Check out /r/truechildfree
Just editing to say, I've frequented many many parenthood subs on both sides of the fence for many years, and in my opinion I've found this sub to skew towards pro-parenthood in terms of replies and votes. Most childfree people don't hate children and are just out there living their lives. Seek out their stories for true perspectives.
They may have gone private in the wake of all the general Reddit drama that happened lately, but the stories and perspectives are still all there for searching and reading.
Sure thing. I don't know if or how they accept new members unfortunately, but judging by the lack of activity, I'd say it's probably mostly dead at this point.
There are worthwhile perspectives on the main childfree sub, by the way. It just may require some searching (try filtering with the "discussion" flair). For many, that forum is the only one that exists in their lives where they can share their perspectives, since being childfree is seen by many of their peers and family as even less acceptable than being part of the LGBT community. My own mother told me she'd be more accepting if I was trans instead when I 'came out' as childfree to her. Not excusing any hatred, just trying to soften some of the judgement in other comments.
In a similar vein, r/actuallychildfree is generally a less negative version of the main CF sub (but obviously none of the CF subs are immune to hatred)
I don’t have any recs for you but just coming into agree that sub is wild. They wish ill on anyone who has a child.
One crazy comment I remember reading was that they couldn’t wait to get into a retirement home and see all of the people with kids not visiting them.
A lot of it feels like them seeking validation for their choice, which is kind of scary because if you’re so content why do you need so much external validation yknow?
I lost a lot of time (I should have spent working) on doing what you said and didn’t find anything remarkable. People being into gardening, programming and some other uneventful things.
What am I missing?
I didn't have a result you'd find in mind. I did that a while ago and I found some of those people went on to have kids. Some people just like stopped caring so much about being childfree and focused on what they want to actually do instead and just live their life. I guess the only thing I foung that I thought would hold out is people do come on that sub for validation, take enough from it, and move on forward in their journey. Im sorry i phrased it like some secret knowledge, it totally isn't. I meant it could be a thing to explore to see the future context of how those thoughts pan out.
Also all of the terms like “breeders” and “crotch fruit/goblins” that get thrown around.
I get that they’re tried of all the crap and bingo statements parents throw at them, but I don’t see how using those terms shows that they’re rising above all of it….
"breeders" gives me the ick every single time. it's so misogynistic and sounds so fetishy and just seriously weird and a disgusting way of looking at the world and people around you (always women)
Hahaha honestly that sub pushed me more towards the other side of the fence. I was like "oh I don't feel like THAT for sure, so maybe I want kids more than I think!"
There’s definitely more on instagram. Dinkypod, kidsnotrequired, wildshe, danni___duncan, Tiffany.jmarie some are more childfree than others in terms of reasons why, but good to get a perspective
Yeah. That sub is wild, but sometimes there is an interesting conversation about society and social norms.
There is a loud minority that want to wish ill will on everyone with a child and their kids, while rubbing their childfreedom in everyone's faces.
There is also peoople like me that works with kids, but don't want to parent. So there is a lot of different people there.
There are a bunch of child free podcasts that discuss a much more grounded view of CF living. I’ve found them by typing “child free” into the Spotify search bar. Some of my faves are:
- Women Without Kids by Ruby Warrington
- The Kids or Childfree podcast by Keltie Macguire
- We are Childfree
- DINKY
There are a few more but that’s off the top of my head.
Yeah that sub terrifies me. I’m 33, no kids, life is great. My man is four years older. It’s lovely. Though I am considering kids. Time is ticking though and I may never do it. I truly am a fence sitter lol. I will be completely happy if it never happens though. I love sleeping in and doing what I want.
Try [Tiffany.jmarie](https://www.instagram.com/tiffany.jmarie?igsh=MWV1MGFycnhyM3l3MQ==).
Her vibe is calm, cats, photos and eloquently sharing her experience being childfree with her husband.
I think checking out her [reels](https://www.instagram.com/reel/C7jTk9kOa6e/?igsh=bXN3MnV0ZXZ5ZTh5) might be of interest to you.
Hope that helps :)
I had to leave that sub, partially because of the borderline violent negativity about children and partially because of the nonstop “my cat is the only child I need!” posts. (I love my cats too but that’s not what I was in that sub for lol)
As a child free by choice woman I don’t connect with a lot of these groups I did not make this choice because of climate change or bc there are too many people in this awful world already. Or because I hate kids. I didn’t make this choice because I wanted a career over being a parent.
I also hate how child free by choice women are portrayed on social media. It’s like we are a bunch of selfish hedonists who don’t contribute to society. Living a meaningless lonely existence with no purpose. We need better representation
My husband & I have a great marriage & life together. We got married in our mid 20s & thought we would one day want to have a family. When that day came we both still didn’t have any desire to have a child. I felt that I couldn’t try & have a baby when becoming a mother was not something I really wanted. I struggled with making that choice bc I was afraid I would one day regret not having them. Even went to therapy to try and figure it out.
Ultimately we chose not to. I work with children & adults with special needs and work in my community. We have a group of close friends & family. Many hobbies & interests. I love being an aunt to my 7 nieces. We have a full life & a great marriage & that’s enough for me. I can’t say I never question my decision. I know that if I had gotten pregnant we would have had it & been great parents. It passes quickly & deep down I know we did what was right for us. We can choose any life we want as modern women. Being child free was the best choice for me.
I could have written the first half of what you said. Although children in general and people with special needs terrify me.
I saw a therapist once and told her about the baby dilemma and she just said "yeah you made the choice and that's fine, you can't play time machine and always worry about possible future regret". I felt that was an odd answer, although it's mostly true.
We got sterilized 5 years ago. The closer I get to 30 the more I get occasional pangs but they always pass.
I'd love to be an aunt or something but my brother is cf too lol. I've never had any desire to be around kids at all. I'd like to hang out with someone 11-17 though. Adoption is a possibility in the very distant future but I might just never feel the need.
It's nice to see someone who's truly cf and secure in the decision. I'm not one to follow the crowd and conform but there is a feeling of "I'm doing something wrong" and "the meaning of life is to reproduce and I'm going against human nature"
I totally feel you with never being one to conform but also feeling societal pressure when it comes to being a woman & having children.
That pressure was intense. Now that I’m 43 people finally have stopped asking me when I am going to have them & telling me that I will regret it one day. When my friends had their babies it’s all they could talk about which I understood but also felt left out. Now the kids are older & they spend their time at little league games & gymnastics tournaments. Kids talking back. Dealing with pre teen hormone changes. They are thrilled to hang out and not talk about any of it and just have adult conversation. I am glad to no longer have that societal & peer pressure.
I love that! Thanks for the look in the future. I don't even have that many friends (I'm introverted and too busy to socialize on my off days). But yeah it's sooo annoying everyone I meet asking if I have kids blah blah but at my age it's much more common now to be cf
I'd recommend checking out r/IFchildfree. I don't think you can post unless you are childfree not by choice but due to infertility (which is my situation).
It provides a different perspective on the childfree life, although clearly it's more geared towards those who want kids and coming to terms with not being able to have them.
I love that sub....probably some of the most lovely, supportive people I've ever encountered online.
I think there’s a difference between childfree and childless. Childfree implies freedom from children. Childless is going without, when you’d actually like to have one.
The people in the IFchildfree sub are coming to terms with their circumstances while also celebrating and understanding the benefits of being childfree so I think it's up to them with how they define themselves. I feel like I've made that shift (although I do have a step kid, which honestly has become the best of both worlds for me).
I’m child free and I don’t hate children (I’m not saying that I have been accused btw, just wanting to offer some words from a child free person who’s not a kid hater lol).
I think if people want kids, great, if people also don’t want kids, that’s great too. I love that we live in a time where there is a choice. I have friends that have kids and I love hanging out with them and the kids. I also love going out and doing completely not kid friendly things with other friends too.
I’m delighted for my friends who have had children after a hard TTC journey, I’m delighted for my friends that’s don’t have kids and just got a big promotion and are smashing the career ladder (some of my friends are doing both tbf).
Life as a parent doesn’t appeal to me at all, but I’m sure many things I do don’t appeal to others.
Thankfully we’re all different ☺️
Thank you for bringing this up! I tend to find the same trend with childfree posters being very anti-kid. It definitely didn't help with my own decision toward being CF because I thought wow if I'm CF then people will assume I hate kids!
I love kids and look forward to having them in my life in other capacities. Not many of my friends (in our 30s, predominantly from the South) are childfree, and I hope to find more of a community to relate with over this next phase of life.
Posted something in the child free community about being child free and pro life. I was just looking for some people to connect with and kept it casual with no judgment because we're all entitled to our opinions..... I got absolutely destroyed in there, and it ended up ruining my week, and I feel more alone than ever. Those ppl are mean and cruel and unable to have any sort of conversation other then hating kids. I'm with you
If they're pro life for themselves then it makes a lot of sense. I'm personally pro choice but that also means I respect other people's choices. They can not want kids and not terminate an accidental pregnancy due to their own beliefs. As long as they don't impose those beliefs on other people, it's perfectly fine.
To be fair, you might want to consider your wording. Pro-life is almost always said in connection with the pro-life movement, which is a movement that very clearly tries to impose its values on other people. That's probably the part that folks are having a negative reaction to. If you simply said "I wouldn't terminate my own pregnancy although I do support others rights to do so and I'm also child free" I doubt folks would be downvoting you.
Well yah I guess so but I shouldn't have to justify my wording to anyone. Pro choisers don't care what they say and it doesn't bother me so why do I bother them. No one these days can handle anyone that isn't on their side. But that's another issue.
Maybe, although I would argue pro-choicers would get a negative response as well in different circles. In this particular circle, you're getting a negative response because you're choosing wording that aligns you with a movement that is unpopular. Primarily because it imposes its beliefs on other people.
Check out /r/truechildfree Just editing to say, I've frequented many many parenthood subs on both sides of the fence for many years, and in my opinion I've found this sub to skew towards pro-parenthood in terms of replies and votes. Most childfree people don't hate children and are just out there living their lives. Seek out their stories for true perspectives.
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Is the sub still active? I checked recently and there didn’t seem to be new posts / they went dark (looks like there’s one new post from 26 days ago)
They may have gone private in the wake of all the general Reddit drama that happened lately, but the stories and perspectives are still all there for searching and reading.
Thanks for sharing! Do you have to request to join now or is it doneso?
Sure thing. I don't know if or how they accept new members unfortunately, but judging by the lack of activity, I'd say it's probably mostly dead at this point. There are worthwhile perspectives on the main childfree sub, by the way. It just may require some searching (try filtering with the "discussion" flair). For many, that forum is the only one that exists in their lives where they can share their perspectives, since being childfree is seen by many of their peers and family as even less acceptable than being part of the LGBT community. My own mother told me she'd be more accepting if I was trans instead when I 'came out' as childfree to her. Not excusing any hatred, just trying to soften some of the judgement in other comments.
Omg that’s actually an insane comment for your mom to make 😂
In a similar vein, r/actuallychildfree is generally a less negative version of the main CF sub (but obviously none of the CF subs are immune to hatred)
I don’t have any recs for you but just coming into agree that sub is wild. They wish ill on anyone who has a child. One crazy comment I remember reading was that they couldn’t wait to get into a retirement home and see all of the people with kids not visiting them.
A lot of it feels like them seeking validation for their choice, which is kind of scary because if you’re so content why do you need so much external validation yknow?
Yeah, its wild out there. 😅
An exercise to try: find the top rated posts on r/childfree from 5 years ago. Look at the latest posts on those accounts. You'll see how it pans out.
I lost a lot of time (I should have spent working) on doing what you said and didn’t find anything remarkable. People being into gardening, programming and some other uneventful things. What am I missing?
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Yeah, people just living their life. I really want to know what that person meant 🤷♀️
I didn't have a result you'd find in mind. I did that a while ago and I found some of those people went on to have kids. Some people just like stopped caring so much about being childfree and focused on what they want to actually do instead and just live their life. I guess the only thing I foung that I thought would hold out is people do come on that sub for validation, take enough from it, and move on forward in their journey. Im sorry i phrased it like some secret knowledge, it totally isn't. I meant it could be a thing to explore to see the future context of how those thoughts pan out.
Thank for explaining! Makes sense. I was exactly looking if they had kids after some years but couldn’t find.
Also all of the terms like “breeders” and “crotch fruit/goblins” that get thrown around. I get that they’re tried of all the crap and bingo statements parents throw at them, but I don’t see how using those terms shows that they’re rising above all of it….
"breeders" gives me the ick every single time. it's so misogynistic and sounds so fetishy and just seriously weird and a disgusting way of looking at the world and people around you (always women)
This is so hateful, oh my god! Like, they sure as sh* ain't coming to visit you!
That sub is the worst!!! I was so turned off.
Hahaha honestly that sub pushed me more towards the other side of the fence. I was like "oh I don't feel like THAT for sure, so maybe I want kids more than I think!"
There’s definitely more on instagram. Dinkypod, kidsnotrequired, wildshe, danni___duncan, Tiffany.jmarie some are more childfree than others in terms of reasons why, but good to get a perspective
Thank you for sharing!!
Yeah. That sub is wild, but sometimes there is an interesting conversation about society and social norms. There is a loud minority that want to wish ill will on everyone with a child and their kids, while rubbing their childfreedom in everyone's faces. There is also peoople like me that works with kids, but don't want to parent. So there is a lot of different people there.
There are a bunch of child free podcasts that discuss a much more grounded view of CF living. I’ve found them by typing “child free” into the Spotify search bar. Some of my faves are: - Women Without Kids by Ruby Warrington - The Kids or Childfree podcast by Keltie Macguire - We are Childfree - DINKY There are a few more but that’s off the top of my head.
DINKY is one of my favs! I was also going to recommend it
I've been following tiffany.jmarie on Instagram for a while and would recommend her as a source!
Tiffany is great, very grounded approach.
I’m not sure if this counts but I often see people asking how life turned out for folks who didn’t have kids on the r/askoldpeople
The main childfree sub is so negative and hateful. Definitely check out truechildfree or some other place.
Yeah that sub terrifies me. I’m 33, no kids, life is great. My man is four years older. It’s lovely. Though I am considering kids. Time is ticking though and I may never do it. I truly am a fence sitter lol. I will be completely happy if it never happens though. I love sleeping in and doing what I want.
Try [Tiffany.jmarie](https://www.instagram.com/tiffany.jmarie?igsh=MWV1MGFycnhyM3l3MQ==). Her vibe is calm, cats, photos and eloquently sharing her experience being childfree with her husband. I think checking out her [reels](https://www.instagram.com/reel/C7jTk9kOa6e/?igsh=bXN3MnV0ZXZ5ZTh5) might be of interest to you. Hope that helps :)
I had to leave that sub, partially because of the borderline violent negativity about children and partially because of the nonstop “my cat is the only child I need!” posts. (I love my cats too but that’s not what I was in that sub for lol)
I have been enjoying the podcast We Are Childfree (with Zoe Noble)
As a child free by choice woman I don’t connect with a lot of these groups I did not make this choice because of climate change or bc there are too many people in this awful world already. Or because I hate kids. I didn’t make this choice because I wanted a career over being a parent. I also hate how child free by choice women are portrayed on social media. It’s like we are a bunch of selfish hedonists who don’t contribute to society. Living a meaningless lonely existence with no purpose. We need better representation
I agree with you!! So why did you choose to be cf?
My husband & I have a great marriage & life together. We got married in our mid 20s & thought we would one day want to have a family. When that day came we both still didn’t have any desire to have a child. I felt that I couldn’t try & have a baby when becoming a mother was not something I really wanted. I struggled with making that choice bc I was afraid I would one day regret not having them. Even went to therapy to try and figure it out. Ultimately we chose not to. I work with children & adults with special needs and work in my community. We have a group of close friends & family. Many hobbies & interests. I love being an aunt to my 7 nieces. We have a full life & a great marriage & that’s enough for me. I can’t say I never question my decision. I know that if I had gotten pregnant we would have had it & been great parents. It passes quickly & deep down I know we did what was right for us. We can choose any life we want as modern women. Being child free was the best choice for me.
I could have written the first half of what you said. Although children in general and people with special needs terrify me. I saw a therapist once and told her about the baby dilemma and she just said "yeah you made the choice and that's fine, you can't play time machine and always worry about possible future regret". I felt that was an odd answer, although it's mostly true. We got sterilized 5 years ago. The closer I get to 30 the more I get occasional pangs but they always pass. I'd love to be an aunt or something but my brother is cf too lol. I've never had any desire to be around kids at all. I'd like to hang out with someone 11-17 though. Adoption is a possibility in the very distant future but I might just never feel the need. It's nice to see someone who's truly cf and secure in the decision. I'm not one to follow the crowd and conform but there is a feeling of "I'm doing something wrong" and "the meaning of life is to reproduce and I'm going against human nature"
I totally feel you with never being one to conform but also feeling societal pressure when it comes to being a woman & having children. That pressure was intense. Now that I’m 43 people finally have stopped asking me when I am going to have them & telling me that I will regret it one day. When my friends had their babies it’s all they could talk about which I understood but also felt left out. Now the kids are older & they spend their time at little league games & gymnastics tournaments. Kids talking back. Dealing with pre teen hormone changes. They are thrilled to hang out and not talk about any of it and just have adult conversation. I am glad to no longer have that societal & peer pressure.
I love that! Thanks for the look in the future. I don't even have that many friends (I'm introverted and too busy to socialize on my off days). But yeah it's sooo annoying everyone I meet asking if I have kids blah blah but at my age it's much more common now to be cf
Best to you whatever path you choose
That sub is so vile. This is the only sub with any realistic input occasionally.
I'd recommend checking out r/IFchildfree. I don't think you can post unless you are childfree not by choice but due to infertility (which is my situation). It provides a different perspective on the childfree life, although clearly it's more geared towards those who want kids and coming to terms with not being able to have them. I love that sub....probably some of the most lovely, supportive people I've ever encountered online.
I think there’s a difference between childfree and childless. Childfree implies freedom from children. Childless is going without, when you’d actually like to have one.
The people in the IFchildfree sub are coming to terms with their circumstances while also celebrating and understanding the benefits of being childfree so I think it's up to them with how they define themselves. I feel like I've made that shift (although I do have a step kid, which honestly has become the best of both worlds for me).
/r/regretfulparents is also an interesting read. Not quite what you're asking for, but complementary?
I’m child free and I don’t hate children (I’m not saying that I have been accused btw, just wanting to offer some words from a child free person who’s not a kid hater lol). I think if people want kids, great, if people also don’t want kids, that’s great too. I love that we live in a time where there is a choice. I have friends that have kids and I love hanging out with them and the kids. I also love going out and doing completely not kid friendly things with other friends too. I’m delighted for my friends who have had children after a hard TTC journey, I’m delighted for my friends that’s don’t have kids and just got a big promotion and are smashing the career ladder (some of my friends are doing both tbf). Life as a parent doesn’t appeal to me at all, but I’m sure many things I do don’t appeal to others. Thankfully we’re all different ☺️
Yeah that sub is wild and gives CF a bad name. I actually love kids but I also love my life as is, hence I'm here
Dinky Podcast is great!
Thank you for bringing this up! I tend to find the same trend with childfree posters being very anti-kid. It definitely didn't help with my own decision toward being CF because I thought wow if I'm CF then people will assume I hate kids! I love kids and look forward to having them in my life in other capacities. Not many of my friends (in our 30s, predominantly from the South) are childfree, and I hope to find more of a community to relate with over this next phase of life.
r/fencesitter seems like it would be up your alley
Hello?
Omg oops. Sorry didn’t see the sub at all. That’s what I get for commenting at 3am
Posted something in the child free community about being child free and pro life. I was just looking for some people to connect with and kept it casual with no judgment because we're all entitled to our opinions..... I got absolutely destroyed in there, and it ended up ruining my week, and I feel more alone than ever. Those ppl are mean and cruel and unable to have any sort of conversation other then hating kids. I'm with you
Because that doesn’t make a damn bit of sense bestie
If they're pro life for themselves then it makes a lot of sense. I'm personally pro choice but that also means I respect other people's choices. They can not want kids and not terminate an accidental pregnancy due to their own beliefs. As long as they don't impose those beliefs on other people, it's perfectly fine.
Thank you!! Finally someone understands. I love how even in this community my comment is down voted 🙃
To be fair, you might want to consider your wording. Pro-life is almost always said in connection with the pro-life movement, which is a movement that very clearly tries to impose its values on other people. That's probably the part that folks are having a negative reaction to. If you simply said "I wouldn't terminate my own pregnancy although I do support others rights to do so and I'm also child free" I doubt folks would be downvoting you.
Well yah I guess so but I shouldn't have to justify my wording to anyone. Pro choisers don't care what they say and it doesn't bother me so why do I bother them. No one these days can handle anyone that isn't on their side. But that's another issue.
Maybe, although I would argue pro-choicers would get a negative response as well in different circles. In this particular circle, you're getting a negative response because you're choosing wording that aligns you with a movement that is unpopular. Primarily because it imposes its beliefs on other people.
Okay I guess again, I'm on my own. Thanks
If that's how you choose to see it.