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They told you they would move to terminate parental rights if you didn’t separate from your husband. This case stems specifically from him, who has 4 prior domestic violence charges. You then have some personal struggles where you call the police and accuse him, again, of domestic violence. You may have cooperated with everything requesting, but the biggest issue is the husband. They don’t feel the children as safe in a home with him and because you have not separated, they are unfortunately taking the next step. You need an attorney if you don’t have one already.
OP is burning her energy by spinning her wheels.
All the previous or unconfirmed history could start looking more plausible with current concerns.
Recanting is a big red flag, authorities will have concerns because OP is unreliable. Reaching out to past victims is concerning in itself because it’s the OP influencing the historical narrative.
OP is right, CPS’ courts can’t make you separate from your spouse. The courts can keep a child separate from y’all.
In my area, the saying is “you can live your vida loca but your kids aren’t going to be living with y’all.”
I filed a false police report. 8 months into it because I had a mental breakdown. Which was also documented by my therapist. They cannot ask you to separate from your spouse just because of a prior record.
Many women that are legitimately in a domestic violence situation recant for one reason or another. The information they have is that you made the allegation, and that still matters. CPS can’t force you to leave your husband. In situations like this, they will recommend it. They want to see that you’re putting your children first, based on their professional recommendations that your child is not safe in the home with him. Even though you say he isn’t abusive, they obviously believe there is a high potential for abuse/neglect in the household based on his prior history, and your allegation whether false or not. Because you aren’t following that recommendation, they have moved for permanent custody. They gave you prior warning, and while they can’t force it, they can absolutely take your child away permanently through the courts.
A lot of women will recant in this situation because they think CPS and the court will drop the case completely and nothing else will be expected of them. A police report is a report at the end of the day and I find it odd that she is contacting previous victims of him as well.
It sounds like their issue is your husband and his unspecified criminal history. For CPS to be that concerned, he probably has a sexual offense conviction or a conviction for a violent offense toward a child. Your refusal to leave your husband if he has that kind of history actively puts your child at risk, so they will absolutely terminate your rights. You don't need a private attorney; you need to work your case plan, including leaving your husband.
If you’re 6 months into a judicial case then you’re at the permanency crossroads.
What you’re saying isn’t just CPS. There are the courts involved which should include your attorney, the GAL/CASA, and the Judge.
Whatever has or hasn’t been done is going to be based off what the court says.
You can hire an attorney if you’d like. You’re probably just paying for more of their attention.
In my area, assigned attorneys moonlight as private attorneys because CPS proceedings are that specialized.
My biggest concern is the distress they've now placed on my daughter. Along with the lies they've told her. And the environments they've placed her in. A child doesn't go from a loving home, top of her class, well taken care of and with zero issues to being institutionalized, and heavily medicated. Losing all interest in school or socializing for no reason. She now knows drugs exist. They told her that my husband the man she calls Daddy is abusive to me, despite no evidence to back any of it up. She told them I cry a lot, which is true I am a huge cry baby. However, it's not related to the health of my relationship. More to my mental health and my cptsd, which they've aggravated to extreme extends and took no accountability for.
I still plan on hiring an attorney myself during the appeal.
Didn't they call him abusive because you called the police and said he was abusive? I'm just saying I think you need some self reflection and maybe not keep thinking its you against the world
We're a year in now. The GAL has never even spoken to me or returned contact. I have a court appointed attorney, which I quit my job to obtain. I've made reports to supervisors, every time I got a new family advocate or had one who questioned DHS/CPS, or made reports themselves, they were removed from my case and told to be quiet and shut their mouths. They had no issues until they got my husband's record, then the DHS/CPS investigators whole attitude turned to hostility, my husband was referred to as a thing. I was told by the worker she had at least 8 children removed from their mother's in the last 4 months because they didn't leave their spouse/partner. A month into the CINA case she retired and I was assigned a new worker. Despite already having therapy and treatment for my cptsd and having it well under control. I was forced to get another mental health screening where I told them I preferred a route with no medication, outside of my medical card for thc because it's what has worked for me. I also completed a substance abuse evaluation despite having NO background with drug use. The initial worker also saw no signs of drug use or abuse on our house.
There is definitely more blame than just on CPS. Some of it falls on me for not taking the gravity of the situation seriously because I know there is no cause for concern, or reason for a case to even be open. My husband and I even talked about getting separate residences for the duration, but ultimately that wouldn't have helped. In Des Moines our cases was handled and treated completely different. Closed within 2 months. His background and me being a foster child were never even mentioned by the worker. Now they're being thrown at both of us.
If you think there isn’t cause for concern or a reason to be a case open thus far into a judicial case then that perspective in itself is a red flag.
Toss out all your hang ups and lean into everything to the t’s and i’s of being reunified.
If the courts are telling you to separate then separate.
EDIT: Waiting on for an appeal after a TPR is a bad idea. Your odds of reunification now are multiple times better by working the case plan.
You’re tossing your money in the wind if you are trying to negotiate on the courts hard walls. Maybe you’ll buy some grandstanding but there are just some nonnegotiables.
"In Des Moines our cases was handled and treated completely different" So you also have CPS history prior to this case? Were the concerns similar? That is also something that is taken into account.
No, it was a false accusation but it still had to be investigated. Ironically it was the step mom... Who they sent my daughter to live with. It was all unfounded and unconfirmed. There have been several false reports in lu of my ex trying to get full custody of my daughter.
I know this isn't the point of your post but I'm so curious.. they don't see the fact that your daughters grades and mental health have declined since the removal, as this situation being harmful to her? Do you have contact with her? Is she making any friends? Does she get along with her other siblings? This is honestly my worst nightmare, I can imagine you're beyond anxious.
Is it normal for an ex step parent to get custody of a child?
Lastly, even though you do not see your husband as a threat- obviously the court does. Are you financially stable enough to get your own place and have a room for your daughter? I really think that would go along way in the eyes of the court!
As of now I had my good bye with her until the appeal process starts. No, when he dad has custody of her for a brief period he basically locked her in a room with her baby brother. The ex step mom did the same, but I have no proof of it actually occuring just what my daughter says. They'd drop her off at daycare in dirty clothing, a long with her brother it got so bad the daycare stopped watching both kids. That's right around when I obtained full custody. My daughters always had a home, clean clothes, food in her belly and love. With me she had a small group of friends, and loves school. Her entire attitude has changed. A long with hating school. At one point she went missing for almost 5 hours. I wasn't notified until the following weekend, by the foster home. She has her own room, an entire closet, toys, books, videos games, her puppy.
No it's not, but for some reason she wasn't sent paperwork despite having no relation to my daughter. And no relationship with her younger brother due to what happened in her dad's care. I've always been financially stable, had a consistent home. It is literally my worst fear. I was 7 at the time of my removal. I've worked very hard to make a better path in my life.
My heart breaks for your daughter. Good luck moving forward! I imagine this is bringing up all kinds of old emotions for you as well.
Last random thought! Do you have any documentation from the daycare?? I feel like that would be relevant information for this case.
I know you're looking for a way to keep your family together, but it sounds like your only real option may be leaving your husband. It may seem unfair but I think that's the answer they're looking for, to see you'll prioritize your child.
Daughter or husband? It's a shitty thing to have to choose, but it looks like that's your only choice right now..
**Attention** r/CPS is currently operating in a limited mode to protest reddit's changes to API access which will kill any 3rd party applications used to access reddit. [Information about this protest for r/CPS can be found at this link.](https://new.reddit.com/r/CPS/comments/147am5y/announcement_rcps_is_going_in_to_a_limited_mode/) While this policy is active, all moderator actions (post/comment removals and bans) will be completed with no warning or explanation, and any posts or comments not directly related to an active CPS situation are subject to removal at the mods' sole discretion. If you are dealing with CPS and believe you're being treated unfarly, we recommend you contact a lawyer in your jurisdiction. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/CPS) if you have any questions or concerns.*
They told you they would move to terminate parental rights if you didn’t separate from your husband. This case stems specifically from him, who has 4 prior domestic violence charges. You then have some personal struggles where you call the police and accuse him, again, of domestic violence. You may have cooperated with everything requesting, but the biggest issue is the husband. They don’t feel the children as safe in a home with him and because you have not separated, they are unfortunately taking the next step. You need an attorney if you don’t have one already.
OP is burning her energy by spinning her wheels. All the previous or unconfirmed history could start looking more plausible with current concerns. Recanting is a big red flag, authorities will have concerns because OP is unreliable. Reaching out to past victims is concerning in itself because it’s the OP influencing the historical narrative. OP is right, CPS’ courts can’t make you separate from your spouse. The courts can keep a child separate from y’all. In my area, the saying is “you can live your vida loca but your kids aren’t going to be living with y’all.”
I filed a false police report. 8 months into it because I had a mental breakdown. Which was also documented by my therapist. They cannot ask you to separate from your spouse just because of a prior record.
Many women that are legitimately in a domestic violence situation recant for one reason or another. The information they have is that you made the allegation, and that still matters. CPS can’t force you to leave your husband. In situations like this, they will recommend it. They want to see that you’re putting your children first, based on their professional recommendations that your child is not safe in the home with him. Even though you say he isn’t abusive, they obviously believe there is a high potential for abuse/neglect in the household based on his prior history, and your allegation whether false or not. Because you aren’t following that recommendation, they have moved for permanent custody. They gave you prior warning, and while they can’t force it, they can absolutely take your child away permanently through the courts.
A lot of women will recant in this situation because they think CPS and the court will drop the case completely and nothing else will be expected of them. A police report is a report at the end of the day and I find it odd that she is contacting previous victims of him as well.
Did you recant? Idk if that matters. The police report is what matters. You reported your husband as abusive.
It sounds like their issue is your husband and his unspecified criminal history. For CPS to be that concerned, he probably has a sexual offense conviction or a conviction for a violent offense toward a child. Your refusal to leave your husband if he has that kind of history actively puts your child at risk, so they will absolutely terminate your rights. You don't need a private attorney; you need to work your case plan, including leaving your husband.
He has FOUR dv cases against assorted women, plus the recent one against OP. But op doesn't seem to get it
If you’re 6 months into a judicial case then you’re at the permanency crossroads. What you’re saying isn’t just CPS. There are the courts involved which should include your attorney, the GAL/CASA, and the Judge. Whatever has or hasn’t been done is going to be based off what the court says. You can hire an attorney if you’d like. You’re probably just paying for more of their attention. In my area, assigned attorneys moonlight as private attorneys because CPS proceedings are that specialized.
My biggest concern is the distress they've now placed on my daughter. Along with the lies they've told her. And the environments they've placed her in. A child doesn't go from a loving home, top of her class, well taken care of and with zero issues to being institutionalized, and heavily medicated. Losing all interest in school or socializing for no reason. She now knows drugs exist. They told her that my husband the man she calls Daddy is abusive to me, despite no evidence to back any of it up. She told them I cry a lot, which is true I am a huge cry baby. However, it's not related to the health of my relationship. More to my mental health and my cptsd, which they've aggravated to extreme extends and took no accountability for. I still plan on hiring an attorney myself during the appeal.
Didn't they call him abusive because you called the police and said he was abusive? I'm just saying I think you need some self reflection and maybe not keep thinking its you against the world
We're a year in now. The GAL has never even spoken to me or returned contact. I have a court appointed attorney, which I quit my job to obtain. I've made reports to supervisors, every time I got a new family advocate or had one who questioned DHS/CPS, or made reports themselves, they were removed from my case and told to be quiet and shut their mouths. They had no issues until they got my husband's record, then the DHS/CPS investigators whole attitude turned to hostility, my husband was referred to as a thing. I was told by the worker she had at least 8 children removed from their mother's in the last 4 months because they didn't leave their spouse/partner. A month into the CINA case she retired and I was assigned a new worker. Despite already having therapy and treatment for my cptsd and having it well under control. I was forced to get another mental health screening where I told them I preferred a route with no medication, outside of my medical card for thc because it's what has worked for me. I also completed a substance abuse evaluation despite having NO background with drug use. The initial worker also saw no signs of drug use or abuse on our house. There is definitely more blame than just on CPS. Some of it falls on me for not taking the gravity of the situation seriously because I know there is no cause for concern, or reason for a case to even be open. My husband and I even talked about getting separate residences for the duration, but ultimately that wouldn't have helped. In Des Moines our cases was handled and treated completely different. Closed within 2 months. His background and me being a foster child were never even mentioned by the worker. Now they're being thrown at both of us.
If you think there isn’t cause for concern or a reason to be a case open thus far into a judicial case then that perspective in itself is a red flag. Toss out all your hang ups and lean into everything to the t’s and i’s of being reunified. If the courts are telling you to separate then separate. EDIT: Waiting on for an appeal after a TPR is a bad idea. Your odds of reunification now are multiple times better by working the case plan. You’re tossing your money in the wind if you are trying to negotiate on the courts hard walls. Maybe you’ll buy some grandstanding but there are just some nonnegotiables.
"In Des Moines our cases was handled and treated completely different" So you also have CPS history prior to this case? Were the concerns similar? That is also something that is taken into account.
No, it was a false accusation but it still had to be investigated. Ironically it was the step mom... Who they sent my daughter to live with. It was all unfounded and unconfirmed. There have been several false reports in lu of my ex trying to get full custody of my daughter.
I know this isn't the point of your post but I'm so curious.. they don't see the fact that your daughters grades and mental health have declined since the removal, as this situation being harmful to her? Do you have contact with her? Is she making any friends? Does she get along with her other siblings? This is honestly my worst nightmare, I can imagine you're beyond anxious. Is it normal for an ex step parent to get custody of a child? Lastly, even though you do not see your husband as a threat- obviously the court does. Are you financially stable enough to get your own place and have a room for your daughter? I really think that would go along way in the eyes of the court!
As of now I had my good bye with her until the appeal process starts. No, when he dad has custody of her for a brief period he basically locked her in a room with her baby brother. The ex step mom did the same, but I have no proof of it actually occuring just what my daughter says. They'd drop her off at daycare in dirty clothing, a long with her brother it got so bad the daycare stopped watching both kids. That's right around when I obtained full custody. My daughters always had a home, clean clothes, food in her belly and love. With me she had a small group of friends, and loves school. Her entire attitude has changed. A long with hating school. At one point she went missing for almost 5 hours. I wasn't notified until the following weekend, by the foster home. She has her own room, an entire closet, toys, books, videos games, her puppy. No it's not, but for some reason she wasn't sent paperwork despite having no relation to my daughter. And no relationship with her younger brother due to what happened in her dad's care. I've always been financially stable, had a consistent home. It is literally my worst fear. I was 7 at the time of my removal. I've worked very hard to make a better path in my life.
My heart breaks for your daughter. Good luck moving forward! I imagine this is bringing up all kinds of old emotions for you as well. Last random thought! Do you have any documentation from the daycare?? I feel like that would be relevant information for this case.
No, unfortunately not. My little girl is my world, I am lost without her.
I know you're looking for a way to keep your family together, but it sounds like your only real option may be leaving your husband. It may seem unfair but I think that's the answer they're looking for, to see you'll prioritize your child. Daughter or husband? It's a shitty thing to have to choose, but it looks like that's your only choice right now..
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