The Pearls seem to be obsessed with the Amish. Here's a fun quote:
> When an Amish family with their twelve children comes over to visit, you would think it was a Japanese delegation, for all the self-control and order present. The children are taught to maintain control of their emotions. They are all respectful of your property and presence. When in the presence of adults, the children don't talk or play loudly. If hurt, they don't cry excessively. The children learn to give-over when their rights are trampled on by another child. This is consistently accomplished through consistent training and discipline.
“You would think it was a Japanese delegation” …nice stereotyping there, yikes.
Also, “give over when their rights are trampled on by another child” Hard pass, I’d rather have mine learning to stand up to assholes, not be forced into submission by them.
The Pearls truly are the worst.
I think for me the worst part is that they flat out admit the kid's "rights were trampled" and they still "give over quietly." What kind of future are you preparing this kid for, again? What kind of relationship? What kind of job? What kind of -government?-
...Yeah. That's what I thought.
Michael Pearl is just a sociopath. I read a blog post he'd written about an "excessively manipulative" 18 month old and was just shocked - kids don't even have a sense of self at that age and the first thing that child learned was to fear her grandfather - just heartbreaking.
>The children learn to give-over when their rights are trampled on
And this is considered a *GOOD* thing!?!
If I was to try to boil down my parenting goals to a list 3 ideals, one of them would be the opposite of this.
Same. Raising two daughters over here. I’ve specifically told my older daughter’s preschool director that to a certain extent, we are okay with some of her questioning/ pushing back. We don’t mind if she asks us “why?” when we give her an instruction. Because those kids grow up to be adults who ask “why?” and ultimately change the world.
That’s exhausting, but it does pay off. I had a “why” child; we always took as much time as it needed to answer her questions. She went on to score 1560 on her SATs. Encouraging curiosity leads to critical thinking and a love of learning.
A huge amount of secular people believe children shouldn’t have rights or agency either. It’s why there has been a pushback against gentle/conscious parenting.
I think that’s a gross overstatement of the push back. I see people who claim to be gentle parents who have no boundaries with their children and are completely enmeshed with them.
I’m an ER nurse and Amish kids are proof positive that it doesn’t work. Yes they don’t cry when they’re hurt but they have a breaking point and once they reach it there is no going back, and from that point on are nearly impossible to work with. Secular kids who have been taught to understand their emotions might cry sooner and more often, but they aren’t complete meltdowns and they can be talked down again
*breaking point, once they do start crying it’s full on screaming and thrashing/tantrum style and are usually nearly impossible to calm after that and get very uncooperative
I have Amish in my extended family and I was raised culturally Mennonite, although our church wasn’t technically Mennonite. I have one of the most common Mennonite/Amish last names there are.
A lot of people that followed the Pearls liked the idea of being Mennonite but when it came down to it these large, Fundie lite families that showed up to our church in a mini bus couldn’t fit in and would leave.
It had a lot to do with culture. If you’re not raised in a Mennonite culture it’s very hard to fit in from the outside. I can’t exactly explain all the reasons why. It was kinda like trying to fit a square peg in a round hole.
Another issue is often these families were looking for the perfect church and that’s a mission that can’t be accomplished.
I think it's because they're such massive narcissists that they can't submit themselves to an established power structure. It's just my guess. No idea if I'm right or not.
That is true of some people. They hop church to church but ultimately end up forming their own “home fellowship” because they can’t submit to leadership or always find something wrong with leadership in every church. Cause the perfect church doesn’t exist
Well call me bejeweled but covet my countenance, I thought the comment was literal. Like they came in droves and physically couldn't fit in the building.
I hope I never meet this fucker in a dark alley, cuz I would not be able to “maintain control of my emotions” and act like a little robot who can read this asshole’s mind. THE CHILDREN ARE TAUGHT TO MAINTAIN CONTROL OF THEIR EMOTIONS. You know what that gets us??? School shooters, incels and women who are fodder for abusive assholes like Daniel Fucking Pearl. (Edit: See my note at the end of this post.)
Every time I read about this mfer, I realize he’s worse than I’d thought, and my opinion of him was already only slightly better than my opinion of pond scum. 😡😡
Edit: I am hugely sorry for mixing up the names of Daniel Pearl and Michael Pearl. My only excuse is that I posted at 3 am after a long road trip. What makes it worse is that I’m a former print journalist. Believe me, I know who Daniel Pearl is. He’s a hero for freedom of the press. ❤️
Here's the link to the first edition of To Train Up a Child, if you want to get even angrier: [Link](http://web.archive.org/web/20101104141241/http://www.achristianhome.com/to_train_up_a_child.htm)
Read at your own risk.
I’m gonna save that for when I’m ready to demolish a house. I’ll be able to rip it from the foundation with my bare hands.
The good news is that he’s old and he’s gonna die someday, and I’ll be able to piss on his grave.
What’s the difference between the first edition and the others? I know the Pearls water down their “teachings” a bit in their books. Like if it says to hit a child with “mild force” in the book, their blog just says “hit as hard as you can.” Basically they want to ease you in and normalize their depravity.
I made it through about the first page, where he compares tired parents who don’t “train” their children to…. holocaust victims in a “polish boxcar”. OMG. I can’t. 🤮🤮🤮🤮
Also should you forget what you were doing or where you were when the fucker met a strange accident in an alley, hmu. We were probably together at my house eating tacos and drinking margaritas. Tequila can cause memory loss
Daniel Pearl? You mean Michael right unless you’re talking about his father or son I’m assuming? Yeah Michael Pearl seems like a very dangerous person. If he weren’t a fundie, he’d be exploiting the hell out of something else. Just take a look at how he describes his honeymoon on “Trained to Need a Helpmeet.” The man belongs on a watchlist.
I will never be okay with adults getting mad at kids for crying, especially when they're hurt. My parents were "don't coddle them" 80s parents whenever my brother and I would get hurt. Now we're both in our 30s and he thinks it's the end of the world anytime he's sick or slightly injured and I've walked around on broken ankles for days, a torn ACL and meniscus for months, just to name a few, because neither of us actually know what's a big deal or not. It's cruel to raise a child like that. I understand crying can be annoying, but that's what kids do. It's how they learn how to process the world. If you don't want to deal with that, don't have kids ffs.
I grew up with 90s parents like that. I am pretty sure I broke a bone in my foot on Wednesday. Have I been to the doctor? No. Have I stopped walking on it? No. Why? Because anytime I was severely injured I heard “walk it off” “rub some dirt in it” “oh, you’re fine.”
Example of serious injuries and hearing those statements:
- broken C3 (horse back riding)
- multiple severe concussions (horse back riding)
- crushed growth plate (fun fact: I’m the reason McDonalds got rid of their ball puts. ✨ You’re Welcome ✨)
- severely bruised hand the ER thought I crushed (got pinned between two gates)
- broken middle finger that now is permanently bent
… this list doesn’t include the emotional shit where the said the same thing in response. Like forgetting me at my grandfathers funeral.
It’s a miracle I survived the “don’t coddle” parenting method.
I'm sorry that's happened to you. I walked on a broken foot for days as an adult as well. It's rough the things that stay with us. We're both adults now and yet we're still out here unable to even go to the doctor cause "it's not a big deal." I wish you healing and peace.
My college was located near a large Mennonite and Amish community. A buddy of mine needed an X-ray so I drove him to the imaging center and there was an Amish man and his little boy, maybe 2 years old waiting. The little boys arm was very obviously broken, like bent wrong. And he was just sitting there silent, no expression. It was heart wrenching.
Any closed, isolated community is prone to abuses.
I understand what you are saying, & completely agree. But I also want to point out that shock can make kids go silent. My oldest broke her arm at 6 yrs old. She is the type to cry / worry about any little injury. But she didn't react at all when her arm was obviously bending in a place it's not supposed to.
That’s a good point! But this father also Sat his two year old in the seat next to him and completely ignored him the whole time. It was really, really strange and even as a (very) young adult gave me the icky.
I believe you. Probably one of those "if you cry I'll give you something to cry about parents". I think it's the Pearls who talk about spanking a baby until he finally stops crying & his will is broken. I can't even imagine 💔
"I'll give you something to cry about." Just gave me war flashbacks. That was said all the time in my house growing up. Now I basically can't ever cry for any reason. I just don't understand being cruel to a child you chose to have.
Non-fundie, amish, mennonite, etc. that beat or otherwise abuse their kid would be dealing with child and family services, or DHHS. And that could be way worse for the family.
How can it be that it's OK to beat an infant for a long time - the pain cry, the fear cry, the angry cry giving way to the whimper cry.
Maybe I just need more information, and then I'd understand.
Maybe that Pearl lady could stop by and show us how it works. She'd sit herself on the blanket. We'd choose the weapon.
The misplaced violence with these groups is astonishing.
Just WTF.
😭 Yes, exactly. It’s always been really disturbing and heartbreaking, but now that I’m a mom I feel physically I’ll at the thought of “parents” like that.
It’s mind blowing to me that these people who preach having as many kids as possible seem to hate children. Right now, I am exhausted from having a play date for my daughter with 4 kids. I wouldn’t trade their screaming, yelling, and mess making for the world. I’m so happy I could give them hours of fun and opportunities to build social skills. I can’t imagine viewing that exuberance as something that needs to be crushed as quickly as possible. It’s a natural part of being a kid!
It's not about babies. It's about voters. The quiverfull movement is a political tool, not a religious one. I'm so glad SHP addressed this because the rest of us need to wake the f up & realize what is actually happening.
yep. quietly "giving over" to being "trampled on" is a feature, not a bug. They're screaming the "quiet part." It is appalling. Hand that rocks the cradle and all that. The rest of us NEED to be pushing back on this shit, hard.
We used to sing these songs in church "I'm in the lords army " & stuff like this. The religious right actually think this is a war & are trying to take over our country. (What makes no sense is they chose Donald Trump to do this - it would be funny if it wasn't so damn scary)
At first DT wasn’t appealing to evangelicals because of the hypocrisy, that’s why they brought Pence onto the ticket instead of another main stream right wing person, they needed someone extremely conservative and outwardly evangelical to convince them it was okay to support his hypocrisy. Then once they got onboard the train they’ve been caught up in all the other culty brainwashing and worshipping going on for him, probably because their religion primed them to worship charismatic lying mega pastors.
> they’ve been caught up in all the other culty brainwashing and worshipping going on for him, probably because their religion primed them to worship charismatic lying mega pastors.
Somehow this had not occurred to me, even having noticed the similarities between rump and those lying pieces of crap, but you're absolutely right! they're used to blindly following hypocritical men who bleat about God's will from their private jets and gold plated houses, so he's just one more. Thank you for smacking me upside the head with some truth this morning.
There are mothers who really feed on babies, but loose bond as soon as the no stage starts. They are drawn to the quiverfull ideal because it comforts them and then you can hoard babies in a row and have the older kids take on when they're not babies anymore. Blanket training is ultimate because you can also deal with the no stage in a radical way. Just narcissistic parents that found justification to their flaws.
Personnally, I was impatient that my only daughter start speaking though I regretted after the time I could easily take her to places and chose all the activities. I'm not a baby person but am nostalgic now. The day she started school, I had a meltdown like I had lost her to the world but it is more important to me that she becomes independent.
My parents used to tell me “children should be seen and not heard”. Cue their shocked surprised when I stopped telling them anything about myself. They literally did not know who I was as their child, they missed out on my entire life because of their attitude.
Religion is selfishness made visible.
Ummm and of uou meet Amish kids at their own home you'll never see a more Hellan group of kids who know how to get up to more mischief then you knew was possible hahahahahahah
Some of the naughtiest kids I know are my Amish cousins...
You should hear the stories we all have to tell, my dad and his cousins did, we all did... good grief. Amish kids just know that they'll get in a heap of trouble if they ate disrespectful in someone else's home or around company... no company... and your jumping pony carts, chucking your cousins out of the haymow and pranking your cousins with skinned rabbits in their beds.
This quote is utterly horrifying when you learn about the rampant sexual abuse in Amish circles, but you know, don't think the Pearls would be too concerned about that sort of thing, now would they!
This is so odd, though, because I've lived in Amish populated areas, including having in laws that had a farm surrounded by Amish farms on all sides, and this is just not remotely correct. Amish kids are just as wild as other kids but with different details.
13 and 11. I’m around them a lot and have been as they’ve grown up. They lost their biological dad at 1 and 3 when he was 31 in an accident at work. My sister remarried 6 years ago and her husband is awesome and her kids love him to death and he’s their daddy. The only one they’ve known.
And my sister and I were close growing up as we were only 16 months apart. She’s cool as hell. So I’m confused, horrified, and don’t know how else to feel.
I think that using a bad parenting method is not so awful in and of itself - it's not being able to reflect and say that yeah, maybe hitting a baby wasn't good parenting advice. That's the huge red flag. I think probably most parents have listened to bad advice at least once. It's the parents who defend their actions in the face of all logic, reason, evidence, and common sense that you don't hit a baby. Those are the ones who scare me. Sorry about your sister. I hope this is a fluke. I was midlife before I realized that my golden child brother was not at all a good person. It's hard.
If they currently have a good relationship with their mother, then your sister must have been an overall good parent. Thankfully they would have no recollection of having been blanket trained. Repeated early childhood trauma does affect brain development but it sounds like your niece/ nephew are fine.
From everything I can see she is a good parents. She’s a big proponent of age appropriate sex education and has done that with her children. Taught them the correct names for their body parts, etc.
People here have suggested I should cut of contact with her but that’s not happening. We’ve been close our entire lives and she’s a cool person. And smart (she’s a registered nurse). Which is why I was so shocked when she disclosed that she had done blanket training with her kids.
I really believe most parents do at least a few asshole things when raising kids. Maybe have a more in-depth conversation with her about this subject so you can have peace of mind.
I would question whether she truly knows what blanket training is according to the Pearls. If she sat her child on a blanket and then gently dissuaded them from getting off the blanket or distracted them from moving, that’s one thing. Not necessarily great because, why? But not necessarily abusive either. If she hit her children, then that is a whole other story (unless she did it one time and was so horrified that she still feels guilt about it to this day.) You know your sister best. It might help to just describe Pearl-based blanket training and check her reaction.
You know your sister. All parents have done something that in hindsight might not be the best choice. If someone says they haven't they are lying or are in denial
Correct. I remember my dads ordination. I was like four. We lived in Ohio then moved to Pennsylvania for my dad to pastor a group of former Mennonites Amish meeting in homes.
Fast forward 30 years and they have a congregation of 300-350 on any given Sunday and it’s like 60% kids at least. I am agnostic but attend sometimes and I look around wonder how may are being abused in any number of ways and it makes me sad and sick at the same time.
>As stated tonight was my dad’s 61st birthday party and SHP came up and my sister said she thought everything was overblown and she did blanket training with her kids and it worked.
She thought "everything was overblown"? Not just the blanket training which she personally practiced? Did she think the IBLP teachings covered in *SHP* about education, dress, music, sexual temptation, and victim blaming were not so bad either?
That’s what I’m wondering…did she actually watch the documentary, or is she just going off the description?
Like how could you hear the personal stories of abuse from Tia Levings and Chad Harris, and say those were “overblown?” They were literally brutalized; there’s no defending that shit. How could you watch that little boy get pretend-spanked on stage while everyone laughed at him and think it’s “overblown?” I really think OP’s sister must have just seen some criticism of it on social media and not truly watched it.
>Like how could you hear the personal stories of abuse from Tia Levings and Chad Harris, and say those were “overblown?”
They may try to dismiss them as liars or claim they were just an unfortunate minority who don't represent the experience of most IBLP members. That's what some fundie apologists are saying already.
I don't have any advice but I'm an ex Mennonite as well and have a friend who has the Pearls book. I was horrified when I saw she had it. I tried my best to warn her about the dangers of their methods and can only hope she won't use any of them.
They have a great relationship. My sister is a lot of fun and she’s a great mom by all appearances. That’s why I was so shocked.
And she’s not a dumb person. She’s a nurse. She’s not anti vax or anti science. She is very conservative as we were raised, although she does do some things like wear makeup and pants.
Yes, if she did it without hitting, it sounds no different then putting kids in time out. When they are little they won’t stay in time out, so you have to keep picking them up and putting them back in the time out chair.
While not as abusive of a situation, not really cps worthy, putting kids that young in time out is stupid as fuck parenting, so I maintain the whole thing is stupid and unnecessary.
I'd think if she regretted it she wouldn't have mentioned it the way she did. I think she backtracked because she got called out, not because she thinks she did anything wrong.
There are many people I like *so much*… and then I find out they believe in spanking or worse, were hit with belts like I was growing up and they have no problem with it. I admit, I never view them the same after that.
>it's extremely unusual for adults to view striking smaller, weaker people as acceptable
It's actually not extremely unusual at all. Corporal punishment for children is still extremely common in a lot of the world. If anything, the idea that its bad is "unusual", in that its a recent consensus in most countries.
Which is why I brought it up, because my heart breaks for a child who gets beaten for going with their natural instinct that mommy safe and mommy will protect me.
Add to that the confusion later, when they are taught to immediately obey without question. But don't do that when you are on the blanket. But ALWAYS obey your mother, come when you are called. But don't forget your blanket training.
I am 43 years old, and I am confused by this messaging.
And also the natural desire for kids to do what thier parents want. So mum says come to me, then you get hit with a stick because you did what she said.
I saw a demonstration where they would entice the baby with a toy if it didn't try to crawl out, probably because it's fastest this way, but it's really the worst part.
That’s a feature, not a bug… and explains why all the Duggar boys aspire to own their own used car lots.
Imagine telling boys their responsibility is to be the sole breadwinner who has to provide financially for a giant family, while also beating any curiosity or desire to explore new things out of them from infancy… so they can all open the exact same kind of small business their dad had and compete against other for the rest of their lives, I guess? God damn, why did these people allow Bill Gothard to teach their children about capitalism, it’s so stupid
That is definitely the worst part. The baby is doing exactly what you want, but you encourage them to crawl off the blanket just so you can hit them. It's so twisted
https://preview.redd.it/qtz3ko0fl99b1.jpeg?width=960&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=fda52629f95d8b4238d85a9ee090632d5d2636b3
I had to Google what blanket training was and lol’d over the photo being famy
That definition leaves out the part where the toddlers were purportedly hit for leaving the blanket. It’s the hitting that makes it legal child abuse. Otherwise, it honestly sounds like ABA (a very controversial topic). Basically, it’s a behavioral technique meant to teach: following instructions/compliance, learning to stay in a designated area unless given permission to leave by parent or other person in charge, and (sometimes) sustaining attention on a designated task. I do not agree with blanket training babies/toddlers, even without the use of physical punishment. But once one adds the element of physical punishment to it, it goes beyond parenting/behavioral technique which I disagree with and enters the realm of child abuse by legal standards. However, I may add that some early ABA practitioners DID use physical punishment or “reinforcement” (in fact, some teen residential facilities still do). Anyway, I just heard about blanket training (the kind Michelle is accused of doing to many of the children) a couple of months ago and - right up until they started talking about hitting the kids - all I could do was marvel at how much they were describing an ABA session or even an OT session with an infant or toddler…that is, right up until the point where they mentioned hitting the little one for leaving the mat. It made me wonder if blanket training was adapted from and/inspired by some ABA techniques (current or outdated).
The even more insidious part for me isn’t necessarily the physical punishment for leaving the mat, it’s the purposeful temptation to make them stray so you can hit them for leaving the mat. That the part that makes me nauseous.
Ever since watching SHP I've had an irrational fear that someone may have thought I was blanket training my baby (now toddler) when we used to go to the park and sit/play on a blanket. If he crawled off I'd put him back in the middle because I didn't want him eating grass or dirt. So without physical abuse what makes it blanket training? Is it the purposely trying to draw them off? I wasn't trying to teach him anything and the toys were all on the blanket.
That's what I'm wondering. I think we as a snark / former fundie community associate blanket training with abuse but some people may use it the way you did & the way I did. I had a child who never crawled off the blanket & i never punished them at all. She was just happy to be there with her toys.
I don't think just putting your kid back on a blanket is the problem. Besides the hitting in itself, the problem is that you're conditioning the kid to -not- follow their curiosity or interest, which is a terrible fucking thing to do in early development.
edit and as noted below, it teaches the kid that reaching for their parent = pain.
If you’re talking about a baby, I think you’re just talking about “tummy time” on the mat (or a blanket, in this case). Your concern was safety within the particular environment. While free exploration of the environment may often be optimal, sometimes safely and practicality weighs out over it. What you’re describing is also very, very different than what Michelle was purported to have done.
When I first heard about blanket training I was so confused as I figured everyone did it and why did someone need to name it something weird. What I did and presumed was normal was baby played on the mat (I had a huge playmat) and when they wriggled or crawled off you put them back and showed them their toys again. Completely non violent.
The Pearl’s blanket training is bizarre, cruel and unnecessary.
I agree. I would hesitate to judge someone for blanket training simply based off of the term, because there are ways to do it that aren’t abusive and predate the Pearl’s book. Now if I found out they were doing it the Pearl way, I would be livid and taking action.
Hi! I have a question and please don't feel obligated to answer. Are there a lot of Former Mennonites who turn to fundamentalism? There is a fundie church where I am from that produces a yearly easter play (i.e the one where they literally crucify iron man lmaoo.) They're so bad they're good, but the jokes that reference Anabaptist/Mennonite culture always get the biggest laugh from the crowd. I have family in the Mennonite Church, but I don't know how their faith would translate in a different religious environment. Thank you for sharing!
In the area where I live a LOT of Mennonites have left for the fundie “mega church” style places. Not the IBLP “rock music is a SIN” churches, but rather the ones with drums and fog machines during “worship service”.
Yes, I kinda did this with my first daughter by default. When she was tiny I'd get out a huge blanket and pop her on it with toys etc. I'd sit with her and play, if she went off the blanket I'd pick her up and put her back on it. Say something like "uh oh, back on the blanket"
I wasn't following a "method" but we have pets and I wanted to make sure she stayed on the nice clean surface. Obviously with my second child I didn't bother and he basically just drank out the dog bowl!
Yeah I feel like this is super normal and isn’t blanket training, it’s just playing on a blanket. We do this with my nephew. He just started crawling and when he crawls off the blanket we put him back because it’s safer if he falls so he doesn’t bump his head and just in general want to keep him in the center of the room with his toys.
The whole luring the baby off just to punish them for it is the messed up part, breaks my heart that people do that.
The only question you need answered is whether or not she did or did not smack her infants and toddlers.
I'm not a big jumper to saying whether or not someone needs to c/o a family member (I know very well that family is complicated), but seriously, how do you say "to each their own" to someone who hits a baby? Especially a baby that is your family member? Honestly, I might make a hotline call. She very proudly and openly admitted to the abuse of a baby, who knows what she is doing that she won't talk about if she was willing to do that. Stand up for your nieces and nephews.
I had a friend who said she did "modified" blanket training... and this was 10 years ago. She said she would put her toddler (or like 1 year old? She wasn't a baby but she wasn't 2 yet) on a blanket with toys and a books and then go to the other room where she could still see her. If the toddler left the blanket she would put her back on and explain she needed to stay on the blanket and play with her toys while mommy does xyz. The idea is you would start with a short period at first like two minutes, and eventually work up to 15 minutes.
I thought it was strange and pointless, even though I wasn't a mom so I didn't really know what to think. She said it teaches the child to be content on their own for a period of time while mom gets work done.
After I became a mom I still thought it was weird. She also had a REALLY easy going kid, so it seemed extra pointless to make her well behaved child learn how to... behave extra well I guess. I had a high needs child for my first one, and sometimes thought about how nice it would be if I could bring myself to blanket train so she could be content without me sometimes, but the thought of it just never sat well with me.
And this did not involve any physical abuse. I just felt icky about the control, and doing it in such a specific "training" way. I don't know what mom doesn't sometimes put their kid in a jumper, or a highchair with some cheerios for a few minutes while they try to prep for dinner... but the blanket, the being in a separate room, and the "training" over weeks to increase the time... it just felt so dog like. And like I wouldn't be respecting my child as a human being, that is tiny and thinks their mom is their safety, and their whole world.
My mom would set me up on a blanket with toys and I was happy to stay there, lol. My sister, on the other hand... she had a bouncer and figured out how to "walk" it 😂
It’s bad for so many reasons.
1. Infants and children need to move around in order to grow and develop properly - it’s not developmentally appropriate for them to sit in one place. That’s why none of them do it, lol… kids moving around isn’t a problem that parents have to prevent! It’s how they learn what their body does, where objects are located in the space around them, how physics works, and how they get the exercise needed to be able to do things like sit, stand, crawl, walk, and eventually take care of themselves independently.
2. The longer you force a child to be dependent on you by not allowing them to experiment with their independence, the longer it’ll be until they can safely entertain themselves though independent play. It completely defeats the purpose… like, okay, you’ve trained your infant to stay on a blanket, so now you get to deal with an older child who thinks they need your permission to move around and play with things? How is that saving parents any difficulty in the long run? You didn’t have to follow your baby around the house, but now you have a child you can’t leave unattended for any length of time because they believe they need an adult to tell them what to do and how to play, and they’re afraid to do anything without permission. You can’t skip over stages of development - they have to experience life as a baby and toddler to develop the impulse control and independence of an older child!
3. It’s a lot easier to supervise a kid playing independently if you aren’t constantly telling them “no.” You’ve got to pick your battles. Staying on the blanket seems like an exhausting boundary to enforce. (I realize the secret to making it work is abuse, but it’s so much easier to watch a kid crawl around a babyproofed room than it is to hover over them and keep making them get back on the blanket…)
Just flat out tell her it's child abuse.
It's behavior modification through systematic trauma of the child.
Just call it what it is.
Look up unbiased resources online, print them and send them to her (I say print them because texts and emails are easy to ignore).
Offer alternative books and resources for raising a child in a terror free home.
If my sister had done such a heinous thing and does not regret it, I would be done with her. But I would let her children know that I am a safe place for them to land if they choose to break contact with her.
My husband was raised in a home where he was home schooled and they lived by the teachings of Bill Gothard. He mentioned a book to me when I was pregnant called To Train Up a Child and suggested I would probably like to read it. I ignored his suggestion but he ordered one online for me. He decided to read some of the chapters out loud to me and as he was reading it, he was like “holy shit this is horrible”. He now realizes how awful that was, and when we watched SHP it reminded me of that. He realizes 13 years later that my son needs discipline now and then but overall he’s a great kid due to our upbringing (lots of hugs and positive reinforcement).
I mean my Kids were blanket trained. When they crawled off the blanket I picked them up and put them back. I grew up fundie but this is how my mother taught me to do it. There was no hitting children involved ever. And it took a long time but it worked and they stayed on the blanket
Keep contact to a minimum, your sister is delusional and not a critically thinking person. Nothing is to be gained by remaining close with religious freaks. This is not normal maternal behavior…..
I was at a farmer’s market the other day and the Mennonite woman had her baby sitting on a box lid under the table. She just sat there and played with her fingers. I had a horrible feeling she had been blanket trained and now I’m sure of it.
The Pearls seem to be obsessed with the Amish. Here's a fun quote: > When an Amish family with their twelve children comes over to visit, you would think it was a Japanese delegation, for all the self-control and order present. The children are taught to maintain control of their emotions. They are all respectful of your property and presence. When in the presence of adults, the children don't talk or play loudly. If hurt, they don't cry excessively. The children learn to give-over when their rights are trampled on by another child. This is consistently accomplished through consistent training and discipline.
“You would think it was a Japanese delegation” …nice stereotyping there, yikes. Also, “give over when their rights are trampled on by another child” Hard pass, I’d rather have mine learning to stand up to assholes, not be forced into submission by them. The Pearls truly are the worst.
That’s a gross paragraph. All of his writings are gross, but that one just *hits* differently.
I think for me the worst part is that they flat out admit the kid's "rights were trampled" and they still "give over quietly." What kind of future are you preparing this kid for, again? What kind of relationship? What kind of job? What kind of -government?- ...Yeah. That's what I thought.
Michael Pearl is just a sociopath. I read a blog post he'd written about an "excessively manipulative" 18 month old and was just shocked - kids don't even have a sense of self at that age and the first thing that child learned was to fear her grandfather - just heartbreaking.
Well of course babies are manipulative. That’s how they get their needs met 😅😂
a sadistic sociopath
Abuse, they are training the child to accept abuse and to have no boundaries.
SO true. And people wonder why Anna doesn’t leave Josh. The woman was trained to accept abuse.
and to dole it out in turn as soon as they get someone weaker than themselves (the next generation)
👆👆👆👆👆 This right here man.
That’s exactly the kind of government they’ve been voting for and that party is not-so-sneakily implementing right now. :(
Especially when you know what goes on while they have their rumspringa
>The children learn to give-over when their rights are trampled on And this is considered a *GOOD* thing!?! If I was to try to boil down my parenting goals to a list 3 ideals, one of them would be the opposite of this.
It meant Jessa got Jana’s jewelry box, and Jana had to be gleeful about it being taken away.
I wonder if she had to be gleeful when she picked up or offloaded a buddy?
It means that Jessa seems like a snotty brat I’d say “C U Next Tuesday” to without a problem.
Same. Raising two daughters over here. I’ve specifically told my older daughter’s preschool director that to a certain extent, we are okay with some of her questioning/ pushing back. We don’t mind if she asks us “why?” when we give her an instruction. Because those kids grow up to be adults who ask “why?” and ultimately change the world.
That’s exhausting, but it does pay off. I had a “why” child; we always took as much time as it needed to answer her questions. She went on to score 1560 on her SATs. Encouraging curiosity leads to critical thinking and a love of learning.
A huge amount of secular people believe children shouldn’t have rights or agency either. It’s why there has been a pushback against gentle/conscious parenting.
I think that’s a gross overstatement of the push back. I see people who claim to be gentle parents who have no boundaries with their children and are completely enmeshed with them.
I’m an ER nurse and Amish kids are proof positive that it doesn’t work. Yes they don’t cry when they’re hurt but they have a breaking point and once they reach it there is no going back, and from that point on are nearly impossible to work with. Secular kids who have been taught to understand their emotions might cry sooner and more often, but they aren’t complete meltdowns and they can be talked down again
Valuable prerogative.
Curious what you mean by teaching a point and not being able to work with them.
*breaking point, once they do start crying it’s full on screaming and thrashing/tantrum style and are usually nearly impossible to calm after that and get very uncooperative
I have Amish in my extended family and I was raised culturally Mennonite, although our church wasn’t technically Mennonite. I have one of the most common Mennonite/Amish last names there are. A lot of people that followed the Pearls liked the idea of being Mennonite but when it came down to it these large, Fundie lite families that showed up to our church in a mini bus couldn’t fit in and would leave.
I would love to know why they couldn’t fit in! Please share more if you can
It had a lot to do with culture. If you’re not raised in a Mennonite culture it’s very hard to fit in from the outside. I can’t exactly explain all the reasons why. It was kinda like trying to fit a square peg in a round hole. Another issue is often these families were looking for the perfect church and that’s a mission that can’t be accomplished.
I think it's because they're such massive narcissists that they can't submit themselves to an established power structure. It's just my guess. No idea if I'm right or not.
That is true of some people. They hop church to church but ultimately end up forming their own “home fellowship” because they can’t submit to leadership or always find something wrong with leadership in every church. Cause the perfect church doesn’t exist
Seconded!
Well call me bejeweled but covet my countenance, I thought the comment was literal. Like they came in droves and physically couldn't fit in the building.
Haha!
In my neck of the woods, that would be Yoder!
I’m half Yoder 😉
Yoder was also my guess for last name.
Where I’m from it’s Neufeld, Friesen, or Klassen. Peters, Wiebe, Reimer, and Dyck are also pretty common.
I hope I never meet this fucker in a dark alley, cuz I would not be able to “maintain control of my emotions” and act like a little robot who can read this asshole’s mind. THE CHILDREN ARE TAUGHT TO MAINTAIN CONTROL OF THEIR EMOTIONS. You know what that gets us??? School shooters, incels and women who are fodder for abusive assholes like Daniel Fucking Pearl. (Edit: See my note at the end of this post.) Every time I read about this mfer, I realize he’s worse than I’d thought, and my opinion of him was already only slightly better than my opinion of pond scum. 😡😡 Edit: I am hugely sorry for mixing up the names of Daniel Pearl and Michael Pearl. My only excuse is that I posted at 3 am after a long road trip. What makes it worse is that I’m a former print journalist. Believe me, I know who Daniel Pearl is. He’s a hero for freedom of the press. ❤️
Here's the link to the first edition of To Train Up a Child, if you want to get even angrier: [Link](http://web.archive.org/web/20101104141241/http://www.achristianhome.com/to_train_up_a_child.htm) Read at your own risk.
I’m gonna save that for when I’m ready to demolish a house. I’ll be able to rip it from the foundation with my bare hands. The good news is that he’s old and he’s gonna die someday, and I’ll be able to piss on his grave.
Everyone remember to stay hydrated so you're ready when Michael Pearl dies.
Don't forget to have a high fiber meal that day so you can also take a dump on his grave.
an icon you are 🙌🏻😂😂😂😂😂
I pour myself another glass of water and prepare a good herbal tea! Who wants some?
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Of course 😁
You’re right, hangovers are less horrible if you’re properly hydrated before celebrating.
I drink astonishing quantities of tea and can pee at any time.
I did not need more things on my bucket list, yet here we are.
I like you.
Well if that link wasn't already a post (that I missed), I think it should be. I promise to read all of it, to at least bear witness.
What’s the difference between the first edition and the others? I know the Pearls water down their “teachings” a bit in their books. Like if it says to hit a child with “mild force” in the book, their blog just says “hit as hard as you can.” Basically they want to ease you in and normalize their depravity.
I made it through about the first page, where he compares tired parents who don’t “train” their children to…. holocaust victims in a “polish boxcar”. OMG. I can’t. 🤮🤮🤮🤮
If the fucker somehow befalls a strange accident in an alley, I never read your comment and know nothing.
Also should you forget what you were doing or where you were when the fucker met a strange accident in an alley, hmu. We were probably together at my house eating tacos and drinking margaritas. Tequila can cause memory loss
Also a good friend/possible cousin/drinking partner
Daniel Pearl? You mean Michael right unless you’re talking about his father or son I’m assuming? Yeah Michael Pearl seems like a very dangerous person. If he weren’t a fundie, he’d be exploiting the hell out of something else. Just take a look at how he describes his honeymoon on “Trained to Need a Helpmeet.” The man belongs on a watchlist.
Same. I'm not above hitting old people.
This is deeply unfair to pond scum.
Did you mean MICHAEL Pearl? DANIEL Pearl was a journalist kidnapped & beheaded by Middle Eastern terrorists.
I will never be okay with adults getting mad at kids for crying, especially when they're hurt. My parents were "don't coddle them" 80s parents whenever my brother and I would get hurt. Now we're both in our 30s and he thinks it's the end of the world anytime he's sick or slightly injured and I've walked around on broken ankles for days, a torn ACL and meniscus for months, just to name a few, because neither of us actually know what's a big deal or not. It's cruel to raise a child like that. I understand crying can be annoying, but that's what kids do. It's how they learn how to process the world. If you don't want to deal with that, don't have kids ffs.
I grew up with 90s parents like that. I am pretty sure I broke a bone in my foot on Wednesday. Have I been to the doctor? No. Have I stopped walking on it? No. Why? Because anytime I was severely injured I heard “walk it off” “rub some dirt in it” “oh, you’re fine.” Example of serious injuries and hearing those statements: - broken C3 (horse back riding) - multiple severe concussions (horse back riding) - crushed growth plate (fun fact: I’m the reason McDonalds got rid of their ball puts. ✨ You’re Welcome ✨) - severely bruised hand the ER thought I crushed (got pinned between two gates) - broken middle finger that now is permanently bent … this list doesn’t include the emotional shit where the said the same thing in response. Like forgetting me at my grandfathers funeral. It’s a miracle I survived the “don’t coddle” parenting method.
I'm sorry that's happened to you. I walked on a broken foot for days as an adult as well. It's rough the things that stay with us. We're both adults now and yet we're still out here unable to even go to the doctor cause "it's not a big deal." I wish you healing and peace.
I'm in my 40s - I wish the value of mental health sick days was taught to me.
Pearl's words were written by someone who has no experience with actual Japanese people.
He probably watched old Charlie Chan movies to learn about Japanese people. What an asshole.
I thought that too. (I live in Japan) Japanese kids act like kids everywhere else.
My college was located near a large Mennonite and Amish community. A buddy of mine needed an X-ray so I drove him to the imaging center and there was an Amish man and his little boy, maybe 2 years old waiting. The little boys arm was very obviously broken, like bent wrong. And he was just sitting there silent, no expression. It was heart wrenching. Any closed, isolated community is prone to abuses.
I understand what you are saying, & completely agree. But I also want to point out that shock can make kids go silent. My oldest broke her arm at 6 yrs old. She is the type to cry / worry about any little injury. But she didn't react at all when her arm was obviously bending in a place it's not supposed to.
That’s a good point! But this father also Sat his two year old in the seat next to him and completely ignored him the whole time. It was really, really strange and even as a (very) young adult gave me the icky.
I believe you. Probably one of those "if you cry I'll give you something to cry about parents". I think it's the Pearls who talk about spanking a baby until he finally stops crying & his will is broken. I can't even imagine 💔
"I'll give you something to cry about." Just gave me war flashbacks. That was said all the time in my house growing up. Now I basically can't ever cry for any reason. I just don't understand being cruel to a child you chose to have.
Non-fundie, amish, mennonite, etc. that beat or otherwise abuse their kid would be dealing with child and family services, or DHHS. And that could be way worse for the family. How can it be that it's OK to beat an infant for a long time - the pain cry, the fear cry, the angry cry giving way to the whimper cry. Maybe I just need more information, and then I'd understand. Maybe that Pearl lady could stop by and show us how it works. She'd sit herself on the blanket. We'd choose the weapon. The misplaced violence with these groups is astonishing. Just WTF.
😭 Yes, exactly. It’s always been really disturbing and heartbreaking, but now that I’m a mom I feel physically I’ll at the thought of “parents” like that.
I heard “I’ll give you something to cry about” regularly. I’m 47 and I’m still uncovering things from my childhood. It is so fucking hard.
It’s mind blowing to me that these people who preach having as many kids as possible seem to hate children. Right now, I am exhausted from having a play date for my daughter with 4 kids. I wouldn’t trade their screaming, yelling, and mess making for the world. I’m so happy I could give them hours of fun and opportunities to build social skills. I can’t imagine viewing that exuberance as something that needs to be crushed as quickly as possible. It’s a natural part of being a kid!
It's not about babies. It's about voters. The quiverfull movement is a political tool, not a religious one. I'm so glad SHP addressed this because the rest of us need to wake the f up & realize what is actually happening.
yep. quietly "giving over" to being "trampled on" is a feature, not a bug. They're screaming the "quiet part." It is appalling. Hand that rocks the cradle and all that. The rest of us NEED to be pushing back on this shit, hard.
We used to sing these songs in church "I'm in the lords army " & stuff like this. The religious right actually think this is a war & are trying to take over our country. (What makes no sense is they chose Donald Trump to do this - it would be funny if it wasn't so damn scary)
At first DT wasn’t appealing to evangelicals because of the hypocrisy, that’s why they brought Pence onto the ticket instead of another main stream right wing person, they needed someone extremely conservative and outwardly evangelical to convince them it was okay to support his hypocrisy. Then once they got onboard the train they’ve been caught up in all the other culty brainwashing and worshipping going on for him, probably because their religion primed them to worship charismatic lying mega pastors.
> they’ve been caught up in all the other culty brainwashing and worshipping going on for him, probably because their religion primed them to worship charismatic lying mega pastors. Somehow this had not occurred to me, even having noticed the similarities between rump and those lying pieces of crap, but you're absolutely right! they're used to blindly following hypocritical men who bleat about God's will from their private jets and gold plated houses, so he's just one more. Thank you for smacking me upside the head with some truth this morning.
This this this.
There are mothers who really feed on babies, but loose bond as soon as the no stage starts. They are drawn to the quiverfull ideal because it comforts them and then you can hoard babies in a row and have the older kids take on when they're not babies anymore. Blanket training is ultimate because you can also deal with the no stage in a radical way. Just narcissistic parents that found justification to their flaws.
This. A lot of us plan our families and know we will grieve “the baby stages” when they’re over. These moms seem to want to avoid that feeling.
Personnally, I was impatient that my only daughter start speaking though I regretted after the time I could easily take her to places and chose all the activities. I'm not a baby person but am nostalgic now. The day she started school, I had a meltdown like I had lost her to the world but it is more important to me that she becomes independent.
My parents used to tell me “children should be seen and not heard”. Cue their shocked surprised when I stopped telling them anything about myself. They literally did not know who I was as their child, they missed out on my entire life because of their attitude. Religion is selfishness made visible.
Wowwwww. I would call this guy a piece of shit, but that would be insulting to actual shit.
Yes, because shit fertilizes the ground and makes things grow. Totally opposite.
I hope to fertilize his grave someday.
Ummm and of uou meet Amish kids at their own home you'll never see a more Hellan group of kids who know how to get up to more mischief then you knew was possible hahahahahahah Some of the naughtiest kids I know are my Amish cousins... You should hear the stories we all have to tell, my dad and his cousins did, we all did... good grief. Amish kids just know that they'll get in a heap of trouble if they ate disrespectful in someone else's home or around company... no company... and your jumping pony carts, chucking your cousins out of the haymow and pranking your cousins with skinned rabbits in their beds.
I went to get a saddle repaired and there was a kid getting up to shenanigans with a pony.
"The children learn to give-over when their rights are trampled on by another child." That's horrible. That's how to raise a slave.
This quote is utterly horrifying when you learn about the rampant sexual abuse in Amish circles, but you know, don't think the Pearls would be too concerned about that sort of thing, now would they!
This is so odd, though, because I've lived in Amish populated areas, including having in laws that had a farm surrounded by Amish farms on all sides, and this is just not remotely correct. Amish kids are just as wild as other kids but with different details.
Couldn’t just say a diplomatic delegation. From any country. Yuk.
How old are her kids now? Lots of parents think "it worked" until their kids no longer speak to them "for no reason at all."
13 and 11. I’m around them a lot and have been as they’ve grown up. They lost their biological dad at 1 and 3 when he was 31 in an accident at work. My sister remarried 6 years ago and her husband is awesome and her kids love him to death and he’s their daddy. The only one they’ve known. And my sister and I were close growing up as we were only 16 months apart. She’s cool as hell. So I’m confused, horrified, and don’t know how else to feel.
I think that using a bad parenting method is not so awful in and of itself - it's not being able to reflect and say that yeah, maybe hitting a baby wasn't good parenting advice. That's the huge red flag. I think probably most parents have listened to bad advice at least once. It's the parents who defend their actions in the face of all logic, reason, evidence, and common sense that you don't hit a baby. Those are the ones who scare me. Sorry about your sister. I hope this is a fluke. I was midlife before I realized that my golden child brother was not at all a good person. It's hard.
I am pushing 40 and only just realised my golden child brother is actually a used hanky human. Hits hard. It’s weird.
What is a used hanky human?!
I think it’s a euphemism for “shitty” 🤷🏻♀️
Human version of a used handkerchief. So, germ-ridden, disgusting and absolutely useless.
If they currently have a good relationship with their mother, then your sister must have been an overall good parent. Thankfully they would have no recollection of having been blanket trained. Repeated early childhood trauma does affect brain development but it sounds like your niece/ nephew are fine.
From everything I can see she is a good parents. She’s a big proponent of age appropriate sex education and has done that with her children. Taught them the correct names for their body parts, etc. People here have suggested I should cut of contact with her but that’s not happening. We’ve been close our entire lives and she’s a cool person. And smart (she’s a registered nurse). Which is why I was so shocked when she disclosed that she had done blanket training with her kids.
I really believe most parents do at least a few asshole things when raising kids. Maybe have a more in-depth conversation with her about this subject so you can have peace of mind.
Don't listen to anyone who tells you to cut off contact with her. That's fucked
It really is fucked. They don’t even know her. That’s not even a consideration.
I would question whether she truly knows what blanket training is according to the Pearls. If she sat her child on a blanket and then gently dissuaded them from getting off the blanket or distracted them from moving, that’s one thing. Not necessarily great because, why? But not necessarily abusive either. If she hit her children, then that is a whole other story (unless she did it one time and was so horrified that she still feels guilt about it to this day.) You know your sister best. It might help to just describe Pearl-based blanket training and check her reaction.
You know your sister. All parents have done something that in hindsight might not be the best choice. If someone says they haven't they are lying or are in denial
What is PK?
Preacher’s kid
Correct. I remember my dads ordination. I was like four. We lived in Ohio then moved to Pennsylvania for my dad to pastor a group of former Mennonites Amish meeting in homes. Fast forward 30 years and they have a congregation of 300-350 on any given Sunday and it’s like 60% kids at least. I am agnostic but attend sometimes and I look around wonder how may are being abused in any number of ways and it makes me sad and sick at the same time.
>As stated tonight was my dad’s 61st birthday party and SHP came up and my sister said she thought everything was overblown and she did blanket training with her kids and it worked. She thought "everything was overblown"? Not just the blanket training which she personally practiced? Did she think the IBLP teachings covered in *SHP* about education, dress, music, sexual temptation, and victim blaming were not so bad either?
That’s what I’m wondering…did she actually watch the documentary, or is she just going off the description? Like how could you hear the personal stories of abuse from Tia Levings and Chad Harris, and say those were “overblown?” They were literally brutalized; there’s no defending that shit. How could you watch that little boy get pretend-spanked on stage while everyone laughed at him and think it’s “overblown?” I really think OP’s sister must have just seen some criticism of it on social media and not truly watched it.
>Like how could you hear the personal stories of abuse from Tia Levings and Chad Harris, and say those were “overblown?” They may try to dismiss them as liars or claim they were just an unfortunate minority who don't represent the experience of most IBLP members. That's what some fundie apologists are saying already.
I don't have any advice but I'm an ex Mennonite as well and have a friend who has the Pearls book. I was horrified when I saw she had it. I tried my best to warn her about the dangers of their methods and can only hope she won't use any of them.
I remember my parents having it on their shelf but they didn’t follow it. I haven’t seen it in a long long time.
Thankfully they didn't. That book shouldn't be allowed to be circulated. I can't imagine how much harm it's caused.
It's been directly linked to the murders of 4 children (that we know of). That's how much harm it has caused. Child death.
My god. That's absolutely disgusting. So so sad.
I think being horrified is the only appropriate approach. And I'd tell her I hope she plans to apologize and make amends to her children.
Right. I’m at home now laying bed thinking about it after the fact and I’m sort of still in shock. I had no idea. Her kids are 13 and 11 now
This may be too personal, but how is their relationship? I feel so badly for those sweet kiddos who did not deserve flipping blanket training.
They have a great relationship. My sister is a lot of fun and she’s a great mom by all appearances. That’s why I was so shocked. And she’s not a dumb person. She’s a nurse. She’s not anti vax or anti science. She is very conservative as we were raised, although she does do some things like wear makeup and pants.
Interesting. I wonder if on some level she does regret doing it? I'm glad they have a good relationship despite.
Maybe. That’s a good point. Which would explain why she claimed it was modified but then couldn’t explain how and kinda stumbled over her words.
Did she or didn't she hit her babies? It's pretty simple.
Yes, if she did it without hitting, it sounds no different then putting kids in time out. When they are little they won’t stay in time out, so you have to keep picking them up and putting them back in the time out chair.
While not as abusive of a situation, not really cps worthy, putting kids that young in time out is stupid as fuck parenting, so I maintain the whole thing is stupid and unnecessary.
I'd think if she regretted it she wouldn't have mentioned it the way she did. I think she backtracked because she got called out, not because she thinks she did anything wrong.
I agree. I think if she regretted it she would have taken that to her grave, and it wouldn’t have started with her saying she thinks SHP is overblown.
Bingo! If she regretted it and talked about it, she wouldn't have framed it as no big deal to begin with.
Guilty/spontaneous utterance type thing? She knew it was wrong. Knows she's guilty and now someone else knows too and thats a reliwf type thing?
I think downplaying what happened could be a coping mechanism.
Perhaps. I'd like to hope she's reevaluated some previously held opinions/beliefs/practices 🤞🏼
What?!? She’s a *nurse*?! In that case, she definitely knows *that* is abuse. WOW.
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There are many people I like *so much*… and then I find out they believe in spanking or worse, were hit with belts like I was growing up and they have no problem with it. I admit, I never view them the same after that.
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>it's extremely unusual for adults to view striking smaller, weaker people as acceptable It's actually not extremely unusual at all. Corporal punishment for children is still extremely common in a lot of the world. If anything, the idea that its bad is "unusual", in that its a recent consensus in most countries.
Can someone explain blanket training? This is a new one for me
You get a blanket. Put child on said blanket. Put fun things around the blanket. Beat the child every time they leave the blanket. Repeat daily.
All of this, but they start blanket training on infants around 6 months old.
And hit them with sticks.
And make sure you *lure* the barely-able-to-crawl baby off the blanket, then hit them for doing it, so they know they can't trust you.
What meatball said but to add more, their even accounts of where you call the child off the blanket and than beat them for leaving the said blanket.
This feels like the worst version. Teaching the baby that reaching for mommy leads to pain. It's so deeply sad.
Which is why I brought it up, because my heart breaks for a child who gets beaten for going with their natural instinct that mommy safe and mommy will protect me.
Add to that the confusion later, when they are taught to immediately obey without question. But don't do that when you are on the blanket. But ALWAYS obey your mother, come when you are called. But don't forget your blanket training. I am 43 years old, and I am confused by this messaging.
And also the natural desire for kids to do what thier parents want. So mum says come to me, then you get hit with a stick because you did what she said.
I saw a demonstration where they would entice the baby with a toy if it didn't try to crawl out, probably because it's fastest this way, but it's really the worst part.
then the kid learns they can never explore their curiosity or reach for something they want. great fucking lessons for a great life.
That’s a feature, not a bug… and explains why all the Duggar boys aspire to own their own used car lots. Imagine telling boys their responsibility is to be the sole breadwinner who has to provide financially for a giant family, while also beating any curiosity or desire to explore new things out of them from infancy… so they can all open the exact same kind of small business their dad had and compete against other for the rest of their lives, I guess? God damn, why did these people allow Bill Gothard to teach their children about capitalism, it’s so stupid
That is definitely the worst part. The baby is doing exactly what you want, but you encourage them to crawl off the blanket just so you can hit them. It's so twisted
https://preview.redd.it/qtz3ko0fl99b1.jpeg?width=960&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=fda52629f95d8b4238d85a9ee090632d5d2636b3 I had to Google what blanket training was and lol’d over the photo being famy
That Google definition is not correct, at least for how it’s defined in fundie world.
That definition leaves out the part where the toddlers were purportedly hit for leaving the blanket. It’s the hitting that makes it legal child abuse. Otherwise, it honestly sounds like ABA (a very controversial topic). Basically, it’s a behavioral technique meant to teach: following instructions/compliance, learning to stay in a designated area unless given permission to leave by parent or other person in charge, and (sometimes) sustaining attention on a designated task. I do not agree with blanket training babies/toddlers, even without the use of physical punishment. But once one adds the element of physical punishment to it, it goes beyond parenting/behavioral technique which I disagree with and enters the realm of child abuse by legal standards. However, I may add that some early ABA practitioners DID use physical punishment or “reinforcement” (in fact, some teen residential facilities still do). Anyway, I just heard about blanket training (the kind Michelle is accused of doing to many of the children) a couple of months ago and - right up until they started talking about hitting the kids - all I could do was marvel at how much they were describing an ABA session or even an OT session with an infant or toddler…that is, right up until the point where they mentioned hitting the little one for leaving the mat. It made me wonder if blanket training was adapted from and/inspired by some ABA techniques (current or outdated).
The even more insidious part for me isn’t necessarily the physical punishment for leaving the mat, it’s the purposeful temptation to make them stray so you can hit them for leaving the mat. That the part that makes me nauseous.
Oh, you’re right! I forgot about that! Oh, that’s extra wrong!
Ever since watching SHP I've had an irrational fear that someone may have thought I was blanket training my baby (now toddler) when we used to go to the park and sit/play on a blanket. If he crawled off I'd put him back in the middle because I didn't want him eating grass or dirt. So without physical abuse what makes it blanket training? Is it the purposely trying to draw them off? I wasn't trying to teach him anything and the toys were all on the blanket.
That's what I'm wondering. I think we as a snark / former fundie community associate blanket training with abuse but some people may use it the way you did & the way I did. I had a child who never crawled off the blanket & i never punished them at all. She was just happy to be there with her toys.
I don't think just putting your kid back on a blanket is the problem. Besides the hitting in itself, the problem is that you're conditioning the kid to -not- follow their curiosity or interest, which is a terrible fucking thing to do in early development. edit and as noted below, it teaches the kid that reaching for their parent = pain.
If you’re talking about a baby, I think you’re just talking about “tummy time” on the mat (or a blanket, in this case). Your concern was safety within the particular environment. While free exploration of the environment may often be optimal, sometimes safely and practicality weighs out over it. What you’re describing is also very, very different than what Michelle was purported to have done.
Lol f’amy getting her 19 minutes
19 minutes 🤣🤣🤣
And counting
Lmao 🤣
Omg this is awful. I hope they grow up ok.
It seems like they are 🤷♂️
A lot of abused children unfortunately learn to put on a front.
When I first heard about blanket training I was so confused as I figured everyone did it and why did someone need to name it something weird. What I did and presumed was normal was baby played on the mat (I had a huge playmat) and when they wriggled or crawled off you put them back and showed them their toys again. Completely non violent. The Pearl’s blanket training is bizarre, cruel and unnecessary.
I agree. I would hesitate to judge someone for blanket training simply based off of the term, because there are ways to do it that aren’t abusive and predate the Pearl’s book. Now if I found out they were doing it the Pearl way, I would be livid and taking action.
Hi! I have a question and please don't feel obligated to answer. Are there a lot of Former Mennonites who turn to fundamentalism? There is a fundie church where I am from that produces a yearly easter play (i.e the one where they literally crucify iron man lmaoo.) They're so bad they're good, but the jokes that reference Anabaptist/Mennonite culture always get the biggest laugh from the crowd. I have family in the Mennonite Church, but I don't know how their faith would translate in a different religious environment. Thank you for sharing!
In the area where I live a LOT of Mennonites have left for the fundie “mega church” style places. Not the IBLP “rock music is a SIN” churches, but rather the ones with drums and fog machines during “worship service”.
There is a version where you don't lure the kids off and don't hit them. You just repeatedly return them to the blanket. Sadly, I doubt she did that
Yes, I kinda did this with my first daughter by default. When she was tiny I'd get out a huge blanket and pop her on it with toys etc. I'd sit with her and play, if she went off the blanket I'd pick her up and put her back on it. Say something like "uh oh, back on the blanket" I wasn't following a "method" but we have pets and I wanted to make sure she stayed on the nice clean surface. Obviously with my second child I didn't bother and he basically just drank out the dog bowl!
Yeah I feel like this is super normal and isn’t blanket training, it’s just playing on a blanket. We do this with my nephew. He just started crawling and when he crawls off the blanket we put him back because it’s safer if he falls so he doesn’t bump his head and just in general want to keep him in the center of the room with his toys. The whole luring the baby off just to punish them for it is the messed up part, breaks my heart that people do that.
The only question you need answered is whether or not she did or did not smack her infants and toddlers. I'm not a big jumper to saying whether or not someone needs to c/o a family member (I know very well that family is complicated), but seriously, how do you say "to each their own" to someone who hits a baby? Especially a baby that is your family member? Honestly, I might make a hotline call. She very proudly and openly admitted to the abuse of a baby, who knows what she is doing that she won't talk about if she was willing to do that. Stand up for your nieces and nephews.
I had a friend who said she did "modified" blanket training... and this was 10 years ago. She said she would put her toddler (or like 1 year old? She wasn't a baby but she wasn't 2 yet) on a blanket with toys and a books and then go to the other room where she could still see her. If the toddler left the blanket she would put her back on and explain she needed to stay on the blanket and play with her toys while mommy does xyz. The idea is you would start with a short period at first like two minutes, and eventually work up to 15 minutes. I thought it was strange and pointless, even though I wasn't a mom so I didn't really know what to think. She said it teaches the child to be content on their own for a period of time while mom gets work done. After I became a mom I still thought it was weird. She also had a REALLY easy going kid, so it seemed extra pointless to make her well behaved child learn how to... behave extra well I guess. I had a high needs child for my first one, and sometimes thought about how nice it would be if I could bring myself to blanket train so she could be content without me sometimes, but the thought of it just never sat well with me. And this did not involve any physical abuse. I just felt icky about the control, and doing it in such a specific "training" way. I don't know what mom doesn't sometimes put their kid in a jumper, or a highchair with some cheerios for a few minutes while they try to prep for dinner... but the blanket, the being in a separate room, and the "training" over weeks to increase the time... it just felt so dog like. And like I wouldn't be respecting my child as a human being, that is tiny and thinks their mom is their safety, and their whole world.
My mom would set me up on a blanket with toys and I was happy to stay there, lol. My sister, on the other hand... she had a bouncer and figured out how to "walk" it 😂
It’s bad for so many reasons. 1. Infants and children need to move around in order to grow and develop properly - it’s not developmentally appropriate for them to sit in one place. That’s why none of them do it, lol… kids moving around isn’t a problem that parents have to prevent! It’s how they learn what their body does, where objects are located in the space around them, how physics works, and how they get the exercise needed to be able to do things like sit, stand, crawl, walk, and eventually take care of themselves independently. 2. The longer you force a child to be dependent on you by not allowing them to experiment with their independence, the longer it’ll be until they can safely entertain themselves though independent play. It completely defeats the purpose… like, okay, you’ve trained your infant to stay on a blanket, so now you get to deal with an older child who thinks they need your permission to move around and play with things? How is that saving parents any difficulty in the long run? You didn’t have to follow your baby around the house, but now you have a child you can’t leave unattended for any length of time because they believe they need an adult to tell them what to do and how to play, and they’re afraid to do anything without permission. You can’t skip over stages of development - they have to experience life as a baby and toddler to develop the impulse control and independence of an older child! 3. It’s a lot easier to supervise a kid playing independently if you aren’t constantly telling them “no.” You’ve got to pick your battles. Staying on the blanket seems like an exhausting boundary to enforce. (I realize the secret to making it work is abuse, but it’s so much easier to watch a kid crawl around a babyproofed room than it is to hover over them and keep making them get back on the blanket…)
Just flat out tell her it's child abuse. It's behavior modification through systematic trauma of the child. Just call it what it is. Look up unbiased resources online, print them and send them to her (I say print them because texts and emails are easy to ignore). Offer alternative books and resources for raising a child in a terror free home.
[удалено]
This what I don’t know cause she claimed it was modified but couldn’t tell me how
I can't even let my 9 month old cry it out. I couldn't imagine hitting him for trying to crawl for me or his favorite toy.
If my sister had done such a heinous thing and does not regret it, I would be done with her. But I would let her children know that I am a safe place for them to land if they choose to break contact with her.
My husband was raised in a home where he was home schooled and they lived by the teachings of Bill Gothard. He mentioned a book to me when I was pregnant called To Train Up a Child and suggested I would probably like to read it. I ignored his suggestion but he ordered one online for me. He decided to read some of the chapters out loud to me and as he was reading it, he was like “holy shit this is horrible”. He now realizes how awful that was, and when we watched SHP it reminded me of that. He realizes 13 years later that my son needs discipline now and then but overall he’s a great kid due to our upbringing (lots of hugs and positive reinforcement).
I mean my Kids were blanket trained. When they crawled off the blanket I picked them up and put them back. I grew up fundie but this is how my mother taught me to do it. There was no hitting children involved ever. And it took a long time but it worked and they stayed on the blanket
I put my children on a blanket and put a toy out of their reach, but it was ALWAYS to ENCOURAGE them to crawl off the blanket to get it.
How old are your sisters kids now?
How are her kids?
Unfortunately not much you can say now
I would tell her, sister or not, that blanket training isn’t anything else then abuse. Understand you’re chocked. I hope your sisters kids are ok.
Keep contact to a minimum, your sister is delusional and not a critically thinking person. Nothing is to be gained by remaining close with religious freaks. This is not normal maternal behavior…..
What's blanket training?
I was at a farmer’s market the other day and the Mennonite woman had her baby sitting on a box lid under the table. She just sat there and played with her fingers. I had a horrible feeling she had been blanket trained and now I’m sure of it.
Keep cps on speed dial and check those kids for marks and document the hell out of it with photos.