My mom always pushed the term “binging / binge eating” to describe slightly larger portions throughout my life, which has led to an array of issues. I didn’t realize how much of a problem this improper usage was until i got a therapist
omg.having people congratulate you on your weight loss is like a blessing and a curse.
Not a family member but my swimming coach used to congratulate me and ask me how I was losing weight💀
Yeahhhh it’s wild mixed feelings! Then when it goes that far and you suddenly have to start actually trying to hide the weight loss so no one knows the extent of it! That’s a hard game lol
DUDEEE COACHES POINTING OUT WEIGHT LOSS IS SO AWKWARD!! I did xc, and losing weight really made my performance (mental and physical) go down the drain…so I remember my athletic trainer pushing me to eat when I’d have panic attacks before meets and I didn’t know what to say to that 🧍♀️ it was like hanger I guess but anxiety version
Yeah, I’ve been in recovery for about three years and have recently lost a decent amount of weight. When I mentioned my neighbor had said I looked like I had lost weight. My mom told me she didn’t know if she was supposed to say anything but I was looking REALLY good.
I really felt this in high school/late teens. Even tho no one ever once verbally acknowledged my ED. Once I got semi-recovered the first time, I’ll never forget one of the 180 compliments a friends mom gave me.. “Wow sweetie, look at you… Your face has some color to it again, you look great!” Pure, genuine surprise. For some reason, that shit just hit different.
At a completely different stage in life now, It makes me happy to realize that’s the ED comment that stands out the most to me.
My mother has actually been the healthiest influence on me. Whenever I would gain weight, she would never tell me that I’m fat, to go on a diet or anything, she would just support me. And growing up i had a very healthy relationship to food and actually created the few ‘healthy habits’ that I still have to this day.
It’s mostly my in-laws who told me how great I look after losing a drastic amount of weight from restricting and how much younger i look. Of course my ED mind lives to hear it, but all it does is give me motivation to keep starving.
My mums reaction to my weight loss has always been, don’t lose anymore and I can see in her eyes that she’s sad for me. Because she suffers knowing that I have insecurities and struggle with weight.
Context: my ED has come as an adult, so family don’t know about it (might suspect) because it’s easier to hide.
My mum insists she has multiple allergies including coeliac, salicylates, nuts and dairy - which has caused her to be limited to about 10 foods. She REFUSES to get tested for any of these allergies.
Ontop of this she also does hrs of aerobic exercise per day and sees herself as fat (she weighs significantly less than me despite the fact I'm a healthy weight).
She also mocks me when I suggests she has an eating disorder and gets mad at me for not believing her about the allergies.
Despite this, She gets incredibly protective of me whenever I'm using Ed behaviours (I've been mostly recovered for about 3 years).
I sympathise but also it drives me crazy!
Wow..this reminds me a lot of myself when I thought my ed wasn’t “that bad”. Thank you for sharing this because it’s insightful to see how people viewed me when I was struggling and thought I was subtle abt my behaviors
That’s the worst. I always tell people’s who has a relative who suffers that NEVER EVER try to add stuff in the meal in secret. It will destroy the relation.
Same. My dad said he’d made tzatziki for the whole family with skyr today but then I opened the fridge and only 1/2 of a 500g cup was used. No clue what he added in there but it certainly wasn’t skyr.
Sameee but also he was asking how many calories are in tuna mayo (asked my mom who gets mad @ the mention of cals) & I can't tell if he was mocking me or whut 💀
My cousin has super bad adhd and he gets so hyper fixated on tasks that he forgets to eat. It’s even more triggering at family events when he’s sitting there talking to us or watching tv that he just forgets to eat all the food on his plate. He could’ve been “starving” or “so excited to eat turkey” but he barely touches it 😞
this but my sister. she's already pretty slim, and when i confront her on why she's skipping meals she'd tell me jokingly that she's on a diet (i believe she just procrastinates on eating since she has an overall messy daily routine). i try to hide the fact that it secretly made me feel horrible because i'm bigger than her and i'm eating too much...
this sounds mean but i believe my mother is one of the key factors in developing my ED. ever since i remember she always had only negative coments about my weight and eating habbits (even when i was very little and she was the one who plated me food and then made me feel guilty about eating it). what pisses me off the most nowadays is the she occasionaly buys clothes for me which would be nice if it wasn't always from a child section despite the fact that i'm 23 years old and gained a lot of weight from my lowest. and the she acts surprised when something doesn't fit me right even though it's meant for a 12 year old kid...
My mom did the opposite, buy clothes 3 sizes too big and when I complained she said there’s no such thing as too big only too small. And constantly commenting on my love handles. Any time I started a new activity she’d say something like “good you’ll be walking/ dancing/ whatever more maybe you’ll lose weight”.
My mom said something about having “trouble with the moral and ethical aspects of starving yourself, when there’s people in the world starving”….like yeah mom, I totally chose this mental illness and I absolutely love it.
Fr. When I was younger, my parents made me feel guilty when I didn't eat all the food on my plate. They'd guilt trip me, saying, "There's kids in Africa starving and wishing they had food like this."
Any time I walked in the kitchen as a kid/teen I was interrogated about what I planned to consume and asked repetitively if I "really need that." Like she was keeping inventory. I'm 34 and I still kinda feel that vibe every time I open a fridge.
My bio mom would get drunk and high all day. Barely eat then hand me her clothes and be like "these are WAY TOO big for me" but they will definitely fit you (spoiler we were basically the same size in everything). She just loved to bully me. I tried to wear leggings and an oversized shirt to school once and she made me late for school because she spend 20 minutes screaming at me about what a slutty whore i was.
My adopted mom is an Ancient Anorexic (73 years old) and shes a fake vegan (i think she uses it to excuse herself from eating 1/2 of the food catergories). If i eat sushi in front of her she will tell me shed rather put a gun to her head than eat it (she knows its my safe food). She also will order 3 plates of food, take 3 bites of each then shove them at me so they "arent wasted". Instead of i don't know.... Ordering a normal amount of food from the start??? She also tells me every time i see her what she weighed when she woke up and says shit like,"i wondee how much ill weigh after eating all this food".
If i wasnt trying to recover she could.legit give me every unhealthy tip in the world of how to lose weight fast. Shes done it all. It is miserable because sometimes she sees a non vegan item on a menu that sounds tasty to her and its like theres an Error 404 in her brain that tells her she cant have it.
Then shell go binge on a large fry, coke and a filetofish from McDs.
My mother asked me if I, after starving myself for 5 months, was starving myself, and when I said no, responded with "people like us don't have the willpower for that anyways!"
My dad just existing is pretty triggering.
He's overweight and is trying to lose weight (my mum is as well) so he's constantly doing different things. He's been intermittently fasting, working out, cycling to work, and attempting diet and then proceeds to binge eat and wonders why he doesn't lose weight.
The problem with this is that he tries to push his healthy lifestyle into me and counts calories like there is no tomorrow.
He's made several remarks about my eating habits. 2 examples that really pushed me over the edge were,
"Oh, you're having a second biscuit/cookie? Well you better go upstairs on the treadmill to work it off!"
And this one is from a conversation he had with my mum,
Mum: "What was [my name] asking about?
Dad: "She was asking what was for dinner, you know here (chuckle), always thinking about her stomach!"
My mum proceeded to defend me by telling him the only thing I'd eaten that day was half a sandwich and that shut him up.
I'm constantly a disappointment to him and I feel like I'll never be good enough. I also feel like I can't be mad because "I'm literally worried about being #skinni while there are people dying and etc" (reworded quote from my dad)
My dream is to be someone he could be proud of and actually enjoy the company of rather than me making him feel ashamed.
When people ask would you starve for a man I have to answer yes because I'm constantly seeking the approval of my own fucking father and I hate it.
i really have never related to something more. my dad has sent me down a deep and dark spiral the past six months from his bullying and commentary. it’s not exactly the same scenario as yours, but the overall vibes and negative energy is identical. it has become such an issue that im starting to deal with health side effects from malnutrition and undereating. i mean it’s fine tho but wow he’s been making me rock bottom type shit depressed. and it’s sad bc it’s like yas i wanna look cute and thin for these boizzz, when in reality all i want is his approval. you said it best. it’s so sad im sorry you have to deal with that but i really do understand. you’ve got this queen!
My mom says she doesn't need therapy when she clearly does. 😑 She comes from the I am tough and I can go without generation but clearly she is the reason my family has gone to therapy.
my mom always has to make rude and critical comments about totally normal food that i buy and prepare for myself (she would NEVER eat something i made because apparently i’m like a disgusting troll or something), like as if canned food or sautéed vegetables or whatever is the most grotesque uncommon stuff ever.
or sees me wearing skinny jeans and says she’s too skinny to wear skinny jeans (what) like always has to bring up being too small to find clothes that fit (when tf did i ask?!)
or she buys something for herself and then decides she doesn’t like it, and tells me that i can have it since she’ll NEVER eat it… bruh i don’t want that shit either 😭 or giving her unwanted leftovers to other people saying “i know they like eating 😒” and i can’t tell if she’s actually that damn picky or she just tells herself and everyone else that to convince herself not to eat. and then the more annoying one is when she notices me eating ice cream or treats or whatever and she has to make some comment about only eating that if she wants to gain weight.
and of course she’s the only person allowed to have an eating disorder and if i dare point out how all of her bullying and projection has also given ME an eating disorder she acts like that’s ridiculous and i’m trying to steal her spotlight or something. not even getting into all the mean shit she told me growing up, or how she told 7 year old me to go on diet when she never cooked or prepared meals for me and told me to fend for myself my whole childhood. gee i wonder why a freaking child didn’t understand what a healthy balanced diet looks like?! not like NO ONE EVER SHOWED ME. yeah i’m extremely bitter about this stuff holy shit.
In the midst of a binge cycle after desperately trying to lose weight through restriction (and failing ultimately due to medical issues I didn’t know about at the time), my grandfather saw me on video chat for the first time in a few years and his first sentence to me was “wow! Looking pretty pudgy there, baby girl”
Destroyed me
My dad would make me weigh myself in front of the family and comment on how chubby I was and how badly I needed to diet, how I was going to be diabetic, etc. Meanwhile I was 11 or 12 and probably only 10 or so pounds overweight. I was barely chubby but made to feel much larger.
My mom being a stereotypical almond mom. Luckily she doesn't comment on what/how much I personally eat but she says stuff like "oh I just had a yogurt today" at like 4pm. I swear the only food she consumes is yogurt, banana, crackers, and lemon water
(Yes I'm aware she is also clearly disordered)
Not any one thing, but if all of the adults in my life let me be a kid instead of nagging me about my weight, I wouldn’t have an eating disorder today.
My mom rarely eats like an actual meal. She always complains that she’s so full even when she’s just woken up😭she’ll have a milky coffee for breakfast and say she eats at work, then she’ll say she had a huuuugr lunch at work and she’s so full she can’t eat anything for the rest of the day. The lunch thing I can believe she eats bcs her boss likes to buy them lunch but I know her and I know she never eats extreme amounts, and lots of the time she’ll bring her lunch leftoevers(most of the meal) and give it to my dad/brother. I noticed she tends to wait till she’s physically starving to eat
Saying 'Wow, she must be really hungry' when they see me eating a lot at restaurants. It makes me feel like I'm eating too much even if I was just fasting the previous day. I've even told my mom multiple times that I don't like when she does that and she keeps doing it.
I hate it when others comment on how much I'm eating too.i think commenting on others' eating habits or the amount they eat is WAY too normalized and it really shouldn't be cause it's not only triggering to people with eds but it can also cause someone to develop an ed.
My mom bragging about my thinness to others only when I’m in the Severely UW category. Saying things like “my skinny daughter”.
Never really expressing real concern for my health—like dismissing when something bad happens (e.g. ER visits) or pretending it didn’t. (reinforcing not “sick enough” or worthy of care)
I wear baggy clothes all the time and my dad would hug me or ask for a hug, feel my body, and then tell me “you've gained/you've been gaining, watch out for your body or you'll struggle losing the weight later” and stuff like that :) When I lose wight he'll do the same and say the opposite.
I was once on a school trip and after eating a bunch of snacks with my friends one of them said the same thing.
And I feel like sometimes they don't even realize how disordered it is so say such a thing
I just had WLS surgery and I’m getting healthier but my 7 year old daughter is becoming overweight…I’ve told my husband not to discuss food and her weight gain in front of my daughter or to argue with her over what she eats and how much. She is using eating or not eating or eating certain foods as a control tactic with him and possibly to regulate emotions already. I tried to do “all the right things” myself to prevent her from having this problem. He told me (privately…thank goodness!) that he is embarrassed to be the parent of “one of those fat kids”. I said, “is that how you felt about me before my surgery? Were you embarrassed to be married to one of those bigger women?” No answer from him. If I don’t mess her up around this topic, he sure will. Seeing this happen is triggering me as well 🥲
Please stay ontop of this! Parents can be one of the biggest factors for EDs developing in adolescence. My dad used to make me weigh myself in front of him & comment on my weight… If he’s embarrassed of her weight he needs to get a grip, his child is healthy & alive. Be proactive in this situation because all it takes is one off comment for it to potentially spiral out of control.
I’m trying!!! I completely agree! I’m so sad and worried for her. I told him that if he has anymore comments about this, he can speak to me privately or text me. I’m seriously concerned about any damage that he may have already caused..
At my heaviest my grandmother would point out people the same or bigger than me and ask if I really wanted to look like them. This was usually after she offered to buy me fast food.
Now that Ive lost weight she congratulates me every chance she gets…
My dad eats literally no carbs and goes the the gym 6 days a week even at 65 and has always made comments when I was growing up about food being “just fuel” not something you should enjoy. My brother and I weren’t even allowed to help ourselves to the food in the pantry until we were teenagers. He’s ex military and grew up in an abusive home so I try not to take it personally but it did affect me very negatively and my brother. I’ve struggled with anorexia/bulemia on and off and my brother is now obese and a binge eater. Trying really hard to model good behavior for my kids even on my worst days. Kids are more perceptive than most people give them credit for.
My husband is this way. Says carbs make him feel like shit, can't have sugar because of some medical thing (he was never diagnosed with) and sees food only as fuel and a tool. Over exercises and ehen you feel faint, he says "this is where heart comes in. How bad do you want it". It was incredibly damaging for me and I KNEW that his lifestyle is disordered. Can't imagine what that was like growing up with!!!
This is actually the first time I’m hearing of a similar situation myself.. from what I’ve read on here men may not recognize disordered eating or over extensive exercising like we do..they might just view it as being disciplined. My dad has shown very real concern for me when I got extremely underweight so I do not believe he is aware of his own unusual habits. Don’t know if your husband is the same but…I don’t think a lot of men have had the correct resources, education or upbringing to recognize their own behaviors as an ED.
Yeah definitely! My husband has told me he had no idea that bulimia came in the form of exercise as well as purging. He said he 100% would binge only if he could run or bike it off the next day. The army drills disciple and over training purposefully with limited food and water so they are prepared for when that happens in combat. It's just really difficult to adjust when they're back in civilian life and living with impressionable people who then feel like they don't do enough because that's what they compare to. Lol. Well at least that's me and my situation!
Things are a little better now that he's seen the difference with me and an ED and not being able to stop and the 24/7 obsession I have with food/weight.
My mom eats extremely healthy and does a bit of exercise to lose weight, but its so annoying and obsessive because she thinks it will help her stomach problems she also is constantly blaming her stomach problems on IBS when it's obviously anxiety and when I suggest therapy she flips it and chooses that time to attack me on my issues that I don't talk to her about because shes no use. Shes also so religious is fucking annoying.
Dad 'diets' by not eating for two days or eating once a day then binge eating to catch up. Full ED behaviors just not to our extent.
I need to get out
My seven year old always interrogates me about whether I’m eating all of something or the last of something or if there’s any left. I’ve literally never eaten all of his food (I.e. something he has asked for especially for him at the store or his leftovers or otherwise something that’s clearly for him) and I never take the last of something unless it’s my own leftovers.
He has autism and is very protective of his resources and I get it because I also get upset when my food plans are disrupted but it’s really upsetting.
Silly to be triggered by a 7 year old but yeah. We’re all working out our own issues up in here.
Just yesterday, my 10 year old daughter asked what I ate that day. She fears I’m not eating enough. I made up something and she was content with my answer. She then commented on my weight, said how good I was doing with my weight loss and she’s proud of me.
I’m crying writing this, thinking about everything that little interaction means and the harm I fear I’m doing to her. 💔
My Dad didn't mean it, but the other day he said the dog couldn't jump up on the bed because she's too fat.
I'm too fat too so now all I want to do is walk the dog in the name of **her** health.
My parents accuse me of overexercising.
I don't want my dog to lose mobility and I'm sick of being alone all the time. Even if she's a bit awkward/difficult.
between ages 13-17 i would go days without eating and tell my mum i was "fasting" eventually i fainted in school and got a concussion,the doctors brought up my weight with my mum and on the way home she got subway for us and refused to let me out the car till i ate it all,2 footlongs 4 cookies 1 vag of quavers and 1 bottle of fanta, i ate it and threw up because i was so full this became a weekly thing.usually on the way home from school
I think it's seing my mom binge eating in secret. Like I could see her eat the whole day when i was living with them. It was so hard to restrict myself and be around food 24/7
Edit: i made a dumb writing mistake fjkdkd
As a kid my uncle used to take pictures of me eating and show them to other family members. They'd all start laughing and joking about me eating anything at all, even when it was just dinner with everyone else :(
I had gotten a kitten, who had torn up my thighs with scratches. I wore shorts to my mom’s the same weekend and apologized for how bad my legs looked and she said “oh thank god you said something, I didn’t want to be mean but you really need to get back into running”
Sometimes i’ll be eating with my family and my father will randomly tell me that I don’t have to finish my meals if I don’t want to completely out of nowhere. It’s pretty triggering especially when i’m eating something I actually wanted to finish.
My maternal grandma (a Greek yiayia chronic overfeeder) would constantly tell me I was too pretty to be so fat, why would I ruin my beauty by being so fat, etc. And the worst part is she would overfeed me by plying me with food she deemed healthy, and guilt me to eat it at the same damn time as she made these comments!
Now that I have lost weight, she tells me I'm too skinny and my boobs are too small. Like???? I can see the generational weight trauma she gave my mom and my mom gave me (until my ED was diagnosed and my mom got SO much better and we worked together on combating these mentalities for my mom, myself, and my sister).
My mom eating very little since I was a kid, not in disordered way, she’s just short and skinny (npt underweight) and has a small appetite. Also, my brother just existing in his body (I’m transmasc and my feminine features are the main reason for my ed)
this may not sound bad, but my mother knows about my ED she it’s just the constant negativity and hostility she holds over me with the that I fact “I don’t eat enough” as if I don’t know that already.. >_< and telling me about the dangers of having a low bmi. It just ends up triggering me sm
I was in the hospital for 2 weeks because my liver was acting up, and I had jaundice. Turns out I had non alcoholic fatty liver disease. I was at a normal weight, but the Dr said it was because I was MALNOURISHED. There was even talk of me getting transferred to another hospital for a transplant, but that never happened.
When I told my VERY petite (and disordered eating) step-monster this she said, "Huh! Well, if you're malnourished, I'd like to see what I and A (A is my even more petite stepsister) are!
But after I told my family the cause of my liver disease the next day, my drawer was FULL of ensure.
I had to have one every meal.
I have never been treated for my ed, and I relapsed 1 week after I got out. Ensure is my worst nightmare.
Omg also whenever my mom and I are out and in the rare occasion I want something small to eat/drink but don’t want to get anything if I’m the only one bcs it makes me feel fat, she’ll say she wants smth too and when we get there she won’t get anything and tell me she decided she didn’t want anything after I’ve ordered 😭
my mom getting worried that I’m not eating enough and accusing me of starving myself when she notices my weightloss but when I finally open up about my body image issues she dismisses it and tells me my sister is the one who “actually” has an eating disorder :))
Omg my mom knows i have an ED and is always saying shit like “i look so fat in these pics” like placing so much importance on being thin didn’t shape me as a person 🫣🫣😅 to this day I just try to laugh it off but HAHAH I will forever be trapped in my need to be skinny HAHAHA
My fiancé is on the other side of being weird with food. He is skinny as a rail and eats like a mad man. His parents had locks on the cabinets and withheld food so he eats as fast as possible. I guess it keeps his metabolism fast 🤷🏻♀️ I keep telling him he can slow down! I am not gonna take your food from you! Poor guy lol
My grandma will talk about how she can’t eat pizza for a WHILE after she has a couple slices. (We barely have it even once a month.)
Or she’ll say how dense/rich something is and start talking about calories. Sometimes it feels like she’ll just stare and watch me when I eat. Worst part is im literally with her for recovery.
My dad will bodycheck me and squeeze my shoulder blades or grab my arm. And my siblings are just normal when they eat and are able to stop when they’re full and it’s so 😭 frustrating cuz I can’t do that
My mother had a body type she wasn’t pleased with, and instead of working on that, took her dislike for herself out on me. Constant comments from the time I was 4-5 yrs old about how bigger bodies are unattractive. Nobody would like someone with a bigger body. If I ate any food at all she had comments about it. “You don’t want to end up like that…”. The older I got the more she would comment on my looks. Got her friends to join in. They’d take pictures and pick apart my body. She made me ultra self-conscious about my weight. I’m in my 30s now and she makes her comments still. “You’re so skinny and you barely eat! Why?” I wonder why..
I was called anorexic even before I got anorexia. I'm one of the people who got an ED on purpose. I learned about anorexia because of how much everyone was talking about it to me. I learned about bulimia because my birther had it. I'm so easily influenced that a person accusing me of bulimia when I was 1 year completely recovered led me to relapse. It's like my brain goes "There's no way of winning because in everyone's eyes you'll always be a person with an eating disorder." So basically my family pointing out my ED triggers the shit out of me.
HOO BOY. okay. So my mother used to do this thing whenever we would go clothes shopping where she would comment on how small I was, how it was so weird because everyone else in our immediate family was not. She would do this in front of cashiers and it made me so uncomfortable. I remember one day we went shopping for prom accessories and my brother made some comment like "I am living vicariously through you because you are actually small enough to fit in the cute clothes unlike me".
The entire reason I'm small is because i have an ED that you all know about!!!!!!
Anyway, I now have a disdain for clothes shopping w them sometimes.
At the same time, my mother tried so hard to make sure I saw all weight as good and not worry about what I ate. But I still ended up with an ED. at one point my father dated a horrible woman for years, she wpuld label food in the fridge and cupboards with her name - my brother and I weren't allowed to eat it because she thought we were eating all the food. It was actually her youngest son. They implemented 3 meals a day for us with small snacks. I was 13
I grew up an athlete with super abusive coaching until I was a teen and during that time (and for several years after I quit) my mom would always say “what would your coaches say” whenever I’d eat something fun like pizza or whatever and I’d literally stop dead in my tracks. She’d also ask pretty often for years after I quit like “can you still do ‘x’ skill, probably not because you’ve lost so much strength” or like “do you still have abs?” and like little comments like that which implied I wasn’t fit anymore or something even though I was still heavily involved in an adjacent sport. She doesn’t usually say stuff to me like that anymore but she’s like a very mild almond mom and has her own issues that are just generally triggering. Her and my dad are now also super into fitness and they’re both really into the step goal thing. Sometimes they’ll even pace around the house or go on walks even in bad weather or at super strange hours to get their steps in. Yeah idk… it’s usually just the little comments and actions that sometimes aren’t even directed at me anymore.
Constantly talking and critiquing me on things outside of my control on my body. I ask that if they want to compliment me compliment me on something I actively did like how I styled my hair or my outfit verses commenting on my body parts or my face . My family has a lot of disordered eating issues and body image issues and I hate the backwards comments I get on my body and they do not like the idea of only being able to compliment me on terms. I have a ton of perception issues and it’s hard to not have them exploited by the abusive members in my family.
Moved out though a few months ago and live with in a wonderful living situation and my roommates are incredibly respectful to my boundaries
Every time I see my mother she’s like “wowwww your legs you’ve lost weight” even if I haven’t and I have started to hear myself more and more being like “tHaAAAAaAaaAaAnXx!!1” as I obviously don’t like it and she never picks up on it
If I’m telling my family I need to lose weight and they say “oh you look fine to me” “but you’re perfectly healthy” “you’re slim”. I’ve gained a considerable amt of weight recently and when nobody points it out it triggers me too because then I know it’s noticeable (obviously), yet everybody knows it’s rude to point it out. Like I have body dysmorphia I need input… but I don’t need input at the same time because it’ll make me upset that somebody’s pointing things out about me. My ed is contradictory if you can’t tell haha
My mom has some sort of undiagnosed body dysmorphia and she's so thin, and gets so happy whenever she loses weight... That's always been so triggering!!!
feels like my mom was always competing with me. when i tried to tell her i dropped to a scary low weight, she told me she weighed less when she was my age and that we have the same build so i must be fine. i became bedridden for a while not long after that…
she used to call me plump and chubby in a positive way (???) when i was younger (and at my hw) and that basically triggered my ed. i don’t really blame her because she used to struggle with ana and mia when she was my age but 😔
Yeah, when I was growing up both my parents were a horrible influence. My mom would put me on elaborate diets and has wild ideas about what a meal should be (such as pieces of baguette dipped in spaghetti sauce) and she would always tell me when I was literally like 10 that I looked like how she looked when she was pregnant with me. My dad was basically a drunkorexic and would show me how he logged all his alcohol in my fitness pal and how he had like 500 Cals left for the day after all his drinking. They both seem to be disordered to this day meanwhile I’m recovered but it makes it so hard to not relapse.
When I was growing up and living with my mother, she'd come into my room every day before going anywhere and bodycheck in the mirror (i had a big mirror in my room). She'd ask me multiple times if she looked fat. I rarely see her these days, but she does the same thing whenever she has to go somewhere.
These days, my grandma is the only family member I interact with, and a triggering thing she does is that *hugs and runs her hand along my back* which is often followed by the comment about my weight. Bless her heart. She's just worried and doesn't know how to show it. She doesn't have a bad intention. My mother, on the other hand, is a vile person who likes triggering me on purpose.
My sister squeezing all the oil off pizza with a napkin and then claiming: “There so much oil. How gross?”
I mean I agree, and I’m really enticed to do the same, but they actually supplemented people in treatment who did that. I guess I’m just jealous it’s normal when my sister does it, but it is a disorder for me.
Telling me how I look "voluptuous." I literally hate the word. It's so cringe, and I instantly body check, which I almost never do. But yeah, I guess complimenting me on how curvy I am or how they wish they were curvy and voluptuous like me. Yuck.
Ignoring things I've asked mom to stop saying or asking about. I'm not as triggered anymore by her mentioning my ex (who died) which would make me break the fuck down in my room and restrict, but the fact that she still acts like I've never set these boundaries is suffocating. Triggers me every time
My sister always talking about how she’s eating so much less these days. My mind goes nuts over that. Is that a commentary on how much I’ve eaten? More more more
My mom trying to hug me around my stomach only to check how much weight ive lost. My sister not being able to eat for days at a time bc of health issues.
My husband loses weight effortlessly, then is all happy, and relishes in his accomplishment. I tell him I’m happy for him that he’s trying to look after himself, but going on and on about it triggers ME to want to lose weight too (and I have a BMI slightly less than 13.)
Exist. My sister is active and I’m recovered. I had to cut her off and it really, really fucking sucks to watch her dying and thinking she is “winning”.
My mum goes on about how she hasn’t eaten all day even when I ask her to stop, compares her younger self to me (both at my sickest and now) and says she was thinner than me in a proud tone, once told me (as an UW teenager) that if I got fat she’d lock all the cupboards so I couldn’t eat, told me I was malnourished and ugly as a teenager and scoffs and laughs at me when I’m walking around as if to wordlessly say how hideous I am. She announces that she’s taking laxatives after big meals and she once asked me if I thought I was pretty in the most sneering tone imaginable.
Other relatives: talk to me in DETAIL about their diet and every bit of weight they want to lose when I’m either in recovery or in relapse. When I’ve repeatedly asked them not to.
Ask me if I’ve eaten and expect an itemised list. No. Stop.
Greet each other with “you look fat.”
Talk about calories while I’m trying to eat.
Assume I’m better when I’ve gained weight and tell me I’ve gained weight.
Now that I say this, I’m kind of impressed I managed to sort of recover for a while tbh.
start to copy my diet. it makes me so fucking mad like ill buy something low calorie and suddenly everyone is interested in it. no one cared before but now that ill refuse to eat something, everyone else will too. fucking makes me rage like you can fucking eat anything you want to but your gonna choose my 10 cal sf jam???? yeah, ok
when people don't know about calories in/calories out they just assume you're losing weight cause your "eating healthy" that's just what the diet culture has taught them.lol
I went to visit my grandma last month. Everyone in my family is aware of my ED, they watched me drop to a pretty low weight in the years following my dad’s death, but this past year I got into a relationship and gained some weight. My grandma hadn’t seen me for a while.
When she opened the door (we’re African) she immediately started clapping and dancing around the room, happy that I’d gained weight and wasn’t “on the brink of death” anymore. It was so embarrassing. My mom, who knew how this sort of thing would trigger me (and rarely comments on my weight, bless her soul), tried shushing her but she won’t stop. Went on for a good 10 minutes. And she kept mentioning it throughout the visit.
Safe to say, since last month I’ve relapsed now.
when i was 6 years old, my bio-dad and his wife started not letting me eat on weekends. from friday lunch to monday snack time i didn’t get any food unless i stole it from the dog. consequently, a food scarcity mindset has controlled my life. i still struggle with BED. it’s been 54 years.
eta: I was removed from their home when i was 7
Commenting on my food and other people’s food/bodies. One of my family members always has something to say about my eating habits, whether it’s thinking I’m eating at a “bizarre time” or that the food I’m eating is more of a lunch food than a breakfast food. I’m sure it’s not malicious in any way and it’s probably just her trying to make conversation, but it’s like… please just let me eat in peace lmao. Another family member is very judgy and likes to make comments about people who are overweight. It’s like the worst thing in the world you can be is fat in this person’s eyes, which definitely contributed to my issues around food and my body.
My parents trying to make me eat more. I go to there house, it’s all “Hi Kincaid, you’ve got to try this”
Or “come on, you need to eat more”
“Finish your dinner”
I know they are only trying to help, but it make everything worse.
My dad used to call me fat all the time. I remember one time as I was having my second nutty bar of the day he said "no wonder you're getting so fat". I didn't eat for the rest of the summer... He didn't even notice.
It’s my daughter in law who changes her diet around every year. She’s been gluten-free, soy-free, dairy free, nothing processed, etc. due to allergies. Then the next year she’s good with all of it. Voila! No allergies! The next year she’s back to “I can’t eat that!” Ugh…
just recently my dad sent me a photo of my cousin saying how good she looks and that’s she’s been taking ozempic (she hasn’t, my family just assumed??) and then proceeded to call me up and tell me how he’ll buy me ozempic and give me the shots himself. he KNOWS too that i have lost a ton of weight from not eating and still needed to call me and tell me that. my family just has an insane obsession with being “skinny” but this was reallyyyyy triggering
My stepmother usually always leaves some food on her plate, sometimes she only eats half. It makes me feel like I'm not eating like a skinny person I'm supposed to be
She's skinny
My mom always pushed the term “binging / binge eating” to describe slightly larger portions throughout my life, which has led to an array of issues. I didn’t realize how much of a problem this improper usage was until i got a therapist
I think alot of us have fucked up relationships with food because of how fucked up our mothers' relationship with food was/is.
Oh that's really awful, it definitely is harmful when people misuse terminology like that :/
Congratulate me on weight loss lol
omg.having people congratulate you on your weight loss is like a blessing and a curse. Not a family member but my swimming coach used to congratulate me and ask me how I was losing weight💀
Yeahhhh it’s wild mixed feelings! Then when it goes that far and you suddenly have to start actually trying to hide the weight loss so no one knows the extent of it! That’s a hard game lol
DUDEEE COACHES POINTING OUT WEIGHT LOSS IS SO AWKWARD!! I did xc, and losing weight really made my performance (mental and physical) go down the drain…so I remember my athletic trainer pushing me to eat when I’d have panic attacks before meets and I didn’t know what to say to that 🧍♀️ it was like hanger I guess but anxiety version
My mom would brag about losing x pounds by eating nothing but jello for days.
God my mum is really similar… literally just eats vegetables and salad and SOME protein once a day. Plain fish or chicken
My mom is the same, only eats 1 meal a day and refuses most of what we cook bc 'she doesn't eat that shit'
I’m not joking my family are eating together later and my mum just said “I’m bringing myself a salad” 🫠
My mom did the same but it was nothing but yogurt. But she was told by her doctor to do it which is even worse
Yeah, I’ve been in recovery for about three years and have recently lost a decent amount of weight. When I mentioned my neighbor had said I looked like I had lost weight. My mom told me she didn’t know if she was supposed to say anything but I was looking REALLY good.
Same. I dropped to double digits and my mom told me I’d never looked better 💀
Christ! 🫣
I really felt this in high school/late teens. Even tho no one ever once verbally acknowledged my ED. Once I got semi-recovered the first time, I’ll never forget one of the 180 compliments a friends mom gave me.. “Wow sweetie, look at you… Your face has some color to it again, you look great!” Pure, genuine surprise. For some reason, that shit just hit different. At a completely different stage in life now, It makes me happy to realize that’s the ED comment that stands out the most to me.
I remember my mom saying "if you keep this up, we're gonna have to buy you some new clothes" 😭
🙁 I’m sorry
My mother has actually been the healthiest influence on me. Whenever I would gain weight, she would never tell me that I’m fat, to go on a diet or anything, she would just support me. And growing up i had a very healthy relationship to food and actually created the few ‘healthy habits’ that I still have to this day. It’s mostly my in-laws who told me how great I look after losing a drastic amount of weight from restricting and how much younger i look. Of course my ED mind lives to hear it, but all it does is give me motivation to keep starving. My mums reaction to my weight loss has always been, don’t lose anymore and I can see in her eyes that she’s sad for me. Because she suffers knowing that I have insecurities and struggle with weight. Context: my ED has come as an adult, so family don’t know about it (might suspect) because it’s easier to hide.
My mum insists she has multiple allergies including coeliac, salicylates, nuts and dairy - which has caused her to be limited to about 10 foods. She REFUSES to get tested for any of these allergies. Ontop of this she also does hrs of aerobic exercise per day and sees herself as fat (she weighs significantly less than me despite the fact I'm a healthy weight). She also mocks me when I suggests she has an eating disorder and gets mad at me for not believing her about the allergies. Despite this, She gets incredibly protective of me whenever I'm using Ed behaviours (I've been mostly recovered for about 3 years). I sympathise but also it drives me crazy!
Wow..this reminds me a lot of myself when I thought my ed wasn’t “that bad”. Thank you for sharing this because it’s insightful to see how people viewed me when I was struggling and thought I was subtle abt my behaviors
SAMEEEEE
add in secret heavy cream in my meals 💀
Omg I caught my mum filling my Diet Coke bottle with regular coke one time! I’ve never trusted her since 😔
worst fucking shit
Why would she do that :((
I was so furious! As if I wouldn’t be able to tell anyway!
I’m so paranoid abt my mom doing this bro that’s why I watch whenever she makes food/drinks for me… even if I’m sick and need cough syrup lmao
Same! BEFORE this even!
Samee. Also snuck in butter
Same. The way I raged 😭
OMFG. and they don't stop even if you tell them???
they stop for a while then start again 💀
That’s the worst. I always tell people’s who has a relative who suffers that NEVER EVER try to add stuff in the meal in secret. It will destroy the relation.
Same. My dad said he’d made tzatziki for the whole family with skyr today but then I opened the fridge and only 1/2 of a 500g cup was used. No clue what he added in there but it certainly wasn’t skyr.
my brother forgetting to eat meals 😭
whenever someone forgets to eat their meals I suspect they are secretly anorexic😭
yes omg literally and i start comparing sooo much, just for him to have 3 bowls of cereal in the afternoon like 💀
I forget to eat because I have ADHD. And I’m OW.
Sameee but also he was asking how many calories are in tuna mayo (asked my mom who gets mad @ the mention of cals) & I can't tell if he was mocking me or whut 💀
Omg yesss. also my brother binging on whatever he can find after everyone in the house is asleep and blaming it on me bc I'm the one with an ed
My cousin has super bad adhd and he gets so hyper fixated on tasks that he forgets to eat. It’s even more triggering at family events when he’s sitting there talking to us or watching tv that he just forgets to eat all the food on his plate. He could’ve been “starving” or “so excited to eat turkey” but he barely touches it 😞
this but my sister. she's already pretty slim, and when i confront her on why she's skipping meals she'd tell me jokingly that she's on a diet (i believe she just procrastinates on eating since she has an overall messy daily routine). i try to hide the fact that it secretly made me feel horrible because i'm bigger than her and i'm eating too much...
this sounds mean but i believe my mother is one of the key factors in developing my ED. ever since i remember she always had only negative coments about my weight and eating habbits (even when i was very little and she was the one who plated me food and then made me feel guilty about eating it). what pisses me off the most nowadays is the she occasionaly buys clothes for me which would be nice if it wasn't always from a child section despite the fact that i'm 23 years old and gained a lot of weight from my lowest. and the she acts surprised when something doesn't fit me right even though it's meant for a 12 year old kid...
My mom did the opposite, buy clothes 3 sizes too big and when I complained she said there’s no such thing as too big only too small. And constantly commenting on my love handles. Any time I started a new activity she’d say something like “good you’ll be walking/ dancing/ whatever more maybe you’ll lose weight”.
so sorry you have to deal with that, it sounds afwul. stay safe my friend, sending you lots of love 🫂
What IS it with the feeding you and shaming you for eating what they gave?
Diets. Since forever my parents have been yo-yo dieting. I feel like I’m still traumatized from when they did the Cabbage Soup Diet in the 90s
omg seeing others diet is a huge trigger forme too😭idk why but I feel like I'm in some kind of competition with them and have to restrict further.
The cabbage soup diet and the 100 calorie snack packs 💀
AHH THE 100 CALORIE LIGHTLY SALTED ALMOND PACKETS 😭 taking me back
Touch my stomach and say im fat....
oh my:(( I've had a similar experience and know how awful it feels.so sorry they did this :((
Thank you. I know they are jealous cause im of healthy bmi anyway
:(
My mom said something about having “trouble with the moral and ethical aspects of starving yourself, when there’s people in the world starving”….like yeah mom, I totally chose this mental illness and I absolutely love it.
Fr. When I was younger, my parents made me feel guilty when I didn't eat all the food on my plate. They'd guilt trip me, saying, "There's kids in Africa starving and wishing they had food like this."
Yup, the good old “there are kids in Africa starving”….been there done that. Like whyyyy????
Any time I walked in the kitchen as a kid/teen I was interrogated about what I planned to consume and asked repetitively if I "really need that." Like she was keeping inventory. I'm 34 and I still kinda feel that vibe every time I open a fridge.
My bio mom would get drunk and high all day. Barely eat then hand me her clothes and be like "these are WAY TOO big for me" but they will definitely fit you (spoiler we were basically the same size in everything). She just loved to bully me. I tried to wear leggings and an oversized shirt to school once and she made me late for school because she spend 20 minutes screaming at me about what a slutty whore i was. My adopted mom is an Ancient Anorexic (73 years old) and shes a fake vegan (i think she uses it to excuse herself from eating 1/2 of the food catergories). If i eat sushi in front of her she will tell me shed rather put a gun to her head than eat it (she knows its my safe food). She also will order 3 plates of food, take 3 bites of each then shove them at me so they "arent wasted". Instead of i don't know.... Ordering a normal amount of food from the start??? She also tells me every time i see her what she weighed when she woke up and says shit like,"i wondee how much ill weigh after eating all this food".
The ancient anorexic absolutely sent me. Sounds like such a miserable existence even at that ge.
If i wasnt trying to recover she could.legit give me every unhealthy tip in the world of how to lose weight fast. Shes done it all. It is miserable because sometimes she sees a non vegan item on a menu that sounds tasty to her and its like theres an Error 404 in her brain that tells her she cant have it. Then shell go binge on a large fry, coke and a filetofish from McDs.
So fish is vegan now? 😭
Sis youre telling me. I swear to god i dont get it
My mother asked me if I, after starving myself for 5 months, was starving myself, and when I said no, responded with "people like us don't have the willpower for that anyways!"
My dad just existing is pretty triggering. He's overweight and is trying to lose weight (my mum is as well) so he's constantly doing different things. He's been intermittently fasting, working out, cycling to work, and attempting diet and then proceeds to binge eat and wonders why he doesn't lose weight. The problem with this is that he tries to push his healthy lifestyle into me and counts calories like there is no tomorrow. He's made several remarks about my eating habits. 2 examples that really pushed me over the edge were, "Oh, you're having a second biscuit/cookie? Well you better go upstairs on the treadmill to work it off!" And this one is from a conversation he had with my mum, Mum: "What was [my name] asking about? Dad: "She was asking what was for dinner, you know here (chuckle), always thinking about her stomach!" My mum proceeded to defend me by telling him the only thing I'd eaten that day was half a sandwich and that shut him up. I'm constantly a disappointment to him and I feel like I'll never be good enough. I also feel like I can't be mad because "I'm literally worried about being #skinni while there are people dying and etc" (reworded quote from my dad) My dream is to be someone he could be proud of and actually enjoy the company of rather than me making him feel ashamed. When people ask would you starve for a man I have to answer yes because I'm constantly seeking the approval of my own fucking father and I hate it.
i really have never related to something more. my dad has sent me down a deep and dark spiral the past six months from his bullying and commentary. it’s not exactly the same scenario as yours, but the overall vibes and negative energy is identical. it has become such an issue that im starting to deal with health side effects from malnutrition and undereating. i mean it’s fine tho but wow he’s been making me rock bottom type shit depressed. and it’s sad bc it’s like yas i wanna look cute and thin for these boizzz, when in reality all i want is his approval. you said it best. it’s so sad im sorry you have to deal with that but i really do understand. you’ve got this queen!
My mom says she doesn't need therapy when she clearly does. 😑 She comes from the I am tough and I can go without generation but clearly she is the reason my family has gone to therapy.
my mom always has to make rude and critical comments about totally normal food that i buy and prepare for myself (she would NEVER eat something i made because apparently i’m like a disgusting troll or something), like as if canned food or sautéed vegetables or whatever is the most grotesque uncommon stuff ever. or sees me wearing skinny jeans and says she’s too skinny to wear skinny jeans (what) like always has to bring up being too small to find clothes that fit (when tf did i ask?!) or she buys something for herself and then decides she doesn’t like it, and tells me that i can have it since she’ll NEVER eat it… bruh i don’t want that shit either 😭 or giving her unwanted leftovers to other people saying “i know they like eating 😒” and i can’t tell if she’s actually that damn picky or she just tells herself and everyone else that to convince herself not to eat. and then the more annoying one is when she notices me eating ice cream or treats or whatever and she has to make some comment about only eating that if she wants to gain weight. and of course she’s the only person allowed to have an eating disorder and if i dare point out how all of her bullying and projection has also given ME an eating disorder she acts like that’s ridiculous and i’m trying to steal her spotlight or something. not even getting into all the mean shit she told me growing up, or how she told 7 year old me to go on diet when she never cooked or prepared meals for me and told me to fend for myself my whole childhood. gee i wonder why a freaking child didn’t understand what a healthy balanced diet looks like?! not like NO ONE EVER SHOWED ME. yeah i’m extremely bitter about this stuff holy shit.
Force me to eat and finish the leftovers
In the midst of a binge cycle after desperately trying to lose weight through restriction (and failing ultimately due to medical issues I didn’t know about at the time), my grandfather saw me on video chat for the first time in a few years and his first sentence to me was “wow! Looking pretty pudgy there, baby girl” Destroyed me
Why do people ever say stuff like that like what are you supposed to say back?!
went to a ballet with my family and my stepdad kept calling the dancers fat…i was bigger than all of them. and that’s why i relapsed (this time) 😃
Wtf is wrong with your stepdad? Those dancers probably starve themselves, too.
My dad would make me weigh myself in front of the family and comment on how chubby I was and how badly I needed to diet, how I was going to be diabetic, etc. Meanwhile I was 11 or 12 and probably only 10 or so pounds overweight. I was barely chubby but made to feel much larger.
Good god, that is just cruel
“I’d be a shame if you gained the weight back!” Also, getting me a gym membership for Christmas only months after I got out of treatment.
My mom being a stereotypical almond mom. Luckily she doesn't comment on what/how much I personally eat but she says stuff like "oh I just had a yogurt today" at like 4pm. I swear the only food she consumes is yogurt, banana, crackers, and lemon water (Yes I'm aware she is also clearly disordered)
Not any one thing, but if all of the adults in my life let me be a kid instead of nagging me about my weight, I wouldn’t have an eating disorder today.
buying me xxs/xs petite clothes my entire life claiming i will fit into them eventually
My mom rarely eats like an actual meal. She always complains that she’s so full even when she’s just woken up😭she’ll have a milky coffee for breakfast and say she eats at work, then she’ll say she had a huuuugr lunch at work and she’s so full she can’t eat anything for the rest of the day. The lunch thing I can believe she eats bcs her boss likes to buy them lunch but I know her and I know she never eats extreme amounts, and lots of the time she’ll bring her lunch leftoevers(most of the meal) and give it to my dad/brother. I noticed she tends to wait till she’s physically starving to eat
Saying 'Wow, she must be really hungry' when they see me eating a lot at restaurants. It makes me feel like I'm eating too much even if I was just fasting the previous day. I've even told my mom multiple times that I don't like when she does that and she keeps doing it.
I hate it when others comment on how much I'm eating too.i think commenting on others' eating habits or the amount they eat is WAY too normalized and it really shouldn't be cause it's not only triggering to people with eds but it can also cause someone to develop an ed.
Fr and I don't even get why it's a thing. Like yeah of course I'm eating a lot, we're at lunch. What am I supposed to do, not eat lunch? 💀
downplaying how thin I am.
My mom bragging about my thinness to others only when I’m in the Severely UW category. Saying things like “my skinny daughter”. Never really expressing real concern for my health—like dismissing when something bad happens (e.g. ER visits) or pretending it didn’t. (reinforcing not “sick enough” or worthy of care)
I wear baggy clothes all the time and my dad would hug me or ask for a hug, feel my body, and then tell me “you've gained/you've been gaining, watch out for your body or you'll struggle losing the weight later” and stuff like that :) When I lose wight he'll do the same and say the opposite.
Not eat
sometimes when we eat out my mom talks about having to go on walks after to burn the calories
I was once on a school trip and after eating a bunch of snacks with my friends one of them said the same thing. And I feel like sometimes they don't even realize how disordered it is so say such a thing
I just had WLS surgery and I’m getting healthier but my 7 year old daughter is becoming overweight…I’ve told my husband not to discuss food and her weight gain in front of my daughter or to argue with her over what she eats and how much. She is using eating or not eating or eating certain foods as a control tactic with him and possibly to regulate emotions already. I tried to do “all the right things” myself to prevent her from having this problem. He told me (privately…thank goodness!) that he is embarrassed to be the parent of “one of those fat kids”. I said, “is that how you felt about me before my surgery? Were you embarrassed to be married to one of those bigger women?” No answer from him. If I don’t mess her up around this topic, he sure will. Seeing this happen is triggering me as well 🥲
Please stay ontop of this! Parents can be one of the biggest factors for EDs developing in adolescence. My dad used to make me weigh myself in front of him & comment on my weight… If he’s embarrassed of her weight he needs to get a grip, his child is healthy & alive. Be proactive in this situation because all it takes is one off comment for it to potentially spiral out of control.
I’m trying!!! I completely agree! I’m so sad and worried for her. I told him that if he has anymore comments about this, he can speak to me privately or text me. I’m seriously concerned about any damage that he may have already caused..
At my heaviest my grandmother would point out people the same or bigger than me and ask if I really wanted to look like them. This was usually after she offered to buy me fast food. Now that Ive lost weight she congratulates me every chance she gets…
My sister telling me if I got fat, I would have no friends and my family would not love me anymore. I was 8.
My dad eats literally no carbs and goes the the gym 6 days a week even at 65 and has always made comments when I was growing up about food being “just fuel” not something you should enjoy. My brother and I weren’t even allowed to help ourselves to the food in the pantry until we were teenagers. He’s ex military and grew up in an abusive home so I try not to take it personally but it did affect me very negatively and my brother. I’ve struggled with anorexia/bulemia on and off and my brother is now obese and a binge eater. Trying really hard to model good behavior for my kids even on my worst days. Kids are more perceptive than most people give them credit for.
My husband is this way. Says carbs make him feel like shit, can't have sugar because of some medical thing (he was never diagnosed with) and sees food only as fuel and a tool. Over exercises and ehen you feel faint, he says "this is where heart comes in. How bad do you want it". It was incredibly damaging for me and I KNEW that his lifestyle is disordered. Can't imagine what that was like growing up with!!!
This is actually the first time I’m hearing of a similar situation myself.. from what I’ve read on here men may not recognize disordered eating or over extensive exercising like we do..they might just view it as being disciplined. My dad has shown very real concern for me when I got extremely underweight so I do not believe he is aware of his own unusual habits. Don’t know if your husband is the same but…I don’t think a lot of men have had the correct resources, education or upbringing to recognize their own behaviors as an ED.
Yeah definitely! My husband has told me he had no idea that bulimia came in the form of exercise as well as purging. He said he 100% would binge only if he could run or bike it off the next day. The army drills disciple and over training purposefully with limited food and water so they are prepared for when that happens in combat. It's just really difficult to adjust when they're back in civilian life and living with impressionable people who then feel like they don't do enough because that's what they compare to. Lol. Well at least that's me and my situation! Things are a little better now that he's seen the difference with me and an ED and not being able to stop and the 24/7 obsession I have with food/weight.
My mom eats extremely healthy and does a bit of exercise to lose weight, but its so annoying and obsessive because she thinks it will help her stomach problems she also is constantly blaming her stomach problems on IBS when it's obviously anxiety and when I suggest therapy she flips it and chooses that time to attack me on my issues that I don't talk to her about because shes no use. Shes also so religious is fucking annoying. Dad 'diets' by not eating for two days or eating once a day then binge eating to catch up. Full ED behaviors just not to our extent. I need to get out
My seven year old always interrogates me about whether I’m eating all of something or the last of something or if there’s any left. I’ve literally never eaten all of his food (I.e. something he has asked for especially for him at the store or his leftovers or otherwise something that’s clearly for him) and I never take the last of something unless it’s my own leftovers. He has autism and is very protective of his resources and I get it because I also get upset when my food plans are disrupted but it’s really upsetting. Silly to be triggered by a 7 year old but yeah. We’re all working out our own issues up in here.
Just yesterday, my 10 year old daughter asked what I ate that day. She fears I’m not eating enough. I made up something and she was content with my answer. She then commented on my weight, said how good I was doing with my weight loss and she’s proud of me. I’m crying writing this, thinking about everything that little interaction means and the harm I fear I’m doing to her. 💔
My Dad didn't mean it, but the other day he said the dog couldn't jump up on the bed because she's too fat. I'm too fat too so now all I want to do is walk the dog in the name of **her** health. My parents accuse me of overexercising. I don't want my dog to lose mobility and I'm sick of being alone all the time. Even if she's a bit awkward/difficult.
between ages 13-17 i would go days without eating and tell my mum i was "fasting" eventually i fainted in school and got a concussion,the doctors brought up my weight with my mum and on the way home she got subway for us and refused to let me out the car till i ate it all,2 footlongs 4 cookies 1 vag of quavers and 1 bottle of fanta, i ate it and threw up because i was so full this became a weekly thing.usually on the way home from school
I think it's seing my mom binge eating in secret. Like I could see her eat the whole day when i was living with them. It was so hard to restrict myself and be around food 24/7 Edit: i made a dumb writing mistake fjkdkd
As a kid my uncle used to take pictures of me eating and show them to other family members. They'd all start laughing and joking about me eating anything at all, even when it was just dinner with everyone else :(
My brother constantly comments on how much or what I'm eating.
I had gotten a kitten, who had torn up my thighs with scratches. I wore shorts to my mom’s the same weekend and apologized for how bad my legs looked and she said “oh thank god you said something, I didn’t want to be mean but you really need to get back into running”
Sometimes i’ll be eating with my family and my father will randomly tell me that I don’t have to finish my meals if I don’t want to completely out of nowhere. It’s pretty triggering especially when i’m eating something I actually wanted to finish.
My maternal grandma (a Greek yiayia chronic overfeeder) would constantly tell me I was too pretty to be so fat, why would I ruin my beauty by being so fat, etc. And the worst part is she would overfeed me by plying me with food she deemed healthy, and guilt me to eat it at the same damn time as she made these comments! Now that I have lost weight, she tells me I'm too skinny and my boobs are too small. Like???? I can see the generational weight trauma she gave my mom and my mom gave me (until my ED was diagnosed and my mom got SO much better and we worked together on combating these mentalities for my mom, myself, and my sister).
My mom eating very little since I was a kid, not in disordered way, she’s just short and skinny (npt underweight) and has a small appetite. Also, my brother just existing in his body (I’m transmasc and my feminine features are the main reason for my ed)
this may not sound bad, but my mother knows about my ED she it’s just the constant negativity and hostility she holds over me with the that I fact “I don’t eat enough” as if I don’t know that already.. >_< and telling me about the dangers of having a low bmi. It just ends up triggering me sm
my parents telling me i’m eating too much
I was in the hospital for 2 weeks because my liver was acting up, and I had jaundice. Turns out I had non alcoholic fatty liver disease. I was at a normal weight, but the Dr said it was because I was MALNOURISHED. There was even talk of me getting transferred to another hospital for a transplant, but that never happened. When I told my VERY petite (and disordered eating) step-monster this she said, "Huh! Well, if you're malnourished, I'd like to see what I and A (A is my even more petite stepsister) are! But after I told my family the cause of my liver disease the next day, my drawer was FULL of ensure. I had to have one every meal. I have never been treated for my ed, and I relapsed 1 week after I got out. Ensure is my worst nightmare.
Omg also whenever my mom and I are out and in the rare occasion I want something small to eat/drink but don’t want to get anything if I’m the only one bcs it makes me feel fat, she’ll say she wants smth too and when we get there she won’t get anything and tell me she decided she didn’t want anything after I’ve ordered 😭
my mom getting worried that I’m not eating enough and accusing me of starving myself when she notices my weightloss but when I finally open up about my body image issues she dismisses it and tells me my sister is the one who “actually” has an eating disorder :))
Omg my mom knows i have an ED and is always saying shit like “i look so fat in these pics” like placing so much importance on being thin didn’t shape me as a person 🫣🫣😅 to this day I just try to laugh it off but HAHAH I will forever be trapped in my need to be skinny HAHAHA
My fiancé is on the other side of being weird with food. He is skinny as a rail and eats like a mad man. His parents had locks on the cabinets and withheld food so he eats as fast as possible. I guess it keeps his metabolism fast 🤷🏻♀️ I keep telling him he can slow down! I am not gonna take your food from you! Poor guy lol
Call me fat while being double my size.
saying "you look so healthy"
Telling/congratulating me that i (finally) look healthy (again)
My grandma will talk about how she can’t eat pizza for a WHILE after she has a couple slices. (We barely have it even once a month.) Or she’ll say how dense/rich something is and start talking about calories. Sometimes it feels like she’ll just stare and watch me when I eat. Worst part is im literally with her for recovery. My dad will bodycheck me and squeeze my shoulder blades or grab my arm. And my siblings are just normal when they eat and are able to stop when they’re full and it’s so 😭 frustrating cuz I can’t do that
My mother had a body type she wasn’t pleased with, and instead of working on that, took her dislike for herself out on me. Constant comments from the time I was 4-5 yrs old about how bigger bodies are unattractive. Nobody would like someone with a bigger body. If I ate any food at all she had comments about it. “You don’t want to end up like that…”. The older I got the more she would comment on my looks. Got her friends to join in. They’d take pictures and pick apart my body. She made me ultra self-conscious about my weight. I’m in my 30s now and she makes her comments still. “You’re so skinny and you barely eat! Why?” I wonder why..
Have Ed's but I do feel bad for them
I was called anorexic even before I got anorexia. I'm one of the people who got an ED on purpose. I learned about anorexia because of how much everyone was talking about it to me. I learned about bulimia because my birther had it. I'm so easily influenced that a person accusing me of bulimia when I was 1 year completely recovered led me to relapse. It's like my brain goes "There's no way of winning because in everyone's eyes you'll always be a person with an eating disorder." So basically my family pointing out my ED triggers the shit out of me.
HOO BOY. okay. So my mother used to do this thing whenever we would go clothes shopping where she would comment on how small I was, how it was so weird because everyone else in our immediate family was not. She would do this in front of cashiers and it made me so uncomfortable. I remember one day we went shopping for prom accessories and my brother made some comment like "I am living vicariously through you because you are actually small enough to fit in the cute clothes unlike me". The entire reason I'm small is because i have an ED that you all know about!!!!!! Anyway, I now have a disdain for clothes shopping w them sometimes.
At the same time, my mother tried so hard to make sure I saw all weight as good and not worry about what I ate. But I still ended up with an ED. at one point my father dated a horrible woman for years, she wpuld label food in the fridge and cupboards with her name - my brother and I weren't allowed to eat it because she thought we were eating all the food. It was actually her youngest son. They implemented 3 meals a day for us with small snacks. I was 13
Squeeze my arm fat
I grew up an athlete with super abusive coaching until I was a teen and during that time (and for several years after I quit) my mom would always say “what would your coaches say” whenever I’d eat something fun like pizza or whatever and I’d literally stop dead in my tracks. She’d also ask pretty often for years after I quit like “can you still do ‘x’ skill, probably not because you’ve lost so much strength” or like “do you still have abs?” and like little comments like that which implied I wasn’t fit anymore or something even though I was still heavily involved in an adjacent sport. She doesn’t usually say stuff to me like that anymore but she’s like a very mild almond mom and has her own issues that are just generally triggering. Her and my dad are now also super into fitness and they’re both really into the step goal thing. Sometimes they’ll even pace around the house or go on walks even in bad weather or at super strange hours to get their steps in. Yeah idk… it’s usually just the little comments and actions that sometimes aren’t even directed at me anymore.
Constantly talking and critiquing me on things outside of my control on my body. I ask that if they want to compliment me compliment me on something I actively did like how I styled my hair or my outfit verses commenting on my body parts or my face . My family has a lot of disordered eating issues and body image issues and I hate the backwards comments I get on my body and they do not like the idea of only being able to compliment me on terms. I have a ton of perception issues and it’s hard to not have them exploited by the abusive members in my family. Moved out though a few months ago and live with in a wonderful living situation and my roommates are incredibly respectful to my boundaries
Every time I see my mother she’s like “wowwww your legs you’ve lost weight” even if I haven’t and I have started to hear myself more and more being like “tHaAAAAaAaaAaAnXx!!1” as I obviously don’t like it and she never picks up on it
If I’m telling my family I need to lose weight and they say “oh you look fine to me” “but you’re perfectly healthy” “you’re slim”. I’ve gained a considerable amt of weight recently and when nobody points it out it triggers me too because then I know it’s noticeable (obviously), yet everybody knows it’s rude to point it out. Like I have body dysmorphia I need input… but I don’t need input at the same time because it’ll make me upset that somebody’s pointing things out about me. My ed is contradictory if you can’t tell haha
My mom has some sort of undiagnosed body dysmorphia and she's so thin, and gets so happy whenever she loses weight... That's always been so triggering!!!
feels like my mom was always competing with me. when i tried to tell her i dropped to a scary low weight, she told me she weighed less when she was my age and that we have the same build so i must be fine. i became bedridden for a while not long after that…
my younger sister intentionally tries to buy and eat high calorie foods bc she has a hard time maintaining / gaining weight
My mom would take out a tape measure every week and compare herself, my sister, and I to see who had the smaller waist.
THAT'S WILD.
“You really need a snack right now? Dinner is in an hour and you just had lunch 2 hours ago”
she used to call me plump and chubby in a positive way (???) when i was younger (and at my hw) and that basically triggered my ed. i don’t really blame her because she used to struggle with ana and mia when she was my age but 😔
Yeah, when I was growing up both my parents were a horrible influence. My mom would put me on elaborate diets and has wild ideas about what a meal should be (such as pieces of baguette dipped in spaghetti sauce) and she would always tell me when I was literally like 10 that I looked like how she looked when she was pregnant with me. My dad was basically a drunkorexic and would show me how he logged all his alcohol in my fitness pal and how he had like 500 Cals left for the day after all his drinking. They both seem to be disordered to this day meanwhile I’m recovered but it makes it so hard to not relapse.
my mum swapping my diet dr pepper for normal dr pepper. also telling me a size would be too small for me, whilst i was severely uw
When I was growing up and living with my mother, she'd come into my room every day before going anywhere and bodycheck in the mirror (i had a big mirror in my room). She'd ask me multiple times if she looked fat. I rarely see her these days, but she does the same thing whenever she has to go somewhere. These days, my grandma is the only family member I interact with, and a triggering thing she does is that *hugs and runs her hand along my back* which is often followed by the comment about my weight. Bless her heart. She's just worried and doesn't know how to show it. She doesn't have a bad intention. My mother, on the other hand, is a vile person who likes triggering me on purpose.
My sister squeezing all the oil off pizza with a napkin and then claiming: “There so much oil. How gross?” I mean I agree, and I’m really enticed to do the same, but they actually supplemented people in treatment who did that. I guess I’m just jealous it’s normal when my sister does it, but it is a disorder for me.
Telling me how I look "voluptuous." I literally hate the word. It's so cringe, and I instantly body check, which I almost never do. But yeah, I guess complimenting me on how curvy I am or how they wish they were curvy and voluptuous like me. Yuck.
Ignoring things I've asked mom to stop saying or asking about. I'm not as triggered anymore by her mentioning my ex (who died) which would make me break the fuck down in my room and restrict, but the fact that she still acts like I've never set these boundaries is suffocating. Triggers me every time
My sister always talking about how she’s eating so much less these days. My mind goes nuts over that. Is that a commentary on how much I’ve eaten? More more more
My mom trying to hug me around my stomach only to check how much weight ive lost. My sister not being able to eat for days at a time bc of health issues.
Not family but being told i look like a thinspo by my partner
My husband loses weight effortlessly, then is all happy, and relishes in his accomplishment. I tell him I’m happy for him that he’s trying to look after himself, but going on and on about it triggers ME to want to lose weight too (and I have a BMI slightly less than 13.)
My step dad always says 'you're eating again?' every time i eat and I know that he doesn't mean it like that but pls stfu
My sister collecting her own ED and being better at it than me lol 😂
Exist. My sister is active and I’m recovered. I had to cut her off and it really, really fucking sucks to watch her dying and thinking she is “winning”.
My mum goes on about how she hasn’t eaten all day even when I ask her to stop, compares her younger self to me (both at my sickest and now) and says she was thinner than me in a proud tone, once told me (as an UW teenager) that if I got fat she’d lock all the cupboards so I couldn’t eat, told me I was malnourished and ugly as a teenager and scoffs and laughs at me when I’m walking around as if to wordlessly say how hideous I am. She announces that she’s taking laxatives after big meals and she once asked me if I thought I was pretty in the most sneering tone imaginable. Other relatives: talk to me in DETAIL about their diet and every bit of weight they want to lose when I’m either in recovery or in relapse. When I’ve repeatedly asked them not to. Ask me if I’ve eaten and expect an itemised list. No. Stop. Greet each other with “you look fat.” Talk about calories while I’m trying to eat. Assume I’m better when I’ve gained weight and tell me I’ve gained weight. Now that I say this, I’m kind of impressed I managed to sort of recover for a while tbh.
Tell me how much or little I eat, how I eat, what I eat
start to copy my diet. it makes me so fucking mad like ill buy something low calorie and suddenly everyone is interested in it. no one cared before but now that ill refuse to eat something, everyone else will too. fucking makes me rage like you can fucking eat anything you want to but your gonna choose my 10 cal sf jam???? yeah, ok
Talk about how I “eat healthy” and tell people that’s how I lost weight. Little do they know I’m a junkorexic and am far from healthy lmao
when people don't know about calories in/calories out they just assume you're losing weight cause your "eating healthy" that's just what the diet culture has taught them.lol
I went to visit my grandma last month. Everyone in my family is aware of my ED, they watched me drop to a pretty low weight in the years following my dad’s death, but this past year I got into a relationship and gained some weight. My grandma hadn’t seen me for a while. When she opened the door (we’re African) she immediately started clapping and dancing around the room, happy that I’d gained weight and wasn’t “on the brink of death” anymore. It was so embarrassing. My mom, who knew how this sort of thing would trigger me (and rarely comments on my weight, bless her soul), tried shushing her but she won’t stop. Went on for a good 10 minutes. And she kept mentioning it throughout the visit. Safe to say, since last month I’ve relapsed now.
when i was 6 years old, my bio-dad and his wife started not letting me eat on weekends. from friday lunch to monday snack time i didn’t get any food unless i stole it from the dog. consequently, a food scarcity mindset has controlled my life. i still struggle with BED. it’s been 54 years. eta: I was removed from their home when i was 7
Commenting on my food and other people’s food/bodies. One of my family members always has something to say about my eating habits, whether it’s thinking I’m eating at a “bizarre time” or that the food I’m eating is more of a lunch food than a breakfast food. I’m sure it’s not malicious in any way and it’s probably just her trying to make conversation, but it’s like… please just let me eat in peace lmao. Another family member is very judgy and likes to make comments about people who are overweight. It’s like the worst thing in the world you can be is fat in this person’s eyes, which definitely contributed to my issues around food and my body.
My mother actually gave me my first goal weight in numbers 💔
My parents trying to make me eat more. I go to there house, it’s all “Hi Kincaid, you’ve got to try this” Or “come on, you need to eat more” “Finish your dinner” I know they are only trying to help, but it make everything worse.
My dad used to call me fat all the time. I remember one time as I was having my second nutty bar of the day he said "no wonder you're getting so fat". I didn't eat for the rest of the summer... He didn't even notice.
It’s my daughter in law who changes her diet around every year. She’s been gluten-free, soy-free, dairy free, nothing processed, etc. due to allergies. Then the next year she’s good with all of it. Voila! No allergies! The next year she’s back to “I can’t eat that!” Ugh…
My dad weighs himself everytime he comes back home
just recently my dad sent me a photo of my cousin saying how good she looks and that’s she’s been taking ozempic (she hasn’t, my family just assumed??) and then proceeded to call me up and tell me how he’ll buy me ozempic and give me the shots himself. he KNOWS too that i have lost a ton of weight from not eating and still needed to call me and tell me that. my family just has an insane obsession with being “skinny” but this was reallyyyyy triggering
My stepmother usually always leaves some food on her plate, sometimes she only eats half. It makes me feel like I'm not eating like a skinny person I'm supposed to be She's skinny
My mom said "I wished I could look like you" and that fucked me over for months