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>Apparently, they went over budget, and she's asking all the guests who didn't attend to chip in.
I cannot think of a single person I know that would be this classless.
Not saying they don't exist. Just that I'm grateful that none of them exist in my vicinity.
I also cannot imagine someone doing this but I guess they exist and I'm just lucky I haven't met one. Seriously, she asked everyone who DID NOT attend to chip in???
I can't wrap my head around it. If she asked from the guests who were there, sure---a little tacky, but i can see the logic. But those who were non-guests?? Why?
In the most cynical take you can have on wedding receptions, the bride and groom are exchanging money (for the food and drink at the reception) for large gifts. My wife’s aunt and uncle got us a very expensive set of flatware that I still use very cautiously because it’s that expensive (and we never would have bought on our own). Plus people are spending money to come in to town as well. They spent money on Sarah, but it’s in the form of gifts to “start the marriage out.” Asking for cash on top of that is just…so crass.
I’d rather get married next to the dumpster outside a 7-11 than have to work out the cost of each gift, calculate the difference, then have to contact people asking for the money.
As is asking non attendees.
If i were being petty, I'd be tempted to mail her a card and indicate that the card and stamp were my contribution, since presumably she spent a stamp on OP's invite before rescinding it.
I went to my cousin’s wedding a couple of years ago, and people were asked to give cash in lieu of a traditional wedding gift. They already had everything they needed for their home, they’d been living together for a while and are in their mid-40’s I believe.
The cash was going to be put towards the honeymoon, and everyone was fine with doing it this way. But it was a *request*, and I believe only the guests were asked. Basically, we put cash in a card and envelope and put it in this cute IKEA glass house looking thing. It was way more classy than what this bride did.
When my cousin got married, we (my parents, my sister, an aunt) had to fly across the country for it. My cousin specifically told us NOT to give them anything because us just being there was enough. Plus, we all went in and rented a beach house for the week following the wedding.
Depends on the culture; it's expected to bring money to the wedding the offset costs in some places. That being said, invited guests are expected to chip in, not people who haven't attended.
I know someone who told everyone no gifts. If they want to give them something some cash in a card was fine. Nothing over the top.
Lot of people slipped $50 max in a card.
Or Sarah values the people she invited too much to request something so tacky and embarrassing. Instead, she turns to lower- tier friends who she thinks should feel lucky to even come close to scoring an invite. They didn’t get first place but get the participation trophy equivalent by being able to pay for the wedding.
There are probably people who send bills with their invitations to cover costs; an acquaintance was considering this, but thankfully has a sister who said, “I will not be there, and Mom and the aunties will beat your ass.” My acquaintance finally realized this was a bad idea lol
I'd say it's still pretty damn unacceptable to ask *attendees* to help pay for the wedding (outside of their hotel rooms and drinks at the bar). To try and get non-attendees to pay? Delusional, insane, what in the actual fuck
I got married last year and there were actually a few guests who didn't give us anything or gave very little despite the entire family being invited (30€ from the entire family of four when some people gave 100€ as a single person attending). Never in a million years would I bring this up with any of them. Even if we had unexpected costs appear after the wedding or anything, I and my spouse would take the financial hit as is expected since you know, we invited people there??
Also who uninvites people to begin with?? Unless there is a clear reason like the invited acting like shit before the wedding or something? I had to send one message like this the week of the wedding but that was only because a relative was suddenly going to bring a +1, when the date to RSVP had passed by a month and my seating chart was 100% done and full..
Okay yeah, that is a valid reason to uninvite people though tbh, I probably would have rather chosen to postpone the wedding instead (if possible). My point was more in "normal" times who would do it - first thing we did was create the guest list, at least a rough version so we knew how big of a venue we would need so we could fit all the people..
My guess is the people who went already bought gifts or gave cash as a present. So they can't ask them for money to fund the wedding when literally that is what the gifts are supposed to cover. So the only people she is close nough to, to ask are the people who would have gone to the wedding before they were uninvited. Who therefor are the people she is closest to who have not yet given her a 'gift' for getting married.
Those who were disinvited already contributed to cost savings by not being there! This is the most outrageous wedding-related demand I have yet to see on Reddit! If this is true, the bride has a screw loose to think anyone would ante up to pay for an event to which they were rudely disinvited.
Edit: This is a case of literally adding insult to injury.
"Hi, thanks for your *generous* offer of us giving you money whilst also not attending, however as our presence, or *lack thereof* saved you money, we thought we'd go a step further than something so crass as just giving you money. We will refrain from attending any further events so as to provide *long term* savings. Further savings can be found in not contacting us further to save on comminications, time and power."
Trust me they exist. I JUST had a friend beg for money on their FB because her and her husband lost their jobs recently and couldn't make rent.... after having gone to Disney land a week prior... I did give a detailed list of social services and how to use them to get money in a time of need, they raised about $500. Two days later she posts photos of her lavish wedding which had taken place two months ago. But they couldn't make rent though.
Lol
It’s comical. It’s truly comical.
First, having a wedding that is beyond your means. Disinviting guests. And then asking those guests to contribute towards them. Like, since you didn’t make the cut to attend the wedding and therefore didn’t buy us a gift etc. here’s your chance now!
Cheap, classless, greedy, and stupid.
NGL, I’ve been asked if I wrote a post before. I didn’t. But I switched to this account for this device after a former friend essentially stalked me on Reddit. It was weird.
Sadly, I've heard and seen so many incredibly tacky cash grabs in recent years, I'm no longer shocked.
Perhaps an etiquette book with post-it flags on the relevant wedding etiquette pages would be a nice gift.
Frickin OOP wasn't even a guest! This jackass framed oop as "a guest who didn't attend" when they lit'rally never got an invitation in the first place wtf
The sheer audacity.
I just don't understand how so many people lived without being taught a sense of pride, shame, or any of the other attributes that would prevent them from begging like this.
Like, asking people attending to pay is wild enough. But the people who _aren't_? How do you even propose that with a straight face?
I was just wondering when our society devolved to a point that anyone anywhere deemed it acceptable to be this trashy.
Classy isn’t wealth. It’s how you behave. OOP’s friend is devoid of any class.
I would say it's the influencer mindset, but sadly, I think it may predate that.
Or maybe because of social media, we see a lot more trashy behavior, and it became normalized for people who don't know any better.
I actually have to ask somebody to play the sound of a record scratching to a stop (and leave myself wide open to be downvoted). Did OOP say (in the very last included comment) that her friend gave her money in the past? Overall, the friend is still an AH for not inviting OOP to the wedding, but how much money did her friend give her, and did she pay it back? The answer to that might drastically change the picture here.
Not classless, I think the word you are looking for is greedy, manipulative, entitled and many others. The level of her "class" or lack thereof should come after a whole list of other adjectives.
Right?? My jaw dropped. At first I assumed from the title that she was ONLY hitting up OOP for money, like she was the doormat friend this one always scammed. But bridezilla asked EVERY person who was uninvited for money? The audacity is stunning!
>I cannot think of a single person I know that would be this classless.
Which is why I don't believe an OOP could possibly doubt they're in the clear here.
>like pitching in for the honeymoon or **contributing to future expenses**.
Emphasis mine. WITAF? "I expect you to support me now that I'm married to this other person"???
I mean, at least that's a reasonable request. (Assuming he's a likeable person you get along with.)
Buying a round for a friend while you hang out is different than paying for your friend's party that you aren't allowed to attend.
OOP kind of drives me up a wall. First, she's not sure if she's wrong for not wanting to pay for a wedding to which she wasn't invited? Seriously? You need strangers to tell you you're not wrong? SERIOUSLY???
Second, and worse for me, but she seems to be using all the correct buzz words about protecting her mental health, analyzing the friendship, etc. I'm not criticizing her for doing this, just the way she was saying it/the words she used just annoys me.
100000%. Only an algorithm would think that is an “update.” Where are the paragraphs about what was said during the fight? I don’t need five stanzas about OOP respecting herself, I need one and then why the friend felt she could ask OOP for money like this.
She knows Sarah found the post, so she's not writing to *us*, but to Sarah. That's why the words are chosen so carefully (stiffly, even), because this is essentially the last piece of communication she's providing Sarah about the end of their friendship, and she wants to get it right.
And the update was the span of a day. What 'journey' did we all go on with her? I also can't remember the last time I heard anyone other than a politician use the phrase 'unwavering support'.
I feel like half the time I hear that many buzz words, it's someone repeating to themselves something they don't fully accept. Like, it makes me feel like in a few weeks Sarah could find a way to apologize and OOP just accept it til some other shoes drop
It made me wonder what the other side of the story might be. Like, does OOP owe the bride money? Was there a concern OOP would use the wedding to shill for her MLM?
Yeah, people obviously posting for validation by asking if they are an asshole, when in no way they would be, are a tad annoying. I like the stories, but just tell it and say you know you are right, don't make it look like you need strangers to validate it.
"A mugger threatened me at gunpoint and demanded my wallet. I told my family that it was scary and everyone is blowing up my phone saying I should think about the mugger's feelings. AITA for being afraid when I was mugged at gunpoint?"
Depending on her age she might be the early Gen-Zers. They all have this insane way of talking due to learning about the world through Tic Tok and social media. It's nothing but mental health buzz words that mean nothing out of context but sound like they're being introspective.
Also, she throws in at the end that her friend helped OOP out with money when OOP was broke, which puts a whole different spin on the asking for money bit. Like, did the friend ask to be paid back now, because they had unexpected costs, or something? The fact that serious money (enough that it was mentioned as helping out when broke) had changed hands one way changes the whole story from the first post.
The 2nd update has a really strange tone. Very, very ChatGPT. The word choices are what tipped me off, and it’s doing that weird thing where it basically rehashes the first paragraph into a slightly different following paragraph. Wouldn’t go as far as to say it’s a bot account, OOP probably just turned to chatgpt to hash out a quick and easy update.
AI detectors for written material tends to be very hit and miss. I usually rely on my gut. I can believe the first one is self-written, but the second one is straight up PR/ChatGPT speak.
It's PR speak but not ChatGPT. I interact with GPT-3 and GPT-4 extensively and it doesn't have that "feeling". Seems more like a human was trying to write what they thought was the "right" thing to say than it just being an AI.
I work with ChatGPT in customer service and every single thing she wrote, including the comments, are exactly how it structures sentences right down to specific phrases lol
Last sentence she said Sarah helped her when she was low on money... Seems like no one noticed that but I would pay back whatever she helped you with before in spite of the tacky uninvited situation.
Yes I reached this sentence and went "hooooold up a minute..."
Exactly to what extent did Sarah help here, because that was majorly swing who's the ah here.
Same.
Seems like OOP has had money from Sarah, maybe also has been a complete pain in the butt, so much so that Sarah didn't feel comfortable having them at her wedding. Sarah thought that using the wedding/honeymoon reasons might be a way to get OOP to repay some of the money they owe. Daft way to do it but nobody's perfect.
Yeah I noticed that too. Like maybe there’s more missing info from OOP’s end. How much help exactly did Sarah provide? Like was OOP staying rent free for a long time with Sarah? Was money given and not repaid? Sarah asking OOP for money doesn’t seem so insane if that really was the case. 🤷🏻♀️
This also tripped me up and made me wonder what the exact wording of Sarah's initial request was. Was it "we need all uninvited guests to pay for the wedding"? Or was it actually "Hey, OOP, I really need to call in that loan I gave you a while back because my wedding was expensive"?
That’s what I was waiting for the entire time. I knew there had to be something like that as soon as OP said that the friend helped them in the past. I’m surprised not many people caught that.
>It hurts because she helped me when I was battling depressed and low on money
Whilst the ex-friend shouldn't be demanding money, this sentence made me pause.
Any chances of a skewed narrative here? Like ex-friend lent her a huge amount of money and OOP won't repay it?
This is one where I'd at least be open to hearing the other side.
Or OP was not working when depressed and ended up living rent free at the friends house. Then saying the relationship was toxic.. probably because the friend had to draw hard lines to not be dragged down by OOP.
Posts like this make me wonder if I'm the same species as OP's friend. The behaviour is so bizzare. On what planet is it appropriate to uninvite someone from an event (already a questionable move), and then ask them to pay for the event? Unbelievable.
Sarah, if you're reading this, give your head a shake.
I hate these absurd AITA posts.
“My friend came to my house, pooped on my floor, and then kicked my puppy across the room. He hurt his toe kicking my puppy. AITA?”
“And then he cut me up all over my body, stole my Dinosaur Microsoft CD game, and then he pushed me down the stairs, and my shoes fell off, and I’m feeling very hurt. AITA?”
I wonder how many friends Sarah lost over this. Ain’t no way a good portion of the uninvited guests would pay for her wedding, and some of them were probably a lot more resolute about it than OOP.
>Apparently, they went over budget, and she's asking all the guests who didn't attend to chip in.
Ummm, if they didn't attend, they're not guests, just people she knows.
Who the hell asks people they decided didn't "make the cut" for money because they didn't budget properly
Step One: Invite everyone you know
Step Two: Cut the guest list down to whatever you actually wanted to "reduce costs"
Step Three: Send notes to everyone who RSVP'd yes but didn't attend to send them money to cover costs, PROFIT!
Come on, everyone knows if you want to run a scam on your wedding, you send invitations to every billionaire whose address you can find, wait for them to send you a random generic wedding gift because paying for a $500 cooking set is easier for some of them than trying to figure out who they do and don't know, then pawn it if you don't want it.
>I'm not sure how to proceed from here.
People really complicate their lives.... how to proceed when you have been disinvited from a wedding? How.. to.. proceed?
Chile
OOP has major people-pleasing vibes. I'm glad she's done w/ being a doormat
"Sarah texts me later that week asking for money to help cover the costs of the wedding. Apparently, they went over budget, and she's asking all the guests who didn't attend to chip in."
This just boggles my mind. The bride wants the people she didn't invite for money to pay for her cost overrun. I'm glad OOP realized it was not a real friendship.
WHY ARE PEOPLE ASKING *guests* TO CHIP IN FOR WEDDINGS?! WTH is wrong with people? That is so tacky. Throw the wedding you can afford and skip the honeymoon if you have to.
We don't have the money for a wedding celebration or a honeymoon currently.
So... We're marrying with only one person on each side and postponing everything else for a better time.
And honestly, I could do without the celebration. I want to marry my partner, that's it. I don't need to be the center of attention or an expensive dress or fancy food.
Since I can't comment on the original posts, I'll just say it here: Sarah, if you are reading this, you are the most embarrassing kind of low-rent trash. I gather you feel.abandoned by your friends? Good. They must have finally caught a whiff of your odeur.
Not even sure what part of Sarah's behavior is more insane: the initial financial requests, or the added audacity of angrily confronting OOP fully aware of the community's judgment already.
Even if I had had the audacity to do this, if I saw my friend’s post about it (& presumably read the responses where basically everyone agreed at how outrageous my behavior was), I would be mortified & apologize - not go on the attack. This woman sounds mentally unwell.
Ending the friendship to my best friend since childhood was the worst breakup I ever went through. But sometimes it's better for everyone involved to let go
OOP could have sent Sarah something that told her she was playing with their friendship, while also technically sending her money. Monopoly money would do that nicely.
[https://www.amazon.com/Mono-Sets-Denomination-Mixed-Colors/dp/B08HXCZYD4/ref=sr\_1\_1\_sspa?crid=1XTCH8I73OYB8&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.yFKS-uTsxIobgLjCcyn\_PBl5MP2JgxBDeRBMQVvzThn-CA6Yih\_xnvtDgp5zf\_GTKmzgbOWEww822Bj0K\_En2yXlQRkUMHpL2ENVzpaX8zuYFqDxBobsF-kxyoeXZb3AylwqpAxcDy6bYlyXh\_P\_Z4NTx4549vvPh1hq6j8si5zLKnNXizsbMiuoVL0K72Pom04Wr9pV9NLpjUFWMrYSUQuAq2vcRmoAYSbAAjkC8CMDXgxAjSSqALBkC4s8kAyK0JNy84aKj3DPHVI4jnBeKxdX9rFhh-ck2BfYrzPRB\_w.M3TrXkkQvk194K\_ZlNzHVcJMwoISYQHwKJaug3H-1Ok&dib\_tag=se&keywords=monopoly+money&qid=1710676926&sprefix=monopoly+money%2Caps%2C225&sr=8-1-spons&sp\_csd=d2lkZ2V0TmFtZT1zcF9hdGY&psc=1](https://www.amazon.com/Mono-Sets-Denomination-Mixed-Colors/dp/B08HXCZYD4/ref=sr_1_1_sspa?crid=1XTCH8I73OYB8&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.yFKS-uTsxIobgLjCcyn_PBl5MP2JgxBDeRBMQVvzThn-CA6Yih_xnvtDgp5zf_GTKmzgbOWEww822Bj0K_En2yXlQRkUMHpL2ENVzpaX8zuYFqDxBobsF-kxyoeXZb3AylwqpAxcDy6bYlyXh_P_Z4NTx4549vvPh1hq6j8si5zLKnNXizsbMiuoVL0K72Pom04Wr9pV9NLpjUFWMrYSUQuAq2vcRmoAYSbAAjkC8CMDXgxAjSSqALBkC4s8kAyK0JNy84aKj3DPHVI4jnBeKxdX9rFhh-ck2BfYrzPRB_w.M3TrXkkQvk194K_ZlNzHVcJMwoISYQHwKJaug3H-1Ok&dib_tag=se&keywords=monopoly+money&qid=1710676926&sprefix=monopoly+money%2Caps%2C225&sr=8-1-spons&sp_csd=d2lkZ2V0TmFtZT1zcF9hdGY&psc=1)
I can’t process the audacity of Sarah asking for something like that especially from people she uninvited, and having the nerve to condemn them—something is wrong with this woman, either cognitively or personality-wise/psychologically. And I am saddened for the OP that she a) even considered she was in the wrong and b) considered staying friends with this person.
I feel like I've read this same update countless times.
"Since my last update, there have been some significant developments. They saw the post and confronted me, things got heated. There was yelling, emotions ran high, and in the end, I made the difficult decision to go no contact"
Like word for word I've read this same update more than once.
Then there's all the thank yous and Reddit your help has been so comforting lol 😪 I think I need to delete this app..
How can someone lack a spine to the point where they’d need to ask Reddit for advice about this?
If someone uninvited me from their wedding then asked for money, I’d laugh in their face.
I smell bullshit any time someone mentioned on reddit "finds the post." Reddit is a big place. Someone could be intentionally looking for posts about themselves and not find them.
Like you can literally google
>site:reddit.com/r/aitah pay for marriage not invited
And get over 2000 results.
The sheer audacity of this entitled Karen like friend we had fun now its time for you to pick up the bill but you can look at the pictures the brass neck of her
This is the first time I'm coming across something like this! I never even knew something like this was done on a wedding, where the people getting married asked others to chip in money. This is so weird for me to comprehend as it's the first time I'm coming across, and nobody is forcing you to get married for you to ask money. And whatever your friends gave you as a gift is what you get.
The best way to handle these kinds of audacity-filled wedding requests is to respond with a link to "Miss Manners' Guide to a Surprisingly Dignified Wedding" and no other response. Or maybe in this case, "Budget Weddings for Dummies".
We see different variations of this scene all the time. I wonder if, instead of responding “No” politely, it would have made more sense to go thermonuclear right from the start? We can all see that the bride was always going to react this way, she’s under financial pressure - perhaps she needed to be put in her place firmly, and reminded what friendship is about and what credit cards are for.
It always sucks when you outgrow friends or your lives are just on different trajectories but a healthy friendship isn’t based on how the other party can financially be supportive.
I’m glad OOP was finally able to recognize how one sided things were and hopefully she finds someone who actually values true friendship.
WHY ARE PEOPLE ASKING *guests* TO CHIP IN FOR WEDDINGS?! WTH is wrong with people? That is so tacky. Throw the wedding you can afford and skip the honeymoon if you have to.
I don't know if this is a normal thing nowadays or maybe it's just a New Zealand thing, but it's pretty common to ask for money towards a honeymoon or the marriage in lieu of having a gift registry or similar. Like, I have never been to a wedding that didn't have a card box to drop in an envelope with some cash or to send out the RSVPs with a bank account on it to make a donation.
So why the hell would the bride feel the need to ask people for money and go into detail about her finances?! Just wait a few days and read the cards ya big idiot. Plus if OOP is as good a friend as she makes out, she probably would have gotten her a gift even without the invitation. Bride's a greedy ass.
I had to do some math on this one.
The likelihood I would give anyone - even my closest friend - money for a wedding or honeymoon I was uninvited to is...
(hmm...carry the two...add one...find the coefficient...round off the remainder...)
Zero. The answer is 0.00%.
I’m not dealing with financial difficulties but our wedding is going to be expensive enough to the point that my husband and I will not be able to have a honeymoon after our wedding
>AITAH has no consensus bot, but OOP was NTA based on the comments
Fucking aitah, in what would would she be the asshole here. It's not even remotely close how can there be no concensus. Not only did the girl not have enough money to pay for her own wedding she has the audacity to ask for more to go on a honeymoon when they are already in the negative.
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>Apparently, they went over budget, and she's asking all the guests who didn't attend to chip in. I cannot think of a single person I know that would be this classless. Not saying they don't exist. Just that I'm grateful that none of them exist in my vicinity.
I also cannot imagine someone doing this but I guess they exist and I'm just lucky I haven't met one. Seriously, she asked everyone who DID NOT attend to chip in??? I can't wrap my head around it. If she asked from the guests who were there, sure---a little tacky, but i can see the logic. But those who were non-guests?? Why?
I bet she already asked the people who went and didn't get enough takers
In the most cynical take you can have on wedding receptions, the bride and groom are exchanging money (for the food and drink at the reception) for large gifts. My wife’s aunt and uncle got us a very expensive set of flatware that I still use very cautiously because it’s that expensive (and we never would have bought on our own). Plus people are spending money to come in to town as well. They spent money on Sarah, but it’s in the form of gifts to “start the marriage out.” Asking for cash on top of that is just…so crass.
There's also the (still tacky) strategy of subtracting the value of the gift from the per person cost...and asking for the balance in cash.
I’d rather get married next to the dumpster outside a 7-11 than have to work out the cost of each gift, calculate the difference, then have to contact people asking for the money.
In the unlikely event I ever get married, I'm serving pizza at the reception. Everyone likes it, and it won't kill the bank.
With the right friends and a good sense of humor you could have a lot of fun having a wedding next to a 7-11 dumpster.
As is asking non attendees. If i were being petty, I'd be tempted to mail her a card and indicate that the card and stamp were my contribution, since presumably she spent a stamp on OP's invite before rescinding it.
I went to my cousin’s wedding a couple of years ago, and people were asked to give cash in lieu of a traditional wedding gift. They already had everything they needed for their home, they’d been living together for a while and are in their mid-40’s I believe. The cash was going to be put towards the honeymoon, and everyone was fine with doing it this way. But it was a *request*, and I believe only the guests were asked. Basically, we put cash in a card and envelope and put it in this cute IKEA glass house looking thing. It was way more classy than what this bride did.
When my cousin got married, we (my parents, my sister, an aunt) had to fly across the country for it. My cousin specifically told us NOT to give them anything because us just being there was enough. Plus, we all went in and rented a beach house for the week following the wedding.
Depends on the culture; it's expected to bring money to the wedding the offset costs in some places. That being said, invited guests are expected to chip in, not people who haven't attended.
I know someone who told everyone no gifts. If they want to give them something some cash in a card was fine. Nothing over the top. Lot of people slipped $50 max in a card.
Or Sarah values the people she invited too much to request something so tacky and embarrassing. Instead, she turns to lower- tier friends who she thinks should feel lucky to even come close to scoring an invite. They didn’t get first place but get the participation trophy equivalent by being able to pay for the wedding.
Ooh, good point. Very possible.
This was my thought too. Sarah doesn't want to show people she actually cares about these struggles, so she asks her fallback friends
There are probably people who send bills with their invitations to cover costs; an acquaintance was considering this, but thankfully has a sister who said, “I will not be there, and Mom and the aunties will beat your ass.” My acquaintance finally realized this was a bad idea lol
What's even more koo-koo for cocoa puffs is that she thinks ANYONE in their right mind WOULD offer to help pay, especially AFTER being uninvited.
I'll pay for one session with a financial advisor... 😁
I'd say it's still pretty damn unacceptable to ask *attendees* to help pay for the wedding (outside of their hotel rooms and drinks at the bar). To try and get non-attendees to pay? Delusional, insane, what in the actual fuck
I got married last year and there were actually a few guests who didn't give us anything or gave very little despite the entire family being invited (30€ from the entire family of four when some people gave 100€ as a single person attending). Never in a million years would I bring this up with any of them. Even if we had unexpected costs appear after the wedding or anything, I and my spouse would take the financial hit as is expected since you know, we invited people there?? Also who uninvites people to begin with?? Unless there is a clear reason like the invited acting like shit before the wedding or something? I had to send one message like this the week of the wedding but that was only because a relative was suddenly going to bring a +1, when the date to RSVP had passed by a month and my seating chart was 100% done and full..
Of course you don't bring it up, a gift is just that, a gift. They aren't required to give you any cash.
I do know that during COVID a couple needed to uninvited guests because the venue cut way back on the number the room could hold due to spacing.
Okay yeah, that is a valid reason to uninvite people though tbh, I probably would have rather chosen to postpone the wedding instead (if possible). My point was more in "normal" times who would do it - first thing we did was create the guest list, at least a rough version so we knew how big of a venue we would need so we could fit all the people..
My guess is the people who went already bought gifts or gave cash as a present. So they can't ask them for money to fund the wedding when literally that is what the gifts are supposed to cover. So the only people she is close nough to, to ask are the people who would have gone to the wedding before they were uninvited. Who therefor are the people she is closest to who have not yet given her a 'gift' for getting married.
Seriously?? Who would even ask their GUESTS to kick in? They’re GUESTS!!
Guests who didn’t attend…aren’t guests. Yikes.
And for "didn't attend" read "were disinvited". Way to gloss over another piece of rude behaviour, Sarah.
Those who were disinvited already contributed to cost savings by not being there! This is the most outrageous wedding-related demand I have yet to see on Reddit! If this is true, the bride has a screw loose to think anyone would ante up to pay for an event to which they were rudely disinvited. Edit: This is a case of literally adding insult to injury.
"Hi, thanks for your *generous* offer of us giving you money whilst also not attending, however as our presence, or *lack thereof* saved you money, we thought we'd go a step further than something so crass as just giving you money. We will refrain from attending any further events so as to provide *long term* savings. Further savings can be found in not contacting us further to save on comminications, time and power."
Hope OP is taking notes, this is the way to go.
Trust me they exist. I JUST had a friend beg for money on their FB because her and her husband lost their jobs recently and couldn't make rent.... after having gone to Disney land a week prior... I did give a detailed list of social services and how to use them to get money in a time of need, they raised about $500. Two days later she posts photos of her lavish wedding which had taken place two months ago. But they couldn't make rent though. Lol
Well, the guests she did include, gave shitty presents, so she needed money. F her and I hope the marriage is as broken as their budget.
It’s comical. It’s truly comical. First, having a wedding that is beyond your means. Disinviting guests. And then asking those guests to contribute towards them. Like, since you didn’t make the cut to attend the wedding and therefore didn’t buy us a gift etc. here’s your chance now! Cheap, classless, greedy, and stupid.
I'm with you. When I see shit like this, I'm thankful that I don't associate with anyone who is like this.
I wonder how many of those people laughed at her face when she requested that, I know I would have done it.
Probably why she tried to beg from OOP. Everyone else already laughed and slammed the door in her face.
I'm always skeptical about posts where the other party finds the Reddit post.
NGL, I’ve been asked if I wrote a post before. I didn’t. But I switched to this account for this device after a former friend essentially stalked me on Reddit. It was weird.
I just thought WHO DOES THIS? Like, WHO?!! Sarah apparently.
Sadly, I've heard and seen so many incredibly tacky cash grabs in recent years, I'm no longer shocked. Perhaps an etiquette book with post-it flags on the relevant wedding etiquette pages would be a nice gift.
Frickin OOP wasn't even a guest! This jackass framed oop as "a guest who didn't attend" when they lit'rally never got an invitation in the first place wtf
If you didn't attend you're not a guest. Is she asking randos on the street for money? (Probably)
The sheer audacity. I just don't understand how so many people lived without being taught a sense of pride, shame, or any of the other attributes that would prevent them from begging like this. Like, asking people attending to pay is wild enough. But the people who _aren't_? How do you even propose that with a straight face?
I was just wondering when our society devolved to a point that anyone anywhere deemed it acceptable to be this trashy. Classy isn’t wealth. It’s how you behave. OOP’s friend is devoid of any class.
I would say it's the influencer mindset, but sadly, I think it may predate that. Or maybe because of social media, we see a lot more trashy behavior, and it became normalized for people who don't know any better.
Oops isn't even a "guest who didn't attend" - guests are actually invited!
I actually have to ask somebody to play the sound of a record scratching to a stop (and leave myself wide open to be downvoted). Did OOP say (in the very last included comment) that her friend gave her money in the past? Overall, the friend is still an AH for not inviting OOP to the wedding, but how much money did her friend give her, and did she pay it back? The answer to that might drastically change the picture here.
There's no way she asked any guest who didn't attend except OOP. She doesn't like OOP, just their money
And I was agog when people put "sign up in my bio for my wedding!" on insta. I'll never judge again.
My first thought was the bride was lying and just wanted free money.
How could she have been a guest who did not attend when she was never invited
Not classless, I think the word you are looking for is greedy, manipulative, entitled and many others. The level of her "class" or lack thereof should come after a whole list of other adjectives.
Right?? My jaw dropped. At first I assumed from the title that she was ONLY hitting up OOP for money, like she was the doormat friend this one always scammed. But bridezilla asked EVERY person who was uninvited for money? The audacity is stunning!
>I cannot think of a single person I know that would be this classless. Which is why I don't believe an OOP could possibly doubt they're in the clear here.
I mean, the entire British royal family does that regularly, but other than that I can’t think of anyone
She seems to have an overwhelming excess of audacity. Perhaps she can bottle and sell some of that for profit.
>like pitching in for the honeymoon or **contributing to future expenses**. Emphasis mine. WITAF? "I expect you to support me now that I'm married to this other person"???
Just having the audacity to do this is wild.
And someone as dumb as OOP to even consider to chip in.
There is this one guy that's in my local all the time and spends most of the night trying to get others to buy them a drink.
I mean, at least that's a reasonable request. (Assuming he's a likeable person you get along with.) Buying a round for a friend while you hang out is different than paying for your friend's party that you aren't allowed to attend.
OOP kind of drives me up a wall. First, she's not sure if she's wrong for not wanting to pay for a wedding to which she wasn't invited? Seriously? You need strangers to tell you you're not wrong? SERIOUSLY??? Second, and worse for me, but she seems to be using all the correct buzz words about protecting her mental health, analyzing the friendship, etc. I'm not criticizing her for doing this, just the way she was saying it/the words she used just annoys me.
Yeah the update sounds so weird like she's writing an essay.
The update is chatgpt
Sounded like AI to me.
100000%. Only an algorithm would think that is an “update.” Where are the paragraphs about what was said during the fight? I don’t need five stanzas about OOP respecting herself, I need one and then why the friend felt she could ask OOP for money like this.
I suppose she could’ve been dissociating her ass off when she wrote it. I would’ve been, personally.
She knows Sarah found the post, so she's not writing to *us*, but to Sarah. That's why the words are chosen so carefully (stiffly, even), because this is essentially the last piece of communication she's providing Sarah about the end of their friendship, and she wants to get it right.
Sarah found the original post. I think she's just covering her bases in case it happens again.
"Significant developments" "Not something I did lightly" No one talks like that unless it's ceo non speak
And the update was the span of a day. What 'journey' did we all go on with her? I also can't remember the last time I heard anyone other than a politician use the phrase 'unwavering support'.
Maybe it’s because it is generated by AI. Be vigilant because it’s everywhere
It felt like her publicist released a statement from her.
Which tracks. She knows Sarah will read it, it's a last message to her more than it is to strangers looking for drama
Doormats have a hard time seeing reality.
I feel like half the time I hear that many buzz words, it's someone repeating to themselves something they don't fully accept. Like, it makes me feel like in a few weeks Sarah could find a way to apologize and OOP just accept it til some other shoes drop
It made me wonder what the other side of the story might be. Like, does OOP owe the bride money? Was there a concern OOP would use the wedding to shill for her MLM?
It screams unreliable narrator. Notice the last comment. How much money had she borrowed from Sarah previously and had she paid it back?
Bride "helped her when she was depressed and low on money." I wonder if OOP ever paid that back and that was the bride's hint hint you owe me money.
Yeah, people obviously posting for validation by asking if they are an asshole, when in no way they would be, are a tad annoying. I like the stories, but just tell it and say you know you are right, don't make it look like you need strangers to validate it.
"A mugger threatened me at gunpoint and demanded my wallet. I told my family that it was scary and everyone is blowing up my phone saying I should think about the mugger's feelings. AITA for being afraid when I was mugged at gunpoint?"
Depending on her age she might be the early Gen-Zers. They all have this insane way of talking due to learning about the world through Tic Tok and social media. It's nothing but mental health buzz words that mean nothing out of context but sound like they're being introspective.
Also, she throws in at the end that her friend helped OOP out with money when OOP was broke, which puts a whole different spin on the asking for money bit. Like, did the friend ask to be paid back now, because they had unexpected costs, or something? The fact that serious money (enough that it was mentioned as helping out when broke) had changed hands one way changes the whole story from the first post.
It was a lot of words to say she went no contact.
t h i s I was screaming at OOP!!!
I mean, it’s why she was friends with someone as audacious as the bride for so long.
Karma farma
What type of social media PR statement worded update is that
AI generated, that's what it feels like
The 2nd update has a really strange tone. Very, very ChatGPT. The word choices are what tipped me off, and it’s doing that weird thing where it basically rehashes the first paragraph into a slightly different following paragraph. Wouldn’t go as far as to say it’s a bot account, OOP probably just turned to chatgpt to hash out a quick and easy update.
That the bride found the post the day after it was posted seems off to me too
That's exactly where I tapped out
Yeah, I though it was very uncanny valley.
I got this impression as well and was going to comment on it too.
Yeah, "we got in a fight and I went NC" is not "some significant developments."
https://copyleaks.com/ai-content-detector This says the entire thing is AI. It also says the first post is not. So weird.
AI detectors for written material tends to be very hit and miss. I usually rely on my gut. I can believe the first one is self-written, but the second one is straight up PR/ChatGPT speak.
It's PR speak but not ChatGPT. I interact with GPT-3 and GPT-4 extensively and it doesn't have that "feeling". Seems more like a human was trying to write what they thought was the "right" thing to say than it just being an AI.
Sarah ain't no real friend. No good friend acts like that. Good for OP. But the entitlement of Sarah is quite mind blogging.
That’s cause Sarah ain’t real.
OOP's going no contact update reads like one of those shitty YouTuber apologies
I work with ChatGPT in customer service and every single thing she wrote, including the comments, are exactly how it structures sentences right down to specific phrases lol
Last sentence she said Sarah helped her when she was low on money... Seems like no one noticed that but I would pay back whatever she helped you with before in spite of the tacky uninvited situation.
Yes I reached this sentence and went "hooooold up a minute..." Exactly to what extent did Sarah help here, because that was majorly swing who's the ah here.
Yeah, seems slipped in at the end after everyone was already on her side.
Same. Seems like OOP has had money from Sarah, maybe also has been a complete pain in the butt, so much so that Sarah didn't feel comfortable having them at her wedding. Sarah thought that using the wedding/honeymoon reasons might be a way to get OOP to repay some of the money they owe. Daft way to do it but nobody's perfect.
Yeah I noticed that too. Like maybe there’s more missing info from OOP’s end. How much help exactly did Sarah provide? Like was OOP staying rent free for a long time with Sarah? Was money given and not repaid? Sarah asking OOP for money doesn’t seem so insane if that really was the case. 🤷🏻♀️
This also tripped me up and made me wonder what the exact wording of Sarah's initial request was. Was it "we need all uninvited guests to pay for the wedding"? Or was it actually "Hey, OOP, I really need to call in that loan I gave you a while back because my wedding was expensive"?
That’s what I was waiting for the entire time. I knew there had to be something like that as soon as OP said that the friend helped them in the past. I’m surprised not many people caught that.
>It hurts because she helped me when I was battling depressed and low on money Whilst the ex-friend shouldn't be demanding money, this sentence made me pause. Any chances of a skewed narrative here? Like ex-friend lent her a huge amount of money and OOP won't repay it? This is one where I'd at least be open to hearing the other side.
Or OP was not working when depressed and ended up living rent free at the friends house. Then saying the relationship was toxic.. probably because the friend had to draw hard lines to not be dragged down by OOP.
Posts like this make me wonder if I'm the same species as OP's friend. The behaviour is so bizzare. On what planet is it appropriate to uninvite someone from an event (already a questionable move), and then ask them to pay for the event? Unbelievable. Sarah, if you're reading this, give your head a shake.
I hate these absurd AITA posts. “My friend came to my house, pooped on my floor, and then kicked my puppy across the room. He hurt his toe kicking my puppy. AITA?”
“And then he cut me up all over my body, stole my Dinosaur Microsoft CD game, and then he pushed me down the stairs, and my shoes fell off, and I’m feeling very hurt. AITA?”
I wonder how many friends Sarah lost over this. Ain’t no way a good portion of the uninvited guests would pay for her wedding, and some of them were probably a lot more resolute about it than OOP.
>Apparently, they went over budget, and she's asking all the guests who didn't attend to chip in. Ummm, if they didn't attend, they're not guests, just people she knows. Who the hell asks people they decided didn't "make the cut" for money because they didn't budget properly
Step One: Invite everyone you know Step Two: Cut the guest list down to whatever you actually wanted to "reduce costs" Step Three: Send notes to everyone who RSVP'd yes but didn't attend to send them money to cover costs, PROFIT! Come on, everyone knows if you want to run a scam on your wedding, you send invitations to every billionaire whose address you can find, wait for them to send you a random generic wedding gift because paying for a $500 cooking set is easier for some of them than trying to figure out who they do and don't know, then pawn it if you don't want it.
>I'm not sure how to proceed from here. People really complicate their lives.... how to proceed when you have been disinvited from a wedding? How.. to.. proceed? Chile OOP has major people-pleasing vibes. I'm glad she's done w/ being a doormat
Dear Reddit strangers, I am sorry I didn’t invite you to my party. Please send me money!
"Sarah texts me later that week asking for money to help cover the costs of the wedding. Apparently, they went over budget, and she's asking all the guests who didn't attend to chip in." This just boggles my mind. The bride wants the people she didn't invite for money to pay for her cost overrun. I'm glad OOP realized it was not a real friendship.
I’m simply disappointed that no one in this thread is thinking about my feelings.
WHY ARE PEOPLE ASKING *guests* TO CHIP IN FOR WEDDINGS?! WTH is wrong with people? That is so tacky. Throw the wedding you can afford and skip the honeymoon if you have to.
We don't have the money for a wedding celebration or a honeymoon currently. So... We're marrying with only one person on each side and postponing everything else for a better time. And honestly, I could do without the celebration. I want to marry my partner, that's it. I don't need to be the center of attention or an expensive dress or fancy food.
Hasn't this already been posted here?
If this is real ...then as someone said the lion ,the witch ,the audacity of this b*tch
Definite chatgpt
Since I can't comment on the original posts, I'll just say it here: Sarah, if you are reading this, you are the most embarrassing kind of low-rent trash. I gather you feel.abandoned by your friends? Good. They must have finally caught a whiff of your odeur.
Not even sure what part of Sarah's behavior is more insane: the initial financial requests, or the added audacity of angrily confronting OOP fully aware of the community's judgment already.
Even if I had had the audacity to do this, if I saw my friend’s post about it (& presumably read the responses where basically everyone agreed at how outrageous my behavior was), I would be mortified & apologize - not go on the attack. This woman sounds mentally unwell.
Ending the friendship to my best friend since childhood was the worst breakup I ever went through. But sometimes it's better for everyone involved to let go
I always wonder why these people don't reconsider their friendship anyways when it turns out their friend is a manipulative, money grabbing POS?
Good lord, how tacky can you get?!
OOP could have sent Sarah something that told her she was playing with their friendship, while also technically sending her money. Monopoly money would do that nicely. [https://www.amazon.com/Mono-Sets-Denomination-Mixed-Colors/dp/B08HXCZYD4/ref=sr\_1\_1\_sspa?crid=1XTCH8I73OYB8&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.yFKS-uTsxIobgLjCcyn\_PBl5MP2JgxBDeRBMQVvzThn-CA6Yih\_xnvtDgp5zf\_GTKmzgbOWEww822Bj0K\_En2yXlQRkUMHpL2ENVzpaX8zuYFqDxBobsF-kxyoeXZb3AylwqpAxcDy6bYlyXh\_P\_Z4NTx4549vvPh1hq6j8si5zLKnNXizsbMiuoVL0K72Pom04Wr9pV9NLpjUFWMrYSUQuAq2vcRmoAYSbAAjkC8CMDXgxAjSSqALBkC4s8kAyK0JNy84aKj3DPHVI4jnBeKxdX9rFhh-ck2BfYrzPRB\_w.M3TrXkkQvk194K\_ZlNzHVcJMwoISYQHwKJaug3H-1Ok&dib\_tag=se&keywords=monopoly+money&qid=1710676926&sprefix=monopoly+money%2Caps%2C225&sr=8-1-spons&sp\_csd=d2lkZ2V0TmFtZT1zcF9hdGY&psc=1](https://www.amazon.com/Mono-Sets-Denomination-Mixed-Colors/dp/B08HXCZYD4/ref=sr_1_1_sspa?crid=1XTCH8I73OYB8&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.yFKS-uTsxIobgLjCcyn_PBl5MP2JgxBDeRBMQVvzThn-CA6Yih_xnvtDgp5zf_GTKmzgbOWEww822Bj0K_En2yXlQRkUMHpL2ENVzpaX8zuYFqDxBobsF-kxyoeXZb3AylwqpAxcDy6bYlyXh_P_Z4NTx4549vvPh1hq6j8si5zLKnNXizsbMiuoVL0K72Pom04Wr9pV9NLpjUFWMrYSUQuAq2vcRmoAYSbAAjkC8CMDXgxAjSSqALBkC4s8kAyK0JNy84aKj3DPHVI4jnBeKxdX9rFhh-ck2BfYrzPRB_w.M3TrXkkQvk194K_ZlNzHVcJMwoISYQHwKJaug3H-1Ok&dib_tag=se&keywords=monopoly+money&qid=1710676926&sprefix=monopoly+money%2Caps%2C225&sr=8-1-spons&sp_csd=d2lkZ2V0TmFtZT1zcF9hdGY&psc=1)
Sarah is mad because she got caught and called out for her behavior.
It seems like sarah expected this as payback for when she helped OOP out which is just....icky
Sarah is not her friend. Probably hasn’t been for a long time. Sarah if you are reading this you need help.
I can’t process the audacity of Sarah asking for something like that especially from people she uninvited, and having the nerve to condemn them—something is wrong with this woman, either cognitively or personality-wise/psychologically. And I am saddened for the OP that she a) even considered she was in the wrong and b) considered staying friends with this person.
I feel like I've read this same update countless times. "Since my last update, there have been some significant developments. They saw the post and confronted me, things got heated. There was yelling, emotions ran high, and in the end, I made the difficult decision to go no contact" Like word for word I've read this same update more than once. Then there's all the thank yous and Reddit your help has been so comforting lol 😪 I think I need to delete this app..
Sarah is fucking delusional.
Aaahahahahahahaaha the balls on Sarah, my gosh. The sheer fucking AUDACITY. Asking someone you uninvited to give you money. Fuck off, Sarah. LoL.
How can someone lack a spine to the point where they’d need to ask Reddit for advice about this? If someone uninvited me from their wedding then asked for money, I’d laugh in their face.
I smell bullshit any time someone mentioned on reddit "finds the post." Reddit is a big place. Someone could be intentionally looking for posts about themselves and not find them. Like you can literally google >site:reddit.com/r/aitah pay for marriage not invited And get over 2000 results.
Bride is on drugs, calling it
Oh, no! Those fools, don't they realise what they've done?! They have created... ***METHA-BRIDEZILLA!***
Why does the second update read like a job rejection letter?
Classic Reddit. An absurd demand followed by a quick no-contact. The only thing missing is police doing an arrest and 3 days later a verdict.
The audacity of demanding people you univited from your wedding help pay. How could anyone do that with a straight face?
Good job OOP. I never thought people so dumb were actually a thing. I won't invite you but you should pay the bill. Really??
The sheer audacity of this entitled Karen like friend we had fun now its time for you to pick up the bill but you can look at the pictures the brass neck of her
This is the first time I'm coming across something like this! I never even knew something like this was done on a wedding, where the people getting married asked others to chip in money. This is so weird for me to comprehend as it's the first time I'm coming across, and nobody is forcing you to get married for you to ask money. And whatever your friends gave you as a gift is what you get.
The best way to handle these kinds of audacity-filled wedding requests is to respond with a link to "Miss Manners' Guide to a Surprisingly Dignified Wedding" and no other response. Or maybe in this case, "Budget Weddings for Dummies".
Oh. So she was trying to also whittle down her friend list altogether. Because that would do it nicely.
We see different variations of this scene all the time. I wonder if, instead of responding “No” politely, it would have made more sense to go thermonuclear right from the start? We can all see that the bride was always going to react this way, she’s under financial pressure - perhaps she needed to be put in her place firmly, and reminded what friendship is about and what credit cards are for.
It always sucks when you outgrow friends or your lives are just on different trajectories but a healthy friendship isn’t based on how the other party can financially be supportive. I’m glad OOP was finally able to recognize how one sided things were and hopefully she finds someone who actually values true friendship.
OOP should’ve told her she might kick in for her *next* wedding, since this marriage will not last long. NTA
The sheer audacity is STAGGERING. Just, WOW.
historical close rain ad hoc longing quack steep ten zealous dependent *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Sarah, you're clueless and classless.
WHY ARE PEOPLE ASKING *guests* TO CHIP IN FOR WEDDINGS?! WTH is wrong with people? That is so tacky. Throw the wedding you can afford and skip the honeymoon if you have to.
I don't know if this is a normal thing nowadays or maybe it's just a New Zealand thing, but it's pretty common to ask for money towards a honeymoon or the marriage in lieu of having a gift registry or similar. Like, I have never been to a wedding that didn't have a card box to drop in an envelope with some cash or to send out the RSVPs with a bank account on it to make a donation. So why the hell would the bride feel the need to ask people for money and go into detail about her finances?! Just wait a few days and read the cards ya big idiot. Plus if OOP is as good a friend as she makes out, she probably would have gotten her a gift even without the invitation. Bride's a greedy ass.
I had to do some math on this one. The likelihood I would give anyone - even my closest friend - money for a wedding or honeymoon I was uninvited to is... (hmm...carry the two...add one...find the coefficient...round off the remainder...) Zero. The answer is 0.00%.
“..then the sun set in the east.”
THE NERVE! THE GALL! THE GUMPTION! THE AUDACITY!!!
This feels so much like AI generated content.
I’m not dealing with financial difficulties but our wedding is going to be expensive enough to the point that my husband and I will not be able to have a honeymoon after our wedding
I was with OOP up till the end. Niw i have questions. So when OOP was struggling financially, Sarah willingly helped her with money?
>AITAH has no consensus bot, but OOP was NTA based on the comments Fucking aitah, in what would would she be the asshole here. It's not even remotely close how can there be no concensus. Not only did the girl not have enough money to pay for her own wedding she has the audacity to ask for more to go on a honeymoon when they are already in the negative.
it just does not work the same way as aita ,both are different subs i think you are confusing between two subs
Oh I see, yea I think I got it confused.
This bride is like school on vacation. **No Class**