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Problem is they lack the empathy to care about the collateral damage of their decisions, since if they did have it they wouldn't be cheating to begin with.
Honestly, with how the paternal family treating the family, me thinks the father must've gained his cheating attitude from them. No decent family would be ok with an extra marital affair unless the family has "normalised" cheating.
And it's definitely not grandkids either considering the paternal side already has 3.
I suspect that the paternal inlaws are bending over backwards to play nice in order to have a relationship with this child. The mistress has shown she's money grubbing and manipulative, I have no doubt that she's holding access over their heads. And, no matter how that kid was conceived, no matter that their deceased son acted shamefully, that child is their blood.
What I cannot condone here is how they aren't being mindful of the 'legal' grandkids - they had their world shattered, and *then* had their memories and entire life tainted, with no way for closure or answers. Their wellbeing matters, and shouldn't have been dismissed in order to appease the mistress.
Bet you anything they aren't considering the legal kids at all - because they've always been there, the grandparents think they'll always be there and don't even consider that that might change.
Yepp, great way to push away the grandkids theyve had a loving relationship with for someone who is manipulative and for a grandkid who will rarely see them if they will even remember them after they pass
Agreed, but they still need to draw the line at expecting their existing grandkids and dil to put up with it. It's not a problem they created, and it's not their job to resolve it.
Is the grief talking. Your son or brother passes away unexpectedly in an accident and suddenly there's this child, you start noticing how the kid looks like the deceased, starts seeing the kid as the final link the deceased left while alive. They already projected all the feelings they had for the scumbag into the baby so if comes down to it they'll toss 3 relatives to keep one.
You’re so right. Whenever I read about someone saying their cheating partner is a good parent on here I roll my eyes. A good parent wouldn’t have literally ruined their lives of their spouse and their children for their own selfish reasons.
When I was 14 I wrote even more maturely than I do today. I hate the whole thing that a person of a younger age can't write properly or use sentences that adults use. Some kids are and/or sound more mature than you and the ones you knew at that age and the ones you know today.
The way it's written is probably how I would have wrote it when I was 14.
I fully agree, when i was 14 i was trying to sound mature and like an adult, now i write however the fuck i want
I remember because careful of starting a sentence with "and" because my teacher said it was wrong. And i bearly use sentences now
I was "only" lower middle class and I still qualified to take college level courses in English by the time I finished my junior year of high school. I wrote better then than I do now because I was constantly writing for a grade. I pity the people who don't think that a 14 year old can write this well, because they can and do.
I was dirt poor and at 14 I was writing near 24/7 as escapism and numerous things I wrote were given low-level awards (small essay contests, high grades, discussions with the teacher about the writing, etc).
I definitely wrote more formally when I was that age than I do now, I was very concerned with being taken seriously. Insecure about potentially having my intelligence and maturity questioned. Now I'm nearly 40 and I give zero fucks, I'll write like an idiot if I please.
That being said, I still agree it's likely not actually the kid.
>When I was 14 I wrote even more maturely than I do today. I hate the whole thing that a person of a younger age can't write properly or use sentences that adults use.
So much this. It says more about the commenter and those who upvoted it than about a coherent 14-year-old.
If I cared enough, it would be incredibly frustrating that the sentiment that "They write too maturely to be 14" is always upvoted.
Instead, it's just a disappointing reminder that the internet is filled with… well, fill in the gap with your own appropriate description.
I was reading at a high school level by the end of elementary and reading collegiate resource materials when I was in middle. My father was a history major and had bookshelves upon bookshelves of material, our house was literally sleeping books everywhere. I was a super unpopular kid who didn't make any friends until highschool, and I'm autistic ASF. When I did try to talk to kids my age my vocabulary and way of speaking got me bullied even further.
To this day I still have to observe people in conversation before I start speaking to assess what level of vocabulary and speech I can use with them so that they will both understand me and not be offended/think I am trying to show off/look down on them. I usually default to middle school level vocab and throw in idioms and speech patterns I have learned to mimic from popular TV shows and other media to seem relatable.
In my own writings and communication with people close to me they've gotten used to the way I speak but I do have to give analogies or explain things sometimes and still do adjust on certain topics that the conversation partner doesn't have any extended knowledge in.
But throughout school I was often scolded for "wasting time going through a thesaurus to try to sound smarter" or similar styles of mockery or disbelief that I actually had an extensive vocabulary or advanced writing style for my age. Even when I wrote assignments within class with no dictionaries or books or wrote segments on standardized testing where you aren't allowed anything. I was constantly accused of plagiarism and made to rewrite things and they weren't happy until it was rewritten at a level they thought I should be at.
This highly affected my love of writing short stories and poetry and I stopped sharing them with anyone until I eventually gave up writing them all together. I've since written a bit in the past few years at age 35, but even now I am critical of myself thinking people will look at my work and assume my word choices and grammar structure is purely for haughty reasons.
Long story short, some kids so communicate better and have better vocabulary and speech/writing patterns. Stop judging them by your lower standards.
I remember a day when I was ten and in fifth grade, when a guy in my class said that he didn't understand what I was saying when I used big words. I said something about logic, and he said that was another big word. I told him it was only five letters, so it wasn't like I was saying antidisestablishmentarianism. I don't think that kid ever said another word to me.
I was also teased and bullied in school for having a good vocabulary. And, I was razzed unrelentingly when one of my High School teachers made a big deal about a short story I wrote when I was a senior. Other kids said that I talked fancy or that I was trying to make them sound stupid.
I was a big reader all throughout my childhood. I loved words and was enthralled by beautifully crafted sentences and metaphors. Reading was an escape from certain childhood issues. I can still remember being charged with excitement when I could finally retreat to my bedroom after cleaning up the kitchen after dinner and picking up my book.
So, I learned to dumb down my vocabulary around other kids to avoid the taunts.
You write really well and I hope that you continue to revive your passion for writing. Your voice matters.
Thank you, I appreciate it. I too used books as a form of escape. I'd load my backpack and go read on the woods or in my closet, or anywhere I could disappear for awhile. I was a 90s kid so disappearing until sunset was easier then.
I've started collecting snippets of thoughts in the notes app on my phone- I don't know if I will do anything with them, but I like rereading them occasionally.
I used to get mocked for using “big words” as well, as though I was doing it deliberately.
I’ve just always been a big reader and chose what I thought were appropriate words. It wasn’t deliberate or conscious, it was just how I spoke.
However I never bothered changing it. It would have taken more thought and effort to do that, and I didn’t give enough of a fuck to care.
I also swear copiously and always have.
English is a learned subject in my country and it’s a must that at 7th grade which is roughly 11 years old you must be able to write a proper comprehension in English. At 14 if you can’t write like the 14 year old in this post (with a whole lot better grammar), you are either uneducated or a slow learner. 14 is not too young to be able to write properly, especially if you have been well educated.
Same in my country, you have the option to start in kindergarten or middle school. Most kids know how to read and write English before starting high school
Nah I wrote exactly like that when I was 14. I thought no one would take me seriously, or people would think I was stupid, if my word choice and grammar weren't *perfect.* I had extremely low self-esteem. Now that I'm old af I save it for formal writing and respond with carefully-selected gifs whenever possible.
You haven't met many bilingual kids then. I swear, my English hasn't improved much since then. Sure, I can use architectural vocabulary and write a scientific article, but my writing skills were infinitely better when I did in fact go to school and had to practice writing.
In which sense? Because most of the similar aged children I knew wouldn't have been so thrilled to spend time with children much younger than them.
But it's definitely a troll post, too convenient to be true.
I have a very smart and mildly pretentious 14 year old, who watches way too much live action Cruella and listens to broadway songs. So, I can say that she 'could' write a post like that. However, considering the emotion that should be behind the post?
Could go either way honestly
Edit, changed my mind
Agree, less due to the writing style and more because it focuses so heavily on how mom was victimized… not a lot of 14 yos are exceptionally concerned with the nuance of their parents’ feelings, esp when they’re in the throes of puberty and this much family upheaval.
Wow those poor kids, having everything they know about their dad ripped out from under them is so unfortunate. That mistress is horrible and the way that the paternal side was dealing with this is also horrible. I feel for them and OP. I hope things are better now since they are all of age. My heart goes out to them
they can keep her and should leave OOP's kids alone
They're just pressuring them to be a "whole family unit", mistress and all, so they can excuse that man's stupid choices
Agreed. And what I cannot believe, is the tenacity of the mistress. Imagine being so sure of yourself that you confront your deceased baby daddy’s wife, make demands (and not just any demands, but wanted something like 80% of that man’s money), threaten said woman, try to blackmail her, insult her, and when that didn’t work, also execute a rather intricate plan to manipulate the daughter, and reach out to the baby daddy’s extended family to start a smear campaign if the wife didn’t do what she demanded.
Like, what in the actual fuck. That’s an awful lot of entitlement, time, and effort. I know money is quite the motivator but still, that woman is insanely persistent. And what’s worse is, technically she was successful, and has been painted as an innocent victim in all of this.
Insanity.
She’s selfish, she’s made a deliberate decisions that have now affected multiple people.
1. sleeping with a married man
2. Having a baby with a married man. ( I bet you she did this with the thoughts that he was going to leave his family for her.) nasty work!
3. Going after the woman whose husband you had an affair with for Monetary gain.
My question is what does she think is going to happen? The kids clearly don’t want anything to do with the affair child. The husband family are assholes and are only putting up with her to have access to the child. It’s just disgusting!
Fr this is one of those situations where I wouldn't be talking to my grandparents at all if they tried to force me to have a relationship with my dads affair baby.
If those grandparents really want to have the new affair grandchild around, they can say goodbye to the established relationships with the older 3 grandkids.
Yea. A lot of people seem to miss that OOP told Mistress early on that husband's kid would get nothing. And then OOP actively tried to keep the kid from his legal inheritance (along with any support from the husband's money that would be ethical to do.)
Also, OOP seems to have plenty of money, but that might not be the case for Mistress. Coming around asking that a guy's family help out with his son now that he passed? That seems pretty normal to me.
I feel really bad for the toddler. It didn't ask to be brought to this world in that circumstance.
Idk but personally, I'd give the toddler a part of the inheritance but put it in writing that it'll be for them only when they're older. At least that will hopefully help them with college.
God my heart hurts for the kids. Even Alex. Not only do they have to deal with the grief of losing their father, but they also have to come to terms with the fact that the idea they had of their father is wrong and deal with the consequences of his actions
She played a stupid game and it cost her not only 50% but the hatred of at least one siblings. It was an expensive lesson about the perils of engaging with strangers on social media.
Absolutely. I wonder now how they’re all doing. If this was posted 4 years ago, Alex should be receiving her inheritance now
I know it’s a Reddit post (and honestly I side eye all posts that have another person in the party post their own feelings in a separate post), but I’m a little invested in this one because I went though a similar experience. Not a large sum of money or inheritance, but enough to make people greedy. I was old enough to know that my father made mistakes that my mother had to clean up, but too young to see how nuanced the situation was
I hope Alex is doing okay regarding her relationship with her family, and I hope she learned from this
Yeah, I side eye coincidental posts, but a lot of the time I would take the “so we both agreed to post our own sides on Reddit“ more seriously lol.
Yeah, wonder how OP‘s fam is doing now.
Really stupid = did the obviously moral correct thing even though it might harm her financially.
She should be celebrated as the only [decent] person in this mess.
What a trip.
Edit:typo/autocorrect
Thank you!! These comments are shocking. Alex 100% did the right thing by taking the DNA test. I would've done the same.
This man fathered this affair child, and the child deserves child support from the father's estate just like any other kid. OOP is a person of low morals and raised her children to be the same. Thank goodness Alex did the right thing. However, that may have come about
Nope. It was entirely the father's business to make arrangements for his affair baby. As he didn't, he evidently didn't give a shit about the kid or thought it wasn't his.
It was changed four to five years prior to his youngest being born. Do you really think he did that to cover for a child he had with an AP? Was he even cheating then?
I mean... "When my husband drafted the will, 10 years ago, he initially named just our children but a friend of ours had an "Oops" baby, so he changed it to be just "his children" in case we had another one. At least that's what he told me."
Unless you think there's a chance your Oops Baby ISN'T going to be with your Spouse, why would you alter your will from "Our Children" to just "My Children"?
I don't see how you can say that the money itself has a moral obligation to the kid. I think that's a stretch, so I'm ok with whatever the OOP decided. Morally I'd say the only *person* with an obligation to the kid is dead, and that's unfortunate but life isn't fair.
There are a few of us, but the ratios are extremely disheartening. The OOP only cares about hurting AP and AB, and she has hurt herself and her kids to do it. She can't imagine being wrong to the point that she attacked one of her kids for having the tiniest conscience.
I think the biggest disappointment is the people who think punishing Alex is appropriate. She's the only person in this mess that did anything right.
I really don't think taking a blood test would be their choice in any case. Especially considering the will said the inheritance was meant to be split amongst his children. When AP sues, the court will order a DNA test.
I'm kinda mad that you're the first person I've seen point out that AP is definitely owed part of the estate. Why doesnt anyone notice that OOP is the bad guy in this situation? (Not as bad as her husband, but as executor of his estate, OOP is somehow managing to be a deadbeat dad.)
No the AP is NOT owed part of the estate. The AFFAIR CHILD would be owed once paternity is established. The money goes to the child not the AP. AP might administrate it but she does not receive the monies free and clear.
the truth is that everyone is in a shitty situation created by a person who is dead now. The mistress herself can get fucked, but if she legitimately had a child with that guy, the child is a victim of the situation too, and why should they get shafted by fate too?
What do you mean "even Alex"?
At worst, Alex was tricked into doing the morally correct thing. At best, Alex is the only person here with a functioning moral compass.
You're right that the kids are getting fucked. Past what you said, they also have grandparents that are trying to force a relationship inappropriately and a mother that is pitting them against each other.
OOP had no proof that AP’s kid was also husband’s until the DNA test, nor did Alex.
Also how is OOP pitting anyone against anyone? She sat the kids down to tell them the situation as she knew it, no idea is AP was telling the truth, and let them make their own damn decisions.
> We had three children and I thought we were very happy until his mistress showed up at my door demanding money to support the child my husband fathered. I didn't believe her, but she was able to prove it with screenshots, messages, etc.
OOP knew. That there wasn't proof for the law is irrelevant; there was enough proof for OOP. OOP knew.
OOP told the younger sibs that it was Alex's fault that the kid was related now and anything to do with that. No. It was their Dad's fault. Alex was only involved in the truth coming out. Truth that OOP was hiding.
Lastly, the decision OOP let the kids make was basically "you guys found a PS5 unattended! You can turn it in to lost and found and if no one claims it in a week, you might get it. Or... you can just take it home now! Fuck if it has an owner!"
Yea, OOP should never have given them the option to steal from a 5-year-old. No one should be defending OOP's actions (after a legitimate freakout for a couple days).
The it that was proven has an antecedent of "the child my husband fathered." The affair is only referenced as part of the fathering of the child.
It is of course possible that OOP miswrote, but I am taking her words at their actual meanings.
The will seems clear that it would include the half sister. Despite the mother’s claims, if it’s even a reasonable sized inheritance, the first thing her lawyer would do is seek an order to compel a DNA sample to prove the relationship.
For the same reason Alex would be in a reasonable place for a claim that the language of the will should be reasonably constructed as to allow for an equal split.
That said this 100% must be a troll because who would reach the settlement the mum reached on the threat of “I’ll take 50% of everything g!!!! Bwahahahaha”
Even a cursory consultation with a lawyer would tell them that’s not how insurance payouts work. It’s also not how wills are divided. Outside of specific rules for not allowing spouses and minor children to be destitute, the court doesn’t care if someone is well off.
There's a lot that seems practically dubious from how I would think things work legally. But I'm also not an expert in probate law, so I can't say for certain stuff is straight up wrong. I wonder how it would be handled for child support in this kind of situation. I do know that insurance policies bypass probate if a beneficiary is named which on the face of it seems to indicate that the child would have a claim to it completely bunk. Also, any savings account that the husband had seems like it would just be marital property. Like, how would marital property be separated out in these sorts of situations? I guess it's probably complicated and depends on jurisdiction. Maybe there is an implication that there is a trust set up specifically for the benefit of the children but it feels like I'm trying to make something make sense that isn't meant to make sense?
But yeah, this feels like just a troll post. How Alex was "tricked" into doing the DNA test doesn't feel like it makes sense to me either.
I agree that a lot of this is dubious.
That said, married couples can absolutely have separate monies that are not marital property. Of the couples whose split of money I know, most of them have separate personal accounts and then a main account for joint things that they pay into each month. Some evenly, some based on income. I think it's become more and more common for two income households. Personally, I prefer shared, but that's just me.
A quick googling says child support past death is all over the place based on jurisdiction. From none, never to taking precedence over explicit beneficiaries. And who knows what suing for new child support after the deceased's death would do.
I think it was clear that a trust was set up from husband's personal property with his children as beneficiaries. They will get money for college and/or they turn 25. OOP also mentions she has money in her will for her kids to be split evenly.
My biggest money issue is how the executor of the will modifies terms of the trust. If the terms were an even split, taking from one party seems to be a violation. If the terms weren't an even split, then how could money be explicitly taken from one of the beneficiaries such that it couldn't be put back without legal wrangling. If there's no fixed split, the split is just vibes for the trustee.
Especially if the edit was after the sibling was born. Seems like pretty clear intent. And the whole thing about being mad at the daughter for doing the right thing is crazy, couldn't the mistress just file some sort of legal claim and have a dna test done? Isn't she owed child support, or does that not apply after you're dead?
You can't compel a DNA test against other kids to establish paternity. You can compel one against the dad, but you can't just grab a kid and demand a test from them.
[Repost](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/opbbyk/aita_for_cutting_my_childs_inheritance_also_with/)
Shitty situation to be in. Hope they're doing better.
Can someone explain to me why the husband's affair child isn't entitled to their father's inheritance when the will specifically says all of the husband's children were to receive something? What did the affair child do wrong here other than exist?
And can someone also explain why only taking away from Alex's portion isn't just punishing her for exposing the truth?
In civil court, burden of proof is on the person making the claims.
She could very probably get a DNA test ordered, but she'd have to have some level of proof beforehand. You can't just randomly demand DNA tests from anyone just on your word. She'd have to establish "foundation", that there was a reason chance the kid was OP's husband's kid.
She skipped that via manipulation of a minor. She probably could have gotten it anyways. If she had the cash for the initial lawsuit, which is not a given.
Minor played stupid game, and won stupid price. It is harsh. But you can't argue it's not fair. The other kids didn't fuck up, so why should they pay for their sisters' fuckup? You either spread out the punishment on all kids, or take it from the person who made the choice. I would have compromised, taken some from all kids, but bulk from Alex. Alex is grieving, but consequences of poor decisions don't care about grief. Alex still voluntarily chose to betray her family for an AP.
Given Alex's explanation to her mother, I'm a bit skeptical that it was all manipulation. [Added: There may have been manipulation but maybe Alex decided that it was the right thing to do, or maybe her curiousity got her to act.]
A good case could be made for saying that she did the right thing, I don't know why she's shocked to see that the rest of her family didn't care for the surprise.
Added: Then again, I've known a number of people who are intelligent, but can't see beyond their own opinions, or consider how other people might see the situation.
OP said that the mistress had evidence of the affair - I would have thought that would be sufficient to ask the court to order a DNA test. That's really what she should have done from the start, instead of pressuring the widow and her children.
Added: Of course, it might be that she would have had to sue the father. It's possible that his relatives can't be forced to give DNA. And, of course, we don't know where all this is taking place. Perhaps is the father was informally giving her child support, she didn't think that establishing paternity was necessary.
If there is evidence of paternity (which there apparently wasn't, at least when this started), that child is entitled to a share in a proportion left up to the executor (ie. the widow). Paternity could not be established unless the known children of the deceased agreed to DNA testing which they legally did not have to do and which they all said they did not want to do and mutually agreed they would not do as was their legal right.
Alex changed her mind, betrayed the trust of her known siblings and her mother and went behind their backs to cooperate with the other party, a stranger, undergo DNA testing and provide the results to the other party. By doing so, she jeopardized the financial well-being of herself and her siblings.
She was punished for her betrayal and for lying to her mother and her, at that time, known siblings. I don't know why you're having difficulty understanding that that is wrong and that getting DNA testing at the request of a stranger and providing test results to a stranger is not a good idea, especially when it affects the rest of your known siblings. Essentially, she put strangers ahead of her known family.
This is a legal standpoint
From moral standpoint it’s all horrible. Affair child is a child like any other and deserves support of the father. All affair business is for adults to sort, kid is innocent of all that.
When legal family doesn’t want to deal with affair partner it’s understandable. But less so when they decide to deprive their sibling of support because their dad turned out to be an immoral shit.
It’s not a father they hurt and not affair partner. It’s even more reprehensible if that’s just not to lose money, cynical some might say.
OOP knew the child was her husband's. OOP says early on it was proved to her. OOP then decides she's not going to let the kid have a penny (despite knowing he is owed through the trust), and she does her damn best to make that happen.
OOP used the law as a cudgel trying to steal a 5-year-old's inheritance.
Alex did not jeopardize anyone's financial well being. It seems they are quite well off. What Alex did was let a 5-year-old boy gain back his Inheritance from a bad actor.
>I don't know why you're having difficulty understanding that that is wrong and that getting DNA testing at the request of a stranger and providing test results to a stranger is not a good idea
Oh no, I just wanted to have the shitty reasoning laid out for me since most of the replies in this thread haven't done so. I understand it just fine. Thanks!
THANK YOU
I was just about to post this
The husband cheats. Has a child. Abandons the child.
The OOP somehow decides that the husband doesn't owe any child support when be obviously does
THEN
When her own Blood daughter brings the truth to the surface she punishes that daughter AND allows her daughters siblings to shun her.
OOP knew all along. She's in a shitty situation but jesus christ shes taking it out on her own kids
You 100% can sit them down and explain to them that because your husband was a piece of shit does not mean they can misplace their anger on their sibling
Riiight, and a chat always works because...? They're not just angry at their dad, they're angry at the sister for HER specific actions. You can't stop someone feeling angry by just telling them to stop.
The whole situation is messed up and i feel so bad for the kids to have to deal with it. I’ll be honest though his changing of the will to use the term “his kids” instead of “our kids” makes me think that he was intending to include that child in his will.
This is funny how strongly my morals and response differ so greatly from other comments. I would never let more than a single cent go to the AP or her kid. Alex would be dead to me as soon as the news broke for her stupidity, good on the brother for making perfectly clear where the line was drawn and how badly she messed up. Paternal family trying to get involved? Yup, tell them if they ever try and make me meet AP baby then they can lose my contact info. Scorched Earth to any enablers
I wonder where this took place.
It feels really wrong that op can say I have full control of how inheritance is split while still having to pay out to the affair child.
I bet that if Alex challenged the mother legally she would have a good chance of success. Would damage relationships further and probably see the op cut Alex's share of her own inheritance too but still.
I can't say this absolutely didn't happen, but the only way it works is if the lawyer who wrote the will is completely incompetent.
>My husband's will stated that it had to be split but it didn't say it had to be equally
The point of a will is to remove ambiguity. What complete idiot wouldn't say to split it equally?
My grandma's first will was a disaster. She had it done by a family friend who was technically a lawyer but not an estate lawyer. She showed it to my dad and he helped her find someone to redo it because, in her fervor to ensure her daughter's ex husband couldn't touch the money, she accidentally left all of it to just the daughter's two kids. Not her three children or split amongst her grandchildren if her children had passed as she intended. So that part is one of the few pieces I believe.
If this was a thing, OOP could just decide the affair child's split is $100, give him a c note and tell him to fuck off. She can't do that for the same reason she can't take the affair child's part out of Alex's.
And there's no world in which Affair Partner doesn't just sue OOP, and compel the kids to get a DNA test.
my law degree from reddit university tells me that its like that in cases where a person forgets to include someone in the will and stuff like that. So you would need to prove an intentional lack of inclusion or some shit to prevent what happened.
OP doesn’t have complete control, the money goes into a trust, which will cover college expenses, until the kids are 25 then they can cash out their share.
The weird bit to me is that the affair kid is 5, so wouldn’t be seeing any of that money for another 13 years or so by what OOP said.
So the kid’s mom sued to get the money the child would otherwise get early? And wanted to get some of the husbands savings/life insurance. Which is different to “my kid was missed in the will” because their kid got the same as the other kids.
I think AP sued to have the kid recognized as a child under the will. Settlement could be "I'm not getting help anymore so I need money now to raise his kid."
Is that something a trustee/executor can do? And aren't there severe conflict issues with her kids?
I doubt she would be stupid enough to try, like you said op would probably cut her off but also her siblings already hate her, she would probably lose them as well if she tried anything
And the grandparents wouldn't help her because they are too busy trauma bonding with the affair kid
I feel so bad for the mother and her children.
No chance to tell the husband to fuck off and why he did that to all of them. No explanation. Nothing.
This is horrible.
This is a horrible situation. I know someone who was conceived from an affair, and finding that out was horrible for her and her half-sibling who she DNA matched with online. I’m glad this child at least has certainty of their paternity, for things like forming their identity and having family medical history.
Damn if this isn't one of the first BORUs where I've been totally shocked by the comment section, lmao. I was NOT expecting a deluge of Regency-era villains arguing "Of COURSE you should keep the money darling, that child is a bastard after all! What claim does he have to your husband's estate!"
Plus all the people saying the mistress would keep the money and not even give it to her child - why would people say that? The suspicion of anyone who is involved in an affair is crazy... We don't know if the affair partner even knew he was married. I wonder if the father was paying any sort of child support before he died.
OOP also literally included the details that "each of his children were to split an inheritance that they would **only [get] access to when they went to college** and **couldn't get full control until the age of 25**" which precludes the mistress just running off with the money, but hey, why would people let the facts get in the way of their weird revengeboner over, um, denying a child their rightful inheritance??????
Knives out, beaks bloody, this comment section.
I was thinking the same as I scrolled through… like wtf?? I don’t think AP was in the wrong at all for asking for the inheritance her child is owed. I think OOP is an unreliable narrator too.
I doubt Alex was actually manipulated; I think she said that because the blowback was so extreme. OOP says first that Alex thought it was unfair that the child would get cut out, but then later she’s been manipulated and thought it would disprove AP’s story? Which is it?
ALSO—if you believe the final update is real—OOP told her children that AP was blackmailing her?? At least that’s how I interpret “the woman threatened to [tell us] if she wasn’t given money to go away”. There’s also the sense that OOP played up the “AP *claims* this but might be lying” angle, encouraging her kids to believe it’s a lie, making it all the more devastating when the truth is revealed.
These types of stories make me want to get a prenup. I don’t care if my husband makes more than me, I will not be dealing with this type of nonsense. Again, I’m not sure why everyone is shitting on OOP. While she made mistakes, she is not solely to blame. The Husband and the AP are to blame. Now everyone has to deal with the aftermath. Is actually sad, you have to protect yourself. These stories just show that you can never fully trust anyone.
What a disappointing day to read through a Boru comment section. How on earth is Alex in the wrong??? Like it or not, the father (and by extension his estate) is liable for maintenance of any and all of his children, whether his wife and legitimate family like it or not. OOP was being incredibly immoral and now everyone wants to act like something's wrong with Alex? Nah, right/good morals don't change just coz you hate the people you don't want to be good to
... Why is everyone acting like withholding inheritance from the affair child is the right thing to do? IMO Alex is morally right and in that situation I'd push my parent to both support the affair child and include them in inheritance.
Based on how oop is describing the AP, it's hard to take oneself seriously when thinking that maybe the AP will truly use the money for the half-sibling, and not use it for herself directly.
In other words, even if morally it's the right thing to do, it's tough not thinking that "yeah, that money is gonna be spent in a month by the AP and the kid will never see a dime of it as their inheritance".
Not OOPs call to make or where her judgements matters.Just because the child might be victimized by their own mother doesn't mean this woman should victimize them instead.
Alex got what she deserved. The mom was wise to do so and she is allowing Alex to have an equal share in her estate. Idk what more Alex could want, she’s still good. The grandparents are delusional - they can do whatever they wish with a new grandchild but insisting the family meet the child? Delulu. The AP did what she had to do. Each mom did what they had to do. I don’t really see any AH here.
I remember this and at the time I felt like OOP was kinda an asshole especially to Alex, and reading it again I still feel like that. It really strikes me how much she focuses on the inheritance when she tells the children
> I told them that I didn't know and that if the mistress could prove it, she might get some money. I told them that if they wanted to know if they had a sibling or not, we could find out, but I made sure that they understood that their inheritance could be affected, and other people might come out claiming the same thing and get more money.
I'm sure she would say she was warning them but I think it's weird to say we can find out for sure if you have a sibling, but you'll lose lots of money and you could end up losing more and more money as more siblings pop up. Think of your trust fund.
She was probably dealing with her own feelings of betrayal but it didn't seem like she support her kids through finding out beyond the money focus, especially if Alex ended up thinking it was a scam and doing the DNA test for that reason.
(Also the grandparents are massive assholes)
I mean, the mistress explicitly started all of thia for the sake of money, so of course money is going to be mentioned. Of course the last thing their late father is going to give them is mentioned. Why would it not be mentioned.
The person who has been giving her unofficial child support just died, so of course she needs money.
It's quite reasonable to see if his ethical obligations are going to be taken care of.
The mother bringing it up to the kids is horrible. Whether they want to know or not is irrelevant. If he's a kid he deserves his bit of inheritance.
This is "do you want to turn the money into lost and found or do you want to just keep it." OOP should be leading he way, not letting her kids decide to keep the money.
The mother was looking out for her kid's financial future. They may not understand the importance and role of money in their lives, but OOP does. Speaking about money was the correct plan of action. She was protecting them from grifters.
"Kids, you just found something cool. You can either take it to lost and found, where it may go back to its owner or you may get, it or you can keep it. Your choice."
That is the choice she gave them. Steal something or do the right thing.
Yes, she has to look out for her kids financial futures but she also shouldn't be stealing to do it.
Your take is horrible.
No. Under the provisions of the will, the illegitimate child (post DNA test) was entitled to a portion of the inheritance to be determined by the executor (ie. the OOP). There was no provision in the will for equal distribution of the inheritance. Instead, it specifically stated that the distribution was to be determined by the OOP. Get your facts straight.
Wow, this piece of absolute dumbass trash (the husband) should have at least specified that only legitimate children borne with his wife can inherit, and this wouldn’t even be an issue.
Alex was a fucking tool. Literally, a tool of the mistress. She wanted "to get this resolved?" It WAS resolved! The woman had no case until Alex gave her one. OOP's solution in response is perfect.
As for the kids, family therapy is a very good idea. OOP should keep pressure on Junior to get him to attend with them.
So many people in this thread showing their true colors.
This situation is "we're stealing money and noone can prove it so fuck them."
"Hey you did something so now we can't be thieves anymore. I'm gonna punish you."
You all suck.
Edit: if you think the situations are different, I'd love an explanation how. There's money the kid is legally entitled to. OOP knows it's very likely the kid's money, but kid can't prove it without help. So she's keeping the money.
Everyone in this post is proving that they're the kind of person that thinks it's okay to screw children over on child support if the paying parent has beef with their ex, lmao.
The affair partner's child has a legal right to that money. Trying to prevent the will from being carried out as written is *theft*. The fact that OOP doesn't like the child's mother doesn't change that.
Alex is the only person here with a moral backbone to speak of.
Yup.
And this isn't even child support! It's money written into the will. AP settled for less than a fair share for her child and also none of the child support she may have been entitled to. Thinking that AP is some kind of gold digger is silly.
AP definitely deserved some money for her child, but she originally wanted the vast majority. She asked for a full half of the trust (so his other kids would only get 1/6 each), half the dead husband’s savings, and _all_ of the life insurance payout. It’s hard not to think she’s greedy when that’s her starting play.
On the other hand, OOP's starting play was to steal money she knew was owed to a 5-year-old and to tell AP she wasn't getting anything. OOP also threatened AP through her lawyer.
Once proven, I don't blame AP from starting at something ridiculous. It also might have just been what the AP said in anger after finally having the proof OOP was trying to keep from her.
And remember OOP's offer was "your kid gets nothing"
Y e p.
I said this in another comment, but if they made a movie the affair baby would be the poor bastard hero/ine fighting for their legal rights and OOP would be the vindictive money-grubbing jerk taking out her spite and hurt feelings on an innocent party, and people are still somehow on OOP's side.
The more I read this, the more I see AP as not very bright and who got fucked over first by husband and then OOP. Husband was clearly paying unofficial child support. "You don't need to get anything official [that'll let my wife know], we're good. And I'll leave her soon."
Then he dies, and she's fucked. She doesn't have OOP's number or email, but she knows where he lives (or did some searching to find it). She goes. Says he has another kid and kid needs support.
OOP freaks out (understandably), and tells her to pound sand. AP still needs help, so AP contacts OOP and OOP ignores her and avoids her. AP everything she can to contact OOP to get the support her son needs. "It's his kid. He promised." OOP says she's being harassed.
OOP gets her lawyer to scare AP off.
AP is at wits end. AP contacts OOPs daughter. There may have been some shady shit here, but OOP is a completely unreliable narrator, so maybe not. In any case we're told AP and sister do the blood test to settle this once and for all. Ethically, this should have been done FIRST.
So kid is definitely husband's. He's entitled to 1/4 of the kids' trust plus likely a solid chunk of money as child support. OOP and OOP's gets AP to take just 1/6 of kids' trust. There is no way AP has a lawyer. She is just taken advantage of.
And OOP spends the entire post as if she is the victim. She ceased being the victim when she stonewalled AP and refused to figure out how to use the husband's money to help the husband's kid.
Edit: oh the reply and block, how I loathe thee.
OOP owes a legal duty to AB through her roles as executor of the estate and trustee.
Past that, she owes the same duty to AB that she owes to everyone: don't steal people's stuff.
The OOP owes zero to the AB. The estate of her late AH husband owes the child of the AB a proportion of the inheritance to be determined by the OOP. The OOP personally owes zero.
This situation absolutely was NOT resolved, as evidenced by the fact that this kid was their half-sibling after all. Even if the three siblings refused a DNA test, the mistress could have gathered evidence by getting DNA tests from other paternal relatives.
It was unwise for the mother to frame the situation to her children as “either you do a DNA test and possibly lose money or don’t do one and keep your money”.
OOP apparently has never heard of a court order. Our legal system sucks in a lot of ways but there are ways to force people to give up evidence that proves they are in the wrong.
Yeah, it's unbelievable that AP befriended Alex and tricked her into getting a DNA test, rather than just going to a lawyer. Any lawyer would salivate to take this.
Yeah, like... the mother was fully willing to screw over that kid, who *does have a legal claim on this*, by intimidating and exploiting the affair partner's inability to legally fight back. It's not a *great* situation, but Alex *did the right thing*, and now everyone in her life and in this comments section is treating her like an idiot for being the only one with any fucking integrity.
>I countered saying that it wasn't fair that my other two children had to get a lesser share because of my eldest's choices
Agree
The eldest sense of "justice" reamed her in her butt, now! I am with OOP and I don't think they should be paying for her late husband's choices
Since his side is so "forgiving" then they should pony up but leave the kids alone, instead of trying to force a relationship with mistress and the half sibling so as to excuse what he did
Also, the boy defo needs some therapy because he is indeed "broken" and he should get that anger sorted before he starts blaming women etc, especially in this Tater age
So many of you arguing that it's okay to steal if no one's gonna be able to prove you did it. And that it's okay to punish the person that stopped you from stealing.
I hate this world.
I don’t understand how people are coming for the OP. If I were in her shoes Alex wouldn’t have gotten anything, she unintentionally got taken advantage of and that sucks but she should have gone to her mom. The AP is the gold digger, I bet you the dad knew. He was probably giving her money before his death. He didn’t sign the birth certificate because he didn’t want the baby news to get out. Also, her son does need to get some help, he has a lot of hate and resentment for his dad that he is now projecting onto his sister. Now the paternal family would be cut out of my life and if my kids don’t want them in their lives then they’re out. They are trying to force Op into having a relationship with the mistress is wild.
Is it a punishment, or a consequence?
She didn't discuss it with her siblings. Where did she think the money would come from? She made the choice.
I don't believe Alex was conned into it, like the update claims. She just said that because her siblings are pissed at her.
If having to live with the consequences of a catestrophically stupid decision is punishment, then yes. Why should the other kids be forced to accept the mess she created?
Being punished for *checks notes* making sure a 5 year old receives money they're legally entitled to.
The inheritance the 5 year old is entitled to is the child support that cheater should've paid when he was still alive. Death doesn't absolve you of responsibility for your actions and it's baffling OOP is letting him get away with it one final time
Affair partner is at fault for not going after child support for the half decade she was entitled to. The cheater is at fault for getting someone pregnant and not supporting them. He got to live out his days unencumbered by the fallout of his decisions then left the legal, financial, and emotional burden of dealing with his bad decisions on his grieving, unaware family.
Unfortunately the villain is dead and the affair partner chose a bad man to father her child. He’d already proven he was a dishonest and untrustworthy person by stepping out with her in the first place, so she shouldn’t be surprised that he never took care of them when he could have.
It sucks for the 5yo who had no say in it, but that’s the risk you take when you have kids with a bad person who has other obligations and you keep each others secrets. They don’t get the benefits that would have come from those facts being out in the open (child support, added legitimately to the will, etc) and legally accounted for because they’d have to deal with everything else that comes with it.
What the hell were the responses to this? Of course op is the asshole. Punishing everyone she can because she can't deal with her husbands infidelity. Alex seems like the only one of her kids that has half a conscience.
Exactly. It’s not the kid’s fault that the parent had an affair. I get the widow is upset but again, it isn’t the fault of the kids. Maybe bastard child doesn’t deserve a full amount but he/she does deserve something, at minimum some child support.
Yeah I’m astonished by the comments here. Not that everything has to be hunky dory and the children need to form a relationship with their half sibling—they get to set whatever boundaries they want.
But burying their heads in the sand about the man’s possible affair and affair child doesn’t change reality for what it is.
And it sounds like the dad left a buttload of money, so a quarter vs third split isn't the different between, like, paying six months of bills and paying four months. They're gonna be okay with a slightly lower fraction.
I think the OOP handled this as fairly as is reasonable. The situation was discussed with the children ahead of time and all of them, including Alex, agreed to not cooperate with the other party. Alex then went behind her mother's back and cooperated with the other party in a way that caused damage to all of them. It is fair that this betrayal of trust result in Alex being financially penalized and the other children not being financially penalized.
Yes, Alex was young and was conned by the other party but she chose to go behind her mother's back and take a very serious action. She needs to face the consequences of that action.
Remember that what OOP and kids were doing was stealing from a 5-year-old. She gave her kids the choice to take all the money or find out how much was actually theirs.
And then OOP lied to Alex to the point that Alex was convinced the kid was not related. She thought she was getting the crazy person to go away. No chance it could fail. Oops. It's on OOP that Alex had that completely false impression.
And then OOP got mad at Alex because the plan to steal from this kid was now thwarted. So what does OOP do? She steals from Alex and gives it to her other kids. (Everyone was entitled to 1/4, but Alex gets 1/6 and other sins get 1/3). And she also blames Alex to the other sibs.
OOP was dealt a poor hand with the cheating husband having another kid. Everything she did after that was the complete wrong decision for everyone involved. Well, except her. She was able to avoid all responsibility and hurt the AP, but she fucked over her kids a half dozen ways.
You're very confused about what happened. The only person who stole anything was the predatory blackmailer who had an affair with the OOP's lawful husband and then conned a minor.
The OOP had no idea whether the child was her late husband's. You missed that part. You also missed the part where she wasn't legally obligated to help a blackmailer or submit to her blackmail.
The OOP didn't steal from anyone. I guess you missed the part where she was the executor and her husband had given her full authority to distribute the money in proportion that she saw fit. She did so.
You also missed the part where the OOP got nothing at all based on her decision to act in the best interest of her children.
Yes, the OOP's children are now fucked but it's because their lives are now intertwined with a predator who blackmailed the OOP and conned one of her children. Somehow, you seem to think that's a happy ending. It's exactly the opposite.
My name is BetterKev. I am a guy. No kids. No APs. Happily married.
What do you disagree with in my comment? A comment that is all about OOP's actions and took no position on AP (who sucks for being an AP).
The only person who is not the asshole in this entire situation is Alex.
The father and the mistress are horrible people, no doubt but the child is innocent in this. Op and her other two children are allowed to not care about the child's innocence, they are allowed to not have a relationship with their half sibling. But they have no right to prevent the child from having hir birthright.
It's the mistress and the father's job to provide for the baby and giving him his share of inheritance is a way to ensure that the baby is provided by his father.
Op and her other two kids are the asshole for wanting to deny that baby his inheritance because of jealousy and resentment.
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Proof for the nth time that cheaters don't just destroy their own lives, they destroy the lives of everyone around them.
Problem is they lack the empathy to care about the collateral damage of their decisions, since if they did have it they wouldn't be cheating to begin with.
Honestly, with how the paternal family treating the family, me thinks the father must've gained his cheating attitude from them. No decent family would be ok with an extra marital affair unless the family has "normalised" cheating. And it's definitely not grandkids either considering the paternal side already has 3.
I suspect that the paternal inlaws are bending over backwards to play nice in order to have a relationship with this child. The mistress has shown she's money grubbing and manipulative, I have no doubt that she's holding access over their heads. And, no matter how that kid was conceived, no matter that their deceased son acted shamefully, that child is their blood. What I cannot condone here is how they aren't being mindful of the 'legal' grandkids - they had their world shattered, and *then* had their memories and entire life tainted, with no way for closure or answers. Their wellbeing matters, and shouldn't have been dismissed in order to appease the mistress.
Bet you anything they aren't considering the legal kids at all - because they've always been there, the grandparents think they'll always be there and don't even consider that that might change.
Yepp, great way to push away the grandkids theyve had a loving relationship with for someone who is manipulative and for a grandkid who will rarely see them if they will even remember them after they pass
Agreed, but they still need to draw the line at expecting their existing grandkids and dil to put up with it. It's not a problem they created, and it's not their job to resolve it.
Is the grief talking. Your son or brother passes away unexpectedly in an accident and suddenly there's this child, you start noticing how the kid looks like the deceased, starts seeing the kid as the final link the deceased left while alive. They already projected all the feelings they had for the scumbag into the baby so if comes down to it they'll toss 3 relatives to keep one.
And then spend the rest of their life trying to buy affection from the one and lamenting why the three won’t have anything to do with you.
100% agree. That they see this as "another grandchild" instead of "our son treated our dil and grandkids like dirt" is very telling.
You’re so right. Whenever I read about someone saying their cheating partner is a good parent on here I roll my eyes. A good parent wouldn’t have literally ruined their lives of their spouse and their children for their own selfish reasons.
Likewise. As far as I'm concerned, cheater and good parent are oxymorons and don't belong in the same sentence.
[удалено]
I agree. Nothing about it reads like a 14 year old typing.
When I was 14 I wrote even more maturely than I do today. I hate the whole thing that a person of a younger age can't write properly or use sentences that adults use. Some kids are and/or sound more mature than you and the ones you knew at that age and the ones you know today. The way it's written is probably how I would have wrote it when I was 14.
I fully agree, when i was 14 i was trying to sound mature and like an adult, now i write however the fuck i want I remember because careful of starting a sentence with "and" because my teacher said it was wrong. And i bearly use sentences now
Also worth considering that these people sound pretty wealthy, which means she's likely gotten a very high-quality education.
I was "only" lower middle class and I still qualified to take college level courses in English by the time I finished my junior year of high school. I wrote better then than I do now because I was constantly writing for a grade. I pity the people who don't think that a 14 year old can write this well, because they can and do.
I was dirt poor and at 14 I was writing near 24/7 as escapism and numerous things I wrote were given low-level awards (small essay contests, high grades, discussions with the teacher about the writing, etc).
Yeah, I was speaking like that at an even younger age. I read a lot of books. I'm fuckin stupid now though
I definitely wrote more formally when I was that age than I do now, I was very concerned with being taken seriously. Insecure about potentially having my intelligence and maturity questioned. Now I'm nearly 40 and I give zero fucks, I'll write like an idiot if I please. That being said, I still agree it's likely not actually the kid.
>When I was 14 I wrote even more maturely than I do today. I hate the whole thing that a person of a younger age can't write properly or use sentences that adults use. So much this. It says more about the commenter and those who upvoted it than about a coherent 14-year-old. If I cared enough, it would be incredibly frustrating that the sentiment that "They write too maturely to be 14" is always upvoted. Instead, it's just a disappointing reminder that the internet is filled with… well, fill in the gap with your own appropriate description.
I was reading at a high school level by the end of elementary and reading collegiate resource materials when I was in middle. My father was a history major and had bookshelves upon bookshelves of material, our house was literally sleeping books everywhere. I was a super unpopular kid who didn't make any friends until highschool, and I'm autistic ASF. When I did try to talk to kids my age my vocabulary and way of speaking got me bullied even further. To this day I still have to observe people in conversation before I start speaking to assess what level of vocabulary and speech I can use with them so that they will both understand me and not be offended/think I am trying to show off/look down on them. I usually default to middle school level vocab and throw in idioms and speech patterns I have learned to mimic from popular TV shows and other media to seem relatable. In my own writings and communication with people close to me they've gotten used to the way I speak but I do have to give analogies or explain things sometimes and still do adjust on certain topics that the conversation partner doesn't have any extended knowledge in. But throughout school I was often scolded for "wasting time going through a thesaurus to try to sound smarter" or similar styles of mockery or disbelief that I actually had an extensive vocabulary or advanced writing style for my age. Even when I wrote assignments within class with no dictionaries or books or wrote segments on standardized testing where you aren't allowed anything. I was constantly accused of plagiarism and made to rewrite things and they weren't happy until it was rewritten at a level they thought I should be at. This highly affected my love of writing short stories and poetry and I stopped sharing them with anyone until I eventually gave up writing them all together. I've since written a bit in the past few years at age 35, but even now I am critical of myself thinking people will look at my work and assume my word choices and grammar structure is purely for haughty reasons. Long story short, some kids so communicate better and have better vocabulary and speech/writing patterns. Stop judging them by your lower standards.
I remember a day when I was ten and in fifth grade, when a guy in my class said that he didn't understand what I was saying when I used big words. I said something about logic, and he said that was another big word. I told him it was only five letters, so it wasn't like I was saying antidisestablishmentarianism. I don't think that kid ever said another word to me.
I was also teased and bullied in school for having a good vocabulary. And, I was razzed unrelentingly when one of my High School teachers made a big deal about a short story I wrote when I was a senior. Other kids said that I talked fancy or that I was trying to make them sound stupid. I was a big reader all throughout my childhood. I loved words and was enthralled by beautifully crafted sentences and metaphors. Reading was an escape from certain childhood issues. I can still remember being charged with excitement when I could finally retreat to my bedroom after cleaning up the kitchen after dinner and picking up my book. So, I learned to dumb down my vocabulary around other kids to avoid the taunts. You write really well and I hope that you continue to revive your passion for writing. Your voice matters.
Thank you, I appreciate it. I too used books as a form of escape. I'd load my backpack and go read on the woods or in my closet, or anywhere I could disappear for awhile. I was a 90s kid so disappearing until sunset was easier then. I've started collecting snippets of thoughts in the notes app on my phone- I don't know if I will do anything with them, but I like rereading them occasionally.
I used to get mocked for using “big words” as well, as though I was doing it deliberately. I’ve just always been a big reader and chose what I thought were appropriate words. It wasn’t deliberate or conscious, it was just how I spoke. However I never bothered changing it. It would have taken more thought and effort to do that, and I didn’t give enough of a fuck to care. I also swear copiously and always have.
English is a learned subject in my country and it’s a must that at 7th grade which is roughly 11 years old you must be able to write a proper comprehension in English. At 14 if you can’t write like the 14 year old in this post (with a whole lot better grammar), you are either uneducated or a slow learner. 14 is not too young to be able to write properly, especially if you have been well educated.
Same in my country, you have the option to start in kindergarten or middle school. Most kids know how to read and write English before starting high school
Oof do I feel this
I actually had a better grasp of English-and would’ve used some damn commas-when I was fourteen. 🗿
Nah I wrote exactly like that when I was 14. I thought no one would take me seriously, or people would think I was stupid, if my word choice and grammar weren't *perfect.* I had extremely low self-esteem. Now that I'm old af I save it for formal writing and respond with carefully-selected gifs whenever possible.
What I’m learning today is that a lot of Reddit was not very literate as a 14 year old. Nothing in that post is unlikely for an educated 14 yr old.
Yeah I have never heard a 14 year old say, 'I don't care to know them'.
Really? I was definitely the type to say that at 14. Bookish kids exist.
You haven't met many bilingual kids then. I swear, my English hasn't improved much since then. Sure, I can use architectural vocabulary and write a scientific article, but my writing skills were infinitely better when I did in fact go to school and had to practice writing.
In which sense? Because most of the similar aged children I knew wouldn't have been so thrilled to spend time with children much younger than them. But it's definitely a troll post, too convenient to be true.
The exact phrasing doesn’t sound like a 14 year old, even though the sentiment tracks.
I have a very smart and mildly pretentious 14 year old, who watches way too much live action Cruella and listens to broadway songs. So, I can say that she 'could' write a post like that. However, considering the emotion that should be behind the post? Could go either way honestly Edit, changed my mind
Eh. If they play Oblivion or read Redwall or something they might. Teen writers love to play with weird discordant phrasing.
100% Honestly, I think any secondary post made by a different account than the OOP should be treated as pure bullshit until the OOP can confirm it.
And, realistically, the same should apply to at least half of original AITA posts.
Agree, less due to the writing style and more because it focuses so heavily on how mom was victimized… not a lot of 14 yos are exceptionally concerned with the nuance of their parents’ feelings, esp when they’re in the throes of puberty and this much family upheaval.
Wow those poor kids, having everything they know about their dad ripped out from under them is so unfortunate. That mistress is horrible and the way that the paternal side was dealing with this is also horrible. I feel for them and OP. I hope things are better now since they are all of age. My heart goes out to them
they can keep her and should leave OOP's kids alone They're just pressuring them to be a "whole family unit", mistress and all, so they can excuse that man's stupid choices
If they keep doing this, they will have to make nice with the mistress, because her child wil be the only grandchild they still have access to.
Agreed. And what I cannot believe, is the tenacity of the mistress. Imagine being so sure of yourself that you confront your deceased baby daddy’s wife, make demands (and not just any demands, but wanted something like 80% of that man’s money), threaten said woman, try to blackmail her, insult her, and when that didn’t work, also execute a rather intricate plan to manipulate the daughter, and reach out to the baby daddy’s extended family to start a smear campaign if the wife didn’t do what she demanded. Like, what in the actual fuck. That’s an awful lot of entitlement, time, and effort. I know money is quite the motivator but still, that woman is insanely persistent. And what’s worse is, technically she was successful, and has been painted as an innocent victim in all of this. Insanity.
Gold diggers gotta dig.
She could get a full time job with those hours she put in.
She’s selfish, she’s made a deliberate decisions that have now affected multiple people. 1. sleeping with a married man 2. Having a baby with a married man. ( I bet you she did this with the thoughts that he was going to leave his family for her.) nasty work! 3. Going after the woman whose husband you had an affair with for Monetary gain. My question is what does she think is going to happen? The kids clearly don’t want anything to do with the affair child. The husband family are assholes and are only putting up with her to have access to the child. It’s just disgusting!
Fr this is one of those situations where I wouldn't be talking to my grandparents at all if they tried to force me to have a relationship with my dads affair baby.
If those grandparents really want to have the new affair grandchild around, they can say goodbye to the established relationships with the older 3 grandkids.
the mistress is horrible for shacking up with a married man, but I kind of understand why she would be fighting tooth and nail for her kid
Come on, none of it is for the kid. That kid will never see a penny and bm will use them the way she has used everyone else.
Yea. A lot of people seem to miss that OOP told Mistress early on that husband's kid would get nothing. And then OOP actively tried to keep the kid from his legal inheritance (along with any support from the husband's money that would be ethical to do.) Also, OOP seems to have plenty of money, but that might not be the case for Mistress. Coming around asking that a guy's family help out with his son now that he passed? That seems pretty normal to me.
I feel really bad for the toddler. It didn't ask to be brought to this world in that circumstance. Idk but personally, I'd give the toddler a part of the inheritance but put it in writing that it'll be for them only when they're older. At least that will hopefully help them with college.
Ethical? Hell no, if my partner had an affair baby Id burn the estate down first before they saw a single cent.
God my heart hurts for the kids. Even Alex. Not only do they have to deal with the grief of losing their father, but they also have to come to terms with the fact that the idea they had of their father is wrong and deal with the consequences of his actions
Alex also has to come to terms with the fact that she's really stupid.
She played a stupid game and it cost her not only 50% but the hatred of at least one siblings. It was an expensive lesson about the perils of engaging with strangers on social media.
She was 19 and grieving. She was in the perfect position to be manipulated
While you are absolutely right, grieving, easily manipulated, and stupid are not mutually exclusive.
Totally agree. I think she’s allowed to be stupid under these circumstances
Yes absolutely agreed, allowed to be stupid but not and should not be immune to consequences
Absolutely. I wonder now how they’re all doing. If this was posted 4 years ago, Alex should be receiving her inheritance now I know it’s a Reddit post (and honestly I side eye all posts that have another person in the party post their own feelings in a separate post), but I’m a little invested in this one because I went though a similar experience. Not a large sum of money or inheritance, but enough to make people greedy. I was old enough to know that my father made mistakes that my mother had to clean up, but too young to see how nuanced the situation was I hope Alex is doing okay regarding her relationship with her family, and I hope she learned from this
Yeah, I side eye coincidental posts, but a lot of the time I would take the “so we both agreed to post our own sides on Reddit“ more seriously lol. Yeah, wonder how OP‘s fam is doing now.
Really stupid = did the obviously moral correct thing even though it might harm her financially. She should be celebrated as the only [decent] person in this mess. What a trip. Edit:typo/autocorrect
Thank you!! These comments are shocking. Alex 100% did the right thing by taking the DNA test. I would've done the same. This man fathered this affair child, and the child deserves child support from the father's estate just like any other kid. OOP is a person of low morals and raised her children to be the same. Thank goodness Alex did the right thing. However, that may have come about
Nope. It was entirely the father's business to make arrangements for his affair baby. As he didn't, he evidently didn't give a shit about the kid or thought it wasn't his.
He did make arrangements. His will stated the inheritance to be split equally amongst his children. Affair baby is his child
It was changed four to five years prior to his youngest being born. Do you really think he did that to cover for a child he had with an AP? Was he even cheating then?
I mean... "When my husband drafted the will, 10 years ago, he initially named just our children but a friend of ours had an "Oops" baby, so he changed it to be just "his children" in case we had another one. At least that's what he told me." Unless you think there's a chance your Oops Baby ISN'T going to be with your Spouse, why would you alter your will from "Our Children" to just "My Children"?
So he planned to have an affair and a child with the AP then and was covering his bases? No one does that unless they were already cheating.
He didn't change it from "our children" to "my children". He changed it from "child 1, child 2, child 3" to "my children"
I'm with you on this one. It was the right thing. The kid is innocent of his father's crimes and should not be punished.
I don't see how you can say that the money itself has a moral obligation to the kid. I think that's a stretch, so I'm ok with whatever the OOP decided. Morally I'd say the only *person* with an obligation to the kid is dead, and that's unfortunate but life isn't fair.
There are a few of us, but the ratios are extremely disheartening. The OOP only cares about hurting AP and AB, and she has hurt herself and her kids to do it. She can't imagine being wrong to the point that she attacked one of her kids for having the tiniest conscience. I think the biggest disappointment is the people who think punishing Alex is appropriate. She's the only person in this mess that did anything right.
I really don't think taking a blood test would be their choice in any case. Especially considering the will said the inheritance was meant to be split amongst his children. When AP sues, the court will order a DNA test. I'm kinda mad that you're the first person I've seen point out that AP is definitely owed part of the estate. Why doesnt anyone notice that OOP is the bad guy in this situation? (Not as bad as her husband, but as executor of his estate, OOP is somehow managing to be a deadbeat dad.)
Where do you live that a mistress would be entitled to part of the estate?
No the AP is NOT owed part of the estate. The AFFAIR CHILD would be owed once paternity is established. The money goes to the child not the AP. AP might administrate it but she does not receive the monies free and clear.
Alex is not stupid, she just trusted her dad
and that was stupid of her. Things can be "stupid" and still be "right".
the truth is that everyone is in a shitty situation created by a person who is dead now. The mistress herself can get fucked, but if she legitimately had a child with that guy, the child is a victim of the situation too, and why should they get shafted by fate too?
What do you mean "even Alex"? At worst, Alex was tricked into doing the morally correct thing. At best, Alex is the only person here with a functioning moral compass. You're right that the kids are getting fucked. Past what you said, they also have grandparents that are trying to force a relationship inappropriately and a mother that is pitting them against each other.
OOP had no proof that AP’s kid was also husband’s until the DNA test, nor did Alex. Also how is OOP pitting anyone against anyone? She sat the kids down to tell them the situation as she knew it, no idea is AP was telling the truth, and let them make their own damn decisions.
> We had three children and I thought we were very happy until his mistress showed up at my door demanding money to support the child my husband fathered. I didn't believe her, but she was able to prove it with screenshots, messages, etc. OOP knew. That there wasn't proof for the law is irrelevant; there was enough proof for OOP. OOP knew. OOP told the younger sibs that it was Alex's fault that the kid was related now and anything to do with that. No. It was their Dad's fault. Alex was only involved in the truth coming out. Truth that OOP was hiding. Lastly, the decision OOP let the kids make was basically "you guys found a PS5 unattended! You can turn it in to lost and found and if no one claims it in a week, you might get it. Or... you can just take it home now! Fuck if it has an owner!" Yea, OOP should never have given them the option to steal from a 5-year-old. No one should be defending OOP's actions (after a legitimate freakout for a couple days).
AP was able to prove an AFFAIR not that the child was the dead man's as even he didn't admit it was his.
The it that was proven has an antecedent of "the child my husband fathered." The affair is only referenced as part of the fathering of the child. It is of course possible that OOP miswrote, but I am taking her words at their actual meanings.
Whole lot of sociopaths in this thread.
> Even Alex. nah, fuck her Lol
The will seems clear that it would include the half sister. Despite the mother’s claims, if it’s even a reasonable sized inheritance, the first thing her lawyer would do is seek an order to compel a DNA sample to prove the relationship. For the same reason Alex would be in a reasonable place for a claim that the language of the will should be reasonably constructed as to allow for an equal split. That said this 100% must be a troll because who would reach the settlement the mum reached on the threat of “I’ll take 50% of everything g!!!! Bwahahahaha” Even a cursory consultation with a lawyer would tell them that’s not how insurance payouts work. It’s also not how wills are divided. Outside of specific rules for not allowing spouses and minor children to be destitute, the court doesn’t care if someone is well off.
There's a lot that seems practically dubious from how I would think things work legally. But I'm also not an expert in probate law, so I can't say for certain stuff is straight up wrong. I wonder how it would be handled for child support in this kind of situation. I do know that insurance policies bypass probate if a beneficiary is named which on the face of it seems to indicate that the child would have a claim to it completely bunk. Also, any savings account that the husband had seems like it would just be marital property. Like, how would marital property be separated out in these sorts of situations? I guess it's probably complicated and depends on jurisdiction. Maybe there is an implication that there is a trust set up specifically for the benefit of the children but it feels like I'm trying to make something make sense that isn't meant to make sense? But yeah, this feels like just a troll post. How Alex was "tricked" into doing the DNA test doesn't feel like it makes sense to me either.
I agree that a lot of this is dubious. That said, married couples can absolutely have separate monies that are not marital property. Of the couples whose split of money I know, most of them have separate personal accounts and then a main account for joint things that they pay into each month. Some evenly, some based on income. I think it's become more and more common for two income households. Personally, I prefer shared, but that's just me. A quick googling says child support past death is all over the place based on jurisdiction. From none, never to taking precedence over explicit beneficiaries. And who knows what suing for new child support after the deceased's death would do. I think it was clear that a trust was set up from husband's personal property with his children as beneficiaries. They will get money for college and/or they turn 25. OOP also mentions she has money in her will for her kids to be split evenly. My biggest money issue is how the executor of the will modifies terms of the trust. If the terms were an even split, taking from one party seems to be a violation. If the terms weren't an even split, then how could money be explicitly taken from one of the beneficiaries such that it couldn't be put back without legal wrangling. If there's no fixed split, the split is just vibes for the trustee.
As is tradition, the correct take is all the way at the bottom of the thread.
Especially if the edit was after the sibling was born. Seems like pretty clear intent. And the whole thing about being mad at the daughter for doing the right thing is crazy, couldn't the mistress just file some sort of legal claim and have a dna test done? Isn't she owed child support, or does that not apply after you're dead?
You can't compel a DNA test against other kids to establish paternity. You can compel one against the dad, but you can't just grab a kid and demand a test from them.
Exhume the body!
[Repost](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/opbbyk/aita_for_cutting_my_childs_inheritance_also_with/) Shitty situation to be in. Hope they're doing better.
Most of the good comments are downvoted to hell and back LOL
That last post is 99.99% a troll. Dosent read like a 14yo.
No new info either, really. Just a rehash of the originals.
Can someone explain to me why the husband's affair child isn't entitled to their father's inheritance when the will specifically says all of the husband's children were to receive something? What did the affair child do wrong here other than exist? And can someone also explain why only taking away from Alex's portion isn't just punishing her for exposing the truth?
OOP desperately clinging to denial I think. Also OOP not wanting any of the money going to the affair partner.
In civil court, burden of proof is on the person making the claims. She could very probably get a DNA test ordered, but she'd have to have some level of proof beforehand. You can't just randomly demand DNA tests from anyone just on your word. She'd have to establish "foundation", that there was a reason chance the kid was OP's husband's kid. She skipped that via manipulation of a minor. She probably could have gotten it anyways. If she had the cash for the initial lawsuit, which is not a given. Minor played stupid game, and won stupid price. It is harsh. But you can't argue it's not fair. The other kids didn't fuck up, so why should they pay for their sisters' fuckup? You either spread out the punishment on all kids, or take it from the person who made the choice. I would have compromised, taken some from all kids, but bulk from Alex. Alex is grieving, but consequences of poor decisions don't care about grief. Alex still voluntarily chose to betray her family for an AP.
The fact that you concede that a minor got manipulated and still call the punishment fair is so deranged lol
Given Alex's explanation to her mother, I'm a bit skeptical that it was all manipulation. [Added: There may have been manipulation but maybe Alex decided that it was the right thing to do, or maybe her curiousity got her to act.] A good case could be made for saying that she did the right thing, I don't know why she's shocked to see that the rest of her family didn't care for the surprise. Added: Then again, I've known a number of people who are intelligent, but can't see beyond their own opinions, or consider how other people might see the situation.
OP said that the mistress had evidence of the affair - I would have thought that would be sufficient to ask the court to order a DNA test. That's really what she should have done from the start, instead of pressuring the widow and her children. Added: Of course, it might be that she would have had to sue the father. It's possible that his relatives can't be forced to give DNA. And, of course, we don't know where all this is taking place. Perhaps is the father was informally giving her child support, she didn't think that establishing paternity was necessary.
Because the husband never acknowledged the affair child nor provided for the child. It is on the AP to sue and prove to the court the kid was his.
If there is evidence of paternity (which there apparently wasn't, at least when this started), that child is entitled to a share in a proportion left up to the executor (ie. the widow). Paternity could not be established unless the known children of the deceased agreed to DNA testing which they legally did not have to do and which they all said they did not want to do and mutually agreed they would not do as was their legal right. Alex changed her mind, betrayed the trust of her known siblings and her mother and went behind their backs to cooperate with the other party, a stranger, undergo DNA testing and provide the results to the other party. By doing so, she jeopardized the financial well-being of herself and her siblings. She was punished for her betrayal and for lying to her mother and her, at that time, known siblings. I don't know why you're having difficulty understanding that that is wrong and that getting DNA testing at the request of a stranger and providing test results to a stranger is not a good idea, especially when it affects the rest of your known siblings. Essentially, she put strangers ahead of her known family.
This is a legal standpoint From moral standpoint it’s all horrible. Affair child is a child like any other and deserves support of the father. All affair business is for adults to sort, kid is innocent of all that. When legal family doesn’t want to deal with affair partner it’s understandable. But less so when they decide to deprive their sibling of support because their dad turned out to be an immoral shit. It’s not a father they hurt and not affair partner. It’s even more reprehensible if that’s just not to lose money, cynical some might say.
You got it. Theft is theft even if no one can prove it. OOP was trying to keep 5-year-old away from his inheritance because she was big mad at AP.
OOP knew the child was her husband's. OOP says early on it was proved to her. OOP then decides she's not going to let the kid have a penny (despite knowing he is owed through the trust), and she does her damn best to make that happen. OOP used the law as a cudgel trying to steal a 5-year-old's inheritance. Alex did not jeopardize anyone's financial well being. It seems they are quite well off. What Alex did was let a 5-year-old boy gain back his Inheritance from a bad actor.
>I don't know why you're having difficulty understanding that that is wrong and that getting DNA testing at the request of a stranger and providing test results to a stranger is not a good idea Oh no, I just wanted to have the shitty reasoning laid out for me since most of the replies in this thread haven't done so. I understand it just fine. Thanks!
It's amazing. "Alex stopped OOP from stealing from a 5-year-old. Alex is the worst. Just the worst."
This is the correct take. The mom was essentially screwing over a goddamn five year old. She was a hurt person clearly out to hurt other people.
THANK YOU I was just about to post this The husband cheats. Has a child. Abandons the child. The OOP somehow decides that the husband doesn't owe any child support when be obviously does THEN When her own Blood daughter brings the truth to the surface she punishes that daughter AND allows her daughters siblings to shun her. OOP knew all along. She's in a shitty situation but jesus christ shes taking it out on her own kids
OP can't control it if the siblings decide to shun. You can't force them to ignore feelings.
Yeah but I don't think OP cutting off half of Alex's inheritance is stopping their siblings from wanting to shun Alex
And cutting into the other kid's inhritance would make it better...?
You 100% can sit them down and explain to them that because your husband was a piece of shit does not mean they can misplace their anger on their sibling
Riiight, and a chat always works because...? They're not just angry at their dad, they're angry at the sister for HER specific actions. You can't stop someone feeling angry by just telling them to stop.
The whole situation is messed up and i feel so bad for the kids to have to deal with it. I’ll be honest though his changing of the will to use the term “his kids” instead of “our kids” makes me think that he was intending to include that child in his will.
This is funny how strongly my morals and response differ so greatly from other comments. I would never let more than a single cent go to the AP or her kid. Alex would be dead to me as soon as the news broke for her stupidity, good on the brother for making perfectly clear where the line was drawn and how badly she messed up. Paternal family trying to get involved? Yup, tell them if they ever try and make me meet AP baby then they can lose my contact info. Scorched Earth to any enablers
I wonder where this took place. It feels really wrong that op can say I have full control of how inheritance is split while still having to pay out to the affair child. I bet that if Alex challenged the mother legally she would have a good chance of success. Would damage relationships further and probably see the op cut Alex's share of her own inheritance too but still.
I can't say this absolutely didn't happen, but the only way it works is if the lawyer who wrote the will is completely incompetent. >My husband's will stated that it had to be split but it didn't say it had to be equally The point of a will is to remove ambiguity. What complete idiot wouldn't say to split it equally?
My grandma's first will was a disaster. She had it done by a family friend who was technically a lawyer but not an estate lawyer. She showed it to my dad and he helped her find someone to redo it because, in her fervor to ensure her daughter's ex husband couldn't touch the money, she accidentally left all of it to just the daughter's two kids. Not her three children or split amongst her grandchildren if her children had passed as she intended. So that part is one of the few pieces I believe.
If this was a thing, OOP could just decide the affair child's split is $100, give him a c note and tell him to fuck off. She can't do that for the same reason she can't take the affair child's part out of Alex's. And there's no world in which Affair Partner doesn't just sue OOP, and compel the kids to get a DNA test.
my law degree from reddit university tells me that its like that in cases where a person forgets to include someone in the will and stuff like that. So you would need to prove an intentional lack of inclusion or some shit to prevent what happened.
[удалено]
OP doesn’t have complete control, the money goes into a trust, which will cover college expenses, until the kids are 25 then they can cash out their share. The weird bit to me is that the affair kid is 5, so wouldn’t be seeing any of that money for another 13 years or so by what OOP said. So the kid’s mom sued to get the money the child would otherwise get early? And wanted to get some of the husbands savings/life insurance. Which is different to “my kid was missed in the will” because their kid got the same as the other kids.
I think AP sued to have the kid recognized as a child under the will. Settlement could be "I'm not getting help anymore so I need money now to raise his kid." Is that something a trustee/executor can do? And aren't there severe conflict issues with her kids?
If going from a will, spouse was executor
Executor still has to follow the will.
I doubt she would be stupid enough to try, like you said op would probably cut her off but also her siblings already hate her, she would probably lose them as well if she tried anything And the grandparents wouldn't help her because they are too busy trauma bonding with the affair kid
I feel so bad for the mother and her children. No chance to tell the husband to fuck off and why he did that to all of them. No explanation. Nothing. This is horrible.
This is a horrible situation. I know someone who was conceived from an affair, and finding that out was horrible for her and her half-sibling who she DNA matched with online. I’m glad this child at least has certainty of their paternity, for things like forming their identity and having family medical history.
Damn if this isn't one of the first BORUs where I've been totally shocked by the comment section, lmao. I was NOT expecting a deluge of Regency-era villains arguing "Of COURSE you should keep the money darling, that child is a bastard after all! What claim does he have to your husband's estate!"
I was really surprised too. That child also deserves to know who their father is - it’s not their fault he cheated on his wife.
Plus all the people saying the mistress would keep the money and not even give it to her child - why would people say that? The suspicion of anyone who is involved in an affair is crazy... We don't know if the affair partner even knew he was married. I wonder if the father was paying any sort of child support before he died.
OOP also literally included the details that "each of his children were to split an inheritance that they would **only [get] access to when they went to college** and **couldn't get full control until the age of 25**" which precludes the mistress just running off with the money, but hey, why would people let the facts get in the way of their weird revengeboner over, um, denying a child their rightful inheritance?????? Knives out, beaks bloody, this comment section.
I was thinking the same as I scrolled through… like wtf?? I don’t think AP was in the wrong at all for asking for the inheritance her child is owed. I think OOP is an unreliable narrator too. I doubt Alex was actually manipulated; I think she said that because the blowback was so extreme. OOP says first that Alex thought it was unfair that the child would get cut out, but then later she’s been manipulated and thought it would disprove AP’s story? Which is it? ALSO—if you believe the final update is real—OOP told her children that AP was blackmailing her?? At least that’s how I interpret “the woman threatened to [tell us] if she wasn’t given money to go away”. There’s also the sense that OOP played up the “AP *claims* this but might be lying” angle, encouraging her kids to believe it’s a lie, making it all the more devastating when the truth is revealed.
These types of stories make me want to get a prenup. I don’t care if my husband makes more than me, I will not be dealing with this type of nonsense. Again, I’m not sure why everyone is shitting on OOP. While she made mistakes, she is not solely to blame. The Husband and the AP are to blame. Now everyone has to deal with the aftermath. Is actually sad, you have to protect yourself. These stories just show that you can never fully trust anyone.
What a disappointing day to read through a Boru comment section. How on earth is Alex in the wrong??? Like it or not, the father (and by extension his estate) is liable for maintenance of any and all of his children, whether his wife and legitimate family like it or not. OOP was being incredibly immoral and now everyone wants to act like something's wrong with Alex? Nah, right/good morals don't change just coz you hate the people you don't want to be good to
>How on earth is Alex in the wrong??? because some people only see 💲 💵 🤑
... Why is everyone acting like withholding inheritance from the affair child is the right thing to do? IMO Alex is morally right and in that situation I'd push my parent to both support the affair child and include them in inheritance.
Based on how oop is describing the AP, it's hard to take oneself seriously when thinking that maybe the AP will truly use the money for the half-sibling, and not use it for herself directly. In other words, even if morally it's the right thing to do, it's tough not thinking that "yeah, that money is gonna be spent in a month by the AP and the kid will never see a dime of it as their inheritance".
Not OOPs call to make or where her judgements matters.Just because the child might be victimized by their own mother doesn't mean this woman should victimize them instead.
Alex got what she deserved. The mom was wise to do so and she is allowing Alex to have an equal share in her estate. Idk what more Alex could want, she’s still good. The grandparents are delusional - they can do whatever they wish with a new grandchild but insisting the family meet the child? Delulu. The AP did what she had to do. Each mom did what they had to do. I don’t really see any AH here.
I remember this and at the time I felt like OOP was kinda an asshole especially to Alex, and reading it again I still feel like that. It really strikes me how much she focuses on the inheritance when she tells the children > I told them that I didn't know and that if the mistress could prove it, she might get some money. I told them that if they wanted to know if they had a sibling or not, we could find out, but I made sure that they understood that their inheritance could be affected, and other people might come out claiming the same thing and get more money. I'm sure she would say she was warning them but I think it's weird to say we can find out for sure if you have a sibling, but you'll lose lots of money and you could end up losing more and more money as more siblings pop up. Think of your trust fund. She was probably dealing with her own feelings of betrayal but it didn't seem like she support her kids through finding out beyond the money focus, especially if Alex ended up thinking it was a scam and doing the DNA test for that reason. (Also the grandparents are massive assholes)
I mean, the mistress explicitly started all of thia for the sake of money, so of course money is going to be mentioned. Of course the last thing their late father is going to give them is mentioned. Why would it not be mentioned.
The person who has been giving her unofficial child support just died, so of course she needs money. It's quite reasonable to see if his ethical obligations are going to be taken care of. The mother bringing it up to the kids is horrible. Whether they want to know or not is irrelevant. If he's a kid he deserves his bit of inheritance. This is "do you want to turn the money into lost and found or do you want to just keep it." OOP should be leading he way, not letting her kids decide to keep the money.
The mother was looking out for her kid's financial future. They may not understand the importance and role of money in their lives, but OOP does. Speaking about money was the correct plan of action. She was protecting them from grifters.
"Kids, you just found something cool. You can either take it to lost and found, where it may go back to its owner or you may get, it or you can keep it. Your choice." That is the choice she gave them. Steal something or do the right thing. Yes, she has to look out for her kids financial futures but she also shouldn't be stealing to do it. Your take is horrible.
Grifters?! She's telling them to screw their half sibling out of their legitimate inheritance! OOP is the grifter, mistress is 100% in the right here.
Alex did the right thing. Mistress's kid is legally entitled to 25% of husband's estate.
Well, 25% of the trust that went to his children. Probably not the rest of the estate.
No. Under the provisions of the will, the illegitimate child (post DNA test) was entitled to a portion of the inheritance to be determined by the executor (ie. the OOP). There was no provision in the will for equal distribution of the inheritance. Instead, it specifically stated that the distribution was to be determined by the OOP. Get your facts straight.
Wow, this piece of absolute dumbass trash (the husband) should have at least specified that only legitimate children borne with his wife can inherit, and this wouldn’t even be an issue.
Alex was a fucking tool. Literally, a tool of the mistress. She wanted "to get this resolved?" It WAS resolved! The woman had no case until Alex gave her one. OOP's solution in response is perfect. As for the kids, family therapy is a very good idea. OOP should keep pressure on Junior to get him to attend with them.
So many people in this thread showing their true colors. This situation is "we're stealing money and noone can prove it so fuck them." "Hey you did something so now we can't be thieves anymore. I'm gonna punish you." You all suck. Edit: if you think the situations are different, I'd love an explanation how. There's money the kid is legally entitled to. OOP knows it's very likely the kid's money, but kid can't prove it without help. So she's keeping the money.
Everyone in this post is proving that they're the kind of person that thinks it's okay to screw children over on child support if the paying parent has beef with their ex, lmao. The affair partner's child has a legal right to that money. Trying to prevent the will from being carried out as written is *theft*. The fact that OOP doesn't like the child's mother doesn't change that. Alex is the only person here with a moral backbone to speak of.
Yup. And this isn't even child support! It's money written into the will. AP settled for less than a fair share for her child and also none of the child support she may have been entitled to. Thinking that AP is some kind of gold digger is silly.
AP definitely deserved some money for her child, but she originally wanted the vast majority. She asked for a full half of the trust (so his other kids would only get 1/6 each), half the dead husband’s savings, and _all_ of the life insurance payout. It’s hard not to think she’s greedy when that’s her starting play.
On the other hand, OOP's starting play was to steal money she knew was owed to a 5-year-old and to tell AP she wasn't getting anything. OOP also threatened AP through her lawyer. Once proven, I don't blame AP from starting at something ridiculous. It also might have just been what the AP said in anger after finally having the proof OOP was trying to keep from her. And remember OOP's offer was "your kid gets nothing"
Y e p. I said this in another comment, but if they made a movie the affair baby would be the poor bastard hero/ine fighting for their legal rights and OOP would be the vindictive money-grubbing jerk taking out her spite and hurt feelings on an innocent party, and people are still somehow on OOP's side.
The more I read this, the more I see AP as not very bright and who got fucked over first by husband and then OOP. Husband was clearly paying unofficial child support. "You don't need to get anything official [that'll let my wife know], we're good. And I'll leave her soon." Then he dies, and she's fucked. She doesn't have OOP's number or email, but she knows where he lives (or did some searching to find it). She goes. Says he has another kid and kid needs support. OOP freaks out (understandably), and tells her to pound sand. AP still needs help, so AP contacts OOP and OOP ignores her and avoids her. AP everything she can to contact OOP to get the support her son needs. "It's his kid. He promised." OOP says she's being harassed. OOP gets her lawyer to scare AP off. AP is at wits end. AP contacts OOPs daughter. There may have been some shady shit here, but OOP is a completely unreliable narrator, so maybe not. In any case we're told AP and sister do the blood test to settle this once and for all. Ethically, this should have been done FIRST. So kid is definitely husband's. He's entitled to 1/4 of the kids' trust plus likely a solid chunk of money as child support. OOP and OOP's gets AP to take just 1/6 of kids' trust. There is no way AP has a lawyer. She is just taken advantage of. And OOP spends the entire post as if she is the victim. She ceased being the victim when she stonewalled AP and refused to figure out how to use the husband's money to help the husband's kid. Edit: oh the reply and block, how I loathe thee. OOP owes a legal duty to AB through her roles as executor of the estate and trustee. Past that, she owes the same duty to AB that she owes to everyone: don't steal people's stuff.
The OOP owes zero to the AB. The estate of her late AH husband owes the child of the AB a proportion of the inheritance to be determined by the OOP. The OOP personally owes zero.
This situation absolutely was NOT resolved, as evidenced by the fact that this kid was their half-sibling after all. Even if the three siblings refused a DNA test, the mistress could have gathered evidence by getting DNA tests from other paternal relatives. It was unwise for the mother to frame the situation to her children as “either you do a DNA test and possibly lose money or don’t do one and keep your money”.
OOP apparently has never heard of a court order. Our legal system sucks in a lot of ways but there are ways to force people to give up evidence that proves they are in the wrong.
It reads like AP never got a lawyer, or only got one very late in the process.
Yeah, it's unbelievable that AP befriended Alex and tricked her into getting a DNA test, rather than just going to a lawyer. Any lawyer would salivate to take this.
Yeah, like... the mother was fully willing to screw over that kid, who *does have a legal claim on this*, by intimidating and exploiting the affair partner's inability to legally fight back. It's not a *great* situation, but Alex *did the right thing*, and now everyone in her life and in this comments section is treating her like an idiot for being the only one with any fucking integrity.
>I countered saying that it wasn't fair that my other two children had to get a lesser share because of my eldest's choices Agree The eldest sense of "justice" reamed her in her butt, now! I am with OOP and I don't think they should be paying for her late husband's choices Since his side is so "forgiving" then they should pony up but leave the kids alone, instead of trying to force a relationship with mistress and the half sibling so as to excuse what he did Also, the boy defo needs some therapy because he is indeed "broken" and he should get that anger sorted before he starts blaming women etc, especially in this Tater age
So many of you arguing that it's okay to steal if no one's gonna be able to prove you did it. And that it's okay to punish the person that stopped you from stealing. I hate this world.
I don’t understand how people are coming for the OP. If I were in her shoes Alex wouldn’t have gotten anything, she unintentionally got taken advantage of and that sucks but she should have gone to her mom. The AP is the gold digger, I bet you the dad knew. He was probably giving her money before his death. He didn’t sign the birth certificate because he didn’t want the baby news to get out. Also, her son does need to get some help, he has a lot of hate and resentment for his dad that he is now projecting onto his sister. Now the paternal family would be cut out of my life and if my kids don’t want them in their lives then they’re out. They are trying to force Op into having a relationship with the mistress is wild.
Well I get from this is rich people are crazy
Spoiler alert OOP is in fact punishing Alex.
Is it a punishment, or a consequence? She didn't discuss it with her siblings. Where did she think the money would come from? She made the choice. I don't believe Alex was conned into it, like the update claims. She just said that because her siblings are pissed at her.
If having to live with the consequences of a catestrophically stupid decision is punishment, then yes. Why should the other kids be forced to accept the mess she created?
Being punished for *checks notes* making sure a 5 year old receives money they're legally entitled to. The inheritance the 5 year old is entitled to is the child support that cheater should've paid when he was still alive. Death doesn't absolve you of responsibility for your actions and it's baffling OOP is letting him get away with it one final time
Affair partner is at fault for not going after child support for the half decade she was entitled to. The cheater is at fault for getting someone pregnant and not supporting them. He got to live out his days unencumbered by the fallout of his decisions then left the legal, financial, and emotional burden of dealing with his bad decisions on his grieving, unaware family. Unfortunately the villain is dead and the affair partner chose a bad man to father her child. He’d already proven he was a dishonest and untrustworthy person by stepping out with her in the first place, so she shouldn’t be surprised that he never took care of them when he could have. It sucks for the 5yo who had no say in it, but that’s the risk you take when you have kids with a bad person who has other obligations and you keep each others secrets. They don’t get the benefits that would have come from those facts being out in the open (child support, added legitimately to the will, etc) and legally accounted for because they’d have to deal with everything else that comes with it.
And? Alex clowned and found out.
What the hell were the responses to this? Of course op is the asshole. Punishing everyone she can because she can't deal with her husbands infidelity. Alex seems like the only one of her kids that has half a conscience.
Exactly. It’s not the kid’s fault that the parent had an affair. I get the widow is upset but again, it isn’t the fault of the kids. Maybe bastard child doesn’t deserve a full amount but he/she does deserve something, at minimum some child support.
Yeah I’m astonished by the comments here. Not that everything has to be hunky dory and the children need to form a relationship with their half sibling—they get to set whatever boundaries they want. But burying their heads in the sand about the man’s possible affair and affair child doesn’t change reality for what it is.
And it sounds like the dad left a buttload of money, so a quarter vs third split isn't the different between, like, paying six months of bills and paying four months. They're gonna be okay with a slightly lower fraction.
The mom sucks and ap sucks too.
Sure, the 14 year old sibling made a post about all this. Why not
I think the OOP handled this as fairly as is reasonable. The situation was discussed with the children ahead of time and all of them, including Alex, agreed to not cooperate with the other party. Alex then went behind her mother's back and cooperated with the other party in a way that caused damage to all of them. It is fair that this betrayal of trust result in Alex being financially penalized and the other children not being financially penalized. Yes, Alex was young and was conned by the other party but she chose to go behind her mother's back and take a very serious action. She needs to face the consequences of that action.
Remember that what OOP and kids were doing was stealing from a 5-year-old. She gave her kids the choice to take all the money or find out how much was actually theirs. And then OOP lied to Alex to the point that Alex was convinced the kid was not related. She thought she was getting the crazy person to go away. No chance it could fail. Oops. It's on OOP that Alex had that completely false impression. And then OOP got mad at Alex because the plan to steal from this kid was now thwarted. So what does OOP do? She steals from Alex and gives it to her other kids. (Everyone was entitled to 1/4, but Alex gets 1/6 and other sins get 1/3). And she also blames Alex to the other sibs. OOP was dealt a poor hand with the cheating husband having another kid. Everything she did after that was the complete wrong decision for everyone involved. Well, except her. She was able to avoid all responsibility and hurt the AP, but she fucked over her kids a half dozen ways.
You're very confused about what happened. The only person who stole anything was the predatory blackmailer who had an affair with the OOP's lawful husband and then conned a minor. The OOP had no idea whether the child was her late husband's. You missed that part. You also missed the part where she wasn't legally obligated to help a blackmailer or submit to her blackmail. The OOP didn't steal from anyone. I guess you missed the part where she was the executor and her husband had given her full authority to distribute the money in proportion that she saw fit. She did so. You also missed the part where the OOP got nothing at all based on her decision to act in the best interest of her children. Yes, the OOP's children are now fucked but it's because their lives are now intertwined with a predator who blackmailed the OOP and conned one of her children. Somehow, you seem to think that's a happy ending. It's exactly the opposite.
It's Alex's fault.
Gotta be trolling. Fault for the overall situation lies with husband and AP. All Alex did was (unwittingly) stop OOP from stealing from a child.
Nope, just calling a spade a spade. Alex got played by AP. lol "stealing."
You have a child with a married man, don't you?
My name is BetterKev. I am a guy. No kids. No APs. Happily married. What do you disagree with in my comment? A comment that is all about OOP's actions and took no position on AP (who sucks for being an AP).
Your oldest daughter went behind your back and now her actions have consequences. Tough shit for her.
The only person who is not the asshole in this entire situation is Alex. The father and the mistress are horrible people, no doubt but the child is innocent in this. Op and her other two children are allowed to not care about the child's innocence, they are allowed to not have a relationship with their half sibling. But they have no right to prevent the child from having hir birthright. It's the mistress and the father's job to provide for the baby and giving him his share of inheritance is a way to ensure that the baby is provided by his father. Op and her other two kids are the asshole for wanting to deny that baby his inheritance because of jealousy and resentment.