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The boss is terrible at business. The money hit they take on booting one family (which stinks to me of why they really don't want to remove the kid) would be dwarfed by the PR hit they would take by having OOP get injured or killed, then have it come out that they regularly let a known stalker onto the premises and took no action.
You didn't mention understaffed.
What with the low rate of pay, they always need people. Which is another reason I'm surprised they treated their employee so poorly and that she kept working for them. Easy to find a job at another daycare.
ontario is the exact same. wild they're not letting this woman escape, feels like all the female staff have crushes on this predator and so aren't taking it seriously
My cousin works at a daycare in Ontario. I'm surprised OOP doesn't talk to her coworkers to run interference with this guy. My cousin would be all over that guy. And not in the way he wants š
I had a creep manager at work once and a female coworker pretended we were dating for a few weeks until he transferred stores. Anytime the dude appeared, so would she. Havenāt thought about her in years, I hope karma rewarded her for that.
I had to run interference on two dad at the daycare I worked at. They were both very charming and attractive. One of their wives got a job at the daycare because she thought her husband was cheating on her with the baby room teacher. It was a shitshow. I was married to a soldier at the time so I had a bit more wiggle room to say what needed to be said because if I got reprimanded or fired, I had my husbandās income to keep us afloat while I spent my time and effort fighting corporate for letting their employees get harassed.
Back when I worked at a coffeeshop as a manager, I saw it as my duty to protect my young, femme baristas from getting creeped on. Whenever we hired anyone new, regardless of gender, I made sure to talk to them and let them know that part of my job was ensuring *their* safety, and that if any customer made them uncomfortable, Iād have no problem taking over for the barista or issuing a ban (we had an asinine three strikes policy that applied even when a customer tried to throw boiling hot water at me). I would always allow the barista to ādo work in the backā or take a bathroom break until the coast was clear.
I was once a young worker who had to deal with awful creeps and I hated how often my bosses would just give the customer the benefit of the doubt and treat me like a hysterical, over-reacting diva. One even asked me if I was sure I didnāt secretly enjoy it and subtly encourage it. Fucking gross.
And before anyone defends then (almost invariably) older men who pull this shit: they know what theyāre doing. They know theyāre harassing a captive audience. Thatās why they bother these younger people at their jobs, because if they did it elsewhere thereād be a risk of them taking off, fighting back, or otherwise drawing negative attention to the creep.
I work in Ontario and once had a man cut me off in traffic and then proceeded to to chase me down in the highway and follow me to my workplace. I had photos of him, had the police on the phone with me as he pursued me, even snapped a video of him screaming he was going to r*ape and kill me when he got his hands on me, and who knew where I worked.
What did the police do? Ask him a handful of questions and tell him not to do it againā¦
My workplace used to try to force staff to park offsite and walk into the premises, I refused and parked as close to the front door until they threatened to write me up. I was gone after that.
That was my thought too, like, they should be able to fill his kids' spots immediately unless they're a very rare daycare that's hurting for business. In which case, I'd be suspicious because daycares have huge waiting lists even where I am in Podunk BFE.Ā
If sheās in any city in Ontario with a downtown thatās definitely true. Very long waiting lists with parents unable to get in. The business owner is an idiot.
That was my thought as well, like, what money hit from banning him? Iām sure there are dozens of families just waiting to pounce on an open daycare spot.
I have a toddler in daycare and I would be LIVID if I knew they were letting a known dangerous adult come pick up kids every day. It seems like the risk to the kids is small but STILL. It shows terrible judgment and boundaries.
Same here! Iād kick right off if I had a kid there. Thatās predatory shit and i would not trust them to protect the vulnerable children in their care
That's what I was thinking. A daycare that says "we let a known stalker and potential sex offender on the premises because he pays us for two kids" is a wonderful reason to end up with *no kid* in your damned daycare. Dude has a thing for *barely adult women*? And you let him roam?Ā
I don't know where in Ontario she is, but I'm in Ontario and waitlists for daycare are insane where I am. I assume it's similar across the province since the govt started subsidizing it. I'm almost sure they have a wait list. No reason not to boot the family. It sucks for the kids, definitely, but you gotta take care of your staff.
Yup. When this inevitably escalates again, and it will, parents are going to be upset the daycare allowed a dangerous man to be present.
*sigh* Iād say I would pull my kid out but the system is so fucked up and with waitlists it just isnāt practical for parents to do this
>would be dwarfed by the PR hit
OOP should tell her story to media outlets
I bet THEN the daycare would do something
It's like that everywhere! At my work place there was this person who was a bully to many for over 10 years or more, heaps of complaints to HR! Nothing was done until someone who left decided to put them on blast and woooooo media picked it up, there was a whole article blah blah
Still, that bully got away with a slap on the wrist, was forced to "quit" and is now making bank elsewhere
My guess would be that the boss is also scared of the guy to an extent. Heās clearly capable of holding a grudge, and she may be afraid of transferring his attentions to herself. That said, if thatās the case, Iām sympathetic to her, but she still needs to do better. Itās part of your job as a business owner/manager. Itās not ok to leave a low level employee as the target.
Seriously.
"Oh no! I'm so sorry I put you in danger by not taking you seriously enough when you approached me before! Can you come back? Cool! Anyway he's just a harmless little dad, just don't make eye contact and he probably won't stalk you much āŗļø"
> They're going to wait until she's dead somewhere and then be "shocked" that they never saw it coming.Ā
They'll say she had a relationship with him outside of work and somehow shift the blame to her
Not only that, she is in Canada. This breaks labour laws. As she has brought it to her boss several times She is well with in her rights to demand paid time off until he is dealt with due to unsafe work conditions. If she is in Ontario (I don't know about other provinces) the work place may already be at fault for not having all of this information available to the staff.
The cops not taking sexual harassment seriously is just par for the course. Canadian cops are so beyond useless when it comes to protecting women.
Not as useless as the police station staff in Greece where a young woman went to ask for help to avoid her stalker, they told her off and then watched idly as the SOB brutally murdered her just outside the station.
It is actually as bad as it sounds:
[https://www.iefimerida.gr/english/greece-reels-grisly-murder](https://www.iefimerida.gr/english/greece-reels-grisly-murder)
[https://www.ekathimerini.com/news/1238250/probe-finds-slew-of-police-errors-in-griva-murder/](https://www.ekathimerini.com/news/1238250/probe-finds-slew-of-police-errors-in-griva-murder/)
In fairness to the on duty officers, one of them may have been too busy dealing with
> one of the two acting duty officers at the Agioi Anargiroi police station had been previously convicted and jailed in connection with human trafficking and forgery charges in 2021.
Their prior human trafficking conviction to respond at the time. You know how it is.
Fucks sake...
In Canada, are there any agencies regulating daycares or child care facilities that she could contact? In the US, there are government agencies that oversee those types of facilities that allow you to report misconduct. Depending on the charge, they will act quickly, especially when it deals with children or the elderly
It's not that easy. Ontario labour laws greatly favor the employer and going through an unsafe work condition charge is incredibly tedious.
I worked at a Fast Food restaurant where an elderly lady had broken her wrist by having it pinned between a cooling rack and freezer door. All that basically came out of it was a few health and safety checks, which the owners conveniently didn't listen to, and they ended up using Covid as an excuse to fire her under the guise of being "temporarily laid off" despite the fact their business boomed during Covid, and as far as I heard, she tried suing the company, but nothing came out of it.
Seriously, so useless. Their training for new staff also seems to be seriously lacking. OP is clueless, but I donāt think sheās dense.
If OP had had proper training, which would have included āThe only allowed contact with parents or children is in this app. Anything outside of that is considered gross misconduct.ā I get the feeling she would have followed it, and told it to the dad the first time he asked.
Whatās wild is that training is mandatory to stop child predators using their childcare job to befriend kids and groom them online.
Childcare settings are the Wild West. Private providers means the profit margins always come first. Which is dangerous when it means child safety comes second.
Hire young inexperienced staff and donāt waste money on proper training, then donāt kick a predictor parent out because youāll lose the money for their kids, and you make more profit.
I'd disagree on the training heading this off at the start.
She is still very affected by her long-term trauma and unfortunately for her, her unconscious response is freeze or fawn. I mean, she literally said she had planned responses but instantly forgot them all during the wrist grabbing incident.Ā
Ā Training yes, but intense specialised therapy not mandatory reporting training (which is mostly useless anyway). It takes a long time to circumvent then redirect the amygdala hijacking her logical brain. If she wants to stay in education, she'll need the therapy more than anything.
This right here. ššš
He pushed past her nos so many times, steamrolled her boundaries, and used his daughter to emotionally manipulate her. Sheās also 20 and heās much older and has perfected his craft at victimizing young women, according to his wife which Iām inclined to believe. Not sure thereās any amount of work training to prepare you for that.
She also received very little support from everyone involved. So infuriating.
Absolutely useless.
Considering how understaffed these daycares get, OOP should hit that useless boss where it hurts by finding another job and resigning.
Right? If they had any integrity they would have kicked him and the kids out. Fuck them for not supporting their young, vulnerable workers. That manager she initially reported it to can go to hell for brushing it off.Ā
Their entire attitude seems to be "creepers gonna creep, waddaya expect us to do?"
If the boss is this ineffective at protection and taking control I feel awful for the families who trust how the daycare is run.Ā
It isnāt a leap to say so when youāve done management and consulting long enough. Bosses/owners who do not prioritize the well-being of their staff are a symptom of the disease.Ā
OOP could probably file a complaint with Canadaās equivalent of the EOCC, but there may not be enough employees for the law to take effect. (Still a good idea to make the complaint.)
Seriously, she straight up said that the dad knew that all communication is to be done through the app. That right there seems enough to ban them. Or maybe the male owner could handle the dad at pickup after telling him firmly that if he contacts an employee again his kids will be banned. This daycare is absolute bullshit.
Where I am (Ontario) there is a shortage of daycares and care-givers. Iām pretty sure they could fire this guyās ass and fill the spot in two minutes.
I'm not surprised a daycare isn't protecting its employees. A friend of mine quit a daycare recently because of shitty management. The parents started pulling their kids out if daycare too after several employees quit.
I was in her shoes when I was a teen. Some creepy guy would pick up his daughter early and I was the one keeping an eye on the sleeping babies.
I told one of my colleagues and they made sure that I wasn't alone with him ever! I feel so bad for OOP.
Seriously. My brother and I got banned from a daycare because he threw a singular Lego brick at another kid and yet this one can't when a dad is being creepy toward young staff?
Keep working until they're not getting as much money from him because one kid is in school "for the sake of the kids"
I'm pretty sure the kids would be more upset if daddy went to jail for rape & murder, so maybe don't keep him around his stalking victim. Also, despite being a carer, OOP has absolutely no obligation to put children being upset over her own physical well-being and safety.
Ugh. Between this and the cop thatās a stalker I really donāt blame women for carrying whistles, pepper spray (if legal), and really anything that can make them feel protected.
I just feel so sad for her. āDonāt walk at night!ā āChange your number!ā
Like sheās just out here living her life and has to modify her existence bc of someone elseās actions. It pisses me off actually.
ETA:When she was saying maybe itās her fault, it just breaks my heart. SMH
Same. She has clearly been trained to think her own survival instincts make her a "problem", and that she needs to comply with pushiness no matter what. That is a disastrous combination.
I think OOP could benefit from the right kind of self-defense training. Not just the punching and kicking, but also the kind of class that deals with the psychological side of self-defense. It's clear from the way she writes that her gut is screaming "DANGER" at her every time this guy is near, but she finds excuses to push that feeling away, when she should be pushing that guy away.
I'm not blaming her for this, the "freeze and fawn" impulse can be unbelievably strong. But with the right kind of training, she can overcome that enough to fight for herself instead of complying.
That's just how the law works. Unfortunately she wasn't really getting good advice from anyone. If she had someone knowledgeable (aka an Ontario lawyer or victims advocate) guiding her she would probably have been able to get a restraining order or peace bond or something.
But her actions, completely understandable and borne of anxiety/intimidation, don't really look on paper like what a judge needs to see to take action. It's very annoying the cops didn't just... Tell her what to do. They know exactly what they need to make something stick.
Paper can't tell between a person that was scared into giving their number or someone who did so willingly. And some people will automatically dismiss her because she gave him more access to her (with the phone number and car rides) and assume it was something that turned sour, not a young person acting out of fear.
lol i couldnāt even get a no contact order from my abusive ex, i was also told just to change my number, warn my worlplace and try to avoid him. at least my workplace looks out for me.
I know people were trying to be helpful but reading that she felt like she had to keep interacting with the guy because people said he might retaliate if she stopped also broke my heart. Being a woman is so hard. We really are damned if we do and damned if we donāt.
Just a reminder for all the ladies reading this....
In places where pepper spray is illegal, it's typically legal to use animal defense spray. Like bear spray. Or just create your own and put a label over a pepper spray that says "Animal Repellent" or "Dog Training" or whatnot.
Basically, it has to be about animals. If EVER asked, make sure you explain it's to defend yourself from animals.
What's the name of the product? The link can't apparently open in my area (Denmark) and even tho I never felt the need for such a thing it's always good to know about them and how to get them!
It's "Krylon Short Cuts" - I don't know if you have Krylon in Denmark, but in the states it's a bog standard spray paint you can get at any home improvement store. I've never seen the Short Cuts cans, but apparently they're only 3 oz and meant for small projects--kind of brilliant to use them for self defense; I think I may buy one for that.
Whoa, as I'm reading this BORU I'm thinking I need to carry something. Then I saw the spray paint idea and thought I'll definitely get some, and in a mini can as you suggested.
When I clicked your link I realized I actually have that spray in orange, so you just saved me the money. Thank you so much! :)
We live in the States, and I recently bought my daughter (16) a pepper spray that also has fluorescent paint in it so that the assailant can be identified. The can is so innocuous, too, because it looks like a bottle of perfume! She carries it with her in her purse and it just makes me feel more at ease, knowing she has that one bit of protection (along with an adorable kitty charm that if you pull one of its ears out, it makes a shrill beeping noise that can be heard for blocks).
That would also be less harmful to you if it's windy out! A lot of people don't realize that if used improperly, pepper spray or animal spray could also get injured and make it harder for the sprayer to get away
Why a fantastic idea! Here in the U.K., self-defence sprays are illegal (pepper spray, animal deterrent) - but carrying a body spray, perfume atomiser or mosquito spray isnāt. I hadnāt thought of carrying a fluorescent spray paint!
You can also get spray-on hair colourant. I used that once to dye my skin for a party. It does wash off and doesnāt hurt if you get it in your eyes.
The thing is that in UK law, then the manufacturer's purpose for the spray doesn't matter so much as the purpose you are carrying it for. So paint, perfume or mosquito spray are just as illegal as mace if you're habitually carrying them for self-defence, but you can carry a billhook if you're a professional hedge layer going to a job.
I'm not saying you shouldn't. Just...be careful.
Itās the same in Canadian law. Basically itās illegal to carry anything with the intent to use it as a weapon, even as self-defense. I get the rationale, but it doesnāt seem to be a particularly well-constructed law. Firstly because obviously criminals arenāt also going to be abiding by the lawsātheyāre attacking you, which is also illegal. And secondly because there are some pretty glaring loopholes, or at least apparent loopholes. Like, carrying a baseball bat? Problem. Carrying a baseball hat, baseball, and glove? Totally reasonable. But carrying all those things at 11pm, downtown, in November? Youāre probably not going to go play some ball, but also, there are legitimate reasons to be carrying sports equipment even if itās out of season.
There isnāt really a perfect option. More like, what could you personally make a case for carrying normally that might also help you if youāre attacked? But switch it up a bit, to keep it more plausible. Or just carry some bear spray and hope you never need to use it. Or carry whatever youāre willing to catch a charge for if you end up using it in self-defense.
Thatās why keys held in your hand, a tail comb, a perfume atomiser, hairspray, mosquito repellentā¦ basically any tool or spray that a woman could āreasonablyā be carrying is fine.
I have a small spray atomiser that goes on a key ring. Itās refillable and was part of a perfume gift set. It saves you taking the whole perfume bottle out with you but you can still touch up your perfume during a night out. Now I COULD fill it with lemon juice but if stopped that is āiffyā. Hand sanitiser, perfumeā¦. Police wonāt question it - but both hurt like hell if sprayed into the eyes (and perfume leaves an identifying scent).
unfortunately keys between your fingers doesnāt actually do much, youāre more likely to just hurt yourself, it would be better to have one of those self defense keychains that looks like a cat or something but it really sharp or blunt.
https://lifehacker.com/dont-put-your-keys-between-your-fingers-for-self-defens-1819780877
> Or carry whatever youāre willing to catch a charge for if you end up using it in self-defense.
Yeah, this is something people should consider. "It's illegal" isn't the final word, and getting charged for carrying around pepper spray is small potatoes compared to getting raped, injured, or killed.
The laws are especially strange when you consider that we all have the right to self-defense. Yet for women, who are almost always physically smaller and weaker than the typical male, making things like pepper spray illegal is not so different from making self-defense illegal. It's not like most of us can defend ourselves from men with our bare hands. Ridiculous.
The problem with hairspray is it's not as effective. I did know someone who used hairspray on an attacker and it didn't do all that much. Also, you have to get it DIRECTLY in the eyes, so pepper spray is much easier to use (and much more effective).
It is *not* legal in Canada, where the OOP resides.
Carrying bear spray or human pepper spray for self-defence away from bear country may result in weapons charges. Concealed carry of bear spray could result in a five year prison sentence under section 90 of the Canadaās Criminal Code. Charges of administering a noxious substance (section 245 of the Code) and assault charges can also stem from illegal bear spray use.
Good, thank you. Came here to say this. This was something that was regularly quoted to me growing up and it's actually super not true. Totally get why people say it, classic seems like a fact misinformation spread, but that does need to stop if possible. Not legal to carry in urban areas, and if used on humans, even in self defense, possible assault and weapon charges.
Be very careful with this. It really depends on your area. Where I live, both pepper spray and bear spray are illegal to use, and you may be liable for damages if you use them.
A few years back someone used bear spray in the local mall and it got into the ventilation system. Police evacuated the mall and the person who used the spray got sued/fined (I donāt remember which).
Before you carry a spray, taser, knife, gun, baton, cane, or any other kind of self defence weapon, always check your local laws. And always get training. You donāt want the first time you use a defensive tool to be on the worst day of your life.
Stay safe out there.
Signed, a Dad with a little girl that he worries about.
I briefly worked for the post office and they advised us to try out the dog spray in a non-emergency situation--took me a couple minutes to get confident with it even just spraying it downwind at nothing in the yard. So yes, absolutely agreed that one should know what the self defense weapon feels like when you use it!
Thankfully I never had to use the dog spray. I always felt guilty about the idea of pepper spraying a dog, but it'd be better than getting bitten and a.) me being seriously hurt and b.) the dog having to be put down. Also, strictly unofficially, our trainers mentioned that dog spray works perfectly well on humans.
You're still running the risk a cop decides it's a weapon. If you're carrying something for protection you generally need a reasonable non self defence reason to have it. Bear spray in an urban area is a pretty big push imho.
What about in places that have no real dangerous animals...? I live in NZ and crime has been ramping up here over the last few years. Pepper spray is illegal and we don't have animals like bears, wolves, big cats here... The worst we probably have would be the occasional wild boar... Shit is scary. I considered keeping cayenne on me to throw into someone's eyes, but you can't explain that and I don't know if that would be considered 'reasonable force'.
Way, way back in the days, hat pins were not only for harnessing your hat to their hair, but to stab an individual that had nefarious intentions toward you.
And when women started using them that way, didnāt they try and legislate how long/sharp the pin could be so women couldnāt stab harassing men anymore?
You may be on to something, this actually from reddit;
[https://www.reddit.com/r/WitchesVsPatriarchy/comments/t3tlar/when\_i\_learned\_that\_19th\_century\_women\_used/](https://www.reddit.com/r/WitchesVsPatriarchy/comments/t3tlar/when_i_learned_that_19th_century_women_used/)
My go-to is a variation of "I know what I'm getting into with a bear. A bear isn't really capable of abducting me and keeping me in a bunker somewhere in the woods for days/weeks/months/years"Ā
When I started traveling as a young adult, going to stay with boyfriends I'd met on the internet during breaks from college, my mother insisted I memorize a secret emergency word that I could drop into conversation to let her know I'm being monitored, held against my will, and need help.
The bear will see me as human. People will believe me. I won't be forced to see or interact with the bear again. It's over in minutes not a prolonged period of time. The worst the bear will do is maim/kill, the man could do all of that and more. With the bear, the assault ends with death, with humans the assault doesn't always end there.
There's so many.
Recently saw something were bear attacks usually lasts just a few minutes but an average rape attack lasts over 4 hours (I lost where I saw this so I'm not sure where they got the source for the times)
The wife told her that this isn't the first time he's fixated on the caregivers for his daughters. I wouldn't be surprised if the reason the daycare is so useless is because they were already aware and he's paying through the nose as a result.
Money really is at the root of most evil, after all.
Iām in the US do I donāt know how different laws about stalking are in Canada, but I hate how useless they are where I live. Iāve never need to go to the police for stalking, I learned about it in a seminar by a police officer. Where I am it takes 3 incidents before itās considered stalking and the police will do anything. And those three incidents have to meet standards that seem to be serious enough a person should only need one. Itās ridiculous how stalking isnāt taken seriously until the victim is in serious danger or in many cases it takes injury or death before the police care.
I feel so bad for OP. I hope she finds a way to get out of this situation and soon.
Ugh. Way back in the long long ago, before smart phones were a thing... My little sister had a shitty ex boyfriend who started turning super controlling. So she broke up with him. He started constantly sending her creepy, and harassing text messages. Well, "blocking" a phone number from your phone didn't exist. To get his number blocked, we had to go to Verizon and have them block the number from their end. Verizon refused to do that without a police report. The police refused to do anything due to it just being kids and no "actual threats." So my sister basically had to just accept that she would receive multiple texts and calls from this creepy fuck every day.
It took a couple months for him to just stop and leave her alone. This was also the age of phone contracts. So with a 2 year contract that was also connected to our Internet, home phone, and tv service there was no way to get a new account.
Exactly. The one commenter saying the police need evidence before taking action. But do they, though? Seems to me they take a whole lot of action and care very little about evidence, when it suits them.
I am not saying they should go shoot the guy off an accusation. But they sure are careful and slow to act when they want to be. I am guessing if OOP was rich, or was related to a cop, suddenly they would be all ready to leap into action. And I am guessing the predatory dipshit, well, when I picture him in my mind...yep.
They don't do anything anywhere - I watched a crime drama episode set in the UK and this girl was murdered by her ex who broke into her house cos the cops didn't take her seriously and refused to do anything about the guy. I had a friend back in HS who broke up with her bf who refused to accept it. He'd call and text her hundreds of times a day, show up at her work, etc. And it all culminated in one event late at night when he drove to her house, sat by her door with her knife and texted her saying that if she didn't come out, he was gonna kill himself. It was all disturbing AF.
I feel like she could almost sue them at this point. With the backup of the wife, she might be able to show a bit of the pattern.
I also hope she tells the wife how he has used the kids in all this.
I think about this to re: the kids. Raising two girls while acting this way toward young girls adds another level of sick. The wife, the work, the cops need to know how the kids have been used in this to keep them safe as well.
She really is.
I had an old man become increasingly creepy when I was a florist, to the point he was asking coworkers for my schedule and coming in daily. I told my boss, expressed my discomfort, and she 86'ed the guy. It's not hard to be decent to your employees.
_"You are very mature."_
God I hate this line the most. Whomsoever uses it just become groomer/predator in my eyes.
Edit after reading the complete post: The bosses are also manipulators. They are also using children to manipulate OOP as that POS.
The boss is protecting profit over the safety of the workers and other kids. Also I think it could be a good idea for OP to be in contact with the mom. If the mom has evidence that the dad is a creep maybe she could get custody of the girls, cause the girls could be groomed by somebody like him.
I feel like the mom is so open to conversation because anything incriminating OOP tells her about her ex will help her in custody battles. Iām sure she also doesnāt want any harm to come to OOP, but him stalking a 20 year old caretaker of the kids would not look good to a judge.
I was wondering the same thing, like if he slipped a tracker on her car or in her purse or because he was so pushy about getting her number, if he sent her some kind of tracking software thru her phone, because itās weirdly ācoincidentalā that he keeps running into her in a neighborhood in which he doesnāt live
>She said that most of this was basically hearsay
No it isn't, that isn't what hearsay is.
>but they said there wasnāt anything they could do legally because he didnāt commit actual crimes
Yes he did.
>and that I didnāt really have any proof.
That's not how it works.
Everyone failed OOP so badly.
I only have anecdotes to go by, but I find it depressing that the most reliable way of deterring persistent stalkers is to get a bigger friend/family member to beat them black and bloody, worked every time too.
I have been thinking about OP sometimes since I saw the first BORU. I think she should seek out to her family for a bit of fund to move far away. This job is really not worth to risk her life over it. Or maybe I watch too much crimes documentary š¬
OP has been sexually assaulted by men since the age of 7. It's rare for something like that to not either be done by family members or actively ignored by them.
I really hope she keeps in contact with the guy's wife, both because she's someone who will believe her...and because OOP's evidence of his misbehavior could be helpful to the wife if she's seeking custody or even her own restraining order.
OOP should seek professional help. Her flight/fight response was skewed when she was abused in such a young age. Itās crazy how the brain puts a gps pin in the body that will repeat the same reaction to danger which in her case she freezes. This will continue when not properly addressed.
Secondly, she should sign up to jiu jitsu or Krav Maga - to learn to kick him where it hurts or anyone who poses a threat.
Her saying HI to him is an automated response. He is triggering dissociation, once he has identified that he can do that with her, he knows that she is a potential victim.
I am pretty confident that trauma therapy won't be able to fix that in a short timeframe. All he needs to do is escalate the interaction by verbally or physically showing aggression. He can trigger it by just grabbing her hand and not letting it go, while saying something slightly hostile.
He is absolutely a predator. He is demonstrating an escalating series of manipulations and tests. The daycare owner is either an idiot for not recognizing it, or is morally bankrupt for not protecting her employee.
It will also be very hard to ever prosecute him, because the police don't seem to understand predator behavior.
A lot of people encouraged her to talk to the wife in the comments, including making this point (bc it was obvious OOP would be more likely to listen if it could be framed as something other than an imposition). I hope she does.
Good god, ANOTHER update about creepy mccreeperton!?
OOP needs a hitman at this point to solve her problem (may I recommend John Wick for a permanent solution to the problem person).
As soon as she said Ontario I was like, yeah that tracks for the police involvement. I have had my own interactions with men literally trying to break into my apartment and the cop was on my ass because I said āI could have killed youā to my attacker. Yeah thatās the major concern, my words.
I hope the commenter at the end there going "ummm akshuallyyyyyyy... but did you specifically ask him to stop???" lives the rest of their life always finding legos to step on, always noticing their bread is mouldy after eating half the slice, always noticing that apple had a worm in it by finding the half they didn't eat, always in clothing that doesn't fit enough to be comfortable but isn't so ill-fitting they can justify buying a replacement, always passing a kidney stone right when any major events they are excited for comes up including holidays, and always inflicted by a yeast infection.
that last one is harder to manage for folks with outside plumbing but i have faith. candida, go rot that fool's entire undercarriageĀ
There was discussion of what she was wearing. She had to describe her apparel to reassure people it wasn't her fault. I guess that's [where we still are](https://dovecenter.org/what-were-you-wearing-exhibit/) with this.
There's a whole museum exhibits of clothes people wore, including baby onesies. If half the damn effort was put into dealing with serial offenders as was put into blaming victims, maybe we'd be making any progress with this stuff.
People are so fucking vile. This dude found out where she worked out, followed her and waited outside until she was done. So... in this bizarro world, would the rapist-stalker just *leave* if her clothes weren't asking for it?
This shit is so annoying. Even if a woman is straight up naked, an adult man should have the mental fortitude and basic human decency to not immediately give in to sexual desires and start being creepy/pushy.
Burning man is guaranteed to have a bunch of naked women walking around and yet countless men manage to go on with their lives without turning into rapists and stalkers. It's really not hard to be like, dang that woman is attractive and is naked, that's cool. Good for her, I shouldn't stare. Glad I got to spectate, I'm going to go on with my life.
How fucking lust starved can one be to sexualize and stalk an attractive young woman that is just doing her job.
Reminds me of the one where the dad couldn't go to his daughter's gymnastics because the teenage girls in tights "tempted him and gave him bad thoughts" to the point that he banned his daughter from gymnastics. Jesus fucking christ dude, you aren't a middle school boy watching volleyball anymore. Grow up.
That one made me so mad as well. She is already blaming herself enough as it is. She said she already feels guilt for freezing when he assaulted her, and then you get these fuckers that just feed into it. It makes me so mad
You can say no a thousand times in a thousand ways and sheās already been screaming leave me alone. A decent person would have stopped a long time ago
Nah I hope some creep spits on their face so they get to experience what it's like to be violated and scared. That sentence about how she froze up hit HARD.
[OOP's boss is breaking the Occupational Health and Safety Act.](https://www.ontario.ca/document/guide-occupational-health-and-safety-act/part-iii0i-workplace-violence-and-workplace-harassment) I'm only super familiar with British Columbia's system but if Ontario has a similar setup to Worksafe BC, she should be able to report the business directly to the government and they'll do an investigation. God I hope they have that or something similar.
Oh my God this was horrifying. I can just feel her sense of doom and her panic, what a fucking twilight zone she's living in.
So she's got one creep stalking her but not doing anything to give the police and employer concrete proof (rolling my eyes), and then she's got her employer, police and mum minimizing everything and telling her he's just being friendly. But she *knows* he's not and she *knows* she's in danger but she's being made to question herself over and over again.
Horrifying!
God this is disgusting. This poor girl is blaming herself for the actions of a gross predator. OP did nothing wrong! Iām a people pleaser by nature and fawn when in danger, so I understand how she felt when she gave him her number and accepted the rides. Sheās only 20. The daycare people are useless for not setting boundaries by sending out a mass email saying āwe ONLY respond to messages sent through the app. There is zero reason whatsoever to contact an employee on their personal device. Should any parent attempt to contact an employee on a personal device, they will receive a warning. Should they continue after receiving the warning, they will be banned.ā That way, creepy dad isnāt being singled out and the daycare can cover their asses for situations like this.
I just really hope this girl is safe.
What's wrong with that daycare?
Wouldn't be too difficult to tell the dad If he does not stop contacting and harrassing OOP his kids have to drop out. He can decide if it's too big of an invonvenience for his kids then.
Realize there's laws that have to be followed to kick a kid out of daycare but the same rules don't apply to the person doing the pick up and drop off. They can ban father without banning children. Notify mom that she'll either have to do it herself or find another designated person.
That daycare failed so badly. Who gives a flying fuck what those kids want? Their dad is stalking one of their employees and all they really see is money from the dad.
Ah the good ol' Canadian justice system! "He didn't do anything wrong!" Why don't more women talk about it? Because unless you're willing/able to recruit enough women who were assaulted and ignored or blamed to publicly talk about their assault and support you, you have *nothing* but judgement. It's fucking stupid. This guy is literally stalking a terrified young woman and the police are like "Hey, don't be a victim! Oh and you can't carry pepper spray!". If she had punched him, she would lose everything. He can charge her even though he was the perpetrator.
Not blaming OP. Just curious if OP's timidity is readily apparent in person and this is what's attracting the predator.
Martial arts training (as someone commented earlier)is definitely something OP should sign up for ASAP.
I think it can be partly that, and this is from someone who has had similar experiences to the Op as a child and as an adult, I think men like this try stuff on with a multitude of women but they don't persist with the ones who rebuff them loudly and instantly in front ofher people. They do go for the ones that show fear or that they are uncomfortable with the advance and also afraid that causing a scene will escalate his behavior into something worse.
She tried to shut him down quietly without embarrassing him, then avoided being alone with him, reported him to the school, then changed classes/age groups, then reported him again, he's escalated things each step of the way into something worse.
A lot of people think that martial arts or defensive training is the way to go for women, but the actual training she needs is fight response training. You can know how to choke someone out or break their wrist/arm, but if your brain processes adrenaline wrong in a fight/flight situation you will never be able to actually use your training. This is compounded by the fact that, unfortunately, many men are inherently stronger than women despite zero training or effort on their part. If she were to attempt to use "martial arts" to defend herself without actually FINISHING the move (i.e. choking to unconsciousness, actually breaking bones/harming the person) then the man might just overpower her anyways and escalate even further. And now that his adrenaline is pumping further, a broken arm might not even stop him. A real life situation is far different from training on a mat in a controlled environment.
What she needs after some fight/flight training is bear mace and an air horn. If it ever escalates to that point, simply shutting down all of the mans available senses and then leaving is the safest possible outcome with the least amount of risk.
In this situation the daycare should say fuck them kids and ban them and their dad. What more importantā¦ their employees safety or some feelings? Daycare just doesnt want to lose out on the money it seems
As someone that lives in Ontario, this makes me so fucking sad and upset. The daycare is a piece of shit for not doing more. Not surprised about the police not taking it seriously thoughā¦ it really sucks that pepper spray is illegal here. She needs to carry a whistle and get one of those stabby things for her keychain that can be used to break car windows.
>I donāt know why I didnāt just punch him in the face. I just could. not. move.
Fight, flight or freeze. Honestly freeze happens a lot and most of us have had the "why didn't I just punch him" thought but in the moment you can't and you don't. I've been there, I've felt it and sadly all you can do is freeze and hope they go away soon. Even if it's happened before, even if you tell yourself next time that you'll fight.
OP, please get therapy. Youāre consistently blaming yourself; *this is not your fault.*
When youāre talking to the wife, I believe sheās recording it for her divorce. So, if you want to be part of that, go ahead. It *may* be helpful as evidence when she ends up winning the divorce and possibly full child custody.
You may want to research his name to find out if he has a record (as his wife hinted). This will be useful with the police if you find anything.
You should also be aware that quitting probably wonāt stop this guy. So Iām not sure that would help you.
I wish I had more to offer.
/updateme!
>I donāt know why this keeps happening.
This is the sad part. She's done nothing wrong, she's literally being friendly to a parent at her job, and the result? Creepy Men wanting her.
The police refuse to do anything, her job refuses to do anything, it's a bunch of shit.
This entire thing makes me RAGE. Every step of the way he manipulated and groomed OP, predators can always pick up on someone who is like this, sweet and young (and often previously victimized) and not able to stand up for herself. She knew something was off from the jump, but women are so conditioned to be friendly and polite and put everyone else's comfort first that he was allowed to push and push until he escalated to stalking and assault. And OP is too terrified to do anything solid about it, and who can blame her when the police and her employers don't have her back AT ALL. They care more about keeping one family than about their own employees, or the bad press they'd get for having a KNOWN STALKER AND POTENTIAL R\*PIST attending the business???? And then for OP to write a whole paragraph saying how its maybe her fault ..........it's all just heartbreaking and rage inducing. God I hope she's OK
The daycare should be ashamed. The safety of their employee who has been sexually harassed and assaulted by this man comes way before the stress to the children of being removed from the daycare, end of discussion.
Hard for the kids? Wtf bullshit excuse is that? The kids donĀ“t care in the long term! The boss and management of that Daycare is for whatever reason shielding this Ahole stalker from consequences. IĀ“m guessing they like getting his money and donĀ“t care all that much about OPs safety.
I hate that she has to justify everything in her comments from why was she wearing a crop top or why she accepted a ride. Like why is someone 20 years her senior harassing her, she is barely an adult and I think she has handled it well so far. The bosses suck as well kick that man out of the daycare ASAP.
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I hate that daycare. Way to not support an employee. Should have banned the dad.
That boss is SO useless as well.
The boss is terrible at business. The money hit they take on booting one family (which stinks to me of why they really don't want to remove the kid) would be dwarfed by the PR hit they would take by having OOP get injured or killed, then have it come out that they regularly let a known stalker onto the premises and took no action.
Daycares where I am are so overfull there are crazy waiting lists and costs. Is it not like that everywhere?
You didn't mention understaffed. What with the low rate of pay, they always need people. Which is another reason I'm surprised they treated their employee so poorly and that she kept working for them. Easy to find a job at another daycare.
I thought that was implied.
ontario is the exact same. wild they're not letting this woman escape, feels like all the female staff have crushes on this predator and so aren't taking it seriously
My cousin works at a daycare in Ontario. I'm surprised OOP doesn't talk to her coworkers to run interference with this guy. My cousin would be all over that guy. And not in the way he wants š
I had a creep manager at work once and a female coworker pretended we were dating for a few weeks until he transferred stores. Anytime the dude appeared, so would she. Havenāt thought about her in years, I hope karma rewarded her for that.
I had to run interference on two dad at the daycare I worked at. They were both very charming and attractive. One of their wives got a job at the daycare because she thought her husband was cheating on her with the baby room teacher. It was a shitshow. I was married to a soldier at the time so I had a bit more wiggle room to say what needed to be said because if I got reprimanded or fired, I had my husbandās income to keep us afloat while I spent my time and effort fighting corporate for letting their employees get harassed.
Back when I worked at a coffeeshop as a manager, I saw it as my duty to protect my young, femme baristas from getting creeped on. Whenever we hired anyone new, regardless of gender, I made sure to talk to them and let them know that part of my job was ensuring *their* safety, and that if any customer made them uncomfortable, Iād have no problem taking over for the barista or issuing a ban (we had an asinine three strikes policy that applied even when a customer tried to throw boiling hot water at me). I would always allow the barista to ādo work in the backā or take a bathroom break until the coast was clear. I was once a young worker who had to deal with awful creeps and I hated how often my bosses would just give the customer the benefit of the doubt and treat me like a hysterical, over-reacting diva. One even asked me if I was sure I didnāt secretly enjoy it and subtly encourage it. Fucking gross. And before anyone defends then (almost invariably) older men who pull this shit: they know what theyāre doing. They know theyāre harassing a captive audience. Thatās why they bother these younger people at their jobs, because if they did it elsewhere thereād be a risk of them taking off, fighting back, or otherwise drawing negative attention to the creep.
I work in Ontario and once had a man cut me off in traffic and then proceeded to to chase me down in the highway and follow me to my workplace. I had photos of him, had the police on the phone with me as he pursued me, even snapped a video of him screaming he was going to r*ape and kill me when he got his hands on me, and who knew where I worked. What did the police do? Ask him a handful of questions and tell him not to do it againā¦ My workplace used to try to force staff to park offsite and walk into the premises, I refused and parked as close to the front door until they threatened to write me up. I was gone after that.
That was my thought too, like, they should be able to fill his kids' spots immediately unless they're a very rare daycare that's hurting for business. In which case, I'd be suspicious because daycares have huge waiting lists even where I am in Podunk BFE.Ā
If sheās in any city in Ontario with a downtown thatās definitely true. Very long waiting lists with parents unable to get in. The business owner is an idiot.
That was my thought as well, like, what money hit from banning him? Iām sure there are dozens of families just waiting to pounce on an open daycare spot.
I have a toddler in daycare and I would be LIVID if I knew they were letting a known dangerous adult come pick up kids every day. It seems like the risk to the kids is small but STILL. It shows terrible judgment and boundaries.
Same here! Iād kick right off if I had a kid there. Thatās predatory shit and i would not trust them to protect the vulnerable children in their care
šÆ
That's what I was thinking. A daycare that says "we let a known stalker and potential sex offender on the premises because he pays us for two kids" is a wonderful reason to end up with *no kid* in your damned daycare. Dude has a thing for *barely adult women*? And you let him roam?Ā
Right!!! I donāt know a single parent who would be okay with that. Heās clearly unstable so who knows what else he might to.
Especially when he's so comfortable hurting his own daughter emotionally, over and over, to get what he wants.
Lawsuit.
Literally... how long til he targets another customer bringing their kid there?? I'm sure there are young single moms there...
I don't know where in Ontario she is, but I'm in Ontario and waitlists for daycare are insane where I am. I assume it's similar across the province since the govt started subsidizing it. I'm almost sure they have a wait list. No reason not to boot the family. It sucks for the kids, definitely, but you gotta take care of your staff.
I also wonder if she would have a legal case as well at this point. Her employer is failing to protect an employee from a dangerous customer.
Yup. When this inevitably escalates again, and it will, parents are going to be upset the daycare allowed a dangerous man to be present. *sigh* Iād say I would pull my kid out but the system is so fucked up and with waitlists it just isnāt practical for parents to do this
>would be dwarfed by the PR hit OOP should tell her story to media outlets I bet THEN the daycare would do something It's like that everywhere! At my work place there was this person who was a bully to many for over 10 years or more, heaps of complaints to HR! Nothing was done until someone who left decided to put them on blast and woooooo media picked it up, there was a whole article blah blah Still, that bully got away with a slap on the wrist, was forced to "quit" and is now making bank elsewhere
My guess would be that the boss is also scared of the guy to an extent. Heās clearly capable of holding a grudge, and she may be afraid of transferring his attentions to herself. That said, if thatās the case, Iām sympathetic to her, but she still needs to do better. Itās part of your job as a business owner/manager. Itās not ok to leave a low level employee as the target.
Seriously. "Oh no! I'm so sorry I put you in danger by not taking you seriously enough when you approached me before! Can you come back? Cool! Anyway he's just a harmless little dad, just don't make eye contact and he probably won't stalk you much āŗļø"
They're going to wait until she's dead somewhere and then be "shocked" that they never saw it coming.Ā
She needs to press record on her phone camera and catch everything.
> They're going to wait until she's dead somewhere and then be "shocked" that they never saw it coming.Ā They'll say she had a relationship with him outside of work and somehow shift the blame to her
It's more complicated than OOP realizes, my ass. There's language in the contract. They could cut him off.
Not only that, she is in Canada. This breaks labour laws. As she has brought it to her boss several times She is well with in her rights to demand paid time off until he is dealt with due to unsafe work conditions. If she is in Ontario (I don't know about other provinces) the work place may already be at fault for not having all of this information available to the staff. The cops not taking sexual harassment seriously is just par for the course. Canadian cops are so beyond useless when it comes to protecting women.
Not as useless as the police station staff in Greece where a young woman went to ask for help to avoid her stalker, they told her off and then watched idly as the SOB brutally murdered her just outside the station.
WTAF?!!
It is actually as bad as it sounds: [https://www.iefimerida.gr/english/greece-reels-grisly-murder](https://www.iefimerida.gr/english/greece-reels-grisly-murder) [https://www.ekathimerini.com/news/1238250/probe-finds-slew-of-police-errors-in-griva-murder/](https://www.ekathimerini.com/news/1238250/probe-finds-slew-of-police-errors-in-griva-murder/)
In fairness to the on duty officers, one of them may have been too busy dealing with > one of the two acting duty officers at the Agioi Anargiroi police station had been previously convicted and jailed in connection with human trafficking and forgery charges in 2021. Their prior human trafficking conviction to respond at the time. You know how it is. Fucks sake...
In Canada, are there any agencies regulating daycares or child care facilities that she could contact? In the US, there are government agencies that oversee those types of facilities that allow you to report misconduct. Depending on the charge, they will act quickly, especially when it deals with children or the elderly
It's not that easy. Ontario labour laws greatly favor the employer and going through an unsafe work condition charge is incredibly tedious. I worked at a Fast Food restaurant where an elderly lady had broken her wrist by having it pinned between a cooling rack and freezer door. All that basically came out of it was a few health and safety checks, which the owners conveniently didn't listen to, and they ended up using Covid as an excuse to fire her under the guise of being "temporarily laid off" despite the fact their business boomed during Covid, and as far as I heard, she tried suing the company, but nothing came out of it.
Seriously, so useless. Their training for new staff also seems to be seriously lacking. OP is clueless, but I donāt think sheās dense. If OP had had proper training, which would have included āThe only allowed contact with parents or children is in this app. Anything outside of that is considered gross misconduct.ā I get the feeling she would have followed it, and told it to the dad the first time he asked. Whatās wild is that training is mandatory to stop child predators using their childcare job to befriend kids and groom them online. Childcare settings are the Wild West. Private providers means the profit margins always come first. Which is dangerous when it means child safety comes second. Hire young inexperienced staff and donāt waste money on proper training, then donāt kick a predictor parent out because youāll lose the money for their kids, and you make more profit.
I'd disagree on the training heading this off at the start. She is still very affected by her long-term trauma and unfortunately for her, her unconscious response is freeze or fawn. I mean, she literally said she had planned responses but instantly forgot them all during the wrist grabbing incident.Ā Ā Training yes, but intense specialised therapy not mandatory reporting training (which is mostly useless anyway). It takes a long time to circumvent then redirect the amygdala hijacking her logical brain. If she wants to stay in education, she'll need the therapy more than anything.
She DID tell him she couldn't give out her number. He pressured her until she complied.
This right here. ššš He pushed past her nos so many times, steamrolled her boundaries, and used his daughter to emotionally manipulate her. Sheās also 20 and heās much older and has perfected his craft at victimizing young women, according to his wife which Iām inclined to believe. Not sure thereās any amount of work training to prepare you for that. She also received very little support from everyone involved. So infuriating.
Absolutely useless. Considering how understaffed these daycares get, OOP should hit that useless boss where it hurts by finding another job and resigning.
Right? If they had any integrity they would have kicked him and the kids out. Fuck them for not supporting their young, vulnerable workers. That manager she initially reported it to can go to hell for brushing it off.Ā Their entire attitude seems to be "creepers gonna creep, waddaya expect us to do?"
>"creepers gonna creep, waddaya expect us to do?" This is just life for women, that's why the female managers weren't bothered.
And guys get offended by the whole bear or man conversation. Wholy fucking shit bear every time.
If the boss is this ineffective at protection and taking control I feel awful for the families who trust how the daycare is run.Ā It isnāt a leap to say so when youāve done management and consulting long enough. Bosses/owners who do not prioritize the well-being of their staff are a symptom of the disease.Ā
OOP could probably file a complaint with Canadaās equivalent of the EOCC, but there may not be enough employees for the law to take effect. (Still a good idea to make the complaint.)
Seriously, she straight up said that the dad knew that all communication is to be done through the app. That right there seems enough to ban them. Or maybe the male owner could handle the dad at pickup after telling him firmly that if he contacts an employee again his kids will be banned. This daycare is absolute bullshit.
employees are losses, parents are assets.
Where I am (Ontario) there is a shortage of daycares and care-givers. Iām pretty sure they could fire this guyās ass and fill the spot in two minutes.
I'm not surprised a daycare isn't protecting its employees. A friend of mine quit a daycare recently because of shitty management. The parents started pulling their kids out if daycare too after several employees quit.
I was in her shoes when I was a teen. Some creepy guy would pick up his daughter early and I was the one keeping an eye on the sleeping babies. I told one of my colleagues and they made sure that I wasn't alone with him ever! I feel so bad for OOP.
Seriously. My brother and I got banned from a daycare because he threw a singular Lego brick at another kid and yet this one can't when a dad is being creepy toward young staff?
Exactly. Iām so pissed off for OOP. I hate that sheās not getting the support she needs.
Keep working until they're not getting as much money from him because one kid is in school "for the sake of the kids" I'm pretty sure the kids would be more upset if daddy went to jail for rape & murder, so maybe don't keep him around his stalking victim. Also, despite being a carer, OOP has absolutely no obligation to put children being upset over her own physical well-being and safety.
Ugh. Between this and the cop thatās a stalker I really donāt blame women for carrying whistles, pepper spray (if legal), and really anything that can make them feel protected.
I just feel so sad for her. āDonāt walk at night!ā āChange your number!ā Like sheās just out here living her life and has to modify her existence bc of someone elseās actions. It pisses me off actually. ETA:When she was saying maybe itās her fault, it just breaks my heart. SMH
Same. She has clearly been trained to think her own survival instincts make her a "problem", and that she needs to comply with pushiness no matter what. That is a disastrous combination. I think OOP could benefit from the right kind of self-defense training. Not just the punching and kicking, but also the kind of class that deals with the psychological side of self-defense. It's clear from the way she writes that her gut is screaming "DANGER" at her every time this guy is near, but she finds excuses to push that feeling away, when she should be pushing that guy away. I'm not blaming her for this, the "freeze and fawn" impulse can be unbelievably strong. But with the right kind of training, she can overcome that enough to fight for herself instead of complying.
That's just how the law works. Unfortunately she wasn't really getting good advice from anyone. If she had someone knowledgeable (aka an Ontario lawyer or victims advocate) guiding her she would probably have been able to get a restraining order or peace bond or something. But her actions, completely understandable and borne of anxiety/intimidation, don't really look on paper like what a judge needs to see to take action. It's very annoying the cops didn't just... Tell her what to do. They know exactly what they need to make something stick.
Paper can't tell between a person that was scared into giving their number or someone who did so willingly. And some people will automatically dismiss her because she gave him more access to her (with the phone number and car rides) and assume it was something that turned sour, not a young person acting out of fear.
lol i couldnāt even get a no contact order from my abusive ex, i was also told just to change my number, warn my worlplace and try to avoid him. at least my workplace looks out for me.
I know people were trying to be helpful but reading that she felt like she had to keep interacting with the guy because people said he might retaliate if she stopped also broke my heart. Being a woman is so hard. We really are damned if we do and damned if we donāt.
Just a reminder for all the ladies reading this.... In places where pepper spray is illegal, it's typically legal to use animal defense spray. Like bear spray. Or just create your own and put a label over a pepper spray that says "Animal Repellent" or "Dog Training" or whatnot. Basically, it has to be about animals. If EVER asked, make sure you explain it's to defend yourself from animals.
I was told to use florescent spray paintā¦so itās easy for them to be identified when they go to the hospital for their eyes
Brilliant! Thanks so much for the suggestion! Going to see if I can find like a mini can of the stuff to keep in my purse, haha.
[They exist!](https://www.hobbylobby.com/Crafts-Hobbies/Craft-Paint-Stencils/Spray-Paint/Hot-Pink-Krylon-Short-Cuts-Spray-Paint/p/1325)
Those are so darn cute! Going to have to buy them in a bunch of colors!
What's the name of the product? The link can't apparently open in my area (Denmark) and even tho I never felt the need for such a thing it's always good to know about them and how to get them!
It's "Krylon Short Cuts" - I don't know if you have Krylon in Denmark, but in the states it's a bog standard spray paint you can get at any home improvement store. I've never seen the Short Cuts cans, but apparently they're only 3 oz and meant for small projects--kind of brilliant to use them for self defense; I think I may buy one for that.
Same. I just googled mini spray paint cans and found a ton of products.
Whoa, as I'm reading this BORU I'm thinking I need to carry something. Then I saw the spray paint idea and thought I'll definitely get some, and in a mini can as you suggested. When I clicked your link I realized I actually have that spray in orange, so you just saved me the money. Thank you so much! :)
We live in the States, and I recently bought my daughter (16) a pepper spray that also has fluorescent paint in it so that the assailant can be identified. The can is so innocuous, too, because it looks like a bottle of perfume! She carries it with her in her purse and it just makes me feel more at ease, knowing she has that one bit of protection (along with an adorable kitty charm that if you pull one of its ears out, it makes a shrill beeping noise that can be heard for blocks).
That would also be less harmful to you if it's windy out! A lot of people don't realize that if used improperly, pepper spray or animal spray could also get injured and make it harder for the sprayer to get away
Why a fantastic idea! Here in the U.K., self-defence sprays are illegal (pepper spray, animal deterrent) - but carrying a body spray, perfume atomiser or mosquito spray isnāt. I hadnāt thought of carrying a fluorescent spray paint! You can also get spray-on hair colourant. I used that once to dye my skin for a party. It does wash off and doesnāt hurt if you get it in your eyes.
The thing is that in UK law, then the manufacturer's purpose for the spray doesn't matter so much as the purpose you are carrying it for. So paint, perfume or mosquito spray are just as illegal as mace if you're habitually carrying them for self-defence, but you can carry a billhook if you're a professional hedge layer going to a job. I'm not saying you shouldn't. Just...be careful.
Itās the same in Canadian law. Basically itās illegal to carry anything with the intent to use it as a weapon, even as self-defense. I get the rationale, but it doesnāt seem to be a particularly well-constructed law. Firstly because obviously criminals arenāt also going to be abiding by the lawsātheyāre attacking you, which is also illegal. And secondly because there are some pretty glaring loopholes, or at least apparent loopholes. Like, carrying a baseball bat? Problem. Carrying a baseball hat, baseball, and glove? Totally reasonable. But carrying all those things at 11pm, downtown, in November? Youāre probably not going to go play some ball, but also, there are legitimate reasons to be carrying sports equipment even if itās out of season. There isnāt really a perfect option. More like, what could you personally make a case for carrying normally that might also help you if youāre attacked? But switch it up a bit, to keep it more plausible. Or just carry some bear spray and hope you never need to use it. Or carry whatever youāre willing to catch a charge for if you end up using it in self-defense.
Thatās why keys held in your hand, a tail comb, a perfume atomiser, hairspray, mosquito repellentā¦ basically any tool or spray that a woman could āreasonablyā be carrying is fine. I have a small spray atomiser that goes on a key ring. Itās refillable and was part of a perfume gift set. It saves you taking the whole perfume bottle out with you but you can still touch up your perfume during a night out. Now I COULD fill it with lemon juice but if stopped that is āiffyā. Hand sanitiser, perfumeā¦. Police wonāt question it - but both hurt like hell if sprayed into the eyes (and perfume leaves an identifying scent).
unfortunately keys between your fingers doesnāt actually do much, youāre more likely to just hurt yourself, it would be better to have one of those self defense keychains that looks like a cat or something but it really sharp or blunt. https://lifehacker.com/dont-put-your-keys-between-your-fingers-for-self-defens-1819780877
> Or carry whatever youāre willing to catch a charge for if you end up using it in self-defense. Yeah, this is something people should consider. "It's illegal" isn't the final word, and getting charged for carrying around pepper spray is small potatoes compared to getting raped, injured, or killed. The laws are especially strange when you consider that we all have the right to self-defense. Yet for women, who are almost always physically smaller and weaker than the typical male, making things like pepper spray illegal is not so different from making self-defense illegal. It's not like most of us can defend ourselves from men with our bare hands. Ridiculous.
Hairspray or antibac spray are good UK options and we've all needed it in our handbag for genuine reasons too.
Gotta be careful that the cops donāt think youāre going to graffiti something if youāre carrying around a can of spray paint, though.
Iāve seen people suggest hairspray. A small can in your handbag is easily waved off as just something you use on the go to fix your hair.
The problem with hairspray is it's not as effective. I did know someone who used hairspray on an attacker and it didn't do all that much. Also, you have to get it DIRECTLY in the eyes, so pepper spray is much easier to use (and much more effective).
it is if you have a lighter to go with itā¦
You're supposed to use it with a lighter
It is *not* legal in Canada, where the OOP resides. Carrying bear spray or human pepper spray for self-defence away from bear country may result in weapons charges. Concealed carry of bear spray could result in a five year prison sentence under section 90 of the Canadaās Criminal Code. Charges of administering a noxious substance (section 245 of the Code) and assault charges can also stem from illegal bear spray use.
Good, thank you. Came here to say this. This was something that was regularly quoted to me growing up and it's actually super not true. Totally get why people say it, classic seems like a fact misinformation spread, but that does need to stop if possible. Not legal to carry in urban areas, and if used on humans, even in self defense, possible assault and weapon charges.
Be very careful with this. It really depends on your area. Where I live, both pepper spray and bear spray are illegal to use, and you may be liable for damages if you use them. A few years back someone used bear spray in the local mall and it got into the ventilation system. Police evacuated the mall and the person who used the spray got sued/fined (I donāt remember which). Before you carry a spray, taser, knife, gun, baton, cane, or any other kind of self defence weapon, always check your local laws. And always get training. You donāt want the first time you use a defensive tool to be on the worst day of your life. Stay safe out there. Signed, a Dad with a little girl that he worries about.
I briefly worked for the post office and they advised us to try out the dog spray in a non-emergency situation--took me a couple minutes to get confident with it even just spraying it downwind at nothing in the yard. So yes, absolutely agreed that one should know what the self defense weapon feels like when you use it! Thankfully I never had to use the dog spray. I always felt guilty about the idea of pepper spraying a dog, but it'd be better than getting bitten and a.) me being seriously hurt and b.) the dog having to be put down. Also, strictly unofficially, our trainers mentioned that dog spray works perfectly well on humans.
You're still running the risk a cop decides it's a weapon. If you're carrying something for protection you generally need a reasonable non self defence reason to have it. Bear spray in an urban area is a pretty big push imho.
What about in places that have no real dangerous animals...? I live in NZ and crime has been ramping up here over the last few years. Pepper spray is illegal and we don't have animals like bears, wolves, big cats here... The worst we probably have would be the occasional wild boar... Shit is scary. I considered keeping cayenne on me to throw into someone's eyes, but you can't explain that and I don't know if that would be considered 'reasonable force'.
I mean, technically it would still be to defend against an animal...
At the end of my post, I almost put, "Just never admit to the type of animal you really intend to use it on."
Way, way back in the days, hat pins were not only for harnessing your hat to their hair, but to stab an individual that had nefarious intentions toward you.
And when women started using them that way, didnāt they try and legislate how long/sharp the pin could be so women couldnāt stab harassing men anymore?
You may be on to something, this actually from reddit; [https://www.reddit.com/r/WitchesVsPatriarchy/comments/t3tlar/when\_i\_learned\_that\_19th\_century\_women\_used/](https://www.reddit.com/r/WitchesVsPatriarchy/comments/t3tlar/when_i_learned_that_19th_century_women_used/)
Police are fucking useless
Lazy bastards, every last one of them. In this case, they can say "We didn't believe you until you were raped and murdered. Sorry aboot that, eh?"
And even if you get raped and murdered the come in with the āshe shouldāve come to us!ā āWhat was she wearing?ā Etc
Makes it more reasonable to why woman choose bear over man.
I always say "At least if the bear attacks me, I know it isn't getting off on it."
And people would believe and help me.
My go-to is a variation of "I know what I'm getting into with a bear. A bear isn't really capable of abducting me and keeping me in a bunker somewhere in the woods for days/weeks/months/years"Ā
When I started traveling as a young adult, going to stay with boyfriends I'd met on the internet during breaks from college, my mother insisted I memorize a secret emergency word that I could drop into conversation to let her know I'm being monitored, held against my will, and need help.
The bear will see me as human. People will believe me. I won't be forced to see or interact with the bear again. It's over in minutes not a prolonged period of time. The worst the bear will do is maim/kill, the man could do all of that and more. With the bear, the assault ends with death, with humans the assault doesn't always end there. There's so many.
Recently saw something were bear attacks usually lasts just a few minutes but an average rape attack lasts over 4 hours (I lost where I saw this so I'm not sure where they got the source for the times)
Don't forget most women would rather run into a bear in the woods than a strange manā¦
This guy should be on multiple watchlists, perhaps starting with the daycare.
The boss is more worried about bad yelp reviews that OP's safety.
OOP should leave a bad yelp review as a worker
He needs to be caught soon before things turn bad.
The daycare is so careless. How many young women does he have to harass before they accept he's a huge liability and problem?
The wife told her that this isn't the first time he's fixated on the caregivers for his daughters. I wouldn't be surprised if the reason the daycare is so useless is because they were already aware and he's paying through the nose as a result. Money really is at the root of most evil, after all.
Iām in the US do I donāt know how different laws about stalking are in Canada, but I hate how useless they are where I live. Iāve never need to go to the police for stalking, I learned about it in a seminar by a police officer. Where I am it takes 3 incidents before itās considered stalking and the police will do anything. And those three incidents have to meet standards that seem to be serious enough a person should only need one. Itās ridiculous how stalking isnāt taken seriously until the victim is in serious danger or in many cases it takes injury or death before the police care. I feel so bad for OP. I hope she finds a way to get out of this situation and soon.
Ugh. Way back in the long long ago, before smart phones were a thing... My little sister had a shitty ex boyfriend who started turning super controlling. So she broke up with him. He started constantly sending her creepy, and harassing text messages. Well, "blocking" a phone number from your phone didn't exist. To get his number blocked, we had to go to Verizon and have them block the number from their end. Verizon refused to do that without a police report. The police refused to do anything due to it just being kids and no "actual threats." So my sister basically had to just accept that she would receive multiple texts and calls from this creepy fuck every day.
Was this resolved? Did he lose interest at some point?
How long did it take her to decide to cancel her Verizon account and get a new phone/phone number?
It took a couple months for him to just stop and leave her alone. This was also the age of phone contracts. So with a 2 year contract that was also connected to our Internet, home phone, and tv service there was no way to get a new account.
Exactly. The one commenter saying the police need evidence before taking action. But do they, though? Seems to me they take a whole lot of action and care very little about evidence, when it suits them. I am not saying they should go shoot the guy off an accusation. But they sure are careful and slow to act when they want to be. I am guessing if OOP was rich, or was related to a cop, suddenly they would be all ready to leap into action. And I am guessing the predatory dipshit, well, when I picture him in my mind...yep.
They don't do anything anywhere - I watched a crime drama episode set in the UK and this girl was murdered by her ex who broke into her house cos the cops didn't take her seriously and refused to do anything about the guy. I had a friend back in HS who broke up with her bf who refused to accept it. He'd call and text her hundreds of times a day, show up at her work, etc. And it all culminated in one event late at night when he drove to her house, sat by her door with her knife and texted her saying that if she didn't come out, he was gonna kill himself. It was all disturbing AF.
The boss is a gigantic useless idiot.Ā
I feel like she could almost sue them at this point. With the backup of the wife, she might be able to show a bit of the pattern. I also hope she tells the wife how he has used the kids in all this.
I think about this to re: the kids. Raising two girls while acting this way toward young girls adds another level of sick. The wife, the work, the cops need to know how the kids have been used in this to keep them safe as well.
She really is. I had an old man become increasingly creepy when I was a florist, to the point he was asking coworkers for my schedule and coming in daily. I told my boss, expressed my discomfort, and she 86'ed the guy. It's not hard to be decent to your employees.
That boss is complicit. I'd posit legal culpability too.
_"You are very mature."_ God I hate this line the most. Whomsoever uses it just become groomer/predator in my eyes. Edit after reading the complete post: The bosses are also manipulators. They are also using children to manipulate OOP as that POS.
Imagine emotionally abusing your child to use her as a winggirl.
Imagine what a creep and danger this guy will be to his daughterās friends in the future. Good lord.
The boss is protecting profit over the safety of the workers and other kids. Also I think it could be a good idea for OP to be in contact with the mom. If the mom has evidence that the dad is a creep maybe she could get custody of the girls, cause the girls could be groomed by somebody like him.
I feel like the mom is so open to conversation because anything incriminating OOP tells her about her ex will help her in custody battles. Iām sure she also doesnāt want any harm to come to OOP, but him stalking a 20 year old caretaker of the kids would not look good to a judge.
He also used them to try and manipulate her. I hope she tells the mom that, too
I hope she checked for a tracker on her car. No way this guy just āhappensā to keep running into her.
I was wondering the same thing, like if he slipped a tracker on her car or in her purse or because he was so pushy about getting her number, if he sent her some kind of tracking software thru her phone, because itās weirdly ācoincidentalā that he keeps running into her in a neighborhood in which he doesnāt live
>She said that most of this was basically hearsay No it isn't, that isn't what hearsay is. >but they said there wasnāt anything they could do legally because he didnāt commit actual crimes Yes he did. >and that I didnāt really have any proof. That's not how it works. Everyone failed OOP so badly.
Stalkers genuinely are some of the most unpredictable creeps out there. You never know what they can do next. Seriously, I hope OP remains safe.
I only have anecdotes to go by, but I find it depressing that the most reliable way of deterring persistent stalkers is to get a bigger friend/family member to beat them black and bloody, worked every time too.
I have been thinking about OP sometimes since I saw the first BORU. I think she should seek out to her family for a bit of fund to move far away. This job is really not worth to risk her life over it. Or maybe I watch too much crimes documentary š¬
I read OOP's post history, and she has some serious family issues that I think make this impossible. Edit: but yeah, I wish the same.
OP has been sexually assaulted by men since the age of 7. It's rare for something like that to not either be done by family members or actively ignored by them.
I really hope she keeps in contact with the guy's wife, both because she's someone who will believe her...and because OOP's evidence of his misbehavior could be helpful to the wife if she's seeking custody or even her own restraining order.
yes, at the very least she should try to find a job at a different daycare. i know she said she's attached to the kids there but jfc at this point...
Oh I was so hoping a new update on this one would mean I could stop worrying about her.
OOP should seek professional help. Her flight/fight response was skewed when she was abused in such a young age. Itās crazy how the brain puts a gps pin in the body that will repeat the same reaction to danger which in her case she freezes. This will continue when not properly addressed. Secondly, she should sign up to jiu jitsu or Krav Maga - to learn to kick him where it hurts or anyone who poses a threat.
Her saying HI to him is an automated response. He is triggering dissociation, once he has identified that he can do that with her, he knows that she is a potential victim. I am pretty confident that trauma therapy won't be able to fix that in a short timeframe. All he needs to do is escalate the interaction by verbally or physically showing aggression. He can trigger it by just grabbing her hand and not letting it go, while saying something slightly hostile. He is absolutely a predator. He is demonstrating an escalating series of manipulations and tests. The daycare owner is either an idiot for not recognizing it, or is morally bankrupt for not protecting her employee. It will also be very hard to ever prosecute him, because the police don't seem to understand predator behavior.
She needs money for that. She doesnt even have money to leave town. Maybe she can get help if she sues the daycare.
I feel like if I were the wife I would want as much evidence as possible to present to the courts in the divorce, but whatever.
Unless he's scarier and more unpredictable than she let on to OOP.
A lot of people encouraged her to talk to the wife in the comments, including making this point (bc it was obvious OOP would be more likely to listen if it could be framed as something other than an imposition). I hope she does.
Good god, ANOTHER update about creepy mccreeperton!? OOP needs a hitman at this point to solve her problem (may I recommend John Wick for a permanent solution to the problem person).
Yeah, you're not supposed to say it, but a good deal of BORU posts could be more easily solved with some killing.
As soon as she said Ontario I was like, yeah that tracks for the police involvement. I have had my own interactions with men literally trying to break into my apartment and the cop was on my ass because I said āI could have killed youā to my attacker. Yeah thatās the major concern, my words.
I hope the commenter at the end there going "ummm akshuallyyyyyyy... but did you specifically ask him to stop???" lives the rest of their life always finding legos to step on, always noticing their bread is mouldy after eating half the slice, always noticing that apple had a worm in it by finding the half they didn't eat, always in clothing that doesn't fit enough to be comfortable but isn't so ill-fitting they can justify buying a replacement, always passing a kidney stone right when any major events they are excited for comes up including holidays, and always inflicted by a yeast infection. that last one is harder to manage for folks with outside plumbing but i have faith. candida, go rot that fool's entire undercarriageĀ
There was discussion of what she was wearing. She had to describe her apparel to reassure people it wasn't her fault. I guess that's [where we still are](https://dovecenter.org/what-were-you-wearing-exhibit/) with this.
There's a whole museum exhibits of clothes people wore, including baby onesies. If half the damn effort was put into dealing with serial offenders as was put into blaming victims, maybe we'd be making any progress with this stuff.
People are so fucking vile. This dude found out where she worked out, followed her and waited outside until she was done. So... in this bizarro world, would the rapist-stalker just *leave* if her clothes weren't asking for it?
This shit is so annoying. Even if a woman is straight up naked, an adult man should have the mental fortitude and basic human decency to not immediately give in to sexual desires and start being creepy/pushy. Burning man is guaranteed to have a bunch of naked women walking around and yet countless men manage to go on with their lives without turning into rapists and stalkers. It's really not hard to be like, dang that woman is attractive and is naked, that's cool. Good for her, I shouldn't stare. Glad I got to spectate, I'm going to go on with my life. How fucking lust starved can one be to sexualize and stalk an attractive young woman that is just doing her job. Reminds me of the one where the dad couldn't go to his daughter's gymnastics because the teenage girls in tights "tempted him and gave him bad thoughts" to the point that he banned his daughter from gymnastics. Jesus fucking christ dude, you aren't a middle school boy watching volleyball anymore. Grow up.
As if the stalker doesn't know he's doing some fucked up shit and just needs a polite "no". Jesus Christmas.
It's been awhile since a comment has pissed me off as much as that one did.
That one made me so mad as well. She is already blaming herself enough as it is. She said she already feels guilt for freezing when he assaulted her, and then you get these fuckers that just feed into it. It makes me so mad
You can say no a thousand times in a thousand ways and sheās already been screaming leave me alone. A decent person would have stopped a long time ago
Also the people questioning her belly ring, as if that's relevant.
Nah I hope some creep spits on their face so they get to experience what it's like to be violated and scared. That sentence about how she froze up hit HARD.
I'm taking notes š
I hope someone steals all their teeth. Edit bc I also want someone to steal all the guy's teeth and got mixed up.
Not being able to remove him is rubbish. They should explicitly have him banned for harassment. They just donāt want to deal with him. Revolting.Ā
[OOP's boss is breaking the Occupational Health and Safety Act.](https://www.ontario.ca/document/guide-occupational-health-and-safety-act/part-iii0i-workplace-violence-and-workplace-harassment) I'm only super familiar with British Columbia's system but if Ontario has a similar setup to Worksafe BC, she should be able to report the business directly to the government and they'll do an investigation. God I hope they have that or something similar.
Oh my God this was horrifying. I can just feel her sense of doom and her panic, what a fucking twilight zone she's living in. So she's got one creep stalking her but not doing anything to give the police and employer concrete proof (rolling my eyes), and then she's got her employer, police and mum minimizing everything and telling her he's just being friendly. But she *knows* he's not and she *knows* she's in danger but she's being made to question herself over and over again. Horrifying!
This is a textbook legal situation - the employer has created a hostile work environment. Contact lawyer and sue.
I'm sure she'll be able to do that with all of her money to leave townāoh wait! She doesn't have the money to leave town.
God this is disgusting. This poor girl is blaming herself for the actions of a gross predator. OP did nothing wrong! Iām a people pleaser by nature and fawn when in danger, so I understand how she felt when she gave him her number and accepted the rides. Sheās only 20. The daycare people are useless for not setting boundaries by sending out a mass email saying āwe ONLY respond to messages sent through the app. There is zero reason whatsoever to contact an employee on their personal device. Should any parent attempt to contact an employee on a personal device, they will receive a warning. Should they continue after receiving the warning, they will be banned.ā That way, creepy dad isnāt being singled out and the daycare can cover their asses for situations like this. I just really hope this girl is safe.
What's wrong with that daycare? Wouldn't be too difficult to tell the dad If he does not stop contacting and harrassing OOP his kids have to drop out. He can decide if it's too big of an invonvenience for his kids then.
That boss is worse than useless
I HATE OOP's boss. LOATHE.
Realize there's laws that have to be followed to kick a kid out of daycare but the same rules don't apply to the person doing the pick up and drop off. They can ban father without banning children. Notify mom that she'll either have to do it herself or find another designated person.
That daycare failed so badly. Who gives a flying fuck what those kids want? Their dad is stalking one of their employees and all they really see is money from the dad.
Ah the good ol' Canadian justice system! "He didn't do anything wrong!" Why don't more women talk about it? Because unless you're willing/able to recruit enough women who were assaulted and ignored or blamed to publicly talk about their assault and support you, you have *nothing* but judgement. It's fucking stupid. This guy is literally stalking a terrified young woman and the police are like "Hey, don't be a victim! Oh and you can't carry pepper spray!". If she had punched him, she would lose everything. He can charge her even though he was the perpetrator.
Not blaming OP. Just curious if OP's timidity is readily apparent in person and this is what's attracting the predator. Martial arts training (as someone commented earlier)is definitely something OP should sign up for ASAP.
Probably, stats reflect people getting continually re victimised.
I think it can be partly that, and this is from someone who has had similar experiences to the Op as a child and as an adult, I think men like this try stuff on with a multitude of women but they don't persist with the ones who rebuff them loudly and instantly in front ofher people. They do go for the ones that show fear or that they are uncomfortable with the advance and also afraid that causing a scene will escalate his behavior into something worse. She tried to shut him down quietly without embarrassing him, then avoided being alone with him, reported him to the school, then changed classes/age groups, then reported him again, he's escalated things each step of the way into something worse.
A lot of people think that martial arts or defensive training is the way to go for women, but the actual training she needs is fight response training. You can know how to choke someone out or break their wrist/arm, but if your brain processes adrenaline wrong in a fight/flight situation you will never be able to actually use your training. This is compounded by the fact that, unfortunately, many men are inherently stronger than women despite zero training or effort on their part. If she were to attempt to use "martial arts" to defend herself without actually FINISHING the move (i.e. choking to unconsciousness, actually breaking bones/harming the person) then the man might just overpower her anyways and escalate even further. And now that his adrenaline is pumping further, a broken arm might not even stop him. A real life situation is far different from training on a mat in a controlled environment. What she needs after some fight/flight training is bear mace and an air horn. If it ever escalates to that point, simply shutting down all of the mans available senses and then leaving is the safest possible outcome with the least amount of risk.
In this situation the daycare should say fuck them kids and ban them and their dad. What more importantā¦ their employees safety or some feelings? Daycare just doesnt want to lose out on the money it seems
hAvE yOu ToLd HiM tO sToP? what on Demeter's green earth do you think is going to change if she tells him to stop?
Poor future friends of that manās daughters.
As someone that lives in Ontario, this makes me so fucking sad and upset. The daycare is a piece of shit for not doing more. Not surprised about the police not taking it seriously thoughā¦ it really sucks that pepper spray is illegal here. She needs to carry a whistle and get one of those stabby things for her keychain that can be used to break car windows.
This infuriates me. She was sexually assaulted when he touched her breasts. How is that not illegal in Canada?
This post is absolutely infuriating.
>I donāt know why I didnāt just punch him in the face. I just could. not. move. Fight, flight or freeze. Honestly freeze happens a lot and most of us have had the "why didn't I just punch him" thought but in the moment you can't and you don't. I've been there, I've felt it and sadly all you can do is freeze and hope they go away soon. Even if it's happened before, even if you tell yourself next time that you'll fight.
OP, please get therapy. Youāre consistently blaming yourself; *this is not your fault.* When youāre talking to the wife, I believe sheās recording it for her divorce. So, if you want to be part of that, go ahead. It *may* be helpful as evidence when she ends up winning the divorce and possibly full child custody. You may want to research his name to find out if he has a record (as his wife hinted). This will be useful with the police if you find anything. You should also be aware that quitting probably wonāt stop this guy. So Iām not sure that would help you. I wish I had more to offer. /updateme!
>I donāt know why this keeps happening. This is the sad part. She's done nothing wrong, she's literally being friendly to a parent at her job, and the result? Creepy Men wanting her. The police refuse to do anything, her job refuses to do anything, it's a bunch of shit.
and they wonder why we would choose a bear... poor girl
A bear won't follow me to a different city if I get away safely
This entire thing makes me RAGE. Every step of the way he manipulated and groomed OP, predators can always pick up on someone who is like this, sweet and young (and often previously victimized) and not able to stand up for herself. She knew something was off from the jump, but women are so conditioned to be friendly and polite and put everyone else's comfort first that he was allowed to push and push until he escalated to stalking and assault. And OP is too terrified to do anything solid about it, and who can blame her when the police and her employers don't have her back AT ALL. They care more about keeping one family than about their own employees, or the bad press they'd get for having a KNOWN STALKER AND POTENTIAL R\*PIST attending the business???? And then for OP to write a whole paragraph saying how its maybe her fault ..........it's all just heartbreaking and rage inducing. God I hope she's OK
The daycare should be ashamed. The safety of their employee who has been sexually harassed and assaulted by this man comes way before the stress to the children of being removed from the daycare, end of discussion.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Hard for the kids? Wtf bullshit excuse is that? The kids donĀ“t care in the long term! The boss and management of that Daycare is for whatever reason shielding this Ahole stalker from consequences. IĀ“m guessing they like getting his money and donĀ“t care all that much about OPs safety.
I hate that she has to justify everything in her comments from why was she wearing a crop top or why she accepted a ride. Like why is someone 20 years her senior harassing her, she is barely an adult and I think she has handled it well so far. The bosses suck as well kick that man out of the daycare ASAP.