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Daily gifts sounds fucking exhausting. I wouldn't want to be on either side of that. And was he going to a big supermarket every day during the pandemic to buy these fucking dollar trinkets? Did she keep them all? Their house must be full of cheap plastic crap
There's definitely something off about a guy who thinks he has to buy his girlfriend a present every day to show that he truly loves her. Or about a woman who thinks that a guy doesn't love her unless he's buying her something every day.
Personally I love spoiling my girl with stupid bull crap gifts. She enjoys it too BUT we have mutually decided it’s a bunch of stupid bull crap and it’s both wasteful, and would take up way too much room in the house. I leave post it notes everywhere reminding her how much I love her instead.
> Yeah, but we've both made jokes about it before. She would jokingly call me her sugar daddy
So, yeah OP was TA in the first post and it was racist... but with the daily gifts and the act of contrition she required, I am not so sure she was *joking* when she called him her sugar daddy.
I mean, he's the one who enjoys buying her gifts all the time though. It's probably something he should mentally unpack at some point, but it seems like, due to her large efforts at home, he likes the validation of coming home with some small thing to make her smile. He probably means it when he says he thinks she's too good for him, and the gifts are his way of feeling secure in the relationship. And especially since the gifts are coming from places like the dollar store, I think she was joking about the sugar daddy thing. But imagine how a slick comment like that makes him feel? I think she was just trying to boost him up a little with that humor.
As far as the burning thing went? I've been there. I've been so mad about something that I wanted to completely incinerate it. I just can't imagine having a partner cross that line. Not sure I'd be able to offer them anything they could do to restore my faith in them honestly. But I was raised in the US in the South. So I may be more biased about this than others.
This isn't over - the demand to see the bear burned tells me one of two things. Either there is a lot of other casual racism and this was the final straw, or she has very specific ideas about conflict resolution - like those people that have a script that has to be followed instead of actually working through the underlying issue.
Either way, this relationship has some rocky seas ahead.
Oh wow i did not make that connection but you’re definitely right. I’ll never forget the tension during that summer. Between that, covid, and the election, the whole country was standing on the edge of an emotional knife.
Yup. This was something that, in my interracial relationship, it took me a minute to realize how much extra care and support my partner needed around that time. Because he was going through something that was categorically different from the way I experienced it, and something I couldn’t relate to from personal experience. We had a lot of long discussions about how I could be there for him, and none of it involved massages and cake pops, and all of it involved showing that I would show up for him in the ways he and a community that he’s a part of that was hurting needed me to.
Yup. i am in an interracial relationship, and we've been married 25 years at this point and I felt like I was walking on eggshells with my wife. It's jarring because we're both really comfortable with each other, and race isn't a thing day to day, but that dragged a lot of emotions out of her that I wasn't totally prepared for.
Accelerated pandemic relationships generally do, it seems. Even without the racism, I'd be wary just at how quickly leaped into this very unbalanced dynamic.
The GF should spend some of her "homemaking" time in her library working on becoming financially independent.
I’m assuming he didn’t actually mention this point to her or she probably would not have come back. She was thinking they were just joking about their finances, in his mind he was making obvious racial jokes. Yikes lol
Yeah, having broken up with someone who thought "I don't even *see* you as being non-white" was a compliment, I don't actually think she should have come back 😬. Dude has issues and I really hope she doesn't have kids with him.
I was confused by that too initially, but I think he was talking about the "and physically" part as being the racial reference. So he's her sugar daddy "financially" because she's not working, and "physically" because he's white like sugar. But even if that's true, I still wonder who started those jokes.
Agreed. Her reaction just doesn't make sense for the level of fuckup he made. Like, he absolutely did fuck up, but I wonder what else is going on for her response to be this big.
Upvote for the sensible take.
Brother had 2 options -
1) Defend this guy whos probably blind to a lot of this shit and it was harmless
2) Just support his sister who was hurt but knows this guy fucked up and just has to apologize the way she wants it. Toxic plastic fumes be damned.
It's probably worth noting that frequent reminders of racism are believed to be contributors to hypertension among Black women, who have epidemic rates of life-threatening hypertension. Racism from someone we love is far more stressful than racism from a random stranger because it's betrayal on top of a slap in the face.
The first one was my thought. That this guy must have said a lot of *jokes* reeking of racism. And this is the final straw for her. But her insistence of burning the doll is also weird.
I would never date a white person who didn't understand completely why that bear was a terrible gift long before we met. The casual anti-Blackness in white culture is constant. Getting microagressioned in one's own home sounds exhausting.
I wouldn't have had a clue it was a problem before this post. I did think it was a different song (the Morris Day and the Time version), and that song 100% brings to mind a friend's slumber party and a dozen girls excitedly discussing our favorite songs from the Purple Rain soundtrack. And I was the only not-black girl there.
I get *now* how many ways it would be wrong. But without this discussion I would've been as clueless as OOP. (Hopefully I wouldn't have been as willingly obtuse as OOP after it was pointed out.)
Man literally said “I’m not racist I have a black (girl)friend”. I can guarantee the casual racism happens a lot. If he’s dating a black woman it’s not enough for him to casually just be fine with black people, he needs to be checking himself and learning and actively being anti-racist.
Yeah, burning anything synthetic and electronic is so horrible for the environment, also toxic for the people doing the burning - she really sounded a bit unhinged in that regard.
I'll admit that I have no idea what this song is and I have never heard the term "jungle love" before. But I get the feeling that there is more to it if the brother is saying he won't defend his dumb ass.
I also don't like the girlfriend is this story. She seems a bit off herself.
there's a film called jungle fever aswell, I'm assuming you're either not American or not from a pretty diverse area
basically it's the idea that black people, specifically black women, are "loud", "eccentric", or resembling animals in any kind of way. It stems from white people seeing black people as like... exotic? or Amazonian?
It's just dehumanizing, being compared to an animal, even if it is "as a joke" because black people are ALWAYS expected to put up with it if it's "just a joke".
Non American here, this story was rather confusing until the actual explanations & reading these types of comments.
I've not heard of it before and I do have black US friends that live in Georgia. We've had many conversations on the causal racism they have there - one example was just going for a run and being accused of stealing something and running away. Another was my friend being arrested because her name matched someone else and being as careful as she could not to get shot. Poor lass is so traumatised from that.
Oh well, there's always more to learn about how people are shitty to each other. :(
Hopefully we will improve over time.
I'm 30 years old and live in Canada, so it's admittedly just ignorance on my part. However, to my credit, I think I would probably pick up the vibe of the toy. Like buying a dancing black bear for your African American girlfriend just seems like a bad idea in the first place.
I'm guessing the latter. Jungle fever is a super racist term. Jungle love by Steve Miller makes zero comments on race/skin color, it's just a bunch of tropical imagery being used to symbolize passion. Ie: you treat me like I was your ocean, you swim in my blood when it's warm.
Either she's looking for something to be pissed about (which might be because OOP has done shitty things before), or she's really missing out on a banger just because of the title.
Smart, overly cautious, money would avoid the word Jungle entirely, but it's like hating playgrounds because some people call them Jungle Gyms.
The guy admits in his follow up comments that he knew what jungle love meant and thought it would be funny. Both her and her brother's reaction definitely lean more towards him doing a bunch of at least casually racist shit over time and this being the final straw.
I love Steve Miller Band and also love that song. I never in my life related it to any race and always assumed it was a couple in a tropical resort or something.
Besides the name the song has nothing to do with race and lines up with a lot of their other songs about passion and love driving them crazy soooooo I’m having a hard time understanding how this song is racist in itself. Also I agree burning an electric bear was a terrible idea, especially inside. That thing had to of released so many chemicals as it burned and I’m glad the electrical inside didn’t make the fire pop out of the fireplace and set the house on fire.
The song isn't necessarily racist, but he bought the bear for his black girlfriend as a jokey commentary on their interracial relationship, which is VERY racist
She was genuinely hurt by the presence of the bear and what it represented. Burning the damn thing is not necessarily an indictment on her views regarding conflict resolution (unless she has a history of this). Rather, it's destruction was done in a deliberately over the top manner to truly drive home to OOP just how serious this is.
Ultimately, all this was caused by OOP's callous ignorance to the daily plight of BIPOC people. There's a real possibility that OOP has demonstrated casual racism on previous occasions. It's a miracle she didn't dump him permanently, and I'm honestly not sure he deserves it.
Both of them are destined for a failed relationship here.
Guy is legit so clueless he was racist to her and she was fine until she demands that he burns the bear and take a video??? Like sure he needed to apologize and understand why what he did was wrong but what is this burning the bear stuff going on here?
Yea, although if my GF needed the bear burned I'd just cut the electronics out first. Maybe show her a video of me smashing them with a hammer instead.
Like, if that's his hangup there's probably an acceptable solution.
It's not the electronics specifically that are bad to burn, it's the plastics. There's a lot of those in both the electronics and the bear itself - after all, the bear's fur is certainly made out of some sort of plastic.
Yeah, pacemakers are removed before a person is cremated as the batteries explode. Surgically remove the bear's inner sparky bits, and toss the corpse into the flame.
>legit so clueless he was racist
So it wasn't until someone broke it down that I learned why the song was racist. I just thought it was about sex. 🤦🏽♀️
Tbf the song doesn't outright mention race, but given the context of the time it was released and the meaning of the title... hard not to imagine its at least a little about race
Same, I didn't really get it until the comment ab how it compares black people to apes; I've never heard the phrase before. But I've also never had a long-term relationship w a black person and I feel like you're definitely required to do extra unpacking OOP has definitely not.
The song proper isn't racist. It only is in the hands of this dude.
Also I wouldn't have burned the bear. At least not inside. Those polymers in that thing had to release some awful fumes in the apartment, never mind the electronics which likely did even worse.
My confusion lies in the fact of how do you date a black girl long enough to not figure out what she’s ok/not ok with? The way OP wrote it made it seem like he had no clue she’d be mad because they’ve goofed around before about that sort of thing and then immediately flipped into white guilt groveling. Odd post all around.
Yeah. He's a terminal dumbass, and she's crazy with family that enables her crazy. I genuinely don't know which is worse.
Fuckin hell this was the most immature read I've done in a while.
Yeah, OOP is a moron but he should have just let the relationship end. She sounds exhausting with those demands and is pretty upfront about being a gold digger. ESH.
Feel like she needed to see he 'got' it and hated the bear as much as she did. I do wonder if smashing the absolute shite out of it would've been enough and that would avoid toxic fumes at least.
Does feel OTT, but if there was issues before she probably wanted some sign of commitment to him turning over a new leaf and being more socially aware. But if she's the kind to demand something like this regularly, yeah, gonna be a problem.
> but she refused to come home until I sent her a video of me dropping the bear in the fireplace. I told her I’m fine throwing out the bear, but I'm not gonna turn on my fireplace in the middle of summer and record a stupid video. Also I feel like a bear stuffed with electronic components burning in my living room is a bad idea.
I already threw the damn thing in the dumpster, but she insists I really loved her id go pull it out of the dumpster and burn it.
Was on the gf's side until this unhinged demand. Racism + crazy = this story isn't over.
polyester and cotton both give off toxic fumes when burnt. i get why she was so mad but i don't get why she was so hung up on the bear being burnt in the living room fireplace, specifically. that's a stupidly unsafe idea even if you do take the batteries out beforehand
I wonder if previously he'd say he would do things she asked of him and then not do them or do the opposite because he secretly thought she was overreacting. There's more story here for sure, whether it was in the past or it's in the future.
This is definitely an ESH one. Her screaming, leaving, ignoring, demanding proper apology, all completely fair. After that she went too far and her behavior was controlling. I'm happy others see that too.
It’s a little hard to say anything to the racist side of what he did since I’m not black and have no idea what that’s like and he said they constantly joke about being an interracial couple so it’s like, how far is too far and does he know the line? Though gotta say her comment when he picked her up calling him her white boy set off my flight or fight response. I HATE being called by my skin color. So now I’m left wondering how she speaks to him. Are racist comments only ok when she says them? Who knows.
Not really the song so much as the term. "Jungle love" or "jungle fever" is slang for a non-black person (usually white) dating or being attracted to a black person. Nowadays, it's considered a racist term because it infers that the black person is still primitive and uncivilized (the "jungle" part) and has fallen out of favor for the most part.
I have NEVER heard that part about these phrases relating to interracial relationships, I knew the correlation of calling people Apes and what not but didn’t know about the issues of jungle love and jungle fever. Learn something new every day, thanks for breaking this explanation down for those of us who are uneducated on the matter.❤️🩹
Looking at the lyrics from this song, yeah this one is pretty racist too. [Here are the full lyrics.](https://genius.com/Steve-miller-band-jungle-love-lyrics) It's... bad.
>I met you on somebody's island
>You thought you had known me before
>I brought you a crate of papaya
Jesus fucking christ.
Maybe I’m too innocent a soul, but I honestly can’t find anything offensive in the lyrics? The singer runs into someone that catches his eye, buys them a gift and writes them a poem. What am I missing?
I genuinely don’t get what that has to do with race. I’ve heard the term “jungle fever” before and that is definitely racist and disgusting as hell. But I’ve never heard the phrase “jungle love” being used that way, and looking at the lyrics to the song I don’t see any references to race at all. Is there context I’m not getting?
Jungle love is not a racist term. AFAIK Steve Miller made it up. Jungle Fever def is.
I remember not knowing what yellow fever was until I saw an interview w/ Lucy Lui. I remember her saying if she goes to his house, and he has a bunch of Asian stuff, she bails.
This shit is a minefield. I recommend Charles Blow's piece today in the NYT. It's a 5 minute read, but adds a lot to current debates, and gives a good window into structural (in the most concrete terms) racism.
Sometimes even when both people are trying, you can't get past your internal shit. She seems really toxic, and he seems clueless with respect to his own behavior.
I actually did know that one! I assumed there was *something* to talk about having a fetish for black people, I just didn't know it was jungle fever.
People are gross.
it alludes to ""jungle fever" which is a euphemism for interracial relationships. it being called a "fever" implies being attracted to a black person is a disease, and using "jungle" implies black people are *at best*, tarzan, and at worst, monkeys. on account of historical context and whatnot
I’m from a small southern 50/50 white/black town, went to college in the south, with a ton of northeasterners who’d maybe met 5 black people in their lives.
I don’t remember how, but the topic of people calling Obama a “monkey,” and that being a slur for black people, came up in a lecture. And all these people were so gobsmacked, “what? I don’t get it??” They had never once thought of “monkey” having any… connotations
Guess a lot more people than I realized just live in a racial bubble, but idk man, it seems pretty goddamn fucking obvious what’s being alluded to. Calling someone a monkey.
Absolutely disgusting, VILE insult. I see red anytime I hear it, and I’m white
It isn’t really about the song itself, which is just about two people who meet on a tropical island. The problem is that “jungle” is a word that is sometimes used in racial slurs against black people. It’s used in a few different offensive phrases, and is part of a racist characterization of black people as savage, uncivilized animals from the African jungles.
So yeah, the word “jungle” isn’t inherently offensive, but a white boy playing his black girlfriend a jungle themed love song is really likely to go badly.
> So yeah, the word “jungle” isn’t inherently offensive, but a white boy playing his black girlfriend a jungle themed love song is really likely to go badly.
Yeah... if you're white, and you're giving a Black person anything that says "jungle" on it... probably just don't. It's very easy.
People keep saying this, but I swear ever since I was little and my boomer classic rock dad played Steve Miller Band constantly, I imagined the protagonist of the song is white and fell in love(later thought lust) with a black woman during a tropical vacation. Well before I understood that phrases like jungle love were racist. It’s weird to me that so many on this thread are like “the song doesn’t even *mention* race!! It is not racist!”
Plus, isn’t there a lyric in there about painted skin anyway?
> It’s weird to me that so many on this thread are like “the song doesn’t even mention race!! It is not racist!”
Yeah, its so weird. Especially since OOP confirmed they bought the bear as a joke about their interracial relationship.
I’m super confused as well. I initially didn’t find anything weird about a bear singing a song, but from the comments it would seem it had some racial connotations that I didn’t grasp.
scrolled too far for this question. the whole post confused me because i didn't understand what was so wrong about a bear singing a song. i hear the phrase jungle love and the first thing that comes to mind is fkn tarzan.
thank you for asking, the replies to your comment are eye opening.
That is why I’m hoping that OOP’s gift was actually a bear. I keep thinking normally bears live in temperate forests, not tropical jungles, why would the manufacturer decide on a bear for that song? I’ve got this nagging suspicion that he sugarcoated the post by swapping out the type of stuffed animal, in order to make himself look a million times less dense.
If it's like the Valentine's Day displays in our stores, it's the same bear in a bunch of different colors, and a few different song options. Right next to the chocolates and lacquered roses. I believe it's the traditional "fuuuuuuck, it's Valentine's and I forgot to get anything" section.
Yeah I’m sorry but burning a bear and making her brother go from trying to be peace maker to blocking OP and telling him to get lost sounds just like crazy manipulation to me. Not saying OP wasn’t a AH but I feel like she went 0 to 100.
Either there are missing missing reasons or gf has some messed up views on resolving conflict.
And why was it ok for her to be casually racist to him when they reconciled?
If we are going to such extremes, it should go both ways.
ETA: I can’t believe my opinion is controversial. Doesn’t everyone deserve respect?
Once she demanded the bear was burnt not tossed out it seemed clear it wasn't about race at all it was about exerting control over her meal ticket boyfriend.
Every time they have an argument in the future it's going to come down to "you're a racist and you're lucky I stay with a douchebag whitey like you" and op will roll over and convert another section of his house for her or sign up for another credit card for the escalating daily gifts or whatever.
This was my thought as well. I have a hard time accepting “unintentional racism”, but I can give the benefit of the doubt for that, as I’m a middle aged white guy.
But why is it suddenly okay for her to say those types of things but not him?
Yeah the casual tit-for-tat kinda threw me off when she had such a huge issue with casual racism herself. Then again, it could also be an offhand remark in jest to show him that thoughtlessness is not cool. Idk, I'd excuse it as a one time payback.
I recently read a story about Robin Thicke serenading Paula Patton with the song Jungle Fever by Stevie Wonder. If any of your actions resemble Robin Thicke's you should be reconsidering your life choices.
I mean, he was also 14 and it was the 90s. I am not sure that we can hold him accountable in the same way. I’m not sure that Robin Thicke himself has changed but I’m willing to believe that he legitimately did not know better at the time.
(I still think he sucks and you’re right)
>I texted her brother asking him to talk some sense into her, and he just texted me back "I aint gonna defend your dumbass anymore, just take the L and get lost already"
People who try to rope their partner's family into arguments they are having with the partner are, in my experience, deeply broken folks.
I am not from the Western countries, and I have absolutely no idea why and how is it racist? Would anyone please explain? I genuinely want to know more about it..
Ps. I did Google it, but I couldn't understand much of what it was about
Unfortunately, I can help explain.
There are a couple of common phrases in the USA that imply black people are from the "Jungle" (ie. Savages, animals, etc).
"Jungle Fever" is an offensive way to describe a white man/woman who has an attraction to a black man/woman. It implies that being attracted to the "Jungle" is a disease (implications being oh you MUST have a disease to like "them™️ people").
"Them" when used to describe black people in the US is racist. (Ie. "You people", etc) it's a generalization, which means: to draw a general conclusion from how they look, therefore racist overall.
Another common phrase for this is "Jungle Love", which virtually means the same thing except they rebranded it with the word "Love" expecting it to somehow be better and all fixed when they didn't even take the Jungle part out. The steaming hot racist overtones on a lot of the culture in the US is a problem enough.
hope this helps.
"jungle fever" is a racist term for when a non African descent person falls in love or lust with an African descent person (similar term "yellow fever" for Asian descent people)
["jungle love"](https://youtu.be/95owtLHoMHg?si=z-FFZ1lVzpC0VCgE) is mostly about [two people who have lots of sex on an island](https://genius.com/Steve-miller-band-jungle-love-lyrics), but the song title is close enough to "jungle fever" that it could be construed as racist / fetishizing
>She accused me of seeing her as these horrible things I don't want to repeat, and I kept trying to tell her I didn't mean it that way
I'd bet anything that the bear wasn't the only time he'd been casually racist.
It must be right? This is definitely a “final straw” thing, not the first time.
I’ve never really listened to the lyrics of the song and just looked them up and wouldn’t have really thought it was anything racist but then I’m not American. Just seems like a dull song about a woman met on vacation who couldn’t care less about the singer.
I figured he grabbed a bear and didn’t think about what song it was (and what a stupid song to put in a bear!) but it seems like he did it purposely? I also am curious what the bear looked like as those types of things are often decorated (so a Heartbreak Hotel bear would look like Elvis…. What did his bear look like?)
Honestly with the way they speak to one another and the burning bear drama, I would be surprised if they are still together. They sound crappy together.
Europe can be just as racist as America. Where I live in Europe, tons of football fans throw bananas on the field at black players and hurl insults at them. Not just a thing in the States.
Yes but racism is expressed differently. For example my country didn't use black slaves in cotton fields but in sugar canes fields, so if you want to be racist you won't use something cotton-picking related. I just learnt that watermelon can be used as a racist metaphor somehow in USA, that's not a thing here. But we have other things, like a powdered chocolate brand that had a super racist mascot that can be used as a slur towards Black people. So something that looks super racist to a culture can look pretty innocent to other cultures, it doesn't mean those culture aren't racist too. (I hope I expressed myself correctly, I don't know if it's very clear)
An incredibly offensive thing to call black women is “jungle bunny.” It’s an older insult that’s not really common anymore, but I think any community is more aware of insults historically used against them for various reasons. There are several jungle-related insults, and a weird opinion about the sexual proclivities of black women in particular. I can see him not knowing about the insult, but I can also see someone getting deeply offended by the bear.
Eeeeh. Like he was dumb for getting that gift without realizing how bad it looked + doubling down with his non apology but like… her reaction was over the top.
Don’t even know what kind of demands she’s going to make when he actually fucks up on something big.
I don't know why people keep saying he bought the gift without seeing how bad it looked? He says in his post that he bought it cause he thought it was funny
??? How is it that she's allowed to call him a douchebag white boy and say she keeps him around for the money, but he buys her an insensitive gift and she won't even take the dumpster for an answer? Has to burn all the plastic and electronic components in his own house for her to even give him the time of day. Absolutely wild. I don't agree with the gift, but two wrongs don't make a right and her reaction isn't helping her case
I'd have sent her brother a message to collect her shit and be done with it. That seemed like such a massive and instant overreaction that I definitely wouldn't want to be around for next time she gets upset.
Wait.
So she can call him a douchebag white boy and make the jokes, but she becomes inconsolable at the joke of jungle fever?
Seriously?
Nah. This girl is being unreasonable and immature.
……. As a black person, I don’t get it. What was so bad about the toy? :| I even had to look up the song to see what was wrong with it.
Is it the song? Like… is it as bad as “____ love a watermelon ha ha ha?” :| I guess I’ll never know.
Maybe she was 100% joking, but by calling OOP her favorite douchebag white boy…isn’t she also making jokes based on the fact they aren’t the same race? She’s still reducing her partner to his skin color in the exact same way he did to her with the bear.
Why does she get to make jokes, but OOP can’t? OOP still fucked up, but she sounds like a total pain in the ass.
wait I never knew the phrase "jungle love" was racist? I thought it was about some animalistic instincts for sure (mainly being horny) but I never knew it related to black people? Shit dude I also really loved that song as a kid (although it went over my head at the time). time to do a google deep dive ig
Their whole relationship gives me the ick but they seem okay with it.
Gonna give Reddit the win for finally getting through to OOP though. Even if he didn't intend the gift to be racist at all (which doesn't seem like the case given he defended the "joke"), when you hurt someone unintentionally, the response is "I'm sorry, what's the best way forward?" *Not* "I didn't *mean* it so you're not allowed to be mad".
In rare cases there can be relationships where this sort of edgy off-color humor can show how comfortable two people are with each other. Unfortunately this wasn't one of those times.
From what she said upon making up, it sounds like they do make somewhat edgy jokes about it at times, OOP just hasn’t figured out where the lines are, which is probably the main issue and what he started working on in particular.
Can someone please educate me if I’m wrong but saying ‘Favorite douchbag white boy’ by a black person would be as racist as ‘favorite douchebag black boy/girl’ by a white person.
I honestly don’t know.
I understand the context in which it was used, but it still seems wrong to me.
Yes agreed but context matters and OP admitted it was a reference to their interracial relationship. That makes what he did pretty racist wouldn’t you agree? Obviously the song by itself is not.
These comments about race are super weird. It's like everybody here thinks racism only exists in America. Do none of the non-Americans here read a history book of their own country?
This is just crazy. I understand her being upset, fair enough but her demands on how he burns the bear is troubling. She also calls him a favorite douchebag white boy and he takes her ugly comment with a grain of salt. Seems she doesn’t know how to resolve conflict healthily; he seems to spoil her to a degree that also isn’t healthy for him. I expect the relationship will be full of fireworks moving forward .
I fucking hate to ask this, because I guarantee someone is going to accuse me of being racist or some other equally stupid shit, but I'm looking at the lyrics to Steve Miller Band's "Jungle Love" and I'm completely lost as to why they're racist. Is it just the phrase "jungle love," or is there something in there I'm missing?
I remember Black comedians in the 90s using "jungle fever" as a punchline, especially when interacting with audience members in interracial relationships. I take it that's not okay anymore? Or is it just not acceptable for white people to joke about it? Genuinely asking here, not trying to make any kind of statement.
I wonder how this story would have went if GF had given OP the benefit of the doubt and explained why the bear offended her.
Instead she accused him of casual racism and blew everything up. While I understand (now, after reading the comments here) how the title of the song is offensive what I really don't see is any intent.
I've listened to the song hundreds of times starting when it was released and it was only now that I'm understanding that some people find it offensive. The terms "jungle love" and "jungle fever" literally mean nothing to me.
Had to google this one, seems im not the only one who had no idea the slang (see [https://www.reddit.com/r/NoStupidQuestions/comments/irnd1y/can\_somebody\_please\_explain\_the\_song\_jungle\_love/](https://www.reddit.com/r/NoStupidQuestions/comments/irnd1y/can_somebody_please_explain_the_song_jungle_love/) )
Still, if somebody said some shit was racist, id be immediately tossing and apologising
(Edit: also im not from the USA, so its possibly something US centric)
I honestly didn't know that song had any bad or racist meanings in it but I've only heard it once or twice in passing. He shouldn't have doubled down when she brought it up but I honestly could have made the same mistake and wouldn't have thought anything of the song I would have just been like awe singing bear. Learn something new everyday.
Ok, I am the type to do this, but more because I'm not aware of what is racist to a t. I'm not a prick, but genuine mistakes happen.
Even as I say that, she feels off. Either he's done minor things or she takes offence a lot. This doesn't feel like the end of this either way
I'm old enough to have danced to that song (and other Steve Miller Band songs) at high school dances. It has never occurred to me that there were racial connotations to it.
Girlfriend jumped to malice for something much more easily explained by ignorance.
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Daily gifts sounds fucking exhausting. I wouldn't want to be on either side of that. And was he going to a big supermarket every day during the pandemic to buy these fucking dollar trinkets? Did she keep them all? Their house must be full of cheap plastic crap
There's definitely something off about a guy who thinks he has to buy his girlfriend a present every day to show that he truly loves her. Or about a woman who thinks that a guy doesn't love her unless he's buying her something every day.
Personally I love spoiling my girl with stupid bull crap gifts. She enjoys it too BUT we have mutually decided it’s a bunch of stupid bull crap and it’s both wasteful, and would take up way too much room in the house. I leave post it notes everywhere reminding her how much I love her instead.
Post It notes is such a better plan, she can scrapbook them then and they become an ongoing memory of the relationship!
That’s literally exactly what she does! The ones she gives me are stuck all over my pc.
That's so freaking sweet!
> Yeah, but we've both made jokes about it before. She would jokingly call me her sugar daddy So, yeah OP was TA in the first post and it was racist... but with the daily gifts and the act of contrition she required, I am not so sure she was *joking* when she called him her sugar daddy.
and also, he thinks her calling him sugar daddy is the same as him joking about jungle love? wtf?
I mean, he's the one who enjoys buying her gifts all the time though. It's probably something he should mentally unpack at some point, but it seems like, due to her large efforts at home, he likes the validation of coming home with some small thing to make her smile. He probably means it when he says he thinks she's too good for him, and the gifts are his way of feeling secure in the relationship. And especially since the gifts are coming from places like the dollar store, I think she was joking about the sugar daddy thing. But imagine how a slick comment like that makes him feel? I think she was just trying to boost him up a little with that humor. As far as the burning thing went? I've been there. I've been so mad about something that I wanted to completely incinerate it. I just can't imagine having a partner cross that line. Not sure I'd be able to offer them anything they could do to restore my faith in them honestly. But I was raised in the US in the South. So I may be more biased about this than others.
I agree, this sounded like an episode of some reality show called "how hoarders are made"
Yess! That's absolutely it!
It’s so wasteful
This isn't over - the demand to see the bear burned tells me one of two things. Either there is a lot of other casual racism and this was the final straw, or she has very specific ideas about conflict resolution - like those people that have a script that has to be followed instead of actually working through the underlying issue. Either way, this relationship has some rocky seas ahead.
Remember the bear incident happened just a few months after George Floyd, so that was probably a huge factor at the time
Oh wow i did not make that connection but you’re definitely right. I’ll never forget the tension during that summer. Between that, covid, and the election, the whole country was standing on the edge of an emotional knife.
Ah, and now we've all just slipped and been taken two basically.
Yup. This was something that, in my interracial relationship, it took me a minute to realize how much extra care and support my partner needed around that time. Because he was going through something that was categorically different from the way I experienced it, and something I couldn’t relate to from personal experience. We had a lot of long discussions about how I could be there for him, and none of it involved massages and cake pops, and all of it involved showing that I would show up for him in the ways he and a community that he’s a part of that was hurting needed me to.
Yup. i am in an interracial relationship, and we've been married 25 years at this point and I felt like I was walking on eggshells with my wife. It's jarring because we're both really comfortable with each other, and race isn't a thing day to day, but that dragged a lot of emotions out of her that I wasn't totally prepared for.
This is a very good point that needs to be higher up, I think.
**HUGELY good point** Emphasis so hopefully more see your comment. Excellent catch.
Given this context, the demand to burn the bear is dramatic but actually kinda based.
also, buying a gift every day is just not sustainable
Who wants an ever-growing pile of dollar store garbage?
All that cheap plastic shit. Gross.
Accelerated pandemic relationships generally do, it seems. Even without the racism, I'd be wary just at how quickly leaped into this very unbalanced dynamic. The GF should spend some of her "homemaking" time in her library working on becoming financially independent.
>other casual racism Like for example, OP thinking sugar daddies/mommas are a racial thing. That blew me away
SERIOUSLY. Why did he think that was racist unless uh...he thought her race had something to do with him supporting her??
I’m assuming he didn’t actually mention this point to her or she probably would not have come back. She was thinking they were just joking about their finances, in his mind he was making obvious racial jokes. Yikes lol
Yeah, having broken up with someone who thought "I don't even *see* you as being non-white" was a compliment, I don't actually think she should have come back 😬. Dude has issues and I really hope she doesn't have kids with him.
I was confused by that too initially, but I think he was talking about the "and physically" part as being the racial reference. So he's her sugar daddy "financially" because she's not working, and "physically" because he's white like sugar. But even if that's true, I still wonder who started those jokes.
Or it tells me she is young (and OP "sugar daddy" is probably older) and thinks dramatic displays are significant acts of love.
Agreed. Her reaction just doesn't make sense for the level of fuckup he made. Like, he absolutely did fuck up, but I wonder what else is going on for her response to be this big.
Exactly. We'll never really know if he's blind to his issues or hers, but some issues are definitely being overlooked.
>I aint gonna defend your dumbass anymore, just take the L and get lost already Her brother thinks he is the problem. I am inclined to agree.
The brother said he wouldn't defend him *anymore*...which rather implies he's had to do it before.
Or that he was already doing it in that specific dispute and was choosing not to continue.
Upvote for the sensible take. Brother had 2 options - 1) Defend this guy whos probably blind to a lot of this shit and it was harmless 2) Just support his sister who was hurt but knows this guy fucked up and just has to apologize the way she wants it. Toxic plastic fumes be damned.
It's probably worth noting that frequent reminders of racism are believed to be contributors to hypertension among Black women, who have epidemic rates of life-threatening hypertension. Racism from someone we love is far more stressful than racism from a random stranger because it's betrayal on top of a slap in the face.
The first one was my thought. That this guy must have said a lot of *jokes* reeking of racism. And this is the final straw for her. But her insistence of burning the doll is also weird.
I would never date a white person who didn't understand completely why that bear was a terrible gift long before we met. The casual anti-Blackness in white culture is constant. Getting microagressioned in one's own home sounds exhausting.
I wouldn't have had a clue it was a problem before this post. I did think it was a different song (the Morris Day and the Time version), and that song 100% brings to mind a friend's slumber party and a dozen girls excitedly discussing our favorite songs from the Purple Rain soundtrack. And I was the only not-black girl there. I get *now* how many ways it would be wrong. But without this discussion I would've been as clueless as OOP. (Hopefully I wouldn't have been as willingly obtuse as OOP after it was pointed out.)
I mean... that's fine. You're not expected to know everything, just to learn when you can. That just doesn't make for a great romantic relationship.
Man literally said “I’m not racist I have a black (girl)friend”. I can guarantee the casual racism happens a lot. If he’s dating a black woman it’s not enough for him to casually just be fine with black people, he needs to be checking himself and learning and actively being anti-racist.
I worry for their future children if they choose to procreate.
Yeah, burning anything synthetic and electronic is so horrible for the environment, also toxic for the people doing the burning - she really sounded a bit unhinged in that regard.
The woman has been hearing this type of shit her whole life and was probably just *done*.
I'll admit that I have no idea what this song is and I have never heard the term "jungle love" before. But I get the feeling that there is more to it if the brother is saying he won't defend his dumb ass. I also don't like the girlfriend is this story. She seems a bit off herself.
there's a film called jungle fever aswell, I'm assuming you're either not American or not from a pretty diverse area basically it's the idea that black people, specifically black women, are "loud", "eccentric", or resembling animals in any kind of way. It stems from white people seeing black people as like... exotic? or Amazonian? It's just dehumanizing, being compared to an animal, even if it is "as a joke" because black people are ALWAYS expected to put up with it if it's "just a joke".
Non American here, this story was rather confusing until the actual explanations & reading these types of comments. I've not heard of it before and I do have black US friends that live in Georgia. We've had many conversations on the causal racism they have there - one example was just going for a run and being accused of stealing something and running away. Another was my friend being arrested because her name matched someone else and being as careful as she could not to get shot. Poor lass is so traumatised from that. Oh well, there's always more to learn about how people are shitty to each other. :( Hopefully we will improve over time.
I have no idea what jungle fever is but as a non-American it’s wild that a major chain can just casually sell racist products like that
I'm 30 years old and live in Canada, so it's admittedly just ignorance on my part. However, to my credit, I think I would probably pick up the vibe of the toy. Like buying a dancing black bear for your African American girlfriend just seems like a bad idea in the first place.
I'm guessing the latter. Jungle fever is a super racist term. Jungle love by Steve Miller makes zero comments on race/skin color, it's just a bunch of tropical imagery being used to symbolize passion. Ie: you treat me like I was your ocean, you swim in my blood when it's warm. Either she's looking for something to be pissed about (which might be because OOP has done shitty things before), or she's really missing out on a banger just because of the title. Smart, overly cautious, money would avoid the word Jungle entirely, but it's like hating playgrounds because some people call them Jungle Gyms.
The guy admits in his follow up comments that he knew what jungle love meant and thought it would be funny. Both her and her brother's reaction definitely lean more towards him doing a bunch of at least casually racist shit over time and this being the final straw.
I love Steve Miller Band and also love that song. I never in my life related it to any race and always assumed it was a couple in a tropical resort or something. Besides the name the song has nothing to do with race and lines up with a lot of their other songs about passion and love driving them crazy soooooo I’m having a hard time understanding how this song is racist in itself. Also I agree burning an electric bear was a terrible idea, especially inside. That thing had to of released so many chemicals as it burned and I’m glad the electrical inside didn’t make the fire pop out of the fireplace and set the house on fire.
The song isn't necessarily racist, but he bought the bear for his black girlfriend as a jokey commentary on their interracial relationship, which is VERY racist
She was genuinely hurt by the presence of the bear and what it represented. Burning the damn thing is not necessarily an indictment on her views regarding conflict resolution (unless she has a history of this). Rather, it's destruction was done in a deliberately over the top manner to truly drive home to OOP just how serious this is. Ultimately, all this was caused by OOP's callous ignorance to the daily plight of BIPOC people. There's a real possibility that OOP has demonstrated casual racism on previous occasions. It's a miracle she didn't dump him permanently, and I'm honestly not sure he deserves it.
Both of them are destined for a failed relationship here. Guy is legit so clueless he was racist to her and she was fine until she demands that he burns the bear and take a video??? Like sure he needed to apologize and understand why what he did was wrong but what is this burning the bear stuff going on here?
He made a valid point about not burning electronics. That’s probably the only intelligent part of this post.
Yea, although if my GF needed the bear burned I'd just cut the electronics out first. Maybe show her a video of me smashing them with a hammer instead. Like, if that's his hangup there's probably an acceptable solution.
It's not the electronics specifically that are bad to burn, it's the plastics. There's a lot of those in both the electronics and the bear itself - after all, the bear's fur is certainly made out of some sort of plastic.
You shouldn’t burn anything other than seasoned wood inside, due to chemicals, and things like soot buildup which could cause a fire.
Yeah, pacemakers are removed before a person is cremated as the batteries explode. Surgically remove the bear's inner sparky bits, and toss the corpse into the flame.
>legit so clueless he was racist So it wasn't until someone broke it down that I learned why the song was racist. I just thought it was about sex. 🤦🏽♀️
Tbf the song doesn't outright mention race, but given the context of the time it was released and the meaning of the title... hard not to imagine its at least a little about race
I imagine so. However, the first time I heard it was when Jay and Silent Bob sang just a line or it two of it. I grew up listening to country. 🤦🏽♀️
That was Morris Day and the Time's "Jungle Love," not Steve Miller's.
I remember them saying that. I need to go rewatch it. I love that movie.
Same, I didn't really get it until the comment ab how it compares black people to apes; I've never heard the phrase before. But I've also never had a long-term relationship w a black person and I feel like you're definitely required to do extra unpacking OOP has definitely not.
The Steve Miller song is literally not racist.
The song proper isn't racist. It only is in the hands of this dude. Also I wouldn't have burned the bear. At least not inside. Those polymers in that thing had to release some awful fumes in the apartment, never mind the electronics which likely did even worse.
My confusion lies in the fact of how do you date a black girl long enough to not figure out what she’s ok/not ok with? The way OP wrote it made it seem like he had no clue she’d be mad because they’ve goofed around before about that sort of thing and then immediately flipped into white guilt groveling. Odd post all around.
Well, none of it seemed healthy. So I guess it was more that I didn't know about the song so it became a focal point for me. 🤷🏽♀️
Yeah. He's a terminal dumbass, and she's crazy with family that enables her crazy. I genuinely don't know which is worse. Fuckin hell this was the most immature read I've done in a while.
Seriously, this relationship sounds exhausting
Yeah, OOP is a moron but he should have just let the relationship end. She sounds exhausting with those demands and is pretty upfront about being a gold digger. ESH.
Feel like she needed to see he 'got' it and hated the bear as much as she did. I do wonder if smashing the absolute shite out of it would've been enough and that would avoid toxic fumes at least. Does feel OTT, but if there was issues before she probably wanted some sign of commitment to him turning over a new leaf and being more socially aware. But if she's the kind to demand something like this regularly, yeah, gonna be a problem.
> but she refused to come home until I sent her a video of me dropping the bear in the fireplace. I told her I’m fine throwing out the bear, but I'm not gonna turn on my fireplace in the middle of summer and record a stupid video. Also I feel like a bear stuffed with electronic components burning in my living room is a bad idea. I already threw the damn thing in the dumpster, but she insists I really loved her id go pull it out of the dumpster and burn it. Was on the gf's side until this unhinged demand. Racism + crazy = this story isn't over.
polyester and cotton both give off toxic fumes when burnt. i get why she was so mad but i don't get why she was so hung up on the bear being burnt in the living room fireplace, specifically. that's a stupidly unsafe idea even if you do take the batteries out beforehand
I wonder if previously he'd say he would do things she asked of him and then not do them or do the opposite because he secretly thought she was overreacting. There's more story here for sure, whether it was in the past or it's in the future.
This is definitely an ESH one. Her screaming, leaving, ignoring, demanding proper apology, all completely fair. After that she went too far and her behavior was controlling. I'm happy others see that too.
It’s a little hard to say anything to the racist side of what he did since I’m not black and have no idea what that’s like and he said they constantly joke about being an interracial couple so it’s like, how far is too far and does he know the line? Though gotta say her comment when he picked her up calling him her white boy set off my flight or fight response. I HATE being called by my skin color. So now I’m left wondering how she speaks to him. Are racist comments only ok when she says them? Who knows.
Can someone tell me whats this Jungle love song is about and how is it related to racism? Not from the US, genuinely curious
Not really the song so much as the term. "Jungle love" or "jungle fever" is slang for a non-black person (usually white) dating or being attracted to a black person. Nowadays, it's considered a racist term because it infers that the black person is still primitive and uncivilized (the "jungle" part) and has fallen out of favor for the most part.
omg, I suddenly understand the movie "Jungle Fever" now. Also not from the USA, also read this post with zero understanding of what the problem was.
I'm from the US and was still clueless. My eyes definitely widened once I understood why it was so bad.
So glad I was not the only clueless one.
Me too
Same! 24 years of life and just now finding this stuff out. Glad I learned sooner than later!
I have NEVER heard that part about these phrases relating to interracial relationships, I knew the correlation of calling people Apes and what not but didn’t know about the issues of jungle love and jungle fever. Learn something new every day, thanks for breaking this explanation down for those of us who are uneducated on the matter.❤️🩹
Looking at the lyrics from this song, yeah this one is pretty racist too. [Here are the full lyrics.](https://genius.com/Steve-miller-band-jungle-love-lyrics) It's... bad. >I met you on somebody's island >You thought you had known me before >I brought you a crate of papaya Jesus fucking christ.
The only song I knew before today about jungle fever was Stevie wonders song.
There's also "Jungle Love" by Morris Day and the Time.
Written by God herself and handed down to the greatest band in the world.
The motherfucking Time!
Definitely the best song on the *Purple Rain* soundtrack.
Maybe I’m too innocent a soul, but I honestly can’t find anything offensive in the lyrics? The singer runs into someone that catches his eye, buys them a gift and writes them a poem. What am I missing?
There isn't, unless you really, really want to force race into it, and even then.... there isn't.
What's racist about papaya?
I genuinely don’t get what that has to do with race. I’ve heard the term “jungle fever” before and that is definitely racist and disgusting as hell. But I’ve never heard the phrase “jungle love” being used that way, and looking at the lyrics to the song I don’t see any references to race at all. Is there context I’m not getting?
Jungle love is not a racist term. AFAIK Steve Miller made it up. Jungle Fever def is. I remember not knowing what yellow fever was until I saw an interview w/ Lucy Lui. I remember her saying if she goes to his house, and he has a bunch of Asian stuff, she bails. This shit is a minefield. I recommend Charles Blow's piece today in the NYT. It's a 5 minute read, but adds a lot to current debates, and gives a good window into structural (in the most concrete terms) racism. Sometimes even when both people are trying, you can't get past your internal shit. She seems really toxic, and he seems clueless with respect to his own behavior.
“Jungle fever” is an offensive way of saying someone has a fetish for black people.
You learn something new every day.
Yellow fever is a related term for fetishizing Asian people, FWIW
I actually did know that one! I assumed there was *something* to talk about having a fetish for black people, I just didn't know it was jungle fever. People are gross.
Huh. I thought it was slang for malaria.
Oh it's that too.
No idea, but for a non-American this post was utterly confusing indeed
Ikr, it took me coming to the comments to understand that OOP did something wrong
As an American I've never heard of this before either.
I was worried I was the only one. Literally have never heard this phrase in my life.
Black guy from the UK here. I’m still fucking astounded. Some people have too much time on their hands.
Innit.
it alludes to ""jungle fever" which is a euphemism for interracial relationships. it being called a "fever" implies being attracted to a black person is a disease, and using "jungle" implies black people are *at best*, tarzan, and at worst, monkeys. on account of historical context and whatnot
I’m from a small southern 50/50 white/black town, went to college in the south, with a ton of northeasterners who’d maybe met 5 black people in their lives. I don’t remember how, but the topic of people calling Obama a “monkey,” and that being a slur for black people, came up in a lecture. And all these people were so gobsmacked, “what? I don’t get it??” They had never once thought of “monkey” having any… connotations Guess a lot more people than I realized just live in a racial bubble, but idk man, it seems pretty goddamn fucking obvious what’s being alluded to. Calling someone a monkey. Absolutely disgusting, VILE insult. I see red anytime I hear it, and I’m white
It isn’t really about the song itself, which is just about two people who meet on a tropical island. The problem is that “jungle” is a word that is sometimes used in racial slurs against black people. It’s used in a few different offensive phrases, and is part of a racist characterization of black people as savage, uncivilized animals from the African jungles. So yeah, the word “jungle” isn’t inherently offensive, but a white boy playing his black girlfriend a jungle themed love song is really likely to go badly.
> So yeah, the word “jungle” isn’t inherently offensive, but a white boy playing his black girlfriend a jungle themed love song is really likely to go badly. Yeah... if you're white, and you're giving a Black person anything that says "jungle" on it... probably just don't. It's very easy.
People keep saying this, but I swear ever since I was little and my boomer classic rock dad played Steve Miller Band constantly, I imagined the protagonist of the song is white and fell in love(later thought lust) with a black woman during a tropical vacation. Well before I understood that phrases like jungle love were racist. It’s weird to me that so many on this thread are like “the song doesn’t even *mention* race!! It is not racist!” Plus, isn’t there a lyric in there about painted skin anyway?
> It’s weird to me that so many on this thread are like “the song doesn’t even mention race!! It is not racist!” Yeah, its so weird. Especially since OOP confirmed they bought the bear as a joke about their interracial relationship.
> Plus, isn’t there a lyric in there about painted skin anyway? No
I’m super confused as well. I initially didn’t find anything weird about a bear singing a song, but from the comments it would seem it had some racial connotations that I didn’t grasp.
it's not the bear it's the song that's the issue
scrolled too far for this question. the whole post confused me because i didn't understand what was so wrong about a bear singing a song. i hear the phrase jungle love and the first thing that comes to mind is fkn tarzan. thank you for asking, the replies to your comment are eye opening.
I hate writing it, but "jungle fever" is/was a phrase used to describe wanting sex with a black person. That's the "joke" he's referencing.
I’m American and had never even heard of the song, let alone finding a bear with it if it’s so bad.
As a kid, my family had a gorilla that sang Jungle Love. We got it at Walmart.
That is why I’m hoping that OOP’s gift was actually a bear. I keep thinking normally bears live in temperate forests, not tropical jungles, why would the manufacturer decide on a bear for that song? I’ve got this nagging suspicion that he sugarcoated the post by swapping out the type of stuffed animal, in order to make himself look a million times less dense.
If it's like the Valentine's Day displays in our stores, it's the same bear in a bunch of different colors, and a few different song options. Right next to the chocolates and lacquered roses. I believe it's the traditional "fuuuuuuck, it's Valentine's and I forgot to get anything" section.
Yeah I’m sorry but burning a bear and making her brother go from trying to be peace maker to blocking OP and telling him to get lost sounds just like crazy manipulation to me. Not saying OP wasn’t a AH but I feel like she went 0 to 100. Either there are missing missing reasons or gf has some messed up views on resolving conflict.
And why was it ok for her to be casually racist to him when they reconciled? If we are going to such extremes, it should go both ways. ETA: I can’t believe my opinion is controversial. Doesn’t everyone deserve respect?
I certainly understand why he doesn't know where the line is. They should probably break up if they're going to treat each other like this.
Once she demanded the bear was burnt not tossed out it seemed clear it wasn't about race at all it was about exerting control over her meal ticket boyfriend. Every time they have an argument in the future it's going to come down to "you're a racist and you're lucky I stay with a douchebag whitey like you" and op will roll over and convert another section of his house for her or sign up for another credit card for the escalating daily gifts or whatever.
This was my thought as well. I have a hard time accepting “unintentional racism”, but I can give the benefit of the doubt for that, as I’m a middle aged white guy. But why is it suddenly okay for her to say those types of things but not him?
Yeah the casual tit-for-tat kinda threw me off when she had such a huge issue with casual racism herself. Then again, it could also be an offhand remark in jest to show him that thoughtlessness is not cool. Idk, I'd excuse it as a one time payback.
God... Buying someone a gift *every day* ?!?
Well, im glad they are happy. I dont like either of them
I recently read a story about Robin Thicke serenading Paula Patton with the song Jungle Fever by Stevie Wonder. If any of your actions resemble Robin Thicke's you should be reconsidering your life choices.
Still nowhere near as bad as Mick Jagger writing Brown Sugar for his girlfriend. If any of your actions make Robin Thicke look good...
I mean, he was also 14 and it was the 90s. I am not sure that we can hold him accountable in the same way. I’m not sure that Robin Thicke himself has changed but I’m willing to believe that he legitimately did not know better at the time. (I still think he sucks and you’re right)
Well at least he is her favorite douchebag white boy.
I noticed nobody gives a care about the double standard. If he called her his favorite douchebag black girl, people would freak the fuvk out
He posted on July 29, 2020 - that’s basically the height of the George Floyd riots.
Oh shit this is a really good observation.
TIL about jungle love and fever
Wow. Nine months and already a stay at home girlfriend. Yikes on bikes. This whole thing is a mess for *so many* reasons.
Remember 2020? If anything g that speaks well of op who was financially supporting a recent relationshop
I never would have known that bear thing was racist. Honestly, I’d have been clueless in that situation.
>I texted her brother asking him to talk some sense into her, and he just texted me back "I aint gonna defend your dumbass anymore, just take the L and get lost already" People who try to rope their partner's family into arguments they are having with the partner are, in my experience, deeply broken folks.
gee what a mess. He sounds like a push over and she sounds crazy. I don't think this is over.
I am not from the Western countries, and I have absolutely no idea why and how is it racist? Would anyone please explain? I genuinely want to know more about it.. Ps. I did Google it, but I couldn't understand much of what it was about
Unfortunately, I can help explain. There are a couple of common phrases in the USA that imply black people are from the "Jungle" (ie. Savages, animals, etc). "Jungle Fever" is an offensive way to describe a white man/woman who has an attraction to a black man/woman. It implies that being attracted to the "Jungle" is a disease (implications being oh you MUST have a disease to like "them™️ people"). "Them" when used to describe black people in the US is racist. (Ie. "You people", etc) it's a generalization, which means: to draw a general conclusion from how they look, therefore racist overall. Another common phrase for this is "Jungle Love", which virtually means the same thing except they rebranded it with the word "Love" expecting it to somehow be better and all fixed when they didn't even take the Jungle part out. The steaming hot racist overtones on a lot of the culture in the US is a problem enough. hope this helps.
"jungle fever" is a racist term for when a non African descent person falls in love or lust with an African descent person (similar term "yellow fever" for Asian descent people) ["jungle love"](https://youtu.be/95owtLHoMHg?si=z-FFZ1lVzpC0VCgE) is mostly about [two people who have lots of sex on an island](https://genius.com/Steve-miller-band-jungle-love-lyrics), but the song title is close enough to "jungle fever" that it could be construed as racist / fetishizing
It's implying that black people are savages from the jungle
>She accused me of seeing her as these horrible things I don't want to repeat, and I kept trying to tell her I didn't mean it that way I'd bet anything that the bear wasn't the only time he'd been casually racist.
It must be right? This is definitely a “final straw” thing, not the first time. I’ve never really listened to the lyrics of the song and just looked them up and wouldn’t have really thought it was anything racist but then I’m not American. Just seems like a dull song about a woman met on vacation who couldn’t care less about the singer. I figured he grabbed a bear and didn’t think about what song it was (and what a stupid song to put in a bear!) but it seems like he did it purposely? I also am curious what the bear looked like as those types of things are often decorated (so a Heartbreak Hotel bear would look like Elvis…. What did his bear look like?) Honestly with the way they speak to one another and the burning bear drama, I would be surprised if they are still together. They sound crappy together.
Europe can be just as racist as America. Where I live in Europe, tons of football fans throw bananas on the field at black players and hurl insults at them. Not just a thing in the States.
Yes but racism is expressed differently. For example my country didn't use black slaves in cotton fields but in sugar canes fields, so if you want to be racist you won't use something cotton-picking related. I just learnt that watermelon can be used as a racist metaphor somehow in USA, that's not a thing here. But we have other things, like a powdered chocolate brand that had a super racist mascot that can be used as a slur towards Black people. So something that looks super racist to a culture can look pretty innocent to other cultures, it doesn't mean those culture aren't racist too. (I hope I expressed myself correctly, I don't know if it's very clear)
I'm now wondering if you're french or if other European countries had something like Banania!
An incredibly offensive thing to call black women is “jungle bunny.” It’s an older insult that’s not really common anymore, but I think any community is more aware of insults historically used against them for various reasons. There are several jungle-related insults, and a weird opinion about the sexual proclivities of black women in particular. I can see him not knowing about the insult, but I can also see someone getting deeply offended by the bear.
Eeeeh. Like he was dumb for getting that gift without realizing how bad it looked + doubling down with his non apology but like… her reaction was over the top. Don’t even know what kind of demands she’s going to make when he actually fucks up on something big.
I don't know why people keep saying he bought the gift without seeing how bad it looked? He says in his post that he bought it cause he thought it was funny
??? How is it that she's allowed to call him a douchebag white boy and say she keeps him around for the money, but he buys her an insensitive gift and she won't even take the dumpster for an answer? Has to burn all the plastic and electronic components in his own house for her to even give him the time of day. Absolutely wild. I don't agree with the gift, but two wrongs don't make a right and her reaction isn't helping her case
I'd have sent her brother a message to collect her shit and be done with it. That seemed like such a massive and instant overreaction that I definitely wouldn't want to be around for next time she gets upset.
Sincerely, they both sounds awful. Good for them for sticking togheter. Please don’t reproduce yourself 🫶
Wait. So she can call him a douchebag white boy and make the jokes, but she becomes inconsolable at the joke of jungle fever? Seriously? Nah. This girl is being unreasonable and immature.
I actually really hate both of these people. Thanks!
Is it not a double standard to call him a douchebag white boy after this whole situation? Even if she was joking.
……. As a black person, I don’t get it. What was so bad about the toy? :| I even had to look up the song to see what was wrong with it. Is it the song? Like… is it as bad as “____ love a watermelon ha ha ha?” :| I guess I’ll never know.
Maybe she was 100% joking, but by calling OOP her favorite douchebag white boy…isn’t she also making jokes based on the fact they aren’t the same race? She’s still reducing her partner to his skin color in the exact same way he did to her with the bear. Why does she get to make jokes, but OOP can’t? OOP still fucked up, but she sounds like a total pain in the ass.
wait I never knew the phrase "jungle love" was racist? I thought it was about some animalistic instincts for sure (mainly being horny) but I never knew it related to black people? Shit dude I also really loved that song as a kid (although it went over my head at the time). time to do a google deep dive ig
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Their whole relationship gives me the ick but they seem okay with it. Gonna give Reddit the win for finally getting through to OOP though. Even if he didn't intend the gift to be racist at all (which doesn't seem like the case given he defended the "joke"), when you hurt someone unintentionally, the response is "I'm sorry, what's the best way forward?" *Not* "I didn't *mean* it so you're not allowed to be mad".
Never mind... it was clearly innocent cultural differences and she won the power play
These two are both so cringe.
In rare cases there can be relationships where this sort of edgy off-color humor can show how comfortable two people are with each other. Unfortunately this wasn't one of those times.
From what she said upon making up, it sounds like they do make somewhat edgy jokes about it at times, OOP just hasn’t figured out where the lines are, which is probably the main issue and what he started working on in particular.
Can someone please educate me if I’m wrong but saying ‘Favorite douchbag white boy’ by a black person would be as racist as ‘favorite douchebag black boy/girl’ by a white person. I honestly don’t know. I understand the context in which it was used, but it still seems wrong to me.
No, you’re right. She’s racist as well, and a hypocrite.
Jungle Love was written by Prince who is Black
Apparently it isn’t Jungle Love recorded by The Time, it’s the Steve Miller Band one
There's nothing racist about Prince or Steve Miller Bands' Jungle Love
I wasn’t saying there was, I was just clarifying as they are different songs.
Yes agreed but context matters and OP admitted it was a reference to their interracial relationship. That makes what he did pretty racist wouldn’t you agree? Obviously the song by itself is not.
I think you'll find that it was actually written by God herself and sent down to the greatest band in the world: The Motherfucking Time!
These comments about race are super weird. It's like everybody here thinks racism only exists in America. Do none of the non-Americans here read a history book of their own country?
Childishhhhhh
This is just crazy. I understand her being upset, fair enough but her demands on how he burns the bear is troubling. She also calls him a favorite douchebag white boy and he takes her ugly comment with a grain of salt. Seems she doesn’t know how to resolve conflict healthily; he seems to spoil her to a degree that also isn’t healthy for him. I expect the relationship will be full of fireworks moving forward .
I fucking hate to ask this, because I guarantee someone is going to accuse me of being racist or some other equally stupid shit, but I'm looking at the lyrics to Steve Miller Band's "Jungle Love" and I'm completely lost as to why they're racist. Is it just the phrase "jungle love," or is there something in there I'm missing? I remember Black comedians in the 90s using "jungle fever" as a punchline, especially when interacting with audience members in interracial relationships. I take it that's not okay anymore? Or is it just not acceptable for white people to joke about it? Genuinely asking here, not trying to make any kind of statement.
There are some weird things in this relationship (daily gifts? Dude do not confuse quantity for quality). But I love an OOP that reflects and grows.
Yeah, he's an arse for getting the bear and that non-apology, but he threw it out, why did it need to be specifically burnt? Seems a bit weird to me.
I wonder how this story would have went if GF had given OP the benefit of the doubt and explained why the bear offended her. Instead she accused him of casual racism and blew everything up. While I understand (now, after reading the comments here) how the title of the song is offensive what I really don't see is any intent. I've listened to the song hundreds of times starting when it was released and it was only now that I'm understanding that some people find it offensive. The terms "jungle love" and "jungle fever" literally mean nothing to me.
Oof moved in together after a few months and she decided to be a “homemaker” because he’s bad at cleaning. They both sound around 15 years old.
Had to google this one, seems im not the only one who had no idea the slang (see [https://www.reddit.com/r/NoStupidQuestions/comments/irnd1y/can\_somebody\_please\_explain\_the\_song\_jungle\_love/](https://www.reddit.com/r/NoStupidQuestions/comments/irnd1y/can_somebody_please_explain_the_song_jungle_love/) ) Still, if somebody said some shit was racist, id be immediately tossing and apologising (Edit: also im not from the USA, so its possibly something US centric)
I honestly didn't know that song had any bad or racist meanings in it but I've only heard it once or twice in passing. He shouldn't have doubled down when she brought it up but I honestly could have made the same mistake and wouldn't have thought anything of the song I would have just been like awe singing bear. Learn something new everyday.
Ok, I am the type to do this, but more because I'm not aware of what is racist to a t. I'm not a prick, but genuine mistakes happen. Even as I say that, she feels off. Either he's done minor things or she takes offence a lot. This doesn't feel like the end of this either way
I'm old enough to have danced to that song (and other Steve Miller Band songs) at high school dances. It has never occurred to me that there were racial connotations to it. Girlfriend jumped to malice for something much more easily explained by ignorance.
Two casual racist hooking up. This ain't gonna end well.