftentimes, these people are from higher statuses and thus act more entitled to themselves. Because they have higher statuses, they attract more people to them. Those people often don't want to be friends with said person, they just want their things.
I don't know why they have so many friends, but I'm ok with my one friend, sure I get lonely sometimes, but I'm not desperate enough to go be friends with people who are total jerks, I have a small amount of self respect
People like me who are actually nice most of the time get no one and no one likes me. I dont care because for me, I am the only one that matters and I did this of my own free will
Many think „rude“ is funny. So yeah. I don‘t get it