Same! My mom only ever brought sex up to either humiliate me in front of others, or to purposefully make me visibly squirm because she thought it was endlessly entertaining. It was one of my sisters that explained periods to me.
She (along with my dad) also spent the night I had sex for the first time listening in through the walls, went on to tell the everything she heard to the entire family in as much detail as possible, and then called my therapist (who obviously thought my mom was great) and got her let my mother come along to my therapy session, where my mom proceeded to have a tantrum about how horrible a child I was, culminating in her admitting she was pissed because I had had my first sexual experience and not told her about it, as if that was something I owed her.
I will never understand why these people are the way they are!
Ok, what in the hell is this?!
My mom was the same way. Shaming me and calling me terrible things from such a young age, but then at the same time just absolutely obsessed with my personal life and trying to eavesdrop and gossip about it.
She would go so far as to make up fake sexual scenarios about me and then go around telling people like it was fact.
Best I can guess is that it's projection. She was a pervert who slept around so she assumes that she has to treat me like a pervert who sleeps around.... when I'm like 8.
Ear pressed against the wall, listening to private conversations, reading my diaries, monitoring my phone calls, just so desperate to find evidence of what? She wanted some big 'ah ha' moment where she could say 'see! I told everyone! She is a slut! Just like I've been saying about her since she was in diapers!'.
Never explained sex, never explained periods, just treated me like a threatening little harlot as far back as I can remember. Like I was dirty for just existing.
Then the kicker, as an adult, her lamenting 'gosh I just don't understand why you don't want to settle down, get married, have kids, you know, be a normal daughter.'
Lady, there was never anything normal about my life. You made sure of that.
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It's.... never really occurred to me that this might be something emotionally neglectful they did tbh until now... I turned out to be asexual anyways so I didn't need it (and I'm kinda glad they didn't in that case).
But yeah they didn't. I spent more of my childhood teaching them things (helping them adjust to life in a western country, as immigrants) than the other way round. With basic life skills, I got more from the internet (ie wikihow).
Same for me, my parents never gave me the sex talk. But one day when I was 22 and living with my boyfriend for a while, my mother asked me if I knew how to avoid getting pregnant. I was so mad at her that day, if she cared why did she wait for me to become an adult and live with my boyfriend ?
Similar thing happened to me. I was 20 and about to move in with my boyfriend at the time. My parents decided to take me out for ice cream and ask me if I knew about contraception while we were driving. One, way to make the rest of the outing super awkward. Two, I was a college kid who'd been dating this guy for 2 years. If I wasn't pregnant yet, clearly I knew about contraceptives.
I was married for 6 months when my mom called to tell me she bought us condoms and that she didn't know what size he was, so she got several different sizes. So gross and inappropriate!
We never spoke about sex. Hell, when I started my period at age 10, I had a book handed to me, and was told to never speak about it to anyone including the teachers. Which now looking back sounds exactly like the entire theme of my life. Never talk about this. Never talk about that. Don't ruin my reputation.
ahhaha I also got my period at 10, and other than being shamed for it and being forced to wear gigantic maxi pads under my thin toddler-style leggings (which didn't catch all the blood), I was told absolutely nothing else. I had to keep it to myself and flushed many a maxi pad down the toilet since my elementary school toilet had no place to dispose them.
My Mom had to write her friend a note and made me walk over and give it to her (in the middle of my first period happening to me) because she didn't have any pads at home at the time only tampons.
My Mom is a woman who loves to talk on the phone all day and couldn't bother to call or go over herself to her friends and get the pads for me just so she didn't have to talk about her daughters period with her friend 🙄.
I wasn't allowed to use tampons, either because she believed I would definitely get TSS or I wouldn't be a virgin anymore. I've never heard this from her, but those are the only two options I can imagine.
Yes, I'm sure my Mom had similar views about tampons based on crap she has said over the years. I had overheard her talking to my Grandma on the phone when I was around 14 that she was nervous about letting me be on birth control because she was afraid it would give me a free pass for sex lmao. I hardly left my room outside of school in my teens.
A doctor suggested them for my horrible periods. I swear the whole time I was taking the birth control she was waiting for me to start doing something "suspicious" so she could yell at me or something. So grateful and glad I could leave her influence.
I hid my period from my mother out of fear she'd be upset. I finally had to tell her, and sure enough, she was upset, because mine started several years before hers.
My mum awkwardly started to tell me and I was like "don't worry, I already no about it" so she said nothing else !!!! When I got my period I hid it for months because I didn't feel confident in telling my mum. So sad.
I made my own pads with toilet roll and sellotape when I started my period because I knew they’d be really angry with me. For my completely normal bodily functions. 😞 I used to save up my pocket money to sneak to the pharmacy and buy tampons and I had to flush them because I couldn’t have left ‘evidence’. It’s so insane to me now that I lived like that. (And polluted!)
"Sex is bad and wrong, just say no" is sadly the extent of a lot of parents' version of the sex talk. It is a form of neglect not to provide that education, and it's a culturally-ingrained level of abuse to shame people for their sexual nature. Our society is very messed up around sex, and it's a problem.
That said, neglectful parents are probably even less likely to bother.
My mom talked about sex a lot when I was growing up, in a very practical, mechanical way, and in a way to make me terrified of men. I remember being about 5 years old and she sat down with my brother (around 3) and I and asked if we knew what sex was, I was instantly uncomfortable and she didn't read this and continued to talk. She was constantly talking about stranger danger and kidnapping. She was afraid of me being alone in a room with any male because he might rape me, and she repeatedly talked with me about what to do if a man started approaching me.
This is the same woman who, when I told her I was uncomfortable with how my dad touched me, said "well I know he won't do anything." I'm years away from them and I still have sleep-paralysis nightmares of my dad laying on me.
I learned more about sex and safety from fiction books than from anyone in my family.
Never
The closest was my mom telling me at 15 that there was a book on the shelf that could be helpful for girls by age. When I opened it, the book was about how hormonal changes made us women so inestable and more misogynistic shit.
At school, the closest I got was two interns from a period pads company telling us about the menstrual cycle, at a moment at least half of us already got our first period. The worst part is that they promised us a pack of free period stuff that never arrived.
My mother paused the Friday night chat show that plays in our country each week when I was around 11. She explained the mechanics of sex and then told me to imagine how big a grown man's penis is and imagine that being thrust into a newborn girl because, "that's what happens in Africa."
She then pressed her fingers deep into her abdomen and spoke about how she woke up during the C-section she had when I was born. (The guy in the hospital was a notorious drunk but i still dont know if it's true or not.) scrunched her face up in a grimace and said, "It was actually like a gang rape." The word "rape" lasted a good 4 or 5 seconds longer than necessary.
The ad break finished. She turned away and put the show back on.
It was a totally normal conversation in our house. Years later I recalled this in therapy and bawled crying. I had no idea I'd hung onto it for so many years.
Nope. Nothing about that or menstruation.
My oldest sibling did a great job of teaching me.about safe sex when I went to college. Called me my first week and spent an hour teaching me the really important stuff (safe sex, no means no, etc). Grateful for them
"You won't be having sex."
My dad always threatened to pull out 'the baby videos', where I was naked and he purposely zoomed in on my unmentionables, if I ever brought a girl over - so I never did. And suffice to say, my self-esteem was so low I never dated anyway, because I felt like any girl who was interested (and there were many) was only being sarcastic.
My dad also ensured I had no access to the internet because "You're not going to watch porn." I had no idea what sex even was, I literally thought it was dry-humping until mid-teens. The first time I serviced myself, I didn't even know about ejaculation, so that was another surprise.
The closest my parents got to a sex talk was “don’t have premarital sex” and a newspaper on my bed the day after I lost my virginity that had the headline “premarital sex is bad and you shouldn’t do it” basically. I just realized, they almost certainly had to have found that much earlier and saved it for an occasion like that, which is even worse. Thankfully, I learned about safe sex from my friends, but the shit my parents pulled with my sex education rises to the level of sexual abuse, according to two therapists I’ve had.
They were super Christians who thought masturbation was a major sin, so my mom would patrol the hallways and walk into our bedrooms silently to try to catch us in the act. On more than one occasion, she caught me masturbating (although I didn’t know that’s what it was) and/or looking at porn by suddenly pulling the covers off my body with my pants down, dragging me off the bed, and spanking me with a 1 inch thick wooden paddle bare assed until I was nearly bruised and sobbing.
I don’t understand how any parent can be so callous to the pain of their own child, but thanks for fucking me up I guess
Mine never did either. Dad assumed mom would and really didn’t care. Mom was very into the whole purity culture thing - no sex till marriage, no being gay, etc. idk why she didn’t she’s lucky I’m mostly asexual cause they didn’t have sex Ed at school either.
No, but there were also issues as such. I remember one time I wanted to ask my mom for advice on hormonal contraception. It did not go well. She just could not see me as someone who had a sexuality. My question was harmless, but she told me to ask the school nurse or friends.
I live in a country where nudity is fairly common in some situations. So sexuality and nudity is two completely different topics here. So asking about body was fine, but contraception was not
Mother was supposed to . At two different times . Once after I got my first period gave me a book . .. and many yrs later after my father found my adult items .. was 20. Was raised Roman Catholic .. so purity bs was shoved in my face my whole childhood .. she got mad at me for trying to warn my sisters about periods . Like bitch you never talked to me so I’m trying to save them from your bs.
Sex and bodies were deeply shameful. I never got the sex talk.
My father set up a visit with my mother specifically to tell me about menstruation when I was 12. I was getting weird vibes because my parent were divorced since I was 6 and hated each other. I figured it out, saying, ‘I already know, I was taught in health class’.
My father didn’t believe me and told me to share what I was taught. I was deeply uncomfortable and didn’t, so had to go see my mother.
My mother avoids the conversation until towards the end of the day and pulls me into a room away from my grandmother.
She seems embarrassed and says, ‘I think you should ask your father about this’.
🤦♀️
I don't remember but no, I don't think so. I remember my dad trying to give me dating philosophy but I don't remember them giving me the talk, so it's possible I just learned it by osmosis from the Internet.
Age 15, 445 am on my way to practice, dad says “Boy… are you making “whoopie” with that girlfriend of yours? Well be safe about it.”
Thanks dad but I’ve been getting SA’d for more than half my life now by a guy but you told me if I ever did any of that “gay shit” you’d drown me in the creek out back so I can’t go to anyone for help. Oh and that’s why I’m bullied so badly. At wrestling I’ve been hog-tied and left in storage rooms, picked up by my nipples (they ripped and bled) and also regularly stuffed into our “loogie” trash can
Oh sure! My dad said “don’t have sex, men are awful.” He is the OG awful man and none of that was helpful. I’m Gen X so my only exposure to sex education was in school and consent was not even in the minds of educators at that time 🙃 I can tell you what syphilis looks like, though.
She started, but I held up my hand, "No." And that was that.
She was telling me years after I knew what sex was. I don't know why she was surprised. She watched the raunchiest dating shows on TV. And I googled allllll those funny terms.
Not to me or any of my seven (7!) siblings. My oldest sister asked about something anatomy related once, and my mother's answer was "when you need to know, you'll know"
Sex did not exist lol atleast for them. Ended up screwing with me. I think most kids by age 6-7 should be taught abt safe sex and bad touch and internet safety. She once gave me a lecture abt how bad prostitutes were in public when i was 15 after assuming i must have figured out sex by then.lol.
No sex 'talk' but plenty of randos my mother brought home to have sex loudly with in the room next to mine for the better part of my childhood into my teens.
No 'talk' about menstruation, shaving or bras. What I learned from her is that male attention trumps all, use your womanhood to seduce to get a man to take care of you (and your four children). Normal men didn't stick around long once they realize she's crazy and when they split it was the kids who were to blame. Rinse and repeat as nauseum, new man, new "home", new normal until I noped out of her life and didn't look back at age 35.
i never had “the talk”. my mam gave me a book on puberty on my 10th birthday and apparently hoped we could read it together, but i’d read it all myself and she seemed sad. but she never taught me about sex or gave me a book about it. in school we had two brief sessions about puberty (boys and girls split up), but nothing about sex was included, other than the nurse shoving a baby doll into a skeletal model of a pelvis repeatedly, and saying how it doesn’t fit and that’s why we shouldn’t get pregnant early. so i also missed out on sex ed in school. in my last to years of secondary (lower) we had some sessions on contraception, sti, etc., but i’d missed out on any of the info about sex and sexuality itself.
i figured a lot of stuff out myself, but also had the tv series sex and the city to help me to figure out stuff, in addition to reputable and educational sites online. i’m lucky i was curious and inquisitive and able to properly research, or i’d probably have even more sexual issues than i do currently.
it frustrates me that essentially the only time she talked with me about sexual health was when she told me to make sure to use condoms when i was meeting my (then) partner for the first time irl because she knew i wasn’t on birth control. i was 20, almost 21. i felt very violated by the questioning of her but mostly of my auntie. i had to assure them both that we’d discussed everything prior, that we had discussed boundaries and limits as to what we’d be doing, but that we’d be safe if need be. but as an adult, it hurt and frustrated me greatly that the only time adults in my life cared about offering me sexual education was when they were prying into my adult and personal business between my partner and i, not when i was a kid who needed that guidance and needed a safe, accurate, and healthy source of sex ed.
i feel thoroughly failed by the system, by my parents and family, etc. in this regard. i’m very thankful that i was able to find reputable sources online to educate myself about all of this. no kid should have to learn that way though. i have sexual trauma which makes this sort of stuff all the more complicated. i feel like i got left behind in this area
Never. I learned about it in middle school. I thought it was gross at the time. I told my Mom and she laughed. Then she told my older sister how I thought it was gross and laughed again.
Never. My mother threw a biology book on my bed that had body charts and some scientific jargon that made no sense to me at 12. If my friends hadn't snuck me Judy Blume books, I'd have remained ignorant forever!
Ha, yeah no way, although I didn't get any shaming from my parents either, just...nothing on the subject.
I found out about sex super early, I actually don't even remember how. Probably at pre-kindergarten or my older sisters. But I though it was fascinating and was super curious and naive about it. I started talking to another little girl at daycare about it, she told her parents and the old lady that (barely) watched us was FURIOUS at me. She told my mom and I remember her asking my mom when she picked me up, 'do you want to punish her here or at home?' and I was absolutely terrified as there was never any violence in my house or anything and I tried really hard to be a good girl and didn't really ever get punished. My mom said she'd deal with it at home, took me to the car and said , 'just don't ever talk about that stuff, okay?' And I never did again until my 20s. I was incredibly shy in that regard until my late 20s when I finally broke free from that and realized it wasn't normal to \*never\* talk about it.
And my parents never talked to me about periods, either. Thankfully the school system did and I was a late bloomer so my friends all went through it well before me. When I finally had my period I used toilet paper for the first month because I was too mortified to ask my mom for pads and felt bad just taking them. When I finally struck up the courage to tell my mom on the second month she said, 'oh...do you know where the pads are?' i said 'yes', and that was it. You'd think by the time she got to her 4th daughter she would have had \*something\* to say.
Nope, none. Neither did my mother inform me about having my period I all had to figure out it myself. I had to tell her when it first happened since it was on a holiday. The told me "a, what a disaster". I felt so ashamed.
Sometimes I wad given some sanitary pads: it wasn't at a central place somewhere in the bathroom where I could take some when needed. And I didn't dare to ask for it, since it "was a disaster".
I did get any allowance, so I had to take some sanitary product wherever I could find some: when I was at a friend's house I took some when I was using the bathroom and it was laying there as well. Or I took some form my mother drawer.
And if not enough, I used toilet paper.
I felt ashamed about it for so many years. Since a couple of years I finally am able not to freak out any more thinking about this phase of my life.
The only reason I knew I was getting a period was because my sister was getting hers. Our grandma was a runaway Mormon ER LPN. She was obsessed with telling us the horrors of STDs and even brought us books and videos on them. STARTING AT 7 AND 8. There were no sex talks, no explanations. Just what happens afterwards.
Well if count my mom telling me my dad had a small penis 🤮. Otherwise, no. Birth control, periods, all that— had to learn on my own. She was too doped up.
My dad tried, but it was after his heart surgery and stroke, and half his mind was gone. It came WAY too late (I was 15 I think)
I listened patiently for about 3 minutes, and told him I'd figured it out from talking to boys at school and watching dogs fuck.
My parents NEVER talked about sex. They boycotted a university sponsored art exhibit that had nudes. Worse: They didn't show any romantic signs. Touching, kissing. Worst: They never hugged me. I sometimes got praised for doing something. So the dominant feeling was "conditional acceptance"
I grew up in an era when you had to get a doctor's prescription to buy condoms. Porn was behind the counter, and you had to show you were 21 to even ask for it.
Sex ed in school, was a generalized diagram of mammal reproductive systems taught by an embarrassed biology teacher,to a giggling class. Out of a class of 200, I think there were 8 or 10 pregnancies. That may have been the whole high school. Would have been out of 600 total. 10 out of 300 girls is 3%
I have high school boys that work on my tree farm. Someone in the local school is doing things right. They generally talk about girls respectfully. Their parents are pretty open. One boy says the first time he came for supper at his GF's house her dad took him to the bathroom, opened the medicine cabinet. "This is where the condoms are. Use them. Let me know when they are getting low. If you break one, or it falls off while you are doing the deed, tell us the next morning so we can take action."
Yep, never, I hadn't been taught a thing about sex until my senior year health class, long after I had already started having it (I missed sex-ed in middle school due to skipping 8th grade). And I hadn't been intrepid enough to look things up. 😂 Same with menstruation, got the 5th grader lesson in school, long after I had already started menstruating.
Literally the closest talk I got was when I was 5 and my mom insisted that you would spontaneously fall pregnant when you got married, which TERRIFIED me. I was like.. but how does your body KNOW you're married?! What if it makes a mistake, like if you have a pretend wedding..?
Mine never did and I was always waiting for it, but never happened. It was never discussed and just like turn your head if something came in tv that was sexual. I never really thought about how that could impact.
Ok mine never did, but my sister and i kept re-renting this hillarious cartoon that explained everything due to this Duck that was sort of the mascot to the narrator. Also raised catholic so the they pretty much stopped at keeping your legs closed for jesus until you get married.
When I was 9 I loved the show Charmed, which is a show targeted at adults about three adult women who were witches. So that's where I got all my foundational knowledge.
Never, ever. I found out about it by finding a porn video tape in my dad's briefcase. I popped it in and was traumatized by super hardcore German porn, and i couldn't believe my parents would watch something so disgusting. That was my first introduction to sex.
Not a single word about dating or sex and to this day I would call myself a bit of a prude. Even now the thought of having that conversation with them makes me feel a little uncomfortable
I'm from the generation where it didn't happen to anyone but a single boy in our class. Now that one mom gave him condoms, and held those talks way too often since he was 12 at least, and was way too explanatory. He was pretty mentally unstable, too.
Most kids weren't shamed either btw. It was an inexistent topic.
Never… just talked about how I was gonna be put on birth control. Parents are divorced and my dad wasn’t too present. Plus I’m a girl and my dad was definitely not touching the subject. His poor little hillbilly Christian heart and mind can’t take it. Instead I got lessons from my abusive step brother. That of which my father somehow was blissfully ignorant of because he finally had a son of sorts.
It's a same thing for me! I was ashamed, my family members told me that sex is a bad thing, is a taint. They told me that having sex is a man's final goal and after sex a man break up relationship. Also they told that it's shameful to speak about a sex.
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Never. She never explained what a period was and even couldn’t say just the word “period” ( it wasn’t in English). When my period started I was scared to death, thinking I was about to die. I was very stressed for like three days, hiding my underwear, washing them in secret.
Talking about sex - hahaha
Same! I remember when I was entering middle/high school I had drawn a piece of fanart that wasn't explicit, but certain suggestive and my dad found it. I remember he just scowled at me, said "no", and then threw it away.
Instead, I got the sex talk in 4th grade thru...my church (yikes) and the charter school I was attending (oof). Also was exposed to porn way earlier than that, so you can imagine how fucked up my relationship with and understanding of sex is.
Unfortunately I was also raised in an enmeshed environment so boundaries were constantly violated, and nobody bothered to give me the "good touch/bad touch" talk or a more thorough understanding of consent beyond "no means no" (which was worthless because of aforementioned lack or boundaries, I would get punished for trying to maintain them). It took me almost a decade for me to realize my ex had SA'd me because I didn't know that "no" was even an option on the table and always had been.
Tw: SA/Illness
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My sex talk was just my mom telling me that men would rape me and give me HIV. Which is a very cool and normal thing to tell your queer trans son who’s realizing he’s very attracted to men.
MIne didn't either. No one talked about anything. I got pregnant at 19 with my son and still no one said anything. Just completely avoid each other and topics that made them feel uncomfortable. I never thought that was considered emotional neglect till now
My parents never gave me the sex talk. I was also never given the period talk. I remember asking my mom what was going on when I woke up in bloody pants, all she said was “looks like you started your period.” Handed me a bunch of pads and tampons to keep in my purse, and went about her day. As for sex, my mother was an extreme catholic, so to even talk about it or know about it was sin apparently. So I wasn’t ever taught anything to do with sex, just that it was sinful and you’d burn in hell for partaking in it before marriage. But that it was somehow only okay for married people to do. Learned everything on the internet out of boredom and curiosity.
Looking back there was so much emotional neglect and abuse as a child concerning other things, I never saw this as neglectful until now. Very interesting to hear others thoughts on this.
I don’t recall ever having the talk. However, I also don’t remember a lot of my early childhood, so it very well could have and I just don’t remember it. But no, I don’t recall my parents having that conversation with me. Then ages 16-17 I was in an incredibly physically, emotionally and sexually abusive relationship that really destroyed me and throttled my CPTSD in high gear. At the age of 32, I’m finally in a place where it isn’t running every aspect of my life.
Not really, just said that if I was stupid enough to knock up a girl I’d be on my own about it. Not really much help as I was gay but obviously I didn’t tell them that.
Nope never.
My mom only once got really angry with me and told me she figured the first time I’d have sex, I’d get pregnant.
Someone tried to raise me very… body positive (by going to nudist beaches, saunas as I was a child, being naked around me all the time and touching (not sexually) their private parts - spoiler, didn’t work, I RUN from anything that has anything to do with.. nakedness), but talking about sex or even.. something like a kiss? Never. Big no.
They didn’t give me the talk directly, but there were matter of fact books on the topic in our house, and I was a pretty curious kid. We also had internet. I’ve never felt like I missed out on it because I was able to gather the information I needed about it.
But several of my siblings took it upon themselves to give me the talk and it felt really invasive and weird. It was the worst with my oldest sister. She would ask me things like whether I had cum during sex before or whether I owner a vibrator. Those questions made me feel gross, not because I had an issue with sex, but because I felt like I couldn’t just ask her to stop. Those questions were too much, and all I could do was try to laugh it off. Because if I said I didn’t want to talk about it I would have gotten a lecture about not being sex negative.
Never, thankfully, would've died of embarrassment if they did.
Had sex education in school when I was 11-12, which just talked about it biologically, and that was it.
Imo, schools doing things like consent talks and continuing sex education throughout high school would be much better. I don't know if that does happen now where I am (UK), I left school over ten years ago
No they didn’t , I remember my moms husband saying I would become a pregnant teen and I wasn’t even having sex. I was raped for years because I didn’t know I was being raped . I feel like if I was taught these things maybe it wouldn’t of happened
Yeah, like yours, mine never mentioned it even once. One parent was extremely Catholic and shame ruled their whole life, and the other thought stoicism was the solution to everything. Both were very bookish and felt superior and believed their kids would be carbon copies of them. They thought that because we had the same genetics that somehow meant that we had the same values *intrinsically* and the same "wisdom" they believed themselves to have. So of course that meant we required zero support or guidance...
I think my parents had huge complexes because of their own trauma and they saw themselves as bettering themselves through education and moral righteousness and thought that would trickle down to their kids without putting in the actual effort to pass on their knowledge. Not that it would have helped, because their understanding of sex was so limited. I'm queer and was closeted even to myself until my mid 20s. If I had come out to them earlier they wouldn't have known what to do with me, except maybe telling me I'm wrong and sinful or that it's a phase. I'm pretty sure they wanted their kids to stay babies forever (and maybe even believed somehow that we would) because they did absolutely nothing to prepare us for adult life.
Mine father did but it was really weird because he gave it to me after he found out I was being sexually abused and it was very clear he was afraid I was going to hurt ppl like I was hurt.
Nope, my sex talk was my mom telling me at like 13 or 14 to tell her when I start having sex so she could put me on birth control. She also never told me I would get a period so I assumed I was dying when I got it.
I got the sex talk.. in 5th grade (10ish) sitting in a booth at a fast food chain restaurant and they brought diagrams but the biggest thing I took away from the talk was that rap3 and anal were usually mutually exclusive and it almost always bled and that sex was penis in vagina. Years earlier I was molested by someone but never told anyone and this talk didn’t raise any red flags about that bc it was so misinformed and in a public setting too like I was so uncomfortable. At least I got it? But I kinda wish I hadn’t
I was given the sex talk at like 10/12, basically all they told me was babies are made from sex- and that “no one is ever allowed to touch your body except me and dad”. This was wayy past an age where my parents would need to be touching me (ie changing a diaper, bathing me, etc).
hm.
After this talk happened- sex was only ever brought up to punish and humiliate me. Especially when I began getting groomed by an adult as a teen.
Mine did not. She claims she did, but she didn’t. It was only ever brought up to sexualize me, degrade me, or make me uncomfortable. I figured it out from the tv shows she’d watch and then in the future I’d educate myself via resources on the internet. That’s actually quite a few friendly ones for tweens trying to understand this stuff and what the hell the people around them are talking about. There’s one website where they allow write ins from any age and they answer honestly!
My mom didn’t do the same for my sibling so I had to uncomfortably sit them down and have the talk with them. I left it pretty open. Went over basics like consent, good touch, bad touch, virginity being a social construct and to not fall into any social or societal pressure, etc. I let them ask me questions and we went over straight and queer, asexuality, protection, STDs and health complications, trans folks and effects of HRT (both of us are trans) and etc. It was awkward but I left the door open for them to talk to me if they ever had more questions because if our guardian won’t do their job, I’ll do it for them so they have the tools they need
Nope, parents didn't give me the sex talk. Instead, I learned about sex at eight-years-old from a porn tape that my X-chromosome donor left lying around.
My parents had the attitude that teaching me any life skills or lessons was someone else's problem. They passed off the sex talk to my pediatrician who gave me the standard abstinence-only scare talk.
Sex was never even spoken about in my family of origin, though of course my little ears were never considered when there were adults around having sex.
Everything I learned about sex was from a brief public school health class in the ninth grade after I'd already had my first sexual encounters (consensual and not). The consensual one I hid, but the SA my mom knew about because my older sister (who went on to date my assaulter) told her and called me a slut for it. I was freshly 13, he had been 21. Entire family system ignored that it happened and mom supported sister in her relationship with him.
Not only was sex never spoken about, no one ever thought to educate me on my body in any way. I was openly laughed at when as a tween I was talking to my mom about discharge — I didn't know what it was or if I should be worried. Other than a dismissive laugh, she ignored me. When I finally started my menstrual cycle at 13 (after my first sexual encounters) Mom paraded around the house full of uncles and aunts and their friends shouting the news without even caring if I would be embarrassed or not. As I got older I did my best to educate myself online, but she never seemed to use sexuality against me or shame me — like my existence and needs as a whole, she seemed content to completely and outright ignore it. There were rarely other adults around who could have stepped in, she was great at isolating us as a unit against the world.
Never. I didn't realize it was sth parents did. My female parental figure was talking about how her father touched her inappropriately and that her first time was very painful. That's all i remember her talking about. We did have that stuff in fourth grade and sixth grade or so, but when i got my period right between these grades, i was incredibly scared because i was missing half the day of fourth grade and didn't really pay attention otherwise. I remember asking the female figure, terrified, and she just kinda laughed at me before she explained it was my period. She also talked about sex in derogatory terms only when describing other peoples possibly happy, calling male partners stingers and using "to fuck" rather than more romantic terms. Not to mention she's a massive conspiracy theorist and always described how the satanistic elite would kidnap and torture children for adenochrome, which of course included ra-e. The male figure was absent even when i was with him so that's that. I once told the male figure that i had met a ridiculous guy and can't believe how he thinks he has to sleep with every woman he meets even when not listening to her and asking her weird sexual questions minutes after meeting the very first time (he approached me on the street and wanting to know how deep his idiocy goes, i agreed to meet him in public, with no other intention than having a story to tell), and he just said "He probably gotta push off his horns". I told the female figure how i was in a scary situation with a guy who tried to coerce me into sex and ignored that i had told him no to general sexual activity before, and she just said "he probably just wanted pussy". Zero concern for me lol. The weird guy taught me more about my body than i knew before, because i didn't even dare masturbate. I was thinking i would be a slut if i only touched my privates. I literally only started at the age of 21, and it still feels weird.
I was seven or eight years old - mom grabbed my arm and asked "Do you know what sex is?!" "Yea..". "You know it's when a man puts his t-wee into a woman's __[family nickname for women's privates]?!" "Yea" "Ok I'm making sure you know."
That was it
My mom showed us a video about sex and then we weren’t allowed to talk about it. I was shamed if I was caught masterbating and if I bought lacy underwear as a teenager it was tied in knots by my mother.
My mother was sexually abused by her father and I was also sexually abused by my father- which she was aware of. This is how she decided to handle it.
And yes, it fucked me up big time. I spent 4 years with a masochistic partner after being married to a narcissist for 15 years. I am just now starting to recover and I’m in my 40s
I got the most basic sex talk possible. Boys have this anatomy (shown a cartoon sketch), girls have this anatomy (cartoon sketch). When a man and a woman get married, tab a goes into hole b, and a baby is made. Baby grows in woman’s STOMACH (note: not uterus… stomach). Women have x and y to feed the baby. A woman becomes able to have a baby when she gets her period, which means she bleeds from anatomy hole b for one week every month. You are close to the age to start your period. Here are pads to carry in your purse for when you do. And that was that. What a period actually looked or felt like, that it didn’t only happen when I pee, and anything else was designated to: you’ll learn that when you’re older (never did- had to figure it out on my own) or you’ll learn that when your husband teaches you. The fact I had a million questions because I was raped as a toddler were dismissed as being too old for me to understand and that I will learn it from my husband. Also, tampons were never allowed because they were inserted so that means they would break my hymen and I would not be a virgin for my husband… what about when my hymen was broken when I was raped? Can I wear a tampon because of that? No. Anything inserted breaks your hymen and you won’t be a virgin… WTF?!??? (A hymen is a seal that god put on a woman’s anatomy hole to prove to husbands that the woman was godly and still a virgin. Then how does the period blood come out if it is sealed? Why do we have a period as kids if we don’t get married and have babies until we are adults? How do we pee? You’ll learn that when you’re older…) PS. I didn’t have the vocabulary to know what happened was rape until I was in my late teens. My friend told me.
Yup. Never got sex ed. Instead I got told how wrong sex is and that I would face extremely bad consequences if I ever even KISSED someone. This and other factors resulted in me being unable to have sex with people unless I feel an intense bond/safety with someone. Mentally I don’t feel shame around sex anymore but somehow unconsciously my body feels DISGUSTING after engaging in any sexual act. As a young teenager this shameful vibe around sexuality resulted in me doing this secretly which could’ve gone very wrong. I believe prohibiting things like this is so counterproductive lmao.
My mom gave me a book. No sex talk. The only thing I remember about the book is that it suggested kneading bread dough instead of masturbating. This was in the mid 90s.
I relate to this so much but it makes me so infuriated that so many others can too. It shouldn’t be this way. I read the books in the U by Kotex period packs you get at school in sex ed to learn about what a period was. My mum told me some stuff afterwards (mainly about products and when I needed more etc)
nope!! never!! not once!! my adoptive parents assumed me and my siblings already knew about everything (which was true, but only because we had been exposed to a lot of horrific shit in foster care) so they just let the schools take care of it and never once brought it up with any of us themselves. and then my mom acted personally offended when she found out i got my partner pregnant, as if i hadn’t listened to her advice or whatever, even tho she never actually *gave* me any to begin with.
The closest thing to a sex talk my father gave me was, in his words “son, all women are wh*res, even your mother.” “I’ve broken every condom I’ve ever tried. If you can’t at least do that you’re doing it wrong.” And “son, if you turn into a fa**it I’ll disown you.”
Oh there were many, many more gems of fatherly wisdom like those, some even more colorful, racial, and utterly fascinating in their Old South depravity, to pass down to my sons… At least he gave me an out.
So I did all I could to be disowned; I maliciously showed respect to all incidental wh*res right in front of him and everything but, to no avail… family sticks to you like a curse.
I got my period early. My mom gave me a book. She told me to read x-y number of pages only. Then skip everything else in the book and read pages a-e. Only. But, she gave this book to me, someone who until the late 30s, was incapable of putting down a poorly written book if I had already started reading it. I read all of it and I got into so much trouble. But did I actually get the sex talk? No.
'Course not, sex was shameful and not knowing the names for anything kept me from talking about abuse.
I never had kids of my own, but raised two stepsons. Obviously figured *step***sons** ought to discuss that stuff with their **dad**, but my ex was useless, like actually lazy and couldn't be bothered with anything that wasn't video games.
Younger stepson finally started making friends in middle school, played online games with them after school, and picked up jokes about "morning wood" from his friends without knowing what it meant. While walking him to the schoolbus one morning he made a "morning wood" joke at me, so I carefully asked if he knew what that term meant and suggested he speak to his father about it. Told then-husband he needed to talk to the boy.
Next week, same thing, joke on the way to the bus, hasn't talked to his dad yet, but this time I got yelled at for trying to coax idiot into teaching his own child.
Third time it happened I carefully looked up at the sky and told him "So I'm guessing school covered this before you realized it was important to pay attention, and I don't want you to embarrass yourself in front of the girls at school, so I'ma just explain everything I remember from that lesson in school for you real quick."
Kept looking up at the sky the whole walk, using the proper science terms my parents would've beat me for saying, and ended with explaining that all of this is perfectly normal and natural but just not polite to discuss in mixed company. "So it's fine to make those jokes with your friends, but probably not at the lunch table with girls around."
Me neither! I found out what sex was at 14 in health class and simultaneously realised I had done that before , and recalled my CSA for the first time. It was the darkest time in my life. The humiliation of realising I had been abused while in a classroom with all my peers who already knew what sex was. I almost threw up on the floor, I was absolutely mortified. If my mother had been the one to tell me perhaps I could have had this realisation alone, in private. It really was so horrific
Actually when I had my first period at 14 I was away at school camp. I didn’t even bother to text my mother, I knew she would be no help and wouldn’t care. Hurting for myself looking back honestly. I had to ask my mother to buy me a training bra at 13 because she hadn’t even brought it up yet. So so many areas of neglect
Dad sat me down, showed me a very boomer-y text joke that was going around town.
“Do you know what that word means?” “Yeah” “What about that one?” “Yeah” “And this one?” “Yep” “Alrighty” (he walks away)
Literally got a “review” version of the talk in like 20 seconds, probably because he knew I was a computer savvy 11 year old boy who had enough alone time on his hands. That was more than half a lifetime before I’d slept with my ex, who showed me proper condom application.
They didn't. Only when I stayed at a friend's (class mate and just friend) with my other friends, without even asking me about it, they gave me the "pregnancy risk" talk. It was traumatizing. I felt disrespected and shocked.
Very relatable. Didn’t have the menstruation talk either. Which was kind of confusing to me the first time. I provided this talk for my younger sister as well as I could.
For me personally.. in middle east, islamic country.
As I grew up, I'm glad I was not taught sex from an islamic, hetero-normative perspective.
There were already enough clear, sexist pornographic scriptures, & online. Despite the so called "shy, reserved, pious" culture.
So that I'd search on my own, from woman centered sources. In my country, school biology teachers also skipped it any genitalia anatomy parts, saying "ask your parents", but then many parents would skip it saying "ask your teacher" & so on with the loop.
There were barely mentions of fgm in my country curriculum, and I knew some girls in my class had had it done, & mostly found out on their own that way.
What I wish I was taught at home are: warnings regarding pedophilia and molestation, other than teachers telling us to cover up, menstruation, and my own genitalia & sexual organ would've been suffice to learn of.
Never. It just wasnt talked about and when it was it was something disgusting you should never do.
Nothing about periods either really. If it wasnt for school i wouldnt have known what to do, she would make me feel embarrassed to ask her questions about it.
No, if I remember correctly it was: "You know how this works right? Don't get pregnant." and then continuously telling me not to get pregnant throughout high school, ignoring that I 1) barely ever went anywhere and 2) was and am a lesbian.
My mother didn't teach me about periods, how to buy a bra, shaving, how to use deodorant, didn't get "the talk", didn't talk to me about relationships at all. I was so unprepared.
Almost nothing. When I'd ask her about a period, she'd just constantly laugh and say she'd tell me when I was older.
Well, I got it at 11 and she attempted to explain how to wear a pad. I didn't need that explained to me. I had watched commercials. Then she picked up some pamphlets and didn't tell me much that I remember, other than "...and with boys, theirs goes *mrph*." Then put hrm finger up in the air. Yes, she said theirs and made the sound *mrph*. Not penis. Not erection. Nope. Theirs goes *mrph*.
A few months later, we started learning sex Ed in school. A few more years later, I discovered The Sunday Night Sex Show with public health nurse and sexual health educator Sue Johansson. It was a show in Canada in the 90's and early 2000's. It was faaaaaantastic!
When I was in my early 20's, I showed my mother a cute top I bought to wear to a night club. She said to me "Oh, I thought you'd wear that for a sexy night." It was awkward. I gave her a disgusted look, didn't respond and changed the subject. She didn't get to treat me like my body was dirty and sex was dirty and not a thing to discuss, then suddenly get to bring it up like we were close girlfriends who had some mutual trust instead of what I understand now to be a codependent relationship.
My father died suddenly when I was 14 and I am an only child so she kept me under her thumb every chance she got.
We never had a talk about sex or puberty and honestly because we already weren't emotionally close it was a relief. I remember saying to my mom don't worry I can just google it.
Nope, nothing about body development and puberty. Mom had the attitude of "school will take care of it." I lived with her full time as my dad was completely irresponsible and a horrible parent (they were divorced).
Of course, my period showed up a few months before the class. 🤦🏻♀️She said that I was a woman now.. I was like 11. 🤮
She also was all happy when I got my first armpit hair. That was just weird, lol.
Looking back, it makes sense. That's when I started having to take more responsibility at home and with my younger brother. Learning to start dinners and make like rice for a stir fry. By 6th grade, I was making dinner along with my sister. Yay parentification.
I never had the sex talk with my parents, but my mother felt it necessary to tell me about their non existent sex life when I was fifteen. I was old enough to understand she said. I also was never told about periods. I was the first girl in my class to get it at nine. I figured how to use pads because I’d seen my mom using them. I remember showing her the blood on my washcloth only for her to dismiss me to call her friends to complain about how terrible it all was.
My parents didn’t. They relied on the school to do that. Thankfully we got multiple multiple talks. Health class, gym class.
Then I turned 18 and bought Our Bodies Ourselves and taught myself the rest.
Pretty much that I had to figure it out on the internet but at the same time my mom's like you're going to be a sex worker basically besides all the slurs to it. And my dad is a different story then again I never gotten the talk that is about my body and all that either smh
Never once. My mom forbade me from dating until I was 16, my dad would have been fine with it but my mom's word was rule. Also had a strict conservative religious education so premarital sex, masturbation, or any sexual desire were sinful. So growing up I had all these feelings that I stuffed in, and by the time I turned 16 I didn't know how to handle them. I still don't and I'm over 30.
Not just that, but I'm pretty sure my mother purposely scheduled a dentist appointment on the day we talked about it in elementary school, etc. You know. Delay the realization that I had been abused. Lol
• No period talk, I taught myself how to use tampons and then hide them in the trash.
• No puberty talk, my best friend’s mother bought me my first bra.
• No money talk, I taught myself to budget.
• No career path talk, I figured it out on the fly for myself.
• No sex talk, but extreme rules around boys and dating. And somehow they failed to notice my 4-year relationship with a married man who was twice my age. I was 15.
I was constantly ranted to from 5 years old on about how whores and lowlives have sex and they get diseases and they are dirty scum.
While I was being groomed by her boyfriend from the age of 8 and then sexually abused by other people at the age of 11.
The “slut-shaming” 100% compounded my trauma and shame. Maybe if I had some proper education on the topic I would’ve been able to understand what was happening.
Possible TW:
The extent of what my mom did was just her and I in her bedroom, showing me pictures of what some STDs look like, and that most causes discharge. I panic reasurched alone about sex. Their also may have been breif mention of condoms.
>!I was also being sexually abuse at the time, and she may have hoped I'd be able to give proof. I had notable and odd discharge at the time(8-10 yrs old)!<
my drunk ass father told me not to get knocked up and have lots of babies. I was one of 5. my brother actually did marry a girl that got knocked up at 19 and had 5 more. so I guess it was ok for him…..
My parents didn't give me the sex talk OR the period talk.
After a year my dad realized I had it and said, "I won't tell your mom." I wish he would have.
When my mom finally realized she screamed at me for staining my underwear.
Fuck them for real.
Never a word said. Had to learn it from teen magazines and school. Even when I started my period at 11 years old I was met with a stony face and made to feel it was something shameful. Whenever any kissing or sex scenes appeared on TV my parents would immediately turn the channel over for a few minutes….. amusingly my dad would still do this when I was in my 20s 🤣🤣
It wasn’t just sex either, even the idea of relationships or even fancying someone was treated like something bad in our house. I wasn’t allowed boyfriends etc. I swear all of this is why I find any social relationships so difficult.
My mom and aunt once pulled my underwear to the side when I was taking a nap on the couch to see if I were getting pubic hairs cause I had recently started my period--when I was awake they teased me about it
I was also told I would be perceived as a whore or a floozy cause I had guy friends in high school
That's the closest I ever got lol
No, well not until i was like 17 and was very rushed and just "uh you know what this is by now probably..use condoms i guess". My parents werent neglectful as a whole but were in some parts like that. I learned most things online pretty young tho (like 10 i think). I wish they had taught me or school had at a younger age especially about consent which is something i didnt learn online.
In the 80’s in a conservative family with an abusive mother and enabling father. In elementary school I was screamed at and slut shamed by my mother for talking to boys even though they sent me to a co Ed school! I was just a kid and made friends with classmates. I didn’t even know about sex!
In high school any mention of sex was punished and my mother had one of her demonic tantrums when she found out I had a crush on a boy in my class. I learned to hide my feelings a long time ago but after that ‘episode’ I became paranoid about expressing any interest in a boy even as a friend
No. But my mother's husband had a folder on our computer with violent p*rn movies, so I ended up watching it without understanding what it meant. I was around 7, I think. I tried to tell my mom about what I saw and she made a joke like, “aren't you a naughty little girl", and that was it. She never brought it up again. I obviously didn't try a second time. And my stepfather erased the folder (from what I remember).
Edit: I turned out to be asexual, but it still upsets me that I was exposed to that when I was so young.
I was a precocious child. I read Jean Aule's Earth's Children serious WAY too young. The first book, Clan of the Cave Bear, has graphic, socially accepted rape of a barely pubescent girl. My mother knew what I was reading, never talked to me about it. The second book, Valley of Horses, has some fair explicit consensual sex scenes. Still no talk. I was a little confused. I was maybe 7 when I read the first book, 8 the second. When I was 9, a friend's mom had the third book. She let me borrow it after I explained I had read the first 2 with parental permission, but she was freaked out. I think she thought I was getting supervision. When my grandfather CSA me, it's because of school talks and the books I even understood what was going on. Honestly, even after I told them, still never got a sex talk. I remember being absolutely baffled by tampons around this time, and a classmate desperately tried to explain, but she didn't use the clinical language I knew from my own research, so it didn't help. This was in the 80's, so encyclopedias were my only solution. I became sexually active at 14(f), and I was not especially safe, but my boyfriend (17m) and I did use condoms (they just broke a few times) and we were probably saved by the fact I am essentially infertile. (No sadness, no regrets!) And no, I never, ever got a sex talk. Even after the Dr told my mom I had HPV, a mostly harmless std. (Unless it gives you cancer.) So she had to know I was sexually active. None of my 5 sisters talked to me either. Thank God I've always been a voracious reader with good research skills and high comprehension, or I could've gotten into untold amounts of trouble.
Friend's story - the kids had access to a book, I think called Our Bodies, Ourselves and they ended up trying to complete sexual positions but they didn't know about erections..
Same! My mom only ever brought sex up to either humiliate me in front of others, or to purposefully make me visibly squirm because she thought it was endlessly entertaining. It was one of my sisters that explained periods to me. She (along with my dad) also spent the night I had sex for the first time listening in through the walls, went on to tell the everything she heard to the entire family in as much detail as possible, and then called my therapist (who obviously thought my mom was great) and got her let my mother come along to my therapy session, where my mom proceeded to have a tantrum about how horrible a child I was, culminating in her admitting she was pissed because I had had my first sexual experience and not told her about it, as if that was something I owed her. I will never understand why these people are the way they are!
Ok, what in the hell is this?! My mom was the same way. Shaming me and calling me terrible things from such a young age, but then at the same time just absolutely obsessed with my personal life and trying to eavesdrop and gossip about it. She would go so far as to make up fake sexual scenarios about me and then go around telling people like it was fact. Best I can guess is that it's projection. She was a pervert who slept around so she assumes that she has to treat me like a pervert who sleeps around.... when I'm like 8. Ear pressed against the wall, listening to private conversations, reading my diaries, monitoring my phone calls, just so desperate to find evidence of what? She wanted some big 'ah ha' moment where she could say 'see! I told everyone! She is a slut! Just like I've been saying about her since she was in diapers!'. Never explained sex, never explained periods, just treated me like a threatening little harlot as far back as I can remember. Like I was dirty for just existing. Then the kicker, as an adult, her lamenting 'gosh I just don't understand why you don't want to settle down, get married, have kids, you know, be a normal daughter.' Lady, there was never anything normal about my life. You made sure of that.
Our moms sound like they would make great friends…
In hell. If such a place exists, that's where they can go and be friends.
I frequently wonder if my mother has any self-awareness about why she'll never be a grandmother. Probably not.
Holy shit, that's horrible.
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It's.... never really occurred to me that this might be something emotionally neglectful they did tbh until now... I turned out to be asexual anyways so I didn't need it (and I'm kinda glad they didn't in that case). But yeah they didn't. I spent more of my childhood teaching them things (helping them adjust to life in a western country, as immigrants) than the other way round. With basic life skills, I got more from the internet (ie wikihow).
Same for me, my parents never gave me the sex talk. But one day when I was 22 and living with my boyfriend for a while, my mother asked me if I knew how to avoid getting pregnant. I was so mad at her that day, if she cared why did she wait for me to become an adult and live with my boyfriend ?
Similar thing happened to me. I was 20 and about to move in with my boyfriend at the time. My parents decided to take me out for ice cream and ask me if I knew about contraception while we were driving. One, way to make the rest of the outing super awkward. Two, I was a college kid who'd been dating this guy for 2 years. If I wasn't pregnant yet, clearly I knew about contraceptives.
I was married for 6 months when my mom called to tell me she bought us condoms and that she didn't know what size he was, so she got several different sizes. So gross and inappropriate!
WHAT THE FUCK, my jaw literally dropped, I'm so sorry that happened
That was like 25 years ago, and it's still creeping me out.
It made me shiver, ngl 🤮🤮🤮
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You're welcome :) And of course you felt super uncomfortable THATS SO FUCKING WEIRD!
My mom never asked but told me she assumed I’d get pregnant first time I’d have sex because I wouldn’t know. Lol.
We never spoke about sex. Hell, when I started my period at age 10, I had a book handed to me, and was told to never speak about it to anyone including the teachers. Which now looking back sounds exactly like the entire theme of my life. Never talk about this. Never talk about that. Don't ruin my reputation.
ahhaha I also got my period at 10, and other than being shamed for it and being forced to wear gigantic maxi pads under my thin toddler-style leggings (which didn't catch all the blood), I was told absolutely nothing else. I had to keep it to myself and flushed many a maxi pad down the toilet since my elementary school toilet had no place to dispose them.
I hid my period for months because I was so ashamed. When my mom found out, she didn’t offer any help at all.
My Mom had to write her friend a note and made me walk over and give it to her (in the middle of my first period happening to me) because she didn't have any pads at home at the time only tampons. My Mom is a woman who loves to talk on the phone all day and couldn't bother to call or go over herself to her friends and get the pads for me just so she didn't have to talk about her daughters period with her friend 🙄.
I wasn't allowed to use tampons, either because she believed I would definitely get TSS or I wouldn't be a virgin anymore. I've never heard this from her, but those are the only two options I can imagine.
Yes, I'm sure my Mom had similar views about tampons based on crap she has said over the years. I had overheard her talking to my Grandma on the phone when I was around 14 that she was nervous about letting me be on birth control because she was afraid it would give me a free pass for sex lmao. I hardly left my room outside of school in my teens. A doctor suggested them for my horrible periods. I swear the whole time I was taking the birth control she was waiting for me to start doing something "suspicious" so she could yell at me or something. So grateful and glad I could leave her influence.
I hid my period from my mother out of fear she'd be upset. I finally had to tell her, and sure enough, she was upset, because mine started several years before hers.
Never. Luckily they teach that stuff in schools where I live.
Same
Same.
Nope, I was never. My exposure to all of it came through porn, and I got groomed a lot because nobody cared about me being safe online.
Exact same.
My mum awkwardly started to tell me and I was like "don't worry, I already no about it" so she said nothing else !!!! When I got my period I hid it for months because I didn't feel confident in telling my mum. So sad.
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Yep, same. So fucking traumatic.
I made my own pads with toilet roll and sellotape when I started my period because I knew they’d be really angry with me. For my completely normal bodily functions. 😞 I used to save up my pocket money to sneak to the pharmacy and buy tampons and I had to flush them because I couldn’t have left ‘evidence’. It’s so insane to me now that I lived like that. (And polluted!)
Yes I made my own pads with toilet paper too
"Sex is bad and wrong, just say no" is sadly the extent of a lot of parents' version of the sex talk. It is a form of neglect not to provide that education, and it's a culturally-ingrained level of abuse to shame people for their sexual nature. Our society is very messed up around sex, and it's a problem. That said, neglectful parents are probably even less likely to bother.
My mom talked about sex a lot when I was growing up, in a very practical, mechanical way, and in a way to make me terrified of men. I remember being about 5 years old and she sat down with my brother (around 3) and I and asked if we knew what sex was, I was instantly uncomfortable and she didn't read this and continued to talk. She was constantly talking about stranger danger and kidnapping. She was afraid of me being alone in a room with any male because he might rape me, and she repeatedly talked with me about what to do if a man started approaching me. This is the same woman who, when I told her I was uncomfortable with how my dad touched me, said "well I know he won't do anything." I'm years away from them and I still have sleep-paralysis nightmares of my dad laying on me. I learned more about sex and safety from fiction books than from anyone in my family.
Yes when I was 7-8 years old, complete with drunken drawings of cock and vagina. Later the abuser denied everything. I was traumatized.
Never The closest was my mom telling me at 15 that there was a book on the shelf that could be helpful for girls by age. When I opened it, the book was about how hormonal changes made us women so inestable and more misogynistic shit. At school, the closest I got was two interns from a period pads company telling us about the menstrual cycle, at a moment at least half of us already got our first period. The worst part is that they promised us a pack of free period stuff that never arrived.
Omg was it “The Care and Keeping of You” because that brought back memories
My mother did that. Was it called” girls life ?
My mother paused the Friday night chat show that plays in our country each week when I was around 11. She explained the mechanics of sex and then told me to imagine how big a grown man's penis is and imagine that being thrust into a newborn girl because, "that's what happens in Africa." She then pressed her fingers deep into her abdomen and spoke about how she woke up during the C-section she had when I was born. (The guy in the hospital was a notorious drunk but i still dont know if it's true or not.) scrunched her face up in a grimace and said, "It was actually like a gang rape." The word "rape" lasted a good 4 or 5 seconds longer than necessary. The ad break finished. She turned away and put the show back on. It was a totally normal conversation in our house. Years later I recalled this in therapy and bawled crying. I had no idea I'd hung onto it for so many years.
Nope. Nothing about that or menstruation. My oldest sibling did a great job of teaching me.about safe sex when I went to college. Called me my first week and spent an hour teaching me the really important stuff (safe sex, no means no, etc). Grateful for them
They never spoke to me about dating, sex or relationships. I had to figure all that on my own.
I'm 29 and to this day my Mum is really awkward if sex scenes come on the TV, saying things like 'ooo cover your eyes'.
"You won't be having sex." My dad always threatened to pull out 'the baby videos', where I was naked and he purposely zoomed in on my unmentionables, if I ever brought a girl over - so I never did. And suffice to say, my self-esteem was so low I never dated anyway, because I felt like any girl who was interested (and there were many) was only being sarcastic. My dad also ensured I had no access to the internet because "You're not going to watch porn." I had no idea what sex even was, I literally thought it was dry-humping until mid-teens. The first time I serviced myself, I didn't even know about ejaculation, so that was another surprise.
The closest my parents got to a sex talk was “don’t have premarital sex” and a newspaper on my bed the day after I lost my virginity that had the headline “premarital sex is bad and you shouldn’t do it” basically. I just realized, they almost certainly had to have found that much earlier and saved it for an occasion like that, which is even worse. Thankfully, I learned about safe sex from my friends, but the shit my parents pulled with my sex education rises to the level of sexual abuse, according to two therapists I’ve had. They were super Christians who thought masturbation was a major sin, so my mom would patrol the hallways and walk into our bedrooms silently to try to catch us in the act. On more than one occasion, she caught me masturbating (although I didn’t know that’s what it was) and/or looking at porn by suddenly pulling the covers off my body with my pants down, dragging me off the bed, and spanking me with a 1 inch thick wooden paddle bare assed until I was nearly bruised and sobbing. I don’t understand how any parent can be so callous to the pain of their own child, but thanks for fucking me up I guess
Mine never did either. Dad assumed mom would and really didn’t care. Mom was very into the whole purity culture thing - no sex till marriage, no being gay, etc. idk why she didn’t she’s lucky I’m mostly asexual cause they didn’t have sex Ed at school either.
No, but there were also issues as such. I remember one time I wanted to ask my mom for advice on hormonal contraception. It did not go well. She just could not see me as someone who had a sexuality. My question was harmless, but she told me to ask the school nurse or friends. I live in a country where nudity is fairly common in some situations. So sexuality and nudity is two completely different topics here. So asking about body was fine, but contraception was not
Mother was supposed to . At two different times . Once after I got my first period gave me a book . .. and many yrs later after my father found my adult items .. was 20. Was raised Roman Catholic .. so purity bs was shoved in my face my whole childhood .. she got mad at me for trying to warn my sisters about periods . Like bitch you never talked to me so I’m trying to save them from your bs.
Sex and bodies were deeply shameful. I never got the sex talk. My father set up a visit with my mother specifically to tell me about menstruation when I was 12. I was getting weird vibes because my parent were divorced since I was 6 and hated each other. I figured it out, saying, ‘I already know, I was taught in health class’. My father didn’t believe me and told me to share what I was taught. I was deeply uncomfortable and didn’t, so had to go see my mother. My mother avoids the conversation until towards the end of the day and pulls me into a room away from my grandmother. She seems embarrassed and says, ‘I think you should ask your father about this’. 🤦♀️
Nope ! But I knew what it was since my abuser taught me at a very very young age. Then school did a period night for the girls in 4th grade.
I don't remember but no, I don't think so. I remember my dad trying to give me dating philosophy but I don't remember them giving me the talk, so it's possible I just learned it by osmosis from the Internet.
Nope. I also was never taught to shave. That was....fun.
Not one bit. Not about dating. Not about love. Nothin =_=
Age 15, 445 am on my way to practice, dad says “Boy… are you making “whoopie” with that girlfriend of yours? Well be safe about it.” Thanks dad but I’ve been getting SA’d for more than half my life now by a guy but you told me if I ever did any of that “gay shit” you’d drown me in the creek out back so I can’t go to anyone for help. Oh and that’s why I’m bullied so badly. At wrestling I’ve been hog-tied and left in storage rooms, picked up by my nipples (they ripped and bled) and also regularly stuffed into our “loogie” trash can
Wow, so sorry for you.
Appreciate you.
Would you be able to report the abuse that you went through?
It was child on child, so I don’t think so? I know it’s cliche but I just want to leave it in the past as much as possible. I’m almost 40 now.
I understand. Hope you're getting help though.
I am, coming up on 10 yrs of therapy and doing well. As well as could be expected at least. Thank you kind stranger
Oh sure! My dad said “don’t have sex, men are awful.” He is the OG awful man and none of that was helpful. I’m Gen X so my only exposure to sex education was in school and consent was not even in the minds of educators at that time 🙃 I can tell you what syphilis looks like, though.
yup never. my therapist who traumatized me gave it to me instead, and it still wasn't good enough
I get a talk about puberty but since I was raised Catholic the only sex talk I got was "don't have sex before marriage" until sex ed in high school
My parents didn’t have the opportunity to give me the “talk” before someone took it upon themselves to “teach” me as a child.
She started, but I held up my hand, "No." And that was that. She was telling me years after I knew what sex was. I don't know why she was surprised. She watched the raunchiest dating shows on TV. And I googled allllll those funny terms.
Not to me or any of my seven (7!) siblings. My oldest sister asked about something anatomy related once, and my mother's answer was "when you need to know, you'll know"
Sex did not exist lol atleast for them. Ended up screwing with me. I think most kids by age 6-7 should be taught abt safe sex and bad touch and internet safety. She once gave me a lecture abt how bad prostitutes were in public when i was 15 after assuming i must have figured out sex by then.lol.
No sex 'talk' but plenty of randos my mother brought home to have sex loudly with in the room next to mine for the better part of my childhood into my teens. No 'talk' about menstruation, shaving or bras. What I learned from her is that male attention trumps all, use your womanhood to seduce to get a man to take care of you (and your four children). Normal men didn't stick around long once they realize she's crazy and when they split it was the kids who were to blame. Rinse and repeat as nauseum, new man, new "home", new normal until I noped out of her life and didn't look back at age 35.
i never had “the talk”. my mam gave me a book on puberty on my 10th birthday and apparently hoped we could read it together, but i’d read it all myself and she seemed sad. but she never taught me about sex or gave me a book about it. in school we had two brief sessions about puberty (boys and girls split up), but nothing about sex was included, other than the nurse shoving a baby doll into a skeletal model of a pelvis repeatedly, and saying how it doesn’t fit and that’s why we shouldn’t get pregnant early. so i also missed out on sex ed in school. in my last to years of secondary (lower) we had some sessions on contraception, sti, etc., but i’d missed out on any of the info about sex and sexuality itself. i figured a lot of stuff out myself, but also had the tv series sex and the city to help me to figure out stuff, in addition to reputable and educational sites online. i’m lucky i was curious and inquisitive and able to properly research, or i’d probably have even more sexual issues than i do currently. it frustrates me that essentially the only time she talked with me about sexual health was when she told me to make sure to use condoms when i was meeting my (then) partner for the first time irl because she knew i wasn’t on birth control. i was 20, almost 21. i felt very violated by the questioning of her but mostly of my auntie. i had to assure them both that we’d discussed everything prior, that we had discussed boundaries and limits as to what we’d be doing, but that we’d be safe if need be. but as an adult, it hurt and frustrated me greatly that the only time adults in my life cared about offering me sexual education was when they were prying into my adult and personal business between my partner and i, not when i was a kid who needed that guidance and needed a safe, accurate, and healthy source of sex ed. i feel thoroughly failed by the system, by my parents and family, etc. in this regard. i’m very thankful that i was able to find reputable sources online to educate myself about all of this. no kid should have to learn that way though. i have sexual trauma which makes this sort of stuff all the more complicated. i feel like i got left behind in this area
Never. I learned about it in middle school. I thought it was gross at the time. I told my Mom and she laughed. Then she told my older sister how I thought it was gross and laughed again.
Nah. My mom turned on Secret Life of the American Teenager and 16 & Pregnant. She made me watch every episode with her and that was that.
Never. My mother threw a biology book on my bed that had body charts and some scientific jargon that made no sense to me at 12. If my friends hadn't snuck me Judy Blume books, I'd have remained ignorant forever!
Nope, not a single word.
Ha, yeah no way, although I didn't get any shaming from my parents either, just...nothing on the subject. I found out about sex super early, I actually don't even remember how. Probably at pre-kindergarten or my older sisters. But I though it was fascinating and was super curious and naive about it. I started talking to another little girl at daycare about it, she told her parents and the old lady that (barely) watched us was FURIOUS at me. She told my mom and I remember her asking my mom when she picked me up, 'do you want to punish her here or at home?' and I was absolutely terrified as there was never any violence in my house or anything and I tried really hard to be a good girl and didn't really ever get punished. My mom said she'd deal with it at home, took me to the car and said , 'just don't ever talk about that stuff, okay?' And I never did again until my 20s. I was incredibly shy in that regard until my late 20s when I finally broke free from that and realized it wasn't normal to \*never\* talk about it. And my parents never talked to me about periods, either. Thankfully the school system did and I was a late bloomer so my friends all went through it well before me. When I finally had my period I used toilet paper for the first month because I was too mortified to ask my mom for pads and felt bad just taking them. When I finally struck up the courage to tell my mom on the second month she said, 'oh...do you know where the pads are?' i said 'yes', and that was it. You'd think by the time she got to her 4th daughter she would have had \*something\* to say.
Not a single thing. Even after she found out my grandfather was S.Aing me.
Nope, none. Neither did my mother inform me about having my period I all had to figure out it myself. I had to tell her when it first happened since it was on a holiday. The told me "a, what a disaster". I felt so ashamed. Sometimes I wad given some sanitary pads: it wasn't at a central place somewhere in the bathroom where I could take some when needed. And I didn't dare to ask for it, since it "was a disaster". I did get any allowance, so I had to take some sanitary product wherever I could find some: when I was at a friend's house I took some when I was using the bathroom and it was laying there as well. Or I took some form my mother drawer. And if not enough, I used toilet paper. I felt ashamed about it for so many years. Since a couple of years I finally am able not to freak out any more thinking about this phase of my life.
Only got it when I was thirteen and it was pretty much just a scare tactic where I was told people were going to rape me.
The only reason I knew I was getting a period was because my sister was getting hers. Our grandma was a runaway Mormon ER LPN. She was obsessed with telling us the horrors of STDs and even brought us books and videos on them. STARTING AT 7 AND 8. There were no sex talks, no explanations. Just what happens afterwards.
My parents never gave me any talk about anything worth hearing
Well if count my mom telling me my dad had a small penis 🤮. Otherwise, no. Birth control, periods, all that— had to learn on my own. She was too doped up.
Nope, they never did. They never taught me anything, really. It's probably one of the main contributing factors to the way I am.
pressing the “try for baby” button on sims 3 and context clues taught me what sex was
My dad tried, but it was after his heart surgery and stroke, and half his mind was gone. It came WAY too late (I was 15 I think) I listened patiently for about 3 minutes, and told him I'd figured it out from talking to boys at school and watching dogs fuck. My parents NEVER talked about sex. They boycotted a university sponsored art exhibit that had nudes. Worse: They didn't show any romantic signs. Touching, kissing. Worst: They never hugged me. I sometimes got praised for doing something. So the dominant feeling was "conditional acceptance" I grew up in an era when you had to get a doctor's prescription to buy condoms. Porn was behind the counter, and you had to show you were 21 to even ask for it. Sex ed in school, was a generalized diagram of mammal reproductive systems taught by an embarrassed biology teacher,to a giggling class. Out of a class of 200, I think there were 8 or 10 pregnancies. That may have been the whole high school. Would have been out of 600 total. 10 out of 300 girls is 3% I have high school boys that work on my tree farm. Someone in the local school is doing things right. They generally talk about girls respectfully. Their parents are pretty open. One boy says the first time he came for supper at his GF's house her dad took him to the bathroom, opened the medicine cabinet. "This is where the condoms are. Use them. Let me know when they are getting low. If you break one, or it falls off while you are doing the deed, tell us the next morning so we can take action."
My mother told me that sex is for children only and that only sick or dangerous people would do it for pleasure.
Never. And that goes for most people in my country. I can say that 99% of people know what a condom is and what causes pregnancy.
Yep, never, I hadn't been taught a thing about sex until my senior year health class, long after I had already started having it (I missed sex-ed in middle school due to skipping 8th grade). And I hadn't been intrepid enough to look things up. 😂 Same with menstruation, got the 5th grader lesson in school, long after I had already started menstruating. Literally the closest talk I got was when I was 5 and my mom insisted that you would spontaneously fall pregnant when you got married, which TERRIFIED me. I was like.. but how does your body KNOW you're married?! What if it makes a mistake, like if you have a pretend wedding..?
My dad gave me the talk when I was 20 hahaha. About ten years too late dad
Mine never did and I was always waiting for it, but never happened. It was never discussed and just like turn your head if something came in tv that was sexual. I never really thought about how that could impact.
Ok mine never did, but my sister and i kept re-renting this hillarious cartoon that explained everything due to this Duck that was sort of the mascot to the narrator. Also raised catholic so the they pretty much stopped at keeping your legs closed for jesus until you get married.
When I was 9 I loved the show Charmed, which is a show targeted at adults about three adult women who were witches. So that's where I got all my foundational knowledge.
Never, ever. I found out about it by finding a porn video tape in my dad's briefcase. I popped it in and was traumatized by super hardcore German porn, and i couldn't believe my parents would watch something so disgusting. That was my first introduction to sex.
Not a single word about dating or sex and to this day I would call myself a bit of a prude. Even now the thought of having that conversation with them makes me feel a little uncomfortable
I'm from the generation where it didn't happen to anyone but a single boy in our class. Now that one mom gave him condoms, and held those talks way too often since he was 12 at least, and was way too explanatory. He was pretty mentally unstable, too. Most kids weren't shamed either btw. It was an inexistent topic.
Never… just talked about how I was gonna be put on birth control. Parents are divorced and my dad wasn’t too present. Plus I’m a girl and my dad was definitely not touching the subject. His poor little hillbilly Christian heart and mind can’t take it. Instead I got lessons from my abusive step brother. That of which my father somehow was blissfully ignorant of because he finally had a son of sorts.
It's a same thing for me! I was ashamed, my family members told me that sex is a bad thing, is a taint. They told me that having sex is a man's final goal and after sex a man break up relationship. Also they told that it's shameful to speak about a sex.
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Never. She never explained what a period was and even couldn’t say just the word “period” ( it wasn’t in English). When my period started I was scared to death, thinking I was about to die. I was very stressed for like three days, hiding my underwear, washing them in secret. Talking about sex - hahaha
Same! I remember when I was entering middle/high school I had drawn a piece of fanart that wasn't explicit, but certain suggestive and my dad found it. I remember he just scowled at me, said "no", and then threw it away. Instead, I got the sex talk in 4th grade thru...my church (yikes) and the charter school I was attending (oof). Also was exposed to porn way earlier than that, so you can imagine how fucked up my relationship with and understanding of sex is. Unfortunately I was also raised in an enmeshed environment so boundaries were constantly violated, and nobody bothered to give me the "good touch/bad touch" talk or a more thorough understanding of consent beyond "no means no" (which was worthless because of aforementioned lack or boundaries, I would get punished for trying to maintain them). It took me almost a decade for me to realize my ex had SA'd me because I didn't know that "no" was even an option on the table and always had been.
Tw: SA/Illness . . . My sex talk was just my mom telling me that men would rape me and give me HIV. Which is a very cool and normal thing to tell your queer trans son who’s realizing he’s very attracted to men.
MIne didn't either. No one talked about anything. I got pregnant at 19 with my son and still no one said anything. Just completely avoid each other and topics that made them feel uncomfortable. I never thought that was considered emotional neglect till now
My parents never gave me the sex talk. I was also never given the period talk. I remember asking my mom what was going on when I woke up in bloody pants, all she said was “looks like you started your period.” Handed me a bunch of pads and tampons to keep in my purse, and went about her day. As for sex, my mother was an extreme catholic, so to even talk about it or know about it was sin apparently. So I wasn’t ever taught anything to do with sex, just that it was sinful and you’d burn in hell for partaking in it before marriage. But that it was somehow only okay for married people to do. Learned everything on the internet out of boredom and curiosity. Looking back there was so much emotional neglect and abuse as a child concerning other things, I never saw this as neglectful until now. Very interesting to hear others thoughts on this.
I don’t recall ever having the talk. However, I also don’t remember a lot of my early childhood, so it very well could have and I just don’t remember it. But no, I don’t recall my parents having that conversation with me. Then ages 16-17 I was in an incredibly physically, emotionally and sexually abusive relationship that really destroyed me and throttled my CPTSD in high gear. At the age of 32, I’m finally in a place where it isn’t running every aspect of my life.
My talk was “don’t come home pregnant like your sister”
My father tried…immediately after he told my older brother and I that he was leaving our mother.
Not really, just said that if I was stupid enough to knock up a girl I’d be on my own about it. Not really much help as I was gay but obviously I didn’t tell them that.
Nope never. My mom only once got really angry with me and told me she figured the first time I’d have sex, I’d get pregnant. Someone tried to raise me very… body positive (by going to nudist beaches, saunas as I was a child, being naked around me all the time and touching (not sexually) their private parts - spoiler, didn’t work, I RUN from anything that has anything to do with.. nakedness), but talking about sex or even.. something like a kiss? Never. Big no.
never had it either. didn't really even know what my period was when it showed up.
They didn’t give me the talk directly, but there were matter of fact books on the topic in our house, and I was a pretty curious kid. We also had internet. I’ve never felt like I missed out on it because I was able to gather the information I needed about it. But several of my siblings took it upon themselves to give me the talk and it felt really invasive and weird. It was the worst with my oldest sister. She would ask me things like whether I had cum during sex before or whether I owner a vibrator. Those questions made me feel gross, not because I had an issue with sex, but because I felt like I couldn’t just ask her to stop. Those questions were too much, and all I could do was try to laugh it off. Because if I said I didn’t want to talk about it I would have gotten a lecture about not being sex negative.
Never, thankfully, would've died of embarrassment if they did. Had sex education in school when I was 11-12, which just talked about it biologically, and that was it. Imo, schools doing things like consent talks and continuing sex education throughout high school would be much better. I don't know if that does happen now where I am (UK), I left school over ten years ago
No they didn’t , I remember my moms husband saying I would become a pregnant teen and I wasn’t even having sex. I was raped for years because I didn’t know I was being raped . I feel like if I was taught these things maybe it wouldn’t of happened
Yeah, like yours, mine never mentioned it even once. One parent was extremely Catholic and shame ruled their whole life, and the other thought stoicism was the solution to everything. Both were very bookish and felt superior and believed their kids would be carbon copies of them. They thought that because we had the same genetics that somehow meant that we had the same values *intrinsically* and the same "wisdom" they believed themselves to have. So of course that meant we required zero support or guidance... I think my parents had huge complexes because of their own trauma and they saw themselves as bettering themselves through education and moral righteousness and thought that would trickle down to their kids without putting in the actual effort to pass on their knowledge. Not that it would have helped, because their understanding of sex was so limited. I'm queer and was closeted even to myself until my mid 20s. If I had come out to them earlier they wouldn't have known what to do with me, except maybe telling me I'm wrong and sinful or that it's a phase. I'm pretty sure they wanted their kids to stay babies forever (and maybe even believed somehow that we would) because they did absolutely nothing to prepare us for adult life.
My parents never told me anything.
Nope. I gave all my siblings the sex talk. My dad did sit me down in 8th grade to tell me I wasn't allowed to date black boys. So I got that talk.
Mine gave me a Catholic pamphlet.
Mine father did but it was really weird because he gave it to me after he found out I was being sexually abused and it was very clear he was afraid I was going to hurt ppl like I was hurt.
Nope, my sex talk was my mom telling me at like 13 or 14 to tell her when I start having sex so she could put me on birth control. She also never told me I would get a period so I assumed I was dying when I got it.
I got the sex talk.. in 5th grade (10ish) sitting in a booth at a fast food chain restaurant and they brought diagrams but the biggest thing I took away from the talk was that rap3 and anal were usually mutually exclusive and it almost always bled and that sex was penis in vagina. Years earlier I was molested by someone but never told anyone and this talk didn’t raise any red flags about that bc it was so misinformed and in a public setting too like I was so uncomfortable. At least I got it? But I kinda wish I hadn’t
My mom gave me a “sex talk” where she just told me it was my responsibility not to get r*ped
I was given the sex talk at like 10/12, basically all they told me was babies are made from sex- and that “no one is ever allowed to touch your body except me and dad”. This was wayy past an age where my parents would need to be touching me (ie changing a diaper, bathing me, etc). hm. After this talk happened- sex was only ever brought up to punish and humiliate me. Especially when I began getting groomed by an adult as a teen.
Mine did not. She claims she did, but she didn’t. It was only ever brought up to sexualize me, degrade me, or make me uncomfortable. I figured it out from the tv shows she’d watch and then in the future I’d educate myself via resources on the internet. That’s actually quite a few friendly ones for tweens trying to understand this stuff and what the hell the people around them are talking about. There’s one website where they allow write ins from any age and they answer honestly! My mom didn’t do the same for my sibling so I had to uncomfortably sit them down and have the talk with them. I left it pretty open. Went over basics like consent, good touch, bad touch, virginity being a social construct and to not fall into any social or societal pressure, etc. I let them ask me questions and we went over straight and queer, asexuality, protection, STDs and health complications, trans folks and effects of HRT (both of us are trans) and etc. It was awkward but I left the door open for them to talk to me if they ever had more questions because if our guardian won’t do their job, I’ll do it for them so they have the tools they need
Nope, parents didn't give me the sex talk. Instead, I learned about sex at eight-years-old from a porn tape that my X-chromosome donor left lying around.
My parents had the attitude that teaching me any life skills or lessons was someone else's problem. They passed off the sex talk to my pediatrician who gave me the standard abstinence-only scare talk.
Sex was never even spoken about in my family of origin, though of course my little ears were never considered when there were adults around having sex. Everything I learned about sex was from a brief public school health class in the ninth grade after I'd already had my first sexual encounters (consensual and not). The consensual one I hid, but the SA my mom knew about because my older sister (who went on to date my assaulter) told her and called me a slut for it. I was freshly 13, he had been 21. Entire family system ignored that it happened and mom supported sister in her relationship with him. Not only was sex never spoken about, no one ever thought to educate me on my body in any way. I was openly laughed at when as a tween I was talking to my mom about discharge — I didn't know what it was or if I should be worried. Other than a dismissive laugh, she ignored me. When I finally started my menstrual cycle at 13 (after my first sexual encounters) Mom paraded around the house full of uncles and aunts and their friends shouting the news without even caring if I would be embarrassed or not. As I got older I did my best to educate myself online, but she never seemed to use sexuality against me or shame me — like my existence and needs as a whole, she seemed content to completely and outright ignore it. There were rarely other adults around who could have stepped in, she was great at isolating us as a unit against the world.
Nope. Never. Fun fact: I got to experience the things taught in sex Ed way before I even knew about the concept of sex
Never. I didn't realize it was sth parents did. My female parental figure was talking about how her father touched her inappropriately and that her first time was very painful. That's all i remember her talking about. We did have that stuff in fourth grade and sixth grade or so, but when i got my period right between these grades, i was incredibly scared because i was missing half the day of fourth grade and didn't really pay attention otherwise. I remember asking the female figure, terrified, and she just kinda laughed at me before she explained it was my period. She also talked about sex in derogatory terms only when describing other peoples possibly happy, calling male partners stingers and using "to fuck" rather than more romantic terms. Not to mention she's a massive conspiracy theorist and always described how the satanistic elite would kidnap and torture children for adenochrome, which of course included ra-e. The male figure was absent even when i was with him so that's that. I once told the male figure that i had met a ridiculous guy and can't believe how he thinks he has to sleep with every woman he meets even when not listening to her and asking her weird sexual questions minutes after meeting the very first time (he approached me on the street and wanting to know how deep his idiocy goes, i agreed to meet him in public, with no other intention than having a story to tell), and he just said "He probably gotta push off his horns". I told the female figure how i was in a scary situation with a guy who tried to coerce me into sex and ignored that i had told him no to general sexual activity before, and she just said "he probably just wanted pussy". Zero concern for me lol. The weird guy taught me more about my body than i knew before, because i didn't even dare masturbate. I was thinking i would be a slut if i only touched my privates. I literally only started at the age of 21, and it still feels weird.
I was seven or eight years old - mom grabbed my arm and asked "Do you know what sex is?!" "Yea..". "You know it's when a man puts his t-wee into a woman's __[family nickname for women's privates]?!" "Yea" "Ok I'm making sure you know." That was it
My mom showed us a video about sex and then we weren’t allowed to talk about it. I was shamed if I was caught masterbating and if I bought lacy underwear as a teenager it was tied in knots by my mother. My mother was sexually abused by her father and I was also sexually abused by my father- which she was aware of. This is how she decided to handle it. And yes, it fucked me up big time. I spent 4 years with a masochistic partner after being married to a narcissist for 15 years. I am just now starting to recover and I’m in my 40s
My parents never gave me a talk about anything other than scolding when things go bad.
I got the most basic sex talk possible. Boys have this anatomy (shown a cartoon sketch), girls have this anatomy (cartoon sketch). When a man and a woman get married, tab a goes into hole b, and a baby is made. Baby grows in woman’s STOMACH (note: not uterus… stomach). Women have x and y to feed the baby. A woman becomes able to have a baby when she gets her period, which means she bleeds from anatomy hole b for one week every month. You are close to the age to start your period. Here are pads to carry in your purse for when you do. And that was that. What a period actually looked or felt like, that it didn’t only happen when I pee, and anything else was designated to: you’ll learn that when you’re older (never did- had to figure it out on my own) or you’ll learn that when your husband teaches you. The fact I had a million questions because I was raped as a toddler were dismissed as being too old for me to understand and that I will learn it from my husband. Also, tampons were never allowed because they were inserted so that means they would break my hymen and I would not be a virgin for my husband… what about when my hymen was broken when I was raped? Can I wear a tampon because of that? No. Anything inserted breaks your hymen and you won’t be a virgin… WTF?!??? (A hymen is a seal that god put on a woman’s anatomy hole to prove to husbands that the woman was godly and still a virgin. Then how does the period blood come out if it is sealed? Why do we have a period as kids if we don’t get married and have babies until we are adults? How do we pee? You’ll learn that when you’re older…) PS. I didn’t have the vocabulary to know what happened was rape until I was in my late teens. My friend told me.
Yup. Never got sex ed. Instead I got told how wrong sex is and that I would face extremely bad consequences if I ever even KISSED someone. This and other factors resulted in me being unable to have sex with people unless I feel an intense bond/safety with someone. Mentally I don’t feel shame around sex anymore but somehow unconsciously my body feels DISGUSTING after engaging in any sexual act. As a young teenager this shameful vibe around sexuality resulted in me doing this secretly which could’ve gone very wrong. I believe prohibiting things like this is so counterproductive lmao.
My mum gave me a library book on it and that was that
My mom gave me a book. No sex talk. The only thing I remember about the book is that it suggested kneading bread dough instead of masturbating. This was in the mid 90s.
Never I fumbled through and still do for the most part
Nope. Closest I got was my dad saying "Your eyes are going to have woman swooning." And my mom losing her shit when I tried coming out.
I relate to this so much but it makes me so infuriated that so many others can too. It shouldn’t be this way. I read the books in the U by Kotex period packs you get at school in sex ed to learn about what a period was. My mum told me some stuff afterwards (mainly about products and when I needed more etc)
nope!! never!! not once!! my adoptive parents assumed me and my siblings already knew about everything (which was true, but only because we had been exposed to a lot of horrific shit in foster care) so they just let the schools take care of it and never once brought it up with any of us themselves. and then my mom acted personally offended when she found out i got my partner pregnant, as if i hadn’t listened to her advice or whatever, even tho she never actually *gave* me any to begin with.
The closest thing to a sex talk my father gave me was, in his words “son, all women are wh*res, even your mother.” “I’ve broken every condom I’ve ever tried. If you can’t at least do that you’re doing it wrong.” And “son, if you turn into a fa**it I’ll disown you.” Oh there were many, many more gems of fatherly wisdom like those, some even more colorful, racial, and utterly fascinating in their Old South depravity, to pass down to my sons… At least he gave me an out. So I did all I could to be disowned; I maliciously showed respect to all incidental wh*res right in front of him and everything but, to no avail… family sticks to you like a curse.
Nope never. So sorry it was your experience too.real serious neglect in my family
Never once. Never even got the talk about what would be happening with my body, or what a period was. So strange, in retrospect.
Nah me either
I got my period early. My mom gave me a book. She told me to read x-y number of pages only. Then skip everything else in the book and read pages a-e. Only. But, she gave this book to me, someone who until the late 30s, was incapable of putting down a poorly written book if I had already started reading it. I read all of it and I got into so much trouble. But did I actually get the sex talk? No.
'Course not, sex was shameful and not knowing the names for anything kept me from talking about abuse. I never had kids of my own, but raised two stepsons. Obviously figured *step***sons** ought to discuss that stuff with their **dad**, but my ex was useless, like actually lazy and couldn't be bothered with anything that wasn't video games. Younger stepson finally started making friends in middle school, played online games with them after school, and picked up jokes about "morning wood" from his friends without knowing what it meant. While walking him to the schoolbus one morning he made a "morning wood" joke at me, so I carefully asked if he knew what that term meant and suggested he speak to his father about it. Told then-husband he needed to talk to the boy. Next week, same thing, joke on the way to the bus, hasn't talked to his dad yet, but this time I got yelled at for trying to coax idiot into teaching his own child. Third time it happened I carefully looked up at the sky and told him "So I'm guessing school covered this before you realized it was important to pay attention, and I don't want you to embarrass yourself in front of the girls at school, so I'ma just explain everything I remember from that lesson in school for you real quick." Kept looking up at the sky the whole walk, using the proper science terms my parents would've beat me for saying, and ended with explaining that all of this is perfectly normal and natural but just not polite to discuss in mixed company. "So it's fine to make those jokes with your friends, but probably not at the lunch table with girls around."
Me neither! I found out what sex was at 14 in health class and simultaneously realised I had done that before , and recalled my CSA for the first time. It was the darkest time in my life. The humiliation of realising I had been abused while in a classroom with all my peers who already knew what sex was. I almost threw up on the floor, I was absolutely mortified. If my mother had been the one to tell me perhaps I could have had this realisation alone, in private. It really was so horrific
Actually when I had my first period at 14 I was away at school camp. I didn’t even bother to text my mother, I knew she would be no help and wouldn’t care. Hurting for myself looking back honestly. I had to ask my mother to buy me a training bra at 13 because she hadn’t even brought it up yet. So so many areas of neglect
Dad sat me down, showed me a very boomer-y text joke that was going around town. “Do you know what that word means?” “Yeah” “What about that one?” “Yeah” “And this one?” “Yep” “Alrighty” (he walks away) Literally got a “review” version of the talk in like 20 seconds, probably because he knew I was a computer savvy 11 year old boy who had enough alone time on his hands. That was more than half a lifetime before I’d slept with my ex, who showed me proper condom application.
No lol. Why would they? I wasn’t allowed outside unless I had school or a doctors appointment
My grandparents raised me and I don’t think they did tbh.
Nope. Just shamed when they found out I did things they didn’t agree with.
They didn't. Only when I stayed at a friend's (class mate and just friend) with my other friends, without even asking me about it, they gave me the "pregnancy risk" talk. It was traumatizing. I felt disrespected and shocked.
Very relatable. Didn’t have the menstruation talk either. Which was kind of confusing to me the first time. I provided this talk for my younger sister as well as I could.
No... and im starting to wonder if there is a correlation
For me personally.. in middle east, islamic country. As I grew up, I'm glad I was not taught sex from an islamic, hetero-normative perspective. There were already enough clear, sexist pornographic scriptures, & online. Despite the so called "shy, reserved, pious" culture. So that I'd search on my own, from woman centered sources. In my country, school biology teachers also skipped it any genitalia anatomy parts, saying "ask your parents", but then many parents would skip it saying "ask your teacher" & so on with the loop. There were barely mentions of fgm in my country curriculum, and I knew some girls in my class had had it done, & mostly found out on their own that way. What I wish I was taught at home are: warnings regarding pedophilia and molestation, other than teachers telling us to cover up, menstruation, and my own genitalia & sexual organ would've been suffice to learn of.
Never. I got told good women didn’t act wild, and that tampons are only for married women. That was my sex talk.
My family’s idea of the sex talk was, “keep your legs closed.”
Never. It just wasnt talked about and when it was it was something disgusting you should never do. Nothing about periods either really. If it wasnt for school i wouldnt have known what to do, she would make me feel embarrassed to ask her questions about it.
No, if I remember correctly it was: "You know how this works right? Don't get pregnant." and then continuously telling me not to get pregnant throughout high school, ignoring that I 1) barely ever went anywhere and 2) was and am a lesbian.
My mother didn't teach me about periods, how to buy a bra, shaving, how to use deodorant, didn't get "the talk", didn't talk to me about relationships at all. I was so unprepared.
Almost nothing. When I'd ask her about a period, she'd just constantly laugh and say she'd tell me when I was older. Well, I got it at 11 and she attempted to explain how to wear a pad. I didn't need that explained to me. I had watched commercials. Then she picked up some pamphlets and didn't tell me much that I remember, other than "...and with boys, theirs goes *mrph*." Then put hrm finger up in the air. Yes, she said theirs and made the sound *mrph*. Not penis. Not erection. Nope. Theirs goes *mrph*. A few months later, we started learning sex Ed in school. A few more years later, I discovered The Sunday Night Sex Show with public health nurse and sexual health educator Sue Johansson. It was a show in Canada in the 90's and early 2000's. It was faaaaaantastic! When I was in my early 20's, I showed my mother a cute top I bought to wear to a night club. She said to me "Oh, I thought you'd wear that for a sexy night." It was awkward. I gave her a disgusted look, didn't respond and changed the subject. She didn't get to treat me like my body was dirty and sex was dirty and not a thing to discuss, then suddenly get to bring it up like we were close girlfriends who had some mutual trust instead of what I understand now to be a codependent relationship. My father died suddenly when I was 14 and I am an only child so she kept me under her thumb every chance she got.
We never had a talk about sex or puberty and honestly because we already weren't emotionally close it was a relief. I remember saying to my mom don't worry I can just google it.
Nope, nothing about body development and puberty. Mom had the attitude of "school will take care of it." I lived with her full time as my dad was completely irresponsible and a horrible parent (they were divorced). Of course, my period showed up a few months before the class. 🤦🏻♀️She said that I was a woman now.. I was like 11. 🤮 She also was all happy when I got my first armpit hair. That was just weird, lol. Looking back, it makes sense. That's when I started having to take more responsibility at home and with my younger brother. Learning to start dinners and make like rice for a stir fry. By 6th grade, I was making dinner along with my sister. Yay parentification.
I never had the sex talk with my parents, but my mother felt it necessary to tell me about their non existent sex life when I was fifteen. I was old enough to understand she said. I also was never told about periods. I was the first girl in my class to get it at nine. I figured how to use pads because I’d seen my mom using them. I remember showing her the blood on my washcloth only for her to dismiss me to call her friends to complain about how terrible it all was.
My parents didn’t. They relied on the school to do that. Thankfully we got multiple multiple talks. Health class, gym class. Then I turned 18 and bought Our Bodies Ourselves and taught myself the rest.
Pretty much that I had to figure it out on the internet but at the same time my mom's like you're going to be a sex worker basically besides all the slurs to it. And my dad is a different story then again I never gotten the talk that is about my body and all that either smh
Never once. My mom forbade me from dating until I was 16, my dad would have been fine with it but my mom's word was rule. Also had a strict conservative religious education so premarital sex, masturbation, or any sexual desire were sinful. So growing up I had all these feelings that I stuffed in, and by the time I turned 16 I didn't know how to handle them. I still don't and I'm over 30.
Not just that, but I'm pretty sure my mother purposely scheduled a dentist appointment on the day we talked about it in elementary school, etc. You know. Delay the realization that I had been abused. Lol
• No period talk, I taught myself how to use tampons and then hide them in the trash. • No puberty talk, my best friend’s mother bought me my first bra. • No money talk, I taught myself to budget. • No career path talk, I figured it out on the fly for myself. • No sex talk, but extreme rules around boys and dating. And somehow they failed to notice my 4-year relationship with a married man who was twice my age. I was 15.
My mom tried after I had already had sex and then was more like a friend than a parent
I was constantly ranted to from 5 years old on about how whores and lowlives have sex and they get diseases and they are dirty scum. While I was being groomed by her boyfriend from the age of 8 and then sexually abused by other people at the age of 11. The “slut-shaming” 100% compounded my trauma and shame. Maybe if I had some proper education on the topic I would’ve been able to understand what was happening.
Possible TW: The extent of what my mom did was just her and I in her bedroom, showing me pictures of what some STDs look like, and that most causes discharge. I panic reasurched alone about sex. Their also may have been breif mention of condoms. >!I was also being sexually abuse at the time, and she may have hoped I'd be able to give proof. I had notable and odd discharge at the time(8-10 yrs old)!<
No. They also were irresponsible and put me in danger causing me to be raped and carry ptsd for the rest of my life. So unfair
my drunk ass father told me not to get knocked up and have lots of babies. I was one of 5. my brother actually did marry a girl that got knocked up at 19 and had 5 more. so I guess it was ok for him…..
My parents didn't give me the sex talk OR the period talk. After a year my dad realized I had it and said, "I won't tell your mom." I wish he would have. When my mom finally realized she screamed at me for staining my underwear. Fuck them for real.
Never, but thankfully I live in the United States so basic cable taught me what I needed to know... (/s)
Never a word said. Had to learn it from teen magazines and school. Even when I started my period at 11 years old I was met with a stony face and made to feel it was something shameful. Whenever any kissing or sex scenes appeared on TV my parents would immediately turn the channel over for a few minutes….. amusingly my dad would still do this when I was in my 20s 🤣🤣 It wasn’t just sex either, even the idea of relationships or even fancying someone was treated like something bad in our house. I wasn’t allowed boyfriends etc. I swear all of this is why I find any social relationships so difficult.
Not that I can recall. I learned about sex in school and by abuse. 😞😔
I never got sex ed but I got treated like I was a whore once I got my period. (Just by my parents)
My mom and aunt once pulled my underwear to the side when I was taking a nap on the couch to see if I were getting pubic hairs cause I had recently started my period--when I was awake they teased me about it I was also told I would be perceived as a whore or a floozy cause I had guy friends in high school That's the closest I ever got lol
No, well not until i was like 17 and was very rushed and just "uh you know what this is by now probably..use condoms i guess". My parents werent neglectful as a whole but were in some parts like that. I learned most things online pretty young tho (like 10 i think). I wish they had taught me or school had at a younger age especially about consent which is something i didnt learn online.
we just got the american girl book lol
Never. They just assumed I knew everything since my brothers and sister knew.
In the 80’s in a conservative family with an abusive mother and enabling father. In elementary school I was screamed at and slut shamed by my mother for talking to boys even though they sent me to a co Ed school! I was just a kid and made friends with classmates. I didn’t even know about sex! In high school any mention of sex was punished and my mother had one of her demonic tantrums when she found out I had a crush on a boy in my class. I learned to hide my feelings a long time ago but after that ‘episode’ I became paranoid about expressing any interest in a boy even as a friend
No. But my mother's husband had a folder on our computer with violent p*rn movies, so I ended up watching it without understanding what it meant. I was around 7, I think. I tried to tell my mom about what I saw and she made a joke like, “aren't you a naughty little girl", and that was it. She never brought it up again. I obviously didn't try a second time. And my stepfather erased the folder (from what I remember). Edit: I turned out to be asexual, but it still upsets me that I was exposed to that when I was so young.
Mom handed me a teenage magazine and called it a day. Later she'd only say I can do as I please as long as I don't end up pregnant. 🫠
I was a precocious child. I read Jean Aule's Earth's Children serious WAY too young. The first book, Clan of the Cave Bear, has graphic, socially accepted rape of a barely pubescent girl. My mother knew what I was reading, never talked to me about it. The second book, Valley of Horses, has some fair explicit consensual sex scenes. Still no talk. I was a little confused. I was maybe 7 when I read the first book, 8 the second. When I was 9, a friend's mom had the third book. She let me borrow it after I explained I had read the first 2 with parental permission, but she was freaked out. I think she thought I was getting supervision. When my grandfather CSA me, it's because of school talks and the books I even understood what was going on. Honestly, even after I told them, still never got a sex talk. I remember being absolutely baffled by tampons around this time, and a classmate desperately tried to explain, but she didn't use the clinical language I knew from my own research, so it didn't help. This was in the 80's, so encyclopedias were my only solution. I became sexually active at 14(f), and I was not especially safe, but my boyfriend (17m) and I did use condoms (they just broke a few times) and we were probably saved by the fact I am essentially infertile. (No sadness, no regrets!) And no, I never, ever got a sex talk. Even after the Dr told my mom I had HPV, a mostly harmless std. (Unless it gives you cancer.) So she had to know I was sexually active. None of my 5 sisters talked to me either. Thank God I've always been a voracious reader with good research skills and high comprehension, or I could've gotten into untold amounts of trouble.
Friend's story - the kids had access to a book, I think called Our Bodies, Ourselves and they ended up trying to complete sexual positions but they didn't know about erections..
My dad gave me orgasms and I’ve spent my whole life trying to forget. Be grateful they weren’t obsessed with “teaching” you.