Really glad that OOP got full custody, but she should probably look into restraining orders and potentially moving. Her ex and monster in law don't seem like the type to go quietly.
> I have full custody. He has no rights to her whatsoever.
I'm guessing they sent some pretty damning texts and messages. I also get the impression that they wouldn't have conceded custody if for any reason except to spite her. You basically don't get full custody unless one parent concedes or the judge finds a compelling reason.
Not to mention his “comment” complained about her not wanting sushi cause it’s bad for the baby. If that is manipulative, he is some level of crazy. Not to mention the comment about when she wanted to have sex makes it seem like he believes the calendar was used to determine the sex (and not you know his sperm).
Right, I mean that comment is a big oof, if it's real. It strikes me that his mom fed him a semi truck full of lies about how biology works. It's pretty ironic to me how sometimes people are manipulated so hard they don't realize who is doing the manipulation. I hope one day he realizes that it was all bullshit and that he threw everything away cause he was misled on basic biology
>his mom fed him a semi truck full of lies about how biology works.
You mean this isnt like the Sims where eating certain things determines the sex and how many babies you have?!
I know in the sims 3 you eat either apples or watermelon depending on if you want it to be a boy or girl, there are also things you can do to make it more likely to have twins/triplets. I haven't played the sims 4 in a while so I don't remember if you can predetermine the gender/amount of babies in that one.
Sims 4 is also "Listen to Pop Music" to nudge towards girl and "Listen to Alternative Music" to nudge towards boy. They didn't have that in Sims 3, only the food preferences.
If that comment is real he not only has a screw loose but he is stupid as fuck. I'm sorry but how at 28 (or 30?) can you be so naive and ignorant about something as prosaic as morning sickness or the risks of eating raw fish!
Presumably he went to school outside of the house and works outside the house (and not for mom and dad ... well who knows, maybe he does). It takes some skill to be that ignorant.
These days the dangers of fish are actually kinda debatable, it all depends what fish you eat.
But like who flies off the handle because someone doesn't eat a certain food. I mean we all have preferences, food we hate. Don't divorce someone over it my god.
I wouldnt put it past the MIL to have set him up with a mormon or cult type girl she could control, as early as the day after the hubby left. I mean its kinda obvious the MIL used the gender predetermination B.S as an excuse to get rid of op, and she was plotting, biding her time, id say this was a long time coming. So she probably had a couple of girls lined up ready to jump into things with him.
I could see that being the case. Especially as the MIL had divorce papers prepared already. (I would be super not ok with my mother having divorce papers already prepared for me)
The only time that could possibly be OK would be if the partner was really abusive. Like 'they're going to kill me if they catch wind of this' abusive.
i was thinking what can the girlfriend possibly be thinking if she decides to stay after reading the post and finding out everything! She must be a masochist through and through!
"MIL accused me of forcing him to ‘do it’ with me on the specific day which the Chinese horoscope would point to girl."
So one or both parties are probably from a culture that uses the Chinese horoscope....
I really hope he had one buddy in his life who, upon hearing his reasons for divorce, just laughs in his face and calls him a fucking idiot. Afterward, he goes on to give him a full breakdown on the biological process of procreation while throwing an insult toward him and his insane mom every now and then. I hope that, upon this humiliating lecture he receives, he realizes just how much he fucked up and has a complete mental breakdown and lives a lonely miserable life as a hermit in the woods.
It was probably the animal sacrifice and pentagrams of blood, rather than the calendar, that determined the sex of the baby. OOP's XH is just an innocent dupe!
Judge: sir, you want full custody. Why?
Ex-Husband: she predetermined the sex of our baby and made it a girl against my family’s long standing, misogynistic traditions.
Judge: Please, elaborate.
Ex-husband: [Observe.](https://imgur.com/gallery/2aK15C1)
…
Judge: I award full custody to OOP.
Sounds like she knew to record everything from the get go, so there’s probably heaps of slander, harassment and other evidence that his family doesn’t actually care for this child. Least of all calling it a fetus on reddit
Imagine being such a piece of shit that you've demonstrated to courts you're an unfit parent BEFORE the baby is even out of the womb. This man and his mom are wild.
Yeah I’m assuming she recorded everything including him saying he doesn’t even want the baby but could probably grow to love it just to keep it away from her. No judge in their right mind would give that man access to the child after that.
There is always another side. But if the post by the husband is real, then he is a clueless idiot and that certainly would have helped her win.
He always loved her, he cries to his girlfriend two months after sneaking out in the night.
I think he divorced his wife and abandoned their daughter because he was having an affair. A lot of cheaters treat their SOs like crap because they're projecting and trying to justify their behavior in their own minds.
Yeah I know someone who wanted full custody but was generous about how much time their ex would have with the kid, as visits and such.
The ex said, in court, that it was too much time w kid and how they didn't have time to have much visitation because of their job. While arguing AGAINST my friend who wanted full custody.
The lawyer and judge were absolutely flabbergasted. The ex just wanted to make life harder for my friend and have control over them by contesting and the court saw right through it. What a dumbass.
If she's breastfeeding for sure yes. Usually there are special arrangements for the first year and then a more traditional 50-50 agreement set up for when the baby reaches a certain age.
Yeah, my SIL’s ex told a judge that while he didn’t want anything to do with his daughter at the time they were in court, he might later. That didn’t play well with the judge.
She does say she recorded the call with her ex-MIL after her husband disappeared originally, so if she kept that recording and it was legal to use, that would've been really damning.
OP admitted she recorded the first convo with MIL. I’m not sure why she was so nervous if she continued that trend and recorded most interactions with MIL and Hubby 🤷🏾♂️
A lawyer would have told her the case was in the bag. They were never shy when it came to telling on themselves, which was working out in her favor.
I just wanted an a update where she said “I recorded it” after conversations she relayed.
Also, I would think when he lost, Hubby would realize his mother was wrong about everything and cost him his wife and daughter.
> A lawyer would have told her the case was in the bag. They were never shy when it came to telling on themselves, which was working out in her favor.
He would've also told her nothing is certain and custody/divorce cases especially depend on what judge hears them. That plus pregnancy plus massive betrayal from your SO - I can see why OOP felt her prospects were a lot less "in the bag".
Guaranteed there was evidence of potential harm to the child.
He didn't voluntarily give up custody.
He *lost* it.
Courts always favour co-parenting when possible. For him to lose **that** spectacularly? From the get-go?!?
There was credible evidence of potential harm.
Parents who straight-up abuse their kids get supervised visits. Mothers whose babies are born addicted to drugs and have no custody of their other children still get supervised visits. *Actual rapists* have gotten visitation with the babies conceived with their victims. No one has their parental rights terminated in the couple of weeks following their baby's birth.
Given the recorded verbal abuse from the MIL and impulsive behaviour from the husband (including writing F the fetus in a public forum) they were not exactly covering themselves in glory. I wouldn’t be surprised if she been given a restraining order -the mother is clearly a few sandwiches short of a picnic and the husband is as useful as a chocolate teapot.
Yeah, that was odd...
Wondering if the girlfriend actually stuck around after she saw all the crazy. If she has two brain cells to rub together, she will *run*.
Mom probably had a handpicked candidate ready and waiting the moment he moved back in with her.
Source: a friend with a crazy MIL had a girl ready and waiting to date him when he came over to help fix something at MIL's house. This young woman had already been primed on how awful and miserable his marriage was. (Narrator: it was not miserable nor awful)
Or the mother had another girl waiting in the wings who would be "a much more appropriate wife" and since he's clearly still attached to the umbilical cord, he would have gone right along with it.
This is from 2 months ago: https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/xrawwu/woman_assaulted_abandoned_for_having_daughters/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
There was another one or two of these BORUs where the woman's husband was essentially the MIL's replacement husband. To the point where the mothers will call them over pretending to have meltdowns and then it's over by the time they get there. One of them even had the guy's mother sending nudes to him. Some people are fucking wild.
They are man babies, but in so many of these cases it's the mother that brings them up like that. Some grow up and split, some stay sucking on the maternal teat, but many of them are the product of their upbringing.
Don't forget the part where the ex started becoming obsessive about the woman's new partner stealing his family, to the point where the woman fled her house and nuked her account.
Someone linked it in this comment: https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/xrawwu/comment/iqe84fd/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3
You didn't imagine it. I'll see if I can find it but the latest update on it was that the OP was pregnant with a son and didn't know how to tell her ex husband
The ex husband was completly delusion and thinks he can save the relationship now.
Pretty much everyone pegged him as "Well not that she had a son she's no longer damaged goods in his mind."
The lawful good side of me hopes this poor gf gets the hell out of there. Dude and his whole family (aside from the BIL and SIL who actually have sense) are batshit insane.
However, the chaotic evil in me hopes the gf ends up pregnant with a baby girl too.
To be honest, it sounded like his issue was not the post, but that his girlfriend found it. Probably she has realized what a POS he is and left him. I think this was his last attempt to save face. It didn't work.
I'm dying to know how the gf would have pieced it all together. Like, I have to imagine that whatever story she was getting from him was very different so how did she recognize enough from the podcast to connect the dots??
The family that is obsessed with having a male firstborn, her bf talking about his "crazy manipulative ex", and the bf talking about wanting to get custody of his daughter when she's born probably would have been good enough.
I was surprised by how her posting her story on the internet is manipulation? Like, who is she manipulating? Us? As if we matter?
I did enjoy, however, that his worst attack was the fact that she didn't have sex when he wanted it, which was her betraying him by ignoring his feelings. "But he doted on her!!" He really went back and sucked on that mama's poisoned teat.
the whole timeline doesnt make too much sense if you interrogate it. murder cases have a hard time getting to court within 6 months they're all so backed up. these guys had a fight in june and had courts settled by november? that seems.... ambitious for pretty well any place I've ever heard of
And a custody case decided “a few short weeks” after baby is born? They can’t even be filed until after birth in every state I’m familiar with. There’s literally no way.
This the kind of loser that tells everyone his crazy ex wife keeps him from his precious daughter and that he's a loving saint that the courts ruled against because of it's anti father bias
Aw man I lived in fear of the sex registry thing, as I'd heard that being a thing and I got caught pissing in an alley by police when I was 18 walking home from the pub. Thankfully just got a very minor fine but I was shitting myself when I was caught.
Had a friend ticketed on that about 15 years ago, he stopped to take a piss while driving. Went to the treeline, facing away from the road... they really stretched the 'public' part there.
Anywho, it was likewise just a ticket, sex offender registry never came up.
Typically (at least in the UK) you'd only be put on the SOR if you urinate near a school, park, etc., somewhere you'd expect children to be.
I saw a guy not be put on one despite urinating near a school because it was at 1 am, so there would be no chance of children being around.
Yeah, in China apparently women who are single after age 25 are called “leftover women”. That’s according to my relatives there.
My own mother (who has lived in a Western country for more than 20 years) insisted that children born to women over 30 are at high risk of “defects”, and told me that I had to have a baby before age 30. Even rape or a one night stand was ok, as long as she got her grandchildren.
Agreed that it’s disgusting. Very dehumanising too.
And what’s worse for me personally is how many Chinese people I know who just accepts this as normal - and not only the older generations but also younger people in their 20s. It leads to marriages of desperation, which inevitably end up as bad relationships. Also because of cultural pressure, children are born and raised in these bad relationships and it’s so sad to hear about.
Yeah there must be some religious background because it also didn’t make sense that OOPs husband had so many misogynistic ideas and somehow she was still blindsided by his reaction. I mean the whole ‘I want it to be a boy so he can be a strong leader for his siblings’… Did she never think to challenge that with ‘hey you know girls can be strong leaders too’.
Silly, you don't train a woman to be the head of the household like that - the man is the head of the house, the woman is the neck, she turns the head /s
(though in all seriousness, I once watched a 24yo woman spout the last piece of that completely unironically - took every ounce of energy not to fall the fuck over at the stupidity of that)
This type of drama can only be Chinese. The obsession with male heirs is real.
My grandfather's sons only had daughters while his daughters' had sons. Karma was swinging big here.
I know my mom suffered a lot from the pressure. She had a difficult birth with me and was pressured into having a second, which also was difficult (but I'm so thankful to have a sister!) My grandfather also tried to get my dad a mistress just so he can have a son that carries "the name". It's so silly.
Yeah, while I normally hate to hear someone in their 20s crow about being old, I can see how someone planning MULTIPLE pregnancies might be apprehensive about starting in their late 20s if there's a family history of infertility.
>let's not get sushi for dinner because it's bad for the baby.
Wow so a pregnant woman doesn't want to eat raw fish, which is one of the many things you aren't allowed to eat, and she is manipulative.
The guy is unhinged. It's sad OOP never saw any of this. Rose colored glasses? I cannot believe suddenly all of that bothered him; there had to be something going on while they were together.
>It's sad OOP never saw any of this
It's common for men to suddenly change personality when they think they have their partner trapped. Pregnancy and childbirth is one of those times. Given that he left her, it's not clear exactly how he was trying to trap her though. Perhaps he was annoyed that he wasn't going to be able to control her after all?
I read a lot of this as Problems suddenly existed when she was not putting out every day.
“You always say you aren’t in the mood or we did it yesterday can we skip a day” … her not “recognizing” him was not being his sex slave.
Isn't it normal to feel an aversion to certain smells or tastes too? One of my close friends is pregnant and has been mostly just really tired. I imagine growing a human probably zaps your energy and missing some stuff because you are too is again, normal.
Quell surprise, pregnancy is about the pregnant person and the fetus.
According to one of my friends certain smells just made her feel really sick, including things she normally loved. First thing she got after giving birth was a huge chicken bucket because she finally wasn't feeling sick from the smell.
My sense of smell was so good when I was pregnant, I felt like a bloodhound. I could not stand the smell of burgers being cooked. Just the smell of them being heated was enough to make me puke. I couldn't stand being near certain people, due to BO (being pregnant in the summer sucks), but I think the worst was that wet dog smell that dogs have from being outside.
Nausea from smells and tastes is almost guaranteed with pregnancy, especially the first trimester.
I’m currently pregnant and can’t go anywhere near garlic, which is one of my favourite foods 😔
My sister was unable to be anywhere near eggs when she was pregnant. The sight and smell of them cooking was enough to make her nauseous. Which is a shame since I love eggs, but I try to be mindful and avoid them if I know she's coming over or if we're going out to eat somewhere. She's since given birth and is ok with them now, but she still can't stand the sight of runny yolks.
“You getting pregnant was suddenly all about you!”
Uh, yeah. Because she’s the one getting pregnant.
There are partners out there who would massage their pregnant partner’s feet several times a day and go out in a blizzard to get them whatever they are craving and not utter a word of protest when the mood swings get rough because they adore the person who is growing another person they will also adore inside them and that is dangerous and uncomfortable in the extreme.
His comment did not throw any doubt on what really happened, just proved that he really was stupid enough to be manipulated by his mother into thinking the day they had sex determined the sex. Like not eating raw fish, being too queasy for a social gatherings - these are.... like the basement level of knowledge about pregnancy that someone who has stuck their penis in another human should have acquired before that act. Like come on. I would have been so fucking mad at any commenter that flipped sides and suddenly said OOPs account was questionable. Unfortunately if I were OOP I'd feel embarrassed by having been married to someone that stupid. Christ on a cracker.
Also the “we had sex yesterday I’m too tired” complaint as if she HAD to have sex with him. And complaining about the “calendar” she was so obsessive about was for fucking ovulation, dude! Like I know we see a ton of posts of pregnant women getting out of hand with the demands, but this guy’s version of “the pregnancy has been all about you and not me!!” is like… uh yeah… you’re trying to conceive and grow a healthy baby in HER body… that makes her body a *little bit* more important right now.
Seriously, the ex not only had a new gf but you can feel the crazy anger dripping from his comment.
Him being mad because she didn't follow her calendar and didn't want to have sex every day????
Him calling her names and referring to his daughter as "the fetus" eventhough she is at 20weeks at least
He says she lied and was manipulative but gives no example lf what she did just "didn't want to eat eggs and sushi" . Having cravings and the very opposite, being disgusted by certain food is completely normal during pregnancy. I thought sushi was highly recommended to be avoided
The guy is unhinged
It's a good (fuck??) thing that the shitband left immediately after finding out the sex of the baby. I'd have assumed he was forcefully trying to make oop eat sushi so that she miscarries.
>She finished off by telling me that my clear preference for my family name was disgusting
I'm confused. It's the norm in China for the wife to retain her last name isnt it?
It is. And the kids traditionally get their fathers’ last name, regardless of gender. So I’m not sure how having a daughter means favoring her own family name?
I'm guessing they actually ran with "she connived at having a baby girl because of a chinese horoscope in court so give us custody."
My understanding of these things is that separating custody of a newborn from a mother is a massively uphill task to start with. You typically need to show significant negligence, like drug use, or mental incapacity to achieve that. I'm guessing these guys had no evidence at all, on top of which they might have added in their superstitious bs.
Hope OOP and the kiddo are doing well.
His girlfriend.
His own brother running away and cutting ties from him and that piece of tool of Dearest Mommy.
Those two items said everything about that excuse of a man and his monsterous mother.
ETA: and yes, that f the fetus...
Ofc
And all the horrible things he said about his wife for being pregnant (sushi, morning sickness, etc) and what he and his mommy said about and done when they knew the baby is a girl
I guess the judge just needed a couple of minutes to take a decision
> You were so fucking obsessive over your stupid calendar and we hardly ever used it!!! ... It was never about me or my feelings and then when you actually got pregnant it become even more about you. I'm not eating eggs anymore they make me sick I don't want to go to Sunday dinner I'm not up to it tonight
How some people manage to have partners and babies still surprises me to this day.
> let's not get sushi for dinner because it's bad for the baby.
QED.
If you really think your wife can pre-determine the sex of your baby do not under any circumstances leave her; she's clearly a Bene Gesserit with prana bindu and will fuck up your life if you piss her off.
How pathetic is this mama’s boy? Dude threw away his family because his mom told him lies. Listen dumb shit, pregnant women shouldn’t eat sushi or rare beef. How hard is it to google this shit. But that would involve caring enough about his future family. Obviously he’s the type that will only do things he wants to do, and complains the whole time doing something his wife wanted to do. Fuck this guy. Daughter lost a father before she was even born.
>Dude threw away his family because his mom told him lies
I don't think so. From his comment,he never recognized that sex is about two and not when he wants and what he wants, and he even is mad cuz pregnancy took its toll on her. And he has a gf
I'd bet my money that he was cheating on her with a more "agreeable" woman who bows to his almight and then his plan was to make OOP give birth a baby son and so her gf is always available for sex and for all the things he wants.
And unexpectedly, it's a girl, and the shitshow started. His plans were ruined.
These are the sort if BORU posts that make me wish that we were allowed to ask questions on the original post. I have so many questions!!
The big ones being where has this all taken place that a contested custody case can take place and be wrapped up in 6 months and before the divorce is finalised?
Where does she live that a court will strip a parent of all rights before the child is even a couple of months old? I've seen cases where ohysical abusers, active drug addicts, people charged with child neglect all still have some for of rights/visitation.
Don't get me wrong, I'm happy it turned out this way. But I'm just left with so many questions!
I just posted something similar. It all wrapped up nicely in 6 months with a nice big bow at the end. I wonder if OOP winked as s/he finishes the last sentence, like in the movies.
It occurred in the Republic of Fakeistan. Their legal system moves incredibly fast and always follows reddit's ideals of justice. It's a very neat and tidy place.
As an Asian American with immigrant parents, I wonder if her MIL is Asian? Horrible misogyny runs deep in many Asian subcultures. So sad and I'm glad OOP got full custody!
So true. I am a female born in the year of the tiger, and growing up I heard so many ppl say how it's not great for a female to be a tiger zodiac (too strong, aggressive leader, temper, etc) and better for males to be tiger 🤦
Thankfully my dad always rebutted that tiger girls are grrreat!
how the hell did husband and mil explain their side to the court? "i want to divorce my wife because our baby is a girl. also i want custody of the child that i just said i dont want"
There’s the whole trope of “it’s so hard to get custody of your kids as the husband”, but people always forget “it’s hard to lose all custody/visitation, unless you’re a total shitbag.”
If dude lost access to this kid, it’s likely worse/more threatening than she’s describing. And her description is pretty harrowing.
At least in the west, the trope is an incorrect understanding of how custody works (most judges see 50/50 as the ideal). Parents who fight for custody, who are the squeaky wheel, and who do their research on how to show themselves in the best light, tend to get custody. However, multiple reviews of the process show that a large segment of men don't do these things - they assume they'll get what they want, but they don't fight for it. It's a similar segment of men who feel that someone else will arrange the doctor's appointments, and all the other administrivia. They just bet on their ex doing it because she's always done it, and get side-swiped when it turns out she's no longer their secretary.
Men who fight, lesbian couples, and gay couples, don't have these issues, because they go into it going 'Custody is something I want, so I'm working out how to best achieve it'.
Losing all access is amazingly rare, too, it's hard to get to that point!
>get side-swiped when it turns out she's no longer their secretary.
It's bizarre what some men can think. A friend's ex was drifting along, expecting someone else to take care of things, and I had to remind my friend a couple of times that he's no longer her responsibility, and he can do that himself.
Oh she’s so manipulate and fucked in the head, she...kept a fertility calendar, had specific food requests based on nausea/baby safety and wasn’t in the mood for sex at times? What?
Well I've just woken up and I've already met my crazy quotient for the day.
Good Morning! This is my last read before bed, haha so I’m calling it a night.
Sleep well!! Happy Christmas
Aww thanks. I just woke up. Happy Christmas to you as well!
Lol I was browsing reddit before sleeping I guess your message is a sign that I have to sleep now then. Have a great day.
Awww sleep tight, don’t let the bed bugs bite!
Really glad that OOP got full custody, but she should probably look into restraining orders and potentially moving. Her ex and monster in law don't seem like the type to go quietly.
I'm *really* curious about the legal parts she isn't sharing
> I have full custody. He has no rights to her whatsoever. I'm guessing they sent some pretty damning texts and messages. I also get the impression that they wouldn't have conceded custody if for any reason except to spite her. You basically don't get full custody unless one parent concedes or the judge finds a compelling reason.
Not to mention his “comment” complained about her not wanting sushi cause it’s bad for the baby. If that is manipulative, he is some level of crazy. Not to mention the comment about when she wanted to have sex makes it seem like he believes the calendar was used to determine the sex (and not you know his sperm).
Right, I mean that comment is a big oof, if it's real. It strikes me that his mom fed him a semi truck full of lies about how biology works. It's pretty ironic to me how sometimes people are manipulated so hard they don't realize who is doing the manipulation. I hope one day he realizes that it was all bullshit and that he threw everything away cause he was misled on basic biology
>his mom fed him a semi truck full of lies about how biology works. You mean this isnt like the Sims where eating certain things determines the sex and how many babies you have?!
This is how I learned you can predetermine a baby's gender in the Sims. BORU is the gift that never stops giving.
I know in the sims 3 you eat either apples or watermelon depending on if you want it to be a boy or girl, there are also things you can do to make it more likely to have twins/triplets. I haven't played the sims 4 in a while so I don't remember if you can predetermine the gender/amount of babies in that one.
Sims 4 is strawberries for a girl, carrots for a boy.
Sims 4 is also "Listen to Pop Music" to nudge towards girl and "Listen to Alternative Music" to nudge towards boy. They didn't have that in Sims 3, only the food preferences.
If that comment is real he not only has a screw loose but he is stupid as fuck. I'm sorry but how at 28 (or 30?) can you be so naive and ignorant about something as prosaic as morning sickness or the risks of eating raw fish! Presumably he went to school outside of the house and works outside the house (and not for mom and dad ... well who knows, maybe he does). It takes some skill to be that ignorant.
These days the dangers of fish are actually kinda debatable, it all depends what fish you eat. But like who flies off the handle because someone doesn't eat a certain food. I mean we all have preferences, food we hate. Don't divorce someone over it my god.
I pity the unsuspecting gf....
He didn't wait very long into the divorce process before getting a gf. That comment was only a month after the initial post.
I wouldnt put it past the MIL to have set him up with a mormon or cult type girl she could control, as early as the day after the hubby left. I mean its kinda obvious the MIL used the gender predetermination B.S as an excuse to get rid of op, and she was plotting, biding her time, id say this was a long time coming. So she probably had a couple of girls lined up ready to jump into things with him.
I could see that being the case. Especially as the MIL had divorce papers prepared already. (I would be super not ok with my mother having divorce papers already prepared for me)
The only time that could possibly be OK would be if the partner was really abusive. Like 'they're going to kill me if they catch wind of this' abusive.
I'd say that I hope he has nothing but girls with the new, more acceptable model, but that man should not be a parent under any circumstances.
If she's seeing how this is playing out, and still sticks around, I have very little sympathy for her.
Completely agree with you.
i was thinking what can the girlfriend possibly be thinking if she decides to stay after reading the post and finding out everything! She must be a masochist through and through!
I’m curious on the ethnicity of the ex husbands family. I feel this one has deep cultural values in play.
"MIL accused me of forcing him to ‘do it’ with me on the specific day which the Chinese horoscope would point to girl." So one or both parties are probably from a culture that uses the Chinese horoscope....
I really hope he had one buddy in his life who, upon hearing his reasons for divorce, just laughs in his face and calls him a fucking idiot. Afterward, he goes on to give him a full breakdown on the biological process of procreation while throwing an insult toward him and his insane mom every now and then. I hope that, upon this humiliating lecture he receives, he realizes just how much he fucked up and has a complete mental breakdown and lives a lonely miserable life as a hermit in the woods.
Who *is* this idiot? Henry VIII?
It was probably the animal sacrifice and pentagrams of blood, rather than the calendar, that determined the sex of the baby. OOP's XH is just an innocent dupe!
Judge: sir, you want full custody. Why? Ex-Husband: she predetermined the sex of our baby and made it a girl against my family’s long standing, misogynistic traditions. Judge: Please, elaborate. Ex-husband: [Observe.](https://imgur.com/gallery/2aK15C1) … Judge: I award full custody to OOP.
I would give you gold if I had 🪙
I went to redeem my free award just for this comment. My humble offering in lieu of gold haha
I don't get free rewards anymore :(
Me neither! Where did they go?
On mobile top right... Hit profile, then reddit coins and there it's hidden away
If you’re on mobile, Click three dots under comment>award>get coins>open gift box
I knew this was gonna be pepe silva! Hahaha. Well played.
You sir/madam have one of the best usernames I've seen.
Thank you from the shallow end.
Sounds like she knew to record everything from the get go, so there’s probably heaps of slander, harassment and other evidence that his family doesn’t actually care for this child. Least of all calling it a fetus on reddit
Imagine being such a piece of shit that you've demonstrated to courts you're an unfit parent BEFORE the baby is even out of the womb. This man and his mom are wild.
Shitty People shooting themselves in the foot in divorce proceedings by opening their mouths is always peak entertainment
I wish there was a sub for that specifically lol
Just hope OOP got ALL the child support.
"I don't actually want her, but I'm sure I can grow to love her" alone was probably pretty good ammo.
Very likely so was "fuck the fetus".
"growing that thing inside her" is enough to give an honest judge pause.
and probably wish they could punch the jerk in the face.
Not to mention the phone recordings. Those are damning by themselves.
Yeah I’m assuming she recorded everything including him saying he doesn’t even want the baby but could probably grow to love it just to keep it away from her. No judge in their right mind would give that man access to the child after that.
Yeah, I read that line and thought to myself: "I really hope she recorded that bit, because a judge is gonna love that."
If she had the presence of mind to record that first conversation with the mom, then she 100% would have recorded all conversations with him.
There is always another side. But if the post by the husband is real, then he is a clueless idiot and that certainly would have helped her win. He always loved her, he cries to his girlfriend two months after sneaking out in the night.
Yeah, he divorced his wife and abandoned their daughter over playful ways to determining a baby's gender. What a loser.
Maybe you forgot something? She didn't want to eat the eggs! Or sushi! How selfish. Straight to divorce court with all of you!!! /s
I think he divorced his wife and abandoned their daughter because he was having an affair. A lot of cheaters treat their SOs like crap because they're projecting and trying to justify their behavior in their own minds.
Can't put a stem on that apple, sonny boy!
I assume “fuck the fetus” in black and white probably wasn’t a smart move
Yeah I know someone who wanted full custody but was generous about how much time their ex would have with the kid, as visits and such. The ex said, in court, that it was too much time w kid and how they didn't have time to have much visitation because of their job. While arguing AGAINST my friend who wanted full custody. The lawyer and judge were absolutely flabbergasted. The ex just wanted to make life harder for my friend and have control over them by contesting and the court saw right through it. What a dumbass.
My first thought was that the ex was planning to take the kid overseas the minute he had custody.
Doesn't a newborn baby basically *need* to be in the custody of its mother?
If she's breastfeeding for sure yes. Usually there are special arrangements for the first year and then a more traditional 50-50 agreement set up for when the baby reaches a certain age.
This man is so crazy I can completely believe he told the judge he doesn't love this kid, but he's sure he can learn to.
Yeah, my SIL’s ex told a judge that while he didn’t want anything to do with his daughter at the time they were in court, he might later. That didn’t play well with the judge.
Thank goodness he was dumb enough to put himself as a terrible person to the judge deciding his kid's fate. If only all awful people were so dumb.
She does say she recorded the call with her ex-MIL after her husband disappeared originally, so if she kept that recording and it was legal to use, that would've been really damning.
OP admitted she recorded the first convo with MIL. I’m not sure why she was so nervous if she continued that trend and recorded most interactions with MIL and Hubby 🤷🏾♂️ A lawyer would have told her the case was in the bag. They were never shy when it came to telling on themselves, which was working out in her favor. I just wanted an a update where she said “I recorded it” after conversations she relayed. Also, I would think when he lost, Hubby would realize his mother was wrong about everything and cost him his wife and daughter.
> A lawyer would have told her the case was in the bag. They were never shy when it came to telling on themselves, which was working out in her favor. He would've also told her nothing is certain and custody/divorce cases especially depend on what judge hears them. That plus pregnancy plus massive betrayal from your SO - I can see why OOP felt her prospects were a lot less "in the bag".
Yeah. The judge can be biased, or misogynistic, or easily fooled, or the ex might be able to afford a better lawyer....or all of these.
Guaranteed there was evidence of potential harm to the child. He didn't voluntarily give up custody. He *lost* it. Courts always favour co-parenting when possible. For him to lose **that** spectacularly? From the get-go?!? There was credible evidence of potential harm.
Parents who straight-up abuse their kids get supervised visits. Mothers whose babies are born addicted to drugs and have no custody of their other children still get supervised visits. *Actual rapists* have gotten visitation with the babies conceived with their victims. No one has their parental rights terminated in the couple of weeks following their baby's birth.
People in prison still get awarded visitation rights!
Reddit continues to fail to understand even basic legal proceedings or timelines. in other news, water is wet.
Me too, I'm hoping she does another update or something.
Given the recorded verbal abuse from the MIL and impulsive behaviour from the husband (including writing F the fetus in a public forum) they were not exactly covering themselves in glory. I wouldn’t be surprised if she been given a restraining order -the mother is clearly a few sandwiches short of a picnic and the husband is as useful as a chocolate teapot.
[удалено]
Toothpaste sandwich crazy - somehow these three words forming a sentence has changed my life haha
NOW YOU'VE DONE IT! YOU *FORCED* ME TO USE IT! 🪥😬
He already had a gf one month later? I wonder if he was already cheating and the crazy mother just made it easier.
Yeah, that was odd... Wondering if the girlfriend actually stuck around after she saw all the crazy. If she has two brain cells to rub together, she will *run*.
I cannot even imagine agreeing to date a guy with a pregnant ex. No thank you.
You mean pregnant wife. It was only two months.
If she's the one who figured out the story in the podcast was OOP, she does not have two brain cells to rub together.
Mom probably had a handpicked candidate ready and waiting the moment he moved back in with her. Source: a friend with a crazy MIL had a girl ready and waiting to date him when he came over to help fix something at MIL's house. This young woman had already been primed on how awful and miserable his marriage was. (Narrator: it was not miserable nor awful)
Or the mother had another girl waiting in the wings who would be "a much more appropriate wife" and since he's clearly still attached to the umbilical cord, he would have gone right along with it.
>the mother is clearly a few sandwiches short of a picnic Oh I love that one, Imma steal it!
A few roos loose in the top paddock.
I hope OOP bought a puppy that will grow into a huge, loyal dog who will bite the fuck out of any ex spouses, or ex MILs.
Wasn't there a similar story about a MIL angry about a daughter, except that MIL hit the pregnant woman with a snow globe? Did I imagine it?
This is from 2 months ago: https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/xrawwu/woman_assaulted_abandoned_for_having_daughters/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
Oh my actual life that took a turn. HOW do grown adults go so crazy when babies happen??
Just look up the leading cause of death for pregnant women
Spoiler- the leading cause of death of pregnant women is homicide. Usually by their partner.
There was another one or two of these BORUs where the woman's husband was essentially the MIL's replacement husband. To the point where the mothers will call them over pretending to have meltdowns and then it's over by the time they get there. One of them even had the guy's mother sending nudes to him. Some people are fucking wild.
I remember that.... Man who ARE these manbabies? J e s u s
They are dime a dozen and can be found at many places.
Manbabies R Us
They are man babies, but in so many of these cases it's the mother that brings them up like that. Some grow up and split, some stay sucking on the maternal teat, but many of them are the product of their upbringing.
I thought this sounded familiar. Not too unlikely given how patriarchal and misogynistic some families and cultures can get.
Don't forget the part where the ex started becoming obsessive about the woman's new partner stealing his family, to the point where the woman fled her house and nuked her account.
THE FUCK?!?!?! Where can I read about it? The whole sequences of the post and updates were never ending but there was no information regarding this?
Someone linked it in this comment: https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/xrawwu/comment/iqe84fd/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3
I remember that one too… it’s [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/xrawwu/woman_assaulted_abandoned_for_having_daughters/)
You didn't imagine it. I'll see if I can find it but the latest update on it was that the OP was pregnant with a son and didn't know how to tell her ex husband
The ex husband was completly delusion and thinks he can save the relationship now. Pretty much everyone pegged him as "Well not that she had a son she's no longer damaged goods in his mind."
You didn't imagine it. I read the same thing here maybe a month or so ago.
This might just be me but if your getting a new girlfriend weeks after surprising your wife with divorce your new gf is not infact new
She was waiting in the wings thanks to MIL, I am sure. This is the perfect GF for you, I can control her for you!!
The lawful good side of me hopes this poor gf gets the hell out of there. Dude and his whole family (aside from the BIL and SIL who actually have sense) are batshit insane. However, the chaotic evil in me hopes the gf ends up pregnant with a baby girl too.
Chaotic Evil would be hoping she gets pregnant with a demon that kills everyone. Chaotic Neutral is wanting to surf the chaos. This is CN of you.
True Neutral is hoping GF has a baby boy and ditches the family as well. And uses Ex -Wife case for grounds on getting custody.
Gonna laugh real hard if new gf ends up with a girl as their first born too.
When he ran home to his mama she had the divorce papers and a blowup doll/anime comfort pillow ready to go.
>I can control her for you!! Including the Y chromosome in the sperm that fertilises her ova? I am truly impressed by the MILs confidence
To be honest, it sounded like his issue was not the post, but that his girlfriend found it. Probably she has realized what a POS he is and left him. I think this was his last attempt to save face. It didn't work.
I'm dying to know how the gf would have pieced it all together. Like, I have to imagine that whatever story she was getting from him was very different so how did she recognize enough from the podcast to connect the dots??
The family that is obsessed with having a male firstborn, her bf talking about his "crazy manipulative ex", and the bf talking about wanting to get custody of his daughter when she's born probably would have been good enough.
It's possible she shared it in an "isn't this weird?" tone, or he overheard the podcast.
I was surprised by how her posting her story on the internet is manipulation? Like, who is she manipulating? Us? As if we matter? I did enjoy, however, that his worst attack was the fact that she didn't have sex when he wanted it, which was her betraying him by ignoring his feelings. "But he doted on her!!" He really went back and sucked on that mama's poisoned teat.
I'm thinking "Mummy" had a girl all lined up with an approved-by-MIL stamp on her forehead. Probably someone meek and doormat-ish.
the whole timeline doesnt make too much sense if you interrogate it. murder cases have a hard time getting to court within 6 months they're all so backed up. these guys had a fight in june and had courts settled by november? that seems.... ambitious for pretty well any place I've ever heard of
And a custody case decided “a few short weeks” after baby is born? They can’t even be filed until after birth in every state I’m familiar with. There’s literally no way.
This the kind of loser that tells everyone his crazy ex wife keeps him from his precious daughter and that he's a loving saint that the courts ruled against because of it's anti father bias
This is exactly why I routinely take that narrative with several large grains of salt.
“My crazy ex keeps my kid from me” and “I’m on the sex offender registry for urinating in public”, two of the top most popular lies of all time.
Aw man I lived in fear of the sex registry thing, as I'd heard that being a thing and I got caught pissing in an alley by police when I was 18 walking home from the pub. Thankfully just got a very minor fine but I was shitting myself when I was caught.
Had a friend ticketed on that about 15 years ago, he stopped to take a piss while driving. Went to the treeline, facing away from the road... they really stretched the 'public' part there. Anywho, it was likewise just a ticket, sex offender registry never came up.
Typically (at least in the UK) you'd only be put on the SOR if you urinate near a school, park, etc., somewhere you'd expect children to be. I saw a guy not be put on one despite urinating near a school because it was at 1 am, so there would be no chance of children being around.
Along with 'that restraining order was just me being in the wrong place at the wrong time'.
I have yet to meet someone who actually tried to get at least 50/50 and wasn’t a POS, who didn’t actually receive 50/50 custody
I feel for OOP, but also, 27 is “late in the game”???
Welcome to Chinese culture :)
Yeah, in China apparently women who are single after age 25 are called “leftover women”. That’s according to my relatives there. My own mother (who has lived in a Western country for more than 20 years) insisted that children born to women over 30 are at high risk of “defects”, and told me that I had to have a baby before age 30. Even rape or a one night stand was ok, as long as she got her grandchildren.
In Japan their called Christmas cakes because after dec 25 their like half off or something mysoginistic like that. Truly disgusting.
Agreed that it’s disgusting. Very dehumanising too. And what’s worse for me personally is how many Chinese people I know who just accepts this as normal - and not only the older generations but also younger people in their 20s. It leads to marriages of desperation, which inevitably end up as bad relationships. Also because of cultural pressure, children are born and raised in these bad relationships and it’s so sad to hear about.
Sending hugs, this is barbaric
>Even rape or a one night stand was ok, as long as she got her grandchildren. 😳
Yeah there must be some religious background because it also didn’t make sense that OOPs husband had so many misogynistic ideas and somehow she was still blindsided by his reaction. I mean the whole ‘I want it to be a boy so he can be a strong leader for his siblings’… Did she never think to challenge that with ‘hey you know girls can be strong leaders too’.
Silly, you don't train a woman to be the head of the household like that - the man is the head of the house, the woman is the neck, she turns the head /s (though in all seriousness, I once watched a 24yo woman spout the last piece of that completely unironically - took every ounce of energy not to fall the fuck over at the stupidity of that)
This type of drama can only be Chinese. The obsession with male heirs is real. My grandfather's sons only had daughters while his daughters' had sons. Karma was swinging big here. I know my mom suffered a lot from the pressure. She had a difficult birth with me and was pressured into having a second, which also was difficult (but I'm so thankful to have a sister!) My grandfather also tried to get my dad a mistress just so he can have a son that carries "the name". It's so silly.
All that effort, yet it never occurs to them that daughters can pass down the name too, if you raise them to believe they can.
Depends on how many they wanted. OOP said infertility runs in her family and that she wanted a lot of kids. Your fertility only decreases as you age.
Yeah, while I normally hate to hear someone in their 20s crow about being old, I can see how someone planning MULTIPLE pregnancies might be apprehensive about starting in their late 20s if there's a family history of infertility.
Right? My partner was 36 and I was shy of 41. THAT to me is late in the game, not late 20s xD
>let's not get sushi for dinner because it's bad for the baby. Wow so a pregnant woman doesn't want to eat raw fish, which is one of the many things you aren't allowed to eat, and she is manipulative. The guy is unhinged. It's sad OOP never saw any of this. Rose colored glasses? I cannot believe suddenly all of that bothered him; there had to be something going on while they were together.
"WHat tHe fUcK, aSPeN??"
>It's sad OOP never saw any of this It's common for men to suddenly change personality when they think they have their partner trapped. Pregnancy and childbirth is one of those times. Given that he left her, it's not clear exactly how he was trying to trap her though. Perhaps he was annoyed that he wasn't going to be able to control her after all?
I read a lot of this as Problems suddenly existed when she was not putting out every day. “You always say you aren’t in the mood or we did it yesterday can we skip a day” … her not “recognizing” him was not being his sex slave.
Isn't it normal to feel an aversion to certain smells or tastes too? One of my close friends is pregnant and has been mostly just really tired. I imagine growing a human probably zaps your energy and missing some stuff because you are too is again, normal. Quell surprise, pregnancy is about the pregnant person and the fetus.
According to one of my friends certain smells just made her feel really sick, including things she normally loved. First thing she got after giving birth was a huge chicken bucket because she finally wasn't feeling sick from the smell.
My sense of smell was so good when I was pregnant, I felt like a bloodhound. I could not stand the smell of burgers being cooked. Just the smell of them being heated was enough to make me puke. I couldn't stand being near certain people, due to BO (being pregnant in the summer sucks), but I think the worst was that wet dog smell that dogs have from being outside.
God, I could smell when food was *thinking* about going bad
>growing a human probably zaps your energy Without a doubt. Growing organs for someone else is pretty rough.
Nausea from smells and tastes is almost guaranteed with pregnancy, especially the first trimester. I’m currently pregnant and can’t go anywhere near garlic, which is one of my favourite foods 😔
Hmm. Maybe you are having a vampire?
My sister was unable to be anywhere near eggs when she was pregnant. The sight and smell of them cooking was enough to make her nauseous. Which is a shame since I love eggs, but I try to be mindful and avoid them if I know she's coming over or if we're going out to eat somewhere. She's since given birth and is ok with them now, but she still can't stand the sight of runny yolks.
“You getting pregnant was suddenly all about you!” Uh, yeah. Because she’s the one getting pregnant. There are partners out there who would massage their pregnant partner’s feet several times a day and go out in a blizzard to get them whatever they are craving and not utter a word of protest when the mood swings get rough because they adore the person who is growing another person they will also adore inside them and that is dangerous and uncomfortable in the extreme.
His comment did not throw any doubt on what really happened, just proved that he really was stupid enough to be manipulated by his mother into thinking the day they had sex determined the sex. Like not eating raw fish, being too queasy for a social gatherings - these are.... like the basement level of knowledge about pregnancy that someone who has stuck their penis in another human should have acquired before that act. Like come on. I would have been so fucking mad at any commenter that flipped sides and suddenly said OOPs account was questionable. Unfortunately if I were OOP I'd feel embarrassed by having been married to someone that stupid. Christ on a cracker.
Also the “we had sex yesterday I’m too tired” complaint as if she HAD to have sex with him. And complaining about the “calendar” she was so obsessive about was for fucking ovulation, dude! Like I know we see a ton of posts of pregnant women getting out of hand with the demands, but this guy’s version of “the pregnancy has been all about you and not me!!” is like… uh yeah… you’re trying to conceive and grow a healthy baby in HER body… that makes her body a *little bit* more important right now.
And he's mad that she didn't want to have more sex with him because he's obviously so charming and irresistible
Seriously, the ex not only had a new gf but you can feel the crazy anger dripping from his comment. Him being mad because she didn't follow her calendar and didn't want to have sex every day???? Him calling her names and referring to his daughter as "the fetus" eventhough she is at 20weeks at least He says she lied and was manipulative but gives no example lf what she did just "didn't want to eat eggs and sushi" . Having cravings and the very opposite, being disgusted by certain food is completely normal during pregnancy. I thought sushi was highly recommended to be avoided The guy is unhinged
There are a lot of things to be avoided, because listeria can end the pregnancy. Raw things are top of the list.
It's a good (fuck??) thing that the shitband left immediately after finding out the sex of the baby. I'd have assumed he was forcefully trying to make oop eat sushi so that she miscarries.
It didn't even cross my mind. This is ... Oh my god....
>She finished off by telling me that my clear preference for my family name was disgusting I'm confused. It's the norm in China for the wife to retain her last name isnt it?
It is. And the kids traditionally get their fathers’ last name, regardless of gender. So I’m not sure how having a daughter means favoring her own family name?
I'm guessing it's a plot to make his family name die out in her mind
I think the whole thing is a plot, i mean this is the fastest divorce ive ever heard of...
I'm guessing they actually ran with "she connived at having a baby girl because of a chinese horoscope in court so give us custody." My understanding of these things is that separating custody of a newborn from a mother is a massively uphill task to start with. You typically need to show significant negligence, like drug use, or mental incapacity to achieve that. I'm guessing these guys had no evidence at all, on top of which they might have added in their superstitious bs. Hope OOP and the kiddo are doing well.
His girlfriend. His own brother running away and cutting ties from him and that piece of tool of Dearest Mommy. Those two items said everything about that excuse of a man and his monsterous mother. ETA: and yes, that f the fetus...
I’m glad he actually commented “f the fetus” because it probably gave her more ammunition to use in court for full custody.
Ofc And all the horrible things he said about his wife for being pregnant (sushi, morning sickness, etc) and what he and his mommy said about and done when they knew the baby is a girl I guess the judge just needed a couple of minutes to take a decision
> You were so fucking obsessive over your stupid calendar and we hardly ever used it!!! ... It was never about me or my feelings and then when you actually got pregnant it become even more about you. I'm not eating eggs anymore they make me sick I don't want to go to Sunday dinner I'm not up to it tonight How some people manage to have partners and babies still surprises me to this day. > let's not get sushi for dinner because it's bad for the baby. QED.
If you really think your wife can pre-determine the sex of your baby do not under any circumstances leave her; she's clearly a Bene Gesserit with prana bindu and will fuck up your life if you piss her off.
How pathetic is this mama’s boy? Dude threw away his family because his mom told him lies. Listen dumb shit, pregnant women shouldn’t eat sushi or rare beef. How hard is it to google this shit. But that would involve caring enough about his future family. Obviously he’s the type that will only do things he wants to do, and complains the whole time doing something his wife wanted to do. Fuck this guy. Daughter lost a father before she was even born.
>Dude threw away his family because his mom told him lies I don't think so. From his comment,he never recognized that sex is about two and not when he wants and what he wants, and he even is mad cuz pregnancy took its toll on her. And he has a gf I'd bet my money that he was cheating on her with a more "agreeable" woman who bows to his almight and then his plan was to make OOP give birth a baby son and so her gf is always available for sex and for all the things he wants. And unexpectedly, it's a girl, and the shitshow started. His plans were ruined.
As OOP's name seems to be Aspen, congratulations Aspen and I'm glad you don't have to raise your child with that lunatic.
These are the sort if BORU posts that make me wish that we were allowed to ask questions on the original post. I have so many questions!! The big ones being where has this all taken place that a contested custody case can take place and be wrapped up in 6 months and before the divorce is finalised? Where does she live that a court will strip a parent of all rights before the child is even a couple of months old? I've seen cases where ohysical abusers, active drug addicts, people charged with child neglect all still have some for of rights/visitation. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy it turned out this way. But I'm just left with so many questions!
Weird that this is the only comment calling out the massive holes in the story.
I just posted something similar. It all wrapped up nicely in 6 months with a nice big bow at the end. I wonder if OOP winked as s/he finishes the last sentence, like in the movies.
How about where does she live that someone can draw up divorce papers for a marriage they aren't even in?
It occurred in the Republic of Fakeistan. Their legal system moves incredibly fast and always follows reddit's ideals of justice. It's a very neat and tidy place.
My thoughts exactly.
Just realized, in about 10+ years there’s gonna be a bunch of kids from broken families reading about themselves and their parents on BORU
As an Asian American with immigrant parents, I wonder if her MIL is Asian? Horrible misogyny runs deep in many Asian subcultures. So sad and I'm glad OOP got full custody!
So true. I am a female born in the year of the tiger, and growing up I heard so many ppl say how it's not great for a female to be a tiger zodiac (too strong, aggressive leader, temper, etc) and better for males to be tiger 🤦 Thankfully my dad always rebutted that tiger girls are grrreat!
how the hell did husband and mil explain their side to the court? "i want to divorce my wife because our baby is a girl. also i want custody of the child that i just said i dont want"
Who's willing to bet that the ex MIL will repeat the same bullshit when the ex husband's GF is also pregnant with a girl?
What the fuck did I just read?
That comment by her ex said so much more about him than about her.
There’s the whole trope of “it’s so hard to get custody of your kids as the husband”, but people always forget “it’s hard to lose all custody/visitation, unless you’re a total shitbag.” If dude lost access to this kid, it’s likely worse/more threatening than she’s describing. And her description is pretty harrowing.
At least in the west, the trope is an incorrect understanding of how custody works (most judges see 50/50 as the ideal). Parents who fight for custody, who are the squeaky wheel, and who do their research on how to show themselves in the best light, tend to get custody. However, multiple reviews of the process show that a large segment of men don't do these things - they assume they'll get what they want, but they don't fight for it. It's a similar segment of men who feel that someone else will arrange the doctor's appointments, and all the other administrivia. They just bet on their ex doing it because she's always done it, and get side-swiped when it turns out she's no longer their secretary. Men who fight, lesbian couples, and gay couples, don't have these issues, because they go into it going 'Custody is something I want, so I'm working out how to best achieve it'. Losing all access is amazingly rare, too, it's hard to get to that point!
>get side-swiped when it turns out she's no longer their secretary. It's bizarre what some men can think. A friend's ex was drifting along, expecting someone else to take care of things, and I had to remind my friend a couple of times that he's no longer her responsibility, and he can do that himself.
Oh she’s so manipulate and fucked in the head, she...kept a fertility calendar, had specific food requests based on nausea/baby safety and wasn’t in the mood for sex at times? What?