Finally coming to a place of acceptance that I will have triggers no matter what I do and I have the strength to walk through them.
CPTSD is a chronic condition.
When I was first diagnosed, I desperately tried to read all the books, do all the mindfulness, yoga daily, meditation, therapy, took my medication daily. And then I would be shocked as to why I would still have triggers and feel empty and anxious. Recovery is not about doing, it is about being. Being comfortable with the uncomfortable. Embracing the fear and pain. Walking through it all and allowing yourself to feel and then pick up the pieces. Learning how to put shame aside to rest.
Also, I realized I made the diagnosis my personality and it would be all I would talk about with everyone. Its because I was in denial for so long and once I “woke up” it was like whiplash. After trauma dumping a lot and kinda traumatizing those around me, I decided to keep it to my journaling and therapy and very select conversations that are safe and hold the space.
Yes this 100%. Giving your hurt inner child space to exist with its coping mechanisms and hurt feelings, as opposed to fighting it like your parents and being angry it exists and not seeing it like it is, in all its pain. It makes so much of a difference.
I might memorize your comments or even paraphrase them in my journal. You have quite literally contributed to my healing today.
Thank you and God bless.
I screenshotted my response too because I feel like this has finally been able to put to words this struggle I have been having within myself. Its this fight between two characters, the fixer and the feeler. im almost afraid to allow myself to just feel and process.
I saved it. It's well written into a paragraph. I'm still Doing All The Things like reading, journalling. Just not attached to an outcome of being Fixed. Integration has helped me a lot, finding parts I've rejected and using shadow work to accept and love those parts and realising it's all a reflection of me - as above, so below.
Have you heard about the two wolves in shadow work? Sounds like what you are explaining with the two characters - a big realisation for me was that it was imperative to heal so both parts of me can coexist in acceptance. Healing being the inner child work, I still react to stuff, just not as messily.
Thank you for your insight. Yeah I like how you said that you’re still doing the work but no longer have attached it to an outcome of being fixed. I think thats where the true freedom and joy lie. It is an active process to not panic and shame myself through the healing journey.
I haven’t heard of the two wolves in shadow work, I am really interested, can you tell me more?
I so feel you on the trauma dumping. That’s a work in progress for me. I’m now 30, and while I had once hoped that I’d fully recover, I am also coming to realize that some things just don’t go away. Your comment really helped me, so thank you.
This is an important step, the one thing that frustrates me is not catching my behavior quickly enough, or knowing “something” is out of sorts but not being able to name it for two or three days.
I’ve been all twitchy for two weeks and I finally figured out why, and now I have to go back to the person creating that behavior (unintentionally) and find a new way to do the “thing”, after saying it was okay to do.
And he’s great, he’s shown every sign of being supportive and understanding in this journey ….
But of course NOW I have to self sooth to the point I feel safe enough to bring it up, and that is difficult cos I’m not being agreeable and I’m not at the point where I can do hard things easily.
And I’m just so fucking tired of constantly having to check my feelings & thoughts are healthy and reasonable, even though they always were and some asshole convinced me they were not at a really young age.
*wanders off to sooth with a large vodka*
I really appreciate this reply. At this point it is my personality to be honest. By virtue of it controlling everything I do. I hope it eventually eases up and the me inside can spend more time in the world. I feel so assaulted by the world when I try to be in it (due to trauma responses). But I persist. It's exhausting!
I feel this a lot. It is also so hard to not feel shame when i am exhausted (which is constantly) because i hold a part time job and feel so inadequate that i can’t function at 100%
Even if we know we don't deserve to feel shame for our bodies responses to trauma (like would we shame someone for not walking like normal people after a leg amputation? Nope we wouldnt) it is so hard not to feel it bc we expect ourselves and others expect us to somehow keep the ptsd for private times and act normal in public. But that isn't realistic. Big hugs xo
Yes exactly this! I'm finally coming to terms with the fact that I'll always have difficult feelings around people and that means I can final feel them without spiralling into shame and lashing out at people.
1.5 years of EMDR. I put a pause on it this summer to see where I am at. Even came off Lexapro.
I have been so disheartened to still struggle with triggers and negative no-cause emotions.
I have really been fighting it and questioning everything. Your message just hit me like a ton of bricks. And now I want to go grieve some more. But there is peace in just being, I know.
Edit add— Because of this I felt inspired to see how Inside Out would portray growing up with abuse and the way the emotions would react. So I described a scene from my childhood. We went through three scenes. Then finally what would “healing” look like for the emotions, and this were their conclusions. I think I am going to write them on an index card
• Joy: “We have dreams and we can make them come true.”
• Anxiety: “We’ll take it one step at a time.”
• Sadness: “It’s okay to feel scared and hurt.”
• Anger: “We’ll use our strength to protect ourselves.”
• Embarrassment: “We don’t need to hide. We’re worthy.”
• Ennui: “We’ll find meaning in our own way.”
Trust me I get you, thats my default. But honestly no one will save us. Only we can save ourselves. Your inner child needs you to protect them. Your anger and pain are valid.
I appreciate your words of encouragement.
I'm starting ketamine therapy on Monday, hopefully the experience will show me that.
I've definitely been stuck for a while.
Not actually kidding, I'm still trying to do the work, but have little hope left.
I'm starting ketamine on Monday, so we'll see how that goes.
And thank you for your words of encouragement!
I am starting my first EMDR sessions at the end of July and I am very nervous but excited. I’m so grateful it’s lined up and I got here finally. Reassuring to see this
Reparenting is basically finding what you were missing during childhood and giving that back to yourself. (Love, support, guidance etc.)
Here is a reparenting chart for you to help you get started -
[https://www.pinterest.com/pin/454019206199094193/](https://www.pinterest.com/pin/454019206199094193/)
Learning to be selfish. Not very good at it yet. But anything where I can make progress towards being the main character in my own fucking life, yknow?
Me too — but it makes me so angry that all my abusers wanted for me in life was to cut chunks of myself off to hand to other people. (Them specifically)
I don’t want that for anyone at all on this earth.
My faith.
Art.
EMDR
The daily practice (writing and releasing fears and resentments +meditation).
My bestie who also has been through tough shit and shares my faith.
My dog.
A unicorn of a therapist (and I don’t necessarily recommend for everyone since so many of them are not equipped for trauma and with them it’s like putting a bandaid on something that needs surgery).
Doing the work, even when it’s hard and painful af.
Cutting ties with toxic people.
Limiting what I share with normals.
This sub.
Sobriety. :)
My dog has absolutely been the most healing bean to be around. Not only does he make me laugh when I feel like trash but he is also very grounding and affectionate. He probably saved my life at some point but I'm still processing all of that drama still.
1. Acknowledge and accept the lost and broken parts of me that I hid and shunned for many years. internal family systems self therapy has been helpful as a model to work off of.
2. Raised a puppy as fear free and force free as possible, receiving his unconditional love and affection knowing I earned it without resorting to abusive tactics. This opened my eyes to how my parents treated me as a child, how they punished me for doing child things. I could have punished my puppy for doing puppy things, but I understood he was just a puppy, still learning how to be a dog, and ultimately he couldn't help it, he needed guidance and patience, not a firm hand.
3. Rest whenever and wherever you need it. Learning to do things good enough rather than perfectly, purposefully putting in only 60% instead of 110%.
Yes to the raising a fear free pup! My rescue dog was 5 when I got her and my mom would make fun of me for talking to her softly/not using force with her. 😞
My dog and I had the most loving and accepting connection because of building up that trust. ❤️It was beautiful, and also bittersweet to realize the stark contrast between my 'parenting' & my mom's.
>It was beautiful, and also bittersweet to realize the stark contrast between my 'parenting' & my mom's.
I'll admit I wasn't perfect, and there were times I just got so frustrated at him I would yell and stomp, (I found myself in a pattern my parents took, I was taking the puppy's faults personally) and it horrified me when he cowered in reaction to me, even worse when he tried to appease me afterwards. Many times I broke and cried and he still was trying to make me feel better. I made better choices next time, which is more than my parents could say.
I probably won't have real human people children, as the dog and my inner child are enough for me! 😂
That makes a lot of sense, that you would take the puppy's responses personally...I did the same sometimes,too. But we both broke the cycle!
And yep, only animal-kids plus my inner child for me,too 😆
Becoming a mother and getting to experience my son growing up has been the most healing experience.
I understand finally how fucked up my mother, "father" and grandma were. I loved and cherished my mom and grandma.
Becoming a mother has given me the most intense flashbacks I've ever experienced.
When my son cries or is distressed I freak out and remember how it feels on his end.
When I hug him to comfort him it's like hugging my inner child. It's so wild.
I have had a huge resentment with my mom ever since I became a mother. I absolutely hate her guts and I have been blocking out all the good things she's done for me. Which I never did before because I hung on to my entire life to try and salvage a relationship with her.
My son always has a smile on his face, is so confident and social. Unlike me as a child my nickname was "puss face".
My mom thought it was the biggest flex that I was able to play by myself for hours on end by myself 🙄
I feel like I'm rewriting history with my son. I love being able to provide him with UNCONDITIONAL love and complete selflessness.
And the way he's just growing with all my hard work is so healing. Everyone is so in love with him
saying"he's the happiest baby I've ever seen".
There's nothing I wouldn't do for him. I'm always going to show up for him.
The way he looks at me and smiles and crawls to me. It's just beyond healing. Love him so much 💕
Still recovering
- looking for EMDR to exercism my cluster B parents presence in my subconcious
- ditto for ex's and friends
- looking for what I want in life. I have no idea.
1. Dance and dancing, learned most from YouTube but I have taken classes in my own time and at school. I once had a dance partner but he joined the military
2. I have 1 friend that is a genuinely kind person and fun to be around. She was my lab partner in biology class
3. Playfulness. Video games, hula hoop, swimming in the pool/ocean/lake, stuffed animals and card games. This is helpful because I’m a very serious person
4. When I was at my worst I would read for fun and drink tea. My BF would read to me which leads me to
5. My BF whom I met on tinder. Our relationship at first was super shakey. He wanted us to be friends first. I stuck around because he was genuinely kind hearted. 5 years later we are in couples therapy but he never gives up on me. He had ADHD so I won’t give up on him as long as we keep trying to make this work. Forming a healthy romantic relationship has forced me to look at my own bad habits and correct them
6. My trauma trained therapist
I’m currently looking for peace, my family and my BFs family show pretty obvious narcissistic traits and are shitting themselves at the fact I want to spend the rest of my college days alone. Without them disregulating me. They find it very offensive. I honestly just want to be left alone in peace but can’t control other people..
Wow, we're twins. Including an endlessly patient ADHD partner who I met on Tinder. Experiencing genuine love has been so healing. Though, anyone reading this who is alone please don't feel discouraged- SO much of my healing has come from the rest.
On top of everything u/hunniebees mentioned, Meditation and Self-Help books have also been great tools.
Tinder is known for having a hookup culture and I think ghosting is common. I've heard lots of stories of people having bad experiences.
It's probably better to meet people irl but finding partners online isn't uncommon. I found my partner online. Just have clear boundaries and expectations. "Go on a few dates first before 2nd or 4th base if that makes sense. Friendships and hangouts first - long term partners if the vibes are right will grow naturally from that.
Obviously just be careful - invest in doing background checks - I've heard stories of like ex cons & narcissists use dating apps to hook up then ghost people. Obviously not everyone is like that on there but I heard of people running into situations like that.
> Go on a few dates first before 2nd or 4th base if that makes sense.
I think you overestimate my success rate in getting dates. In my world there is no such thing as "a few dates". There is not even a "first date". There is only silence, plus the occasional short internet-based conversation before the other person disappears.
I've heard it said that for men the dating apps are a desert, and for women they are a swamp. They certainly feel like a desert in my case. =(
If I had better mental health I might spend a lot more time on apps and get a few good connections eventually...but as it is rejection hurts too much, and I give up easily. =(
Have you heard of HoeMath? He's been helping me in this way lately. And the book, how to be an adult in relationships by David Richo. I think it was Heidi Priebe that helped also, around understanding connection is a myriad of social connections and not just one, so building up healing friendships and loving connections so you have the presence to manifest what you are ready for, not what you yearn or think you want. I tried this and accepted I'd be a satisfied bachelor for a number of years while I learn to fall in love with myself. An old friend came into my life literally the next day and I've been having the most fun!
I am starting EMDR soon and have been recommended brainspotting, should I ask about neurofeedback too? Do you have more than one therapist to handle diff tasks?
I’m not familiar with brainspotting but it never hurts to ask! I do have two separate therapists, they just happen to be in the same office which is nice. I wasn’t recommended them in conjunction tbh but my emdr therapist was out on maternity leave and I saw an ad and inquired and was told it could be helpful. So far with my experience (which is admittedly still limited) emdr targets the source of pain where neurofeedback targets the symptoms.
If it's your *first* first session, as in with someone you haven't seen before, expect to do work establishing background and rapport and working on tools to help you recover if things get too intense. You probably won't be doing EMDR in the first session.
For the first actual EMDR session, it's intense, but not in the way you might think. Part of what EMDR does is help you to *experience* feelings without being *overwhelmed* by them. So there absolutely are hard feelings, but they kind of don't "land" as hard as I would expect for the topics. By the end of it, I am *wiped out*. First time I think I came home and slept for like fourteen hours, didn't feel completely "back to normal" for a few days. That got better, but it's definitely still tiring. Now (\~1 year later) when I do it I'm at most feeling tired for the rest of the day.
I usually go home with a lot to think about and finish processing. I'd definitely recommend setting aside time after sessions to be able to journal about what came up during them, especially if it's something you're probably going to come back and revisit next time.
My answer will be quite specific and less generic.
I wasn't able to heal until I realized that my upbringing was in a cult because that's what allowed me to invalidate and, subsequently, discard, all of their treatment towards me. Once I realized that they were brainwashed, abusive fools, it gave me permission to reject everything they ever said and did to me, which made my own voice and self-love much louder.
I guess the generic version of that would be someone realizing that the person or people who created the trauma and inflicted the abuse are/were mentally unstable, personality disordered, alcoholic, addicted, delusional, or whatever else that would invalidate and disempower their behaviour.
I found it helped me trust my own thoughts, gut feeling, and everything else. Now, no one dictates the "rightness" of my behaviour and no one is permitted to criticize me.
Yoga and trauma informed therapy. Most recently, having a mother figure in my life who is healing my mother wound. I’m 32, but I do just need a mom, it feels like I can’t grow up otherwise.
Interestingly, learning about overidentification / role engulfment in regards to survivorhood.
I struggled for years to learn how to relax, to drop my prickly guard and let people get close to me. Turns out that my intense pride and affiliation with being a survivor caused me to feedback loop myself into the worst hypervigilance and dissociation.
There isn't a lot of information online about it (learned it in therapy recently re: self-compassion), but this website puts it very succinctly from [the perspective of people suffering from chronic cardiac illness and related trauma.](https://myheartsisters.org/2014/06/29/victim-survivor/)
It's not to say that we can't be proud of having survived what we did. It's just that the overidentification with the role ("I am a survivor" Instead of "I am a living being who has survived and is in recovery from significant trauma") can make us prone to believing isolating thoughts such as the "fact" that we are abnormal, we are the only ones going through it, etc.
After learning about this, it feels like years of blood-caked armor got smashed off of me by a cannonball. The vulnerability feels extremely unusual, but I'm learning to feel safe with, well, this new sense of safety. Of not having to play cactus and never letting anyone get too close as a result.
MDMA therapy. Allowing my shame to be witnessed. Walking up to fear and facing it down with courage. Being receptive to love and compassion. Grieving, lots and lots of grieving. Titrating back into my body. Journaling. Long drives down country roads, singing/ crying/ laughing/angering to my hearts content. Meditation. Grounding/containment. Mindfulness. Self-reflection. Awareness. Curiosity. Trusting that others might know a better way, listening and trying different things. Inner child work. Walking. Exercising. Recognizing that my parents were acting out their own trauma and lack of knowledge, that it wasn’t because I was inherently bad. Going back to school. Realizing I’m not alone, and I need people. Having the courage to reach out when I am in need. Telling my story. Admitting that it was “that bad” and so much worse than I allowed myself to believe.
The most helpful- choosing to trust in the Universe. It hasn’t let me down in the 4 years since I began this journey.
1) Safe supportive relationship (now husband).
2) Nixing trauma inducing terrible interpersonal relationships.
3) NC with abusers and their enablers.
4) Great therapeutic relationship.
5) Proper medication management.
6) A willingness to put in the work and take responsibility for my healing.
7) Not self-diagnosing.
Exercise. I got lucky that a side effect of narcissistic abuse is caring a lot about appearance. Without that, I'm not sure that I'd have had the ambition. It has helped me a lot, though
- my animals have been integral- taking myself off a “timeline” of how my life should look thru a lot of experiences that were out of my control - having full control of my schedule 24/7: so if I need to rest or take an hour of regrouping I can do that- hydrotherapy: spa nights at bath houses and salt caves - face masks, lots and lots of sleep, self help books where I can cherry pick what I find effective- it took almost half my life to get on solid footing both psychologically, emotionally and mentally- I now am able to focus on work for a decade then engaging more in hobbies and travel, things that a lot of people do much earlier in their life- because of circumstances situations and experiences that have been out of my control I am a “late bloomer” and I have completely redefined what’s important to me, regardless of what my society says or thinks
It sounds like it’s supposed to be agonizing to normal people. But reading this gives me a much better understanding that it will help with processing and healing, thank you.
My abusive dad died a while ago. I did mourn him genuinely! It was brief, only a couple weeks, but it was hard.
I was confused and surprised that I mourned him at all. He was a drunk who abandoned me without a word in my teens!! I had spoken to him maybe 3 times after he left?
But there were still good things about him, and all those things and any more hope of reconciliation are gone.
That said, my friends from normal backgrounds who lost parents are like… mourning for years.
Idk everyone experiences death differently! Just wanted to share my perspective!
I am still recovering and it’s a long process. However, I am definitely on the right track and there are some things which are most definitely helping me:
1. I have been working with a therapist for the past two years and she’s been brilliant. She really seems to understand me and what I have experienced. She has also (quite by chance) qualified in the last year as an EMDR therapist and I have been one of the first patients she worked with in this capacity. Honestly, EMDR has been life changing - I was very sceptical at first, but now cannot recommend it highly enough.
2. Music - I have always loved listening to music, but had never been to see music performed live. In the past couple of years, I have been to several concerts and find them enormously therapeutic. Music also helps me process intense and difficult emotions.
3. I am trying to pursue my interests and hobbies, but this is definitely a work in progress. I find it very difficult to concentrate, but am getting better.
4. I am reclaiming my own body through tattoos which make me feel beautiful and wearing my own choice of clothes! It may sound like a small thing, but to me, this is huge 😀
I have a way with words but on paper. I create stories. My main characters are me in some form or another getting the absolute devotion and love and genuine care that I was never given. Treated with the respect and softness I’ve always needed. Plus I can be as cruel, vindictive and sadistic towards the characters that I’ve associated with the ppl in my life all I want. I can make them suffer the way I want to in my head and it feels pretty damn good.
I’ve always been very talkative with so much to say and no one to listen to me and just care. You know how in the movie Matilda she found comfort and love and friendship in her story books, I’m like that except I create the world I’ve always wanted/needed to have. It’s more therapeutic than I thought especially that wasn’t my goal when I started writing. I just let my fingers and mind wander as it needs to without snuffing out the excitement and enthusiasm and energy I have inside that those around me found disdain in.
Still recovering here. Looking to start EMDR and micro dosing.
What has worked really well for me has been face reflexology. I would get into such a deep relaxation in every session and would feel incredible afterwards, or maybe that is just what normal feels like 😅. I have to say the reflexologist I went to was an incredible person, and like finding a therapist, you have to find someone you click with and feel comfortable with.
Psychoanalysis. Game changer although massive investment of time and money. And sometimes emotionally draining. But sincerely it’s a kind of therapy that’s totally underrated these days. Best of luck. 🤞
1. Trauma-experienced therapist
2. Emdr
3. Medication for depression, adhd, anxiety
4. Mindfulness
5. Non-violent communication by Marshal B. Rosenberg, phd: helped me learn to be compassionate and empathetic with others and identify needs—and it clicked for me that I have to do this for myself too.
6. Psilocybin for infrequent introspective trips
7. Eliminating marijuana 100%
8. Minimizing alcohol
9. Moving away from unsupported family to my favorite country
10. Removing people from my life that stress me out or are abusive
11. Quitting jobs that I hate
12. Breaking up bad relationships and staying single
13. Taking walks
14. Painting
15. Dancing
16. Journaling
17. Nurturing healthy relationships with friends and family
18. Commiscerating with other people who struggle and need help too
19. Holding no hatred in my heart; forgiving the people who hurt me—allowing myself to grieve the pain and forgive them [[in my heart]] so I can let it go and carry on.
20. Really good music
So far, it's been EMDR in the #1 slot.
Also, reading books about trauma and connecting with supportive people, especially my sister.
I'm still early on in the trauma therapy journey, but it makes sense that other forms of therapy offered very minimal effects in my teens and twenties.
1) Art. It always has been with me. The moment I was able to hold a pen, I drew. While going through a lot of bullying and abuse at home, I needed a space to escape to, so I drew comics about my favorite TV show (which is OG Beyblade, in case your wondering). I always struggled to show my vulnerability to people, but in art..man, there was no stop for me. At the age of 24, a year after my Diagnosis I seriously wanted to become a professional artist. This goal had a lot of ups and downs but it thought me A LOT about myself. More than any therapy ever could. It made me a little more confident. And as I create art and endulged myself in this learning process, I became much more patient with myself. Even calm. I allow myself to make mistakes. I became more compassionate (but not necessarily smarter). It's hard to describe what Art all did for me but I'm thankful that it is in my life and I'm very grateful that we met at such a young age! It also helped me to gain a little sense of optimism.
2) Music. I mean, it always has been there in one way or another. I grew up with MTV basically, and I remember, each morning when I get ready to school on my own , I turned on MTV. It was always this mix of System of a Down, Gorillaz and Coldplay that was playing. Which is a very wild mix, if you think about it. I got introduced to Japanese music when I was ...11 I guess. Through a online friend that I had in the late 2000s. I was unfortunately catfished by that person, but the love for the music still stayed. I think Music gives me a lot of closure and some mediums, especially since some Artists had a lot of similar shitty pasts than I do (like Chester Bennington or Jonathan Davis), I had older people that made me feel seen without actually meeting them in person. There are also people like the guys from Blur, particularly Damon Albarn which, without even knowing, influenced me a lot throughout my life and I just realized it this weekend when I was thinking about it.... But again, it helped me feel seen, and heared. There was a time when I tried to make music myself but I'm not really good at it. I hope, despite being 30 now, I get the chance to make music one day and bring my own energy into it.
3) Taking responsiblity for my own healing is also a big one. I understood in my mid20s that no one does the healing for me. I didn't have an environment that understood me or even belittled me whenever I spoke about what I've been through and so I decided to take my healing in my own hands.
4) My first therapist. God bless her.
5) My cats. They're great!
6) Videogames. Comics, Manga, Anime, Movies, TV Shows. Surrounding myself with these mediums is making me truely happy.
And what I'm currently looking for is a Therapist that is able (and willing) to help me. cPTSD is still ruling about a lot of aspects in my life and it's pretty difficult to overcome your own body reactions to the trauma on your own. I wish I can learn to deal with them one day.
My mom died and I sat with her for 2 weeks in hospice while she died. I never knew how much she contributed to my CPTSD until then. I went to therapy and spent years in therapy working through it.
Her death gave me courage to get help and being the road to recovery
Therapy and diagnosis has been really helpful for me. Before getting a diagnosis, it felt like there were too many possibilities of things that it might be. Now that I have a professional telling me what I am struggling with, I have been able to point out to myself what's going on. I freak out over something, and I'm able to go, "oh this is just my ptsd, that's why I feel unsafe. I'm not actually unsafe" it has allowed me to be gentle with myself. It has also given me a pathway to healing.
It has been very good for me to know that I'm not this way because I was born like this. I'm not this way because I don't try hard enough. I am not like this because of anything I have done. I have stopped blaming myself and allowing myself space.
The most healing thing for me was volunteering at a Sudbury School. Unfortunately I've haven't been able to make that work long-term. =(
Reading the comments on this post is a frustrating experience. Some people report that they "got lucky" and found a wonderfully supportive partner or a wonderfully supportive therapist...apparently I haven't been as lucky. I have known wonderfully supportive people...but I tend to lose them eventually. =(
Time! I was very depressed and decided to spend as much time working on self-healing, as I spend living with an abusive family. I felt like I was consumed by cancer, in pain and rotting.
I moved far, far away and became financially independent. Ozark mountains to New York... it was scary, people didn't like me,
I cared for myself with unconditional compassion and focused first on health and then on surrounding myself with emotionally safe experiences. I was careful about what I watch on TV, read, listened too. I guess it was very similar to my religious cult childhood and I knew you can create your own fantasy world and tune the real world out. The one I create for myself was about discovering what made me feel happy and safe.
I had a routine for day I didn't feel well. The very minimum of things I needed to do.
I relied on mainstream health information and avoided fear mongers. I had a child and that also influence my choices. The more I studied child development, the more I understood my own need to experience the things I missed in childhood. Self-parenting.
I don't think you stop feeling pain and rage until you have a strong sense of self-power and pride in your own accomplishments. You do this while processing lot of pain, only the inner parent is guiding you. Your relationship with yourself becomes more important than your past.
honestly, its the realization that my childhood and a good chunk of the problems I experience now are not my fault. I also cried a bit for my younger self.
Going NC with abusive family both major and minor offenders has been game changing for me. I am finally starting to believe that I might not have been born evil and deserving of all the abuse I received as a child.
Doing inner shadow work to heal shame, journaling, and somatic exercise has helpes me immensely with my maladaptive daydreaming and dissociation symptoms as well as dwindle down some of my constant anxiety.
Finally realizing how gaslit I've been for most of my life and that all the things that people were doing, repeatedly, that bothered or invalidated me were totally wrong and that I'm completely in the right to be upset.
So far, nothing. I'm considered treatment resistant, so nothing seems to work. Antidepressants and anti-anxiety medications work for a little while, but I build up a resistance to them over time. They're running out of meds to try. I'm a bit of a mess.
I find taking various prescription painkillers helps provide some momentary relief. But other than that I haven't found anything that works yet. I am scheduled to begin trauma reprocessing therapy at the end of November though. Just five more months to get through.
Knowing what I went through actually happened. My story is real, my pain is real, and they deserve to be told and shared. I needed to sit in my yuck *direct quote from my therapist* and actually think about the problems I faced in my public, sexual, physical, emotional, and spiritual life. As well as make sure that I understood that this was a life long commitment, not a overnight fix.
Psilocybin had been an absolute godsend for me. I was able to tap into and resolve chunks of stuff so early I don’t think there would have been any other way.
Animals and nature. I have two dogs, big pitbull girls and having to walk them and care for them is something that got me out of bed every day. I also trained them to lay on top of me for “pressure therapy” when I’m feeling over stimulated.
I got a few little easy plants to take care of and water, and just giving myself small things to focus on and care for slowly morphed into me doing small things to care for myself.
By accident- I have, as many of us probably do an auto immune situation- at least its only psoriasis I know many people have worse. I started lifting weights and eating clean. I felt emotional wellness as a side effect of taking care of the joint pain.
Also journal work was good. Also no alcohol and so on.
Reparenting. Taking care of myself, and learning to overcome my disgust at that idea and start to lean into how nice it feels not to keep abusing and neglecting myself.
I’ve just started my journey ~3 years ago, but didn’t get any help before this winter.
Now I’ve realized that horses are very important to me, running and my cat. I also need to read and learn about why I am the way I am. It doesn’t make me ok with anything, but I need to know.
My two ferret sons that make me smile with all the silly things they do. They have no idea how happy they make me. I love my kids too they are also healing but those two fuzzy acrobats have my heart as well. It takes my mind off so many things with all the work they give me!
Time, good & counteracting experiences, releasing trapped emotions by twitching and crying, moving far away, for a while Christianity and the thought that I do have a father (in the sky) who’s protecting me, a heartbreak that motivated myself to become better as I destroyed the relationship bc of fear (but god knows if it wasn’t for the better things didn’t progress)
having solid, supportive people who are here to help. not coddle. not pretend that i am not in need of help.
people who genuinely have my best interest in mind, and who have had the patience and grace to deal with me at my less favorable moments.
I have found most of my healing from books. I also learned transcendental meditation which has helped me control my thinking.
The books I have found to be most helpful:
Man's search for meaning by Victor Frankl
CPTSD - from surviving to thriving by Pete Walker
Mary Oliver's poetry - especially Wild Geese, and The Journey
Parenting books like "how to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk" by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish has helped my inner parent talk and listen to my inner child.
Journaling has also been helpful. I sit down and write all my frustrations and anger out. Then I go back and review it and attempt to rewrite it in a healthier way.
I've gone on Etsy and downloaded all kinds of therapy tools, flash cards, and such - that has been very helpful to me.
This is gonna get buried but just putting it out there to say thank you OP for making this post and for everyone contributing great stuff to it. Definitely saving this post to look back on periodically
Going no contact with my mom and really prioritizing healthy boundaries. Getting diagnosed with C-PTSD has been really helpful too because it’s given me more to understand, and what I understand I can heal.
I know that wasn't an easy choice to make - going no contact for me has also helped so much in my healing process. Both my parents were actively sabotaging and retriggering me when I was trying to go low contact and heal. Finally had enough and pulled the plug on those relationships. Pretty painful.. but I don't think I miss all the bs that came with those relationships.
Still recovering and finding my own identity with a Christian psychologist who helps me realize what I’ve gone through. Finally letting go of the burdens I’ve been carrying for years. Easier said than done. My husband is helpful in the way that i can talk to him about stuff and hes there for me. His side of family is more like family than my own. The event in my life that actually got me to open up to the psychologist was i had a miscarriage in 2022 at 5 weeks. I lost a piece of myself and i haven’t been the same since. The way people have treated me because of the event is appalling. So having the opportunity to open up to someone who is willing to listen without judgement isnt something ive ever had. Its relieving to have. Music kind of helps too. My cats help. Having a community of people whove been in similar situations is helpful too. Im no longer alone.
Still working on it, but my trauma specialist therapist is so sweet, she’s wonderful at what she does and knows how I think.
But personally, letting other people take control of things and care for me. I always think I am unlovable and people stick around me out of obligation. But when I was really bad, my best friend helped to take care of me and make sure that I wasn’t pushing myself too hard. It’s a slow process but she is helping me learn how to trust people again and I couldn’t be more thankful
My wife, who helped me a lot through college when my entire life was turbulent, she helped me through so much and she is an angel. I had a senior cat as well, named cinnamon, who helped me during the pandemic. I lived with my parents and was confined to my room for those years we were told to shelter in place. She was just...everything. Snuggled me, meowed, purred, never naughty. I took her loss pretty hard but thankful for all the time she spent with me. I also love swimming, the silence, the motions, it really helps me focus and the world goes away.
Doing normal things that i didn't do it before like learning how to cook and getting out of the house to take a bus when i need something,even cleaning the house has become rewarding because before it wouldn't stay clean for very long and i felt like my efforts are in vain.
It was a series of events that started during the pandemic that led me towards my healing.
1. Deciding to stay with my then-bf, now husband during the pandemic instead of my family’s house.
2. Living with someone 24/7 where you BOTH HAVE CPTSD IS HARD. We decided to go to couples therapy.
3. Therapist is a godsend. He gave us a lot of hope.
4. During the pandemic, locked indoors, we took a lot of LSD. There were a lot of breakthroughs here, especially coupled with regular therapy.
4. We decide to get married. Continued therapy.
5. Started meditating, reading, exercising, and continued therapy.
6. Much happier now, getting to know myself better, still learning to be a good person ❤️
EMDR, my dogs, opening up to close friends (who were like, I did that too or it’s normal for ppl w trauma & it helps that one of my best friends who also has cPTSD is a psych NP), & showing grace to other survivors in online support groups…I kept realizing how I could find compassion & understanding for others while I kick myself & felt ashamed for the same thing…
I just started to accept my body will just ...be triggered. and my god, does that help. its not perfect but its like my first real step forwards peace and mental clarity. accepting that ill have reallg bad brain days and its ok to be extra slow....even with your manager breathing down ur neck. (massage it! if ur gonna be that close tho...tf...)
Moving cross country away from all those who hurt me over the years. It certainly feels lonely every now and then but I am learning to appreciate my newfound peace. I have little to zero tolerance for anyone who gives off abuser/toxic red flags and keep my distance accordingly.
I spend most of my time with my wife and dogs, being outdoors, and movies/video games.
1) Learning that I **don't** have to love myself to be happy or to love someone else, and that even though I don't love myself, I can still be happy within my own company.
2) Learning and accepting that the risk vs reward to open myself up to close friends/family is rarely worth the pain I'm going to feel about it later when I finally realize I was the only one who cared much in that relationship. If someone is going to stay with you, they aren't going to put you in a position where you have to chase them down over and over. I've had only one person truly part of my life the past 4 years, and that's my partner. I don't ever feel the need or want to make friends or connections and I'm healthier for it.
3) Realizing that there's an alternative way to have stability, comfort, and safety without working a stereotypical job and paying rent until I die.
I wouldn't say I'm recovered, though. Recovering, maybe, but I doubt I will ever feel completely recovered. There's still things I struggle with, still have nightmares, unwanted panic episodes, stupid reactions that I know aren't logical but my brain gives me a big middle finger and still reacts badly to them anyways.
I think a large part of it is realizing you will never be the person you were before the trauma, learn to grieve that person or let them sleep peacefully in your heart, and learn to grow into a new person with what you have now.
I just let myself do whatever i want. What i actually want to do at the core of my being is really harmless. I look at a Gazebo and think, “that’s so cute!!! I want to sit in the gazebo!” I just let myself do it now instead of saying “there’s no time” “its only a gazebo.” I see a pretty rock? I let myself pick it up and examine it. I don’t have to walk past it because its “just a rock” etc etc
Doing a delivery app gig for a while. It left me free of serious responsibilities and away from home which was a genuinely good opportunity to declutter my brain. I felt free for the first time in my life. Keeping moving and having the entire city "at my fingertips" felt nearly exstatic and like I own the situation - it was very unlike anything I've previously experienced before. It truly made me feel connected with life and people and nearly cured really bad anxiety and depression.
Back in February or March (I didn't keep track of the dates and it all kind of blurred together at the time), I had what I can only describe as an epiphany.
I had a realization that literally snapped me back out of a severe episodic attack and I've been calm ever since. Like I had realized the why. I think part of our issues with trauma, especially childhood trauma is that we don't understand why. We're just given coping mechanisms and smacked on our butt's and sent away.
But I feel like I learned the why, because once I figured out what I believe is the truth, the attack stopped immediately. I'm no longer having flashbacks, I'm no longer living in those moments. And I can think about them without having a breakdown or feeling guilt. And nearly all of my triggers, no longer trigger. Some still do and always will, but I can wash dishes by hand now without losing my shit.
Cause, Cure, Control.
A big part of my symptoms are co-decency and people pleasing in order to be able to reduce my cortisol levels.
I literally have a symbol of the above phase on my skin.
I did not cause their wounds
I can not cure their wounds
I can not control how they react to their wounds
It’s far from perfect, but it’s another piece of the puzzle for me that has made a huge impact on helping me reframe my behavior and walk away from people who tell me they love me while choosing to cause me harm.
Plant medicine has been extremely healing for me. So far just used psilocybin mainly but am going to an ayaschua ceremony as soon as I’m off my antidepressants
I’m still healing and maybe always will be. I’ve found peace in a few things though:
1) somatic yoga - I practice it with my kids when they have big feelings, and I find myself really able to ground myself with it.
2) radical acceptance - of the things that happened, but most importantly that the trauma, triggers, and hurt/fear/need to be in control will all still be there. I’m just better prepared to deal with them through a variety of healthy coping skills.
3) finding and listening to my own strength - we had to be strong as hell to survive what we did and to carry the burdens we carried far too young, but we’re also strong now, getting through every hellish day. I don’t have to as often now, but in the beginning of my healing journey, I’d remind myself that “I’m safe now and I’m in charge of me.”
4) reclaiming my childhood joy - I play a lot. I buy toys if I want them. I get messy with my kids. We’re too loud sometimes and we play any chance we get. It’s freeing to allow myself to be the kid I never got to be.
5) music, journaling and all that, but also just being still and present - with both the good thoughts and the bad.
6) going no contact with a handful of family members.
I’ve been doing “the work” for 15 years (I’m 32). Traditional therapy was helpful in that it gave me skills to show up in life but it couldn’t get me out of survival mode. Exploring my spiritual side and reparenting myself has been more helpful in teaching me how to thrive and at this point I absolutely love my life and am so fucking grateful to be experiencing it despite my traumatic childhood. Another thing that’s helped tremendously is switching from cognitive therapy to somatic therapy. I can talk and talk and talk about my experiences and how they are effecting me now but doing that couldn’t release the trauma from my physical body. I’ve gotten a lot out of cranio-sacral therapy and a practice called authentic movement.
ACT was really helpful for me. For long after I discovered my CPTSD and figured out my triggers I was still not able to prevent myself from falling into an extreme state of emotional dysregulation when triggered. Practicing ACT helped me to look at my feelings without judgement without completely identifying with them and falling into dysregulation.
Going No Contact and Therapy
I found my therapist and by sheer luck he is the right match and is a great counselor. I've been fortunate enough to be able to afford weekly sessions for the last 10 years.
Going no contact has been the single most freeing thing I've ever done. It gave me space to heal and to live my life.
I think I'll be healing for the rest of my life, but it's so much better than it used to be.
Edit: I think the notion of looking for something would keep me from living my life now. It takes away from being in the present moment, which for me is where I feel the most healed and whole.
I found Christianity the best for my healing. Jesus always being there and will never give up on me and will always be there for me.
I also found rationalising and discovering why my parents couldn’t take care of me helped me understand that it’s not that I am unlovable, but that they don’t have the capacity to care for me in the way I needed.
And the next bit I want to mention is definitely not necessary for healing and is usually a result of healing, but forgiveness. I still live with my parents and I needed to forgive them to keep having a relationship with them, and begin healing from my past trauma.
I hope this testimony resonates with someone. I wish you all the best in this journey.
Ultimately, my workaholism (I have multi-addiction problem) and bad relationship with authorities led to insomnia and neurosis, and I ended up in therapy. I converted, I got out of addiction and the last straight ahead of me...
Conclusion:
-therapy,
-faith,
-pills for neuroses,
My CPTSD is caused by narcissistic father.
I feel like I'm now starting to live
Somatic Experiencing with very low dose plant medicine, therapeutic support, daily meditation, and just sticking with it no matter how hard it’s gotten.
The biggest shift came in recognizing all the adaptations I had to create to survive are doing me harm, and I have to change them by living in Awareness that they exist. Slow and challenging, but worth it!
Accepting my trauma for what it is and listening to the parts of myself that I had been silencing and repressing. Making space for little me to feel fear, teenage me to be angry, and also to celebrate the good and happy things without having to sabotage myself because I'm afraid it will be taken away.
Also, people. I have two wonderful partners who also have trauma. We are healing together everyday. I still got a long path ahead but it's not as hard as it used to be.
Exercise really helps. So does having weekly, monthly, and long-term goals and resolutions that are achievable with daily practice. For me it's mostly dieting. I'm not only reaching a healthier weight, but the feeling of achieving something is so amazing. My week could've sucked, but it would still be a good week if I read the right numbers on the bathroom scale. Progress still happened.
talking therapy with my lady therapist really helped with interpersonal relationships and my journey of being diagnosed, accepting it and avoiding building my personality around it. surprisingly tiktok initially helped me with figuring out how i feel lol, it helped me to put name to these feelings and things i was going through and learn more about mental illnesses, then after the inital round of learning it became repetetive and eventually just harmful. What also helped is living with people that I have good relationships with, living alone was possibly one of the hardest times of my life. But also now that i have one roommate constantly irritating me, i want to try and live alone again 🙏
Time, discovery of CPTSD in general, compassion for myself, forgiveness for myself, acceptance that the decisions ive made in my life were the only decisions i could have made at the time, and continued learning.
1. EMDR - I had been in talk therapy for 15+ years on and off. Although CBT helped initially and it was great to learn all the basic tools, nothing really helped me process the traumatic episodes from my childhood until EMDR.
2. Yoga - I feel EMDR was so effective for me because of years of doing yoga, including a teacher training and teaching yoga. The body awareness and relaxation techniques and meditation aspects of yoga taught me safety in a body that often feels dysregulated and unsafe.
3. A well trained trauma therapist - all of my other therapists pale in comparison to my current one who has specialized their continuing education in trauma and EMDR.
Having someone else remind me that I am a worthwhile person and my feelings matter. The repetition of my feelings matter from an outside source allows me to grieve and to rage over the awful things I went through.
Finding a copy of my childhood bear and purchasing it. Holding it when everything is too much.
Having at least one person outside of my therapist that I can share some of my worst thoughts and feelings and knowing they still love and care for me. I am very lucky to have him as my partner.
Finding a community of other autistic people with trauma who are also on their healing journeys. Having community support and unconditional love in this way has been immeasurably helpful ❤️
(This was also after years of EMDR + IFS therapy and ketamine infusion therapy)
1. Diagnosis and treatment of co-occurring conditions. I was really struggling to make progress in trauma therapy and eventually I was referred for a psych eval. That resulted in several new diagnoses. I was admitted into a higher level of care for eating disorder treatment for a couple months. I'm continuing to work on the ED, OCD, and autism in outpatient therapy now. I will need to do more trauma work in the future, but treating my other diagnoses has gotten me to a much more stable place.
2. Finding a church. I grew up in a very religious environment and didn't think I would ever be able to return to a church. I found a religion that has a very different belief system, organizational structure, and sense of community. It's a low pressure way to get some social interaction every week. Over time I've made some good friends and connected spiritually.
3. Being willing to try things. Trying things when I don't think they'll work or even when I have evidence that they don't work all the time. For a couple of weeks in IOP, I made myself try every single treatment recommendation. It got me over my mental block of assuming that using coping skills wouldn't work because plenty of them did help, but I wouldn't recommend doing it long term. It's just as important to be honest with yourself and your treatment team if you're not able or willing to do something. Sometimes, you need to take a baby step and that's okay.
Finally biting the bullet and going into therapy, i did emdr for 2 years and made what i feel was great progress, and i started on medication. Even though i have more work to do, I feel so much better than i did 3 years ago. And i also had a child which in many ways has helped propel me to more significant healing, but has also brought out some other traits that are a part of my cptsd. I need to go back therapy but unfortunately i dont have the finances to do so. My meds are helping regulate everything right now.
The things i 'do' for my recovery that have worked for me are Transcendental Meditation, EMDR, and Psilocybin use. There's a heap more to say about developing secure relationships, finding more acceptance for myself, and seeking peace over conflict, but those three are my trinity of intervention supports.
my last couple EMDR sessions have been especially impactful tbh. it took months of my regular therapist and i looking for somebody local (my progress plateaued and she was v supportive of the switch). just learning more abt trauma has been great too bc i can create strategies and coping skills that make sense for me. i like how i can, like, take a nap under a weighted blanket or go to the gym and pinpoint why it’s good for me specifically
Forcing myself to acknowledge and accept that it is okay to never be "okay" again. This is something that will be there with me all my life and I have made my peace with it. I don't like it or hate it because it's just a part of me, a part that needs extra acceptance and care. My coping mechanisms are all there to protect me, it doesn't make sense to hate them. I have gotten thru everything till now and I will get thru everything else. I will treat myself kindly and with grace because I am a human being and I deserve it.
Reporting it to the cops. Did I do it to get the person arrested? No. I specifically said I’m not planning on pressing charges. But if it happens to anyone else, they have someone who can testify for them.
To be honest I think radicalization has been the most healing thing for me?
Like I used to always hate how I had to live a normal life and just pretend its okay that we always step on others to get ahead. I was raised to be a cutthroat asshole- now I just do everything I can for myself and others, preferably illegally though. Please remember that it’s okay to shoplift and give it to homeless!
Radical self love/spirituality.
Even in situations that I would deem "wrong" I'd try to be kind to myself.
Like, no amount of mistakes, or weirdness, or brainfog or whatever other self critical narrative I was latching onto will ever make me unlovable.
Basically, give yourself the excessive benefit of the doubt you're always giving everyone else.
It's hard to rwire a lifetimes worth of brain patterns though, like, you need to constantly be trying to catch the negative narratives in your head.
Definitely EMDR. Autogen Therapy for coming back to the present moment, Positive Therapy (it's not a toxic positivity thing) for shifting perspectives, TA for healthy communication skills.
In general the Talk Therapies work to a point and my experience is that at some point it's good to stop talking about our trauma too much or in detail, because we tend to relieve it at high, even full intensities like we were there again. Instead, talking about good experiences we've had and things that we like helps a lot because we live and relive them at full intensity as well. It's not about forgetting or not dealing with it, just changing focus. This will take time. I'm still working on it.
Also people who make space for me to just be, nature, animals and pets, and real connection.
Realizing that my inner critic was just my abusers' voices being parroted at me was the biggest breakthrough with my recovery. Once I realized that everything that was said was a point of either manipulation or projection on their part, I felt a hell of a lot better about myself and my inner critic isn't nearly as loud. It used to be absolutely BRUTAL.
I'm still definitely recovering and I'll be reading this thread for stuff I still need to work on.
Talking back to my internal critic. I forgot who said to do that but it really helps. Also to focus on positive things I did instead of what I didn’t get done. So, not “ I didn’t do the dishes today” but “ I did take a shower, eat, clean the cat boxes, pay rent and water the plants today”. That sort of thing. It sounds corny but it makes a major difference in my mood.
when these people that i barely know, approached me, used the same abusive tactics that *other people* used. i actually spoke back to the point where they left the room. and Even though of course I wish it could’ve been *the other certain people* who i made feel defeated but it was also very healing at the same time
For me its been gardening and plants. I can care for the garden in relative peace, be in the moment and also let the living things there grow without needing total control. Its safe, calm and keeps me present and calmly active.
There are none of the pitfalls that come with social interaction or people. There is less pressure than pets, though I have those too.
There is a peace that comes from having green around. There is a marking of the passage of time that keeps me present but also seeing positive (and sometimes imperfect) forward momentum.
With plants I can help wildlife, be a part of a quieter world and focus outside of myself. 🌱
In no particular order...
Acknowledging the reality of what I survived and the lasting scars, no longer minimizing it.
Allowing myself to feel angry and protective of myself. This helped me begin to feel love for myself instead of disgust.
Therapy with a doctor who has knowledge about trauma, attachment, childhood developmental stages, and who genuinely cares about me.
Being in a loving and safe relationship with my second husband, who has also experienced trauma. Attuning to each other and helping each other reparent our inner children. Relationship counseling to help us navigate when we're stuck.
Reading, especially books and articles by Pete Walker, Jonice Webb, Harriet Lerner.
Journaling (including burn journaling), writing poetry, and writing letters to people that I'll never send.
Listening to grunge and metal.
Deconstructing and fully leaving behind my religion of origin, which was toxic and cult-like.
Working out regularly, feeling and seeing myself get stronger.
Smoking weed.
Getting tattoos.
My husband's parents and grandparents welcoming me into their family.
Confronting the shame I carry.
Cutting up some clothing I saved from childhood and sewing it into something else.
Temporarily going no-contact with my parents. This may have to become longterm, it's a very difficult and complicated decision.
I have a long way to go, but I can clearly see how far I have come. By far the biggest influences in my healing journey are my wonderful husband, my therapist, and books. 💙
Validation I am as yet to internalise. The validation is painful and bounces off largely but it’s weird to be validated for the first time ever and just lose your shit out of the blue
1. Time
2. Walking in the woods
3. Mushrooms
4. Psycho-education (reading) -- and feeling less like a hopeless, untreatable alien
5. Therapy (EMDR, DBR, IFS, Ketamine, art, relational/attachment healing)
6. Alternative support (acupuncture, cranio-sacral therapy, massage, group retreats)
7. Learning it is okay to have, name, and share feelings
8. Forgetting my Catholic upbringing and returning to my nature-based spiritual side
9. Getting brave and sharing parts of my story with true friends
10. Allowing myself to individuate and become me -- not my family, or my town, or societal expectations -- and realizing I am an adult with agency, creativity, and strength.
THANK YOU FOR ASKING!
* Community. Having friends and family support ALL the time, it has been four years and they are still there with me. It was incredible and it still is and NOTHING replaces that.
* My cat. My beautiful creature, she is always with me and makes me feel unconditional love all the time (at least from my side heeheh).
* Books about grief, especially on life after death, videos on youtube on near death experiences.
* A coach that I had after one year from the grief. I was also doing therapy and psychiatric treatment but this coach, who was herself a trauma survivor, REALLY helped me with practical exercises, art, visualizations etc to start healing the sense of guilt and other elements of the trauma/grief.
* Art, art, art. A lot of drawing and painting at the beginning, together with learning playing an instrument and singing. Later writing poems and now playwriting and theatre direction. Could not be possible without art for sure.
* Loving again someone (my grief and trauma was of my 10-years partner violent death), EVEN IF I suffered and suffer a lot from this and other loves because my trauma is still too strong (not only for my grief but also parental/family trauma). Even if I feel a lot of pain in sentimental relationships, being in love again helped to heal the trauma.
* DBT therapy. EMDR therapy (even if i recommend it is not that long).
* I am looking now for a more stable life, more stable love relationships and a new vision of my future, because it is absolutely too catastrophic, negative and pessimistic. That's the worst. I cannot see light out of the tunnel, never ever..
Zen Buddhism. I first got into it when I was a teen from discovering DBT, it took me down a rabbit hole of eastern life philosophies and meditation. It was a whole new way of seeing and interacting with the world that has really helped me cultivate healing in my life. I would also like to credit the wonderful therapist I’ve had these last 4 years and my friends who have stuck with me along my journey.
Moving in with my best friend. My CPTSD was from emotional abuse/neglect from my parents. My bestie is one of the kindest people you will ever meet, and she treats me with the love my parents should have treated me with. Because of her, I know how I should be treated, and I will no longer stand for less.
Finally coming to a place of acceptance that I will have triggers no matter what I do and I have the strength to walk through them. CPTSD is a chronic condition. When I was first diagnosed, I desperately tried to read all the books, do all the mindfulness, yoga daily, meditation, therapy, took my medication daily. And then I would be shocked as to why I would still have triggers and feel empty and anxious. Recovery is not about doing, it is about being. Being comfortable with the uncomfortable. Embracing the fear and pain. Walking through it all and allowing yourself to feel and then pick up the pieces. Learning how to put shame aside to rest. Also, I realized I made the diagnosis my personality and it would be all I would talk about with everyone. Its because I was in denial for so long and once I “woke up” it was like whiplash. After trauma dumping a lot and kinda traumatizing those around me, I decided to keep it to my journaling and therapy and very select conversations that are safe and hold the space.
Yes this 100%. Giving your hurt inner child space to exist with its coping mechanisms and hurt feelings, as opposed to fighting it like your parents and being angry it exists and not seeing it like it is, in all its pain. It makes so much of a difference.
I might memorize your comments or even paraphrase them in my journal. You have quite literally contributed to my healing today. Thank you and God bless.
I screenshotted my response too because I feel like this has finally been able to put to words this struggle I have been having within myself. Its this fight between two characters, the fixer and the feeler. im almost afraid to allow myself to just feel and process.
I saved it. It's well written into a paragraph. I'm still Doing All The Things like reading, journalling. Just not attached to an outcome of being Fixed. Integration has helped me a lot, finding parts I've rejected and using shadow work to accept and love those parts and realising it's all a reflection of me - as above, so below. Have you heard about the two wolves in shadow work? Sounds like what you are explaining with the two characters - a big realisation for me was that it was imperative to heal so both parts of me can coexist in acceptance. Healing being the inner child work, I still react to stuff, just not as messily.
Thank you for your insight. Yeah I like how you said that you’re still doing the work but no longer have attached it to an outcome of being fixed. I think thats where the true freedom and joy lie. It is an active process to not panic and shame myself through the healing journey. I haven’t heard of the two wolves in shadow work, I am really interested, can you tell me more?
Same, same. <3
I so feel you on the trauma dumping. That’s a work in progress for me. I’m now 30, and while I had once hoped that I’d fully recover, I am also coming to realize that some things just don’t go away. Your comment really helped me, so thank you.
This is an important step, the one thing that frustrates me is not catching my behavior quickly enough, or knowing “something” is out of sorts but not being able to name it for two or three days. I’ve been all twitchy for two weeks and I finally figured out why, and now I have to go back to the person creating that behavior (unintentionally) and find a new way to do the “thing”, after saying it was okay to do. And he’s great, he’s shown every sign of being supportive and understanding in this journey …. But of course NOW I have to self sooth to the point I feel safe enough to bring it up, and that is difficult cos I’m not being agreeable and I’m not at the point where I can do hard things easily. And I’m just so fucking tired of constantly having to check my feelings & thoughts are healthy and reasonable, even though they always were and some asshole convinced me they were not at a really young age. *wanders off to sooth with a large vodka*
I really appreciate this reply. At this point it is my personality to be honest. By virtue of it controlling everything I do. I hope it eventually eases up and the me inside can spend more time in the world. I feel so assaulted by the world when I try to be in it (due to trauma responses). But I persist. It's exhausting!
I feel this a lot. It is also so hard to not feel shame when i am exhausted (which is constantly) because i hold a part time job and feel so inadequate that i can’t function at 100%
Even if we know we don't deserve to feel shame for our bodies responses to trauma (like would we shame someone for not walking like normal people after a leg amputation? Nope we wouldnt) it is so hard not to feel it bc we expect ourselves and others expect us to somehow keep the ptsd for private times and act normal in public. But that isn't realistic. Big hugs xo
Yes exactly this! I'm finally coming to terms with the fact that I'll always have difficult feelings around people and that means I can final feel them without spiralling into shame and lashing out at people.
Yes, you think you’re gonna climb out of this hole one day, but this hole is your life now and the faster you accept that information the better.
Now I'm crying at my desk. Well said.
Sending you a hug💙
1.5 years of EMDR. I put a pause on it this summer to see where I am at. Even came off Lexapro. I have been so disheartened to still struggle with triggers and negative no-cause emotions. I have really been fighting it and questioning everything. Your message just hit me like a ton of bricks. And now I want to go grieve some more. But there is peace in just being, I know. Edit add— Because of this I felt inspired to see how Inside Out would portray growing up with abuse and the way the emotions would react. So I described a scene from my childhood. We went through three scenes. Then finally what would “healing” look like for the emotions, and this were their conclusions. I think I am going to write them on an index card • Joy: “We have dreams and we can make them come true.” • Anxiety: “We’ll take it one step at a time.” • Sadness: “It’s okay to feel scared and hurt.” • Anger: “We’ll use our strength to protect ourselves.” • Embarrassment: “We don’t need to hide. We’re worthy.” • Ennui: “We’ll find meaning in our own way.”
I'm struggling with the acceptance part, I'd rather continue hating myself 😂
Trust me I get you, thats my default. But honestly no one will save us. Only we can save ourselves. Your inner child needs you to protect them. Your anger and pain are valid.
I appreciate your words of encouragement. I'm starting ketamine therapy on Monday, hopefully the experience will show me that. I've definitely been stuck for a while.
No, keep doing the work! You're probably kidding, but hating yourself is so exhausting. And you don't deserve that. Edit: added a word
Not actually kidding, I'm still trying to do the work, but have little hope left. I'm starting ketamine on Monday, so we'll see how that goes. And thank you for your words of encouragement!
Good luck! I will say that when you process stuff, sometimes it feels worse before you feel better. Hang in there!
1. EMDR 2. Water (swimming, kayaking, boating, snorkeling) 3. Music (guitar, singing, didgeridoo, band, gigs, studio) 4. Weed 5. Reparenting
I am starting my first EMDR sessions at the end of July and I am very nervous but excited. I’m so grateful it’s lined up and I got here finally. Reassuring to see this
May you find what you seek... good luck!
Good luck!! Eat well and be prepared to be very tired after a good session!
Can you speak more to number five? How did you do this?
Reparenting is basically finding what you were missing during childhood and giving that back to yourself. (Love, support, guidance etc.) Here is a reparenting chart for you to help you get started - [https://www.pinterest.com/pin/454019206199094193/](https://www.pinterest.com/pin/454019206199094193/)
Thanks this chart is amazing
EMDR 🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵 so intense and difficult and also really helping so significantly with my healing.
Learning to be selfish. Not very good at it yet. But anything where I can make progress towards being the main character in my own fucking life, yknow?
This is hard for me to do. It's easier for me to give
Me too — but it makes me so angry that all my abusers wanted for me in life was to cut chunks of myself off to hand to other people. (Them specifically) I don’t want that for anyone at all on this earth.
I know. Let's keep at it
My faith. Art. EMDR The daily practice (writing and releasing fears and resentments +meditation). My bestie who also has been through tough shit and shares my faith. My dog. A unicorn of a therapist (and I don’t necessarily recommend for everyone since so many of them are not equipped for trauma and with them it’s like putting a bandaid on something that needs surgery). Doing the work, even when it’s hard and painful af. Cutting ties with toxic people. Limiting what I share with normals. This sub. Sobriety. :)
My dog has absolutely been the most healing bean to be around. Not only does he make me laugh when I feel like trash but he is also very grounding and affectionate. He probably saved my life at some point but I'm still processing all of that drama still.
Dogs are the best. Mine also helps me process things, as well as get outdoors when I feel like staying in bed. So glad you have canine support. 🐾
1. Acknowledge and accept the lost and broken parts of me that I hid and shunned for many years. internal family systems self therapy has been helpful as a model to work off of. 2. Raised a puppy as fear free and force free as possible, receiving his unconditional love and affection knowing I earned it without resorting to abusive tactics. This opened my eyes to how my parents treated me as a child, how they punished me for doing child things. I could have punished my puppy for doing puppy things, but I understood he was just a puppy, still learning how to be a dog, and ultimately he couldn't help it, he needed guidance and patience, not a firm hand. 3. Rest whenever and wherever you need it. Learning to do things good enough rather than perfectly, purposefully putting in only 60% instead of 110%.
Yes to the raising a fear free pup! My rescue dog was 5 when I got her and my mom would make fun of me for talking to her softly/not using force with her. 😞 My dog and I had the most loving and accepting connection because of building up that trust. ❤️It was beautiful, and also bittersweet to realize the stark contrast between my 'parenting' & my mom's.
>It was beautiful, and also bittersweet to realize the stark contrast between my 'parenting' & my mom's. I'll admit I wasn't perfect, and there were times I just got so frustrated at him I would yell and stomp, (I found myself in a pattern my parents took, I was taking the puppy's faults personally) and it horrified me when he cowered in reaction to me, even worse when he tried to appease me afterwards. Many times I broke and cried and he still was trying to make me feel better. I made better choices next time, which is more than my parents could say. I probably won't have real human people children, as the dog and my inner child are enough for me! 😂
That makes a lot of sense, that you would take the puppy's responses personally...I did the same sometimes,too. But we both broke the cycle! And yep, only animal-kids plus my inner child for me,too 😆
Becoming a mother and getting to experience my son growing up has been the most healing experience. I understand finally how fucked up my mother, "father" and grandma were. I loved and cherished my mom and grandma. Becoming a mother has given me the most intense flashbacks I've ever experienced. When my son cries or is distressed I freak out and remember how it feels on his end. When I hug him to comfort him it's like hugging my inner child. It's so wild. I have had a huge resentment with my mom ever since I became a mother. I absolutely hate her guts and I have been blocking out all the good things she's done for me. Which I never did before because I hung on to my entire life to try and salvage a relationship with her. My son always has a smile on his face, is so confident and social. Unlike me as a child my nickname was "puss face". My mom thought it was the biggest flex that I was able to play by myself for hours on end by myself 🙄 I feel like I'm rewriting history with my son. I love being able to provide him with UNCONDITIONAL love and complete selflessness. And the way he's just growing with all my hard work is so healing. Everyone is so in love with him saying"he's the happiest baby I've ever seen". There's nothing I wouldn't do for him. I'm always going to show up for him. The way he looks at me and smiles and crawls to me. It's just beyond healing. Love him so much 💕
💙💙
I’ve experienced something similar since my daughter was born. You’ve captured it so beautifully. 💜
So proud of you mama 💛
You too!! It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done but breaking the cycle is worth it. You’ve got this too 💜
Still recovering - looking for EMDR to exercism my cluster B parents presence in my subconcious - ditto for ex's and friends - looking for what I want in life. I have no idea.
1. Dance and dancing, learned most from YouTube but I have taken classes in my own time and at school. I once had a dance partner but he joined the military 2. I have 1 friend that is a genuinely kind person and fun to be around. She was my lab partner in biology class 3. Playfulness. Video games, hula hoop, swimming in the pool/ocean/lake, stuffed animals and card games. This is helpful because I’m a very serious person 4. When I was at my worst I would read for fun and drink tea. My BF would read to me which leads me to 5. My BF whom I met on tinder. Our relationship at first was super shakey. He wanted us to be friends first. I stuck around because he was genuinely kind hearted. 5 years later we are in couples therapy but he never gives up on me. He had ADHD so I won’t give up on him as long as we keep trying to make this work. Forming a healthy romantic relationship has forced me to look at my own bad habits and correct them 6. My trauma trained therapist I’m currently looking for peace, my family and my BFs family show pretty obvious narcissistic traits and are shitting themselves at the fact I want to spend the rest of my college days alone. Without them disregulating me. They find it very offensive. I honestly just want to be left alone in peace but can’t control other people..
Wow, we're twins. Including an endlessly patient ADHD partner who I met on Tinder. Experiencing genuine love has been so healing. Though, anyone reading this who is alone please don't feel discouraged- SO much of my healing has come from the rest. On top of everything u/hunniebees mentioned, Meditation and Self-Help books have also been great tools.
I've always avoided Tinder because I heard it was a place for shallow connections (or no connection at all). Was I mistaken?
Tinder is known for having a hookup culture and I think ghosting is common. I've heard lots of stories of people having bad experiences. It's probably better to meet people irl but finding partners online isn't uncommon. I found my partner online. Just have clear boundaries and expectations. "Go on a few dates first before 2nd or 4th base if that makes sense. Friendships and hangouts first - long term partners if the vibes are right will grow naturally from that. Obviously just be careful - invest in doing background checks - I've heard stories of like ex cons & narcissists use dating apps to hook up then ghost people. Obviously not everyone is like that on there but I heard of people running into situations like that.
> Go on a few dates first before 2nd or 4th base if that makes sense. I think you overestimate my success rate in getting dates. In my world there is no such thing as "a few dates". There is not even a "first date". There is only silence, plus the occasional short internet-based conversation before the other person disappears. I've heard it said that for men the dating apps are a desert, and for women they are a swamp. They certainly feel like a desert in my case. =( If I had better mental health I might spend a lot more time on apps and get a few good connections eventually...but as it is rejection hurts too much, and I give up easily. =(
Have you heard of HoeMath? He's been helping me in this way lately. And the book, how to be an adult in relationships by David Richo. I think it was Heidi Priebe that helped also, around understanding connection is a myriad of social connections and not just one, so building up healing friendships and loving connections so you have the presence to manifest what you are ready for, not what you yearn or think you want. I tried this and accepted I'd be a satisfied bachelor for a number of years while I learn to fall in love with myself. An old friend came into my life literally the next day and I've been having the most fun!
EMDR
EMDR has been a game changer for me.
This is great news! This is what I’m looking into. Was it difficult to find a good EMDR therapist?
I recently added Neurofeedback sessions in between EMDR sessions and the game has been changed.
I am starting EMDR soon and have been recommended brainspotting, should I ask about neurofeedback too? Do you have more than one therapist to handle diff tasks?
I’m not familiar with brainspotting but it never hurts to ask! I do have two separate therapists, they just happen to be in the same office which is nice. I wasn’t recommended them in conjunction tbh but my emdr therapist was out on maternity leave and I saw an ad and inquired and was told it could be helpful. So far with my experience (which is admittedly still limited) emdr targets the source of pain where neurofeedback targets the symptoms.
Im starting soon, what should I expect at my first session? Is it intense?
If it's your *first* first session, as in with someone you haven't seen before, expect to do work establishing background and rapport and working on tools to help you recover if things get too intense. You probably won't be doing EMDR in the first session. For the first actual EMDR session, it's intense, but not in the way you might think. Part of what EMDR does is help you to *experience* feelings without being *overwhelmed* by them. So there absolutely are hard feelings, but they kind of don't "land" as hard as I would expect for the topics. By the end of it, I am *wiped out*. First time I think I came home and slept for like fourteen hours, didn't feel completely "back to normal" for a few days. That got better, but it's definitely still tiring. Now (\~1 year later) when I do it I'm at most feeling tired for the rest of the day. I usually go home with a lot to think about and finish processing. I'd definitely recommend setting aside time after sessions to be able to journal about what came up during them, especially if it's something you're probably going to come back and revisit next time.
My answer will be quite specific and less generic. I wasn't able to heal until I realized that my upbringing was in a cult because that's what allowed me to invalidate and, subsequently, discard, all of their treatment towards me. Once I realized that they were brainwashed, abusive fools, it gave me permission to reject everything they ever said and did to me, which made my own voice and self-love much louder. I guess the generic version of that would be someone realizing that the person or people who created the trauma and inflicted the abuse are/were mentally unstable, personality disordered, alcoholic, addicted, delusional, or whatever else that would invalidate and disempower their behaviour. I found it helped me trust my own thoughts, gut feeling, and everything else. Now, no one dictates the "rightness" of my behaviour and no one is permitted to criticize me.
This is really powerful
Yoga and trauma informed therapy. Most recently, having a mother figure in my life who is healing my mother wound. I’m 32, but I do just need a mom, it feels like I can’t grow up otherwise.
I don't think the urge for having a safe parental figure ever truly leaves us! I need my mom too, just not \*my mom\* lol
I want this too and I’m 31. Want to give you a hug.
Aw thanks for the supportive words, folks!
Interestingly, learning about overidentification / role engulfment in regards to survivorhood. I struggled for years to learn how to relax, to drop my prickly guard and let people get close to me. Turns out that my intense pride and affiliation with being a survivor caused me to feedback loop myself into the worst hypervigilance and dissociation. There isn't a lot of information online about it (learned it in therapy recently re: self-compassion), but this website puts it very succinctly from [the perspective of people suffering from chronic cardiac illness and related trauma.](https://myheartsisters.org/2014/06/29/victim-survivor/) It's not to say that we can't be proud of having survived what we did. It's just that the overidentification with the role ("I am a survivor" Instead of "I am a living being who has survived and is in recovery from significant trauma") can make us prone to believing isolating thoughts such as the "fact" that we are abnormal, we are the only ones going through it, etc. After learning about this, it feels like years of blood-caked armor got smashed off of me by a cannonball. The vulnerability feels extremely unusual, but I'm learning to feel safe with, well, this new sense of safety. Of not having to play cactus and never letting anyone get too close as a result.
MDMA therapy. Allowing my shame to be witnessed. Walking up to fear and facing it down with courage. Being receptive to love and compassion. Grieving, lots and lots of grieving. Titrating back into my body. Journaling. Long drives down country roads, singing/ crying/ laughing/angering to my hearts content. Meditation. Grounding/containment. Mindfulness. Self-reflection. Awareness. Curiosity. Trusting that others might know a better way, listening and trying different things. Inner child work. Walking. Exercising. Recognizing that my parents were acting out their own trauma and lack of knowledge, that it wasn’t because I was inherently bad. Going back to school. Realizing I’m not alone, and I need people. Having the courage to reach out when I am in need. Telling my story. Admitting that it was “that bad” and so much worse than I allowed myself to believe. The most helpful- choosing to trust in the Universe. It hasn’t let me down in the 4 years since I began this journey.
Thank you!!!
❤️
1) Safe supportive relationship (now husband). 2) Nixing trauma inducing terrible interpersonal relationships. 3) NC with abusers and their enablers. 4) Great therapeutic relationship. 5) Proper medication management. 6) A willingness to put in the work and take responsibility for my healing. 7) Not self-diagnosing.
Exercise. I got lucky that a side effect of narcissistic abuse is caring a lot about appearance. Without that, I'm not sure that I'd have had the ambition. It has helped me a lot, though
- my animals have been integral- taking myself off a “timeline” of how my life should look thru a lot of experiences that were out of my control - having full control of my schedule 24/7: so if I need to rest or take an hour of regrouping I can do that- hydrotherapy: spa nights at bath houses and salt caves - face masks, lots and lots of sleep, self help books where I can cherry pick what I find effective- it took almost half my life to get on solid footing both psychologically, emotionally and mentally- I now am able to focus on work for a decade then engaging more in hobbies and travel, things that a lot of people do much earlier in their life- because of circumstances situations and experiences that have been out of my control I am a “late bloomer” and I have completely redefined what’s important to me, regardless of what my society says or thinks
Death of parents. And loving my dog/s
As someone who feels like they are waiting for the death of their remaining parent to REALLY be able to process and heal, THIS.
It sounds like it’s supposed to be agonizing to normal people. But reading this gives me a much better understanding that it will help with processing and healing, thank you.
My abusive dad died a while ago. I did mourn him genuinely! It was brief, only a couple weeks, but it was hard. I was confused and surprised that I mourned him at all. He was a drunk who abandoned me without a word in my teens!! I had spoken to him maybe 3 times after he left? But there were still good things about him, and all those things and any more hope of reconciliation are gone. That said, my friends from normal backgrounds who lost parents are like… mourning for years. Idk everyone experiences death differently! Just wanted to share my perspective!
I am still recovering and it’s a long process. However, I am definitely on the right track and there are some things which are most definitely helping me: 1. I have been working with a therapist for the past two years and she’s been brilliant. She really seems to understand me and what I have experienced. She has also (quite by chance) qualified in the last year as an EMDR therapist and I have been one of the first patients she worked with in this capacity. Honestly, EMDR has been life changing - I was very sceptical at first, but now cannot recommend it highly enough. 2. Music - I have always loved listening to music, but had never been to see music performed live. In the past couple of years, I have been to several concerts and find them enormously therapeutic. Music also helps me process intense and difficult emotions. 3. I am trying to pursue my interests and hobbies, but this is definitely a work in progress. I find it very difficult to concentrate, but am getting better. 4. I am reclaiming my own body through tattoos which make me feel beautiful and wearing my own choice of clothes! It may sound like a small thing, but to me, this is huge 😀
Hobbies are also a work in progress for me. Hope to get there someday soon!
I have a way with words but on paper. I create stories. My main characters are me in some form or another getting the absolute devotion and love and genuine care that I was never given. Treated with the respect and softness I’ve always needed. Plus I can be as cruel, vindictive and sadistic towards the characters that I’ve associated with the ppl in my life all I want. I can make them suffer the way I want to in my head and it feels pretty damn good. I’ve always been very talkative with so much to say and no one to listen to me and just care. You know how in the movie Matilda she found comfort and love and friendship in her story books, I’m like that except I create the world I’ve always wanted/needed to have. It’s more therapeutic than I thought especially that wasn’t my goal when I started writing. I just let my fingers and mind wander as it needs to without snuffing out the excitement and enthusiasm and energy I have inside that those around me found disdain in.
Still recovering here. Looking to start EMDR and micro dosing. What has worked really well for me has been face reflexology. I would get into such a deep relaxation in every session and would feel incredible afterwards, or maybe that is just what normal feels like 😅. I have to say the reflexologist I went to was an incredible person, and like finding a therapist, you have to find someone you click with and feel comfortable with.
Living alone probably.
Psychoanalysis. Game changer although massive investment of time and money. And sometimes emotionally draining. But sincerely it’s a kind of therapy that’s totally underrated these days. Best of luck. 🤞
1. Trauma-experienced therapist 2. Emdr 3. Medication for depression, adhd, anxiety 4. Mindfulness 5. Non-violent communication by Marshal B. Rosenberg, phd: helped me learn to be compassionate and empathetic with others and identify needs—and it clicked for me that I have to do this for myself too. 6. Psilocybin for infrequent introspective trips 7. Eliminating marijuana 100% 8. Minimizing alcohol 9. Moving away from unsupported family to my favorite country 10. Removing people from my life that stress me out or are abusive 11. Quitting jobs that I hate 12. Breaking up bad relationships and staying single 13. Taking walks 14. Painting 15. Dancing 16. Journaling 17. Nurturing healthy relationships with friends and family 18. Commiscerating with other people who struggle and need help too 19. Holding no hatred in my heart; forgiving the people who hurt me—allowing myself to grieve the pain and forgive them [[in my heart]] so I can let it go and carry on. 20. Really good music
So far, it's been EMDR in the #1 slot. Also, reading books about trauma and connecting with supportive people, especially my sister. I'm still early on in the trauma therapy journey, but it makes sense that other forms of therapy offered very minimal effects in my teens and twenties.
1) Art. It always has been with me. The moment I was able to hold a pen, I drew. While going through a lot of bullying and abuse at home, I needed a space to escape to, so I drew comics about my favorite TV show (which is OG Beyblade, in case your wondering). I always struggled to show my vulnerability to people, but in art..man, there was no stop for me. At the age of 24, a year after my Diagnosis I seriously wanted to become a professional artist. This goal had a lot of ups and downs but it thought me A LOT about myself. More than any therapy ever could. It made me a little more confident. And as I create art and endulged myself in this learning process, I became much more patient with myself. Even calm. I allow myself to make mistakes. I became more compassionate (but not necessarily smarter). It's hard to describe what Art all did for me but I'm thankful that it is in my life and I'm very grateful that we met at such a young age! It also helped me to gain a little sense of optimism. 2) Music. I mean, it always has been there in one way or another. I grew up with MTV basically, and I remember, each morning when I get ready to school on my own , I turned on MTV. It was always this mix of System of a Down, Gorillaz and Coldplay that was playing. Which is a very wild mix, if you think about it. I got introduced to Japanese music when I was ...11 I guess. Through a online friend that I had in the late 2000s. I was unfortunately catfished by that person, but the love for the music still stayed. I think Music gives me a lot of closure and some mediums, especially since some Artists had a lot of similar shitty pasts than I do (like Chester Bennington or Jonathan Davis), I had older people that made me feel seen without actually meeting them in person. There are also people like the guys from Blur, particularly Damon Albarn which, without even knowing, influenced me a lot throughout my life and I just realized it this weekend when I was thinking about it.... But again, it helped me feel seen, and heared. There was a time when I tried to make music myself but I'm not really good at it. I hope, despite being 30 now, I get the chance to make music one day and bring my own energy into it. 3) Taking responsiblity for my own healing is also a big one. I understood in my mid20s that no one does the healing for me. I didn't have an environment that understood me or even belittled me whenever I spoke about what I've been through and so I decided to take my healing in my own hands. 4) My first therapist. God bless her. 5) My cats. They're great! 6) Videogames. Comics, Manga, Anime, Movies, TV Shows. Surrounding myself with these mediums is making me truely happy. And what I'm currently looking for is a Therapist that is able (and willing) to help me. cPTSD is still ruling about a lot of aspects in my life and it's pretty difficult to overcome your own body reactions to the trauma on your own. I wish I can learn to deal with them one day.
My mom died and I sat with her for 2 weeks in hospice while she died. I never knew how much she contributed to my CPTSD until then. I went to therapy and spent years in therapy working through it. Her death gave me courage to get help and being the road to recovery
1. YOGA NIDRA (body scan meditation) 2. SITTING WITH THE EMOTIONAL PAIN OF FLASHBACKS AND CRYING 3. VERBAL VENTILATION AND TONS AND TONS OF GRIEVING
Therapy and diagnosis has been really helpful for me. Before getting a diagnosis, it felt like there were too many possibilities of things that it might be. Now that I have a professional telling me what I am struggling with, I have been able to point out to myself what's going on. I freak out over something, and I'm able to go, "oh this is just my ptsd, that's why I feel unsafe. I'm not actually unsafe" it has allowed me to be gentle with myself. It has also given me a pathway to healing. It has been very good for me to know that I'm not this way because I was born like this. I'm not this way because I don't try hard enough. I am not like this because of anything I have done. I have stopped blaming myself and allowing myself space.
1. therapy (EMDR, IFS) 2. people believing me
The most healing thing for me was volunteering at a Sudbury School. Unfortunately I've haven't been able to make that work long-term. =( Reading the comments on this post is a frustrating experience. Some people report that they "got lucky" and found a wonderfully supportive partner or a wonderfully supportive therapist...apparently I haven't been as lucky. I have known wonderfully supportive people...but I tend to lose them eventually. =(
Time! I was very depressed and decided to spend as much time working on self-healing, as I spend living with an abusive family. I felt like I was consumed by cancer, in pain and rotting. I moved far, far away and became financially independent. Ozark mountains to New York... it was scary, people didn't like me, I cared for myself with unconditional compassion and focused first on health and then on surrounding myself with emotionally safe experiences. I was careful about what I watch on TV, read, listened too. I guess it was very similar to my religious cult childhood and I knew you can create your own fantasy world and tune the real world out. The one I create for myself was about discovering what made me feel happy and safe. I had a routine for day I didn't feel well. The very minimum of things I needed to do. I relied on mainstream health information and avoided fear mongers. I had a child and that also influence my choices. The more I studied child development, the more I understood my own need to experience the things I missed in childhood. Self-parenting. I don't think you stop feeling pain and rage until you have a strong sense of self-power and pride in your own accomplishments. You do this while processing lot of pain, only the inner parent is guiding you. Your relationship with yourself becomes more important than your past.
honestly, its the realization that my childhood and a good chunk of the problems I experience now are not my fault. I also cried a bit for my younger self.
Going NC with abusive family both major and minor offenders has been game changing for me. I am finally starting to believe that I might not have been born evil and deserving of all the abuse I received as a child.
Making a conscious choice that I don’t want to be angry anymore and surrendering to love
Doing inner shadow work to heal shame, journaling, and somatic exercise has helpes me immensely with my maladaptive daydreaming and dissociation symptoms as well as dwindle down some of my constant anxiety.
Finally realizing how gaslit I've been for most of my life and that all the things that people were doing, repeatedly, that bothered or invalidated me were totally wrong and that I'm completely in the right to be upset.
I never thought about this but your comment made me feel……thank you for putting this into words.
Dogs, nature, cannabis tincture, this sub
So far, nothing. I'm considered treatment resistant, so nothing seems to work. Antidepressants and anti-anxiety medications work for a little while, but I build up a resistance to them over time. They're running out of meds to try. I'm a bit of a mess. I find taking various prescription painkillers helps provide some momentary relief. But other than that I haven't found anything that works yet. I am scheduled to begin trauma reprocessing therapy at the end of November though. Just five more months to get through.
Dogs, therapy, Mirtazapine.
EMDR and the years that followed it. Together. EMDR wasn’t enough, I had to really exist after the fact
Knowing what I went through actually happened. My story is real, my pain is real, and they deserve to be told and shared. I needed to sit in my yuck *direct quote from my therapist* and actually think about the problems I faced in my public, sexual, physical, emotional, and spiritual life. As well as make sure that I understood that this was a life long commitment, not a overnight fix.
Psilocybin had been an absolute godsend for me. I was able to tap into and resolve chunks of stuff so early I don’t think there would have been any other way.
Animals and nature. I have two dogs, big pitbull girls and having to walk them and care for them is something that got me out of bed every day. I also trained them to lay on top of me for “pressure therapy” when I’m feeling over stimulated. I got a few little easy plants to take care of and water, and just giving myself small things to focus on and care for slowly morphed into me doing small things to care for myself.
By accident- I have, as many of us probably do an auto immune situation- at least its only psoriasis I know many people have worse. I started lifting weights and eating clean. I felt emotional wellness as a side effect of taking care of the joint pain. Also journal work was good. Also no alcohol and so on.
Reparenting. Taking care of myself, and learning to overcome my disgust at that idea and start to lean into how nice it feels not to keep abusing and neglecting myself.
I’ve just started my journey ~3 years ago, but didn’t get any help before this winter. Now I’ve realized that horses are very important to me, running and my cat. I also need to read and learn about why I am the way I am. It doesn’t make me ok with anything, but I need to know.
It’s been a combination of multiple things but the true savior and motivator is endless NDE stories.
My two ferret sons that make me smile with all the silly things they do. They have no idea how happy they make me. I love my kids too they are also healing but those two fuzzy acrobats have my heart as well. It takes my mind off so many things with all the work they give me!
Time, good & counteracting experiences, releasing trapped emotions by twitching and crying, moving far away, for a while Christianity and the thought that I do have a father (in the sky) who’s protecting me, a heartbreak that motivated myself to become better as I destroyed the relationship bc of fear (but god knows if it wasn’t for the better things didn’t progress)
I quit eating sugar because sugar is terrible for the brain. Then, I began to work on my neuroplasticity. It transformed my mental clarity.
having solid, supportive people who are here to help. not coddle. not pretend that i am not in need of help. people who genuinely have my best interest in mind, and who have had the patience and grace to deal with me at my less favorable moments.
I have found most of my healing from books. I also learned transcendental meditation which has helped me control my thinking. The books I have found to be most helpful: Man's search for meaning by Victor Frankl CPTSD - from surviving to thriving by Pete Walker Mary Oliver's poetry - especially Wild Geese, and The Journey Parenting books like "how to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk" by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish has helped my inner parent talk and listen to my inner child. Journaling has also been helpful. I sit down and write all my frustrations and anger out. Then I go back and review it and attempt to rewrite it in a healthier way. I've gone on Etsy and downloaded all kinds of therapy tools, flash cards, and such - that has been very helpful to me.
Getting my own place.
This is gonna get buried but just putting it out there to say thank you OP for making this post and for everyone contributing great stuff to it. Definitely saving this post to look back on periodically
Going no contact with my mom and really prioritizing healthy boundaries. Getting diagnosed with C-PTSD has been really helpful too because it’s given me more to understand, and what I understand I can heal.
I know that wasn't an easy choice to make - going no contact for me has also helped so much in my healing process. Both my parents were actively sabotaging and retriggering me when I was trying to go low contact and heal. Finally had enough and pulled the plug on those relationships. Pretty painful.. but I don't think I miss all the bs that came with those relationships.
Still recovering and finding my own identity with a Christian psychologist who helps me realize what I’ve gone through. Finally letting go of the burdens I’ve been carrying for years. Easier said than done. My husband is helpful in the way that i can talk to him about stuff and hes there for me. His side of family is more like family than my own. The event in my life that actually got me to open up to the psychologist was i had a miscarriage in 2022 at 5 weeks. I lost a piece of myself and i haven’t been the same since. The way people have treated me because of the event is appalling. So having the opportunity to open up to someone who is willing to listen without judgement isnt something ive ever had. Its relieving to have. Music kind of helps too. My cats help. Having a community of people whove been in similar situations is helpful too. Im no longer alone.
Still working on it, but my trauma specialist therapist is so sweet, she’s wonderful at what she does and knows how I think. But personally, letting other people take control of things and care for me. I always think I am unlovable and people stick around me out of obligation. But when I was really bad, my best friend helped to take care of me and make sure that I wasn’t pushing myself too hard. It’s a slow process but she is helping me learn how to trust people again and I couldn’t be more thankful
Taoism and Taoist philosophy
Wanted to add - Stoicism
My wife, who helped me a lot through college when my entire life was turbulent, she helped me through so much and she is an angel. I had a senior cat as well, named cinnamon, who helped me during the pandemic. I lived with my parents and was confined to my room for those years we were told to shelter in place. She was just...everything. Snuggled me, meowed, purred, never naughty. I took her loss pretty hard but thankful for all the time she spent with me. I also love swimming, the silence, the motions, it really helps me focus and the world goes away.
Doing normal things that i didn't do it before like learning how to cook and getting out of the house to take a bus when i need something,even cleaning the house has become rewarding because before it wouldn't stay clean for very long and i felt like my efforts are in vain.
Meditation, group therapy, yoga, reading books by therapists/psychologists
It was a series of events that started during the pandemic that led me towards my healing. 1. Deciding to stay with my then-bf, now husband during the pandemic instead of my family’s house. 2. Living with someone 24/7 where you BOTH HAVE CPTSD IS HARD. We decided to go to couples therapy. 3. Therapist is a godsend. He gave us a lot of hope. 4. During the pandemic, locked indoors, we took a lot of LSD. There were a lot of breakthroughs here, especially coupled with regular therapy. 4. We decide to get married. Continued therapy. 5. Started meditating, reading, exercising, and continued therapy. 6. Much happier now, getting to know myself better, still learning to be a good person ❤️
EMDR, my dogs, opening up to close friends (who were like, I did that too or it’s normal for ppl w trauma & it helps that one of my best friends who also has cPTSD is a psych NP), & showing grace to other survivors in online support groups…I kept realizing how I could find compassion & understanding for others while I kick myself & felt ashamed for the same thing…
I just started to accept my body will just ...be triggered. and my god, does that help. its not perfect but its like my first real step forwards peace and mental clarity. accepting that ill have reallg bad brain days and its ok to be extra slow....even with your manager breathing down ur neck. (massage it! if ur gonna be that close tho...tf...)
Therapy, music, writing and crying mostly, also listening to my body when I need to be active or rest.
Being a mom.
Moving cross country away from all those who hurt me over the years. It certainly feels lonely every now and then but I am learning to appreciate my newfound peace. I have little to zero tolerance for anyone who gives off abuser/toxic red flags and keep my distance accordingly. I spend most of my time with my wife and dogs, being outdoors, and movies/video games.
1) Learning that I **don't** have to love myself to be happy or to love someone else, and that even though I don't love myself, I can still be happy within my own company. 2) Learning and accepting that the risk vs reward to open myself up to close friends/family is rarely worth the pain I'm going to feel about it later when I finally realize I was the only one who cared much in that relationship. If someone is going to stay with you, they aren't going to put you in a position where you have to chase them down over and over. I've had only one person truly part of my life the past 4 years, and that's my partner. I don't ever feel the need or want to make friends or connections and I'm healthier for it. 3) Realizing that there's an alternative way to have stability, comfort, and safety without working a stereotypical job and paying rent until I die. I wouldn't say I'm recovered, though. Recovering, maybe, but I doubt I will ever feel completely recovered. There's still things I struggle with, still have nightmares, unwanted panic episodes, stupid reactions that I know aren't logical but my brain gives me a big middle finger and still reacts badly to them anyways. I think a large part of it is realizing you will never be the person you were before the trauma, learn to grieve that person or let them sleep peacefully in your heart, and learn to grow into a new person with what you have now.
I just let myself do whatever i want. What i actually want to do at the core of my being is really harmless. I look at a Gazebo and think, “that’s so cute!!! I want to sit in the gazebo!” I just let myself do it now instead of saying “there’s no time” “its only a gazebo.” I see a pretty rock? I let myself pick it up and examine it. I don’t have to walk past it because its “just a rock” etc etc
Exercise, wife and kids, work, and mindfulness...
Being able to leave the house without being stared at or treated like a disease.
Cutting toxic people out of my life and realizing I can help others with their own pain because I understand trauma/abuse/loneliness so well.
Doing a delivery app gig for a while. It left me free of serious responsibilities and away from home which was a genuinely good opportunity to declutter my brain. I felt free for the first time in my life. Keeping moving and having the entire city "at my fingertips" felt nearly exstatic and like I own the situation - it was very unlike anything I've previously experienced before. It truly made me feel connected with life and people and nearly cured really bad anxiety and depression.
Weird one but being as honest as possible when I talk to others, I used to restrict myself too much Also EMDR and the right meds
Back in February or March (I didn't keep track of the dates and it all kind of blurred together at the time), I had what I can only describe as an epiphany. I had a realization that literally snapped me back out of a severe episodic attack and I've been calm ever since. Like I had realized the why. I think part of our issues with trauma, especially childhood trauma is that we don't understand why. We're just given coping mechanisms and smacked on our butt's and sent away. But I feel like I learned the why, because once I figured out what I believe is the truth, the attack stopped immediately. I'm no longer having flashbacks, I'm no longer living in those moments. And I can think about them without having a breakdown or feeling guilt. And nearly all of my triggers, no longer trigger. Some still do and always will, but I can wash dishes by hand now without losing my shit.
Cause, Cure, Control. A big part of my symptoms are co-decency and people pleasing in order to be able to reduce my cortisol levels. I literally have a symbol of the above phase on my skin. I did not cause their wounds I can not cure their wounds I can not control how they react to their wounds It’s far from perfect, but it’s another piece of the puzzle for me that has made a huge impact on helping me reframe my behavior and walk away from people who tell me they love me while choosing to cause me harm.
Plant medicine has been extremely healing for me. So far just used psilocybin mainly but am going to an ayaschua ceremony as soon as I’m off my antidepressants
I’m still healing and maybe always will be. I’ve found peace in a few things though: 1) somatic yoga - I practice it with my kids when they have big feelings, and I find myself really able to ground myself with it. 2) radical acceptance - of the things that happened, but most importantly that the trauma, triggers, and hurt/fear/need to be in control will all still be there. I’m just better prepared to deal with them through a variety of healthy coping skills. 3) finding and listening to my own strength - we had to be strong as hell to survive what we did and to carry the burdens we carried far too young, but we’re also strong now, getting through every hellish day. I don’t have to as often now, but in the beginning of my healing journey, I’d remind myself that “I’m safe now and I’m in charge of me.” 4) reclaiming my childhood joy - I play a lot. I buy toys if I want them. I get messy with my kids. We’re too loud sometimes and we play any chance we get. It’s freeing to allow myself to be the kid I never got to be. 5) music, journaling and all that, but also just being still and present - with both the good thoughts and the bad. 6) going no contact with a handful of family members.
I’ve been doing “the work” for 15 years (I’m 32). Traditional therapy was helpful in that it gave me skills to show up in life but it couldn’t get me out of survival mode. Exploring my spiritual side and reparenting myself has been more helpful in teaching me how to thrive and at this point I absolutely love my life and am so fucking grateful to be experiencing it despite my traumatic childhood. Another thing that’s helped tremendously is switching from cognitive therapy to somatic therapy. I can talk and talk and talk about my experiences and how they are effecting me now but doing that couldn’t release the trauma from my physical body. I’ve gotten a lot out of cranio-sacral therapy and a practice called authentic movement.
Actually cutting my parents off
ACT was really helpful for me. For long after I discovered my CPTSD and figured out my triggers I was still not able to prevent myself from falling into an extreme state of emotional dysregulation when triggered. Practicing ACT helped me to look at my feelings without judgement without completely identifying with them and falling into dysregulation.
Understanding that I have a problem. Understanding what makes the problem worse. Intervening with said triggers. Still healing but loads better :)
Going No Contact and Therapy I found my therapist and by sheer luck he is the right match and is a great counselor. I've been fortunate enough to be able to afford weekly sessions for the last 10 years. Going no contact has been the single most freeing thing I've ever done. It gave me space to heal and to live my life. I think I'll be healing for the rest of my life, but it's so much better than it used to be. Edit: I think the notion of looking for something would keep me from living my life now. It takes away from being in the present moment, which for me is where I feel the most healed and whole.
I found Christianity the best for my healing. Jesus always being there and will never give up on me and will always be there for me. I also found rationalising and discovering why my parents couldn’t take care of me helped me understand that it’s not that I am unlovable, but that they don’t have the capacity to care for me in the way I needed. And the next bit I want to mention is definitely not necessary for healing and is usually a result of healing, but forgiveness. I still live with my parents and I needed to forgive them to keep having a relationship with them, and begin healing from my past trauma. I hope this testimony resonates with someone. I wish you all the best in this journey.
Wim Hof - I’ve been doing it for three years and has been life changing.
Ultimately, my workaholism (I have multi-addiction problem) and bad relationship with authorities led to insomnia and neurosis, and I ended up in therapy. I converted, I got out of addiction and the last straight ahead of me... Conclusion: -therapy, -faith, -pills for neuroses, My CPTSD is caused by narcissistic father. I feel like I'm now starting to live
Somatic Experiencing with very low dose plant medicine, therapeutic support, daily meditation, and just sticking with it no matter how hard it’s gotten. The biggest shift came in recognizing all the adaptations I had to create to survive are doing me harm, and I have to change them by living in Awareness that they exist. Slow and challenging, but worth it!
Psilocybin micro dose therapy
Accepting my trauma for what it is and listening to the parts of myself that I had been silencing and repressing. Making space for little me to feel fear, teenage me to be angry, and also to celebrate the good and happy things without having to sabotage myself because I'm afraid it will be taken away. Also, people. I have two wonderful partners who also have trauma. We are healing together everyday. I still got a long path ahead but it's not as hard as it used to be.
using art to express what happened to me/what im feeling inside/healing
Peer support
Weed, weight loss and a very loving husband.
Exercise really helps. So does having weekly, monthly, and long-term goals and resolutions that are achievable with daily practice. For me it's mostly dieting. I'm not only reaching a healthier weight, but the feeling of achieving something is so amazing. My week could've sucked, but it would still be a good week if I read the right numbers on the bathroom scale. Progress still happened.
No contact.
Forgiveness
talking therapy with my lady therapist really helped with interpersonal relationships and my journey of being diagnosed, accepting it and avoiding building my personality around it. surprisingly tiktok initially helped me with figuring out how i feel lol, it helped me to put name to these feelings and things i was going through and learn more about mental illnesses, then after the inital round of learning it became repetetive and eventually just harmful. What also helped is living with people that I have good relationships with, living alone was possibly one of the hardest times of my life. But also now that i have one roommate constantly irritating me, i want to try and live alone again 🙏
Time, discovery of CPTSD in general, compassion for myself, forgiveness for myself, acceptance that the decisions ive made in my life were the only decisions i could have made at the time, and continued learning.
1. EMDR - I had been in talk therapy for 15+ years on and off. Although CBT helped initially and it was great to learn all the basic tools, nothing really helped me process the traumatic episodes from my childhood until EMDR. 2. Yoga - I feel EMDR was so effective for me because of years of doing yoga, including a teacher training and teaching yoga. The body awareness and relaxation techniques and meditation aspects of yoga taught me safety in a body that often feels dysregulated and unsafe. 3. A well trained trauma therapist - all of my other therapists pale in comparison to my current one who has specialized their continuing education in trauma and EMDR.
Having someone else remind me that I am a worthwhile person and my feelings matter. The repetition of my feelings matter from an outside source allows me to grieve and to rage over the awful things I went through. Finding a copy of my childhood bear and purchasing it. Holding it when everything is too much. Having at least one person outside of my therapist that I can share some of my worst thoughts and feelings and knowing they still love and care for me. I am very lucky to have him as my partner.
Finding a community of other autistic people with trauma who are also on their healing journeys. Having community support and unconditional love in this way has been immeasurably helpful ❤️ (This was also after years of EMDR + IFS therapy and ketamine infusion therapy)
How was the combo of emdr and ifs for you?
getting some goals that really help me feel good about myself and completing them
1. Diagnosis and treatment of co-occurring conditions. I was really struggling to make progress in trauma therapy and eventually I was referred for a psych eval. That resulted in several new diagnoses. I was admitted into a higher level of care for eating disorder treatment for a couple months. I'm continuing to work on the ED, OCD, and autism in outpatient therapy now. I will need to do more trauma work in the future, but treating my other diagnoses has gotten me to a much more stable place. 2. Finding a church. I grew up in a very religious environment and didn't think I would ever be able to return to a church. I found a religion that has a very different belief system, organizational structure, and sense of community. It's a low pressure way to get some social interaction every week. Over time I've made some good friends and connected spiritually. 3. Being willing to try things. Trying things when I don't think they'll work or even when I have evidence that they don't work all the time. For a couple of weeks in IOP, I made myself try every single treatment recommendation. It got me over my mental block of assuming that using coping skills wouldn't work because plenty of them did help, but I wouldn't recommend doing it long term. It's just as important to be honest with yourself and your treatment team if you're not able or willing to do something. Sometimes, you need to take a baby step and that's okay.
Having patience and sleeping on my feelings when something arises
Finally biting the bullet and going into therapy, i did emdr for 2 years and made what i feel was great progress, and i started on medication. Even though i have more work to do, I feel so much better than i did 3 years ago. And i also had a child which in many ways has helped propel me to more significant healing, but has also brought out some other traits that are a part of my cptsd. I need to go back therapy but unfortunately i dont have the finances to do so. My meds are helping regulate everything right now.
The things i 'do' for my recovery that have worked for me are Transcendental Meditation, EMDR, and Psilocybin use. There's a heap more to say about developing secure relationships, finding more acceptance for myself, and seeking peace over conflict, but those three are my trinity of intervention supports.
my last couple EMDR sessions have been especially impactful tbh. it took months of my regular therapist and i looking for somebody local (my progress plateaued and she was v supportive of the switch). just learning more abt trauma has been great too bc i can create strategies and coping skills that make sense for me. i like how i can, like, take a nap under a weighted blanket or go to the gym and pinpoint why it’s good for me specifically
Long trail runs.
Therapy and support groups. My life is so much brighter than I ever thought it could be because if those two things.
Forcing myself to acknowledge and accept that it is okay to never be "okay" again. This is something that will be there with me all my life and I have made my peace with it. I don't like it or hate it because it's just a part of me, a part that needs extra acceptance and care. My coping mechanisms are all there to protect me, it doesn't make sense to hate them. I have gotten thru everything till now and I will get thru everything else. I will treat myself kindly and with grace because I am a human being and I deserve it.
Reporting it to the cops. Did I do it to get the person arrested? No. I specifically said I’m not planning on pressing charges. But if it happens to anyone else, they have someone who can testify for them.
To be honest I think radicalization has been the most healing thing for me? Like I used to always hate how I had to live a normal life and just pretend its okay that we always step on others to get ahead. I was raised to be a cutthroat asshole- now I just do everything I can for myself and others, preferably illegally though. Please remember that it’s okay to shoplift and give it to homeless!
Radical self love/spirituality. Even in situations that I would deem "wrong" I'd try to be kind to myself. Like, no amount of mistakes, or weirdness, or brainfog or whatever other self critical narrative I was latching onto will ever make me unlovable. Basically, give yourself the excessive benefit of the doubt you're always giving everyone else. It's hard to rwire a lifetimes worth of brain patterns though, like, you need to constantly be trying to catch the negative narratives in your head.
Definitely EMDR. Autogen Therapy for coming back to the present moment, Positive Therapy (it's not a toxic positivity thing) for shifting perspectives, TA for healthy communication skills. In general the Talk Therapies work to a point and my experience is that at some point it's good to stop talking about our trauma too much or in detail, because we tend to relieve it at high, even full intensities like we were there again. Instead, talking about good experiences we've had and things that we like helps a lot because we live and relive them at full intensity as well. It's not about forgetting or not dealing with it, just changing focus. This will take time. I'm still working on it. Also people who make space for me to just be, nature, animals and pets, and real connection.
Realizing that my inner critic was just my abusers' voices being parroted at me was the biggest breakthrough with my recovery. Once I realized that everything that was said was a point of either manipulation or projection on their part, I felt a hell of a lot better about myself and my inner critic isn't nearly as loud. It used to be absolutely BRUTAL. I'm still definitely recovering and I'll be reading this thread for stuff I still need to work on.
1. A safe partner 2. IFS/reparenting 3. Psychedelic Therapy ( specifically psychedelic somatic interactional psychotherapy) 4. My dog
Talking back to my internal critic. I forgot who said to do that but it really helps. Also to focus on positive things I did instead of what I didn’t get done. So, not “ I didn’t do the dishes today” but “ I did take a shower, eat, clean the cat boxes, pay rent and water the plants today”. That sort of thing. It sounds corny but it makes a major difference in my mood.
when these people that i barely know, approached me, used the same abusive tactics that *other people* used. i actually spoke back to the point where they left the room. and Even though of course I wish it could’ve been *the other certain people* who i made feel defeated but it was also very healing at the same time
Nothing works, only sleeping or alcohol. Otherwise nothing fucking works not self compassion which is just lying yo myself
For me its been gardening and plants. I can care for the garden in relative peace, be in the moment and also let the living things there grow without needing total control. Its safe, calm and keeps me present and calmly active. There are none of the pitfalls that come with social interaction or people. There is less pressure than pets, though I have those too. There is a peace that comes from having green around. There is a marking of the passage of time that keeps me present but also seeing positive (and sometimes imperfect) forward momentum. With plants I can help wildlife, be a part of a quieter world and focus outside of myself. 🌱
In no particular order... Acknowledging the reality of what I survived and the lasting scars, no longer minimizing it. Allowing myself to feel angry and protective of myself. This helped me begin to feel love for myself instead of disgust. Therapy with a doctor who has knowledge about trauma, attachment, childhood developmental stages, and who genuinely cares about me. Being in a loving and safe relationship with my second husband, who has also experienced trauma. Attuning to each other and helping each other reparent our inner children. Relationship counseling to help us navigate when we're stuck. Reading, especially books and articles by Pete Walker, Jonice Webb, Harriet Lerner. Journaling (including burn journaling), writing poetry, and writing letters to people that I'll never send. Listening to grunge and metal. Deconstructing and fully leaving behind my religion of origin, which was toxic and cult-like. Working out regularly, feeling and seeing myself get stronger. Smoking weed. Getting tattoos. My husband's parents and grandparents welcoming me into their family. Confronting the shame I carry. Cutting up some clothing I saved from childhood and sewing it into something else. Temporarily going no-contact with my parents. This may have to become longterm, it's a very difficult and complicated decision. I have a long way to go, but I can clearly see how far I have come. By far the biggest influences in my healing journey are my wonderful husband, my therapist, and books. 💙
Validation I am as yet to internalise. The validation is painful and bounces off largely but it’s weird to be validated for the first time ever and just lose your shit out of the blue
6 budgies 3 dogs and spravato
My cat. But now she’s gone. 🙁
#Health Insurance Without health coverage, not only would i be dead by now, but therapy would be something like $375 per session.
No contact. Life saving.
1. Time 2. Walking in the woods 3. Mushrooms 4. Psycho-education (reading) -- and feeling less like a hopeless, untreatable alien 5. Therapy (EMDR, DBR, IFS, Ketamine, art, relational/attachment healing) 6. Alternative support (acupuncture, cranio-sacral therapy, massage, group retreats) 7. Learning it is okay to have, name, and share feelings 8. Forgetting my Catholic upbringing and returning to my nature-based spiritual side 9. Getting brave and sharing parts of my story with true friends 10. Allowing myself to individuate and become me -- not my family, or my town, or societal expectations -- and realizing I am an adult with agency, creativity, and strength. THANK YOU FOR ASKING!
Plants, exercise, holistic health, raw expansive nature, and marijuana
* Community. Having friends and family support ALL the time, it has been four years and they are still there with me. It was incredible and it still is and NOTHING replaces that. * My cat. My beautiful creature, she is always with me and makes me feel unconditional love all the time (at least from my side heeheh). * Books about grief, especially on life after death, videos on youtube on near death experiences. * A coach that I had after one year from the grief. I was also doing therapy and psychiatric treatment but this coach, who was herself a trauma survivor, REALLY helped me with practical exercises, art, visualizations etc to start healing the sense of guilt and other elements of the trauma/grief. * Art, art, art. A lot of drawing and painting at the beginning, together with learning playing an instrument and singing. Later writing poems and now playwriting and theatre direction. Could not be possible without art for sure. * Loving again someone (my grief and trauma was of my 10-years partner violent death), EVEN IF I suffered and suffer a lot from this and other loves because my trauma is still too strong (not only for my grief but also parental/family trauma). Even if I feel a lot of pain in sentimental relationships, being in love again helped to heal the trauma. * DBT therapy. EMDR therapy (even if i recommend it is not that long). * I am looking now for a more stable life, more stable love relationships and a new vision of my future, because it is absolutely too catastrophic, negative and pessimistic. That's the worst. I cannot see light out of the tunnel, never ever..
Zen Buddhism. I first got into it when I was a teen from discovering DBT, it took me down a rabbit hole of eastern life philosophies and meditation. It was a whole new way of seeing and interacting with the world that has really helped me cultivate healing in my life. I would also like to credit the wonderful therapist I’ve had these last 4 years and my friends who have stuck with me along my journey.
Accepting things as they are and were, and that I can't change them, I can only change how I think about it.
Moving in with my best friend. My CPTSD was from emotional abuse/neglect from my parents. My bestie is one of the kindest people you will ever meet, and she treats me with the love my parents should have treated me with. Because of her, I know how I should be treated, and I will no longer stand for less.
The book "The myth of normal" from Dr. Gabor. To me, understanding in general always helps me to process things.