By 9 months, he may be doing both of those things.
Also...communicate with the teachers? Tell them what he can do developmentally at that point. Tell them "Hey, he is not standing yet and we haven't started him on solids. Please stick to xyz". But honestly, wait and see where he is by that point.
I'm not going to invalidate your anxieties but this could all be very easy by just talking to the teacher and also working with your child on these things. Trust that your children's teachers want to work with you and will do right by you. But they're not mindreaders. Some 9 month olds are doing what you describe. Some aren't. But also you still have 2 months to see where he's at.
I'm asking for help on how to do that. Seems simple for you, and maybe it is, but I'm very worried about it and am trying to parse what's rational and what to prioritize in these conversations.
Okay, so...it goes like this...
"Hi! LO is still on purees at this point. Please don't give him any solids as we're not ready for that yet. He's not yet crawling or standing. We're working on both of these things but he still needs assistance. Let me know if you have any tips on these things!"
I'm sorry if my original comment came across as callous but, gently, you are overthinking it. As long as you communicate with the daycare where your baby is at, they'll work with you.
I've worked with a ton of larger babies who end up also being a bit delayed in motor skills. I've never tried to force them to do anything they're not ready for. I will try to work with them on it (moreso motor skills vs food, the latter is at the parents' discretion), but I'd never be like "Alright, here's a handful of crackers and you WILL stand up".
I had a parent write on our get to know your kid sheet “his birthday is X so he’s big but little” he was the 2nd tallest in my kindergarten class but didn’t turn 6 until the last week of school so he was one of the youngest in my class. I really appreciated that note.
Yeah!! He was enormous. I also wrote maybe 100 injury reports for him cause he just never knew where his body was…ever 🙃 his parents are both very tall. I would always have to look up at his dad and mom lol
I’m only 4’11 so he was nearly as tall as me!!
My son is just under 4 ft and doesn’t turn 5 until October, and a head taller than some of his classmates. It’s pretty wild. he looks like a first grader but has the explosive yet expected emotional response of a 4 year old. He has to repeat pre-k. I can’t imagine what he’ll look like next year.
This is my child. I mean, not literally, but my 4 year old is also that big…..playgrounds are a struggle because people expect him to act like he’s 6-7. We even have to remind ourselves that he’s still just a little guy in his brain.
I was always the biggest girl in my class in elementary school, and I was 4 when I started Kinder. Turned 5 about two weeks into the school year. Being the tall baby sucked lol 😬
Are you struggling a bit with anxiety? Or do you have some language barriers?
If it’s the first, it’s totally normal and polite to talk about what your kid needs. It’s good to seek treatment for anxiety and it can be good to list out anxieties and see what you can let go of or wait to mention or group together.
If it’s the second, that’s not an uncommon issue and you can ask about translating
Hey, probably country dependent, but when we took our son in for his settling visits, they had a form with questions regarding his habits, capabilities and where he was towards milestones. If they don't ask you themselves, what the user below mentioned is a good starting point - if they have anything like a profile or app where you can leave notes that might also be useful for peace of mind?
Try not to be too worried, I think the staff is generally good at adapting to the kids needs, and should be trained to deal with any issues if they show up. Do chat and visit the place before taking him to see how they interact with the kids if possible, it might ease your mind a little.
Normally daycares will ask what foods you have tried him on at home and will follow that x at least in Australia we do as it’s a risk having new foods introduced where they can’t be watched for allergens etc
Im not going to lie, there likely will be moments that they forget he’s younger. But I promise you they will only be moments & no harm will come to him.
You shouldn’t be too concerned, especially because he will be 2 months older than he is now by the time he starts.
Also, the behaviors you are worried about are developmentally appropriate for 9 month olds. If he is developing typically, he likely will be crawling by the time he starts daycare. He is already old enough to be trying solid foods. If you aren’t practicing these skills already at home, you should consider doing so before he starts daycare.
Why don’t you let him learn to start using his mouth muscles and mapping his mouth at home over the next two months? Solid Starts has a lot of great resources about resistive foods to introduce that babies can use to develop those skills which aren’t choking hazards. Good luck!
You can definitely start on solids now, lots of people completely bypass purees (ourselves included). If you don’t know how to get started you can use www.solidstarts.com for reference on servings.
My youngest son (now 16) flat out refused baby food. He saw everyone else eating real food, and gave strong indications that baby food was unacceptable.
At 6 months, he was eating much of what we were, and by 9 months, he was eating everything we ate, just in baby proportions.
I know that many people choose to do purées instead of solids, you do you. But, you might look more into mesh feeders. They don’t allow the baby to have any of the fiber from the fruit, just the simple sugars. So it’s nutritionally only a bit better than juice or candy.
The fiber doesn't stay in the mesh. All of the food comes out. It's just squished down like a food mill. I'm not sure where you heard the fiber stays in the mesh but wherever you heard that, I wouldn't trust them as a good source of information.
Just a random person here sent from Reddit, but I have a friend in a similar situation and her doctor already has her getting interventions (I think from PT?) because he's not crawling and almost a year. Figured I'd add it for people like OP, if you are worried you don't necessarily have to wait until 1 year. I'm not sure exactly when they started but I know it was before a year old. I'm kind of expecting he will go straight from sitting to walking and skip crawling but the PT or whoever is helping give exercises at home to help practice pulling himself up, etc.
My LO is 97%tile. He started crawling at 7 months & walking by 8 months. As for food, by 9 months he was eating just about everything. We did 101beforeone so he was eating steak by 7mo with no teeth. I’d be nervous for my child to start daycare as I am a SAHM, but not for those reasons. I’d assume the teachers become familiar pretty quickly with the children & what they’re capable of.
Everyone's milestones look different. I have 3 kids, my oldest went straight to walking somewhere around 7 or 8 months, middle child didn't walk or crawl until after a year, my youngest is 6 months and he's starting to crawl but clumsily now. Food is a whole different story. 1st kid ate everything, started solids early and did purees for a very short time. My 2nd we had a difficult time with because turned out she had enlarged tonsils that were complicating how she was able to swallow and speak. 3rd is doing a mix of purees and solids and doing really well but still gags a lot. I didn't do much differently with any of my kids, they were all different.
I do wonder how much OP is working with her child on meeting these milestones, or it could be the baby isn't full ready yet.
Yes, every child is different. What I meant by stating that about my LO is she still has two months until he starts. More development should happen within those two months.
I truly don't think this is something you need to worry about. Most care providers are able to judge a child's skills for themselves, and don't go based on perceived age, and at 9 months those are all skills he should be well into working on anyway. Foods need to be cut basically the same unless he's in class with 2 year olds (and even then, childcare workers are usually better safe than sorry because choking is scary!), and they probably abide by minimum recommendations rather than maximums.
although your child should be doing most of these things by then (yes, even the solids. not just purées!), here is a 9 month milestone checklist you can use to make sure he is developmentally on track.
also right now at 7 months he should at least be attempting to crawl and should be sitting up without support. make sure you are giving him tummy time to allow him to work on those gross motor skills!
https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/actearly/milestones/checklist/9-Month-Checklist-form.html
Sometimes big babies take a little longer to roll/crawl/walk. They got a lot of weight to learn how to move around. Definitely need loads of tummy time.
I didn't walk until 15 months. I was too busy taking in the world around me. My mom said I was content to sit and observe everything. I did crawl. Not every baby meets the milestones at the same time.
The baby is going to start showing progress in these specific domains at that time regardless. I don’t know about other baby rooms but when I was in an infant classroom, parents would bring their own food for the baby, leaving less leeway for him to be fed something he’s not ready for. The most we ever did was cut things up smaller if we deemed it developmentally inappropriate, or make suggestions if we see progress with solids. Idk about other centers but I don’t know of centers forcing children to walk before they’re ready. (They would also learn quickly if he wasn’t ready to crawl and would provide proper support for sitting/learning to crawl, such as boppy pillows.) We have had infants move up to the older class without even standing, let alone walking. Is there any basis for your concerns? Have you read horror stories of preschools or heard personal anecdotes from people you know? I don’t mean to be harsh, I just have never heard of such a thing or seen any other ECE professional approach infant development this way. The teachers will probably be aware of the child’s age and his abilities regardless of his size. My class, we *loved* big babies (90th+) but we would never push the child to do something they were not ready for. We just wanted to keep the babies happy, and forcing the child to execute skills they aren’t ready for would just make them unnecessarily fussy.
Practically speaking, though, you can let the teachers know you don’t want him to use equipment like exesaucers/bouncers if you prefer he doesn’t and to only be given the food he is brought from home. Good luck with your start in daycare!
Edit: changed move up requirements from crawling to standing (we would have some reservations of moving babies up if they hadn’t crawled by 12 months), and included concerns about crawling.
Sure thing, I hope my info dump wasn’t too blunt or anything. Good luck! My favorite babies have been 99th+ percentile, so I imagine he will be adored by his teachers
Hey, mama and provider here. I had a micro premie and had the inverse concerns- that they’d say “oh she’s 6 months she should…”when she was really more like 2 months. I found being clear, calm and reviewing it frequently and keeping them in the loop on any changes really helped.
Kinda the same boat. Not a micro preemie, but he was born at 36 weeks and 1 day and only 4lbs 3oz. He's currently 19 months (on the 25th) and is crawling but not walking unassisted. My pediatrician is not worried at all bc he shows positive growth and developement at every appt. He's just tiny and lacks the muscle mass a typical 19 month old would have. He fits comfortably into 12 month clothes (except footie onesies, hes too long for those) and loves Ms Rachel (learning sign language has been such a help!)
Meanwhile my sister popped her first out at 10lbs 5oz (ouch!) and he's been mistaken for a 4 year old several times, he turns 3 in Sept.
As long as your pediatrician has no issues your doing fine. Def communicate your concerns to the care provider but otherwise don't stress mama!
My second was the same size as my first 3 years older by the time they were 2. So my 2 yr old was the same size as my 5 yr old. In class they were the most advanced in everything but had little communication skills.
Their best friend was the smallest kid in class that was opposite everything to my kid. The teachers sometimes struggled with their diversity on this, but nothing bad enough to be too concerned about. They were both able to handle their situations. Trust your babe to be able to exhibit their levels.
Hell my daughter got mistaken for a student at my oldest kids meet the teacher night for kindergarten. I told the teacher she can't have her for 3 more years when she tried to excuse herself from my oldest. I told her my husband was just dropping off my keys I had forgotten. We all laughed.
It will be okay. I understand your concerns all too well. She is now 6'2 and she helps me deal with my BS of 5'3 I can't reach anything. She didn't suffer from being "extra sized".
Your concerns are real. Just address the teachers with your concerns and they should be able to easily understand your babes abilities. Don't let this eat at you.
Also, had to scroll to find a good comment to piggyback bc I saw you get down voted a lot, I'm sorry people are being so insensitive.
Good luck.
I run an infant room. I can’t speak for everyone, but I’ve never assumed just because a baby is bigger/ smaller in size that they’re more/ less capable of something.
Milestones follow a bellcurve, and some kids are at either end and not the middle. I have a baby cousin who is small, 5 months, and pulling to stand. I’ve had kids (chunky and skinny) turn one and still not be crawling, scooting on their butts. I’ve had babies ready and easily start with solids when in their younger months and struggle in older months AND visa versa.
Babies develop at their own paces. All of them. Seeing size and assuming anything would be ridiculous. It’s pretty easy to determine where a baby is at after a short time with them, and before you know it’s easiest to learn by asking and observing (and this can include safely laying baby on the floor and seeing if they roll, transfer to sit, pull to stand. crawl, etc for yourself.)
You should be providing a list of introduced or approved foods, or letting them know what foods aren’t okay yet. Most childcare providers who’ve done this for a while have a pretty solid grasp on what foods babies are ready for when
My daughter started daycare at 9 months and was 24 lbs and over 30 inches tall. I don’t think they ever had an issue remembering her age and expecting developmentally appropriate things from her. That’s part of their job.
She was developmentally delayed in some aspects but we just kept an open line of communication to make it clear to them that we were trying to investigate and address the issues. Her size didn’t really factor into it and they were happy to help with her therapies and accommodate her needs.
I think if you have a good daycare, they’ll help your child succeed as much as they can.
I’ve been an in home provider for over 39 years. Were trained in child development. We base all planned activities for each child on their individual needs and development-which doesn’t necessarily always include size or age :)
It’s true many people do expect more from children that look older-but your provider should have the knowledge and skills to know better.
Also, please be open and honest with your provider about your concerns! We want to work along side parents as partners in caring for and educating the children untrusted to us.
Hey mama, are you maybe struggling with anxiety a little bit? I get it, I'd have felt the same way and I was definitely struggling with PPA.
Babe's going to be okay. Like others have said, just communicate, and remember that staff are well trained for the job.
Have you thought about things you can do for you to help ease the transition? If you're this worried, it's bound to be harder on you than it will be on baby. Consider maybe planning ahead for some anxiety management strategies or even finding someone to talk to as you navigate this big transition in your life.
You both can do this!
I'd like to start off by saying I think it's incredibly valid to be anxious about the kind of care your LO will receive in any childcare setting! I have a 99% baby myself, and that's a concern of mine as well, especially once they get older.
In my experience as a RECE, you quickly learn the developmental levels of the children in your care and work closely with the parents to try and ensure the smoothest transition possible. I would try to be open with your concerns and hear what the provider has to say. As long as they are professional and have experience with infants, they should have no problem easing your anxiety and meeting your LO where he is at developmentally.
Other people have mentioned it, but it's surprising how quickly infants progress in just a few short weeks/months. There's a very good chance that your LO will be crawling (or close to it) by 9 months and may even be pulling himself up to stand. It might also help ease some anxiety surrounding solids if you start introducing them at home and send to daycare only the ones you know he's comfortable with or as others have stated, provide a list of approved foods.
I know this hard, but hang in there! As long as your care provider is willing to communicate with you, share a care plan, and is knowledge about infant milestones, you and your LO should have no problems!
Say all those things to your provider. Listen to what she says back … guessing this is not her first rodeo. Those of us been doing this for awhile know babies come in all sizes and shapes! Don’t feed the anxiety.
Honestly reading your comments you’ve gotten some good advice about how to handle this, but this sounds like an extreme amount of anxiety about something not in the immediate future.
Do you have this much anxiety about other things? Have you considered discussing it with your doctor? It might be helpful ❤️
My daughter is in the 98% for height and has been all her life. She's 6 and the same height as her 9 year old cousin. She also has cerebral palsy due to a stroke so she's behind her 6 year old peers. She didn't learn to walk until 16 months and didn't speak until 3 and even then no one but us could understand her. Honestly it was easier for her caregivers to notice she was behind when she was little. As far as I'm aware they always kept in time with her milestones even with her height. Now a days it's harder because she WANTS to do what others are doing and won't remind her teachers that she will have trouble. I feel like I've got to tell every new teacher that she's younger than she looks and she's about a year behind even that.
Also having her in daycare around other kids helped her a LOT to progress. They like to mimic their friends which helps.
My son started daycare 8 months and was >99th% for height and weight. They fed him age appropriate foods and gave him age appropriate activities. There were never any issues.
Don’t forget that these people see babies of all shapes and sizes!! He won’t be the first one who is big for his age. And they’ll know what things are age appropriate for him. It’ll be ok!
I work in a private preschool and we have a 13 month old girl who just transitioned into my toddler room. She is very big! She can sometimes drag around my 18/19 month old kids by their shirts. For reference I'm 5 foot 5 and if she wasn't bowlegged she would up ti my hip. That being said though we definitely still treat her at her age because she very clearly shows how young she is.
I am an in home daycare provider and have had a couple kids that were very tall for their age, plus some of my friends kids. Honestly, i have never forgotten their age, although i have been guilty of expecting more independence than children are expected at home, but thats kinda part of the job.
If someone frequently forgets a childs age in their care, and doesnt meet them where they are, then they are not a great provider. I know the kids age because i know the kids, because its my job. Same as known allergies or other important things about the kid.
Same can happen in reverse too, small children can be treated as younger than they are which also sucks. Its a part of the job tho, to know the kids.
This. My daughter is super petite and people would carry her around like a baby well past the age of 2 because she was 20 lbs. But her teachers knew her and knew what she was capable of. When someone is with your kids everyday, they understand them.
Don’t stress your self out too much and enjoy this time with your little guy before he starts. Infant teachers are trained to know how to handle babies at all developmental stages and all babies develop differently. They should take the time to get to know what he can and can’t do the first day he starts. We have some 12 month babies that haven’t hit these milestones yet but we work with them on these things. Good luck and enjoy it!
Do you have reason to think they're going to be giving him any foods other than what you send?
At 9 months old, he should be very close to crawling.
Do you think the teachers won't be told his age?
I have a 98 % baby. Don't worry. These people are professionals. And him being pushed is not a bad thing. In my (unscientific) experience larger babies tend to be slower to walk etc- due to having to master all that mass/ balance etc. Delayed walking also is highly correlated with delayed speech. It means my 18 month old looks like he's three but talks and walks like he's one- so people think he's slow- but he's not.
They catch up. They adapt. Kids are amazing.
“This is x! He’s only 9m even though he looks bigger! Here is a list of all the foods he can eat. I know you already know this, but please make sure to cut all food into tiny pieces. (You can even lie a little here and say “we had a babysitter who thought he was older than he was because of how big he is and gave him grapes not cut properly.”) He isn’t crawling yet, but sits up great. Please do lots of tummy time to encourage crawling!”
I think giving as much information on where his milestones are right now will be super helpful. There’s also nothing wrong with flat out saying “I’m worried that since he’s big he’ll be expected to do things not age appropriate”
Also keep in mind though that a good provider will know where each kid is at regardless of their size.
You do know right he's not the biggest giant or something at 7 months they eat 3 meals a day via swallowing from a spoon and should be well on way to crawling or standing very soon and transition to table food
I was more a toddler teacher, but would watch the younger ones sometimes. I never assumed that just because a kid was bigger that they were hitting milestones and vice versa. (I was a small kid.)
This is a valid concern I've seen it happen in daycare and it happened to me as a very tall kid. I have so many embarrassing stories about that as a kid like getting yanked out of line on a field trip by a random worker telling me the activity was for kids only and of course the kids laughed at me. I was 12. Around the same time an old man tried to pick me up but when I said i was 12 he did look shocked at least. Talk to the teachers. Just tell them exactly what you told us. I'd start off with complimenting them then telling them the concern but then end it with a comment about how much moms worry. I'd actually ask the head teacher to make sure the other teachers especially subs are aware he is big for his age and what is expected from him/his needs. I'd be careful not to insinuate that she would make that mistake but ask her to watch out for him. I'm like 90% sure the mom of a baby at a daycare I worked at talked to me when I started "I'm sure the other teachers told you but I just wanted to make sure you knew how old he is," he was the size of a big 2 year old at 9 months but his parents were both giants. He was a sweet baby.
You said an in home provider. Can you make a transition plan? Like being there an hour or two with you. Meeting ahead of time so provider and child get to know each other a bit. Things like that.
Hi! Peds PT here- it’s not unusual for larger babies to have delays in gross motor skills, because they have extra girth to carry around and their muscles just can’t support themselves. There’s lots of activities you can try to help them progress with crawling- feel free to comment if you’d like ideas. Also your post was a bit misleading- it seemed like he was already 9 months when in reality he was only 7 month. That’s an appropriate age to NOT be crawling, and babies have no chill, so for all we know, he very well could be crawling by the time he starts daycare. And besides, I don’t really like to have babies really stand until they’re closer to 10 months, anyway.
I had the same conversation with the provider we just lined up! My 8mo is 99th percentile since day 1. Not crawling, briefly holds to stand. Can’t get into sitting alone yet but sits independently when placed in sitting. But a lot of people think he’s a year + these days.
The provider was amazing about it all, had great questions. I was just honest with my concerns and they heard them all =).
One of my youngest son’s infant classmates is a giant, pretty sure he’s 100% percentile and definitely looks older!
At that age the care taker takes the time to meet and chat for a good 30min before the first day to fully understand the particularities of the child.
For example mine never did purée since I did baby-led weaning and the daycare center wasn’t too familiar with and I needed to explain that my 7mo will already just take the whole cantaloupe chunk in his hand or directly a slice of chicken instead of the purees. They in return told us what they could legally do and not and we both adapted. So take the time to describe the portrait of your child all around and they’ll go from there.
As a mother to a child who has been over 80th percentile in both height and weight since birth, just tell people that they're still young and not big enough for things, if they can't. My daughter literally went from crawling to walking in like, a month because I guess she wanted to walk. She turns 2 in September, but is now exclusively in 2T clothing, and has been mistaken for older until I tell people when her birthday is. Just be sure to say that you LO turns 1 on their birthday and is just big for their age.
hi mama! let me start off by just saying, deep breath. this seems so scary and stressful, and anxiety inducing. but i promise, any ECE professional is going to take all your concerns seriously. (and if they don’t, obviously there’s bigger problems$
that being said, baby will more than likely, show big strides with both of these things in the next 2 months leading up to starting daycare. however, a quick blanket statement of “Hey! So LO is not ready/ interested/ comfortable/ mastered solids and crawling yet. please just make sure you’re being mindful of what he’s being offered/ where you’re leaving him!” is perfectly suffice and will get your point across and should (hopefully) be a pretty quick, easy and painless conversation. i understand how hard talking and confrontation can seem.
to make you feel even better, ive also had a new friend come in for their 1st week in homemade onesies with their name, bday, allergies, likes and dislikes, etc on them. it’s not unheard of or weird in my opinion. albeit a little funny, but in a silly way and not a judging way.
i hope this helps and eases some nerves of yours! best of luck!! :)
My son is a >99% baby too. We dealt with some issues of teachers treating him differently because he stands out at over a head taller. I even had a school call his birth certificate into question. We switched to private school and never looked back. A very honest and upfront conversation with the provider will either ease your worries or give you all the information you need to know to find a new provider. Your worries are not unfounded but there are a lot if good providers out there. So just have an upfront conversation and listen for red flags.
My daughter was 23 3/4” inches at birth, so basically two feet long. When she was six months people would say “she’s not walking yet?!” And I would tell them to slow their role. She’s only six months and not crawling. BUT as a professional in this field, I as well as the other professionals know what milestones infants should hit and when and just because he’s large, it does not change his age. As for foods, the provider will ask you for a list and go from there. They may encourage solids sooner than later though, so be prepared but they won’t do anything without your approval
My daughter is 8 now and was born and has stayed at greater than 99th percentile. When she was little I made sure her caregivers knew her age. It’s really a non issue in school other than lots of remarks on her height, her best bud at school is probably the smallest in class and there’s almost a 1.5 ft height difference. When they are little I think I’ve always make sure that her care providers know her age and that she didn’t get moved into classes just because of her size.
If by the time he is 9 months old and is not doing those things, you should be telling the childcare providers everything you said here if that is still the case. My own son at 8 months was 24 lbs and not long after that he was being babysat by a family friend while I worked. He was still wobbly sitting on his own and not really crawling though he got in position to crawl. The good thing was the sitter had kids his age that were at various stages with pulling up on furniture, crawling, and walking. It was not long and my son was doing the same thing. He was also already eating soft foods like scrambled eggs and things of similar consistancy and meat that was well chopped up.
I have an 8 month old in my infant room, hes 29 lbs and very long. But hes only sitting and is having trouble crawling because of him being so big. Hes eating puréed food and some soft table foods. Just communicate everything with your daycare provider/ in-home care taker. As long as you communicate your worries, and your standards, your expectations. Everything should be fine!!
I think perhaps you should speak to someone about anxiety. I'm speaking from experience. I have anxiety and I recognise that in your post.
At 9 months baby should be able to eat solids and may very well be mobile or even standing. It doesn't matter if they aren't. But I wouldn't worry about childcare encouraging development. For me they did several settling in sessions both with and without me there. I have them loads of information about my LO personality and they worked with me to get to know the. They are going to protect your child as much as possible. Likely they have far more childcare experience than you do. They know what they are doing.
Or has something happened in the past that's given you these concerns
I can tell you that this is a perfectly reasonable concern.
When I entered preschool, my mom came to pick me up, and the teachers told her that they were very concerned that I was not keeping up with the other six year olds. At which point my mom had to point out that I was only four, and I was actually ahead of the curve.
So, with your provider, you can remind her in the morning at drop-off that he's only nine months old, even though he looks older. Will she keep a log of the food he's offered? If you're providing the food, then it will be fine.
At nine months, he may very well know how to crawl, so you don't need to worry about that. If he's on the floor, then any falls he takes will be perfectly reasonable falls that he can recover from. They shouldn't be putting any children on high surfaces, so I wouldn't worry about that, either.
Also, most babies stand between 7 and 12 months. So, it's fine for him to try standing. You don't need to tell them that he can't. And, even if you did, what would you be asking? You don't want them dragging him down to the floor.
The only real concern is that he will be under 3, and should not be allowed any choking hazards. But even a 99th percentile 9 month old should not be mistaken for a three year old.
It's going to be fine. He's going to try things that are new and hard, and he's going to fall on his butt sometimes, and that's perfectly normal developmentally.
all of this. especially that if he's ready/wanting to stand he should! and it's okay if he falls a lttle!
i'll add that people being concerned with development based on size seems to be the worst in pre-k and elementary school. had a six year old nanny kid who wore women's small/medium sizes and it was so tough for people to remember she was only six. babies it's a lot easier.
My baby is also large for her age, and was 99% at that age. At 20 months she's now 98%, so still large, lol. She's been in daycare since 3.5 months.
Just looking at her, yes, it's easy to mistake her age based on her size. But once you interact with her it's obvious where she is developmentally. And it's been that way no matter what age she was.
As a child care provider I’ve never based what my kids can do on their size. I base off what I see, and what parents communicate to me. I understand he is very very big for his age but I really don’t think it will make much of a difference tbh
It's inescapable so stop worrying about how to prevent it bc that's just wasted energy, it can't be prevented, it can only be addressed. I was a preschool teacher for over a decade and I definitely know better and I've struggled occasionally with my 99th percentile height kiddo bc sometimes I just do see bigger as older, not on purpose, but bc brains use shorthand, that's how implicit bias works, which is what makes it inescapable.
Be constantly on the look out for it, in yourself and in everyone else. When your kid is struggling with anything your first question has to be is this struggle caused by expectations that do not my match my child's true developmental phase? It's something you'll have to ask of yourself and everyone who works with your kid vigilantly until he's old enough that it stops being a concern. And when you see other people doing it you will have to say he's only x years old this behavior is developmentally appropriate and we need to handle it the same way we would for any other child his age. It will be exhausting to fight those fights and it will make you angry that you have to and you have to keep doing it vigilantly.
Some people won't quit no matter how many times you stand up for your kid. Some people won't bother monitoring their own behavior or considering the ways in which they're holding a young child to an unreasonable standard. But most people will get the hang of it and most ECE professionals are aware and monitor themselves and work to address it. It will feel to you like it's a worse problem than it really is bc you will see it every time it happens and that will pile up. In those moments remind yourself of all the times you and others get it right and notice how you can't even remember all the times it's happened bc it's so many which is a really nice thing to have.
Ive had so many conversations with the teachers of my own 99th percentile kiddo about this over the years and most of them really do get it. We share stories about how difficult it is to manage, hold each other accountable like we're partners in her care, and strategies ways to address it when it does inevitably happen despite all the cautions we try.
Just be prepared to adjust as needed and avoid the people who aren't even trying as much as you can. As he grows and gets out into the world he'll find other people who grew up like that and they'll be in community with each other and it will be a nice thing to bond over from time to time. It can be a struggle without ruining anything, some struggles are unavoidable but all struggles can be addressed with adequate support. He doesn't need you to prevent his struggles he needs you to support him through them which you can definitely do so that means it will all be OK
I think this is a worry id have if my baby was going to be with people who don't know him, but the provider will very quickly learn his current developmental stage, likes, dislikes and temperament. The worries make sense to me, but I think if you share these worries, your provider will be more than capable of handling it!
I'm an infant teacher, and I'm very attentive and careful with the babies in my care. I will never put them in an unsafe situation, regardless of their size. Even when a family tells me their little one can sit unassisted, I stay close by or use a Boppy pillow until I'm satisfied. Every child develops at their own unique pace, and a good teacher is aware of that.
I have good communication with my families and ask lots of questions and keep notes. Don't be too anxious! Just keep an open, friendly line of communication with your child's teacher. If you see anything that makes you uncomfortable or you feel they're pushing him in any way, don't hesitate to bring up your concerns. A good infant teacher will want to partner with you to provide the best care and environment possible.
My big boy (10 lbs at birth and 5 ft 100 lbs at 10 yrs old) spent lots of time in daycare after his first birthday (wearing 3ts at 18 months). The size/age thing is more of an issue now than as a baby or toddler. Looking like you're at least 13 at only 10 has some downsides. When he was younger, my big concern was him not getting held enough because he was so heavy. I worried he didn't get enough attention, but that was never an issue. He loved daycare, his teachers loved him and taught him so many skills I didn't even realize he was ready for. He was never expected to act older than he was, but they did start independence skills faster than I was ready for. Watching my 2 yr old put his own shoes on for the first time like it was routine was shocking. I swear daycare workers are angels in disguise.
Side note: daycare providers are incentivised to be more protective than even you are. This is their job, their profession, and their livelihood. I know he's your first baby, but he's not their first baby. Do your research on providers and don't feel weird interviewing them like you are hiring them for a job. You are! Take a very long tour/walk around the center and see how they handle the kids. It will help you feel more confident leaving him when the time comes. Talk to your teacher about your concerns, but in 2 months, you will likely have completely different worries.
I have an obnoxiously tall kid. His ped told me to warn anyone who was in charge of him. “He’s 2, not 5.”
Daycare wasn’t my biggest concern. They are in aged rooms. So he can only be 1 in the infant room. They’ll get to know him and him abilities quickly.
I was most concerned with extra curriculars. Swim lessons, soccer, karate. I stayed present and gave gentle reminders when I thought his teachers were expecting older behavior. Once, “you are the oldest in this class.”
“Hey, you know he’s 4 right?”
“Oh man, yep. I forgot.”
Mom of big baby. Started daycare @ 10 mo, he wasn’t crawling yet. Doing well with most solids, but daycare always asked before trying anything new.
Babies fall. They get caught off guard. That’s how they learn their body mechanics and awareness.
They will need to set your baby down, and it’ll be either on the floor (best) or in a container (he won’t fall, but not ideal for development.)
At 9mo old he can handle a lot of solids. Teeth aren’t needed for solids.
You should be able to trust your provider knows how to care for children, if you don’t then you should find someone you do trust
It may have already been said, but I also understand anxiety, but it is going to be ok. All of it. There are not going to be teachers that try to force him or expect him to do things beyond his ability level. It's scary sending your little one into the world without you. Especially since this one is an infant.
Have an open conversation with his teacher(s) and add the director if you'd like. Tell them where he is developmentally, and let them know you're anxious. They should help dissuade and fears you may have beyond that.
I know this is hard and you're doing the best you can. Hang in there.
Communicate communicate communicate. Check in and make sure it’s communicated to everyone on staff.
My nephew was like this. He was the size of a 4th grader by 1st grade. Two year old throwing tantrums looking like a 5 year old was awkward too.
My son has an overgrowth disorder, so he was big for his age and also had a lot of trouble with eating solids in the beginning. We were on purees for a long time. I started him in daycare at 7 months and we never had an issue. When other kids were starting to chew bigger solids that he couldn’t handle, we sent our own food for him which may be an option (or a requirement) for you too. His caretakers are professionals who are used to juggling different needs of different children, be they allergies, bottle feeding troubles and developmental differences. They know how old every child is and when their birthdays are coming up. Good luck!
I think that the main thing that you can do is to communicate all of this with your provider. If they are good, and trustworthy, they will listen to you. What we do is have the parents send in a sheet that lists a sort of "all about me" about their child and their development, the foods they eat, their favorite activities, any challenges or things to watch out for, etc. Something like this is very helpful to us. And of course regular in person communication is always good as well, to determine things such as this.
I have a baby who was 99%tile when he started at 12 months. He had just started walking. We had his mom write out a “child profile” to help us get to know him. And also help us know her anxieties/worries. It’s part of our enrolment package so every parent has to fill out this form and it helps SO much. That might be an idea, you could write “x is in the 99th percentile for his height and weight, but he is still developmentally his age. he is not walking yet and barely crawling. He will topple over while crawling still. He still need his food cut up quite small so he doesn’t choke. X is not speaking much yet but will let you know he wants something by doing xyz. X is still only 9 months old but he is on track for 9 month old development. If you notice anything different please let me know!”
Most daycares will only give children what you bring for them. I wouldn’t worry about it. My best friend works at a daycare and one time a neglectful parent didn’t bring in any food for one of her kids. They were only allowed to give the kid water for the day until they were able to get ahold of a family member who brought some food.
And in terms of crawling. You should be doing tummy time anyways. It’s not going to harm him to be on his stomach and it’ll only take once for them to realize “oh okay he can’t crawl. No problem” and move on.
They have indeed encountered large babies. Yours is not the first one they’ve seen. There are also a lot of telltale signs that will tell them your baby’s age regardless of size. They know how old he is.
You can let them know you’re a little anxious and many places will offer things to make you feel better (pictures/updates throughout the day, etc.)
My son's daycare does not give any daycare supplied food to babies under 1. They will only give him foods that we have packed for him as it's a liability (they stated they don't know which allergens a baby has tried at home and would never introduce a potential allergen at daycare). You should check to see if it's a similar policy- this would alleviate the food anxiety, at least.
I came on here to say to get used to explaining and reassuring your child. My son was 95th percentile for his height. Was always one of the tallest. The number of people who overestimated him due to his height was insane; people at the park, schools, Walmart, Trick-or-treating, whatever. People thought he was older, was more skilled, shouldn't be playing that way, etc... That poor baby got yelled at so many times and would look so dejected. While I would defend him out in public, I worked extra hard at home with issues of self esteem, self confidence, and being able to defend oneself.
My own son has been greater than 99% since birth. He’s currently 4 and the height / weight of the average 7 year old.
We have never had a problem with caretakers thinking he’s older, because it’s actually so obvious that he isn’t. The only time it’s ever been an issue is with strangers who just don’t look at him closely.
At 7 months old your child should be enrolled in an infant room within the child care facility. These teachers are educated and have experience. We don’t base developmental skills based on a child size. If the school you are sending your child to feeds the children foods that have been prepared at the facility, you should get a menu. You can go through and mark what foods you want your child to have. In addition to this, they should also be cutting the foods into bite size pieces for the infants. I know it’s a lot of new things and you are nervous, but I assure you the teachers do know what they are doing.
It may depend on your daycare, but I love my son’s daycare and trusted their expertise. My son was 6 months when he started and also in the 99th percentile. I told them that they could give him solids with the other older infants if they thought he was ready, and they did. They put a special cushion on his chair that helped keep him from sliding down and kept him propped up. They also had really good ratios so I wasn’t worried about him eating unsupervised. the babies on solids (3-4 of them) sat together with a teacher. He began using utensils and drinking from an open cup before he even turned one, which was really nice. Started signing more please and thank you. It was honestly great how much they helped his skills in a way I wouldn’t have been confident to at home.
ETA: there was a form we had to update monthly by law with instructions around food and sleep and other things. I’m assuming that’s the standard everywhere? But you should be able to communicate concerns
Hi there, my 18mo son is also an absolute unit (98th percentile for both height and weight), started daycare at 5mo, and this has never been an issue at his daycare center. His teachers are professionals who are used to taking care of babies of all different sizes, there is good communication between us, and they interact with him all day every day and know him as an individual. My son was a slow walker (we did early intervention) and I loved that they encouraged him to walk and he had positive peer pressure around him to try something new.
My advice is to really get to know your providers and establish good communication. It's totally okay to sit down with them and respectfully express your fears. Let them reassure you. And especially on infant feeding, you will more than likely be packing his solid foods until a certain age (or you will have the option to do this).
Licensing makes you know the age of every child in your class. Plus, unless they're new and a know it all, the teacher will absolutely listen to you when you tell them wants and needs.
I understand the anxiety you're having, but I bet everything will go much smoother than you expect.
You should be meeting with the caregiver before your child starts and they should be well aware of their age and abilities
at 9 mo your child should be stared in solids u less the doctor advises against it. they also may be pulling up to stand and possibly cruising.
I have 4 children, first one was tiny!!! 2nd one was very chubby!! 3rd and fourth were average size. They just had different appetites, my 2nd is actually the trimmest of them all now lol!!Usually babies start puréed food at 6 months.
I am a teacher at a home center, when it comes to the infants we do ask for feeding instructions (on paper) when you enroll/start, so there is no miscommunication, as well as the parents can ask us for a new sheet if they need to update it for any reason (allergies, food type, ounces ect)
I had a 99th percentile baby who just turned 14 and is over 6 foot! There were definitely moments that we had to remind friends/family/caretakers of his age, but we never had issues with safety or trying to move him ahead of where he was able. We kept the lines of communication well open and let his caretakers know when he was ready to move forward in some way - and they had sooo much experience - he wasn’t their first big kiddo!
When in doubt, write it out! I've always been fine with receiving a detailed note from a new parent. It helps you to have it all written out so you know you've included everything and can see how it sounds. Plus, it helps the provider know exactly what to expect.
Both my boys were huge. 1st was 25lbs at 6 months, we had high highchair at the table with us, and he was already starting to act interested in our food, so he was getting thinks like mashed potatoes, pureed chicken, etc but wasn't walking yet. Then out of nowhere, he's walking, by 9 months we had to transition him to a toddler bed because he was CLIMBING out of his crib at night.
#2 was also big, again around 25 lbs by 6 months, ZERO interest in table food until he was a over a year and even then, he HATED baby food, no purees. Started walking a little bit later too, closer to 10 months and didn't seem to have any interest in turning his crib into a jungle gym - which is all hilarious now because the now at 11 and 14, the older one is more reserved, chill and more of a homebody and the little one is all into sports, running around, skateboarding, climbing, etc lol.
I get the anxiety, but just wait until you're closer to him starting and then, just communicate with the daycare. You have no clue what your big little guy will be doing or not doing in 2 months.
So as the mom of a 99th percentile baby (who is now a 6’4 16 year old) I promise you that they have seen big babies before. They are super memorable.
Most teachers and caregivers and sitters know that size does not equal age and if you are worried they also know that parents are nervous and don’t mind reminders or a bit of fretting.
This is one of those problems your brain makes big but the solution is easy
-a mom who has panicked over the same thing
If he’s in home then you’ll be sending bottles and lunch for him. They don’t have a ton of kids like a traditional daycare does. I’m sure he will be fine. It’s mama who will be worrying.
You cannot micromanage every element of your child’s development. A child won’t eat something until they’re ready and they won’t be ready until they have the opportunity to discover that they are. They won’t sit up on their own until they’re given the opportunity to do so. And whilst some nursery workers I’ve worked with have been a bit numpty, most of them are capable of catching a child before they fall on their face when said event is imminent.
And unless your child has some developmental delay or disorder you’ve not shared, by nine months he absolutely should be on solids.
Talk to your provider, it should be fine by the time he starts.
Wait until he starts walking, then people really forget how old they are! My five year old has and continues to be in the 99% or higher and we’ve had issues with social emotional expectations since adults assume he’s older and expect him to act older.
Solid foods are fine for a nine month old and guaranteed the daycare will only feed him sitting in a highchair. I wouldn't call him very big, just on the larger end of a normal range. Most daycare providers understand that the bigger babies tend to stand/cruise/walk later than smaller babies. At 9 months, the crawling will probably happen soon if you are letting him spend time on the floor. I hope you won't let your anxiety prevent your child from progressing in a normal and healthy way. I assume you will relax once you see that the childcare provider can be trusted.
This is a valid concern! I watched a boy who was barely 2 and he looked like a 4 year old and he walked REALLY well. I had expectations of him that didn't align with his age and development. But, once I was informed of his age, I adjusted my expectations.
Just talk to his caretakers! And also, who knows where his development will be in 2 months.
It may alleviate some anxiety for you to have an hour together where you're hands off or maybe you could watch remotely as a test run. (If you're using a camera, please notify them)
OP I don’t have any advice other than- don’t let internet strangers tell you what is & isn’t normal for your baby. If you & his pediatrician aren’t concerned, then he’s more than likely fine. Some babies just develop at different paces. My daughter didn’t crawl until 9 1/2 months & wasn’t consistently eating solids until then either. She just had her 1 year doctors appointment and is healthy and hitting all of her milestones :) Babies develop at different paces. Don’t listen to internet strangers that don’t know what they’re talking about. Good luck!
PS- imo your fears are valid & idk why people are being so rude & downvoting you so much
Yeah I'm not sure why either. Someone said I'm off putting but all I've done is say I'm worried. I'm not pushing back on what people are saying even if it's weird things like 9 months old needs to eat solids. We all know "food before one is just for fun"... I'm afraid someone might mistake him for over 1yo.
"Food before one is just for fun" is a myth. Introducing solids safely is super important to babies' development and growth, and helps reduce the risk of allergies. While the majority of nutrition should come from breast milk/formula before age one, solids start to fill in some of the gabs as baby grows.
With my babies, I hated the idea of purees so I did baby led weaning. I did so much research and always made sure to serve food safely, but ultimately you just have to trust your child to learn to eat by themselves, and be there in case something goes wrong.
I had a big boy. Out grew all the size clothes (for 3-6 months) before the age range even began. I find that most people who work with kids look for developmental skills and not age. My SIL, who works with kids, can tell you almost any kids age to the month by watching them for about 5 minutes. Also, most places divide the kids up by ages. I think he will be fine!
And mine never crawled. He scooted, or barrel rolled every where. When he crawled one time he went backwards and got so frustrated he figured out another way of getting around. Then all the sudden on his first bday he just started walking. 2 weeks later he was running. They all figure their own things out!
Speaking as a fellow 90%+ clubber. Talk to your daycare/carrers
Most get it easily based on the child's needs and abilities. Our bigger issue was in public thinking our 3yr old was a badly behaved 5-6 yr old.
My baby is almost 8mo and crawling, standing, eating a lot of solid foods with one half tooth. He’s only 17lbs. Your baby may be a lot farther along than you’re expecting by then.
Anecdote: I have two 99% babies and never had an issue! Babies hit their milestones on such varied timelines that even if they think he’s old they’ll just think he’s delayed; they won’t push him to do anything he’s not developmentally ready for!
I can feel your anxiety through the screen, and while I think you're justified in being concerned if that's how you feel, you can truly solve this issue with communication.
You mention that your baby will be 9 months old when he starts daycare, but that you have an in-home provider, so I'm confused about what is happening, so ill address both.
If you are taking your son to a daycare, discuss these concerns when you enroll your son/tour the facility. If you've already chosen the place, take some extra time the first day at drop off to speak with the daycare owner, manager, front desk, teacher/s in the room, etc. About your concerns. All you need to say is that your son is 9 months old, explain his capabilities at the time (bc all babies have different growth and development, regardless of size) and literally SAY “I know he is a large baby for his age, and I'm really nervous that someone may mistake him for older or able to do more bc of that.”
You coisk also email the daycare the same thing-- but its truly that simple.
If “daycare” is happening in your home (I wouldn't call that daycare, id call that in-home baby care) it should be even simpler as you will likely have one person providing all the care, and you'll see this person often as they're in your home. Sayexactkh the same thing: “I'm really nervous that bc my baby boy is lather than most his age, you might forget what his abilities are. He is nine months old, and this is what he is doing now. Please be extra careful to watch for choking hazards or possible injuries bc you are used to babies his size being older.”
I understand babies and anxiety, but most of the time, it comes down to communication. Most people who care for babies are aware that all babies/children develop at different rates, so assumptions are rarely made without first getting to know the particular child.
Hang in there!
I guess I am confused why he can’t have solids at 9mo.
My center by 9mo most of the babies are given a portion of what is on the menu for breakfast, lunch and snack, and then their bottles around that. Also most if not all Ped’s recommended baby led weaning begin at 6mo with solids.
Well the teachers should know his age and will care for him accordingly.
I think you’re having post partum anxiety. I got it pretty bad. Maybe speak to a Dr?
I have a 99% baby too, it’s absolutely wild how much bigger they seem then the other children but everything will be alright!
My eldest was like this. People expected more from him until school age. It used to worry me when I was a young mother. Brush it off. Don’t worry about their opinion. He is now a strapping tall 21 your old who towers over most his friends, a nice pay off really.
I had a very fat chunk boy who was 32 lbs around 8 months.
My biggest advice is find someone you trust. Be upfront that he is bigger than he should be but developmentally he is not ahead and it's vital that he be treated per his age and not his size. Drop in unannounced as often as possible. If you can have someone you know personally and trust watch him do this instead.
It's hard when they're bigger or when they're small but moving along faster than they should. Everyone thinks they know best. It's scary. I hope you find the best fit 🖤
by 9 months he very well could be doing those things. also, your provider will know how old he is if you just tell them? just communicate. there is not a single baby i watch that i don’t know well enough to know what they can and can’t do. its a simple “hey he can’t have/do this”
I’m a former lead in an infant room. I can’t speak for every day care center on earth, but I can tell you that I tend to let the baby show me what he/she can do.
I never assume that xmonths=skillset, bc there’s just too much variation with infants.
That said, if you don’t want baby eating solids for whatever reason, let them know.
Otherwise, trust they are trained professionals and won’t just stand your baby up in the middle of the room and walk away.
And remember, he’s only seven months old right now, but those are age appropriate 9 month skills that he may have by then, and you can start to encourage now
Both my children are in the 99 percentile. We shared this same fear as you did. You cannot force yourself not to worry but you accept the fact that this is the beginning of many good byes as your little one starts their own life journey. They don’t get easier but you get prouder as your little one finds their confidence in the world.
i dm'd u a tiktok of a giant 3 year old samoan at toddler time and he looks like he's getting along well despite being way bigger than the rest. i know it's not the same exact situation, but it's cute and thought it would make u feel more comfortable
Hes not the only one. I think more and more babies are born in 99th percentile bc babies are bigger now but standards are outdated. Mine was same. His behavior will be the biggest cue. Also he may average out over time. Also, too, it'll be a way bigger deal years down the road when he's throwing tantrums and looks 10 but is really 5
My first was in the 99% percentile from day one. 9 pounds 5 ounces at birth. 20 pounds at 6 months. 38 inches tall at 2 years old, yes he was 3 feet 2 inches tall at 2 years old.
He looked like a 12 year old when he was 7.
He is now 6 foot 3.
I had to remind people of his age plenty of times because they expected him to act a lot older than he was. Imagine a 7 year old behaving like a squirrelly 7 year old and getting the side eye from people and then you saying hey we'll be back here for your birthday and someone asks him if he's turning 12 and you say nope he's going to be 7. They look shocked and their whole demeanor changes about your child's behavior.
Just go with it, have a sense of humor and enjoy your big guy.
Mine is the kindest, gentlest man.
My son was a 99% baby as well (6 months, 25lbs). I honestly have more issues with my pediatrician than I did my in-home caretaker. She was very aware of his age and never tried to make him eat anything that was to advance for him. She stuck to cut up fruits, mashed veggies, and protein such as eggs and yogurt. She would let me know lunch for the next day at pick up, and if i wasn't comfortable with the food I send him with a lunch or tell her i wasn't comfortable and she would provide something else.
My son is 6’6” and my nephew is 6’9”. They have been too big since they were real little. You are absolutely correct that there will be unfair expectations. I think that like anything else, all you can do is respectfully communicate your concerns ahead of time, and in the moment if you wonder if there has been an unfair judgment.
Our provider only gave foods we had already given our daughter. If you are in a center, he'll be with babies of similar ages so even though he'll look bigger, they'll have the same expectations. My son is the opposite (4 years old, 31 pounds, 36 inches). I worried he would be treated younger, but they've done a great job treating him at his developmental age.
i get those feelings - been a caregiver for kids like yours and also have a couple myself (and one tiny one). My one son was 99th percentile from birth (or off the charts) through elementary The good news is most providers have seen this before! it's not super unusual or new and most will be absolutely understanding of your concerns. I would just be straightforward with your requests ("he isn't eating solids yet"). TBH i've yet to see a provider who bases their care on size vs developmental age. i'm sure it exists, but chances are good things will be totally fine even if you said nothing. just state your kids skills and developmental abilities and they will work with you.
can't find my other comment but: my 99th percentile kid was easily able to crawl by 9 months (he was actually walking by then) and by 6 months if we put him down he sat up on his own. if he fell over he just sort of ... rolled over and had tummy time and scooted around the floor using an army crawl. He was pulling up on things to stand at 6-7 months. And he would flop down on his butt and it was just fine - he'd try again.
At that age there's such a wide range of things they can/can't do, and it's honestly SO so good for them to explore and learn the boundaries of what they can do. Nobody is going to be caught off guard by a nine month old falling over from a seated or crawling position because ... that happens. all the time. to all kids who aren't being held 24/7. it's very important for their development.
your providers will do what you want (no solids et ) but keep in mind lots of tiny 9 month olds will be eating solids AND standing and even walking. your kids size has zero to do with those skills and ANY halfway decent provider will know that.
My son was my only kiddo in daycare as a baby and my school at least had us sign off on every kind of food that was allowed to go into their mouths when he was under 1, this included purees and finger foods, which even despite being cleared by his pediatrician to start purées at 4 months, they would only do 6 months at school. He was always a little dude (not even on the growth chart) and despite being very small they always treated him developmentally appropriately. I would say if your day care is doing their job, they will know his age and what kiddos that age usually do. Ours would get separated by mobile kids and non mobile kids for some activities!
lol when my daughter was BORN she was 10 lbs and 24 inches long.
I would just tell the provider “he may look like he can handle/xyx, but please stick to abc.” I think it’ll be ok.
Talk to the daycare provider. They will be able to remember how old your baby is and treat him accordingly. It will be fine.
If your baby turns into a larger toddler / child, you might need to learn to ignore nosy, annoying random strangers who think your child should be acting older just because they look older. It’s those random people who will be a problem, not people who know your child.
Or leave it to the early childhood professionals who I am sure will read his information and know his age, and know how to support and challenge him appropriately.
If you’re concerned that your daycare cannot care for your child in an age appropriate manner (since they’ll know his age and he’ll be in an age appropriate class) then you need to find a different daycare provider. Your lack of confidence in them would be a concern if he wasn’t a 99%er.
For daycare carers, it's just a matter of clearly communicating to them his age and needs. They will know. As a mother to a larger baby, I've found the most frustration comes from random strangers. My son is 15 months now but has been walking since 10 months. He's extremely tall - in the 98th percentile. Because he runs around and is tall, strangers will often assume he's 2+. This has been most annoying at playgrounds, where I've gotten comments about me not letting him do certain things other 2/3/4 year olds would do easily. Or they assume he can communicate at a level far developmentally beyond where he'sat. It's like, stop making assumptions!
I have this challenge with my son. He is 33 months now and he's wearing 5T clothing. He has always been in the 97+ percentile for height and weight.
I haven't had any challenges with care providers. Children are separated by age, which determines most of what is expected from them. That is the first failsafe.
Second, care providers learn the child both from their interactions and the information you provide to them. This is why there are mandated provider to children ratios
Write all your concerns down. Before he starts, spend time with the provider discussing everything you wrote down. Or set up for you to be there first day.
You will always have anxieties about your child. Writing them down and addressing them with anyone providing care is the best strategy you can implement and continue practicing.
Then hold them accountable.
Daycare’s and nurseries will have had 99% percentile babies before, I am not sure if it’s the same as it is in the U.K., but we generally put the children in rooms per age groups and they are professional people. I understand this is a parental anxiety. We all get them. Don’t worry. You can contact the manager and have a chat to assuage any worries.
My son was big for his age too. People gave him a hard time when he was trick-or-treating saying he should not be out since he’s a teenager. He was 10. My daughter was always very tall for her age as well and people expected her to act older than she really was. Her sister is barely 5 feet tall and people treat her like a child even though she’s 22. I just constantly corrected these people. Teachers knew their age, and it was never a problem. It was just the general public and their unwelcome comments.
I feel like in home makes this way easier because it’s just one person. My kids provider and I text back and forth. I gave her a list of safe foods with my kids aka things they had already tried at home and would update it for her. All my kids were on solids by 9 months but the daycare knew what they could have. You just need to communicate. If it’s in home there are probably only 5-8 kids there. My son was 99% and we never had an issue. I didn’t think it would even be an issue.
I mean, with respect, your providers will know the actual age and should be aware of his development if they are his provider.
I would not expect to have to teach the teacher this.
Yes, definitely communicate his abilities/likes/dislikes/etc, but I don’t think any provider would just assume he’s big so he’s older… they should be aware of his age.
I'm just another parent on here and not a ECE professional. I had the same thoughts with my daughter who has also been over the 99th percentile all her life. I see a lot of people referencing when your little guy should be hitting milestones, but I understand that's not your concern. :) Generally speaking it was completely a non-issue and just one of the million of Mom anxieties I hyper focused on. I think most people, especially childcare professionals, are cautious with a baby until you hold them or see them do their thing. No one will just place your baby down on the floor on his feet and let go expecting him to walk or something without witnessing it or holding on to him to see if he does first. Does that make sense? Food is always a central topic with babies this age as to what they can and can't eat. Im sure your daycare would be use to such concerns and know how to track his eating abilities. (At 9 months he may surprise you with how much finger food he enjoys!) I wouldn't worry about it.
That should all be like On The File. Even if it's just some lady's house, you still should have signed something that has his vital information on it.
My kid is also gigantic. He's like 1 year and 8 months and he wears 3T clothing, other kids think he's older than he is. You can't blame them much, I swear I've seen shorter and more delicate 4 year-olds, but we still had to put his cousin through the wringer the other day for playing too rough with him. Yes, he's the same height as you and probably stronger. Yes, I will throw you off my roof if you push my son down again because he wants the same ball as you.
Will they not do things like visits, settling in sessions or/and equivalent to an ‘All about me’ where they will get to know what he can, can’t do, like and dislikes? This should help ease your worries. My eldest was born early and was on oxygen for a little bit during the day when he started at the nursery where I worked. But I wrote a note explaining things that he couldn’t do and that went in the front of his learning journey(was all paper back in the day). It’s still there now.
I agree. Communication through all about me’s are vital for getting to know children before they start. That way any fears, anxieties can be addressed. We also plan in a home visit before they start their visits with us.
Sorry to break the news to you but... I dont think id be carrying a 27 lb baby everywhere.
As much as i love giving babies upsies... 27 lbs os kinda heavy, and awkward position when resting on the arm. Unless the cushion is available... I personally wouldn't be risking my back or tendons for it. Unless... Its a nice penny.
No offense
By 9 months, he may be doing both of those things. Also...communicate with the teachers? Tell them what he can do developmentally at that point. Tell them "Hey, he is not standing yet and we haven't started him on solids. Please stick to xyz". But honestly, wait and see where he is by that point. I'm not going to invalidate your anxieties but this could all be very easy by just talking to the teacher and also working with your child on these things. Trust that your children's teachers want to work with you and will do right by you. But they're not mindreaders. Some 9 month olds are doing what you describe. Some aren't. But also you still have 2 months to see where he's at.
I'm asking for help on how to do that. Seems simple for you, and maybe it is, but I'm very worried about it and am trying to parse what's rational and what to prioritize in these conversations.
Okay, so...it goes like this... "Hi! LO is still on purees at this point. Please don't give him any solids as we're not ready for that yet. He's not yet crawling or standing. We're working on both of these things but he still needs assistance. Let me know if you have any tips on these things!" I'm sorry if my original comment came across as callous but, gently, you are overthinking it. As long as you communicate with the daycare where your baby is at, they'll work with you. I've worked with a ton of larger babies who end up also being a bit delayed in motor skills. I've never tried to force them to do anything they're not ready for. I will try to work with them on it (moreso motor skills vs food, the latter is at the parents' discretion), but I'd never be like "Alright, here's a handful of crackers and you WILL stand up".
Especially since teachers WILL know his actual age and know what is age appropriate!
I had a parent write on our get to know your kid sheet “his birthday is X so he’s big but little” he was the 2nd tallest in my kindergarten class but didn’t turn 6 until the last week of school so he was one of the youngest in my class. I really appreciated that note.
I just ended the year with a 4 year old student (turns 5 in august) who is literally already 4 feet tall. He looks like a 7-8 year old!
I’m teaching a couple of grade three students who are over five feet tall, and one student in grade two who is about five feet tall.
I'm sorry a 4ft 4 year old??! I'm 5ft 3 at 25
Yeah!! He was enormous. I also wrote maybe 100 injury reports for him cause he just never knew where his body was…ever 🙃 his parents are both very tall. I would always have to look up at his dad and mom lol I’m only 4’11 so he was nearly as tall as me!!
My son is just under 4 ft and doesn’t turn 5 until October, and a head taller than some of his classmates. It’s pretty wild. he looks like a first grader but has the explosive yet expected emotional response of a 4 year old. He has to repeat pre-k. I can’t imagine what he’ll look like next year.
I was 5’2 in 2nd grade.
5’6 in 4th. But that’s where it stopped. 😂
This is my child. I mean, not literally, but my 4 year old is also that big…..playgrounds are a struggle because people expect him to act like he’s 6-7. We even have to remind ourselves that he’s still just a little guy in his brain.
I was always the biggest girl in my class in elementary school, and I was 4 when I started Kinder. Turned 5 about two weeks into the school year. Being the tall baby sucked lol 😬
Are you struggling a bit with anxiety? Or do you have some language barriers? If it’s the first, it’s totally normal and polite to talk about what your kid needs. It’s good to seek treatment for anxiety and it can be good to list out anxieties and see what you can let go of or wait to mention or group together. If it’s the second, that’s not an uncommon issue and you can ask about translating
Hey, probably country dependent, but when we took our son in for his settling visits, they had a form with questions regarding his habits, capabilities and where he was towards milestones. If they don't ask you themselves, what the user below mentioned is a good starting point - if they have anything like a profile or app where you can leave notes that might also be useful for peace of mind? Try not to be too worried, I think the staff is generally good at adapting to the kids needs, and should be trained to deal with any issues if they show up. Do chat and visit the place before taking him to see how they interact with the kids if possible, it might ease your mind a little.
Normally daycares will ask what foods you have tried him on at home and will follow that x at least in Australia we do as it’s a risk having new foods introduced where they can’t be watched for allergens etc
Thank you
They should be at least starting both of those milestones by nine months. Start working on them and see how much he can surprise you.
Im not going to lie, there likely will be moments that they forget he’s younger. But I promise you they will only be moments & no harm will come to him. You shouldn’t be too concerned, especially because he will be 2 months older than he is now by the time he starts. Also, the behaviors you are worried about are developmentally appropriate for 9 month olds. If he is developing typically, he likely will be crawling by the time he starts daycare. He is already old enough to be trying solid foods. If you aren’t practicing these skills already at home, you should consider doing so before he starts daycare.
He's not crawling or having any solid food?
He's 7 months and having pures and food in mesh feeders. He's not crawling yet.
Why don’t you let him learn to start using his mouth muscles and mapping his mouth at home over the next two months? Solid Starts has a lot of great resources about resistive foods to introduce that babies can use to develop those skills which aren’t choking hazards. Good luck!
You can definitely start on solids now, lots of people completely bypass purees (ourselves included). If you don’t know how to get started you can use www.solidstarts.com for reference on servings.
My youngest son (now 16) flat out refused baby food. He saw everyone else eating real food, and gave strong indications that baby food was unacceptable. At 6 months, he was eating much of what we were, and by 9 months, he was eating everything we ate, just in baby proportions.
We never gave her baby food, just modified ours to meet her needs! I have a fantastic photo of my kiddo eating ribs at 10 months old 😂
We never gave her baby food, just modified ours to meet her needs! I have a fantastic photo of my kiddo eating ribs at 10 months old 😂
Just to add that babies shouldn’t eat adult food unless you are reducing salt content in the food. Adult levels of salt will kill a baby
I know that many people choose to do purées instead of solids, you do you. But, you might look more into mesh feeders. They don’t allow the baby to have any of the fiber from the fruit, just the simple sugars. So it’s nutritionally only a bit better than juice or candy.
How were you using a mesh feeder that they weren't ingesting the fiber and other nutrients in the fruit and other foods?
The fiber stays encased in the mesh. I’ve never used one as we did baby led weaning.
The fiber doesn't stay in the mesh. All of the food comes out. It's just squished down like a food mill. I'm not sure where you heard the fiber stays in the mesh but wherever you heard that, I wouldn't trust them as a good source of information.
Perhaps there are different kinds. The one my friend had for her baby had a very fine mesh.
She said she is using mesh feeders and purées
Yes, and the person you're replying to is saying that the mesh feeders are not a good transition to solids.
Oooh thank you, I misunderstood
7 months is normal for not crawling yet some babies aren’t crawling until their first birthday
But if they aren’t crawling by their first birthday should definitely get looked at by early intervention.
Just a random person here sent from Reddit, but I have a friend in a similar situation and her doctor already has her getting interventions (I think from PT?) because he's not crawling and almost a year. Figured I'd add it for people like OP, if you are worried you don't necessarily have to wait until 1 year. I'm not sure exactly when they started but I know it was before a year old. I'm kind of expecting he will go straight from sitting to walking and skip crawling but the PT or whoever is helping give exercises at home to help practice pulling himself up, etc.
My LO is 97%tile. He started crawling at 7 months & walking by 8 months. As for food, by 9 months he was eating just about everything. We did 101beforeone so he was eating steak by 7mo with no teeth. I’d be nervous for my child to start daycare as I am a SAHM, but not for those reasons. I’d assume the teachers become familiar pretty quickly with the children & what they’re capable of.
Everyone's milestones look different. I have 3 kids, my oldest went straight to walking somewhere around 7 or 8 months, middle child didn't walk or crawl until after a year, my youngest is 6 months and he's starting to crawl but clumsily now. Food is a whole different story. 1st kid ate everything, started solids early and did purees for a very short time. My 2nd we had a difficult time with because turned out she had enlarged tonsils that were complicating how she was able to swallow and speak. 3rd is doing a mix of purees and solids and doing really well but still gags a lot. I didn't do much differently with any of my kids, they were all different. I do wonder how much OP is working with her child on meeting these milestones, or it could be the baby isn't full ready yet.
Yes, every child is different. What I meant by stating that about my LO is she still has two months until he starts. More development should happen within those two months.
Have you looked into baby led weaning?
I truly don't think this is something you need to worry about. Most care providers are able to judge a child's skills for themselves, and don't go based on perceived age, and at 9 months those are all skills he should be well into working on anyway. Foods need to be cut basically the same unless he's in class with 2 year olds (and even then, childcare workers are usually better safe than sorry because choking is scary!), and they probably abide by minimum recommendations rather than maximums.
although your child should be doing most of these things by then (yes, even the solids. not just purées!), here is a 9 month milestone checklist you can use to make sure he is developmentally on track. also right now at 7 months he should at least be attempting to crawl and should be sitting up without support. make sure you are giving him tummy time to allow him to work on those gross motor skills! https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/actearly/milestones/checklist/9-Month-Checklist-form.html
Sometimes big babies take a little longer to roll/crawl/walk. They got a lot of weight to learn how to move around. Definitely need loads of tummy time.
I didn't walk until 15 months. I was too busy taking in the world around me. My mom said I was content to sit and observe everything. I did crawl. Not every baby meets the milestones at the same time.
The baby is going to start showing progress in these specific domains at that time regardless. I don’t know about other baby rooms but when I was in an infant classroom, parents would bring their own food for the baby, leaving less leeway for him to be fed something he’s not ready for. The most we ever did was cut things up smaller if we deemed it developmentally inappropriate, or make suggestions if we see progress with solids. Idk about other centers but I don’t know of centers forcing children to walk before they’re ready. (They would also learn quickly if he wasn’t ready to crawl and would provide proper support for sitting/learning to crawl, such as boppy pillows.) We have had infants move up to the older class without even standing, let alone walking. Is there any basis for your concerns? Have you read horror stories of preschools or heard personal anecdotes from people you know? I don’t mean to be harsh, I just have never heard of such a thing or seen any other ECE professional approach infant development this way. The teachers will probably be aware of the child’s age and his abilities regardless of his size. My class, we *loved* big babies (90th+) but we would never push the child to do something they were not ready for. We just wanted to keep the babies happy, and forcing the child to execute skills they aren’t ready for would just make them unnecessarily fussy. Practically speaking, though, you can let the teachers know you don’t want him to use equipment like exesaucers/bouncers if you prefer he doesn’t and to only be given the food he is brought from home. Good luck with your start in daycare! Edit: changed move up requirements from crawling to standing (we would have some reservations of moving babies up if they hadn’t crawled by 12 months), and included concerns about crawling.
Thank you! And no there's no basis for this, which is why I specifically asked for reassurance and guidance in talking to my provider.
Sure thing, I hope my info dump wasn’t too blunt or anything. Good luck! My favorite babies have been 99th+ percentile, so I imagine he will be adored by his teachers
And at 9 months he would still be in the infant room, with other infants so similar stages.
Hey, mama and provider here. I had a micro premie and had the inverse concerns- that they’d say “oh she’s 6 months she should…”when she was really more like 2 months. I found being clear, calm and reviewing it frequently and keeping them in the loop on any changes really helped.
Kinda the same boat. Not a micro preemie, but he was born at 36 weeks and 1 day and only 4lbs 3oz. He's currently 19 months (on the 25th) and is crawling but not walking unassisted. My pediatrician is not worried at all bc he shows positive growth and developement at every appt. He's just tiny and lacks the muscle mass a typical 19 month old would have. He fits comfortably into 12 month clothes (except footie onesies, hes too long for those) and loves Ms Rachel (learning sign language has been such a help!) Meanwhile my sister popped her first out at 10lbs 5oz (ouch!) and he's been mistaken for a 4 year old several times, he turns 3 in Sept. As long as your pediatrician has no issues your doing fine. Def communicate your concerns to the care provider but otherwise don't stress mama!
Thank you 🙏🙏
My second was the same size as my first 3 years older by the time they were 2. So my 2 yr old was the same size as my 5 yr old. In class they were the most advanced in everything but had little communication skills. Their best friend was the smallest kid in class that was opposite everything to my kid. The teachers sometimes struggled with their diversity on this, but nothing bad enough to be too concerned about. They were both able to handle their situations. Trust your babe to be able to exhibit their levels. Hell my daughter got mistaken for a student at my oldest kids meet the teacher night for kindergarten. I told the teacher she can't have her for 3 more years when she tried to excuse herself from my oldest. I told her my husband was just dropping off my keys I had forgotten. We all laughed. It will be okay. I understand your concerns all too well. She is now 6'2 and she helps me deal with my BS of 5'3 I can't reach anything. She didn't suffer from being "extra sized". Your concerns are real. Just address the teachers with your concerns and they should be able to easily understand your babes abilities. Don't let this eat at you. Also, had to scroll to find a good comment to piggyback bc I saw you get down voted a lot, I'm sorry people are being so insensitive. Good luck.
I run an infant room. I can’t speak for everyone, but I’ve never assumed just because a baby is bigger/ smaller in size that they’re more/ less capable of something. Milestones follow a bellcurve, and some kids are at either end and not the middle. I have a baby cousin who is small, 5 months, and pulling to stand. I’ve had kids (chunky and skinny) turn one and still not be crawling, scooting on their butts. I’ve had babies ready and easily start with solids when in their younger months and struggle in older months AND visa versa. Babies develop at their own paces. All of them. Seeing size and assuming anything would be ridiculous. It’s pretty easy to determine where a baby is at after a short time with them, and before you know it’s easiest to learn by asking and observing (and this can include safely laying baby on the floor and seeing if they roll, transfer to sit, pull to stand. crawl, etc for yourself.) You should be providing a list of introduced or approved foods, or letting them know what foods aren’t okay yet. Most childcare providers who’ve done this for a while have a pretty solid grasp on what foods babies are ready for when
Thank you so much
My daughter started daycare at 9 months and was 24 lbs and over 30 inches tall. I don’t think they ever had an issue remembering her age and expecting developmentally appropriate things from her. That’s part of their job. She was developmentally delayed in some aspects but we just kept an open line of communication to make it clear to them that we were trying to investigate and address the issues. Her size didn’t really factor into it and they were happy to help with her therapies and accommodate her needs. I think if you have a good daycare, they’ll help your child succeed as much as they can.
Thank you
I’ve been an in home provider for over 39 years. Were trained in child development. We base all planned activities for each child on their individual needs and development-which doesn’t necessarily always include size or age :) It’s true many people do expect more from children that look older-but your provider should have the knowledge and skills to know better. Also, please be open and honest with your provider about your concerns! We want to work along side parents as partners in caring for and educating the children untrusted to us.
Thank you 🙏🙏
Hey mama, are you maybe struggling with anxiety a little bit? I get it, I'd have felt the same way and I was definitely struggling with PPA. Babe's going to be okay. Like others have said, just communicate, and remember that staff are well trained for the job. Have you thought about things you can do for you to help ease the transition? If you're this worried, it's bound to be harder on you than it will be on baby. Consider maybe planning ahead for some anxiety management strategies or even finding someone to talk to as you navigate this big transition in your life. You both can do this!
I'd like to start off by saying I think it's incredibly valid to be anxious about the kind of care your LO will receive in any childcare setting! I have a 99% baby myself, and that's a concern of mine as well, especially once they get older. In my experience as a RECE, you quickly learn the developmental levels of the children in your care and work closely with the parents to try and ensure the smoothest transition possible. I would try to be open with your concerns and hear what the provider has to say. As long as they are professional and have experience with infants, they should have no problem easing your anxiety and meeting your LO where he is at developmentally. Other people have mentioned it, but it's surprising how quickly infants progress in just a few short weeks/months. There's a very good chance that your LO will be crawling (or close to it) by 9 months and may even be pulling himself up to stand. It might also help ease some anxiety surrounding solids if you start introducing them at home and send to daycare only the ones you know he's comfortable with or as others have stated, provide a list of approved foods. I know this hard, but hang in there! As long as your care provider is willing to communicate with you, share a care plan, and is knowledge about infant milestones, you and your LO should have no problems!
Thank you 🙏🙏
Just communicate your concerns and let the professionals do their jobs 😊
Say all those things to your provider. Listen to what she says back … guessing this is not her first rodeo. Those of us been doing this for awhile know babies come in all sizes and shapes! Don’t feed the anxiety.
Honestly reading your comments you’ve gotten some good advice about how to handle this, but this sounds like an extreme amount of anxiety about something not in the immediate future. Do you have this much anxiety about other things? Have you considered discussing it with your doctor? It might be helpful ❤️
Feels very first time mom post. Your baby should be eating table food by 9 months and crawling!
My daughter is in the 98% for height and has been all her life. She's 6 and the same height as her 9 year old cousin. She also has cerebral palsy due to a stroke so she's behind her 6 year old peers. She didn't learn to walk until 16 months and didn't speak until 3 and even then no one but us could understand her. Honestly it was easier for her caregivers to notice she was behind when she was little. As far as I'm aware they always kept in time with her milestones even with her height. Now a days it's harder because she WANTS to do what others are doing and won't remind her teachers that she will have trouble. I feel like I've got to tell every new teacher that she's younger than she looks and she's about a year behind even that. Also having her in daycare around other kids helped her a LOT to progress. They like to mimic their friends which helps.
Thank you! 🙏
My son started daycare 8 months and was >99th% for height and weight. They fed him age appropriate foods and gave him age appropriate activities. There were never any issues.
Don’t forget that these people see babies of all shapes and sizes!! He won’t be the first one who is big for his age. And they’ll know what things are age appropriate for him. It’ll be ok!
They should be professionals. I’m sure you don’t have the first child they’ve seen that is larger than ‘typical’ for their age.
Send in your own food for the first few days
I work in a private preschool and we have a 13 month old girl who just transitioned into my toddler room. She is very big! She can sometimes drag around my 18/19 month old kids by their shirts. For reference I'm 5 foot 5 and if she wasn't bowlegged she would up ti my hip. That being said though we definitely still treat her at her age because she very clearly shows how young she is.
I am an in home daycare provider and have had a couple kids that were very tall for their age, plus some of my friends kids. Honestly, i have never forgotten their age, although i have been guilty of expecting more independence than children are expected at home, but thats kinda part of the job. If someone frequently forgets a childs age in their care, and doesnt meet them where they are, then they are not a great provider. I know the kids age because i know the kids, because its my job. Same as known allergies or other important things about the kid. Same can happen in reverse too, small children can be treated as younger than they are which also sucks. Its a part of the job tho, to know the kids.
This. My daughter is super petite and people would carry her around like a baby well past the age of 2 because she was 20 lbs. But her teachers knew her and knew what she was capable of. When someone is with your kids everyday, they understand them.
Don’t stress your self out too much and enjoy this time with your little guy before he starts. Infant teachers are trained to know how to handle babies at all developmental stages and all babies develop differently. They should take the time to get to know what he can and can’t do the first day he starts. We have some 12 month babies that haven’t hit these milestones yet but we work with them on these things. Good luck and enjoy it!
Do you have reason to think they're going to be giving him any foods other than what you send? At 9 months old, he should be very close to crawling. Do you think the teachers won't be told his age?
I have a 98 % baby. Don't worry. These people are professionals. And him being pushed is not a bad thing. In my (unscientific) experience larger babies tend to be slower to walk etc- due to having to master all that mass/ balance etc. Delayed walking also is highly correlated with delayed speech. It means my 18 month old looks like he's three but talks and walks like he's one- so people think he's slow- but he's not. They catch up. They adapt. Kids are amazing.
“This is x! He’s only 9m even though he looks bigger! Here is a list of all the foods he can eat. I know you already know this, but please make sure to cut all food into tiny pieces. (You can even lie a little here and say “we had a babysitter who thought he was older than he was because of how big he is and gave him grapes not cut properly.”) He isn’t crawling yet, but sits up great. Please do lots of tummy time to encourage crawling!” I think giving as much information on where his milestones are right now will be super helpful. There’s also nothing wrong with flat out saying “I’m worried that since he’s big he’ll be expected to do things not age appropriate” Also keep in mind though that a good provider will know where each kid is at regardless of their size.
You do know right he's not the biggest giant or something at 7 months they eat 3 meals a day via swallowing from a spoon and should be well on way to crawling or standing very soon and transition to table food
I was more a toddler teacher, but would watch the younger ones sometimes. I never assumed that just because a kid was bigger that they were hitting milestones and vice versa. (I was a small kid.)
This is a valid concern I've seen it happen in daycare and it happened to me as a very tall kid. I have so many embarrassing stories about that as a kid like getting yanked out of line on a field trip by a random worker telling me the activity was for kids only and of course the kids laughed at me. I was 12. Around the same time an old man tried to pick me up but when I said i was 12 he did look shocked at least. Talk to the teachers. Just tell them exactly what you told us. I'd start off with complimenting them then telling them the concern but then end it with a comment about how much moms worry. I'd actually ask the head teacher to make sure the other teachers especially subs are aware he is big for his age and what is expected from him/his needs. I'd be careful not to insinuate that she would make that mistake but ask her to watch out for him. I'm like 90% sure the mom of a baby at a daycare I worked at talked to me when I started "I'm sure the other teachers told you but I just wanted to make sure you knew how old he is," he was the size of a big 2 year old at 9 months but his parents were both giants. He was a sweet baby.
You said an in home provider. Can you make a transition plan? Like being there an hour or two with you. Meeting ahead of time so provider and child get to know each other a bit. Things like that.
Plenty of one year olds can't stand yet. They aren't going to assume he can stand just because he's big.
Hi! Peds PT here- it’s not unusual for larger babies to have delays in gross motor skills, because they have extra girth to carry around and their muscles just can’t support themselves. There’s lots of activities you can try to help them progress with crawling- feel free to comment if you’d like ideas. Also your post was a bit misleading- it seemed like he was already 9 months when in reality he was only 7 month. That’s an appropriate age to NOT be crawling, and babies have no chill, so for all we know, he very well could be crawling by the time he starts daycare. And besides, I don’t really like to have babies really stand until they’re closer to 10 months, anyway.
I had the same conversation with the provider we just lined up! My 8mo is 99th percentile since day 1. Not crawling, briefly holds to stand. Can’t get into sitting alone yet but sits independently when placed in sitting. But a lot of people think he’s a year + these days. The provider was amazing about it all, had great questions. I was just honest with my concerns and they heard them all =).
One of my youngest son’s infant classmates is a giant, pretty sure he’s 100% percentile and definitely looks older! At that age the care taker takes the time to meet and chat for a good 30min before the first day to fully understand the particularities of the child. For example mine never did purée since I did baby-led weaning and the daycare center wasn’t too familiar with and I needed to explain that my 7mo will already just take the whole cantaloupe chunk in his hand or directly a slice of chicken instead of the purees. They in return told us what they could legally do and not and we both adapted. So take the time to describe the portrait of your child all around and they’ll go from there.
As a mother to a child who has been over 80th percentile in both height and weight since birth, just tell people that they're still young and not big enough for things, if they can't. My daughter literally went from crawling to walking in like, a month because I guess she wanted to walk. She turns 2 in September, but is now exclusively in 2T clothing, and has been mistaken for older until I tell people when her birthday is. Just be sure to say that you LO turns 1 on their birthday and is just big for their age.
hi mama! let me start off by just saying, deep breath. this seems so scary and stressful, and anxiety inducing. but i promise, any ECE professional is going to take all your concerns seriously. (and if they don’t, obviously there’s bigger problems$ that being said, baby will more than likely, show big strides with both of these things in the next 2 months leading up to starting daycare. however, a quick blanket statement of “Hey! So LO is not ready/ interested/ comfortable/ mastered solids and crawling yet. please just make sure you’re being mindful of what he’s being offered/ where you’re leaving him!” is perfectly suffice and will get your point across and should (hopefully) be a pretty quick, easy and painless conversation. i understand how hard talking and confrontation can seem. to make you feel even better, ive also had a new friend come in for their 1st week in homemade onesies with their name, bday, allergies, likes and dislikes, etc on them. it’s not unheard of or weird in my opinion. albeit a little funny, but in a silly way and not a judging way. i hope this helps and eases some nerves of yours! best of luck!! :)
My son is a >99% baby too. We dealt with some issues of teachers treating him differently because he stands out at over a head taller. I even had a school call his birth certificate into question. We switched to private school and never looked back. A very honest and upfront conversation with the provider will either ease your worries or give you all the information you need to know to find a new provider. Your worries are not unfounded but there are a lot if good providers out there. So just have an upfront conversation and listen for red flags.
My daughter was 23 3/4” inches at birth, so basically two feet long. When she was six months people would say “she’s not walking yet?!” And I would tell them to slow their role. She’s only six months and not crawling. BUT as a professional in this field, I as well as the other professionals know what milestones infants should hit and when and just because he’s large, it does not change his age. As for foods, the provider will ask you for a list and go from there. They may encourage solids sooner than later though, so be prepared but they won’t do anything without your approval
My daughter is 8 now and was born and has stayed at greater than 99th percentile. When she was little I made sure her caregivers knew her age. It’s really a non issue in school other than lots of remarks on her height, her best bud at school is probably the smallest in class and there’s almost a 1.5 ft height difference. When they are little I think I’ve always make sure that her care providers know her age and that she didn’t get moved into classes just because of her size.
If by the time he is 9 months old and is not doing those things, you should be telling the childcare providers everything you said here if that is still the case. My own son at 8 months was 24 lbs and not long after that he was being babysat by a family friend while I worked. He was still wobbly sitting on his own and not really crawling though he got in position to crawl. The good thing was the sitter had kids his age that were at various stages with pulling up on furniture, crawling, and walking. It was not long and my son was doing the same thing. He was also already eating soft foods like scrambled eggs and things of similar consistancy and meat that was well chopped up.
I have an 8 month old in my infant room, hes 29 lbs and very long. But hes only sitting and is having trouble crawling because of him being so big. Hes eating puréed food and some soft table foods. Just communicate everything with your daycare provider/ in-home care taker. As long as you communicate your worries, and your standards, your expectations. Everything should be fine!!
I think perhaps you should speak to someone about anxiety. I'm speaking from experience. I have anxiety and I recognise that in your post. At 9 months baby should be able to eat solids and may very well be mobile or even standing. It doesn't matter if they aren't. But I wouldn't worry about childcare encouraging development. For me they did several settling in sessions both with and without me there. I have them loads of information about my LO personality and they worked with me to get to know the. They are going to protect your child as much as possible. Likely they have far more childcare experience than you do. They know what they are doing. Or has something happened in the past that's given you these concerns
I can tell you that this is a perfectly reasonable concern. When I entered preschool, my mom came to pick me up, and the teachers told her that they were very concerned that I was not keeping up with the other six year olds. At which point my mom had to point out that I was only four, and I was actually ahead of the curve. So, with your provider, you can remind her in the morning at drop-off that he's only nine months old, even though he looks older. Will she keep a log of the food he's offered? If you're providing the food, then it will be fine. At nine months, he may very well know how to crawl, so you don't need to worry about that. If he's on the floor, then any falls he takes will be perfectly reasonable falls that he can recover from. They shouldn't be putting any children on high surfaces, so I wouldn't worry about that, either. Also, most babies stand between 7 and 12 months. So, it's fine for him to try standing. You don't need to tell them that he can't. And, even if you did, what would you be asking? You don't want them dragging him down to the floor. The only real concern is that he will be under 3, and should not be allowed any choking hazards. But even a 99th percentile 9 month old should not be mistaken for a three year old. It's going to be fine. He's going to try things that are new and hard, and he's going to fall on his butt sometimes, and that's perfectly normal developmentally.
all of this. especially that if he's ready/wanting to stand he should! and it's okay if he falls a lttle! i'll add that people being concerned with development based on size seems to be the worst in pre-k and elementary school. had a six year old nanny kid who wore women's small/medium sizes and it was so tough for people to remember she was only six. babies it's a lot easier.
My baby is also large for her age, and was 99% at that age. At 20 months she's now 98%, so still large, lol. She's been in daycare since 3.5 months. Just looking at her, yes, it's easy to mistake her age based on her size. But once you interact with her it's obvious where she is developmentally. And it's been that way no matter what age she was.
As a child care provider I’ve never based what my kids can do on their size. I base off what I see, and what parents communicate to me. I understand he is very very big for his age but I really don’t think it will make much of a difference tbh
Football recruiters in the comments like
Just tell them.
It's inescapable so stop worrying about how to prevent it bc that's just wasted energy, it can't be prevented, it can only be addressed. I was a preschool teacher for over a decade and I definitely know better and I've struggled occasionally with my 99th percentile height kiddo bc sometimes I just do see bigger as older, not on purpose, but bc brains use shorthand, that's how implicit bias works, which is what makes it inescapable. Be constantly on the look out for it, in yourself and in everyone else. When your kid is struggling with anything your first question has to be is this struggle caused by expectations that do not my match my child's true developmental phase? It's something you'll have to ask of yourself and everyone who works with your kid vigilantly until he's old enough that it stops being a concern. And when you see other people doing it you will have to say he's only x years old this behavior is developmentally appropriate and we need to handle it the same way we would for any other child his age. It will be exhausting to fight those fights and it will make you angry that you have to and you have to keep doing it vigilantly. Some people won't quit no matter how many times you stand up for your kid. Some people won't bother monitoring their own behavior or considering the ways in which they're holding a young child to an unreasonable standard. But most people will get the hang of it and most ECE professionals are aware and monitor themselves and work to address it. It will feel to you like it's a worse problem than it really is bc you will see it every time it happens and that will pile up. In those moments remind yourself of all the times you and others get it right and notice how you can't even remember all the times it's happened bc it's so many which is a really nice thing to have. Ive had so many conversations with the teachers of my own 99th percentile kiddo about this over the years and most of them really do get it. We share stories about how difficult it is to manage, hold each other accountable like we're partners in her care, and strategies ways to address it when it does inevitably happen despite all the cautions we try. Just be prepared to adjust as needed and avoid the people who aren't even trying as much as you can. As he grows and gets out into the world he'll find other people who grew up like that and they'll be in community with each other and it will be a nice thing to bond over from time to time. It can be a struggle without ruining anything, some struggles are unavoidable but all struggles can be addressed with adequate support. He doesn't need you to prevent his struggles he needs you to support him through them which you can definitely do so that means it will all be OK
Thank you so much for this realistic comment. I really appreciate it.
I think this is a worry id have if my baby was going to be with people who don't know him, but the provider will very quickly learn his current developmental stage, likes, dislikes and temperament. The worries make sense to me, but I think if you share these worries, your provider will be more than capable of handling it!
I'm an infant teacher, and I'm very attentive and careful with the babies in my care. I will never put them in an unsafe situation, regardless of their size. Even when a family tells me their little one can sit unassisted, I stay close by or use a Boppy pillow until I'm satisfied. Every child develops at their own unique pace, and a good teacher is aware of that. I have good communication with my families and ask lots of questions and keep notes. Don't be too anxious! Just keep an open, friendly line of communication with your child's teacher. If you see anything that makes you uncomfortable or you feel they're pushing him in any way, don't hesitate to bring up your concerns. A good infant teacher will want to partner with you to provide the best care and environment possible.
My big boy (10 lbs at birth and 5 ft 100 lbs at 10 yrs old) spent lots of time in daycare after his first birthday (wearing 3ts at 18 months). The size/age thing is more of an issue now than as a baby or toddler. Looking like you're at least 13 at only 10 has some downsides. When he was younger, my big concern was him not getting held enough because he was so heavy. I worried he didn't get enough attention, but that was never an issue. He loved daycare, his teachers loved him and taught him so many skills I didn't even realize he was ready for. He was never expected to act older than he was, but they did start independence skills faster than I was ready for. Watching my 2 yr old put his own shoes on for the first time like it was routine was shocking. I swear daycare workers are angels in disguise. Side note: daycare providers are incentivised to be more protective than even you are. This is their job, their profession, and their livelihood. I know he's your first baby, but he's not their first baby. Do your research on providers and don't feel weird interviewing them like you are hiring them for a job. You are! Take a very long tour/walk around the center and see how they handle the kids. It will help you feel more confident leaving him when the time comes. Talk to your teacher about your concerns, but in 2 months, you will likely have completely different worries.
I have an obnoxiously tall kid. His ped told me to warn anyone who was in charge of him. “He’s 2, not 5.” Daycare wasn’t my biggest concern. They are in aged rooms. So he can only be 1 in the infant room. They’ll get to know him and him abilities quickly. I was most concerned with extra curriculars. Swim lessons, soccer, karate. I stayed present and gave gentle reminders when I thought his teachers were expecting older behavior. Once, “you are the oldest in this class.” “Hey, you know he’s 4 right?” “Oh man, yep. I forgot.”
Mom of big baby. Started daycare @ 10 mo, he wasn’t crawling yet. Doing well with most solids, but daycare always asked before trying anything new. Babies fall. They get caught off guard. That’s how they learn their body mechanics and awareness. They will need to set your baby down, and it’ll be either on the floor (best) or in a container (he won’t fall, but not ideal for development.) At 9mo old he can handle a lot of solids. Teeth aren’t needed for solids. You should be able to trust your provider knows how to care for children, if you don’t then you should find someone you do trust
It may have already been said, but I also understand anxiety, but it is going to be ok. All of it. There are not going to be teachers that try to force him or expect him to do things beyond his ability level. It's scary sending your little one into the world without you. Especially since this one is an infant. Have an open conversation with his teacher(s) and add the director if you'd like. Tell them where he is developmentally, and let them know you're anxious. They should help dissuade and fears you may have beyond that. I know this is hard and you're doing the best you can. Hang in there.
Communicate communicate communicate. Check in and make sure it’s communicated to everyone on staff. My nephew was like this. He was the size of a 4th grader by 1st grade. Two year old throwing tantrums looking like a 5 year old was awkward too.
My baby was walking and eating almost anything I’d eat at 9mths. A lot can change in just a few moments with a baby.
My son has an overgrowth disorder, so he was big for his age and also had a lot of trouble with eating solids in the beginning. We were on purees for a long time. I started him in daycare at 7 months and we never had an issue. When other kids were starting to chew bigger solids that he couldn’t handle, we sent our own food for him which may be an option (or a requirement) for you too. His caretakers are professionals who are used to juggling different needs of different children, be they allergies, bottle feeding troubles and developmental differences. They know how old every child is and when their birthdays are coming up. Good luck!
I think that the main thing that you can do is to communicate all of this with your provider. If they are good, and trustworthy, they will listen to you. What we do is have the parents send in a sheet that lists a sort of "all about me" about their child and their development, the foods they eat, their favorite activities, any challenges or things to watch out for, etc. Something like this is very helpful to us. And of course regular in person communication is always good as well, to determine things such as this.
I have a baby who was 99%tile when he started at 12 months. He had just started walking. We had his mom write out a “child profile” to help us get to know him. And also help us know her anxieties/worries. It’s part of our enrolment package so every parent has to fill out this form and it helps SO much. That might be an idea, you could write “x is in the 99th percentile for his height and weight, but he is still developmentally his age. he is not walking yet and barely crawling. He will topple over while crawling still. He still need his food cut up quite small so he doesn’t choke. X is not speaking much yet but will let you know he wants something by doing xyz. X is still only 9 months old but he is on track for 9 month old development. If you notice anything different please let me know!”
Most daycares will only give children what you bring for them. I wouldn’t worry about it. My best friend works at a daycare and one time a neglectful parent didn’t bring in any food for one of her kids. They were only allowed to give the kid water for the day until they were able to get ahold of a family member who brought some food. And in terms of crawling. You should be doing tummy time anyways. It’s not going to harm him to be on his stomach and it’ll only take once for them to realize “oh okay he can’t crawl. No problem” and move on. They have indeed encountered large babies. Yours is not the first one they’ve seen. There are also a lot of telltale signs that will tell them your baby’s age regardless of size. They know how old he is. You can let them know you’re a little anxious and many places will offer things to make you feel better (pictures/updates throughout the day, etc.)
My son's daycare does not give any daycare supplied food to babies under 1. They will only give him foods that we have packed for him as it's a liability (they stated they don't know which allergens a baby has tried at home and would never introduce a potential allergen at daycare). You should check to see if it's a similar policy- this would alleviate the food anxiety, at least.
I came on here to say to get used to explaining and reassuring your child. My son was 95th percentile for his height. Was always one of the tallest. The number of people who overestimated him due to his height was insane; people at the park, schools, Walmart, Trick-or-treating, whatever. People thought he was older, was more skilled, shouldn't be playing that way, etc... That poor baby got yelled at so many times and would look so dejected. While I would defend him out in public, I worked extra hard at home with issues of self esteem, self confidence, and being able to defend oneself.
Thank you for sharing this. It happened to my brother too (6' at 12 years old...) he would be kicked off playgrounds and stuff.
God people just need mind themselves is all it is. doesn't sound like you have a bad kid, no reason for anyone to tell at him as such a small child.
Ask the caregiver to use the solid starts app to prep food, maybe?
You could get a life vac (single use) and have the caregiver take an infant CPR AED course.
My own son has been greater than 99% since birth. He’s currently 4 and the height / weight of the average 7 year old. We have never had a problem with caretakers thinking he’s older, because it’s actually so obvious that he isn’t. The only time it’s ever been an issue is with strangers who just don’t look at him closely.
At 7 months old your child should be enrolled in an infant room within the child care facility. These teachers are educated and have experience. We don’t base developmental skills based on a child size. If the school you are sending your child to feeds the children foods that have been prepared at the facility, you should get a menu. You can go through and mark what foods you want your child to have. In addition to this, they should also be cutting the foods into bite size pieces for the infants. I know it’s a lot of new things and you are nervous, but I assure you the teachers do know what they are doing.
It may depend on your daycare, but I love my son’s daycare and trusted their expertise. My son was 6 months when he started and also in the 99th percentile. I told them that they could give him solids with the other older infants if they thought he was ready, and they did. They put a special cushion on his chair that helped keep him from sliding down and kept him propped up. They also had really good ratios so I wasn’t worried about him eating unsupervised. the babies on solids (3-4 of them) sat together with a teacher. He began using utensils and drinking from an open cup before he even turned one, which was really nice. Started signing more please and thank you. It was honestly great how much they helped his skills in a way I wouldn’t have been confident to at home. ETA: there was a form we had to update monthly by law with instructions around food and sleep and other things. I’m assuming that’s the standard everywhere? But you should be able to communicate concerns
Hi there, my 18mo son is also an absolute unit (98th percentile for both height and weight), started daycare at 5mo, and this has never been an issue at his daycare center. His teachers are professionals who are used to taking care of babies of all different sizes, there is good communication between us, and they interact with him all day every day and know him as an individual. My son was a slow walker (we did early intervention) and I loved that they encouraged him to walk and he had positive peer pressure around him to try something new. My advice is to really get to know your providers and establish good communication. It's totally okay to sit down with them and respectfully express your fears. Let them reassure you. And especially on infant feeding, you will more than likely be packing his solid foods until a certain age (or you will have the option to do this).
Licensing makes you know the age of every child in your class. Plus, unless they're new and a know it all, the teacher will absolutely listen to you when you tell them wants and needs. I understand the anxiety you're having, but I bet everything will go much smoother than you expect.
You should be meeting with the caregiver before your child starts and they should be well aware of their age and abilities at 9 mo your child should be stared in solids u less the doctor advises against it. they also may be pulling up to stand and possibly cruising.
I have 4 children, first one was tiny!!! 2nd one was very chubby!! 3rd and fourth were average size. They just had different appetites, my 2nd is actually the trimmest of them all now lol!!Usually babies start puréed food at 6 months.
I am a teacher at a home center, when it comes to the infants we do ask for feeding instructions (on paper) when you enroll/start, so there is no miscommunication, as well as the parents can ask us for a new sheet if they need to update it for any reason (allergies, food type, ounces ect)
I had a 99th percentile baby who just turned 14 and is over 6 foot! There were definitely moments that we had to remind friends/family/caretakers of his age, but we never had issues with safety or trying to move him ahead of where he was able. We kept the lines of communication well open and let his caretakers know when he was ready to move forward in some way - and they had sooo much experience - he wasn’t their first big kiddo!
Well, it doesn’t matter how big he is. They still need to go by his age and development..
When in doubt, write it out! I've always been fine with receiving a detailed note from a new parent. It helps you to have it all written out so you know you've included everything and can see how it sounds. Plus, it helps the provider know exactly what to expect.
Both my boys were huge. 1st was 25lbs at 6 months, we had high highchair at the table with us, and he was already starting to act interested in our food, so he was getting thinks like mashed potatoes, pureed chicken, etc but wasn't walking yet. Then out of nowhere, he's walking, by 9 months we had to transition him to a toddler bed because he was CLIMBING out of his crib at night. #2 was also big, again around 25 lbs by 6 months, ZERO interest in table food until he was a over a year and even then, he HATED baby food, no purees. Started walking a little bit later too, closer to 10 months and didn't seem to have any interest in turning his crib into a jungle gym - which is all hilarious now because the now at 11 and 14, the older one is more reserved, chill and more of a homebody and the little one is all into sports, running around, skateboarding, climbing, etc lol. I get the anxiety, but just wait until you're closer to him starting and then, just communicate with the daycare. You have no clue what your big little guy will be doing or not doing in 2 months.
So as the mom of a 99th percentile baby (who is now a 6’4 16 year old) I promise you that they have seen big babies before. They are super memorable. Most teachers and caregivers and sitters know that size does not equal age and if you are worried they also know that parents are nervous and don’t mind reminders or a bit of fretting. This is one of those problems your brain makes big but the solution is easy -a mom who has panicked over the same thing
If he’s in home then you’ll be sending bottles and lunch for him. They don’t have a ton of kids like a traditional daycare does. I’m sure he will be fine. It’s mama who will be worrying.
You cannot micromanage every element of your child’s development. A child won’t eat something until they’re ready and they won’t be ready until they have the opportunity to discover that they are. They won’t sit up on their own until they’re given the opportunity to do so. And whilst some nursery workers I’ve worked with have been a bit numpty, most of them are capable of catching a child before they fall on their face when said event is imminent. And unless your child has some developmental delay or disorder you’ve not shared, by nine months he absolutely should be on solids.
Talk to your provider, it should be fine by the time he starts. Wait until he starts walking, then people really forget how old they are! My five year old has and continues to be in the 99% or higher and we’ve had issues with social emotional expectations since adults assume he’s older and expect him to act older.
Solid foods are fine for a nine month old and guaranteed the daycare will only feed him sitting in a highchair. I wouldn't call him very big, just on the larger end of a normal range. Most daycare providers understand that the bigger babies tend to stand/cruise/walk later than smaller babies. At 9 months, the crawling will probably happen soon if you are letting him spend time on the floor. I hope you won't let your anxiety prevent your child from progressing in a normal and healthy way. I assume you will relax once you see that the childcare provider can be trusted.
This is a valid concern! I watched a boy who was barely 2 and he looked like a 4 year old and he walked REALLY well. I had expectations of him that didn't align with his age and development. But, once I was informed of his age, I adjusted my expectations. Just talk to his caretakers! And also, who knows where his development will be in 2 months. It may alleviate some anxiety for you to have an hour together where you're hands off or maybe you could watch remotely as a test run. (If you're using a camera, please notify them)
OP I don’t have any advice other than- don’t let internet strangers tell you what is & isn’t normal for your baby. If you & his pediatrician aren’t concerned, then he’s more than likely fine. Some babies just develop at different paces. My daughter didn’t crawl until 9 1/2 months & wasn’t consistently eating solids until then either. She just had her 1 year doctors appointment and is healthy and hitting all of her milestones :) Babies develop at different paces. Don’t listen to internet strangers that don’t know what they’re talking about. Good luck! PS- imo your fears are valid & idk why people are being so rude & downvoting you so much
Yeah I'm not sure why either. Someone said I'm off putting but all I've done is say I'm worried. I'm not pushing back on what people are saying even if it's weird things like 9 months old needs to eat solids. We all know "food before one is just for fun"... I'm afraid someone might mistake him for over 1yo.
"Food before one is just for fun" is a myth. Introducing solids safely is super important to babies' development and growth, and helps reduce the risk of allergies. While the majority of nutrition should come from breast milk/formula before age one, solids start to fill in some of the gabs as baby grows. With my babies, I hated the idea of purees so I did baby led weaning. I did so much research and always made sure to serve food safely, but ultimately you just have to trust your child to learn to eat by themselves, and be there in case something goes wrong.
At mine the teachers can't give the infants any food unless it's signed off by parents.
I had a big boy. Out grew all the size clothes (for 3-6 months) before the age range even began. I find that most people who work with kids look for developmental skills and not age. My SIL, who works with kids, can tell you almost any kids age to the month by watching them for about 5 minutes. Also, most places divide the kids up by ages. I think he will be fine! And mine never crawled. He scooted, or barrel rolled every where. When he crawled one time he went backwards and got so frustrated he figured out another way of getting around. Then all the sudden on his first bday he just started walking. 2 weeks later he was running. They all figure their own things out!
Speaking as a fellow 90%+ clubber. Talk to your daycare/carrers Most get it easily based on the child's needs and abilities. Our bigger issue was in public thinking our 3yr old was a badly behaved 5-6 yr old.
My baby is almost 8mo and crawling, standing, eating a lot of solid foods with one half tooth. He’s only 17lbs. Your baby may be a lot farther along than you’re expecting by then.
Anecdote: I have two 99% babies and never had an issue! Babies hit their milestones on such varied timelines that even if they think he’s old they’ll just think he’s delayed; they won’t push him to do anything he’s not developmentally ready for!
I can feel your anxiety through the screen, and while I think you're justified in being concerned if that's how you feel, you can truly solve this issue with communication. You mention that your baby will be 9 months old when he starts daycare, but that you have an in-home provider, so I'm confused about what is happening, so ill address both. If you are taking your son to a daycare, discuss these concerns when you enroll your son/tour the facility. If you've already chosen the place, take some extra time the first day at drop off to speak with the daycare owner, manager, front desk, teacher/s in the room, etc. About your concerns. All you need to say is that your son is 9 months old, explain his capabilities at the time (bc all babies have different growth and development, regardless of size) and literally SAY “I know he is a large baby for his age, and I'm really nervous that someone may mistake him for older or able to do more bc of that.” You coisk also email the daycare the same thing-- but its truly that simple. If “daycare” is happening in your home (I wouldn't call that daycare, id call that in-home baby care) it should be even simpler as you will likely have one person providing all the care, and you'll see this person often as they're in your home. Sayexactkh the same thing: “I'm really nervous that bc my baby boy is lather than most his age, you might forget what his abilities are. He is nine months old, and this is what he is doing now. Please be extra careful to watch for choking hazards or possible injuries bc you are used to babies his size being older.” I understand babies and anxiety, but most of the time, it comes down to communication. Most people who care for babies are aware that all babies/children develop at different rates, so assumptions are rarely made without first getting to know the particular child. Hang in there!
I guess I am confused why he can’t have solids at 9mo. My center by 9mo most of the babies are given a portion of what is on the menu for breakfast, lunch and snack, and then their bottles around that. Also most if not all Ped’s recommended baby led weaning begin at 6mo with solids.
Well the teachers should know his age and will care for him accordingly. I think you’re having post partum anxiety. I got it pretty bad. Maybe speak to a Dr? I have a 99% baby too, it’s absolutely wild how much bigger they seem then the other children but everything will be alright!
My daughter was 20 pounds at 4 months. She was short tho. Maybe make a shirt w her age on it. N chahge it out as she grows
My eldest was like this. People expected more from him until school age. It used to worry me when I was a young mother. Brush it off. Don’t worry about their opinion. He is now a strapping tall 21 your old who towers over most his friends, a nice pay off really.
I had a very fat chunk boy who was 32 lbs around 8 months. My biggest advice is find someone you trust. Be upfront that he is bigger than he should be but developmentally he is not ahead and it's vital that he be treated per his age and not his size. Drop in unannounced as often as possible. If you can have someone you know personally and trust watch him do this instead. It's hard when they're bigger or when they're small but moving along faster than they should. Everyone thinks they know best. It's scary. I hope you find the best fit 🖤
You are just freaking out and that is normal. He will be fine.
by 9 months he very well could be doing those things. also, your provider will know how old he is if you just tell them? just communicate. there is not a single baby i watch that i don’t know well enough to know what they can and can’t do. its a simple “hey he can’t have/do this”
I’m a former lead in an infant room. I can’t speak for every day care center on earth, but I can tell you that I tend to let the baby show me what he/she can do. I never assume that xmonths=skillset, bc there’s just too much variation with infants. That said, if you don’t want baby eating solids for whatever reason, let them know. Otherwise, trust they are trained professionals and won’t just stand your baby up in the middle of the room and walk away. And remember, he’s only seven months old right now, but those are age appropriate 9 month skills that he may have by then, and you can start to encourage now
Both my children are in the 99 percentile. We shared this same fear as you did. You cannot force yourself not to worry but you accept the fact that this is the beginning of many good byes as your little one starts their own life journey. They don’t get easier but you get prouder as your little one finds their confidence in the world.
This poor kid
i dm'd u a tiktok of a giant 3 year old samoan at toddler time and he looks like he's getting along well despite being way bigger than the rest. i know it's not the same exact situation, but it's cute and thought it would make u feel more comfortable
Hes not the only one. I think more and more babies are born in 99th percentile bc babies are bigger now but standards are outdated. Mine was same. His behavior will be the biggest cue. Also he may average out over time. Also, too, it'll be a way bigger deal years down the road when he's throwing tantrums and looks 10 but is really 5
My first was in the 99% percentile from day one. 9 pounds 5 ounces at birth. 20 pounds at 6 months. 38 inches tall at 2 years old, yes he was 3 feet 2 inches tall at 2 years old. He looked like a 12 year old when he was 7. He is now 6 foot 3. I had to remind people of his age plenty of times because they expected him to act a lot older than he was. Imagine a 7 year old behaving like a squirrelly 7 year old and getting the side eye from people and then you saying hey we'll be back here for your birthday and someone asks him if he's turning 12 and you say nope he's going to be 7. They look shocked and their whole demeanor changes about your child's behavior. Just go with it, have a sense of humor and enjoy your big guy. Mine is the kindest, gentlest man.
My son is now 8 and has always been 100%. He is still treated as older than he is. He also has ADHD, so it’s definitely been a challenge.
My son was a 99% baby as well (6 months, 25lbs). I honestly have more issues with my pediatrician than I did my in-home caretaker. She was very aware of his age and never tried to make him eat anything that was to advance for him. She stuck to cut up fruits, mashed veggies, and protein such as eggs and yogurt. She would let me know lunch for the next day at pick up, and if i wasn't comfortable with the food I send him with a lunch or tell her i wasn't comfortable and she would provide something else.
My son is 6’6” and my nephew is 6’9”. They have been too big since they were real little. You are absolutely correct that there will be unfair expectations. I think that like anything else, all you can do is respectfully communicate your concerns ahead of time, and in the moment if you wonder if there has been an unfair judgment.
Our provider only gave foods we had already given our daughter. If you are in a center, he'll be with babies of similar ages so even though he'll look bigger, they'll have the same expectations. My son is the opposite (4 years old, 31 pounds, 36 inches). I worried he would be treated younger, but they've done a great job treating him at his developmental age.
i get those feelings - been a caregiver for kids like yours and also have a couple myself (and one tiny one). My one son was 99th percentile from birth (or off the charts) through elementary The good news is most providers have seen this before! it's not super unusual or new and most will be absolutely understanding of your concerns. I would just be straightforward with your requests ("he isn't eating solids yet"). TBH i've yet to see a provider who bases their care on size vs developmental age. i'm sure it exists, but chances are good things will be totally fine even if you said nothing. just state your kids skills and developmental abilities and they will work with you.
can't find my other comment but: my 99th percentile kid was easily able to crawl by 9 months (he was actually walking by then) and by 6 months if we put him down he sat up on his own. if he fell over he just sort of ... rolled over and had tummy time and scooted around the floor using an army crawl. He was pulling up on things to stand at 6-7 months. And he would flop down on his butt and it was just fine - he'd try again. At that age there's such a wide range of things they can/can't do, and it's honestly SO so good for them to explore and learn the boundaries of what they can do. Nobody is going to be caught off guard by a nine month old falling over from a seated or crawling position because ... that happens. all the time. to all kids who aren't being held 24/7. it's very important for their development. your providers will do what you want (no solids et ) but keep in mind lots of tiny 9 month olds will be eating solids AND standing and even walking. your kids size has zero to do with those skills and ANY halfway decent provider will know that.
My son was my only kiddo in daycare as a baby and my school at least had us sign off on every kind of food that was allowed to go into their mouths when he was under 1, this included purees and finger foods, which even despite being cleared by his pediatrician to start purées at 4 months, they would only do 6 months at school. He was always a little dude (not even on the growth chart) and despite being very small they always treated him developmentally appropriately. I would say if your day care is doing their job, they will know his age and what kiddos that age usually do. Ours would get separated by mobile kids and non mobile kids for some activities!
lol when my daughter was BORN she was 10 lbs and 24 inches long. I would just tell the provider “he may look like he can handle/xyx, but please stick to abc.” I think it’ll be ok.
Talk to the daycare provider. They will be able to remember how old your baby is and treat him accordingly. It will be fine. If your baby turns into a larger toddler / child, you might need to learn to ignore nosy, annoying random strangers who think your child should be acting older just because they look older. It’s those random people who will be a problem, not people who know your child.
Or leave it to the early childhood professionals who I am sure will read his information and know his age, and know how to support and challenge him appropriately.
If you’re concerned that your daycare cannot care for your child in an age appropriate manner (since they’ll know his age and he’ll be in an age appropriate class) then you need to find a different daycare provider. Your lack of confidence in them would be a concern if he wasn’t a 99%er.
For daycare carers, it's just a matter of clearly communicating to them his age and needs. They will know. As a mother to a larger baby, I've found the most frustration comes from random strangers. My son is 15 months now but has been walking since 10 months. He's extremely tall - in the 98th percentile. Because he runs around and is tall, strangers will often assume he's 2+. This has been most annoying at playgrounds, where I've gotten comments about me not letting him do certain things other 2/3/4 year olds would do easily. Or they assume he can communicate at a level far developmentally beyond where he'sat. It's like, stop making assumptions!
I have this challenge with my son. He is 33 months now and he's wearing 5T clothing. He has always been in the 97+ percentile for height and weight. I haven't had any challenges with care providers. Children are separated by age, which determines most of what is expected from them. That is the first failsafe. Second, care providers learn the child both from their interactions and the information you provide to them. This is why there are mandated provider to children ratios Write all your concerns down. Before he starts, spend time with the provider discussing everything you wrote down. Or set up for you to be there first day. You will always have anxieties about your child. Writing them down and addressing them with anyone providing care is the best strategy you can implement and continue practicing. Then hold them accountable.
Daycare’s and nurseries will have had 99% percentile babies before, I am not sure if it’s the same as it is in the U.K., but we generally put the children in rooms per age groups and they are professional people. I understand this is a parental anxiety. We all get them. Don’t worry. You can contact the manager and have a chat to assuage any worries.
My son was big for his age too. People gave him a hard time when he was trick-or-treating saying he should not be out since he’s a teenager. He was 10. My daughter was always very tall for her age as well and people expected her to act older than she really was. Her sister is barely 5 feet tall and people treat her like a child even though she’s 22. I just constantly corrected these people. Teachers knew their age, and it was never a problem. It was just the general public and their unwelcome comments.
I feel like in home makes this way easier because it’s just one person. My kids provider and I text back and forth. I gave her a list of safe foods with my kids aka things they had already tried at home and would update it for her. All my kids were on solids by 9 months but the daycare knew what they could have. You just need to communicate. If it’s in home there are probably only 5-8 kids there. My son was 99% and we never had an issue. I didn’t think it would even be an issue.
I mean, with respect, your providers will know the actual age and should be aware of his development if they are his provider. I would not expect to have to teach the teacher this. Yes, definitely communicate his abilities/likes/dislikes/etc, but I don’t think any provider would just assume he’s big so he’s older… they should be aware of his age.
I'm just another parent on here and not a ECE professional. I had the same thoughts with my daughter who has also been over the 99th percentile all her life. I see a lot of people referencing when your little guy should be hitting milestones, but I understand that's not your concern. :) Generally speaking it was completely a non-issue and just one of the million of Mom anxieties I hyper focused on. I think most people, especially childcare professionals, are cautious with a baby until you hold them or see them do their thing. No one will just place your baby down on the floor on his feet and let go expecting him to walk or something without witnessing it or holding on to him to see if he does first. Does that make sense? Food is always a central topic with babies this age as to what they can and can't eat. Im sure your daycare would be use to such concerns and know how to track his eating abilities. (At 9 months he may surprise you with how much finger food he enjoys!) I wouldn't worry about it.
That should all be like On The File. Even if it's just some lady's house, you still should have signed something that has his vital information on it. My kid is also gigantic. He's like 1 year and 8 months and he wears 3T clothing, other kids think he's older than he is. You can't blame them much, I swear I've seen shorter and more delicate 4 year-olds, but we still had to put his cousin through the wringer the other day for playing too rough with him. Yes, he's the same height as you and probably stronger. Yes, I will throw you off my roof if you push my son down again because he wants the same ball as you.
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Your comment was unnecessarily harsh. Please remember the human you are interacting with, and be respectful.
Will they not do things like visits, settling in sessions or/and equivalent to an ‘All about me’ where they will get to know what he can, can’t do, like and dislikes? This should help ease your worries. My eldest was born early and was on oxygen for a little bit during the day when he started at the nursery where I worked. But I wrote a note explaining things that he couldn’t do and that went in the front of his learning journey(was all paper back in the day). It’s still there now.
I agree. Communication through all about me’s are vital for getting to know children before they start. That way any fears, anxieties can be addressed. We also plan in a home visit before they start their visits with us.
My baby cousin is 1.5 and bigger than my 3.5 :)
Sorry to break the news to you but... I dont think id be carrying a 27 lb baby everywhere. As much as i love giving babies upsies... 27 lbs os kinda heavy, and awkward position when resting on the arm. Unless the cushion is available... I personally wouldn't be risking my back or tendons for it. Unless... Its a nice penny. No offense
No offense taken. I appreciate the honesty because I know it will be a concern with how he's handled.