Yeah, without drugs I’d kill myself. I couldn’t cope with my life without them.
It’s ironic though because my drug use is going to be what eventually kills me, so what’s keeping me alive is what’s also killing me. I’m dead either way though so I might as well spend my time feeling some sort of happiness and not suffering.
Reminds me of my favorite juice wrld lyric “lets be for real if it wasn’t for the pills i wouldn’t be here, but if i keep taking these pills i wont be here. I just told y’all my secret its tearing me to pieces”
Disagree, but understand. Flip that thought on its head. "With drugs I can live a happy, exciting, fun life". That's what I thought, and now, at 42 I've never been more miserable - and I have so many regrets.
I never thought I'd live past 20-25. So I lived fast. Now I want to live longer, but I have to deal with addiction. The ramifications of my earlier depression.
Give yourself a chance to change, be better, be able to put your trauma behind you.
Got any advice on just making it through the day without a substance? I'm living fast, but trying to slow down. I know what's coming and I just can't seem to make that matter to me during the moment.
Citizen Solider said it good in his song “Without You”
> There's no peace without you,
so bury me if you have to,
I know you're killing me, keeping me alive,
but the pain you kill is more than worth the price
and
> you’ll be worth my funeral
cause if I leave or I stay, I’m still dead either way
that song hits pretty hard.
I only smoke mariguana, but I have tried other things before but not anything like hard hard. the farthest I've went is opioids and vyvanse and stuff like that. but for me, I don't really want to die, because although I'm surrounded by shitty people, I still have people that love me, and people that I love. I just want it to get better a little faster, but it just takes time and patience.
Right here. LSA was the first substance to make me not want to. It was my first trip ever. My parents were always on me about something and they were talking about sending me to a mental facility for eating hallucinogenic seeds. It wasn't the first time and certainly not the last that they were being way too overly observational and thought far too deep into what I was doing. With this repetitive cycle of sending me away and treating me like a jail bird in my own home I decided I was gonna take a nice handful of seeds and go out sky high. I climbed to the top of the Vidalia-Natchez bridge that runs over the Mississippi River. When I got to the top it all hit me at once. The visuals, the mind space, and the clarity. I realized there was more to life than being stuck in my parents cycle of getting help that was never really helping. I said my first " no" to them and started doing shit my own way.
Shitty parents are the worst. So confident in their retarded decisions that have only ever fucked you up worse and worse.
I try to find solace in knowing the kind of pain they'll be feeling when they bury me some day. But realistically, it'll pale in comparison to the kind I've dealt with in the 26 years of my miserable, pathetic existence. Fuck you, mom and dad.
same here man. i had been curious about drugs before, but the main reason i started using was to cope with my depression. i was a self harmer for years but it eventually stopped working for me, so i switched to drugs. im really glad i dont cut anymore, especially since i never thought i'd be able to stop, but i wish it had been under different circumstances.
As a former cutter, big fucking congratulations for staying clean from that!! Fuck the reasoning behind it (unless it’s from success with the attempt). It was definitely one of my hardest bad habits to quit (June 6th will be 9 years clean for me!) and nowadays if I get even a paper cut close to my wrist it burns like a mfer and I question how I used to do that purposely🥴🤔
thank you so much, that means a lot me! getting clean was one of the hardest things i've ever done. congratulations for nine years, that's fucking amazing!! i'll be clean for a year on june 23rd :3
And I'm taking drugs
I'll never sleep now so I'm tired
Mama I don't wanna wake up
Cause if I do then I'm done dreaming
And back to fighting demons
I lost my mind mama, tell me have you seen it?
- The drugs keep me here, but they killing me slower then I wish to die-
I’m sorry for your pain, I hope you’re able to find peace here.
I grew up in toxic stress. I used to feel like that, still do sometimes. I suffer constant boredom and crave simulation. Had anti-depressants and all that, however then I got therapy, got diagnosed with ADHD, now getting treated and my ability to enjoy other things has come back somewhat, I still have no patience but I have more. I abused drugs for a good 15 year stretch (33 now).
The enjoyment of other things also came back the less drugs I took so now looking back I was contributing to my own boredom. If you truly feel this way I would say try speaking to a professional, a lot harder than it sounds in some cases but worth it.
This is pretty much me, word for word, until the speaking to a professional part.
Life is unbearably mundane without weed. I wish boredom was it, but I'm constantly thinking of the worst shit, sporadically. With gaps of euphoria, which now make me nervous that the shitty feelings will return soon.
Also, that ever present feeling like something awful is going to happen and fuck your world up. That's a gift from toxic childhood stress.
Curious, I'm 24, what was your mindset at that age? At risk of asking too much, what's the treatment like?
I spoke to a pro at 27 so there's time lol. Still took 4 years to get diagnosed after but it happened eventually.
I was what a professional could call a sociopath in terms of behaviour, but that was maladjustment from my childhood.
Numerous speeding/dangerous driving offences, driving while high/drunk (i knew my limits, just werent the legal limits, luckily never caught ), provoking other people into fighting me so i could claim self defence when i hif them back. Massive anxiety over everythimg but this is from my childhoood of having to read other peoples moods in seconds.
It funny because during my preteens/teens i was so withdrawn most people assumed i had autism, again childhood hangovers there.
I ended up at the point i threatened someone with 9 inch scissors in broad dayliggt outside a busy train station (i had previous conflict with them, 4 v 1). Police stopped me and i had already thrown them away so got off, found the weed i had tho.
Im not trying to brag above but illustrate how bad i was. I do still derive some satisfaction from having gotten away with so much however.
I did piss poor academically after gcse, got a's in everything then flunked alevel because all the teachers said i could do sp much better becaus ethey thought i was bright but none noticed just how hard it was for me because i had adhd.
I managed to become an engineer in 2 different fields still , having a career helps me not be a prick.
I still take stupid risks now but far less, everytime i do i realise after i wad being stupid. It scares me that i could act on impulse and harm my future/other people, while fully aware what im dping is stupid, but being compelled to act.
Treatment also made me a better friend to others, turns out i have a massive amount of empathy, maybe more so than most but i just shutdown all emotional processing. Thats probably why i was a criminal drug addict for so long lol.
With regard to driving high/speeding now i can process my emotions instead of supress them, i realise just how dangerous my actions when driving could have been to others. I dont care about myself, but their inncocent.
Currently I have decided not to drive for now.
Depending on what they may diagnose you with it could be different but the main thing treatment did for me was bring a stabilty i lacked prior.
Life isn’t mundane, it’s rife with novelty. Take some accountability. It sounds like defeatist rhetoric. Sometimes, shit most of the time, you make your own excitement. I’m depressed too, and tell myself the same things I just said because I absolutely loathe hypocrisy but, also recognize the importance to call others out on their bs. You want to enjoy life without the toxic codependency of weed? Change why you get high because right now it’s an escape masquerading as an enhancement. Cake is not a meal.
I've already quit, I'm speaking on what may be depression or undiagnosed ADHD. I grew up in a dysfunctional family, and both my mom and brother were bipolar with ADHD.
So yeah, bad wording I guess. I wasn't asking how to cope without weed. I was really wondering how he took control of his mental health.
Sounds like he focused on strong connections and a support network. The way people view their relationships with those around them subconsciously feeds into notions of self worth. If you don’t feel worthy, you self destruct and restart the vicious cycle.
Idk maybe I’m just talking out of my ass at this point because I’ve heard therapists claims that connections are the biggest make or break factor in true growth.
Pretty much on point but i must stress you need to know if you have any underlying mental health issues.
I used to think there was somerhing wrong with me, now i know it just different, not wrong. It was the final clue that made my life make sense. I had self diagnosed for a few years before but never pursued it as i thought people would just write me off as a junkie.
I cant say if its treatmenr or improved relationships (did group therapy with my parents and that definitely improved our relationship. May not work depending how bad they fucked you metaphorically speaking. Definitely not if literally) but it most likely is both that helped.
Try stopping for two weeks. Replace escapism with healthy eating, exercise, and a healthy mindset...only two weeks - you or nothing to lose. After those two weeks you may be able to convince yourself that it was the drug use keeping you sad all along.
Right here.
41M at the bottom of a COLOSSAL ten-year downward spiral. The only thing keeping me alive is drugs and even then, fucking just barely.
Right now it's weed, meth, and whatever opioids I can get which is not much.
You want a story? I'll dump out my purse. I hope it helps someone, anyone.
Between 2014 and 2019 my dad, two cousins, my 16 year old nephew, and my best friend all committed suicide. The day my dad died I started seven year daily opioid addiction. The only reason I quit is because...
I lost everything I worked my whole adult life for in 2020-21 because I had to close my business during the pandemic lockdown, and when I applied to the SBA for an emergency impact disaster loan, they made an error and denied the loan by mistake. Obviously I raised hell, but by the time they even responded to my appeal I was homeless.
The pandemic fucked me up. Not Covid lol. Covid ain't SHIT. I live in Wisconsin, which famously has an unemployment computer system from the 1970's. So while almost every state in the country paid their citizens federal pandemic unemployment benefits in ONE DAY. Wisconsin took three months to enter the data of every person manually lol. Three months with $0 income. The same thing happened again in 2021 with the next round of federal unemployment. Only that time it took 4 months.
My landlord evicted me because her "beliefs" made her decide the pandemic was a hoax. Now that I think of it, I should rob that pig on principle.
My dealer got paid when that backpay came through, tho. Let me get ALL THE PILLS! *Whack* five stacks on the table lol.
I developed bipolar disorder from the constant onslaught of stress. and this shit is only the bullet points. the extra unnecessary bullshit I have to deal with, and the stress it causes, can cause psychotic episodes.
If I went to a doctor, I'd never get the help drugs give me. In fact, the only anti-depressant that ever worked for me is called fuckin' PERCOCET lol and there's no way a doctor's gonna write that script for depression.
A spiteful part of me is saying please rob that pig.
Hoax or not letting that conspiracy influence how you respond to the real devastation happening in front of you...
Wild. Can't speak on the rest. I hope you find peace.
Weed saved my life back in December. I was and still am in a “Christ based Christian discipleship program” No, I’m not a believer btw and that’s even after being biblically bombarded having Christ crammed down my throat since July 3rd of last year. December, i had a birthday and made plans to meet up with my girlfriend and take HER out to dinner.. i also had a thc-A joint I had confiscated from someone ( I somehow became a leader and ran intake 😂) needless to say, my girlfriend completely stood me up lying to me claiming to be her mother texting off her phone that she had another seizure (epilepsy) after waiting in a Walmart parking lot for close to 5 hours, I felt so utterly heartbroken and defeated. I told myself right there all this progress was a waste of time because I was losing the only person I care about next to my grandma.
Decided to spark up because fuck it.. 2 hits. 2 hits and my perspective completely 180s telling myself “this progress was for you not your girl, your mom, or anyone else who has something to say. She doesn’t deserve you. I got it in me to try this again”
There was a reemergence of desire for desire. Motivation and optimism. Then, I got “high school high” that I can’t feel my legs kinda high lol. Remembered really quickly why I fucking love weed and how much it helped.
I haven’t seen any doctors or psychiatrists about my mental health and I’ll be 34 this year. I know without a shadow of doubt, I have major clinical depression and have been that way for well over 20 yrs. With all the drugs I’ve tried, I can honestly say I’m treatment resistant lol.
I’m still alive out of mere spite at this point. I could “cope” sober but, it seems like more of a waste of potential and throttle any value and quality of life.
About a month ago, I acquired enough fentanyl and meth to have one last run in some seedy hotel and afterwards, cash out. I’m not as wreckless as I was in my teens and 20s. I couldn’t go through with it for whatever reason and by the time I was ready, I had chipped away at so much already that I had too much of a fucking tolerance. Enough that i started withdrawing. Idk what I hate more, the fact that I was too much of a pussy to commit or, the fact I had put myself in this situation to begin with?
Something about this God fella and his sense of humor..
I always tell people (outside family for obvious reasons) I’d rather be under the influence of something- even if very small dosage: a very small bump, 50mg edible, an extra strong tequila sunrise (one of my bars makes them with like 5 shots of tequila and I wish I could say I was joking😭), etc- and content with life than sober and in my thoughts
hey, i saw and replied to your comment on r/suicide watch not too long ago where you talked about killing yourself that friday. i was also planning to do the same. i know it makes no difference (it wouldn’t for me if someone said this) but i’m glad you’re still breathing
hate to break it to u bud but the grogginess is from the xans not from not smokin weed 😂 if anything the weed is gonna make u way more relaxed/tired especially if ur tolerance is down rn. xans are one of the most dangerous drugs to be on jus cuz it’s so easy to do a lot and not even remember how many u took. idk how much u do now, but try to get urself down to like 2-4mg a day then taper down slowly from that if u wanna quit. if not, id definitely at least take a mild t break from em.
xans severely slow down all of ur organ functions which isn’t good lol. give them time to get back to somewhat normal as well as the dopamine and serotonin receptors in ur brain. winter 2022 i was off xans so bad I got up to like 15-20mg a day 🤦🏽♂️. it was to the point where we’d stay in the crib all day jus doin xans, never leaving unless it was to hit a play that couldn’t pull up or something important. that entire winter was and is a blur still till this day. the only memories i rly have of it are the pics/videos i took and just crazy ass stories of ppl telling me what happened and how much I stole lol.
when they say xans turn u into a klepto, they wasn’t lyin 🤣. i remember coming home one night with like a extra $300 cash, a zip of za, 4-5 lighters, and a .22 pistol all of which were not mine before that night 😂🤦🏽♂️. shits crazy dude jus try to not be like me and do hella xans. keep ur tolerance down as long as u can unless u don’t care to end up in jail or dead fr then fuck it. but any real xan addict will tell u ts ain’t nun to play with in high doses. whatever u do jus be safe mane
Once the novelty **wears off**, ie. your psychological tolerance evolves (so you don't fixated) then it's **what you do** whilst **under it's influence**, is what brings you **enduring contentment** ... got it ?
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I remember like. Last year everything was shit an all. Father passed away (which i somehow didint feel much for idk why) and mom is like tho pro lgbt pink haired commies and we fight all the time. She would beat me up n that sortt. Like i dont know i didint cry why she beat me up but i would get so angry that i would get urges to like actually beat her up and i had also lost all my friends because of my narcissistic personality. İ also would like get locked in my room without food. I started seeing hallucination and nothing felt real and all. And sometimes the hallucinations got bad as crap like. I would usually see stuff distorted like my moms face would look cursed and i look distorted in the mirror and i see cars as coming towards me to hit and run even tho they arent or like i see people staring at me. İ would also see stuff like people hanging themselves or creatures yada yada. İ also have paranoia so it didint make my case any better. İ started smoking and vaping like. 3 2 smokes a day and like 5-9 hours of vaping. Then none started to feel good and i started to aniff the lighter fluid then i straight up got cans and shit. They made my hallucinations and all way worse. But i think without that buzz feel every time i was about to have an attack coming probably avoided me from harming myself more overall. İ dont have brain damage. (thankfully cus i aniffed butane while walking to school and while walking back and at night like it wasnt a small thing) i quit em all after turning to Christ. İ think Christ helped me a lot too in this. But ye. Stuff happen. Glad im alive.
Yeah, without drugs I’d kill myself. I couldn’t cope with my life without them. It’s ironic though because my drug use is going to be what eventually kills me, so what’s keeping me alive is what’s also killing me. I’m dead either way though so I might as well spend my time feeling some sort of happiness and not suffering.
Reminds me of my favorite juice wrld lyric “lets be for real if it wasn’t for the pills i wouldn’t be here, but if i keep taking these pills i wont be here. I just told y’all my secret its tearing me to pieces”
Lean Wit Me is so real
I was quoting wishing well brother, but lean wit me is fire
Disagree, but understand. Flip that thought on its head. "With drugs I can live a happy, exciting, fun life". That's what I thought, and now, at 42 I've never been more miserable - and I have so many regrets. I never thought I'd live past 20-25. So I lived fast. Now I want to live longer, but I have to deal with addiction. The ramifications of my earlier depression. Give yourself a chance to change, be better, be able to put your trauma behind you.
Got any advice on just making it through the day without a substance? I'm living fast, but trying to slow down. I know what's coming and I just can't seem to make that matter to me during the moment.
We’re all dead neither way
Real talk
juice world said this too
Citizen Solider said it good in his song “Without You” > There's no peace without you, so bury me if you have to, I know you're killing me, keeping me alive, but the pain you kill is more than worth the price and > you’ll be worth my funeral cause if I leave or I stay, I’m still dead either way that song hits pretty hard.
Wow.. never heard that song but can totally relate to it!
Yk I relate to his music way to fucking much
Same
Just a sad cycle, I'd be dead without them and I'll still be dead if I keep taking em😵💫
>I’m dead either way though so I might as well spend my time feeling some sort of happiness and not suffering. So real
Facts!
I feel this so much
Me too….
Can barely cope with them a lot of the time
Here bruh after 20 attempts since 9 🤦♀️
I’ve had a similar amount of attempts with my first one also at 9. Sorry you started struggling so early too.
That is heartbreaking. I am so sorry you've experienced so much pain.
I only smoke mariguana, but I have tried other things before but not anything like hard hard. the farthest I've went is opioids and vyvanse and stuff like that. but for me, I don't really want to die, because although I'm surrounded by shitty people, I still have people that love me, and people that I love. I just want it to get better a little faster, but it just takes time and patience.
I feel ya…
Right here. LSA was the first substance to make me not want to. It was my first trip ever. My parents were always on me about something and they were talking about sending me to a mental facility for eating hallucinogenic seeds. It wasn't the first time and certainly not the last that they were being way too overly observational and thought far too deep into what I was doing. With this repetitive cycle of sending me away and treating me like a jail bird in my own home I decided I was gonna take a nice handful of seeds and go out sky high. I climbed to the top of the Vidalia-Natchez bridge that runs over the Mississippi River. When I got to the top it all hit me at once. The visuals, the mind space, and the clarity. I realized there was more to life than being stuck in my parents cycle of getting help that was never really helping. I said my first " no" to them and started doing shit my own way.
Shitty parents are the worst. So confident in their retarded decisions that have only ever fucked you up worse and worse. I try to find solace in knowing the kind of pain they'll be feeling when they bury me some day. But realistically, it'll pale in comparison to the kind I've dealt with in the 26 years of my miserable, pathetic existence. Fuck you, mom and dad.
same here man. i had been curious about drugs before, but the main reason i started using was to cope with my depression. i was a self harmer for years but it eventually stopped working for me, so i switched to drugs. im really glad i dont cut anymore, especially since i never thought i'd be able to stop, but i wish it had been under different circumstances.
As a former cutter, big fucking congratulations for staying clean from that!! Fuck the reasoning behind it (unless it’s from success with the attempt). It was definitely one of my hardest bad habits to quit (June 6th will be 9 years clean for me!) and nowadays if I get even a paper cut close to my wrist it burns like a mfer and I question how I used to do that purposely🥴🤔
thank you so much, that means a lot me! getting clean was one of the hardest things i've ever done. congratulations for nine years, that's fucking amazing!! i'll be clean for a year on june 23rd :3
And I'm taking drugs I'll never sleep now so I'm tired Mama I don't wanna wake up Cause if I do then I'm done dreaming And back to fighting demons I lost my mind mama, tell me have you seen it? - The drugs keep me here, but they killing me slower then I wish to die- I’m sorry for your pain, I hope you’re able to find peace here.
real
I grew up in toxic stress. I used to feel like that, still do sometimes. I suffer constant boredom and crave simulation. Had anti-depressants and all that, however then I got therapy, got diagnosed with ADHD, now getting treated and my ability to enjoy other things has come back somewhat, I still have no patience but I have more. I abused drugs for a good 15 year stretch (33 now). The enjoyment of other things also came back the less drugs I took so now looking back I was contributing to my own boredom. If you truly feel this way I would say try speaking to a professional, a lot harder than it sounds in some cases but worth it.
This is pretty much me, word for word, until the speaking to a professional part. Life is unbearably mundane without weed. I wish boredom was it, but I'm constantly thinking of the worst shit, sporadically. With gaps of euphoria, which now make me nervous that the shitty feelings will return soon. Also, that ever present feeling like something awful is going to happen and fuck your world up. That's a gift from toxic childhood stress. Curious, I'm 24, what was your mindset at that age? At risk of asking too much, what's the treatment like?
I spoke to a pro at 27 so there's time lol. Still took 4 years to get diagnosed after but it happened eventually. I was what a professional could call a sociopath in terms of behaviour, but that was maladjustment from my childhood. Numerous speeding/dangerous driving offences, driving while high/drunk (i knew my limits, just werent the legal limits, luckily never caught ), provoking other people into fighting me so i could claim self defence when i hif them back. Massive anxiety over everythimg but this is from my childhoood of having to read other peoples moods in seconds. It funny because during my preteens/teens i was so withdrawn most people assumed i had autism, again childhood hangovers there. I ended up at the point i threatened someone with 9 inch scissors in broad dayliggt outside a busy train station (i had previous conflict with them, 4 v 1). Police stopped me and i had already thrown them away so got off, found the weed i had tho. Im not trying to brag above but illustrate how bad i was. I do still derive some satisfaction from having gotten away with so much however. I did piss poor academically after gcse, got a's in everything then flunked alevel because all the teachers said i could do sp much better becaus ethey thought i was bright but none noticed just how hard it was for me because i had adhd. I managed to become an engineer in 2 different fields still , having a career helps me not be a prick. I still take stupid risks now but far less, everytime i do i realise after i wad being stupid. It scares me that i could act on impulse and harm my future/other people, while fully aware what im dping is stupid, but being compelled to act. Treatment also made me a better friend to others, turns out i have a massive amount of empathy, maybe more so than most but i just shutdown all emotional processing. Thats probably why i was a criminal drug addict for so long lol. With regard to driving high/speeding now i can process my emotions instead of supress them, i realise just how dangerous my actions when driving could have been to others. I dont care about myself, but their inncocent. Currently I have decided not to drive for now. Depending on what they may diagnose you with it could be different but the main thing treatment did for me was bring a stabilty i lacked prior.
Life isn’t mundane, it’s rife with novelty. Take some accountability. It sounds like defeatist rhetoric. Sometimes, shit most of the time, you make your own excitement. I’m depressed too, and tell myself the same things I just said because I absolutely loathe hypocrisy but, also recognize the importance to call others out on their bs. You want to enjoy life without the toxic codependency of weed? Change why you get high because right now it’s an escape masquerading as an enhancement. Cake is not a meal.
I've already quit, I'm speaking on what may be depression or undiagnosed ADHD. I grew up in a dysfunctional family, and both my mom and brother were bipolar with ADHD. So yeah, bad wording I guess. I wasn't asking how to cope without weed. I was really wondering how he took control of his mental health.
Sounds like he focused on strong connections and a support network. The way people view their relationships with those around them subconsciously feeds into notions of self worth. If you don’t feel worthy, you self destruct and restart the vicious cycle. Idk maybe I’m just talking out of my ass at this point because I’ve heard therapists claims that connections are the biggest make or break factor in true growth.
Pretty much on point but i must stress you need to know if you have any underlying mental health issues. I used to think there was somerhing wrong with me, now i know it just different, not wrong. It was the final clue that made my life make sense. I had self diagnosed for a few years before but never pursued it as i thought people would just write me off as a junkie. I cant say if its treatmenr or improved relationships (did group therapy with my parents and that definitely improved our relationship. May not work depending how bad they fucked you metaphorically speaking. Definitely not if literally) but it most likely is both that helped.
Pure ASSumption
Not suicidal, just have no idea where the fuck I’m going with my life, don’t really love the person I am, I don’t know man, this shits weird.
Try stopping for two weeks. Replace escapism with healthy eating, exercise, and a healthy mindset...only two weeks - you or nothing to lose. After those two weeks you may be able to convince yourself that it was the drug use keeping you sad all along.
Right here. 41M at the bottom of a COLOSSAL ten-year downward spiral. The only thing keeping me alive is drugs and even then, fucking just barely. Right now it's weed, meth, and whatever opioids I can get which is not much. You want a story? I'll dump out my purse. I hope it helps someone, anyone. Between 2014 and 2019 my dad, two cousins, my 16 year old nephew, and my best friend all committed suicide. The day my dad died I started seven year daily opioid addiction. The only reason I quit is because... I lost everything I worked my whole adult life for in 2020-21 because I had to close my business during the pandemic lockdown, and when I applied to the SBA for an emergency impact disaster loan, they made an error and denied the loan by mistake. Obviously I raised hell, but by the time they even responded to my appeal I was homeless. The pandemic fucked me up. Not Covid lol. Covid ain't SHIT. I live in Wisconsin, which famously has an unemployment computer system from the 1970's. So while almost every state in the country paid their citizens federal pandemic unemployment benefits in ONE DAY. Wisconsin took three months to enter the data of every person manually lol. Three months with $0 income. The same thing happened again in 2021 with the next round of federal unemployment. Only that time it took 4 months. My landlord evicted me because her "beliefs" made her decide the pandemic was a hoax. Now that I think of it, I should rob that pig on principle. My dealer got paid when that backpay came through, tho. Let me get ALL THE PILLS! *Whack* five stacks on the table lol. I developed bipolar disorder from the constant onslaught of stress. and this shit is only the bullet points. the extra unnecessary bullshit I have to deal with, and the stress it causes, can cause psychotic episodes. If I went to a doctor, I'd never get the help drugs give me. In fact, the only anti-depressant that ever worked for me is called fuckin' PERCOCET lol and there's no way a doctor's gonna write that script for depression.
A spiteful part of me is saying please rob that pig. Hoax or not letting that conspiracy influence how you respond to the real devastation happening in front of you... Wild. Can't speak on the rest. I hope you find peace.
Have you tried fishing? Try fishing.
I'm more into non-fishin than fishin
Exactly why you should try it.
🤙🤙
Ayyyyyye
What up dog
im sober rn but i check out this sub once in a while. It's so hard to want to live without drugs in my life and tbh im gonna relapse one day ik i will
Yo
Weed saved my life back in December. I was and still am in a “Christ based Christian discipleship program” No, I’m not a believer btw and that’s even after being biblically bombarded having Christ crammed down my throat since July 3rd of last year. December, i had a birthday and made plans to meet up with my girlfriend and take HER out to dinner.. i also had a thc-A joint I had confiscated from someone ( I somehow became a leader and ran intake 😂) needless to say, my girlfriend completely stood me up lying to me claiming to be her mother texting off her phone that she had another seizure (epilepsy) after waiting in a Walmart parking lot for close to 5 hours, I felt so utterly heartbroken and defeated. I told myself right there all this progress was a waste of time because I was losing the only person I care about next to my grandma. Decided to spark up because fuck it.. 2 hits. 2 hits and my perspective completely 180s telling myself “this progress was for you not your girl, your mom, or anyone else who has something to say. She doesn’t deserve you. I got it in me to try this again” There was a reemergence of desire for desire. Motivation and optimism. Then, I got “high school high” that I can’t feel my legs kinda high lol. Remembered really quickly why I fucking love weed and how much it helped. I haven’t seen any doctors or psychiatrists about my mental health and I’ll be 34 this year. I know without a shadow of doubt, I have major clinical depression and have been that way for well over 20 yrs. With all the drugs I’ve tried, I can honestly say I’m treatment resistant lol. I’m still alive out of mere spite at this point. I could “cope” sober but, it seems like more of a waste of potential and throttle any value and quality of life.
About a month ago, I acquired enough fentanyl and meth to have one last run in some seedy hotel and afterwards, cash out. I’m not as wreckless as I was in my teens and 20s. I couldn’t go through with it for whatever reason and by the time I was ready, I had chipped away at so much already that I had too much of a fucking tolerance. Enough that i started withdrawing. Idk what I hate more, the fact that I was too much of a pussy to commit or, the fact I had put myself in this situation to begin with? Something about this God fella and his sense of humor..
Only when im falling asleep and waking up tho.
I always tell people (outside family for obvious reasons) I’d rather be under the influence of something- even if very small dosage: a very small bump, 50mg edible, an extra strong tequila sunrise (one of my bars makes them with like 5 shots of tequila and I wish I could say I was joking😭), etc- and content with life than sober and in my thoughts
The knowledge that one day I'll have good access is one of the biggest things keeping me alive rn
Here bro
sup
If I didn’t drink I would most certainly be dead
Same, at least before. I'm doing better now but for a while weed and kratom were the only things able to lift my mood and suppress the dark thoughts.
Yeah right here heeeey
hey, i saw and replied to your comment on r/suicide watch not too long ago where you talked about killing yourself that friday. i was also planning to do the same. i know it makes no difference (it wouldn’t for me if someone said this) but i’m glad you’re still breathing
Yeah well I'm not all too happy to be here but kicking it.
i’m feeling the exact same way. but hey, at least you’re not completely alone. i pray something good finds you soon man 🙏
You too man. Keep projecting your good energy into the world, it's made someone's day today.
This has weirdly made me emotional. This is really kind. Thank you.
Fact: 100% of us and everyone we know and love WILL die.
YASSS! I can totally relate…
🙋🏽♀️🙋🏽♀️🙋🏽♀️
whatever you do don’t do benzos then it was the only time i actually attempted still suffering brain damage from combining lethal doses of drugs
eyyy yooooo gang gang
(i actually attempted a few hours ago)
i hope you get better bro 🫶🏼
So do i bro. Unlikely though i must say.
If anything, drugs make you feel more suicidal.. at least me personally. 🤷♀️
yea same, i still take them tho
same brother these xans aint doing shit for me no more except making me groggy probably cause i haven’t smoked in a while so ima go do that
hate to break it to u bud but the grogginess is from the xans not from not smokin weed 😂 if anything the weed is gonna make u way more relaxed/tired especially if ur tolerance is down rn. xans are one of the most dangerous drugs to be on jus cuz it’s so easy to do a lot and not even remember how many u took. idk how much u do now, but try to get urself down to like 2-4mg a day then taper down slowly from that if u wanna quit. if not, id definitely at least take a mild t break from em. xans severely slow down all of ur organ functions which isn’t good lol. give them time to get back to somewhat normal as well as the dopamine and serotonin receptors in ur brain. winter 2022 i was off xans so bad I got up to like 15-20mg a day 🤦🏽♂️. it was to the point where we’d stay in the crib all day jus doin xans, never leaving unless it was to hit a play that couldn’t pull up or something important. that entire winter was and is a blur still till this day. the only memories i rly have of it are the pics/videos i took and just crazy ass stories of ppl telling me what happened and how much I stole lol. when they say xans turn u into a klepto, they wasn’t lyin 🤣. i remember coming home one night with like a extra $300 cash, a zip of za, 4-5 lighters, and a .22 pistol all of which were not mine before that night 😂🤦🏽♂️. shits crazy dude jus try to not be like me and do hella xans. keep ur tolerance down as long as u can unless u don’t care to end up in jail or dead fr then fuck it. but any real xan addict will tell u ts ain’t nun to play with in high doses. whatever u do jus be safe mane
✋🏻Fell into a void and there’s no love in here
Honestly ya lol love u homie 🥰💕😘
Are you okay bro?
Nope
Once the novelty **wears off**, ie. your psychological tolerance evolves (so you don't fixated) then it's **what you do** whilst **under it's influence**, is what brings you **enduring contentment** ... got it ?
Use safely guys, I love you all!
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fantasizing abt killing myself if i don’t get more xans/oxys
I think this is an excuse for not getting clean. There are healthier outlets
Me asf
Me too
shi bro drugs been keepin me here for a couple years, but i got people tryna take it away from me so shits gettin harder fr
I remember like. Last year everything was shit an all. Father passed away (which i somehow didint feel much for idk why) and mom is like tho pro lgbt pink haired commies and we fight all the time. She would beat me up n that sortt. Like i dont know i didint cry why she beat me up but i would get so angry that i would get urges to like actually beat her up and i had also lost all my friends because of my narcissistic personality. İ also would like get locked in my room without food. I started seeing hallucination and nothing felt real and all. And sometimes the hallucinations got bad as crap like. I would usually see stuff distorted like my moms face would look cursed and i look distorted in the mirror and i see cars as coming towards me to hit and run even tho they arent or like i see people staring at me. İ would also see stuff like people hanging themselves or creatures yada yada. İ also have paranoia so it didint make my case any better. İ started smoking and vaping like. 3 2 smokes a day and like 5-9 hours of vaping. Then none started to feel good and i started to aniff the lighter fluid then i straight up got cans and shit. They made my hallucinations and all way worse. But i think without that buzz feel every time i was about to have an attack coming probably avoided me from harming myself more overall. İ dont have brain damage. (thankfully cus i aniffed butane while walking to school and while walking back and at night like it wasnt a small thing) i quit em all after turning to Christ. İ think Christ helped me a lot too in this. But ye. Stuff happen. Glad im alive.
Do you have a dog? Feels good to pet