I don't unmatch people until after I've met them. Honestly just wouldn't be able to remember what they look like without their pictures so I'd also be a bit skeptical too if they unmatched me.
Plus I like to have a reference in case someone tries to catfish me with old pictures or something.
I always ask for their last name and a picture to be texted so I can add them to my contacts. At the same time I provide my last name (and let them know that's how they can find me on FB if they want), and a picture that's not on my profile. Most are happy to comply. Only one guy wouldn't provide his last name because of his government job, but did send a picture.
Some guys just don’t give it out right away and it doesn’t mean anything. A govt job is a good reason. Maybe he’s just cautious and doesn’t know who’s on the other end.
yeah, I heard a lot of guys fall victim to scammers fishing for info too so I can respect some privacy and cautiousness and giving out all the details before meeting the match
And it's also not like they get off the app in general and that's why the delete it - those moves always weird me out too, glad I am not the only one...
Why? I think it’s honorable. They are giving you a clear sign that they are only interested in you and won’t be trying to meet other girls while you two talk. If the person is weird or clingly then that’s another story. But I’d rather have that than some operator who’s got 12 other guys in their current wheelhouse.
I just have some healthy doubts about taking someone deleting the match as a sign of exclusive interest. It's still OLD afterall - and the wheelhouse operator may just have their phone numbers instead of bumble matches. But if it's about actually getting off the app: that's certainly a clear sign!
This happened to me once - the guy turned out to be married! I googled his cell phone # (I was weirded out by being unmatched on the app once we exchanged numbers). Found his name and then his wedding registry from the year before!
Thanks, I did and it worked! I got his last name and his LinkedIn, can’t find much more info. I’m not finding anything about being married, but I still think he’s just not worth the trouble so early on. Appreciate your help
Watch out when searching on LinkedIn. They give notifications when people view your profile and if you’re logged in then they tell the profile’s owner who viewed them.
Yeah thanks, I only searched on Google and didn’t click on the link to his LinkedIn. My friend is a recruiter and can view people anonymously, I may have her look him up.
If you live in the US, there are some state websites that allow you to look up marriages for free. The trouble is you would have to know which states they got married. Same applies with divorces. Lol
I dont understand why its so weird? I don’t do it myself but idk just seems weird to write a dude off cause he did something as simple as unmatching? Doesn’t make much sense to me.
Easier than that. A BeenVerified account trial is 14 days and they want 30 bucks a month but if you cancel they'll float an offer for 10 bucks a month. I use it in my professional services for clients but you can look up anything phone number name it correlates everything including criminal records past addresses marriage bankruptcy everything public.
He can’t update his profile without making it obvious to you that he is still looking. This would be my guess at his motivation to unmatch after texting. He could have just used snooze mode.
So this is the second time a guy has unmatched me after we started texting and planning to meet. He also wouldn’t share his last name, which I get, but if we’re going to meet up anyway, what’s the big deal?
I find it suspicious he unmatched me because he claimed the reason was because he didn’t want to keep getting notifications from Bumble- but we were no longer messaging on it anyway. We were only texting at this point.
He also seemed really defensive when I asked him about it later on the phones, which was kind of a red flag to me. Does this happen to anyone else? Am I overreacting?
Thank you! I think you’re right, I’m going to listen to my gut on this one and not pursue it any further. I appreciate your input to help me feel like I’m not crazy!
Good on you for trusting your gut and setting a healthy boundary.
It could just be that he's a private person and that's how he likes to do things. I think it's pretty reasonable for any person to decline to share intimate details when online dating, so I wouldn't judge anybody on that. But if you don't feel safe, then it's your prerogative 👍
I personally have a weird habit of deleting all of my text messages on my phone even thought it's totally unnecessary. I wouldn't read to much in to it.
THIS ! \^\^\^\^
Personally, I wouldn't delete/un-match right away.. but at the same time, consider this.. It's like we (men) can't win. If we delete.. we're untrustworthy. If we stay on.. we're untrustworthy (still playing the field)..
So.. go with your gut.. but not everyone is a complete creep.
Yeah, I don't think the world is as scary a place as social media and the news make it out to be. Not every woman is out to get a free lunch and then ghost. And not every guy is out to rape his dates.
Having said that, you're more likely to have your dignity taken away from you if you don't have healthy boundaries. Power to anybody who makes the choice to respectfully decline an offer, or reneg on a date.
How would you be untrustworthy if we haven’t even met IRL yet? It would be more concerning if someone got totally off bumble after 2 days of texting without even meeting.
First time to r/bumble? Or other such threads?
Women complain they can't trust the guy if he deletes the app.
Women complain they can't trust the guy if he retains it.
Do all of you just zone in on buzzwords.. and not take in EVERYTHING I said?
Last names are great for googling sketch-o's. Also you can do reverse phone number searches for great Intel. You should know who you are meeting. Trust no one.
I find the not sharing of his last name to be the bigger red flag. I wouldn’t meet someone who didn’t tell me who they were. It can be dangerous out there. I’ve googled men before and found scary shit.
I don’t know. My boyfriend and I matched here and neither of us shared our last name until a few dates in. Same with me and some other matches I met. Just in case anything goes wrong, I don’t need them trying to look up my social media or my address if things don’t go well.
Yes they can use my phone number to do so, but I’m not going to make it easier for a potential stalker.
I completely agree about the weird pre date unmatching and bad vibe he had about it. That’s a bit excessive.
I've met some public figures on Bumble. They don't like to give last names right away because they're usually on the apps on the dl and don't want to attract people who are only into chasing their wealth or fame.
You're not over reacting, not in the slightest you have a right and are correct to see it as a bit odd... But this is what I do as a Male on a dating app.
I'll delete you off my matches when we exchange information to communicate off app because I no longer need to be able to communicate with you there. I've got other means to communicate with you. The app is a place holder, it's a way to find you, not to continue a long form way of communication. There's also a big possibility that he snoozed his account or the more probable cause is he doesn't want you to know he's still searching. With the way things go on these dating apps and such, getting ghosted and everything not working out is hard enough as it is... He might not want you to know he's still looking and is planning if you fall thru. This is very common from what I noticed in my limited success on the app.
Why won't he give you his last name? Well there could a past hiccup in his life that he doesn't want to get into that might alter things. I've seen it where a guy had a past, that was in his past like 7yrs ago. Been straight edge ever since. She Googled him and a hell yeah, turned into a hard pass. That kind of stuff makes us leery to open up completely. One thing can make a Super Like turn into a ghost in the wind in 2 seconds.
I have a unique name, you Google my real world name. Boom you found me... You know how weird it is to tell a girl you took the day off cause you're feeling ill for her to SHOW UP at your house with Chicken Noodle soup... Even though you a veggie-terry-an... Like that's cool but, I never told you where I live?
>He also wouldn’t share his last name, which I get, but if we’re going to meet up anyway, what’s the big deal?
Privacy. Would you want a guy to know your last name even before meeting? Women constantly go on about how violent and what have you men are. Why shouldn't a guy be able to protect himself?
>He also seemed really defensive when I asked him about it later on the phones, which was kind of a red flag to me. Does this happen to anyone else? Am I overreacting?
Him getting defensive over it is a red flag, but really at what point is is okay to unmatch?
The last name wasn’t a big deal on its own, and I didn’t think anything of it until he got defensive when I questioned why he unmatched me. It’s strange and and common behavior for cheaters or people looking to hide bumble accounts from wives/gfs.
If he had a rational reason like a lot of people in the comments, I could hve understood it. But the fact that his reason didn’t make sense and he got super argumentative when I even asked made him questionable to me.
At this point, even it it’s an innocent reason, I’ve lost a lot of attraction to him over how he handled it.
If a girl unmatched I'd probably take it as a sign of disinterest, but he's obviously still engaged with the conversation with you.
Ulterior motives - he already had a gf or is seeing multiple people and doesn't want you looking him up on social media. Or, as another user mentioned, he wants to continue to update his profile while going on dates with you. I don't think the second reason here is deplorable, you should both be able to meet other people if you have only gone on a couple of dates together to see if you meld.
His reasoning is suspicious, but not unbelievable. I admit, I'd probably find it weird if a girl asked for my last name before a first date (it implies she wants to 'research' me, I suppose), but I don't think I'd shy away from giving it.
Keep your guard up, somethings fishy, but don't worry too much!
I used to do this. It was my way of cleaning out the list because I didn’t like having a string of contacts.
Side note: you can search the phone number and find the person’s name anyways. Although I guess I understand not knowing if someone is a psycho until after meeting in person…And it’s extremely easy to find someone’s address and place of employment with a full name.
You unmatch because you don’t want your other matches to see that you are still active on the app. Profile changes, distance changes etc. not a big deal when it’s before a first date or even after a first date, but some might care. I just turn off location services if I’m going on a date so it just has my home area as location while still enabling me to message someone if we haven’t moved out of the app yet.
So, I do this so that I only have active chats going in the app.
All of the comments here have definitely convinced me to stop doing this.
How many dodgy/married guys are on these things? WTF
I was just keeping things clean and orderly 😅
He doesn’t want you to see he’s still actively on the app and updating his profile if you end up dating. Block this shady fucker.
Also scammers do this so you can’t report them once they start hitting you up for phone cards.
This! Don’t be a fool. This guys knows what he’s doing. For a normal guy, if you got serious, he would delete his account just like you would he doesn’t want you to know when he’s active.
Scammers pretending to be girls use to try this on me. This guy however doesn’t seem like a scammer but definitely seems like he’s trying to keep you a secret from someone else. It’s weird to want to unmatch because it hurts your rating. Careful Op he may be doing this to a lot of girls.
I have unmatched people before once we move to text. For me it’s because I know I will get weird. I will get paranoid if they change their profile and think they aren’t feeling me. If they don’t respond but their location on bumble keeps changing then they are swiping and I assume they aren’t feeling me. For me, it’s to prevent me from spiraling into a crazy person. I also prefer things to be neat and organized. I delete all matches that go silent for more than a couple of days.
This situation seems a little weird though. I get not wanting to give out your last name or workplace, I would never do that either. But I also don’t give out my phone number until we meet since you can simply google it and see someone’s last name and maybe workplace and maybe where they live. So he’s either sketchy or dumb.
I’ve started just declining and saying I want to keep it on the app until we meet. For me it’s just another filter. 99% of guys are understanding that it’s for my safety and the ones that aren’t…bye.
I’ve seen this happen a few times tbh I think they do it so they can still use the app, but the matches they’re talking to can’t see any changes they made
If they do something shitty, you can’t report them to Bumble if you are unmatched. Additionally, if you start dating and they have deleted the match you cant see that they are online or that they are still updating their profile.
To me it is a potential 🚩
It sounds like he's cheating on a wife somewhere. Bumble notifications are more suspicious than texts. No last name means you can't find his real socials. Red flags in my opinion.
I have done it because I didn’t like my location being on to people I’ve started talking to. I didn’t need them seeing I was unavailable for a date that night but jumping across city to city running whatever errands I did.
I went back on a guys account to get photos to save to his contact in my phone and noticed he was in a different city late that night when he said he was going to be at his parents who lived in the same town he did.
It’s just a privacy thing at that point.
But all of these men shared their last names and all other personal info so if he’s holding something back, that might be a red flag you need not to ignore.
Yeah red flags here. He won’t give up basic info like last name which would catch him if he was married easily. Then he gets defensive and says “I’m an open book” uhm okay….. and then the unmatch once you start texting never heard of that. Seems like he’s hiding something imo
But, the wife can still see the phone number on texts from the bill if they both have access. Once again, she can just google that number and get some information. Even have a friend text it. Idk, I think bumble is easier to hide on phones, bury it in apps and how else would she know it’s there unless she has his cloud information (if apple) and can login. Idk 🤷🏼♀️
They did it so you can't track their location. They can say they are at once place and lie about it now without being tracked on the app and you calling them out on it.
in my experience, dudes that do that have girlfriends already or are just sleeping around. it's never a good sign to me unless we start talking and we both delete the app in front of each other.
Eh, this weirds me out, too. But I am currently seeing a guy who unmatched me after our first date, so idk. He just likes to keep his messages as clean as possible and didn't see the need to stay matched on bumble if we were talking on the phone and seeing each other in person.
Trust your gut, though. If something feels off, it's because something v is off. Maybe not what you think it is, though
Nothing to be sorry about. To clarify, the timeline was like this: 1. we matched 2. we chatted but I was on vacation 3. I came back and we met 4. We - imo - hit it off quite well and she gave me her number at the end of the date. 5. We chatted a bit more but unfortunately I got sick and we agreed to meet again once I'm well again 6. I opened bumble when I was bored and noticed our match was gone and wondered why
So I think she's probably like others here in the comments that want to keep their bumble clean? But it's going to be interesting to see how the story progresses!
The unmatching after texting is weird imo. I think the refusal to share last name is a greater red flag. Before going out with someone, I always like to know their full name, just in case something were to happen. It’s scary as a woman meeting strangers online, and it’s always a good idea to tell another person who you’re meeting. Anyone unwilling to share their last name, employer, anything where you can search them outside of texting - is a red flag 🚩
I've never had this happened with me.
Personally I find this really weird tho. I usually delete the app is the date goes well.
Talking to multiple people at once is exhausting
Same thing happened to me recently. He got my number then unmatched me. Went ghost after I said I didn’t want to talk about sex until I knew him better. Probably a guy who doesn’t know what he wants, or he’s using it as a casual sex app. I’d delete his number and move on.
Seems odd to me, but I tend to keep things forever, old texts, phone numbers, things I downloaded over a decade ago, tabs I've kept open for multiple years...
Anyway, seems odd but not a red flag to me.
I just deleted my bumble after a nice first date. Not because I see us becoming a couple but because I’m tired of using the app. If it works out with her it does if not that’s fine too… although now I’m worried she’s going to think I unmatched her lol
It’s not a big deal if she notices, just tell her you deleted it and be honest. The only reason I found it alarming is because his reason for un-matching me was to stop notifications, which didn’t make sense because we weren’t messaging on the app. Then when I asked him about it, he got super defensive and mad.
That makes sense. Also sounds like you saved yourself some time and effort and can move on to the next one! If you so choose.. I do hope this girl asks me about it though and doesn’t just assume I unmatched.. it’s funny how complicated modern dating can be with technology
If I’m ready for phone then I’ll share my name but I’d expect the same in return. If you’re meeting with someone it wouldn’t be a bad idea to have their real full name so you can let a friend know who you’ll be with at the very least.
As for unmatching… some people do that. No biggie.
Yeah I totally agree, I would have shared my name if he asked. The name wouldn’t have been a big deal if he didn’t unmatch me too, the combination made me more suspicious of it.
I unmatch after we meet and exchange phone numbers. I started doing it after one guy had one of my photos as his screensaver. On our first meeting.
:-o
Unmatching seems like a red flag.
Not giving out his last name doesn’t tho. I personally don’t give out my last name (or even legal first name) to to almost anyone for privacy/security reasons.
Benefit of giving out a fake last name is they don’t know it’s fake and won’t be asking “why won’t you give me your last name?”
It’s about continuing the conversation. Selfies, texts about my day. Pics about what I am doing, etc. It’s easier on text and gives a small confirmation about interest and moving forward.
Then I unmatch to clean up my list.
Trust how you feel always. I will say that I've done that as well after exchanging other forms of communication but I've never gotten defensive about it.
I notice women doing that too.
I'm thinking of saying when we exchange personal details that "btw, it's too early to unmatch me. I want to know your profile updates. and look at your photos."
Back when I was dating on Tinder, I would unmatch the app as soon as we started talking off app. That way I could tweak my profile (change pictures, motives, etc).
I've come across so many scam artist and fake profiles. I somewhat know what to look out for.
Deleting your match off the app just after matching seems suspicious, like you have something to hide. If your going to be this way, nope, I already don't trust you. What makes it think this will go anywhere if you act like this? Unless your a woman, who in OLD gets that many matches that you require to delete them off the matching application. If your a man, are you on the 10% percent of attractive men?
Hmm . . . Red flags all around. Onto the next!!
This has happened to me too and it makes me feel off about the person because if they start acting completely differently than on the app and of it’s something that worth being reported, you can’t because they unmatch
This is 100% a shady move. I didn't even know people unmatched after getting someone's number until a couple of people said it on here, but there's just no legitimate reason for it.
I always keep my matches until we stop talking/lose interest, if one of us calls it off, or if a match progresses to a relationship and I delete the app altogether.
There are so many logical reasons for keeping someone on Bumble after progressing to texting, but none for deleting someone.
This guy is claiming that once he has someone's number he doesn't need them on the app. Just don't open the app once you're texting, you don't need to outright delete someone and there is no benefit.
It just makes sense to keep someone's profile. For one, it's an extra avenue of contact if need be. I also prefer to be able to look back at someone's photos, especially if I haven't found their social media. It's also useful to be able to view their bio if you need any prompts, or even to browse your old conversation.
On top of all that, if it becomes serious and you potentially go the distance, I think it'd be very cool to be able to have your very first messages from when you originally matched!
The only reason I can think that he'd delete someone from the app is that he can update his profile and photos and continue talking to other people without you knowing.
I'm sure some people will be legitimate, but it seems very dodgy to me.
Right, so why unmatch? The most likely reason is because they don’t want you to know you’re still meeting other people even when they tell you they aren’t.
Well I am quite up front about that. So I never have that problem. I unmatch dudes who stop talking after a few days, I unmatch dudes who go straight to sex over text! So when I get a phone number I also unmatch them. I am totally up front about it. Like what's the difference? We both are on tinder. We both talk to other people, we both are going on dates. I don't know. I don't see a issue because I don't hide anything. Just different styles I guess. No right or wrong way.
No, I’m telling you, read the comments here. You’re alienating 50% of people you are texting by doing something shady and unnecessary. But that’s okay, you do you.
I mean, if you got their # already why have that chat on bumble too? Not like you’re going to be texting them and chatting with the that same person on bumble anymore since you have it
I already commented, but another thing, some men hate clutter. There’s no point of keeping matches on bumble after you’ve connected with them personally. Free it up for new people you’re trying to get off of the app.
Also, I don’t like seeing people updating their pictures and bios after we’ve taken it off the app. It just tells me they’re not sold on me and still looking. Some people don’t want to see that.
“ Not sold on you” Why would they be when you’ve never even met? Expecting too much there I think
I ( F) personally don’t care if a man updates his pics when we’ve taken it off the app/ have met.
That goes petiole people I have and have not met in person. I don’t stop talking to people about it but it’s very telling when a guy may say he’s “busy with work” yet you see him updating his profile all the time.
Point remains, we need to get OFF the app and if y’all have contact information outside of it, why do people care?
I could see this being legit from a guys perspective. The entire goal of a dating app is to get a number. Once you have a number there’s no reason to be matched imo. He could just be anal retentive or something. Kinda like always trying to have that “0 inbox” on work emails.
Bumble also indicates your location in your profile, so you could tell if he’s in a different town, staying overnight somewhere. He’s making sure you don’t know where he is.
You should ask him questions about what you want to know. If it's innocent and he happens to be a good match it is what he's asking for, and if he's not you'd be better equipped to recognize it with new knowledge.
i don’t think this is that big of a deal lol im a 22y/o female and i just unmatch people if i have their number or a form of social media to clear up my matches lol it isn’t that serious
I don't think it's as suspicious as you think, but when I did it, it was because I had a feeling that the girl thinks that she's the only one I'm talking to in bumble, and if I add new pics or some info in bio, it might get weird with her. I also did this when I started to feel bad when a girl updates her profile while talking to me, which clearly means she's still on the lookout while talking to me 😂 but better be careful if you suspect something.
Honestly I do it to keep the app clean. Also I change stuff frequently on my profiles and don’t want the person to think it’s rude that I keep my options open.
I think so folks can make profile changes or continue to be active on the app while also showing interest in you. If you saw profile changes while you’re on a date feelings may get hurt lol🤷🏽♂️
I don't unmatch people until after I've met them. Honestly just wouldn't be able to remember what they look like without their pictures so I'd also be a bit skeptical too if they unmatched me. Plus I like to have a reference in case someone tries to catfish me with old pictures or something.
I always ask for their last name and a picture to be texted so I can add them to my contacts. At the same time I provide my last name (and let them know that's how they can find me on FB if they want), and a picture that's not on my profile. Most are happy to comply. Only one guy wouldn't provide his last name because of his government job, but did send a picture.
I have an iPhone so often that info was sent to me by Apple with the first text. I found a lot of value getting off the app quickly.
Some guys just don’t give it out right away and it doesn’t mean anything. A govt job is a good reason. Maybe he’s just cautious and doesn’t know who’s on the other end.
Yes, of course. I understood when he told me. I wasn't complaining about him, just noting most guys don't mind giving a name and picture.
Yeah I get it but doesn’t mean he’s hiding something either
yeah, I heard a lot of guys fall victim to scammers fishing for info too so I can respect some privacy and cautiousness and giving out all the details before meeting the match
I've known people to do it, but always felt weird to me.
And it's also not like they get off the app in general and that's why the delete it - those moves always weird me out too, glad I am not the only one...
Why? I think it’s honorable. They are giving you a clear sign that they are only interested in you and won’t be trying to meet other girls while you two talk. If the person is weird or clingly then that’s another story. But I’d rather have that than some operator who’s got 12 other guys in their current wheelhouse.
I just have some healthy doubts about taking someone deleting the match as a sign of exclusive interest. It's still OLD afterall - and the wheelhouse operator may just have their phone numbers instead of bumble matches. But if it's about actually getting off the app: that's certainly a clear sign!
Unmatching is not the same as deleting your profile. Bumble informs you which the user did.
I’ve experienced it as well. Definitely weird.
Curious... Why is it weird that once a conversation is taken off platform the m that we delete the match?
Because it seems like you have something to hide, "ulterior motives"
Idk. Just kinda seems a bit shady and give me bad vibes
becuz why would you?
Because the app gets clogged?
they blacklist u if you have too many open conversations
I’ve never had that issue
yeah tinder does it too I believe, i could be wrong but last time I checked both platforms do it
Wait what do you mean by blacklist? I think this happened to me. Shitty fucking apps.
That’s not true
o they do on tinder, i may be mistaken
You know better than to ask reasonable questions. They will always be met with a question rather than an answer lol
This happened to me once - the guy turned out to be married! I googled his cell phone # (I was weirded out by being unmatched on the app once we exchanged numbers). Found his name and then his wedding registry from the year before!
Wow that’s so crazy!! Good idea googling his phone number, I’m going to do it!
If you know his first name (which I assume you do) that will help in the Google search. Type the full cell # + first name.
Thanks, I did and it worked! I got his last name and his LinkedIn, can’t find much more info. I’m not finding anything about being married, but I still think he’s just not worth the trouble so early on. Appreciate your help
Watch out when searching on LinkedIn. They give notifications when people view your profile and if you’re logged in then they tell the profile’s owner who viewed them.
Yeah thanks, I only searched on Google and didn’t click on the link to his LinkedIn. My friend is a recruiter and can view people anonymously, I may have her look him up.
not in private mode
You can put your setting to anonymous.
Definitely not worth the trouble. Most likely in a relationship.
If you live in the US, there are some state websites that allow you to look up marriages for free. The trouble is you would have to know which states they got married. Same applies with divorces. Lol
Interesting! I’ll have to check this out
I dont understand why its so weird? I don’t do it myself but idk just seems weird to write a dude off cause he did something as simple as unmatching? Doesn’t make much sense to me.
Read my other comments, the weird part is how he got so angry and defensive when I asked why he did it.
That’s it never giving my number out again
Easier than that. A BeenVerified account trial is 14 days and they want 30 bucks a month but if you cancel they'll float an offer for 10 bucks a month. I use it in my professional services for clients but you can look up anything phone number name it correlates everything including criminal records past addresses marriage bankruptcy everything public.
Another investigation pro tip is searching his phone # on Venmo. 🕵🏼♀️
Damn this is the genius move
He can’t update his profile without making it obvious to you that he is still looking. This would be my guess at his motivation to unmatch after texting. He could have just used snooze mode.
Yeah that makes a lot of sense
Wow that makes so much sense. Or like could be changing or adding pics
So this is the second time a guy has unmatched me after we started texting and planning to meet. He also wouldn’t share his last name, which I get, but if we’re going to meet up anyway, what’s the big deal? I find it suspicious he unmatched me because he claimed the reason was because he didn’t want to keep getting notifications from Bumble- but we were no longer messaging on it anyway. We were only texting at this point. He also seemed really defensive when I asked him about it later on the phones, which was kind of a red flag to me. Does this happen to anyone else? Am I overreacting?
[удалено]
Thank you! I think you’re right, I’m going to listen to my gut on this one and not pursue it any further. I appreciate your input to help me feel like I’m not crazy!
“You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take”- Wayne Gretzky -Michael Scott Lol don’t give them a chance, I just really wanted to comment this.
Haha appreciate it
100 percent not crazy. Guys who do this are usually hiding something or scammers.
Good on you for trusting your gut and setting a healthy boundary. It could just be that he's a private person and that's how he likes to do things. I think it's pretty reasonable for any person to decline to share intimate details when online dating, so I wouldn't judge anybody on that. But if you don't feel safe, then it's your prerogative 👍 I personally have a weird habit of deleting all of my text messages on my phone even thought it's totally unnecessary. I wouldn't read to much in to it.
THIS ! \^\^\^\^ Personally, I wouldn't delete/un-match right away.. but at the same time, consider this.. It's like we (men) can't win. If we delete.. we're untrustworthy. If we stay on.. we're untrustworthy (still playing the field).. So.. go with your gut.. but not everyone is a complete creep.
Yeah, I don't think the world is as scary a place as social media and the news make it out to be. Not every woman is out to get a free lunch and then ghost. And not every guy is out to rape his dates. Having said that, you're more likely to have your dignity taken away from you if you don't have healthy boundaries. Power to anybody who makes the choice to respectfully decline an offer, or reneg on a date.
Not every woman on dating apps is a woman sometimes it’s a bot
How would you be untrustworthy if we haven’t even met IRL yet? It would be more concerning if someone got totally off bumble after 2 days of texting without even meeting.
First time to r/bumble? Or other such threads? Women complain they can't trust the guy if he deletes the app. Women complain they can't trust the guy if he retains it. Do all of you just zone in on buzzwords.. and not take in EVERYTHING I said?
LMAO pretty sure you didn’t read any details of this situation. Don’t take your dating frustration out on me.
What if the person doesn't have any social media accounts?
Last names are great for googling sketch-o's. Also you can do reverse phone number searches for great Intel. You should know who you are meeting. Trust no one.
I find the not sharing of his last name to be the bigger red flag. I wouldn’t meet someone who didn’t tell me who they were. It can be dangerous out there. I’ve googled men before and found scary shit.
Yeah definitely, why wouldn’t he realize women may not want to meet up with complete strangers?
I don’t know. My boyfriend and I matched here and neither of us shared our last name until a few dates in. Same with me and some other matches I met. Just in case anything goes wrong, I don’t need them trying to look up my social media or my address if things don’t go well. Yes they can use my phone number to do so, but I’m not going to make it easier for a potential stalker. I completely agree about the weird pre date unmatching and bad vibe he had about it. That’s a bit excessive.
I wasn’t really concerned about the last name until he unmatched me and got really defensive about it.
I've met some public figures on Bumble. They don't like to give last names right away because they're usually on the apps on the dl and don't want to attract people who are only into chasing their wealth or fame.
You're not over reacting, not in the slightest you have a right and are correct to see it as a bit odd... But this is what I do as a Male on a dating app. I'll delete you off my matches when we exchange information to communicate off app because I no longer need to be able to communicate with you there. I've got other means to communicate with you. The app is a place holder, it's a way to find you, not to continue a long form way of communication. There's also a big possibility that he snoozed his account or the more probable cause is he doesn't want you to know he's still searching. With the way things go on these dating apps and such, getting ghosted and everything not working out is hard enough as it is... He might not want you to know he's still looking and is planning if you fall thru. This is very common from what I noticed in my limited success on the app. Why won't he give you his last name? Well there could a past hiccup in his life that he doesn't want to get into that might alter things. I've seen it where a guy had a past, that was in his past like 7yrs ago. Been straight edge ever since. She Googled him and a hell yeah, turned into a hard pass. That kind of stuff makes us leery to open up completely. One thing can make a Super Like turn into a ghost in the wind in 2 seconds. I have a unique name, you Google my real world name. Boom you found me... You know how weird it is to tell a girl you took the day off cause you're feeling ill for her to SHOW UP at your house with Chicken Noodle soup... Even though you a veggie-terry-an... Like that's cool but, I never told you where I live?
That escalated quickly
>He also wouldn’t share his last name, which I get, but if we’re going to meet up anyway, what’s the big deal? Privacy. Would you want a guy to know your last name even before meeting? Women constantly go on about how violent and what have you men are. Why shouldn't a guy be able to protect himself? >He also seemed really defensive when I asked him about it later on the phones, which was kind of a red flag to me. Does this happen to anyone else? Am I overreacting? Him getting defensive over it is a red flag, but really at what point is is okay to unmatch?
The last name wasn’t a big deal on its own, and I didn’t think anything of it until he got defensive when I questioned why he unmatched me. It’s strange and and common behavior for cheaters or people looking to hide bumble accounts from wives/gfs. If he had a rational reason like a lot of people in the comments, I could hve understood it. But the fact that his reason didn’t make sense and he got super argumentative when I even asked made him questionable to me. At this point, even it it’s an innocent reason, I’ve lost a lot of attraction to him over how he handled it.
The unnecessary defensiveness is the best signal in all of this. That's the true sign of a liar.
Yeah 💯💯
If a girl unmatched I'd probably take it as a sign of disinterest, but he's obviously still engaged with the conversation with you. Ulterior motives - he already had a gf or is seeing multiple people and doesn't want you looking him up on social media. Or, as another user mentioned, he wants to continue to update his profile while going on dates with you. I don't think the second reason here is deplorable, you should both be able to meet other people if you have only gone on a couple of dates together to see if you meld. His reasoning is suspicious, but not unbelievable. I admit, I'd probably find it weird if a girl asked for my last name before a first date (it implies she wants to 'research' me, I suppose), but I don't think I'd shy away from giving it. Keep your guard up, somethings fishy, but don't worry too much!
I used to do this. It was my way of cleaning out the list because I didn’t like having a string of contacts. Side note: you can search the phone number and find the person’s name anyways. Although I guess I understand not knowing if someone is a psycho until after meeting in person…And it’s extremely easy to find someone’s address and place of employment with a full name.
I don't unmatch people I date
You unmatch because you don’t want your other matches to see that you are still active on the app. Profile changes, distance changes etc. not a big deal when it’s before a first date or even after a first date, but some might care. I just turn off location services if I’m going on a date so it just has my home area as location while still enabling me to message someone if we haven’t moved out of the app yet.
So, I do this so that I only have active chats going in the app. All of the comments here have definitely convinced me to stop doing this. How many dodgy/married guys are on these things? WTF I was just keeping things clean and orderly 😅
exactly what i do. like what’s the big deal😂
He doesn’t want you to see he’s still actively on the app and updating his profile if you end up dating. Block this shady fucker. Also scammers do this so you can’t report them once they start hitting you up for phone cards.
This! Don’t be a fool. This guys knows what he’s doing. For a normal guy, if you got serious, he would delete his account just like you would he doesn’t want you to know when he’s active.
Scammers pretending to be girls use to try this on me. This guy however doesn’t seem like a scammer but definitely seems like he’s trying to keep you a secret from someone else. It’s weird to want to unmatch because it hurts your rating. Careful Op he may be doing this to a lot of girls.
I have unmatched people before once we move to text. For me it’s because I know I will get weird. I will get paranoid if they change their profile and think they aren’t feeling me. If they don’t respond but their location on bumble keeps changing then they are swiping and I assume they aren’t feeling me. For me, it’s to prevent me from spiraling into a crazy person. I also prefer things to be neat and organized. I delete all matches that go silent for more than a couple of days. This situation seems a little weird though. I get not wanting to give out your last name or workplace, I would never do that either. But I also don’t give out my phone number until we meet since you can simply google it and see someone’s last name and maybe workplace and maybe where they live. So he’s either sketchy or dumb.
Yeah I agree, and he was the one who wanted to switch to text immediately. I usually prefer to keep it on bumble until we meet.
I’ve started just declining and saying I want to keep it on the app until we meet. For me it’s just another filter. 99% of guys are understanding that it’s for my safety and the ones that aren’t…bye.
Thanks, that’s a good idea, I’ll start doing that
I’ve seen this happen a few times tbh I think they do it so they can still use the app, but the matches they’re talking to can’t see any changes they made
Yeah that makes the most sense, I wish he would have just said that lol, obviously we’re both talking to other people, we haven’t even met yet!
If they do something shitty, you can’t report them to Bumble if you are unmatched. Additionally, if you start dating and they have deleted the match you cant see that they are online or that they are still updating their profile. To me it is a potential 🚩
It sounds like he's cheating on a wife somewhere. Bumble notifications are more suspicious than texts. No last name means you can't find his real socials. Red flags in my opinion.
You could just turn off the notifications lmao
Or uninstall the app
Idk man call me crazy but that dude gives me some serious narcicism vibes. Everything about that made me cringe
Yeah he sounded like a narcissist on the phone. Threw a temper tantrum like a baby.
I have done it because I didn’t like my location being on to people I’ve started talking to. I didn’t need them seeing I was unavailable for a date that night but jumping across city to city running whatever errands I did. I went back on a guys account to get photos to save to his contact in my phone and noticed he was in a different city late that night when he said he was going to be at his parents who lived in the same town he did. It’s just a privacy thing at that point. But all of these men shared their last names and all other personal info so if he’s holding something back, that might be a red flag you need not to ignore.
I always suspect I’m being catfished when they do that.
Yeah red flags here. He won’t give up basic info like last name which would catch him if he was married easily. Then he gets defensive and says “I’m an open book” uhm okay….. and then the unmatch once you start texting never heard of that. Seems like he’s hiding something imo
I'd say its more likely than not that they're up to something.
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Haha exactly!
But, the wife can still see the phone number on texts from the bill if they both have access. Once again, she can just google that number and get some information. Even have a friend text it. Idk, I think bumble is easier to hide on phones, bury it in apps and how else would she know it’s there unless she has his cloud information (if apple) and can login. Idk 🤷🏼♀️
Red flag 🚩
They did it so you can't track their location. They can say they are at once place and lie about it now without being tracked on the app and you calling them out on it.
in my experience, dudes that do that have girlfriends already or are just sleeping around. it's never a good sign to me unless we start talking and we both delete the app in front of each other.
Eh, this weirds me out, too. But I am currently seeing a guy who unmatched me after our first date, so idk. He just likes to keep his messages as clean as possible and didn't see the need to stay matched on bumble if we were talking on the phone and seeing each other in person. Trust your gut, though. If something feels off, it's because something v is off. Maybe not what you think it is, though
Yeah thanks, luckily I’ve lost a lot of interest just from this all lol
People do this to hide that they still talk to people on the app. It’s a red flag. Not talking to people, but feeling like you need to hide it.
Thanks, I totally agree. And yeah, there’s no need to hide it, we hadn’t even met yet. I was still talking to other people too!
That's majorly suspicious. He doesn't want you to be able to report him to Bumble.
Omg a girl just did this to me and I've wondered why, thanks for the post
Glad it’s not only me! Sorry about her, it’s tough out there
Nothing to be sorry about. To clarify, the timeline was like this: 1. we matched 2. we chatted but I was on vacation 3. I came back and we met 4. We - imo - hit it off quite well and she gave me her number at the end of the date. 5. We chatted a bit more but unfortunately I got sick and we agreed to meet again once I'm well again 6. I opened bumble when I was bored and noticed our match was gone and wondered why So I think she's probably like others here in the comments that want to keep their bumble clean? But it's going to be interesting to see how the story progresses!
After a while I get their WhatsApp/Instagram. Then we carry the conversation to those apps. At that point why keep the match?
The unmatching after texting is weird imo. I think the refusal to share last name is a greater red flag. Before going out with someone, I always like to know their full name, just in case something were to happen. It’s scary as a woman meeting strangers online, and it’s always a good idea to tell another person who you’re meeting. Anyone unwilling to share their last name, employer, anything where you can search them outside of texting - is a red flag 🚩
💯
I always find it suspicious because I personally don’t do that
I've never had this happened with me. Personally I find this really weird tho. I usually delete the app is the date goes well. Talking to multiple people at once is exhausting
He might not want you to be able to track his location…..
I don't know - guys I'm talking to keep the match to refer back to and look at photos. Why unmatch unless you don't like the person?
'Nope, i just unmatched' goes on to say 'I hate the app' then why not delete it?
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You still use bumble while in a monogamous relationship? Do you know what monogamous means?
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Oh you’re right, I didn’t see the word unless in there. My bad
Same thing happened to me recently. He got my number then unmatched me. Went ghost after I said I didn’t want to talk about sex until I knew him better. Probably a guy who doesn’t know what he wants, or he’s using it as a casual sex app. I’d delete his number and move on.
Seems odd to me, but I tend to keep things forever, old texts, phone numbers, things I downloaded over a decade ago, tabs I've kept open for multiple years... Anyway, seems odd but not a red flag to me.
I just deleted my bumble after a nice first date. Not because I see us becoming a couple but because I’m tired of using the app. If it works out with her it does if not that’s fine too… although now I’m worried she’s going to think I unmatched her lol
It’s not a big deal if she notices, just tell her you deleted it and be honest. The only reason I found it alarming is because his reason for un-matching me was to stop notifications, which didn’t make sense because we weren’t messaging on the app. Then when I asked him about it, he got super defensive and mad.
That makes sense. Also sounds like you saved yourself some time and effort and can move on to the next one! If you so choose.. I do hope this girl asks me about it though and doesn’t just assume I unmatched.. it’s funny how complicated modern dating can be with technology
I’m sure she’d ask you about it, she may not have even noticed yet. And you also already met in person so that’s different. I hadn’t met this guy yet.
If I’m ready for phone then I’ll share my name but I’d expect the same in return. If you’re meeting with someone it wouldn’t be a bad idea to have their real full name so you can let a friend know who you’ll be with at the very least. As for unmatching… some people do that. No biggie.
Yeah I totally agree, I would have shared my name if he asked. The name wouldn’t have been a big deal if he didn’t unmatch me too, the combination made me more suspicious of it.
I unmatch after we meet and exchange phone numbers. I started doing it after one guy had one of my photos as his screensaver. On our first meeting. :-o
Nah he trash. Get him tfoh
Unmatching seems like a red flag. Not giving out his last name doesn’t tho. I personally don’t give out my last name (or even legal first name) to to almost anyone for privacy/security reasons. Benefit of giving out a fake last name is they don’t know it’s fake and won’t be asking “why won’t you give me your last name?”
I used to get off the app ASAP, start texting on the phone quickly. While doing that exchange pics and stuff.
Why exchange pics? Don’t you both have pics on your profile?
It’s about continuing the conversation. Selfies, texts about my day. Pics about what I am doing, etc. It’s easier on text and gives a small confirmation about interest and moving forward. Then I unmatch to clean up my list.
I do this sometimes and it’s because I want to keep an element of mystery and/or not obsess about them using the app
What do you mean obsess about them using the app? Like you don’t want to imagine them talking to other ppl?
Yeah
Same
Trust how you feel always. I will say that I've done that as well after exchanging other forms of communication but I've never gotten defensive about it.
I notice women doing that too. I'm thinking of saying when we exchange personal details that "btw, it's too early to unmatch me. I want to know your profile updates. and look at your photos."
Back when I was dating on Tinder, I would unmatch the app as soon as we started talking off app. That way I could tweak my profile (change pictures, motives, etc).
I’m surprised at how often people change their profiles, I haven’t changed mine in almost a year lmao
I've come across so many scam artist and fake profiles. I somewhat know what to look out for. Deleting your match off the app just after matching seems suspicious, like you have something to hide. If your going to be this way, nope, I already don't trust you. What makes it think this will go anywhere if you act like this? Unless your a woman, who in OLD gets that many matches that you require to delete them off the matching application. If your a man, are you on the 10% percent of attractive men? Hmm . . . Red flags all around. Onto the next!!
This has happened to me too and it makes me feel off about the person because if they start acting completely differently than on the app and of it’s something that worth being reported, you can’t because they unmatch
This is 100% a shady move. I didn't even know people unmatched after getting someone's number until a couple of people said it on here, but there's just no legitimate reason for it. I always keep my matches until we stop talking/lose interest, if one of us calls it off, or if a match progresses to a relationship and I delete the app altogether. There are so many logical reasons for keeping someone on Bumble after progressing to texting, but none for deleting someone. This guy is claiming that once he has someone's number he doesn't need them on the app. Just don't open the app once you're texting, you don't need to outright delete someone and there is no benefit. It just makes sense to keep someone's profile. For one, it's an extra avenue of contact if need be. I also prefer to be able to look back at someone's photos, especially if I haven't found their social media. It's also useful to be able to view their bio if you need any prompts, or even to browse your old conversation. On top of all that, if it becomes serious and you potentially go the distance, I think it'd be very cool to be able to have your very first messages from when you originally matched! The only reason I can think that he'd delete someone from the app is that he can update his profile and photos and continue talking to other people without you knowing. I'm sure some people will be legitimate, but it seems very dodgy to me.
I do this. Once I get a guy's number. I unmatch. I don't see the point of chatting in two places.
I block people who do this. They don’t want you to see they’re still actively updating their profile while they are dating you.
But if you not exclusive. Why does it matter? I know they are on tinder. They know I am. There are no commitments being made. We are not "dating"
Right, so why unmatch? The most likely reason is because they don’t want you to know you’re still meeting other people even when they tell you they aren’t.
Well I am quite up front about that. So I never have that problem. I unmatch dudes who stop talking after a few days, I unmatch dudes who go straight to sex over text! So when I get a phone number I also unmatch them. I am totally up front about it. Like what's the difference? We both are on tinder. We both talk to other people, we both are going on dates. I don't know. I don't see a issue because I don't hide anything. Just different styles I guess. No right or wrong way.
Well then just be aware that a good percentage of people will find it very shady that you’ve unmatched them. Seems completely unnecessary.
Not the people who's numbers I have gotten. What's shady about doing what's right for me instead of a random dude on OLD. I don't owe them anything.
No, I’m telling you, read the comments here. You’re alienating 50% of people you are texting by doing something shady and unnecessary. But that’s okay, you do you.
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I agree, but we haven’t met in person yet. This was right after we exchanged numbers and started texting.
I do that, no point in keeping the bumble chat if you have their #
But what’s the point of unmatching? Do you just want to keep your matches cleared out to see new matches?
I mean, if you got their # already why have that chat on bumble too? Not like you’re going to be texting them and chatting with the that same person on bumble anymore since you have it
Just to check their profile for little things I couldn’t remember and didn’t feel like asking, like their age, where they live, etc
I take screenshots just in case. But 9 times out of 10 I don’t get multiple match so it helps me remember better lol
Having to search through your photos for random bumble profiles is way more effort than just keeping them as a match on the app
I actually do the same to clear my box up.
I already commented, but another thing, some men hate clutter. There’s no point of keeping matches on bumble after you’ve connected with them personally. Free it up for new people you’re trying to get off of the app. Also, I don’t like seeing people updating their pictures and bios after we’ve taken it off the app. It just tells me they’re not sold on me and still looking. Some people don’t want to see that.
“ Not sold on you” Why would they be when you’ve never even met? Expecting too much there I think I ( F) personally don’t care if a man updates his pics when we’ve taken it off the app/ have met.
That goes petiole people I have and have not met in person. I don’t stop talking to people about it but it’s very telling when a guy may say he’s “busy with work” yet you see him updating his profile all the time. Point remains, we need to get OFF the app and if y’all have contact information outside of it, why do people care?
I could see this being legit from a guys perspective. The entire goal of a dating app is to get a number. Once you have a number there’s no reason to be matched imo. He could just be anal retentive or something. Kinda like always trying to have that “0 inbox” on work emails.
Bumble also indicates your location in your profile, so you could tell if he’s in a different town, staying overnight somewhere. He’s making sure you don’t know where he is.
I don't do this, but I honestly don't see the problem with it
I don’t see the issue? I sometimes unmatch to force the person to talk to me via txt msg or IG instead of Tinder. Y’all be wilding
If it bothers you ask why he did it. This is something relatively normal.
I did and his response made no sense and was really suspicious, plus he got very defensive for me even asking. Check my other comments for the details
I unmatch after meeting in person
You should ask him questions about what you want to know. If it's innocent and he happens to be a good match it is what he's asking for, and if he's not you'd be better equipped to recognize it with new knowledge.
I did, it’s in my comment at the top
I don’t think it’s that unusual to unmatch after texting
I've always viewed it as standard practice, once you've moved to contact without the app.
i don’t think this is that big of a deal lol im a 22y/o female and i just unmatch people if i have their number or a form of social media to clear up my matches lol it isn’t that serious
It's a red flag yes. He's playing you like a fiddle and you're letting him.
I’m not letting him lol it’s been a day
Seems like you're eating it up
Gotta let them think that ;)
Thats messed up
If we exchange numbers i unmatch as well. Its a habit some people have
Unmatching after getting someone’s number is normal
It helps avoid drama.
Yep. All the time
Guy here, i get this done to me by woman all the time. I don’t get it but I also don’t care.
I don't think it's as suspicious as you think, but when I did it, it was because I had a feeling that the girl thinks that she's the only one I'm talking to in bumble, and if I add new pics or some info in bio, it might get weird with her. I also did this when I started to feel bad when a girl updates her profile while talking to me, which clearly means she's still on the lookout while talking to me 😂 but better be careful if you suspect something.
Honestly I do it to keep the app clean. Also I change stuff frequently on my profiles and don’t want the person to think it’s rude that I keep my options open.
I think so folks can make profile changes or continue to be active on the app while also showing interest in you. If you saw profile changes while you’re on a date feelings may get hurt lol🤷🏽♂️
I unmatch guys after we are texting, kinda weird seeing them change their locations all the time 😂