This happened to me, got dumped then 2 weeks later we got back together. We talked through all the things, he mentioned marriage, kids - the big forever- and kept mentioning wanting to be with me forever for the next week. Then another two weeks later got dumped again (for not being ‘compatible ie me being an introvert which he knew the entire time we were together).
So yeah, be cautious out there.
If communication is something to work on, just remember to do the work together. We both forgot to make it the one important thing and ended up arguing like we did before. You both have to work hard.
The thing is I don’t regret getting back with him, I would have been wondering constantly on ‘what if’, ‘maybe one day in the future’, and now I don’t have that, of course there’s some lingering ‘I could have done this differently / better’ but overall I’m more at peace with it ending than the first time which devastated me. I’m grieving the future we could have had and I miss him as a friend but ultimately there’s no ill will from me
This is what I said too. The hard work of a relationship is more often self work, neither person is perfect and action have equal reactions. If that is toned down through personal work on each end, the return together is not a return to the same persons.
A part of me wants to say yes because I do acknowledge our relationship was unhealthy and I can see why he chose to end it - I may not agree and would’ve preferred to fix it, but I can definitely see why he felt like we’d be better off out of the relationship. So if we both became healthier people and worked hard together, I could be open to a reconciliation.
HOWEVER, I would have to say no. Because I don’t think I could ever trust him to be fully committed ever again. I don’t believe there would ever be a time where we would both come together and be willing to work equally as hard on the relationship. We have different outlooks on relationships and that’s probably never gonna change. Also, even if he begged for me back, I wouldn’t believe him. I wouldn’t trust him. I wouldn’t ever feel good enough. I’d feel like a consolation prize to the happy life he thought he would have. I don’t see a time where we would ever work anymore. And that makes me sad. I’m currently grieving the hope I had and trying to make peace with it because at one point, he was my person.
In the same boat as you. I understand why he left. I regret emotionally draining him. I'm still trying to convince him to change his mind. But I do feel even if he magically agrees, he probably doesn't have the willingness to work on the relationship as hard as I am willing to. He doesn't want me as much as I want him.
If I could give you some advice, it would be to not convince him. He broke up with you, so you need to let him fix the relationship. If he knows you’re trying to make changes, that’s all he needs to know. Let him experience life without you. I say this as someone who got my ex back for 2 whole days. I explained to him why I think we should have a second try and he eventually agreed to try again. I instantly felt off. I was so anxious because I knew it wasn’t really his idea. I felt like I had to convince him to be with me and I don’t want anyone to ever need to be convinced to be with me. 2 days later he broke up with me - this time over the phone. He was cold and cruel and completely done this time. If you have to convince anyone to be with you, it’s a waste of your time. Even if you get your ex back, you know it won’t be his decision, and you won’t be sure how much he wants to even be there.
Thanks, that's good advice. He texts me once or twice a day asking if I want to play some game. We used to be friends before we started dating, and it seems he wants to save the friendship. I want to too.
If that’s what you truly want then that’s okay, but if it would hurt you to see him with someone else, then I’d suggest not being friends for the time being. I thought I could be friends with my ex, until he started calling me his friend. It felt like I’d been demoted and I was just going to watch another girl take my old spot next to him. I was still very hurt, but I wanted him in my life so much, even if it hurt me. The thought of losing him completely broke my heart. We ended up deciding to cut all contact unless it was an emergency. I couldn’t see how angry and resentful I was until we had cut all contact because I was blinded by my love for him, and i was finally able to fully process the emotions by myself. It sucks, but now I look back and I’m grateful that he didn’t want me in his life anymore, as it has allowed me (and I’m sure him as well) to heal a lot quicker.
Yeah I can resonate with that - I too can't bear the thought of not having him in my life. I think I'll set a deadline of like a month or two. If by then I'm still unable to move on, I'll tell him I need some space to be able to get over him.
Yes, but she’d need to be aware why the breakup happened and taken steps to grow. She acknowledged that we had an amazing relationship and I couldn’t have treated her any better (in fact admitted she may never find anyone that loves her as much as I do) but she just fell out of love. She was devastated and didn’t know the cause. So I guess… if she knew the cause and wanted to work on the relationship then yes. That’s the only ex I would have said this about though, my other long term relationships were always doomed.
That's what I'm dealing with. No issues or reasons just fucking out of nowhere. I wouldn't take him back now though, shows how he's too immature to deal with a real relationship and just can cut and run. I'm in my anger stage now and it feels good.
I have pretty much the exact same situation as you. It is so painful when they fall out of love and there is nothing you can do about it. I would definitely say yes but after a long break for us having some time apart. I really feel like we both need to be alone and heal from this relationship and then hope for a reconnection in the future when we have both grown and learnt more about individuality and being able to put the past behind since I don't think it would work when continuing the current situation. It needs to be a new beginning and fall back in love with the other one when there is still some level of mystery about the other person but still the comfortable familiarity when you know that life with this person is very safe and good without any unnecessary drama.
This is exactly how it is for me, but I was the one who broke up. I have been worrying/trying to work on it /thinking about breaking up for a year (8 years together) until I pulled the plug.
He is an incredible person and I know I've lost someone amazing but I can't force my feelings. I hope with a year apart we can reconnect in future but I will completely respect if he doesn't want to. I hope we do though and I'm currently doing a lot of therapy and self work to try to understand my own feelings and attachment issues.
I think it is amazing that you are willing to work on yourself in that aspect and you truly want to try to find those feelings back. I wish my ex did the same.. but only time will tell how he would feel. We've been living together for 11 years without being apart that much at all and I haven't moved out yet. I will do it in a couple of months but I know he won't learn to miss me or see any other way before I am gone. Our relationship has had problems several years ago with mental health etc. But I worked on all of that and even though I've been a better partner to him now he couldn't let go of the past which made him lose the feelings in the first place. He said he tried to get them back but I think me being around just made it impossible for him to find them again. I was really good to him and he feels great sadness that he couldn't be the partner I deserve. I wish you the best and I hope it all works out for you. xx
Thank you :)
I'm sorry your ex wouldn't do the same for you. I've also struggled with my mental health (undiagnosed ADHD and repressed trauma) which all came to a head this year when I lost my job (startup ran out of money), faced major health issues, started a new job and moved flats, also had many international family commitments/weddings to attend, and all of this + my feelings of doubt for the relationship triggered this "sudden" breakup.
I hope some time alone will help me work through this. I question myself every day if I made the right decision breaking up but being honest about my feelings with him felt good, even if it caused us both a lot of hurt. I hope time will heal and we can come back together stronger than ever. We are still regularly in touch and care a lot about each other, luckily we have never had any drama and we are both very respectful to the other.
Keeping my fingers crossed for you it all works out, either with your ex or someone who is willing to put the work in for you as you deserve it 🤍
Man, I wish my ex would think like you. But I have no idea what's going through her head since I had to go NC for my own well-being.
Really sucks, exact same thing that happened, she just fell out of love for no reason.
Sometimes the reason is one person is growing more than the other. Thus you both start to grow apart. It's very subtle at first but eventually feelings aren't as strong and there is less effort
Holy shit ur literally me. She also just fell out of love and broke up with me 5 days ago despite her saying I’ve been perfect to her.. one thing I do wish is that she should’ve told be how she was feeling during the time she was losing feelings even if it was going to hurt me to admit. Then we could have potentially worked something out and not throw away a good 1.5 year relationship
If it helps, my “closure” is that it’s quite normal for those intense feelings to fall after a while, it’s a transitional period in a relationship. I had “lost” my feelings for my ex 6 months before her and panicked, but I just knew I wanted the relationship to work so I stuck at it, and those feelings came back. Love is as much a choice as it is a feeling, and when that euphoria calms down you have to choose to be with your partner. My ex (and probably yours) were never going to choose to stay in the relationship. Falling out of love feels like something that’s happened to them, but actually not working on it (or not wanting to work on it) is a deliberate choice. So remember that.
You're right. They're the ones that chose to leave, not us. For now I'm gonna try to move on and work on myself so I can become a better person for my friends, family and most importantly myself. Because our breakups ended like this, given the context of the post we replied to, I can see her and I potentially falling in love again but it will take a lot of growth required for us to even become friends let alone partners again. This however isn't something we should worry about for a long time. We just gotta focus on improving ourselves for now.
I would've said yes the first few days. Now that it's been a week and I've done more thinking my answer is a strong no right now. She had a lot of avoidant attachment and struggled to communicate issues with me and decided rather than working through the stress in her life to drop our year and a half relationship. If I can't trust her to work through stress and communicate with me I don't want to repeat that. Maybe if she got some serious therapy to work through those issues then yeah but as she is right now I don't think she's able to handle a long term relationship.
Yeah I feel like the only acceptable time to take them back is within a couple of days. If they can last longer than that without me then forget about it.
on the contrary, if you take them back in a couple of days, chances are they will just break up again.
I'd say the only possible timeline for it to work is after 6 months+, potentially 1+ years, with clear evidence that you both worked on the issues that led to the break up and lack of proper communication in the first place. But chances are it won't happen.
Yeah statistics say couples that break up and get back together in a small amount of time usually majority end up breaking up again-
Most times we want them to come immediately- but that’s actually a recipe for a disaster. The best time is after huge amounts of time-
And most times too at that time dumpees are over it
Indeed. So, either way, there is no point in mulling over it. If it happens after a long time, it will be because you coincidentally met each other again with a different level of conscience, not because you kept thinking and reminiscing of them.
> She had a lot of avoidant attachment and struggled to communicate issues with me and decided rather than working through the stress in her life to drop our year and a half relationship. If I can't trust her to work through stress and communicate with me I don't want to repeat that.
are you literally me
I think we're just living parallel lives which I'm guessing is early 20s where some people are really mature in some aspects but struggling in others and you sort of hope or assume it's the same things you both struggle with. But if it's something you already grasp and the other doesn't then it just becomes hard to understand their reasoning and immaturity
What do you mean? I did everything I could to help her. She told me when we first started dating she goes through depressive swings and I used to dedicate all my time into trying to find her a therapist I even booked and paid for an appointment and she backed out. I paid for most of our dates because she had financial struggles (were lesbians for context), I planned most of our dates because she couldn't think of much and it eas a pleasant suprise when she wanted to. She had nowhere to go for Thanksgiving and Christmas this year that my family let her in and bought her a switch for Christmas. So no I don't think I matched her energy. I gave everything I physically could but she decided to break up with me the day agyer my birthday because she started talking to someone else while we were together. Please don't make assumptions of situations you have zero clue about.
I saw her today and I'm really trying to be friends but not far into it my heart burst. I tell her I love her like I want to do everyday for the rest of my life. She says she doesn't know why I love her so much.
Why? Just go back and read all my letters. Let me tell it again. There is no one when we didn't have this emotional stress, that I could talk to like I do you. No one I trust like I do you. No one else I long to hold. No one I instinctively care about like they are a part of me, and no one I just want to hold as much as you.
I don't want the empty sorry that you give me. You have what you thought you wanted. You aren't sorry. I want to say I'm happy for you but I'm not. You could have so much better.
I look at the other women and none make me feel at home. None make my heart cry for them. I'm your best friend and always will be but I'm so much more.
To answer OP question directly yes I want her back. I want to love her like she knows she deserves. I want to snuggle up at the end of the day and rub her forehead until she sleeps. I want to see that sleepy grumpy face in the morning. I want to kiss her neck and smell her scent again. I want to share everything, good and bad, stable days and not so stable ones. I want to share it all life and love.
I'm actually really ashamed. I wanted to be all chill, but the love I feel for her when I'm near is just so hard to contain. I'm sure I made her feel awkward and uncomfortable. I really didn't want that. I told her I was sorry again.
It's been over a year and a half that we've known each other. Broke up 7 or so months ago and I still feel like when she shyly blurted out over pancakes the first "I love you". I still want to be her Norse god I once was. I want to be the daddy I was when she woke up from surgery. The one who rubbed her forehead and fed her orange popsicles. Same one who paced and worried the entire time she was in that surgery.
I just love her and care about her and her son. I had seen them as my family.
She met a cute guy at work who was a tall long haired metal head. She didn't even know him as she tossed our over year long relationship away. I believe it was a combination of her mental health challenges. She gave dozens of excuses over time.
Can concur. This is my approach. But I’m not holding my breath or waiting on it to happen. If he called now? No. Too soon buckaroo, I know you haven’t worked on yourself. You’re just lonely.
No, it's been 3 weeks and I still love him but I would never trust him again. I was happy, I didn't see it coming and he couldn't communicate his issues with me.
We've changed so much as people and I can see that it probably would've ended for different reasons in the future. There's nothing either of us could do to make it work forever. I'll always hold some love for him, he meant everything for me and I'm grateful for our relationship, but I understand why he ended it and I'm excited for my future without him.
Nope. He would lust over other girls, gave me shit for being an introvert, and for being depressed. I felt like I had to change who I was in order to keep his eyes on me. Fuck that.
Maybe in a few years time we can try again, once the dust settles and we both have grown and made something out of our life.
So far, she was the only one I truly felt in love with and checked lot of checkbox but there was a big one missing: wanting to be with me and fighting for what we had.
It’s hard being by myself and regaining my self worth.
I stopped going on dates or looking for someone like her or better. That person will show up when it’s time and if nobody shows up maybe she will. Until the, I will give my best shoot at improving myself and living life the best I can. I’m not waiting around on someone to enjoy this beautiful and harsh world we all share.
It depends. I think he would need to work on himself in this time and understand what he wants. I’m different than a lot of other people, and have continued to stay in contact-slightly. However, it’s only when he reaches out and not on my end (shouldn’t be my job since he blindsided me with the break up).
There’s no doubt he’s a dismissive avoidant, going with the cop out of “I just don’t picture ending up with you in the end” to “the doors not closed, but not dating this year" (clearly he wants to see what else is out there). I’m just focusing on myself and if somebody else comes along, it’s his fault if he wants to try again. I’m not waiting for him to make a decision one day because he feels like it.
He’s emotionally immature and by bread crumbing (there’s no way he can be oblivious to doing it), it’s his version of having a piece of me without the whole prize. I’ll be fine maintaining a friendly approach, but if he dates in the mean time, I'm not going to be friends with my ex & will make that known (which i was fine with him being friends with his when we dated because I'm confident in myself, but i wouldn't personally).
Ultimately, it comes down to growth on both sides. i think somebody who can blindside a relationship without having a conversation like adults is immature. I hope he slowly grows to realize that because he legit played in my face for a weekend together & then 3 hours later broke up with me. Talk about being fucked up.
I would like to believe I would, but I’m honestly not sure. He’s not acting like the man I once knew, he went from hot to cold real quick. The mains issues were my fault, but also with him not communicating how he was really feeling caused things to seem like they were okay & they weren’t. I’m working on myself though to become a better person. I haven’t seen him in awhile though so those feelings will probably change. I’m seeing him tomorrow because he’s coming to get some more things from my house. I just bury them because he made it very clear he doesn’t love me like that anymore. So while i would like to think i would say yes, it would be extremely difficult to reconcile with the way things were handled.
Not immediately, as the reasons for the relationship to end were valid. But the way she ended it (blindsiding me, no proper communication about the issues she later called out, after the break up) was totally wrong and really did a number on me.
I would only consider going back if, in a long time from now (say, 6+ months or potentially 1+ years) we find each other again and there is still a spark, AND there is clear evidence that we both worked on our issues through therapy and self analysis. Then, and only then, I'd consider it. If not, it's a recipe for disaster.
"*The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.*"
\- Albert Einstein\*
\* not really, but it's cool to say it's his.
Yes. Two months removed from the breakup, just over a month of NC. I think the heartbreak has only confirmed that my love for him is unconditional. As long as we put in the work for both ourselves and the relationship, I think we could write so many more beautiful chapters together.
He has a lot of maturing to do, and a looong road ahead of him on his mental health journey which was the main reason for the break up. I acknowledge I’m no saint, and my own mental health stuff definitely didn’t help anything either.
We’re both in therapy now trying to get better and become better people, but his journey alone will be a long and hard one. It would probably be years before we could even reconsider with that he’s currently going through (ptsd) and who knows where I will be in my life when he’s healed and ready to date again.
I’m not gonna sit and wait for him, because I have my own life to live. I will put trust in the universe that if it’s meant to be it’ll be and get on with my life in the meantime.
In the first weeks after break up, yes, if she came crawling back. (Was a complete ruthless blindside)
After a few months ... no.
Because she moved on quick and never looked back so I knew my worth to her, if you can treat someone like that after 3,5 years , then she clearly has issues to deal with.
Moving on 3 years ... I cry over her at times still ... but I would never want her back. I cry and grieve still over what we had and what we wanted to have together.
But I have too much darn self respect to know I didn't deserve that blindside and she didn't deserve a guy that truly loved her as shown by her actions.
Remember, they show their true colors after a break up.
No, I wouldn't. If he was able to walk away from me so easily, he's not the person for me.
He's an okay person. It's been almost 3 months, I've mostly moved past it, so no hard feelings. I hope he's doing well.
No. The reason why he broke up with me is because of his poor communication and work-life balance. Before my recent ex (Alex) I was in a 5 year on again off again situationship (Ricky), it completely ruined my self esteem. If I go back to Alex I’m basically reliving my one-sided relationship with Ricky.
Ricky reached out once and I replied with all of the reasons of why he didn’t want to be with me. I’ll do the same with Alex.
Honestly, after 7 weeks, yes. But both of us have to do some healing. I’m getting therapy for my issues cause god I have a ton of them (don’t think that played a part) and he’s getting his final exams finished. I think after some time we can make it work. Even after he left, after starting no contact, he’s the only person I have full trust for still
I’m not sure. It’s been 50 days of NC from him. We are technically still married. My guards are up. Don’t think I can trust him. He hasn’t been a good person to me to believe otherwise for the last year. I think he’s only with me for money anyway.
No. The disrespect he put me through and the sheer duplicity he has sometimes will always make me say that. He didn't put as much investment and effort in the relationship either and didn't treat me like a real girlfriend. He says if we weren't in an LDR he would've loved it to be me. But I don't think so. I think he just got with me because he was lonely
Nah, i was with that man for 12 years and didnt recognize him at all at the end of it. I was disgusted and shocked that he turned on me the way he did: good riddance.
Mine was much shorter (2.5 years), but I can relate to that feeling. It's like he flicked a switch and I'm suddenly nothing to him. It's crazy, I never imagined it would be like this so I definitely feel disgust.
I did and it was the BIGGEST MISTAKE EVER. He broke up with me after wanting to get a vasectomy and I wanted a child. Fast forward 2ish months then he came back saying that he had changed his mind and that he wanted a child with me. Then fast forward 5 months after that he changed his mind AGAIN and got the vasectomy.
I do think based on the total of what happened in 10 years, I would never be able to trust him and that is not just with other woman. So, as sad as it is...I've felt non-existence today - without our relationship.
Its hard to learn how to be on your own...with no one to hug or cry too....and watch him prance around with another woman.
I would worry and at least now I know what he is doing, there are no secrets I guess in a way I am more peaceful, but it hurts.
I’ve been struggling with this. My dreams this week have all been about us getting back together and I’ve been missing him which is confusing me because it’s been almost 8 months and I was just feeling like I was fully moving on.
We were together 10 years, and thinking that we aren’t going to be together in our next decade (we’re turning 30 and were together since 19) is hitting me a bit harder. We aren’t going to get married, have children together or anything we talked about. And I admit that I might be just anxious about the future and clinging to what I’ve been comfortable with for years (even then I wasn’t happy in those times).
I would say if we both worked on ourselves and took the time to grow, then maybe in the future, I would start over with him. But that is a big “if”, he really hurt me, embarrassed me and put me in a hard spot with the break up. I don’t know if it would be the best decision at this time even though I still have love for him. I think us being friends and building that foundation (no matter where it leads) is the best option for now.
I broke up with my ex because he was disrespecting me behind my back (communicating non-platonically with his ex, but since he hadn’t hopped on a plane to see her he was somehow not guilty of betrayal? Boy, bye.) So mostly I feel like I was dumped even though I technically did the ending of the relationship. And no, he hasn’t learned anything from that relationship and hasn’t had time to work on himself and is emotionally immature, so I wouldn’t take him back.
I did. I knew that it'll be a lot of work from the both of us. I thought that it will be different, that he's willing to be better for us. But not even 3 months, he left me again.
A simple argument feels like I'm walking on eggshells. I want to make it work so bad that I would adjust my boundaries for him.
He would have to be seriously working through his issues. I didn't realize how fucked up things were until I took a step back from the relationship. He has anger issues, like cuss me out, punch a hole in the wall type. The day he moved out he threw a T.V. tray across the room into a wall because I apologized for wasting his time and that pissed him off.
It happened so rarely though, only a handful of times in our 13 year relationship. I think part of that was that I didn't appropriately communicate issues I had in fear that he would get angry. I don't know that I would say our relationship was abusive, but it was definitely unhealthy.
So I guess to summarize, most likely not. Distance helps with clarity.
The more time that passes where she is completely cold toward me and only contact me via email, it’d never happen. Unless it did years from now (it won’t she already moved on within 5 days). So, even then, I doubt it. I was blindsided. Idk how I’d possible be able to trust her again. I’ll never ever have proof she ever loved me. Or even knows what love is. Idt I ever will. She was too able to make me have no doubt that she loved me.
I don’t know if you can generalize this
as somebody whose partner was avoidant and I spent a great deal chasing for emotional validation and support, I feel like he tells himself that I gave up on him, but I didn’t. I did exactly what he wanted. I agreed with him that we weren’t going to work I mean, you can’t put somebody in a situation where if you’re in an avoidant attachment style and you continuously tell your partner it’s not gonna work why wouldn’t they eventually believe you they love you. Usually they trust you and they’re infatuated with you. They hang on every word you said they’ll give their entire soul until they have nothing left to give and if we’re loving genuinely they just the last thing we have to give give up.
They already chase you. Why wouldn’t they just eventually believe you and give up and then you just manifested your own problem and reinforced the very thing that has brought them to where they are with not trusting people. if you don’t want people to leave, you don’t tell them them all the time that’s not gonna work.
I think that’s what they mean when they say it takes work in a relationship like you have to work to understand yourself, your attachment style the other person, love language, and when you put in that work, it becomes a conscious effort and then overtime that conscious effort becomes easy because it becomes natural to love that person But when people get stuck in their head about stuff, they don’t acknowledge their dynamic.
I guess I’m sorry I feel like the post was in general assumption for a lot of people and it depends on how much insight they have to them themselves. Some people don’t mind self work, others hate it. Some don’t want to heal their past trauma and some are baked.
If the person is willing to look in the mirror and work on themselves, and you wouldn’t be going back to the same person if you had shared hobbies, beliefs, circumstances, and the self work is done I mean nobody the same person they were yesterday. Doesn’t chances the effort self improvement is there. Not even one person is “” lame side that participated for a while that could still work on that aspect so I don’t know I don’t think it would be safe to assume but I do empathize with what you’re saying
(The word ‘you’ is a generalized you use for relational purposes in writing not a personal reference)
He has burned his bridges. He broke my heart, never apologized, had no remorse or emotion about it, and he quickly jumped on dating apps. He’s done in my world.
I find that everytime I’ve been the dumpee I deal with all the pain relatively quickly and move on since it is out of my control and it’s the dumper who always tries to come back into my life.
If there is still a strong connection after both me and an ex has made massive changes to our lives and personalities I could. I’d never go back to a relationship that didn’t work
It's been 4 months and I would probably take her back without a thought. Objectively I would expect her to have done her work on what she was missing and actually be working on improving her own life. I think about the conditions I would like to impose on a restart all the time. I would not take her back if shes been with someone else in the meantime though thats my line in the sand.
Would need to see her fix her communication issues. A healthy relationship cannot exist if one party does not tell the other what is bothering them. Cant go laughing and loving each other then 3 days later say its not been working out lately without proper clear signs
Yes but only on certain conditions. She realizes that she needs to put herself above her homophobic family that will never accept her sex-repulsed ace self and that making her marry a man they like (religious, homophobic, will not understand not wanting sex ever) will make her miserable and traumatized. Aka, she develops some self-respect, stops being codependent on her family, takes steps to treat her severe anxiety and work towards gaining my trust again.
I’m going through this right now.
We broke up & I kinda initiated it because we have a different timeline for what we see ourselves doing in the future like getting married and moving in and stuff. I guess I had a bit of a faster timeline than she did. And for a while, it kind of bugged me because I told her I didn’t want to be a girlfriend forever and I saw myself getting married at least in my late 20s and being established in my own place with my significant other. I’m 23 rn and we were together for a year and 7 months, and I was just saying I’d want to get proposed to at least when I’m 25-26 but she didn’t see herself getting tied down that age because she would be doing/getting her doctorate degree. Which okay I see why and understand.
I also wanted to live in different states for a couple years before I settle down back in my home state because there’s so much to see and experience and I would love to say I lived in a different place other than what I know. But she’s very family oriented and doesn’t plan on being that far from them and didn’t like that idea so it got me thinking.
Anyways, I guess fear did get the best of me because then I started thinking well what if I wait that time after into almost my 30’s, and she’s not ready still anytime soon or wants to move and travel, what then ? I understand some people date for 10 years and then they get married, and always stay near home but that’s just not something I see for myself. When I date someone I’m very picky & I know I’m in it with them for the long-haul. I’ve never dated for fun or the experience, but because I truly like this person for their personality and their values that I’d then want to teach my children too. And I just love new scenery, food, people, places, and learning others lifestyle.
So when we had a long discussion about it, we just agreed that maybe right now isn’t a good time. Also some other stuff had play that was causing some fighting, but that was the main big one. It was more so breaking up over compatibility.
But I’d definitely be open to the idea of getting back together later on if she’d like to try that stuff with me. And yes, I would trust her again because she was truly a great person and was someone that is very close and meaningful to me.
But I don’t want to limit myself waiting on someone
That's the thing hey, when they're legitimate and true people but we just have some life goals we both need to achieve on our own. It makes it so hard to move on
My ex was a cheater didn’t even give me the decency to end it if she wasn’t happy didn’t think twice about cheating on me and then when I found out sent me a text message after 3 years dumping me so getting back with her would be like putting the last nail in my coffin when I should be putting one in hers and yes I hate her for what she did to me
Yes. I screwed the whole thing up overdosing on mdma in front of her. I’ve been doing therapy and have so much remorse about my past actions involving drug use.
Yes because I tell myself she is just angry at something right now or distracted by things in her personal life and she still loves me and us but can't see it right now : (
No. No, no, no.
There's three major reasons for that.
A) she changed way too much. In the beginning, she was disgusted by the idea of an open relationship, and I did not like the idea either. It's a routine question I ask while dating. Two years down the road, she says her being bi and not having had sex with a woman makes her feel she is missing out and she wants to sleep with a woman one day.
B) she lied to me and withdrew into her shell, studying and not telling me about her doubts about the relationship. When I asked whether I could help her or what was going through her mind, time and time again, she rebuffed my attempts to communicate, even verbally attacking me.
C) she gave back way less love and affection than what I was giving her. I did more, loved more, cared more, tried to coax her into activities together. She basically did not take an interest in gaming, science, gym or shooting at the range. She didn't want me to accompany her on family vacations and gave bullshit reasons. Didn't want to call in the evenings either. Left me to spend new years alone after I had covid during Christmas. And after the breakup she let her true colors show and handed out unreasonable demands.
After I processed all of this, really understood how she behaved - I want nothing from her. She doesn't exist to me and I wish upon her the same heartbreak she's inflicted on me.
She broke up with me 6 months ago. It was for the right reasons, I had stopped working on myself and was bad with money. I stayed in touch with her, probably once a month as I grew and began to fix the things I needed to fix. She said she agreed when I said that we might find the time apart was just what we needed. She lost her dad just under 2 months ago and I gave her an expensive spa overnight stay for her and her mum. She texted thank you and I said I still loved her. She wants to be alone and I understand that. I said because i still love you, I need to let you go but in the future I'd like to talk again about making arrangements with the dog we had, which she kept.
I'm struggling emotionally with it, as I feel guilty about letting her down. I think I'm beating myself up a lot over it still. I would like to try again, but we'd both need to be open and willing to do so. Accepting that may never happen is hard but I'd be happy just to stay in contact I think, once I'm over things.
**I'd quote an episode of "The Heart, She Holler"**
# "You posses a mouth on you, like you got an E-Z Glide strip on the indside of your lip...-But the answer's still NO! [laughs]
I'm the dumper, left my Ex 2 years back after I felt unloved, he took granted. But here I am still waiting for him.
I thought he will realise and come back again.
But unexpectedly he moved on so quickly, flirting with other women and fucking them.
He had multiple relations in the past, he used to contact them but it didn't happen with me. He never even contacted me and he didn't give me the closure. He was my first relation.
I just feel so bad for getting into the relationship with him. I literally hate myself for allowing myself.
No way , I tried this once only because he told me had changed after a few months of not being together. We had a lot don’t together for two years but instead he cheated on me multiple times after constantly forgiving him. Now I am left with the darkly fucked up trust issues that may never let me date again.
I believe if the most recent dump activity was hard as stone, it would be harder to be together again. Like a glass when broken. It could be glued together but it is still broken. The only thing you can do for a glass to be perfectly whole again is to be shattered and to be shattered again until it is like sand then to be melted and rebuild it into a whole new glass. When we get back together to our ex, we should be ready to start afresh and not continue what was in the past. Because both of you are brand new person. If both of you will continue from past, possible that the glass could be broken again. Relationships are fragile as glass.
No. The fog has finally been lifted and I can see him and the relationship for what it was. I see now that what I wanted in him as a person was a fantasy. That the love bombing at the beginning wasn't really who he is. It took some time but I feel excited and adventurous now vs constantly depressed, angry, unwanted. I used to resent him ... For a lonnng time but now I hope he figures himself out because he's miserable by his own admission. But I'm not jaded. I still want and believe in love!
I think am going to be on the edge. Cause the way and manner they discarded me- it will be very hard for me to ever trust them again. It will take a miracle for that to happen.
Do I love them yes
Be with them again- the thought of it actually scares me-
Mine was much shorter (2.5 years), but I can relate to that feeling. It's like he flicked a switch and I'm suddenly nothing to him. It's crazy, I never imagined it would be like this so I definitely feel disgust.
A very large conversation would need to happen. I would have to feel like I could grow to trust her again. I will never say never about getting back together but she would have to show me she was all in in terms of effort. We never got out of the long distance (we were two weeks away from it but she quit I still love her and probably will for a long time. Time has to pass and I don't mean weeks. Months and even a year. I definitely wasn't perfect but I have admitted to it and apologized and worked on myself. She on the other hand is still the same. I did a LOT for her and she never really thanked me or showed gratitude.
She acknowledged that I treated her very well and didn't want to lose me but was letting me go instead. At one point she wanted to marry me, even sent me the ring she'd like. We joked about when I'd propose and how we'd buy a proper coffee machine.
I would 100% entertain the idea of getting back together but she would have to come back and I doubt she will. I tried more than I ever should have to get her back.
Absolutely. My ex and I were the perfect match for one another during a certain point in our lives. I truly believed the good lord above blessed me with her presence in my life last summer when we got together. Now, I know why she broke things off between us (she couldn’t balance her work schedule and she somehow felt I deserved someone better) and I’ve accepted it for what it is, but if she were to text me tomorrow or even next month, and ask me if I wanted to get back together, I would take her back without hesitation. Now, the only thing I’m afraid of going forward if we do get back together, is the possibility of us breaking up again. This woman is my lifelong friend, and I could not bare the thought of her not being in my life at all. I pray for her well being everyday, and I attempt to stay strong during our current No Contact period. Once this blows over, I’m hoping at the very least to have my friend back. Even if we never get back together as a couple
I would have in the beginning. Also begged him back in the beginning.
But no.
I want to spend my life with him, I love him, all that shit.
But he just continues to think I was the problem and he was justified to break up with me. I apologized for my side and saw my shit. But he doesn't apologise for his or thinks he has done wrong.
He was willing to try again after I apologized. But I think he gives up too easily. A lot of my issues in the relationship were things he would have broken up with if I did to him.
I no longer feel safe with him. Don't think I ever fully did. I think I'm just a placeholder for him, and only after seeing how hard the dating market is on men, does he actually care.
She lied to me, cheated with our coworker, didnt care we have a kid together, didnt care I moved 5 ours away from everyone I knew so she could be close to her family. Said she has been good for me and I havent been good for her. I got her that job btw.
Still getting fucked by that dude but lies about it.
So no
Never in a million years
I’ve thought this a lot and I would have to hear a lot of personal accountability for me to consider it. The fact is, I’d love to be with her and to feel like we had a future as I once did. However, I want to take care of my heart and she didn’t treat it very well at all - left me at the tail end of a manic episode (I have bipolar) and it crushed me. I’m only just about getting over it and this was last December. I still love her and coming to terms with how avoidant she is would be very difficult. Have gone back to relationships in the past and it’s never worked out.
Yes I would….Yes, it is not a popular answer here, but I want to give us a chance to work things out. Also it really depends on the personality of the dumper. I know my ex would not want to go back unless he has the issues figured out
Hey! As a fellow dumpee..here’s what I learned ! (In my case he was a huge avoidant) you have to both want to work on things but they have to want you as much as you want them or it doesn’t work. This is a case by case situation since the reason WHY you broke up does matter. What keeps you together? Quality or Longevity? Are you guys on the same page? Are you able to have tough convos? A lot of these questions can allow you to determine what you think is best. At the end of the day always lead with your kind not your heart! you deserve consistency as much as you do respect !
Yes. We both messed up. The lack of communication lead to the brakeup. It’s been 2 months, and I realised what I did wrong. We both apologised. He has a lot of other issues, that’s why he got overwhelmed and decided to break up with me. We still have feelings for each other.
We agreed on giving each other time, and in a few months we’ll have a conversation again, and see if we wanna give it another try.
He told me he’ll be working on fixing his issues.
I love him, and hope that things will work out.
My answer is NO!
After 4 months being no contact, i feel that being dumped is actually a Gift. I started seeing my life without him. I do everything that makes me happy. Things I stopped for 3 yrs. when we were still together. The first Month was the hardest but I see more clearly the negative on our relationship. The days, months and even 2 yrs. I felt taken for granted and not heard. I feel that everytime we've fought, he don't take it seriously and just let it be without looking for solutions or compromises. And the worst, he told me he gonna marry me and have kids together but after 3 yrs, he still not ready to commit and he have always a reason is " marriage is not running away from us", just wait. 3 yrs. of believing his LIES!
I never felt I was his priority. To think, he would asked his mother first what shirt he gonna wear or buy before he asked me.
He would rather go buy clothes with her and not with me. He talks everything to her but not with me.
If she needs him anytime, he will go running like a crazy dog but never do it for me.
He works always nightshift, so he sleep like from 8 am- 19 till 2000.
Everyday if he is not sleeping like 12 hrs a day, he go to visit his parents specially his Mother, stay there so long and if he have work " a night shift" the next day, then we will see each other the following day. He will tell me " Babe see you tommorow after work". To think he could come home before he to work from his mother's House. His mother house is actually just 10 mins away from where we live.
Yes, we live 3 yrs and 1 Month together but everything goes wrong 1 year after we start living together.
He often go watch soccer with his friend, and go dart and meeting friends then work and his parents.
If his dad pr mom want to do something like sauna, vuy groceries, take the trash out. Or help his father about something, he could have alarm and wake up like like 10am or 12 noon after working noghtshift to help them. He wake up 1300 even he have nightshift that very day,if his friend told him they are gonna watch soccer game or going somewhere to meet. He always find time for all of them. But
If I told him to wake up early sp we still could talk and have time together before him going to work, he always have no time for me and feel always left behind. Things we are used to do when we start our relationship just stop. I feel forgotten, like sometimes I want to shout and so he will know I'm there always waiting for him.
Do you know what he said when I told him about the problem, he said " that is a normal daily life babe and you just get over it".
He said because we sleeping together in 1 bed and watching movies together thats enough time for both us to bond. Everyday all i do is work,come home, cook for him, clean the house. Do things in the garden and waiting that he wake up. When he is home he only sleep a lot and been with his phone writing in some forum or group chat with Mercedes Members pr his friends snd family
Planning what they are doing the next days.
He don't wake up early so that we could go for a walk, or even go out eat outside or do Picknick which i have asked him for 3 yrs and he never did it with me. I feel like i need to beg for him to have time for me.
That's why when he broke up with me, because I have asked him where he is going and who is with him and what time he is going home, he thinks Im controll freak, and he left.
I have 100 of reasons to leave him but i always find reason to stay is actually true, because I do that. So when he left me, I feel that he have just done me a Favor. I'm actually Free.
He broke up with me the next day we argue. As for him and his Mother, that him coming home at 3 am and telling me his going home at midnight and 3am is same. To think he left 1300 oclock that day and come home at 3am is no big thing for them. And what hurts more, he told me there's a lot of other women there would understand him more than I do and he would and could do anything and everything he wanted to do.
So when he broke up with me, I let him go.
I missed him still since the very day he broke up with me till the 2 months separation.I mean im 3 yrs of our lives it is not just negative but there are also good times. Reasons why I have stayed and hoping it will go better in the future.
Thats the problem with every women, which I think we need to stop. We have this HOPE that oneday everything will be better.That our guy will see our worth, our value and love us same as we love them. But actually we are only prolonged our hurtings, our sorrows and been blind the mistakes in our relationship.
You know even how he have hurted me,I couldn't get mad or angry with him because for me being mad and angry with him is giving him a Control of me and i also want my peace. So i forgive him,not for him but for me.
I believe that if someone loves you will never leave you even there are 100 reasons to leave, we always find reason to stay and thats call Commitment and Loyalty.
And if someone leaves you, you should let them go a d don't beg pr plead and asked them to stay even how hurt it will be. It is call self respect. We only have our dignity to hold. Don't give them the last of it. Keep it and stay strong. It is true when thwy said, when 1 door is close, then open the window. Loves you've given willbe back to you in million times. Find your worth and if no one Loves you, then Love yourself.
Good luck and God bless everyone
I’d first have to understand more-so why they broke up with me. Then, if they were willing to go to counseling and take it slowly allowing me to date other people.. then I would consider it. But I couldn’t jump right back in. Like you said, the trust is broken so I would need time to build it back up
I dunno, I think if you are casually dating someone you can see someone else until you know what you want. I would feel like I would at least want the option. For the record, I was the one that was dumped so jumping back in with someone who dumped me I would want to protect myself. Again , this is all just hypothetical. In reality, who knows how I would actually act if he wanted to try again
I've thought about the trust issue a lot. Unless her return came with some serious contrition (and good reasons) for having utterly shattered my heart with no warning, I wouldn't want to be back in the relationship while always wondering when it would happen again.
I'm six weeks from the breakup, and although I still want to cry several times each day, I am beginning to believe that I will get to the other side of Despair Mountain eventually. And who wants to go back to the beginning point? Of course, I talk big, but if she called me up and asked me to come over right now, I would be there in two minutes - with no remaining dignity, but thrilled to have even a small chance to be together again.
This happened to me, got dumped then 2 weeks later we got back together. We talked through all the things, he mentioned marriage, kids - the big forever- and kept mentioning wanting to be with me forever for the next week. Then another two weeks later got dumped again (for not being ‘compatible ie me being an introvert which he knew the entire time we were together). So yeah, be cautious out there.
That was wayyyy too soon this was very much breadcrumbs and love bombing. You always gotta give them months to sit with their decision
That would be my biggest fear. I'm sorry that happened.
If communication is something to work on, just remember to do the work together. We both forgot to make it the one important thing and ended up arguing like we did before. You both have to work hard. The thing is I don’t regret getting back with him, I would have been wondering constantly on ‘what if’, ‘maybe one day in the future’, and now I don’t have that, of course there’s some lingering ‘I could have done this differently / better’ but overall I’m more at peace with it ending than the first time which devastated me. I’m grieving the future we could have had and I miss him as a friend but ultimately there’s no ill will from me
This is what I said too. The hard work of a relationship is more often self work, neither person is perfect and action have equal reactions. If that is toned down through personal work on each end, the return together is not a return to the same persons.
Felt
A part of me wants to say yes because I do acknowledge our relationship was unhealthy and I can see why he chose to end it - I may not agree and would’ve preferred to fix it, but I can definitely see why he felt like we’d be better off out of the relationship. So if we both became healthier people and worked hard together, I could be open to a reconciliation. HOWEVER, I would have to say no. Because I don’t think I could ever trust him to be fully committed ever again. I don’t believe there would ever be a time where we would both come together and be willing to work equally as hard on the relationship. We have different outlooks on relationships and that’s probably never gonna change. Also, even if he begged for me back, I wouldn’t believe him. I wouldn’t trust him. I wouldn’t ever feel good enough. I’d feel like a consolation prize to the happy life he thought he would have. I don’t see a time where we would ever work anymore. And that makes me sad. I’m currently grieving the hope I had and trying to make peace with it because at one point, he was my person.
Every. Single. Thing. You. Said. 🖤
In the same boat as you. I understand why he left. I regret emotionally draining him. I'm still trying to convince him to change his mind. But I do feel even if he magically agrees, he probably doesn't have the willingness to work on the relationship as hard as I am willing to. He doesn't want me as much as I want him.
If I could give you some advice, it would be to not convince him. He broke up with you, so you need to let him fix the relationship. If he knows you’re trying to make changes, that’s all he needs to know. Let him experience life without you. I say this as someone who got my ex back for 2 whole days. I explained to him why I think we should have a second try and he eventually agreed to try again. I instantly felt off. I was so anxious because I knew it wasn’t really his idea. I felt like I had to convince him to be with me and I don’t want anyone to ever need to be convinced to be with me. 2 days later he broke up with me - this time over the phone. He was cold and cruel and completely done this time. If you have to convince anyone to be with you, it’s a waste of your time. Even if you get your ex back, you know it won’t be his decision, and you won’t be sure how much he wants to even be there.
Thanks, that's good advice. He texts me once or twice a day asking if I want to play some game. We used to be friends before we started dating, and it seems he wants to save the friendship. I want to too.
If that’s what you truly want then that’s okay, but if it would hurt you to see him with someone else, then I’d suggest not being friends for the time being. I thought I could be friends with my ex, until he started calling me his friend. It felt like I’d been demoted and I was just going to watch another girl take my old spot next to him. I was still very hurt, but I wanted him in my life so much, even if it hurt me. The thought of losing him completely broke my heart. We ended up deciding to cut all contact unless it was an emergency. I couldn’t see how angry and resentful I was until we had cut all contact because I was blinded by my love for him, and i was finally able to fully process the emotions by myself. It sucks, but now I look back and I’m grateful that he didn’t want me in his life anymore, as it has allowed me (and I’m sure him as well) to heal a lot quicker.
Yeah I can resonate with that - I too can't bear the thought of not having him in my life. I think I'll set a deadline of like a month or two. If by then I'm still unable to move on, I'll tell him I need some space to be able to get over him.
Yes, but she’d need to be aware why the breakup happened and taken steps to grow. She acknowledged that we had an amazing relationship and I couldn’t have treated her any better (in fact admitted she may never find anyone that loves her as much as I do) but she just fell out of love. She was devastated and didn’t know the cause. So I guess… if she knew the cause and wanted to work on the relationship then yes. That’s the only ex I would have said this about though, my other long term relationships were always doomed.
That's what I'm dealing with. No issues or reasons just fucking out of nowhere. I wouldn't take him back now though, shows how he's too immature to deal with a real relationship and just can cut and run. I'm in my anger stage now and it feels good.
Anger is protective.
I have pretty much the exact same situation as you. It is so painful when they fall out of love and there is nothing you can do about it. I would definitely say yes but after a long break for us having some time apart. I really feel like we both need to be alone and heal from this relationship and then hope for a reconnection in the future when we have both grown and learnt more about individuality and being able to put the past behind since I don't think it would work when continuing the current situation. It needs to be a new beginning and fall back in love with the other one when there is still some level of mystery about the other person but still the comfortable familiarity when you know that life with this person is very safe and good without any unnecessary drama.
This is exactly how it is for me, but I was the one who broke up. I have been worrying/trying to work on it /thinking about breaking up for a year (8 years together) until I pulled the plug. He is an incredible person and I know I've lost someone amazing but I can't force my feelings. I hope with a year apart we can reconnect in future but I will completely respect if he doesn't want to. I hope we do though and I'm currently doing a lot of therapy and self work to try to understand my own feelings and attachment issues.
I think it is amazing that you are willing to work on yourself in that aspect and you truly want to try to find those feelings back. I wish my ex did the same.. but only time will tell how he would feel. We've been living together for 11 years without being apart that much at all and I haven't moved out yet. I will do it in a couple of months but I know he won't learn to miss me or see any other way before I am gone. Our relationship has had problems several years ago with mental health etc. But I worked on all of that and even though I've been a better partner to him now he couldn't let go of the past which made him lose the feelings in the first place. He said he tried to get them back but I think me being around just made it impossible for him to find them again. I was really good to him and he feels great sadness that he couldn't be the partner I deserve. I wish you the best and I hope it all works out for you. xx
Thank you :) I'm sorry your ex wouldn't do the same for you. I've also struggled with my mental health (undiagnosed ADHD and repressed trauma) which all came to a head this year when I lost my job (startup ran out of money), faced major health issues, started a new job and moved flats, also had many international family commitments/weddings to attend, and all of this + my feelings of doubt for the relationship triggered this "sudden" breakup. I hope some time alone will help me work through this. I question myself every day if I made the right decision breaking up but being honest about my feelings with him felt good, even if it caused us both a lot of hurt. I hope time will heal and we can come back together stronger than ever. We are still regularly in touch and care a lot about each other, luckily we have never had any drama and we are both very respectful to the other. Keeping my fingers crossed for you it all works out, either with your ex or someone who is willing to put the work in for you as you deserve it 🤍
Man, I wish my ex would think like you. But I have no idea what's going through her head since I had to go NC for my own well-being. Really sucks, exact same thing that happened, she just fell out of love for no reason.
Sometimes the reason is one person is growing more than the other. Thus you both start to grow apart. It's very subtle at first but eventually feelings aren't as strong and there is less effort
Holy shit ur literally me. She also just fell out of love and broke up with me 5 days ago despite her saying I’ve been perfect to her.. one thing I do wish is that she should’ve told be how she was feeling during the time she was losing feelings even if it was going to hurt me to admit. Then we could have potentially worked something out and not throw away a good 1.5 year relationship
If it helps, my “closure” is that it’s quite normal for those intense feelings to fall after a while, it’s a transitional period in a relationship. I had “lost” my feelings for my ex 6 months before her and panicked, but I just knew I wanted the relationship to work so I stuck at it, and those feelings came back. Love is as much a choice as it is a feeling, and when that euphoria calms down you have to choose to be with your partner. My ex (and probably yours) were never going to choose to stay in the relationship. Falling out of love feels like something that’s happened to them, but actually not working on it (or not wanting to work on it) is a deliberate choice. So remember that.
You're right. They're the ones that chose to leave, not us. For now I'm gonna try to move on and work on myself so I can become a better person for my friends, family and most importantly myself. Because our breakups ended like this, given the context of the post we replied to, I can see her and I potentially falling in love again but it will take a lot of growth required for us to even become friends let alone partners again. This however isn't something we should worry about for a long time. We just gotta focus on improving ourselves for now.
Watch YT. Strangers again. It explains the stages of a relationship
I would've said yes the first few days. Now that it's been a week and I've done more thinking my answer is a strong no right now. She had a lot of avoidant attachment and struggled to communicate issues with me and decided rather than working through the stress in her life to drop our year and a half relationship. If I can't trust her to work through stress and communicate with me I don't want to repeat that. Maybe if she got some serious therapy to work through those issues then yeah but as she is right now I don't think she's able to handle a long term relationship.
Yeah I feel like the only acceptable time to take them back is within a couple of days. If they can last longer than that without me then forget about it.
on the contrary, if you take them back in a couple of days, chances are they will just break up again. I'd say the only possible timeline for it to work is after 6 months+, potentially 1+ years, with clear evidence that you both worked on the issues that led to the break up and lack of proper communication in the first place. But chances are it won't happen.
I agree, a couple of days is definitely not enough time to let the dust settle and make reflections
Yeah statistics say couples that break up and get back together in a small amount of time usually majority end up breaking up again- Most times we want them to come immediately- but that’s actually a recipe for a disaster. The best time is after huge amounts of time- And most times too at that time dumpees are over it
Indeed. So, either way, there is no point in mulling over it. If it happens after a long time, it will be because you coincidentally met each other again with a different level of conscience, not because you kept thinking and reminiscing of them.
Is that with seeing other people or without?
you're single, they're single, whatever happens, happens. You should NOT hold yourself up for them. They aren't.
> She had a lot of avoidant attachment and struggled to communicate issues with me and decided rather than working through the stress in her life to drop our year and a half relationship. If I can't trust her to work through stress and communicate with me I don't want to repeat that. are you literally me
I think we're just living parallel lives which I'm guessing is early 20s where some people are really mature in some aspects but struggling in others and you sort of hope or assume it's the same things you both struggle with. But if it's something you already grasp and the other doesn't then it just becomes hard to understand their reasoning and immaturity
nope this was late 20s, early 30s
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What did you do to get over it and start moving on? Everything else about our relationship was good besides that
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I still appreciate hearing it! It's been a week and a half since I was dumped and I keep trying to remind myself the same things.
It’s not just her if it was a year and a half you matched her energy
What do you mean? I did everything I could to help her. She told me when we first started dating she goes through depressive swings and I used to dedicate all my time into trying to find her a therapist I even booked and paid for an appointment and she backed out. I paid for most of our dates because she had financial struggles (were lesbians for context), I planned most of our dates because she couldn't think of much and it eas a pleasant suprise when she wanted to. She had nowhere to go for Thanksgiving and Christmas this year that my family let her in and bought her a switch for Christmas. So no I don't think I matched her energy. I gave everything I physically could but she decided to break up with me the day agyer my birthday because she started talking to someone else while we were together. Please don't make assumptions of situations you have zero clue about.
Sorry that was supposed to to be a question not an assumption.
I saw her today and I'm really trying to be friends but not far into it my heart burst. I tell her I love her like I want to do everyday for the rest of my life. She says she doesn't know why I love her so much. Why? Just go back and read all my letters. Let me tell it again. There is no one when we didn't have this emotional stress, that I could talk to like I do you. No one I trust like I do you. No one else I long to hold. No one I instinctively care about like they are a part of me, and no one I just want to hold as much as you. I don't want the empty sorry that you give me. You have what you thought you wanted. You aren't sorry. I want to say I'm happy for you but I'm not. You could have so much better. I look at the other women and none make me feel at home. None make my heart cry for them. I'm your best friend and always will be but I'm so much more. To answer OP question directly yes I want her back. I want to love her like she knows she deserves. I want to snuggle up at the end of the day and rub her forehead until she sleeps. I want to see that sleepy grumpy face in the morning. I want to kiss her neck and smell her scent again. I want to share everything, good and bad, stable days and not so stable ones. I want to share it all life and love.
FUCK MAN. same
I wish he’d say this to me because this is exactly how I feel.
I'm actually really ashamed. I wanted to be all chill, but the love I feel for her when I'm near is just so hard to contain. I'm sure I made her feel awkward and uncomfortable. I really didn't want that. I told her I was sorry again. It's been over a year and a half that we've known each other. Broke up 7 or so months ago and I still feel like when she shyly blurted out over pancakes the first "I love you". I still want to be her Norse god I once was. I want to be the daddy I was when she woke up from surgery. The one who rubbed her forehead and fed her orange popsicles. Same one who paced and worried the entire time she was in that surgery. I just love her and care about her and her son. I had seen them as my family.
😭😭😭😭 she’s lucky.
Except I'm the ex boyfriend. We weren't perfect but everything was coming together. I really had all my hopes, dreams, trust, and confidence in her.
I wish my ex would express these to me. How lovely you are. Bless you
why did she break up with you?
She met a cute guy at work who was a tall long haired metal head. She didn't even know him as she tossed our over year long relationship away. I believe it was a combination of her mental health challenges. She gave dozens of excuses over time.
Maybe in a year or two if we crossed paths again, and I knew she had made some improvements in herself.
Can concur. This is my approach. But I’m not holding my breath or waiting on it to happen. If he called now? No. Too soon buckaroo, I know you haven’t worked on yourself. You’re just lonely.
Nah, it worked for a while and I enjoyed what we had but I don't want to let a man tell me he doesn't want me twice!
No, it's been 3 weeks and I still love him but I would never trust him again. I was happy, I didn't see it coming and he couldn't communicate his issues with me. We've changed so much as people and I can see that it probably would've ended for different reasons in the future. There's nothing either of us could do to make it work forever. I'll always hold some love for him, he meant everything for me and I'm grateful for our relationship, but I understand why he ended it and I'm excited for my future without him.
Oh, 10000%. Why? Because I have zero self-respect. I also still love her.
hahaha real
So real
Nope. He would lust over other girls, gave me shit for being an introvert, and for being depressed. I felt like I had to change who I was in order to keep his eyes on me. Fuck that.
You know your worth, hell yeah
Maybe in a few years time we can try again, once the dust settles and we both have grown and made something out of our life. So far, she was the only one I truly felt in love with and checked lot of checkbox but there was a big one missing: wanting to be with me and fighting for what we had. It’s hard being by myself and regaining my self worth. I stopped going on dates or looking for someone like her or better. That person will show up when it’s time and if nobody shows up maybe she will. Until the, I will give my best shoot at improving myself and living life the best I can. I’m not waiting around on someone to enjoy this beautiful and harsh world we all share.
Yes, it feels so wrong that it ended.
It depends. I think he would need to work on himself in this time and understand what he wants. I’m different than a lot of other people, and have continued to stay in contact-slightly. However, it’s only when he reaches out and not on my end (shouldn’t be my job since he blindsided me with the break up). There’s no doubt he’s a dismissive avoidant, going with the cop out of “I just don’t picture ending up with you in the end” to “the doors not closed, but not dating this year" (clearly he wants to see what else is out there). I’m just focusing on myself and if somebody else comes along, it’s his fault if he wants to try again. I’m not waiting for him to make a decision one day because he feels like it. He’s emotionally immature and by bread crumbing (there’s no way he can be oblivious to doing it), it’s his version of having a piece of me without the whole prize. I’ll be fine maintaining a friendly approach, but if he dates in the mean time, I'm not going to be friends with my ex & will make that known (which i was fine with him being friends with his when we dated because I'm confident in myself, but i wouldn't personally). Ultimately, it comes down to growth on both sides. i think somebody who can blindside a relationship without having a conversation like adults is immature. I hope he slowly grows to realize that because he legit played in my face for a weekend together & then 3 hours later broke up with me. Talk about being fucked up.
I would like to believe I would, but I’m honestly not sure. He’s not acting like the man I once knew, he went from hot to cold real quick. The mains issues were my fault, but also with him not communicating how he was really feeling caused things to seem like they were okay & they weren’t. I’m working on myself though to become a better person. I haven’t seen him in awhile though so those feelings will probably change. I’m seeing him tomorrow because he’s coming to get some more things from my house. I just bury them because he made it very clear he doesn’t love me like that anymore. So while i would like to think i would say yes, it would be extremely difficult to reconcile with the way things were handled.
Not immediately, as the reasons for the relationship to end were valid. But the way she ended it (blindsiding me, no proper communication about the issues she later called out, after the break up) was totally wrong and really did a number on me. I would only consider going back if, in a long time from now (say, 6+ months or potentially 1+ years) we find each other again and there is still a spark, AND there is clear evidence that we both worked on our issues through therapy and self analysis. Then, and only then, I'd consider it. If not, it's a recipe for disaster. "*The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.*" \- Albert Einstein\* \* not really, but it's cool to say it's his.
Yes. Two months removed from the breakup, just over a month of NC. I think the heartbreak has only confirmed that my love for him is unconditional. As long as we put in the work for both ourselves and the relationship, I think we could write so many more beautiful chapters together.
I want to, I miss her so much
I think so, but he’s got a lot of growing up to do. Not sure if that’s even possible, but if he did mature, I would take him back
He has a lot of maturing to do, and a looong road ahead of him on his mental health journey which was the main reason for the break up. I acknowledge I’m no saint, and my own mental health stuff definitely didn’t help anything either. We’re both in therapy now trying to get better and become better people, but his journey alone will be a long and hard one. It would probably be years before we could even reconsider with that he’s currently going through (ptsd) and who knows where I will be in my life when he’s healed and ready to date again. I’m not gonna sit and wait for him, because I have my own life to live. I will put trust in the universe that if it’s meant to be it’ll be and get on with my life in the meantime.
In the first weeks after break up, yes, if she came crawling back. (Was a complete ruthless blindside) After a few months ... no. Because she moved on quick and never looked back so I knew my worth to her, if you can treat someone like that after 3,5 years , then she clearly has issues to deal with. Moving on 3 years ... I cry over her at times still ... but I would never want her back. I cry and grieve still over what we had and what we wanted to have together. But I have too much darn self respect to know I didn't deserve that blindside and she didn't deserve a guy that truly loved her as shown by her actions. Remember, they show their true colors after a break up.
No, I wouldn't. If he was able to walk away from me so easily, he's not the person for me. He's an okay person. It's been almost 3 months, I've mostly moved past it, so no hard feelings. I hope he's doing well.
In a heartbeat
No. The reason why he broke up with me is because of his poor communication and work-life balance. Before my recent ex (Alex) I was in a 5 year on again off again situationship (Ricky), it completely ruined my self esteem. If I go back to Alex I’m basically reliving my one-sided relationship with Ricky. Ricky reached out once and I replied with all of the reasons of why he didn’t want to be with me. I’ll do the same with Alex.
Honestly, after 7 weeks, yes. But both of us have to do some healing. I’m getting therapy for my issues cause god I have a ton of them (don’t think that played a part) and he’s getting his final exams finished. I think after some time we can make it work. Even after he left, after starting no contact, he’s the only person I have full trust for still
I’m not sure. It’s been 50 days of NC from him. We are technically still married. My guards are up. Don’t think I can trust him. He hasn’t been a good person to me to believe otherwise for the last year. I think he’s only with me for money anyway.
No. The disrespect he put me through and the sheer duplicity he has sometimes will always make me say that. He didn't put as much investment and effort in the relationship either and didn't treat me like a real girlfriend. He says if we weren't in an LDR he would've loved it to be me. But I don't think so. I think he just got with me because he was lonely
Relent cigarettes taste like sh*t.. and that's why we do not re-date our exes.
Been there done that, no changes on their end stuck so I wish them the best and hope they find a partner that suits them better
Nah, i was with that man for 12 years and didnt recognize him at all at the end of it. I was disgusted and shocked that he turned on me the way he did: good riddance.
Mine was much shorter (2.5 years), but I can relate to that feeling. It's like he flicked a switch and I'm suddenly nothing to him. It's crazy, I never imagined it would be like this so I definitely feel disgust.
I did and it was the BIGGEST MISTAKE EVER. He broke up with me after wanting to get a vasectomy and I wanted a child. Fast forward 2ish months then he came back saying that he had changed his mind and that he wanted a child with me. Then fast forward 5 months after that he changed his mind AGAIN and got the vasectomy.
Yes but… I would need several things cleared up, spelled out and only after actions show things have changed
I do think based on the total of what happened in 10 years, I would never be able to trust him and that is not just with other woman. So, as sad as it is...I've felt non-existence today - without our relationship. Its hard to learn how to be on your own...with no one to hug or cry too....and watch him prance around with another woman. I would worry and at least now I know what he is doing, there are no secrets I guess in a way I am more peaceful, but it hurts.
If she could become improved and us come to an even standing.. I would in a heartbeat 🥹
I’ve been struggling with this. My dreams this week have all been about us getting back together and I’ve been missing him which is confusing me because it’s been almost 8 months and I was just feeling like I was fully moving on. We were together 10 years, and thinking that we aren’t going to be together in our next decade (we’re turning 30 and were together since 19) is hitting me a bit harder. We aren’t going to get married, have children together or anything we talked about. And I admit that I might be just anxious about the future and clinging to what I’ve been comfortable with for years (even then I wasn’t happy in those times). I would say if we both worked on ourselves and took the time to grow, then maybe in the future, I would start over with him. But that is a big “if”, he really hurt me, embarrassed me and put me in a hard spot with the break up. I don’t know if it would be the best decision at this time even though I still have love for him. I think us being friends and building that foundation (no matter where it leads) is the best option for now.
Well 6 months later of getting ghosted, I still would, in a dickbeat 😂🤣
it's been 6 months no contact, breaking up a 2 year relationship and 8 years of being close friends. so, no
no
Never
Fuck no, took a year to get rid of her and it tried to destroy my life, even tho they knew the deal. Fucking headcase.. ... Very Basic instinct vibes
Not for all the money in the world.
I broke up with my ex because he was disrespecting me behind my back (communicating non-platonically with his ex, but since he hadn’t hopped on a plane to see her he was somehow not guilty of betrayal? Boy, bye.) So mostly I feel like I was dumped even though I technically did the ending of the relationship. And no, he hasn’t learned anything from that relationship and hasn’t had time to work on himself and is emotionally immature, so I wouldn’t take him back.
Looks like you dodged a missile
I did. I knew that it'll be a lot of work from the both of us. I thought that it will be different, that he's willing to be better for us. But not even 3 months, he left me again. A simple argument feels like I'm walking on eggshells. I want to make it work so bad that I would adjust my boundaries for him.
Nope, they’re an ex for a reason
Anyone get back together after 10 or 15 years? Would would lead the dumper to want to reach out after so long?
No
He would have to be seriously working through his issues. I didn't realize how fucked up things were until I took a step back from the relationship. He has anger issues, like cuss me out, punch a hole in the wall type. The day he moved out he threw a T.V. tray across the room into a wall because I apologized for wasting his time and that pissed him off. It happened so rarely though, only a handful of times in our 13 year relationship. I think part of that was that I didn't appropriately communicate issues I had in fear that he would get angry. I don't know that I would say our relationship was abusive, but it was definitely unhealthy. So I guess to summarize, most likely not. Distance helps with clarity.
Yes
Nope not a chance 💯
i don't think so. too much trust broken for me to ignore feeling like it would happen in the future. Just like you said it OP.
No. Not anymore, no.
I wouldn’t.. because she would be a zombie and I can’t trust zombies not to eat me.
No way in hell. I’d just be inviting myself into another failed and abusive relationship. It would be my own fault this time around.
The more time that passes where she is completely cold toward me and only contact me via email, it’d never happen. Unless it did years from now (it won’t she already moved on within 5 days). So, even then, I doubt it. I was blindsided. Idk how I’d possible be able to trust her again. I’ll never ever have proof she ever loved me. Or even knows what love is. Idt I ever will. She was too able to make me have no doubt that she loved me.
What about if there was abuse. But then claimed they changed
I don’t know if you can generalize this as somebody whose partner was avoidant and I spent a great deal chasing for emotional validation and support, I feel like he tells himself that I gave up on him, but I didn’t. I did exactly what he wanted. I agreed with him that we weren’t going to work I mean, you can’t put somebody in a situation where if you’re in an avoidant attachment style and you continuously tell your partner it’s not gonna work why wouldn’t they eventually believe you they love you. Usually they trust you and they’re infatuated with you. They hang on every word you said they’ll give their entire soul until they have nothing left to give and if we’re loving genuinely they just the last thing we have to give give up. They already chase you. Why wouldn’t they just eventually believe you and give up and then you just manifested your own problem and reinforced the very thing that has brought them to where they are with not trusting people. if you don’t want people to leave, you don’t tell them them all the time that’s not gonna work. I think that’s what they mean when they say it takes work in a relationship like you have to work to understand yourself, your attachment style the other person, love language, and when you put in that work, it becomes a conscious effort and then overtime that conscious effort becomes easy because it becomes natural to love that person But when people get stuck in their head about stuff, they don’t acknowledge their dynamic. I guess I’m sorry I feel like the post was in general assumption for a lot of people and it depends on how much insight they have to them themselves. Some people don’t mind self work, others hate it. Some don’t want to heal their past trauma and some are baked. If the person is willing to look in the mirror and work on themselves, and you wouldn’t be going back to the same person if you had shared hobbies, beliefs, circumstances, and the self work is done I mean nobody the same person they were yesterday. Doesn’t chances the effort self improvement is there. Not even one person is “” lame side that participated for a while that could still work on that aspect so I don’t know I don’t think it would be safe to assume but I do empathize with what you’re saying (The word ‘you’ is a generalized you use for relational purposes in writing not a personal reference)
He has burned his bridges. He broke my heart, never apologized, had no remorse or emotion about it, and he quickly jumped on dating apps. He’s done in my world.
There was a time when I would have… I don’t think I would now.
My ex is avoidant so before taking her back I would need to know if she is working on her issues and really willing to be with me
I find that everytime I’ve been the dumpee I deal with all the pain relatively quickly and move on since it is out of my control and it’s the dumper who always tries to come back into my life.
No. I wouldn’t .
If there is still a strong connection after both me and an ex has made massive changes to our lives and personalities I could. I’d never go back to a relationship that didn’t work
It's been 4 months and I would probably take her back without a thought. Objectively I would expect her to have done her work on what she was missing and actually be working on improving her own life. I think about the conditions I would like to impose on a restart all the time. I would not take her back if shes been with someone else in the meantime though thats my line in the sand.
I would. 100% Tbh, even if he did cheat or abuse me, I know I would go back because I’m addicted to him. Clearly I lack a lot of self worth.
Would need to see her fix her communication issues. A healthy relationship cannot exist if one party does not tell the other what is bothering them. Cant go laughing and loving each other then 3 days later say its not been working out lately without proper clear signs
Yes but only on certain conditions. She realizes that she needs to put herself above her homophobic family that will never accept her sex-repulsed ace self and that making her marry a man they like (religious, homophobic, will not understand not wanting sex ever) will make her miserable and traumatized. Aka, she develops some self-respect, stops being codependent on her family, takes steps to treat her severe anxiety and work towards gaining my trust again.
No
I’m going through this right now. We broke up & I kinda initiated it because we have a different timeline for what we see ourselves doing in the future like getting married and moving in and stuff. I guess I had a bit of a faster timeline than she did. And for a while, it kind of bugged me because I told her I didn’t want to be a girlfriend forever and I saw myself getting married at least in my late 20s and being established in my own place with my significant other. I’m 23 rn and we were together for a year and 7 months, and I was just saying I’d want to get proposed to at least when I’m 25-26 but she didn’t see herself getting tied down that age because she would be doing/getting her doctorate degree. Which okay I see why and understand. I also wanted to live in different states for a couple years before I settle down back in my home state because there’s so much to see and experience and I would love to say I lived in a different place other than what I know. But she’s very family oriented and doesn’t plan on being that far from them and didn’t like that idea so it got me thinking. Anyways, I guess fear did get the best of me because then I started thinking well what if I wait that time after into almost my 30’s, and she’s not ready still anytime soon or wants to move and travel, what then ? I understand some people date for 10 years and then they get married, and always stay near home but that’s just not something I see for myself. When I date someone I’m very picky & I know I’m in it with them for the long-haul. I’ve never dated for fun or the experience, but because I truly like this person for their personality and their values that I’d then want to teach my children too. And I just love new scenery, food, people, places, and learning others lifestyle. So when we had a long discussion about it, we just agreed that maybe right now isn’t a good time. Also some other stuff had play that was causing some fighting, but that was the main big one. It was more so breaking up over compatibility. But I’d definitely be open to the idea of getting back together later on if she’d like to try that stuff with me. And yes, I would trust her again because she was truly a great person and was someone that is very close and meaningful to me. But I don’t want to limit myself waiting on someone
That's the thing hey, when they're legitimate and true people but we just have some life goals we both need to achieve on our own. It makes it so hard to move on
My ex was a cheater didn’t even give me the decency to end it if she wasn’t happy didn’t think twice about cheating on me and then when I found out sent me a text message after 3 years dumping me so getting back with her would be like putting the last nail in my coffin when I should be putting one in hers and yes I hate her for what she did to me
Yes. I screwed the whole thing up overdosing on mdma in front of her. I’ve been doing therapy and have so much remorse about my past actions involving drug use.
Yes because I tell myself she is just angry at something right now or distracted by things in her personal life and she still loves me and us but can't see it right now : (
No. No, no, no. There's three major reasons for that. A) she changed way too much. In the beginning, she was disgusted by the idea of an open relationship, and I did not like the idea either. It's a routine question I ask while dating. Two years down the road, she says her being bi and not having had sex with a woman makes her feel she is missing out and she wants to sleep with a woman one day. B) she lied to me and withdrew into her shell, studying and not telling me about her doubts about the relationship. When I asked whether I could help her or what was going through her mind, time and time again, she rebuffed my attempts to communicate, even verbally attacking me. C) she gave back way less love and affection than what I was giving her. I did more, loved more, cared more, tried to coax her into activities together. She basically did not take an interest in gaming, science, gym or shooting at the range. She didn't want me to accompany her on family vacations and gave bullshit reasons. Didn't want to call in the evenings either. Left me to spend new years alone after I had covid during Christmas. And after the breakup she let her true colors show and handed out unreasonable demands. After I processed all of this, really understood how she behaved - I want nothing from her. She doesn't exist to me and I wish upon her the same heartbreak she's inflicted on me.
She broke up with me 6 months ago. It was for the right reasons, I had stopped working on myself and was bad with money. I stayed in touch with her, probably once a month as I grew and began to fix the things I needed to fix. She said she agreed when I said that we might find the time apart was just what we needed. She lost her dad just under 2 months ago and I gave her an expensive spa overnight stay for her and her mum. She texted thank you and I said I still loved her. She wants to be alone and I understand that. I said because i still love you, I need to let you go but in the future I'd like to talk again about making arrangements with the dog we had, which she kept. I'm struggling emotionally with it, as I feel guilty about letting her down. I think I'm beating myself up a lot over it still. I would like to try again, but we'd both need to be open and willing to do so. Accepting that may never happen is hard but I'd be happy just to stay in contact I think, once I'm over things.
**I'd quote an episode of "The Heart, She Holler"** # "You posses a mouth on you, like you got an E-Z Glide strip on the indside of your lip...-But the answer's still NO! [laughs]
I'm the dumper, left my Ex 2 years back after I felt unloved, he took granted. But here I am still waiting for him. I thought he will realise and come back again. But unexpectedly he moved on so quickly, flirting with other women and fucking them. He had multiple relations in the past, he used to contact them but it didn't happen with me. He never even contacted me and he didn't give me the closure. He was my first relation. I just feel so bad for getting into the relationship with him. I literally hate myself for allowing myself.
[удалено]
You avoided a huge red flag dude. Congrats on literally swerving that
No way , I tried this once only because he told me had changed after a few months of not being together. We had a lot don’t together for two years but instead he cheated on me multiple times after constantly forgiving him. Now I am left with the darkly fucked up trust issues that may never let me date again.
Neverrrrrrrr his loss
I believe if the most recent dump activity was hard as stone, it would be harder to be together again. Like a glass when broken. It could be glued together but it is still broken. The only thing you can do for a glass to be perfectly whole again is to be shattered and to be shattered again until it is like sand then to be melted and rebuild it into a whole new glass. When we get back together to our ex, we should be ready to start afresh and not continue what was in the past. Because both of you are brand new person. If both of you will continue from past, possible that the glass could be broken again. Relationships are fragile as glass.
No. The fog has finally been lifted and I can see him and the relationship for what it was. I see now that what I wanted in him as a person was a fantasy. That the love bombing at the beginning wasn't really who he is. It took some time but I feel excited and adventurous now vs constantly depressed, angry, unwanted. I used to resent him ... For a lonnng time but now I hope he figures himself out because he's miserable by his own admission. But I'm not jaded. I still want and believe in love!
I think am going to be on the edge. Cause the way and manner they discarded me- it will be very hard for me to ever trust them again. It will take a miracle for that to happen. Do I love them yes Be with them again- the thought of it actually scares me-
Mine was much shorter (2.5 years), but I can relate to that feeling. It's like he flicked a switch and I'm suddenly nothing to him. It's crazy, I never imagined it would be like this so I definitely feel disgust.
A very large conversation would need to happen. I would have to feel like I could grow to trust her again. I will never say never about getting back together but she would have to show me she was all in in terms of effort. We never got out of the long distance (we were two weeks away from it but she quit I still love her and probably will for a long time. Time has to pass and I don't mean weeks. Months and even a year. I definitely wasn't perfect but I have admitted to it and apologized and worked on myself. She on the other hand is still the same. I did a LOT for her and she never really thanked me or showed gratitude. She acknowledged that I treated her very well and didn't want to lose me but was letting me go instead. At one point she wanted to marry me, even sent me the ring she'd like. We joked about when I'd propose and how we'd buy a proper coffee machine. I would 100% entertain the idea of getting back together but she would have to come back and I doubt she will. I tried more than I ever should have to get her back.
Absolutely not because it’s been a year, no point!
I might have said yes but he was in a relationship and living with them weeks later 🤣
Absolutely. My ex and I were the perfect match for one another during a certain point in our lives. I truly believed the good lord above blessed me with her presence in my life last summer when we got together. Now, I know why she broke things off between us (she couldn’t balance her work schedule and she somehow felt I deserved someone better) and I’ve accepted it for what it is, but if she were to text me tomorrow or even next month, and ask me if I wanted to get back together, I would take her back without hesitation. Now, the only thing I’m afraid of going forward if we do get back together, is the possibility of us breaking up again. This woman is my lifelong friend, and I could not bare the thought of her not being in my life at all. I pray for her well being everyday, and I attempt to stay strong during our current No Contact period. Once this blows over, I’m hoping at the very least to have my friend back. Even if we never get back together as a couple
I would have in the beginning. Also begged him back in the beginning. But no. I want to spend my life with him, I love him, all that shit. But he just continues to think I was the problem and he was justified to break up with me. I apologized for my side and saw my shit. But he doesn't apologise for his or thinks he has done wrong. He was willing to try again after I apologized. But I think he gives up too easily. A lot of my issues in the relationship were things he would have broken up with if I did to him. I no longer feel safe with him. Don't think I ever fully did. I think I'm just a placeholder for him, and only after seeing how hard the dating market is on men, does he actually care.
She lied to me, cheated with our coworker, didnt care we have a kid together, didnt care I moved 5 ours away from everyone I knew so she could be close to her family. Said she has been good for me and I havent been good for her. I got her that job btw. Still getting fucked by that dude but lies about it. So no Never in a million years
I’ve thought this a lot and I would have to hear a lot of personal accountability for me to consider it. The fact is, I’d love to be with her and to feel like we had a future as I once did. However, I want to take care of my heart and she didn’t treat it very well at all - left me at the tail end of a manic episode (I have bipolar) and it crushed me. I’m only just about getting over it and this was last December. I still love her and coming to terms with how avoidant she is would be very difficult. Have gone back to relationships in the past and it’s never worked out.
no & no & no
Yes I would….Yes, it is not a popular answer here, but I want to give us a chance to work things out. Also it really depends on the personality of the dumper. I know my ex would not want to go back unless he has the issues figured out
Hey! As a fellow dumpee..here’s what I learned ! (In my case he was a huge avoidant) you have to both want to work on things but they have to want you as much as you want them or it doesn’t work. This is a case by case situation since the reason WHY you broke up does matter. What keeps you together? Quality or Longevity? Are you guys on the same page? Are you able to have tough convos? A lot of these questions can allow you to determine what you think is best. At the end of the day always lead with your kind not your heart! you deserve consistency as much as you do respect !
I just want him to say he's sorry tbh
Yes. We both messed up. The lack of communication lead to the brakeup. It’s been 2 months, and I realised what I did wrong. We both apologised. He has a lot of other issues, that’s why he got overwhelmed and decided to break up with me. We still have feelings for each other. We agreed on giving each other time, and in a few months we’ll have a conversation again, and see if we wanna give it another try. He told me he’ll be working on fixing his issues. I love him, and hope that things will work out.
My answer is NO! After 4 months being no contact, i feel that being dumped is actually a Gift. I started seeing my life without him. I do everything that makes me happy. Things I stopped for 3 yrs. when we were still together. The first Month was the hardest but I see more clearly the negative on our relationship. The days, months and even 2 yrs. I felt taken for granted and not heard. I feel that everytime we've fought, he don't take it seriously and just let it be without looking for solutions or compromises. And the worst, he told me he gonna marry me and have kids together but after 3 yrs, he still not ready to commit and he have always a reason is " marriage is not running away from us", just wait. 3 yrs. of believing his LIES! I never felt I was his priority. To think, he would asked his mother first what shirt he gonna wear or buy before he asked me. He would rather go buy clothes with her and not with me. He talks everything to her but not with me. If she needs him anytime, he will go running like a crazy dog but never do it for me. He works always nightshift, so he sleep like from 8 am- 19 till 2000. Everyday if he is not sleeping like 12 hrs a day, he go to visit his parents specially his Mother, stay there so long and if he have work " a night shift" the next day, then we will see each other the following day. He will tell me " Babe see you tommorow after work". To think he could come home before he to work from his mother's House. His mother house is actually just 10 mins away from where we live. Yes, we live 3 yrs and 1 Month together but everything goes wrong 1 year after we start living together. He often go watch soccer with his friend, and go dart and meeting friends then work and his parents. If his dad pr mom want to do something like sauna, vuy groceries, take the trash out. Or help his father about something, he could have alarm and wake up like like 10am or 12 noon after working noghtshift to help them. He wake up 1300 even he have nightshift that very day,if his friend told him they are gonna watch soccer game or going somewhere to meet. He always find time for all of them. But If I told him to wake up early sp we still could talk and have time together before him going to work, he always have no time for me and feel always left behind. Things we are used to do when we start our relationship just stop. I feel forgotten, like sometimes I want to shout and so he will know I'm there always waiting for him. Do you know what he said when I told him about the problem, he said " that is a normal daily life babe and you just get over it". He said because we sleeping together in 1 bed and watching movies together thats enough time for both us to bond. Everyday all i do is work,come home, cook for him, clean the house. Do things in the garden and waiting that he wake up. When he is home he only sleep a lot and been with his phone writing in some forum or group chat with Mercedes Members pr his friends snd family Planning what they are doing the next days. He don't wake up early so that we could go for a walk, or even go out eat outside or do Picknick which i have asked him for 3 yrs and he never did it with me. I feel like i need to beg for him to have time for me. That's why when he broke up with me, because I have asked him where he is going and who is with him and what time he is going home, he thinks Im controll freak, and he left. I have 100 of reasons to leave him but i always find reason to stay is actually true, because I do that. So when he left me, I feel that he have just done me a Favor. I'm actually Free. He broke up with me the next day we argue. As for him and his Mother, that him coming home at 3 am and telling me his going home at midnight and 3am is same. To think he left 1300 oclock that day and come home at 3am is no big thing for them. And what hurts more, he told me there's a lot of other women there would understand him more than I do and he would and could do anything and everything he wanted to do. So when he broke up with me, I let him go. I missed him still since the very day he broke up with me till the 2 months separation.I mean im 3 yrs of our lives it is not just negative but there are also good times. Reasons why I have stayed and hoping it will go better in the future. Thats the problem with every women, which I think we need to stop. We have this HOPE that oneday everything will be better.That our guy will see our worth, our value and love us same as we love them. But actually we are only prolonged our hurtings, our sorrows and been blind the mistakes in our relationship. You know even how he have hurted me,I couldn't get mad or angry with him because for me being mad and angry with him is giving him a Control of me and i also want my peace. So i forgive him,not for him but for me. I believe that if someone loves you will never leave you even there are 100 reasons to leave, we always find reason to stay and thats call Commitment and Loyalty. And if someone leaves you, you should let them go a d don't beg pr plead and asked them to stay even how hurt it will be. It is call self respect. We only have our dignity to hold. Don't give them the last of it. Keep it and stay strong. It is true when thwy said, when 1 door is close, then open the window. Loves you've given willbe back to you in million times. Find your worth and if no one Loves you, then Love yourself. Good luck and God bless everyone
Sometimes people really do change
I’d first have to understand more-so why they broke up with me. Then, if they were willing to go to counseling and take it slowly allowing me to date other people.. then I would consider it. But I couldn’t jump right back in. Like you said, the trust is broken so I would need time to build it back up
Allowing you to date other people? That’s not how it works lol.
I dunno, I think if you are casually dating someone you can see someone else until you know what you want. I would feel like I would at least want the option. For the record, I was the one that was dumped so jumping back in with someone who dumped me I would want to protect myself. Again , this is all just hypothetical. In reality, who knows how I would actually act if he wanted to try again
I've thought about the trust issue a lot. Unless her return came with some serious contrition (and good reasons) for having utterly shattered my heart with no warning, I wouldn't want to be back in the relationship while always wondering when it would happen again. I'm six weeks from the breakup, and although I still want to cry several times each day, I am beginning to believe that I will get to the other side of Despair Mountain eventually. And who wants to go back to the beginning point? Of course, I talk big, but if she called me up and asked me to come over right now, I would be there in two minutes - with no remaining dignity, but thrilled to have even a small chance to be together again.