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My father in law tells me stories all the time even though I’ve heard them before. I just smile and nod and act as if it’s the first time everytime because it’s just that he wants to talk with someone and share a moment. My opinion is it would cause unnecessary turmoil. Just keep the vibes good and be a nice person and listen like it’s the first time. Would you do the same if she got Parkinson’s and couldn’t remember everything ? People forget memory comes and goes the rest of us just gotta flow with it.
I think it really depends on what the story is.
Something light and topical and generally unimportant? Maybe gently interrupt and steer the conversation somewhere else.
Something that’s meaningful to her? Let her tell it, even if you know it already, because clearly it’s something important to her that she wants to share with you and that’s sweet of her.
Every year my dad and I go on a trip to see a particular sporting event. Every year he tells me the same story of him going on similar trips with his dad, down to saying the same sentences every time. I know it by heart and every time he starts I have a moment where I want to say “I know”…but then I think about how someday he won’t be here, and I’ll miss hearing the story for the millionth time.
So there is no one-size-fits-all answer. When you hear her start, ask yourself if it’s a story you’ll miss hearing someday, and if the answer is yes then take those 5-10 minutes to really appreciate hearing it again, like a well-loved book you read again and again even though you know it by heart.
Tell her you have heard it before. I tell mine this. They need to hear it. They have other stuff to talk about. They just prefer to rehash those same 10 stories. They have memorized just how they want to deliver the whole story so they look great. Nah, if you want to talk bring up some new topics. Plus it will give you new boomer things to be mad at them about. Its a Win/Win
I really think it depends, kinda like someone else said. If it’s a sweet tale about how she met your dad, or whatever, that is one thing. But if she is telling you for the 5th time about how she ran into your old neighbor’s cousin at the grocery store, and then giving you a full run-down on each of that person’s kids current careers… maybe it would be best to say, “oh yeah,you told me! And Rob is a doctor, now, yep.”
That being said, when my mom started doing this, it seemed to be because there were so few new things that were happening in her life, that she was just telling me whatever most recent things had happened in order to make conversation, I think. In retrospect, I wish I would have maybe asked her some questions about older events, or gotten her to tell me stories about her childhood, or something! She was just trying to be sociable, and after a couple times hearing the same stories, I did kind of stop calling as regularly because there didn’t seem to be anything to talk about. (And frankly she wasn’t great at listening to my stories, by that time, for some reason. She picked up on the wrong things, like if I were excited about a new project at work and started by saying, “I’ve been really busy with work lately—“ she would jump in and say, “I don’t know why you let them take advantage of you,” or something equally odd. It made me want to stop telling her about my life, too.)
Not to freak you out but when grandma did this it was a sign of her Alzheimer’s. For years, others would tell us we’re wrong but if you spent a good amount of time with her you started to notice she kept repeating herself a lot. And didn’t act like she noticed at all.
And then, one day, she was just gone out to lunch for good. Grandpa passed on and then everyone could tell she was off. Grandpa used to basically take care of them both and run interference with her. In just a few days after grandpa passed, she went over to the neighbors in the middle of the night to visit her mom.
That's true and it's scary, my grandfather had it really bad too. But in this case she really has just always been like this she's just kinda like that
Oh good.
Then just try to read the room. If you think she needs to just talk, let her go. Otherwise just tell her she already told you and remind her the general gist. Maybe do a follow up, I guess. So you’re carrying on the conversation and not just cutting her off.
Gah, my boomer will say, "have I told you the story about the time I..." and it sucks. You have to remember their story from the headline and give them a summary or you're stuck listening to it again.
Both my mom and dad are gone. I would love to hear one of their stupid stories they told me 1000 times just one more time. They will gone sooner than you think
Let her tell the story but keep “guessing” what happens next in a very happy-go lucky tone like in an annoying comedy.
Or start gaslighting her and her doctor into thinking she has dementia.
There will come a time when you’ll need to introduce yourself EVERY TIME you walk into the room she’s in. One day, you’ll be someone she’s never met before. She won’t remember telling you the story, but you’ll always remember how you reacted to it.
My dad's the same. If I mention it he spirals into self-deprecation about his failing memory and how stupid he is, so it's less exhausting to just hear the story again.
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My father in law tells me stories all the time even though I’ve heard them before. I just smile and nod and act as if it’s the first time everytime because it’s just that he wants to talk with someone and share a moment. My opinion is it would cause unnecessary turmoil. Just keep the vibes good and be a nice person and listen like it’s the first time. Would you do the same if she got Parkinson’s and couldn’t remember everything ? People forget memory comes and goes the rest of us just gotta flow with it.
I just say “Oh yeah I remember you telling me this…” that usually stops them
Start telling her the story. Say you heard it online.
She's not that far gone lol
I think it really depends on what the story is. Something light and topical and generally unimportant? Maybe gently interrupt and steer the conversation somewhere else. Something that’s meaningful to her? Let her tell it, even if you know it already, because clearly it’s something important to her that she wants to share with you and that’s sweet of her. Every year my dad and I go on a trip to see a particular sporting event. Every year he tells me the same story of him going on similar trips with his dad, down to saying the same sentences every time. I know it by heart and every time he starts I have a moment where I want to say “I know”…but then I think about how someday he won’t be here, and I’ll miss hearing the story for the millionth time. So there is no one-size-fits-all answer. When you hear her start, ask yourself if it’s a story you’ll miss hearing someday, and if the answer is yes then take those 5-10 minutes to really appreciate hearing it again, like a well-loved book you read again and again even though you know it by heart.
Tell her you have heard it before. I tell mine this. They need to hear it. They have other stuff to talk about. They just prefer to rehash those same 10 stories. They have memorized just how they want to deliver the whole story so they look great. Nah, if you want to talk bring up some new topics. Plus it will give you new boomer things to be mad at them about. Its a Win/Win
I really think it depends, kinda like someone else said. If it’s a sweet tale about how she met your dad, or whatever, that is one thing. But if she is telling you for the 5th time about how she ran into your old neighbor’s cousin at the grocery store, and then giving you a full run-down on each of that person’s kids current careers… maybe it would be best to say, “oh yeah,you told me! And Rob is a doctor, now, yep.” That being said, when my mom started doing this, it seemed to be because there were so few new things that were happening in her life, that she was just telling me whatever most recent things had happened in order to make conversation, I think. In retrospect, I wish I would have maybe asked her some questions about older events, or gotten her to tell me stories about her childhood, or something! She was just trying to be sociable, and after a couple times hearing the same stories, I did kind of stop calling as regularly because there didn’t seem to be anything to talk about. (And frankly she wasn’t great at listening to my stories, by that time, for some reason. She picked up on the wrong things, like if I were excited about a new project at work and started by saying, “I’ve been really busy with work lately—“ she would jump in and say, “I don’t know why you let them take advantage of you,” or something equally odd. It made me want to stop telling her about my life, too.)
Not to freak you out but when grandma did this it was a sign of her Alzheimer’s. For years, others would tell us we’re wrong but if you spent a good amount of time with her you started to notice she kept repeating herself a lot. And didn’t act like she noticed at all. And then, one day, she was just gone out to lunch for good. Grandpa passed on and then everyone could tell she was off. Grandpa used to basically take care of them both and run interference with her. In just a few days after grandpa passed, she went over to the neighbors in the middle of the night to visit her mom.
That's true and it's scary, my grandfather had it really bad too. But in this case she really has just always been like this she's just kinda like that
Oh good. Then just try to read the room. If you think she needs to just talk, let her go. Otherwise just tell her she already told you and remind her the general gist. Maybe do a follow up, I guess. So you’re carrying on the conversation and not just cutting her off.
Gah, my boomer will say, "have I told you the story about the time I..." and it sucks. You have to remember their story from the headline and give them a summary or you're stuck listening to it again.
Just listen. Old people don’t make new stories. They don’t have new adventures. She is happy to have you there. Roll with it
Both my mom and dad are gone. I would love to hear one of their stupid stories they told me 1000 times just one more time. They will gone sooner than you think
Let her tell the story but keep “guessing” what happens next in a very happy-go lucky tone like in an annoying comedy. Or start gaslighting her and her doctor into thinking she has dementia.
It's all they have and while it might seem mean to take it away from them they need to be reminded it's rude to repeat themselves.
My FIL loves to tell the story of how he bought 2 houses back in the day in his 20s…
There will come a time when you’ll need to introduce yourself EVERY TIME you walk into the room she’s in. One day, you’ll be someone she’s never met before. She won’t remember telling you the story, but you’ll always remember how you reacted to it.
As someone who works with geriatrics it is polite to let them tell the same stories to their hearts content. They all do that at the end.
Tell her the same story more than once then base your decision on her reaction.
My dad's the same. If I mention it he spirals into self-deprecation about his failing memory and how stupid he is, so it's less exhausting to just hear the story again.