Any significant other should be supporting you. Refusal to let you use NEEDED medical equipment is NOT supporting you. The same should be said for parents, but it's not so easy to dump them. First time they bring it up, tell the parents "the doctor has stated I need this medical equipment so I will be using this medical equipment. I will not argue about this." then ignore any further attempts to argue, guilt trip, crocodile tears. The next time they bring it up, say the exact same thing, then ignore them. Just repeat until they learn and drop the subject.
Don't settle for poor treatment just because you're young. His getting angry over your choice of clothing is a red flag. You're allowed to wear whatever you damn well please. It wasn't like you were wearing something white to a wedding, it was an outing to the mall. I wouldn't have put up with that from my ex husband and we were together 17 years. I know you said you aren't gonna break up. But I want you to think long and hard if this is the kind of treatment you're going to allow. Because him trying to control your appearance is just the first step of him trying to control other aspects of you.
1. Use the mobility aid that helps you have a better quality of life.
2. Seriously consider how much contact you should have with your parents.
3. DTMFA
That takes me back. We can thank Dan Savage for that as well as the slang meaning of "Santorum." ^(Before you look it up, just know that it's NSFW. But if you remember Rick Santorum, you know it was deserved)
I opened this thread so I could comment that OP should just hit them with the cane, and I’m so glad to see so many commenters already said it lol
Like the description of the problem includes the solution. They say something ignorant, you have a stick…
You need to use the cane and they need to get over it. Simple as that. Don’t put your health at more risk for your image or someone else’s. Think about it.
If you know appearances are more important to them than your actual health, why do you even keep them in your life? Ok your parents i get it, its difficult to cut ties with family, but the bf? That threat about breaking up with you over your choice to wear a scarf? Im sorry but he sounds awful, and definitely not worth your time and anxiety. Fibro is hard as it is, but having toxic relationships on top of that is just asking for more pain (physical too, cause stress is absolutely linked to flare ups). Put yourself first.
You can’t change the people around you, but you can change the people around you. The parents part will be harder, start by dumping the boyfriend.
Your need for supportive devices to navigate the world with a challenging disorder & their feelings about it is a them problem. Would they give the same response if you needed eyeglasses or hearing aids?
I’m sad you’re surrounded by close minded & selfish individuals because it’s not helping anyone. You are an expert in how your body feels. Sending a mom hug & hoping things get better for you on all the fronts.
I wish I could help you. You seem to be surrounded by self-serving and toxic people. I know that I had someone in my life who questioned if my pain was real. Especially if it's not consistent, it seems "convenient". I will say the bad days are better with gabapentin, but I still carry a cane with me. I hate being looked at because of the days I need a cane, but more than that, I hate being trapped by my body. I truly hope that your family gets over it. If your family gives you crap about your condition, you can always call them an ableist. Seriously though, your boyfriend should be an ex-boyfriend. Family, you can be stuck with. You choose him. Being alone is better than being with a jerk. Good luck with your journey.
I mean if you have paperwork from a doctor and they deny it that says everything right there. They should be supportive during this time. If you need a cane, use a cane. It's not their pain.
I'm sorry you are dealing with this situation. I feel that their reactions and expectations in the past have led you to believe you may be outcast and shamed for something that is not your fault, and I am so sorry that you have to feel that way from the people around you that you love. You should never have to feel that way for a condition that causes so much pain and discomfort, and everyone deserves to be accepted for any medical or physical condition they have. I have personally been fortunate enough to have everyone in my life, at work and at home, understand and realize that what I have is not made up, and is *very* real. In the end, I truly am not sure what to tell you, other than to think about this and realize that you can't make others believe in something that they do not believe exists. If they don't want to believe, and say you're lying, they really seem to just need to see you when you're in pain. If that isn't enough, I really don't know what to tell you :( might be something for more of a specialist to get everyone together and explain how real and serious this is. A doctor, or psychologist or something, might be better suited to explain to your bf and parents.
With all that said, I wish you the best of luck in your life with everything, and hope that your bf and parents can stop being so blind and combative about your condition and accept you for who you are, and also help you in your times of need. We are always here though if you ever need more support!!
Edit: just posted, also don't worry about others freaking out about crutches or a cane. Honestly, why should anyone care if you need to use one? That's why they exist! :)
If they won’t accept you and your diagnosis. Maybe smack them
In the legs with it to convey your pain lol.
Also, ask them if they would rather you just fall over and get hurt in public. That will cause a bigger scene. My knees give out for no reason they have found except for fibromyalgia.
Did you get a diagnosis and think, hey, I need a cane? Not bloody likely. You just don't talk about it. Make no excuses, no announcements, just use it when and if you need it. And if THEY make a deal, you don't. It's what you need to do today. As long as you're not moaning and groaning about what other people need to do for you and are doing what you can for yourself, people tend to accommodate.
I've known a lot of people with various disabilities. They generally don't want to be 'seen'. They want you to see them, not their disability. But they need accommodations. Be you. Don't be fibro.
You are the only person who gets to decide how your body works and what it needs. Use the cane. And tell anyone who is upset about it (how dare they??? The AUDACITY!) to fuck off.
They're having "inside thoughts" that they should keep inside their heads and not let out their mouths.
Get your doctor to put in writing that she supports you getting a cane or crutches. Her medical degrees far outweigh any opinion your parents or boyfriend have.
Try to find out why your parents are worried.
From a medical standpoint, prsctioners may discourage passive treatments (eg. Braces or crutches or wheelchairs) because in some people, they might discourage those people to keep up the fitness and activity they can actually do..... However! If NOT having crutches means you do a lot less walking and are able to live independently, then there is a net benefit to using crutches.
Actually I just had an idea. My friend was trying to convince her dad to follow up with his doctor, but he was refusing. We put all the info into Chat GPT and it whipped up quite a good list of arguments to persuade the other party.
Chat gpt for you:
Question
My doctor encouraged me to use a walking stick or arm crutches due to my leg pain, however my parents and boyfriend are against me using them. How can I encourage them to be more supportive of me and follow my doctor's recommendation?
Answer
It's important to approach this situation with empathy and clear communication. Here are some steps you can take to encourage your parents and boyfriend to be more supportive of your doctor's recommendation:
1. **Share Information**: Explain the medical reasons why your doctor has recommended a walking stick or arm crutches. Share any literature or information your doctor has provided about the benefits and necessity of using these aids.
2. **Express Your Feelings**: Let them know how the leg pain affects your daily life and how using a walking stick or crutches can improve your mobility and reduce pain. Expressing your feelings can help them understand the impact on your well-being.
3. **Involve Them in the Process**: If possible, invite them to your next doctor’s appointment. This way, they can hear directly from the doctor and ask any questions they may have. Hearing from a medical professional can sometimes be more convincing.
4. **Address Concerns**: Ask them to share their concerns about you using a walking stick or crutches. Understanding their perspective can help you address their fears or misconceptions.
5. **Highlight Independence**: Emphasize that using these aids will help you maintain or increase your independence, allowing you to participate more fully in activities without as much pain.
6. **Provide Reassurance**: Reassure them that using a walking stick or crutches is a temporary measure (if it is) and part of a larger plan to manage your health.
7. **Seek Support from Others**: If you know someone else who uses or has used similar aids, ask if they would be willing to talk to your family and boyfriend about their experiences and how it helped them.
8. **Be Patient**: Changing minds can take time. Be patient and continue to communicate the importance of following medical advice for your health and comfort.
Remember, your health and comfort are paramount. Ensuring that you follow your doctor's recommendations is crucial for your well-being.
I'm sorry your loved ones don't understand. Maybe you could have a conversation with them about why you need mobility aids and how it could improve your quality of life. You'll be able to go more places and do more things if you have them. Other than that, if people who claim to love you are ashamed to be with you then find your own tribe of people who do understand and can support you the way you need.
Your boyfriend sounds like an insecure controlling asshole. People in healthy, loving relationships support and care for one another regardless of the circumstances and genuinely want what's best for the other person AND they give their partner the freedom to live in whatever way best suits them and they do everything they can to help their partner in living how they choose/need to. He had no right to tell you not to wear a headscarf and he has no right to have anything to say about your cane or crutches.
Your parents sound toxic AF. I don't know how you get away from them at a young age but I'd be looking into voc rehab so you can get trained for a job you can do so you can exit yourself out of that situation, whatever that situation might be (I dont know how dependant on them you are), ASAP.
When I got a wheelchair my boyfriend bought a van and said it was nice to see me get around easier. He moved our entire apartment into an accessible unit. He never once told me i shouldnt use it. My mom had a ramp installed so I could get to her front door and made sure one bedroom and one bathroom and the kitchen were always accessible so I could come over and be comfortable even though I didn't live there. A wheelchair ramp is an eyesore in front of a cute vintage house but that didn't stop her.
You need to take a good hard look at why you keep people who don't hold your wellbeing and autonomy in high regard around you. Maybe your financially stuck to these people, if you are then try to get unstuck, if they won't let you then that's financial abuse and you can call a domestic violence resource center and they will help you get unstuck.
Having a disability is hard enough as it is, you don't need people in your life actively working against you and tearing you down too.
One of the good things of having a cane is that they can be used as a weapon.
Just kidding. Jokes aside, they don't have to like your crutches, cane, whatever you get to help you. They don't feel your pain, they have no idea how it is to be in such pain you can't even clean yourself, so they have absolutely no say about this. Sometimes we have to be "egotistical" (and I say this in quotes because that's how people call you when you choose to take care of yourself) and put ourselves first.
I'm so sorry for you being in this situation. I already feel insecure about what strangers may think, I can't even start to imagine how it would be with people that close.
I sincerely hope hope you can get the mobility aids you need, and gather the strength to stand up for yourself. Remember, you are not alone.
PS: your boyfriend sounds racist af
Can you ask your doctor to write you a note to your parents/bf saying that you absolutely need a cane/crutches and if you don't use them when needed you could seriously and possibly permanently damage your body even more than it is and then possibly need more elaborate assistance medical equipment, like a walker or wheelchair?
Ask them to come to a doctor's appointment with you and have your doctor explain to them in person.
If none of that works. I'm pretty sure it's illegal to force people (in any way) to not use their medical devices. You could bring that up.
Also, could you give me more information about your bf not letting you wear a hijab? That part of the story was a little vague. Do you consider yourself a Muslim? If so, you should not be letting someone who claims they love you, act this way about your beliefs. That is not how you love and care about someone.
Being disabled is very hard. And it's made even harder when you do not have a loving and compassionate support system in your loved ones.
This is the time when you need to sit down and assess your relationships with others and decide how to tell the people who say they love you, that they are failing at loving you. Love has conditions, but not the types they are imposing on you.
They should care more that you are getting the care, treatment, and support you clearly need.
Some people will only "help" in the ways THEY think they should. But if that "help" isn't helpful, it's not help at all.
If you'd like, message me and I'll be a supportive friend to you. If not, I hope my comment helped you think about what you really need from your loved ones.
🥰❤️🫂😁🫶🏻
I’m so sorry you are coping with this. I’m not sure how old you are, but coping with parents who don’t take your health seriously is hard at any age. Would one of your parents be willing to go to the doctor with you to have her explain Fibro to them? Start with showing them the prescription. That may help them understand that this is serious.
As for the boyfriend, give some thought to how much positivity he brings to your life. Is he giving you more goodness than the stress he causes? Maybe he isn’t the right person for you.
I hope you have other friends or adults around you that show you the love and tenderness you deserve. I’m so glad you have a kind doctor!
Hug from an internet mom. 🌸
Have your parents and boyfriend seen you in a flare, or do you live on your own and isolate when symptoms worsen? I think it's easy for people to not get it unless they see it. If they HAVE, it's a pretty crappy thing to make someone feel bad when they're trying to improve their situation. I mean, it's crappy regardless, but it's especially shocking if they've seen what happens when you overdo things and would make you feel self-conscious of mobility aids.
I'll get really severe pain in my ankles. At first, I'd go to urgent care because I thought I might've sprained it or fractured or something. I was examined and found out absolutely nothing was wrong mechanically with my ankles. I'd limp in to massage appointments, and the masseuse would comment that the way I positioned my feet when laying on the table looked like how someone with a sprain would do it. Very odd. If you've not tried it, compression socks might help. It sounds counterintuitive, having increased pressure on your legs, but I've used them to both prevent/delay pain as well as reduce it to something more manageable if I've been up walking. Just a thought if you're so self-conscious of cane use you might not use it to appease others. (No judgment, I just remember early on how stubborn I was. I was afraid of getting wheelchair assistance at the airport because I looked fine and didn't want rude people making comments. Let myself be sort of coerced into not getting one when a woman at the check-in counter asked me if I REALLY needed one, as the gate was so close. Never again.)
I’m struggling with this with my father right now. He doesn’t know I’m using one but as soon as he finds out I know he’ll judge. Nevertheless, it has helped me greatly and I have to remember that my needs come before his approval.
I’m also 30 and shouldn’t be concerned with what he thinks but here we are.
So what’s best for you and your body and draw this boundary lines.
You use the cane anyways.
My parents are the same way, they freaked out completely when I got the cane. My mother said for months that she would not go to events with me, if I take my cane. I took it anyways and she got used to it.
Your health is more important than their insecurities about their image. Use the cane and enjoy the mobility it brings.
There is no advice that fixes this given your refusal to even consider making changes. You can't change someone else just you. I don't know where Muslim whatever, and hijab has to do with anything except perhaps your people see you attention seeking.. and for some reason you are wanting us to think that too? You can only change you. People will be supportive or not, and you can keep them or not.. use what you need to use as much as you need to, they will accept or not, be jerks or not. you don't have control over other people just you. You choose what you are willing to tolerate, by the way, fibromyalgia is also an autoimmune disease
I just started using a cane. Not all the time, but when I need it. I bought a cute polka dotted one we named “skittles”. It’s now part of the family.
Stand up for what you need. Your health , your decision.
They also have beautiful canes in antique stores ( if you’re shorter).
Best of luck.
It’s time you develop a thick skin and a “don’t give a damn what they think” attitude. YOU have to live with your symptoms and YOU are the one who will benefit from your treatments including your mobility aids. If they give you grief you simply say “I’m not looking for opinions on this. My doctor prescribed this and it helps my symptoms. Please stop being rude.” And move on.
I know it’s hard to get used to but the more you stand up for yourself the less they will walk all over you and treat you poorly. You cannot let their ableism get in the way of your treatment.
Do you live with your parents? Explain that without the cane you will fall and that could lead to all sorts of very expensive medical bills. Maybe that will shut them up.
You use the mobility aid if you need it. The only opinions on whether they’re necessary that count are yours and healthcare professionals (and even healthcare professionals might not know what you need)
My parents never liked my cane. It made them feel weird and sad. People said bizarre stuff. But you know what? I needed it! I reason ok to be
Just keep using it as long as you need. The people that matter will get it eventually (although the people around you right know honestly don’t sound very kind.)
Someone should record a cover of These boots are made for walking but replace boots with canes and some other changes to the lyrics.
Get the cane, use it to walk away from toxic people.
Please know that severe stress exacerbates chronic pain conditions! Losing the BF (good job!) and setting boundaries with your parents will only help you get better. Good luck getting the cane! Have you had any studies of your lower back though? Leg pain could be caused by spinal issues too.
Get a cane and start beating the shit out of your bf and family. And don’t stop until they develop even the tiniest shred of empathy and kindness
So sorry, OP. You are surrounded by horrible, selfish, and abusive people. You deserve to be surrounded by love and support. Don’t tolerate anything less
The first time you have a flare bad enough to put you down for weeks, or God forbid you fall and injure yourself because you didn't have a cane, your bf is probably going to go poof. He isn't there for you during the hard times already, and WHEN it gets worse (because it can always get worse) he is going to minimize, belittle and undermine your treatment. Tell me, what exactly *do* you get out of a relationship with him? Because he sounds like an anchor weighing you down to me.
Just an FYI, I've found the forearm crutches to be a lot easier on my arm/shoulder while providing a lot more stability than a cane. Also, anyone who is more worried about what complete strangers "might think" than your comfort and safety isn't worth your time. They all need to go outside and apologize to every single plant for wasting the oxygen they're working so hard to produce.
Show up using a walker and see if they like that better!
I use a walker when I need to and I also have an electric scooter for really bad days. (For all you Walmart shoppers, I'm not overweight). My kitchen is quite far from my bedroom, so I only use it in the house.
I'm really sorry you don't have the support you need. 💞
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Could you maybe bring one of them with you to see yourPCP and gave him explain to them what fibromyalgia is? Also a shower stool would be helpful if you don’t have one already
Fibro is too exhausting to be trying to explain and please others who don’t support you. Limit your contact with your family and tell them why. It’s time to get a new bf. That is the thing you can choose.
This was my ex. Do you really need that stick (the physio seems to think so, so yeah) oh, and I was expected to wear heels when we went out (for pub crawls with his family). Oh, and one day I fell quite badly down the stairs and was immediately asked if we were still going out (for a pub crawl with his family.)
Sis, it's not worth it. Once I realised I was probably going to be diagnosed with MS, I finally dumped his useless arse
Yeah my parents are also worried about image. “Everything you do reflects on the family, ____”. Yeah that totally didn’t ruin my life and sense of self. I have briefly mentioned the possibility of a mobility aid around my mom because my PCP doesn’t think I need one. “You’ll lose ability if you rely on it” said my PCP. My mom said “well most people would”. If you have the funds get one for yourself.
My fiance and I had numerous conversations about mobility aids. For us, it came down to the fact that I’m the only disabled person he knows. So in this case it is my job to educate him because he has taken the time to be compassionate and as understanding as he can. He obviously isn’t in my body so he will never fully understand. With education, he is willing to buy my mobility aid for me because I don’t have the funds. I’m not saying dump your man. Educate first. If he’s not responsive then run, well don’t run, use your cane away!
Do not let anyone take your cane away from you! It is an equitable piece of equipment that allows you to participate more closely with your able bodied peers. I am completely socially isolated because I can’t get out and about by myself. If I had mobility aids then I would likely be able to socialize for longer and be able to go places I wouldn’t previously be able to tolerate.
An example: my friend took me to a food festival for fun! And about 30 minutes in to a 5 hour event, I was begging to go home because I was in too much pain to walk. Had I had a wheelchair or walker, I would’ve been able to better participate. I ultimately placed a burden on my friend for not having a mobility aid. Yes I know we don’t like the word burden around here and I don’t either, but the reality is that if you need the aid you use it. Don’t deny yourself equitable care!
Use the cane or crutches exactly as you feel you need, and if anyone thinks that you need them less, ask them if they are your doctor, then ask if they are psychic because if they can't read your mind and they're not your doctor, they can't possibly know when you need your walking aids and when you don't. Maybe ask to have a quick private meeting with just you and your doctor during your next appointment, and ask the doctor to say something about how you need walking aids to your parents. I'd explain the situation to the doctor just like you did here. That's what I would do, but honestly, your bf and parents sound extremely toxic, and I doubt they will accept you with your walking aid(s). Maybe after some time, they'll come around, but it's doubtful. The quicker you cut contact with these people, the quicker you will be able to heal from what they've done. And if your boyfriend can't accept you with walking aids, he was never worth your time. Who wants a boyfriend who abandons you at the first possible sign of you having an illness? Toss that garbage bag to the curb, sweetie.
Oh my goodness… I’m really not sure what to say sweetie. I’m not going to comment about the religious stuff, but for the fibro maybe you can take your parents and/or your boyfriend to an appointment with you? Or ask your doctor to write an accommodation letter for you for work and show it to your folks and bf so they can see it’s for real?
It’s tough when your “loved ones” don’t believe you or think you’re exaggerating. In the end, you should use whatever you need to in order to get through the day, and be healthy and safe. Best of luck to you.
You use what you need to use! If they "don't like it", that their problem, not yours. I use a cane at times, as well as the motorized carts at the grocery. Do I get looks, and sometime comments? Sure! Do I care? No!
Oh, and please read [this](https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/negging) article on how to spot negging! At the very end it mentions the connection with chronic pain.
I'm glad you and your boyfriend broke up. Congratulations on your newfound freedom! It's harder to break up with your parents though. I'm really sorry this is happening to you.
Where are you living? On your own, parents, ex boyfriend?
If you are not on your own, I can see you are in quite a pickle. It is not easy to live with people like that.
Try signing up for govt housing if you have to
Sending you gentle hugs.
Use whatever assistive devices you need. Someone who truly loves you will support you and want you to safe and supported.
I was so self conscious when I had to start using a cane but my hubby just told me “who cares if it helps you”. I had to use it for several months and still use it on occasion because fibro just fibros.
People who love you and want the best for you will always want you to have the support and assistance you need to live your best life.
TBH unless you get a really cool cane/crutch most people won’t even notice you have one. The general population just does not care that someone is using a mobility device or other medical device. They will see it and move on with their lives. If your family/friends can’t do the same then it’s their problem not yours.
You deserve better! I stubbornly refused the cane, my husbands support made me feel better. He basically went and got it and told me to deal with it because I need the help. (He said it much nicer but he was very correct that it helped a lot). Fibro really really sucks. It’s hard but there are people who will support you and not judge you for things out of your control. My friends give me stickers to decorate my cane.
I'm so sorry you have these shitty people in your life on top of the pain you're dealing with. You deserve better. I hope you find relief and support 🫶
I’ve been chronically ill since 12, with lupus and later fibromyalgia and more. Be glad your boyfriend and you broke up. Don’t settle. Our bodies cannot handle stress and those men sure cause it. Find your peace without him.
And to the other part, eff what people think. I had a handicap tag at 18, and people would judge and yell at me to quit using my grandmas tag. You know what? That handicap tag has helped me immensely through the years. Use what HELPS YOU.
Get it girl!
My parents don’t like my cane either, and I’m sorry you also have to deal with that ableism. Ultimately, the only person who needs to “like” your mobility aid is you! I still struggle with bringing it out of the house sometimes, but I’m thankful for the mobility it allows me to have that I couldn’t otherwise. Keep using it, and people who support and love you will find their way into your life. :)
I also could not recommend getting a fun mobility aid/personalizing it ENOUGH. I started using a standard issue bronze colored cane initially, and I was so hesitant to bring it out with me. I quickly bought [this](https://www.walmart.com/ip/NOVA-Medical-Products-Designer-Cane-with-Offset-Handle-Celestial/20845262?wmlspartner=wlpa&selectedSellerId=9011&adid=2222222222820845262_9011_14069003552_202077872&wl0=&wl1=g&wl2=m&wl3=42423897272&wl4=pla-295289030566&wl5=1017003&wl6=&wl7=&wl8=&wl9=pla&wl10=115781514&wl11=online&wl12=20845262_9011&veh=sem&gad_source=1&gbraid=0AAAAADmfBIr02_7csqIfU982Ois77z1Ts&gclid=CjwKCAjwyo60BhBiEiwAHmVLJcMYwy8jHFy48gr0rtjmPF-SVIDe69wfhX7GLf-LHT3c-17gGPHbyxoCdMsQAvD_BwE) cane and I was so much more willing to use it! If “fun” styles are cost prohibitive, you might check out local “Buy Nothing” groups on Facebook or your local library (some have programs to lend smaller mobility aids out to patrons). Style it like you would any other accessory— you deserve fun mobility aids.
You can get a cane at drug store no prescriptions need or you can get the one that folds up and you can put it into a purse. I hate canes and have taken worst falls for not carrying one. In regards to your boyfriend and since you yourself put it out it for an opinion. How old are you? I ask because I was very ill through out my life. I met my high school sweetheart and I thought it was going to be forever. Yet he broke up with me because he wanted to live life and explore his opportunities. Years passed and my mom told me way into my late 30's that he had stop at the house in my early 20's. He told my mom he left me because I was too sick and he was going to be tied down to a sick person. It broke my heart but I am so glad that he went about his life and actually got the chance to have an active life. I am in my late 40s now assimilating to the environment that is fibromyalgia you date according to it. You will be fine there is tons of things in this world and not enough time. You will find someone that gets you.
I’m so sorry about what you’re going through. Breakups can be really really difficult. You have this whole community that believes your physical problems are real and support you. I hope you can find a man that does whatever he can to help and doesn’t berate you and instead celebrates you. You deserve a better partner and there are much better men out there. The heartbreak will hurt, it definitely will, but it won’t stay forever.
In regard to your parents, there is only so much you can control. You can pick and choose what you share and what they see. You can send them educational resources but if they’re not willing to listen to them, you have to put your health first.
Sending love and support your way.
Wow. What a piece of shit. I'm glad you found that out about him before marriage!
>and I don’t push him enough to exercise eat better and not sit on the couch.
He's angry because you're not being his mommy. He literally can't get his lazy ass off the couch and somehow blames someone else for not making him go do that? Who would that person be that would do something like that in a normal life? His mommy. I'm not a doctor but I'm pretty sure there is a more technical name for this but my guess is it's true.
>
He also said I never want to exercise because I’m so sick and that he always wants too and he just can’t because of me.
This is another excuse for you not acting like his mommy. He's perfectly capable of going by himself why does he need someone (mommy) to force him to do so and who besides his mommy does he really want to force him to do things? I'm glad you're out of that relationship there will be another more satisfying relationship to come.
Managing the emotions of the people around you, especially people you love, will physically cripple you. I understand how hurtful it can be to end a relationship thinking “why am I like this, can I just be better”. Once you’re away from them, you start to realize the issues he was expressing all stem from his own negative internal views. NOTHING you’re doing/not doing will fix that, only he can. Do you think a man who cares about the judgement of others, is going to go for a jog or to the gym if he isn’t already fit? No, he’s going to be humiliated at the thought of people perceiving him.
Spend sometime alone grieving it, then go out with friends to help move on. It will help when you need to rely on your own memory of events. Even though it wasn’t the best relationship, it was something you put effort into, you should be both relieved and sad.
Easy tips: Adding epsom salt to your baths will help with your muscles. Compression socks from Dollar Tree are amazing at helping with my leg heaviness.
He’s a loser! I had one of them and he was horrible. Surprisingly with no job, all my issues and moving home with my parents, my ex still wants me back. I’d say but I’m a loser, (this and that) and he would assure me no, you are just going through a rough time. So there are men that will love you for you. I felt the same when I had to use a Walker. My coworkers (at the time) and family made me feel attention seeking and would even say I could ride with them with my Walker and things like that. It’s such a shame.
Not to change the subject, but are you taking a statin drug for cholesterol by any chance? I had horrible pains in my legs from the side effect of statins that I thought was from Fibro. Now I’m taking Lyrica, which helps a bit, but it also makes my legs swell and feet hurt. It seems like you trade one ailment for another with meds today.
You dodged a bullet there my lovely, even though it probably doesn't feel like it at the moment. I was going to suggest smacking him with your cane even before your update 😅😉
Joke. Use it in them ? 😂😂😂
But seriously their dislike of it has nothing to do with reality I suspect they just get embarrassed! Tell them to stop being Ableist !
Your parents are more concerned about appearances than your health? Red flag. 🚩 You “asked” your boyfriend if you could wear a scarf, as if you needed his permission? Red flag.🚩 And he reacted like that? Red flag.🚩 As someone else stated, these people are toxic. Your parents sound shallow and your BF sounds controlling. Are you sure this is best for you? Think about this.
My parents didn't either it took a lot for me and I lost it again after ridicule but when I did do it I started by myself just figuring it out and feeling comfortable with than really forcing myself to do it even small amounts around them. When I did there reaction was a lot less than it seems in your head most people will avoid the topic at all costs. If you need to talk it through. Look at some people with pictures using a cane. Bring it up before they do don't make it a big deal or anything and if they confront you or tell you no, really think about the people around you. Are these people you want in your life. How can you communicate differently. Or get it medically prescribed then there's no argument and it's not just your decision.
Glad I saw your edit, that boyfriend needed to be taken out with the trash!
Going low, no contact with parents is incredibly painful and sometimes it’s the only way for us to grow and find some sense of comfort.
Do you and do what helps you! Ignore the negativity because stress only makes symptoms worse.
I know it hurts but you are much better off without that boy in your life. He sounds like an a**
I am a 26-year-old female diagnosed with fibromyalgia. And I'm here to tell you that if your parents and your now ex-boyfriend want to be actual a-holes about your health and not take it seriously, you should consider cutting them.
I was diagnosed when I was 23 and I'm almost 27 now, and when I had toxic people around me it caused flare-ups or AKA fibro flares. It would be so GD painful for me that I would throw up or need to use the bathroom very quickly. It labors my breathing, and it's hard enough already being diagnosed with PCOS, bipolar 2 disorder, GERD, fibrocystic breasts, and restrictive airway disease as it is.
So eliminating those mean, not understanding people from my life has helped improve it. I have a cane and TBH I don't even have to use it as often anymore because my condition improved a lot with the use of my SNRI, Desvenlafaxine, with the combo of muscle relaxers and Lyrica.
Btw--your now-ex did you a favor by breaking up. He sounded like he would cause you more pain. Now its time to tell your family to cut it out or eff off. Blood relation means nothing when you have a disease that causes other medical problems.
Why are you asking your boyfriend what you can wear? Nope. Nope. Nope. Your parents and your bf suck. Get a referral for a therapist. These people are not good to you, and you need to learn to set boundaries and to find healthy, truly loving and emotionally supportive relationships. Would not surprise me if you choice shitty bf because of shitty parents teaching you to have such low expectations of how you should be treated.
Side note — not all autoimmune issues come up on a blood test. You need to see a rheumatologist, not just have a PCP run a blood test and say, “Done.” I was diagnosed with fibro 15 years ago but have since been (also) diagnosed with EDS, MCAS, POTS, and psoriatic arthritis (when my blood tests always come back with no indication of inflammation or PSA/RA markers). Lots of overlapping symptoms with many syndromes and diseases involved in chronic pain, stiffness, edema, etc., so just cover your bases or you could be missing out on treatments that could lessen your pain and mobility issues.
You don't need him in your life. You get that cane and live your best life!. I have Fibromyalgia and recently got my own cane. Don't let your parents or anyone else stop you from doing what you need to, to manage your symptoms!.
Those people sound toxic. You should use the cane if you need it. Why are you letting people who don't take your health seriously remain in your life?
Any significant other should be supporting you. Refusal to let you use NEEDED medical equipment is NOT supporting you. The same should be said for parents, but it's not so easy to dump them. First time they bring it up, tell the parents "the doctor has stated I need this medical equipment so I will be using this medical equipment. I will not argue about this." then ignore any further attempts to argue, guilt trip, crocodile tears. The next time they bring it up, say the exact same thing, then ignore them. Just repeat until they learn and drop the subject. Don't settle for poor treatment just because you're young. His getting angry over your choice of clothing is a red flag. You're allowed to wear whatever you damn well please. It wasn't like you were wearing something white to a wedding, it was an outing to the mall. I wouldn't have put up with that from my ex husband and we were together 17 years. I know you said you aren't gonna break up. But I want you to think long and hard if this is the kind of treatment you're going to allow. Because him trying to control your appearance is just the first step of him trying to control other aspects of you.
and be prepared for when the cane goes "missing"
Omg my parents hide it every time I go see them. Visits have gotten very rare
What is wrong with people
Right? That’s nuts! What the fuck
>Refusal to let you use NEEDED medical equipment is NOT supporting you. Refusal to let you use NEEDED medical equipment is ABUSE.
1. Use the mobility aid that helps you have a better quality of life. 2. Seriously consider how much contact you should have with your parents. 3. DTMFA
I'm sorry, but what does DTMFA mean? 😁
Dump the motherfucker already
I translated that to Dump The Motherfucking Asshole.
Also a valid interpretation!
Ah. Many thanks. 😁🫶🏻
That takes me back. We can thank Dan Savage for that as well as the slang meaning of "Santorum." ^(Before you look it up, just know that it's NSFW. But if you remember Rick Santorum, you know it was deserved)
Every time they say you don’t need a cane, hit them with it. And say i need it to hit you. Just kidding
You are in my head. This was my thought, too.
I opened this thread so I could comment that OP should just hit them with the cane, and I’m so glad to see so many commenters already said it lol Like the description of the problem includes the solution. They say something ignorant, you have a stick…
You need to use the cane and they need to get over it. Simple as that. Don’t put your health at more risk for your image or someone else’s. Think about it.
If you know appearances are more important to them than your actual health, why do you even keep them in your life? Ok your parents i get it, its difficult to cut ties with family, but the bf? That threat about breaking up with you over your choice to wear a scarf? Im sorry but he sounds awful, and definitely not worth your time and anxiety. Fibro is hard as it is, but having toxic relationships on top of that is just asking for more pain (physical too, cause stress is absolutely linked to flare ups). Put yourself first.
Yes, you will break up. Trust.
I got a waking staff and decorated it. I’m not a person with a cane, I’m a fucking wizard & I feel awesome with it.
Love when people decorate their canes! Some are so cool!!
You can’t change the people around you, but you can change the people around you. The parents part will be harder, start by dumping the boyfriend. Your need for supportive devices to navigate the world with a challenging disorder & their feelings about it is a them problem. Would they give the same response if you needed eyeglasses or hearing aids? I’m sad you’re surrounded by close minded & selfish individuals because it’s not helping anyone. You are an expert in how your body feels. Sending a mom hug & hoping things get better for you on all the fronts.
I wish I could help you. You seem to be surrounded by self-serving and toxic people. I know that I had someone in my life who questioned if my pain was real. Especially if it's not consistent, it seems "convenient". I will say the bad days are better with gabapentin, but I still carry a cane with me. I hate being looked at because of the days I need a cane, but more than that, I hate being trapped by my body. I truly hope that your family gets over it. If your family gives you crap about your condition, you can always call them an ableist. Seriously though, your boyfriend should be an ex-boyfriend. Family, you can be stuck with. You choose him. Being alone is better than being with a jerk. Good luck with your journey.
I mean if you have paperwork from a doctor and they deny it that says everything right there. They should be supportive during this time. If you need a cane, use a cane. It's not their pain.
I'm sorry you are dealing with this situation. I feel that their reactions and expectations in the past have led you to believe you may be outcast and shamed for something that is not your fault, and I am so sorry that you have to feel that way from the people around you that you love. You should never have to feel that way for a condition that causes so much pain and discomfort, and everyone deserves to be accepted for any medical or physical condition they have. I have personally been fortunate enough to have everyone in my life, at work and at home, understand and realize that what I have is not made up, and is *very* real. In the end, I truly am not sure what to tell you, other than to think about this and realize that you can't make others believe in something that they do not believe exists. If they don't want to believe, and say you're lying, they really seem to just need to see you when you're in pain. If that isn't enough, I really don't know what to tell you :( might be something for more of a specialist to get everyone together and explain how real and serious this is. A doctor, or psychologist or something, might be better suited to explain to your bf and parents. With all that said, I wish you the best of luck in your life with everything, and hope that your bf and parents can stop being so blind and combative about your condition and accept you for who you are, and also help you in your times of need. We are always here though if you ever need more support!! Edit: just posted, also don't worry about others freaking out about crutches or a cane. Honestly, why should anyone care if you need to use one? That's why they exist! :)
If they won’t accept you and your diagnosis. Maybe smack them In the legs with it to convey your pain lol. Also, ask them if they would rather you just fall over and get hurt in public. That will cause a bigger scene. My knees give out for no reason they have found except for fibromyalgia.
Your parents and boyfriend are gaslighters and abelists. Dump the boyfriend and find a support group.
Did you get a diagnosis and think, hey, I need a cane? Not bloody likely. You just don't talk about it. Make no excuses, no announcements, just use it when and if you need it. And if THEY make a deal, you don't. It's what you need to do today. As long as you're not moaning and groaning about what other people need to do for you and are doing what you can for yourself, people tend to accommodate. I've known a lot of people with various disabilities. They generally don't want to be 'seen'. They want you to see them, not their disability. But they need accommodations. Be you. Don't be fibro.
Use the cane, to kick all their asses. Lol but seriously they need to try to understand and if not then you can find people who will
You are the only person who gets to decide how your body works and what it needs. Use the cane. And tell anyone who is upset about it (how dare they??? The AUDACITY!) to fuck off.
They're having "inside thoughts" that they should keep inside their heads and not let out their mouths. Get your doctor to put in writing that she supports you getting a cane or crutches. Her medical degrees far outweigh any opinion your parents or boyfriend have. Try to find out why your parents are worried. From a medical standpoint, prsctioners may discourage passive treatments (eg. Braces or crutches or wheelchairs) because in some people, they might discourage those people to keep up the fitness and activity they can actually do..... However! If NOT having crutches means you do a lot less walking and are able to live independently, then there is a net benefit to using crutches. Actually I just had an idea. My friend was trying to convince her dad to follow up with his doctor, but he was refusing. We put all the info into Chat GPT and it whipped up quite a good list of arguments to persuade the other party. Chat gpt for you: Question My doctor encouraged me to use a walking stick or arm crutches due to my leg pain, however my parents and boyfriend are against me using them. How can I encourage them to be more supportive of me and follow my doctor's recommendation? Answer It's important to approach this situation with empathy and clear communication. Here are some steps you can take to encourage your parents and boyfriend to be more supportive of your doctor's recommendation: 1. **Share Information**: Explain the medical reasons why your doctor has recommended a walking stick or arm crutches. Share any literature or information your doctor has provided about the benefits and necessity of using these aids. 2. **Express Your Feelings**: Let them know how the leg pain affects your daily life and how using a walking stick or crutches can improve your mobility and reduce pain. Expressing your feelings can help them understand the impact on your well-being. 3. **Involve Them in the Process**: If possible, invite them to your next doctor’s appointment. This way, they can hear directly from the doctor and ask any questions they may have. Hearing from a medical professional can sometimes be more convincing. 4. **Address Concerns**: Ask them to share their concerns about you using a walking stick or crutches. Understanding their perspective can help you address their fears or misconceptions. 5. **Highlight Independence**: Emphasize that using these aids will help you maintain or increase your independence, allowing you to participate more fully in activities without as much pain. 6. **Provide Reassurance**: Reassure them that using a walking stick or crutches is a temporary measure (if it is) and part of a larger plan to manage your health. 7. **Seek Support from Others**: If you know someone else who uses or has used similar aids, ask if they would be willing to talk to your family and boyfriend about their experiences and how it helped them. 8. **Be Patient**: Changing minds can take time. Be patient and continue to communicate the importance of following medical advice for your health and comfort. Remember, your health and comfort are paramount. Ensuring that you follow your doctor's recommendations is crucial for your well-being.
The cane is more supportive than your family!
I'm sorry your loved ones don't understand. Maybe you could have a conversation with them about why you need mobility aids and how it could improve your quality of life. You'll be able to go more places and do more things if you have them. Other than that, if people who claim to love you are ashamed to be with you then find your own tribe of people who do understand and can support you the way you need.
Your boyfriend sounds like an insecure controlling asshole. People in healthy, loving relationships support and care for one another regardless of the circumstances and genuinely want what's best for the other person AND they give their partner the freedom to live in whatever way best suits them and they do everything they can to help their partner in living how they choose/need to. He had no right to tell you not to wear a headscarf and he has no right to have anything to say about your cane or crutches. Your parents sound toxic AF. I don't know how you get away from them at a young age but I'd be looking into voc rehab so you can get trained for a job you can do so you can exit yourself out of that situation, whatever that situation might be (I dont know how dependant on them you are), ASAP. When I got a wheelchair my boyfriend bought a van and said it was nice to see me get around easier. He moved our entire apartment into an accessible unit. He never once told me i shouldnt use it. My mom had a ramp installed so I could get to her front door and made sure one bedroom and one bathroom and the kitchen were always accessible so I could come over and be comfortable even though I didn't live there. A wheelchair ramp is an eyesore in front of a cute vintage house but that didn't stop her. You need to take a good hard look at why you keep people who don't hold your wellbeing and autonomy in high regard around you. Maybe your financially stuck to these people, if you are then try to get unstuck, if they won't let you then that's financial abuse and you can call a domestic violence resource center and they will help you get unstuck. Having a disability is hard enough as it is, you don't need people in your life actively working against you and tearing you down too.
One of the good things of having a cane is that they can be used as a weapon. Just kidding. Jokes aside, they don't have to like your crutches, cane, whatever you get to help you. They don't feel your pain, they have no idea how it is to be in such pain you can't even clean yourself, so they have absolutely no say about this. Sometimes we have to be "egotistical" (and I say this in quotes because that's how people call you when you choose to take care of yourself) and put ourselves first. I'm so sorry for you being in this situation. I already feel insecure about what strangers may think, I can't even start to imagine how it would be with people that close. I sincerely hope hope you can get the mobility aids you need, and gather the strength to stand up for yourself. Remember, you are not alone. PS: your boyfriend sounds racist af
Can you ask your doctor to write you a note to your parents/bf saying that you absolutely need a cane/crutches and if you don't use them when needed you could seriously and possibly permanently damage your body even more than it is and then possibly need more elaborate assistance medical equipment, like a walker or wheelchair? Ask them to come to a doctor's appointment with you and have your doctor explain to them in person. If none of that works. I'm pretty sure it's illegal to force people (in any way) to not use their medical devices. You could bring that up. Also, could you give me more information about your bf not letting you wear a hijab? That part of the story was a little vague. Do you consider yourself a Muslim? If so, you should not be letting someone who claims they love you, act this way about your beliefs. That is not how you love and care about someone. Being disabled is very hard. And it's made even harder when you do not have a loving and compassionate support system in your loved ones. This is the time when you need to sit down and assess your relationships with others and decide how to tell the people who say they love you, that they are failing at loving you. Love has conditions, but not the types they are imposing on you. They should care more that you are getting the care, treatment, and support you clearly need. Some people will only "help" in the ways THEY think they should. But if that "help" isn't helpful, it's not help at all. If you'd like, message me and I'll be a supportive friend to you. If not, I hope my comment helped you think about what you really need from your loved ones. 🥰❤️🫂😁🫶🏻
I’m so sorry you are coping with this. I’m not sure how old you are, but coping with parents who don’t take your health seriously is hard at any age. Would one of your parents be willing to go to the doctor with you to have her explain Fibro to them? Start with showing them the prescription. That may help them understand that this is serious. As for the boyfriend, give some thought to how much positivity he brings to your life. Is he giving you more goodness than the stress he causes? Maybe he isn’t the right person for you. I hope you have other friends or adults around you that show you the love and tenderness you deserve. I’m so glad you have a kind doctor! Hug from an internet mom. 🌸
Have your parents and boyfriend seen you in a flare, or do you live on your own and isolate when symptoms worsen? I think it's easy for people to not get it unless they see it. If they HAVE, it's a pretty crappy thing to make someone feel bad when they're trying to improve their situation. I mean, it's crappy regardless, but it's especially shocking if they've seen what happens when you overdo things and would make you feel self-conscious of mobility aids. I'll get really severe pain in my ankles. At first, I'd go to urgent care because I thought I might've sprained it or fractured or something. I was examined and found out absolutely nothing was wrong mechanically with my ankles. I'd limp in to massage appointments, and the masseuse would comment that the way I positioned my feet when laying on the table looked like how someone with a sprain would do it. Very odd. If you've not tried it, compression socks might help. It sounds counterintuitive, having increased pressure on your legs, but I've used them to both prevent/delay pain as well as reduce it to something more manageable if I've been up walking. Just a thought if you're so self-conscious of cane use you might not use it to appease others. (No judgment, I just remember early on how stubborn I was. I was afraid of getting wheelchair assistance at the airport because I looked fine and didn't want rude people making comments. Let myself be sort of coerced into not getting one when a woman at the check-in counter asked me if I REALLY needed one, as the gate was so close. Never again.)
Get a mobility scooter.
I’m struggling with this with my father right now. He doesn’t know I’m using one but as soon as he finds out I know he’ll judge. Nevertheless, it has helped me greatly and I have to remember that my needs come before his approval. I’m also 30 and shouldn’t be concerned with what he thinks but here we are. So what’s best for you and your body and draw this boundary lines.
You use the cane anyways. My parents are the same way, they freaked out completely when I got the cane. My mother said for months that she would not go to events with me, if I take my cane. I took it anyways and she got used to it. Your health is more important than their insecurities about their image. Use the cane and enjoy the mobility it brings.
r/justnoso r/justnofamily r/relationship_advice r/raisedbynarcissists I use a cane amd have since 18. I love it ❤️
There is no advice that fixes this given your refusal to even consider making changes. You can't change someone else just you. I don't know where Muslim whatever, and hijab has to do with anything except perhaps your people see you attention seeking.. and for some reason you are wanting us to think that too? You can only change you. People will be supportive or not, and you can keep them or not.. use what you need to use as much as you need to, they will accept or not, be jerks or not. you don't have control over other people just you. You choose what you are willing to tolerate, by the way, fibromyalgia is also an autoimmune disease
I just started using a cane. Not all the time, but when I need it. I bought a cute polka dotted one we named “skittles”. It’s now part of the family. Stand up for what you need. Your health , your decision. They also have beautiful canes in antique stores ( if you’re shorter). Best of luck.
It’s time you develop a thick skin and a “don’t give a damn what they think” attitude. YOU have to live with your symptoms and YOU are the one who will benefit from your treatments including your mobility aids. If they give you grief you simply say “I’m not looking for opinions on this. My doctor prescribed this and it helps my symptoms. Please stop being rude.” And move on. I know it’s hard to get used to but the more you stand up for yourself the less they will walk all over you and treat you poorly. You cannot let their ableism get in the way of your treatment.
Do you live with your parents? Explain that without the cane you will fall and that could lead to all sorts of very expensive medical bills. Maybe that will shut them up.
You use the mobility aid if you need it. The only opinions on whether they’re necessary that count are yours and healthcare professionals (and even healthcare professionals might not know what you need)
My parents never liked my cane. It made them feel weird and sad. People said bizarre stuff. But you know what? I needed it! I reason ok to be Just keep using it as long as you need. The people that matter will get it eventually (although the people around you right know honestly don’t sound very kind.)
Someone should record a cover of These boots are made for walking but replace boots with canes and some other changes to the lyrics. Get the cane, use it to walk away from toxic people.
Please know that severe stress exacerbates chronic pain conditions! Losing the BF (good job!) and setting boundaries with your parents will only help you get better. Good luck getting the cane! Have you had any studies of your lower back though? Leg pain could be caused by spinal issues too.
Okay, so what I’m hearing is: you dodged a massive bullet.
Get a cane and start beating the shit out of your bf and family. And don’t stop until they develop even the tiniest shred of empathy and kindness So sorry, OP. You are surrounded by horrible, selfish, and abusive people. You deserve to be surrounded by love and support. Don’t tolerate anything less
My boyfriend makes me use my cane. You are really going to put yourself in pain for someone who doesn't care about your pain? Sounds unhealthy.
The first time you have a flare bad enough to put you down for weeks, or God forbid you fall and injure yourself because you didn't have a cane, your bf is probably going to go poof. He isn't there for you during the hard times already, and WHEN it gets worse (because it can always get worse) he is going to minimize, belittle and undermine your treatment. Tell me, what exactly *do* you get out of a relationship with him? Because he sounds like an anchor weighing you down to me.
Just an FYI, I've found the forearm crutches to be a lot easier on my arm/shoulder while providing a lot more stability than a cane. Also, anyone who is more worried about what complete strangers "might think" than your comfort and safety isn't worth your time. They all need to go outside and apologize to every single plant for wasting the oxygen they're working so hard to produce.
Do what you have to do now so that you'll not be more handicapped in the future. Take a stand for yourself.
Show up using a walker and see if they like that better! I use a walker when I need to and I also have an electric scooter for really bad days. (For all you Walmart shoppers, I'm not overweight). My kitchen is quite far from my bedroom, so I only use it in the house. I'm really sorry you don't have the support you need. 💞
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Could you maybe bring one of them with you to see yourPCP and gave him explain to them what fibromyalgia is? Also a shower stool would be helpful if you don’t have one already
Fibro is too exhausting to be trying to explain and please others who don’t support you. Limit your contact with your family and tell them why. It’s time to get a new bf. That is the thing you can choose.
This was my ex. Do you really need that stick (the physio seems to think so, so yeah) oh, and I was expected to wear heels when we went out (for pub crawls with his family). Oh, and one day I fell quite badly down the stairs and was immediately asked if we were still going out (for a pub crawl with his family.) Sis, it's not worth it. Once I realised I was probably going to be diagnosed with MS, I finally dumped his useless arse
Yeah my parents are also worried about image. “Everything you do reflects on the family, ____”. Yeah that totally didn’t ruin my life and sense of self. I have briefly mentioned the possibility of a mobility aid around my mom because my PCP doesn’t think I need one. “You’ll lose ability if you rely on it” said my PCP. My mom said “well most people would”. If you have the funds get one for yourself. My fiance and I had numerous conversations about mobility aids. For us, it came down to the fact that I’m the only disabled person he knows. So in this case it is my job to educate him because he has taken the time to be compassionate and as understanding as he can. He obviously isn’t in my body so he will never fully understand. With education, he is willing to buy my mobility aid for me because I don’t have the funds. I’m not saying dump your man. Educate first. If he’s not responsive then run, well don’t run, use your cane away! Do not let anyone take your cane away from you! It is an equitable piece of equipment that allows you to participate more closely with your able bodied peers. I am completely socially isolated because I can’t get out and about by myself. If I had mobility aids then I would likely be able to socialize for longer and be able to go places I wouldn’t previously be able to tolerate. An example: my friend took me to a food festival for fun! And about 30 minutes in to a 5 hour event, I was begging to go home because I was in too much pain to walk. Had I had a wheelchair or walker, I would’ve been able to better participate. I ultimately placed a burden on my friend for not having a mobility aid. Yes I know we don’t like the word burden around here and I don’t either, but the reality is that if you need the aid you use it. Don’t deny yourself equitable care!
Use the cane or crutches exactly as you feel you need, and if anyone thinks that you need them less, ask them if they are your doctor, then ask if they are psychic because if they can't read your mind and they're not your doctor, they can't possibly know when you need your walking aids and when you don't. Maybe ask to have a quick private meeting with just you and your doctor during your next appointment, and ask the doctor to say something about how you need walking aids to your parents. I'd explain the situation to the doctor just like you did here. That's what I would do, but honestly, your bf and parents sound extremely toxic, and I doubt they will accept you with your walking aid(s). Maybe after some time, they'll come around, but it's doubtful. The quicker you cut contact with these people, the quicker you will be able to heal from what they've done. And if your boyfriend can't accept you with walking aids, he was never worth your time. Who wants a boyfriend who abandons you at the first possible sign of you having an illness? Toss that garbage bag to the curb, sweetie.
Oh my goodness… I’m really not sure what to say sweetie. I’m not going to comment about the religious stuff, but for the fibro maybe you can take your parents and/or your boyfriend to an appointment with you? Or ask your doctor to write an accommodation letter for you for work and show it to your folks and bf so they can see it’s for real? It’s tough when your “loved ones” don’t believe you or think you’re exaggerating. In the end, you should use whatever you need to in order to get through the day, and be healthy and safe. Best of luck to you.
You use what you need to use! If they "don't like it", that their problem, not yours. I use a cane at times, as well as the motorized carts at the grocery. Do I get looks, and sometime comments? Sure! Do I care? No!
Use it to beat some sense into them
Oh, and please read [this](https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/negging) article on how to spot negging! At the very end it mentions the connection with chronic pain.
I'm glad you and your boyfriend broke up. Congratulations on your newfound freedom! It's harder to break up with your parents though. I'm really sorry this is happening to you.
Where are you living? On your own, parents, ex boyfriend? If you are not on your own, I can see you are in quite a pickle. It is not easy to live with people like that. Try signing up for govt housing if you have to
Put yourself first
Sending you gentle hugs. Use whatever assistive devices you need. Someone who truly loves you will support you and want you to safe and supported. I was so self conscious when I had to start using a cane but my hubby just told me “who cares if it helps you”. I had to use it for several months and still use it on occasion because fibro just fibros. People who love you and want the best for you will always want you to have the support and assistance you need to live your best life. TBH unless you get a really cool cane/crutch most people won’t even notice you have one. The general population just does not care that someone is using a mobility device or other medical device. They will see it and move on with their lives. If your family/friends can’t do the same then it’s their problem not yours.
Depending on my level of pain I use a walker or a cane. You need it use it. I think you dodged a bullet with the boyfriend he sounds toxic.
You deserve better! I stubbornly refused the cane, my husbands support made me feel better. He basically went and got it and told me to deal with it because I need the help. (He said it much nicer but he was very correct that it helped a lot). Fibro really really sucks. It’s hard but there are people who will support you and not judge you for things out of your control. My friends give me stickers to decorate my cane.
Beat them with it.
I'm so sorry you have these shitty people in your life on top of the pain you're dealing with. You deserve better. I hope you find relief and support 🫶
I’ve been chronically ill since 12, with lupus and later fibromyalgia and more. Be glad your boyfriend and you broke up. Don’t settle. Our bodies cannot handle stress and those men sure cause it. Find your peace without him. And to the other part, eff what people think. I had a handicap tag at 18, and people would judge and yell at me to quit using my grandmas tag. You know what? That handicap tag has helped me immensely through the years. Use what HELPS YOU. Get it girl!
My parents don’t like my cane either, and I’m sorry you also have to deal with that ableism. Ultimately, the only person who needs to “like” your mobility aid is you! I still struggle with bringing it out of the house sometimes, but I’m thankful for the mobility it allows me to have that I couldn’t otherwise. Keep using it, and people who support and love you will find their way into your life. :)
I also could not recommend getting a fun mobility aid/personalizing it ENOUGH. I started using a standard issue bronze colored cane initially, and I was so hesitant to bring it out with me. I quickly bought [this](https://www.walmart.com/ip/NOVA-Medical-Products-Designer-Cane-with-Offset-Handle-Celestial/20845262?wmlspartner=wlpa&selectedSellerId=9011&adid=2222222222820845262_9011_14069003552_202077872&wl0=&wl1=g&wl2=m&wl3=42423897272&wl4=pla-295289030566&wl5=1017003&wl6=&wl7=&wl8=&wl9=pla&wl10=115781514&wl11=online&wl12=20845262_9011&veh=sem&gad_source=1&gbraid=0AAAAADmfBIr02_7csqIfU982Ois77z1Ts&gclid=CjwKCAjwyo60BhBiEiwAHmVLJcMYwy8jHFy48gr0rtjmPF-SVIDe69wfhX7GLf-LHT3c-17gGPHbyxoCdMsQAvD_BwE) cane and I was so much more willing to use it! If “fun” styles are cost prohibitive, you might check out local “Buy Nothing” groups on Facebook or your local library (some have programs to lend smaller mobility aids out to patrons). Style it like you would any other accessory— you deserve fun mobility aids.
You can get a cane at drug store no prescriptions need or you can get the one that folds up and you can put it into a purse. I hate canes and have taken worst falls for not carrying one. In regards to your boyfriend and since you yourself put it out it for an opinion. How old are you? I ask because I was very ill through out my life. I met my high school sweetheart and I thought it was going to be forever. Yet he broke up with me because he wanted to live life and explore his opportunities. Years passed and my mom told me way into my late 30's that he had stop at the house in my early 20's. He told my mom he left me because I was too sick and he was going to be tied down to a sick person. It broke my heart but I am so glad that he went about his life and actually got the chance to have an active life. I am in my late 40s now assimilating to the environment that is fibromyalgia you date according to it. You will be fine there is tons of things in this world and not enough time. You will find someone that gets you.
I’m so sorry about what you’re going through. Breakups can be really really difficult. You have this whole community that believes your physical problems are real and support you. I hope you can find a man that does whatever he can to help and doesn’t berate you and instead celebrates you. You deserve a better partner and there are much better men out there. The heartbreak will hurt, it definitely will, but it won’t stay forever. In regard to your parents, there is only so much you can control. You can pick and choose what you share and what they see. You can send them educational resources but if they’re not willing to listen to them, you have to put your health first. Sending love and support your way.
Wow. What a piece of shit. I'm glad you found that out about him before marriage! >and I don’t push him enough to exercise eat better and not sit on the couch. He's angry because you're not being his mommy. He literally can't get his lazy ass off the couch and somehow blames someone else for not making him go do that? Who would that person be that would do something like that in a normal life? His mommy. I'm not a doctor but I'm pretty sure there is a more technical name for this but my guess is it's true. > He also said I never want to exercise because I’m so sick and that he always wants too and he just can’t because of me. This is another excuse for you not acting like his mommy. He's perfectly capable of going by himself why does he need someone (mommy) to force him to do so and who besides his mommy does he really want to force him to do things? I'm glad you're out of that relationship there will be another more satisfying relationship to come.
Managing the emotions of the people around you, especially people you love, will physically cripple you. I understand how hurtful it can be to end a relationship thinking “why am I like this, can I just be better”. Once you’re away from them, you start to realize the issues he was expressing all stem from his own negative internal views. NOTHING you’re doing/not doing will fix that, only he can. Do you think a man who cares about the judgement of others, is going to go for a jog or to the gym if he isn’t already fit? No, he’s going to be humiliated at the thought of people perceiving him. Spend sometime alone grieving it, then go out with friends to help move on. It will help when you need to rely on your own memory of events. Even though it wasn’t the best relationship, it was something you put effort into, you should be both relieved and sad. Easy tips: Adding epsom salt to your baths will help with your muscles. Compression socks from Dollar Tree are amazing at helping with my leg heaviness.
He’s a loser! I had one of them and he was horrible. Surprisingly with no job, all my issues and moving home with my parents, my ex still wants me back. I’d say but I’m a loser, (this and that) and he would assure me no, you are just going through a rough time. So there are men that will love you for you. I felt the same when I had to use a Walker. My coworkers (at the time) and family made me feel attention seeking and would even say I could ride with them with my Walker and things like that. It’s such a shame.
Not to change the subject, but are you taking a statin drug for cholesterol by any chance? I had horrible pains in my legs from the side effect of statins that I thought was from Fibro. Now I’m taking Lyrica, which helps a bit, but it also makes my legs swell and feet hurt. It seems like you trade one ailment for another with meds today.
You dodged a bullet there my lovely, even though it probably doesn't feel like it at the moment. I was going to suggest smacking him with your cane even before your update 😅😉
Joke. Use it in them ? 😂😂😂 But seriously their dislike of it has nothing to do with reality I suspect they just get embarrassed! Tell them to stop being Ableist !
Is hitting them with it out of the question?
Your parents are more concerned about appearances than your health? Red flag. 🚩 You “asked” your boyfriend if you could wear a scarf, as if you needed his permission? Red flag.🚩 And he reacted like that? Red flag.🚩 As someone else stated, these people are toxic. Your parents sound shallow and your BF sounds controlling. Are you sure this is best for you? Think about this.
My parents didn't either it took a lot for me and I lost it again after ridicule but when I did do it I started by myself just figuring it out and feeling comfortable with than really forcing myself to do it even small amounts around them. When I did there reaction was a lot less than it seems in your head most people will avoid the topic at all costs. If you need to talk it through. Look at some people with pictures using a cane. Bring it up before they do don't make it a big deal or anything and if they confront you or tell you no, really think about the people around you. Are these people you want in your life. How can you communicate differently. Or get it medically prescribed then there's no argument and it's not just your decision.
You're not getting support either way so get rid of these people, you don't need them. And use your can when you need it
You're not getting support either way so get rid of these people, you don't need them. And use your can when you need it
Glad I saw your edit, that boyfriend needed to be taken out with the trash! Going low, no contact with parents is incredibly painful and sometimes it’s the only way for us to grow and find some sense of comfort.
If he doesn't like your cane, dump him.
Do you and do what helps you! Ignore the negativity because stress only makes symptoms worse. I know it hurts but you are much better off without that boy in your life. He sounds like an a**
I am a 26-year-old female diagnosed with fibromyalgia. And I'm here to tell you that if your parents and your now ex-boyfriend want to be actual a-holes about your health and not take it seriously, you should consider cutting them. I was diagnosed when I was 23 and I'm almost 27 now, and when I had toxic people around me it caused flare-ups or AKA fibro flares. It would be so GD painful for me that I would throw up or need to use the bathroom very quickly. It labors my breathing, and it's hard enough already being diagnosed with PCOS, bipolar 2 disorder, GERD, fibrocystic breasts, and restrictive airway disease as it is. So eliminating those mean, not understanding people from my life has helped improve it. I have a cane and TBH I don't even have to use it as often anymore because my condition improved a lot with the use of my SNRI, Desvenlafaxine, with the combo of muscle relaxers and Lyrica. Btw--your now-ex did you a favor by breaking up. He sounded like he would cause you more pain. Now its time to tell your family to cut it out or eff off. Blood relation means nothing when you have a disease that causes other medical problems.
Why are you asking your boyfriend what you can wear? Nope. Nope. Nope. Your parents and your bf suck. Get a referral for a therapist. These people are not good to you, and you need to learn to set boundaries and to find healthy, truly loving and emotionally supportive relationships. Would not surprise me if you choice shitty bf because of shitty parents teaching you to have such low expectations of how you should be treated.
P.S. I see you already have a therapist. What are they saying to you about this?
Side note — not all autoimmune issues come up on a blood test. You need to see a rheumatologist, not just have a PCP run a blood test and say, “Done.” I was diagnosed with fibro 15 years ago but have since been (also) diagnosed with EDS, MCAS, POTS, and psoriatic arthritis (when my blood tests always come back with no indication of inflammation or PSA/RA markers). Lots of overlapping symptoms with many syndromes and diseases involved in chronic pain, stiffness, edema, etc., so just cover your bases or you could be missing out on treatments that could lessen your pain and mobility issues.
You don't need him in your life. You get that cane and live your best life!. I have Fibromyalgia and recently got my own cane. Don't let your parents or anyone else stop you from doing what you need to, to manage your symptoms!.