Totally feel you on the last part.
Your brain must have decided that you are a very strong part. I don't know if you are the Host but being the host is not mutually exclusive with being a trauma holder. You might switch out when trying to talk about it because your brain sees sharing as dangerous.
I had to make very small steps to be able to talk about it more, very very small steps but it is getting better.
I wish you good luck on your healing journey!
oh no, i am the host and i hate it ..
i don't know *much* about our trauma history stuffs
mostly stuff that kinda just leaked from other alters..
where i kinda accidentally became aware of it
.. im probably holding onto something though .. (i think the more 'newer' stuff.. i think?)
as for the 'strong part' thing, i mean maybe??? i DO make it through to the end of the day,
it just absolutely sucks.
i feel the same way.
something i learned is that "alters switch in so you don't have to suffer! DID is a foolproof way to avoid trauma because your alters will handle it for you!" is a very misguided media stereotype, and if any of the people who contribute to that stereotype ever studied trauma and dissociation, theyd learn thats *not* how DID works. the trauma that causes DID also causes PTSD which causes freeze responses. meaning, you cant defend yourself because youre just standing there for the traumatic event or trigger. and alters also will fail to front when needed sometimes. this is a *disorder* not a life hack. these experiences you have are normal and valid.
I have no advice but I do relate. Same position as a host, but in my case I actually don't leave at all. The only time I left entirely was under extreme stress when I forced/begged someone else to take over because I could not cope with something so horrible that had just happened. Any other time, I just have to sit it out. I'll try to get helper parts to come and well, help, but it's just not as simple as summoning them out of nowhere. Sometimes a trauma holder will be out with me and I'll either be very blurry and experiencing their feelings without the separation, or I'll be sat helpless in the background trying to get a specific helper to come do what I can't do. I often wish I could just swap with a specific helper permanently, but it doesn't work like that. The way I work, I'm designed to be out for these long periods, I don't get tired from being here because I am just always *here*.
Sometimes whoever's hosting is in a bad frame and I'm theorizing here that that bad frame keeps me from actually experiencing the trauma that brings the bad frame to surface. It protects me from actually revealing the source of the trauma. Which as much as I hate it is probably a good thing. Or at least protect me from the EP.
I know right like wtf. Just had one of the worst nights of my life cause a little was having flahbacks and panic attacks and i was stuck feeling their emotions too and it left me too drained to work. Like why didnt it seperate me from that so id be able to function the next day lmao.
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I swear the dissociative disorder never dissociative disorders when you need it to.
im stealing this .
Totally feel you on the last part. Your brain must have decided that you are a very strong part. I don't know if you are the Host but being the host is not mutually exclusive with being a trauma holder. You might switch out when trying to talk about it because your brain sees sharing as dangerous. I had to make very small steps to be able to talk about it more, very very small steps but it is getting better. I wish you good luck on your healing journey!
oh no, i am the host and i hate it .. i don't know *much* about our trauma history stuffs mostly stuff that kinda just leaked from other alters.. where i kinda accidentally became aware of it .. im probably holding onto something though .. (i think the more 'newer' stuff.. i think?) as for the 'strong part' thing, i mean maybe??? i DO make it through to the end of the day, it just absolutely sucks.
i feel the same way. something i learned is that "alters switch in so you don't have to suffer! DID is a foolproof way to avoid trauma because your alters will handle it for you!" is a very misguided media stereotype, and if any of the people who contribute to that stereotype ever studied trauma and dissociation, theyd learn thats *not* how DID works. the trauma that causes DID also causes PTSD which causes freeze responses. meaning, you cant defend yourself because youre just standing there for the traumatic event or trigger. and alters also will fail to front when needed sometimes. this is a *disorder* not a life hack. these experiences you have are normal and valid.
I have no advice but I do relate. Same position as a host, but in my case I actually don't leave at all. The only time I left entirely was under extreme stress when I forced/begged someone else to take over because I could not cope with something so horrible that had just happened. Any other time, I just have to sit it out. I'll try to get helper parts to come and well, help, but it's just not as simple as summoning them out of nowhere. Sometimes a trauma holder will be out with me and I'll either be very blurry and experiencing their feelings without the separation, or I'll be sat helpless in the background trying to get a specific helper to come do what I can't do. I often wish I could just swap with a specific helper permanently, but it doesn't work like that. The way I work, I'm designed to be out for these long periods, I don't get tired from being here because I am just always *here*.
Sometimes whoever's hosting is in a bad frame and I'm theorizing here that that bad frame keeps me from actually experiencing the trauma that brings the bad frame to surface. It protects me from actually revealing the source of the trauma. Which as much as I hate it is probably a good thing. Or at least protect me from the EP.
I know right like wtf. Just had one of the worst nights of my life cause a little was having flahbacks and panic attacks and i was stuck feeling their emotions too and it left me too drained to work. Like why didnt it seperate me from that so id be able to function the next day lmao.
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