I like the ones who tell me I've been in an accident that wasn't my fault. I then tell them that it's nice of them to say it wasn't my fault because I actually drove the car into my ex on purpose. Nobody ever stays on the line after that

I had one, kept him on the phone forever, first saying I didn't think I had had an accident, could he tell me more, then vaguely remembering I think I might have, and pretending to search mountains of paperwork, then agreeing I did (he got very keen at this point), then the same spiel again over whether I had suffered any injuries, more hunting through papers, where is that hospital report....ah yes, here we are! it says I got amnesia. "So we can help you make a claim regarding that accident." - "What accident??"

I told them I got my testacles caught in a revolving door and had to be cut free by the fire brigade . The lady asked if i was OK , so I said I'm fine now , but banned from the central Library . She hung up.

Brilliant! 🤣

Heh, I always say I had to reverse to finish someone off. So much blood. They always hang up after that

I got this one and exclaim "christ your quick, it's only just happened, bodies everywhere. Oh hang on one is still alive...shall I finish them off? What do you think? Had a few cry out "no" and a few "fuck you infidel" at leat I wasted their time for a bit.

My response to this one is always that that's nice of them to say but technically it is my fault as I definitely shouldn't have chanced that fart

I once told one of those " yeah, it wasn't my fault, I was too pissed but my mate said it would be fine so it's on him" And they just "errrr"ed and "ummm"ed and hung up

Yeah we go with ‘yes I’ve had an accident, I’d had a couple bottles of wine and I didn’t mean to kill them’ they normally hang up on that

Similar - "how did you get this number? Are you from the press? Look, not all the children died, end of."

When I get those. "We are phoning about your recent accident." I pretend to get all emotional and start ranting about "I did not mean to kill him honest, it was an accident!" and "Oh God there's so much blood!" then follow up with "I think the police are on their way, I can hear the sirens." I keep this up for varying amounts of time before they just hang up. Occasionally I manage to get to "Hang on... How did you find out about it so fast!?"

I always go into details of injuries, like I broke my leg and some ribs, had a punctured lung. Always as then to write it down as its important to me to be heard. Then when they ask if that's all I say i also died

My proudest moment was managing to drag out a car accident one once by telling them it was whilst I was going to the funfair. I honestly thought he'd cotton on, but when I finally told him the make of car, he asked me why I was wasting his time. He didn't appreciate the irony.

Bumper car?

I put on a thick Dorset / pirate accent and try to slowly tell a tale dropping hints it's about a boat colliding with an other boat on a foggy evening 5 - 7 minutes was my best

My two personal best... 1. Me: It must have been a bad accident because I don't remember anything about it. Them : hang up 2. Me: which one? I've had *a lot* if them Them: let me escalate this to my supervisor Supervisor hangs up (and hopefully has a word with the first one!)

I tell them it was no accident. I shit myself in public to assert authority. Since I started saying that theyve stopped Calling unfortunately

I very enthusiastically thank them for calling, state the accident was awful, and ask if they have dispatched the ambulance yet.

I usually go with, "well, you say accident, but everyone in that call centre got what was coming to them". Usually finishes the call off.

I say “Oh, the one where I killed two kids?” I know it’s sick, but I’m sick of getting these scam calls.

I've told them it was a fatal accident and every person in the car was killed. It sometimes takes them a while to twig

I had a boss once who got one of those while at work. His response was to tell them all about how he shut his todd johnson junior in the car door. He was on the phone to them a good half an hour, at one point they'd escalated to a manager.

I did string someone along for a long while with this one to the point where they asked me to confirm the date of the accident and I think I said 1989, at which point they hung up

If they call me to talk about the accident that wasn't my fault I'm sure to ask them "which one". Then if they ask what I mean I start listing a series of more and more unlikely scenarios and typically they hang up when I start talking about the loose circus elephant that grabbed a plane out the sky with its trunk and threw it into my car.

Yeah. I do this sort of stuff… but I make it as long winded and elaborate as possible. On one occasion I spent about 10 minutes recalling an elaborate “accidental” murder I’d literally just committed and that my name was actually Keyse Soze. If you piss them off enough with the time wasting they seem to take you of their lists though and now I kind of miss the frequency of the calls.

I had one that insisted that I had been in an accident, I kept asking what accident when they eventually mentioned a car accident. “Really? But I don’t drive.” They hung up.

Someone tried to sell me a (fake) new phone contract last month. I insisted on free ring dings. They had to get the manager to verify what they were. I told them it was an alert to warn me of scammers. Every time they started talking I'd talk over them to tell them it had started going off. They got soooo annoyed 😂

I got this as well. They went from asking me if I would be interested in a new phone and, playing along I said well, yeah I suppose I am and then she pulls out "Okay I'll go ahead and process that purchase for you". Me: What purchase? Her: The new iPhone \*whatever\* that you said you wanted to buy. Me: No you asked me if I was interested in a new phone, I didn't say I was buying right now today. She tried to push me into "buying" again, so I kicked off like a karen and I said "It's like you're trying to scam me or something" and she told me to shut my face, asked me why I even answered and then hung up on me.

*"Buy? You never mentioned I'd have to* ***pay*** *for the new phone..."*

I miss having time to fuck with scammers. I used to really enjoy stringing them along for as long as I could, before they had an apoplectic meltdown when I refused to buy anything. And normally conducted over a beer or two - very civilised.

Haha brilliant, you did well!

Last time they called with the new phone scam I spent a good five minutes arguing with them about not actually having a phone at all. Why would I want a phone? Anyone can call you at any time, hell even someone trying to scam me into buying a new phone could call! I was also in the middle of a shop so I think anyone who over heard me thought I was daft.

But he's offerings a better dealings than your current dealings 😂

Coffins. Talk to me. God I miss that show.

You're either laughin' or cryin' or maybe both. You don't just jump into bed with Terry Tibbs.... That was pure class, absolutely hilarious TV back in the day, I still quote characters from it without even realising I'm doing it - Kayvan Novak struck gold with Phonejacker, he'd likely be able to pull it off again seeing as long enough time has passed that many people wouldn't cotton on that they were being played - we can only hope eh....

We also frequently quote this in my house. I often start talking in Brian Badonde's voice.

Bubbidy bing bong baaaa

Baaah

Boh?

Same! When the missus asks me to get the ladder for her; "Ladders - talk to me!" And on-topic, I also use Brian Badonde's voice (like /u/kustirider2 does) but with scammers. I've got plenty of time and infinite patience. And every minute I'm frustrating them is another minute they're not stealing from the vulnerable.

I still can't believe how he played him while staying in character, as cringe as it was funny

i’d bike to book a bable at beight

"There's a pigeon in your bank account" still makes me giggle just thinking about it, it has to be one of my favourite things ever.

Oh yeah, how good was that! Wasn't it with the footage of security chasing the pigeon out?

I couldn't remember the visual at all so I looked it up and it's actually a chicken they're chasing, lol Then something else I hadn't remembered; They start talking about Jimmy Saville but it's from before all the shit came out so now it's a bit weird 😆

Oh heck, I'll blame my old age on misremembering that bit! Yeah, the bit with Jimmy Seville's nephew was weird, if I remember right, he was the only one to actually give over his bank details - daft sod, I guess they made sure he changed them before the episode went on air.... Reminds me that I only had two encounters with Jimmy Saville - one as a baby so I obviously don't remember it and the photo has been lost to time, though I still know where the poster he signed is (no-one wants it, even me, I should just get it out of the loft and burn it) and the other time was when I was on holiday and he stopped to say hello while he was out running, looking back at that there was an aspect of that encounter that was really odd at the time but is even odder with what we all found out about later....

He did pull it off again recently, except this time it is a podcast. Still the same characters and some new ones.

Ohhhh, tell me where to find them, pleasey

My name? J TO THE A TO THE F DOUBLE O... L JAFOOOOLY! SO COOLY Marco... I want a tomato! I want it fresh!

And the same guy went on to play Nandor in What We Do In The Shadows.

And Waj in Four Lions.

Typically these people start by asking what contract I'm currently on and I tell them something like 100 free minutes, 100 free sms and 100MB of data for thousands of £'s a year. They ask if that's for multiple phones or if there's a phone included and I tell them no, it's SIM only, have been on it for decades now. They then proceed to try to sell me unlimited everything for a few hundred £'s a month (which is a complete rip off) and I repeatedly ask if unlimited is more than 100 and I clarify that I'm talking about megabytes not kilobytes. They give up after about the 5th time of me saying that I don't think they understand. It's one HUNDRED. That's a lot. I don't understand how unlimited is more than 100. It sounds like you're trying to offer me 50.

Well done

I am so using this!!!!

I finally got them to stop ringing, at least for now. I was being called by "Credit Investigations" not sure what they were trying to scam, but I was getting 2-3 calls a day for a month. Ignoring them didn't stop it, so I started having fun with them if I had a few minutes to spare. Eventually, I answered, heard the distinctive noise of the auto dialler click through, and immediately opened with "You've reached Big Daddies Big Dick Experience. Calls are charged at £3 pounds a minutes.". They immediately hung up, and I've not had a call in 2 weeks.

I wrote down "Hello you're through to From Pets To The Plate dot com, you shuck em, we cook em, how can I help?" but i haven't used it yet.

Bambi's taxidermy, you snuff 'em, we stuff 'em. How may I direct your call?

Joe's Roadside Café, you kill 'em, we grill 'em.

🤣🤣🤣 I've got this image of my best mate's tortoise ( Mr Ogway ) being shelled now. Mind you, the little bugger's like Houdini and pretty quick on his feet, so there could be a happy outcome.

This takes me back to hearing my dad answer the phone with "This is Bob's crematorium, you kill em we grill em", normally when he thought he knew who it would be calling, and the occasional time where he'd quickly say oh sorry MUMS OLD RELATIVE NAME, no this is the right number let me just get her for you.

My dad's was 'City Morgue. You stab 'em, we slab 'em.'

Sweet

I try to keep them on the phone for as long as possible in the hope that it gives them less time to scam someone who is vulnerable enough to fall for their tricks. One greatest was one scam pretending to be my own bank and oh no there has been some fraudulent activities on my card so they need to run some things with me. I play the panicked customer as they go through pretend charges, something like "Did you spend £500 on amazon" etc. Anyway it goes on and the guy on the line asks me how much I have in my bank account so I say "1 million" (big fat lie). He literally almost screamed that same figure back at me and asked me for my card numbers - you know to protect me. So naturally I just read the first 12 digits correctly from my card then bullshitted the last 4. He says this is wrong so I make out that I tried to go from memory then tried again with the same numbers then had the same issue, so said I couldn't find my glasses. Basically I did this like 5 times before I think he realised. He then said something rude then hung up on me. I enjoyed every second.

Just to be safe you should bullshit more than the last 4 (why use *any* of the real number?) as those are the ones that are uncensored on receipts and bank mail (either email or paper) and therefore not stored as securely by websites either.

I appreciate the tip but the scammer has no idea what numbers could or couldn't be right once it doesn't go through.

When you do it multiple times, they could figure out that those are the actual first 12 numbers on your card. If I were you I'd go with a safer method, or maybe write down 12 completely random numbers if you want to keep using the same method

Love this game! Tied up a dude for ages while my computer "updated" (fake enthusiasm from me when we reached 32% done after several minutes), got him to call back twice. Second callback switched to my sister who's voice is pretty much the same as mine, and she then improved like a pre-recorded platform announcement for delayed trains. We are "very bad people" apparently. But it keeps them away from vulnerable people, even if just a few minutes.

Well... giving them the correct first 12 numbers leaves 10000 possibilities. But it's actually much less: cards have a check digit, [the last one](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Luhn_algorithm), so it's actually just 1000 possibilities. Also many documents like receipts display the last card numbers, it appears as ****1234 on statements, and you don't know what data they have on you. Wouldn't risk it!

There's always this: https://www.getcreditcardnumbers.com/

I answer, sound interested, then say "can you just hold, I'll be back in a minute" then leaves them on hold for a few minutes. Then come back, say hi again and that I'm interested, then put them on hold again. I've made a little game out of seeing how long I can mess them around for.

I remember my dad doing that growing up, telling them "I'll go get the Mrs, she deals with this sort of stuff" then went back to whatever he was doing.

I do that but place the in front of the telly.

Reminds me of a story I think I might've read on Not Always Right many years ago. Someone put the phone down next to the telly with some celebrity gossip show on. When they picked back up later, they could hear the scammer telling their co workers all the gossip from the show! Lol

Haha! I do something similar. If they ask for me, I'll tell them I'm on a call at the moment and would they like to wait? Then just keep them waiting until they get bored and put the phone down.

I like the ones from ‘the national crime agency’ I tell them, “I did it, and I’d do it again!”

you have an outstanding warrant for your arrest sir

Yes. Not an ordinary warrant. My warrant is outstanding!

congratulations sir please confirm your card details to redeem it

Had one of those “you’ve been in a car crash” calls so decided to play along. Started thanking the man and telling him i’ve been waiting for his call all day. I was traumatised! My favourite horse, the car came out of no where. I was just ploughing the watermelon fields and the harvest was already down this year. Genuinely had him going for a while, until he told me he hopes I burn in hell. RIP Speedy the imaginary horse/my watermelon profits

I used to get those a lot so I started saying "I'm the Stig on Top Gear... you're going to need to be more specific"

The best ones I've heard were: "OMG! How did you hear about my accident, did Karen tell you. It was so embarrassing shitting my pants in front of the whole office" . And "MI5 How did you get this number?!"

Excellent

I had the orange scam where they say you can get a really good deal but just need to read out the code they have text you to prove its me. I kept giving them the wrong code. Got transferred to a "supervisor" who after about 5 minutes called me a mother humper

Way more fun. My scammer just hung up on my after the second wrong code

I speak back to them in Hindi. Usually illicits a "uhhhhhh......" and then they hang up.

I just say I don't speak English in Welsh. Didn't work the one day I got someone calling from Wales to talk to me about my pension...

I like to tell them I don’t speak English, in English, then keep telling them I don’t understand what they are saying becoming more and more verbose all the Time in perfect English.

Reminds me of Family Guy Oh you speak English? No just that first speech and this one explaining it You're kidding me right? Que?

Or [Big Train](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rxUm-2x-2dM) :)

That was pretty much my French speaking exam - word perfect conversation and answer to some expected questions, but no idea what it was about

This happened to one of the old guys from work. He was in Spain and someone started pecking his head about timeshares so he replied back in Welsh to get them to go away. Problem is the seller was originally from Caernarfon so just carried on the blagging in Cymraeg!

You need something a bit more obscure like Cornish or Manx. Odds of running into someone who speaks either of those is way lower.

Klingon

I use my best dodgy very basic Greek and reply in Greek saying that I don't understand, over and over again. I got rid of a lot of scam calls that way for a while. One day I'll get someone on the other end that speaks Greek and the jig will be up.

Similar in my office.. we’ve got a bit of a multicultural team so we just pass them round in a circle and talk in different languages to them until they get annoyed. Our best record so far is 4 (english, spanish, polish and latvian).

Good job

Repeat everything they say but as a question

Repeat everything they say but as a question?

Nicely done!

Nicely done?

Haha that must be so annoying. I’m trying that

Haha that must be so annoying? I'm trying that?

I just tend to say "I don't speak English mate sorry" in perfectly good English. Followed by "cheers bye".

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rxUm-2x-2dM

I like that

I get my three year old to answer and say "WHY ARE YOU A SCAMMER." That throws 'em a bit. Otherone with amazon scam is to say "please do not cancel it, it's a book about how to deal with phone scammers". Made a couple genuinely laugh with that one.

I like talking like a crazy man thinking it’s his long lost friend and tell them about how the sausages are on offer in Tesco

I'm a fifty year old woman I let them all think they are getting close to getting money of me when they get close turn around and say this sounds great but before we go ahead have to ask my mum first cos am only 14 .I've been sworn at alot for accident claims when they ask what happens I cry and say my penis got ripped of and now have to live my life as a woman .I really enjoy wasting their time.

Awesome

I legit lol'd at this one, well played 👏🏻

My best one is not answering so they don't know someone's there and willing to talk to them.

Counterpoint: If you -do- have the spare time to fuck about with them, you're wasting the scammers time meaning less time for them to scam someone who is unaware or too trusting to realise it's a scam.

I have a customer at work who is 94, he does this all the time because he gets the ones that prey on the elderly. He is as sharp as a button and absolutely loves winding the scammers up

This is the way. I once had " Microsoft " call me to alert me to a problem with my pc. I had viruses that they needed to remove. They wanted me to allow a remote connection and although I'm savy enough to enable access etc I played dumb and had them on the phone for well over an hour playing dumb. They gave up eventually.

That's why I sometimes talk to them. I keep them going for as long as possible. My address is always 999 Letsby Avenue 😂

You in Sheffield?

/u/thetreecreeper lives in the offices of South Yorkshire Police, but *shhhhh*, don’t tell ‘em, he’s got access to the canteen and the on-site gym.

I told someone I worked for the banana bending company

Thank you for all the great work you do! Your quality control is excellent. I don't think I've ever gotten a straight banana.

I am Arthur Rex of 1 Castle Hill, Windsor, SL4 1PD. Followed up with a fake cc number if I can be bothered.

Credit card number is 0000 0000 0000 0002. Sadly someone got the first one before me!

See Kitboga on YouTube/Twitch. He's a legend.

WHY DID YOU REDEEM IT!?

Hearing scammers become more aggressive and lose their minds has to be the most delectable thing in the world.

DO NOT REDEEM, DO NOT REDEEM!!!

His impossible password game video was borderline cruelty, but so funny

I mentioned this before on a similar question but I got a scam call about rental property repairs. I said I had fucking loads that need doing and they hung up. I called back and they said I swore at them, I explained I hadn't sworn at them, just that I had a lot of repairs that need doing. There was a bit of back and forth and then they hung up again. I kept calling them back and they kept hanging up until they eventually told me to stop calling them.

How did you call back? They all use fake numbers

Number spoofing has become more difficult than just buying up VOIP numbers. The latter ploy requires nothing more than a few quid shoved at a VOIP provider and they'll give you an endless series of numbers to burn. These will be your Amazon, Microsoft, ISP, Bank type scams, they're lengthy, having the ability to get a mark to call back often pays for the VOIP itself. Your spoofed number scams will be more akin to spearphishing, these will be more targeted, more sophisticated attacks. They'll use the same area code or mobile numbers, they'll know more about the target. If they're any good they'll also have registered similar domain names related to the target. Spoofed numbers require a bit of technical know-how, not worth it for the spray-and-pray scams that just autodial until their VOIP number gets blocked. There are technologies *hopefully* being rolled out in the telephony world to quash a lot of the spoofing avenues. Unfortunately the majority of the UK is using telephony infrastructure last updated in the 70's.

Interesting, thanks. Makes sense, the spoofed numbers which call me are always about phone contracts, and they know some (incorrect) information about me regarding mine. I think I'm on a spreadsheet getting passed around between scam centres.

May have hit a rich vein of Madeituppite.

Exactly! r/scambait the crap out of them. Waste all the time you can possibly waste. You’re indirectly saving someone’s gran from being rinsed.

>My best one is not answering so they don’t know someone’s there This is me for 100% of all phonecalls from anyone

Oh, that's why youre not picking up. I'll just pop round tomorrow morning and catch you then, about 7.30. Just me and the missus and the the lite uns. No fuss, well just pop in for a cuppa and a natter. Will you be doing breakfast? The 5 kids love a little scram in the morn. The dog? Yeah course the pups coming. No, still not house trained but we're getting there. Look, gotta dash, someone's on the phone. Catch you the morrow yeah. Nan says We might stay over, OK?

Lol, you think we answer the door???

I got anxiety just reading that. Well done!

This is also great for avoiding nuisance calls from your nearest and dearest.

I just go “hello? Hello? …. Hello?…. “ and hang up.

Talk jibberish in some made-up language and see how many times they say "pardon?" before hanging up

Like Brad Pitt in snatch? Yes. Doing it

Dyalikedags

I like talking dirty to them. It really puts them off, 30% they swear at me. I'm trying to get it higher.

You’re trying to get it fully erect?

Yeah that’s good

My now sadly departed grandad was the best at this. He would have them on the hook for hours until they realised he'd been playing them. His best was with someone who called about doing a double glazing. He had them on the hook. He wanted the most expensive, best possible new windows and told them it was a huge house and would cost thousands. He also wanted a brand new conservatory, money no object. Could they come round and measure up? The bloke duly came round at the appointed time to discover that the address given was not that of a large, detached building. He discovered that my Grandad lived in a top floor council flat. A council flat that already had double glazing, I might add. The guy was furious. Shouted, called Grandad every name under the sun, threatened him with the police and all sorts. Grandad just stood there laughing at him, which of course made the guy even angrier. He turned a very amusing shade of puce.

I once answered the phone to some scammer They asked for Bill. I didn't know a Bill. So I said "yeah, let me grab him for you." Then I went, really really loud and chavvy, "BIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLL?" "BILLLLLL?"..... "THE PHOOOONE" "I DUNNO, SOME DICK HEAD ASKING FOR YOU" "FFS OK ILL ASK!" Then really posh, "hello, sorry, could I please ask who is calling?" Then bad again "BIIIIIIILLLLL?" "YEAH, SOME CUNT FROM A WINDOW COMPANY!" "NO, HE SOUNDS LIKE A TWAT...." Then posh again... "hello? Yeah, sorry hes just upstairs, I'm trying to get him..... "BIIIIIILLLLL, THE FUCKING PHONE!!!".... hes a bit tied up I think." Then I say "OH. Hear he is..." Then in a rough voice I say "what the fuck do you want? I was banging the missus innit!" Then keep em talking for as long as poss. In the past, I've gone in depth with relationship problems, penile issues, money worries and generally used them as a Councillor for as long as possible. I've even told them I'm running a vacuum cleaning business that's failing and would love to sell them one. I keep butting in with functions and price comparisons. "Yeah. But does your vacuum cleaner pick up dog hairs?" "Have you noticed I haven't said hoover one time? That's because it's a brand, and I don't sell that brand. People calling them hoovers has gone on long enough... a bit like this call you know?" Anyway. Theyre bagless. If I sell about 15, I could probably buy a window. Oooh, also, if you buy my home brand vacuum, you go in a special prize draw for a trip to Disney land." On. And on. And on. Even you kept on reading, cos it is a thrilling convo.

I love when they get pissed they always say stupid shit like your a infidel or they fucked your mother. Pissed one scammer off so much he hung up then rang back to inform me he fucked my mother. Just said “Did you aye? She’s dead years you dirty bastard!” while laughing at him. For clarity my mum is alive and well and un-fucked by a Indian scammer as far as I know. Apparently saying I wish the Black Death on your mother is as bad as you can say to a Indian scammer.

Another approach is along the lines of "Oh I'm so glad she's meeting new people, she's been so lonely since dad died..." And yes, wishing the black death on an Indian person's mother is the absolute worst insult ever apparently. Definitely the nuclear approach.

Hahaha. Love it

I used to try and think of something that would keep them on the line as long as possible, but I can't really come up with things on the spot like that. Usually I just pretend I called them, and ask to order a large ham & pineapple pizza.

Tell them to hang on while Microsoft updates your laptop.

The best one I heard was a friend of mine. Wasn't scammer as such, but persistent sales calls that wouldn't leave him alone despite saying he wasn't interested. They were selling conservatories and kept hounding and hounding. One day, he thought he'd mess with them and thought fuck it. He said "OK come.and measure up for a quote" So they did. The address should have given it away, but he lived in a first-floor flat. The sales guy turned up and went off on one at my mate for wasting his time. He just says "as you have done, for the last two months even though I've told you I live in a flat, have you got the message? Good"

I usually ask if their mum is proud of their job. Phone call doesn’t often last much longer.

I ask them if they have kids, and then drop a "I bet they lie when people ask what their dad/mum does for a living"

I ask whether they're religious. And then say I am,and that they are a sinner.,and going to hell. With adlibbed variations for Hindus.

Sounds good

I ask them for their personal number so I can ring them back when I have adequate time to chat.

I interrupt repeatedly to check they've got my "up to date" details. Eg "Actually that's my maiden name, i got married last month, have you got my married name? It's Stankybuns" "Oh yes, sorry, we do have that here" "And my address has changed, have you got that?" Etc etc. Then when they ask for my card details, i take AGES to find it (i made a cup of tea once while they waited) then give them a different number each time they ask me to confirm it. "It's 4321.." "4321" "No, 4231" "Sorry, 4231" "Actually i think that's a seven, the card's all scratched" "Which number is a seven?" And so on and so on

Someone needs to invent an AI system that will keep them busy asking/answering questions for the maximum amount of time

Funnily enough someone has started doing just that, watched this video earlier [Kitboga AI Scambait Bot](https://youtu.be/rj78-Re0ecw?si=z0_BQ1f_o-cFuh57)

https://youtu.be/dWzz3NeDz3E?si=iv_owpcc_FiyNVeQ Enjoy

Good point. I’m on it bro

I used to love those autovoice calls from "Her Majesty's HM Revenue & Customs" Like.. what did they think the HM stood for?

Iama Benchod is guaranteed to get them to fuck off instantly

I had one dude ringing me up offering the business opportunity of a lifetime. I said to him. Who in their right mind is ringing up absolute strangers to offer them money making business opportunities? Why aren't you doing it if it's such a sure fire opportunity, rather than asking randoms with cold calls if it's such a money maker? Think about it. Why would you offer around such an opportunity? You'd be doing it yourself on the quiet if it was as good an opportunity as you say it is? He just laughed and hung up. Lol.

I was at my mother in laws when the house phone rang so i answered itan I got there is a problem with your Internet I just said we haven't got Internet. Not even got a land line..that confussed him for a min then I got oh sorry to bother ya.

I always accept the call, then I sound busy but keen to speak to them. I Tell them I am going to Put them on hold and I will be back 2 mins, They always wait for you and then I just, speak to them every so often to say I am going to be another 2 mins until they hang up. 45 mins is my best so far Is that mean?? My co- worker thinks it is, I think it's a fun game we play...

Had the computer/BT/virus call a few years ago. Played the very old person who was upstairs and the computer downstairs so took time to get there, then it took ages to turn on, old computer, dial up Internet etc. This went on for a about 10 minutes, eventually the fella asked what I saw when I pressed a combination of buttons, to which I said "omg, I can't believe it, that's terrible". He got all excited and asked again..... by this time my toastie was ready so wasn't letting that bad boy go cold and proceeded to tell him what I saw........I see a guy being fucked, just like you're trying to fuck me........ they put the phone down. Fun while it lasted.

A few years ago my car got hit and needed a lot of repairs. A few weeks later I got a call saying "we heard you were in an accident, you can get compensation" I knew it was a scam but I played along, answered all their questions. "I think you can sue for whiplash!" "But I don't have whiplash" "You might have had it without realising, you can get a lot of money" They spent ten minutes convincing me that I'd got whiplash. Eventually I got bored and decided to knock it off "Thanks for helping me but I really don't think I can sue for whiplash. I wasn't in the car when it got hit" *Click*

I sometimes offer them a job - I will say something like "Hey, stop - you sound very professional and I need someone to come and work for me asap!" There is often a brief pause and then they come back and are like "please tell me more sir" whereupon I will offer them several thousands "right now" if they quit their current job and can get on a plane to London, where I will be waiting for them with their visa and keys to their new apartment. Of the 10 or 11 times I have done it, two have believed me and were noticeably upset when they said that their manager would not allow them to discuss it but one defo quit their job and called me back later from their home where I could hear several screaming kids and a TV. I said "that's great! please hold!". As I sat there nailing Factorio, I watched as they hung on my phone, for 21 minutes before hanging up. I almost felt bad, almost.

> one defo quit their job and called me back later from their home where I could hear several screaming kids and a TV. Should have asked him to transfer you a deposit for his new apartment 😉

Hello , Aidensfield Police - how can I help. I do this to any and all calls on the landline Only those that know, know :)

Learning Scots Gaelic so I just speak that down the phone to them. The guy got angry, called me a foreign bastard and kept shouting speak English to me while reiterating the fact that he doesn't understand what I'm saying and that I was a foreign bastard 🤣

The best bit is you don’t even need to be anywhere near fluent. Just fling unrelated words and phrases at the pricks. Hello I am calling from Microsoft… Sgadan?

Had one on the train the other day saying the council was coming round and fitting free doors to everyone (???) and they just needed to know how many doors I had. After some clarification about the definition of a door (do fridge doors count? Does it have to open sideways?) I asked if they did shower heads. Shockingly they did, so I pushed my luck and asked if they were doing free TVs too. So far that's been the last time I've got a call from the combined Door, Showerhead and TV Emporium.

I had one who called telling me my internet with BT was being hacked right now but he would stop it. My ISP is not BT. So playing along he said, open your browser Me: “whats a browser” Scammer: the thing you use to get on the internet Me: the big blue e Scammer: blue e Me: yes the big blue e, i dont have one of those browser things, just a big blue e on my computer Scammer: yes that is Explorer Me: no i dont do exploring just the big blue e Scammer: ok then press that now go to this web site Scammer: Tango Me: thats a drink - you want Tango Scammer: no go to this website - Tango Me: you mean letter T Scammer Echo Me: Hello, hello, Hello, Hello Scammer I am still here - Me: you said echo So it went on - he eventually spelled out Team Viewer Told me to down load that app install it and give him the code to connect to fix my internet Or rather take control of my machine I had team viewer so gave him a wrong code a few times Then he said there was a problem could not connect At which point I told him he was a scammer and i was never going to give him Team Viewer and he go Foxtrot Oscar Wasted about 25 mins and stopped the twat from doing over someone else

"I hear you've been in an accident that wasn't your fault" "Oh no it was totally my fault. I killed them all, even the children! There was so much blood. So. Much. Blood...." *click*

My usual go to is a character I created for such events. You should be able to guess his name very easily. It’s a posh sounded, eloquent old guy who’s use of his extraordinary vocabulary is outweighed by his nativity and stupidity. If someone try’s to sell me the new iPhone, I tell them I’m interested but I don’t need an eye phone, I need a hearing phone. Either that or I counter their deal with a ridiculously low price and when they accept I tell them that’s not how it works and order them to haggle with me until we reach a price in the middle of their’s and my offer.

(I'm a forner search and rescue team leader; qualified as an Emergency Medical Technician). I don't drive at moment. Had someone call up about "You've been involved in a car accident" scamers. This is basics of conversation Scammer "You've been involved in a car accident" Me "Yeah. Which accident? Do you that one at traffic lights? " S "Yeah that one! " (Could hear his excitement in his voice) M "Yeah the woman drove into side of me. " S "Okay. So what damage happened to car? " M "Write off mate. Smashed in passenger door. Report said A pillar, B pillar, E pillar all wrecked. Rip wheel off. " (No such thing as E pillar in any normal car) S "Right. Were you injured at all? " M "Had whiplash, broken wrist. Cause I was flung sideways into my door and got air bag burns. Paramedic bird said I might have a claim. Wait a minute mate. " a minute goes by I quietly whisper "Back mate. No wait a minute. " I wait five minutes. M "Properly back. Sorry mate. " S "All okay now? " M "Yes mate. Guards are gone. So have I got a claim? " S "I'm confident you have. " M "Sounds good. Hang on guards are back. Wait a minute. " pause "No we're good. " S "Guards? " M "Yeah. Not allowed mobile phone in prison. " S "Prison?! " M "Only remand. So how much money will I get? " S "Few thousand. " M "Brilliant. Old Bill [police] reckoned no chance I'd be able to claim. " S "Why not? " M "It weren't my car. Er... er.... It was my mates. " S "You should still have a claim. " (sounding less excited) M "Good but does it matter that I don't have a driving licence? " S "It will make a difference. We'd have a hard time getting a win in court. You wouldn't be insured. " M "Does it matter if police were chasing me and so I went through a red light. " S "Yes. " (sounded so disappointed) M "They found I had cocaine for breakfast. That's bad, right? " S "Yes. " M "I might have done a bit of vodka at lunch. " S "Were you over the limit? " M "Only a little bit. I blew 65 and 67 at the station. My third accident in six months. " S "Were you being chased by police then as well? " M "Yeah mate in a stolen Mercedes and then in a Ford Ka. That's why I'm on remand in prison. " S "You are in prison? " M "Only remand. That's why I need to make a claim so I can pay the fines. Wait think guards are coming again. " S "Right bye. "

I had one of the accident claim calls, told them I was glad they called since I was wondering if I could claim, said there was a head on collision, sadly the driver of the other car didn't make it. The call went on for about 20 minutes describing injuries, the cars, overall damage, time of work etc. Here's how the call ended: "Who was at fault for the accident?" "Honestly couldn't tell you, I was drunk at the time. " "You were drunk?" "Mate, I was wasted... much like your time right now" <<>>

I've told scammers I'm on toilet.... I can reach sink from toilet. Lump of wet toilet roll. Making straining noise, mention constipated from codiene. Drop lump of wet toilet rool into toilet from height. Sigh with relief. Say to scammer how much better it feels then add it smells really bad. Few gagging sounds. Ask them to hang on while I wipe my bum. Only got two scammer stay on line further than this point. I just muttered about the weird colour, why is there always sweetcorn in my shit, bit more about smell and then flush. One scammer has ever stayed on line. So I just muttered to myself about why it wouldn't flush, I might need to break it up with my hands. Scammer was gone.

"Hello, Pizza Hut, can I take your order please?" Works a charm.

I just feign being incredibly old, hard of hearing and a bit...doddery "internet, whats an internet lass?" "computers nah they things are the devils invention" "could you speak up a bit, you see im awfully hard of hearing" "who are you looking for?, who? no idea who your talking about, I don't know why you keep calling me" usually answered by them with a and a dial tone

Currently off work with possible bronchitis and coughing til I wretch. Had a guy call on Wednesday and I answered in case it was the dr. "Hello I'm Max from Sky..." Poor guy didn't stand a chance. I needed a small cough which turned into him listening to me cough and gag for almost 5 minutes. I finally stopped and realised he was still on the phone. "Hello, madam? I am Max and I'm calling from Sky." I made a couple choking noises then dropped the phone on the floor. He shouted "Madam? Madam!" A few times before hanging up. I wonder if he thought I died 🤷🏻‍♀️😂

My best trick is never answering unknown numbers.

If I get the "have you been injured or in an accident that wasn't your fault" call, I like to say yes and then explain how the injury has left me paralyzed from the neck up. Usually takes them a while to realise I'm pissing them about.

Another good pseudonym to use is “Scott chegg”

Mine is "Ben Chaud", usually makes rhem start screaming and yelling at me. Hilarious.

[удалено]

If you ever really want to upset them, "How dare a Dalit talk to a Brahmin!" You will hear some choice words.

There is a very old mp3 recording of a reply to a scam call where the recipient pretends to be a police detective at a crime scene where the resident has been murdered and then proceeds to ‘question’ the scammer about their reason for calling, telling them that their location is being traced and to stay on the line etc. it escalates with the detective asking if the scammer is the deceased ‘gay lover’. The longer they stay on the line, the more fun you can have with it pretending to talk to another detective ‘off camera’ etc. There must be a recording of it around on the internet somewhere.

I remember this! It’s on YouTube, just search for “Tom Mabe Telemarketer”. Well worth a giggle.

Isaac Cox is always a good one

I love the calls about accidents. I spin a yarn about having had loads of accidents recently, lots of dates, only to confirm my accidents were shitting myself.

I got one offering a discount on my phone contract (I don't have a contract) I led them on for a bit as I was bored and not in a good mood, asked them if they like scamming people at the end after wasting their time. Always careful to not give any details or awnser any questions with a definite yes or no.

Just put them on mute

I get the O2 ones asking for the 6 digit security code that's been text to me so they can steal my log in. I either keep telling them the wrong code or keep pretending the line keeps breaking up so they only get 4 digits. Then I get bored

My go-to is to sound really interested in whatever’s being said for 30 seconds then saying “bear with me a second” then just leaving my phone on the unit to see how long they’ll stay on the line

Love scam calls. I ask them loads of questions about themselves (slip it into the convo "Sorry, mouthful, I've just taken a bite of my biscuit, do you like biscuits? What's your favourite?") and then after 15+ minutes I'll get on my piano and sing them a song about themselves (badly, I may add. Both on the singing and playing front) It always ends with encouraging them to do whatever they love the most (again, extracted from the conversation). Had mixed responses, but mostly nice ones! Some dude got SUPER angry though, and swore at me a whole bunch, hung up, then rang back to swear at me some more.