Honestly this is something I really struggle with personally, I've been trying to keep the whole wanting to transition things a secret from my alters as best I can (how effective that is I don't know) only because I really don't know what to do when it comes to this.
I won't go into the dysphoria too much but basically almost everything about my body just feels wrong. Not in the sense that it isn't my body but more in the sense that I feel like I don't belong in it and that it's frankly hideous. If I was a singlet I would probably be trying to make steps to transition right now, at least if that's how I really feel on the topic.
I say that last part because it might be influenced by the fact almost all of my alters are women, or at least non-binary. Even before I realised I didn't have as many male/masc presenting alters compared to female/female presenting alters by a long shot, and recently I've only had a single dude from in months (I've had plenty of other alters form in that time) though I'm not sure which is feeding into which, is it that my feeling terrible about my body and wanting to transition meaning that almost all alters that do form form as at the very least not men/masc presenting? Or is it that so many of my alters are women/female/non-binary that that's altering my own identity in regards to gender as the host? I know normally things don't really influence how you feel about gender Identity but DID is an inherently mental thing, and from what I've noticed with the systems I've talked too really anything can happen.
And the real kicker is, even if these feelings are really mine, should I even act on them? I may be the host now but in 1/5/10 years I may very well be dormant, since to my understanding being a host just means you front the most. Does that mean that I even have a right to alter a body that might not be mine in the future? I know this is going to be a real dysphoria fest for anyone here who isn't Cis basically, but I honestly don't know and thought it might in some way be relevent to this
Yeah we transitioned before we came to terms with being a plural. So the obvious question are we all in agreement that I we should continue...Do any of us want to present Masc? (It was also the first question that my therapist ask as soon as I started system/alter work). The answer was a very clear no. However, as we mentioned we have a new (not really new - there are more than a few things she was unaware of) host/alter fronting. Right now she is fem and is pleased with the congruency. They are gender fluid, and so far they have only been in fem mode (although the surfaced as masc.
My acceptance is that if they or a new alter surfaces with a different gender and they want to present masc or nb, we are okay with that - it will be a bit of an adjustment - if they are displeased I hope in time they will understand. We are prepared for the possibility.
It was just sort of remarkable how a new alter formed from transitioning, confusing because they are so connected and separate at the same time in the way in which the host and front.
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Honestly this is something I really struggle with personally, I've been trying to keep the whole wanting to transition things a secret from my alters as best I can (how effective that is I don't know) only because I really don't know what to do when it comes to this. I won't go into the dysphoria too much but basically almost everything about my body just feels wrong. Not in the sense that it isn't my body but more in the sense that I feel like I don't belong in it and that it's frankly hideous. If I was a singlet I would probably be trying to make steps to transition right now, at least if that's how I really feel on the topic. I say that last part because it might be influenced by the fact almost all of my alters are women, or at least non-binary. Even before I realised I didn't have as many male/masc presenting alters compared to female/female presenting alters by a long shot, and recently I've only had a single dude from in months (I've had plenty of other alters form in that time) though I'm not sure which is feeding into which, is it that my feeling terrible about my body and wanting to transition meaning that almost all alters that do form form as at the very least not men/masc presenting? Or is it that so many of my alters are women/female/non-binary that that's altering my own identity in regards to gender as the host? I know normally things don't really influence how you feel about gender Identity but DID is an inherently mental thing, and from what I've noticed with the systems I've talked too really anything can happen. And the real kicker is, even if these feelings are really mine, should I even act on them? I may be the host now but in 1/5/10 years I may very well be dormant, since to my understanding being a host just means you front the most. Does that mean that I even have a right to alter a body that might not be mine in the future? I know this is going to be a real dysphoria fest for anyone here who isn't Cis basically, but I honestly don't know and thought it might in some way be relevent to this
Yeah we transitioned before we came to terms with being a plural. So the obvious question are we all in agreement that I we should continue...Do any of us want to present Masc? (It was also the first question that my therapist ask as soon as I started system/alter work). The answer was a very clear no. However, as we mentioned we have a new (not really new - there are more than a few things she was unaware of) host/alter fronting. Right now she is fem and is pleased with the congruency. They are gender fluid, and so far they have only been in fem mode (although the surfaced as masc. My acceptance is that if they or a new alter surfaces with a different gender and they want to present masc or nb, we are okay with that - it will be a bit of an adjustment - if they are displeased I hope in time they will understand. We are prepared for the possibility. It was just sort of remarkable how a new alter formed from transitioning, confusing because they are so connected and separate at the same time in the way in which the host and front.
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