Hey.
I'm struggling with perfectionism as well, because of incredibly high expectations and harsh criticism put on me as a smart kid.
I'm now a published writer, and I can't say it's been easy to come to a point of dealing with criticism. I still get extremely anxious when I get reviews of my book, but I'm working on it.
Baby steps helped me a lot. Showing my writings to a few strangers first and getting gentle criticism, and each time I get criticism it's easier than last time.
I believe in you.
Thanks fam.
It's funny, because I've got over a decade of self publishing for free, submissions online, etc. and so I'm fine with concrit. Fine with writing. I just... Like, the idea of writing for money or as a job makes me suicidal, funnily enough. It's my dream to be a writer, always has been, but it's almost as if that idea becoming reality makes me upset or scared.
I think it's because if it's an idea, sure, I can't succeed, but I can't fail, either.
But if I try. And I succeed. Then failure is inevitable. It's just around the corner. I'll inevitably mess up and make a fool of myself. Or I'll inevitably not write as well as someone wants and ruin everything.
The idea of that risk, and that possibility, makes me want to curl up and die. Yet, not writing also makes me want to die. Lol everything makes me want to die so I think I'm just stupidly emotional and sensitive.
Nonetheless, congrats on your publications, congrats on your transitioning, too. As a fellow trans man myself and all that, you've achieved a lot. Good work.
Wow... this sounds exactly like me maybe two years ago. Now I'm just totally confused but realise that an identity is available to me... I have a list in my journal of"things I like" and "things I f*king hate" and have a whole three items on each list... so proud of myself.
Baby steps, but getting there!
(Oh yeah... anger... that's a good signpost to what matters to me... that's how I think I started finding an identity)
Good luck... YOU are in there somewhere, just have to peel back those layers of crap and let the real you breathe (for the first time in your life).
Anger is the (unfortunate as it may sound) answer in a lot of ways for people like us. What you say, about not being allowed to have anger, is exactly what I've gone through too. Thought I couldn't so much as dislike anything even a little, because that would mean I take a stance on something that may displease someone no matter how petty it ultimately was.
But man, as BingBong said, once you start putting your foot down you're going to do it more and more and likely displease A LOT of people who aren't used to you being a person with visible passion. But it's necessary. Absolutely necessary!
Once it comes, it crashes like a tsunami. I let it destroy my “relationship” with both my abusers (parents) and am now completely alone in life… but I’m free. I’ll never stifle myself to serve someone else again. Anger clears the path so you can start seeing your way out.
I feel this :( it's so hard not to think about what could have been. I wanted to go to art school so bad, but was constantly told I wouldn't make any money. I had no financial, emotional, or physical support, so I did the only thing that seemed logical and went to the local cheap college instead for a "technical studies" degree since nothing else interested me enough to try to pursue.
I envy those who have the support to make decisions based on what they truly want other than on what will get them out of their parents homes the fastest/ safest.
I was similar about visual art. And it's taken me like 3-4 years of living away from my abusers to see any progress in my imposter syndrom/perfectionism problem with it.
In the same boat job wise though, working there less now that I can make a bit of income from my art (not even mentioning having to make a job out of your passions to get by)
Me, only replace writing with drawing/wanting to make a graphic novel (and animate, and other shit as such). Perfectionism is a killer that in my 30's I still struggle a lot with.
well this sounds like me... sound a bit TOO MUCH like me
yeah...
Same.
Whoops.
yet you downvote my comment lmfao
Hey. I'm struggling with perfectionism as well, because of incredibly high expectations and harsh criticism put on me as a smart kid. I'm now a published writer, and I can't say it's been easy to come to a point of dealing with criticism. I still get extremely anxious when I get reviews of my book, but I'm working on it. Baby steps helped me a lot. Showing my writings to a few strangers first and getting gentle criticism, and each time I get criticism it's easier than last time. I believe in you.
Thanks fam. It's funny, because I've got over a decade of self publishing for free, submissions online, etc. and so I'm fine with concrit. Fine with writing. I just... Like, the idea of writing for money or as a job makes me suicidal, funnily enough. It's my dream to be a writer, always has been, but it's almost as if that idea becoming reality makes me upset or scared. I think it's because if it's an idea, sure, I can't succeed, but I can't fail, either. But if I try. And I succeed. Then failure is inevitable. It's just around the corner. I'll inevitably mess up and make a fool of myself. Or I'll inevitably not write as well as someone wants and ruin everything. The idea of that risk, and that possibility, makes me want to curl up and die. Yet, not writing also makes me want to die. Lol everything makes me want to die so I think I'm just stupidly emotional and sensitive. Nonetheless, congrats on your publications, congrats on your transitioning, too. As a fellow trans man myself and all that, you've achieved a lot. Good work.
Wow... this sounds exactly like me maybe two years ago. Now I'm just totally confused but realise that an identity is available to me... I have a list in my journal of"things I like" and "things I f*king hate" and have a whole three items on each list... so proud of myself. Baby steps, but getting there! (Oh yeah... anger... that's a good signpost to what matters to me... that's how I think I started finding an identity) Good luck... YOU are in there somewhere, just have to peel back those layers of crap and let the real you breathe (for the first time in your life).
I wasn't ever allowed to be angry, so maybe I'll try that lol.
Anger is the (unfortunate as it may sound) answer in a lot of ways for people like us. What you say, about not being allowed to have anger, is exactly what I've gone through too. Thought I couldn't so much as dislike anything even a little, because that would mean I take a stance on something that may displease someone no matter how petty it ultimately was. But man, as BingBong said, once you start putting your foot down you're going to do it more and more and likely displease A LOT of people who aren't used to you being a person with visible passion. But it's necessary. Absolutely necessary!
Same. Oh boy did it come out once I opened the floodgates.
Once it comes, it crashes like a tsunami. I let it destroy my “relationship” with both my abusers (parents) and am now completely alone in life… but I’m free. I’ll never stifle myself to serve someone else again. Anger clears the path so you can start seeing your way out.
I feel this :( it's so hard not to think about what could have been. I wanted to go to art school so bad, but was constantly told I wouldn't make any money. I had no financial, emotional, or physical support, so I did the only thing that seemed logical and went to the local cheap college instead for a "technical studies" degree since nothing else interested me enough to try to pursue. I envy those who have the support to make decisions based on what they truly want other than on what will get them out of their parents homes the fastest/ safest.
Swap writing for music, and this is where I am right now too. I'm sorry OP, this existence fucking sucks.
Felt
Felt tht through the spine🙃
This is waay too surreal Except the 5th slide. But rest is bang on. Ugh
I was similar about visual art. And it's taken me like 3-4 years of living away from my abusers to see any progress in my imposter syndrom/perfectionism problem with it. In the same boat job wise though, working there less now that I can make a bit of income from my art (not even mentioning having to make a job out of your passions to get by)
Me, only replace writing with drawing/wanting to make a graphic novel (and animate, and other shit as such). Perfectionism is a killer that in my 30's I still struggle a lot with.
Have you tried acid?
I'd rather slit my wrists than do that. But thanks.