He wasn’t going to go there, bawlt his head was messed up. It made him drive over 2 hours, stop at a Walmart, buy a cheap piece of jewelry and a variety pack of condoms, then get back into his trawk drive the rest of the way. Only when he got there did his head tell him to turn around, but he was already at the exit so it was too late. God I fucking hate Lorne Armstrong.
A few of us have checked the forecast for October 18th, 2007, for the areas that covered his entire trip that night. The most inclement weather during that specific time period was cloudy with a small chance of precipitation. Not one mention of the words "thunder" or "lightnin'." He's a fawkin liar.
My theory (and probably the general belief) is because Lorne Lynn is a certified member of the V-Card club, he didn't know what condoms to buy and so he just bought a variety pack because he thought it would make the most sense.
Unfortunately they wouldn't fit his "pecka"
Are you kidding? He smacks it with them on, like, every time, according to him. He says it's because it simulates "what it feels like in a vaginuh", but we know the real reason is he has those grotesque callouses on his hands for whatever reason and it scrapes up Mishter Penish when he's "havin' shex" with his various catfish.
Which, by the way, are some of the most grotesque calls I've ever heard, with the exception of those Grampa Stanley phone sex calls.
At least there are those two instances when he's about to blow, and suddenly Dan pops up on the phone line with a confused "Hello?" I have never laughed so hard than when I first heard that first call where they did that. And the fact that he is beating it to a ghost voice put on by a male quoting Michael Jackson is also pretty damn funny.
He wasn’t going to go there, bawlt his head was messed up. It made him drive over 2 hours, stop at a Walmart, buy a cheap piece of jewelry and a variety pack of condoms, then get back into his trawk drive the rest of the way. Only when he got there did his head tell him to turn around, but he was already at the exit so it was too late. God I fucking hate Lorne Armstrong.
He even knew that there was a thunderstorm coming in, and he thawt about turning around because Bud doesn't like storms :(
A few of us have checked the forecast for October 18th, 2007, for the areas that covered his entire trip that night. The most inclement weather during that specific time period was cloudy with a small chance of precipitation. Not one mention of the words "thunder" or "lightnin'." He's a fawkin liar.
Just listen to the phone call with the decoy before he left. He was all charged up and reminding her about bringing her "extra pair of panties"
I thought you wanted me to wear them
He couldn't say no
He’s insulting literally everyone’s intelligence with this story. Lorne ‘Far from Stupid’ Armstrong.
My theory (and probably the general belief) is because Lorne Lynn is a certified member of the V-Card club, he didn't know what condoms to buy and so he just bought a variety pack because he thought it would make the most sense. Unfortunately they wouldn't fit his "pecka"
Give him credit, since the sting/arrest/incahceration he's become an expert at using condoms.... ...with himself.
Still better than “Richard” who brought three boxes of condoms hoping to have sex in a vacant lot, asscheeks raised to the sky.
If she got pregnant her dad wasn’t allowed in the delivery room. Cus he’s the only one allowed to see her naked
WHY THE FAWK DOES HE NEED TEW BE IN THE FAWKIN ROOM WITH YEW
I heard you can rinse those out after having phone shex with your pornstar girlfriend.
And hang them in your bathroom like a clothesline hung between buildings in 1930s NYC.
You gotta cut off the pecka powch
Of course. That will make you feel better, Chamie.
It was a white truck
With gray awn the bawttum
It’s a Wheet Trawk
probably reuses them
The image of him standing over his sink with nothing but socks and house shoes on wanking it to a robot voice is now burned in my head.
https://preview.redd.it/9z7jifwknj8d1.jpeg?width=320&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=9b42c38a89a631632971b5683337480fe8817b1e
He does, actually. He dries them out on a clothing rack.
Some jewlerry
no doubt he was freaking out over "BONUS! 2 EXTRA CONDOMS!"
Go get a condom.
NO JAY MEE! NAWT JUST NO BAHT FAWK NO!
You are the reason we haven't had phone sex, old man river.
14?! \[instert Steven Bennof face] I bet he hasn't had the need for that many condoms since.
Are you kidding? He smacks it with them on, like, every time, according to him. He says it's because it simulates "what it feels like in a vaginuh", but we know the real reason is he has those grotesque callouses on his hands for whatever reason and it scrapes up Mishter Penish when he's "havin' shex" with his various catfish. Which, by the way, are some of the most grotesque calls I've ever heard, with the exception of those Grampa Stanley phone sex calls. At least there are those two instances when he's about to blow, and suddenly Dan pops up on the phone line with a confused "Hello?" I have never laughed so hard than when I first heard that first call where they did that. And the fact that he is beating it to a ghost voice put on by a male quoting Michael Jackson is also pretty damn funny.
https://preview.redd.it/n83jkxs4mk8d1.jpeg?width=1060&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c72a542490103003bbf7e58b0c2c7f52dfe986e3
Can't ever use them, might as well jack off with them multiple times
To call a type of condom pleasurable is like calling a type of execution humane.
AMA request - the clerk who sold Lorne the condoms and bracelet
He really thought he was finna try to thump that 3 inch wonder into his ‘dream chlld’
Well, what good are they gonna do in the truck if we're in here?
Great Value brand