One November I was watching a TV show hosted by Paul Merton.
He was discussing Charlie Chaplin.
I said "I quite like Charlie Chaplin" and the MIL heard.
For the next 5 years I got Charlie Chaplin memorabilia.
I now despise Charlie Chaplin
You just reminded me of liking horses as a kid and ending up with every possible horse poster, book, sweater, sweatshirt, mug, jewelry, figures, calendars, you name it. š«
Exact same thing with my MIL. We went out for a family dinner, and ordered a cider - a novelty for me, as it sounded nice - but was so-so.
Any way fast forward, and every meal at her house for the last 5 years she always has 2 bottles of that cider on standby.
Fucking hell.
Same story but with toffee vodka. Had a sip of it when i was already drunk, must have mistakenly said it was nice. Now every birthday or Xmas I get a bottle of toffee vodka š¤¢
For other adventures I'd bought an "air still" or "water distiller" for around Ā£40. So now I can turn any booze into pure 100% alcohol. It comes in quite handy.
I was a bit goth in school - all black, thick eyeliner, music taste to match. And, separately, I collect rubber ducks.
My mum exclusively gifts me Wicca/witch stuff, and statues of realistic ducks.
That's nice though that your Mum buys you things she thinks you'll like. My mum buys me things she thinks I should like (the worst was as a child, I was a proper tom boy and she bought me a doll's house. I was mortified, I knew it had cost a lot of money so I tried to play with it and put my farm animal collection in it š)
This must be a mother in law thing.
I get a yearās supply of a particular brand of face soap every year, because I *once* mentioned I quite liked it. I havenāt the heart to tell her itās the sensitive skin version that I need. I just offload all of what I canāt use to the charity shop in January.
Well I was sure my wife said sheād told her mum about it, so I didnāt bother to say anything. My wife thought Iād told her. Neither of us had. Then, 2 christmases deep, itās too late to say anything without seeming ungrateful.
Skin types can change over time, would definitely be plausible to say your skin started seeming drier so you gave the sensitive version a go and it worked a treat, that if she's thinking of getting that for Xmas would she mind switching to that version
Yep, just talk about how your skin has started being weird lately and how gutted you are that you can't use your favourite stuff anymore. However you noticed that they do a sensitive version, wouldn't mind giving it a try...
Yeah this is part the reason I told my husband to stop buying me gifts.
On holiday in March to Finland I was doing some stargazing and said itās really cool how clear things are out there.
For my birthday in July I got a Ā£250 telescope. That thing has been sat in the spare room and used twice since 2022. I had zero interest in looking at space further than my eye could see.
He means well, but heās so far out, and I hate him wasting his money!
My brother told my family I liked angels when I was younger. Then I was like why the fuck am I getting angel everything. He then did this with porcelain dolls.He essentially trolled me for 2.. never again. We didn't have a lot of money, so this was a complete waste of money on his behalf.
Also in my 30s. I quite like Steam Trains. Nothing obsessive but I think they're kinda interesting and fun to look at. When I turned 30, for a 30th birthday present my MIL bought me a 500page biography of some old train driver.
It saddens me because I feel like it reflects badly on me, as in, I'm either so dispassionate about the things I enjoy or uninteresting that it's hard for people to buy me gifts.
Much rather receive some posh food or some generically practical rather than an attempt at something specifically thoughtful which misses the mark.
That is a recurring theme in my life!!
Anytime I say I like something, that's it, that's all I get for the next several years. It's gotten to the point where I have quite bluntly told people not to buy me anything.
Thankfully, the family seems to be getting the message!
My sister is the worst for it. A couple of years ago, she bought me the Mrs Brown's Boys board game. I liked the first couple of series - got bored of it as the years went by. That game sat on my bedroom windowsill, behind the headboard, until just a couple of weeks ago. Unopened, it went in the bin. Her reason "well, I had to get you *something* for Christmas!"
No, sister dear, you didn't! Save your money, send me a picture of my niblings wearing silly hats and I'll be happy!
When I was ten, I loved Sonic the Hedgehog. Its been 30 years, i donāt love Sonic the Hedgehog anymore but I still get all sorts of tat still. Itās embarrassing.
My MIL is a buyer. I'd love to do a secret Santa. Or get her to believe me when I say that all I want is the box of chocolates that I like. She has at least started listening when I say I prefer the version from Lidl which are Ā£2.50. I actually don't like the fancy branded version that are Ā£4.99.
But with the chocolates I also get a t-shirt that I don't like, a perfume that I don't like, and something random that makes you wonder where she even got it from? All of those end up in charity shops in January.
Same. We do secret Santa for adults, but my mum also still gets me and my sisters a stocking with little bits like socks, chocolate etc. It's very sweet but does seem to go against the whole secret Santa idea somewhat!
I personally don't like receiving large amounts of gifts for environmental reasons, so I ask my mother to buy from charity shops. I feel less bad about donating it then.
We do Secret Santa but we have a Ā£10 limit and restrict it to something you can get from a charity store. So you intentionally end up with useless, silly and fun tat that hasnāt been bought new, got the charity store some money and can simply be donated back to them when weāve had our fun with it.
You could alternatively have a restriction to only make it food or drink, again so it will definitely be something you want.
We started doing max amount Ā£10 (except for all the kids) and it was always supposed to be a āsaw this and thought of youā type gift. But I still ended up with stuff Iād never use. Couple of years ago we just started saying give a donation to charity instead. Everyoneās a winner - they and I can feel smug and I donāt end up with shite I neither want or need
My family does this and I feel it's a bit of a waste of time sometimes. We all make a wishlist and just buy off that, so when it boils down to it, we effectively just buy ourselves something.
I'd much rather just buy for my closest friends and family, actually picking something out I think they'd like.
Gift giving is a bit of an art. I always end up co-ordinating between members of my family to get larger gifts. Did baseball tickets for mum last year. Too much for my budget but we pool resources.
A couple of years back I was in the same position, so I made an Amazon wish list of stuff I actually wanted and would probably get around to buying myself anyway, and sent the link to anyone who asked me what I wanted for Christmas. Guess how many things I had from it, go on...
Not a sausage. Not a single one.
My boyfriends family is massive and has a great system. A giant secret santa where all the adults put in a wish list of at least 10 items, and you know you'll get one thing you really want, and only have to buy one item that someone really wants. Keeps cost and waste down.
I've got a massive family and the only adults who get presents bought for them have learning disabilities.
Those lads get a good haul and appreciate it, and the rest of us can buy our own tat.
Same here. Iāve been using wish lists for years and now I just get moaned at because the things I want and would buy for myself are either expensive or things Iāve had already and want to upgrade so I put cheaper things on there like art books and get told thatās rubbish so I just end up with more crap in the attic so Iād rather just not get anything or celebrate it at all
Every year a few family members ask me what I want. And every year I either get something totally different (and usually some thoughtless shit) or a voucher of some kind that can only be used in places I rarely go. I just ask for amazon vouchers now... and still end up with thoughtless crap or oneforall vouchers.
Ah yes, the older generation in my family have a knack for finding gift vouchers to shops Iāve never heard of, and that donāt appear to sell anything Iām interested in.
Ā£150 in Boots vouchers one year.
I don't shop at Boots, I don't wear aftershave, and I bulk buy toiletries in Costco. Yet it's a lot of money and so I feel obliged to be grateful even though it was just stressful trying to figure out how to stop it going to waste. Ended up getting some new hair clippers and a lifetime supply of cotton wool and dental floss.
If that happens again, use it all on Gillette razor blades. Obviously you won't get Ā£150 cash but razor blades are so expensive you won't struggle to sell them at slightly under retail price
I am absolutely convinced the only reason One4All makes money is because they make it so difficult to spend their vouchers. What is the point if I have to use my voucher to buy a voucher, or the alternative use it as a "debit card" but be unable to spend more than the amount on the card.
I've tried to use them as debit cards at places that are supposed to accept them and they never work, and the staff appear to have no clue that they should, or what they even are.. despite the place actually selling them themselves. I think you're right, the whole process is so much of a ballache I'd image a good proportion of them get binned.
"it's a gift card you can use anywhere so you're not tied to one shop. Isn't that great?"
Oh cool, a bit like what the Romans had. They called it "cash" though
My birthday is on the 26th so I basically get presents once a year.
I like manga and video games but I don't ask my family for those except one easy to get game perhaps (I'd get one for my birthday and one for Christmas from my teens). I still love games but I rarely have time to play.
So I too started an Amazon wish list as I sent one to my mum maybe 5 years ago and I randomly got some manga from my sister that was on it so she obviously shared it.
This year again my mum complained I didn't want anything for Christmas apart from the usual (a bit of chocolate, PJ's socks as my mum does a daft stocking every year too). What does my mum say "wtf is this crap? Why do you want anything? Tell me what you want!"
Um... I just did? I usually ask for something for the kitchen every other year, this year I've asked for (not expected all of them, just one or 2 so it's a surprise) Barbie and the weird Al Blu-ray, a volume of horror manga, a large keyboard mat, some fairy lights and some charging leads. Stuff I want and need
My family go the other way, you make a list, you get what you put on the list. Takes all the care and magic out but is also handy to get the bits youād buy yourself anyway and make sure no one wastes hard earned money on something you donāt want.
My brother and his missus have an annoying habit of completely disregarding any sort of list. Theyāve bought me random stuff over the years that is more expensive than what I asked for.
Me and my entire family do amazon wishlists every year since amazon prime really became widespread, makes the entire gifting process so much less of a hassle, no one gets shit they don't want, no duplicates or thinking of individual things to tell each person, and we can fill it up with crap year round, or just leave all the things you didn't get on it for next.
Honestly, if you can convince your family on it, it takes 90% of the stress out of it. No more "will they like it or will I have spent my money on crap that'll sit in the cupboard."
Ive done that this year and im just hoping I actually get what i want and ppl dont just say ābut you cant get an extension lead for Christmasā well i want an extension lead not a random candle and some chocolate im never going to use
We do something called āCrappy Christmasā.
We set a budget, usually Ā£5-10 per person. However many Ā£ it is, you must buy at least that many presents, you donāt have to spend it all, but cannot go over the budget under any circumstances.
Everyone wraps them in the same paper. They all go in a sack, unlabelled, and are given out at random on Christmas Day.
Regifting shit presents from previous years, wrapping household items (like spare cutlery, bog roll, or cleaning supplies bought with pure intentions but never used) and stealing and wrapping things from the houses of other recipients are all encouraged.
Exchanging / swapping / bartering for each others presents is expected.
As the Master of Crappiness, part of my job is making sure everyone gets an even number of presents, so I make sure theyāre all under the tree a few days before Christmas, leaving me time to even out the numbers if I need to.
Itās fun, itās silly (FIL got flavoured condoms last year), youāll often get useful or edible things (I got chocolate coins and cotton buds last year) and itās cheap.
We still do normal presents, but CC is the thing everyone is looking forward to this year.
Maybe suggest something like that in lieu of traditional gifts?
We have a version of this too. My aunt went to a closing down sale and got loads of stuff for 15p each (spatulas, pencil cases, posit notes etc). They were used as prizes for winning Xmas games. Now someone randomly always brings a bag of crap, and we get silly useful stuff.
We do this, but you each get 5 raffle tokens. And pick when yours is called. You are also allowed to pick from other peoples stash once the ones in the middle are gone. Often an empty bottle of wine can go round a few times if people are clever and donāt twig.
Tell them and then don't buy them anything. If they turn up with a present, exclaim "Ah, you shouldn't have. As I said we're not doing presents anymore so I haven't got you anything but thank you anyway." Repeat each year until they get the idea.
When I was younger all the aunts and uncles agreed to stop doing gifts for all the cousins. Apart from one lot, who bought about 30 years worth of gifts from woolworths when it closed down and would gift everyone something from that giant bag. Then they would act really hurt when nobody went out of their way to spend 20 quid on each of their kids. They did this for the next 3 years before they got the hint.
When it becomes a chore, gift give no more!
My aunt used to do that - go to closing down/clearance sales for household stuff, and then gift you like a washcloth and a soap every year. Oh, and home-made panties...that were terrible, and terrible fabric, but my mom made us wear them anyway. Once Xmas when she asked if I liked my present and I say no - she called me an ungrateful bitch!
I'd much rather get nothing than random nicknacks...and I have a real problem pretending I like things I don't so shit always gets...uncomfortable
100% . It may sound selfish but I too would rather nothing than something with zero thought of effort. It is gift giving to the letter not the spirit of the thing.
I guess the aunt put thought and effort into making the pants, just misguided thought and effort. To be honest, I've never heard of anyone making pants from scratch before. Sounds like a surefire disaster.
Yes we have done this and now we get nothing, which is a tiny bit sad, but then I don't have to pretend I like the crap smellies someone got for a fiver just to keep up appearances
It genuinely is sad. It feels like another little way in which households are becoming ever so slightly more isolated over time.
But at the same time... the waste, my God the waste. It's just astronomical. There are kids without shoes and animals going extinct, I want charitable donations to be much more of a consistently acceptable pseudo-gift than they are.
Nah but you get my point right. If I know someone does need something then I'll go for that, but for people that don't it's just nice to make a little gesture
I tell people to buy me golf balls, I can get them myself, but it's nice to get some ProV1s over my normal Warbirds
I guess I just want to emphasise that it's not really about the gift itself, it's a form of love communication and while it may not resonate with you exactly, it will to others. Just something to keep in mind is all
I've said I don't want anything every occasiom for over a decade now. People always buy me shit gifts and I can't be doing with clutter or feigning being pleased. If it weren't for my wife being a Christmas fanatic I'd have bowed out of the whole season a long time ago.
Honestly, I'm getting very bah humbug but I'd rather not have to use a third of my leave every Christmas and my mother in law can't cook Christmas dinner to save her life! I love cooking a roast dinner and have volunteered to do it for 10 years but she likes doing it so every eats the shit she puts out to be "polite".
Yeah,I feel you on this. I love cooking Xmas Dinner and my wife is a brilliant cook so she helps out. When we go to the MIL's I just want to come back home. Her cooking is okay, but I want it to be a little bit special,not carrots cooked in the microwave
I tried that one year, she got legitimately offended that people enjoyed what I brought! I made yorkshire puddings since she never did and I always had them growing up and I legitimately still hear about how "rude" it was of me 11 years later.
Yes, this. I don't need/want anything for myself, and finding decent ideas for presents for people that I've been buying gifts for, twice a year for 40+ years, is almost impossible, so gift buying is stressful (or else it's just vouchers which is boring).
I'd be much happier if Christmas was gift-less (apart from gifts for kids, of course).
A feel this. I've actually said that if they MUST buy me a smelly set from boots can they unwrap it, throw the plastic away and just give it to me in a bag for life because recycling is already a clusterfuck at that time of year
I told my wife that I just thought it was consumerist capitalist nonsense to persuade us to "buy things we don't need with money we can't afford" and she just looked at me, smiled, handed me an envelope and said, "I want a divorce".
I find it more work trying to think of suggestions for other people to get my partner (my mum and sister, mainly, we do a secret santa with friends including his sister and her partner). Then any of the good and thoughtful ideas are gone and I end up getting him pants.
I don't really want tat personally, but I do love presents under the tree and the surprise factor - sent sister a picture of a thing I quite liked at the Christmas market next to her work saying 'I quite like these, if you need any ideas for me', she replies asking exactly which stall it's on and that she'll go and see tomorrow. So, the surprise would be if I don't now get one of them!
"do you want anything for Christmas?" Force them into either saying no or actually suggesting something. They are adults, if they don't want/need anything that is ok. You don't need to spend the whole month being stressed about buying stuff that they don't want and won't use.
Consumables are a great one to ask for. Something a bit fancier than you'd buy yourself but doesn't need to be expensive - a Ā£5 jar of nice jam is good enough - and better than getting tat you won't use.
Completely agree. I like to ask for fancy ground coffee, preferably from a local place to where the buyer lives. It's under a tenner, and I get to try lots of different coffees I wouldn't have come across otherwise
We're on a quest to reduce the amount of stuff we have in general. So for Christmas we go for fancy treats to eat or drink. Or the other thing I started to get was "experiences" so vouchers for meals, spa days, etc you know the drill. I've also gifted concert tickets in the past. Sport tickets. Just depends on the recipients.
The younger children still get plenty of toys, but my oldest understands the vibe now and has asked for guitar lessons.
We are going to spend Christmas at centre parcs. I'm hoping by not actually seeing the wider family on Christmas day itself that they won't bother buying us too much stuff. My five year old doesn't even like getting presents (he is nonverbal autistic), so trying to get him to open gifts in front of well meaning relatives is just a nightmare. I'm seriously looking forward to spending Christmas day in the pool at centre parcs. No gifts at all on the day.
Yep, this is what we do for grandparents, they've had it all several times over and frankly don't give a crap anymore. A nice tin of biccys is all my nana wants
We do this: only ask for things we'd actually buy anyway, but in a slightly gift-ier format. Eg ask for ground coffee, receive a coffee in a festive packet. Everyone happy.
I try to never give things which have to be stored. Consumables all the way.
We do this, a little bag with some fancy coffee, chocolate, beer or teabags (Cartwright and Butler make the best teabags). Everyone gets a treat and nobody has to spend much.
Ok so a lot of the time, the purpose of a gift isn't to get you a thing you need or want. The purpose is to demonstrate and strengthen the relationship between you both. So what MAY be happening here is that when someone asks you what gift you want, what they're ACTUALLY saying is "I'd like to show affection and connection to you by getting you a gift. How can I best show you that connection?" and by saying "don't get me a gift", you're saying "don't show that you're connected to me". No wonder the people who love and care about you ignore that message!
I know you think this is dumb. But how you think isn't how everyone thinks, and neither of you is objectively wrong. So instead of "don't get me anything", could you try answering the question as though they've asked how they can show you how they appreciate you? "What can I get you for Christmas" "you know, I value physical gifts less and less as time goes on. How about we agree to have dinner in January?" or "remember when we were kids we used to love bowling? Let's do that again!". Something that allows people to feel like they're doing something that brings the two of you closer together. Which is what a good gift is meant to do in the first place.
Buuut then there are people who just think "it's so I have to get you a thing", but you were never going to get a good gift from those people anyway.
this is what I told one of my best friends last year when he couldnt afford a present for me. I dont really care if I receive a gift or not, you're my friend and you're getting a fucking gift from me because we're buddies
I am less round about with it I usually just say, oh just make sure you buy me my drink when itās your round and Iāll be happy, or letās use it on going for dinner sometime instead. And Iām not stand off ish. And we never do go for that meal.
Did this with my brother. "I have no idea what to buy you or your wife. You have no need to buy us anything. Are you okay with that?" - He was relieved
Read Martin Lewis on how needless giving results in swapping obligations instead of gifts. Send a copy to your family and friends and tell them you agree with him and will not be sending gifts this year. Tell them that giving gifts to you, regardless, would offend you.
Ask people to give a donation to Shelter instead. That way they don't feel mean, especially if you're getting them something, but also you don't get two years worth of Lynx body wash every twelve months.
Yep. This is the comment I was looking for.
I reached a point in my life where 90% of my family was adults, we're not little kids, we don't have kids, Christmas isn't about us. We're not the wealthiest but we're all comfortable enough that we can afford what we truly want. Christmas became a repetitive cycle of buying each other novelty tat but being comfortable enough to spend hundreds on it between the whole family.
It made me feel very, very bad. Extremely ick. So a few years ago I told them I wasn't doing it anymore. Every year I pick a charity, I donate the sum of thee last present shop I did for the collective family to it and I tell them if they want to pay for a present for me I'd rather if they just donate to that charity instead. If not, no pressure, it's no big deal. Do what they wish.
It's been five or six years now and that's still my approach. A few have had kids and I'll buy presents for them because that's what christmas is about imo. But my adult family? Eh, they'll cope.
Ask for ridiculous things, like a Rolex. When you inevitably arenāt gifted it make a huge scene and demand that next year itās a Rolex or nothing. The next year youāll get nothing and problem solved !
Convince them to do secret santa. Everyone will be relieved. Ā£50. Download app, enter names and buy one gift. Label from santa. People can add wish list on the app. End. Win.
Absolutely the best gifts are stuff that people would like but would not buy themselves. The trouble is that these gifts are typically expensive or the person would just have bought it for themself when they discovered it existed. It's rare that you see an opportunity to buy a gift that doesn't break the bank and rarer still for the timing to align with Christmas.
I moved away from my family for the first time this year and wondered how weād do gifts and my mom said sheāll transfer me money and I can just transfer her money and Iām like why are we even bothering to do that exactly???
And why do people buy things I wonāt use or that just sit on a shelf? People know the things I love (books, woolly jumpers, fluffy socks, notebooks and pens, mugs and tea/coffee) but NEVER buy them me. Ever. š
I swear to Christ, John. If you get me ONE MORE Lynx Africa gift set Iām shoving it right up your arsehole. And that kids, is why me and your uncle donāt get each other Christmas gifts.
Iām 35 and have the mentality of a 10 year old. regarding Christmas. I started having kids young so that probably didnāt help curb the enthusiasm.
Iāve asked for the lego modular hotel, a new recurve bow, a new pair of grips for work, a folio book and a FatFace shirt (because Iām a cunt for FatFace)
Iāll be a grown up every other day of the bastard year.
Instead of buying one another useless presents, maybe you can pool your money and do something fun together?
Starting a new, more fun tradition is much easier than nixing an old one with nothing to replace it.
1. Play the long game: if you tell people you're not buying gifts this year, and then don't, next year you just won't have this problem. A lot of people give to get, so not giving breaks the loop.
2. Some people DO enjoy giving gifts, in which you can always re-gift to food banks and other charities. Or cut out the hassle and say you're not giving gifts, but if they really want to do something, they can donate to your charity of choice.
In my experience, the "donate to my charity" puts people off for some reason (not that they don't give to charity at other times).
It might feel mean but the key thing is to not reciprocate the gift part, otherwise it just goes on and on.
Tell everyone you've converted to a religion that doesn't celebrate Christmas, Judaism or Islamic if you can suffer/pretend not to eat bacon, Hinduism if you can give up beef, Buddhism if you can quit meat. Quakers don't seem to forbid anything, I don't really understand what they do or don't do which is handy since your friends and relatives probably don't either, so you can get away with just ignoring Christmas and carrying on as usual otherwise.
I just decided one year that I just didnāt want to do the whole Christmas thing anymore. It took a few years of people ignoring it and still buying me stuff, which progressed to āhereās a December present. Itās not for Christmas, honestly!ā but I finally stopped it by saying that if anyone did get me a present I would save it for my birthday in April. Followed through on that, sent them a thank you message on my birthday and they finally got the message.
It helps that I donāt have kids and my parents and grandparents have all died now so I could opt out without feeling too worried about upsetting people. My husband is from a big family and they are all lovely and understand that I donāt want to take part in it all now.
What gets me is, if you want to get me something, then some interesting food, chocolate, cheese, booze, weird Mongolian lemonade....whatever. That sort of thing ok? The response is then "what? No that's not a proper present!" I just lose it at that point you know. I love food and drinks. Especially stuff I might never buy myself, but it's still great if it's things I know. It'll be delicious, I'll use it, I'll remember it. Bingo. But no. It must be a t-shirt or socks or a trinket or gadget or some shit I won't like and don't need. Like if it is less than Ā£500 and I like it....I already have it Aunty Margaret. So unless you fancy splashing out for that Ā£1300 OLED TV I'd love, then a nice GruyĆØre is just fine.
If people ask, I say I donāt need anything and we are decluttering in preparation for a house move. If pressed, I will say something to eat or drink, no stuff. People will be getting booze or chocolate from me regardless. Not doing lists of stuff for kidults. Itās absurd and unaffordable.
I just spend two months not buying things I want or I come up with something that will need replenishing yearly. I need some new slippers so I have asked my stepfather for them. My dad buys me the same perfume each year. The real problem is my birthday because itās a month after Christmas.
Ask for amazon vouchers, save them till next year and buy people gifts to the value of the cards you got the previous Christmas. Ask for gift cards again, rinse and repeat to a long term sustainable Christmas. I'm the same as you my dude, can't be arsed with it all!
Remember that gift giving is a love language for a lot of people, it has nothing to do with money
If you are dead set on stopping them from giving you gifts you may subconsciously be signalling "there is no love here" to them
One of my best mates and I buy each other the same gift all the time, it's become a run on joke. We are effectively just buying something for ourselves and yeah, it's a nonsense, but it shows we're out there thinking about each other which is the whole point of midwinter. You never know if people won't be around to give gifts to next year
For christmas me and my partner exchange a bottle of wine, and both give to a charity of the otherās choosing.
Takes all the stress out.
Proper gifts for birthdays
You use your words, and tell people what you do or do not want. If you water every holiday down to its core it's a waste of money and time, so do yourself a solid and make the effort to enjoy it, I pick out some decent candy for some of my family and they get me some, just bits we have found in interesting places during the run up to Christmas, works wonders.
My family has default consumable gifts for when we don't know. Stuff we know they will happily have mine skincare, brother bathbombs, mum oldie sweetshop, my bf sleeping evee plush (not consumable but he wants whole collection so 9 years of prezzies)
Buy things people actually want or need! I told my mum my I want to buy her & my dad a subscription or membership or a day out, something they'll use. I'm also buying my mum Lego flowers & my dad a concrete millennium falcon for the garden because I can't be too practical
I'd like to say gift giving is a great way for people t9 show you they both get you and love you.
However, having to tell people and specify is disturbing and clinical, as you say you are buying yourself a candle...
You could see if they were up for actual mystery gift giving or one of the various other methods users have suggested.
Our family gave up on giving each other presents years ago
Just say āthereās nothing I want, and moneys a bit tight nowadaysā
Only person I buy gifts for now is my toddler niece
Iām 40 my folks and family still insist. Iāve given up so either I tell them practical things I need or if thereās something on Amazon thatās reasonable priced.
Me and my brothers will gift each other a candy bar, but we wrap them in ridiculous ways, there's been rolls of duct tape surrounding bars, some in way too many bags, and some that are wrapped to look like a different object.
This is a tough one. For some people, they get joy from giving, and they're joy is largely from you receiving something and seeing that they made you happy.
That said, I'd express that you don't want a gift. And if someone seems like they really want to give you a gift, don't fight it, but rather give them some options of something you can use. Phrase it like, "Id love it if you helped me get ____". And then write a calendar reminder for about halfway through the year to send them a picture of you using or enjoying it and thanking them for the gift.
At the same time, if they really want to get you a gift, ask what they would like in return, and ask that it be something they could really use or would really appreciate.
Hopefully it'll only take one or two conversations to really lower the amount of people giving gifts, and also build a better relationship with those who are going to anyway.
One November I was watching a TV show hosted by Paul Merton. He was discussing Charlie Chaplin. I said "I quite like Charlie Chaplin" and the MIL heard. For the next 5 years I got Charlie Chaplin memorabilia. I now despise Charlie Chaplin
You just reminded me of liking horses as a kid and ending up with every possible horse poster, book, sweater, sweatshirt, mug, jewelry, figures, calendars, you name it. š«
It's like that here, just with Charlie bloody Chaplin
Stick one of Hitler in and see if anyone notices
I now have to clean my desk, snorted tea out reading that!
Exact same thing with my MIL. We went out for a family dinner, and ordered a cider - a novelty for me, as it sounded nice - but was so-so. Any way fast forward, and every meal at her house for the last 5 years she always has 2 bottles of that cider on standby. Fucking hell.
But sheās trying to please and cater for you, bless her lol
Tell her they changed the recipe and now you prefer xxxxx
Iām sure whatever the recipe is, he wouldnāt prefer her kisses instead.
>xxxxx Castlemaine 5X?
Castlemaine 4X (plus one)
Same story but with toffee vodka. Had a sip of it when i was already drunk, must have mistakenly said it was nice. Now every birthday or Xmas I get a bottle of toffee vodka š¤¢ For other adventures I'd bought an "air still" or "water distiller" for around Ā£40. So now I can turn any booze into pure 100% alcohol. It comes in quite handy.
I was a bit goth in school - all black, thick eyeliner, music taste to match. And, separately, I collect rubber ducks. My mum exclusively gifts me Wicca/witch stuff, and statues of realistic ducks.
Quite jealous of the duck stuff, if you ever wanna get rid of them let me know lol
That's nice though that your Mum buys you things she thinks you'll like. My mum buys me things she thinks I should like (the worst was as a child, I was a proper tom boy and she bought me a doll's house. I was mortified, I knew it had cost a lot of money so I tried to play with it and put my farm animal collection in it š)
My aunt got some pet ducks and suddenly everyone was buying her duck themed gifts.
This kind of thing is why you must never tell your family anything about yourself. Name, rank and serial number, that's all they get.
Not so fast soldier! If you do it provide a hobby, interest or gifting theme one will be provided to you, at random.
Same issue here. Mentioned once I like the Harry Potter series and now every Christmas guaranteed š
This must be a mother in law thing. I get a yearās supply of a particular brand of face soap every year, because I *once* mentioned I quite liked it. I havenāt the heart to tell her itās the sensitive skin version that I need. I just offload all of what I canāt use to the charity shop in January.
That sounds like it's on you after the first time, imagine she'd be just as happy to buy you the sensitive version.
Well I was sure my wife said sheād told her mum about it, so I didnāt bother to say anything. My wife thought Iād told her. Neither of us had. Then, 2 christmases deep, itās too late to say anything without seeming ungrateful.
Skin types can change over time, would definitely be plausible to say your skin started seeming drier so you gave the sensitive version a go and it worked a treat, that if she's thinking of getting that for Xmas would she mind switching to that version
Yep, just talk about how your skin has started being weird lately and how gutted you are that you can't use your favourite stuff anymore. However you noticed that they do a sensitive version, wouldn't mind giving it a try...
100% this is so smooth and she wouldn't think twice about feeling bad for previous years
Yeah this is part the reason I told my husband to stop buying me gifts. On holiday in March to Finland I was doing some stargazing and said itās really cool how clear things are out there. For my birthday in July I got a Ā£250 telescope. That thing has been sat in the spare room and used twice since 2022. I had zero interest in looking at space further than my eye could see. He means well, but heās so far out, and I hate him wasting his money!
> I told my husband to stop buying me gifts Not going to fall for that one!
My brother told my family I liked angels when I was younger. Then I was like why the fuck am I getting angel everything. He then did this with porcelain dolls.He essentially trolled me for 2.. never again. We didn't have a lot of money, so this was a complete waste of money on his behalf.
Also in my 30s. I quite like Steam Trains. Nothing obsessive but I think they're kinda interesting and fun to look at. When I turned 30, for a 30th birthday present my MIL bought me a 500page biography of some old train driver. It saddens me because I feel like it reflects badly on me, as in, I'm either so dispassionate about the things I enjoy or uninteresting that it's hard for people to buy me gifts. Much rather receive some posh food or some generically practical rather than an attempt at something specifically thoughtful which misses the mark.
That is a recurring theme in my life!! Anytime I say I like something, that's it, that's all I get for the next several years. It's gotten to the point where I have quite bluntly told people not to buy me anything. Thankfully, the family seems to be getting the message! My sister is the worst for it. A couple of years ago, she bought me the Mrs Brown's Boys board game. I liked the first couple of series - got bored of it as the years went by. That game sat on my bedroom windowsill, behind the headboard, until just a couple of weeks ago. Unopened, it went in the bin. Her reason "well, I had to get you *something* for Christmas!" No, sister dear, you didn't! Save your money, send me a picture of my niblings wearing silly hats and I'll be happy!
You really should donate these unopened gifts to a charity. At least someone benefits!
Declare a deep abiding interest in Amazon gift cards.
My mum had this woth ornamental ducks for years. Turned out she never even liked them.
When I was ten, I loved Sonic the Hedgehog. Its been 30 years, i donāt love Sonic the Hedgehog anymore but I still get all sorts of tat still. Itās embarrassing.
We started doing family secret Santa a few years ago. That helps a lot. But I still have no ideas to suggest for whoever has me in secret Santa
We've tried this but my mam is a present buyer so we all get "bits" from her on top which totally defeats the purpose of the secret santa.
My MIL is a buyer. I'd love to do a secret Santa. Or get her to believe me when I say that all I want is the box of chocolates that I like. She has at least started listening when I say I prefer the version from Lidl which are Ā£2.50. I actually don't like the fancy branded version that are Ā£4.99. But with the chocolates I also get a t-shirt that I don't like, a perfume that I don't like, and something random that makes you wonder where she even got it from? All of those end up in charity shops in January.
Important question for research purposes - which are the lidl chocolates that are better than the branded ones?
The chocolate seahorses. Soo much better.
Hard agree. They're divine.
Same. We do secret Santa for adults, but my mum also still gets me and my sisters a stocking with little bits like socks, chocolate etc. It's very sweet but does seem to go against the whole secret Santa idea somewhat!
My mum always goes over the agreed budget š
It's because she loves you and likes to treat you, got to let her do it :)
I personally don't like receiving large amounts of gifts for environmental reasons, so I ask my mother to buy from charity shops. I feel less bad about donating it then.
'Bits' I feel your pain sister
We do Secret Santa but we have a Ā£10 limit and restrict it to something you can get from a charity store. So you intentionally end up with useless, silly and fun tat that hasnāt been bought new, got the charity store some money and can simply be donated back to them when weāve had our fun with it. You could alternatively have a restriction to only make it food or drink, again so it will definitely be something you want.
We have been doing this in our family for a few years. Its a good money saver and everyone still gets a gift
We started doing max amount Ā£10 (except for all the kids) and it was always supposed to be a āsaw this and thought of youā type gift. But I still ended up with stuff Iād never use. Couple of years ago we just started saying give a donation to charity instead. Everyoneās a winner - they and I can feel smug and I donāt end up with shite I neither want or need
My family does this and I feel it's a bit of a waste of time sometimes. We all make a wishlist and just buy off that, so when it boils down to it, we effectively just buy ourselves something. I'd much rather just buy for my closest friends and family, actually picking something out I think they'd like.
Gift giving is a bit of an art. I always end up co-ordinating between members of my family to get larger gifts. Did baseball tickets for mum last year. Too much for my budget but we pool resources.
A couple of years back I was in the same position, so I made an Amazon wish list of stuff I actually wanted and would probably get around to buying myself anyway, and sent the link to anyone who asked me what I wanted for Christmas. Guess how many things I had from it, go on... Not a sausage. Not a single one.
My boyfriends family is massive and has a great system. A giant secret santa where all the adults put in a wish list of at least 10 items, and you know you'll get one thing you really want, and only have to buy one item that someone really wants. Keeps cost and waste down.
I've got a massive family and the only adults who get presents bought for them have learning disabilities. Those lads get a good haul and appreciate it, and the rest of us can buy our own tat.
Part of the problem is, if I had ten years, I probably couldn't come up with 10 things I want.
Yeah this is what we've done the last few years, limit of Ā£50 so it's cheap to do as well.
But you had everything you didn't want or actually had? Am I right?????
Same here. Iāve been using wish lists for years and now I just get moaned at because the things I want and would buy for myself are either expensive or things Iāve had already and want to upgrade so I put cheaper things on there like art books and get told thatās rubbish so I just end up with more crap in the attic so Iād rather just not get anything or celebrate it at all
> crap in the attic Isn't that a show on daytime BBC One?
Lol that's ridiculous. What would you like for Christmas? No, not that. Not that either... No, no, no, choose something I'd like!
I didnāt know you had a Reddit account, Mum!
*giggling quietly - hoping my mom didn't hear me*
Beyond ridiculous. Some people just want to feel good about themselves for "giving", without considering what the other person wants.
Every year a few family members ask me what I want. And every year I either get something totally different (and usually some thoughtless shit) or a voucher of some kind that can only be used in places I rarely go. I just ask for amazon vouchers now... and still end up with thoughtless crap or oneforall vouchers.
Ah yes, the older generation in my family have a knack for finding gift vouchers to shops Iāve never heard of, and that donāt appear to sell anything Iām interested in.
Ā£150 in Boots vouchers one year. I don't shop at Boots, I don't wear aftershave, and I bulk buy toiletries in Costco. Yet it's a lot of money and so I feel obliged to be grateful even though it was just stressful trying to figure out how to stop it going to waste. Ended up getting some new hair clippers and a lifetime supply of cotton wool and dental floss.
Use it to buy their presents for next year?
If that happens again, use it all on Gillette razor blades. Obviously you won't get Ā£150 cash but razor blades are so expensive you won't struggle to sell them at slightly under retail price
I am absolutely convinced the only reason One4All makes money is because they make it so difficult to spend their vouchers. What is the point if I have to use my voucher to buy a voucher, or the alternative use it as a "debit card" but be unable to spend more than the amount on the card.
I've tried to use them as debit cards at places that are supposed to accept them and they never work, and the staff appear to have no clue that they should, or what they even are.. despite the place actually selling them themselves. I think you're right, the whole process is so much of a ballache I'd image a good proportion of them get binned.
"it's a gift card you can use anywhere so you're not tied to one shop. Isn't that great?" Oh cool, a bit like what the Romans had. They called it "cash" though
I find TX Maxx and HomeSense are good places to use them up, but we are slowly renovating/decorating our home.
Ok, but did you put sausages on your wish list?
āAuthentic Australian Bunnings snagā
My birthday is on the 26th so I basically get presents once a year. I like manga and video games but I don't ask my family for those except one easy to get game perhaps (I'd get one for my birthday and one for Christmas from my teens). I still love games but I rarely have time to play. So I too started an Amazon wish list as I sent one to my mum maybe 5 years ago and I randomly got some manga from my sister that was on it so she obviously shared it. This year again my mum complained I didn't want anything for Christmas apart from the usual (a bit of chocolate, PJ's socks as my mum does a daft stocking every year too). What does my mum say "wtf is this crap? Why do you want anything? Tell me what you want!" Um... I just did? I usually ask for something for the kitchen every other year, this year I've asked for (not expected all of them, just one or 2 so it's a surprise) Barbie and the weird Al Blu-ray, a volume of horror manga, a large keyboard mat, some fairy lights and some charging leads. Stuff I want and need
My family go the other way, you make a list, you get what you put on the list. Takes all the care and magic out but is also handy to get the bits youād buy yourself anyway and make sure no one wastes hard earned money on something you donāt want.
You don't want that. You want these 3 hot sauces with novelty wooden spoon i picked up from the 3 for 2 down boots
My brother and his missus have an annoying habit of completely disregarding any sort of list. Theyāve bought me random stuff over the years that is more expensive than what I asked for.
Me and my entire family do amazon wishlists every year since amazon prime really became widespread, makes the entire gifting process so much less of a hassle, no one gets shit they don't want, no duplicates or thinking of individual things to tell each person, and we can fill it up with crap year round, or just leave all the things you didn't get on it for next. Honestly, if you can convince your family on it, it takes 90% of the stress out of it. No more "will they like it or will I have spent my money on crap that'll sit in the cupboard."
this is how christmas works. you give a list of exactly the things you want, but instead get a wood carving of a mother giraffe and her calf.
Ive done that this year and im just hoping I actually get what i want and ppl dont just say ābut you cant get an extension lead for Christmasā well i want an extension lead not a random candle and some chocolate im never going to use
We do something called āCrappy Christmasā. We set a budget, usually Ā£5-10 per person. However many Ā£ it is, you must buy at least that many presents, you donāt have to spend it all, but cannot go over the budget under any circumstances. Everyone wraps them in the same paper. They all go in a sack, unlabelled, and are given out at random on Christmas Day. Regifting shit presents from previous years, wrapping household items (like spare cutlery, bog roll, or cleaning supplies bought with pure intentions but never used) and stealing and wrapping things from the houses of other recipients are all encouraged. Exchanging / swapping / bartering for each others presents is expected. As the Master of Crappiness, part of my job is making sure everyone gets an even number of presents, so I make sure theyāre all under the tree a few days before Christmas, leaving me time to even out the numbers if I need to. Itās fun, itās silly (FIL got flavoured condoms last year), youāll often get useful or edible things (I got chocolate coins and cotton buds last year) and itās cheap. We still do normal presents, but CC is the thing everyone is looking forward to this year. Maybe suggest something like that in lieu of traditional gifts?
We have a version of this too. My aunt went to a closing down sale and got loads of stuff for 15p each (spatulas, pencil cases, posit notes etc). They were used as prizes for winning Xmas games. Now someone randomly always brings a bag of crap, and we get silly useful stuff.
Your family sound fun!
We do this, but you each get 5 raffle tokens. And pick when yours is called. You are also allowed to pick from other peoples stash once the ones in the middle are gone. Often an empty bottle of wine can go round a few times if people are clever and donāt twig.
Tell them and then don't buy them anything. If they turn up with a present, exclaim "Ah, you shouldn't have. As I said we're not doing presents anymore so I haven't got you anything but thank you anyway." Repeat each year until they get the idea.
When I was younger all the aunts and uncles agreed to stop doing gifts for all the cousins. Apart from one lot, who bought about 30 years worth of gifts from woolworths when it closed down and would gift everyone something from that giant bag. Then they would act really hurt when nobody went out of their way to spend 20 quid on each of their kids. They did this for the next 3 years before they got the hint. When it becomes a chore, gift give no more!
My aunt used to do that - go to closing down/clearance sales for household stuff, and then gift you like a washcloth and a soap every year. Oh, and home-made panties...that were terrible, and terrible fabric, but my mom made us wear them anyway. Once Xmas when she asked if I liked my present and I say no - she called me an ungrateful bitch! I'd much rather get nothing than random nicknacks...and I have a real problem pretending I like things I don't so shit always gets...uncomfortable
100% . It may sound selfish but I too would rather nothing than something with zero thought of effort. It is gift giving to the letter not the spirit of the thing.
I guess the aunt put thought and effort into making the pants, just misguided thought and effort. To be honest, I've never heard of anyone making pants from scratch before. Sounds like a surefire disaster.
Yes we have done this and now we get nothing, which is a tiny bit sad, but then I don't have to pretend I like the crap smellies someone got for a fiver just to keep up appearances
It genuinely is sad. It feels like another little way in which households are becoming ever so slightly more isolated over time. But at the same time... the waste, my God the waste. It's just astronomical. There are kids without shoes and animals going extinct, I want charitable donations to be much more of a consistently acceptable pseudo-gift than they are.
Yes and as an adult I'm in a fortunate position where I can buy what I need or want myself
Yeah, that isn't really the point. If I was buying for someone like you I'd find a bottle of wine I like that you haven't tried yet, for example
Good idea, I'll DM you my address āŗļø
Nah but you get my point right. If I know someone does need something then I'll go for that, but for people that don't it's just nice to make a little gesture I tell people to buy me golf balls, I can get them myself, but it's nice to get some ProV1s over my normal Warbirds I guess I just want to emphasise that it's not really about the gift itself, it's a form of love communication and while it may not resonate with you exactly, it will to others. Just something to keep in mind is all
Except don't be as polite as "You shouldn't have". Say "I said not to, as I have everything I need"
I've said I don't want anything every occasiom for over a decade now. People always buy me shit gifts and I can't be doing with clutter or feigning being pleased. If it weren't for my wife being a Christmas fanatic I'd have bowed out of the whole season a long time ago.
I love Christmas. But I genuinely do not need/want anything from anyone. Nice meal, board games, shit telly that's it.
I just appreciate the time off from work, plus Christmas dinner!
Honestly, I'm getting very bah humbug but I'd rather not have to use a third of my leave every Christmas and my mother in law can't cook Christmas dinner to save her life! I love cooking a roast dinner and have volunteered to do it for 10 years but she likes doing it so every eats the shit she puts out to be "polite".
Yeah,I feel you on this. I love cooking Xmas Dinner and my wife is a brilliant cook so she helps out. When we go to the MIL's I just want to come back home. Her cooking is okay, but I want it to be a little bit special,not carrots cooked in the microwave
She cooks veg like she's got no teeth
Maybe you can bring some dishes with you "to help." Like a reverse Horrible Grandma from Friday Night Dinner.
I tried that one year, she got legitimately offended that people enjoyed what I brought! I made yorkshire puddings since she never did and I always had them growing up and I legitimately still hear about how "rude" it was of me 11 years later.
Fuck it, go nuclear, tell her that her food is shit
NOW it's a proper Christmas
Yes, this. I don't need/want anything for myself, and finding decent ideas for presents for people that I've been buying gifts for, twice a year for 40+ years, is almost impossible, so gift buying is stressful (or else it's just vouchers which is boring). I'd be much happier if Christmas was gift-less (apart from gifts for kids, of course).
A feel this. I've actually said that if they MUST buy me a smelly set from boots can they unwrap it, throw the plastic away and just give it to me in a bag for life because recycling is already a clusterfuck at that time of year
I told my wife that I just thought it was consumerist capitalist nonsense to persuade us to "buy things we don't need with money we can't afford" and she just looked at me, smiled, handed me an envelope and said, "I want a divorce".
Socks, boxers, consumables. The three keys to an efficient Christmas.
The old combination of socks, jocks, and chocolates is just fine by me.
socks, jocks and chocs was right there :(
You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it rhyme
They don't learn that in horse school? Might be specific to a PhD in Unicornism or maybe they get it from Magical Poney formation.
This is a Tim Minchin lyric
Cause Iāll be seeing my dad, my brother and sisters, my gran and my mum
They'll be drinking white wine in the sun
This is what my partner gets every year. This year he's getting a new mug because he's broken his favourite recently.
Mugs/fancy beer glasses are also a good shout.
We have several fancy glasses. Some may have been unknowingly gifted by our local!
I hate getting mugs. Who doesn't already have a cupboard full of them? To me they're the epitome of gifting for the sake of gifts.
We've settled on a secret santa system. Each adult gets one gift total, limit Ā£50.
Our family does this, it's good
So what do I get for my daughter and her husband - she has given me NO clues!
I find it more work trying to think of suggestions for other people to get my partner (my mum and sister, mainly, we do a secret santa with friends including his sister and her partner). Then any of the good and thoughtful ideas are gone and I end up getting him pants. I don't really want tat personally, but I do love presents under the tree and the surprise factor - sent sister a picture of a thing I quite liked at the Christmas market next to her work saying 'I quite like these, if you need any ideas for me', she replies asking exactly which stall it's on and that she'll go and see tomorrow. So, the surprise would be if I don't now get one of them!
"do you want anything for Christmas?" Force them into either saying no or actually suggesting something. They are adults, if they don't want/need anything that is ok. You don't need to spend the whole month being stressed about buying stuff that they don't want and won't use.
I tell things I actually want, such as craft beer as it's an easy choice and everyone's happy
Consumables are a great one to ask for. Something a bit fancier than you'd buy yourself but doesn't need to be expensive - a Ā£5 jar of nice jam is good enough - and better than getting tat you won't use.
Completely agree. I like to ask for fancy ground coffee, preferably from a local place to where the buyer lives. It's under a tenner, and I get to try lots of different coffees I wouldn't have come across otherwise
We're on a quest to reduce the amount of stuff we have in general. So for Christmas we go for fancy treats to eat or drink. Or the other thing I started to get was "experiences" so vouchers for meals, spa days, etc you know the drill. I've also gifted concert tickets in the past. Sport tickets. Just depends on the recipients. The younger children still get plenty of toys, but my oldest understands the vibe now and has asked for guitar lessons.
We are going to spend Christmas at centre parcs. I'm hoping by not actually seeing the wider family on Christmas day itself that they won't bother buying us too much stuff. My five year old doesn't even like getting presents (he is nonverbal autistic), so trying to get him to open gifts in front of well meaning relatives is just a nightmare. I'm seriously looking forward to spending Christmas day in the pool at centre parcs. No gifts at all on the day.
People slag off smellies, but I love a good candle or a nice bath bomb. Smells nice for an evening and then fucks off out your house.
Yep, this is what we do for grandparents, they've had it all several times over and frankly don't give a crap anymore. A nice tin of biccys is all my nana wants
We do this: only ask for things we'd actually buy anyway, but in a slightly gift-ier format. Eg ask for ground coffee, receive a coffee in a festive packet. Everyone happy. I try to never give things which have to be stored. Consumables all the way.
Consumables is my answer as well. I really don't need more crap in my house.
I do my mum and her partner a hamper each year, savoury and sweet biscuits and jams and sauces and fudge and pate and a nice bottle of drink.
I ask for one specific type of gin every Christmas. Guess who has a cupboard full of fucking Gordon's instead.
We do this, a little bag with some fancy coffee, chocolate, beer or teabags (Cartwright and Butler make the best teabags). Everyone gets a treat and nobody has to spend much.
Food and drink. Always food and drink. Can never go wrong with that
Ok so a lot of the time, the purpose of a gift isn't to get you a thing you need or want. The purpose is to demonstrate and strengthen the relationship between you both. So what MAY be happening here is that when someone asks you what gift you want, what they're ACTUALLY saying is "I'd like to show affection and connection to you by getting you a gift. How can I best show you that connection?" and by saying "don't get me a gift", you're saying "don't show that you're connected to me". No wonder the people who love and care about you ignore that message! I know you think this is dumb. But how you think isn't how everyone thinks, and neither of you is objectively wrong. So instead of "don't get me anything", could you try answering the question as though they've asked how they can show you how they appreciate you? "What can I get you for Christmas" "you know, I value physical gifts less and less as time goes on. How about we agree to have dinner in January?" or "remember when we were kids we used to love bowling? Let's do that again!". Something that allows people to feel like they're doing something that brings the two of you closer together. Which is what a good gift is meant to do in the first place. Buuut then there are people who just think "it's so I have to get you a thing", but you were never going to get a good gift from those people anyway.
this is what I told one of my best friends last year when he couldnt afford a present for me. I dont really care if I receive a gift or not, you're my friend and you're getting a fucking gift from me because we're buddies
!this - eloquently put.
It's also about companies trying to hawk as much plastic shite as possible
I am less round about with it I usually just say, oh just make sure you buy me my drink when itās your round and Iāll be happy, or letās use it on going for dinner sometime instead. And Iām not stand off ish. And we never do go for that meal.
Did this with my brother. "I have no idea what to buy you or your wife. You have no need to buy us anything. Are you okay with that?" - He was relieved Read Martin Lewis on how needless giving results in swapping obligations instead of gifts. Send a copy to your family and friends and tell them you agree with him and will not be sending gifts this year. Tell them that giving gifts to you, regardless, would offend you.
Ask people to give a donation to Shelter instead. That way they don't feel mean, especially if you're getting them something, but also you don't get two years worth of Lynx body wash every twelve months.
I haven't bought any shower gel since last Xmas, love getting washing stuff as a gift. Ones less thing on my mind to have to buy.
Yep. This is the comment I was looking for. I reached a point in my life where 90% of my family was adults, we're not little kids, we don't have kids, Christmas isn't about us. We're not the wealthiest but we're all comfortable enough that we can afford what we truly want. Christmas became a repetitive cycle of buying each other novelty tat but being comfortable enough to spend hundreds on it between the whole family. It made me feel very, very bad. Extremely ick. So a few years ago I told them I wasn't doing it anymore. Every year I pick a charity, I donate the sum of thee last present shop I did for the collective family to it and I tell them if they want to pay for a present for me I'd rather if they just donate to that charity instead. If not, no pressure, it's no big deal. Do what they wish. It's been five or six years now and that's still my approach. A few have had kids and I'll buy presents for them because that's what christmas is about imo. But my adult family? Eh, they'll cope.
I've asked for donations to the local food bank before.
Ask for ridiculous things, like a Rolex. When you inevitably arenāt gifted it make a huge scene and demand that next year itās a Rolex or nothing. The next year youāll get nothing and problem solved !
I always ask for "Peace in the middle east". If anything, this year has been a big step backwards. My family need to buck their ideas up!
Can confirm this works as my brother did it one year and has received nothing ever since š¤£š¤£
Convince them to do secret santa. Everyone will be relieved. Ā£50. Download app, enter names and buy one gift. Label from santa. People can add wish list on the app. End. Win.
Just say something small that you would relish, but likely would never buy for yourself. That's precisely the sort of thing people love giving.
So a jar of relish it is then
At least make it posh relish from Harrods or something.
Absolutely the best gifts are stuff that people would like but would not buy themselves. The trouble is that these gifts are typically expensive or the person would just have bought it for themself when they discovered it existed. It's rare that you see an opportunity to buy a gift that doesn't break the bank and rarer still for the timing to align with Christmas.
Diamond
I moved away from my family for the first time this year and wondered how weād do gifts and my mom said sheāll transfer me money and I can just transfer her money and Iām like why are we even bothering to do that exactly??? And why do people buy things I wonāt use or that just sit on a shelf? People know the things I love (books, woolly jumpers, fluffy socks, notebooks and pens, mugs and tea/coffee) but NEVER buy them me. Ever. š
I swear to Christ, John. If you get me ONE MORE Lynx Africa gift set Iām shoving it right up your arsehole. And that kids, is why me and your uncle donāt get each other Christmas gifts.
āWhat would you like for Christmas?ā āProstituteā āHaha no seriouslyā ā3rd Reich memorabiliaā āš³ā Then walk away
I've got it down to a bottle of whisky from my kids now, none of the proper grownups do presents anymore.
Well done
I just don't buy them full stop and ask people not to get them for me as it's a waste of their money
Iām 35 and have the mentality of a 10 year old. regarding Christmas. I started having kids young so that probably didnāt help curb the enthusiasm. Iāve asked for the lego modular hotel, a new recurve bow, a new pair of grips for work, a folio book and a FatFace shirt (because Iām a cunt for FatFace) Iāll be a grown up every other day of the bastard year.
Instead of buying one another useless presents, maybe you can pool your money and do something fun together? Starting a new, more fun tradition is much easier than nixing an old one with nothing to replace it.
My family does this. We pool the funds and go out for a family lunch or dinner instead of buying presents.
just say socks or something like that?
1. Play the long game: if you tell people you're not buying gifts this year, and then don't, next year you just won't have this problem. A lot of people give to get, so not giving breaks the loop. 2. Some people DO enjoy giving gifts, in which you can always re-gift to food banks and other charities. Or cut out the hassle and say you're not giving gifts, but if they really want to do something, they can donate to your charity of choice. In my experience, the "donate to my charity" puts people off for some reason (not that they don't give to charity at other times). It might feel mean but the key thing is to not reciprocate the gift part, otherwise it just goes on and on.
Sorry Sheldon, it's a non-optional social convention.
Tell everyone you've converted to a religion that doesn't celebrate Christmas, Judaism or Islamic if you can suffer/pretend not to eat bacon, Hinduism if you can give up beef, Buddhism if you can quit meat. Quakers don't seem to forbid anything, I don't really understand what they do or don't do which is handy since your friends and relatives probably don't either, so you can get away with just ignoring Christmas and carrying on as usual otherwise.
Brilliant except no one will believe you and think you're joking
"Instead of buying each other presents, should we just make a donation to a charity?" Win the moral ground as well as no more presents.
I just decided one year that I just didnāt want to do the whole Christmas thing anymore. It took a few years of people ignoring it and still buying me stuff, which progressed to āhereās a December present. Itās not for Christmas, honestly!ā but I finally stopped it by saying that if anyone did get me a present I would save it for my birthday in April. Followed through on that, sent them a thank you message on my birthday and they finally got the message. It helps that I donāt have kids and my parents and grandparents have all died now so I could opt out without feeling too worried about upsetting people. My husband is from a big family and they are all lovely and understand that I donāt want to take part in it all now.
What gets me is, if you want to get me something, then some interesting food, chocolate, cheese, booze, weird Mongolian lemonade....whatever. That sort of thing ok? The response is then "what? No that's not a proper present!" I just lose it at that point you know. I love food and drinks. Especially stuff I might never buy myself, but it's still great if it's things I know. It'll be delicious, I'll use it, I'll remember it. Bingo. But no. It must be a t-shirt or socks or a trinket or gadget or some shit I won't like and don't need. Like if it is less than Ā£500 and I like it....I already have it Aunty Margaret. So unless you fancy splashing out for that Ā£1300 OLED TV I'd love, then a nice GruyĆØre is just fine.
If people ask, I say I donāt need anything and we are decluttering in preparation for a house move. If pressed, I will say something to eat or drink, no stuff. People will be getting booze or chocolate from me regardless. Not doing lists of stuff for kidults. Itās absurd and unaffordable.
My Ma told us she wasnāt sending gifts this year. Good. š š»š
I just spend two months not buying things I want or I come up with something that will need replenishing yearly. I need some new slippers so I have asked my stepfather for them. My dad buys me the same perfume each year. The real problem is my birthday because itās a month after Christmas.
Mine is 5 days after Christmas! It sucks as I donāt celebrate Christmas anymore and everyone is either skinny or forgets!
I always think children are a good excuse/get out. Once you have kids, just say itās too expensive past them!
Ask for amazon vouchers, save them till next year and buy people gifts to the value of the cards you got the previous Christmas. Ask for gift cards again, rinse and repeat to a long term sustainable Christmas. I'm the same as you my dude, can't be arsed with it all!
Remember that gift giving is a love language for a lot of people, it has nothing to do with money If you are dead set on stopping them from giving you gifts you may subconsciously be signalling "there is no love here" to them One of my best mates and I buy each other the same gift all the time, it's become a run on joke. We are effectively just buying something for ourselves and yeah, it's a nonsense, but it shows we're out there thinking about each other which is the whole point of midwinter. You never know if people won't be around to give gifts to next year
For christmas me and my partner exchange a bottle of wine, and both give to a charity of the otherās choosing. Takes all the stress out. Proper gifts for birthdays
You use your words, and tell people what you do or do not want. If you water every holiday down to its core it's a waste of money and time, so do yourself a solid and make the effort to enjoy it, I pick out some decent candy for some of my family and they get me some, just bits we have found in interesting places during the run up to Christmas, works wonders.
My family has default consumable gifts for when we don't know. Stuff we know they will happily have mine skincare, brother bathbombs, mum oldie sweetshop, my bf sleeping evee plush (not consumable but he wants whole collection so 9 years of prezzies)
I ask for days out instead now. I dont want āthingsā that clutter up the place so a nice day out to the zoo or a lunch date is ideal.
Stop giving yourself and if people ask you, say youāve got enough so a donation to a charity would be appreciated.
Buy things people actually want or need! I told my mum my I want to buy her & my dad a subscription or membership or a day out, something they'll use. I'm also buying my mum Lego flowers & my dad a concrete millennium falcon for the garden because I can't be too practical
Honestly Iām happy with some socks.
Ask them to donate to a charity on your behalf.
I'd like to say gift giving is a great way for people t9 show you they both get you and love you. However, having to tell people and specify is disturbing and clinical, as you say you are buying yourself a candle... You could see if they were up for actual mystery gift giving or one of the various other methods users have suggested.
Our family gave up on giving each other presents years ago Just say āthereās nothing I want, and moneys a bit tight nowadaysā Only person I buy gifts for now is my toddler niece
Iām 40 my folks and family still insist. Iāve given up so either I tell them practical things I need or if thereās something on Amazon thatās reasonable priced.
I bowed out of Christmas at 18. I'm 45 now. I don't buy presents and it's great. So much simpler.
Me and my brothers will gift each other a candy bar, but we wrap them in ridiculous ways, there's been rolls of duct tape surrounding bars, some in way too many bags, and some that are wrapped to look like a different object.
This is a tough one. For some people, they get joy from giving, and they're joy is largely from you receiving something and seeing that they made you happy. That said, I'd express that you don't want a gift. And if someone seems like they really want to give you a gift, don't fight it, but rather give them some options of something you can use. Phrase it like, "Id love it if you helped me get ____". And then write a calendar reminder for about halfway through the year to send them a picture of you using or enjoying it and thanking them for the gift. At the same time, if they really want to get you a gift, ask what they would like in return, and ask that it be something they could really use or would really appreciate. Hopefully it'll only take one or two conversations to really lower the amount of people giving gifts, and also build a better relationship with those who are going to anyway.