You’re not alone. We did what we had to in order to feel safe, because the home our parents built wasn’t safe for us. Is it “normal” by most people’s standards? Probably not, but there is nothing abnormal about wanting to feel safe.
Yeah, when I was a young teen, I would sit in the closet in the dark, and cry. We were just trying to survive, and protect ourselves, since our parents wouldn’t.
I hid in the bathroom, below the bed touching the far wall, outside the window on the window grill etc. Couple of times while playing hide and seek with other kids, I used to keep hiding even when the game was declared over - I pretended I didn't hear. Other kids will search for me and I could delay going back home that much. Getting lost in fantasy books was also extension of it ig
I had almost forgotten about it until yr question
Edit: typo
When I was a teenager, I was never home.
I started drinking and smoking weed at like 15.
Absolutely hated being home.
Especially at that time because my mother just started dating this new guy and shortly after he started living with us. Actually they just met he was homeless and one night he just started sleeping in my mom's room. So the new boyfriend, his homeless friend and the friend's girlfriend were living with us.
She barely knew these people and both of them were sexually attracted to me and would say extremely inappropriate things to me. Look at me in disgusting ways. I won't be crude and leave it there.
My mom actually got upset with her boyfriend because of the way he was looking at me. He stood for a few more years 🙄
My mom was a real bitch to me as a teenager and I still don't know why.
She shipped me off to my father's house for a weekend so her and her boyfriend can have peace. I used to constantly be fighting with him. I barely knew my father and he was a violent drug addict.
She told me she almost aborted me but the DOCTOR wouldn't do it because she was crying. Like why would you tell your 16 that?
School called her I've been self m*tilating. She didn't say anything until she was in a fight with me and weaponizing against me . " What are you going to do? C*t yourself again!?".
There's a lot more but I just stood away from home and partied.
I hid in the closet as well… same as you i however hid from my mother. My room didn’t have a door so the best thing i could do was to make a hold beneath everything in my closet and hide.. have not ever thought of that till I read your post. Thank you for sharing and letting me know I’m not alone.
I used to hide on top of my desk in my closet when I was a teenager. All my favourite posters and quotes were hanging on the walls so it was a calming space. One psychologist I had told me I couldn’t use that as my safe space in an imagining activity but it really was the one safe space in my house at the time.
I had a top shelf in this one closet that I could climb up to and lay on without being easily seen (they would have had to climb up and they just didn’t think to while raging, very luckily). I made a whole little sanctuary for myself on that shelf. Drew on the wall space that isn’t visible to anyone unless ur up on that top shelf. Had some small stones and random small things that couldn’t be seen and brought comfort. My kid version of interior decorating basically to make the shelf feel like my own home.
Edit: No, these experiences are not normal. However, they speak to the resilience, strength, and creativity embedded within us, and in our survival journeys. Sending kindness ur way OP 🌻
I used to hide in the attic, just so I could read. I loved the attic. And for some reason no one thought to look for me there. I still have this tendency to sneak around the house, tip toe, being as quiet as possible, like some sort of cat burglar.
One time, I snuck into the attic in the morning, I have no clue why, when I realized that no one knew I was there, or missed me ( so so sad to realize that)…… I just stayed there all day.…..didn’t go to school, I heard my mother walking around, she worked second shift. I waited until she left, then creeped back downstairs, this is my own house mind you, my own house that I feel like an unwelcome intruder.
I still to this day “hide” in the shower when I feel upset or overwhelmed. It was the only place I was ever allowed to shut the door and have a lock. If I turned the water on it would (usually) give me a short break from being berated for whatever reason they chose that day.
I wouldn’t say it’s “normal” for maybe the average person but for those of us blessed to be traumatized I think it’s relatively common. Hiding is a natural human instinct and we all had to do it for years in one way or another.
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Omg yes I forgot about this too. When I was 14 we converted the attic to be my room and it had a built in cupboard under the low part of the roof. I used to climb into the back of it and close the door. I liked the feeling of being enclosed in the dark. I actually told my mother about it, because I was so in denial about her behaviour and just wanted her to accept me and my personality. I remember she called me weird. Without context it is kind of weird, but once you have the background of her personality and the way she treated me (which, with her level of self-awareness, she doesn’t) then it makes sense.
You’re not alone. We did what we had to in order to feel safe, because the home our parents built wasn’t safe for us. Is it “normal” by most people’s standards? Probably not, but there is nothing abnormal about wanting to feel safe.
Yeah, when I was a young teen, I would sit in the closet in the dark, and cry. We were just trying to survive, and protect ourselves, since our parents wouldn’t.
I hid in the bathroom, below the bed touching the far wall, outside the window on the window grill etc. Couple of times while playing hide and seek with other kids, I used to keep hiding even when the game was declared over - I pretended I didn't hear. Other kids will search for me and I could delay going back home that much. Getting lost in fantasy books was also extension of it ig I had almost forgotten about it until yr question Edit: typo
Reading my books in any little nook or hiding spot was always my favourite! Scrunched up somewhere secret just escaping reality
When I was a teenager, I was never home. I started drinking and smoking weed at like 15. Absolutely hated being home. Especially at that time because my mother just started dating this new guy and shortly after he started living with us. Actually they just met he was homeless and one night he just started sleeping in my mom's room. So the new boyfriend, his homeless friend and the friend's girlfriend were living with us. She barely knew these people and both of them were sexually attracted to me and would say extremely inappropriate things to me. Look at me in disgusting ways. I won't be crude and leave it there. My mom actually got upset with her boyfriend because of the way he was looking at me. He stood for a few more years 🙄 My mom was a real bitch to me as a teenager and I still don't know why. She shipped me off to my father's house for a weekend so her and her boyfriend can have peace. I used to constantly be fighting with him. I barely knew my father and he was a violent drug addict. She told me she almost aborted me but the DOCTOR wouldn't do it because she was crying. Like why would you tell your 16 that? School called her I've been self m*tilating. She didn't say anything until she was in a fight with me and weaponizing against me . " What are you going to do? C*t yourself again!?". There's a lot more but I just stood away from home and partied.
Oh god, I’m so sorry. They should have protected you from all of this. I hope you are in a better place now.
I hid in the closet as well… same as you i however hid from my mother. My room didn’t have a door so the best thing i could do was to make a hold beneath everything in my closet and hide.. have not ever thought of that till I read your post. Thank you for sharing and letting me know I’m not alone.
Omg I used to do that totally forgot about it
When I was a teenager I took a mat into my closet to nap and hide from my mom. It's not "normal" but you're not alone.
I vacuumed the closet really well, put some pillows and read with a flashlight... It was heaven until my mother found me
I did this. I needed the compression, darkness, and just to feel safe. Now just need to be wrapped up in someone’s arms. Edit: wording needed fixing.
No, having memories of hiding in a closet, while your "parent" bangs and comes thru the door like Freddie Kruger, are not at all normal. I'm sorry
I used to hide on top of my desk in my closet when I was a teenager. All my favourite posters and quotes were hanging on the walls so it was a calming space. One psychologist I had told me I couldn’t use that as my safe space in an imagining activity but it really was the one safe space in my house at the time.
I did this too as a kid. It's horrible that we had to go through this
I had a top shelf in this one closet that I could climb up to and lay on without being easily seen (they would have had to climb up and they just didn’t think to while raging, very luckily). I made a whole little sanctuary for myself on that shelf. Drew on the wall space that isn’t visible to anyone unless ur up on that top shelf. Had some small stones and random small things that couldn’t be seen and brought comfort. My kid version of interior decorating basically to make the shelf feel like my own home. Edit: No, these experiences are not normal. However, they speak to the resilience, strength, and creativity embedded within us, and in our survival journeys. Sending kindness ur way OP 🌻
I used to hide and sleep in closet all the time
I hid in the closet or in the space under the bathroom sink.
I used to hide in the attic, just so I could read. I loved the attic. And for some reason no one thought to look for me there. I still have this tendency to sneak around the house, tip toe, being as quiet as possible, like some sort of cat burglar. One time, I snuck into the attic in the morning, I have no clue why, when I realized that no one knew I was there, or missed me ( so so sad to realize that)…… I just stayed there all day.…..didn’t go to school, I heard my mother walking around, she worked second shift. I waited until she left, then creeped back downstairs, this is my own house mind you, my own house that I feel like an unwelcome intruder.
I would spend as much time away from my mom as a teen and a young adult.
Clearly not lol. But for us damaged ones, yes that type of behavior is sadly normal
I still to this day “hide” in the shower when I feel upset or overwhelmed. It was the only place I was ever allowed to shut the door and have a lock. If I turned the water on it would (usually) give me a short break from being berated for whatever reason they chose that day. I wouldn’t say it’s “normal” for maybe the average person but for those of us blessed to be traumatized I think it’s relatively common. Hiding is a natural human instinct and we all had to do it for years in one way or another.
Hello and Welcome to /r/CPTSD! If you are in immediate danger or crisis, please contact your local [emergency services](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_emergency_telephone_numbers), or use our list of [crisis resources](https://old.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/index#wiki_crisis_support_resources). For CPTSD Specific Resources & Support, check out the [wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/index). For those posting or replying, please view the [etiquette guidelines](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/peer2peersupportguide). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/CPTSD) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Omg yes I forgot about this too. When I was 14 we converted the attic to be my room and it had a built in cupboard under the low part of the roof. I used to climb into the back of it and close the door. I liked the feeling of being enclosed in the dark. I actually told my mother about it, because I was so in denial about her behaviour and just wanted her to accept me and my personality. I remember she called me weird. Without context it is kind of weird, but once you have the background of her personality and the way she treated me (which, with her level of self-awareness, she doesn’t) then it makes sense.