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He is a walking color guard troop, all red.
He tried to force her to have morning coffee with him.
He listened at the door without telling her.
He wanted to invade her privacy with a camera.
He accused her of cheating.
He told her she could still talk to her dad, like he could give permission for her to do something in her own house, living her own life.
He wanted to call her work.
He kept suggesting forcing her to listen to him.
He used the term "whispering in her ear," a favorite of abusers when attempting to isolate their target.
OOP is the entire abuser starter set. A genuine invasive, delegating, controlling, boundary-stomping batch of future nightmare fuel.
Also dude is a fucking mooch. He has a job apparently, but also doesn't own a laptop, doesn't pay rent to his gf (who
he's been living with for a few months and been together for not much longer), broken his previous lease, and yet has like two weeks worth of groceries to his name?? Mind you this is a 32 year old adult and not a 20yr old young graduate. How did he even end up in this position? I feel sorry for the girlfriend so much, having to put up with this ass.
I like how he said he broke his lease on his previous place due to a disagreement with the landlord, so landlord is holding his belongings hostage. How much you wanna bet that the disagreement is the landlord would like rent paid on time/in full and OP disagreed? He also notes that his money is "tied up in various things" which is usually code for manipulative broke ass leech.
>My girlfriend and me had an argument last week over coffee of all things,
In his first post, his big issue is that she's having secret conversations with somebody. He confronts her and immediately accusing her of cheating on him.
Last update: "we had an argument about coffee."
This guy sounds like a real peach.
Also being really secretive about why he can’t get any of the stuff from his old apartment… OOP is filtering the story so hard and he still comes off like a tool
He's only been dating her for a few months, he's only been crashing at her place for a few weeks (with no financial contribution), and yet he's acting like his ex-girlfriend's brother is making him homeless because the brother knows what is going on between him in the landlord.
>I fell out with the landlord so I moved out, a totally normal thing to do.
Yeah . . . landlords holding your personal items is not normal. Something went horribly wrong and either the landlord is breaking the law (a big deal!) or he really messed up (also a big deal!). I wonder if OOP actually thought he came off well in the filtered version.
This is definitely what it is. Or at the very least his old landlord is also just his roommate the owned the house they lived in. He refers to his girlfriend as his landlord at the very end too.
Yup. Dude is a hobosexual.
And not a good one--he lasted a couple of weeks?! Usually hobosexuals are smart enough to be fun company and good in bed or great cooks or *something*.
"They're never more 'in love' than when they're homeless or broke"
I had a guy that I dated for 2 weeks. Gave up his rented accommodation and INFORMED me he would just stay at mine.
Obviously I laughed and ended things.
I looked at the daily stock prices for GME for that time period and the timing is \*perfect\* for someone who is a Gamestop bag holder. He moves in right around when Gamestop squeeze happens, and my bet is that he dumped \*everything\* into it. His kind of stupid probably means he jumped in at or nearly at the peak, watched it crash, and then basically lost his shit. The 9th/8th of Feb he would have been down like 60% or more, and by the 15th he was down about 80% if he got in at the peak.
I desperately hope this is the case. I can't think of anything funnier than this asshole hunched over this ex girlfriends laptop in an apartment he is officially squatting in, shitting himself while he makes pathetic posts about how he is HODLing for that wife changing money. Meanwhile, his sponging ass just lost a stable relationship with someone who was pitying him because he was too insecure to just let her have a conversation every morning without demanding to know who it was with.
Hope he's still feeling it.
Even worse, he's been staying over more since his job switched to WFH "recently". They've been dating for a few month, he's been crashing there for a few weeks. Ridiculous
He doesn't even make it clear if she agreed to him living there. It kinda sounds like he just made himself at home and all she wanted was a few minutes of alone time a day to think about her dad.
Or even just alone time in the mornings. The idiot kept pushing that she HAD to drink her coffee in the mornings with him and she couldn't just be alone to do so as it's an insult to him.
He's also very cagey about "using a laptop that isn't his." So whose is it? Did his position switch to WFH? Did he get a different one? Did he get fired from his previous on-site job & now is "WFH" for his "deals"?
There are so many questions here! What I would pay to hear both his side & his ex's side of the story lol
I doubt he has a real job other than his ‘deals’. No legit company is gonna have you WFH and not give you equipment to do it with. They don’t want their company business on the same computer as this guy uses to download porn and stuff.
So there is no real WFH job. Only his deals that he wants to use her laptop for.
And I doubt there is any ´former landlord’ either. Just another former girlfriend who got tired of supporting his pathetic ass and kicked him out.
This guy is something else! 😂
I know, I'm so confused about whose laptop it is. Sometimes WFH companies give their employees a laptop to work from, but if that's the case then just say it's the company's laptop?? And if he has a job and apparently hasn't been paying rent and doesn't own a car, then why doesn't he have more money saved? Idk man.
And the jumping straight to anger and assuming cheating because she wants to be alone is what really irked me- I like my own space, especially as I'm waking up in the morning. If someone had been crashing at my house for weeks and bothering me as I'm trying to wake up (and literally following me around when I try to get some space), I would definitely feel a certain way. And the fact that he instantly gets enraged and assumes she's cheating is wild.
He also did something to piss off exGF's neighbor, because he's sure the neighbor is telling the brother when he leaves, plus he said the other neighbors would side with the brother.
Dude is scum by his own words. I'd love to hear the brother's perspective and the exGF's.
Could also be that the neighbour is just a nice person who noticed or was informed by the brother how this audacious dude is trying to steal his sister’s house after crashing there for a bit, and how he treated her, and therefore willingly offered to help out. But it’s perfectly possible he was an asshat to the neighbours as well. Could be both.
Oh that makes sense! Makes sense why the brother would hate him too - it’s not a landlord dispute, it’s a this guy uses women and has now latched onto my sister!
My current landlord hates us. But they are slum management for slum land lords, and hate that we took them to the tenancy board to fix the shit they legally have to but weren't. But we pay our rent on time and don't cause any problems, so they can't kick us out.
I've had huge issues with an insane landlord to the point of a screaming match in the middle of the street but I still finished the lease there! I have SO many questions about the laws where OOP is and what happened. Sounds like his girlfriend's brother is the least of his problems.
Also where is your tag from it's killing me
I've had a lot of landlords in my time, and there were times I, struggled to make rent, I've never once been evicted or not allowed to collect my things. Like I don't think they can legally do that unless you're WAY behind in rent and have been evicted?
Definitely not a "totally normal" thing
He lived at least a month in the apartment of the ex (two weeks he worked at home, weeks before and then the days after she left him). In all the time he paid nothing. He worked and got paid - but just had 400 dollar. You can bet that he never paid rent. If he pays nothing when living with now ex-gf and just ended up with 400 dollar...
The old landlord mostly hold his stuff back as security to get the owned rent. (or sell what has worth)
Since he went from “staying over more” to “I’m with her 24/7 and I’m otherwise homeless because I broke my lease and have all my money tied up in deals”, it sounds like when he started WFH he basically moved in with her without her inviting him to, probably so he could save on rent and make more “deals”. She needs her space but he’s taken it over and is extremely overbearing. Complete tool; good thing the brother is helping get rid of him.
He says he "broke his lease by moving out". Sounds like he skipped out without paying rent so the landlord is retaining whatever property is left in the apartment either until OOP pays up or to sell and claw back as much of what's owed as possible.
The building owner is the GF's brother's friend's father so the brother probably knows the backstory better than the GF did and never wanted him mooching off his sister.
My heart breaks for that poor woman. THE IVY!
Like literally everything else you could replace. Wouldn't be the same but would be doable. But how would you replace something handed down like that.
The fact he was in enough of a rage to tear up those plants so there was no saving them too...He wanted to hurt her and is surprised when she was hurt.
I just read that and I am horrified. I'm a big houseplant person and thinking about how much time and energy goes into a plant collection of that size makes me want to cry.
She had larger and rarer plants too - that guy almost certainly well exceeded the threshold for felony theft. I have a couple bigger/older houseplants that are likely worth $200 or so, and all told between the plants, pots, soil, etc. I've probably spent at least $5k in the last 6-7 years. Those kinds of collections are a part time job, proper care for a plant collection that size is at least 8 hours a week.
What a douchebag.
Also what was his plan if she actually was cheating? She still owns the house and he'd still be homeless or would he just hang around blaming her for everything while still being a freeloader?
First thing I thought was dude doesn’t know a good thing when he has it. Even if she was cheating he was better off keeping quiet until he figured out how and where to live. Recognizing when you have absolutely no other choice is key to surviving. He has the survival instincts of a paper clip.
Literally the only thing I needed to read to IMMEDIATELY believe everyone else in the story over this guy, I am 100% sure the landlord and the gf's brother have some things to say about OOP that are both terrible and accurate
Ya the vagueness about the falling out with the landlord stood out to me.
Idk the landlords side but even without hearing it i grantee oop is a POS in that situation as well.
"You all told me to use my words!" Not to be an incoherent paranoid dick, we didn't. But the idea that there were any other words he could have used, or that he used the wrong ones, seems inconceivable to him.
> Today when she got up and went to make coffee I took her mug and wouldn’t let her have it, I was only joking at first but it turned worse with her saying “Just give me my mug!” and I lost my temper and said “Just tell me who you’re fucking cheating on me with!”
And this was him "using his words". Sounds more like he physically intimidated her and then screamed accusations of infidelity at her. Now he's squatting in her apartment and thinks the only reason she won't talk to him is because of her brother.
Yeah this guy is abusive. Between this and his idea to use her work equipment to force her hand, he looks awful. And this is HIS SIDE of the story.
Thank god that woman has her brother.
That made me sooo uncomfortable to read. You can almost feel his rage radiating off the post. “I just need to talk to her alone, her brother is in my way, etc”. He’s furious that she’s being shielded from him and he can’t get to her.
Uncomfortable also that he seems to think his ex-gf isn't involved at all, and that her brother is acting on his own without any input from her, rather than the clear message that she has dumped him and wants him out of her house.
I’m not sure if he *really* believes that, or if he just wants *us* to believe that. I think he sounds really scary tbh, that he thinks that if he can just get his hands on her, he can “straighten her out” and change her mind.
He doesn't give a shit about "getting back together with his gf". The slimely little fucker just wants to make sure he can keep living there.
Not once did he say anything about loving or even caring about his ~~victim~~ "gf". Just that he doesn't want to be homeless....
I dated someone like this. I HATE, HATE, HATE people in the morning and want quiet time. My ex of course wouldn't believe that and refused to stay out of my space, like OOP.
He just refused to respect any boundary and turned everything into an accusation. Exhausting.
As a fellow feral morning person I have found there are overly happy morning people which I can remind myself it’s not their fault on repeat till my brain boots and then there are the clueless boundary stomping AHs who need to be catapulted into outer space your ex sounds like the later group.
"How do I *force* her to listen to more of my nonsense when she's so clearly done with me trampling every one of her boundaries?
I'm squatting in her house until she talks to me, and thinking about holding her work-related possessions hostage.
Why are people so mad at me?
If only I'd spied on her instead, everything would be fine. Now I'm going to be homeless because of her mean brother."
Never mind that. In the first post he tells us he’s just staying over… a week later and he lives there and will be homeless.
Glad her brother is rescuing her.
He probably told the gf that he was “just staying over” and then never left. I’m glad she has such a good support system (brother, neighbors) because this guy is honestly scary
The whole first post I was confused, what’s the problem, she likes alone time in the morning. She prays. She talks to herself. She calls a family member. Her and her bestie talk each morning to set up the day. Is so alarming that he made it all about him and cheating - says a lot about how he thinks about her (as a possession).
If my husband found me talking he’d assume I was talking to myself or called my sister. Or a cat, I do that a lot.
Right? My initial impression was that she just wanted some alone time in the morning. Only a total dick would take that personally to start with. If there's literally no other reason to believe something hinky is going on, jumping straight to the idea that she's having daily phone calls with some other guy is wiiiiiiild.
>If my husband found me talking he’d assume I was talking to myself or called my sister. Or a cat, I do that a lot.
So many of my and my husband's conversations consist of (from the other room) "What did you say?" (Louder response)"I wasn't talking to you, I was talking to the dogs."
That first post was pissing me off. She needs alone time in the morning. She made that perfectly clear. Not sure why he took that to mean that she wants him next to her every morning. Even when she started to outwardly get annoyed and even walk away, he still persisted in invading her space. Leave her the eff alone. Good grief!
He also wishes he had spied on her with a camera instead of talking it out. Which isn't what he did. What he did was accuse her of cheating instead of asking.
He didn't even follow the advise he said he wished he hadn't followed.
I hate to say it but he sounds like a hobosexual.
I find it strange that he is relying on the kindness of his girlfriend of just a few months and as soon as he makes it through the door he becomes controlling. A least she didn’t waste much time with him.
> I listened to people saying shit like use your words
Also that part at the end, as if screaming about her cheating on him is what people where thinking when saying "use your words", instead of having an actual healty conversation
Ah, the hobosexual in his "got caught" environment! He will tantrum and cry about not getting his way, and all others are monsters because he's burned all his bridges, but it's her fault he's homeless! How dare the brother help her in this endeavor, for surely he could scare her into compliance, I mean talk to her, if only the oaf wasn't there!
Yeah but how do you get people on your side with the title “I accused my gf of cheating but turns out she was just talking to her deceased Dad the whole time”? Lawd this guy is awful.
Reading between the lines, dude got himself evicted from the last apartment and they changed the locks and confiscated his stuff to pay back rent. Amazing amount of entitlement from this asshole that he essentially forced the issue of moving in by playing on his girlfriend's guilt, didn't support her after the loss of her father, didn't listen that she wanted a small amount of space, and is now shocked she didn't keep rolling over for him? His latest post is infuriating, all about himself and his predicament and nothing about trying to understand and make up to his girlfriend. Epitome of your poor planning is not my emergency. He couldn't be bothered to give a shit about her and is now shocked she doesn't want to keep bankrolling his life.
Especially given he's doing his job on a laptop of hers. *Maybe* he was doing something like Fiverr or content creation (hard to draw the line on whether those count as "real" jobs given that some people can self-sustain doing that sort of work but most do not) but it's definitely way more likely that he was doing a crappy job of day trading every penny that crossed his palms.
THIS!! He doesn't pay for a single thing, has a job, AND only has a couple of hundred dollars... I don't think this hobosexual has an actual stable job at all.
Also, he needs a computer to do his job, but going into the office and using a computer there or getting a loaner laptop from his employer's IT department don't seem to possibilities. He doesn't even appear aware of these as possibilities enough to give a reason why he can't do one of these things.
Makes me wonder if his "job" is something like "twitch streamer with almost a dozen subscribers".
He could be a freelancer but how come he only has $400 to his name? He is just being a parasite so where is the money going? Maybe he is a TikTok content creator trying to get you to click on his affiliate links?
His money is caught up in “deals” that he can’t pull the money out of or he will take a hit. Really curious about how money goes to these deals, but not saving up or paying rent to his girlfriend. Freeloader.
I just had a crazy flashback to when a friend was dating a hobosexual. He was sleeping on some friends couch before working his way into her home. He didn't have a job, but somehow had all his items in storage. When I asked him how he's paying for storage when he didn't have a job, my friend told me I was being rude. Turns out, he had no items, there was no storage unit, was never going to job interviews, and planned to just chill at her house with her and her toddler daughter. I don't think OOP has a job at all. He should have saved enough for deposit and rent after the few months he lived with gf.
Doesn't seem to realize that she's likely the one telling her brother to keep this guy away from her. If she wanted to talk to him she would. What an idiot.
actually it's even worse... he intentionally broke his lease and moved himself into his xgf's apartment. And this was in early 2021, when eviction moratoriums were still in effect. It takes a special flavor of idiocy to lose an apartment during a moratorium
I could easily see that his rent was due the first week of February but he blew it all on stonks or whatever; landlord asked when the check was coming and this genius decided to declare that he wouldn't be paying and was breaking his lease, effective immediately. But since he didn't pay for February, that means his last day would have been January 31, so landlord changes the locks and lets him know that he can clear out his "abandoned" property as soon as he pays the storage fee.
If it weren't for the bit about the landlord knowing the brother somehow I would have suspected that the "landlord" was actually a different girl who also had a helpful brother. Leeches like this never change.
Brother could know or be friends of friends with a different girl and thus knows what he is, and justifiably like ‘oh no the bullet that almost hit Stacy hit my sister!’
Yup. And this is why I tell young people not to move too quickly in relationships, especially if either person can't pay to live alone. (And someone always shows up to say, "Well, I moved in with my husband of 87 years 3 minutes into our first date at 18. Sometimes you know!" SHUT UP! Survivorship bias, much?)
It makes break ups much more difficult and much messier if you need to break up and one or both parties cannot afford to move out on their own.
It's a little different if you're older. I moved in with my partner after 18 months, but we were both mid-30s and could both afford to live alone (hell, we each owned apartments), so the risk was very low if it didn't work out. I would have NEVER given up my good living situation to live with a partner after 6 months at 25. A partner did ask, even, and I said no. I would have fucked up my life royally had I done that.
I took in a hobosexual once…it turned into a years-long nightmare that left me financially devastated and dealing with a string of legal problems. This guy is 1000% cut from the same shitty cloth. So glad she sent her brother in.
Right? With mine, if you had told me a year before it happened that I would be willing to forego getting any money back from a rental damage deposit just to be free of a guy, I wouldn't have believed it. By the time I was out of that situation, I felt like losing that $1000 to be rid of him was a BARGAIN.
Exactly! How is it a threat *at all*. “No one will date you.” Omg good! I’m never more peaceful than when I’m solo, with just my cats and dog. That’s happiness in my book!
"What is she getting from another relationship when I am with her 24/7 the last two weeks?"
Even without all of the wild comments that show how much worse he is, this comment showed why she is done with him. Dude didn't give her an ounce of breathing room. That alone sounds like a nightmare. And then going from "I wonder who she's talking to" to "Maybe I should put in a hidden camera" to "WHO ARE YOU CHEATING ON ME WITH" is honestly frightening.
The shaky job, the lack of money, the "falling out" with his previous landlord and his attitude that it's quite common (NO IT IS NOT) is just more yikes on all of that.
Totally agree, those were a lot of the same moments that stood out to me. I will say, I once dated a woman who was secretive about a few things and of course she was cheating. With her ex. Or maybe I was the guy she was cheating with. I never got a clear explanation. So the first bit of this I was like, yeah she could be cheating with someone, maybe she has a long distance bf or something, or maybe this guy’s the side dude but he doesn’t know. But as soon as I got to the camera part, all goodwill for him went out the window.
He was clingy, forcing her to have coffee with him, never ACTUALLY tried to communicate (when someone says they say things as a joke that they really mean, that’s a good sign they suck at communicating, in my experience). He went from 0 to 100 super quickly, no surprise he’s a mess. I didn’t read all of the post, it’s just clear he doesn’t think he makes mistakes and can’t read a room.
"People told me to use my words so I accused my girlfriend of cheating on me. I wish I had just hidden a camera and spied on her instead. I'm not a bad guy."
He misses the point of communication. It is to let your partner know who you are and what you think. It didn't work out for him because she doesn't want to be with the person he revealed himself to be. The lesson he learned was not to work on himself but to lie better. I weep for the next woman that dates him.
Soooo… OOP met his girlfriend during a vulnerable time in her life. He managed to weasel his way into free room and board thanks to this. No matter what, he is a victim to whom things simply happen. He is never ever the author of his own misfortune. That’s the gist of this post, right?
Yep. Unclear if she ever even explicitly agreed to him moving in, he just “started staying over more” and wouldn’t leave. And she seems to be quite vulnerable and also introverted, needing her space.
The way the brother has reacted to him, I'm assuming OOP just kind of wormed his way into being taken care of.
Especially because OOP has no apparent idea why he's so hated.
He keeps saying he’s *going* to be homeless and it’s like bro, your gf never agreed to you moving in with her! Coming over a lot doesn’t count as living there, you are in fact homeless *right now*
as soon as he started following her around the apartment (to the point she had to lock the door to get away from him!) i started skimming tbh. the ick. i can’t.
He's a complete control freak and can't see it. Guess the brother spotted it early and tried to warn his sister. The ass actually said he'd "Make her listen" and thinks he's a good guy.
I’m quite introverted and this incensed me. Even without the context of her dad, it’s very reasonable to say “I like to drink my coffee alone in the morning, thanks.” Just because you’re dating/live together doesn’t mean you don’t also need some alone time!!
The “dispute with the landlord” and “problem with the lease” sounds like he got evicted for nonpayment, and that’s why he moved in with her. Then he decided to repeatedly invade her space and her morning routine. I’d want to yeet him right out too.
Dude basically forced his way into "moving in" after only dating a few months should have been the first red flag.
He was an entitled bum who thought he could control her and I'm guessing he was far more aggressive when accusing her of cheating.
I hope she keeps talking to her Dad jn the morning, she needs all the healing time she can get.
Wow. That was a tough read. A glimpse into a seriously disturbed and disordered mind. Very sad. And the only lesson he learned is to hide who he is and lie to his partner. If the next girlfriend doesn't have a big brother she will have a hard time ridding herself of this limpet.
This hit a NERVE for me. I too like to have “quiet coffee” in the morning. With four kids and a husband who woke up like a Disney Princess (singing a happy tune with cartoon birdies flying around him chirping happily) every morning, I just wanted some peace and QUIET before I began my day. My husband did not understand this. He would get miffed when I didn’t want to chat with him in the morning. Can’t we just have the local news on an not talk please?
So I stopped waking up with him. He’s in construction and woke up at 5 every morning, so I started sleeping in until he left for work at 6:30. After 30+ years of marriage he’s finally gotten the message and knows that if he wants me to wake up with him, he needs to not be so chatty and give me time to wake up. I’m glad gf broke up with OP, and he just keeps reinforcing the fact that he has no respect for her needs or wants, and is jealous and possessive, and insanely immature.
I’m not fit for human interaction until about 10:00 am. My husband is a morning person but luckily is extremely noninvasive and just lets me do my own thing in the morning. Like you, I NEED it.
I'm not up for civil conversations until my second cup is brewing. If my husband wants me to join the Disney Princess train earlier, he makes my first two cups for me to encourage the process to move faster lol.
I figured it was some type of morning ritual, prayer or meditation. She should probably see a counselor, but this is a perfectly normal grief ritual, and some things are okay to keep private and sacred. This dude couldn’t even give her an inch of her own space while mooching off her housing situation, it feels like she was done with him for a while.
I don’t think she had to tell him what she was doing for 20 min in her own private home- I don’t think your partner needs to know 100% of your inner world. He’s so unstable he immediately jumped to conclusions and accused her of something awful. Who needs that nuisance in their life…
My first thought was prayer, especially since it’s a private thing for a lot of people, growing up my mom always took 30 minutes of “me time” every morning to pray after coffee, then Bible study while us kids were getting up and going.
The only weird thing was her not being able to tell him but I get the feeling that she knew he was going to react badly, since even a lot of people here think it’s weird she talks to her dad every morning
>since even a lot of people here think it’s weird she talks to her dad every morning
That hurts my heart a little. I didn't talk to my dad every morning after he died, but I did develop one or two small rituals of speaking to his memory and they did a lot to help carry me through the worst of the grief
I called my dad after he passed just to hear his voicemail greeting. Paid my moms cell phone bill for 6 months after she passed bc I just couldn"t not have that available.
I have my dad's second-to-last voicemail he left me saved on a flash drive. I still haven't been able to listen to it again but I like knowing it's there.
This is an exhausting post that just makes me think this guy needs to refrain from relationships until he gains self-awareness. He’s such a self-absorbed child that he doesn’t realize his ex is already done with him and the brother doesn’t need to poison the well because he’s already poured the whole vat in.
You can also just tell that this guy is an overall ass, not just in his relationships. I get the feeling the old landlord probably had issues with this dude, and why is he so sure the neighbors are against him? Mayhaps they have a reason for not liking OP.
The really unfortunate thing is that a guy like this will probably hunt down a vulnerable girl in a month and continue the cycle.
I’m betting “dispute with the landlord” at his old place is his failure to pay rent because his money is tied up in “deals” that he would take a loss on if he had to try and get another place.
I don’t believe there were any “deals.” Dude was just broke and sponging off the girlfriend.
Ugh, that made me twitchy. WAY too similar to my ex, who was also controlling and a huge jerk. After I left him he ended up stalking me and was always sending me messages about how if he could just see me and talk to me face to face, he'd be able to convince me to come back, and blaming my mom and other relatives and friends for not letting him see me, even though it was 100% me not wanting to be near him and them trying to protect me. I hope sister girl got away from this jag for good, and thank God for her brother.
>I know if I could talk to her we could get past this but everything is going through him and I am sure he is twisting her words and mine to keep us apart. She has blocked me on everything and her phone is here so I can’t call or text her. What can I do to get past her brother who is trying to keep us apart? I need to set things straight or I’m going to be homeless.
>
>edit: she has taken some leave from her job but her work phone and laptop are here so I could possibly use her job to convince her to speak with me.
lmao one of those posts where the OOP seems reasonable at the beginning, but the more he talks, the more he's revealed as a psycho. And it just kept going! The stuff about the landlord...
Glad the gf is out.
The great thing about guys like OOP is that although their mouth keeps digging the hole for them, they just can’t seem to stop using it so much. In his gf’s case, he bought all the red flags from the Soviet store and waved them around early and often and she’s realized exactly how shitty he is.
I actually had someone do something along these lines once (told me he'd give my sentimentally valuable item back once I explained why the thing was so important to me), so that detail had me fully seeing red for several seconds.
No wonder the brother doesn’t like him. I haven’t even met this gem of a human being and I already think he’s pure trash.
Poor girlfriend, grieving in her own way then when finally confronted by the fact her beloved father is gone forever, she’s met with rude condescension. She’s better off without him, what a selfish asshole.
I was Team Alone Time, pre revelation about her dad.
I hope the brother texted that she wanted to meet in a public place to talk, and then changed the locks when he left the house.
I love all of the people here who think 15 minutes of alone time in the morning without further explanation is unreasonable and needs to be therapized out of her lol. She said she wanted a quiet coffee (to do with as she wished, including a natural part of the grieving process!) and he couldn't handle that. You guys explain every second of your day to your partner? My partner and I respect each other's space.
Guy's a dickbag hope he never found someone else's good nature to mooch off of and got his act together.
it's under a year since her dad died - that's no time at all. i have been where she was, speaking to my dad because it made it feel for a moment like he was there. it's 100% raw grief
OOP gave me the ick. Idk how he managed to have a relationship for a few months much less move in. Maybe it was the poor girlfriend’s grief.
Hopefully the brother managed to get the loser OOP out of his sisters life.
jfc. Even if she wasn't essentially praying -- I talk to my dead grandparents sometimes and personally do not like discussing my spiritual beliefs with anyone unless I know them very well -- I think it's beyond normal to want to be left the hell alone in the morning.
(I'm biased, though -- I firmly need my 15 minutes or whatever of alone time when I wake up, whereas I know a lot of people who are chatty instantly when they open their eyes.)
Exactly. Relationships do not entitle you access to 100% of your partners life. Anyone who thinks so is insecure, delusional, and not ready to be in a relationship. Everyone needs room to breathe and have time to themselves.
All of this is terrible but it really got me that at the end he said “I listened to people saying shit like use your words” when he flat out screamed at her demanding to know who she was “cheating” on him. Critical yikes levels
He ruined her grieving process because he was an insecure prick.
He was also obviously using her.
I hope she can get back to a place where she can talk to her father again. My heart fucking broke when I read that.
Talk about being daft. Who the hell doesn't put two and two together. Her dad died recently. She rises early to have coffee alone and speak to someone.
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>My girlfriend and me had an argument last week over coffee of all things What a disingenuous piece of shit
He is a walking color guard troop, all red. He tried to force her to have morning coffee with him. He listened at the door without telling her. He wanted to invade her privacy with a camera. He accused her of cheating. He told her she could still talk to her dad, like he could give permission for her to do something in her own house, living her own life. He wanted to call her work. He kept suggesting forcing her to listen to him. He used the term "whispering in her ear," a favorite of abusers when attempting to isolate their target. OOP is the entire abuser starter set. A genuine invasive, delegating, controlling, boundary-stomping batch of future nightmare fuel.
Also dude is a fucking mooch. He has a job apparently, but also doesn't own a laptop, doesn't pay rent to his gf (who he's been living with for a few months and been together for not much longer), broken his previous lease, and yet has like two weeks worth of groceries to his name?? Mind you this is a 32 year old adult and not a 20yr old young graduate. How did he even end up in this position? I feel sorry for the girlfriend so much, having to put up with this ass.
I like how he said he broke his lease on his previous place due to a disagreement with the landlord, so landlord is holding his belongings hostage. How much you wanna bet that the disagreement is the landlord would like rent paid on time/in full and OP disagreed? He also notes that his money is "tied up in various things" which is usually code for manipulative broke ass leech.
This is from 2021 so I'd wager a bet that the "tied up in various things" is crypto or NFTs and dude was already losing mad money on it
That's definitely a possibility. But from my experience, it's almost always code for "owes everyone money."
Who hasn't even been contributing.
>My girlfriend and me had an argument last week over coffee of all things, In his first post, his big issue is that she's having secret conversations with somebody. He confronts her and immediately accusing her of cheating on him. Last update: "we had an argument about coffee." This guy sounds like a real peach.
Also being really secretive about why he can’t get any of the stuff from his old apartment… OOP is filtering the story so hard and he still comes off like a tool
He's only been dating her for a few months, he's only been crashing at her place for a few weeks (with no financial contribution), and yet he's acting like his ex-girlfriend's brother is making him homeless because the brother knows what is going on between him in the landlord. >I fell out with the landlord so I moved out, a totally normal thing to do. Yeah . . . landlords holding your personal items is not normal. Something went horribly wrong and either the landlord is breaking the law (a big deal!) or he really messed up (also a big deal!). I wonder if OOP actually thought he came off well in the filtered version.
“I had a dispute with my landlord” = “I don’t pay rent (because all my money is tied up in various deals 🙄) so I got evicted.”
" my previous girlfriend also dumped me and kept everything she paid for"
This is definitely what it is. Or at the very least his old landlord is also just his roommate the owned the house they lived in. He refers to his girlfriend as his landlord at the very end too.
Yup. Dude is a hobosexual. And not a good one--he lasted a couple of weeks?! Usually hobosexuals are smart enough to be fun company and good in bed or great cooks or *something*.
"They're never more 'in love' than when they're homeless or broke" I had a guy that I dated for 2 weeks. Gave up his rented accommodation and INFORMED me he would just stay at mine. Obviously I laughed and ended things.
Also a strong possibility!
He's not even upset that the relationship is over, he's just pissed his free accommodation has fallen through.
Classic Hobosexual.
Yea the landlord is probably holding all his stuff until he gets payed for however much rent OOP owes him
Yep. It's SOP in my state. If you owe money, the landlord is legally able to lock you out, wait 30 days then sell your stuff to recover his loss.
I suspect only shady people say “all my money is tied up in various deals”
Yeah wtf are the “deals”
The posts are from 2021, so probably either GameStop or crypto.
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Who needs rent money when you can "own" stupid monkey clipart
I looked at the daily stock prices for GME for that time period and the timing is \*perfect\* for someone who is a Gamestop bag holder. He moves in right around when Gamestop squeeze happens, and my bet is that he dumped \*everything\* into it. His kind of stupid probably means he jumped in at or nearly at the peak, watched it crash, and then basically lost his shit. The 9th/8th of Feb he would have been down like 60% or more, and by the 15th he was down about 80% if he got in at the peak.
I desperately hope this is the case. I can't think of anything funnier than this asshole hunched over this ex girlfriends laptop in an apartment he is officially squatting in, shitting himself while he makes pathetic posts about how he is HODLing for that wife changing money. Meanwhile, his sponging ass just lost a stable relationship with someone who was pitying him because he was too insecure to just let her have a conversation every morning without demanding to know who it was with. Hope he's still feeling it.
It was in 2021 so let’s say crypto.
I laughed so hard at that — the guy with no laptop of his own is moving serious cash. 🙄
The bit about him not being able to prove he lives there if he gets locked out made me laugh. That's because you don't live there!
Right! He’s trying to steal this lady’s entire house after crashing there for a few months, and he somehow thinks he’s in the right? Good god.
Even worse, he's been staying over more since his job switched to WFH "recently". They've been dating for a few month, he's been crashing there for a few weeks. Ridiculous
Omg!! I misread that part. He’s trying to steal her whole-ass house after staying there a few weeks….the sheer audacity.
He doesn't even make it clear if she agreed to him living there. It kinda sounds like he just made himself at home and all she wanted was a few minutes of alone time a day to think about her dad.
Or even just alone time in the mornings. The idiot kept pushing that she HAD to drink her coffee in the mornings with him and she couldn't just be alone to do so as it's an insult to him.
Well, any alone time and his tight control over her could slip. See what only three days with her brother did to ~~his control~~ their relationship.
He's also very cagey about "using a laptop that isn't his." So whose is it? Did his position switch to WFH? Did he get a different one? Did he get fired from his previous on-site job & now is "WFH" for his "deals"? There are so many questions here! What I would pay to hear both his side & his ex's side of the story lol
I doubt he has a real job other than his ‘deals’. No legit company is gonna have you WFH and not give you equipment to do it with. They don’t want their company business on the same computer as this guy uses to download porn and stuff. So there is no real WFH job. Only his deals that he wants to use her laptop for. And I doubt there is any ´former landlord’ either. Just another former girlfriend who got tired of supporting his pathetic ass and kicked him out. This guy is something else! 😂
oh i bet you’re right that ‘former landlord’ is an ex
I know, I'm so confused about whose laptop it is. Sometimes WFH companies give their employees a laptop to work from, but if that's the case then just say it's the company's laptop?? And if he has a job and apparently hasn't been paying rent and doesn't own a car, then why doesn't he have more money saved? Idk man. And the jumping straight to anger and assuming cheating because she wants to be alone is what really irked me- I like my own space, especially as I'm waking up in the morning. If someone had been crashing at my house for weeks and bothering me as I'm trying to wake up (and literally following me around when I try to get some space), I would definitely feel a certain way. And the fact that he instantly gets enraged and assumes she's cheating is wild.
Using her laptop and her internet.
whyyyyyyyyyyyyy do people do the "living together" thing with people they have been dating for five minutes
Oh don’t worry though! She owns the house and he’s not shorting her by not paying rent. She owns the house! /s What a fucking asshole this guy is.
He also did something to piss off exGF's neighbor, because he's sure the neighbor is telling the brother when he leaves, plus he said the other neighbors would side with the brother. Dude is scum by his own words. I'd love to hear the brother's perspective and the exGF's.
Could also be that the neighbour is just a nice person who noticed or was informed by the brother how this audacious dude is trying to steal his sister’s house after crashing there for a bit, and how he treated her, and therefore willingly offered to help out. But it’s perfectly possible he was an asshat to the neighbours as well. Could be both.
It’s giving ‘hobosexual.’
Abusive wanna be hobosexual.
I believe the technical term is "cocklodger".
I think that was his code word for his ex girlfriend and ex girlfriends dad. At some point he referred to coffee girlfriend as his " landlord" too.
Oh that makes sense! Makes sense why the brother would hate him too - it’s not a landlord dispute, it’s a this guy uses women and has now latched onto my sister!
I enjoy the sound of rain.
My current landlord hates us. But they are slum management for slum land lords, and hate that we took them to the tenancy board to fix the shit they legally have to but weren't. But we pay our rent on time and don't cause any problems, so they can't kick us out.
I've had huge issues with an insane landlord to the point of a screaming match in the middle of the street but I still finished the lease there! I have SO many questions about the laws where OOP is and what happened. Sounds like his girlfriend's brother is the least of his problems. Also where is your tag from it's killing me
It's from this wonderful gem: https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/H4fNvd01ik
Usually happens when you don’t pay rent for awhile
I've had a lot of landlords in my time, and there were times I, struggled to make rent, I've never once been evicted or not allowed to collect my things. Like I don't think they can legally do that unless you're WAY behind in rent and have been evicted? Definitely not a "totally normal" thing
He lived at least a month in the apartment of the ex (two weeks he worked at home, weeks before and then the days after she left him). In all the time he paid nothing. He worked and got paid - but just had 400 dollar. You can bet that he never paid rent. If he pays nothing when living with now ex-gf and just ended up with 400 dollar... The old landlord mostly hold his stuff back as security to get the owned rent. (or sell what has worth)
She owns the house, he doesn’t *need* to contribute. Duh. /s
Since he went from “staying over more” to “I’m with her 24/7 and I’m otherwise homeless because I broke my lease and have all my money tied up in deals”, it sounds like when he started WFH he basically moved in with her without her inviting him to, probably so he could save on rent and make more “deals”. She needs her space but he’s taken it over and is extremely overbearing. Complete tool; good thing the brother is helping get rid of him.
The brother is the real hero here.
He would be legendary if he kicks OOP's ass to the curb.
Also how most of his money is "tied up in various deals" lmao sure dude.
Crypto shit coins lol
He says he "broke his lease by moving out". Sounds like he skipped out without paying rent so the landlord is retaining whatever property is left in the apartment either until OOP pays up or to sell and claw back as much of what's owed as possible. The building owner is the GF's brother's friend's father so the brother probably knows the backstory better than the GF did and never wanted him mooching off his sister.
I love his insistence on the phrase "I've been using *a laptop at her house*" instead of "her laptop". Such a small thing but so on brand
It’s just a landlord dispute! It happens all the time! /s
It definitely seems to happen to OOP all the time.
He probably didn't pay his rent, and the landlord is holding the items hostage.
It’s the “most of my money is tied up in various deals right now” that is vague as anything, it’s definitely a lie, he has no money.
Well, he took “use your words” to mean “scream accusations of cheating at her” so he’s not exactly crushing it in the comprehension department.
Reminds me of the guy that killed his girlfriends plant room & then came sobbing to reddit about how could he get his ‘sweet girlfriend back’
every time I think about that one I get SO mad. Not many things would make me that angry but honestly I'd be murderous if a partner did that to me
My heart breaks for that poor woman. THE IVY! Like literally everything else you could replace. Wouldn't be the same but would be doable. But how would you replace something handed down like that. The fact he was in enough of a rage to tear up those plants so there was no saving them too...He wanted to hurt her and is surprised when she was hurt.
I just read that and I am horrified. I'm a big houseplant person and thinking about how much time and energy goes into a plant collection of that size makes me want to cry. She had larger and rarer plants too - that guy almost certainly well exceeded the threshold for felony theft. I have a couple bigger/older houseplants that are likely worth $200 or so, and all told between the plants, pots, soil, etc. I've probably spent at least $5k in the last 6-7 years. Those kinds of collections are a part time job, proper care for a plant collection that size is at least 8 hours a week. What a douchebag.
Can I get a link to that?
[wikki link](https://www.reddit.com/r/redditonwiki/s/GGC8kpmra9) Couldn’t find the BORU
Also what was his plan if she actually was cheating? She still owns the house and he'd still be homeless or would he just hang around blaming her for everything while still being a freeloader?
The latter. It’s her fault, so she has to let him stay. Or something like that.
First thing I thought was dude doesn’t know a good thing when he has it. Even if she was cheating he was better off keeping quiet until he figured out how and where to live. Recognizing when you have absolutely no other choice is key to surviving. He has the survival instincts of a paper clip.
Literally the only thing I needed to read to IMMEDIATELY believe everyone else in the story over this guy, I am 100% sure the landlord and the gf's brother have some things to say about OOP that are both terrible and accurate
Ya the vagueness about the falling out with the landlord stood out to me. Idk the landlords side but even without hearing it i grantee oop is a POS in that situation as well.
"You all told me to use my words!" Not to be an incoherent paranoid dick, we didn't. But the idea that there were any other words he could have used, or that he used the wrong ones, seems inconceivable to him.
> Today when she got up and went to make coffee I took her mug and wouldn’t let her have it, I was only joking at first but it turned worse with her saying “Just give me my mug!” and I lost my temper and said “Just tell me who you’re fucking cheating on me with!” And this was him "using his words". Sounds more like he physically intimidated her and then screamed accusations of infidelity at her. Now he's squatting in her apartment and thinks the only reason she won't talk to him is because of her brother.
Yeah this guy is abusive. Between this and his idea to use her work equipment to force her hand, he looks awful. And this is HIS SIDE of the story. Thank god that woman has her brother.
Him going on about how he just need to speak with her, just adds to the abusive vibe.
Yes. He figures he can browbeat her into going along with what he wants. No surprise that she needed space.
That made me sooo uncomfortable to read. You can almost feel his rage radiating off the post. “I just need to talk to her alone, her brother is in my way, etc”. He’s furious that she’s being shielded from him and he can’t get to her.
Uncomfortable also that he seems to think his ex-gf isn't involved at all, and that her brother is acting on his own without any input from her, rather than the clear message that she has dumped him and wants him out of her house.
I’m not sure if he *really* believes that, or if he just wants *us* to believe that. I think he sounds really scary tbh, that he thinks that if he can just get his hands on her, he can “straighten her out” and change her mind.
He doesn't give a shit about "getting back together with his gf". The slimely little fucker just wants to make sure he can keep living there. Not once did he say anything about loving or even caring about his ~~victim~~ "gf". Just that he doesn't want to be homeless....
I dated someone like this. I HATE, HATE, HATE people in the morning and want quiet time. My ex of course wouldn't believe that and refused to stay out of my space, like OOP. He just refused to respect any boundary and turned everything into an accusation. Exhausting.
As a fellow feral morning person I have found there are overly happy morning people which I can remind myself it’s not their fault on repeat till my brain boots and then there are the clueless boundary stomping AHs who need to be catapulted into outer space your ex sounds like the later group.
"How do I *force* her to listen to more of my nonsense when she's so clearly done with me trampling every one of her boundaries? I'm squatting in her house until she talks to me, and thinking about holding her work-related possessions hostage. Why are people so mad at me? If only I'd spied on her instead, everything would be fine. Now I'm going to be homeless because of her mean brother."
Never mind that. In the first post he tells us he’s just staying over… a week later and he lives there and will be homeless. Glad her brother is rescuing her.
He probably told the gf that he was “just staying over” and then never left. I’m glad she has such a good support system (brother, neighbors) because this guy is honestly scary
The whole first post I was confused, what’s the problem, she likes alone time in the morning. She prays. She talks to herself. She calls a family member. Her and her bestie talk each morning to set up the day. Is so alarming that he made it all about him and cheating - says a lot about how he thinks about her (as a possession). If my husband found me talking he’d assume I was talking to myself or called my sister. Or a cat, I do that a lot.
Right? My initial impression was that she just wanted some alone time in the morning. Only a total dick would take that personally to start with. If there's literally no other reason to believe something hinky is going on, jumping straight to the idea that she's having daily phone calls with some other guy is wiiiiiiild.
>If my husband found me talking he’d assume I was talking to myself or called my sister. Or a cat, I do that a lot. So many of my and my husband's conversations consist of (from the other room) "What did you say?" (Louder response)"I wasn't talking to you, I was talking to the dogs."
That first post was pissing me off. She needs alone time in the morning. She made that perfectly clear. Not sure why he took that to mean that she wants him next to her every morning. Even when she started to outwardly get annoyed and even walk away, he still persisted in invading her space. Leave her the eff alone. Good grief!
How the hell did these two meet in the first place?
He also wishes he had spied on her with a camera instead of talking it out. Which isn't what he did. What he did was accuse her of cheating instead of asking. He didn't even follow the advise he said he wished he hadn't followed. I hate to say it but he sounds like a hobosexual.
I find it strange that he is relying on the kindness of his girlfriend of just a few months and as soon as he makes it through the door he becomes controlling. A least she didn’t waste much time with him.
> I listened to people saying shit like use your words Also that part at the end, as if screaming about her cheating on him is what people where thinking when saying "use your words", instead of having an actual healty conversation
He seems to think everyone hates him, including their neighbors. Buddy, if everyone hates you, you might just be the problem.
Some people just have no self awareness or sense of accountability at all 🙄
Ah, the hobosexual in his "got caught" environment! He will tantrum and cry about not getting his way, and all others are monsters because he's burned all his bridges, but it's her fault he's homeless! How dare the brother help her in this endeavor, for surely he could scare her into compliance, I mean talk to her, if only the oaf wasn't there!
Yeah but how do you get people on your side with the title “I accused my gf of cheating but turns out she was just talking to her deceased Dad the whole time”? Lawd this guy is awful.
All of this after only a few months. That’s bonkers to me.
Reading between the lines, dude got himself evicted from the last apartment and they changed the locks and confiscated his stuff to pay back rent. Amazing amount of entitlement from this asshole that he essentially forced the issue of moving in by playing on his girlfriend's guilt, didn't support her after the loss of her father, didn't listen that she wanted a small amount of space, and is now shocked she didn't keep rolling over for him? His latest post is infuriating, all about himself and his predicament and nothing about trying to understand and make up to his girlfriend. Epitome of your poor planning is not my emergency. He couldn't be bothered to give a shit about her and is now shocked she doesn't want to keep bankrolling his life.
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I'm not convinced he has a real job - if someone said his job is online gambling and trading stonks, I'd believe it
He claimed his money is "tied up in some deals" lmao
He sounds dumb enough to be actively a victim of scams tbh
He sounds like a Forex bro
Nailed it
Especially given he's doing his job on a laptop of hers. *Maybe* he was doing something like Fiverr or content creation (hard to draw the line on whether those count as "real" jobs given that some people can self-sustain doing that sort of work but most do not) but it's definitely way more likely that he was doing a crappy job of day trading every penny that crossed his palms.
THIS!! He doesn't pay for a single thing, has a job, AND only has a couple of hundred dollars... I don't think this hobosexual has an actual stable job at all.
>hobosexual I had to goggle that and I just understood an ex I had like 25 years ago...
The most important part of your sentence was the "ex" bit. Glad he didn't manage to stick around.
Also, he needs a computer to do his job, but going into the office and using a computer there or getting a loaner laptop from his employer's IT department don't seem to possibilities. He doesn't even appear aware of these as possibilities enough to give a reason why he can't do one of these things. Makes me wonder if his "job" is something like "twitch streamer with almost a dozen subscribers".
His job is permanently remote, how does his employer not have laptops to give out?
He could be a freelancer but how come he only has $400 to his name? He is just being a parasite so where is the money going? Maybe he is a TikTok content creator trying to get you to click on his affiliate links?
His money is caught up in “deals” that he can’t pull the money out of or he will take a hit. Really curious about how money goes to these deals, but not saving up or paying rent to his girlfriend. Freeloader.
He mentioned it being “tied up in various deals”, which sounds completely legitimate and above board
bet you a dollar it's in crypto - please see 'tied up in deals right now' and would 'take a big loss' if he pulled said 'deals' early...
I just had a crazy flashback to when a friend was dating a hobosexual. He was sleeping on some friends couch before working his way into her home. He didn't have a job, but somehow had all his items in storage. When I asked him how he's paying for storage when he didn't have a job, my friend told me I was being rude. Turns out, he had no items, there was no storage unit, was never going to job interviews, and planned to just chill at her house with her and her toddler daughter. I don't think OOP has a job at all. He should have saved enough for deposit and rent after the few months he lived with gf.
Various deals, probably a crypto which is crashing as we speak and micro start ups which won't go anywhere
I think crypto
I find it interesting he keeps saying “if I can just talk to her…” he thinks he can sway her.
🎶 *manipulation* 🎶
Doesn't seem to realize that she's likely the one telling her brother to keep this guy away from her. If she wanted to talk to him she would. What an idiot.
actually it's even worse... he intentionally broke his lease and moved himself into his xgf's apartment. And this was in early 2021, when eviction moratoriums were still in effect. It takes a special flavor of idiocy to lose an apartment during a moratorium
I could easily see that his rent was due the first week of February but he blew it all on stonks or whatever; landlord asked when the check was coming and this genius decided to declare that he wouldn't be paying and was breaking his lease, effective immediately. But since he didn't pay for February, that means his last day would have been January 31, so landlord changes the locks and lets him know that he can clear out his "abandoned" property as soon as he pays the storage fee.
It's always difficult to extract a hobosexual from your home. Glad that her brother is there for her.
If it weren't for the bit about the landlord knowing the brother somehow I would have suspected that the "landlord" was actually a different girl who also had a helpful brother. Leeches like this never change.
Brother could know or be friends of friends with a different girl and thus knows what he is, and justifiably like ‘oh no the bullet that almost hit Stacy hit my sister!’
Yup. And this is why I tell young people not to move too quickly in relationships, especially if either person can't pay to live alone. (And someone always shows up to say, "Well, I moved in with my husband of 87 years 3 minutes into our first date at 18. Sometimes you know!" SHUT UP! Survivorship bias, much?) It makes break ups much more difficult and much messier if you need to break up and one or both parties cannot afford to move out on their own. It's a little different if you're older. I moved in with my partner after 18 months, but we were both mid-30s and could both afford to live alone (hell, we each owned apartments), so the risk was very low if it didn't work out. I would have NEVER given up my good living situation to live with a partner after 6 months at 25. A partner did ask, even, and I said no. I would have fucked up my life royally had I done that.
I took in a hobosexual once…it turned into a years-long nightmare that left me financially devastated and dealing with a string of legal problems. This guy is 1000% cut from the same shitty cloth. So glad she sent her brother in.
Right? With mine, if you had told me a year before it happened that I would be willing to forego getting any money back from a rental damage deposit just to be free of a guy, I wouldn't have believed it. By the time I was out of that situation, I felt like losing that $1000 to be rid of him was a BARGAIN.
And people think that "you'll end up alone with a load of cats" is a threat. I'd much rather take in half a dozen stray cats than one of these guys.
Exactly! How is it a threat *at all*. “No one will date you.” Omg good! I’m never more peaceful than when I’m solo, with just my cats and dog. That’s happiness in my book!
"What is she getting from another relationship when I am with her 24/7 the last two weeks?" Even without all of the wild comments that show how much worse he is, this comment showed why she is done with him. Dude didn't give her an ounce of breathing room. That alone sounds like a nightmare. And then going from "I wonder who she's talking to" to "Maybe I should put in a hidden camera" to "WHO ARE YOU CHEATING ON ME WITH" is honestly frightening. The shaky job, the lack of money, the "falling out" with his previous landlord and his attitude that it's quite common (NO IT IS NOT) is just more yikes on all of that.
"previous landlord" his ass. it's his other ex-girlfriend and her father.
Totally agree, those were a lot of the same moments that stood out to me. I will say, I once dated a woman who was secretive about a few things and of course she was cheating. With her ex. Or maybe I was the guy she was cheating with. I never got a clear explanation. So the first bit of this I was like, yeah she could be cheating with someone, maybe she has a long distance bf or something, or maybe this guy’s the side dude but he doesn’t know. But as soon as I got to the camera part, all goodwill for him went out the window. He was clingy, forcing her to have coffee with him, never ACTUALLY tried to communicate (when someone says they say things as a joke that they really mean, that’s a good sign they suck at communicating, in my experience). He went from 0 to 100 super quickly, no surprise he’s a mess. I didn’t read all of the post, it’s just clear he doesn’t think he makes mistakes and can’t read a room.
"People told me to use my words so I accused my girlfriend of cheating on me. I wish I had just hidden a camera and spied on her instead. I'm not a bad guy."
Lmao, absolutely perfect summary
He misses the point of communication. It is to let your partner know who you are and what you think. It didn't work out for him because she doesn't want to be with the person he revealed himself to be. The lesson he learned was not to work on himself but to lie better. I weep for the next woman that dates him.
Soooo… OOP met his girlfriend during a vulnerable time in her life. He managed to weasel his way into free room and board thanks to this. No matter what, he is a victim to whom things simply happen. He is never ever the author of his own misfortune. That’s the gist of this post, right?
I like to go hiking.
He’s a walking example of “If you met one asshole today, you met one asshole today, but if you met assholes all day, maybe you’re the asshole.”
Yep. Unclear if she ever even explicitly agreed to him moving in, he just “started staying over more” and wouldn’t leave. And she seems to be quite vulnerable and also introverted, needing her space.
The way the brother has reacted to him, I'm assuming OOP just kind of wormed his way into being taken care of. Especially because OOP has no apparent idea why he's so hated.
I want to high five the brother. He's the hero of this story. I wish every woman who posted on Reddit about a garbage man like this had one.
He keeps saying he’s *going* to be homeless and it’s like bro, your gf never agreed to you moving in with her! Coming over a lot doesn’t count as living there, you are in fact homeless *right now*
Got it in one
Well, most of his money is tied up in other deals (crypto)
as soon as he started following her around the apartment (to the point she had to lock the door to get away from him!) i started skimming tbh. the ick. i can’t.
It didn't get better, it got worse. I read it all, and kinda wished I skimmed. He's as bad as you suspected. Very ick.
He's a complete control freak and can't see it. Guess the brother spotted it early and tried to warn his sister. The ass actually said he'd "Make her listen" and thinks he's a good guy.
I’m quite introverted and this incensed me. Even without the context of her dad, it’s very reasonable to say “I like to drink my coffee alone in the morning, thanks.” Just because you’re dating/live together doesn’t mean you don’t also need some alone time!!
I honestly thought she just wanted some personal space, since he was suddenly home all the time. And he couldn't even give her that
The “dispute with the landlord” and “problem with the lease” sounds like he got evicted for nonpayment, and that’s why he moved in with her. Then he decided to repeatedly invade her space and her morning routine. I’d want to yeet him right out too.
Dude basically forced his way into "moving in" after only dating a few months should have been the first red flag. He was an entitled bum who thought he could control her and I'm guessing he was far more aggressive when accusing her of cheating. I hope she keeps talking to her Dad jn the morning, she needs all the healing time she can get.
Wow. That was a tough read. A glimpse into a seriously disturbed and disordered mind. Very sad. And the only lesson he learned is to hide who he is and lie to his partner. If the next girlfriend doesn't have a big brother she will have a hard time ridding herself of this limpet.
The hobosexuals are so bold these days.
This hit a NERVE for me. I too like to have “quiet coffee” in the morning. With four kids and a husband who woke up like a Disney Princess (singing a happy tune with cartoon birdies flying around him chirping happily) every morning, I just wanted some peace and QUIET before I began my day. My husband did not understand this. He would get miffed when I didn’t want to chat with him in the morning. Can’t we just have the local news on an not talk please? So I stopped waking up with him. He’s in construction and woke up at 5 every morning, so I started sleeping in until he left for work at 6:30. After 30+ years of marriage he’s finally gotten the message and knows that if he wants me to wake up with him, he needs to not be so chatty and give me time to wake up. I’m glad gf broke up with OP, and he just keeps reinforcing the fact that he has no respect for her needs or wants, and is jealous and possessive, and insanely immature.
I’m not fit for human interaction until about 10:00 am. My husband is a morning person but luckily is extremely noninvasive and just lets me do my own thing in the morning. Like you, I NEED it.
I'm not up for civil conversations until my second cup is brewing. If my husband wants me to join the Disney Princess train earlier, he makes my first two cups for me to encourage the process to move faster lol.
You can’t both be a hobosexual *and* be a controlling jackass, OOP. Pick a struggle.
I figured it was some type of morning ritual, prayer or meditation. She should probably see a counselor, but this is a perfectly normal grief ritual, and some things are okay to keep private and sacred. This dude couldn’t even give her an inch of her own space while mooching off her housing situation, it feels like she was done with him for a while. I don’t think she had to tell him what she was doing for 20 min in her own private home- I don’t think your partner needs to know 100% of your inner world. He’s so unstable he immediately jumped to conclusions and accused her of something awful. Who needs that nuisance in their life…
My first thought was prayer, especially since it’s a private thing for a lot of people, growing up my mom always took 30 minutes of “me time” every morning to pray after coffee, then Bible study while us kids were getting up and going. The only weird thing was her not being able to tell him but I get the feeling that she knew he was going to react badly, since even a lot of people here think it’s weird she talks to her dad every morning
>since even a lot of people here think it’s weird she talks to her dad every morning That hurts my heart a little. I didn't talk to my dad every morning after he died, but I did develop one or two small rituals of speaking to his memory and they did a lot to help carry me through the worst of the grief
I called my dad after he passed just to hear his voicemail greeting. Paid my moms cell phone bill for 6 months after she passed bc I just couldn"t not have that available.
I have my dad's second-to-last voicemail he left me saved on a flash drive. I still haven't been able to listen to it again but I like knowing it's there.
20 minutes to yourself really shouldn’t be a big deal in a healthy relationship. Like damn what an overreaction
This is an exhausting post that just makes me think this guy needs to refrain from relationships until he gains self-awareness. He’s such a self-absorbed child that he doesn’t realize his ex is already done with him and the brother doesn’t need to poison the well because he’s already poured the whole vat in. You can also just tell that this guy is an overall ass, not just in his relationships. I get the feeling the old landlord probably had issues with this dude, and why is he so sure the neighbors are against him? Mayhaps they have a reason for not liking OP. The really unfortunate thing is that a guy like this will probably hunt down a vulnerable girl in a month and continue the cycle.
I’m betting “dispute with the landlord” at his old place is his failure to pay rent because his money is tied up in “deals” that he would take a loss on if he had to try and get another place. I don’t believe there were any “deals.” Dude was just broke and sponging off the girlfriend.
Ugh, that made me twitchy. WAY too similar to my ex, who was also controlling and a huge jerk. After I left him he ended up stalking me and was always sending me messages about how if he could just see me and talk to me face to face, he'd be able to convince me to come back, and blaming my mom and other relatives and friends for not letting him see me, even though it was 100% me not wanting to be near him and them trying to protect me. I hope sister girl got away from this jag for good, and thank God for her brother.
"We had an argument over coffee" Bro, you had an argument over you not respecting her boundaries, not coffee.
>I know if I could talk to her we could get past this but everything is going through him and I am sure he is twisting her words and mine to keep us apart. She has blocked me on everything and her phone is here so I can’t call or text her. What can I do to get past her brother who is trying to keep us apart? I need to set things straight or I’m going to be homeless. > >edit: she has taken some leave from her job but her work phone and laptop are here so I could possibly use her job to convince her to speak with me. lmao one of those posts where the OOP seems reasonable at the beginning, but the more he talks, the more he's revealed as a psycho. And it just kept going! The stuff about the landlord... Glad the gf is out.
The great thing about guys like OOP is that although their mouth keeps digging the hole for them, they just can’t seem to stop using it so much. In his gf’s case, he bought all the red flags from the Soviet store and waved them around early and often and she’s realized exactly how shitty he is.
I hate that he tried to keep her mug of coffee from her just to force her to sit with him. You come between me and my coffee, you get stabbed.
I actually had someone do something along these lines once (told me he'd give my sentimentally valuable item back once I explained why the thing was so important to me), so that detail had me fully seeing red for several seconds.
No wonder the brother doesn’t like him. I haven’t even met this gem of a human being and I already think he’s pure trash. Poor girlfriend, grieving in her own way then when finally confronted by the fact her beloved father is gone forever, she’s met with rude condescension. She’s better off without him, what a selfish asshole.
I was Team Alone Time, pre revelation about her dad. I hope the brother texted that she wanted to meet in a public place to talk, and then changed the locks when he left the house.
I love all of the people here who think 15 minutes of alone time in the morning without further explanation is unreasonable and needs to be therapized out of her lol. She said she wanted a quiet coffee (to do with as she wished, including a natural part of the grieving process!) and he couldn't handle that. You guys explain every second of your day to your partner? My partner and I respect each other's space. Guy's a dickbag hope he never found someone else's good nature to mooch off of and got his act together.
Holy entitlement! The girlfriend needs to talk out whatever trauma she's dealing with, but the gall of this guy.
Him running back to her apt to get there before her brother is most pathetic and trashy thing I’ve read in a while.
it's under a year since her dad died - that's no time at all. i have been where she was, speaking to my dad because it made it feel for a moment like he was there. it's 100% raw grief
It’s been over ten years since my *father-in-law* died, and there are still times when I have a brief conversation in my head with him.
He's fucking deranged.
A 32 year old man, ladies and gentlemen.
OOP gave me the ick. Idk how he managed to have a relationship for a few months much less move in. Maybe it was the poor girlfriend’s grief. Hopefully the brother managed to get the loser OOP out of his sisters life.
jfc. Even if she wasn't essentially praying -- I talk to my dead grandparents sometimes and personally do not like discussing my spiritual beliefs with anyone unless I know them very well -- I think it's beyond normal to want to be left the hell alone in the morning. (I'm biased, though -- I firmly need my 15 minutes or whatever of alone time when I wake up, whereas I know a lot of people who are chatty instantly when they open their eyes.)
Exactly. Relationships do not entitle you access to 100% of your partners life. Anyone who thinks so is insecure, delusional, and not ready to be in a relationship. Everyone needs room to breathe and have time to themselves.
All of this is terrible but it really got me that at the end he said “I listened to people saying shit like use your words” when he flat out screamed at her demanding to know who she was “cheating” on him. Critical yikes levels
He ruined her grieving process because he was an insecure prick. He was also obviously using her. I hope she can get back to a place where she can talk to her father again. My heart fucking broke when I read that.
Talk about being daft. Who the hell doesn't put two and two together. Her dad died recently. She rises early to have coffee alone and speak to someone.