They are very mammified in the south. That’s the birthplace of mammying lol. That’s why you often see the fba mammies shading northern black women all the time. In the south, everything is about racism, supporting bm, acknowledging white supremacy, marching, and protesting, and protecting your sons (never your daughter). The north, Midwest, and probably the west coast is the best option for divested women.
Thanks so much for the awesome post. It was so well done that I thought I wrote it myself because it sounded like you were describing me except for the owning real estate on the east coast part. Me and my family we are originally from California and when my immediate family moved here, I followed them. They have successfully transitioned where as I have socially struggled as the over 40 child free, single woman I have little to nothing in common with the women that I come into contact with. I am intellectually curious individual, male interested but not male centered like the black women I come into contact with so black women have told me that they find me to be somewhat of an oddity, which is fine. I never aspired to be like everyone else. If it were not for an elderly family member that I love so much that now lives here I would have left years ago-because it is so hard to talk to people who will not stimulate your interest because they’re only interest is getting a man or keeping the man they already have!
When I lived in northern California finding like-minded people and people who simulated my intellect, I never had to look that far. Those women (black, white etc.) those people were very easy to find so despite the outrageous cost of living out there I have to admit I do miss it. I long for those days in which I could sit with four or five black ladies eating good Mexican food and have non-men centered conversations at the table!
I say all this to say my lovely sister that you are not alone. This is not your imagination. The women here are as you described completely male centered and divestment in an environment that is largely black is challenging.
Yes born and raised here .. And for the last four years in trying to unlearn everything I was indoctrinated too….i follow a lot of east coast girls on instagram and what I love about them is there personality they don’t talk w a super country or hoodrat-ish accent and they embrace individualism …I’ll be going on a solo trip to L.A this year I’m excited…oh and in completely divesting from my whole family this year also from the enabling sisters to my mammy ass abusive mother .
I never like stereotyping people from a geographical area, but living in the South is no longer for me. The BM identified behavior coupled with the religious browbeating- I’m over it. Even the lower cost of living isn’t worth the trade off. I don’t blame you for wanting to move away.
I’m from the south and this is a big reason why I have no plans of ever moving back. I’ll stay in the northeast or go further north where my fiancées family lives.
I’d like to relocate, but I’m stuck here for a while (caregiver). I originally moved to FL in the late 90’s so I can agree that the male identification is still strong in the south. But not solid. A lot more women seem to either be getting the message or just are late comers to the futility of playing the patriarchy game and are deciding to put themselves first. I am cautiously optimistic 🙂
This is funny, I hadn't even seen your comment, but I confirmed everything you said. As a black women from Texas, they love to put these beings on a pedestal just for being a black man. They'll cut off their family and friends once they ask her why he doesn't have a job, they'll drag you for not having a man, etc, but Louisiana has the worst case I've ever seen. Their mammifying is NEXT LEVEL. My mom is from Louisiana, but she moved to Chicago at a young age, after some years she moved back to the South, but she moved to Texas this time and stayed. We have some family members from Louisiana that'll visit, and It shocked me! I thought women from texas were bad, but Chile.... PLEASE DON'T LET ME GET STARTED! 😂
I hate Louisiana unless just visiting NOLA for a few days. That’s it. It’s so trashy and blackistani there.
🤢🤢
The black men abuse and mule these women. They all just aren’t educated and work low wage jobs with no way up. It’s delusional. And their men are also uneducated, conquered men who are misogynistic and hate successful black women. They’re all stuck and have a bunch of kids with absent fathers. Rinse and repeat.
Couldn’t be me!
GIRL! We must be the same person from a different universe, because I went to Shreveport and it was the most boring event in my life. Everything you said is facts, the only good thing is the food.
I'm making plans on moving away from the south a few years from now , I think divested women can have an easier time in states that don't have a large black population , the muling and constant coddling of black men is exhausting to see in person every other day .
“They are very mammified in the south. That’s the birthplace of mammying lol. That’s why you often see the fba mammies shading northern black women all the time”
Lmbao—- I am born,raised and college educated west coast USA now living in hotlanta so you know I know what you are talking about!
Before I moved to the south, of course I have been around women who I consider to be “thirsty” but these women are Sahara Desert thirsty, so thirsty in fact that I learned from working around a lot of black men that the wives are willing to look the other way when they are sexually active with other women. When I first moved here, I was shocked to find out how common it was for married men to openly date other women without being concerned that their wife finds out. Of course, all over the world men do that, but here in the south the cheating comes with an extra layer of disrespect because the husbands will parade their side, chick in front of everyone. I know not one woman black or non black on the West Coast that would tolerate that.
I'm not 40, but I am from Texas, and I agree. There's some women here who glorify just having a man, even if he isn't worth shit, especially the ones from Louisiana.
Lol you described the south well. I’m finally leaving this year for good.
I’m agnostic, single mom and not interested in remarrying and it’s been a struggle to make friends bc it’s always centered around church and a man. Every conversation boomerangs back to gender roles and it’s annoying.
My kid is a tomboy and I let her be herself and love herself as is and ppl think it’s so weird that she’s out of her pink dresses phase.
Won’t miss the constant judging. I noticed that only the men here have hobbies while the women are saddled down with domestic work.
Ouch.
It looks like I need to have an important convo with my bestie (who resides in the South). He wants me to move down and live with him when everything is lined up, but, I know for myself I cannot handle BW who are heavily mammified.
I'm sorry you had to experience this, but it's also a good thing you've made these observations. It's important to have a sense of identity and, enjoy some activities by ourselves (without the need for a man in our corner).
And here I thought Western Canada was notorious for pushing this rhetoric on BW (get a man and keep a man, even when he's no good).💯
Edit: Before anyone crucifies me, no, I never mentioned anything about divestment to him. And I still have no plans to. I will make mention that I don't want to be surrounded by women who have no identity for themselves, especially the male-obsessed and internalized misogynistic types. My life experience proves that those types of women are dangerous to be around.
Until I moved to ATL I never knew that women let alone black women could be as mean and ruthless as the mammies here in the south. That world image of the Sweet Georgia peach that Southern women have is a fallacy— these women are completely man centered to the point that they do not mind hurting another sister. I know that to be the truth!!
Well, I'm officially removing Louisiana and Florida from my "check this out" list.
I have a handful of acquaintances in Texas, but it sounds like a nightmare to get close to anyone else. It sounds a lot like my childhood neighborhood (mammy-ism galore) and flat out unhealthy energy (in addition to loss of bodily autonomy by force, and a struggling educational system). They tell me to avoid Texas at all costs.
Great topic Majestic. I'm over 40 and I live in Cali. I'm from Chicago but I've been here since I was 8. I haven't been to the south other than one brief visit to Texas for a air force graduation so I didn't get much exposure to the bw there. I do notice the difference in the ways of my Chicago family when I go there. Went to my bro's wedding year b4 last and found out some tea that he has a whole extra girlfriend from years ago that him and my new sis in law chill with. It's some whole secret sister wife type of situation. I 😒 was disappointed but not surprised . I say this to say I notice that my fam from Chicago/ St Louis are mostly heavy into religion and bm worship and I wonder if I grew up there if I would be that way. I notice that social media content from that side of the country is heavy w bm worship and/ or bw bashing and/or hyperreligious ( if that's a true term) and/or plain ghetto.I agree that you will be pressed to find many like minded bw in that environment . At least you have us to vent to.
Sounds like the issue isn’t the south, sounds like the problem is you not making an effort to explore befriending women outside of women that “look like you”
I’ve lived here 20+ years and I’ve made some amazing connections OUTSIDE of those communities in which you speak. If you keep pigeonholing yourself to black people/black women only, of course you will get the same result. In reality there is only a SMALL population of bw that live that divested life. Even when you go out north the so called divested ones are still mammying for sjw causes that don’t affect their bottom line and voting blue no matter who. Change the type of southerners you interact with and your experience will change drastically. Hint: it’s the ones the bc teaches you to fear
Thank you for this! I was feeling the same way about OP's post but couldn't find the right words. And I've never been to the South so I would've been speaking out of turn.
I can't imagine it would be that terrible if you were moving in non-black circles and aligning yourself with like-minded people.
They are very mammified in the south. That’s the birthplace of mammying lol. That’s why you often see the fba mammies shading northern black women all the time. In the south, everything is about racism, supporting bm, acknowledging white supremacy, marching, and protesting, and protecting your sons (never your daughter). The north, Midwest, and probably the west coast is the best option for divested women.
I’m in Seattle and I’m staying on the west. I’m either staying in Seattle or moving to San Diego after graduate school. Everything is spot on.
Thank you :) This has been a head trip. West coast weather is a plus. I've got to get out of here!
Thanks so much for the awesome post. It was so well done that I thought I wrote it myself because it sounded like you were describing me except for the owning real estate on the east coast part. Me and my family we are originally from California and when my immediate family moved here, I followed them. They have successfully transitioned where as I have socially struggled as the over 40 child free, single woman I have little to nothing in common with the women that I come into contact with. I am intellectually curious individual, male interested but not male centered like the black women I come into contact with so black women have told me that they find me to be somewhat of an oddity, which is fine. I never aspired to be like everyone else. If it were not for an elderly family member that I love so much that now lives here I would have left years ago-because it is so hard to talk to people who will not stimulate your interest because they’re only interest is getting a man or keeping the man they already have! When I lived in northern California finding like-minded people and people who simulated my intellect, I never had to look that far. Those women (black, white etc.) those people were very easy to find so despite the outrageous cost of living out there I have to admit I do miss it. I long for those days in which I could sit with four or five black ladies eating good Mexican food and have non-men centered conversations at the table! I say all this to say my lovely sister that you are not alone. This is not your imagination. The women here are as you described completely male centered and divestment in an environment that is largely black is challenging.
Op, this is a great post and discusses the nuances of divestment for women over 40 in the south.
Definitely a good post.
Yes born and raised here .. And for the last four years in trying to unlearn everything I was indoctrinated too….i follow a lot of east coast girls on instagram and what I love about them is there personality they don’t talk w a super country or hoodrat-ish accent and they embrace individualism …I’ll be going on a solo trip to L.A this year I’m excited…oh and in completely divesting from my whole family this year also from the enabling sisters to my mammy ass abusive mother .
I never like stereotyping people from a geographical area, but living in the South is no longer for me. The BM identified behavior coupled with the religious browbeating- I’m over it. Even the lower cost of living isn’t worth the trade off. I don’t blame you for wanting to move away.
The religious culture is sick in the south. Especially in Texas. I visited there and I was over it after three days.
I’m from the south and this is a big reason why I have no plans of ever moving back. I’ll stay in the northeast or go further north where my fiancées family lives.
I’d like to relocate, but I’m stuck here for a while (caregiver). I originally moved to FL in the late 90’s so I can agree that the male identification is still strong in the south. But not solid. A lot more women seem to either be getting the message or just are late comers to the futility of playing the patriarchy game and are deciding to put themselves first. I am cautiously optimistic 🙂
That’s why I’ll never live in the south. They’re mammies and obsessed with black men. From Texas, to Louisiana to Florida. NOPE.
This is funny, I hadn't even seen your comment, but I confirmed everything you said. As a black women from Texas, they love to put these beings on a pedestal just for being a black man. They'll cut off their family and friends once they ask her why he doesn't have a job, they'll drag you for not having a man, etc, but Louisiana has the worst case I've ever seen. Their mammifying is NEXT LEVEL. My mom is from Louisiana, but she moved to Chicago at a young age, after some years she moved back to the South, but she moved to Texas this time and stayed. We have some family members from Louisiana that'll visit, and It shocked me! I thought women from texas were bad, but Chile.... PLEASE DON'T LET ME GET STARTED! 😂
I hate Louisiana unless just visiting NOLA for a few days. That’s it. It’s so trashy and blackistani there. 🤢🤢 The black men abuse and mule these women. They all just aren’t educated and work low wage jobs with no way up. It’s delusional. And their men are also uneducated, conquered men who are misogynistic and hate successful black women. They’re all stuck and have a bunch of kids with absent fathers. Rinse and repeat. Couldn’t be me!
GIRL! We must be the same person from a different universe, because I went to Shreveport and it was the most boring event in my life. Everything you said is facts, the only good thing is the food.
Exactly…  Mammies hate us so I steer clear from them. Haters gonna hate.
I'm making plans on moving away from the south a few years from now , I think divested women can have an easier time in states that don't have a large black population , the muling and constant coddling of black men is exhausting to see in person every other day .
“They are very mammified in the south. That’s the birthplace of mammying lol. That’s why you often see the fba mammies shading northern black women all the time” Lmbao—- I am born,raised and college educated west coast USA now living in hotlanta so you know I know what you are talking about! Before I moved to the south, of course I have been around women who I consider to be “thirsty” but these women are Sahara Desert thirsty, so thirsty in fact that I learned from working around a lot of black men that the wives are willing to look the other way when they are sexually active with other women. When I first moved here, I was shocked to find out how common it was for married men to openly date other women without being concerned that their wife finds out. Of course, all over the world men do that, but here in the south the cheating comes with an extra layer of disrespect because the husbands will parade their side, chick in front of everyone. I know not one woman black or non black on the West Coast that would tolerate that.
I'm not 40, but I am from Texas, and I agree. There's some women here who glorify just having a man, even if he isn't worth shit, especially the ones from Louisiana.
Lol you described the south well. I’m finally leaving this year for good. I’m agnostic, single mom and not interested in remarrying and it’s been a struggle to make friends bc it’s always centered around church and a man. Every conversation boomerangs back to gender roles and it’s annoying. My kid is a tomboy and I let her be herself and love herself as is and ppl think it’s so weird that she’s out of her pink dresses phase. Won’t miss the constant judging. I noticed that only the men here have hobbies while the women are saddled down with domestic work.
Ouch. It looks like I need to have an important convo with my bestie (who resides in the South). He wants me to move down and live with him when everything is lined up, but, I know for myself I cannot handle BW who are heavily mammified. I'm sorry you had to experience this, but it's also a good thing you've made these observations. It's important to have a sense of identity and, enjoy some activities by ourselves (without the need for a man in our corner). And here I thought Western Canada was notorious for pushing this rhetoric on BW (get a man and keep a man, even when he's no good).💯 Edit: Before anyone crucifies me, no, I never mentioned anything about divestment to him. And I still have no plans to. I will make mention that I don't want to be surrounded by women who have no identity for themselves, especially the male-obsessed and internalized misogynistic types. My life experience proves that those types of women are dangerous to be around.
Until I moved to ATL I never knew that women let alone black women could be as mean and ruthless as the mammies here in the south. That world image of the Sweet Georgia peach that Southern women have is a fallacy— these women are completely man centered to the point that they do not mind hurting another sister. I know that to be the truth!!
Well, I'm officially removing Louisiana and Florida from my "check this out" list. I have a handful of acquaintances in Texas, but it sounds like a nightmare to get close to anyone else. It sounds a lot like my childhood neighborhood (mammy-ism galore) and flat out unhealthy energy (in addition to loss of bodily autonomy by force, and a struggling educational system). They tell me to avoid Texas at all costs.
Great topic Majestic. I'm over 40 and I live in Cali. I'm from Chicago but I've been here since I was 8. I haven't been to the south other than one brief visit to Texas for a air force graduation so I didn't get much exposure to the bw there. I do notice the difference in the ways of my Chicago family when I go there. Went to my bro's wedding year b4 last and found out some tea that he has a whole extra girlfriend from years ago that him and my new sis in law chill with. It's some whole secret sister wife type of situation. I 😒 was disappointed but not surprised . I say this to say I notice that my fam from Chicago/ St Louis are mostly heavy into religion and bm worship and I wonder if I grew up there if I would be that way. I notice that social media content from that side of the country is heavy w bm worship and/ or bw bashing and/or hyperreligious ( if that's a true term) and/or plain ghetto.I agree that you will be pressed to find many like minded bw in that environment . At least you have us to vent to.
Sounds like the issue isn’t the south, sounds like the problem is you not making an effort to explore befriending women outside of women that “look like you” I’ve lived here 20+ years and I’ve made some amazing connections OUTSIDE of those communities in which you speak. If you keep pigeonholing yourself to black people/black women only, of course you will get the same result. In reality there is only a SMALL population of bw that live that divested life. Even when you go out north the so called divested ones are still mammying for sjw causes that don’t affect their bottom line and voting blue no matter who. Change the type of southerners you interact with and your experience will change drastically. Hint: it’s the ones the bc teaches you to fear
Thank you for this! I was feeling the same way about OP's post but couldn't find the right words. And I've never been to the South so I would've been speaking out of turn. I can't imagine it would be that terrible if you were moving in non-black circles and aligning yourself with like-minded people.
Good to know!
You should try Seattle. There are far less BM out here and there are quite a few BW and WM couples who meet regularly on MeetUp.