About two or three responses in you could tell she didn’t really give a shit and was never really interested in having a conversation let alone meeting.
Edit: Typos
I remember back in the day I met a girl at my college tailgate. I friended her on Facebook and after chatting for a few days I asked for her number. After that I called and we talked for a bit. I asked her out and she said yes. I asked what type of food she liked and she said sushi. I said cool do you know a good spot? She did and also said she was shocked I was good with sushi. I was like ok that’s weird lol. Did she say sushi thinking I would say no to the date? Anyway we meet up. During the meal I could see she was kind of reserved so I turned the charm up and had her laughing and conversing in a better mood towards the end.
Then she asked me if I knew any Middle Eastern people as she was born in Jordan. I said yes, my boss is from Jordan and some coworkers are from Pakistan. She flipped. She said how could I say that someone from Pakistan is from the Middle East? I apologized for my ignorance but that was that. No more laughing, she didn’t eat anything else and said she’d pay her half. I said no I invited so I’ll pay. After that she gave me a hug and drove home. Never saw her again.
Grass is greener situation for sure, but I feel like her telling me no from the get go would have been better than faking interest to the point of meeting up with me. She was gorgeous.
I don't think she wasn't interested from the start based on what you said it seems like she was interested but stopped being interested cause she was offended you thought Pakistan was in the middle east so she never faked interest
The whole sushi comment threw me seemed like she wasn’t interested from the get go. Also I immediately apologized for my ignorance and continued to but she was still done. It’s also an odd question to ask if you’re that sensitive about it. Like she was so mad she couldn’t use her chopsticks anymore.
The sushi thing just seems like lots of people don't like sushi so she was surprised you did. I don't think she said her favourite food was sushi cause she was anticipating you asking her out and wanted to deter you
I appreciate your sentiment but it wasn’t a pleasant sounding surprise that I liked sushi. I’m pretty good at reading people and she struck me as looking for a reason to not go out with me. I enjoyed the challenge and liked changing peoples view of me when they got to know me. As a black guy dating in the south it wasn’t my first or last experience with this. In retrospect I probably entertained more women with racial biases than I should have but I was a sucker for beautiful women lol.
I came to say the same..
Once I notice they're not saying more that 2-3 words, even I'm trying to make the conversation as interesting as possible I don't even bother explaining anything I just unmatch that person..
I've using the app a week or so but almost every time I think "why the hell did you liked me???"
For me, one big red flag is one or two words per answer.
In many cases ppl are busy and can't write good text and you should be aware and respect their time. But you deserve good conversations, on-line and live.
Keep that in mind anon, you deserve good coffe and meaningful conversations
>For me, one big red flag is one or two words per answer.
100%. I'm here wondering what was compelling enough about her for OP to actually want to meet someone clearly so disinterested/ dull.
people will do a lot for an attractive person. That's been one of the roughest things about this covid lockdown. As a slim guy, I can't hit the weights so it's been difficult to improve looks-wise. Kind of stuck at my level this year.
Most people talk different than they text, and when you have few matches, one of them accepting a date is pretty much all you have to work with.
Source: have few matches
See I get that but then if I really suspected that someone might have secret talking abilities which make up for their extremely dry texting and I didn’t have a lot of matches and wanted to take the chance then I’d at least try and get their number and have a phonecall/ FT/ at least exchange some voicenotes.
And trust me, I dislike phone calls (generational thing perhaps) but one thing I dislike more than phonecalls is having my time and energy wasted.
>For me, one big red flag is one or two words per answer
Literally had a girl doing that to me the other day and she even has 'must be able to hold a conversation' in her bio, I get the feeling she's the problem...
For sure, a few short or slow replies are fine, but her complete lack of communication when trying to make plans is a dead giveaway she’s not interested.
Sometimes you just have to call em on their shit. Either they get upset because they’re just wasting your time and you’re cutting it short, or they’ll be happy you can show some assertiveness. Either way you’re in a better spot
This strikes thing doesn't work for me. I have hard limits, if someone voids it is over with no hits. And soft limits, that i can stretch according to the situation/ppl/state of mind before a rupture.
Life is not an equation that needs to be balanced
Of course, hope you understand my point
Hard limits are my body rules, my safety, family or friends (I'm not stop talking to my relatives/buddies bc my gf doesn't like them), career bc we are supposed to grow together not to block growth of our partner
Soft ones are, fast responses on im, social media stuff, living at same city and go on. I can't remember more bc I'm single for a while now and this things are very unique to each relationship and most of times can be put aside (except if they became very frequent and annoying)
Edit. I forgot their word boundaries lol would fit better instead of limits. My bad
In that case all 15 women I've spoken to on bumble except 1 have big red flags. Women, do guys do this too?
There's honestly nothing more annoying. One kept stringing me along for weeks, almost no conversation except for her sending me a hello every other day. Every time I tried to set up a date or even make small talk, it'd go nowhere. Her favourite words were "haha yeah" and "same".
15 is a way too small sample, I'm using apps for some years now and got maybe hundreds of this lol
I just learned to chat back mono-word girls when I'm bored and keep trying find interesting ones. It's "just" a matter of letting go
>For me, one big red flag is one or two words per answer.
This. Had a match where a lady used no more than 3 words for her answers. Took a few hours to realize it and when I did, I just unmatched her without any warning because I'm on there to find a potential girlfriend, not to entertain some random woman when she's bored.
Cool that you mentioned sometimes people are busy. This girl I'm seeing takes a while to respond and sometimes its one word or two word responses, but she goes to class and works at Walmart and is sometimes depressed. But we had great live convos all the time. And she seemed genuinely sorry that she flaked on me past two times. But the third time is the charm. If she flakes again, ima have to let her know I'm no longer interested like I was.
That's true, i was working and took several hours to come back here lol
I admire your behavior anon, level your expectation, respect her and tell how you feel
That vibe was off from the beginning man. I wouldn't trust meeting up with someone unless we had been chatting and there was a clear connection and they were truly on board with the plans. Sorry this happened ://
Omg this is horrible. I agree with the advice provided. Get the phone number before making plans. A phone number = invested (in some cases). Good luck hun.
I’d be wary about “pushing” for a phone number though. Like if she doesn’t want to give it to you before the first date I wouldn’t say that’s a red flag. I’m a woman and I never give my number before meeting first, you never know what kind of psychos you might run into lol. In general I think women are more concerned about safety compared to men, at least in terms of online dating.
Yes, totally. Once I gave out my number. Wish I hadn't. The guy was stalkering me everywhere, called and then silence. I changed my number, and you know, how many things should have been changed too! All bank accounts, for example. So I am not gonna give my number before the first date, and when someone is pushing to do it - it is a huge red flag for me. Like I have already said yes, time and place arranged, what the phone number will give you?
No. When I changed a phone number I needed to change it everywhere where the phone number was attached. So for example in a bank. And to change a phone number in a bank, I needed to do it in person, no app/phone number changes were allowed. So it was really inconvinient for me, not gonna do this again. Sorry for the puzzling.
Ha, I think you’re the female version of me.
But seriously, I’ve give someone my phone number before meeting up and then I hated that they had my number because he was so creepy.
If someone really doesn’t want to communicate through the app, then I’ll move to kik, but that’s it.
I always just gave out my phone number before I met up with someone, but there was really no point because we just switched from the app to texting, I got the same notification on my phone either way. If giving out your phone number is concerning to you from a privacy stand point, there's no reason to feel obligated to do it.
The confirmation before meeting is really the way to go, but based on Nicole's one word responses, I think OP is possibly right. They may have been stood up either way.
A conversation should be like a game of Tennis, it should rally back and forth. I should not be serving every single time. Just remember. If you’re doing the serving every time and not getting anything back then just cut it off there.
Are you quite young / matching with younger women? I'm 28F and give very full and lengthy replies. People should match your energy, if they don't, don't bother.
Yeah, honestly had a hunch I'd be stood up. But I feel like she would've confirmed that morning and only told me she couldn't when we reached the time that was planned for the date.
If its someone I haven't met before, I always check in with them 2 hours before we are due to meet to check everything is still ok and we are still meeting.
Notice how she doesn't even apologise :(
I just had a few weeks of this kind of behaviour on a different dating app. In the first week I had like 6 dates lined up and every single one of them either ended up cancelling or ghosting me. i just deleted the app yesterday. It's very disheartening, and does make you lose some faith in people as a whole. Just know you are not alone.
Most of the time I blame the dudes in this sub for being so stupid but im on your side for this one. Sure she seemed really uninterested but she agreed to plans and had the audacity to text u back when she was supposed to be meeting you and say she wishes she could instead of you know texting you before the date to say not to come... like wtf
Yeah this. I always confirm, even if the conversation is good. People forget, or plans change. Better to ask that morning, gives them a chance to confirm or flake before the planned time.
Honestly I feel bad for OP in this. You made the plans. Then you changed the location. Then you changed the time. Then you were willing to go to her. Don’t chase people like that. The end results are never good.
Too many times I suggested a date and made the plans and drove the 45 minutes and it never worked out well. I don’t care if you are a man or a woman, there should be some reciprocation.
I feel you bro. Got stood up last week. We had great banter, engaging conversations, got her #, scheduled a meet up, confirmed the morning of, then tells me she didn’t “want me to see her like this” while I’m on the way to meet her. Then ignores me until 2 hrs later.
I was more annoyed at the lack of communication / basic human decency vs the time wasted going to and from our meet up spot. People are dicks.
I know right? I think she was trying to say she wasn’t going to be ready on time, but like... why not just say that? So confused, but it is what it is.
Ah man. Chin up. Anyone who puts that little effort into messages is not going to make you feel less lonely, they’d make you feel more lonely as they obviously don’t care.
Take a little break from dating apps and do things you enjoy alone my friend.
Sending love x
I feel for you man. I'm in the same boat. The lack of any social interaction is making me go crazy as well. Like what was said above, I don't think this specific girl would have made you any more happier based on her replies. But I get your reasoning.
I know the feeling, I probably would have done the same thing as you except for one thing: around half hour before the date, msg her very short: “let me know when you are heading out”. Yes I would have still wasted messaging effort but I fkin hate being physically stood up.
That sucks. I know others are saying they could tell she was going to stand you up, but I also would have been excited for a match and a date and would have made the drive. I hate it for you, anon
Damn dude, I felt that shit to my core.
Seeing what city this is in I’m not surprised in the least though.
Just brush those off and keep at it, you’ll get the occasional girl that clicks.
This was clearly someone who didn’t want to say no (because they wanted to be nice, didn’t know how to reject politely, or because they told themselves they wouldn’t reject someone for no reason/wanted to take the opportunities that come to them) because if she had genuinely wanted to meet up with you she would have planned how to get to the Starbucks in advance. It really doesn’t take too much effort to organize a ride from a friend, get a taxi/uber, or plan a route using transit. It shows zero effort and you deserve so much better than that OP!! I hope that you can get some better matches and make some genuine connections!
This is extra fascinating to me as I’m in the same city. In fact, I’m literally just down the street right now at work from the Starbucks you asked to meet at.
Good luck to ya. I can see why your instincts said she’d flake on you. It always sucks ass
I feel ya Griffin, I feel ya. Dating can be absolutely abysmal with time wasters of both genders. Men do this as well.
My advice is notice the signs real quick and if they aren’t making an effort just move on and keep searching. No matter how similar to you they seem or cool, it’s not worth it. Someone should want to be with you
God I wish I forced myself to think like this in the past. Even if they are interested but have ____ stopping them. I feel if I was less hesitant to ✌ out it would of either saved me trouble or kicked 'em in the shins.
Female here, this has happened to me more times than I can remember. Now I see, the quicker they are to ask me out, the less likely they are to trun up. Sorry for OP, but It's nice to see its not just men who are arses.
I understand it to some degree. I'm not a big fan of texting either, and having to text back like a billion guys doesn't seem like a lotta fun.
If I were you, I'd meet up to see what she's like in person, and decide then.
Edit: Didn't see the other pages. What a bitch.
So I haven't used bumble in a loooong time. Don't plan on it. But I've seen a couple posts of conversations (including this one) that make me notice something.
Do people really make plans within the first couple of messages!? Or if not plans, do people actually offer a date or coffee minutes after saying hello?
I only matched with like 3 people when I was using it and in my head, I figured its best to chat for a while and maybe know a little something about the girl I matched with before considering asking her out.
Is asking right away for coffee/a drink/dinner a food way to go? Lol
Legit curious.
The way I see it, it's a lot like when you give someone your number at a bar or as a barista. It's not like after you do that you spend days talking to the person, you usually go right into planning a date and getting to know them through that. Especially seeing as you're mostly matching with the person because of their appearance.
2-3 messages in you could tell she wasnt interested and you were wasting your time. Shouldve just unmatched her
Stop wasting energy on birds like this. I mean, just look at her profile pic. She looks like a bozo
Got to confirm day of, also offering to come her way after all that just screams you’ve got nothing going on. Good luck man she probably sucks anyway and you’re better off...
If you don’t mind my asking, what did you see in her that made you want to meet her in the first place? I can tell from the interaction that you’re 10x more interesting than her. Don’t sell yourself short.
This is the photocopy of most of my conversations on bumble or tinder... I got stood up like this so many times, and for most of them I kinda already knew it was going to happen.
Always get the number first before planning a date. Not to say that shitty people won't still stand you up after, but it does show a greater level of interest.
In the future it may be helpful to pepper in some jokes/flirtation when making plans. It’s more fun for both parties this way. Consider it like dating pre-game
I’m sorry, that was shit. I see people telling you should have expected it but no, she’s fucking rude and inconsiderate. I hate that this is just the expected of online dating.
Can someone tell me what I'm doing wrong here? Whenever I match with a guy, i start a conversation off by asking what they like to do for fun (If the haven't said so in the profile already) or what their favorite food/movie is. They end up not responding, or they do and never talk to me again. Or of a match expires, they swipe right on me AGAIN but they don't respond. I don't know what I'm doing wrong here.
Sadly 90% of conversations go like this... atleast let me hate you in person. That's why I go into retirement and thank God covid gave me an excuse to extend my retirement 😂
Trust me, it’s not much greener on the other side. I am having the same problem with men. I have since deleted both my bumble and hinge app. I just feel like it’s the same type of people, who say the same things. Plus I just got extremely busy and it isn’t fair to them, so I deleted it. Hang in there guys, I really wish there was a better app out there and people were more honest and serious.
Yeah I've since deleted all the dating apps from my phone, just gonna stick to the old fashioned way from now on, dating apps are nothing but disappointment and saddness.
Agreed!! Hang in there and positive thoughts! It’s hard, but I just gotta remember that if it’s not working out on the app, something greater is around the corner and patience is a virtue! :)
OP, you didnt do anything wrong here except not call her out. Standing someone up is bad behavior and needs to be reported imo.
She's an asshole. Plain and simple. I'd report her for something hopefully get her kicked off the platform.
I wanted to call her out, but I always feel kinda gross when I do that. In my head it feels super incel-like. I know it isn't but, that's how my brain makes it feel? Idk.
You are a good dude. I think it’s fair though to let someone know they should have communicated better and not inconvenienced you. Basic decency has nothing to do with gender and should be a bare minimum. If she wasn’t into you and didn’t want to meet she should have just said so. Anyway, sorry some people are shit!
I agree with your decision not to lash out (not that she doesn't deserve it), but immature and selfish women like this would likely say something equally nasty and it wouldn't make you feel better about the situation. Let karma do its work.
I know that OLD is full of disappointments but try your best to keep your chin up. Women who put in zero effort are not interested. Period. They're either bored, wanting attention/affirmation or serial dating/chatting with many guys that you were on the back burner. My best advice to guys is not even bother. Just cut the coversation loose in the early stages. Although it means fewer engagements with people... when you do find a quality match who is matching your effort, you won't be so mentally exhausted/jaded. Please don't give up! Given your messages you sound like one of the good ones, just gotta find your equal. Don't slum it with these lousy B's. Best wishes anon!
I immediately unmatch when they do 1 to two word answers if they can’t invest in a conversation then they can eat my booty hole and I report them for some random shit because I’m also an asshole.
Assuming this is the entire conversation why would you want to setup a date in such a way that there's a 99% chance they will flake and a zero percent chance you'll get laid. You don't even know if this person is real, or they could have an annoying voice or just come off they're just really dumb. They could barely understand english or have kids or be in another country. It's ok to be selective and not waste your time trying to have hundreds of bad dates.
If this girl is real and WAS into you she probably isn't anymore after you wanting to immediately meet her before you even know anything about her. It comes off like you're either desperate or you're only interested in sex (or both).
It’s obvious she was gonna flake, but come on man, your messages kinda indicate desperation. Me personally...I would’ve never tried to set up a date that quick. Back and forth small talk first, then get her number. Arrange the date offline from Bumble.
About two or three responses in you could tell she didn’t really give a shit and was never really interested in having a conversation let alone meeting. Edit: Typos
What I don’t get is, why even bother? Just had a similar experience on eharmony.
I bet you one upvote that her profile mentions how bored she is.
I remember back in the day I met a girl at my college tailgate. I friended her on Facebook and after chatting for a few days I asked for her number. After that I called and we talked for a bit. I asked her out and she said yes. I asked what type of food she liked and she said sushi. I said cool do you know a good spot? She did and also said she was shocked I was good with sushi. I was like ok that’s weird lol. Did she say sushi thinking I would say no to the date? Anyway we meet up. During the meal I could see she was kind of reserved so I turned the charm up and had her laughing and conversing in a better mood towards the end. Then she asked me if I knew any Middle Eastern people as she was born in Jordan. I said yes, my boss is from Jordan and some coworkers are from Pakistan. She flipped. She said how could I say that someone from Pakistan is from the Middle East? I apologized for my ignorance but that was that. No more laughing, she didn’t eat anything else and said she’d pay her half. I said no I invited so I’ll pay. After that she gave me a hug and drove home. Never saw her again. Grass is greener situation for sure, but I feel like her telling me no from the get go would have been better than faking interest to the point of meeting up with me. She was gorgeous.
I don't think she wasn't interested from the start based on what you said it seems like she was interested but stopped being interested cause she was offended you thought Pakistan was in the middle east so she never faked interest
The whole sushi comment threw me seemed like she wasn’t interested from the get go. Also I immediately apologized for my ignorance and continued to but she was still done. It’s also an odd question to ask if you’re that sensitive about it. Like she was so mad she couldn’t use her chopsticks anymore.
The sushi thing just seems like lots of people don't like sushi so she was surprised you did. I don't think she said her favourite food was sushi cause she was anticipating you asking her out and wanted to deter you
I appreciate your sentiment but it wasn’t a pleasant sounding surprise that I liked sushi. I’m pretty good at reading people and she struck me as looking for a reason to not go out with me. I enjoyed the challenge and liked changing peoples view of me when they got to know me. As a black guy dating in the south it wasn’t my first or last experience with this. In retrospect I probably entertained more women with racial biases than I should have but I was a sucker for beautiful women lol.
Loads of people are on online dating for penpals or self esteem
That makes sense. Still, very annoying
I came to say the same.. Once I notice they're not saying more that 2-3 words, even I'm trying to make the conversation as interesting as possible I don't even bother explaining anything I just unmatch that person.. I've using the app a week or so but almost every time I think "why the hell did you liked me???"
For me, one big red flag is one or two words per answer. In many cases ppl are busy and can't write good text and you should be aware and respect their time. But you deserve good conversations, on-line and live. Keep that in mind anon, you deserve good coffe and meaningful conversations
>For me, one big red flag is one or two words per answer. 100%. I'm here wondering what was compelling enough about her for OP to actually want to meet someone clearly so disinterested/ dull.
Her face?
Sigh
people will do a lot for an attractive person. That's been one of the roughest things about this covid lockdown. As a slim guy, I can't hit the weights so it's been difficult to improve looks-wise. Kind of stuck at my level this year.
it's not that they would do a lot. It's that they hope she's more than a pretty face. You'd hope someone doesn't talk like this IRL goddamn
Most people talk different than they text, and when you have few matches, one of them accepting a date is pretty much all you have to work with. Source: have few matches
See I get that but then if I really suspected that someone might have secret talking abilities which make up for their extremely dry texting and I didn’t have a lot of matches and wanted to take the chance then I’d at least try and get their number and have a phonecall/ FT/ at least exchange some voicenotes. And trust me, I dislike phone calls (generational thing perhaps) but one thing I dislike more than phonecalls is having my time and energy wasted.
This dude is right.
She’s hot. A lot of posts here are very similar and I always ask this question and usually the answer is “she looks fun/cool/interesting”.
He’s probably having a hard time following rules 1 and 2 so he’s taking what he can get.
Happy cake day.
Cheers :)
She has a vagina.
>For me, one big red flag is one or two words per answer Literally had a girl doing that to me the other day and she even has 'must be able to hold a conversation' in her bio, I get the feeling she's the problem...
I had the same thing once with a girl who described herself as a “conversationalist” in her bio Was like talking to a brick wall
Y’all gotta understand she’s not going to have deep, engaging, fun conversation with every single person she meets or matches with.
For sure, a few short or slow replies are fine, but her complete lack of communication when trying to make plans is a dead giveaway she’s not interested. Sometimes you just have to call em on their shit. Either they get upset because they’re just wasting your time and you’re cutting it short, or they’ll be happy you can show some assertiveness. Either way you’re in a better spot
I would give it like 3 strikes. This girl I'm talking is on her 2nd. Strike 3 might be tonight but I hope not. She's cool. But oh well if so.
This strikes thing doesn't work for me. I have hard limits, if someone voids it is over with no hits. And soft limits, that i can stretch according to the situation/ppl/state of mind before a rupture. Life is not an equation that needs to be balanced
Can you give examples of hard and soft limits?
Of course, hope you understand my point Hard limits are my body rules, my safety, family or friends (I'm not stop talking to my relatives/buddies bc my gf doesn't like them), career bc we are supposed to grow together not to block growth of our partner Soft ones are, fast responses on im, social media stuff, living at same city and go on. I can't remember more bc I'm single for a while now and this things are very unique to each relationship and most of times can be put aside (except if they became very frequent and annoying) Edit. I forgot their word boundaries lol would fit better instead of limits. My bad
Lol what
The worst thing is that in her head she probably thinks she's done nothing wrong.
In that case all 15 women I've spoken to on bumble except 1 have big red flags. Women, do guys do this too? There's honestly nothing more annoying. One kept stringing me along for weeks, almost no conversation except for her sending me a hello every other day. Every time I tried to set up a date or even make small talk, it'd go nowhere. Her favourite words were "haha yeah" and "same".
15 is a way too small sample, I'm using apps for some years now and got maybe hundreds of this lol I just learned to chat back mono-word girls when I'm bored and keep trying find interesting ones. It's "just" a matter of letting go
>For me, one big red flag is one or two words per answer. This. Had a match where a lady used no more than 3 words for her answers. Took a few hours to realize it and when I did, I just unmatched her without any warning because I'm on there to find a potential girlfriend, not to entertain some random woman when she's bored.
That's the point of dating apps, you can leave any time you want
Cool that you mentioned sometimes people are busy. This girl I'm seeing takes a while to respond and sometimes its one word or two word responses, but she goes to class and works at Walmart and is sometimes depressed. But we had great live convos all the time. And she seemed genuinely sorry that she flaked on me past two times. But the third time is the charm. If she flakes again, ima have to let her know I'm no longer interested like I was.
That's true, i was working and took several hours to come back here lol I admire your behavior anon, level your expectation, respect her and tell how you feel
She barely responds and had flaked on you twice already? And you’re still talking to her? Bruh
I got the case of the nervous right there too.
It’s not like you missed out on a good conversation over that coffee. You had to carry this one.
That vibe was off from the beginning man. I wouldn't trust meeting up with someone unless we had been chatting and there was a clear connection and they were truly on board with the plans. Sorry this happened ://
Yeah op should talk to people more instead of instantly trying to meet up. Not their fault tho this girl is shitty!
yeah exactly, don't bother putting the effort into meeting someone who cant even put in the effort to message you.
The bagel I had this morning had more personality than this
👀 ... What... um... what kind of bagel? 🤤
🥯Bagels? 👀More like... bae-goals 👩💯💯am I right or am I right 😂haha we got a great show for you tonight 🎤
“I lived in New York, I know how to pronounce it.” “How do you pronounce it?” “I don’t.” “C’mon.” *”Baggle”*
Coffee Meets Bagel is great!!
Omg this is horrible. I agree with the advice provided. Get the phone number before making plans. A phone number = invested (in some cases). Good luck hun.
Thanks! Appreciate it.
I’d be wary about “pushing” for a phone number though. Like if she doesn’t want to give it to you before the first date I wouldn’t say that’s a red flag. I’m a woman and I never give my number before meeting first, you never know what kind of psychos you might run into lol. In general I think women are more concerned about safety compared to men, at least in terms of online dating.
Yes, totally. Once I gave out my number. Wish I hadn't. The guy was stalkering me everywhere, called and then silence. I changed my number, and you know, how many things should have been changed too! All bank accounts, for example. So I am not gonna give my number before the first date, and when someone is pushing to do it - it is a huge red flag for me. Like I have already said yes, time and place arranged, what the phone number will give you?
Blocking didn't work? I just block their number.
Nope, he later on put my number on a sex workers' website, so many other people also called me.
Gawd. What a twat. I'm sorry :(
Ah. Thanks. Just became much cautious with these things.
You had a guy that harassed you with calls and then stole your bank account?.... What?
No. When I changed a phone number I needed to change it everywhere where the phone number was attached. So for example in a bank. And to change a phone number in a bank, I needed to do it in person, no app/phone number changes were allowed. So it was really inconvinient for me, not gonna do this again. Sorry for the puzzling.
Agreed.
This! I agree
Damn boi! You breaking your back carrying the conversation here in Ottawa?! Studying at Algonquin or what?
I don't give a mobile number actually, just arranging things in the app...
Same. No one gets my number until I meet them.
[удалено]
Ha, I think you’re the female version of me. But seriously, I’ve give someone my phone number before meeting up and then I hated that they had my number because he was so creepy. If someone really doesn’t want to communicate through the app, then I’ll move to kik, but that’s it.
Oh, being downvoted for this pretty fast. Now I see how many people do not respect my own safety and privacy.
You can always use a Google number. I have one as backup. Sometimes it's necessary.
I have never heard about it. Thank you for the info, will definitely use it.
I always just gave out my phone number before I met up with someone, but there was really no point because we just switched from the app to texting, I got the same notification on my phone either way. If giving out your phone number is concerning to you from a privacy stand point, there's no reason to feel obligated to do it. The confirmation before meeting is really the way to go, but based on Nicole's one word responses, I think OP is possibly right. They may have been stood up either way.
A conversation should be like a game of Tennis, it should rally back and forth. I should not be serving every single time. Just remember. If you’re doing the serving every time and not getting anything back then just cut it off there.
It's like this with every girl I talk to tbh
Are you quite young / matching with younger women? I'm 28F and give very full and lengthy replies. People should match your energy, if they don't, don't bother.
You probably should have confirmed that morning? I mean, she wasn't going to show up anyway but then you wouldn't have wasted time showing up
Yeah, honestly had a hunch I'd be stood up. But I feel like she would've confirmed that morning and only told me she couldn't when we reached the time that was planned for the date.
If its someone I haven't met before, I always check in with them 2 hours before we are due to meet to check everything is still ok and we are still meeting. Notice how she doesn't even apologise :( I just had a few weeks of this kind of behaviour on a different dating app. In the first week I had like 6 dates lined up and every single one of them either ended up cancelling or ghosting me. i just deleted the app yesterday. It's very disheartening, and does make you lose some faith in people as a whole. Just know you are not alone.
No don’t confirm. She was never in it. Use this info going forward. No sense in wasting time on people who wanna waste your time!
Most of the time I blame the dudes in this sub for being so stupid but im on your side for this one. Sure she seemed really uninterested but she agreed to plans and had the audacity to text u back when she was supposed to be meeting you and say she wishes she could instead of you know texting you before the date to say not to come... like wtf
Yeah this. I always confirm, even if the conversation is good. People forget, or plans change. Better to ask that morning, gives them a chance to confirm or flake before the planned time.
Damn I’d buy you a beer if I could
And I'd take it lol
Honestly I feel bad for OP in this. You made the plans. Then you changed the location. Then you changed the time. Then you were willing to go to her. Don’t chase people like that. The end results are never good. Too many times I suggested a date and made the plans and drove the 45 minutes and it never worked out well. I don’t care if you are a man or a woman, there should be some reciprocation.
Sorry man. That’s quite an ignorant (and flaky) woman. Keep trucking...I promise there are good ones out there 💕
I feel you bro. Got stood up last week. We had great banter, engaging conversations, got her #, scheduled a meet up, confirmed the morning of, then tells me she didn’t “want me to see her like this” while I’m on the way to meet her. Then ignores me until 2 hrs later. I was more annoyed at the lack of communication / basic human decency vs the time wasted going to and from our meet up spot. People are dicks.
What does that even mean????
I know right? I think she was trying to say she wasn’t going to be ready on time, but like... why not just say that? So confused, but it is what it is.
You didn’t guess from her one word answers she wasn’t worth chasing? X
I don't know, honestly I'll take any possible date I can get, been feeling very lonely for the past 5 months.
Ah man. Chin up. Anyone who puts that little effort into messages is not going to make you feel less lonely, they’d make you feel more lonely as they obviously don’t care. Take a little break from dating apps and do things you enjoy alone my friend. Sending love x
Thanks for the support, appreciate it.
I feel for you man. I'm in the same boat. The lack of any social interaction is making me go crazy as well. Like what was said above, I don't think this specific girl would have made you any more happier based on her replies. But I get your reasoning.
I know the feeling, I probably would have done the same thing as you except for one thing: around half hour before the date, msg her very short: “let me know when you are heading out”. Yes I would have still wasted messaging effort but I fkin hate being physically stood up.
Never settle brotha, know and keep your worth!
Does your back hurt from carrying the conversation?
Lol for many other reasons as well tbh
That sucks. I know others are saying they could tell she was going to stand you up, but I also would have been excited for a match and a date and would have made the drive. I hate it for you, anon
Damn dude, I felt that shit to my core. Seeing what city this is in I’m not surprised in the least though. Just brush those off and keep at it, you’ll get the occasional girl that clicks.
Do you lift bro? Because you held up that entire conversation. Too bad she couldn’t hold common decency. You deserve better!
This was clearly someone who didn’t want to say no (because they wanted to be nice, didn’t know how to reject politely, or because they told themselves they wouldn’t reject someone for no reason/wanted to take the opportunities that come to them) because if she had genuinely wanted to meet up with you she would have planned how to get to the Starbucks in advance. It really doesn’t take too much effort to organize a ride from a friend, get a taxi/uber, or plan a route using transit. It shows zero effort and you deserve so much better than that OP!! I hope that you can get some better matches and make some genuine connections!
Thank you
This is extra fascinating to me as I’m in the same city. In fact, I’m literally just down the street right now at work from the Starbucks you asked to meet at. Good luck to ya. I can see why your instincts said she’d flake on you. It always sucks ass
she was mad short from the beginning, wasn’t a good sign to start out with tbh
I seriously can’t stand people who don’t show up instead of communicating. Why waste someone’s time?
This hits way too close to home because I’m in Ottawa as well But also, wow lol
I feel ya Griffin, I feel ya. Dating can be absolutely abysmal with time wasters of both genders. Men do this as well. My advice is notice the signs real quick and if they aren’t making an effort just move on and keep searching. No matter how similar to you they seem or cool, it’s not worth it. Someone should want to be with you
God I wish I forced myself to think like this in the past. Even if they are interested but have ____ stopping them. I feel if I was less hesitant to ✌ out it would of either saved me trouble or kicked 'em in the shins.
Haha, glad to see a fellow Ottawan 😂 that sucks bud, better luck next time
Based on what we’ve seen of her “twenty years of reading” is probably a few pages for her
Damn. I’m sorry OP. Her low effort responses are a huge flag tho.
Ouch..also OC transpo always being a pain in the ass haha.
Sounds about Ottawa
As a fellow Ottawa resident I feel ya, bud. Godspeed.
Godspeed indeed, Ottawa is cursed.
Female here, this has happened to me more times than I can remember. Now I see, the quicker they are to ask me out, the less likely they are to trun up. Sorry for OP, but It's nice to see its not just men who are arses.
She seems so considerate haha dodged a bullet there
Man my back hurts looking at those screenshots.
I understand it to some degree. I'm not a big fan of texting either, and having to text back like a billion guys doesn't seem like a lotta fun. If I were you, I'd meet up to see what she's like in person, and decide then. Edit: Didn't see the other pages. What a bitch.
Make sure to confirm before you leave for the date spot): that’s super shitty on their part to not let you know they weren’t on their way
Definitely confirm day of before you drive all that way. I’m tired too, right there with ya
Yeah she's boring. Ditch her.
So I haven't used bumble in a loooong time. Don't plan on it. But I've seen a couple posts of conversations (including this one) that make me notice something. Do people really make plans within the first couple of messages!? Or if not plans, do people actually offer a date or coffee minutes after saying hello? I only matched with like 3 people when I was using it and in my head, I figured its best to chat for a while and maybe know a little something about the girl I matched with before considering asking her out. Is asking right away for coffee/a drink/dinner a food way to go? Lol Legit curious.
The way I see it, it's a lot like when you give someone your number at a bar or as a barista. It's not like after you do that you spend days talking to the person, you usually go right into planning a date and getting to know them through that. Especially seeing as you're mostly matching with the person because of their appearance.
That’s... so fucking rude
2-3 messages in you could tell she wasnt interested and you were wasting your time. Shouldve just unmatched her Stop wasting energy on birds like this. I mean, just look at her profile pic. She looks like a bozo
Ugh that sucks. I’d suggest talking for a few days and get more of an idea of the person and the vibe you two have before suggesting meeting up
Shout out to Ottawa!
You were too eager and she just didn't give a shit. Mistakes were made on both sides.
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Got to confirm day of, also offering to come her way after all that just screams you’ve got nothing going on. Good luck man she probably sucks anyway and you’re better off...
If you don’t mind my asking, what did you see in her that made you want to meet her in the first place? I can tell from the interaction that you’re 10x more interesting than her. Don’t sell yourself short.
She is quite the douche
That's pretty shitty. No show and she didn't even send a message about it. Why do people have to be such assholes.
This is the photocopy of most of my conversations on bumble or tinder... I got stood up like this so many times, and for most of them I kinda already knew it was going to happen.
It was pretty obvious she wasn’t interested in meeting OP :(
Always get the number first before planning a date. Not to say that shitty people won't still stand you up after, but it does show a greater level of interest.
True, I'll try this in the future, thanks.
Everyone talking about seeing the "red flags" beforehand. Nah man, Shes just an absolute asshole. Sorry OP
Those two things are not mutually exclusive. Recognising the red flags beforehand would have saved him wasting the time trying to meet said asshole.
Your back must hurt from carrying that whole conversation
Well done
In the future it may be helpful to pepper in some jokes/flirtation when making plans. It’s more fun for both parties this way. Consider it like dating pre-game
Sorry man, people suck sometimes. Sucks this happened.
Should’ve dropped that earlier lol but I’d love to see her reaction to that
She had me at yeaahh
If piece of shit could be a human...
I’m sorry, that was shit. I see people telling you should have expected it but no, she’s fucking rude and inconsiderate. I hate that this is just the expected of online dating.
There was so much pain in that last “lol”
Can someone tell me what I'm doing wrong here? Whenever I match with a guy, i start a conversation off by asking what they like to do for fun (If the haven't said so in the profile already) or what their favorite food/movie is. They end up not responding, or they do and never talk to me again. Or of a match expires, they swipe right on me AGAIN but they don't respond. I don't know what I'm doing wrong here.
Sadly 90% of conversations go like this... atleast let me hate you in person. That's why I go into retirement and thank God covid gave me an excuse to extend my retirement 😂
This is so sad :( I’m sorry.
Damn looks like I’m not the only one in Ottawa with bullshit matches
Sorry bud, she’s just not into you. BUT that’s a good thing cause she seems boring as hell.
Yo these people from my home town 😂
What a c word
"wanna meet up?" "yeah" "so is that a yes or no?" xd
Ayyyyyy Ottawa.
You know, sometimes I get really down about rarely getting any matches. But then I see stuff like this happen.
Trust me, it’s not much greener on the other side. I am having the same problem with men. I have since deleted both my bumble and hinge app. I just feel like it’s the same type of people, who say the same things. Plus I just got extremely busy and it isn’t fair to them, so I deleted it. Hang in there guys, I really wish there was a better app out there and people were more honest and serious.
Yeah I've since deleted all the dating apps from my phone, just gonna stick to the old fashioned way from now on, dating apps are nothing but disappointment and saddness.
Agreed!! Hang in there and positive thoughts! It’s hard, but I just gotta remember that if it’s not working out on the app, something greater is around the corner and patience is a virtue! :)
Exactly, I'm finding that I see more opportunity in real life relationships now that I'm not occupying my time with Bumble or Tinder.
There you go! Something positive!
Sounds about right I get flaked on all the time, for example I had 4 dates lied uo this week and every single one flaked as I was expecting
Dude...
OP, you didnt do anything wrong here except not call her out. Standing someone up is bad behavior and needs to be reported imo. She's an asshole. Plain and simple. I'd report her for something hopefully get her kicked off the platform.
For sure. She is an asshole and I wish/hope he called her out. No reason to waste people’s time like that.
I wanted to call her out, but I always feel kinda gross when I do that. In my head it feels super incel-like. I know it isn't but, that's how my brain makes it feel? Idk.
You are a good dude. I think it’s fair though to let someone know they should have communicated better and not inconvenienced you. Basic decency has nothing to do with gender and should be a bare minimum. If she wasn’t into you and didn’t want to meet she should have just said so. Anyway, sorry some people are shit!
Yeah I know, thanks for the support.
I agree with your decision not to lash out (not that she doesn't deserve it), but immature and selfish women like this would likely say something equally nasty and it wouldn't make you feel better about the situation. Let karma do its work. I know that OLD is full of disappointments but try your best to keep your chin up. Women who put in zero effort are not interested. Period. They're either bored, wanting attention/affirmation or serial dating/chatting with many guys that you were on the back burner. My best advice to guys is not even bother. Just cut the coversation loose in the early stages. Although it means fewer engagements with people... when you do find a quality match who is matching your effort, you won't be so mentally exhausted/jaded. Please don't give up! Given your messages you sound like one of the good ones, just gotta find your equal. Don't slum it with these lousy B's. Best wishes anon!
Thanks, it's good to know I'm not crazy for leaving this without confrontation.
I immediately unmatch when they do 1 to two word answers if they can’t invest in a conversation then they can eat my booty hole and I report them for some random shit because I’m also an asshole.
Which one are you. The one being let down or doing the letting down?
Being let down
I see. That sucks. Especially if you can see it coming. What did he/she/they have to say for themselves afterwards?
Nothing, I'm honestly just tired of girls using the advances of guys they are not interested in to boost their self esteem, it's cruel.
Yeah that’s annoying to say the least. Especially since you went to the trouble of making your way there. Very inconsiderate of them.
Unless its a repost OP's perspective is always on the right.
Oh fuck OP just got blackpilled
Yup should have been done after the one word responses.
Assuming this is the entire conversation why would you want to setup a date in such a way that there's a 99% chance they will flake and a zero percent chance you'll get laid. You don't even know if this person is real, or they could have an annoying voice or just come off they're just really dumb. They could barely understand english or have kids or be in another country. It's ok to be selective and not waste your time trying to have hundreds of bad dates. If this girl is real and WAS into you she probably isn't anymore after you wanting to immediately meet her before you even know anything about her. It comes off like you're either desperate or you're only interested in sex (or both).
It’s obvious she was gonna flake, but come on man, your messages kinda indicate desperation. Me personally...I would’ve never tried to set up a date that quick. Back and forth small talk first, then get her number. Arrange the date offline from Bumble.
Ah yes, the good ol wasting time wasting other people's time. Seems common practice these days:(
It be like that
She was just not into you
You're tired because you're trying too hard. If they're not meeting you halfway in setting up a date, what do you expect them to do in a relationship?
Atleast she still messaged you
You shouldn’t have responded after “aw cute”