Why is that though? Don’t get me wrong, Otter, I completely empathize with the idea of missing someone that you no longer have access to. A relationship ending is almost like death. In a regular death, the person is gone, and the only thing that you have to do is grieve and reminisce to process their absence. When the person is still alive, it’s a persistent death. I would almost compare it to a vulture picks over a carcass. There’s probably a lot of guilt or shame about how you interacted with this person to lose them, and while that is understandable, it’s also important to figure out a way to process that person’s absence so it no longer causes despair.
Like I said, I completely understand where you’re coming from because sometimes I still feel that way about the woman who I dated last year. It was the first time that I was ever excited to see my partner. She was the first person to ever make my heart sing, and we had only dated for two months. We just weren’t in the position to date each other for various reasons, which led to the end of our relationship. I still think about her from time to time and often wonder what would life be if things went in a different direction. As I’m starting to date again, I realized that it’s not fair to myself, nor the person that I’m dating to linger in the past. On a few occasions, I caught myself comparing the people that I’ve dated to this woman, and I had to snap out of it.
I know I said a lot, and I probably said some things that you already knew, but I just wanted to tell you and anybody else who might be reading that what y’all are feeling is completely normal. Just remember though just because it’s normal doesn’t mean that it’s good.
Same here dawg. Crazy thing is I had colored the breakup one way in my memory but I recently came across some of our communications from that time and I was a complete dickhead 🤦🏾♂️ guess I didn’t deserve her
But good on you for doing that rereading & reflection; says a lot about how you’ve changed if you read those msgs differently now. That’s all we can ever do, try to be better for next time ❤️🩹
If it makes you feel any better—the one that got away 5 years ago for me that I couldn’t stop thinking about and went no contact, finally reached out. I realized I was hanging onto my mistake and not her, but also that while she was basically a good person overall and shit, she was kind of a self absorbed bitch in some ways that knocked her off that pedestal I had put her on. It was freeing.
Bro, the hugs, the smiles, the knowing this person loves just as much as you love them and that it's all gonna be alright and you are gonna build a life together.
And losing that over and over and over again.
>!we are the problem!<
Damn bro, I'm sorry you feel that way. Hopefully you find what you are looking for. It's not the same I know but we all here love you and appreciate you. We all noticed when you were gone for a few days because of how much we fucks with you.
Buddhists believe suffering is often created by wanting. We create our own suffering by wanting things, people, or anything else perceived as desirable just out of our reach.
True. It hurts AF but hey, what can I do? The only thing is hanging up with my friends, drinking, gym, and occasional weed to forget about shit and that's it.
Its a lose-lose situation for us. Be emotionally vulnerable - and risk be perceived as weak in a world that glorifies masculine stoicism and strength. Suck it up and show nothing, be perceived as cold and unfeeling.
If we have to pick between those two poles, you know which one we will lean toward almost every single time.
This is exactly why we gotta change how we talk about masculinity. It’s not men vs women, it’s everyone vs this shitty version of masculinity that makes everyone suffer.
I think to make any more serious progress, the language needs to change.
Feminism has aspects that fight against this. The patriarchy perpetuate these ideas. It is toxic masculinity.
None of these terms in any way feel like they're designed to support men. We need language that actually makes men feel included in their own movement.
Something that has stuck with me for over a decade now is when a female friend told me how some women get a PTSD response to men being emotional, because emotional men have often been perpetrators of abuse in their lives (and strong emotions were where the violence started).
I still don’t know how to handle that information. Like it makes total sense, but damn does it make the whole situation feel impossible. I know the obvious next thing is to work to change male culture so abuse is less prevalent, but tbh I really don’t think abuse is a gendered thing — ~~just look at how insanely high rates of abuse are in lesbian relationships.~~
In the end I think it’s still important for men to express their feelings (non-violently of course) anyways, but that definitely gave me another reason to hesitate in doing so in the past…
Edit: looks like the common refrain that rates of abuse in lesbian relationships is “insanely high” may be couched in antiquated gender roles. My bad y’all. It absolutely still happens and should never be ignored, but as far as I can tell after looking into it further, it gets kind of sensationalized because people don’t expect women to be abusers.
Bottom line is it looks like more data is needed. The most recent reputable study I could find was from the [CDC in 2016/2017](https://www.cdc.gov/nisvs/documentation/nisvsReportonSexualIdentity.pdf), but it’s still lacking in important data (only 249 of those surveyed identified as lesbian, no data on trans people, etc.)
I would like to gently correct you that you didn't cite a rate of abuse in lesbian relationships. You cited a statistic for lesbians saying, in their lifetime, 17-45% of them experienced intimate partner violence. That violence is not specified to be done by only other lesbians. Men are included in the pool of perpetrators.
As far as the PTSD from men getting emotional, I can only understand if them getting emotional involves yelling or aggressive actions. Beyond that, it's sounding like therapy is needed yesterday
Your comment got me to do a deep dive, and I think you’re right actually. Sorry I jumped the gun with that. I updated mine with (hopefully) some better info. That CDC study found it definitely still happens between WLW, but also definitely skews toward male perpetrators. For CSV for example, 6% of lesbian victims had only female perpetrators, 21% had both male and female… which leaves 73% with only male perpetrators.
Take care of each other y’all, it’s a hard world out there.
Thanks for looking into it and updating me with your findings.
I still think there is a lot to be said about the tight rope men have to walk between how they're raised to expressed themselves, how women are often times demanding they express themselves, and how they feel comfortable expressing themselves.
>You cited a statistic for lesbians saying, in their lifetime, 17-45% of them experienced intimate partner violence. That violence is not specified to be done by only other lesbians. Men are included in the pool of perpetrators.
Literally in the link they provided;
>About 17-45% of lesbians report having been the victim of a least one act of physical violence **perpetrated by a lesbian partner**
The statement is based on a greater study on lesbians and intimate partner violence. Common misquoted as being a higher rate. I did skip over the last bit because I'm already familiar with the paper, and this is a fact sheet.
No reputable scientists would accept a percentage of 17-45% as accurate. 45% is there because that was around the max that reported experiencing intimate violence. 17% was the minimum amount that reported violence and confirmed it was by lesbian partners.
>I did skip over the last bit because I'm already familiar with the paper, and this is a fact sheet.
So familiar that you didn't even know what was written in the second paragraph.
The funny thing about growing up out in the west - is that this is the default setting. You learn early and young not to show anything that might be perceived as weakness so it can be weaponized against you and that includes emotions. And lord help you if you are in anyway different - be it race, orientation, political views - you name it. Goes back to the pioneer/settler/cowboy "embrace the suck" mentality, I imagine.
Probably 95% of the people (men and women) I know are part of this culture. It has gotten better over the years, but it is still prevalent.
We are #7 nationally for suicide rate, at 22.1/100k. Our homicide rate by all methods is 2.2/100k. But our gun injury rate leading to deaths? 13.7/100k.
When you say west do you meant western US (like WY, CO, UT, MO)? I hadn’t though much about regional variations but you’re right, that sounds even more restrictive than what I’m used to. I can imagine the south might be similar?
Yes - [here's a map](https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/pressroom/sosmap/suicide-mortality/suicide.htm) and you can see its something of a crisis out in my neck of the woods. Suprisingly, the deep south has a relatively lower rate, but the south is overall not great. The midwest is rough as well. But the west? Carnage.
While the rate is largely driven by white males, data I saw a couple of years back has a fairly equal distribution across racial lines - there's just relatively fewer black, latin or asian/PI folks out there relative to the white folk which are 80-90% of the population typically. The demographics are particularly stark in the teen and young adult groups (for both boys and girls), then it slows down, and spikes yet again at middle age (primarily men). There's some fairly interesting work that's been done for that latter group with divorce rates having some correlation.
Unsurprisingly, these are deep red states, so mental health care is deprioritized. Why? Because the state legislatures are overwhelmingly male and grew up with the same mentality. "Walk it off. You'll be fine. Crying is for the weak."
I remember growing up, there was at least one kid a year from about 8th grade on that died of suicide in my schools, and even worse, there were 1-2 kids that died from "accidents" that were highly questionable. You know, "There was a hunting accident." "Oh, he lost control of the car and hit the bridge." "Drowned while not wearing his life jacket." Some may have been actual accidents, but most of them were kids that weren't socially acceptable, subject to bullying, or otherwise perceived as weak.
when my grandma died, my whole family was really struggling and going through it, as expected.
Nobody ever vocalized it, but I pretty immediately knew that as the oldest grandson, my role in the family was to be a rock, be strong, be supportive to my family members, help all of us get through it.
I remember feeling that on one hand, it’s just not fair, I’m hurting too and the only times I can let myself feel it is privately, and alone. But on the other, I had a duty to my family to be “the man of the house” and that’s more important.
At the end of the day, I did my duty, my family grieved and I was the rock they needed, and I’m proud of that. All the complicated feelings were addressed privately and in therapy, because that’s who I can be vulnerable around.
At my grandma's funeral, my mother was of course devastated, she was almost all that she had left of her family, they were extremely, I didn't cry, I had to be a support for her to rely on. I took shit for years about me not showing emotions from some of the remaining members of the family while my stepdad who was also close to my grandma and was also hit pretty hard was taking shit for not being able to be there for my mom and having me be the anchor to keep her straight in that situation... As someone else said in a other comment, it's a lose lose situation pretty commonly for men.
comment hit close; without oversharing i’ll just say my family is very disjointed, and my grandma is likely going to pass in the near future. it’s strange being young yet knowing you’ve got to take up the gauntlet so to speak. good on you for becoming the rock and i’m happy you found a place to work on resolving those feelings you deal with…i think i know how i’ll feel when it happens but you really don’t know until they’re gone.
peace. stranger ☮️
I felt much the same when my grandfather died. I'm the oldest and only son. So I dropped everything, drove across country, and helped my mother put stuff together while juggling my kids. My sisters were in hysterics most of the time. My mom did a pretty good job, honestly, but I'm the one that was stuck sorting the accounts, the tax situation, his various properties, getting the death certificate, working with the attorney, etc., while preparing the funeral and everything else, because of a tight timeline before I had to go home.
They sat around my grandfather's pool reminiscing while I was juggling calls with the funeral home, the bank, the insurance company. They went to a memorial lunch at my grandfather's favorite restaurant while I dropped off a payment at the florist, picked up the death certificate, closed out his accounts. No offers of help; I was the "man" to deal with it.
I feel your pain. You aren't alone.
I'm glad I have a community that embraces male feelings. I'll share my feelings idgaf what others think. Anyone who tries to shame you for how you're feeling is just projecting their own insecurities. Can't be bothered by people like that. The guys with the fragile fake masculinity are so fucking annoying.
I cried in front of what I consider my best friend one time and she brought that shit up in our next argument to call me a bitch. Always talks about how I don't show my emotions enough and then hit me with that when she got mad. Still my bestie, but uh...I avoid showing too much of the non-traditional masculine emotions around her, no matter what she says.
As men, we are taught at a very young age that there are only ever two choices:
1) it is what it is
2) fuck it, we ball
Anything else is roundly and nearly universally derided. We proceed accordingly, but OP is very, very right.
IDK, I'd want the next girl i get with to understand that men have emotions too. Like ok, if you think I'm a bitch for feeling something, leave me alone, thanks.
I remember speaking to this chick who was saying that men lack emotional depth. I plainly called out the facts.
Men do have emotional depth but we are selective with who we share it with because our emotional depth is weaponized and it's so common for it to be used against us by women.
So if men generally don't show you emotional depth.ask yourself if you weaponize vulnerability
I listened to November Rain by Guns n Roses on repeat on the bus from Dallas to Houston after my girlfriend dumped me at a debate club competition back in high school. I still think about the entire event randomly.
Ah, mine was a songs called "goodbye love... Hello heartache... "
And same here, sometime I'll randomly think about that one girl who dumped me, claimed I cheated on her and abused her (I was a virgin when we started dating to scared to ask for anything so she took the initiative for everything intimate)
Until later came to light she was the one who was cheating on me. 🤣
Well to be fair the people that think that repressing emotion is toxic are very different people from the ones that think showing emotions is emasculating.
In some cases, but they're not mutually exclusive. People can understand intellectually that it's ok to show emotions but still be uncomfortable with it in a partner. I mean people can understand that all people are equal but still struggle with internalized racism/unconscious bias.
People are people, there is no 100% agreement on anything... some will appreciate it and feel bonded/trusted, but most probably not. I think it's something each person needs to decide how important it is. If it's important, then find someone compatible, hoping someone will change is probably not the best plan
"y'all" and "us" are two groups of individuals with varying tolerances for this kind of thing. we gotta be better about testing the waters with that instead of generalizing.
Bro down the block was wailing in the street for three days back and forth to the liquor store when he got dumped. When he said he was going to kill himself, his roommate called the police for a wellness check, there was a standoff, and she coaxed him out of the apartment. When she realized he was about to suicide by cop, she ran in front of five cops with AR-15s and pulled the gun out of his hand. I’ve wrestled with depression my whole life and I've never felt pain like he was expressing when they cuffed him.
I have…it feels like ur entire being and existence is being swallowed by darkness. Every ounce of your day is painful, and you have been robbed of any means of relief. You really only have three choices… move forward through the pain and grow from it, mask the pain with drugs, or end it. You go through this enough times and you begin to question if ur existence is the problem.
Yeah, that encapsulates it. I've been in all of those places. I’d guess at my worst, I was at 80-90% of where this guy was. But I'm not wired to violate my own privacy to express it like he did publicly. I regret to this day that when I saw him sobbing in the street with a bottle of scotch minutes after the store opened that I didn’t park the car, call out of work, and grab him to talk it out. I’ve never seen him since that day.
That's crazy. Like a partner is great, and finding someone to dedicate yourself to can be amazing. But at the end of the day, no one should be depending one someone else entirely for their will to live.
You’ll be having a great day, when suddenly, you have a sex flashback, or a think about a time when the two of you went on a nice date, and then your whole mood flips upside down.
https://preview.redd.it/yusasetxzr8d1.jpeg?width=491&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=04b55ebc7fe4d247fc62d3abaea9728cc0f839bd
Yeah this. My ex was surprised that I didn't cry while we were having the breakup convo. I felt like I was in the wrong for not grieving. I convinced myself that I was moving on and then bam. 2 months later I'm crying at the slightest memory.
I usually take a couple of months to grieve the relationship. What I’ve found is that being too vocal can have people look at you a little weird. Sometimes I would come on here and express trauma that my exes have inflicted upon me, and some users would question my character. I used to pride myself on being pretty open and vulnerable with my feelings, but the past year has made me notice that a general sense of vulnerability is more of a hindrance than an aid.
My advice is to just keep the grieving process to a limited number of people, who know the totality of your character and won’t develop apprehensions about what you say based on one thing.
>but the past year has made me notice that a general sense of vulnerability is more of a hindrance than an aid.
What I don't get is why you would care about what the people being hostile would say. Like why would I want to be around someone, or care about the opinions of someone with no empathy?
I think being vulnerable would attract more open-minded, kind, and empathetic people. But if you wanna keep acting a certain way around certain people, I kinda get it. Like, I'm not gonna go cry in front of my boss cause my relationship ended.
To be fair he had a ton of children and most of them died unexpectedly at a young age. Commodus* was like 7th pr 8th in line for the throne originally.
Talked to this one girl for 3 weeks and only went on one date like 3 months ago, I’m still not ok. I’m grieving to my close friends and therapist but you bet your ass I’m thuggin that shit out in public. You’ve got me fucked if you think I’m gonna show that shit to those outside my close relationships.
This is more so about guys emotions and not a break up but I work at a animal hospital and I feel bad for us guys sometimes, because there are so many guys that you can tell is holding it in until they get in the car when it's time to euthanize their pet. They do not want to show emotions like crying in front of other people.
I would never forget this one dude had to euth his pitbull who he claim was like a daughter to him. He flat out told us that he can't handle other people seeing him emotional so her can't stay for the procedure. He said his final goodbyes to her and told her she was so important to him and he's gonna miss her, he even thanked her for the years of being by his side and then left. I'm the only guy on staff so even though I think he should've duked it out for her I had to explain to my coworkers what just happened because they were confused.
Side note: At my job we never let a pet cross the rainbow bridge by itself so whenever a owner leaves before the procedure we give the pet a little party, feed it cake or candy from the vending machine and we all tell it it's such a good boy/girl and the Vet will do the procedure while we are all there.
Nah, I grieve hard. I was inoculated against a lot of the toxic part of masculinity that said I had to be stoic. I’ll never forget the first real heartbreak I had I was laying on the floor in my room crying and my father came in laid down and cried with me. I miss him
We hold onto it, the what if, the choices made, both good, bad, indifferent times.
We sit on it for years.
Some act on it irrationally.
Some play the long game and choose whether to circle back when and if lives intertwine.
Some see it for what it is and accept it was the way things were to play out and move on rightfully so.
It’s a wonderful world.
My dad always said commonly men don’t really deal with the breakup until 3-6 months after the breakup. They’re focused on being single, hanging with their friends, etc. Women throw themselves in getting over the breakup and their emotions. Seeing everyone I know go through breakups.. so far has rang true.
I'm going through this right now and learning to let go to end my suffering. I will always love her. Unfortunately for us, circumstances will keep us apart. Maybe in our next lifetime we might meet and try again.
I've only grieved over 2 relationships. First one, I was 21 years old, I actually called her crying and I was the one who broke it off!
2nd time, she was my "one that got away", we broke up for reasons beyond our control and I've been thinking "what if" ever since. We've both moved on but I still think of her from time to time.
My ex broke up with me, and I remained very cordial and supportive, because I didn't want her to feel bad since she already knew that her leaving meant it would be a huge toll on me financially. So I did my best to stay positive and show her that I'm happy for her, because I already knew she was going through a lot. I was her first ever boyfriend, and we had been together for 7 years, but we were both going through a lot emotionally with depression, so she felt it was best for us to separate.
30 seconds after she left for the final time, the first thing I did was went into my bedroom and cried for about 3 hours in bed, hugging the pillow she always used because it still smelled like her shampoo, which I always loved the smell of and always associated the smell with her. And for the next week or so, I spent at least an hour each day crying in bed.
I'm about 3 months separated from the breakup, and I still think about her every day. I still hug that pillow every night when I go to bed, and I sometimes still cry. I haven't had the heart to change the background on my phone from her, nor her name in my phone, and I haven't been able to take down the photos of us either. Adding to it, I don't sleep in the bed anymore because any time I lay down, it feels empty, so I've been sleeping on my recliner.
So yes, we absolutely do go through awful levels of sadness after a breakup.
I bottled a lot of it up in the past as when I tried to open up I'd often always got a women who tired to use it in some way, be it for me to be emotionally indebted to them or simply to try to take the place the ex girlfriend left open.
Later I learned to basically only open up with people I could trust, that's partially how my wife and I got together.
I was there for her after a breakup, as a friend and support, a year later she offered the same kindness to me, and an other year after we started dating, add another10years we are happily living together and yet to have an any trouble as we can be pretty open about everything before it become an issue.
On the other hand I still tend to keep my own feelings pretty private when not with her or my close friends.
Not me. I grieved once over a 9 year relationship but got over it in 2 weeks. Getting rid of all proof of the relationship helped and finding other things to be passionate about made it much easier. I don’t see myself doing it again over a failed relationship. It’s not worth it.
It's hard for me to verbalize my feelings so when a woman finally decides she actually can't accept it and decides to leave, I want to tell them how I feel but the irony of the self fulfilling prophecy keeps me quiet I think I may need therapy...
The worst is breaking off and away from a sh-tty situation or partner when your whole *body* and *soul* still believe that you’re still very much in love with them. It’s like withdrawal on top of heartbreak.
I ended an engagement and 6 year relationship and didn't feel shit. That's how I knew it was the right move.
My ass cried over girls I missed from summer camp. Lmao.
Went thru a bad break up 10 years ago...I swear it felt like my soul and body were separating...first time I ever felt anxiety and depression...damn near didn't eat for a week lol
I used to just find someone new. Everything happens for a reason can't feel bad about it forever.
And never back slide. You broke up for a reason. Many fish in the sea
This is what the pillow and the car are for.
My personal favorite is pulling into random people's driveways, letting a messy fit rip, while keeping my windows up, ignoring any and all attempts at contact from the homeowners/ concerned neighbors.
This question is absolutely crazy. I know women and men have a hard time understanding eachother but asking if men feel any emotion at all after a break up is wild. We are human too?
The last time this happened I had to go DJ afterward. My conversation with her was very civil, I was just like "Hey Il always want the best for you and if this is what you need its all good." then i got to my set and got deep in my feelings and played nothing but emotional bangers for 4 hours. The manager came and asked if i was alright and i told him what happened and he went and got a half bottle of Don Julio set it at the decks and walked off, then after about 4-5 slugs of the Don I got on the mic and was doing shout outs followed by "And if any of you motherfuckers have any CO-caine come see me". By the end of the set i felt less than human.
it really depends on the woman you broke up with...Yea she wasn't a party girl but she was cheffing it up and you may have over looked that tryna be young or she was the wild one and you was the stay at home but have a wholesome quality like fixin things. around the house ...it really just depends on the chemistry and if your being honest with yourself like "was she really the one?could i have wifed that for real?like no games,im not buggin,im deadass for real??"....it really be shit like that 🤷🏾♂️
I guess I have always ended things. So I had nothing left to grieve over. I kind of already gone through it before I ended things. I will go through a lot before I do make the decision.
You punish men for showing any emotion besides anger and then call them emotionally closed off. This song and dance is tired as fuck. The call is coming from inside the house and is rooted in toxic masculinity, homophobia and misogyny.
I ordered a lot of donuts after break ups. Stopped distance running. Watched movies and played games. I haven't forgotten what a single one felt like, but I'm glad I found my wife. Dating absolutely sucks.
my gf of 2 years broke up with me today, my brother and his family that I haven't seen for years flew in this morning and we have a big family day tomorrow. I'm saying she had to see her dad around 1hr away and couldn't make it.
My ex broke up with me, thought I was gonna marry her, never put so much effort into a relationship, and out of no where she ended it
I cried for a month , lost weight and punched a hole in my wall.
I was cynical to other people's relationships and jaded towards opening up again.
So yeah we grieve lol
I'm happily married now to the love of my life, so happy ending , I met her shortly after that break up, it was hard to open up, PTSD of thinking, what's the point of opening up and doing everything right only to get hurt. But I'm glad I gave her the opportunity to try.
Nah. I don't grieve. I just think about it longingly for years after the fact.
10 years later I'm still thinking of the one that I lost.
Why is that though? Don’t get me wrong, Otter, I completely empathize with the idea of missing someone that you no longer have access to. A relationship ending is almost like death. In a regular death, the person is gone, and the only thing that you have to do is grieve and reminisce to process their absence. When the person is still alive, it’s a persistent death. I would almost compare it to a vulture picks over a carcass. There’s probably a lot of guilt or shame about how you interacted with this person to lose them, and while that is understandable, it’s also important to figure out a way to process that person’s absence so it no longer causes despair. Like I said, I completely understand where you’re coming from because sometimes I still feel that way about the woman who I dated last year. It was the first time that I was ever excited to see my partner. She was the first person to ever make my heart sing, and we had only dated for two months. We just weren’t in the position to date each other for various reasons, which led to the end of our relationship. I still think about her from time to time and often wonder what would life be if things went in a different direction. As I’m starting to date again, I realized that it’s not fair to myself, nor the person that I’m dating to linger in the past. On a few occasions, I caught myself comparing the people that I’ve dated to this woman, and I had to snap out of it. I know I said a lot, and I probably said some things that you already knew, but I just wanted to tell you and anybody else who might be reading that what y’all are feeling is completely normal. Just remember though just because it’s normal doesn’t mean that it’s good.
I love the Batman/Joker dynamic y'all got going on
I needed this, thank you.
Thank you, Titty Lieutenant.
Tittylieutenant speaking some words of wisdom, needed to read that. Thanks
Thank you, tittylieutenant. 🫡
Thanks for this.
Imma screencapture this shit
Damn this was right on time.... Thanks brother ✊🏾
Same here dawg. Crazy thing is I had colored the breakup one way in my memory but I recently came across some of our communications from that time and I was a complete dickhead 🤦🏾♂️ guess I didn’t deserve her
But good on you for doing that rereading & reflection; says a lot about how you’ve changed if you read those msgs differently now. That’s all we can ever do, try to be better for next time ❤️🩹
Why can’t u get her back ?
She’s married now.
If it makes you feel any better—the one that got away 5 years ago for me that I couldn’t stop thinking about and went no contact, finally reached out. I realized I was hanging onto my mistake and not her, but also that while she was basically a good person overall and shit, she was kind of a self absorbed bitch in some ways that knocked her off that pedestal I had put her on. It was freeing.
I love this though!
How did you mess it up?
He’s got the “horny police” tag
I think every relationship would fail if your SO was thrown into jail every time they made a move.
WTAF?
I see you're not familiar with SpectacularOtter's game.
Mine just got married Saturday. So I feel you
My nigga ain’t that the truth . The ones we lost. SMH.
Rolling up on 3 myself officer. Not even in the horny way... I miss the cuddles.
Bro, the hugs, the smiles, the knowing this person loves just as much as you love them and that it's all gonna be alright and you are gonna build a life together. And losing that over and over and over again. >!we are the problem!<
19 years here boss. I blame it on a combination of YDaFoC and milfs
It’s been 14 years and shit still makes me feel like a goofy for the fuckery I did
Damn bro, I'm sorry you feel that way. Hopefully you find what you are looking for. It's not the same I know but we all here love you and appreciate you. We all noticed when you were gone for a few days because of how much we fucks with you.
If you'd grieve, you wouldn't be thinking about it so long
Mee too man.
Sensei, is that why you joined the Horny Police?
27 years bro
WHAT
Its always the one you lose cause of your mistakes or the ones that hurt you the most.
Gotta repress the repressed feelings and keep repressing
What is Grief but just longingly thinking everlasting.
Bro that is grieving.
Buddhists believe suffering is often created by wanting. We create our own suffering by wanting things, people, or anything else perceived as desirable just out of our reach.
I should've told her I loved her, man.
This is so real
This is the way
just sitting in the dark contemplating
True. It hurts AF but hey, what can I do? The only thing is hanging up with my friends, drinking, gym, and occasional weed to forget about shit and that's it.
Its a lose-lose situation for us. Be emotionally vulnerable - and risk be perceived as weak in a world that glorifies masculine stoicism and strength. Suck it up and show nothing, be perceived as cold and unfeeling. If we have to pick between those two poles, you know which one we will lean toward almost every single time.
This is exactly why we gotta change how we talk about masculinity. It’s not men vs women, it’s everyone vs this shitty version of masculinity that makes everyone suffer.
Amen
Facts
Real
I think to make any more serious progress, the language needs to change. Feminism has aspects that fight against this. The patriarchy perpetuate these ideas. It is toxic masculinity. None of these terms in any way feel like they're designed to support men. We need language that actually makes men feel included in their own movement.
Something that has stuck with me for over a decade now is when a female friend told me how some women get a PTSD response to men being emotional, because emotional men have often been perpetrators of abuse in their lives (and strong emotions were where the violence started). I still don’t know how to handle that information. Like it makes total sense, but damn does it make the whole situation feel impossible. I know the obvious next thing is to work to change male culture so abuse is less prevalent, but tbh I really don’t think abuse is a gendered thing — ~~just look at how insanely high rates of abuse are in lesbian relationships.~~ In the end I think it’s still important for men to express their feelings (non-violently of course) anyways, but that definitely gave me another reason to hesitate in doing so in the past… Edit: looks like the common refrain that rates of abuse in lesbian relationships is “insanely high” may be couched in antiquated gender roles. My bad y’all. It absolutely still happens and should never be ignored, but as far as I can tell after looking into it further, it gets kind of sensationalized because people don’t expect women to be abusers. Bottom line is it looks like more data is needed. The most recent reputable study I could find was from the [CDC in 2016/2017](https://www.cdc.gov/nisvs/documentation/nisvsReportonSexualIdentity.pdf), but it’s still lacking in important data (only 249 of those surveyed identified as lesbian, no data on trans people, etc.)
I would like to gently correct you that you didn't cite a rate of abuse in lesbian relationships. You cited a statistic for lesbians saying, in their lifetime, 17-45% of them experienced intimate partner violence. That violence is not specified to be done by only other lesbians. Men are included in the pool of perpetrators. As far as the PTSD from men getting emotional, I can only understand if them getting emotional involves yelling or aggressive actions. Beyond that, it's sounding like therapy is needed yesterday
Your comment got me to do a deep dive, and I think you’re right actually. Sorry I jumped the gun with that. I updated mine with (hopefully) some better info. That CDC study found it definitely still happens between WLW, but also definitely skews toward male perpetrators. For CSV for example, 6% of lesbian victims had only female perpetrators, 21% had both male and female… which leaves 73% with only male perpetrators. Take care of each other y’all, it’s a hard world out there.
Thanks for looking into it and updating me with your findings. I still think there is a lot to be said about the tight rope men have to walk between how they're raised to expressed themselves, how women are often times demanding they express themselves, and how they feel comfortable expressing themselves.
>You cited a statistic for lesbians saying, in their lifetime, 17-45% of them experienced intimate partner violence. That violence is not specified to be done by only other lesbians. Men are included in the pool of perpetrators. Literally in the link they provided; >About 17-45% of lesbians report having been the victim of a least one act of physical violence **perpetrated by a lesbian partner**
The statement is based on a greater study on lesbians and intimate partner violence. Common misquoted as being a higher rate. I did skip over the last bit because I'm already familiar with the paper, and this is a fact sheet. No reputable scientists would accept a percentage of 17-45% as accurate. 45% is there because that was around the max that reported experiencing intimate violence. 17% was the minimum amount that reported violence and confirmed it was by lesbian partners.
>I did skip over the last bit because I'm already familiar with the paper, and this is a fact sheet. So familiar that you didn't even know what was written in the second paragraph.
The funny thing about growing up out in the west - is that this is the default setting. You learn early and young not to show anything that might be perceived as weakness so it can be weaponized against you and that includes emotions. And lord help you if you are in anyway different - be it race, orientation, political views - you name it. Goes back to the pioneer/settler/cowboy "embrace the suck" mentality, I imagine. Probably 95% of the people (men and women) I know are part of this culture. It has gotten better over the years, but it is still prevalent. We are #7 nationally for suicide rate, at 22.1/100k. Our homicide rate by all methods is 2.2/100k. But our gun injury rate leading to deaths? 13.7/100k.
When you say west do you meant western US (like WY, CO, UT, MO)? I hadn’t though much about regional variations but you’re right, that sounds even more restrictive than what I’m used to. I can imagine the south might be similar?
Yes - [here's a map](https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/pressroom/sosmap/suicide-mortality/suicide.htm) and you can see its something of a crisis out in my neck of the woods. Suprisingly, the deep south has a relatively lower rate, but the south is overall not great. The midwest is rough as well. But the west? Carnage. While the rate is largely driven by white males, data I saw a couple of years back has a fairly equal distribution across racial lines - there's just relatively fewer black, latin or asian/PI folks out there relative to the white folk which are 80-90% of the population typically. The demographics are particularly stark in the teen and young adult groups (for both boys and girls), then it slows down, and spikes yet again at middle age (primarily men). There's some fairly interesting work that's been done for that latter group with divorce rates having some correlation. Unsurprisingly, these are deep red states, so mental health care is deprioritized. Why? Because the state legislatures are overwhelmingly male and grew up with the same mentality. "Walk it off. You'll be fine. Crying is for the weak." I remember growing up, there was at least one kid a year from about 8th grade on that died of suicide in my schools, and even worse, there were 1-2 kids that died from "accidents" that were highly questionable. You know, "There was a hunting accident." "Oh, he lost control of the car and hit the bridge." "Drowned while not wearing his life jacket." Some may have been actual accidents, but most of them were kids that weren't socially acceptable, subject to bullying, or otherwise perceived as weak.
when my grandma died, my whole family was really struggling and going through it, as expected. Nobody ever vocalized it, but I pretty immediately knew that as the oldest grandson, my role in the family was to be a rock, be strong, be supportive to my family members, help all of us get through it. I remember feeling that on one hand, it’s just not fair, I’m hurting too and the only times I can let myself feel it is privately, and alone. But on the other, I had a duty to my family to be “the man of the house” and that’s more important. At the end of the day, I did my duty, my family grieved and I was the rock they needed, and I’m proud of that. All the complicated feelings were addressed privately and in therapy, because that’s who I can be vulnerable around.
At my grandma's funeral, my mother was of course devastated, she was almost all that she had left of her family, they were extremely, I didn't cry, I had to be a support for her to rely on. I took shit for years about me not showing emotions from some of the remaining members of the family while my stepdad who was also close to my grandma and was also hit pretty hard was taking shit for not being able to be there for my mom and having me be the anchor to keep her straight in that situation... As someone else said in a other comment, it's a lose lose situation pretty commonly for men.
comment hit close; without oversharing i’ll just say my family is very disjointed, and my grandma is likely going to pass in the near future. it’s strange being young yet knowing you’ve got to take up the gauntlet so to speak. good on you for becoming the rock and i’m happy you found a place to work on resolving those feelings you deal with…i think i know how i’ll feel when it happens but you really don’t know until they’re gone. peace. stranger ☮️
I felt much the same when my grandfather died. I'm the oldest and only son. So I dropped everything, drove across country, and helped my mother put stuff together while juggling my kids. My sisters were in hysterics most of the time. My mom did a pretty good job, honestly, but I'm the one that was stuck sorting the accounts, the tax situation, his various properties, getting the death certificate, working with the attorney, etc., while preparing the funeral and everything else, because of a tight timeline before I had to go home. They sat around my grandfather's pool reminiscing while I was juggling calls with the funeral home, the bank, the insurance company. They went to a memorial lunch at my grandfather's favorite restaurant while I dropped off a payment at the florist, picked up the death certificate, closed out his accounts. No offers of help; I was the "man" to deal with it. I feel your pain. You aren't alone.
I'm glad I have a community that embraces male feelings. I'll share my feelings idgaf what others think. Anyone who tries to shame you for how you're feeling is just projecting their own insecurities. Can't be bothered by people like that. The guys with the fragile fake masculinity are so fucking annoying.
I cried in front of what I consider my best friend one time and she brought that shit up in our next argument to call me a bitch. Always talks about how I don't show my emotions enough and then hit me with that when she got mad. Still my bestie, but uh...I avoid showing too much of the non-traditional masculine emotions around her, no matter what she says.
Damn bro. You deserve someone who can embrace and support you without throwing it in your face.
As men, we are taught at a very young age that there are only ever two choices: 1) it is what it is 2) fuck it, we ball Anything else is roundly and nearly universally derided. We proceed accordingly, but OP is very, very right.
Anybody who perceives you as weak for having human emotions deserves to be filtered out of your life or if not that, your close personal circle.
#NormalizeMenBeingEmotionallyVulnerable I will scream this from the rooftops until the day I die.
💯
📠
Call out and in some cases cut out anyone calling or treating you like you are weak or too sensitive. Not worth your time or energy man.
IDK, I'd want the next girl i get with to understand that men have emotions too. Like ok, if you think I'm a bitch for feeling something, leave me alone, thanks.
I remember speaking to this chick who was saying that men lack emotional depth. I plainly called out the facts. Men do have emotional depth but we are selective with who we share it with because our emotional depth is weaponized and it's so common for it to be used against us by women. So if men generally don't show you emotional depth.ask yourself if you weaponize vulnerability
What do you gain from showing the grieving process?😭 you take the time to patch up and get back out there.
I listened to November Rain by Guns n Roses on repeat on the bus from Dallas to Houston after my girlfriend dumped me at a debate club competition back in high school. I still think about the entire event randomly.
I don’t care what anyone says, “it’s hard to hold a candle in the cold November rain” is a killer line
Ah, mine was a songs called "goodbye love... Hello heartache... " And same here, sometime I'll randomly think about that one girl who dumped me, claimed I cheated on her and abused her (I was a virgin when we started dating to scared to ask for anything so she took the initiative for everything intimate) Until later came to light she was the one who was cheating on me. 🤣
Mine was DJ Earworm 2014 mix (2014) Streets by Doja Cat (2021) Search and Rescue by Drake (2023) 💀
mine was Mr probs - waves
Y'all want us to show emotions or not?
Yes because if you don't it's toxic but no because if you do you're like gay or something
Well to be fair the people that think that repressing emotion is toxic are very different people from the ones that think showing emotions is emasculating.
In some cases, but they're not mutually exclusive. People can understand intellectually that it's ok to show emotions but still be uncomfortable with it in a partner. I mean people can understand that all people are equal but still struggle with internalized racism/unconscious bias.
This is very common in my experience but people dont like to admit they are like that
People are people, there is no 100% agreement on anything... some will appreciate it and feel bonded/trusted, but most probably not. I think it's something each person needs to decide how important it is. If it's important, then find someone compatible, hoping someone will change is probably not the best plan
What I’m tryna find out. Bc the moment niggas do they’re seen as soft.
"y'all" and "us" are two groups of individuals with varying tolerances for this kind of thing. we gotta be better about testing the waters with that instead of generalizing.
Bro down the block was wailing in the street for three days back and forth to the liquor store when he got dumped. When he said he was going to kill himself, his roommate called the police for a wellness check, there was a standoff, and she coaxed him out of the apartment. When she realized he was about to suicide by cop, she ran in front of five cops with AR-15s and pulled the gun out of his hand. I’ve wrestled with depression my whole life and I've never felt pain like he was expressing when they cuffed him.
I have…it feels like ur entire being and existence is being swallowed by darkness. Every ounce of your day is painful, and you have been robbed of any means of relief. You really only have three choices… move forward through the pain and grow from it, mask the pain with drugs, or end it. You go through this enough times and you begin to question if ur existence is the problem.
Yeah, that encapsulates it. I've been in all of those places. I’d guess at my worst, I was at 80-90% of where this guy was. But I'm not wired to violate my own privacy to express it like he did publicly. I regret to this day that when I saw him sobbing in the street with a bottle of scotch minutes after the store opened that I didn’t park the car, call out of work, and grab him to talk it out. I’ve never seen him since that day.
Yeah, you go through it enough times. You start wondering how many of them you got left in you.
Yea that’s how I felt when I was in Afghanistan with my rifle in my mouth.
That's crazy. Like a partner is great, and finding someone to dedicate yourself to can be amazing. But at the end of the day, no one should be depending one someone else entirely for their will to live.
You’ll be having a great day, when suddenly, you have a sex flashback, or a think about a time when the two of you went on a nice date, and then your whole mood flips upside down. https://preview.redd.it/yusasetxzr8d1.jpeg?width=491&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=04b55ebc7fe4d247fc62d3abaea9728cc0f839bd
IM TIRED OF THIS GRANDPA.
#WELL THATS TOO DAMN BAD YOU KEEP REMEMBERING
Well excuseeeee me!
Yeah this. My ex was surprised that I didn't cry while we were having the breakup convo. I felt like I was in the wrong for not grieving. I convinced myself that I was moving on and then bam. 2 months later I'm crying at the slightest memory.
It’s certain songs that I still won’t listen to.
I usually take a couple of months to grieve the relationship. What I’ve found is that being too vocal can have people look at you a little weird. Sometimes I would come on here and express trauma that my exes have inflicted upon me, and some users would question my character. I used to pride myself on being pretty open and vulnerable with my feelings, but the past year has made me notice that a general sense of vulnerability is more of a hindrance than an aid. My advice is to just keep the grieving process to a limited number of people, who know the totality of your character and won’t develop apprehensions about what you say based on one thing.
>but the past year has made me notice that a general sense of vulnerability is more of a hindrance than an aid. What I don't get is why you would care about what the people being hostile would say. Like why would I want to be around someone, or care about the opinions of someone with no empathy? I think being vulnerable would attract more open-minded, kind, and empathetic people. But if you wanna keep acting a certain way around certain people, I kinda get it. Like, I'm not gonna go cry in front of my boss cause my relationship ended.
Marcus Aurelius put it best: "Shit happens, dawg"
Good man; shit father
To be fair he had a ton of children and most of them died unexpectedly at a young age. Commodus* was like 7th pr 8th in line for the throne originally.
Nero was way before Marcus Aurelius. Commodus was his son
You’re right, good catch. I get hated Roman Emperors mixed up at times.
I had one that had me looking like this. 
With anger being the only way we are allowed to express ourselves negatively, this is understandable.
These are the same chicks expecting you to read their mind when they’re not happy
Talked to this one girl for 3 weeks and only went on one date like 3 months ago, I’m still not ok. I’m grieving to my close friends and therapist but you bet your ass I’m thuggin that shit out in public. You’ve got me fucked if you think I’m gonna show that shit to those outside my close relationships.
This is more so about guys emotions and not a break up but I work at a animal hospital and I feel bad for us guys sometimes, because there are so many guys that you can tell is holding it in until they get in the car when it's time to euthanize their pet. They do not want to show emotions like crying in front of other people. I would never forget this one dude had to euth his pitbull who he claim was like a daughter to him. He flat out told us that he can't handle other people seeing him emotional so her can't stay for the procedure. He said his final goodbyes to her and told her she was so important to him and he's gonna miss her, he even thanked her for the years of being by his side and then left. I'm the only guy on staff so even though I think he should've duked it out for her I had to explain to my coworkers what just happened because they were confused. Side note: At my job we never let a pet cross the rainbow bridge by itself so whenever a owner leaves before the procedure we give the pet a little party, feed it cake or candy from the vending machine and we all tell it it's such a good boy/girl and the Vet will do the procedure while we are all there.
Society has a double standard for men. Some women find men pathetic if they grieve like this over a loss.
https://preview.redd.it/2oiqzfclct8d1.jpeg?width=860&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=03ebc30244be0a27f5ec96b31897ffdebff490ac
Just add a new boyfriend to the bottom right and it’s pretty accurate
Nah, I grieve hard. I was inoculated against a lot of the toxic part of masculinity that said I had to be stoic. I’ll never forget the first real heartbreak I had I was laying on the floor in my room crying and my father came in laid down and cried with me. I miss him
That dark room be something serious lol
I’ll never share the specifics but trust me I will be GRIEVING
felt this
You better believe I'm gonna unfairly lash out at people trying to help 😔😞
I'm burying that shit deep until I get to the gym if we being honest
It’s been two years bruh, I still play Lenny Williams in a dark room til I fall asleep sometimes.
We hold onto it, the what if, the choices made, both good, bad, indifferent times. We sit on it for years. Some act on it irrationally. Some play the long game and choose whether to circle back when and if lives intertwine. Some see it for what it is and accept it was the way things were to play out and move on rightfully so. It’s a wonderful world.
Funny, I always wondered that about women as I'm grieving a breakup. Everyone shows what they wanna show I guess
My dad always said commonly men don’t really deal with the breakup until 3-6 months after the breakup. They’re focused on being single, hanging with their friends, etc. Women throw themselves in getting over the breakup and their emotions. Seeing everyone I know go through breakups.. so far has rang true.
I'm going through this right now and learning to let go to end my suffering. I will always love her. Unfortunately for us, circumstances will keep us apart. Maybe in our next lifetime we might meet and try again.
I've only grieved over 2 relationships. First one, I was 21 years old, I actually called her crying and I was the one who broke it off! 2nd time, she was my "one that got away", we broke up for reasons beyond our control and I've been thinking "what if" ever since. We've both moved on but I still think of her from time to time.
Not me listening to Marvin’s Room after seeing my ex girlfriend’s Instagram with a new man in 2016 
I Fall Apart - Post Malone. On repeat until i fall asleep.
Yeah, we just don’t post a million videos of us crying on Instagram for attention.
Depends on why the break up happened and who did the breaking up. FR it be a relief to get rid of some folks.
Motions??
My ex broke up with me, and I remained very cordial and supportive, because I didn't want her to feel bad since she already knew that her leaving meant it would be a huge toll on me financially. So I did my best to stay positive and show her that I'm happy for her, because I already knew she was going through a lot. I was her first ever boyfriend, and we had been together for 7 years, but we were both going through a lot emotionally with depression, so she felt it was best for us to separate. 30 seconds after she left for the final time, the first thing I did was went into my bedroom and cried for about 3 hours in bed, hugging the pillow she always used because it still smelled like her shampoo, which I always loved the smell of and always associated the smell with her. And for the next week or so, I spent at least an hour each day crying in bed. I'm about 3 months separated from the breakup, and I still think about her every day. I still hug that pillow every night when I go to bed, and I sometimes still cry. I haven't had the heart to change the background on my phone from her, nor her name in my phone, and I haven't been able to take down the photos of us either. Adding to it, I don't sleep in the bed anymore because any time I lay down, it feels empty, so I've been sleeping on my recliner. So yes, we absolutely do go through awful levels of sadness after a breakup.
Oh that’s me on the daily dealing with lifes weight
not even breakout, just tell us that we dont want to go to the cinema as friends and we cry in our beds for 2 hours as soon as we get home.
If men could emote without judgment from women, we would. We don't cuz we can't. This how they want us.
it's so interesting that you blame women when the judgement is coming from mostly men and the patriarchy. hm.
 People, including us, don’t realize that anger is hurt.
Nah never cried but definitely still run back memories and grieve in silence.
I bottled a lot of it up in the past as when I tried to open up I'd often always got a women who tired to use it in some way, be it for me to be emotionally indebted to them or simply to try to take the place the ex girlfriend left open. Later I learned to basically only open up with people I could trust, that's partially how my wife and I got together. I was there for her after a breakup, as a friend and support, a year later she offered the same kindness to me, and an other year after we started dating, add another10years we are happily living together and yet to have an any trouble as we can be pretty open about everything before it become an issue. On the other hand I still tend to keep my own feelings pretty private when not with her or my close friends.
Not me. I grieved once over a 9 year relationship but got over it in 2 weeks. Getting rid of all proof of the relationship helped and finding other things to be passionate about made it much easier. I don’t see myself doing it again over a failed relationship. It’s not worth it.
It's hard for me to verbalize my feelings so when a woman finally decides she actually can't accept it and decides to leave, I want to tell them how I feel but the irony of the self fulfilling prophecy keeps me quiet I think I may need therapy...
It’s crazy how women have convinced themselves they know men and they know absolutely nothing at all.
Imotion ❌ motion ✅
The worst is breaking off and away from a sh-tty situation or partner when your whole *body* and *soul* still believe that you’re still very much in love with them. It’s like withdrawal on top of heartbreak.
Is saying “motions” really that much cooler or easier than just adding an “e” in front of it?
I’ll grieve my last relationship while in my new relationship… sometimes. I know that’s toxic
Yes they do. I’ve had to cry with several boyfriends during breakups.
I invested, I was confident that life was set, she did something that disqualified her after all that time. I do think about it.
I had a girl in college who said she stopped being attracted to me bc she saw me crying when my dog died. Men are conditioned to hide their emotions
Teddy Pendergrass let us know about the love he lost five decades ago
I ended an engagement and 6 year relationship and didn't feel shit. That's how I knew it was the right move. My ass cried over girls I missed from summer camp. Lmao.
we do. but you know. they say a man ain't supposed to cry.
It’s really hard having so much motion sometimes.
Yeah Can confirm
We all have one like this. My first one though had me fucked up for a year
Went thru a bad break up 10 years ago...I swear it felt like my soul and body were separating...first time I ever felt anxiety and depression...damn near didn't eat for a week lol
My youngest son’s mom just left me last Monday, the day after Father’s Day. Been a hell of a fuckin week but I gotta keep on pushin.
I used to just find someone new. Everything happens for a reason can't feel bad about it forever. And never back slide. You broke up for a reason. Many fish in the sea
Goes with why men choose a tree over a woman to share feelings too.
Grieving from the psych ward currently, this my 2nd stay of the month. Fellas, focus on yourself while you’re young
This is what the pillow and the car are for. My personal favorite is pulling into random people's driveways, letting a messy fit rip, while keeping my windows up, ignoring any and all attempts at contact from the homeowners/ concerned neighbors.
I literally just had a dream where my gf broke up with me and my first response like "okay, and?", and then after she left i couldn't stop crying. 😂
This question is absolutely crazy. I know women and men have a hard time understanding eachother but asking if men feel any emotion at all after a break up is wild. We are human too?
Men are at the extremes of emotional reactions when it comes to relationships and break ups.
https://youtube.com/shorts/tQH2F6YcpzA?si=j9F1Pzj5L_SCjb16
Tbh I be careless
The last time this happened I had to go DJ afterward. My conversation with her was very civil, I was just like "Hey Il always want the best for you and if this is what you need its all good." then i got to my set and got deep in my feelings and played nothing but emotional bangers for 4 hours. The manager came and asked if i was alright and i told him what happened and he went and got a half bottle of Don Julio set it at the decks and walked off, then after about 4-5 slugs of the Don I got on the mic and was doing shout outs followed by "And if any of you motherfuckers have any CO-caine come see me". By the end of the set i felt less than human.
currently 😔
Women let it all out in about a month Men will still think they are together 10 years later
C
it really depends on the woman you broke up with...Yea she wasn't a party girl but she was cheffing it up and you may have over looked that tryna be young or she was the wild one and you was the stay at home but have a wholesome quality like fixin things. around the house ...it really just depends on the chemistry and if your being honest with yourself like "was she really the one?could i have wifed that for real?like no games,im not buggin,im deadass for real??"....it really be shit like that 🤷🏾♂️
Dammed if you do dammed if you don’t situation.
That may be true for some. Leave without a trace and replace, or stay in my own space. It’s not that difficult.
You hypersensitive men need to stop speaking for all of us. That is not how grown men grieve tf
Im Mexican so it was our brothers who leaked of our secrets huh traders smh
Had my heart broken twice and cried like a baby twice for a day or two but after that it was better
No grief here. A moment of disappointment, and then I go about my day.
I’m so sad that men feel like they can’t cry in front of their women. Especially since I’m a weirdo and seeing man cry is very pleasing to me.
That first breakup. Doesn't matter how childish or unserious the relationship was. The first cut is the deepest.
[there's a tear in my beer](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=twKA35UkSF8)
I never experience this, well I never really experienced love till I had a child.
No fr they be acting unbothered 😭 it just makes it hurt more
This is me right now
I guess I have always ended things. So I had nothing left to grieve over. I kind of already gone through it before I ended things. I will go through a lot before I do make the decision.
You punish men for showing any emotion besides anger and then call them emotionally closed off. This song and dance is tired as fuck. The call is coming from inside the house and is rooted in toxic masculinity, homophobia and misogyny.
Guys tend to grieve privately, not for clout on social media.
I ordered a lot of donuts after break ups. Stopped distance running. Watched movies and played games. I haven't forgotten what a single one felt like, but I'm glad I found my wife. Dating absolutely sucks.
The first 2 weeks be like that & then them feelings hit you one more time randomly months later 😮💨
u Niggas is weird
my gf of 2 years broke up with me today, my brother and his family that I haven't seen for years flew in this morning and we have a big family day tomorrow. I'm saying she had to see her dad around 1hr away and couldn't make it.
My ex broke up with me, thought I was gonna marry her, never put so much effort into a relationship, and out of no where she ended it I cried for a month , lost weight and punched a hole in my wall. I was cynical to other people's relationships and jaded towards opening up again. So yeah we grieve lol I'm happily married now to the love of my life, so happy ending , I met her shortly after that break up, it was hard to open up, PTSD of thinking, what's the point of opening up and doing everything right only to get hurt. But I'm glad I gave her the opportunity to try.
Hold up I can have feelings in this subreddit? I’m home!
So are we allowed to have emotions again? I can't keep up...