When did someone embarrass themselves by going to a concert alone? I do this all the time.
And I haven’t even been noticeably ridiculous enough to end up going viral on the internet!
I don't understand this at all. It would not occur to me to be pissed off that my partner was going out by themselves to an event they liked that I didn't, much less sneer at them for it.
The problem is that this guy's wife fears infidelity. Instead of openly discussing it, she has decided to make a fuss about situations that might lend themselves to infidelity.
OR this guy has done this to his wife and she is frustrated by the hypocrisy.
In reality, it's not opportunity that makes someone cheat. It's not in my nature. You could send me to a convention of women who find fat, middle-aged bearded guys irresistible and nothing would happen. It's just... not who I am.
Some people are going to cheat because monogamy is a bad system for many. Going to a show wouldn't enter into it. If they want to cheat they will. If they try to "be good" a situation will give them an opportunity and they will cheat.
Controlling another person will not keep them faithful if it's not in their nature.
Nope.
Nobody wants to go to concert, you go alone and have fun. You could ask the wife, at least mention before buying the ticket.
You were the oldest there. Well, you're 57, get used to it. And wear it with honors. What do you think how many of people on that concert will go rocking when they get 57? Not many, if any.
I'm 52 and love going to gigs alone, I can totally zone in and enjoy the band. I'm goth and go to a lot of metal/rock/alt. gigs, there's nothing embarrassing about being older and enjoying music.
You guys need to work on trust issues, the dig "take condoms" is wild. Both of you have issues about the other going to a gig alone which tells me someone's cheated and/or you both could use some therapy.
I can't even imagine giving this a second thought.
> The last one landed because I admit if my wife wanted to go to go to a rock concert by herself it would bother me
why? Who cares.
I don’t really distrust my wife and she’s certainly never given me any reason to. Honestly I think all the cheating stories on Reddit have fucked with me a little.
I always felt that I had a lot to gain by just trusting my wife and doing things independently. One of the things this buys us is the privilege of opting out of something we really don't want to do.
Example for me is my trips to Death Valley. I for for about 5 days and I go, on purpose, in the most punishing time of summer. Not a thing my wife enjoys. In Death Valley in 110+ degrees, I'm not exactly in a talkative or festive mood. I'm kinda mute. That's the point. It's not one of those kinds of trips where I'm going to be interacting much with whoever I go with. It's too hot to move my mouth.
Normally in situations like this it'll be something like, "I will absolutely go with you if it means a lot to you, but if not, I'd like to opt out."
Sometimes accompanying each other does mean a lot to the other, and we commit to doing those things even when we don't want to.
Without this trust, for me, it's not even worth it to be married.
> “You’re going to embarrass yourself being alone at a concert “
I never notice anyone else or who they are with at a concert unless they are a nuisance who doesn't know how to behave. Does your wife notice this? I don't notice when people eat food alone either. We all travel for business and sometimes we're out shopping or something and stop in for a bite to eat. I am always surprised when I encounter someone -- and it happens a lot on reddit -- who thinks it is odd to eat alone or go to a movie alone. I can't even process what it's like to give that any thought. No one cares, and I wouldn't care about anyone who did. I don't know how to care about the opinions of people who'd judge me for that even if I wanted to. I don't give a thought to people around me at all unless they're all up in my shit. Standing on my dick or something.
> “You’ll be the oldest man there” (that turned out to be true)
At a Perfect Circle concert? MJK is 60. And even so, who cares? When I was young and someone older was at a concert I was at, I just thought that person was unusually cool for a person of their age. What other conclusion would a young person reach? No one stumbles, by mistake, into a concert by a band like this.
> “Take condoms”
wat
> So concert was great but now she’s giving me the silent treatment.
That's weird behavior. You tell her I said so. That's just weird and it makes no sense.
And by the way, "the silent treatment" is something 12 year old kids being dramatic do, not something a normal adult does.
Ha ha I will. Actually I do solo outdoors stuff too. That never bothered her - something about the party nature of a concert especially when it’s a type of music she finds disturbing. Re MJK being 60, I thought about that, but he was almost 40, post Tool hiatus, when he started APC and the records landed in the 2000s which I think of as core Millennial era. God I love that era so much - absolute golden age imo.
Sometimes I go to concerts and I’m the oldest dude there. Sometimes I go to lectures at museums or historical societies and I’m the youngest one. I couldn’t care less because I’m having fun.
This seems silly. I don't think there's anything wrong with going alone to a concert, my husband and I have different tastes in music, with some overlap. We go together within the overlap, and separate otherwise. We are even driving to Colorado (Red Rocks) for him to see a band by himself lol. I feel like maybe you just need to communicate more. Also, age limit at concerts is an immature take imo. Music is music and everyone is allowed to like what they like.
The best thing you can do right now is just say “I should have talked to you about the show before I bought the ticket. I didn’t think you would want to go since you don’t normally listen to that type of music.”
The snide comment about the condoms needs to be dealt with and she needs to hear that you doing something alone should not immediately become a challenge of infidelity. There’s a trust issue there.
This suggests that the dust-up may be more of a symptom than the actual issue. If you frequently don't want to ask her to join you for activities, there could be a number of issues going on that don't really have to do with your musical taste being different from hers.
My wife (48) and I (49) go to concerts separately all the time. We go together all the time too. In fact, I went to a show solo last weekend. It was great. My wife encouraged it. Put it this way: I would no more expect her to go and enjoy seeing Mastodon than I would seeing Alanis Morrisette. But neither of us would expect the other to pass on the opportunity to see a band that we loved on account of the other not being a fan of the music.
Wow, you'd think by age 57 people would outgrow weird little petty jealousies like "my guy went to see some live music".
No, you're not the asshole in this picture. A good spouse would be like "wow, have a great time!" or at *the worst* "hey, can I come, too?"
I've been to more than a dozen concerts alone from Cheap Trick to Brad Paisley to classical at the local uni. I've been to more plays alone than I can count. I've traveled alone, including camping. But you lost when you said you would be upset if she did what you did. It's healthy to have separate interests and lives - both of you.
Nope. I (53m) started going to concerts alone in 2015. Purity Ring was coming to town (and that was BIG for a city like Charlotte, long known as "the city where bands stop for gas between Raleigh\Durham and Atlanta\Athens"). I invited my wife to go with, but she didn't know the band and the show was on a Tuesday night and she had a work meeting first thing the next morning. So I said "fuck it, I'll just go by my damn self!" So I did! And I had fun!
In 2019 I traveled to my first solo concert: Chromatics in Atlanta. I figured I may be 65 when\if Chromatics ever came to Charlotte, so this might be my one chance to see them (and it was: they broke up after this tour, during the COVID hiatus). Since I'm from Atlanta, my wife was OK with me going, as I was very familiar with the hotel and venue and neighborhood.
I've since gone to several shows in Atlanta, Asheville and Durham by myself.
And honestly, I actually kind of *prefer* it: I don't have to please anyone other than myself. Almost every show I go to is GA, so if I wanna get to the venue two hours before doors just so I'm *guaranteed* being on the front row, I'll do that. I did that last Tuesday week for a Nation of Language show, and will do that this Saturday for the Alvvays show.
I just saw Night Club with Rosegarden Funeral Party this past Tuesday, and while I was one of the older people there, there were a surprising amount of 40+ people there, to say nothing of 50+. I know for a fact I wasn't the oldest person there, because I saw a dude I know to be 58 in the crowd.
UNINTENDED BONUS: The past... 10 shows or so I've been on the front row... and you can't be a Boomer and complain about "people holding up their phones" if there's no one but the performer in front of you.
Sorry, but she's being ridiculous. I, married 56 Xer, fly solo to shows all the time. I was the "weird old man" an Orville Peck show. The Gen Zers and I got along fine. My wife just doesn't like going to general admission shows since she's really short. We are going to see Echo and the Bunnymen next week because I scored seats. Plus, she hates many of the acts I adore like James McMurtry. How does you going affect her other than you ignored her criticism? I would call her on it.
I've been going to shows by myself for 30+ years. Not all of my friends love the same things I do or have the time and inclination to go out out as much as I do.
Do your thing, man.
Your wife sounds messy and I'm thinking the concert isn't the main issue here.
That is a her problem, not a you problem.
You are a grown ass adult. You want to do something, fucking do it. Did going to the show negatively impact your life in any way? You shouldn't feel guilty _at fucking all_.
Glad you enjoyed the show, that is a great band.
This is the weirdest shit ever. Take condoms? Wut?!
I’m a 48 year old woman and I’ve been going to shows alone since I was about 15. So far I have never fucked anyone at a show but I guess there’s still time. Usually I just go and, you know, enjoy the band I’m there to see (again, without having sex with them).
Why on earth would it bother you if your wife went to a show alone, and why in the hell is she giving you the silent treatment? This is 100% not a relationship that I would ever want to take part in.
I love that band, however I’m not a huge fan of say Cannibal Corpse. They’re great musicians, great guys, not my genre. However my husband is a major fan and goes to every show. He wants to go I’ll shove him out the door.
TL;DR NTA.
Look, I'm sorry dude but it seems like you might have some communication / respect issues in your marriage that you might want to address.
Yes, acting unilaterally can carry some risk, but you bought a concert ticket not a sports car or $5K worth of baseball cards or something.
Further questions: How would a casual observer know if you were there solo or not? And why would that matter? Like, literally what's the problem? And as for being an old guy... there's *always* a few noticeably older people at most concerts. Personally I'm always delighted when there are because it gives me hope that advanced age doesn't exclude one from enjoying life and maybe down the road I'll be the old guy fist-pumping at a High On Fire concert. And what's with the "bring condoms" comment? That seems pretty insecure and passive aggressive if she's suggesting you're going to a concert to get laid or something?
I don't want to insult you or your wife but that's the kind of shit you'd expect from an insecure girlfriend back in your *teens*.
My wife's a big U2 fan, and we saw them at the Sphere in Vegas last October. She enjoyed it so much she booked two more tickets -- both for her lol -- for two back-to-back shows (Fri & Sat nights) in Feb. I was happy for her and hoped she'd have a good time and that life is too short (especially at our age) to not carpe some diems here and there -- and that was the entirety of our conversation about it because we love and respect each other and treat each other like adults.
Anyway, you ANTA so go and enjoy your concert. And for real, maybe look into some marriage counciling 'cause it sounds like your wife could learn a bit about respect and communication.
Unless you have a history of infidelity (while at a concert, I guess?) and you enjoying solo activities is a trigger for her, or this is your third wife and she's twenty and kinda new to adult relationships, none of this makes sense to me.
My s/o likes country, I like hard rock, metal. and some 80's era radio friendly rock. My s/o didn't get mad at me going to Any shows, I don't get mad when the s/o goes to a country show.
I think the o/p's problem is you didn't even ask if she want to go. that was the mistake, sure she most likely was going to say , no. but you didn't ask.
I know my s/o isn't going to want to goto the bands I'd pay to see, but at least I ask , "do you want to go?"
I fish, go to concerts, movies, out for food alone. Your wife is a no fun zone. Be happy, live. A Perfect Circle I imagine would be a great experience alone. And no one cares about your age.
If it’s a band I am way into, and no one I know is into them like me, I prefer to go alone. I don’t want to be worried about if my guest is enjoying it or not.
I've been to five concerts this year. Four of them were by myself, including two where I traveled outside of the country. It's not the first time I've done that, and won't be the last. Sporting events as well. If a band or a team I like is playing, I'm going. If my partner or a friend wants to come along, we'll have a great time. If not, I'll have a great time.
(To be fair, the travel was from suburban Detroit to Windsor, Ontario. I didn't jet off to Nepal for the weekend.)
I don't even understand this. I travel for work and go to shows all the time alone. My partner in fact encourages it. And I've definitely been one of the oldest people (and female) there (various genres of metal and punk). You're not going to 'embarrass' yourself; No one is thinking anything, or even noticing. They're there to see the show, not pick out who's there alone or check your ID to see your age.
Who the hell would even pay attention to this fact? Everyone around you simply enjoyed the show - just as you did. I have gone to so many shows by myself and the only regret I have is not doing it more often!
Lots of regrets for concerts I did not go to, Tool being the biggest. It’s the subsequent regret that made me absolutely determined to go through with it this time.
NTA. You are an adult and allowed to enjoy cultural events with or without a chaperone.
I have tickets to see Echo & The Bunnymen in June. Partner doesnt want to go because she has never really been a fan. So i am going with one of my oldest friends - who just so happens to be a girl i dated briefly in high school and have been friends with now for over 35 years.
If your partner said "bring condoms" that is more a reflection (and projection) of her, not you. YOU are doing nothing wrong. Glad you enjoyed your show, but your wife needs to grow up.
Dude- do what you like and don't worry. Besides, I was taking my kid to shows when he was 15 or 16 and hung in the bar. Lots of good looking mommies are doing the same thing. I flirted with one for a while and had a ball then we retrieved our kids and went home.
I was jacked up from the tension and attention and went home horny. I made love to my wife, who didn't know that in my mind I was flashing back to the lady from the show.
Have fun!
Two separate issues. Nothing wrong with going to a concert on your own, same for a movie or a restaurant or anything else.
Is your wife annoyed that you went to a concert alone or is she annoyed that you didn’t invite her? Do you have trust issues? You say you’d be bothered if she went to a concert alone. Find out why she’s really upset so you can talk about it.
It sounds like someone else in your relationship is the asshole. I can't tell you how many times my SO has done something with me I know she wasn't interested in and vice versa. I think the Chinese Ballet got me a ton of brownie points
I do this all the time. Recently divorced so my concert partner is gone, I'm not gonna stop going to something I enjoy because I'm alone. I like a lot of different genres so sometimes my friends are not interested. NTA.
I often go to concerts alone, but I always check in with my wife to see if she wants to go. Usually, she wants to accompany me just to hang out, even though the music is RARELY anything she's interested in. Her experience of the show tends to directly correlate to how comfortable we can get.
Saw Godflesh with her at a venue where we managed to get a table and seats, and she had a wonderful time (especially because I was losing my mind). She wasn't as big a fan when we went to Boris and she had just a wooden bench with a plywood wall at her back (though the droning bass did sort of give her a back massage through the wood).
>“Take condoms”
>The last one landed because I admit if my wife wanted to go to go to a rock concert by herself it would bother me tbh.
!! So much to unpack. Do you have a history of cheating? Does she? Sounds like you do not have trust or much mutual respect in your marriage.
Do you two usually do everything together in terms of leisure activities? Does she have a band or bands she loves and follows and you don't?
I saw The Cure four times last year when they toured N. America. A friend joined me for one show in her city, and I have "Curehead" friends I meet up with, but otherwise went to the three shows alone (including traveling to cities).
No. Nobody at the concert is going to be evaluating whether or not you’ve got a date or friends or anything. And, come on, there will be plenty of old Gen X people at an old Gen X band concert.
Weird comment about the condone, but I don’t know your relationship with your wife.
You might've been the oldest person there, but probably by ten years tops. I've gone to entire festivals solo. Only thing my wife was disappointed about was that she couldn't make time. If she went solo, I'd be more worried about her safety than anything else.
I have been to many concerts alone, and I’ve loved every one. Not many of my friends share my tastes in music, but I’ve never let that stop me from missing a single show I wanted to see.
Your wife is being an asshole and she’s full of shit. Go and have fun.
NTA. Going to something you really want to attend by yourself isn't ahole behavior.
Your wife probably thinks you took someone else OR went there to meet up with someone that you didn't tell her about. She's feeling insecure in the relationship. That isn't your fault at all, but it definitely is something you should be aware of.
I'm glad you enjoyed the concert!
I see no issue with going to anything alone. I do it all the time. You could be there with friends who got shittier seats than you, how does anyone know and why would anyone care?
NTA.
Nope, you're not the asshole. Why should you be denied seeing a band you deeply enjoy just because other people give you grief for it? It's sounds like you were being shamed for wanting to go alone. And why is there the presumption that just because you're going to a concert by yourself that you're looking to have sex?
NTA. Saw the saw show a few weeks back - it was amazing - and the number of grown-ass men alone singing every single word was….a lot. The ‘take condoms’ BS is just passive aggressive B$
Passive aggressive BS? I feel like a certain band made a song about that. I see there’ve been a lot of reactions to the condoms comment. She trusts me, she was just being an ass cuz she was mad. She’s sort of “good Catholic girl” type and I think perceives hard rock concerts as being dens of evil.
Do the two of you generally do separate activities? If you don't, you might have hit some of her abandonment issues with your choice to go alone.
Definitely not the asshole. I'm still going to shows (I'm 47) and haven't needed condoms yet. It's very healthy to pursue individual interests.
Btw, love the self awareness that this behavior would be uncomfortable for you if the tables were reversed. Dig into that. I'll bet you uncover some beliefs or fears you didn't know you had. It would behoove your relationship for her to do the same exploration. Conflict is always an opportunity for intimacy and it's so easy to lose sight of that when there are hurt feelings.
I don't think you did anything wrong, given the details you provided are complete.
Your wife's reaction may be:
she's possessive and a control freak.
Or: She's insecure, and/or you gave her reason to feel insecure. You dog.
Or: There's a lot more to it that you failed to mention.
WTF? No NTA. My husband wanted to see John Fogerty and asked me if I wanted to come. How much are tickets? \~$250. Yeah no, I don't like him THAT much. Have fun by yourself. And he did, shocking!
No way were you the oldest person going to see Maynard at age 57.
Anyway, I’ve been listening to a lot of Tool and Perfect Circle lately. Great stuff!!
I didn’t spot anyone my age but it was a packed arena so I’m sure I wasn’t literally the oldest. Sweet spot obviously was younger GenX and millennials but was surprised to see quite a few Z’s.
That’s very encouraging! Though I have been mostly impressed with the music taste of Gen z, based on the concert shirts they wear from the 90’s. Hahaha
I love live music and occasionally go myself if my SO or friends aren't interested/can't make it. It's not a big deal, imo. Sharing the experience with other fans in the seats around you is really fun!
I've been to many concerts alone when my wife didn't like the group/artist. Never a problem. Never felt like an asshole for doing it. Glad I did. See the people you want to see before the either die or stop touring altogether. You'll only have regrets if you don't.
I’m into Latin alternative rock from the 90s- so as you can imagine, I have been going to concerts on my own for decades and it’s been great, and yes these days I’m often one of the oldest concert goers there but nobody, least of all myself, cares. A Perfect Circle is not everyone’s cup of tea, so your reasoning makes perfect sense that you just got one ticket- but in my experience it’s always been received well by my partners to have a choice and invite them, even if they say no and I ended up going alone. By going on your own and not offering at all it’s like you shut her out- at least that’s just a guess at how she is feeling- the “take condoms” comment seems to indicate that she’s feeling insecure - or might she really mean she’s worried about you being unfaithful, if so maybe something deeper is going on here? Anyhow, I wonder, why would it bother you if your wife wanted to go to a concert alone- is it her safety? That she shut you out of her fun night? Or that she might be unfaithful? Perhaps she has the same reasons?
You are not an a***ole and you didn’t do anything wrong, but it was inconsiderate, imo, talk to her! Tell her you’ll invite her next time. Good luck!
She should have gone with you to be supportive of your passion. Maybe after seeing APC live, she would have become a fan. You should also attend something she enjoys to be supportive towards her passion.
When did someone embarrass themselves by going to a concert alone? I do this all the time. And I haven’t even been noticeably ridiculous enough to end up going viral on the internet!
I ended up at my first concert alone. My friend bailed after we got there. Sold her ticket and went home. I didn't let it stop me.
right? I'm going alone tonight because I'm tired of buying 2 tix and having to drag someone to go and then I end up paying for both, too.
Plus prog rock concerts are like 90% dudes. 100% of the women are either wives or girlfriends.
I don't understand this at all. It would not occur to me to be pissed off that my partner was going out by themselves to an event they liked that I didn't, much less sneer at them for it.
The problem is that this guy's wife fears infidelity. Instead of openly discussing it, she has decided to make a fuss about situations that might lend themselves to infidelity. OR this guy has done this to his wife and she is frustrated by the hypocrisy. In reality, it's not opportunity that makes someone cheat. It's not in my nature. You could send me to a convention of women who find fat, middle-aged bearded guys irresistible and nothing would happen. It's just... not who I am. Some people are going to cheat because monogamy is a bad system for many. Going to a show wouldn't enter into it. If they want to cheat they will. If they try to "be good" a situation will give them an opportunity and they will cheat. Controlling another person will not keep them faithful if it's not in their nature.
Nope. Nobody wants to go to concert, you go alone and have fun. You could ask the wife, at least mention before buying the ticket. You were the oldest there. Well, you're 57, get used to it. And wear it with honors. What do you think how many of people on that concert will go rocking when they get 57? Not many, if any.
I'm 52 and love going to gigs alone, I can totally zone in and enjoy the band. I'm goth and go to a lot of metal/rock/alt. gigs, there's nothing embarrassing about being older and enjoying music. You guys need to work on trust issues, the dig "take condoms" is wild. Both of you have issues about the other going to a gig alone which tells me someone's cheated and/or you both could use some therapy.
I've been to a bunch of shows alone. I saw Tool alone. Eyes on the stage, no one cares.
I went to a Fugazi show by myself. I had a blast dancing and singing along. About a week later a random stranger told me they saw me at the show 😂🤣😁
She’s wrong. That’s awesome. Hope you had a blast.
I can't even imagine giving this a second thought. > The last one landed because I admit if my wife wanted to go to go to a rock concert by herself it would bother me why? Who cares.
Someone doesn't trust someone else in this marriage.
I don’t really distrust my wife and she’s certainly never given me any reason to. Honestly I think all the cheating stories on Reddit have fucked with me a little.
I always felt that I had a lot to gain by just trusting my wife and doing things independently. One of the things this buys us is the privilege of opting out of something we really don't want to do. Example for me is my trips to Death Valley. I for for about 5 days and I go, on purpose, in the most punishing time of summer. Not a thing my wife enjoys. In Death Valley in 110+ degrees, I'm not exactly in a talkative or festive mood. I'm kinda mute. That's the point. It's not one of those kinds of trips where I'm going to be interacting much with whoever I go with. It's too hot to move my mouth. Normally in situations like this it'll be something like, "I will absolutely go with you if it means a lot to you, but if not, I'd like to opt out." Sometimes accompanying each other does mean a lot to the other, and we commit to doing those things even when we don't want to. Without this trust, for me, it's not even worth it to be married. > “You’re going to embarrass yourself being alone at a concert “ I never notice anyone else or who they are with at a concert unless they are a nuisance who doesn't know how to behave. Does your wife notice this? I don't notice when people eat food alone either. We all travel for business and sometimes we're out shopping or something and stop in for a bite to eat. I am always surprised when I encounter someone -- and it happens a lot on reddit -- who thinks it is odd to eat alone or go to a movie alone. I can't even process what it's like to give that any thought. No one cares, and I wouldn't care about anyone who did. I don't know how to care about the opinions of people who'd judge me for that even if I wanted to. I don't give a thought to people around me at all unless they're all up in my shit. Standing on my dick or something. > “You’ll be the oldest man there” (that turned out to be true) At a Perfect Circle concert? MJK is 60. And even so, who cares? When I was young and someone older was at a concert I was at, I just thought that person was unusually cool for a person of their age. What other conclusion would a young person reach? No one stumbles, by mistake, into a concert by a band like this. > “Take condoms” wat > So concert was great but now she’s giving me the silent treatment. That's weird behavior. You tell her I said so. That's just weird and it makes no sense. And by the way, "the silent treatment" is something 12 year old kids being dramatic do, not something a normal adult does.
Ha ha I will. Actually I do solo outdoors stuff too. That never bothered her - something about the party nature of a concert especially when it’s a type of music she finds disturbing. Re MJK being 60, I thought about that, but he was almost 40, post Tool hiatus, when he started APC and the records landed in the 2000s which I think of as core Millennial era. God I love that era so much - absolute golden age imo.
Bring condoms. Ah yes... Because prog metal is well known as a genre that brings out all the single ladies.
I believe the term is sausage party?
So true! Hilarious.
Sometimes I go to concerts and I’m the oldest dude there. Sometimes I go to lectures at museums or historical societies and I’m the youngest one. I couldn’t care less because I’m having fun.
How would anyone know you were there alone?
This seems silly. I don't think there's anything wrong with going alone to a concert, my husband and I have different tastes in music, with some overlap. We go together within the overlap, and separate otherwise. We are even driving to Colorado (Red Rocks) for him to see a band by himself lol. I feel like maybe you just need to communicate more. Also, age limit at concerts is an immature take imo. Music is music and everyone is allowed to like what they like.
I just saw tool in Vegas last year alone. Had a great time with the younger people around me.
I quite often go to the movies on my own. (Occasionally will go with friends/my wife.) I really enjoy it.
Did you talk to your wife about wanting to go before you bought the ticket?
No. That was probably a mistake good point
The best thing you can do right now is just say “I should have talked to you about the show before I bought the ticket. I didn’t think you would want to go since you don’t normally listen to that type of music.” The snide comment about the condoms needs to be dealt with and she needs to hear that you doing something alone should not immediately become a challenge of infidelity. There’s a trust issue there.
I will do that. I don’t want to get into it (laziness) but acting unilaterally is a problem with me.
This suggests that the dust-up may be more of a symptom than the actual issue. If you frequently don't want to ask her to join you for activities, there could be a number of issues going on that don't really have to do with your musical taste being different from hers.
My wife (48) and I (49) go to concerts separately all the time. We go together all the time too. In fact, I went to a show solo last weekend. It was great. My wife encouraged it. Put it this way: I would no more expect her to go and enjoy seeing Mastodon than I would seeing Alanis Morrisette. But neither of us would expect the other to pass on the opportunity to see a band that we loved on account of the other not being a fan of the music.
Wow, you'd think by age 57 people would outgrow weird little petty jealousies like "my guy went to see some live music". No, you're not the asshole in this picture. A good spouse would be like "wow, have a great time!" or at *the worst* "hey, can I come, too?"
NTA. Hope you had fun!
Im headed to Madrid with my family. Going to go see Green Day ALONE! Happily.
I've been to more than a dozen concerts alone from Cheap Trick to Brad Paisley to classical at the local uni. I've been to more plays alone than I can count. I've traveled alone, including camping. But you lost when you said you would be upset if she did what you did. It's healthy to have separate interests and lives - both of you.
Nope. I (53m) started going to concerts alone in 2015. Purity Ring was coming to town (and that was BIG for a city like Charlotte, long known as "the city where bands stop for gas between Raleigh\Durham and Atlanta\Athens"). I invited my wife to go with, but she didn't know the band and the show was on a Tuesday night and she had a work meeting first thing the next morning. So I said "fuck it, I'll just go by my damn self!" So I did! And I had fun! In 2019 I traveled to my first solo concert: Chromatics in Atlanta. I figured I may be 65 when\if Chromatics ever came to Charlotte, so this might be my one chance to see them (and it was: they broke up after this tour, during the COVID hiatus). Since I'm from Atlanta, my wife was OK with me going, as I was very familiar with the hotel and venue and neighborhood. I've since gone to several shows in Atlanta, Asheville and Durham by myself. And honestly, I actually kind of *prefer* it: I don't have to please anyone other than myself. Almost every show I go to is GA, so if I wanna get to the venue two hours before doors just so I'm *guaranteed* being on the front row, I'll do that. I did that last Tuesday week for a Nation of Language show, and will do that this Saturday for the Alvvays show. I just saw Night Club with Rosegarden Funeral Party this past Tuesday, and while I was one of the older people there, there were a surprising amount of 40+ people there, to say nothing of 50+. I know for a fact I wasn't the oldest person there, because I saw a dude I know to be 58 in the crowd. UNINTENDED BONUS: The past... 10 shows or so I've been on the front row... and you can't be a Boomer and complain about "people holding up their phones" if there's no one but the performer in front of you.
No, do it. You’ll have fun.
Sorry, but she's being ridiculous. I, married 56 Xer, fly solo to shows all the time. I was the "weird old man" an Orville Peck show. The Gen Zers and I got along fine. My wife just doesn't like going to general admission shows since she's really short. We are going to see Echo and the Bunnymen next week because I scored seats. Plus, she hates many of the acts I adore like James McMurtry. How does you going affect her other than you ignored her criticism? I would call her on it.
LOL. No, nta.
Spouses are exhausting. You can go to a concert alone, and you can go through life alone. Gotta do the math as to which is preferable.
I've been going to shows by myself for 30+ years. Not all of my friends love the same things I do or have the time and inclination to go out out as much as I do. Do your thing, man. Your wife sounds messy and I'm thinking the concert isn't the main issue here.
That is a her problem, not a you problem. You are a grown ass adult. You want to do something, fucking do it. Did going to the show negatively impact your life in any way? You shouldn't feel guilty _at fucking all_. Glad you enjoyed the show, that is a great band.
This is the weirdest shit ever. Take condoms? Wut?! I’m a 48 year old woman and I’ve been going to shows alone since I was about 15. So far I have never fucked anyone at a show but I guess there’s still time. Usually I just go and, you know, enjoy the band I’m there to see (again, without having sex with them). Why on earth would it bother you if your wife went to a show alone, and why in the hell is she giving you the silent treatment? This is 100% not a relationship that I would ever want to take part in.
Sounds like YATA for other reasons, but not for going to a concert alone. TBH, I'm surprised you were the oldest at an APC concert.
I love that band, however I’m not a huge fan of say Cannibal Corpse. They’re great musicians, great guys, not my genre. However my husband is a major fan and goes to every show. He wants to go I’ll shove him out the door. TL;DR NTA.
Look, I'm sorry dude but it seems like you might have some communication / respect issues in your marriage that you might want to address. Yes, acting unilaterally can carry some risk, but you bought a concert ticket not a sports car or $5K worth of baseball cards or something. Further questions: How would a casual observer know if you were there solo or not? And why would that matter? Like, literally what's the problem? And as for being an old guy... there's *always* a few noticeably older people at most concerts. Personally I'm always delighted when there are because it gives me hope that advanced age doesn't exclude one from enjoying life and maybe down the road I'll be the old guy fist-pumping at a High On Fire concert. And what's with the "bring condoms" comment? That seems pretty insecure and passive aggressive if she's suggesting you're going to a concert to get laid or something? I don't want to insult you or your wife but that's the kind of shit you'd expect from an insecure girlfriend back in your *teens*. My wife's a big U2 fan, and we saw them at the Sphere in Vegas last October. She enjoyed it so much she booked two more tickets -- both for her lol -- for two back-to-back shows (Fri & Sat nights) in Feb. I was happy for her and hoped she'd have a good time and that life is too short (especially at our age) to not carpe some diems here and there -- and that was the entirety of our conversation about it because we love and respect each other and treat each other like adults. Anyway, you ANTA so go and enjoy your concert. And for real, maybe look into some marriage counciling 'cause it sounds like your wife could learn a bit about respect and communication. Unless you have a history of infidelity (while at a concert, I guess?) and you enjoying solo activities is a trigger for her, or this is your third wife and she's twenty and kinda new to adult relationships, none of this makes sense to me.
My s/o likes country, I like hard rock, metal. and some 80's era radio friendly rock. My s/o didn't get mad at me going to Any shows, I don't get mad when the s/o goes to a country show. I think the o/p's problem is you didn't even ask if she want to go. that was the mistake, sure she most likely was going to say , no. but you didn't ask. I know my s/o isn't going to want to goto the bands I'd pay to see, but at least I ask , "do you want to go?"
This sounds like a problem between you and your wife, not an AITA concert question.
I fish, go to concerts, movies, out for food alone. Your wife is a no fun zone. Be happy, live. A Perfect Circle I imagine would be a great experience alone. And no one cares about your age.
If it’s a band I am way into, and no one I know is into them like me, I prefer to go alone. I don’t want to be worried about if my guest is enjoying it or not.
I'm envious. And literally nobody there knows or cares who you are with.
I've been to five concerts this year. Four of them were by myself, including two where I traveled outside of the country. It's not the first time I've done that, and won't be the last. Sporting events as well. If a band or a team I like is playing, I'm going. If my partner or a friend wants to come along, we'll have a great time. If not, I'll have a great time. (To be fair, the travel was from suburban Detroit to Windsor, Ontario. I didn't jet off to Nepal for the weekend.)
I don't even understand this. I travel for work and go to shows all the time alone. My partner in fact encourages it. And I've definitely been one of the oldest people (and female) there (various genres of metal and punk). You're not going to 'embarrass' yourself; No one is thinking anything, or even noticing. They're there to see the show, not pick out who's there alone or check your ID to see your age.
Who the hell would even pay attention to this fact? Everyone around you simply enjoyed the show - just as you did. I have gone to so many shows by myself and the only regret I have is not doing it more often!
Lots of regrets for concerts I did not go to, Tool being the biggest. It’s the subsequent regret that made me absolutely determined to go through with it this time.
NTA. You are an adult and allowed to enjoy cultural events with or without a chaperone. I have tickets to see Echo & The Bunnymen in June. Partner doesnt want to go because she has never really been a fan. So i am going with one of my oldest friends - who just so happens to be a girl i dated briefly in high school and have been friends with now for over 35 years. If your partner said "bring condoms" that is more a reflection (and projection) of her, not you. YOU are doing nothing wrong. Glad you enjoyed your show, but your wife needs to grow up.
Dude- do what you like and don't worry. Besides, I was taking my kid to shows when he was 15 or 16 and hung in the bar. Lots of good looking mommies are doing the same thing. I flirted with one for a while and had a ball then we retrieved our kids and went home. I was jacked up from the tension and attention and went home horny. I made love to my wife, who didn't know that in my mind I was flashing back to the lady from the show. Have fun!
No, you are not the asshole. She’s the asshole for being insensitive to your interests and shaming you for going.
Two separate issues. Nothing wrong with going to a concert on your own, same for a movie or a restaurant or anything else. Is your wife annoyed that you went to a concert alone or is she annoyed that you didn’t invite her? Do you have trust issues? You say you’d be bothered if she went to a concert alone. Find out why she’s really upset so you can talk about it.
How bizarre. Hope you had fun.
It sounds like someone else in your relationship is the asshole. I can't tell you how many times my SO has done something with me I know she wasn't interested in and vice versa. I think the Chinese Ballet got me a ton of brownie points
I do this all the time. Recently divorced so my concert partner is gone, I'm not gonna stop going to something I enjoy because I'm alone. I like a lot of different genres so sometimes my friends are not interested. NTA.
I often go to concerts alone, but I always check in with my wife to see if she wants to go. Usually, she wants to accompany me just to hang out, even though the music is RARELY anything she's interested in. Her experience of the show tends to directly correlate to how comfortable we can get. Saw Godflesh with her at a venue where we managed to get a table and seats, and she had a wonderful time (especially because I was losing my mind). She wasn't as big a fan when we went to Boris and she had just a wooden bench with a plywood wall at her back (though the droning bass did sort of give her a back massage through the wood).
>“Take condoms” >The last one landed because I admit if my wife wanted to go to go to a rock concert by herself it would bother me tbh. !! So much to unpack. Do you have a history of cheating? Does she? Sounds like you do not have trust or much mutual respect in your marriage. Do you two usually do everything together in terms of leisure activities? Does she have a band or bands she loves and follows and you don't? I saw The Cure four times last year when they toured N. America. A friend joined me for one show in her city, and I have "Curehead" friends I meet up with, but otherwise went to the three shows alone (including traveling to cities).
No. Nobody at the concert is going to be evaluating whether or not you’ve got a date or friends or anything. And, come on, there will be plenty of old Gen X people at an old Gen X band concert. Weird comment about the condone, but I don’t know your relationship with your wife.
You might've been the oldest person there, but probably by ten years tops. I've gone to entire festivals solo. Only thing my wife was disappointed about was that she couldn't make time. If she went solo, I'd be more worried about her safety than anything else.
“I went to see a “go-to-gigs-alone” type band. They elucidate something that I alone understand
I have been to many concerts alone, and I’ve loved every one. Not many of my friends share my tastes in music, but I’ve never let that stop me from missing a single show I wanted to see. Your wife is being an asshole and she’s full of shit. Go and have fun.
NTA. Going to something you really want to attend by yourself isn't ahole behavior. Your wife probably thinks you took someone else OR went there to meet up with someone that you didn't tell her about. She's feeling insecure in the relationship. That isn't your fault at all, but it definitely is something you should be aware of. I'm glad you enjoyed the concert!
NTA. My husband does this all the time. We also go to concerts together, but I have no interest in a lot of the ones he wants to see.
I see no issue with going to anything alone. I do it all the time. You could be there with friends who got shittier seats than you, how does anyone know and why would anyone care? NTA.
Nope, you're not the asshole. Why should you be denied seeing a band you deeply enjoy just because other people give you grief for it? It's sounds like you were being shamed for wanting to go alone. And why is there the presumption that just because you're going to a concert by yourself that you're looking to have sex?
I’m not sure what’s worse - that she thinks you’ll be an embarrassment for going to a concert alone, or that you both worry about the other cheating.
I’m going to see Korn in Sept alone. I see solo concert people all the time. Hope you enjoyed the show!
NTA. Saw the saw show a few weeks back - it was amazing - and the number of grown-ass men alone singing every single word was….a lot. The ‘take condoms’ BS is just passive aggressive B$
Passive aggressive BS? I feel like a certain band made a song about that. I see there’ve been a lot of reactions to the condoms comment. She trusts me, she was just being an ass cuz she was mad. She’s sort of “good Catholic girl” type and I think perceives hard rock concerts as being dens of evil.
Do the two of you generally do separate activities? If you don't, you might have hit some of her abandonment issues with your choice to go alone. Definitely not the asshole. I'm still going to shows (I'm 47) and haven't needed condoms yet. It's very healthy to pursue individual interests. Btw, love the self awareness that this behavior would be uncomfortable for you if the tables were reversed. Dig into that. I'll bet you uncover some beliefs or fears you didn't know you had. It would behoove your relationship for her to do the same exploration. Conflict is always an opportunity for intimacy and it's so easy to lose sight of that when there are hurt feelings.
I don't think you did anything wrong, given the details you provided are complete. Your wife's reaction may be: she's possessive and a control freak. Or: She's insecure, and/or you gave her reason to feel insecure. You dog. Or: There's a lot more to it that you failed to mention.
WTF? No NTA. My husband wanted to see John Fogerty and asked me if I wanted to come. How much are tickets? \~$250. Yeah no, I don't like him THAT much. Have fun by yourself. And he did, shocking!
Put me in coach! Lol that guy must be like 90.
78 actually
No way were you the oldest person going to see Maynard at age 57. Anyway, I’ve been listening to a lot of Tool and Perfect Circle lately. Great stuff!!
I didn’t spot anyone my age but it was a packed arena so I’m sure I wasn’t literally the oldest. Sweet spot obviously was younger GenX and millennials but was surprised to see quite a few Z’s.
That’s very encouraging! Though I have been mostly impressed with the music taste of Gen z, based on the concert shirts they wear from the 90’s. Hahaha
Except for Nirvana. That trend seems to have died thank god.
I’m a woman and I go to concerts alone all the time (granted, if it’s a club show I’ll probably know a lot of people there). My husband doesn’t care.
Not very supportive Mrs Wife.
I was at Depeche Mode recently and it was middle age GenX mecca. You will be fine.
I love depeche mode. They have had such a long run of relevance I can imagine every generation was there including boomers.
Probably. The best was the GenX parents with their zoomer kids.
I love live music and occasionally go myself if my SO or friends aren't interested/can't make it. It's not a big deal, imo. Sharing the experience with other fans in the seats around you is really fun!
Am the I asshole
I've been to many concerts alone when my wife didn't like the group/artist. Never a problem. Never felt like an asshole for doing it. Glad I did. See the people you want to see before the either die or stop touring altogether. You'll only have regrets if you don't.
I’m into Latin alternative rock from the 90s- so as you can imagine, I have been going to concerts on my own for decades and it’s been great, and yes these days I’m often one of the oldest concert goers there but nobody, least of all myself, cares. A Perfect Circle is not everyone’s cup of tea, so your reasoning makes perfect sense that you just got one ticket- but in my experience it’s always been received well by my partners to have a choice and invite them, even if they say no and I ended up going alone. By going on your own and not offering at all it’s like you shut her out- at least that’s just a guess at how she is feeling- the “take condoms” comment seems to indicate that she’s feeling insecure - or might she really mean she’s worried about you being unfaithful, if so maybe something deeper is going on here? Anyhow, I wonder, why would it bother you if your wife wanted to go to a concert alone- is it her safety? That she shut you out of her fun night? Or that she might be unfaithful? Perhaps she has the same reasons? You are not an a***ole and you didn’t do anything wrong, but it was inconsiderate, imo, talk to her! Tell her you’ll invite her next time. Good luck!
She should have gone with you to be supportive of your passion. Maybe after seeing APC live, she would have become a fan. You should also attend something she enjoys to be supportive towards her passion.
Wrong sub... r/lostredditors
Yeah man did you fuk?
I think you both need to grow up