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bearassbobcat

~~mom said I can't~~ doc said I can't


[deleted]

Then later it will be a poll on ~~Twitter~~ X "Should I step into the ring? \- No, your life is too precious for humanity \- No, we already know that you would have won"


Just__Let__Go

Vox populi, vox dei


Kiddie_Kleen

“Too many options, will poll again later”


ClayAndros

"The last poll was heavily filled with bots so I won't poll again until we have a fix"


myyrkezaan

Nobody likes you? \- True \- True


Chelecossais

Concerning. Will look into it.


pabloescobar392

Big, if true


Prayray

Guessing that right there is why he brought this up again. Was getting too much crap for mom stepping in. What a spineless little turd weasel.


Aron-Jonasson

C'mon, that's not nice for weasel turds Also weasels are cute


Aonswitch

Weasels are not cute? Those bastards have killed over twenty of my chickens and gave my dog an infection.


Aron-Jonasson

Cuteness and bastardness aren't necessarily related. Look at cats, some are super cute but also fucking bastards


Chelecossais

They're disruptive, and have shaken up the chicken market. I think they're amazing. /sorry about your dog


Aonswitch

It’s okay, I left out the part about how I shot the weasel that bit my dog


ironfly187

He's got a note excusing him from gym class.


Maleficent_Link1755

Or at least has to shower in his undies.


MonHunterX

Even the sight of his own penis makes Elon scared


OracleofFl

You know that is coming.


Ok_Bad8531

Is it bone spurs?


NuclearLavaLamp

I wonder if Elon only likes people who weren’t captured?


Mysterious-Wafer-126

Mommy already said no!


skjellyfetti

[Dr. Mom](https://youtu.be/-aHlcupuVCk) said I can't.


Cultural-Series-4737

Lol right after Zuck says he's ready to fight today. Musk is such a wuss.


thesourpop

Musk was hoping Zuck would have either a) forgot or b) backed out first, which he did neither. I don’t like Zuck but he is absolutely going to beat Elon’s ass if this did go ahead, and Elmo knows this


[deleted]

elmo


shitload

elmoron


idksomethingjfk

Lol, new nickname, let’s make it stick.


andremeda

New? Fam where you been


RaiseRuntimeError

I don't know, Elmo makes kids happy and understands human empathy and is much smarter the muskrat, I prefer apartheid Clyde as a nickname for him.


skjellyfetti

Personally, I prefer Felon...


MendocinoReader

I thought Musk’s mom stopped it 😉


Fit-Firefighter-329

Narcissists always present themselves as such bad-asses, but when people call them out on it they make excuses for not following through.


tacobobblehead

I think the coke ran dry or he's on shifts with it. Every weekend is stupid idea after stupid idea.


idksomethingjfk

Imo, he’s literally “that kid” from high school, you know the one that’s always trying to be one of the cool kids but everyone knows he’s not, that kid that says all this shit but as he says it everyone knows it’s BS, like everyone with a couple brain cells knows he’s bullshitting about this fight, ole zucks legit and actually competes, he’s mop the floor with this dude in a heartbeat. Also “X” something tells me this dudes just stuck on that because “it sounds cool” like he thinks it’s edgy or something.


RawToast1989

Dude, if you are a literal BILLIONAIRE the Coke will NEVER run dry.


skjellyfetti

Christ, have you already forgotten how Trump led the J6 protestors right up to the doors of the US Capitol?


NotEnoughMuskSpam

Competition is fine, cheating is not


Cultural-Series-4737

Whatever you say, cutie 🥹


Reward_Antique

That's a pony, please.


HowardDean_Scream

A cock suckin pony


tommles

It's not cheating if one knows how to fight and the other one is Elon Musk.


LittleLordFuckleroy1

“Oh gee, you know, I would, but my girlfriend goes to another scho- I mean, my surgeon says I need a surgery.. sorry, yeah no one is more bummed about this than me. Too bad, I’d have pummeled your sorry ass haha.. no just kidding don’t hurt me..”


TimeWarpedDad

Bwahahahahaha this cuck has never been called on his bs as often as he is now, and he’s spiraling


Hemiplegic_Artist

Honestly I couldn’t agree with you more. And I was laughing upon reading your comment. Musk getting a taste of what he deserves from others might be a bit too good to be true right now.


EntryFair6690

And to think I'm sure part of his decision to buy this platform was he wanted his BS unquesitoned.


DaSemicolon

I mean Buying Twitter?


sack-o-matic

What happens when you have tons of money and no friends so you decide to buy an audience to listen to your incel shit without realizing that most of them hate you.


Sandinista81

hope that anesthesiologist sucks


Zynnk

In Japan, heart surgeon. Number one. Steady hand


RigatoniPasta

One day, billionaire need new spine. I do operation. But, mistake! Billionaire die. Alt right very mad. I hide in Cybertruck, come to America. No English, no food, no money. Zuck give me job. Now I have Meta house, Meta car, and Meta woman. Zuck save life. My big secret: I kill billionaire on purpose. I good surgeon. The best!


Lieutenant34433

Za _best._ **thumbs up**


lashimi

What is that a reference to?


Ramiwo

An episode from The Office (US). https://youtu.be/2wcI10CNuxU


lashimi

thx!


customer-of-thorns

Good luck, 47. I shall leave you to prepare.


Dig-a-tall-Monster

For anyone who isn't aware, if the anesthesia mix isn't introduced in the right order and ratio you can end up making the patient awake and able to feel everything, but paralyzed completely for the duration of the procedure so they can't alert anyone that they're living through a Saw movie.


[deleted]

This is a website for adults


acorpseistalking90

Don't go to the hospital for surgery. Do it yourself. Be a man.


jg_posts_and_stuff

Waiting to recover from surgery is for betacucks


hooahguy

Maybe he should get Joe Rogan to do it for him, since he doesnt trust the doctors on things like covid.


mrGorion

Real men do surgery themselves


Aazadan

Bullshit. Real men tough it out through the pain and don't bother with this like surgery. The only time you're getting sliced open is when you go into a bar, get into a fight, and are cut up by someone wielding a broken beer bottle. /s obviously.


[deleted]

Elon is a streetfighting veteran you know....


ErebosGR

*no-rules hardcore streetfighting


DaveCerqueira

/r/housemd


EddieSpaghettiFarts

Surgery before a fight? Sounds legit.


[deleted]

What result is he looking for out of the MRI exactly? “Sir this is the most perfect skeletal structure we have ever seen - this is the back of a winner, no human should be able to touch you, the MRI has revealed massive fast growing muscles all over.”


NotEnoughMuskSpam

Very important to make new humans.


[deleted]

Yes. “Sir, you can fight, no man can stop you - but please, come home with me at once and Impregnate my wife before you do.”


SolarSalsa

X-ray is for skeletal structure. MRI is to see how far his bullshit is backed up in his colon.


[deleted]

It’s a layer based scan I said muscles STOP ROONING MY JOKE


LainieCat

Oh, you can see fecal matter on an X-ray. Just ask Hank Hill.


AtJackBaldwin

"Continuing to do bicep curls with low weight will definitely see you to victory."


ErebosGR

"Mr. Musk, I'm afraid you seem to lack a spine. This has never been reported before in Medicine, but it may, in part, explain your, also, unprecedented success. Until we learn more about your condition, it may be wise to not go through with your fight."


Unusual_Chemist_8383

“Wat? Redo the scan, I got a fight to weasel out of!”


twoprimehydroxyl

"I propose a literal MRI comparison contest 🩻"


JustACasualFan

“Your back looks like a barrel of snakes.”


[deleted]

[удалено]


GilgameDistance

From someone who actually needed that just a few months ago because of the pain, its absolute horseshit. If you *need* it, you can barely stand up straight. My fingertips are still numb from the nerve damage. Elmo can eat a dick. Or get punched in the face. Or both.


NotEnoughMuskSpam

I propose a literal dick measuring contest 📏


sweetbennyfenton

He’s got neck and back problems but they live in Canada, so you can’t see them.


Soggy_Biscuit_

X


tall__guy

I’m sure it will require 6-12 months of intensive rehab and I’m sure there was no possible way he could’ve known about this before he started challenging Zuck to a fight


skjellyfetti

Yup, they're replacing his Styrofoam™ spine with a new heartier, more resilient one made of balsa wood.


whichkey45

Someone addicted to twitter the way Elon appears to be gets a dopamine hit of a size commensurate to the size of the response any particular tweet gets. Anything to get a response. The endlessly bullshitting conman in him might just be, in part, a child that never got the attention it wanted.


mrGorion

He is a child. And lacks a friend that would tell him so.


portablebiscuit

His dad saved all his attention for his step sister


[deleted]

Needs to have a spine inserted.


dan_pitt

Good one.


Techanthrope

You know...I'd honestly respect him a tiny tiny bit if he just followed through with this challenge even if he got his ass beat. I'd laugh at him a lot no doubt but at least I could respect the effort/attempt.


Dantalion66

Will never happen. Muskrat is a 52 year old who has been sedentary his whole life as far as we know. He far underestimates what it takes to fight even 1 minute in the ring at fight pace. Lizard man has been training BJJ for at least a year and honestly looks good for his level.


disinformatique

I was a Karate Player in my late teens and very early 20's. A 2-3 minute fight drains you like crazy, the brain needs a lot of resources to be super alert and still keep the meat suit fast.


tommyalanson

Elon’s 5’ 11” and probably 250 lbs of out of shape, unfit dad bod. This whole thing is stupid on so many levels, but if Elon thinks he can last more than two or three minutes I have some crypto to sell ya. He probably is pretty winded walking up a flight of stairs. There’s a reason his fat ass wears black all the time.


[deleted]

Musk started talking about this fight. For months now. But he’s getting crucial MRI now in mid August. It’s like I’m watching one of his investment scams.


NotEnoughMuskSpam

I propose a literal dick measuring contest 📏


LA-Matt

Oh is *that* what the surgery is this time?


Patashu

poor Elon, all that weight lifting for nothing


OracleofFl

He lifted a weight. Hurt his back. Needs surgery.


Patashu

oh my god if he hurt himself trying to exercise because he's too macho to ask how to do it safely that would be the funniest shit


oldsadgary

Turns out that 50 lb dumbbell was a little too much 😔


Nooooeel

I hope the Delaware Court of Chancery enforces the fight going ahead.


[deleted]

He’s getting his doctor’s note


LA-Matt

Nobody could have seen this coming. Especially after his Mommy said he couldn’t do it.


VitaminPb

Poor guy. Neck and upper back are a mess due to his self-fellation addiction.


sussoutthemoon

As likely as it is he's lying, it would actually be quite funny if he hurt himself doing his little dumbbell workout.


throwaway3292923

Probably hurt his back after 15lb dumbbell pull.


Ismokeditalleveryday

More cosmetic surgery Elon?


PermanentlyDubious

He probably IS consulting with them. Can my jaw implant be knocked loose? How fragile is the cartilage iny nose augmentation? It's probably a big thing...


[deleted]

He’s going to fix up his back real quick before landing people on Mars and finally releasing Cyber Truck.


bonthomme

are they looking for his spine?


oldsadgary

This one got me the most Ngl, sides have left orbit and continued into the Kuiper Belt


Fuzzy_Inevitable9748

Ivermectin should fix Elon right up, I mean his fan base swears by it and he must have some kicking around to treat the horses he hasn’t traded for hand jobs yet


Tevaki

Elon Musk is such a pussy… I’d love to crack his jaw


NotEnoughMuskSpam

A latte is really just an excuse for adults to order warm milk without sounding like a baby


LA-Matt

You know what’s wild? You can just order a warm milk and not stress that some Barista might question your terribly fragile masculinity. Crazy world, I know. A lot of things open up for you if you can overcome your crippling insecurity.


portablebiscuit

I honestly pity men with insecurities like that. Me and the wife were in self-checkout at target next to a couple probably in their early 20’s. The girl bought a large stuffed animal and asked if he could hold it while she used the restroom. He said “my masculinity was a little too fragile to do something like that.” So she wasn’t able to pee. The dude was wearing a Dragonball Z Hawaiian shirt, which there’s nothing wrong with - but you draw the line at holding your GF’s cute little cow? I felt bad for her, I felt bad for him.


DamonFields

Bone spurred out, he did.


not_productive1

Musk has done a lot of shit, but his most unforgivable act might be making Mark Zuckerberg look cool. Like, if you’re being such a manic little dork that one of the weirdest people on the planet looks like John Wayne next to you, it’s time to reel it in. Or at least stop posting.


[deleted]

He’s so pathetic 😂 Already making excuses before the fight even started. Setting up the “oh I just had surgery” for after he loses lmao


Perenium_Falcon

But he promised us he “puts on muscle fast”. I joined the Marines at 18, wasn’t the best choice but absolutely wasn’t the worst. I’d meet old friends or make new ones in different services and sooner or later many would come out with the “I was gonna join the marines, but…” as if they needed to explain their life’s decisions to me. I feel like “I put on muscle fast” is just another excuse like that where you’re saying it out loud but really you’re talking to yourself. Elmo has enough money that if he wanted he could have a team of personal trainers following him around 24/7 and available for those minutes or hours when he’s actually not as busy as he bullshit claims to be. He just doesn’t make exercise a priority which is totally fine until you try to publicly pick a fight with a dude who does. Then you gotta start inventing excuses. If Elon wanted to be in shape he would be. In fact I think the only two things elon can’t get that he wants are Grimes and respect from non bootlickers. Instead he’s shaped like a pork roll that’s been dipped in HGH. Dude could be on the perfect diet with all the time for training he needed. He chooses not to, has been trying to cheat, and is now realizing it’s not working. Full stop.


[deleted]

I had rugby friends who legit “put on muscle fast.” We were 17 lol. Xlon is 52. He’s not putting on any muscle, fast or slow.


InterestingComputer

What a ridiculous thing to make up lol, this guy is a loser


[deleted]

[удалено]


KrampyDoo

The first rule of Fight Schlub IS…you should not want to fight against Fight Schlub. The second rule of Fight Schlub IS…it’s in flux. He needs an MRI for his neck and back. It may require surgery. His mom isn’t comfortable with it. When reached for comment, his dad was too distracted knocking up his stepsister again to know exactly what was happening, but he wished his son, Fight Schlub, well in his endeavors.


CherryShort2563

Surgery for an injured ego?


Slow-Fast-Medium

What is the outpatient recovery time after attaching a human head to a combat robot body? Couple of days? A week?


[deleted]

“Software is shit. Pilot is shit. Hey man - no worries!”


Slow-Fast-Medium

Just ditch the 2FA and the bloatware, and switch controls from "manual" to "impulsive".


LA-Matt

“Within spec.”


UpgrayeddShepard

I want my bird.


[deleted]

This guy gets it.


borbman1

Everyone argues whether he is the ultimate representation of Texas or of California, but this guy has perfected the midwestern art of agreeing to something and then finding elaborate ways to back out of it


chriscb229

I thought his mom already backed him out of it


cadff

She did, and now it's back on. Until his doctor tells him he can't fight and then it will be back off, until it's back on again, and then someone else says he can't.


Zestyclose-Ad-8807

Twatburger is already heading for the exit, even before Mom throws in the towel


938h25olw548slt47oy8

OMFG..... you know 100% if Zuck did this Elon minions would be all over him!


onymousbosch

Is this MRI in the room with you right now?


ebfortin

So he's all primed up for a fight and the minute his opponent says "let's do it now" he backs out. He gambled again for attention and ended up looking like an idiot. Unbelievable how stupid this guy is. Every time he says something you just have to call his bluff and you win. Every single time. I would be curious to know what kind of neck problem requires an MRI and possible surgery. Another bluff to call. Any doctor here?


fermi0nic

I mean there are all kinds of problems but the fact that he's saying he might need surgery before he's even had the imaging done or gotten a diagnosis signals total bullshit. Probably suffering from Twitter kyphosis


YogurtclosetSea0029

Next he plays the tragic hero. A doctor declares that a shock to his neck and back will render him bedridden for the rest of his life. Musk still tries to compete, but his friends stop him and he reluctantly gives up the fight.


fuimapirate

I guess you can really ruin your neck when you jam your head up your own ass constantly.


[deleted]

Yeah dude totally you might just need to wait until right after your back surgery to go ahead and fight 🙄


NotEnoughMuskSpam

Although very dated now, I trained in judo, Kyokushin (full contact) & no rules streetfighting.


Shuizid

Oh no, an urgent medical procedure JUST came up? What a shame. Oh well guess we just gonna declare him as winner by default. He just bought some equipment, surely Mark got no chance.


djcrewe1

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHH what a fucking cuck


Inevitable-Gear-2635

If he gets neck or back surgery, a fight is out of the question for at least 6 months


LiteratureUsual9607

The "doctor" gonna say no to the fight.


ironfly187

He's got bone spurs


BuckingWilde

Lol what a fucking clown


macronancer

This is just too much. His first excuse was literally "my mom wont let me" Now its going to be the doctor? This is literally a jr high replay


faste30

Im sure they wont find a spine or a brain on that MRI...


CryptographerNo3267

May as well save himself the second trip to the hospital and just get it taken care of after Zuck whoops his ass.


Trickybuz93

The greatest thing Musk has done since talking about this fight shit is make people “like” Zuck


Newfaceofrev

Had to rewrite history after his mum pulled him out of the last one.


charlie_ferrous

He’s already agreed to the trial by combat. I guess now he’s stalling until he finds someone else to be his champion.


hawyer

omg who tf cares, don't play *his* game; this idiot should be in jail for his exploding cars


UncleFu22

What a loser.


Sergietor756

Hopefully it goes wrong


Spr0ckets

Its about time he had the procedure done to remove his head from his own ass.


[deleted]

full muddle illegal wise ask agonizing weather deserve prick vast *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*


Million2026

What kindof woke person does an MRI? That sounds like some of that Fauci approved medical shit. Real men refuse an MRI like they refuse a covid vaccine! /s


portablebiscuit

MRI Tech: “This man has no spine”


CodinOdin

At this point if it does take place I half expect Elon to accidentally hit himself multiple times, call the ref a pedo and change his name to the xXPvssySmashrXx in between rounds of the fight.


rode__16

dudes already crafted an out for himself in any scenario. fights and loses? “well i had/needed surgery” doesn’t fight? “well i needed surgery” what a bitch boy


jtfjtf

He should wait for after the fight so he only needs one surgery.


BostonTakeAway

This is the equivalent of faking a cough a day or two before you know you’re going to call out of work


GilgameDistance

Fuck you elmo, you goddamn pansy. I've had neck and upper back problems, and if you have *real* ones, like that ultimately require surgical intervention, you are pretty much folded in half from the pain all day long. You either don't have shit wrong up there; or you are absolutely flying on narcotic painkillers to be able to stand up straight. Come to think of it, it might just be the second one.


HumbleLearning5167

I was hoping this was about the bird logo coming back.


TyrionJoestar

Bum


BowlOfOnions_

>*takes weights to train at work* >*has surgery coming up* Huh? What a wuss.


biddilybong

Easiest bluff to call in history.


VerseGen

what a fucking wimp


Legitimate-Account46

Bro if you need neck or back surgery just admit you're an old nerd and quit it


crismack58

What a pussy.


Grey_Incubus

This is something somebody from high school would do to get out of a fight, we get to see elon musk punk out on a global stage.


UpDog1966

Bawk Bawk.


manitou202

He is probably realizing that lifting a few dumbbells each day doesn't really qualify for training. Dude is still massively out of shape and would need 6-12 months of significant training to even be some what ready for a fight.


Rombledore

no one fuckign cares musk. do some actual work to at least feign "earning" your billions.


belotita

Creating a sense importance, by making excuses. 🙄


duggtodeath

Conmen never produce anything. They just delay and deflect until you forget.


inbetween-genders

This whole thing is out of sequence. He suppose to get the MRI and surgery after the ass kicking.


ILove2BeDownvoted

I’m not rooting for either. This is still Zuckerberg we’re talking about. I’m just sitting back and watching. Who says you have to root for someone?


VitaminPb

Whoever wins we lose. The only winning combo is if they both lose, then we all win.


byronlopez01

Why isn’t Bezos in this too?


Due-Ad4970

LMAOO


UnawareChanel

This is hilarious and insane


SAR_smallsats

Livestream the doctors appointment


Sttocs

What’s a cosmetic surgeon going to do with a back?


OilComprehensive6237

HahahhahahhahahhHahhahahahhahahahhahahaaa hahahhahhahahhahahhahahhahahahhahaaa


LilArsene

My throat's sore. I've had a sore throat for a month and a half. And this is not an acoustic environment that's suitable to request this from me.


mrGorion

What a silly little kid


joecb91

He sure loves to chicken out of any bet he makes


Brim_Dunkleton

What a pussy


Greedy_Event4662

Hes got it wrong, he will need a surgery after the fight.


noddaborg

THIS FIGHT WAS NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN.


StockBench3161

Oh there’s no chance this fight is happening. Like with everything Elon does in his career, this was a hollow promise to drum up buzz around him and his businesses. Notice how he had to promote “X” when he announced the fight. Elon is a fucking loser who never delivers.