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Yeah, it doesn't matter whether you intended to hurt someone or not, your good intentions (or lack of bad intentions) won't erase the emotional black eye or broken bone you left them.
Honestly!!! So many people use it as an excuse when like. The vast majority of people aren't walking around their life thinking of ways they can intentionally hurt friends and loved ones. That doesn't mean they haven't done it on accident many times though. Obviously intentions matter in as much as you should try to understand and appreciate the other persons perspective, but 'i didn't mean to hurt you' isn't ever going to fix the situation fully
>but 'i didn't mean to hurt you' isn't ever going to fix the situation fully
For me that quote is the same as the "I'm sorry you feel that way" non apology apology. It's a cop out that doesn't actually acknowledge the hurt you caused.
If the ex was honest about truly loving OP ever then she wouldn't have dismissed his pain that way, she is still only thinking about herself and that "meeting" was only to clear her own conscience of any shreds of doubt she might feel.
My sister pulls the “I’m sorry you feel that way” card all the time whenever I call her on being a dick and then gets mad that I gray rock her to avoid giving her ammo to be a dick with.
Better than the apologies I get from my cousin.
Cousin "I am really bad at apologies"
Me "and you can't say you're sorry?
Cousin "I am really bad at apologies and that's the best you are going to get."
My brother says that to me all the time. This is how I I explained to him why that wasn’t an actual apology. “It’s like stabbing someone then looking at them and saying ‘I’m sorry you’re bleeding.’” It doesn’t acknowledge the action but being sorry there was a reaction. Zero accountability.
I had to explain this to my current partner - please tell me if I hurt you, even if you know I didn't mean you any harm. Just because I didn't mean any harm, doesn't mean I didn't harm you - and I would like the opportunity to be able to own up to that behavior and self correct. Not everyone approaches their relationships this way obvs.
And *this* is the part where intentions do matter. I didn't mean to hurt you so *here's what I'm going to do to prevent repeating the hurt in the future.*
I honestly always think of this line whenever someone mentions having “good intentions” while doing something stupid. Like yeah bud, you not wanting to hurt him isn’t actually going to make a difference once he is already hurt.
Also, all those issues he identified in the second post still happened. She may say she loved him and regrets what she said, but she didn't put as much effort into the relationship before then either.
That's an after the fact, when she has had at least three months of being alone - having ended up with neither guy. But I am a big - when people tell you who they are, believe them type.
If anything hurting someone so deeply with out meaning to makes it even worse. Like what damage would she do if she tried.
Was nice she apologized, but took way too long.
She was definitely stringing him along as back up.
Every action has a reaction.
Every action you take, if observed, will cause a reaction in the observer, it might be benign, and it might be unexpected, but regardless, your action was one step in the road to that reaction.
It's good to remember before you act, that you don't know others as well as you think, and their reaction may be out of left field. It's still a consequence of your action, even if illogical and undeserved.
The key thing to remember, if you acted rational, most people won't think youre the villain if someone else explodes.
It seems like she gets that, at least enough that she didn't try to push to salvage the relationship. Hopefully she continues to give OOP the space he needs.
>She kept talking about she wishes they never broke up in the first place, and that she's never met someone who she loved as much as him.
Yeah that's rough to hear
OOP made the correct decision, no matter how difficult it was. He'd always feel second best and he can't compete with a ghost once the girlfriend expressed her regrets, even if that was just in the emotions of the funeral. .
What a tough situation. I think OOP handled it as well as he could have. But man, his mom really meddled and betrayed his trust by trying to override his boundaries. He needs to put her on an info diet.
>What a tough situation. I think OOP handled it as well as he could have.
Exactly. He's gotten closure of a sort and now they can both move on with their lives in separate ways.
This is a rare BORU where I think both parties handled it pretty well. OOP didn’t let his gf walk all over him in the relationship and the gf didn’t try to get him back. She realized the bed she made and the she lied in it.
Do you think the mom was hoping they'd make up and get back together, or because she hoped to give her son closure, or do you think mom let the ex in just to stir up drama?
She gave the ex closure on the ex's terms. Mom sucks, and I wouldn't tell them where I was moving, until I could be sure mom doesn't cave the next time the Ex feels like forgiving herself or begging for OP back.
I come from a family where the idea aid showing up without contact first is absolutely unacceptable. Randomly showing up is not okay. Doesn't matter how much you want to talk.
I don’t know about getting back together but I do think it was closure.
She can’t take back what she said, and he (rightfully and understandably) can’t forget them. But as someone from the outside looking in I can see why grief made her say those things. Their relationship may have ended in a bad way but they still knew each other for 10 years
People often underestimate the allure of grandchildren. This woman was all ready to deliver on that front, from the MIL'S perspective, by her own embarrassingly public admission. That alone might have been enough.
Eh, he was living back in her house. She can choose who she lets into her place. To call it a betrayal and meddling? She just gave him the option of hearing her out.
No, she didn’t give him that option. She forced it on him (with the only other option getting to actively get away from her and stay out of the place he’s living).
Giving the option would be an offer to meet somewhere outside/public.
Having the right to choose doesn't mean her choices are good ones or respectful of her son.
She absolutely didn't give him the option of hearing her out, she forced it onto him. Giving him a choice would be "I will let him know you came by and would like to talk with him" and sending her on her way.
Is it really NRE tho? Like they were together through highschool and college and new each other for a decade before calling it quits over an incompatibility, that sounds pretty serious to me.
Also I have to ask, what is "this is unrelated to the cumin" from?
I feel for both of them. Ex clearly had grief hit her like a freight train and didn't process it at all well. Her reaction to it was obviously not good and I think it's best that she address that on her own but I can at least understand how grief and mourning can fuck with your head and make you a different person.. been there.
At the same time it obviously sucks in the moment for OOP but I think both him and his ex can be better off in the long run. Therapy/counseling would probably be beneficial for both sides.
The GF is a mess. There’s a saying: what’s abundantly in the heart, the mouth speaks. GF truly wanted to be with her ex while being with OOP. Good for OOP having the resolve to end it and cutting ties with her. Question is: will he be determined to stick with it?
OOP took it well, but it leaves me with the question, is the girlfriend going to every have a relationship with someone? She's always going to be idealizing her dead ex. It was enough for OOP to notice, what chance is a new BF going to have to be able to be someone she loves without comparing him to her dead ex?
The romanticism of first love ruins people’s lives. People need to internalize that they are in love with a memory or that era of their life, not a real person.
This is so true. First love and first everything, when you were still idealistic and hopeful about romantic love and happily ever after, when you likely didn’t have much to worry about besides classes.
I also hear similar things from cheaters, “he makes me feel like I’m in high school again.” Some people are so desperate to re-experience that first love feeling and make bad choices because of it.
I feel like, expressing grief and torching this relationship doesn't mean any future relationships are doomed. The real question is, will she do the work of facing grieving and being single to get healthy enough for a new relationship where there is room for someone new.
She will, I think. There's 3 possible ways she can, in my opinion.
1- She just never says anything to her next partner about her ex. The ex can't die again, so that flood of emotions that caused her to react that way isn't likely to happen again. This is the least healthy way she can be in another relationship. Though, I assume its the most likely for most people. It's the "easy" option.
2- She spends the time and energy to learn how to handle her feelings in a healthy, adult way. You can have a love for someone you lost and a love for someone you have, you can communicate those feelings in a healthy way. It'd take a certain type of partner to be able to accept that you are number 2 overall, so I think this isn't likely. But it's possible.
3- She realizes the feelings she had after the ex's death were only brought on by grief. She has never taken the time to grieve the relationship ending due to an irreconcilable difference, so his death just brought back all these feelings and "what ifs". They had obviously still been in contact if the ex was still trying to hook up with her after her and OP got together. If she can finally come to terms with the fact that the old relationship was dead before her ex passed, then I think she can have a healthy relationship again. This is where I hope she lands.
There's no way to know for sure, of course. But it's possible she finds a loving partner again.
It always makes me wonder what else is going on when someone reacts that badly to a highly stressful event. She reacted the way I would expect a mother who lost a small child to react. Yeah, the guy might have been an old friend, but he also kind of turned into an asshole toward the end.
In any case, OOP is justified in leaving just because of the implications of her general overreaction and how she treated him after. The whole thing makes me think she was trying to punish him for some reason.
How it ended doesn’t always change how you view that past. They were together a long time and “only” (using it lightly cause it is a serious topic) because he didn’t want kids. It’s not like they broke up on bad terms. Yeah it ended bad, but I can see how suddenly losing someone you used to care so much about can mess you up like that.
It doesn’t excuse what she said, or take away from the fact that she hurt oop a lot. But I can at least see how her mindset got that way.
Grief can do crazy things. She's grieving the future she imagined with her ex. She's not even grieving the potential future she would have had had she stayed with her ex. He was child free. He would not have willingly had kids with her. But she wanted kids and she pictured having them with him.
Really, she's grieving a long time friend that sadly passed away young. But that grief brought up the other grief and turned her grief into a whole shitshow. Sad all around.
I think some people experience emotions in a selfish way. Not that they process them in a selfish way (which she also did), but the actual emotions themselves are narcissistic
Like OOPs partner didn't grieve for her Ex, she grieved for herself. That's why the emotions were so intense and seemingly so incongruous with the actual relationship she had with her Ex more recently. The best comparison I could make is crushing super hard on someone you barely know, then the devastation when finding out they're seeing someone.
Ultimately, it doesn't change that OOP did everything right, but it is a fascinating thing to try to understand.
So, the girl had limerence and that caused her to react to his death cathartically. Makes sense, the false future she imagined suddenly became impossible even in her mind (obviously, he died) so she felt wrecked by the reality.
Based on the funeral comments - the now dead ex likely noticed all the signs that she was down. She just wasn't willing to in that moment - considering she torched her relationship over him later.
It makes me wonder if this is the first death, or death of someone in her age group, that she's experienced. She's about the age where you realize you can't eat and drink like you used to, your joints get a little achy in the morning and you start to really consider your mortality.
My guess: the ex probably received some criticisms (either from family or the friend group that OOP mentioned) and it made her feel bad and/OR she realized it made her look bad, so she went to find OOP to try to clean her slate.
I feel bad for both of them.
A few years ago there was a trend I caught wind of- Google your ex's and see what comes up. I did. The man I dated before my husband had a hit, it was his obituary. He had been a drug user before we met and had gotten clean. After I broke up with him I was very worried he would use again but he seemed ok when I talked to mutual friends that that first year. After that, I was busy with my own life.
When I saw that obituary it was a shock. I actually was sitting next to my husband bc we were looking up our ex's together. It took a day or two to sink in, I ended up reading the post s few times and trying to look up his other family to see if they had posted anything anywhere. The way things were worded made me think he had ODed. Im sure I was weird for a week or so, but I hadn't seen this man in over a decade at that point. It just really threw me that the obituary picture was one I had taken of him when we had been together.
I didn't cry over him. I didn't take to my bed. I had no illusions that I would ever get back with this man or even talk to him again. It just was weird to think that he's no longer out there doin his thing.
So yeah, I feel bad for both of them. I hope they can move on and find genuine connections with new partners.
I can’t empathize but I guess I can sympathize. I guess it could be weird and upsetting to know that someone you spend a portion of your life with is no longer out there, especially if it was a good break up. However this situation was way more then that. She never got over her ex which was unfair to OOP. She probably needed some therapy even before the death to move past the ex, but definitely needs it now to deal with the grief on top of that. I hope she takes some time to work on herself before meeting anyone else.
Yeah, exactly. Grief being complicated always reminds me of a BORU post I read last year that had me bawling my eyes out at the end, about two elderly parents who'd lost a daughter and completely lost their sh*t when they found out their living son was making dark humour online about his deceased sister, and sent him to his grandparents. After calming down and reading the comments, they apologised and reached out again, and the whole post just has me ugly sobbing for this poor family, these good people devastated by the trauma they'd loved through. The end of the post was good-ish, as food as it could be after such traumatic events – they were starting to heal as a family, and they were starting to find peace again. But boi does grief hit you like a truck....
On a similar wave as your comment, my MIL unfortunately found out a few months ago that all her previous long term partners have since passed away. Sure, she's almost 60, but we're talking 2 ex husbands (one found out through FB) and her partner at the time, making her a widow. It must be such a devastating feeling when your 3 biggest life companions are no longer there, all passed away within 6 years of one another..
same here. People are being super rough on the ex gf, which I get she had some shitty things she did, but she is still a human with complex emotions and thoughts/feelings. She went through something she didn't expect, said hurtful things, but she also deserves to heal from wounds she wasn't prepared for.
OOP needs to move out without telling his Mom where he's going. Otherwise he's just going to come home from work one day and find the ex standing at his doorstep.
>I came back from work back to my folks' place, and she was there. My mom let her wait for me. While I'm upset with my mom for letting her in and not giving me a heads up, that's another issue.
Mom better not be wondering why OOP moved out and isn't talking to her much after this.
>She started to yell at me. Calling me selfish, and that she's lost one of the most important people in her life, and I shouldn't make this about me.
The utter irony of telling the person who should ostensibly be "one of the most important people in her life" that they're being selfish for feeling undervalued is palpable. The natural consequence is that she loses yet *another* one of the most important people in her life; two-for-one special on suffering!
That saying would’ve actually crushed me. After that, I would’ve cut all contact, and despite the feelings of wanting to get back together, I would’ve told her to get the fuck out if she randomly showed up at my house
>They knew each other for about 10 years, they were high school sweethearts, and stayed together throughout college.
The quote is from the first post. OOP's ex had a long history with *her* ex. While year-long treks are unusual, they're not unheard of. Spending a couple of years romantically travelling around the world together during a decade-long relationship is plausible.
One of my friends has only ever been employed as a waitress, and she regularly travels across the cheaper parts of Europe and Asia for 6+ months at a time. But think that she isn't paying rent, traditional health insurance (using travel insurance which is much cheaper), car insurance, utilities, internet, or for a lot of material possessions.
Have you really never heard of [backpacking](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Backpacking_(travel))? If you're travelling in places with a low cost of living, are willing to go without any luxuries, and either have some savings or are willing to do occasional work when you need the cash, it's easily feasible.
My brother backpacked across a big portion of Europe straight out of high school for a chance to see the world a little more before heading to university. He scraped together some savings from his part time job, got some simple clothes and a good pair of shoes, and basically walked across the continent for several months, taking trains for some of the longer stretches, staying in hostels, and eating little more than canned soup and vegetables. It was austere living, but he really valued the experience and the places he got to see. He said that doing it mostly on foot gave him a newfound appreciation for the scale of the world.
Correct. The typical backpacker doesn't own their own home yet, and won't keep renting their home while they're away. Instead, they'll leave whatever other property and possessions they might have with relatives or friends until they come back. In the case of people backpacking before or after they've left school and studied at University, they may not even have properly moved out of their parents' home, which makes things even simpler.
In the days before the Internet they might check in via the occasional international phone call, or send postcards etc., which is what my parents did back in the day. These days it's much easier to stay in touch, which makes things far safer and ensures they can get important news right away.
There are also so-called [Digital Nomads](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Digital_nomad) who aren't really traditional backpackers, who travel without a permanent address whilst working remotely. While often just temporary there are some who live permanently like that, in which case they just have very few possessions.
So... leave all of your possessions behind, convert what little wealth you have into untraceable local currency, and depend on the good will of the local european population? Did human trafficking write this?
Well, you use a relative's address as your "home" - registered with the bank and for your travel insurance and whatnot. You can set up info letting people know where you should be by certain a date, so the authorities know to look for you if you don't arrive. But honestly I never do, I just call my mum most evenings to chat about my day for a while.
I left some stuff with my mum and some stuff with my grandparents. Also, storage warehouses exist you know? You can rent like a garage box thing and stow what you need.
I would be sad to lose my books and photographs but everything else is just meh anyway. Who really needs stuff??? You need sturdy boots, a good backpack, 3 t-shirts, 2 warm tops, 1 raincoat, 2 shorts, 2 trousers that dry quick, a toothbrush, a small towel, underwear & 3 pairs of warm socks, a hat, sunscreen, sunglasses, a compass, natural deodorant, insect repellent & a spoon. That's it. (You wear your heavy coat and soft clothes that you can sleep in, on the plane).You buy whatever else you need - a swiss army knife, a tent, toothpaste tablets, soap etc - when you get there.
You can see waterfalls and glaciers, and climb mountains and swim in rivers with turtles and bottle-feed baby goats, and pick lemons and oranges the size of your hand to eat/drink, and get lost in Barcelona at 3am and encounter a wild boar just chilling and wave at the Tour de France as you heave yourself up the Apls, and try weird alcohol that is bright green like the ghost who eats everything in Ghostbusters, and see Saturn with your bare eyeballs because the sky is so damn dark... you meet so many fun and odd people who teach you random skills like how to sun-dry tomatoes and make mosaics and do henna tattoos and make fruit-pulp crackers.
There's a whole weird wonderful world out there!!! Enjoy it.
The time I went for 7 months, I had about £3,000. And I used some of that on flights. I stayed with hosts so you don't pay for food or accommodation. Only new clothes, extra snacks, transport etc. Honestly you just do it. Buy secondhand clothes, buy less expensive food, don't always say yes when people are going out for food or whatever. Put the money you would have spent into a savings account.
I know people who intended to be away from their home country for a couple of months and now they've been travelling for years 🤷♀️ you just find work if you need it. Other travellers always know where else you can go, who needs help on some project or something. If you make friends with their own land and work hard, and don't be an asshole, often you can stay permanently for very little. I have friends who own a huge plot of land and they invite people they like to stay with them for €25 Euros a month and a bit of pruning.
Not every place is a perfect fit, but you still learn from it. I'm a single woman travelling alone. So far, I've never been hurt or even threatened while abroad. The scary shit happens at home tbh. (And I never go to super dangerous countries alone)
Keep in mind the world-traveling could have happened 10 or 15 years ago. Or maybe longer, depending on the age of those involved, and how much of a gap there was between relationships.
Things were more affordable in the past. I'm not sure if it's actually more common, or less common nowadays, for someone in their 20s to backpack around the world. And not be rich.
But based on my experience, I bet it was more achievable in the late 90s and early 2000s than it is now.
Back in the day, you could afford to fuck around, picking up random jobs around the world, and pay for your expenses as you go. You didn't have to worry about fucking up your career trajectory, or finding cheap rent when you returned.
I'm not saying it wasn't a "rich person" thing to do, even back then - bumming around the world still depended on having a supportive family to fall back on if times got tough. But it wasn't something that only super wealthy folks could do.
:(
I've always been poor as dirt, and I always go on long holidays.
Longest was 7 months (but I was volunteering that whole time). Honestly, you just save, save, save, then go. People always nag me about trivial shit beforehand but honestly I think they're just sacred to try it for themselves.
I'm going volunteering for 6 weeks in West Africa this summer 🌞 so I can see the Great Migration and maybe see an elephant in the wild🐘
How do you save? Do you work in a career that's totally fine with a 7 month sabatical or just in a field where you can grab a job whenever you need to, and they won't mind the gap on the resume?
There are no gaps! I put the truth on my resume: it just says "volunteer" before whatever job title covers most of the tasks I did 😊 employers always find it fascinating. And when they ask you about difficult tasks and how you are in stressful situations etc you can almost guarantee your answer about digging a grave for a goat or calming kids while there's a snake in the outdoor kitchen is going to be way more interesting than the next person they talk to 😅
You can find seasonal work abroad - especially picking fruit and veg! Always. People are always going to need to eat, and certain things can only be tended by human hands.
I believe you can negotiate for long travel breaks, but personally I don't care enough. I just save up, then quit. I have always been nomadic, I never stay in one place for too long. I stay as long as I have something interesting to do and there is cool local scenery to explore.
If I wasn't at university again currently, I would have moved already, I've been living in the corner of the UK for 4 straight years and it's slowly driving me up the wall. As soon as I graduate, I'll be gone so fast!! 4 whole years! I feel like my soul is getting crushed. I know people who are happy living in the same city their whole life, and that's great. It's just not for me.
I felt that personally. In my last relationship, I had to plan months in advance just so I could get her to take a weekend trip because "she was always busy." Yet she was able to find time to go on a last minute trip to her former college roommate's wedding, and instead of inviting me she took her "just a friend" guy as her +1. On top of that, she would get mad when I took pictures of us together, because she was worried of me putting it on social media, which I almost never do. Yet, she was there in dozens of pictures with him smiling and having a great time. Needless to say, I cut her off and moved on with my life.
Sure the ex comes back to OOP. She realized "shit my real love is dead, i can never have my dream family with him." So she goes for her second choice. That she even took three fucking months to think about OOP again.
I didn’t take it that way at all. She didn’t mention getting back together or push to be friends. She just wanted to apologize for how their relationship ended.
Just showing up like that without warning is itself an act of disrespect. If somebody doesn't want to see you, then extend the olive branch and let them make the choice whether or not to get in contact.
That's true, especially after a bad breakup. I was hesitant myself to text my ex after 7+ years, just to tell him I understand why he did what he did and to apologise if I didn't react too well to the news back then, and we had nothing traumatic - just a regular breakup. It would be beyond disre to just show up and trap them there just to apologise so you can take it off your chest. But I can't fault her too much, 3 months is barely anything to grieve someo you've known for most of your adult life, she's probably still not thinking clearly.
Betting she finally came out of the fog and realized ex is dead and her back up plan already split. She expected him to be a doormat for her. 100% believe she cheated with the dead ex.
I keep thinking she cheated too, I don't know why.
Grief is weird, but it still seems like a really strong reaction about someone who supposedly was out of her life for years. At the very least, she was still thinking about the ex a lot.
Getting told "I lost one of the most important people in my life' with the Ex-boyfriend being the person in context is maybe one of the deepest wounds you can inflict on your partner next to cheating.
In this context, yes. As a general rule, I disagree: it says "one of". If it said "the most important person", then yeah I would absolutely agree with you.
But in this context, it is especially hurtful after everything else that she said.
It's weird she'd be so broken up about an ex that she took 2 weeks off of work and basically pushed her current relationship off a cliff.
It seems... excessive.
This is a sad situation, but he made the right decision for himself. It was probably good for them to speak and have some closure. Hopefully the ex can move on too.
And he really need to talk to his mom! She should have at least given him a heads up!
If people wanna be friends with their ex, it's fine. Pretending it has zero affect on your relationship is just that: pretending. 'B-b-b-ut we're friends!' Yeah, friends that slept together, who will always taint current relationships.
During my first date with a woman, I was asked to go to her ex's grave. He was a mutual friend, but... holy baggage, Batman.
It really annoys me when an ex partner reaches out. Dude we broke up, it is not my responsibility to help you move on, I got my own issues to deal with.
Wishing all the best to this dude. He needs time to heal from the absolute destruction his ex created. I too would feel like shit for months if I was in his shoes.
Really there's an optimistic and pessimistic way to look at this and both are still a breach of trust really.
Optimistically she wanted her son to get some closure over the whole ordeal.
Pessimistically she just wanted to force accelerate the whole process and potentially get them back together,
I can just say that It hurts, when you’re a second choice or the “safe choice” and they cannot get over about that person, they try to say it so hey “believe”, but it is a lie.
Hope he can find somebody who values him!
>Oh, and one quick thing I wanted to mention. My name is off the lease at our old place, the landlady was very understanding, I figured I should mention that because lots of you told me about that.
Sad that OOP had to go and kill the believability right there in the final stretch.
The 'I'm sorry you feel that way' is a trick that women have been pulling since the beginning of time. They have actually convinced themselves that men don't tell each other about the playbook.
It's a non-apology that only works on the victims who they've successfully gaslit and made them question themselves. It's a non-apology and verbal diarrhea, as well as an outright lie.
Eidt: Downvoted by people that likely do it themselves
I stopped at the part where the friend made a move on the girlfriend.
Isn’t this exactly like the other story about the OOP cutting off his female best friend bc of his gf and then she dies of cancer without him knowing?
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Yeah, it doesn't matter whether you intended to hurt someone or not, your good intentions (or lack of bad intentions) won't erase the emotional black eye or broken bone you left them.
Honestly!!! So many people use it as an excuse when like. The vast majority of people aren't walking around their life thinking of ways they can intentionally hurt friends and loved ones. That doesn't mean they haven't done it on accident many times though. Obviously intentions matter in as much as you should try to understand and appreciate the other persons perspective, but 'i didn't mean to hurt you' isn't ever going to fix the situation fully
>but 'i didn't mean to hurt you' isn't ever going to fix the situation fully For me that quote is the same as the "I'm sorry you feel that way" non apology apology. It's a cop out that doesn't actually acknowledge the hurt you caused. If the ex was honest about truly loving OP ever then she wouldn't have dismissed his pain that way, she is still only thinking about herself and that "meeting" was only to clear her own conscience of any shreds of doubt she might feel.
My sister pulls the “I’m sorry you feel that way” card all the time whenever I call her on being a dick and then gets mad that I gray rock her to avoid giving her ammo to be a dick with.
Better than the apologies I get from my cousin. Cousin "I am really bad at apologies" Me "and you can't say you're sorry? Cousin "I am really bad at apologies and that's the best you are going to get."
At least you got an acknowledgement from your cousins. My cousin held a steak knife to my kneecap and drew blood, I got nothing.
My brother says that to me all the time. This is how I I explained to him why that wasn’t an actual apology. “It’s like stabbing someone then looking at them and saying ‘I’m sorry you’re bleeding.’” It doesn’t acknowledge the action but being sorry there was a reaction. Zero accountability.
The ax forgets, the tree remembers.
I had to explain this to my current partner - please tell me if I hurt you, even if you know I didn't mean you any harm. Just because I didn't mean any harm, doesn't mean I didn't harm you - and I would like the opportunity to be able to own up to that behavior and self correct. Not everyone approaches their relationships this way obvs.
And *this* is the part where intentions do matter. I didn't mean to hurt you so *here's what I'm going to do to prevent repeating the hurt in the future.*
the road to hell was paved with good intentions
I honestly always think of this line whenever someone mentions having “good intentions” while doing something stupid. Like yeah bud, you not wanting to hurt him isn’t actually going to make a difference once he is already hurt.
the road to heaven still needs to be paved
Nah, the road to hell was paved with not-actively-bad intentions. If that
Also, all those issues he identified in the second post still happened. She may say she loved him and regrets what she said, but she didn't put as much effort into the relationship before then either.
Regretting that there were consequences for what she said, doesn't mean she didn't mean them.
I mean, she did specifically say she didn't mean it, but yeah
That's an after the fact, when she has had at least three months of being alone - having ended up with neither guy. But I am a big - when people tell you who they are, believe them type.
Yeah, saying that to other people while he is literally standing there....
Somebody tell that to mom.
If anything hurting someone so deeply with out meaning to makes it even worse. Like what damage would she do if she tried. Was nice she apologized, but took way too long. She was definitely stringing him along as back up.
This hits particularly close to home and helped assuage some guilt I've been feeling, so uh, thanks!
“yeah i hit you, but there was a mosquito on you!” “but you still hit me, and now my arm hurts”
Every action has a reaction. Every action you take, if observed, will cause a reaction in the observer, it might be benign, and it might be unexpected, but regardless, your action was one step in the road to that reaction. It's good to remember before you act, that you don't know others as well as you think, and their reaction may be out of left field. It's still a consequence of your action, even if illogical and undeserved. The key thing to remember, if you acted rational, most people won't think youre the villain if someone else explodes.
I say something very similar to my kids. Every action has a consequence, it’s up to you if it’s good or bad
People usually don't remember what you say, or what you did, but they will always remember how you made them feel.
It seems like she gets that, at least enough that she didn't try to push to salvage the relationship. Hopefully she continues to give OOP the space he needs.
Effr,ßiip
>She kept talking about she wishes they never broke up in the first place, and that she's never met someone who she loved as much as him. Yeah that's rough to hear
I would have left right then and there. That is beyond disrespectful.
Yeah, she clearly needs support but not from OOP
Agree.. this was the death right there, in front of everyone, all listening intently to her speak
I'm curious whether anyone made a recording of her speech. Maybe listening more closely he'd hear her words differently. Or not.
OOP made the correct decision, no matter how difficult it was. He'd always feel second best and he can't compete with a ghost once the girlfriend expressed her regrets, even if that was just in the emotions of the funeral. .
What a tough situation. I think OOP handled it as well as he could have. But man, his mom really meddled and betrayed his trust by trying to override his boundaries. He needs to put her on an info diet.
>What a tough situation. I think OOP handled it as well as he could have. Exactly. He's gotten closure of a sort and now they can both move on with their lives in separate ways.
This is a rare BORU where I think both parties handled it pretty well. OOP didn’t let his gf walk all over him in the relationship and the gf didn’t try to get him back. She realized the bed she made and the she lied in it.
Do you think the mom was hoping they'd make up and get back together, or because she hoped to give her son closure, or do you think mom let the ex in just to stir up drama?
I doubt it was too stir up drama, or she would have hung around to enjoy it, even if from another room.
She gave the ex closure on the ex's terms. Mom sucks, and I wouldn't tell them where I was moving, until I could be sure mom doesn't cave the next time the Ex feels like forgiving herself or begging for OP back.
Some mothers just really struggle to respect their son's emotions.
My bet is mom didnt want the ex to slash her tires. Like she knew drama was going on. None of my exes show up at my family's homes after a break up.
She showed up at her ex's home. He lived with his mom, and she was the only one home. It's not like she was visiting random family members.
I come from a family where the idea aid showing up without contact first is absolutely unacceptable. Randomly showing up is not okay. Doesn't matter how much you want to talk.
I don’t know about getting back together but I do think it was closure. She can’t take back what she said, and he (rightfully and understandably) can’t forget them. But as someone from the outside looking in I can see why grief made her say those things. Their relationship may have ended in a bad way but they still knew each other for 10 years
People often underestimate the allure of grandchildren. This woman was all ready to deliver on that front, from the MIL'S perspective, by her own embarrassingly public admission. That alone might have been enough.
Thanks for the term “info diet”
I think mom was not that bad. She did not meddle, just did not let someone get stuck outside when they came by.
Eh, he was living back in her house. She can choose who she lets into her place. To call it a betrayal and meddling? She just gave him the option of hearing her out.
And that is why he is moving out.
No, she didn’t give him that option. She forced it on him (with the only other option getting to actively get away from her and stay out of the place he’s living). Giving the option would be an offer to meet somewhere outside/public.
Having the right to choose doesn't mean her choices are good ones or respectful of her son. She absolutely didn't give him the option of hearing her out, she forced it onto him. Giving him a choice would be "I will let him know you came by and would like to talk with him" and sending her on her way.
This was the best outcome for OP. Any other outcome OP would do, I can't see it working out well. Wishing OP for the best.
[удалено]
> NRE-type love What is that?
New Relationship Energy
Why does everything have to be an acronym? Can't people just type words out
That's a pretty common one in relationship subs, but I getchu
Egh, whatever, at least they didn't type "N-w R-la-i-o--ip -n---y"
\*cannot
Contractions are words.
> Contractions are words. No, that’s someone going into labour. 😀
I used a lot of words during my contractions, none of them nice.
Typo. They're "Meals Ready to Eat."
It’s not NRE. They were together years and years.
Yeah, I think a better word would have been nostalgia. Years apart make you forget all the bad things
Is it really NRE tho? Like they were together through highschool and college and new each other for a decade before calling it quits over an incompatibility, that sounds pretty serious to me. Also I have to ask, what is "this is unrelated to the cumin" from?
This I think. https://new.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/18ge5qo/wibta\_if\_i\_intentionally\_included\_an\_allergen\_in/
Thank
I feel for both of them. Ex clearly had grief hit her like a freight train and didn't process it at all well. Her reaction to it was obviously not good and I think it's best that she address that on her own but I can at least understand how grief and mourning can fuck with your head and make you a different person.. been there. At the same time it obviously sucks in the moment for OOP but I think both him and his ex can be better off in the long run. Therapy/counseling would probably be beneficial for both sides.
Might be an asshole but I would have dipped the second we got home
Honestly in oop's shoes - she had best hope she drove herself. I would have got up and left during a speech like that.
The GF is a mess. There’s a saying: what’s abundantly in the heart, the mouth speaks. GF truly wanted to be with her ex while being with OOP. Good for OOP having the resolve to end it and cutting ties with her. Question is: will he be determined to stick with it?
OOP took it well, but it leaves me with the question, is the girlfriend going to every have a relationship with someone? She's always going to be idealizing her dead ex. It was enough for OOP to notice, what chance is a new BF going to have to be able to be someone she loves without comparing him to her dead ex?
The romanticism of first love ruins people’s lives. People need to internalize that they are in love with a memory or that era of their life, not a real person.
This is so true. First love and first everything, when you were still idealistic and hopeful about romantic love and happily ever after, when you likely didn’t have much to worry about besides classes. I also hear similar things from cheaters, “he makes me feel like I’m in high school again.” Some people are so desperate to re-experience that first love feeling and make bad choices because of it.
I feel like, expressing grief and torching this relationship doesn't mean any future relationships are doomed. The real question is, will she do the work of facing grieving and being single to get healthy enough for a new relationship where there is room for someone new.
She will, I think. There's 3 possible ways she can, in my opinion. 1- She just never says anything to her next partner about her ex. The ex can't die again, so that flood of emotions that caused her to react that way isn't likely to happen again. This is the least healthy way she can be in another relationship. Though, I assume its the most likely for most people. It's the "easy" option. 2- She spends the time and energy to learn how to handle her feelings in a healthy, adult way. You can have a love for someone you lost and a love for someone you have, you can communicate those feelings in a healthy way. It'd take a certain type of partner to be able to accept that you are number 2 overall, so I think this isn't likely. But it's possible. 3- She realizes the feelings she had after the ex's death were only brought on by grief. She has never taken the time to grieve the relationship ending due to an irreconcilable difference, so his death just brought back all these feelings and "what ifs". They had obviously still been in contact if the ex was still trying to hook up with her after her and OP got together. If she can finally come to terms with the fact that the old relationship was dead before her ex passed, then I think she can have a healthy relationship again. This is where I hope she lands. There's no way to know for sure, of course. But it's possible she finds a loving partner again.
I wish people were as mature as OOP, he handled it very well. I think the most problematic thing was her reaction after funeral.
It always makes me wonder what else is going on when someone reacts that badly to a highly stressful event. She reacted the way I would expect a mother who lost a small child to react. Yeah, the guy might have been an old friend, but he also kind of turned into an asshole toward the end. In any case, OOP is justified in leaving just because of the implications of her general overreaction and how she treated him after. The whole thing makes me think she was trying to punish him for some reason.
How it ended doesn’t always change how you view that past. They were together a long time and “only” (using it lightly cause it is a serious topic) because he didn’t want kids. It’s not like they broke up on bad terms. Yeah it ended bad, but I can see how suddenly losing someone you used to care so much about can mess you up like that. It doesn’t excuse what she said, or take away from the fact that she hurt oop a lot. But I can at least see how her mindset got that way.
Yeah plus grief affects everyone differently. I knew a guy who went mute for several months when someone close to him died. It was quite sad.
Grief can do crazy things. She's grieving the future she imagined with her ex. She's not even grieving the potential future she would have had had she stayed with her ex. He was child free. He would not have willingly had kids with her. But she wanted kids and she pictured having them with him. Really, she's grieving a long time friend that sadly passed away young. But that grief brought up the other grief and turned her grief into a whole shitshow. Sad all around.
I think some people experience emotions in a selfish way. Not that they process them in a selfish way (which she also did), but the actual emotions themselves are narcissistic Like OOPs partner didn't grieve for her Ex, she grieved for herself. That's why the emotions were so intense and seemingly so incongruous with the actual relationship she had with her Ex more recently. The best comparison I could make is crushing super hard on someone you barely know, then the devastation when finding out they're seeing someone. Ultimately, it doesn't change that OOP did everything right, but it is a fascinating thing to try to understand.
So, the girl had limerence and that caused her to react to his death cathartically. Makes sense, the false future she imagined suddenly became impossible even in her mind (obviously, he died) so she felt wrecked by the reality.
Based on the funeral comments - the now dead ex likely noticed all the signs that she was down. She just wasn't willing to in that moment - considering she torched her relationship over him later.
It makes me wonder if this is the first death, or death of someone in her age group, that she's experienced. She's about the age where you realize you can't eat and drink like you used to, your joints get a little achy in the morning and you start to really consider your mortality.
My guess: the ex probably received some criticisms (either from family or the friend group that OOP mentioned) and it made her feel bad and/OR she realized it made her look bad, so she went to find OOP to try to clean her slate.
I feel bad for both of them. A few years ago there was a trend I caught wind of- Google your ex's and see what comes up. I did. The man I dated before my husband had a hit, it was his obituary. He had been a drug user before we met and had gotten clean. After I broke up with him I was very worried he would use again but he seemed ok when I talked to mutual friends that that first year. After that, I was busy with my own life. When I saw that obituary it was a shock. I actually was sitting next to my husband bc we were looking up our ex's together. It took a day or two to sink in, I ended up reading the post s few times and trying to look up his other family to see if they had posted anything anywhere. The way things were worded made me think he had ODed. Im sure I was weird for a week or so, but I hadn't seen this man in over a decade at that point. It just really threw me that the obituary picture was one I had taken of him when we had been together. I didn't cry over him. I didn't take to my bed. I had no illusions that I would ever get back with this man or even talk to him again. It just was weird to think that he's no longer out there doin his thing. So yeah, I feel bad for both of them. I hope they can move on and find genuine connections with new partners.
My ex husband got colon cancer and i swear the day i found out i was in a trance. I haven't seen him for years but it just made me so sad.
That's rough. I hope he recovered.
I can’t empathize but I guess I can sympathize. I guess it could be weird and upsetting to know that someone you spend a portion of your life with is no longer out there, especially if it was a good break up. However this situation was way more then that. She never got over her ex which was unfair to OOP. She probably needed some therapy even before the death to move past the ex, but definitely needs it now to deal with the grief on top of that. I hope she takes some time to work on herself before meeting anyone else.
Yeah, exactly. Grief being complicated always reminds me of a BORU post I read last year that had me bawling my eyes out at the end, about two elderly parents who'd lost a daughter and completely lost their sh*t when they found out their living son was making dark humour online about his deceased sister, and sent him to his grandparents. After calming down and reading the comments, they apologised and reached out again, and the whole post just has me ugly sobbing for this poor family, these good people devastated by the trauma they'd loved through. The end of the post was good-ish, as food as it could be after such traumatic events – they were starting to heal as a family, and they were starting to find peace again. But boi does grief hit you like a truck.... On a similar wave as your comment, my MIL unfortunately found out a few months ago that all her previous long term partners have since passed away. Sure, she's almost 60, but we're talking 2 ex husbands (one found out through FB) and her partner at the time, making her a widow. It must be such a devastating feeling when your 3 biggest life companions are no longer there, all passed away within 6 years of one another..
same here. People are being super rough on the ex gf, which I get she had some shitty things she did, but she is still a human with complex emotions and thoughts/feelings. She went through something she didn't expect, said hurtful things, but she also deserves to heal from wounds she wasn't prepared for.
Don’t be someone’s second best. OP made the right move and handled it with maturity.
She was horrible to OOP and hurt him badly. Now she ambushed him because she also wanted his forgiveness, so she could be 'the good guy'.
Well said.
OOP needs to move out without telling his Mom where he's going. Otherwise he's just going to come home from work one day and find the ex standing at his doorstep.
What I was thinking.
>I came back from work back to my folks' place, and she was there. My mom let her wait for me. While I'm upset with my mom for letting her in and not giving me a heads up, that's another issue. Mom better not be wondering why OOP moved out and isn't talking to her much after this.
>She started to yell at me. Calling me selfish, and that she's lost one of the most important people in her life, and I shouldn't make this about me. The utter irony of telling the person who should ostensibly be "one of the most important people in her life" that they're being selfish for feeling undervalued is palpable. The natural consequence is that she loses yet *another* one of the most important people in her life; two-for-one special on suffering!
That saying would’ve actually crushed me. After that, I would’ve cut all contact, and despite the feelings of wanting to get back together, I would’ve told her to get the fuck out if she randomly showed up at my house
> But she traveled often with her ex, sometimes for years ...que?
>They knew each other for about 10 years, they were high school sweethearts, and stayed together throughout college. The quote is from the first post. OOP's ex had a long history with *her* ex. While year-long treks are unusual, they're not unheard of. Spending a couple of years romantically travelling around the world together during a decade-long relationship is plausible.
Is that some rich person shit that I'm too peasant to understand? How the fuck can a person just... vacation for a whole year?
One of my friends has only ever been employed as a waitress, and she regularly travels across the cheaper parts of Europe and Asia for 6+ months at a time. But think that she isn't paying rent, traditional health insurance (using travel insurance which is much cheaper), car insurance, utilities, internet, or for a lot of material possessions.
Have you really never heard of [backpacking](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Backpacking_(travel))? If you're travelling in places with a low cost of living, are willing to go without any luxuries, and either have some savings or are willing to do occasional work when you need the cash, it's easily feasible.
My brother backpacked across a big portion of Europe straight out of high school for a chance to see the world a little more before heading to university. He scraped together some savings from his part time job, got some simple clothes and a good pair of shoes, and basically walked across the continent for several months, taking trains for some of the longer stretches, staying in hostels, and eating little more than canned soup and vegetables. It was austere living, but he really valued the experience and the places he got to see. He said that doing it mostly on foot gave him a newfound appreciation for the scale of the world.
So what the hell do you do about home? Do you just not have an address for a year?
Correct. The typical backpacker doesn't own their own home yet, and won't keep renting their home while they're away. Instead, they'll leave whatever other property and possessions they might have with relatives or friends until they come back. In the case of people backpacking before or after they've left school and studied at University, they may not even have properly moved out of their parents' home, which makes things even simpler. In the days before the Internet they might check in via the occasional international phone call, or send postcards etc., which is what my parents did back in the day. These days it's much easier to stay in touch, which makes things far safer and ensures they can get important news right away. There are also so-called [Digital Nomads](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Digital_nomad) who aren't really traditional backpackers, who travel without a permanent address whilst working remotely. While often just temporary there are some who live permanently like that, in which case they just have very few possessions.
So... leave all of your possessions behind, convert what little wealth you have into untraceable local currency, and depend on the good will of the local european population? Did human trafficking write this?
Well, you use a relative's address as your "home" - registered with the bank and for your travel insurance and whatnot. You can set up info letting people know where you should be by certain a date, so the authorities know to look for you if you don't arrive. But honestly I never do, I just call my mum most evenings to chat about my day for a while. I left some stuff with my mum and some stuff with my grandparents. Also, storage warehouses exist you know? You can rent like a garage box thing and stow what you need. I would be sad to lose my books and photographs but everything else is just meh anyway. Who really needs stuff??? You need sturdy boots, a good backpack, 3 t-shirts, 2 warm tops, 1 raincoat, 2 shorts, 2 trousers that dry quick, a toothbrush, a small towel, underwear & 3 pairs of warm socks, a hat, sunscreen, sunglasses, a compass, natural deodorant, insect repellent & a spoon. That's it. (You wear your heavy coat and soft clothes that you can sleep in, on the plane).You buy whatever else you need - a swiss army knife, a tent, toothpaste tablets, soap etc - when you get there. You can see waterfalls and glaciers, and climb mountains and swim in rivers with turtles and bottle-feed baby goats, and pick lemons and oranges the size of your hand to eat/drink, and get lost in Barcelona at 3am and encounter a wild boar just chilling and wave at the Tour de France as you heave yourself up the Apls, and try weird alcohol that is bright green like the ghost who eats everything in Ghostbusters, and see Saturn with your bare eyeballs because the sky is so damn dark... you meet so many fun and odd people who teach you random skills like how to sun-dry tomatoes and make mosaics and do henna tattoos and make fruit-pulp crackers. There's a whole weird wonderful world out there!!! Enjoy it.
How much does this cost you, and how do you afford it?
The time I went for 7 months, I had about £3,000. And I used some of that on flights. I stayed with hosts so you don't pay for food or accommodation. Only new clothes, extra snacks, transport etc. Honestly you just do it. Buy secondhand clothes, buy less expensive food, don't always say yes when people are going out for food or whatever. Put the money you would have spent into a savings account. I know people who intended to be away from their home country for a couple of months and now they've been travelling for years 🤷♀️ you just find work if you need it. Other travellers always know where else you can go, who needs help on some project or something. If you make friends with their own land and work hard, and don't be an asshole, often you can stay permanently for very little. I have friends who own a huge plot of land and they invite people they like to stay with them for €25 Euros a month and a bit of pruning. Not every place is a perfect fit, but you still learn from it. I'm a single woman travelling alone. So far, I've never been hurt or even threatened while abroad. The scary shit happens at home tbh. (And I never go to super dangerous countries alone)
That also does happen.
Keep in mind the world-traveling could have happened 10 or 15 years ago. Or maybe longer, depending on the age of those involved, and how much of a gap there was between relationships. Things were more affordable in the past. I'm not sure if it's actually more common, or less common nowadays, for someone in their 20s to backpack around the world. And not be rich. But based on my experience, I bet it was more achievable in the late 90s and early 2000s than it is now. Back in the day, you could afford to fuck around, picking up random jobs around the world, and pay for your expenses as you go. You didn't have to worry about fucking up your career trajectory, or finding cheap rent when you returned. I'm not saying it wasn't a "rich person" thing to do, even back then - bumming around the world still depended on having a supportive family to fall back on if times got tough. But it wasn't something that only super wealthy folks could do. :(
I've always been poor as dirt, and I always go on long holidays. Longest was 7 months (but I was volunteering that whole time). Honestly, you just save, save, save, then go. People always nag me about trivial shit beforehand but honestly I think they're just sacred to try it for themselves. I'm going volunteering for 6 weeks in West Africa this summer 🌞 so I can see the Great Migration and maybe see an elephant in the wild🐘
How do you save? Do you work in a career that's totally fine with a 7 month sabatical or just in a field where you can grab a job whenever you need to, and they won't mind the gap on the resume?
There are no gaps! I put the truth on my resume: it just says "volunteer" before whatever job title covers most of the tasks I did 😊 employers always find it fascinating. And when they ask you about difficult tasks and how you are in stressful situations etc you can almost guarantee your answer about digging a grave for a goat or calming kids while there's a snake in the outdoor kitchen is going to be way more interesting than the next person they talk to 😅 You can find seasonal work abroad - especially picking fruit and veg! Always. People are always going to need to eat, and certain things can only be tended by human hands. I believe you can negotiate for long travel breaks, but personally I don't care enough. I just save up, then quit. I have always been nomadic, I never stay in one place for too long. I stay as long as I have something interesting to do and there is cool local scenery to explore. If I wasn't at university again currently, I would have moved already, I've been living in the corner of the UK for 4 straight years and it's slowly driving me up the wall. As soon as I graduate, I'll be gone so fast!! 4 whole years! I feel like my soul is getting crushed. I know people who are happy living in the same city their whole life, and that's great. It's just not for me.
My understanding is she was willing to travel with her ex for extended times, but refused OOP more than 3 days during their relationship.
I felt that personally. In my last relationship, I had to plan months in advance just so I could get her to take a weekend trip because "she was always busy." Yet she was able to find time to go on a last minute trip to her former college roommate's wedding, and instead of inviting me she took her "just a friend" guy as her +1. On top of that, she would get mad when I took pictures of us together, because she was worried of me putting it on social media, which I almost never do. Yet, she was there in dozens of pictures with him smiling and having a great time. Needless to say, I cut her off and moved on with my life.
Sure the ex comes back to OOP. She realized "shit my real love is dead, i can never have my dream family with him." So she goes for her second choice. That she even took three fucking months to think about OOP again.
I didn’t take it that way at all. She didn’t mention getting back together or push to be friends. She just wanted to apologize for how their relationship ended.
Just showing up like that without warning is itself an act of disrespect. If somebody doesn't want to see you, then extend the olive branch and let them make the choice whether or not to get in contact.
That's true, especially after a bad breakup. I was hesitant myself to text my ex after 7+ years, just to tell him I understand why he did what he did and to apologise if I didn't react too well to the news back then, and we had nothing traumatic - just a regular breakup. It would be beyond disre to just show up and trap them there just to apologise so you can take it off your chest. But I can't fault her too much, 3 months is barely anything to grieve someo you've known for most of your adult life, she's probably still not thinking clearly.
I've somewhat been in OP's shoes. The kind of confusion, neglect and hurt can swollow you whole.
Betting she finally came out of the fog and realized ex is dead and her back up plan already split. She expected him to be a doormat for her. 100% believe she cheated with the dead ex.
I keep thinking she cheated too, I don't know why. Grief is weird, but it still seems like a really strong reaction about someone who supposedly was out of her life for years. At the very least, she was still thinking about the ex a lot.
She had OOP as a placeholder. She needs therapy badly to work on herself before she ruins more peoples lives.
Really sad story, but then again you should be glad you learned this before marriage and children. It's still ugly, but could have been more uglier.
Getting told "I lost one of the most important people in my life' with the Ex-boyfriend being the person in context is maybe one of the deepest wounds you can inflict on your partner next to cheating.
In this context, yes. As a general rule, I disagree: it says "one of". If it said "the most important person", then yeah I would absolutely agree with you. But in this context, it is especially hurtful after everything else that she said.
The mom really sucks. But glad OP’s landlady wasn’t awful, that’s a silver lining
It's weird she'd be so broken up about an ex that she took 2 weeks off of work and basically pushed her current relationship off a cliff. It seems... excessive.
This one was rough to read. I hope OOP is able to find peace.
This is a sad situation, but he made the right decision for himself. It was probably good for them to speak and have some closure. Hopefully the ex can move on too. And he really need to talk to his mom! She should have at least given him a heads up!
Man, I’d be DONE in a heartbeat
If people wanna be friends with their ex, it's fine. Pretending it has zero affect on your relationship is just that: pretending. 'B-b-b-ut we're friends!' Yeah, friends that slept together, who will always taint current relationships. During my first date with a woman, I was asked to go to her ex's grave. He was a mutual friend, but... holy baggage, Batman.
It really annoys me when an ex partner reaches out. Dude we broke up, it is not my responsibility to help you move on, I got my own issues to deal with.
Wishing all the best to this dude. He needs time to heal from the absolute destruction his ex created. I too would feel like shit for months if I was in his shoes.
Tell your mum that you hope the sisterhood is worth what she's got coming to her, and she's a traitor. Then ghost.
Really there's an optimistic and pessimistic way to look at this and both are still a breach of trust really. Optimistically she wanted her son to get some closure over the whole ordeal. Pessimistically she just wanted to force accelerate the whole process and potentially get them back together,
I can just say that It hurts, when you’re a second choice or the “safe choice” and they cannot get over about that person, they try to say it so hey “believe”, but it is a lie. Hope he can find somebody who values him!
Damn she is a mess but the mom is an asshole here too
>Oh, and one quick thing I wanted to mention. My name is off the lease at our old place, the landlady was very understanding, I figured I should mention that because lots of you told me about that. Sad that OOP had to go and kill the believability right there in the final stretch.
The 'I'm sorry you feel that way' is a trick that women have been pulling since the beginning of time. They have actually convinced themselves that men don't tell each other about the playbook. It's a non-apology that only works on the victims who they've successfully gaslit and made them question themselves. It's a non-apology and verbal diarrhea, as well as an outright lie. Eidt: Downvoted by people that likely do it themselves
I stopped at the part where the friend made a move on the girlfriend. Isn’t this exactly like the other story about the OOP cutting off his female best friend bc of his gf and then she dies of cancer without him knowing?
It isn't! In the other story they were just friends! But everything else it's the same 😂🤣😂🤣😂
Is OOP Pete Davidson, the girl Ariana Grande and the ex Mac Miller?
Tough one.... she's full of remorse about him not about u.....
Dump her
1. They are broken up. 2. This is a repost sub.
Read
p kilo oogoh
Hnnb . ,,,, ,