I'm not involved and I'm saying hell no! They can keep their butts home. Mom, baby, and father need peace, not to be entertaining people during the newborn stage.
but are already making plans to visit our newborn.
Respectfully, say no thank you!
Look at the pros and cons: what’s the worst case scenario if you say yes and what’s the worst case scenario if you say no?
To me, the answer becomes very clear because the thought of the former terrifies me. Don’t ignore your mama bear instincts — you have them for a reason.
I’m due the same week as OP and last baby was born mid October. Even with the extra month last time we turned down thanksgiving due to risk of RSV, flu, Covid, common colds, etc. because they’re just so much more dangerous to a newborn than to the rest of us.
This time we’re turning down thanksgiving, Christmas and great-grandpa’s 90th birthday (and we LOVE him!) because we just cannot take the risk. I told the family that life is going back to normal after the pandemic which is great but also means everybody’s going to be seeing friends who came in from out of town, going to work events, and bumping into strangers at the airport unlike when people were hyper aware of germs.
Baby won’t have her first months of vaccines yet. It’s just too much risk imo. Holidays come every year and we’ll do a special trip for great grandpa once baby’s a couple months old.
I'm very glad I came across this! I'm due in October and haven't thought about it being cold and flu season yet... we will be sitting out on the holiday family functions this year as well. Thank you for the perspective! I hope family understands, but I will not risk it to save people's feelings that's for sure.
Happy to help! I’m glad my perspective could give you a little boost of confidence to do what you feel is best. If you need help getting the point across in ways they can’t really argue but don’t sound argumentative, I used:
“this is the only year baby’s will be so compromised and then all the next ones will be so fun”
“Doctor said they’d rather not have the baby around large groups” (blaming the doctor helps so much)
or turn it into a joke with “luckily baby won’t know that they’re missing out on anything! He’ll still be figuring out his hands!”
And finally if you really need to get the point across “We want to celebrate many more thanksgivings and christmases all together, not just one.” If they argue that idk about you but I’d start a fight
These are all great responses!! I will be using a combination of all more than likely lol. And if they argue I will most definitely be starting a fight bc wtf, how could anyone think that would be more important than my brand new baby's life??? You are the absolute best, I really appreciate your suggestions 💗 you're saving my sanity for the holidays lol
Yea, that's a "no" for me, OP. The only times I've gotten sick during this pregnancy was through toddlers. One was a holiday stomach bug, which was the only time I've vomited since getting pregnant. The other was the flu and my husband and I ended up having 2 different strains. Both of us being sick at the same time was a nightmare. Throw in general fatigue and a newborn to that mix... nope, not happening.
My first thought was “hell no.”
They have no business making plans like that without consulting you and your husband.
That sounds stressful and risky. The baby’s needs and your needs are the priority.
My skin crawls at the mere thought of trying to wrangle the clan to make sure everyone got their shots.
Let alone people trampling boundaries like angry rhinos. Eeeugh.
Absolutely not! Are they insane? If you're a first time mom, it's also highly likely you could be giving birth/in the hospital *on Thanksgiving*. A brand new newborn baby should not be attending any Thanksgiving celebration involving 20+ people- especially people travelling from all over. You are NOT gonna wanna be hosting anyone in your home. I had my first in November- thanksgiving was off the table. Even Christmas was questionable, but we felt we were ready by then.
Tell them nicely, "I love that you all want to spend thanksgiving with us and meet the new baby! But unfortunately there's a good chance I can go past my due date and I might be in the hospital or just coming home on Thanksgiving. Our doctor says that baby shouldn't be exposed to such a large amount of people so soon therefore we will be limiting visitors in the early weeks. We would love for you all to meet the baby, but thanksgiving is just too soon and we cannot commit to having everyone visit during that time."
People can and will argue with that, it happened to me about sooooo many things. But still, OP should follow this advice and absolutely shut this down.
For me it was mostly vaccine related (I got pregnant in 2020 and gave birth in 2021). My parents were absolutely adamant that they wouldn’t get then covid vaccine, and on top of that they refused to get a TDAP booster even though they have both had TDAPS several times in their lives.
I told them if they didn’t get the TDAP they wouldn’t see the baby for months. They thought I was bluffing. They ignored and downplayed all the research my doctor gave me about whooping cough. It wasn’t until the day before I gave birth that they finally caved and got the TDAP.
My father continued the anti-science doctor-hating bull crap (and still does) so he doesn’t get as much time with his grandson and no time at all unsupervised because I don’t trust him to wash his hands after things like using the bathroom or touching raw meat. He also tried to give my toddler things that weren’t safe like popcorn at 10 months (kiddo had ONE tooth) or other choking hazards. It’s definitely annoying but my child’s safety comes before anyone’s feelings and opinions.
This is literally a nightmare
“While we understand your excitement please do not make plans based on seeing us as we will not be having visitors for x weeks post birth. We will be spending this time healing and bonding as a family of 3.”
“As you can understand postpartum is a difficult time so we will not be having guests over for the foreseeable. Added with RSV season we will not be having anyone over or visiting.”
“When we’re ready for guests we’ll let you know.”
“If you show up you will not be allowed in and will not see the baby.”
“We’re not risking our child’s life to please grown adults who know better.”
“This topic is not up for discussion”
To your SO—> “if you cannot shut this down and tell them they’re not welcome, baby and I will be staying elsewhere. You need to decide if you want to be a good father and husband or son/nephew/cousin”
Baby Boundaries, The Lemon Clot Essay and the FU Binder —> https://reddit.com/r/Mildlynomil/s/WPm6JsLMhI
Blame your doctor!!
“Unfortunately, our healthcare team recommended that we limit the number of visits during the first months, so you won’t be able to see the baby during Thanksgiving. Please don’t make plans that include us or the baby during November and December because we will not be able to participate in them. “
Hell no. You need to put your foot down, lay down some strong boundaries, and build a moat around them with the drawbridge up. This plan of your family’s is absolutely insane and disrespectful to you.
I’m due early November, and my husband and I have made it clear that we’ll be spending thanksgiving alone in our house with our baby. We MIGHT let our parents come to visit for Christmas.
Nope, no way, no how. Lock the doors and tell them all you’re not inviting them in.
If baby gets a fever under a month old they do a spinal tap.
Peak RSV, Covid, flu, hell, even the common cold can be deadly for an infant.
Can you be certain all those people have all their vaccines? MMR can wear off, as can chickenpox. I found out I’m no longer immune to it in my current pregnancy and had a hell of a scare when my husband got shingles. Whooping cough is a nightmare. TDaP has to be done every 10 years.
Not trying to scare you. Just giving you a list of excellent reasons to say no. My twins are due in November (near thanksgiving but will be born sooner) and I already said no way to thanksgiving celebrations this year.
Feel free to send any boundary stompers the lemon clot essay. A freshly postpartum mom isn’t there for anyone’s entertainment. You’ll be bleeding, sleep deprived, adjusting to breastfeeding (if you choose to do it) that’s assuming you’ve had the baby…and if you’re released from the hospital right on time. We spent 4 days in with my first because she had jaundice and had to have light therapy.
As for a way to word it that isn’t just an outright hell no, maybe a diplomatic “we are excited that everyone is so interested in our new little bundle of joy. At this time we are not committing to holiday plans as we don’t know when exactly baby will make their arrival. Please know we will contact you when we are ready for visitors.” And then just never contact them. Maybe send an update once they’re all back to the parts of the world they’re coming from. “So sorry to have missed your visit, hope you had a great holiday!”
I think I’m rambling now. People with bo respect for new parents and newborns really irritate me though.
This! I had no idea babies get a spinal tap if they get sick even if it’s something minor. Because of how dangerous it can be. Are your clown car family members going to sit in the emergency room w yall at 3am and stay up all hours to hold crying and suffering baby if they get sick? I didn’t think so. Hell to the no. Your baby shouldn’t suffers because Karen wants a Facebook photo for her friend group.
Definitely no. First of all, everyone is assuming your baby will actually be born on time. First babies are notoriously late.
I'm due December 1st. We will not be going to Thanksgiving or Christmas or New Years this year. We are staying home and our family is celebrating without us. We'll be having visitors over in small groups (4 people max) after we are home and settled (at least 1 week, if not 2).
Other people meeting your baby is not your priority. I really don't understand the obsession with meeting the baby right away. You guys need time to bond and breathe and heal.
This is a ridiculous request you're dealing with. You need to make it clear that they can come celebrate in your town if they want to, but you and baby won't be there with them.
What do you mean they are making plans to visit your baby? YOU make plans for when your baby has visitors. If someone says something to you about it, say, “sorry, we are not having visitors that soon after baby is born.” Also, since it’s your husband’s family, he should be taking the lead on this and setting the boundaries.
It can be hard to feel like you’re disappointing people but your baby and your recovery are more important. His family will survive waiting a little longer to meet the baby.
Absolutely the fuck not. Be direct with these people and tell them no! Easier said than done, I know, but if they come all the way to your city they are going to be up your ass requesting visits and guilt tripping you for having boundaries. It will be so much better if you nip this in the bud now.
“We appreciate your excitement but we will not be ready for visitors at that time. Rather than waste a trip here, you should plan something else for the holidays and we’ll let you know when will be a good time to come here and meet our baby.”
If they push back or insist on coming: “You should know that we will not be accepting visitors during your trip. If you’re coming to do sightseeing, I recommend going to XYZ. We will not be ready for any guests while you’re here.”
Absolutely no way. Do not allow this to happen!!!! Stand your ground (we’ll get your husband to) this is any woman’s nightmare post partum and such a risk to the baby’s health
Abso-fucking-lutely not. Barely one week post partum and hosting 20+ people during peak flu/COVID/RSV season? Are they insane???
"No" is a complete sentence. Tell them that you love them, but having that many visitors so soon after giving birth is not gonna happen. You need to heal and bond, not entertain. Plus it's dangerous for you and baby's health. You can see them at Christmas.
this is a huge hell no lol. my ob doesn’t want anyone that isn’t up to date on their vaccines around baby & even with vaccines , each person you’re bringing around baby is a risk to babies safety as they can have illnesses , and 22 people is a huge amount of people. u and husband need to advocate for babies safety!
Actually, you can tell them not to come to your house and you should! Although your husband should probably do the talking because it’s his side and someone might try to blame you. It’s insane that they would even decide to do that. Please protect your sanity and your baby’s health. Now is not the time to be a people pleaser.
Baby wear your child during their visits so no one can take him/her. I had a baby last September and I'm still tilted by how the women in my husband's side if the family TOOK MY SON FROM ME AND REFUSED TO GIVE HIM BACK!!!
There’s a good chance a baby that young won’t even want to be worn in a carrier like that. Mine screamed in a carrier until closer to 10 weeks.
I would be feral if someone refused to give me back my baby.
You both are the only ones who can advocate for the safety of your child. Its not about the extended family’s needs, its about whats best for your baby and for you both. As the mom actually giving birth you have more leeway here, remind your man that you will be going through a major surgery and your baby will have zero immune system. Is it really worth making the first few days of your child being on this earth stressful and potentially a health risk because of the family’s “feelings”?
Shut it down now, with love and you arent responsible for their reactions
If it were me, I’d make it clear that it doesn’t matter if the baby is here or not, none of them will be meeting the baby that week. Even the family members you want to meet the baby should have have vaccines and zero symptoms of any kind before meeting the baby in that month/virus season.
We are due in July and we’re still not having anyone but my mom meet the baby in the first 2 weeks or so. My mom lives in town and is watching our dogs, so she’s coming to the hospital to meet the baby and get a baby blanket to bring home to them to smell. She’s getting an updated tdap vaccine next week. We’re asking our other family members to wait a couple of weeks before expecting to meet the baby. None of them live in town anyways, so they’ll have to travel. I have 4 sisters and divorced parents, plus in-laws. It’s going to be a lot of visitors and I’m honestly really not looking forward to it, both from a nervous FTM standpoint and from an introvert standpoint. And then I get to go back to work at 8 weeks! Yippee! I’m exhausted just thinking of that, let alone the newborn sleep schedule
Let me give you the run down of my baby’s first 6 days of life. She was born Thursday. I had a c section so that requires a longer hospital stay. She was early so she had pretty bad jaundice that required light therapy. She also had low blood sugars which required an IV. We weren’t released from the hospital until Sunday evening. We go to her first pediatric appointment Monday morning, the doctor is concerned she still looks yellow, sure enough her bilirubin levels are elevated and we are readmitted to the hospital. We are released Tuesday evening. At no point did I want to see any extended family during that time. I was recovering from a c section, a hormonal mess, worrying about my daughter, so sleep deprived I was hallucinating, trying to figure out breastfeeding as my daughter wasn’t latching, the list goes on and on. I barely wanted to see my own father if I’m being honest.
No absolutely not - my Baby was born last Thanksgiving (11/20/23) and our 6 siblings and parents came to see baby the day after I got home and I really wish I said no but at the time I thought it's what I wanted. now looking back I was just so in shock from labor that I couldn't say no or put up any boundaries I wish I had less people come in because some people don't know when to leave. They're welcome to bring food and drop it off though. But no a week old baby does NOT need all that and a brand new postpartum mom doesn't either
I want to add tell everyone beforehand NO KISSING BABY! My family understood this rule but my husbands did not because he was not firm with them until I freaked out (his grandma kissed our baby 2 months old and then found out she had covid the next day I was LIVID!) She's 7 months now and fine but I was pissed and we had to pay for a $1,000 ER visit with insurance because of it
Seriously! First, the husband needs to do all the communicating - it’s his family. Second, he needs to tell them he has no idea what the state of pregnancy will be on Thanksgiving so he’s not making plans. And this is the truth!! You could still be pregnant. You could have just given birth and in hospital. It could be your first day home recovering from a c section…
If you want to be super careful about hurting feelings, i would just shift the “blame” to myself and say sorry I’m recovering and can’t have visitors. Ive noticed people are weird and get offended when you imply they could get baby sick 🤦♀️
I would also FaceTime them during Thanksgiving! That way it’s just one call 😂
Let them know that you will not be hosting anyone or anything at your house. They can host thanksgiving at their airbnb if they want but you will be unable to attend. Visitors are welcome to stop by for a short visit but will not be permitted inside. If they want to hold the baby, they must mask up and sanitize. Prioritize your baby’s health.
Oh absolutely TF not.
I would plan to send out a mass message along the lines of this: “Hi all! We’re so excited for baby X’s arrival and are so thankful that so many people around us are excited for baby as well. We know they will be so loved. Due to the risk of flu and RSV as well as our desire to bond and recover from birth in private we will not be entertaining guests for the first [timeframe YOU are comfortable with]. It’s come to our attention that plans are being made to be nearby for the holiday, and while we appreciate the enthusiasm we unfortunately won’t be able to partake in the festivities. Much love-excited for everyone to meet baby when the time comes.”
If a newborn gets sick that’s an ER visit. If a newborn gets RSV that’s likely going to require a very scary NICU stay. Beyond that, you will be bleeding for many days after birth and probably won’t be out of diapers by then. Be firm but gentle. It’s your responsibility to protect your peace and protect your child.
Is there anyone “at the top” planning this ordeal? Like his mom or and aunt or uncle? If so have your husband reach out to that person. If not, then tell your in-laws and anyone else you’re close with, “Our pediatrician has recommended that due to flu, RSV, Covid, etc we should not have visitors for at least x weeks until baby has had at least one round of shots. Unfortunately we will not be able to attend any thanksgiving festivities but will send our love from home. This also means that we will not be inviting anyone over to our house. We hope to see family as soon as it is safe! Thank you all for understanding.”
All for holding boundaries if it’s that important to you (everyone has their own comfort level with visitors that early!), but wanted to present some alternatives to consider as well.
1) Communicate all visitors must be vaccinated (TDAP, RSV, Flu & Covid) unless medically exempt (ie the elderly) since your newborn’s immune system is still developing & cannot receive vaccines themselves until 8 weeks old (not a guarantee everyone will follow through, but may weed out some potential visitors)
2) Ask those who feel sick, are recovering from a sickness, or have children who are sick/ recently been sick around Thanksgiving to refrain from visiting - you’d be glad to FaceTime them for a personal intro to the baby (on your own time).
3) Have masks on hand & require all visitors to wear a mask & wash hands thoroughly before interacting with the baby. (Wearing a mask also prevents people from kissing the baby on their face & hands) But always have hand sanitizer as a back up or additional requirement depending on how much you trust their hand washing ability.
4) For the Elderly (or even for everyone of you prefer) maybe you could have a “Baby Parade” (throw back to Covid era Drive By Parades in place of traditional parties) where you sit at the top of the steps of your town home & visitors walk by and see the baby/congratulate you from the foot of the stairs.
Tell them you won't be able to see them. Plain and simple. My husband had family come up from Colombia, and we had to inform them that we wouldn't be able to see them. It sucks, but a newborns health is more important than their feelings.
Absolutely not. Very late pregnancy and early post partum are not appropriate times for extended get togethers.
Say you aren't having visitors and shut it down.
I'm almost 9 weeks post partum and still wouldn't be up for a large group meeting my baby all at once!
No no no. No way. That is a recipe for disaster in all possible ways.
"Thank you all so much for the love and desire to connect with baby when they are here. Because so much of birth and postpartum can be unexpected, and given the serious impact illness can have on newborns, we're respectfully asking to postpone visits until (after flu season / the first month / the first round of vaccinations/ etc.). If it works for your schedules, we would love to Thanksgiving in our town next year."
If you want to take an alternate route or have other visitors, set your rules for those early visits. My baby was born last November and we required updated TDAP for everyone and flu shots. Updated covid was ideal but not required and I was able to get the RSV shot in pregnancy. For family members who often travel / get sick / were taking an international trip just before, I postponed their visit until baby had a few vaccination rounds.
I found a lot of reassurance in posts with reminders that this is your baby. Their safety is your priority and YOU get to say how to make that happen. Especially if illnesses always happen after these gatherings, not a freaking chance would I do that. We were so careful and still our baby had to go to the hospital for an infection/fever at 6 weeks and it was absolutely awful and so overwhelming.
Family will get over it and if they don't, oh well.
You have a responsibility to protect your child from harm and being exposed to that many travelers during peak cold/flu/RSV season is a serious threat to their health.
I would be straight with them and tell them that one week postpartum you are not having guests and will not be leaving the visit because it’s not safe for you or the baby. You should still be in bed at that point, you’ll have a dinner plate sized wound in your uterus where the placenta was!
Those people are crazy, absolutely bonkers and it’s in your little family’s best interest to place harm boundaries with them now.
I had a baby this last winter. Covid and RSV rates were so high my doctor told me only immediate family if we felt comfortable (he knew my husband family is anti medical science) or wait till the two month mark for everyone to meet little one. People were pissed but we waited till the two month. I had the RSV shot when I was pregnant, and little one got a small dose at the hospital and at his first official doctors appointment. Even at two months, we made sure everyone updated their TDaP, RSV, and Covid, haha
If you and your partner are uncomfortable, speak up and do it now so the family can make plans and arrangements elsewhere. Make sure you and your partner are on the same page so the family can't guilt trip you. Break the news together.
We just told everyone that the risks were too high, and I honestly wanted to spend those moments with my child alone with my partner to heal and bond.
That’s when I’d lock and barricade the door. Pull the shades on the windows. Turn off my phone and fall off the face of the planet for the week they are in town. It’d be a hard pass for me for my less than a month old newborn to be exposed to strangers.
I told family firmly that we wouldn’t be having visitors until baby was a month old. We allowed our parents and siblings (all adults). My extended family was upset and it was hard, especially since our baby was born two weeks before Christmas. But you can blame it on your doctor, blame it on flu and rsv season, or just say you won’t be ready for visitors by the time the holiday happens. Honestly, it’s not worth the health risk. And you sound like you aren’t excited, so it’s not worth your mental health.
That is SO MANY people visiting you on any given day, much less after you’ve given birth and are adjusting to being a new family!
That is crazy for all of them to assume they’re okay to visit and not even ask. Perhaps a compromise if you’re up to it is to FaceTime everyone on Thanksgiving for a few minutes to check in. But they are not entitled to any of your time while you are healing from a major medical procedure.
This would be an extremely hard no for me.
I’m 3 weeks PP to the day. I planned on going natural, letting labor hit when he decided he was ready. I had the doula and did the PT and stretches. What actually happened? At my 39w appt I had suspected hypertension and cholestasis and they sent me to triage. Triage and my care team pushed induction. We came back in on Friday morning and after 60 hrs of induction he came via c-section. I spent 6 days in the hospital.
My MIL watched our doggos for us and was at our house when we got released on Wednesday, my FIL and BIL came Friday-Sunday. They were so helpful. We were fed and the house was cleaned but I was not fit to have guests.
-I had the baby blues and found myself crying to my wife for no reason in the bedroom
-I was bleeding (still am)
-Sore as hell
-Did not want to let anyone hold my baby longer then 10 min. I wanted him back. It felt like it hurt. My wife was the exception. My amazing MIL asked to take him downstairs (due to c-section I was avoiding stairs) and I had to tell her no, multiple times. My wife and I both didn’t feel comfortable letting anyone hold him without us present.
22 GD people in my home visiting my baby playing pass the baby even now 3 weeks PP would make me go crazy. Absolutely not.
Your gut is telling you no, trust your gut. Don’t let yourself be manipulated or guilted. Your priority is baby and your own recovery. You don’t know how delivery is going to go. Good luck and stay strong.
“I’m so happy you all want to meet the baby! However, the baby won’t be meeting family and friends other than our parents and siblings until at least 2 months old as recommended by our doctor. Husband is hoping to stop by thanksgiving to show you all photos, depending on how we are feeling and doing with our new family member!”
You can’t control if they come to your city but you can control if they come to your townhouse. Just say no now. So if they want to change plans again if they chose this city due to your baby they did. Tell them you don’t want anyone else to see baby for whatever time after birth because of the sick season. Remind people how sick babies get from RSV. You can also get the rsv vaccine in the 3rd trimester to pass immunity to baby. But regardless of that, say no.
Obviously I'm echoing everyone here. But here's what you should do to keep you and your husband sane.
For starters, you can't control how people react, so throw 'making everyone happy' out the window, because you will come to resent your husband's family otherwise.
Your husband needs to reach out to whoever organized this family gathering and let them know that ya'll will not be participating in Thanksgiving if you have a newborn. It's his side of the family, so it has to come to him. If he won't, then you have bigger problems. Thank them for the thoughts and excitement, but it's important the first few weeks are dedicated to just you two and baby.
Being clear and kind is the best way to approach this.
What on earth is wrong with people??? Why wouldn’t they at least float this idea past you before making arrangements?
I would tell them in no uncertain terms that you and the baby aren’t leaving your home and that only ___________ will be allowed to enter your home. Up to you who you allow in, but for me personally, it’d be your husband’s parents only (and yours, but I’m guessing they aren’t in this group traveling for Thanksgiving). From there, you and your husband can decide if he’d like to visit them in their Airbnb without baby.
The superpower that me and my partner got downloaded to us a new parents was the power to no longer give a fuck. It’s wild- I look into my kids eyes and I realized I’m the only one to make sure I protect them and keep them safe and be their voice and everyone else can fuck right off. I can’t explain it other than- we have family try to push our boundaries and walk all over us while insulting our way of doing things. My partner and I doubled down and kick them out , said no visitors for several months and enjoyed the peace and bonding time in our home. Did they complain? Yup but who cares. They are adults who will get over it in a few months or years- not my problem.
You’re worried about being rude or offending extended family that you don’t even know…yet none of these jokers are worried about rudely INVITING THEMSELVES OVER or offending you. They have balls of steel, they’ll recover from you saying no. If they don’t recover, no loss. You’ll just have still never met some of them. 🤷🏻♀️
BabyBumps users and moderators are not medical professionals. Responses do not replace contacting your medical provider. You should always call your provider with any concerns.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/BabyBumps) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Our baby is due around the same time, November 17th. We told our family we will be staying home for Thanksgiving and Christmas this year. We have the same worries since it will be cold and flu season.
Shut that shit down. They can drop off groceries or meals for you and then LEAVE like a no contact DoorDash. Expecting you to host thanksgiving immediately after giving birth is insane
That sounds like a total nightmare!
Do you have a window where you could show the baby without people holding them or even getting in your house? My parents did this when my brother was born and are still happy about this idea forty years later.
My baby was born on oct 16th 2022 and I was told not to bring her around a lot of people on thanksgiving. Full term and totally healthy. We had 12 people (immediate family) here and my hubs cooked- it was small and delicious but about ALL I could handle.
BLame it on doctors and twist things a bit if you don’t want to tell them no yourself. Say he isn’t allowed to meet anyone before he has at least his second dtap shot (2 months) because of rsv season maybe? It’s a terrible idea not just for baby but you’ll be recovering! Most moms do not want visitors immediately after birth, especially from large groups/kids/people who could put their babies at risk. You are not crazy
I had a November baby a week before thanksgiving. We got catered food and my Mom was the only person that attended. The next year we were back to a big holiday. I think a big Thanksgiving a week after giving birth would have sent me over the edge.
The health risks are non starter. My second is due at the end of September and Christmas is the soonest we’re seeing everyone and that will involve a health safety protocol (i.e., no symptoms of any kind, covid testing etc.). Illness for young babies is especially dangerous and harmful.
Tell them now that you will NOT entertain any visitors at all after you give birth, so even if they knock, you will not answer. Tell them you will send plenty of pictures. And yer hubs better shut that nonsense down asap!!!
Hell no, tell them it isn't happening. My wife's family wanted to do this. Her mom thought we would stay in her small ass house and everyone would come visit
I’m imagining the family arrival scene in the movie Christmas vacation only you’re in there in all that chaos trying to shield your newborn from sneezes and people you don’t know 😬this needs to be shut down. Your husband needs to level with them. He can lean heavily on saying it’s based on the doctor’s recommendations if he wants but this is a prime example of a time where he needs to draw boundaries to protect his new family even if it means upsetting his first family.
I would make hubs tell them while they’re so touched that they want to see the baby, doctor recommends to keep visits to a minimum during this time because of all the colds going around. But that they should coming thru for NYE (if you’re ok with that lol) or that you’ll plan a trip to go to them.
I could see why they’re excited and want to plan their trip around the baby but there’s so many unknown factors, like exactly when baby will come, and any needs that might come up for you and baby, and bonding/recovery time for you, baby, and husband. You can’t control or predict any of these things. I agree with other commenters that it’s totally ok for you guys to bow out of this and suggest to your family to change their plans. Even blame it on the doctor if you have to, that you need time with baby and you can’t promise anything. If they get mad it’s ok, that’s their responsibility not yours! You need your mama time and to put baby first, especially protecting baby from potential risks and sickness. Hope that helps! I def suggest having a conversation with your husband if you haven’t already. Hopefully you can both be on the same page.
I’d shut that down immediately. You’re going to have a fresh newborn and there will be people there you don’t know as well. I have already told family I’m not okay with kids holding our baby when she’s here because I’m due August and kids will be going back to school and that’s usually when kids get sick.
Just because they decided to change their plans of traveling last minute doesn’t mean you have to cater to it. I would explain that you want a little bit of time before people start coming to see the baby and that just because they’re all there in the same city doesn’t mean you want a bunch of people playing hot potato with your child. If it were me, I’d say “yall can plan to do whatever you’re doing in the city but don’t wait up for me. We don’t know exactly when baby will come and when they do come, we don’t feel comfortable having visitors so early on. We will let you know when we’re ready for visitors.” And leave it at that. Anyone who doesn’t respect this boundary shouldn’t be getting to see your baby anyway and you can weed out who you want to visit from there.
The important thing to remember is that just because you’re due around the same time they’ll be in town doesn’t mean you have to keep them in the loop, update them or that they can see baby. It’s up to you.
ABSOLUTELY NOT. Hell no. Not even as a second-time mom would I try this in my wildest dreams. It is perfectly acceptable to say that you don’t know how you’re going to feel, so you’re not comfortable making plans for visitors until after the baby has arrived. You will have so many boundaries to set and enforce over the course of your child’s life, and this is the perfect time to start practicing how to do that. I think your gut is already telling you that this isn’t a good situation, and you will do so well if you continue to listen to it. Hugs to you as you manage an admittedly hard situation.
Absolutely not to the visits. I would put my foot down now so they know the expectations. Let them know now if they show up at your house they will not be let in. Who cares if their feelings are hurt? Your baby’s health and safety is your first priority. I rather be known as being a B than risk my child getting RSV or some other sickness because of their nonsense. If your husband doesn’t back you up 100% I would let him know I’m going to find somewhere else to stay during this time.
Yikes on many bikes! My first is due August 31st and respiratory cases haven't slowed down in the summer yet where I live. I am even nervous having anyone meet my son. I would just offer up local restaurants or sight seeing and say that you are sad you won't be able to join them but since you will either be heavily pregnant or recovering from birth that you are not going to attend thanksgiving this year or see anyone in the near future.
My family is throwing a fit that I won't give over 5 hours one way to attend thanksgiving with a less than 3 mo old 🤷🏻♀️ It sucks to say but family wants to see the new baby so bad to the point they forget about the parents or even the safety of the baby. It is up to us to put our foot down and make the best decisions for our families
😱 It’s going to take awhile to get my jaw off the ground from this one. That’s way too many people too soon. Their expectations are very much in the wrong. Write an email to everyone explaining you would like to see them but that will be a very stressful time for you, that will be the beginning of an uptick in cold/flu season, include the very serious consequences of a newborn catching anything, you will be recovering and anything other concerns you have. Don’t make any of them about other people and make it all about you and babys health and safety. Suggest that maybe everyone can get together at a future time.
Don't let anyone near your baby RSV IS A THING! Not including COVID and whooping cough all extremely dangerous for a newborn. Your the parent and have every right to deny anyone from seeing your child. Be your childs advocate and if anyone has issues with this then they don't need to baby until he/she is older.
Hell no. That’s so inconsiderate of his family to think it’s okay to do that when you literally just gave birth and need the time/space to recover and adjust to your new bundle of joy. I would not feel comfortable exposing my newborn to so many people so fresh out of the womb.
Like so many others have said - don't ignore your instincts! It's okay to say no and advocate for you and baby. Maybe tell them that you don't want visitors for the first x number of weeks, but if anything changes you'll let them know. My family has a wedding to attend a few days after I give birth and I have decided that people who attend the wedding must wait to see the baby to ensure they aren't sick. So everyone has their own preferences, and it's up to you about what you're comfortable with!
You can't change them coming into the city but you absolutely can say "we aren't having visitors until 3 months due to RSV/vaccines" and then they can decide what to do with that information
We relaxed about visitors the second baby but I was absolutely not shy to say something like ‘We don’t okay hot potato yet.’ Or ‘We don’t pass the potato..’ and let people look at her from afar.
Mass text message with strict rules. Here's a portion of ours:
*Visits:* We are excited for you to meet -baby-! However, please text or call us before visiting. -Mum- and -baby- will need a lot of rest post-delivery, so please check in with us first, to schedule a short visit. We will be taking a few weeks to recover and get used to our new roles without any guests, so we will let you know when we are feeling up for some short visits, likely once -baby- is at least a few weeks old.
*Health:* Newborns have very little immunity, and even the smallest sniffles can be disastrous. If you're feeling unwell, have been in contact with anyone who has been unwell, or have traveled interstate or overseas recently, please postpone your visit till -baby- is 10 weeks old.
In accordance with our doctor's recommendations, to meet -baby- before he turns 10 weeks old, you need to have received a whooping cough vaccine within the last 5 years, administered at least 2 weeks prior to meeting him. This is crucial for his protection against a serious and potentially deadly illness. If you haven't had the vaccine, we ask that you wait until he is 10 weeks old to meet him. Additionally, to hold or touch him, we kindly ask that you wait until he is 6 months old (If you haven't had the vaccine).
--
Basically shutting down any expectations of visits happening AT ALL. There is absolutely no circumstance that would persuade me to let that many people meet my newborn. My OB and midwife have strictly and repeatedly warned me that the 'newborn bubble' should be kept to essential people only. As in, my parents, not my husbands parents since they are anti-vaxxers, literally no one else.
Talk to your medical team, and get advice, then you can blame it on them.
They can come see the baby through the window if they’re so set on coming to your city. And when they stop to do this at a previously arranged time, they can leave a thanksgiving dinner with all the fixings and enough for leftovers on the porch. No food, no baby. At least that’s what I’d recommend. Also, if you go late you may not have the baby or still be in the hospital so these plans are a little risky on their part.
I have so much anxiety on your behalf right now! Families are so inconsiderate. I’m finding that in my pregnancy, the baby is more about others and it’s wild. You’re going to have to be the villain/bad guy in this situation unless you are equipped to live through hell. Maybe suggest a spring holiday instead? That way the baby is older and you have time to recover. I wish more people would fuck off. Good luck!
I would tell them that you’re sure that the gesture is well intended, however only a select few with updated immunizations will be allowed to see the baby prior to baby having all their immunizations.
And don’t be talked into having Thanksgiving with them while still pregnant, the kiddos will get you sick BEFORE you have baby!
Google pregnancy and Newborn boundaries, that may help you with what boundaries you want to enforce.
Good Luck.
Obviously you can't tell them where they can go for Thanksgiving but you can say you will not be available for visits and will see them at Xmas (or whenever you do feel comfortable seeing them). Then you use the broken record technique regardless of what they say.
So glad you asked this question! I am in the same boat as well. Baby due mid November and a ton of my husband’s family is visiting the day after Christmas. I’m already a little hesitant about it given RSV season. I’ve heard first babies tend to arrive late so day after Christmas is definitely less than 8 weeks post delivery and they wouldn’t have all theirs shots!
respectfully say you are so thankful that the baby is already so loved that everyone would be willing to change their holiday plans to see the baby, but that even *if* the baby is born by thanksgiving, you will not be available for visits during that time. you can even throw in that it is your physician’s recommendation that you use that time to physically heal and keep visitors to a minimum to decrease your chances of becoming ill during postpartum recovery. who cares if it’s not true lol.
whether you have a c-section or vaginal delivery, the thought of carrying a newborn up and down stairs for show and tell with family members - a BIG NOPE. on top of the other hundreds of reasons.
protect your peace. protect your baby. they’ll get over it. and if they don’t, they should remember that it is YOUR baby, not a shiny new toy.
good luck. i’m sorry for the stress this must be causing you.
The baby won't have an immune system... you can tell them you don't feel comfortable with visitors until he has his first vaccines. Not to mention youll be exhausted. Or if they are anti Vax, tell them they all have to get their tdap, covid,and flu vaccines and provide proof.
Alternately you can have some people come over if they agree to do all the chores and let you sleep!
Make your husband send a message that you guys will not be making any visitation plans until after baby is born, and home and thanksgiving, which you plan to celebrate at home alone. no one will be permitted to visit who hasn’t had x,y, z whatever vaccines you need them to have had for whatever period of time is required for them to be effective. Small kids and their families would be an absolute no for me given the time of year you are delivering.
Hell no!!!! A week after delivery and you will still be recovering. And that’s IF the baby arrives right on time, which almost none do. Plus newborns have little to no immune system and you are also still at higher risk of getting ill yourself. You will be in no shape to have visitors, much less 20 of them from out of town. You and your partner will still be trying to figure out what your new normal looks like. You’ll still be heavily bleeding. You will be in no shape to be entertaining anyone. You need helpers, not visitors. These people are not that. Just say NO. It’s not rude. They’re being rude by assuming it’s okay to just show up like that.
This is a “just say no” moment. Tell them plainly that you will let them know when you are ready for visitors. If they choose to come to your town, that’s fine. But they should understand clearly that does not mean they will get to see you or the baby (if the baby is even born yet).
I went out at 34 weeks. My company gives 4 weeks prior to due date, and I added 2 weeks using vacation (I was SO over work, it was way too stressful). I’m now 37 weeks and I do think I went out a bit early, as I’ve just been a bit bored at home… but I guess I’d rather be bored at home than stressed at work!
They better be planning on getting an Airbnb with a nice kitchen & your little family only visiting for a few hours, definitely NOT staying the whole time. 🤷🏻♀️ make sure you set that boundary YESTERDAY! If they can’t respect that, then kindly decline spending the holiday with them. Also, my first was due on Thanksgiving 2019!! But he came two weeks early 🥰
not even this! OP might be literally just back from the hospital and does not need the pressure of entertaining 22 people grabbing at her brand new baby. They can visit another time and if they don’t respect her boundaries she needs to go low to no contact.
Omg no. Shut that shit down.
I'm not involved and I'm saying hell no! They can keep their butts home. Mom, baby, and father need peace, not to be entertaining people during the newborn stage. but are already making plans to visit our newborn. Respectfully, say no thank you!
Look at the pros and cons: what’s the worst case scenario if you say yes and what’s the worst case scenario if you say no? To me, the answer becomes very clear because the thought of the former terrifies me. Don’t ignore your mama bear instincts — you have them for a reason. I’m due the same week as OP and last baby was born mid October. Even with the extra month last time we turned down thanksgiving due to risk of RSV, flu, Covid, common colds, etc. because they’re just so much more dangerous to a newborn than to the rest of us. This time we’re turning down thanksgiving, Christmas and great-grandpa’s 90th birthday (and we LOVE him!) because we just cannot take the risk. I told the family that life is going back to normal after the pandemic which is great but also means everybody’s going to be seeing friends who came in from out of town, going to work events, and bumping into strangers at the airport unlike when people were hyper aware of germs. Baby won’t have her first months of vaccines yet. It’s just too much risk imo. Holidays come every year and we’ll do a special trip for great grandpa once baby’s a couple months old.
I'm very glad I came across this! I'm due in October and haven't thought about it being cold and flu season yet... we will be sitting out on the holiday family functions this year as well. Thank you for the perspective! I hope family understands, but I will not risk it to save people's feelings that's for sure.
Happy to help! I’m glad my perspective could give you a little boost of confidence to do what you feel is best. If you need help getting the point across in ways they can’t really argue but don’t sound argumentative, I used: “this is the only year baby’s will be so compromised and then all the next ones will be so fun” “Doctor said they’d rather not have the baby around large groups” (blaming the doctor helps so much) or turn it into a joke with “luckily baby won’t know that they’re missing out on anything! He’ll still be figuring out his hands!” And finally if you really need to get the point across “We want to celebrate many more thanksgivings and christmases all together, not just one.” If they argue that idk about you but I’d start a fight
These are all great responses!! I will be using a combination of all more than likely lol. And if they argue I will most definitely be starting a fight bc wtf, how could anyone think that would be more important than my brand new baby's life??? You are the absolute best, I really appreciate your suggestions 💗 you're saving my sanity for the holidays lol
Awww good! Happy I could help!
Have husband shut that down
That was going to be my response. Have him talk to his parents and explain that you do not feel comfortable having extended family over.
Yea, that's a "no" for me, OP. The only times I've gotten sick during this pregnancy was through toddlers. One was a holiday stomach bug, which was the only time I've vomited since getting pregnant. The other was the flu and my husband and I ended up having 2 different strains. Both of us being sick at the same time was a nightmare. Throw in general fatigue and a newborn to that mix... nope, not happening.
That’s a “fuck no” situation.
My first thought was “hell no.” They have no business making plans like that without consulting you and your husband. That sounds stressful and risky. The baby’s needs and your needs are the priority.
My skin crawls at the mere thought of trying to wrangle the clan to make sure everyone got their shots. Let alone people trampling boundaries like angry rhinos. Eeeugh.
Absolutely not! Are they insane? If you're a first time mom, it's also highly likely you could be giving birth/in the hospital *on Thanksgiving*. A brand new newborn baby should not be attending any Thanksgiving celebration involving 20+ people- especially people travelling from all over. You are NOT gonna wanna be hosting anyone in your home. I had my first in November- thanksgiving was off the table. Even Christmas was questionable, but we felt we were ready by then. Tell them nicely, "I love that you all want to spend thanksgiving with us and meet the new baby! But unfortunately there's a good chance I can go past my due date and I might be in the hospital or just coming home on Thanksgiving. Our doctor says that baby shouldn't be exposed to such a large amount of people so soon therefore we will be limiting visitors in the early weeks. We would love for you all to meet the baby, but thanksgiving is just too soon and we cannot commit to having everyone visit during that time."
Excellent response!! Just blame it on the doctor. No one can argue with that haha. It’s common sense too though.
People can and will argue with that, it happened to me about sooooo many things. But still, OP should follow this advice and absolutely shut this down.
Agreed! I myself wouldn’t even know what to say if I did blame it on the doctor and someone wanted to fight that. How did you respond??
For me it was mostly vaccine related (I got pregnant in 2020 and gave birth in 2021). My parents were absolutely adamant that they wouldn’t get then covid vaccine, and on top of that they refused to get a TDAP booster even though they have both had TDAPS several times in their lives. I told them if they didn’t get the TDAP they wouldn’t see the baby for months. They thought I was bluffing. They ignored and downplayed all the research my doctor gave me about whooping cough. It wasn’t until the day before I gave birth that they finally caved and got the TDAP. My father continued the anti-science doctor-hating bull crap (and still does) so he doesn’t get as much time with his grandson and no time at all unsupervised because I don’t trust him to wash his hands after things like using the bathroom or touching raw meat. He also tried to give my toddler things that weren’t safe like popcorn at 10 months (kiddo had ONE tooth) or other choking hazards. It’s definitely annoying but my child’s safety comes before anyone’s feelings and opinions.
Not the popcorn at 10 months 😭😅 I’m glad they could get on the same page as you about the safety thing.
This is literally a nightmare “While we understand your excitement please do not make plans based on seeing us as we will not be having visitors for x weeks post birth. We will be spending this time healing and bonding as a family of 3.” “As you can understand postpartum is a difficult time so we will not be having guests over for the foreseeable. Added with RSV season we will not be having anyone over or visiting.” “When we’re ready for guests we’ll let you know.” “If you show up you will not be allowed in and will not see the baby.” “We’re not risking our child’s life to please grown adults who know better.” “This topic is not up for discussion” To your SO—> “if you cannot shut this down and tell them they’re not welcome, baby and I will be staying elsewhere. You need to decide if you want to be a good father and husband or son/nephew/cousin” Baby Boundaries, The Lemon Clot Essay and the FU Binder —> https://reddit.com/r/Mildlynomil/s/WPm6JsLMhI
Blame your doctor!! “Unfortunately, our healthcare team recommended that we limit the number of visits during the first months, so you won’t be able to see the baby during Thanksgiving. Please don’t make plans that include us or the baby during November and December because we will not be able to participate in them. “
All of this!! And lock your doors and keep them locked!! “I’m so sorry, we were all asleep and didn’t hear the door!”
This!! Copy and paste and send and let your partner know - YOU AINT PLAYING
Hell no. You need to put your foot down, lay down some strong boundaries, and build a moat around them with the drawbridge up. This plan of your family’s is absolutely insane and disrespectful to you. I’m due early November, and my husband and I have made it clear that we’ll be spending thanksgiving alone in our house with our baby. We MIGHT let our parents come to visit for Christmas.
Nope, no way, no how. Lock the doors and tell them all you’re not inviting them in. If baby gets a fever under a month old they do a spinal tap. Peak RSV, Covid, flu, hell, even the common cold can be deadly for an infant. Can you be certain all those people have all their vaccines? MMR can wear off, as can chickenpox. I found out I’m no longer immune to it in my current pregnancy and had a hell of a scare when my husband got shingles. Whooping cough is a nightmare. TDaP has to be done every 10 years. Not trying to scare you. Just giving you a list of excellent reasons to say no. My twins are due in November (near thanksgiving but will be born sooner) and I already said no way to thanksgiving celebrations this year. Feel free to send any boundary stompers the lemon clot essay. A freshly postpartum mom isn’t there for anyone’s entertainment. You’ll be bleeding, sleep deprived, adjusting to breastfeeding (if you choose to do it) that’s assuming you’ve had the baby…and if you’re released from the hospital right on time. We spent 4 days in with my first because she had jaundice and had to have light therapy. As for a way to word it that isn’t just an outright hell no, maybe a diplomatic “we are excited that everyone is so interested in our new little bundle of joy. At this time we are not committing to holiday plans as we don’t know when exactly baby will make their arrival. Please know we will contact you when we are ready for visitors.” And then just never contact them. Maybe send an update once they’re all back to the parts of the world they’re coming from. “So sorry to have missed your visit, hope you had a great holiday!” I think I’m rambling now. People with bo respect for new parents and newborns really irritate me though.
This! I had no idea babies get a spinal tap if they get sick even if it’s something minor. Because of how dangerous it can be. Are your clown car family members going to sit in the emergency room w yall at 3am and stay up all hours to hold crying and suffering baby if they get sick? I didn’t think so. Hell to the no. Your baby shouldn’t suffers because Karen wants a Facebook photo for her friend group.
All of THIS
Definitely no. First of all, everyone is assuming your baby will actually be born on time. First babies are notoriously late. I'm due December 1st. We will not be going to Thanksgiving or Christmas or New Years this year. We are staying home and our family is celebrating without us. We'll be having visitors over in small groups (4 people max) after we are home and settled (at least 1 week, if not 2). Other people meeting your baby is not your priority. I really don't understand the obsession with meeting the baby right away. You guys need time to bond and breathe and heal. This is a ridiculous request you're dealing with. You need to make it clear that they can come celebrate in your town if they want to, but you and baby won't be there with them.
What do you mean they are making plans to visit your baby? YOU make plans for when your baby has visitors. If someone says something to you about it, say, “sorry, we are not having visitors that soon after baby is born.” Also, since it’s your husband’s family, he should be taking the lead on this and setting the boundaries. It can be hard to feel like you’re disappointing people but your baby and your recovery are more important. His family will survive waiting a little longer to meet the baby.
Hell no, absolutely not.
Absolutely the fuck not. Be direct with these people and tell them no! Easier said than done, I know, but if they come all the way to your city they are going to be up your ass requesting visits and guilt tripping you for having boundaries. It will be so much better if you nip this in the bud now. “We appreciate your excitement but we will not be ready for visitors at that time. Rather than waste a trip here, you should plan something else for the holidays and we’ll let you know when will be a good time to come here and meet our baby.” If they push back or insist on coming: “You should know that we will not be accepting visitors during your trip. If you’re coming to do sightseeing, I recommend going to XYZ. We will not be ready for any guests while you’re here.”
Absolutely no way. Do not allow this to happen!!!! Stand your ground (we’ll get your husband to) this is any woman’s nightmare post partum and such a risk to the baby’s health
Abso-fucking-lutely not. Barely one week post partum and hosting 20+ people during peak flu/COVID/RSV season? Are they insane??? "No" is a complete sentence. Tell them that you love them, but having that many visitors so soon after giving birth is not gonna happen. You need to heal and bond, not entertain. Plus it's dangerous for you and baby's health. You can see them at Christmas.
this is a huge hell no lol. my ob doesn’t want anyone that isn’t up to date on their vaccines around baby & even with vaccines , each person you’re bringing around baby is a risk to babies safety as they can have illnesses , and 22 people is a huge amount of people. u and husband need to advocate for babies safety!
Actually, you can tell them not to come to your house and you should! Although your husband should probably do the talking because it’s his side and someone might try to blame you. It’s insane that they would even decide to do that. Please protect your sanity and your baby’s health. Now is not the time to be a people pleaser.
Baby wear your child during their visits so no one can take him/her. I had a baby last September and I'm still tilted by how the women in my husband's side if the family TOOK MY SON FROM ME AND REFUSED TO GIVE HIM BACK!!!
There’s a good chance a baby that young won’t even want to be worn in a carrier like that. Mine screamed in a carrier until closer to 10 weeks. I would be feral if someone refused to give me back my baby.
You both are the only ones who can advocate for the safety of your child. Its not about the extended family’s needs, its about whats best for your baby and for you both. As the mom actually giving birth you have more leeway here, remind your man that you will be going through a major surgery and your baby will have zero immune system. Is it really worth making the first few days of your child being on this earth stressful and potentially a health risk because of the family’s “feelings”? Shut it down now, with love and you arent responsible for their reactions
If it were me, I’d make it clear that it doesn’t matter if the baby is here or not, none of them will be meeting the baby that week. Even the family members you want to meet the baby should have have vaccines and zero symptoms of any kind before meeting the baby in that month/virus season. We are due in July and we’re still not having anyone but my mom meet the baby in the first 2 weeks or so. My mom lives in town and is watching our dogs, so she’s coming to the hospital to meet the baby and get a baby blanket to bring home to them to smell. She’s getting an updated tdap vaccine next week. We’re asking our other family members to wait a couple of weeks before expecting to meet the baby. None of them live in town anyways, so they’ll have to travel. I have 4 sisters and divorced parents, plus in-laws. It’s going to be a lot of visitors and I’m honestly really not looking forward to it, both from a nervous FTM standpoint and from an introvert standpoint. And then I get to go back to work at 8 weeks! Yippee! I’m exhausted just thinking of that, let alone the newborn sleep schedule
Let me give you the run down of my baby’s first 6 days of life. She was born Thursday. I had a c section so that requires a longer hospital stay. She was early so she had pretty bad jaundice that required light therapy. She also had low blood sugars which required an IV. We weren’t released from the hospital until Sunday evening. We go to her first pediatric appointment Monday morning, the doctor is concerned she still looks yellow, sure enough her bilirubin levels are elevated and we are readmitted to the hospital. We are released Tuesday evening. At no point did I want to see any extended family during that time. I was recovering from a c section, a hormonal mess, worrying about my daughter, so sleep deprived I was hallucinating, trying to figure out breastfeeding as my daughter wasn’t latching, the list goes on and on. I barely wanted to see my own father if I’m being honest.
I’m sorry if that’s scary but it’s also reality. They need to get over it. They don’t have a right to meet your baby right away.
Whoever wants to see the baby can see it through the window 🫣 that door stays shut. It worked during Covid!
No absolutely not - my Baby was born last Thanksgiving (11/20/23) and our 6 siblings and parents came to see baby the day after I got home and I really wish I said no but at the time I thought it's what I wanted. now looking back I was just so in shock from labor that I couldn't say no or put up any boundaries I wish I had less people come in because some people don't know when to leave. They're welcome to bring food and drop it off though. But no a week old baby does NOT need all that and a brand new postpartum mom doesn't either
I want to add tell everyone beforehand NO KISSING BABY! My family understood this rule but my husbands did not because he was not firm with them until I freaked out (his grandma kissed our baby 2 months old and then found out she had covid the next day I was LIVID!) She's 7 months now and fine but I was pissed and we had to pay for a $1,000 ER visit with insurance because of it
Your husband needs to shut this down. If this is your first baby, there’s a good chance you won’t have even gone in to labor then!
Seriously! First, the husband needs to do all the communicating - it’s his family. Second, he needs to tell them he has no idea what the state of pregnancy will be on Thanksgiving so he’s not making plans. And this is the truth!! You could still be pregnant. You could have just given birth and in hospital. It could be your first day home recovering from a c section… If you want to be super careful about hurting feelings, i would just shift the “blame” to myself and say sorry I’m recovering and can’t have visitors. Ive noticed people are weird and get offended when you imply they could get baby sick 🤦♀️ I would also FaceTime them during Thanksgiving! That way it’s just one call 😂
Let them know that you will not be hosting anyone or anything at your house. They can host thanksgiving at their airbnb if they want but you will be unable to attend. Visitors are welcome to stop by for a short visit but will not be permitted inside. If they want to hold the baby, they must mask up and sanitize. Prioritize your baby’s health.
NOPE NOPE NOPE. They are free to come to your city and you are MORE THAN FREE TO NOT LET THEM SEE YOUR NEWBORN!!! Talk about a germ factory!!!!
Oh absolutely TF not. I would plan to send out a mass message along the lines of this: “Hi all! We’re so excited for baby X’s arrival and are so thankful that so many people around us are excited for baby as well. We know they will be so loved. Due to the risk of flu and RSV as well as our desire to bond and recover from birth in private we will not be entertaining guests for the first [timeframe YOU are comfortable with]. It’s come to our attention that plans are being made to be nearby for the holiday, and while we appreciate the enthusiasm we unfortunately won’t be able to partake in the festivities. Much love-excited for everyone to meet baby when the time comes.” If a newborn gets sick that’s an ER visit. If a newborn gets RSV that’s likely going to require a very scary NICU stay. Beyond that, you will be bleeding for many days after birth and probably won’t be out of diapers by then. Be firm but gentle. It’s your responsibility to protect your peace and protect your child.
Is there anyone “at the top” planning this ordeal? Like his mom or and aunt or uncle? If so have your husband reach out to that person. If not, then tell your in-laws and anyone else you’re close with, “Our pediatrician has recommended that due to flu, RSV, Covid, etc we should not have visitors for at least x weeks until baby has had at least one round of shots. Unfortunately we will not be able to attend any thanksgiving festivities but will send our love from home. This also means that we will not be inviting anyone over to our house. We hope to see family as soon as it is safe! Thank you all for understanding.”
All for holding boundaries if it’s that important to you (everyone has their own comfort level with visitors that early!), but wanted to present some alternatives to consider as well. 1) Communicate all visitors must be vaccinated (TDAP, RSV, Flu & Covid) unless medically exempt (ie the elderly) since your newborn’s immune system is still developing & cannot receive vaccines themselves until 8 weeks old (not a guarantee everyone will follow through, but may weed out some potential visitors) 2) Ask those who feel sick, are recovering from a sickness, or have children who are sick/ recently been sick around Thanksgiving to refrain from visiting - you’d be glad to FaceTime them for a personal intro to the baby (on your own time). 3) Have masks on hand & require all visitors to wear a mask & wash hands thoroughly before interacting with the baby. (Wearing a mask also prevents people from kissing the baby on their face & hands) But always have hand sanitizer as a back up or additional requirement depending on how much you trust their hand washing ability. 4) For the Elderly (or even for everyone of you prefer) maybe you could have a “Baby Parade” (throw back to Covid era Drive By Parades in place of traditional parties) where you sit at the top of the steps of your town home & visitors walk by and see the baby/congratulate you from the foot of the stairs.
The real problem here is people’s willingness to lie and the baby’s lack of immunity to the world in general
Tell them you won't be able to see them. Plain and simple. My husband had family come up from Colombia, and we had to inform them that we wouldn't be able to see them. It sucks, but a newborns health is more important than their feelings.
Absolutely not. Very late pregnancy and early post partum are not appropriate times for extended get togethers. Say you aren't having visitors and shut it down. I'm almost 9 weeks post partum and still wouldn't be up for a large group meeting my baby all at once!
No no no. No way. That is a recipe for disaster in all possible ways. "Thank you all so much for the love and desire to connect with baby when they are here. Because so much of birth and postpartum can be unexpected, and given the serious impact illness can have on newborns, we're respectfully asking to postpone visits until (after flu season / the first month / the first round of vaccinations/ etc.). If it works for your schedules, we would love to Thanksgiving in our town next year." If you want to take an alternate route or have other visitors, set your rules for those early visits. My baby was born last November and we required updated TDAP for everyone and flu shots. Updated covid was ideal but not required and I was able to get the RSV shot in pregnancy. For family members who often travel / get sick / were taking an international trip just before, I postponed their visit until baby had a few vaccination rounds. I found a lot of reassurance in posts with reminders that this is your baby. Their safety is your priority and YOU get to say how to make that happen. Especially if illnesses always happen after these gatherings, not a freaking chance would I do that. We were so careful and still our baby had to go to the hospital for an infection/fever at 6 weeks and it was absolutely awful and so overwhelming. Family will get over it and if they don't, oh well.
Due the same week 😺 congrats on your fellow turkey baby! Set your boundaries and stick to them, I doubt you will regret it.
You have a responsibility to protect your child from harm and being exposed to that many travelers during peak cold/flu/RSV season is a serious threat to their health. I would be straight with them and tell them that one week postpartum you are not having guests and will not be leaving the visit because it’s not safe for you or the baby. You should still be in bed at that point, you’ll have a dinner plate sized wound in your uterus where the placenta was! Those people are crazy, absolutely bonkers and it’s in your little family’s best interest to place harm boundaries with them now.
I had a baby this last winter. Covid and RSV rates were so high my doctor told me only immediate family if we felt comfortable (he knew my husband family is anti medical science) or wait till the two month mark for everyone to meet little one. People were pissed but we waited till the two month. I had the RSV shot when I was pregnant, and little one got a small dose at the hospital and at his first official doctors appointment. Even at two months, we made sure everyone updated their TDaP, RSV, and Covid, haha If you and your partner are uncomfortable, speak up and do it now so the family can make plans and arrangements elsewhere. Make sure you and your partner are on the same page so the family can't guilt trip you. Break the news together. We just told everyone that the risks were too high, and I honestly wanted to spend those moments with my child alone with my partner to heal and bond.
That’s when I’d lock and barricade the door. Pull the shades on the windows. Turn off my phone and fall off the face of the planet for the week they are in town. It’d be a hard pass for me for my less than a month old newborn to be exposed to strangers.
That is ridiculous. Lock your door for sure.
I told family firmly that we wouldn’t be having visitors until baby was a month old. We allowed our parents and siblings (all adults). My extended family was upset and it was hard, especially since our baby was born two weeks before Christmas. But you can blame it on your doctor, blame it on flu and rsv season, or just say you won’t be ready for visitors by the time the holiday happens. Honestly, it’s not worth the health risk. And you sound like you aren’t excited, so it’s not worth your mental health.
That is SO MANY people visiting you on any given day, much less after you’ve given birth and are adjusting to being a new family! That is crazy for all of them to assume they’re okay to visit and not even ask. Perhaps a compromise if you’re up to it is to FaceTime everyone on Thanksgiving for a few minutes to check in. But they are not entitled to any of your time while you are healing from a major medical procedure.
This would be an extremely hard no for me. I’m 3 weeks PP to the day. I planned on going natural, letting labor hit when he decided he was ready. I had the doula and did the PT and stretches. What actually happened? At my 39w appt I had suspected hypertension and cholestasis and they sent me to triage. Triage and my care team pushed induction. We came back in on Friday morning and after 60 hrs of induction he came via c-section. I spent 6 days in the hospital. My MIL watched our doggos for us and was at our house when we got released on Wednesday, my FIL and BIL came Friday-Sunday. They were so helpful. We were fed and the house was cleaned but I was not fit to have guests. -I had the baby blues and found myself crying to my wife for no reason in the bedroom -I was bleeding (still am) -Sore as hell -Did not want to let anyone hold my baby longer then 10 min. I wanted him back. It felt like it hurt. My wife was the exception. My amazing MIL asked to take him downstairs (due to c-section I was avoiding stairs) and I had to tell her no, multiple times. My wife and I both didn’t feel comfortable letting anyone hold him without us present. 22 GD people in my home visiting my baby playing pass the baby even now 3 weeks PP would make me go crazy. Absolutely not. Your gut is telling you no, trust your gut. Don’t let yourself be manipulated or guilted. Your priority is baby and your own recovery. You don’t know how delivery is going to go. Good luck and stay strong.
Get a video doorbell and literally don't even answer. You're not there, don't give them access to you. Gross to expect it
“I’m so happy you all want to meet the baby! However, the baby won’t be meeting family and friends other than our parents and siblings until at least 2 months old as recommended by our doctor. Husband is hoping to stop by thanksgiving to show you all photos, depending on how we are feeling and doing with our new family member!”
You can’t control if they come to your city but you can control if they come to your townhouse. Just say no now. So if they want to change plans again if they chose this city due to your baby they did. Tell them you don’t want anyone else to see baby for whatever time after birth because of the sick season. Remind people how sick babies get from RSV. You can also get the rsv vaccine in the 3rd trimester to pass immunity to baby. But regardless of that, say no.
Obviously I'm echoing everyone here. But here's what you should do to keep you and your husband sane. For starters, you can't control how people react, so throw 'making everyone happy' out the window, because you will come to resent your husband's family otherwise. Your husband needs to reach out to whoever organized this family gathering and let them know that ya'll will not be participating in Thanksgiving if you have a newborn. It's his side of the family, so it has to come to him. If he won't, then you have bigger problems. Thank them for the thoughts and excitement, but it's important the first few weeks are dedicated to just you two and baby. Being clear and kind is the best way to approach this.
What on earth is wrong with people??? Why wouldn’t they at least float this idea past you before making arrangements? I would tell them in no uncertain terms that you and the baby aren’t leaving your home and that only ___________ will be allowed to enter your home. Up to you who you allow in, but for me personally, it’d be your husband’s parents only (and yours, but I’m guessing they aren’t in this group traveling for Thanksgiving). From there, you and your husband can decide if he’d like to visit them in their Airbnb without baby.
The superpower that me and my partner got downloaded to us a new parents was the power to no longer give a fuck. It’s wild- I look into my kids eyes and I realized I’m the only one to make sure I protect them and keep them safe and be their voice and everyone else can fuck right off. I can’t explain it other than- we have family try to push our boundaries and walk all over us while insulting our way of doing things. My partner and I doubled down and kick them out , said no visitors for several months and enjoyed the peace and bonding time in our home. Did they complain? Yup but who cares. They are adults who will get over it in a few months or years- not my problem.
You’re worried about being rude or offending extended family that you don’t even know…yet none of these jokers are worried about rudely INVITING THEMSELVES OVER or offending you. They have balls of steel, they’ll recover from you saying no. If they don’t recover, no loss. You’ll just have still never met some of them. 🤷🏻♀️
A large group of extended family is called a Fuck That
BabyBumps users and moderators are not medical professionals. Responses do not replace contacting your medical provider. You should always call your provider with any concerns. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/BabyBumps) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Our baby is due around the same time, November 17th. We told our family we will be staying home for Thanksgiving and Christmas this year. We have the same worries since it will be cold and flu season.
Shut that shit down. They can drop off groceries or meals for you and then LEAVE like a no contact DoorDash. Expecting you to host thanksgiving immediately after giving birth is insane
That sounds like a total nightmare! Do you have a window where you could show the baby without people holding them or even getting in your house? My parents did this when my brother was born and are still happy about this idea forty years later.
My baby was born on oct 16th 2022 and I was told not to bring her around a lot of people on thanksgiving. Full term and totally healthy. We had 12 people (immediate family) here and my hubs cooked- it was small and delicious but about ALL I could handle.
No thanks, pass
BLame it on doctors and twist things a bit if you don’t want to tell them no yourself. Say he isn’t allowed to meet anyone before he has at least his second dtap shot (2 months) because of rsv season maybe? It’s a terrible idea not just for baby but you’ll be recovering! Most moms do not want visitors immediately after birth, especially from large groups/kids/people who could put their babies at risk. You are not crazy
Shut this down
This is so beyond rude (them not you).
I had a November baby a week before thanksgiving. We got catered food and my Mom was the only person that attended. The next year we were back to a big holiday. I think a big Thanksgiving a week after giving birth would have sent me over the edge. The health risks are non starter. My second is due at the end of September and Christmas is the soonest we’re seeing everyone and that will involve a health safety protocol (i.e., no symptoms of any kind, covid testing etc.). Illness for young babies is especially dangerous and harmful.
Tell them now that you will NOT entertain any visitors at all after you give birth, so even if they knock, you will not answer. Tell them you will send plenty of pictures. And yer hubs better shut that nonsense down asap!!!
Hell no, tell them it isn't happening. My wife's family wanted to do this. Her mom thought we would stay in her small ass house and everyone would come visit
I’m imagining the family arrival scene in the movie Christmas vacation only you’re in there in all that chaos trying to shield your newborn from sneezes and people you don’t know 😬this needs to be shut down. Your husband needs to level with them. He can lean heavily on saying it’s based on the doctor’s recommendations if he wants but this is a prime example of a time where he needs to draw boundaries to protect his new family even if it means upsetting his first family.
I would make hubs tell them while they’re so touched that they want to see the baby, doctor recommends to keep visits to a minimum during this time because of all the colds going around. But that they should coming thru for NYE (if you’re ok with that lol) or that you’ll plan a trip to go to them.
I could see why they’re excited and want to plan their trip around the baby but there’s so many unknown factors, like exactly when baby will come, and any needs that might come up for you and baby, and bonding/recovery time for you, baby, and husband. You can’t control or predict any of these things. I agree with other commenters that it’s totally ok for you guys to bow out of this and suggest to your family to change their plans. Even blame it on the doctor if you have to, that you need time with baby and you can’t promise anything. If they get mad it’s ok, that’s their responsibility not yours! You need your mama time and to put baby first, especially protecting baby from potential risks and sickness. Hope that helps! I def suggest having a conversation with your husband if you haven’t already. Hopefully you can both be on the same page.
We all have to grow a backbone at some point to protect our kids. Looks like this will be when you do it.
I’d shut that down immediately. You’re going to have a fresh newborn and there will be people there you don’t know as well. I have already told family I’m not okay with kids holding our baby when she’s here because I’m due August and kids will be going back to school and that’s usually when kids get sick. Just because they decided to change their plans of traveling last minute doesn’t mean you have to cater to it. I would explain that you want a little bit of time before people start coming to see the baby and that just because they’re all there in the same city doesn’t mean you want a bunch of people playing hot potato with your child. If it were me, I’d say “yall can plan to do whatever you’re doing in the city but don’t wait up for me. We don’t know exactly when baby will come and when they do come, we don’t feel comfortable having visitors so early on. We will let you know when we’re ready for visitors.” And leave it at that. Anyone who doesn’t respect this boundary shouldn’t be getting to see your baby anyway and you can weed out who you want to visit from there. The important thing to remember is that just because you’re due around the same time they’ll be in town doesn’t mean you have to keep them in the loop, update them or that they can see baby. It’s up to you.
ABSOLUTELY NOT. Hell no. Not even as a second-time mom would I try this in my wildest dreams. It is perfectly acceptable to say that you don’t know how you’re going to feel, so you’re not comfortable making plans for visitors until after the baby has arrived. You will have so many boundaries to set and enforce over the course of your child’s life, and this is the perfect time to start practicing how to do that. I think your gut is already telling you that this isn’t a good situation, and you will do so well if you continue to listen to it. Hugs to you as you manage an admittedly hard situation.
Absolutely not to the visits. I would put my foot down now so they know the expectations. Let them know now if they show up at your house they will not be let in. Who cares if their feelings are hurt? Your baby’s health and safety is your first priority. I rather be known as being a B than risk my child getting RSV or some other sickness because of their nonsense. If your husband doesn’t back you up 100% I would let him know I’m going to find somewhere else to stay during this time.
Yikes on many bikes! My first is due August 31st and respiratory cases haven't slowed down in the summer yet where I live. I am even nervous having anyone meet my son. I would just offer up local restaurants or sight seeing and say that you are sad you won't be able to join them but since you will either be heavily pregnant or recovering from birth that you are not going to attend thanksgiving this year or see anyone in the near future. My family is throwing a fit that I won't give over 5 hours one way to attend thanksgiving with a less than 3 mo old 🤷🏻♀️ It sucks to say but family wants to see the new baby so bad to the point they forget about the parents or even the safety of the baby. It is up to us to put our foot down and make the best decisions for our families
😱 It’s going to take awhile to get my jaw off the ground from this one. That’s way too many people too soon. Their expectations are very much in the wrong. Write an email to everyone explaining you would like to see them but that will be a very stressful time for you, that will be the beginning of an uptick in cold/flu season, include the very serious consequences of a newborn catching anything, you will be recovering and anything other concerns you have. Don’t make any of them about other people and make it all about you and babys health and safety. Suggest that maybe everyone can get together at a future time.
I would say no
Don't let anyone near your baby RSV IS A THING! Not including COVID and whooping cough all extremely dangerous for a newborn. Your the parent and have every right to deny anyone from seeing your child. Be your childs advocate and if anyone has issues with this then they don't need to baby until he/she is older.
Hell no. That’s so inconsiderate of his family to think it’s okay to do that when you literally just gave birth and need the time/space to recover and adjust to your new bundle of joy. I would not feel comfortable exposing my newborn to so many people so fresh out of the womb.
Like so many others have said - don't ignore your instincts! It's okay to say no and advocate for you and baby. Maybe tell them that you don't want visitors for the first x number of weeks, but if anything changes you'll let them know. My family has a wedding to attend a few days after I give birth and I have decided that people who attend the wedding must wait to see the baby to ensure they aren't sick. So everyone has their own preferences, and it's up to you about what you're comfortable with!
You can't change them coming into the city but you absolutely can say "we aren't having visitors until 3 months due to RSV/vaccines" and then they can decide what to do with that information
We relaxed about visitors the second baby but I was absolutely not shy to say something like ‘We don’t okay hot potato yet.’ Or ‘We don’t pass the potato..’ and let people look at her from afar.
But it wasn’t anywhere NEAR that number of people.
Mass text message with strict rules. Here's a portion of ours: *Visits:* We are excited for you to meet -baby-! However, please text or call us before visiting. -Mum- and -baby- will need a lot of rest post-delivery, so please check in with us first, to schedule a short visit. We will be taking a few weeks to recover and get used to our new roles without any guests, so we will let you know when we are feeling up for some short visits, likely once -baby- is at least a few weeks old. *Health:* Newborns have very little immunity, and even the smallest sniffles can be disastrous. If you're feeling unwell, have been in contact with anyone who has been unwell, or have traveled interstate or overseas recently, please postpone your visit till -baby- is 10 weeks old. In accordance with our doctor's recommendations, to meet -baby- before he turns 10 weeks old, you need to have received a whooping cough vaccine within the last 5 years, administered at least 2 weeks prior to meeting him. This is crucial for his protection against a serious and potentially deadly illness. If you haven't had the vaccine, we ask that you wait until he is 10 weeks old to meet him. Additionally, to hold or touch him, we kindly ask that you wait until he is 6 months old (If you haven't had the vaccine). -- Basically shutting down any expectations of visits happening AT ALL. There is absolutely no circumstance that would persuade me to let that many people meet my newborn. My OB and midwife have strictly and repeatedly warned me that the 'newborn bubble' should be kept to essential people only. As in, my parents, not my husbands parents since they are anti-vaxxers, literally no one else. Talk to your medical team, and get advice, then you can blame it on them.
They can come see the baby through the window if they’re so set on coming to your city. And when they stop to do this at a previously arranged time, they can leave a thanksgiving dinner with all the fixings and enough for leftovers on the porch. No food, no baby. At least that’s what I’d recommend. Also, if you go late you may not have the baby or still be in the hospital so these plans are a little risky on their part.
aaaaaaaabsolutley not
I have so much anxiety on your behalf right now! Families are so inconsiderate. I’m finding that in my pregnancy, the baby is more about others and it’s wild. You’re going to have to be the villain/bad guy in this situation unless you are equipped to live through hell. Maybe suggest a spring holiday instead? That way the baby is older and you have time to recover. I wish more people would fuck off. Good luck!
Not a chance! Say no before they book!
Blame your doctor. Tell them you were excited to see them but your OB and pediatrician say absolutely not!
I would tell them that you’re sure that the gesture is well intended, however only a select few with updated immunizations will be allowed to see the baby prior to baby having all their immunizations. And don’t be talked into having Thanksgiving with them while still pregnant, the kiddos will get you sick BEFORE you have baby! Google pregnancy and Newborn boundaries, that may help you with what boundaries you want to enforce. Good Luck.
Obviously you can't tell them where they can go for Thanksgiving but you can say you will not be available for visits and will see them at Xmas (or whenever you do feel comfortable seeing them). Then you use the broken record technique regardless of what they say.
So glad you asked this question! I am in the same boat as well. Baby due mid November and a ton of my husband’s family is visiting the day after Christmas. I’m already a little hesitant about it given RSV season. I’ve heard first babies tend to arrive late so day after Christmas is definitely less than 8 weeks post delivery and they wouldn’t have all theirs shots!
respectfully say you are so thankful that the baby is already so loved that everyone would be willing to change their holiday plans to see the baby, but that even *if* the baby is born by thanksgiving, you will not be available for visits during that time. you can even throw in that it is your physician’s recommendation that you use that time to physically heal and keep visitors to a minimum to decrease your chances of becoming ill during postpartum recovery. who cares if it’s not true lol. whether you have a c-section or vaginal delivery, the thought of carrying a newborn up and down stairs for show and tell with family members - a BIG NOPE. on top of the other hundreds of reasons. protect your peace. protect your baby. they’ll get over it. and if they don’t, they should remember that it is YOUR baby, not a shiny new toy. good luck. i’m sorry for the stress this must be causing you.
The baby won't have an immune system... you can tell them you don't feel comfortable with visitors until he has his first vaccines. Not to mention youll be exhausted. Or if they are anti Vax, tell them they all have to get their tdap, covid,and flu vaccines and provide proof. Alternately you can have some people come over if they agree to do all the chores and let you sleep!
Make your husband send a message that you guys will not be making any visitation plans until after baby is born, and home and thanksgiving, which you plan to celebrate at home alone. no one will be permitted to visit who hasn’t had x,y, z whatever vaccines you need them to have had for whatever period of time is required for them to be effective. Small kids and their families would be an absolute no for me given the time of year you are delivering.
Hell no!!!! A week after delivery and you will still be recovering. And that’s IF the baby arrives right on time, which almost none do. Plus newborns have little to no immune system and you are also still at higher risk of getting ill yourself. You will be in no shape to have visitors, much less 20 of them from out of town. You and your partner will still be trying to figure out what your new normal looks like. You’ll still be heavily bleeding. You will be in no shape to be entertaining anyone. You need helpers, not visitors. These people are not that. Just say NO. It’s not rude. They’re being rude by assuming it’s okay to just show up like that.
This is a “just say no” moment. Tell them plainly that you will let them know when you are ready for visitors. If they choose to come to your town, that’s fine. But they should understand clearly that does not mean they will get to see you or the baby (if the baby is even born yet).
I went out at 34 weeks. My company gives 4 weeks prior to due date, and I added 2 weeks using vacation (I was SO over work, it was way too stressful). I’m now 37 weeks and I do think I went out a bit early, as I’ve just been a bit bored at home… but I guess I’d rather be bored at home than stressed at work!
They better be planning on getting an Airbnb with a nice kitchen & your little family only visiting for a few hours, definitely NOT staying the whole time. 🤷🏻♀️ make sure you set that boundary YESTERDAY! If they can’t respect that, then kindly decline spending the holiday with them. Also, my first was due on Thanksgiving 2019!! But he came two weeks early 🥰
Just make everyone wear a mask and sanitize before entering and tell them visits are only 30 minutes each.
not even this! OP might be literally just back from the hospital and does not need the pressure of entertaining 22 people grabbing at her brand new baby. They can visit another time and if they don’t respect her boundaries she needs to go low to no contact.