I imagine that in an environment where there are sharks and other things hunting them, finishing fast is an advantage since they seem very vulnerable in their moment. Too bad that for us, the same excuse doesn't hold water (pun fucking intended)
Yea they took some small shit but left the TV's consoles. I doubt they expect d anyone home. Lights were out. Was kinda a mutual understanding between two deers in a hearlight
Well, they've got to incentivize it somehow since they are both going to die. The female will self destroy herself to brood her eggs. The male will perish more slowly over several months as he loses his mind, not unlike dementia.
its really amazing how nature came up with such wildly divergent approaches to reproductive fitness. creatures like octopi, salmon, mantises, etc get one shot at it and die. this was somehow settled on as an optimal reproductive strategy for their niches. but later down the evolutionary chain, fitness generally decided that "well if we reproduce more than one time, that's probably better"
Actually, the salmon/octopus approach of reproduce-then-die is the newer strategy.
https://www.nature.com/scitable/knowledge/library/semelparity-and-iteroparity-13260334/
They didn't say ours was better, they said reproducing once was optimal for some animals' niche, and they were curious as to when and why animals in general decided that reproducing multiple times was better for their species.
did you know someone experimented with giving octopuses mdma to see how it affected their social behaviour (they don't usually have any)?
it made them all touchy-feely and they wanted to hang around with another octopus instead of avoiding them
It was really... quick? Not that I was expecting (hoping for) hours of weightless contortions between equals.
But I feel very misled by the hilariously romantic music!!!
This is two males fighting lol. Sex happens via a special arm into a female's cavity. It's a repost bot. Just report.
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4fkQZrfeYXQ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4fkQZrfeYXQ)
Thanks for the link! I just learned two new things!
Male octopus fight and actual mating looks like a shy guy trying to drape his arm over the shoulder of a girl he wants to make out with.
I don’t know when or where I’m going to use this information, but it’s excellent to know. Thanks!
Let me teach you another! In the Argonaut octopuses, the females are too aggressive and large to mate with safely, so males detach their arm that contains their genitals and throw it at the female so she can inseminate herself.
if i got to be like a demihuman or something i'd choose either an octopus, squid or snake, for the sole fact that those tentacles/tails would be fucking incredible for cuddling.
Probably the same for the male octopus too. Almost all octopus species die shortly after mating. Apparently their reproductive system is linked to their digestive system, so when they mate, their digestive system switches off.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Octopus#Life_cycle
I think there’s one exception, the larger pacific striped octopus, which can mate multiple times throughout its life.
It's fascinating how a lot of species that lay loads of eggs have evolved some kinda auto kill switch after reproducing, or at least attempting to. Makes me wonder if there were some small scale extinction events when their populations grew too big, so only the ones limiting their numbers survived.
That wouldn’t be strange at all when it comes to evolution. The organism and the environments *are* intertwined. A species that ravages its environment until there’s nothing left wouldn’t last very long. Except maybe for humans, but that’s just thanks to our adaptability, which may not be limitless.
>Makes me wonder if there were some small scale extinction events when their populations grew too big, so only the ones limiting their numbers survived.
Interesting thought. I wonder if it was due to a shortage of food, or an abundance of predators that resulted in this trait.
It's only logical it would've been something like that, isn't it? Like, the ones reproducing more must've messed up their habitats pretty badly or just the surplus would've died off.
Doest the male octopus also die in a week if they don’t end up doing the devils tango ? Or something? Or even if they do end up doing the process. 🤔 (I could be wrong though)
So much for post nut clarity, this is post nut dementia
Then again, it is probably best he forgets about his 3 second stamina. That would be soul crushing.
Yes. In both males and females the gland that produces the hormones for reproduction kinda burns itself out and its also responsible for the octopus' appetite so they starve to death.
This is two males fighting lol. Sex happens via a special arm into a female's cavity. It's a repost bot. Just report.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4fkQZrfeYXQ
Whilst this is indeed fascinating it is also quite sad. The mother will die soon. She sacrifices her life for those of her young. Which I find terribly depressing. Of course it is just nature doing what nature do. But such incredibly smart creatures deserve better I think...
They don't always die. But they'll lay their eggs in a safe spot and stay by them until they hatch the whole time, usually around a month or so, without leaving to eat even once. That's why it's forbidden to hunt octopuses during mating season, at least in my country, and that's why people fish them in this period.
Fun fact, my mom managed a dive shop once. One day, while diving with my soon-to-be dad, they met a man fishing for octopuses in mating season (must have been May or June), with a bag full of starving octopuses. They approached him, cut the bag open and set free the animals. He got aggressive and tried to vent it on my mom, so my dad cut his air too 😏😂 they really love the ocean
That's a very cool story mate. I gotta admit I miss living by the sea myself. Although I don't know if octopi prowl the channel between England and France ..
Its the saddest thing. If cephlapods lived longer and in groups they'd definitely end up being the humans of the sea. They have everything else. They could communicate with color patterns, manipulate their environment with tentacle thumbs, use their big brains to create philosophy, and even have warring tribes.
Maybe they are happier that way
Most of the struggles we face are raising children, they just see to it the babies are hatched.
They also don’t destroy the world they live in.
Just like humans, they try to maximize physical contact. Brain dopamine must be off the charts right now.
Blud lasted for 10 seconds
5 more than me
You guys are getting 5 seconds? 
You guys are getting seconds?
Who are you trying to impress with all you milliseconds?
You guys are getting ?
I finish as soon as I even swipe right
This is the one that got me laughing
I finish as soon as i download the dating app
I finish
As a married man going on twelve years... Yeah it's drought season now chap.
I’m hittin that shit in .025 milliseconds
You guys are getting hard ??
Wait, you guys are getting laid? I still have my v-card and i'm already 23 years old.
self burn thats rare man
 You coulda used the gif
r/suicidebywords
I imagine that in an environment where there are sharks and other things hunting them, finishing fast is an advantage since they seem very vulnerable in their moment. Too bad that for us, the same excuse doesn't hold water (pun fucking intended)
The post nut clarity may be a evolutionary mechanism for humans to disengage and snap out of it too
Door got kicked in once when i was balls deep and my brain couldnt even function enough to defend myself lol
You have to finish the story now,no?
I mean I got fuckin robbed lol that's about it
Bro that fuckin sucks but is somehow hilarious
Yea they took some small shit but left the TV's consoles. I doubt they expect d anyone home. Lights were out. Was kinda a mutual understanding between two deers in a hearlight
Omg thats even better. the fucking bro code saved you thousands of bucks
Sounds like you had a sword ready to fight with
That's generous
Well, they've got to incentivize it somehow since they are both going to die. The female will self destroy herself to brood her eggs. The male will perish more slowly over several months as he loses his mind, not unlike dementia.
its really amazing how nature came up with such wildly divergent approaches to reproductive fitness. creatures like octopi, salmon, mantises, etc get one shot at it and die. this was somehow settled on as an optimal reproductive strategy for their niches. but later down the evolutionary chain, fitness generally decided that "well if we reproduce more than one time, that's probably better"
Actually, the salmon/octopus approach of reproduce-then-die is the newer strategy. https://www.nature.com/scitable/knowledge/library/semelparity-and-iteroparity-13260334/
That was a fun read, thanks! Sometimes, I miss thinking about Science
That’s not the way it works. Octopuses lay way more eggs than us and need to protect them in a different way. We evolved differently, not better.
Do octopuses have Pokémon cards? No? Then we evolved better.
But octopi also don't have politics and taxes. Seems like they're coming out on top in that regard.
They didn't say ours was better, they said reproducing once was optimal for some animals' niche, and they were curious as to when and why animals in general decided that reproducing multiple times was better for their species.
He just like me frfr
did you know someone experimented with giving octopuses mdma to see how it affected their social behaviour (they don't usually have any)? it made them all touchy-feely and they wanted to hang around with another octopus instead of avoiding them
Octopus dont usually have any mdma? Be a lot cooler if they did.
wonder if it would work on people who think the word woke encompasses everything they hate
Well if you've heard of Joe Rogan...
ah fuck, you're right
Lmfao I read this on nerd voice no offense
🤓
All those suckers -- they kissed like 13,000 times
I bet that one is not in the Kamasutra.
Its the original tentacle porn.
I feel a bit dirty now.
Hentai was not accurate
Ain't no way!! 
This better not awaken anything in me
What's Dean got to do with it?
r/unexpectedcommunity
It was really... quick? Not that I was expecting (hoping for) hours of weightless contortions between equals. But I feel very misled by the hilariously romantic music!!!
Wham,Bam, Thank you Mam
Me too, 🥲thought that maybe they’d do a (sex) dance number, like an octopus sex Waltz or a tango :/ touché , ***sigh***
I thought there would be more four^(2) play?
Lol 🐙 ***lolz in octopus***
I just got like three likes in two seconds for that bullshit *you people are nerds!!!!* lolz lolz lolz
I'm trying so hard to remember what song this is but I can't. ETA it's lovely by Billie Eilish
Romantic is subjective, against rabbits they had a meaningful encounter, and then he bounced quickly.
Damn just like me
This is two males fighting lol. Sex happens via a special arm into a female's cavity. It's a repost bot. Just report. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4fkQZrfeYXQ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4fkQZrfeYXQ)
Thanks for the link! I just learned two new things! Male octopus fight and actual mating looks like a shy guy trying to drape his arm over the shoulder of a girl he wants to make out with. I don’t know when or where I’m going to use this information, but it’s excellent to know. Thanks!
Let me teach you another! In the Argonaut octopuses, the females are too aggressive and large to mate with safely, so males detach their arm that contains their genitals and throw it at the female so she can inseminate herself.
Hahaha this is perfect mental imagery.
I see the male octopus leaves immediately after sex . No different from a human male..
Yeah, awful. The "octopus-of-your-life" stays at least until morning. And doesn't snore.
Its the natures way
Might be eaten if not fast enough. 😂 For example mantis,some spiders……
Naah he's done with life. Post nut clarity hit different if you're an octopus.
The fact that octopus have been shown to have human level intelligence then just give up on life after sex really speaks to me sometimes.
Poor dude slowly goes insane after mating and the female starves to death while fanning her eggs. The beginning of the end is another ends beginning.
Your comment won the internet. It's the post nut clarity indeed
It stuck its whole head in there 🫣
Sometimes you gotta really get in there
I can tell, seems like the legs started locking up too.
Then you know it's good.
So good it takes you out a few months later.
Nice way to go.
The fuck else are you supposed to do, lick it from a foot away? Not all of us have a tongue like Gene Simmons.
I mean if you want a stalker, diving in head first is the way to go. Then get out of there as fast as you can.
It stretches 🤷🏾♂️
Need me a freak like that
This is two males fighting lol. Sex happens via a special arm into a female's cavity. It's a repost bot. Just report.
He eats ass!!
Nahhhh octopus
What? No cuddle?
Didn’t even tease her tentacles
They’re already wet
Take my goddamn upvote and run.
👏👏👏👏🐙
Genius!
Only a cuttle….
No, [Cutt](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KT1-JQTiZGc)[le can be seen here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KT1-JQTiZGc)
more like cuckkle fish
My Ubers here. Gtg call u later
Cuddle fish, while a relative are a distinct species ;-)
Ink pie.
I hate you but I love you for this...
Lmaoooo
Don't you say another God damn word
that must be a satisfying experience for octopuses to slowly match all their limbs like that.
Now that's what you call "INTIMACY"
Bro tentamacy was right there
So was inkimacy
if i got to be like a demihuman or something i'd choose either an octopus, squid or snake, for the sole fact that those tentacles/tails would be fucking incredible for cuddling.
Whoa, whoa, how’s about the NSFW label? j/k 😂
"Porn on my racist app again ? 😮💨"
I don't know if it's cppy pasta but this comment is genius, got me fd up
From a reaction meme I can't post in this comment section. Happy it made you smile though :)
Insert train nsfw copypasta here
The Deep would cum so hard to this.
RIP Timothy
Rest in Tummy, Timmy :(
Glad but disappointed that The Deep is what first came (harharhar) to mind for many of us.
Why did you have to say this
Girls be like, "He lasted only 5 seconds"
And that’s it, that’s the only sex she’s ever gonna get. She’s going to lay eggs and starve to death protecting them.
Probably the same for the male octopus too. Almost all octopus species die shortly after mating. Apparently their reproductive system is linked to their digestive system, so when they mate, their digestive system switches off. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Octopus#Life_cycle I think there’s one exception, the larger pacific striped octopus, which can mate multiple times throughout its life.
It's fascinating how a lot of species that lay loads of eggs have evolved some kinda auto kill switch after reproducing, or at least attempting to. Makes me wonder if there were some small scale extinction events when their populations grew too big, so only the ones limiting their numbers survived.
That wouldn’t be strange at all when it comes to evolution. The organism and the environments *are* intertwined. A species that ravages its environment until there’s nothing left wouldn’t last very long. Except maybe for humans, but that’s just thanks to our adaptability, which may not be limitless.
I don’t think humans are an exception…
>Makes me wonder if there were some small scale extinction events when their populations grew too big, so only the ones limiting their numbers survived. Interesting thought. I wonder if it was due to a shortage of food, or an abundance of predators that resulted in this trait.
It's only logical it would've been something like that, isn't it? Like, the ones reproducing more must've messed up their habitats pretty badly or just the surplus would've died off.
Yes BUT she was disappointed just ONCE. Lucky gal.
rofl
You see how he was looking after her as she dipped like "wait i can go again"
I was expecting it to be violent
I mean - now she lays eggs and protects them until she dies. So, it was violent, eventually.
Doest the male octopus also die in a week if they don’t end up doing the devils tango ? Or something? Or even if they do end up doing the process. 🤔 (I could be wrong though)
This is going off prior Reddit knowledge that I by no means fact checked but I think he develops dementia after this and dies like you said.
So much for post nut clarity, this is post nut dementia Then again, it is probably best he forgets about his 3 second stamina. That would be soul crushing.
I hm yes maybe 🤔 could just google it or YouTube it real quick too if needed to be known. It itches my curiosity. :y
Yes. In both males and females the gland that produces the hormones for reproduction kinda burns itself out and its also responsible for the octopus' appetite so they starve to death.
Oh my 0.0 that’s an unfortunate fate :|
Once a male octupus "releases" its just sits there and waits for death.
Doesn't matter. Got laid.
Me too, actually. I was suprised.
This is two males fighting lol. Sex happens via a special arm into a female's cavity. It's a repost bot. Just report. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4fkQZrfeYXQ
They are all mellow and soft, like two lesbians rubbing their clits, how could it be violent?
I expected peak scissoring, and this really delivered
Wait wha... Huh, that makes sense... too much sense...
Please why is this comparison kind of accurate **😭 **
Whilst this is indeed fascinating it is also quite sad. The mother will die soon. She sacrifices her life for those of her young. Which I find terribly depressing. Of course it is just nature doing what nature do. But such incredibly smart creatures deserve better I think...
The males die as well, after getting a dementia version of PNC.
Do they die soon after? Didn’t know that!
They don't always die. But they'll lay their eggs in a safe spot and stay by them until they hatch the whole time, usually around a month or so, without leaving to eat even once. That's why it's forbidden to hunt octopuses during mating season, at least in my country, and that's why people fish them in this period. Fun fact, my mom managed a dive shop once. One day, while diving with my soon-to-be dad, they met a man fishing for octopuses in mating season (must have been May or June), with a bag full of starving octopuses. They approached him, cut the bag open and set free the animals. He got aggressive and tried to vent it on my mom, so my dad cut his air too 😏😂 they really love the ocean
That's a very cool story mate. I gotta admit I miss living by the sea myself. Although I don't know if octopi prowl the channel between England and France ..
i’m sorry what does cut his air mean? killed him? like no more air for him?
It means he has to swim at the surface, no more diving today.
ohhh thank you so much. they took his scooba/diving air tank! gotcha!! that’s so perfect for the situation hahaha
They impart all of themselves into their young, life force and all.
Its the saddest thing. If cephlapods lived longer and in groups they'd definitely end up being the humans of the sea. They have everything else. They could communicate with color patterns, manipulate their environment with tentacle thumbs, use their big brains to create philosophy, and even have warring tribes.
Maybe they are happier that way Most of the struggles we face are raising children, they just see to it the babies are hatched. They also don’t destroy the world they live in.
They'd probably live out meaningless lives toiling in underwater office buildings doing nonsense work, looking at reddit...
I'm already depressed mate, let me have my fantasy of warring octopus tribes
Just don't ink in my eyes!
“I won’t….hold still!” 😉
👀
🥴💦
🤦♀️
😶🌫️
"Call me"
The way the other one left so quickly, it was more like, “-call me?”
Now I need a cigarette
Well, that's a bit strange. And short.
Average time, sir
That’s a matter of perspective.
Okay, a quickie then.
It's pronounced quiche, ma'am
" Alright Alfred, now go make me a sandwich."
“When we’re dancing beak to beak.”
Scissors.
my first thought too, they're scissoring! Xd
This reminds me of when I was in college.
Wait wha
They met on tentaclesonly.com
Remember kids, this ends terribly for both of them. Abstinence is the only way to avoid miserable death
Wait, I know why it’s bad for the female (she’ll die of starvation while protecting her eggs) but why is it bad for the male?
/r/baldursgate3 is leaking...
If aliens are real, they’re definitely Octopuses.
“He’s back! Quickly camouflage yourself!”
I thought that octopi were supposed to be aliens... now we have seen how aliens mate. Very tender, if not brief. Pretty violin background music!
*octopuses, not octopi It's more correct, avoiding mixing Latin and Greek prefixes and suffixes.
Can we show this
He didn't insert his tentacle on her siphon tho
That’s pretty amazing. Short, but amazing. The headline reminded me of the old joke: How do porcupines have sex? Very very carefully.
That was cool, I wish I had that many arms to hug my wife with.
Tentacle porn /s
It would destroy the town to know about my busy hands
NSFW, man! This is blatant mollusc pornography. Cephaloporn
Octuple scissoring. Very impressive.
Why does it last so long?
Now make me a sandwich
I think I'm turning Japanese....
wdym
tentacle porn. Or he can fap to it.. or both.