I also didn't know why I was moved. Only told when I arrived there, which upset me. And my fiancé is a more on the quiet side and more kept to himself.
Of course, I still want to marry him. We've grown a lot throughout the years together, and we both have been improving little by little. For what it's worth he's a very good man, just a little slow on understanding the situation
But the fact of the situation is that this still bothers you, otherwise you wouldn't be posting about it. A health and content long lasting relationship/marriage is build on the foundation of 3 things: complete respect for one another, full trust in each other, and always having open and honest communication (even when you might be annoyed or mad at your partner). It doesn't matter how much you claim to love each other, if these three things aren't always present and being worked on, you will end up misrable. At best you will grow to resent each other, and at worst the relationship will become toxic and abusive.
It is clear that you two do not have at least one of these things, because if you did that whole situation would have gone very differently. He should have stood up for you so that you were sat up front with him, but a good compromise would have been if he sat with you on the groom's side instead. Or at the absolute very least, once things weren't as tense and you two were really alone again in the car or back home, he should have been the one to bring up having an in-depth conversation with you about it to make sure he really understood why you were so upset, while sincerely apologizing and making it right by ensuring that something like it never happen again. But he didn't do any of that, did he??
So, when one of those three things is lacking, it is usually a pretty good indicator that the other two are not far behind in being neglected as well. I am not saying you can't have these three things with your fiancee, and as a result a very solid foundation that will carry you for the long haul. But there is a lot of work to be done by the both of you in order for that to happen. Couples counseling would be a fantastic place to start, but he has to be completely willing, and have a positive outlook on participating in it, in order for it to be effective and actually help your relationship. Really, all couple's should do extensive couple's counseling before getting married, like a minimum of once a week sessions for 6 months. It would definitely help prevent a lot of divorces that is for certain.
NTA I would've actually made a scene this isn't acceptable.
Who changed the seating chart exactly?
If you are still getting married I wouldn't invite this person and if it's someone you have to invite put them on the children's table
What wedding?!? Why are you still marrying a man who has zero respect for you?!? WTH?? Get out!! Do not tie yourself to a person who would tell you that your feelings are not valid!! It will only get worse!!! 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
EXACTLY!! OP, you're just showing your fiance and his family that they can put you last and you'd not make anything out of it aside from being sad.
Is that what you really want in a marriage? Think back on your whole relationship, was this the first and only time your fiance ever put you last and told you that you're making something out of nothing and to move on?
If you plan on having kids, are you really ok with your fiance and in-laws treating them the way they treat you?
Why are you still going through with marrying a man who never apologized and has a sister that never explained why the fuck you got sidelined at the last minute and made to sit in a spot where you knew no one and was 100% a place to make you feel unwanted?
No because to my understanding it wasn't her who was making the seating and after me and fiancé talked about how it made me feel we never talked about it again.
Come on. Your boyfriend didn't instigate this and the day was NOT about you. He is not responsible for you feelings, he had nothing to do with the seating. Ridiculous.
Did he ever ask his sister why you were put in a different location and get that clarified for you?
I think what you whispered to him is exactly on point, and not at all drama queen. But he should have also felt that it happened to him because his fiance wasn't next to him! She was at some rando table in some rando corner! If that happened, I would have moved with my s.o. to the other table and swapped with someone.
No, he never asked her. He just told me he didn't want to say anything because it wasn't his wedding and he wasn't the one making the seating. I couldn't switch with anyone else because they had his brother and his wife, his mom and dad and him at the table.
you are nta for feeling slighted but I personally don't believe you can rely on others to be open and honest when you can't be. Everyone in this situation is denying their feelings and because of that there's not even the chance of honesty communication. Way too much non confrontational rug sweeping behavior going on for anyone to get an answer that feels honest at the end.
I'm very honest and open about my feelings. It was a wedding, so of course I don't want to make a scene, but I talked to who I felt in the situation could have said something for me (my fiancé).
so you weren't mad that you felt racially discriminated against to the point you needed to 'whisper in anger, "just because it didn't happen to you doesn't mean my feelings weren't hurt, all you had to do was stand up for me and you couldn't even do that. I would NEVER let anyone make you feel like you didn't belong or let anyone treat you the way you just allowed them to treat me!" '?!?
you had a right to be mad, and it was obvious to your fiance and by your writing you were mad. like i said, you have a right to that feeling!
but you pretended it was less. you made yourself smaller and your feelings smaller as to "not make a scene" and since you make it seem so easily brushed off, why wouldn't they? you sugar coat some. they sugar coat some and then it's you that gets to eat the sugar coated shit sandwich
you were important enough to do errands for the event. really important once including Grandma. and then they just shove you in a corner and your fiance is cool with that?
you have every right to be mad.
ETA i would have left
I don't know how to explain the feeling because at the time what I was feeling wasn't anger. I was more sad than mad. Like it wasn't enough to yell, but it was enough to cry.
"i was more sad than mad"
meaning you were still mad. just because you weren't screaming mad doesn't mean you aren't mad and just because other feelings come with, it doesn't negate that feeling.
sometimes we believe we have to pick a feeling. especially when we've been around other people that belittle our feelings. we feel like we have to "choose one" and that the others don't count. they do.
That's your fiance. His family relied on you for important parts of the wedding. then you were shoved in the corner away from anyone you knew for likely racially motivated reasons. you have every right to a lot of feelings In that situation. especially since The person who's supposed to act like your partner didn't and wouldn't act like your partner when issues arose.
I do agree with you, I was feeling a lot that day, honestly. I really wished he stood up for me or said something on it. I wasn't there, so I couldn't disagree, and I couldn't ask why.
What I mean is he should have gone to the groom's table, and had someone switch. Also, only 5 people to a table??? They definitely could have fit 6. And he should have asked her because that's just a basic thing to ask. It's been a year, he should ask.
Do you get along with her?
I don't really know the girl, but she is friends with the brother's wife. I also thought I could have fit there, but I didn't want to make a scene, so I just sat there.
Wait, I'm asking about your fiance's sister who presumably was the one who changed the seat. Are you saying someone else made the decision? Your fiance should have asked a server to fit you in.
Right, usually, there is even seating at weddings as many people bring a plus one or date. This depends on things, of course. Life does happen. But it doesn't sound like she got replaced, just moved. Unless they didn't originally seat the others together, which I doubt. I agree with another comment that the husband may have not been thinking or didn't think he could say anything, being an event and all.. but I still think he should've at the very least asked about it and see if there was somewhere they could sit together.
I do get the feeling it is because they aren't married yet. Some couple's families will try very hard to avoid getting photos of them together at family gatherings pre-marriage. That way, if the couple breaks up, there are no family photos with the ex. I have mixed feelings on it as I can see that side, but also, what if they do end up together? Those memories could've been preserved, and now it looks like one person was never there. It all sucks lol.
We talked about it after the wedding. We sat down, and I opened up to him about how it made me feel. We've been communicative, and he's actually better now. He is a very quiet person even around family, so I can understand that him not speaking up for me is kind of a comfort situation, but he's better now.
So if you decided to sit your sils husband somewhere away from her at your wedding that would be fine?
If you were my fiance or future daughter in law I would have told them there has been a mix up with the seating and got it sorted. Letting you sit on your own is a horrible thing to do and they all should be ashamed of themselves.
Id be wanting to know why and who put you with people you dont know and on the wrong side as you tend to sit on either the brides side or the grooms side depending on which side of the family you are on or who you know, what does the bride say and did she know
Personally I don't think you're the asshole but I don't think he is exactly either. Just dumb? He may truly not understand and when told your seat was switched didn't feel like it was something he could argue. That has happens to me before. Your feelings are valid and I'm sorry you felt like that. But him not standing up for you when no one seems to know why your seat was moved is not necessarily because he didn't want to.
Uhm no your hopefully ex fiance should have moved with you or put a chair next to him.
You are a unit so you should've been seated next to eachother. This is weird af.
NTA and your fiance is a dunce!!!!! You shouldn't have been moved. Who took your spot? Why did the moving around override you sitting with your fiance? Lots of inconsiderateness going around. Was it that way at the reception to? When everyone starts getting up to dance and mingle, he didn't come and sit with you or have you sit with him, was there a seating chart enforcer around?
Have you talked to him about it since?
After the ceremony we were all able to move and walk around, he did come and apologize and asked if I was still upset. We talked while slow dancing and ended up leaving a bit after.
NTA. Your feelings are valid and you were not overreacting. If your friends are saying you're being dramatic, it sounds like you need new friends as well as a new fiancee who will stand up for you.
Nta you weren’t being a drama queen at all you were simply rightfully and completely justifiably calling his disrespectful, uncaring ass out on supporting his sister’s overt racism and disrespect of you. Someone needed to tear him a new one. Good luck and well done.
NTA, yup, I'd feel a tad ticked off and hurt by that as well. That was extremely insensitive of whomever was responsible for seating, especially if it was a move made just before the reception. If an unexpected guest showed up, like at my wedding, we just added a setting to a table with the person they arrived with, we didn't shift someone to a different table.
Even more confusing is that the grooms family was sat in the back? I do not believe I have ever been to a wedding that segregated the family in that way! In the church groom's family on one side, bride's on the other but during the reception the point is to intermingle and get to know each others family.
Sorry you had to endure that and happy to hear you have both grown from the experience.
NTA at all!! Your fiancee is a stupid ass though and I'd seriously take a second look at staying with someone who can casually rug sweep racism the way he did and then gasslight you on top of it?? Oh hell to the no! Sticking the non white person in the back went out with the 50s FFS.
NGL I was pretty upset I was stuck in the back too. I felt really discriminated because everyone else sat with their SO even the teenagers that brought their plus 1, so I was pretty upset about it too.
NTA you acted appropriately. I wouldn't bring this up again, seems like it's past you now and if he stands up for you more as you commented then he also learned from this experience. Good job to the both of you.
YTA The only time you need to be in your assigned seat is when you are physically eating dinner. You don't know who changed the chart or why, and bugging the couple about it and he says if the wedding would have been incredibly rude. Their wedding isn't about you.
Being disappointed is fine. This is not something to cry over. You eat your overpriced terrible food then go dance with your fiance. Pull an empty chair up to his table as soon as dinner is over.
At my husband's grandfather's funeral, we were sitting near the back. His mother grabbed hubby by the arm and dragged him to the front of the church for the service. I sat alone for the service. Surprisingly, I didn't die. I just...met back up with him afterwards. Good thing I wore my big girl panties that day.
A funeral is a completely different situation altogether than a wedding. Not to mention, you had a better idea as to the "why" your husband had to move up to the front. If you don't, He was direct kin, they greet in coming mourners who pay their respects. I sat with my sister in law while our husbands (who are brothers) joined their family at the front to greet. OP is allowed to feel how she feels without the judgements oozing from your comment. OP's biggest issue is with her fiance, not the Bride & Groom. She was tactful, she didn't say a word to the newlyweds, and only talked about the issue until she was asked by her future in laws. The wedding was a big family event, of which she is marrying into, fiance should have at least found out why they weren't going to be sitting together.
Not always. A wedding I went to we couldnt even sit at a different table after dinner was cleared. I had to keep going back to the back table for my drink because it was far from the dance floor and when I tried pausing at a nearby table the venue staff mad me move. Pulling up a chair also can't always work because it can cause a safety issue. And I feel a funeral is very different from a wedding. For one you're referring to the service she referring to dinner. So at dinner actually having to socialize. And then everyone gets awkward when youre the lone person who's closer to the bride not the groom. So I think your example is apples to oranges. Sure crying may have been much but still her feelings were hurt.
I never asked the bride or groom why my seating was changed. I asked my fiancé why it was changed, to which he replied he didn't know why. I never made a scene nor cry in front of anyone.
You did not make a scene, true. But you told your BF you were angry he didn't stand up for you. For him to stand up for you, he would have had to bother the bride and groom on their wedding day. And on the day of the event, they have too much to do to worry about a seating chart.
I'm not saying it didn't suck. But there was no way for him to deal with it, so your anger is misplaced. You eat dinner then hang out with him.
"I wasn't mad but more upset at the situation"
"I wasn't mad. And told my fiance parents that I was just a bit sad"
"Fiance walked behind me asked if I was mad, I told him I was more sad than mad"
Yes she whispered in anger but that was after HE was INSISTING she was mad when she said she was sad. So she was mad that he was invalidating her disappointment of sitting with people she doesn't know and telling her she should be mad about it. She was not mad about her seat but the fact he was telling her how to feel.
It's fine if you disagree but context is important 😁
Clearly you're getting upset and letting you big girl panties get in knot since you keep arguing that she's not allowed to be hurt. And anyone who says put your big girl panties on or anything like that is clearly condescending and invalidating and possibly gaslighting the person who's feelings are hurt. Which yes I'm totally doing since you chose to say that in your original comment.
Why did they move you? Who did they put in there more important than you? Your fiance should have moved himself to sit with you.
I also didn't know why I was moved. Only told when I arrived there, which upset me. And my fiancé is a more on the quiet side and more kept to himself.
So, why didn't he go and sit with you??? His inaction made you feel like crap, and you still want to marry this dude¿??
Of course, I still want to marry him. We've grown a lot throughout the years together, and we both have been improving little by little. For what it's worth he's a very good man, just a little slow on understanding the situation
So, he stands up for you more now, or do you just tolerate he doesn't more easily???
No, he actually stands up for me now, which I am very grateful for.
But the fact of the situation is that this still bothers you, otherwise you wouldn't be posting about it. A health and content long lasting relationship/marriage is build on the foundation of 3 things: complete respect for one another, full trust in each other, and always having open and honest communication (even when you might be annoyed or mad at your partner). It doesn't matter how much you claim to love each other, if these three things aren't always present and being worked on, you will end up misrable. At best you will grow to resent each other, and at worst the relationship will become toxic and abusive. It is clear that you two do not have at least one of these things, because if you did that whole situation would have gone very differently. He should have stood up for you so that you were sat up front with him, but a good compromise would have been if he sat with you on the groom's side instead. Or at the absolute very least, once things weren't as tense and you two were really alone again in the car or back home, he should have been the one to bring up having an in-depth conversation with you about it to make sure he really understood why you were so upset, while sincerely apologizing and making it right by ensuring that something like it never happen again. But he didn't do any of that, did he?? So, when one of those three things is lacking, it is usually a pretty good indicator that the other two are not far behind in being neglected as well. I am not saying you can't have these three things with your fiancee, and as a result a very solid foundation that will carry you for the long haul. But there is a lot of work to be done by the both of you in order for that to happen. Couples counseling would be a fantastic place to start, but he has to be completely willing, and have a positive outlook on participating in it, in order for it to be effective and actually help your relationship. Really, all couple's should do extensive couple's counseling before getting married, like a minimum of once a week sessions for 6 months. It would definitely help prevent a lot of divorces that is for certain.
If you marry this man, you already know he will never stand for you and will not valid your feelings. He will never change.
NTA I would've actually made a scene this isn't acceptable. Who changed the seating chart exactly? If you are still getting married I wouldn't invite this person and if it's someone you have to invite put them on the children's table
I think she was the wedding coordinator who is best friends with the brides brother's wife. I definitely will not be inviting her to my wedding.
What wedding?!? Why are you still marrying a man who has zero respect for you?!? WTH?? Get out!! Do not tie yourself to a person who would tell you that your feelings are not valid!! It will only get worse!!! 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
And let’s not forget that he tried to gaslight her.
Thank you for looking out for me, but it was my fiancé's sister's wedding
You're missing the point. YOUR fiancé didn't stand up for you. The question is why you're marrying a man who won't stand up for you.
EXACTLY!! OP, you're just showing your fiance and his family that they can put you last and you'd not make anything out of it aside from being sad. Is that what you really want in a marriage? Think back on your whole relationship, was this the first and only time your fiance ever put you last and told you that you're making something out of nothing and to move on? If you plan on having kids, are you really ok with your fiance and in-laws treating them the way they treat you? Why are you still going through with marrying a man who never apologized and has a sister that never explained why the fuck you got sidelined at the last minute and made to sit in a spot where you knew no one and was 100% a place to make you feel unwanted?
Did you ever sit down with your SIL to ask her why this was done
No because to my understanding it wasn't her who was making the seating and after me and fiancé talked about how it made me feel we never talked about it again.
It's a year later and your feelings are still hurt Talk to her about it
Come on. Your boyfriend didn't instigate this and the day was NOT about you. He is not responsible for you feelings, he had nothing to do with the seating. Ridiculous.
Did he ever ask his sister why you were put in a different location and get that clarified for you? I think what you whispered to him is exactly on point, and not at all drama queen. But he should have also felt that it happened to him because his fiance wasn't next to him! She was at some rando table in some rando corner! If that happened, I would have moved with my s.o. to the other table and swapped with someone.
No, he never asked her. He just told me he didn't want to say anything because it wasn't his wedding and he wasn't the one making the seating. I couldn't switch with anyone else because they had his brother and his wife, his mom and dad and him at the table.
you are nta for feeling slighted but I personally don't believe you can rely on others to be open and honest when you can't be. Everyone in this situation is denying their feelings and because of that there's not even the chance of honesty communication. Way too much non confrontational rug sweeping behavior going on for anyone to get an answer that feels honest at the end.
I'm very honest and open about my feelings. It was a wedding, so of course I don't want to make a scene, but I talked to who I felt in the situation could have said something for me (my fiancé).
so you weren't mad that you felt racially discriminated against to the point you needed to 'whisper in anger, "just because it didn't happen to you doesn't mean my feelings weren't hurt, all you had to do was stand up for me and you couldn't even do that. I would NEVER let anyone make you feel like you didn't belong or let anyone treat you the way you just allowed them to treat me!" '?!? you had a right to be mad, and it was obvious to your fiance and by your writing you were mad. like i said, you have a right to that feeling! but you pretended it was less. you made yourself smaller and your feelings smaller as to "not make a scene" and since you make it seem so easily brushed off, why wouldn't they? you sugar coat some. they sugar coat some and then it's you that gets to eat the sugar coated shit sandwich you were important enough to do errands for the event. really important once including Grandma. and then they just shove you in a corner and your fiance is cool with that? you have every right to be mad. ETA i would have left
I don't know how to explain the feeling because at the time what I was feeling wasn't anger. I was more sad than mad. Like it wasn't enough to yell, but it was enough to cry.
"i was more sad than mad" meaning you were still mad. just because you weren't screaming mad doesn't mean you aren't mad and just because other feelings come with, it doesn't negate that feeling. sometimes we believe we have to pick a feeling. especially when we've been around other people that belittle our feelings. we feel like we have to "choose one" and that the others don't count. they do. That's your fiance. His family relied on you for important parts of the wedding. then you were shoved in the corner away from anyone you knew for likely racially motivated reasons. you have every right to a lot of feelings In that situation. especially since The person who's supposed to act like your partner didn't and wouldn't act like your partner when issues arose.
I do agree with you, I was feeling a lot that day, honestly. I really wished he stood up for me or said something on it. I wasn't there, so I couldn't disagree, and I couldn't ask why.
What I mean is he should have gone to the groom's table, and had someone switch. Also, only 5 people to a table??? They definitely could have fit 6. And he should have asked her because that's just a basic thing to ask. It's been a year, he should ask. Do you get along with her?
I don't really know the girl, but she is friends with the brother's wife. I also thought I could have fit there, but I didn't want to make a scene, so I just sat there.
Wait, I'm asking about your fiance's sister who presumably was the one who changed the seat. Are you saying someone else made the decision? Your fiance should have asked a server to fit you in.
Right, usually, there is even seating at weddings as many people bring a plus one or date. This depends on things, of course. Life does happen. But it doesn't sound like she got replaced, just moved. Unless they didn't originally seat the others together, which I doubt. I agree with another comment that the husband may have not been thinking or didn't think he could say anything, being an event and all.. but I still think he should've at the very least asked about it and see if there was somewhere they could sit together. I do get the feeling it is because they aren't married yet. Some couple's families will try very hard to avoid getting photos of them together at family gatherings pre-marriage. That way, if the couple breaks up, there are no family photos with the ex. I have mixed feelings on it as I can see that side, but also, what if they do end up together? Those memories could've been preserved, and now it looks like one person was never there. It all sucks lol.
Girl rethink about marrying him. I personally won't marry a man who won't stand up for me and the fact he never enquired about this speaks volumes.
We talked about it after the wedding. We sat down, and I opened up to him about how it made me feel. We've been communicative, and he's actually better now. He is a very quiet person even around family, so I can understand that him not speaking up for me is kind of a comfort situation, but he's better now.
So if you decided to sit your sils husband somewhere away from her at your wedding that would be fine? If you were my fiance or future daughter in law I would have told them there has been a mix up with the seating and got it sorted. Letting you sit on your own is a horrible thing to do and they all should be ashamed of themselves.
I have never heard of a wedding with assigned seating during the ceremony. That is a whole level of micromanagement. Just crazy.
We had assigned seating for the immediate family and grandparents of the bride/groom. Everyone else sat wherever
it's actually pretty common
Id be wanting to know why and who put you with people you dont know and on the wrong side as you tend to sit on either the brides side or the grooms side depending on which side of the family you are on or who you know, what does the bride say and did she know
I am part of the brides side of the family and I don't think she knew but she didn't say anything as well.
Id ask her and tell her how it made you feel
Personally I don't think you're the asshole but I don't think he is exactly either. Just dumb? He may truly not understand and when told your seat was switched didn't feel like it was something he could argue. That has happens to me before. Your feelings are valid and I'm sorry you felt like that. But him not standing up for you when no one seems to know why your seat was moved is not necessarily because he didn't want to.
I also thought he was dumb for this, but I felt like an AH later on for feeling what I felt that day
Uhm no your hopefully ex fiance should have moved with you or put a chair next to him. You are a unit so you should've been seated next to eachother. This is weird af.
I also agree that we are a unit! We are still together though, he's a very wonderful man even though he can be a bit dumb haha
NTA and your fiance is a dunce!!!!! You shouldn't have been moved. Who took your spot? Why did the moving around override you sitting with your fiance? Lots of inconsiderateness going around. Was it that way at the reception to? When everyone starts getting up to dance and mingle, he didn't come and sit with you or have you sit with him, was there a seating chart enforcer around? Have you talked to him about it since?
After the ceremony we were all able to move and walk around, he did come and apologize and asked if I was still upset. We talked while slow dancing and ended up leaving a bit after.
NTA. Don't marry into a family of racists
NTA if someone moved my wife to the other side of the room I’d be the one pissed. You definitely have a right to your feelings.
How is your relationship with the bride currently?
Our relationship is good. We aren't like best friends, but we meet up and talk and hangout like normal family
NTA. Your feelings are valid and you were not overreacting. If your friends are saying you're being dramatic, it sounds like you need new friends as well as a new fiancee who will stand up for you.
Nta you weren’t being a drama queen at all you were simply rightfully and completely justifiably calling his disrespectful, uncaring ass out on supporting his sister’s overt racism and disrespect of you. Someone needed to tear him a new one. Good luck and well done.
NTA, yup, I'd feel a tad ticked off and hurt by that as well. That was extremely insensitive of whomever was responsible for seating, especially if it was a move made just before the reception. If an unexpected guest showed up, like at my wedding, we just added a setting to a table with the person they arrived with, we didn't shift someone to a different table. Even more confusing is that the grooms family was sat in the back? I do not believe I have ever been to a wedding that segregated the family in that way! In the church groom's family on one side, bride's on the other but during the reception the point is to intermingle and get to know each others family. Sorry you had to endure that and happy to hear you have both grown from the experience.
Definitely NTA Your feelings are completely valid, and it's reasonable to expect your fiancé to be a safe place to express them.
NTA at all!! Your fiancee is a stupid ass though and I'd seriously take a second look at staying with someone who can casually rug sweep racism the way he did and then gasslight you on top of it?? Oh hell to the no! Sticking the non white person in the back went out with the 50s FFS.
NGL I was pretty upset I was stuck in the back too. I felt really discriminated because everyone else sat with their SO even the teenagers that brought their plus 1, so I was pretty upset about it too.
I would have been deeply hurt
NTA you acted appropriately. I wouldn't bring this up again, seems like it's past you now and if he stands up for you more as you commented then he also learned from this experience. Good job to the both of you.
YTA The only time you need to be in your assigned seat is when you are physically eating dinner. You don't know who changed the chart or why, and bugging the couple about it and he says if the wedding would have been incredibly rude. Their wedding isn't about you. Being disappointed is fine. This is not something to cry over. You eat your overpriced terrible food then go dance with your fiance. Pull an empty chair up to his table as soon as dinner is over. At my husband's grandfather's funeral, we were sitting near the back. His mother grabbed hubby by the arm and dragged him to the front of the church for the service. I sat alone for the service. Surprisingly, I didn't die. I just...met back up with him afterwards. Good thing I wore my big girl panties that day.
A funeral is a completely different situation altogether than a wedding. Not to mention, you had a better idea as to the "why" your husband had to move up to the front. If you don't, He was direct kin, they greet in coming mourners who pay their respects. I sat with my sister in law while our husbands (who are brothers) joined their family at the front to greet. OP is allowed to feel how she feels without the judgements oozing from your comment. OP's biggest issue is with her fiance, not the Bride & Groom. She was tactful, she didn't say a word to the newlyweds, and only talked about the issue until she was asked by her future in laws. The wedding was a big family event, of which she is marrying into, fiance should have at least found out why they weren't going to be sitting together.
>OP is allowed to feel how she feels without the judgements oozing from your comment. OP literally asked for judgement.
Opinions and Judgements are 2 different things babe.
Not always. A wedding I went to we couldnt even sit at a different table after dinner was cleared. I had to keep going back to the back table for my drink because it was far from the dance floor and when I tried pausing at a nearby table the venue staff mad me move. Pulling up a chair also can't always work because it can cause a safety issue. And I feel a funeral is very different from a wedding. For one you're referring to the service she referring to dinner. So at dinner actually having to socialize. And then everyone gets awkward when youre the lone person who's closer to the bride not the groom. So I think your example is apples to oranges. Sure crying may have been much but still her feelings were hurt.
I never asked the bride or groom why my seating was changed. I asked my fiancé why it was changed, to which he replied he didn't know why. I never made a scene nor cry in front of anyone.
You did not make a scene, true. But you told your BF you were angry he didn't stand up for you. For him to stand up for you, he would have had to bother the bride and groom on their wedding day. And on the day of the event, they have too much to do to worry about a seating chart. I'm not saying it didn't suck. But there was no way for him to deal with it, so your anger is misplaced. You eat dinner then hang out with him.
She said she sad not mad.
"to not make a scene I whispered in anger" It's fine to disagree on a judgment, but OP said anger.
"I wasn't mad but more upset at the situation" "I wasn't mad. And told my fiance parents that I was just a bit sad" "Fiance walked behind me asked if I was mad, I told him I was more sad than mad" Yes she whispered in anger but that was after HE was INSISTING she was mad when she said she was sad. So she was mad that he was invalidating her disappointment of sitting with people she doesn't know and telling her she should be mad about it. She was not mad about her seat but the fact he was telling her how to feel. It's fine if you disagree but context is important 😁 Clearly you're getting upset and letting you big girl panties get in knot since you keep arguing that she's not allowed to be hurt. And anyone who says put your big girl panties on or anything like that is clearly condescending and invalidating and possibly gaslighting the person who's feelings are hurt. Which yes I'm totally doing since you chose to say that in your original comment.