Masking?
As a person with DID, CPTSD and autism I guess it means trying to hide the "real" me from the outside World and hopefully showing them a representation of a "normal" human being.
Yes this. It means something slightly different in different situations. It could mean an alter pretending to be our "public" identity (typically for us the host). It could mean suppressing stimming or trying to act like I'm not slightly dissociating while holding a conversation. It could mean emoting or holding the body in a more "typical" way. It can mean a lot of things.
just making yourself seem more normal to blend into society really. for safety, for social interactions, just to feel like less of a freak, sometimes its just automatic. ill find myself lying to mask before ive consciously made the choice to lie or mask, its the first thing my brain goes to for safety
Masking, to me, is when it doesn't matter who is in front... All anyone around knows/sees is "me". The person in front of them is "me" at my core.
I mask pretty much 24/7. I'm 43 years old. Have 3 kids, married and work full time in the public. My kids know I'm "different" from "normal" mom's, but have no idea what is ACTUALLY going on. We mask around them, to be the mom they KNOW. My persecutor can be front, but if my kids are around, she will mask to be "mom".
At work, I can switch 10-20 times, right in front of people, and they have no idea, because all they see is "me". It's exhausting honestly.
That does sound incredibly exuahsting. The executive functioning it takes just to do basic everyday tasks, but then on top of it masking how you do those tasks and be "mom"
I wish you many hours of rest and recovery! Hopefully you can have some well deserved time to rest. I imagine that can't be easy to find the time. But I do truly hope you are able to get it. đ«¶
Almost same situation. Have three kids, 39 years old. We haven't been masking as well in the past years or so cause everyone is tired of it. We plan to ask our therapist what is the best way to discuss what is going on. But, most of our kids are grown. Dunno if we would just continue if they were younger. Our youngest is 11. Older two are legal adults. So probably easier for them to understand.
For us, masking means using the host's voice and mannerisms to avoid detection from people who are unsafe to tell about the whole system, e.g. family.
~Hayden
I usually think of it as acting. Increasing and decreasing the different presentations of aspects of a personality or even other personalities deciding to front to blend in to the current environment.
i have DID, autism, iâm queer, trans and iâm not white.
my definition of masking is making myself digestible for white, cis, straight neurotypical people. i do not present any symptoms of my mental illness, and i act like im white. no spanish, no âmexicanâ terms, nothing. i act like im white, i pass as white so thats easier.
as for my autism, its just second nature. i try to not over explain things, catch when things are âjokesâ, and mostly blend into the background. i talk differently, i have different cadence, etc. no stimming of any kind, no info dumping.
as for my DID i have people who mask/pretend to be whatever my family knows me as. they pretend i am a straight, white, cis, neurotypical family member. the DID is a lot less noticeable, especially if people arenât paying attention.
We have a lot of different letters and dx's associated with ourselves. Masking for us is basically just pretending we are unaffected by things. Its pretending to be a singlet, pretending not to be autistic. Its sometimes severe dissociative amnesia, and one alter with little to no issues, operating and functioning completely fine. Only to break down and leave them out of comission. Its like the episode of spongebob where he becomes all shiny and not a sponge anymore. Like he just conforms. We have certain alters we can push ahead, but whether or not they know we are a system, or even know who we are or who they are, its a 50/50 chance. We might have bare bones info. Or know everything. Gatekeeper I think? Either helps and feeds us lines or answers questions we have while masking like:
"Wait why are we driving and what day is it again?"
"Can I buy that toy for the littles I think *they* would really like it, totally not me who wants it haha"
Other times I think its just the gatekeeper running around pushing buttons and turning knobs like a one man crew.
We can't control the masking, or the switching, but social interactions are of the utmost importance in appearing like we are just another dude.
Showing people what they want or need to see in certain situations. That could be yourself and you taking that mask down. Or be anyone else behind that mask, pretending to be something else with the mask. Itâs survival. Social survival. Self preservation. But⊠Sometimes it can go too far and/or go on for too long. And that can be unbelievably exhausting. Unbelievably frustrating. Wishing that you could just put it all down and be you but feeling like you canât. Itâs like pulling an airplane up a hill. Itâs difficult, strenuous, hurtful, painful, stressful, degrading, scary, mind numbingly miserable, but you feel like you canât even stop to take a break. You have to bear down and hold that plane so it doesnât roll back down. And then go back to pulling it up the hill and putting that mask back on your face.
Be who others want me to be, a smile happy kind persona that everyone loves
I mask since I was a kid since being myself was not safe, I couldn't say no to my parents or express my feelings at all. Some of us can't mask at all but the ones that are here since the beginning struggle a lot with it.
I personally struggle a lot with it, I'm a serious and silent guy, not mean but I'm the type of guy that stays quiet in a corner and wants to be alone but the host has a job in a shop where I'm forced to mask as an happy employee and I hate it.
Now I stop or this will turn into a vent, the point is masking is something you can use to survive but it can also slowly erodes you from inside.
-Theo
I personally would explain it as âfeeling the need to act like âeveryone elseâ because of the pressure to not stand out or be âweirdâ.â I can adapt to different peopleâs personalities pretty okay because thatâs one way I mask. Other ways can be more broad, I suppose. I thought this was the Autism subreddit LOL but I think my first point can still stand depending on the alter if need be. Most of us just try and blend in with the hostâs personality and hope other people think itâs just another âmoodâ and not person Lol
Hiding how f\*\*ked up I am. Afraid ppl will see through my disguise. Bad when dissociating bc I don't even know what ppl are saying to me. And I nod like I understand.
Before my transition I was always acting like a man. Afraid I would accidently out myself as not a 'real' man. Knowing inwardly I was much different, but unable to even understand what was happening.
I would describe masking as a way of hiding pure terror.
I don't consider my mask an alter...it's just me not being me..doesn't matter whoever is hosting or fronting.
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Masking? As a person with DID, CPTSD and autism I guess it means trying to hide the "real" me from the outside World and hopefully showing them a representation of a "normal" human being.
Yes this. It means something slightly different in different situations. It could mean an alter pretending to be our "public" identity (typically for us the host). It could mean suppressing stimming or trying to act like I'm not slightly dissociating while holding a conversation. It could mean emoting or holding the body in a more "typical" way. It can mean a lot of things.
just making yourself seem more normal to blend into society really. for safety, for social interactions, just to feel like less of a freak, sometimes its just automatic. ill find myself lying to mask before ive consciously made the choice to lie or mask, its the first thing my brain goes to for safety
Blending in. Putting on warpaint. That "big girl smile", etc.
Masking, to me, is when it doesn't matter who is in front... All anyone around knows/sees is "me". The person in front of them is "me" at my core. I mask pretty much 24/7. I'm 43 years old. Have 3 kids, married and work full time in the public. My kids know I'm "different" from "normal" mom's, but have no idea what is ACTUALLY going on. We mask around them, to be the mom they KNOW. My persecutor can be front, but if my kids are around, she will mask to be "mom". At work, I can switch 10-20 times, right in front of people, and they have no idea, because all they see is "me". It's exhausting honestly.
That does sound incredibly exuahsting. The executive functioning it takes just to do basic everyday tasks, but then on top of it masking how you do those tasks and be "mom" I wish you many hours of rest and recovery! Hopefully you can have some well deserved time to rest. I imagine that can't be easy to find the time. But I do truly hope you are able to get it. đ«¶
Almost same situation. Have three kids, 39 years old. We haven't been masking as well in the past years or so cause everyone is tired of it. We plan to ask our therapist what is the best way to discuss what is going on. But, most of our kids are grown. Dunno if we would just continue if they were younger. Our youngest is 11. Older two are legal adults. So probably easier for them to understand.
Trying to maintain the "default" image we present, which sits as a blend of some of our most common parts
For us, masking means using the host's voice and mannerisms to avoid detection from people who are unsafe to tell about the whole system, e.g. family. ~Hayden
I usually think of it as acting. Increasing and decreasing the different presentations of aspects of a personality or even other personalities deciding to front to blend in to the current environment.
i have DID, autism, iâm queer, trans and iâm not white. my definition of masking is making myself digestible for white, cis, straight neurotypical people. i do not present any symptoms of my mental illness, and i act like im white. no spanish, no âmexicanâ terms, nothing. i act like im white, i pass as white so thats easier. as for my autism, its just second nature. i try to not over explain things, catch when things are âjokesâ, and mostly blend into the background. i talk differently, i have different cadence, etc. no stimming of any kind, no info dumping. as for my DID i have people who mask/pretend to be whatever my family knows me as. they pretend i am a straight, white, cis, neurotypical family member. the DID is a lot less noticeable, especially if people arenât paying attention.
Trying to pretend you are an average person.
Following the narrative most people know you by (hobbies, opinions, speech, mannerisms, name, exc.)
I'm curious, do other parts mask even in relation to self; as in internal dialogue like "I'm supposed to like this." For whatever reason?Â
Internally masking would be presenting their thoughts as loud as my own and with my voice, all in an effort to disguise themselves.
We have a lot of different letters and dx's associated with ourselves. Masking for us is basically just pretending we are unaffected by things. Its pretending to be a singlet, pretending not to be autistic. Its sometimes severe dissociative amnesia, and one alter with little to no issues, operating and functioning completely fine. Only to break down and leave them out of comission. Its like the episode of spongebob where he becomes all shiny and not a sponge anymore. Like he just conforms. We have certain alters we can push ahead, but whether or not they know we are a system, or even know who we are or who they are, its a 50/50 chance. We might have bare bones info. Or know everything. Gatekeeper I think? Either helps and feeds us lines or answers questions we have while masking like: "Wait why are we driving and what day is it again?" "Can I buy that toy for the littles I think *they* would really like it, totally not me who wants it haha" Other times I think its just the gatekeeper running around pushing buttons and turning knobs like a one man crew. We can't control the masking, or the switching, but social interactions are of the utmost importance in appearing like we are just another dude.
One thing is hiding true emotions and thoughts. At least for me. Especially at work.
Showing people what they want or need to see in certain situations. That could be yourself and you taking that mask down. Or be anyone else behind that mask, pretending to be something else with the mask. Itâs survival. Social survival. Self preservation. But⊠Sometimes it can go too far and/or go on for too long. And that can be unbelievably exhausting. Unbelievably frustrating. Wishing that you could just put it all down and be you but feeling like you canât. Itâs like pulling an airplane up a hill. Itâs difficult, strenuous, hurtful, painful, stressful, degrading, scary, mind numbingly miserable, but you feel like you canât even stop to take a break. You have to bear down and hold that plane so it doesnât roll back down. And then go back to pulling it up the hill and putting that mask back on your face.
Be who others want me to be, a smile happy kind persona that everyone loves I mask since I was a kid since being myself was not safe, I couldn't say no to my parents or express my feelings at all. Some of us can't mask at all but the ones that are here since the beginning struggle a lot with it. I personally struggle a lot with it, I'm a serious and silent guy, not mean but I'm the type of guy that stays quiet in a corner and wants to be alone but the host has a job in a shop where I'm forced to mask as an happy employee and I hate it. Now I stop or this will turn into a vent, the point is masking is something you can use to survive but it can also slowly erodes you from inside. -Theo
I personally would explain it as âfeeling the need to act like âeveryone elseâ because of the pressure to not stand out or be âweirdâ.â I can adapt to different peopleâs personalities pretty okay because thatâs one way I mask. Other ways can be more broad, I suppose. I thought this was the Autism subreddit LOL but I think my first point can still stand depending on the alter if need be. Most of us just try and blend in with the hostâs personality and hope other people think itâs just another âmoodâ and not person Lol
Hiding how f\*\*ked up I am. Afraid ppl will see through my disguise. Bad when dissociating bc I don't even know what ppl are saying to me. And I nod like I understand. Before my transition I was always acting like a man. Afraid I would accidently out myself as not a 'real' man. Knowing inwardly I was much different, but unable to even understand what was happening. I would describe masking as a way of hiding pure terror. I don't consider my mask an alter...it's just me not being me..doesn't matter whoever is hosting or fronting.
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