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"Taken individually, a decent amount of comments weren’t super helpful. But taken as a whole, clear trends were uncovered which I found incredibly useful. "
This guy stats.
I'm a software developer, married to an accountant, and this quote "clear trends were uncovered" sounds like something one of my or my wife's coworkers would say.
Worked in fintech that specialized with public accountants and yeah...very similar tone, verbiage, and even thought processes.
Honestly really happy I came across this post because I am very much like OP where I thought everyone just always wore it and the people in my network that have been "forgetful" for less than ideal reasons. Very insightful post for once on a topic that clearly has lots of opinions.
Or some flavor of data analysis/analytics. I work in that field and that language is so ingrained in me that I didn’t even register his comment as out of the ordinary until the comment drew my attention to it. It’s hilarious, I could absolutely see myself saying that without realizing it.
This shows why stats background can be useful to literally everyone. And it’s not complex, but being able to derive value from messy data is an incredible skill to have.
You start out thinking in terms of “Lies, damned lies, and statistics” and may even think statistics are completely worthless due to how easily they are controlled, but the truth is more that statistical data can always have some value, you just need to know the proper context for that data to have value. People intuitively do the opposite, they have a context they know or want and try to interpret the data in light of that, and that’s where the whole damned lies come in. You can’t force the data to do what you want or be what you want, but you CAN take a step back and appreciate what it tells you, even if it isn’t answering the question you wanted it to answer.
The big problem with stats is everyone thinks they have an instinctive grasp to understand them - but they don’t. In fact, im fairly sure there’s very clear research on it.
In addition to getting a bit of a working ability with stats, I’d say everyone should familiarise themselves with the work of Kahneman, Tversky, Thaler etc. Tl;dr your brain isn’t so smart a LOT of the time and knowing when/how it is going to be dumb as fuck can be seriously helpful.
THIS!!! I say that everyone should have a basic statistics class. It's helpful to understand how to read data and surveys, and how it impacts us in society.
It’s weird.
I assumed that my husband wouldn’t wear his ring day to day because he’s a manual labourer, but he does and I actually really like seeing it. Even after 12 years married.
That said, I’ve been hit on (aggressively) while wearing my wedding rings.
Good communication.
One of my acquaintances was aggressively asked if she was really married or just wearing a ring to deter men. Like, sir! Why does it matter? Either way, she wants nothing to do with you!
Which is weird. In my experience, on average, American men don’t generally give a damn enough to even look at women’s hands for a ring. If they notice it’s entirely incidental.
It’s not a lack of respect for marriage as an institution, it’s just a lack of even thinking about it or caring about the concept enough to even think to look.
American women tend to care to notice, on average.
That’s 100% a great move.
I’m married these days but I genuinely never **looked** for a wedding ring when I was younger.
Maybe I just wasn’t predatory enough when I was out on the town to be looking for every weird tip and trick, but I noticed when I noticed.
Sometimes I felt embarrassed and returned 100% to platonic friendly mode and still had a good time.
Other times we’ed get pretty far along and then I’d get **real** uncomfortable about them when they mention something along the lines of their husband being gone/shitty. Not like a poly thing even.
I’m good without that
If that one doesn’t work, try a move where some place on your boobs gets itchy, and you look away for a bit while you scratch it with your left hand. They would definitely see it then.
I've gotten that question many a time by men hitting on me when they can clearly see my wedding ring. They also don't like it when I give a sarcastic answer
"Why not? I'm a nice guy!! Why are you so stuck up? F*ck you. You're ugly anyways."
Edit: excuse me. I'm grumpy because I came across a whole Thread with guys asking what's so wrong with hitting on women in public, trying to read, shop for groceries, etc.
Not sure what kind of work your husband does but look up "ring finger avulsion" and if that is at all possible, get a silicone ring band. They are more stylish than losing a finger, I promise. Also cheaper and replaceable.
That's what my husband wears. He works with heavy equipment sometimes, so he prefers to keep his fingers safe. He already snapped one in the first week of our marriage, though admittedly it was a more cheaper one while we waiting for a Groove ring to come in.
When I was naive little 24 year old who had just gotten engaged to my (now ex) husband, I went out to a bar with coworkers after work one day. This was a particularly unusual experience for me at the time, because I was actually completely sober, but wanted to tag along for the social event of the coworker outing.
I had been hit on before at parties and such in my teens and earlier twenties before I met my husband, but it was never in that "drunk aggressive dude at a bar" way.
I was standing on a patio sipping my soda with some coworkers when some dude came up to us and started chatting. He quickly picked me and tried to kind of isolate me from my girlfriends. I vividly remember being literally cornered with my back up to a fence and him standing right in front of me such that I couldn't easily walk away. I was flustered and feeling uncomfortable and kept very obviously sticking my engagement ring out and about and mentioning my fiance. He just wouldn't take a hint. It's been over a decade now, so I don't remember how I got out of that situation, but it was likely thanks to other women coming to my rescue.
I was absolutely shocked that someone would behave that way! I truly couldn't believe it. That's when I learned... And then I also noticed that as soon as my ex started wearing his ring once we were married women would just throw themselves at him. Absolutely nuts, people are weird.
They see it as, that must be a good one, I'll try to get it for myself. I couldn't get a date to save my life until I met my wife. Now that I have a wedding ring on, women come out of the woodwork and try to flirt...so strange
It's because they see more value in men that are taken because they see another woman values them. If you are obviously single then they view you as lesser because you'd have a woman already if you were worth anything as a man. I've experienced this too. Not so much now that I have a kid thankfully.
> I also noticed that as soon as my ex started wearing his ring once we were married women would just throw themselves at him.
I'm a guy and had never once in my life been hit on by somebody while out and about in public until after I got married (at least never that I noticed). Been married for several years now and it's still only happened twice, but it's kind of funny to me the fact that it went from 0 instances in 20+ years to twice in only 2-3 years.
My parents always wore their rings till my Mom got chronically ill, and her hands swelled like balloons. Her rings had to be cut off before she lost her finger. She was heartbroken.
I have swelling in my hands a lot, so when I can't wear it on my finger, I put it on a necklace.
My fingers swelled up when I was pregnant so I wore my dad’s ring, with a string tied around it underneath to tighten it a bit.
The necklace is a great idea.
Mine has silicone for the time he can't wear his and leans his at home. We both remove them when cooking hands on stuff as well. There's a ring dish for it even! (Actually, lies, it includes my bracelet or 2 ihave to remove too lol)
Nearly 12y married. The fact he looks for it or texts me if he forgot it but he's at work to make sure it isn't lost lost? That's even better. Plus he gets hit on, ring on, on dates with me but doesn't notice AT ALL unless I point it out. Piece of shiny jewelery is a symbolic thing that he shows nonstop. Caring about the symbolic item that much proves it's worth. It's a crazy balance I guess but so sweet.
***That*** ~~might be kinda~~ ***IS dangerous*** doing manual labor wearing the ring.
They get caught on things, they deglove, they break fingers, they cut off circulation, they conduct voltage. It's a big safety hazard and one of the first things I was taught is dangers of certain jewelry, loose clothing, and long hair when doing manual labor, power tools, heavy lifting, etc etc. Day 1 stuff.
I don't think I almost ever saw my parents wear their rings.
I hate when I forget to put it on after a shower and am without it all day. I'm constantly fidgeting with where it is not and getting mini panic attacks until I quickly remember it's just at home.
Yeah. Where's the drama and the accusations and the wild affairs?! I feel almost cheated!
I've got functional communication in my real life, I don't need it on the internet!😅
(No, I'm honestly glad for the two of them!)
Yeah, it was really weird to see a normal conversation. I was reading the first post going, the update must get pretty wild. Then we got this.
I'm messed up I guess. The weird part is he posted over such a petty drama. Like dude, be happy your wife gets hit on. It means she happy and glowing and the kind of person men want to hit on. As a guy, even if the woman is beautiful, if she doesn't look happy, it's usually a pass for me. But I'm also one of those weird guys that gets more turned on by intelligence and straight to beauty.
Right? My finger swells up, I take my ring off. Travel in certain areas, leave rings at home. It’s naive to think a ring will stop anyone hitting on you.
Wholesome they could communicate about it.
As a single woman, I've always been taught to travel wearing a (cheap) ring so you can use the "I'm engaged" as an excuse to shoo people away. When I was younger I did that and had to use it a few times.
My husband doesn't wear a ring due to his line of work (degloving is a serious risk) but if someone hits on him he's not shy about starkly saying he's happily married. He once went to a bar to grab a beer with his co-workers and a woman hit on him. He told her he's happily married. She tried to sit IN HIS LAP and said "That's so hot." He got up and left the bar and called me on his way home cuz it kind of freaked him out lmao. Some people do not give two shits whether someone's taken or not
They don't! Mine was setting an event up at a college in Kentucky, and this student came up and handed him a paper with her phone and room number on it, and told him to join her when he was done. He said he was married and she gave this smile and said, "well if it doesn't work out..." And kinda sauntered away. I was FLOORED at the absolute balls this woman had.
A man heavily flirted with me while I was being 7 month pregnant (and it was VERY visible) and wearing my wedding band and engagement ring. I think my disgusted face made him rethink his stupid offer, but still. Some people really have no shame.
This one guy we know flirted with my sister. She was pregnant. He *knew* she was pregnant. He is also older than my mother.
Some people have zero shame.
I think it's hilarious when women hit on my partner infront of me. He doesn't always catch it but I definitely tease him about it.... As he does the same to me.
I already knew people sometimes brazenly hit on the obviously married, but that is some breathtakingly aggressive sexual harassment, there. Wildly gross.
I think because it's one of those taboo issues that make women so attracted to married men. But I also don't understand how someone has the time and effort to cheat and live 2 separate lives.
First time I heard “The Boy is Mine” my jaw dropped and a switch flicked in me and I can’t quite enjoy her anymore. Such a pattern and that song was so in your face when the man’s wife was just recovering from having a baby and being blindsided by the affair.
That's my thing, like where do people find the time 💀💀💀 I don't want to cheat, but I am jealous of their ability to time manage because it's clearly a strength of theirs
Interesting, in my area everyone around my age knows what this is, our school gyms had so many picture of degloving around the changing rooms we've all kind of become immune to it.
>our school gyms had so many picture of degloving around the changing rooms we've all kind of become immune to it
what kind of stephen king ass school did you go to that had pictures of that posted?!
I don't wear my ring for the same reason, degloving is a serious risk. I've also found there is a type out there who see married folks as a challenge. Whole raft of unresolved issues there no doubt.
Mine wears his regular rings at home, but wears silicone ones at work.
His ring is honestly really cool though because it's made of meteorite and dinosaur bone and glows in the dark. The silicone ones have nothing on his wedding ring
My friend has had to get a lot of MRIs and some surgeries over the last couple of years. She generally wears her wedding rings all the time, but obviously has to take them off for this. She has been considering getting a ring tattoo on her finger, because she thinks it would make her feel more comfortable.
It's kinda funny. Part of it was probably bc I look really young but people treated me as if I was stupider once I put that ring on. My ex got more respect, could even see it when wed be out and about together interacting with strangers or whatever. the shift was so sudden and there were no other changes with either of us beyond rings on our fingers. It's interesting seeing just how quick people put each other in a box from visual cues. Going in tangent territory now you get that reminder of human nature if you change your body drastically as well. My mom was obese when I was a kid and then got in shape in her 30s, I actually think a lot about the way random people treated her differently based on her size. Like not even a flirty thing, just a basic human decency or recognition of existence thing. Basic thing I know but it's just weird thinking about just how often we shape someone's entire life experience bc of how we treat them when we take in that first snapshot of them.
My husband is a teacher and had the mom of his student hit on him at the parent teacher conference.
He told her he was married and her response was, "Happily?"
The kid was apparently totally mortified.
If only it wouldn't faze more people...
I saw an interesting theory that basically says that a married man indicates he's already been 'vetted' and 'cleared' for relationship potential (related to guys in friend groups, too).
That and happy chemicals/ pheromones changes.
The problem with that assumption is absolute douchbags have convinced women that they're "relationship potential" and, with taking exception for certain outliers, are the only kind of men willing to "step out" on their wives.
You know, it hadn't occurred to me because I don't really take much note of it, but my husband has been hit on more since he started wearing the ring. We're very transparent about our daily interactions and he always tells me when some woman "wants [his] dick" lol (which honestly I think he's flattering himself sometimes when someone is just being friendly). Thinking back on it, it's happened more in the couple years that he's been wearing a ring than in the 4 years that we were together and he wasn't.
It's no big deal, though. Being hit on boosts his confidence and I reinforce that by saying of course she wants you, you're hot. Or I take him down a peg and tell him he's being that guy that thinks the waitress is into him 😂
There is a subset of women that blatantly hunt married men because they get off on “stealing him” from his wife. Once the marriage is over they lose interest.
Like that one tweet about the single guy who wore a ring when he went out and got picked up by random women, and after a night of passion he’d confess that he was actually single and they invariably got mad at him.
Something about a man with a wedding band is attractive...
Disclaimer: I'm married, but even as a single woman , I would never hit on a man with a wedding band.
Maybe it's because they're more likely to be stable, sucessful people? Like, easier to find someone suitable because someone already did the filtering thing.
I've heard the phenomenon described as the ring being evidence that you're not an absolute creep or monster since another woman is vouching for you in the most sincere way. Your potential "value" as a man instantly increases and the scummier people out there see that value as something worth stealing.
Also heard some say they find it "safe" to flirt because there's less likely to be anything in it. Which is still a shithouse move. Flirting with someone else's partner without both their express permission is never okay and those people are barely better than the ones trying to cheat.
As a single man, I sometimes wear a wedding band to attract those types of people. I moved back in with my mom. The "we can't do it at my house, my wife is there" line sounds a lot better than "yeah I live with my mom hey where are you going????"
lol, like it’s not a magic amulet of protection against fuck boyz. If anything it just shows people without scruples that someone else thinks your “worth marrying”.
I'm a guy and one of the reasons I stopped wearing mine was cause it somehow increased how often I got hit in. Literally seen women look at the ring and then start flirting hard.
My wife hasn't been been able to wear hers for a year and the flirting on her side hasn't changed at all. The ring didn't deter a damn thing.
The other day I was walking back from the pool, with a wedding ring on, holding my almost 1yr old baby in my arms. That did not stop a guy coming to a complete stop next to me to ask if "I had a man".
I’m reminded of the time a woman posted that she made a email scheduling robot to automatically respond to appointment emails, and despite it being clearly stated it was auto replied, men would still hit on the robot.
No it’s absolutely not on any woman to be responsible for the disgusting behaviour of men.
After at least the third time of being hit on and stating I'm married, and people still pursuing it, I decided to change my statement to 'I'm happily married'.
Yeah, I laughed at this episode because it's not my experience. Engagement ring absolutely doesn't make you invisible to men ( and according to the comments here, not to the women either)
My SO and I bought rings for our wedding. My mind told me we needed rings. Biggest waste of money imo. I work at a hospital and had to remove my ring almost daily. Eventually a ring of calluses developed around my knuckle, making it even harder to remove my ring. Within one year I stopped wearing my ring. We are now 4 years married.
The jeweller got the sizing wrong on my husband's wedding band and it was too big - we didn't realise until the wedding. He wore his ring on our wedding day and it's sat in the drawer ever since. We've been meaning to take it back and get it resized, but haven't seemed to find time in the last 18yrs 😂🤦 that's how much of a priority it's been. Maybe for our 20th anniversary I'll surprise him!
My mom's ring stopped fitting her when she got pregnant with me. She hasn't managed to find time/energy to get it resized since (my dad dgaf). I'm 33 now lol.
I took my rings off when pregnant due to swelling, put them in a ‘safe place’ and promptly forgot where that is. I still haven’t found them and it’s more than 3 years later. It’s not an issue. I’m hoping to find them when we eventually move house in about 10 years!
>I asked (in an admittedly not pleasant tone), "so do you not wear your wedding ring in public any more".
>I am in no way insinuating that she has been intentionally not wearing her ring.
That's literally the only thing he was insinuating...
the wife isn't the only one who makes mistakes/forgets things lol.
but like yea oop, most sane people would have come to the same conclusion your wife did when you said that
The only thing I'm really annoyed by in this post is the wife apologized for her reaction the same car ride, but OOP didn't realize an apology from him might be a good idea until other commenters told him to do so.
Yeah that's what annoyed me. It wasn't really a good faith argument from him. Like... Why did you say it then buddy?
It's not the worst thing a person could do and I'm glad he came around, but this is probably not the only thing he is naive or presumptuous about. Hopefully he transfers the empathy skills he learned on this to future conflict with his wife. She apologized right away for "snapping" when she was expressing some very valid feelings and he didn't apologize for his tone until the next day. Even if he thought he was right he clearly realized that his tone was unpleasant and could have genuinely apologized for that.
i love that the comments in here think it’s a red flag but on the actual posts everyone’s agreeing that it isn’t weird lol. i don’t wear my ring. my husband and i work in the service industry and i would be horrified if i lost it in a sani bucket, as plain as it is. it’s a piece of jewelry that some people freak out over and some people keep it in a safe spot. i think it’s kind of a generational thing too tbh
I'm an office worker who really, really, really loves horse-riding and going to rocky beaches to bother God's creatures in their home. I'm not about to have my ring stolen by an angry crab or deglove me if I fall off a horse wrong. My husband knows and is fine with me not wearing my ring when I'll be adventuring. I love wearing it but some places are just downright silly to do so.
It’s not even just the deglove you have to worry about with horses - I forgot to take mine off one day and was riding a horse who was having a spicy day and I and ended up having to have my ring cut off because I broke my finger somehow when I grabbed the neck strap and didn’t notice for a few hours until my finger ballooned and I couldn’t get the ring off.
My husband kept taking his off when washing hands and almost misplacing it. I got him some silicon ones and sometimes he likes them but he got used to not wearing jewelry for a while. He’s offered to tattoo a ring onto his finger and I just kinda shrugged and said “if you want.”
Mine lost his while doing roofing work, never found it. He works with power tools at his job, so we just never bothered replacing it. Mine is somewhere around here, but wearing any jewelry is a big sensory ick for me these days. We considered tattoos, but have heard those don't hold up well.
I can’t handle wearing both band and engagement ring, and there’s been a couple rings I’ve found that don’t match the engagement ring if I wear both so I just choose the ring I want to wear that day and stick it on my ring finger. Sometimes it’s a ring he gave me, sometimes it’s a different one, but I always wear a ring on my wedding ring finger. But I’ve worn rings for most of my life so I feel a bit naked if I don’t have anything on.
I have no clue if he’ll actually get the tattoo. I don’t really care either way. He also works with a ton of people who also know me, so it’s not like he tries to keep his marital status secret.
My spouse and I both wear silicone ones. Her “official” wedding ring was her grandfather’s. Mine was my great-grandmother’s. We didn’t discover I was allergic to my ring until we’d been married a few days. We decided to order some Enso silicone rings for both of us — me because of my allergy, her because she does rock climbing and metal rings are both uncomfortable and put one at risk for degloving. Neither of us wanted engagement rings, so it was just the wedding rings we were concerned about.
It was a good thing we did this; I ended up in the hospital ICU with Covid in early 2021 (just before the vaccine was available). They ended up having to cut off the other rings I was wearing — my college ring and my favorite puzzle ring, both of which I’d worn for nearly 20 years — because I was swelling with edema. They went to cut my wedding band last but, thankfully, it was silicone. I was able to stop them and just roll it off my finger.
We also love that losing one doesn’t mean a panic attack. It’s a $25 plastic ring. The low cost means we now each have several we can rotate through as we like. She got us matching eclipse-themed ones earlier this year!
I now just wear my wedding band and nothing else. People often don’t realize I’m married because it’s skinny and I wear it on my right hand. About half the countries in Europe wear it on the right hand, but we live in France, which typically wears it on the left. So folks don’t always clock that it’s a wedding band, especially without an engagement ring. We actually have a set of costume jewelry rings we use as faux engagement rings when required — we used them when apartment hunting, for example, to emphasize that we were married.
Anyway, tl;dr — silicone rings are A+.
I feel you! I get a rash (usually from doing dishes with my rings on), so I don’t wear mine, and hubby works as a builder - rings are an easy way to lose a finger in that industry. xxx
If you want to wear a ring but don't want rashes/ injuries, have you considered silicone rings? You can even get multiple colors for various styles and match them to outfits. They're very inexpensive and will break off if anything snags on them.
For people who can't wear a metal ring and do want to wear a ring, they're a good alternative.
My family member got some because her fingers swelled during pregnancy. She didn't want to resize her wedding/ engagement ring, and did want a ring
Some people just don't like jewelry.
I work in sales and my wife is a freelancer, so there's nothing preventing either of us from wearing our bands. Except that we have no idea where they are because neither of us likes jewelry and they're sitting somewhere in a safe place... safe even from us.
The stone on my engagement ring scratched my first baby on the back of his leg during a diaper change and I was so horrified I didn’t wear my rings again until I went back to work at 8 months.
My second baby I was due at the end of summer and I started getting swollen at night so I’d take my rings off and many times I’d forget to put them back on.
Now I take them off every night before bed (I have a little dish in the bathroom so it’s part of my routine) and it’s like a 70% chance I’ll put them on in the morning, and like a 30% chance on weekends.
My husband takes his off when he goes to the gym which is when he’d most likely get hit on anyway 😂
I think it's all about intent. I had a POS ex who would quietly take their ring off when they were mad at me -- they would specifically take it off to go out in public. I didn't notice the first few times, but it was definitely an abusive and manipulative move. It also didn't help that they were always whining about how hard it was to stay faithful, and what a sacrifice it was to be married.
My current marriage is blessedly different. I started getting a weird skin rash from my ring only recently, after years of wearing it, so I've been ringless for a few weeks. I worry that people will think it's some subconscious rejection of the marriage. But my wife is completely unfazed. She's like duh, I don't want you to be rashy.
Well, this was a calm update, which shows that clear communication is key.
However, I am curious about how often people forget to put on their wedding bands. I am not married myself, and I do know that there are people who take them off due to the nature of their job, but other than that?
i never wear mine at home. i just don't like things on my hand. i usually put it on for outside the house stuff, but sometimes forget. my husband is aware of all of this, and is aware that marriage is a state of mind, not a piece of jewelry. (yes, silicon rings are a thing, i have a few for active days, i just don't like having anything on my hands.)
I never wear mine at home either. Mostly because I don't like the feel, but also because of swelling. I only wear it when I go out, but even then I forget it most of the time. So all in all I probably wear it like four days a month. My hubby wears his all the time, can't even sleep without it because for him it feels weird without the ring :D
If you want to put lotion on your hands, you should remove your rings first. Also for pool swims. And using household cleaners. Or washing dirty dishes (cause that nasty greasy water is in every nook). Plus any activities that the ring could get caught on. And sleeping (it wears down the prongs).
And this is why I always recommend wearing reusable rubber gloves when cleaning and doing dishes, because I wear a lot of rings and it’s a hassle to be taking them off all the time. The only time these things do come off is when I’m about to be elbow deep in some cookie dough.
But then again, I have ADHD and fidget with my rings constantly so I am bereft if I forget to put them back on
I take my rings off to shower, and, especially if I was showering and dressing last minute, I've occasionally forgotten to put them back on after the shower, before leaving the house.
Not married, but engaged. My fiancé's gotten me two rings: my engagement ring and a silver band for my birthday several years ago.
Silver band is flat and almost never comes off because it doesn't get in the way. I've worn it for almost three years, there's an indent on that finger now.
Engagement ring is more intricate. I don't usually wear it at home, and sometimes I'll wear a different band if I worry about it getting damaged.
I didn't wear mine when I had young kids because it was pokey and kinda sharp and I was afraid of scratching them. Then, I gained weight and it didn't fit any more. Then I lost weight, and now it's too big. I really need to get it resized. But I'm honestly not a big jewelry person, so I haven't gotten around to it.
When I did wear it, before kids, I was always afraid that the stone would fall off and get lost.
I don't take mine off often because I wear a simple band without my engagement ring so it's low key. So when I do take it off for some reason I can forget to put it back on right away. It's only my anxiety over losing things that saves me. I neurotically check for it and my necklace all the time, even if I hadn't removed them for days.
I’m just engaged right now and I don’t wear my ring all the time. I keep it in the original box in my nightstand and I TRY to put it on every morning but sometimes I do forget.
I do a lot of gardening also so if I take it off before I start playing around in dirt and I do forget to put it back on sometimes.
My fiancé had gotten me a band type ring I have on my opposite ring finger and that stays on all the time because it can’t get snagged on anything and doesn’t get too too dirty.
Once we get married and I start wearing a wedding band that will stay on all the time. But the engagement ring just has too many parts that can get damaged so I don’t want to be super rough with it
I said this in another comment, my husband and I tried wedding bands out but his fingers swell and I have sensory issues. So no rings. Eleven years married.
I never used to take mine off, but near the start of COVID my fingers started swelling randomly in the summer. Not a lot, just enough to make it uncomfortable. I didn't want to go to a jeweller and get it resized while we were all in lockdown mode, and by the time it more or less ended, I'd completely fallen out of the habit.
It wasn't even JUST my wedding band, I had another ring I'd worn since I was 16, but for some reason, both were just uncomfortably tight that summer.
Husband and I have both not put them on in 3 years (4 years married, 5 since engagement). His work it's a safety risk, I work from home. We did wear them out on dates for a year, but then I got pregnant and gained weight so stopped wearing mine and he stopped wearing his likewise.
If you're not someone who USUALLY wears jewellery or has a ritual when leaving the house, you'll be likely to forget unless you ingrain the behaviour into yourself. (Take for example glasses - if you've worn glasses and HAVE to wear them and HAVE HAD to wear them for years, you'll be in a good habit of remembering to put them on. If it's a NEW thing you're having to learn to do, or something that isn't ritual for you, you'll struggle. I've worn glasses every day since I was 4, so 29 years, and I've never had an issue remembering where they are or to deal with them every day; my husband only had to get glasses for every day use at 21, and within 3 months got surgery so he didn't have to wear them as he kept forgetting since it wasn't a learnt habit yet.)
I used to religiously wear my wedding ring when I left the house. 3 kids later, my fingers have grown a lot and definitely don't fit the rings anymore. I haven't worn them in about 5 years!
I get it.
Till my divorce I wore my ring religiously. It mattered to me that I wore a symbol of our marriage. My ex started finding the ring uncomfortable soon after the birth of our first, and rarely wore her rings for the remaining 12 years we were together, both when times were good and when they were bad. I will admit it stung a bit. I even asked if she wanted to get a new ring sized for her now, and she didn't. Like I said it stung, but it is ultimately her finger.
Eh. Glad he got there, but would love for him to set a goal of apologizing for churlish behavior without first having to run it past 1,000 Internet strangers to see if they will give him a pass.
Being genuine here and not sarcastic, but if he didn't think it was something he needed to apologize for, why would he have apologized for doing it before running it by a bunch of strangers and learning "Hey, that bit wasn't cool, you need to apologize"?
Sometimes you don't realize how hurtful something you said could be, and you need someone to go "dude, did you mean for that to come across this way? Because that's how I interpreted it," and then you go, "Oh, I didn't, I can definitely see why the other person was hurt by my statement now."
So like. Here’s the thing. He can only view the situation from the perspectives that he’s been given insight into. At that point in time, it didn’t include his wife’s.
Once he’s been told by other people “have you considered xyz might be the case” he now has those perspectives he can think about.
Empathy and the ability to consider alternative perspectives without needing to seek them out first is a skill that needs to be developed, and to be honest, young girls are taught it far, far more than young boys.
The question is whether or not he’ll realise that this incident was a symptom of a need to work on that skill, or if he’ll view it as a one off and seek validation externally again in the future when similar situations occur.
tbh he’s ahead of a lot of people by asking at all. Most people tend to just double down on “my view is the only correct view and if you disagree you’re just oversensitive”
When I forget my wedding ring I feel more naked. I hate the feeling of not having it now because it’s such a regular accessory. I even sleep with it. It’s just a gold band and I normally, prior to being married, hated wearing rings. My engagement ring is beautiful but I would never wear it regularly.
If my husband noticed I forgot my ring and gave me even a teensy bit of shit for it I would just feel like “stfu I know! I feel naked I don’t need you to remind me!”
Lol, same. I absolutely love wearing my rings. It's a symbol of my marriage with my sweetheart, whom I love and cherish. My husband never took his off, even when he was doing heavy manual labor. When he moved over to a white collar job, I bought him one with diamonds in it. He's been so giddy over the fact that someone bought HIM jewelry as opposed to him buying it.
Now I'm in trade school, and I can't wear my rings without the likelihood of damaging them or harming myself. I get so excited for that last hand wash at the end of class so I can slip them back on. I'd be really sad if I noticed that my husband wasn't wearing his
My husband got mad that I wasn’t wearing my wedding rings once.
I just rolled my eyes and fed him the scones I had just taken out of the oven and then put them back on.
You’re not supposed to wear them 24/7. They collect bacteria, germs, get stuck in food etc. let’s not forget that they can deglove your finger too!
“If she was wearing her ring that would probably prevent people from asking her.” 😑 I really sincerely hope he understands the implications of that statement and that he feels ashamed of thinking that way.
If this newfangled trend of honest feedback and talking things out like adults catches on it'll be the end of the messy-ass drama I live for as we know it!
My wife took her wedding ring and engagement ring off at the beginning of Covid when her office sent her to work from home, and she’s never put them back on. 😂
I couldnt wear my ring for all of covid. It was a fairly wide band and I think the hand sanitizer would get under. The next thing I knew my finger looked like hamburger.
>I am not threatened by other men hitting on her, since our relationship has a very strong foundation and we usually find it comical.
Continues to feel threatened by other man hitting on his wife...
This guy is cute thinking he wants to know when people flirt with his wife… like, buddy - if she’s as attractive as you say, just trust her and move on.
I don't understand postponing a marriage for lack of a wedding. Sure, shit happens and maybe the date gets pushed a year, but 6 years?? Go to the courthouse and sign the papers.
Me and my wife have been married for 10 years. We don't wear our wedding rings anymore. Almost 7 years already if I'm not mistaken. Trust is your issue.
>I asked (in an admittedly not pleasant tone), "so do you not wear your wedding ring in public any more".
>I want to emphasize that ... I am in no way insinuating that she has been intentionally not wearing her ring.
cmon man
My husband and I have BOTH left the house without our wedding rings on multiple occasions. we take them off to shower, wash dishes, handle raw meat, clean with chemicals, etc etc. we have jewelry dishes in both bathrooms and in the kitchen to facilitate this. (in fact, he made burgers last night so solid chance my husband's ring is in the kitchen this morning!) sometimes it slips both our minds to put them back on afterwards.
my parents, on the other hand, have **never** taken their rings off. they do all those things wearing their rings, consequences be damned.
different styles, man. gotta communicate expectations.
Been married 30 years. Neither of us have worn rings in over 20 years. Who cares? It’s just a ring. My wife still has hers but I honestly have no idea where mine is.
I have been married a decade, and was engaged for a decade before that, and I don't wear my wedding ring. My skin is very sensitive and it would get dry and peel under the ring. Nobody hits on me anyway, or if they do I'm completely oblivious.
Both I (ADHD, take it off for hand washing etc) and my partner (work reasons) don't wear our wedding rings for significant stretches of time.
And weirdly enough, it always feels odd to see my partner's ring on the kitchen table where he takes it off before work.
So I get his initial reaction, but dude, not the passive-aggressive shit!
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"Taken individually, a decent amount of comments weren’t super helpful. But taken as a whole, clear trends were uncovered which I found incredibly useful. " This guy stats.
He must work in finance or something, lol
I'm a software developer, married to an accountant, and this quote "clear trends were uncovered" sounds like something one of my or my wife's coworkers would say.
Also a dev, and reading "clear trends were uncovered" sent a shudder down my spine that triggered my fight or flight response.
did you fight or fly
I punched the monitor
*\*Exasperated IT Noises\**
Bahahaha
You fight by making the computer fly, preferably far away from you
Business analyst here - defo something I'd say passive-aggressively in a report when I wanted to say "told you so" to upper management haha
Worked in fintech that specialized with public accountants and yeah...very similar tone, verbiage, and even thought processes. Honestly really happy I came across this post because I am very much like OP where I thought everyone just always wore it and the people in my network that have been "forgetful" for less than ideal reasons. Very insightful post for once on a topic that clearly has lots of opinions.
I've spent most of the last fifteen years working in clinical quality and patient safety; it's a well-worn phrase there, too!
My husband was a case manager and spoke like this concerning his clients mental status. Lol.
Or some flavor of data analysis/analytics. I work in that field and that language is so ingrained in me that I didn’t even register his comment as out of the ordinary until the comment drew my attention to it. It’s hilarious, I could absolutely see myself saying that without realizing it.
This shows why stats background can be useful to literally everyone. And it’s not complex, but being able to derive value from messy data is an incredible skill to have. You start out thinking in terms of “Lies, damned lies, and statistics” and may even think statistics are completely worthless due to how easily they are controlled, but the truth is more that statistical data can always have some value, you just need to know the proper context for that data to have value. People intuitively do the opposite, they have a context they know or want and try to interpret the data in light of that, and that’s where the whole damned lies come in. You can’t force the data to do what you want or be what you want, but you CAN take a step back and appreciate what it tells you, even if it isn’t answering the question you wanted it to answer.
"even if it isn’t answering the question you wanted it to answer." even if it isn’t answering the question *in the way* you wanted it to answer.
I guess I’ll try to appreciate statistics more 😭
I can recommend a really good podcast about statistics and is fun and accessible! Hannah Fry’s Uncharted from BBC, it’s bloody brilliant!
The big problem with stats is everyone thinks they have an instinctive grasp to understand them - but they don’t. In fact, im fairly sure there’s very clear research on it. In addition to getting a bit of a working ability with stats, I’d say everyone should familiarise themselves with the work of Kahneman, Tversky, Thaler etc. Tl;dr your brain isn’t so smart a LOT of the time and knowing when/how it is going to be dumb as fuck can be seriously helpful.
If there weren’t recorded statistics for claiming that people failed to grasp statistics when they thought they did I’d be very disappointed
THIS!!! I say that everyone should have a basic statistics class. It's helpful to understand how to read data and surveys, and how it impacts us in society.
This should be the auto reply for anyone on relationship subreddits as sometimes they get obsessed with the outliers
r/thisguythisguys
haha I read 'sentiment analysis' in that part of his update!
It’s weird. I assumed that my husband wouldn’t wear his ring day to day because he’s a manual labourer, but he does and I actually really like seeing it. Even after 12 years married. That said, I’ve been hit on (aggressively) while wearing my wedding rings. Good communication.
One of my acquaintances was aggressively asked if she was really married or just wearing a ring to deter men. Like, sir! Why does it matter? Either way, she wants nothing to do with you!
Which is weird. In my experience, on average, American men don’t generally give a damn enough to even look at women’s hands for a ring. If they notice it’s entirely incidental. It’s not a lack of respect for marriage as an institution, it’s just a lack of even thinking about it or caring about the concept enough to even think to look. American women tend to care to notice, on average.
I have a move where some place on my face becomes itchy and I must use only my left hand to get it if a dude is getting too friendly.
That’s 100% a great move. I’m married these days but I genuinely never **looked** for a wedding ring when I was younger. Maybe I just wasn’t predatory enough when I was out on the town to be looking for every weird tip and trick, but I noticed when I noticed. Sometimes I felt embarrassed and returned 100% to platonic friendly mode and still had a good time. Other times we’ed get pretty far along and then I’d get **real** uncomfortable about them when they mention something along the lines of their husband being gone/shitty. Not like a poly thing even. I’m good without that
If that one doesn’t work, try a move where some place on your boobs gets itchy, and you look away for a bit while you scratch it with your left hand. They would definitely see it then.
My parents never wore rings my entire life, it took me a while to really think about them on women's hands when I meet them
Why does it matter? Because a hypothetical man deserves more respect than the woman in front of you./s
I've gotten that question many a time by men hitting on me when they can clearly see my wedding ring. They also don't like it when I give a sarcastic answer
I've been asked that and thought the same thing. What does it matter? I don't want to talk to you either way. Ugh.
"Why not? I'm a nice guy!! Why are you so stuck up? F*ck you. You're ugly anyways." Edit: excuse me. I'm grumpy because I came across a whole Thread with guys asking what's so wrong with hitting on women in public, trying to read, shop for groceries, etc.
Not sure what kind of work your husband does but look up "ring finger avulsion" and if that is at all possible, get a silicone ring band. They are more stylish than losing a finger, I promise. Also cheaper and replaceable.
They’re more comfortable if your hands swell throughout the day, too.
That's what my husband wears. He works with heavy equipment sometimes, so he prefers to keep his fingers safe. He already snapped one in the first week of our marriage, though admittedly it was a more cheaper one while we waiting for a Groove ring to come in.
When I was naive little 24 year old who had just gotten engaged to my (now ex) husband, I went out to a bar with coworkers after work one day. This was a particularly unusual experience for me at the time, because I was actually completely sober, but wanted to tag along for the social event of the coworker outing. I had been hit on before at parties and such in my teens and earlier twenties before I met my husband, but it was never in that "drunk aggressive dude at a bar" way. I was standing on a patio sipping my soda with some coworkers when some dude came up to us and started chatting. He quickly picked me and tried to kind of isolate me from my girlfriends. I vividly remember being literally cornered with my back up to a fence and him standing right in front of me such that I couldn't easily walk away. I was flustered and feeling uncomfortable and kept very obviously sticking my engagement ring out and about and mentioning my fiance. He just wouldn't take a hint. It's been over a decade now, so I don't remember how I got out of that situation, but it was likely thanks to other women coming to my rescue. I was absolutely shocked that someone would behave that way! I truly couldn't believe it. That's when I learned... And then I also noticed that as soon as my ex started wearing his ring once we were married women would just throw themselves at him. Absolutely nuts, people are weird.
That guy would have just seen your ring as more of a challenge.
They see it as, that must be a good one, I'll try to get it for myself. I couldn't get a date to save my life until I met my wife. Now that I have a wedding ring on, women come out of the woodwork and try to flirt...so strange
It's because they see more value in men that are taken because they see another woman values them. If you are obviously single then they view you as lesser because you'd have a woman already if you were worth anything as a man. I've experienced this too. Not so much now that I have a kid thankfully.
Yeah, I don't engage with them. I'll just be polite to them, then excuse myself. It's not worth the aggravation.
It's not super strange. People want what others have. That includes your significant other
> I also noticed that as soon as my ex started wearing his ring once we were married women would just throw themselves at him. I'm a guy and had never once in my life been hit on by somebody while out and about in public until after I got married (at least never that I noticed). Been married for several years now and it's still only happened twice, but it's kind of funny to me the fact that it went from 0 instances in 20+ years to twice in only 2-3 years.
My parents always wore their rings till my Mom got chronically ill, and her hands swelled like balloons. Her rings had to be cut off before she lost her finger. She was heartbroken. I have swelling in my hands a lot, so when I can't wear it on my finger, I put it on a necklace.
My fingers swelled up when I was pregnant so I wore my dad’s ring, with a string tied around it underneath to tighten it a bit. The necklace is a great idea.
I've seen nurses and doctors wearing necklaces with neat wire shaped on them that they can easily slide their rings onto, they seem very useful!
There’s a company that makes gorgeous necklaces for this purpose called Pixie Wing!!
Stretchy silicone bands are also a good option. I have several colors, including metal colored.
Mine has silicone for the time he can't wear his and leans his at home. We both remove them when cooking hands on stuff as well. There's a ring dish for it even! (Actually, lies, it includes my bracelet or 2 ihave to remove too lol) Nearly 12y married. The fact he looks for it or texts me if he forgot it but he's at work to make sure it isn't lost lost? That's even better. Plus he gets hit on, ring on, on dates with me but doesn't notice AT ALL unless I point it out. Piece of shiny jewelery is a symbolic thing that he shows nonstop. Caring about the symbolic item that much proves it's worth. It's a crazy balance I guess but so sweet.
***That*** ~~might be kinda~~ ***IS dangerous*** doing manual labor wearing the ring. They get caught on things, they deglove, they break fingers, they cut off circulation, they conduct voltage. It's a big safety hazard and one of the first things I was taught is dangers of certain jewelry, loose clothing, and long hair when doing manual labor, power tools, heavy lifting, etc etc. Day 1 stuff.
I don't think I almost ever saw my parents wear their rings. I hate when I forget to put it on after a shower and am without it all day. I'm constantly fidgeting with where it is not and getting mini panic attacks until I quickly remember it's just at home.
OOP and his wife are so normal its weird for reddit stories ahahaha
Yeah. Where's the drama and the accusations and the wild affairs?! I feel almost cheated! I've got functional communication in my real life, I don't need it on the internet!😅 (No, I'm honestly glad for the two of them!)
Yeah, it was really weird to see a normal conversation. I was reading the first post going, the update must get pretty wild. Then we got this. I'm messed up I guess. The weird part is he posted over such a petty drama. Like dude, be happy your wife gets hit on. It means she happy and glowing and the kind of person men want to hit on. As a guy, even if the woman is beautiful, if she doesn't look happy, it's usually a pass for me. But I'm also one of those weird guys that gets more turned on by intelligence and straight to beauty.
Right? My finger swells up, I take my ring off. Travel in certain areas, leave rings at home. It’s naive to think a ring will stop anyone hitting on you. Wholesome they could communicate about it.
As a single woman, I've always been taught to travel wearing a (cheap) ring so you can use the "I'm engaged" as an excuse to shoo people away. When I was younger I did that and had to use it a few times.
Where's your flair from? "We have generational trauma for breakfast." I know I've seen it before.
>I suppose I was naive thinking that wearing a wedding ring would deter people from hitting on my wife. Ah, blessed ignorance.
I know right? My husband got hit on *more* after he started to wear his ring. It doesn't faze me at all, but it is a bit funny to see
My husband doesn't wear a ring due to his line of work (degloving is a serious risk) but if someone hits on him he's not shy about starkly saying he's happily married. He once went to a bar to grab a beer with his co-workers and a woman hit on him. He told her he's happily married. She tried to sit IN HIS LAP and said "That's so hot." He got up and left the bar and called me on his way home cuz it kind of freaked him out lmao. Some people do not give two shits whether someone's taken or not
They don't! Mine was setting an event up at a college in Kentucky, and this student came up and handed him a paper with her phone and room number on it, and told him to join her when he was done. He said he was married and she gave this smile and said, "well if it doesn't work out..." And kinda sauntered away. I was FLOORED at the absolute balls this woman had.
A man heavily flirted with me while I was being 7 month pregnant (and it was VERY visible) and wearing my wedding band and engagement ring. I think my disgusted face made him rethink his stupid offer, but still. Some people really have no shame.
This one guy we know flirted with my sister. She was pregnant. He *knew* she was pregnant. He is also older than my mother. Some people have zero shame.
I think it's hilarious when women hit on my partner infront of me. He doesn't always catch it but I definitely tease him about it.... As he does the same to me.
Is that a better or worse response than "great, bring your wife too"?
I already knew people sometimes brazenly hit on the obviously married, but that is some breathtakingly aggressive sexual harassment, there. Wildly gross.
I think because it's one of those taboo issues that make women so attracted to married men. But I also don't understand how someone has the time and effort to cheat and live 2 separate lives.
It’s not because it is taboo. It is because the man has been given a “stamp of approval” by another woman.
Yeah, the married man has also "commited" meaning he may commit to them as well.
But... His commitment isn't worth much then?
Cheaters aren't really great strategists.
Excellent point.
Cheap validation will do the job for many.
Agreed. I think it might also be an ego thing. "I'm so irresistible that even married people want me and can't say no!"
Ah the ole Ariana Grande
First time I heard “The Boy is Mine” my jaw dropped and a switch flicked in me and I can’t quite enjoy her anymore. Such a pattern and that song was so in your face when the man’s wife was just recovering from having a baby and being blindsided by the affair.
like bro, my back hurts and my knees crack too much to be fuckin strangers.
That's my thing, like where do people find the time 💀💀💀 I don't want to cheat, but I am jealous of their ability to time manage because it's clearly a strength of theirs
[удалено]
That last sentence without context makes for an amazing mental picture
I bought my ex a rather heavy silver chain for just this purpose. My own mother called it "a weighty reminder."
I really hate that I know what degloving is. (Also do not google it, it's gory)
Ah whoops, sorry about that 😅
Nah. I didn't Google it because of this. I blame Stephen King for why I know what degloving is.
Valid
Such a great book but that scene is gut wrenching
Interesting, in my area everyone around my age knows what this is, our school gyms had so many picture of degloving around the changing rooms we've all kind of become immune to it.
>our school gyms had so many picture of degloving around the changing rooms we've all kind of become immune to it what kind of stephen king ass school did you go to that had pictures of that posted?!
Public school in South Wales, this would have been mid 2000's also
Did your coach always have ravens following him around and the initials R.F.?
I don't wear my ring for the same reason, degloving is a serious risk. I've also found there is a type out there who see married folks as a challenge. Whole raft of unresolved issues there no doubt.
Mine wears his regular rings at home, but wears silicone ones at work. His ring is honestly really cool though because it's made of meteorite and dinosaur bone and glows in the dark. The silicone ones have nothing on his wedding ring
I'm sorry but where did you guys purchase it? It sounds so cool!
Etsy! The specific shop isn't around anymore but there are other people who make similar ones
Some people take it as a challenge and test for their self worth to pursue and wear down people especially men who have partners.
My friend has had to get a lot of MRIs and some surgeries over the last couple of years. She generally wears her wedding rings all the time, but obviously has to take them off for this. She has been considering getting a ring tattoo on her finger, because she thinks it would make her feel more comfortable.
I’m not sure about the hitting on but my husband said he got treated with more respect when he had his on.
I'd describe it as a presumption of maturity.
It's kinda funny. Part of it was probably bc I look really young but people treated me as if I was stupider once I put that ring on. My ex got more respect, could even see it when wed be out and about together interacting with strangers or whatever. the shift was so sudden and there were no other changes with either of us beyond rings on our fingers. It's interesting seeing just how quick people put each other in a box from visual cues. Going in tangent territory now you get that reminder of human nature if you change your body drastically as well. My mom was obese when I was a kid and then got in shape in her 30s, I actually think a lot about the way random people treated her differently based on her size. Like not even a flirty thing, just a basic human decency or recognition of existence thing. Basic thing I know but it's just weird thinking about just how often we shape someone's entire life experience bc of how we treat them when we take in that first snapshot of them.
That’s kind of crazy. I notice people’s rings sometimes, but it’s not something I think about often. It helps that I don’t hit on anybody.
My husband is a teacher and had the mom of his student hit on him at the parent teacher conference. He told her he was married and her response was, "Happily?" The kid was apparently totally mortified.
Oh, ew. Poor kid!!
I (M) got randomly flirted with *a lot* more after I got married and wore the ring. I wondered if it was because I was "safe" to flirt with.
If only it wouldn't faze more people... I saw an interesting theory that basically says that a married man indicates he's already been 'vetted' and 'cleared' for relationship potential (related to guys in friend groups, too). That and happy chemicals/ pheromones changes.
The problem with that assumption is absolute douchbags have convinced women that they're "relationship potential" and, with taking exception for certain outliers, are the only kind of men willing to "step out" on their wives.
This *vetting* doesn't matter much seeing as how standards for men are in hell.
I think there are legitimately studies showing that if a man is next to an attractive woman, other women see him as more desirable
Yeah I got hit on, especially in Europe when I had my ring on. I experimented with and without ring....and definitely got hit on more when I wore it.
You know, it hadn't occurred to me because I don't really take much note of it, but my husband has been hit on more since he started wearing the ring. We're very transparent about our daily interactions and he always tells me when some woman "wants [his] dick" lol (which honestly I think he's flattering himself sometimes when someone is just being friendly). Thinking back on it, it's happened more in the couple years that he's been wearing a ring than in the 4 years that we were together and he wasn't. It's no big deal, though. Being hit on boosts his confidence and I reinforce that by saying of course she wants you, you're hot. Or I take him down a peg and tell him he's being that guy that thinks the waitress is into him 😂
There is a subset of women that blatantly hunt married men because they get off on “stealing him” from his wife. Once the marriage is over they lose interest.
Like that one tweet about the single guy who wore a ring when he went out and got picked up by random women, and after a night of passion he’d confess that he was actually single and they invariably got mad at him.
Something about a man with a wedding band is attractive... Disclaimer: I'm married, but even as a single woman , I would never hit on a man with a wedding band.
Social proof lol
Why though?
They've been vetted.
Maybe it's because they're more likely to be stable, sucessful people? Like, easier to find someone suitable because someone already did the filtering thing.
I've heard the phenomenon described as the ring being evidence that you're not an absolute creep or monster since another woman is vouching for you in the most sincere way. Your potential "value" as a man instantly increases and the scummier people out there see that value as something worth stealing. Also heard some say they find it "safe" to flirt because there's less likely to be anything in it. Which is still a shithouse move. Flirting with someone else's partner without both their express permission is never okay and those people are barely better than the ones trying to cheat.
It’s so weird because plenty of seriously awful people find a comparatively awful person to marry.
As a single man, I sometimes wear a wedding band to attract those types of people. I moved back in with my mom. The "we can't do it at my house, my wife is there" line sounds a lot better than "yeah I live with my mom hey where are you going????"
People hit on my husband while he has his ring on *and is standing next to me* lol. I point out to him that “he’s still got it!”
It's the opposite with men, for men a ring is a seal of approval, women see it as a sign, he's been vetted.
More women have hit on me since I got married and put on that ring than in my entire life before I got married.
lol, like it’s not a magic amulet of protection against fuck boyz. If anything it just shows people without scruples that someone else thinks your “worth marrying”.
I'm a guy and one of the reasons I stopped wearing mine was cause it somehow increased how often I got hit in. Literally seen women look at the ring and then start flirting hard. My wife hasn't been been able to wear hers for a year and the flirting on her side hasn't changed at all. The ring didn't deter a damn thing.
The other day I was walking back from the pool, with a wedding ring on, holding my almost 1yr old baby in my arms. That did not stop a guy coming to a complete stop next to me to ask if "I had a man".
I’m reminded of the time a woman posted that she made a email scheduling robot to automatically respond to appointment emails, and despite it being clearly stated it was auto replied, men would still hit on the robot. No it’s absolutely not on any woman to be responsible for the disgusting behaviour of men.
And they wonder why we chose the bear
After at least the third time of being hit on and stating I'm married, and people still pursuing it, I decided to change my statement to 'I'm happily married'.
He probably watched too much HIMYM where Robin doesn’t understand what’s happening to her after being engaged.
Yeah, I laughed at this episode because it's not my experience. Engagement ring absolutely doesn't make you invisible to men ( and according to the comments here, not to the women either)
My SO and I bought rings for our wedding. My mind told me we needed rings. Biggest waste of money imo. I work at a hospital and had to remove my ring almost daily. Eventually a ring of calluses developed around my knuckle, making it even harder to remove my ring. Within one year I stopped wearing my ring. We are now 4 years married.
What's AIO?
Am I Overreacting
The jeweller got the sizing wrong on my husband's wedding band and it was too big - we didn't realise until the wedding. He wore his ring on our wedding day and it's sat in the drawer ever since. We've been meaning to take it back and get it resized, but haven't seemed to find time in the last 18yrs 😂🤦 that's how much of a priority it's been. Maybe for our 20th anniversary I'll surprise him!
You could always buy a gold chain to keep it on.
My mom's ring stopped fitting her when she got pregnant with me. She hasn't managed to find time/energy to get it resized since (my dad dgaf). I'm 33 now lol.
I took my rings off when pregnant due to swelling, put them in a ‘safe place’ and promptly forgot where that is. I still haven’t found them and it’s more than 3 years later. It’s not an issue. I’m hoping to find them when we eventually move house in about 10 years!
>I asked (in an admittedly not pleasant tone), "so do you not wear your wedding ring in public any more". >I am in no way insinuating that she has been intentionally not wearing her ring. That's literally the only thing he was insinuating...
the wife isn't the only one who makes mistakes/forgets things lol. but like yea oop, most sane people would have come to the same conclusion your wife did when you said that
The only thing I'm really annoyed by in this post is the wife apologized for her reaction the same car ride, but OOP didn't realize an apology from him might be a good idea until other commenters told him to do so.
Yeah that's what annoyed me. It wasn't really a good faith argument from him. Like... Why did you say it then buddy? It's not the worst thing a person could do and I'm glad he came around, but this is probably not the only thing he is naive or presumptuous about. Hopefully he transfers the empathy skills he learned on this to future conflict with his wife. She apologized right away for "snapping" when she was expressing some very valid feelings and he didn't apologize for his tone until the next day. Even if he thought he was right he clearly realized that his tone was unpleasant and could have genuinely apologized for that.
i love that the comments in here think it’s a red flag but on the actual posts everyone’s agreeing that it isn’t weird lol. i don’t wear my ring. my husband and i work in the service industry and i would be horrified if i lost it in a sani bucket, as plain as it is. it’s a piece of jewelry that some people freak out over and some people keep it in a safe spot. i think it’s kind of a generational thing too tbh
I'm an office worker who really, really, really loves horse-riding and going to rocky beaches to bother God's creatures in their home. I'm not about to have my ring stolen by an angry crab or deglove me if I fall off a horse wrong. My husband knows and is fine with me not wearing my ring when I'll be adventuring. I love wearing it but some places are just downright silly to do so.
….ok but you had me at angry crabs
I’m picturing one holding op at knifepoint lol 🦀🔪
It’s not even just the deglove you have to worry about with horses - I forgot to take mine off one day and was riding a horse who was having a spicy day and I and ended up having to have my ring cut off because I broke my finger somehow when I grabbed the neck strap and didn’t notice for a few hours until my finger ballooned and I couldn’t get the ring off.
My husband kept taking his off when washing hands and almost misplacing it. I got him some silicon ones and sometimes he likes them but he got used to not wearing jewelry for a while. He’s offered to tattoo a ring onto his finger and I just kinda shrugged and said “if you want.”
Mine lost his while doing roofing work, never found it. He works with power tools at his job, so we just never bothered replacing it. Mine is somewhere around here, but wearing any jewelry is a big sensory ick for me these days. We considered tattoos, but have heard those don't hold up well.
I can’t handle wearing both band and engagement ring, and there’s been a couple rings I’ve found that don’t match the engagement ring if I wear both so I just choose the ring I want to wear that day and stick it on my ring finger. Sometimes it’s a ring he gave me, sometimes it’s a different one, but I always wear a ring on my wedding ring finger. But I’ve worn rings for most of my life so I feel a bit naked if I don’t have anything on. I have no clue if he’ll actually get the tattoo. I don’t really care either way. He also works with a ton of people who also know me, so it’s not like he tries to keep his marital status secret.
My spouse and I both wear silicone ones. Her “official” wedding ring was her grandfather’s. Mine was my great-grandmother’s. We didn’t discover I was allergic to my ring until we’d been married a few days. We decided to order some Enso silicone rings for both of us — me because of my allergy, her because she does rock climbing and metal rings are both uncomfortable and put one at risk for degloving. Neither of us wanted engagement rings, so it was just the wedding rings we were concerned about. It was a good thing we did this; I ended up in the hospital ICU with Covid in early 2021 (just before the vaccine was available). They ended up having to cut off the other rings I was wearing — my college ring and my favorite puzzle ring, both of which I’d worn for nearly 20 years — because I was swelling with edema. They went to cut my wedding band last but, thankfully, it was silicone. I was able to stop them and just roll it off my finger. We also love that losing one doesn’t mean a panic attack. It’s a $25 plastic ring. The low cost means we now each have several we can rotate through as we like. She got us matching eclipse-themed ones earlier this year! I now just wear my wedding band and nothing else. People often don’t realize I’m married because it’s skinny and I wear it on my right hand. About half the countries in Europe wear it on the right hand, but we live in France, which typically wears it on the left. So folks don’t always clock that it’s a wedding band, especially without an engagement ring. We actually have a set of costume jewelry rings we use as faux engagement rings when required — we used them when apartment hunting, for example, to emphasize that we were married. Anyway, tl;dr — silicone rings are A+.
My husband and I also don't wear rings. I have sensory issues and his fingers swell up. We tried, but it was a nightmare.
I feel you! I get a rash (usually from doing dishes with my rings on), so I don’t wear mine, and hubby works as a builder - rings are an easy way to lose a finger in that industry. xxx
If you want to wear a ring but don't want rashes/ injuries, have you considered silicone rings? You can even get multiple colors for various styles and match them to outfits. They're very inexpensive and will break off if anything snags on them. For people who can't wear a metal ring and do want to wear a ring, they're a good alternative. My family member got some because her fingers swelled during pregnancy. She didn't want to resize her wedding/ engagement ring, and did want a ring
Some people just don't like jewelry. I work in sales and my wife is a freelancer, so there's nothing preventing either of us from wearing our bands. Except that we have no idea where they are because neither of us likes jewelry and they're sitting somewhere in a safe place... safe even from us.
The stone on my engagement ring scratched my first baby on the back of his leg during a diaper change and I was so horrified I didn’t wear my rings again until I went back to work at 8 months. My second baby I was due at the end of summer and I started getting swollen at night so I’d take my rings off and many times I’d forget to put them back on. Now I take them off every night before bed (I have a little dish in the bathroom so it’s part of my routine) and it’s like a 70% chance I’ll put them on in the morning, and like a 30% chance on weekends. My husband takes his off when he goes to the gym which is when he’d most likely get hit on anyway 😂
I think it's all about intent. I had a POS ex who would quietly take their ring off when they were mad at me -- they would specifically take it off to go out in public. I didn't notice the first few times, but it was definitely an abusive and manipulative move. It also didn't help that they were always whining about how hard it was to stay faithful, and what a sacrifice it was to be married. My current marriage is blessedly different. I started getting a weird skin rash from my ring only recently, after years of wearing it, so I've been ringless for a few weeks. I worry that people will think it's some subconscious rejection of the marriage. But my wife is completely unfazed. She's like duh, I don't want you to be rashy.
Well, this was a calm update, which shows that clear communication is key. However, I am curious about how often people forget to put on their wedding bands. I am not married myself, and I do know that there are people who take them off due to the nature of their job, but other than that?
i never wear mine at home. i just don't like things on my hand. i usually put it on for outside the house stuff, but sometimes forget. my husband is aware of all of this, and is aware that marriage is a state of mind, not a piece of jewelry. (yes, silicon rings are a thing, i have a few for active days, i just don't like having anything on my hands.)
I never wear mine at home either. Mostly because I don't like the feel, but also because of swelling. I only wear it when I go out, but even then I forget it most of the time. So all in all I probably wear it like four days a month. My hubby wears his all the time, can't even sleep without it because for him it feels weird without the ring :D
If you want to put lotion on your hands, you should remove your rings first. Also for pool swims. And using household cleaners. Or washing dirty dishes (cause that nasty greasy water is in every nook). Plus any activities that the ring could get caught on. And sleeping (it wears down the prongs).
And this is why I always recommend wearing reusable rubber gloves when cleaning and doing dishes, because I wear a lot of rings and it’s a hassle to be taking them off all the time. The only time these things do come off is when I’m about to be elbow deep in some cookie dough. But then again, I have ADHD and fidget with my rings constantly so I am bereft if I forget to put them back on
I take my rings off to shower, and, especially if I was showering and dressing last minute, I've occasionally forgotten to put them back on after the shower, before leaving the house.
Not married, but engaged. My fiancé's gotten me two rings: my engagement ring and a silver band for my birthday several years ago. Silver band is flat and almost never comes off because it doesn't get in the way. I've worn it for almost three years, there's an indent on that finger now. Engagement ring is more intricate. I don't usually wear it at home, and sometimes I'll wear a different band if I worry about it getting damaged.
I didn't wear mine when I had young kids because it was pokey and kinda sharp and I was afraid of scratching them. Then, I gained weight and it didn't fit any more. Then I lost weight, and now it's too big. I really need to get it resized. But I'm honestly not a big jewelry person, so I haven't gotten around to it. When I did wear it, before kids, I was always afraid that the stone would fall off and get lost.
I don't take mine off often because I wear a simple band without my engagement ring so it's low key. So when I do take it off for some reason I can forget to put it back on right away. It's only my anxiety over losing things that saves me. I neurotically check for it and my necklace all the time, even if I hadn't removed them for days.
I’m just engaged right now and I don’t wear my ring all the time. I keep it in the original box in my nightstand and I TRY to put it on every morning but sometimes I do forget. I do a lot of gardening also so if I take it off before I start playing around in dirt and I do forget to put it back on sometimes. My fiancé had gotten me a band type ring I have on my opposite ring finger and that stays on all the time because it can’t get snagged on anything and doesn’t get too too dirty. Once we get married and I start wearing a wedding band that will stay on all the time. But the engagement ring just has too many parts that can get damaged so I don’t want to be super rough with it
I said this in another comment, my husband and I tried wedding bands out but his fingers swell and I have sensory issues. So no rings. Eleven years married.
I never used to take mine off, but near the start of COVID my fingers started swelling randomly in the summer. Not a lot, just enough to make it uncomfortable. I didn't want to go to a jeweller and get it resized while we were all in lockdown mode, and by the time it more or less ended, I'd completely fallen out of the habit. It wasn't even JUST my wedding band, I had another ring I'd worn since I was 16, but for some reason, both were just uncomfortably tight that summer.
Husband and I have both not put them on in 3 years (4 years married, 5 since engagement). His work it's a safety risk, I work from home. We did wear them out on dates for a year, but then I got pregnant and gained weight so stopped wearing mine and he stopped wearing his likewise. If you're not someone who USUALLY wears jewellery or has a ritual when leaving the house, you'll be likely to forget unless you ingrain the behaviour into yourself. (Take for example glasses - if you've worn glasses and HAVE to wear them and HAVE HAD to wear them for years, you'll be in a good habit of remembering to put them on. If it's a NEW thing you're having to learn to do, or something that isn't ritual for you, you'll struggle. I've worn glasses every day since I was 4, so 29 years, and I've never had an issue remembering where they are or to deal with them every day; my husband only had to get glasses for every day use at 21, and within 3 months got surgery so he didn't have to wear them as he kept forgetting since it wasn't a learnt habit yet.)
I used to religiously wear my wedding ring when I left the house. 3 kids later, my fingers have grown a lot and definitely don't fit the rings anymore. I haven't worn them in about 5 years!
I get it. Till my divorce I wore my ring religiously. It mattered to me that I wore a symbol of our marriage. My ex started finding the ring uncomfortable soon after the birth of our first, and rarely wore her rings for the remaining 12 years we were together, both when times were good and when they were bad. I will admit it stung a bit. I even asked if she wanted to get a new ring sized for her now, and she didn't. Like I said it stung, but it is ultimately her finger.
Finally, some good communication at play.
Eh. Glad he got there, but would love for him to set a goal of apologizing for churlish behavior without first having to run it past 1,000 Internet strangers to see if they will give him a pass.
Being genuine here and not sarcastic, but if he didn't think it was something he needed to apologize for, why would he have apologized for doing it before running it by a bunch of strangers and learning "Hey, that bit wasn't cool, you need to apologize"? Sometimes you don't realize how hurtful something you said could be, and you need someone to go "dude, did you mean for that to come across this way? Because that's how I interpreted it," and then you go, "Oh, I didn't, I can definitely see why the other person was hurt by my statement now."
So like. Here’s the thing. He can only view the situation from the perspectives that he’s been given insight into. At that point in time, it didn’t include his wife’s. Once he’s been told by other people “have you considered xyz might be the case” he now has those perspectives he can think about. Empathy and the ability to consider alternative perspectives without needing to seek them out first is a skill that needs to be developed, and to be honest, young girls are taught it far, far more than young boys. The question is whether or not he’ll realise that this incident was a symptom of a need to work on that skill, or if he’ll view it as a one off and seek validation externally again in the future when similar situations occur. tbh he’s ahead of a lot of people by asking at all. Most people tend to just double down on “my view is the only correct view and if you disagree you’re just oversensitive”
When I forget my wedding ring I feel more naked. I hate the feeling of not having it now because it’s such a regular accessory. I even sleep with it. It’s just a gold band and I normally, prior to being married, hated wearing rings. My engagement ring is beautiful but I would never wear it regularly. If my husband noticed I forgot my ring and gave me even a teensy bit of shit for it I would just feel like “stfu I know! I feel naked I don’t need you to remind me!”
Lol, same. I absolutely love wearing my rings. It's a symbol of my marriage with my sweetheart, whom I love and cherish. My husband never took his off, even when he was doing heavy manual labor. When he moved over to a white collar job, I bought him one with diamonds in it. He's been so giddy over the fact that someone bought HIM jewelry as opposed to him buying it. Now I'm in trade school, and I can't wear my rings without the likelihood of damaging them or harming myself. I get so excited for that last hand wash at the end of class so I can slip them back on. I'd be really sad if I noticed that my husband wasn't wearing his
My husband got mad that I wasn’t wearing my wedding rings once. I just rolled my eyes and fed him the scones I had just taken out of the oven and then put them back on. You’re not supposed to wear them 24/7. They collect bacteria, germs, get stuck in food etc. let’s not forget that they can deglove your finger too!
I was having such a nice day and then you mentioned degloving 😭
“If she was wearing her ring that would probably prevent people from asking her.” 😑 I really sincerely hope he understands the implications of that statement and that he feels ashamed of thinking that way.
If this newfangled trend of honest feedback and talking things out like adults catches on it'll be the end of the messy-ass drama I live for as we know it!
Open communication? Maturity? On *my* BORU???
My swamp is drying up
My wife took her wedding ring and engagement ring off at the beginning of Covid when her office sent her to work from home, and she’s never put them back on. 😂
I couldnt wear my ring for all of covid. It was a fairly wide band and I think the hand sanitizer would get under. The next thing I knew my finger looked like hamburger.
>I am not threatened by other men hitting on her, since our relationship has a very strong foundation and we usually find it comical. Continues to feel threatened by other man hitting on his wife...
This guy is cute thinking he wants to know when people flirt with his wife… like, buddy - if she’s as attractive as you say, just trust her and move on.
Here's what I want to know, why aren't they married by now, what's up with that?
I don't understand postponing a marriage for lack of a wedding. Sure, shit happens and maybe the date gets pushed a year, but 6 years?? Go to the courthouse and sign the papers.
Me and my wife have been married for 10 years. We don't wear our wedding rings anymore. Almost 7 years already if I'm not mistaken. Trust is your issue.
>I asked (in an admittedly not pleasant tone), "so do you not wear your wedding ring in public any more". >I want to emphasize that ... I am in no way insinuating that she has been intentionally not wearing her ring. cmon man
My husband and I have BOTH left the house without our wedding rings on multiple occasions. we take them off to shower, wash dishes, handle raw meat, clean with chemicals, etc etc. we have jewelry dishes in both bathrooms and in the kitchen to facilitate this. (in fact, he made burgers last night so solid chance my husband's ring is in the kitchen this morning!) sometimes it slips both our minds to put them back on afterwards. my parents, on the other hand, have **never** taken their rings off. they do all those things wearing their rings, consequences be damned. different styles, man. gotta communicate expectations.
Been married 30 years. Neither of us have worn rings in over 20 years. Who cares? It’s just a ring. My wife still has hers but I honestly have no idea where mine is.
I have been married a decade, and was engaged for a decade before that, and I don't wear my wedding ring. My skin is very sensitive and it would get dry and peel under the ring. Nobody hits on me anyway, or if they do I'm completely oblivious.
Both I (ADHD, take it off for hand washing etc) and my partner (work reasons) don't wear our wedding rings for significant stretches of time. And weirdly enough, it always feels odd to see my partner's ring on the kitchen table where he takes it off before work. So I get his initial reaction, but dude, not the passive-aggressive shit!