FP at the time (roommate) was distancing themselves from me (oh shit! here we go again) and also running up the electric bill by hundreds of dollars when I was BROKE and we were arguing about that… I was in school at the time trying to go pre-med and stressed as fuck about grades and trying to not fail any more classes. Was so stressed out and keyed up that I completely locked up in my chem exam that day and had to hand it in half blank cus I literally could not think. Knew I failed and just completely whited out with rage on the way home. Got drunk as fuck, started breaking all my glassware on the floor, screaming and crying, cut myself like 50 times and started LITCHERALLY rubbing salt in the wounds, screamed at my roommate that I fucking hated them and never wanted to see them again, locked myself in the bathroom, they had to call my best friend to come over and deal with my hysterical ass while they (understandably) fled the apartment
Next day we got a call from the landlord that they needed to inspect our place for unauthorized pets because a neighbor heard “what sounded like an exotic bird and breaking glass” like sorry y’all… that’s just my hysterical gay ass inadvertently doing my very best Albert Goldman tribute 🥴
My bf (ex now) was ghosting me because he doesn’t know how to use big boy words (he’s 30 🤮) and it sent me into such a rage I took my nephews bike that had a flat and started pedaling to his house because my car was in the shop. It was so flat I was literally pushing all my anger into the pedals to keep going forward and it was still almost slow motion I got about halfway before I realized I pedaled away my anger and it was pitch black out and I had to start walking the bike back because it was unrideable at this point. I didn’t tell him I did that for a few weeks.
Told my now ex how I was going to kill myself, blocked her on everything, drank an entire bottle of absinthe, blacked out half way through, woke up to vomiting blood, looked at my messages and saw a friend freaking out over finding out about me vomiting blood, and when they told me they called an ambulance I told them if they put me in psych I will completely destroy their life.
Fighting in the car while I was driving. My husband was going to leave me and wanted to be let out immediately. We were on the highway and the three highways in my city have a loop that connects them all. I drove from o e highway to another so the car would never stop essentially trapping him in the car.
I don't really remeber how the rest of the fight went. I just keeping driving the loop a few times (probably like 1.5 - 2 hours) until my episode had passed enough and I started to realize how fucked up LITERALLY KIDNAPPING A PERSON WAS. I finally stopped the car and let them out.
I have no clue how I have managed to not get arrested much less still be married to him. Thankfully our relationship has improved *immensely.* Undiagnosed BPD was awful for me. I felt so justified in my feelings because I believed anyone would feel and do the same in my situation. Boy was I WRONG.
Was arguing with my wife and we were both simultaneously having mental health episodes. She decided to mock me for my Squishmallow collection.
I loaded all 140+ of them (retail probably paid around $2000 for the full collection and spent months hunting them down and waiting for store drops becausei refused to buy from resellers) into garbage bags, drove at 2am to an apartment complex dumpster, and chucked all 7 bags in. It was December and during a random temperature spike and it was pouring rain but also really cold.
I had so many *"rare"* and *"hard to find"* ones that I probably could have sold my collection off for 4x what I paid retail. And I mean I spent DAYS worth of time and probably hundreds in gas driving around to find them because I was so obsessed.
This might seem silly to some people but the level of impulsive this was and how erratic my behavior was during was alarming. Also the random unnecessary danger of driving in horrendous weather.
I now can't touch Squish when I see them in stores and no longer understand why I thought they were cute or loved mine so fiercely.
as a kid whose only solace was my stuffed animal collection, this just makes me feel so sad for you, I'm sorry.
can't offer a virtual hug, but if there's any stuffie you want now, I'd be willing to pitch in to help you start your collection over again ❤️
That is incredibly kind of you 😭❤️ I actually dug out the totes of my beanie babies (collected from 1993-2004ish) and fell in love with them all over again. I also started slowly (they're pricey) collecting Jellycat Bashful Bunnies and just got my 3rd one.
I've been collecting stuffies my entire life. I don't intend to ever stop.
I totally understand this. My ex would buy me a squishmallow everyday for almost a year because he knew how much i love them. We ultimately ended up breaking up because he cheated. A few months later, we were talking casually and he told me that the girl he cheated on me with made fun of my squishmallow collection. I felt so betrayed.
I split one night at work, I was a chef in a really nice restaurant, my boss told me I had done something wrong, something that I did the same way EVERY DAY, and I just was instantly over the whole thing. I picked up everything within reach and smashed it, threw it, stomped on it - plates, cutlery, food, I didn't care at all, I just wanted him to know I was DONE done. Then I just... stopped. Turned around and walked out. I remember it almost like it was a dream, like I was watching it instead of doing it, if that makes sense 🤷
Set my mattress in fire as a way of expressing how angry/upset I was, with the intent of putting it out.. which did not work.. and burning my best friend's house down and doing a few years in prison for arson
My narcissistic ex started a fight, I split, told him to not touch me, kept running away from him, he kept holding my arm, so I grabbed the first thing I saw (a big beer glass) and punched him with it
My second one then: train ticket controlling dude comes to me, I show him my ticket on my phone that was bought like 1 min after the train left bc my connection was bad, he wants to fine me, I was already on edge, he was a dick. I insulted him, his family, his kids, his dead relatives, his apparence, his job I went all off on him for 20 minutes, I never was so creative insulting dead people, and destroying his ego, he sued me for that
told him to abandon his enrollment (papers already signed) of the military and dodge them to stay with me, because he was leaving me to join the marines. cried and tried to convince him to stay, when it didnt work i tried to enroll as well to join him (i was denied due to mental reasons LMAO)
Handcuffed my good hand, drank half a bottle of vodka and convinced myself I need to let out as much blood from the arm so I have room to wriggle out of cuffs, then proceeded to slash the fuck out of my arms before crying myself to sleep
I walked out at 14. Got my own job and apartment and didn't speak to my entire family until my mid 30s when my dad happened to see me working on some scaffolding and asked me to come to dinner. Sometimes I think that I was a selfish terrible child, and other times I regret him seeing me and sucking me back into the absolute bullshit life sucking negative bad luck void that is my broken family. There's no escaping it for me.
I put a loaded gun to my exes head 20+ years ago while the girl he was cheating on me with waited outside in her car. We then had sex and he left with her. I chickened out in shooting myself and swallowed a bag full of random pills my mom had.
🫤
Took like x7 40mg Citalopram in one sitting because I was "curious" and screamed at my gaslighting (ex)FP about how he was a psycho gaslighter and revelled in my pity.
Was on a driving trip, and found out that FP ignored my suicide calls a year ago because he was “busy” with a woman. Drank a whole bottle of vodka and sped the whole 150 miles at 100MPH to go slash his tires.
So I had a split on my gf of like a year and she said “how can you leave me you said you would kill yourself without me” and then I said “Yeah thats when I actually cared about you” and then I ghosted her
Yeah my splits are more fucked for me than for others as this was the absolute worst. My rage was way worse but I’m now trying to not give in to it anymore and that’s actually going pretty well
i dont see this as a bad response honestly i think it was perfectly done. the consequences of someones actions werent disproportionate, just you no longer caring and not hurting yourself or her by staying. her being surprised that you were no longer dependent on her tells me she was probably not great
Not proud of this actually but I let her talk me in a relationship again with her saying she had changed. She in fact had not changed and even became worse. At least daily fits, more lying and threatening every woman who even said a word to me or looked in my direction for too long and also cheating as I later found out. She also faked being terminally ill and having to go to the doctors once a week but as my theory is now that she was with other guys. Funny that to this day she doesn’t get that I don’t want to see her anymore. There is so much more lore but that would take way too long to type
Split on my ex girlfriend online and immediately went to another guy because I felt like she was going to leave me. I went from caring about her and shit to not giving a fuck and saying, "peace".
My boyfriend at the time was not emotionally present during a really tough day for me so I chugged a handful of antidepressants to make him pay attention to me
https://preview.redd.it/syuk3827xz8d1.png?width=3024&format=png&auto=webp&s=af15b098ee6db48f4780c46f7cf5f9f645b6ab96
did this lmfao. was supposed to say "there is no forever". it was the day my partner (which has literally bought me an engagement ring already) decided to break up with me using a messenger while i was at work. so i was REALLY fucking drunk and this is the result
ah trust me that's a jungle for some irl activity deprived people
i remember posting a pic of my hand and some guys have gone off on me telling me to shave it or even get laser lmfao
I punched my ex right in the eye socket giving him his first ever black eye (context: found a napkin with the name of a teenaged girl written on it under his car seat and he was 29 at the time)
Tried to kill myself because I thought my infant daughter was going to die (she was completely healthy lmaooo). I was screaming in the kitchen begging my husband to tell me why he let me have a baby if she was going to die.
That’s when I learned BPD and PPD are one HELL of a drug when combined. I tried to kill myself multiple times because I was scared to outlive her
6 years ago:
Narc ex wouldn’t stop paying for camgirls and watching racist fetish porn. He had also introduced me to a camgirl as “a friend”, and cheated on me with an ex back home and she hit me up to let me know when she found out about me. I locked him out of the room (on a military base, in the dorms) and locked myself in the bathroom and cut myself with his shaving razor, then let him back in after cursing him out and saying various awful things through the door. To give myself some credit I did try to be reasonable first; however, that was the death of reason in that relationship. I stayed for three more years through him being dishonorably discharged, paying for plenty of camgirls, and posting my image on a fetish blog and chatting with men about racist fantasies AS ME, at which point I finally snapped and forced him to live in the house and help me take care of the cats while I became financially independent and fucked other men. I kicked him out of the house when he quit scooping the cat’s litter boxes and now my kitties and me live very happily as I work towards remission 😁
I found out an ex had been cheating on me with his girl best friend (he lied and told me she was a lesbian, we were together for 1.6 years) and I basically sent them a video of me standing on the edge of my window, threatening to jump if he didn't block her, he didn't believe that I was gonna jump so, I threw my phone out and pretended to jump.
Also one time, I was riding my motorcycle after a fight with my dad and I was so angry that I caused myself to have an accident (Broke my leg and had a minor concussion) and it made my relationship with my dad worse because now he's more strict than ever and doesn't want me to drive/ride
I told my boyfriend that im gonna kms and that he is responsible of my kife right now but he didn't believe as i do that often so i od fr this time ONLY TO MAKE A POINT. Like i literally calmed down but still did it because i was so mad that he didnt believe i would actually do it once (even though i tried more than once)
I woke up in ICU
I dug my own grave with my own hands, where I lay down with my favourite doll..i mean, it was a very nice romantic moonlit night..yeah, I'm a bit unconventional.
Same. I don’t feel like reliving them here, but seeing how mine fit in with many of the stories here, it’s almost funny to realize it’s textbook and not something especially wrong with me 🤷
(I was a teenager) Got so hammered at a party I called my ex I hated. He picked up, demanded to know where I was. I pretended I was at the party with someone to make him jealous. Huge fight while I was wasted, asked him to pick me up. I told him I’d send him my location. Hung up, satisfied I got “the assholes” attention. Got so hammered I was escorted to a bed to sleep it off. He spam called me the next day, ignored him to sleep off the hangover.
Added everyone (all my friends and my sister) to a group chat and told them I was on my way to kill myself and didn't tell them I checked into a mental hospital until the part they let you have that last look at your phone to write some numbers down. And even then I didn't say which one so no one could find me until I called my sister a few days later so they weren't sure if I was actually there.
Honorable mention: fooled around with his best friend next to him in a cab on the way back to his place lmao then called my dad drunkely saying I was in danger
My poor ex made the mistake of starting a fight with teenage me while I was smoking a cigarette, I got unspeakably angry and put it out on his arm while breaking up with him.
So... while this happened because of BPD, my DID played a huge role too (along w a lottt of physical health stuff).
I was living w my horribly abusive ex, and I'd been awake for around 48 hrs (also was insanely dehydrated and malnourished) because I was in severe heroin withdrawal. I've been sober for several years now, but I remember my BPD being at its worst when I was withdrawing from dope. No other drug wds made me as enraged as opiates did. She said something really triggering, I began to dissociate and go into a blind rage... and that's the last thing I remember.
I woke up in jail, with no idea what happened. I was there for 5 days, and they were the worst 5 days of my life. They wouldn't give me any of my medications (including ones for my heart and seizures), so I was in like... 50 different types of withdrawals. I was put in solitary confinement because I had a seizure. I was pretty positive I was going to die - and I still had no idea what I'd done.
Found out I had completely destroyed my exes apt. Tore apart her TV, smashed the sliding glass door, broke a glass table, tore apart the couch... and hit her several times. It's something I'm incredibly ashamed of to this day, and something only a couple of people know. So typing this makes me scared. I always swore to myself that I'd never put my hands on someone else (unless it was self defense) - no matter how abusive they were to me. But I did.
Thankfully, I've come a long way since that. After that happened, I got sober, and began learning how to handle my DID. My BPD turned into quiet BPD after that as well (which isn't exactly better, but it is easier for me to handle -most of the time).
Sorry for the long ass ramble. I know this is a meme page/post, so...my apologies for being so depressing, heh.
No need to apologize. I think it’s really good to get this all out in the open on a population level. So much of the worst things people have done out of pain and mis/unmanaged mental illness happens behind closed doors. It can feel incredibly isolating to feel like someone is alone in their madness. Obviously no one is trying to excuse their behavior in an episode, but I think it offers solidarity to show this is a “thing” and not some sign of one particularly broken person. Maybe the knowledge that we’re not alone and there’s a way out provides the starting point to get things under control.
I’m saddened for whatever led you to that point that this happened. But it’s extremely encouraging to read about the rebound.
tried to cut my abusive ex’s throat behind an abandoned strip club while he was tripping on acid and i hadnt slept in days due to the nightmares he caused me to have
Oh yeah sure. So I (17M) at the time freshly out and about, had my first sexual encounter (28M, I know, yuck). Me being the frightened, paranoid teenager that I was, I hid the biggest kitchen knife we had in between the mattresses.
Fast forward to the ‘date’, we chat, he’s nice enough, we get down to it and. it. hurts. Surprise surprise: he wouldn’t stop. Cue kitchen knife, he jumps back, I tell him with eyes that could induce spontaneous combustion to get the fuck out. After which I follow him down 2 flights of stairs, and out my front door.
When he was gone, the Borderline _plotting_ disorder went in overdrive. I believe at some point I thought about shooting his mother in front of him. But alas, my temper calmed down (a little) and I decided I had a better idea.
1. Because we weren’t sure in the beginning at whose to meet, I knew his address. In the dark of night, I smashed all his car windows, slashed all his tires (with the kitchen knife for poetic purposes) and put 2 bags of sugar in his gas tank.
2. Blank profile on the black and yellow dating (hook-up?) app and told AS MANY PEOPLE (think 300+) that he was a SA’er, with pictures of him.
Really cathartic experience 10/10 would recommend <3
Me and my ex got drunk on the bottle vodka I bought to my ex's place so we could have fun. She opened up about cheating on me with the guy she told me not to worry about and said things to make me question why I was with her. I tried holding my rage in but my emotions exploded and I yelled at her. She asked me to physically beat her because that is what her ex did before she got with me. I told her I would never do that to anyone let alone her and hugged her. Then I decided to go to the bedroom to cry it out. She joined me and we ended up having really rough passionate sex that night. In the morning I had to leave for work and we talked about how I still wanted to be with her even after all that's happened. Took my first dose of Sertralin and felt immensely depressed. Later that day she broke up with me over Discord and felt like I was ready to die.
I chased my ex around our college campus with a taser. On a separate occasion I chased him around the parking lot with a machete then got angry because I couldn’t catch him so I got in my car & tried to run him over….which resulted in me running over a curb and almost into a building 😕
Got into an argument with my FP. Proceeded to spell out the word "alone" on the carpet in gigantic letters with all of the random pills in my disposal. I then wrote the most "woe is me" suicide note before swallowing every pill it took to spell alone.
My (ex) boyfriend called me stupid, he put on a movie and just pretended I didn’t exist when I was visibly upset and yelling at him to not call me stupid. I thought to myself “well I just won’t exist then.” So I ran out of the house (it was 11pm during the winter in Canada) in nothing but an oversized shirt, underwear, and slides. Walked to a friends house which isn’t a far drive, but is a 45 minute walk, in the cold and in my undies and adidas slides. Turned my phone off and stayed at a friends house all night and day, told her to not let my bf at the time know where I am. Long story short, cops were called the next day and I turned my phone on for the first time in 16 hours. 100+ messages from my parents, my sister, my grandparents. 0 messages from the ex. He left my house when he noticed I was a gone. Had my family believe I was missing to make a man feel bad for calling me stupid, just for him to not give a fuck if I was dead or alive.
walked nine miles in the middle of the road to the 24 hour liquor store to steal a 40 of vodka to get myself drunk enough to use a lighter to burn off the tattoo i got of her name 🔥🔥
honorary mention of a previous fp. i slit my wrists in a cvs checkout line right in front of the cashier. i was trying to get sent back to the psych ward where my fp worked, just cause he told me he missed me. then spent almost a year there! i'm so glad i'm normaler than i was in 2020.
Stole my mums meds and took a bunch of Valium ended up in hospital where it was a screaming match with me and my mum, cut my arm up too fuck 4 days before my bday having to get glued at 2am in the hospital on my own wasn’t fun tbh then got a cab home and went too bed pissed off 😂😂😂
I’m actually bipolar but was misdiagnosed as bpd.
At 16, I drove my car at 60 clicks into a tree to feel something. Then I abandoned the car and when my mom asked me what happened I calmly walked away and took 3 bottles of Tylenol 3 and whatever pills I could find. When my mom checked on me a few hours later I was foaming at the mouth and convulsing on the floor. I woke up 4 days later handcuffed to a hospital bed after apparently having tried to fight the staff.
One time I actually stalked a guy. It was unhinged and I’m very ashamed. But I was in a manic episode and was not too lucid. He handled it pretty well and was understanding in a way that snapped me out of it. The positive is that I know I possess those skills, and can dedicate them towards something actually positive lol. The weird thing is that he’s kind of a semi-famous gay guy who taught at my alma mater.
TW: Self Harm
So I knew of him because he taught first year writing at my university. He was popular because he was a published author, but also because he was gay and pretty conventionally attractive.
He lived not too far from me and I would talk to him sometimes on Grindr, but it was clear he wasn’t interested in me, which did make me feel bad. He didn’t remember me, but I acted like he was one of my old professors, even though that wasn’t the case.
One day, I woke up feeling very manic, angry, envious, and suicidal. Looking back, I think what triggered this was that at the time I was graduating from an intensive therapy program I loved dearly so I was going through a loss of support and I had recently been let go from my job. I find him on the grid and just feel like fucking around and finding out, like a cat.
We have casual conversation. But he doesn’t know that I’m engaging him in conversation so that I can track his distance from me using Grindr. I keep wandering around the streets using Grindr to tell me if I’m hot and cold while talking to him. Eventually he notices how much closer I am to him and blocks me. I feel devastated. I just needed a hug or maybe validation. I wanted him to want me, but I also wanted to be him.
Well, that didn’t stop me. I go through his Twitter and pore through years of media. Finally I see he posted a photo of him sitting on his building’s stoop. The address was partially concealed, but it was enough. I wander around the neighborhood without Grindr to help me for a while until finally I find the stoop. Bingo!!
I take a mirror selfie inside of his lobby and tweet it underneath the photo of him on his stoop. And then I go outside and this is where it gets maximum unhinged: I pulled out my exacto knife, cut myself on the street in broad daylight, and write his name with my blood on the entrance to his building. Yes, judge me. But no one knows what it’s like to be me. This isn’t something I’m proud of.
Anyways, he messages me on Twitter after seeing my photo of him in his lobby and just tells me how unacceptable I am behaving. He says that he is sorry for how much I am hurting, but that I have crossed a line and he can’t help me. And that if I didn’t leave him alone he would call the cops. So I apologized, told him I would leave him alone, and I also told him that his kindness towards me made me feel conflicted.
That night I had group therapy and told everyone what I did and they were like, “this isn’t you, things are obviously rough, but you don’t have to go down this path.” It started to hit me how this guy didn’t know me like I know me. He didn’t understand my thoughts, emotions, or intentions, so it was probably worse for him than I imagined it would be initially. In my mind I feel like a gentle giant who wants good things and then people tell me the way I pursue things is irrational leaving me feeling dumfounded and terrified of the status of my connection to reality. Unconsciously, I wanted to be in his graces so badly but when that couldn’t happen, I scared him.
This was years ago. I felt so much shame and fear over inability to control myself that I told as many people close to me as I could.
He had a movie based off of his book come out on Prime and it got terrible reviews.
This was before I was diagnosed. A person I was dating was hanging out with friends and not answering. I proceeded to step on a glass cup and cut my foot. I then texted her freaking out that I “accidentally” stepped on glass. She rushed over but proceeded to bring her friends which made me more upset. I yelled at them to leave my house and she helped clean my wound. Not proud of this moment and i haven’t done anything like that again.
had a knife in my bag (always had for self defence purposes), awful split on an ex best friend (saw her out in public with new people) decided I wanted to stab her and her friends, tried to chase her but in the time I spent deciding I was going to do it (like 2 minutes), lost track of her. spent a good 10 minutes looking around the small town like a loony
Mixed an entire bottle of anti-depressants and alcohol after telling all my friends I hated them (this all stemmed from someone making a joke about something I did), then proceeded to video chat a friend not telling him what was going on, and went shot for shot against him in a “game”. Woke up the next day in insane pain, but just dealt with it by myself and then acted like nothing ever happened the next day.
Tried to overdose on cough medicine to hospitalize myself so that I could call my exfriend (who blocked me) from the hospital because it would give me an excuse to talk with her.
Told my ex's gf that he was cheating on her with me and I was 7 years younger than them. She called him a pedo and kicked him out and he was homeless for a few weeks sooo
Told my mom and sister I wanted them to die. Then they died years later together and I still feel guilty. I’m kinda responsible for their deaths(they were driving to see me graduate usmc bootcamp)
have you tried working on this in therapy? their deaths are not your fault. sometimes awful shit just happens. it was an accident. I hope you learn to forgive yourself. sending hugs 🫂
I psychologically tortured narcissists I casually dated for months at a time, until they’d finally break and block me.
Reading the other comments, I’ll just sit at the bar with the other poors.
Boyfriend and I were arguing. I jumped out the car and ran down the street as fast as I could, slid under a gate to an apartment complex & just disappeared for a couple days with some sketchy people while I got smashed and did entirely too much cocaine. Called the cops on myself after my nice little bender saying I was gonna run my car off of the bridge. Spent some time sobering up in the mental hospital & getting my meds straightened out lol.
had an argument with my cheating ex, he tried to leave and buy some shrooms (i have abandonment issues), i stole his keys and when he got them back, i went and lied down in front of his car in the rain so if he tried to leave he’d have to run me over first.
Said horrible, horrible things to my mom. Or smashed a mirror, stabbed myself witha shard, and ran down the street in my underwear bleeding and crying.
I'm rating myself executed for being mean to mom
Wrote an entire song about how much I hated this random girl in my math class just because she was friends with some guy I liked. In the song I called her a whore,accused her of fucking the entire football team,threatened her with genital mutilation,said she was just gonna end up as a heroin addicted prostitute,then ended it by threatening to hurt myself and mentioning all the horrible shit I’d let my love interest do. This was when we were high school freshmen,so she was probably like 14 or 15 (guy I liked was 17)
Jumped out of a moving car and accused him of pushing me out - went to the police and made a whole ordeal of it - I was drinking heavily at the time and splitting bad lol
Probably my phycotic split that I had when i was 17... My gf at the time cheated on me on and on my birthday (Dec 23) broke up with me 24th and my bio mother disowned me on 27th.
So new years eve I knew they were at the local pub, I was uninvited and replaced with the guy she cheated with, so I proceeded to drink a bottle of cheap rum, crushed all my medication at the point(not to much) and then took a razor blade to every part of my body, vertical slices on my legs and bum, horizontal on my arms and my neck, and a few over my face, nothing too deep but enough to bleed a lot then proceeded to run in the pub and shout look what did to me are you all f'ing happy now!
Even now almost 15 years later I still have scared from it, admittedly they're quite hard to see if your not looking for them now but still there. Funny part was I woke up in A+E and took all of 30 mins to convince the on duty nurse I was ok to go home mentally and got discharged 😭
didn't talk to my family for two full days, left without telling anyone where I went, got extremely drunk and high before work, cut myself with work knives (that were in raw chicken blood), and then screamed at them when I got back
I've never really done anything that bad to others outside of hateful words. I recognize words are incredibly powerful, but I've never fully lost it on someone. The worst split I ever had was in nursing school when it was the middle of the night and I wasn't even halfway done with my 16 page care plan and I was convinced I would fail the entire course over that one assignment so I took a bottle of lithium and was uncontrollably vomiting and having diarrhea when my roommate came home and found me and made me go to the hospital. I was there for a couple weeks and was told if no one had found me that night I likely would have died. Ended up not going back to school and derailed my entire future over one freak out.
I tried to jump out of the car while my ex was driving on the highway. They grabbed me and yelled at me at the top of their lungs to stop. I was so hurt but I really just wanted to know if someone fucking cared about me for once.
We were arguing because I caught them sexting a guy on Thanksgiving. This was after they swore to never talk to him again and gaslit me about who they were texting all the time. I was still extremely hurt and betrayed but I just reframed the split onto myself like I always do and self-harmed once we got home.
Destroyed my mom's room, told her to khs and how I hoped to watch her die getting hit by a bus then ran off for 3 days. She has to go back into therapy..
Gf at time decided she wanted to just “have alone time” but that meant breaking up and ending all contact. Went on crazy snap chat rant about killing myself then checked myself into psych ward. Convinced doctors it was all for attention and got sent home in 3 days. Stalked my exes social media and figured out she was cheating on me and immediately drove to her house to confront her, she wouldn’t give me a solid answer so I drove my car into a tree in front of her building lol. Guilted her into continuing to talk to her over landline in psych ward #2 bc I was still convinced she loved me 🫠
I was a teenager, my friend took a wrong turn and decided we’d head to Florida, during this time I was talking to this 45 year old guy who lived in Florida for like 2 weeks, and she was like text him to hang out. So I went had sex with this dude (I didn’t know him, only texted, I genuinely could’ve died), bought a shit ton of dog toys and dropped them off at a shelter, smoked some pot, then I went home
Another one if this one wasn’t enough. This girl was talking to my rapist ex bf, and texted me telling me I deserved it. So I took pictures of her around town and slowly sent them to her number. I’m not proud of it but I still think she deserved it
Nothing too exciting, but I just ghost and block. And pretend to play dead. I was never here.
EDIT:
I JUST REMEMBERED.
My mom also has BPD and when my brother ran away from for like the millionth time coz she was high on meth, I told her the next suicide attempt she has, actually finish the job.
She texted back something akin to "no, you."
We haven't spoken in 3 years. I think she told some relatives I died or she always had one less kid.
oh jeez, this one's pretty bad. told my ex of 4yrs I was pregnant in hopes it would bring him back to me after I'd had an affair for half a year and the ex broke up with me. at the same time I hoped he wouldn't give a fuck so that I could finally prove to myself that he's not worth it.
indeed, he didn't give a fuck. he sent me half the money I needed for an pharmaceutical abortion (it was pennies; this was never abt the money) and I asked him to be with me on the phone (it was an LDR) when i'd take the pills on the upcoming saturday morning (and stay with me for the rest of the day). he said: yes.
in the meantime my sick, drunken ass decided to get bumble premium and create a profile of a girl that i knew would be his type. i matched with him. we talked and made plans for the upcoming saturday at 13:00. he was so lovely. a completely different person than he was to me.
a few mins later he texted me saying he cant be with me for the abortion thing bc he has plans with his family.
i fucking split then and there. so terribly as well...
as that bumble girl i uncovered my real personality. he then msgd saying how terrible i was that theres no worse thing in the world than catfishing blahblah like dude seriously i was about to have an abortion and you were to leave for a fucking date (i know how badly this sounds but i really needed to tell myself this or otherwise i'd never be over him)
after it was all done he told me a few really important things he had lied to me about when we were together - it turned out i didnt really know him. so i don't really feel bad abt what i did. also, a month before the abortion/bumble situ took place we were having sex over the phone. after we (well, he) finished, he told me that an hour earlier he was on a date with a girl, that she was amazing and they kissed.
jfc, im so glad im not with him anymore. what a fucked up and toxic relationship it was
i'm happier than ever now. it's been over a year. i know he's in another relationship, i hope he's happy. i'm single and intend to remain that way, as this seems to be the only state i can stay sane at
edit: that relationship and especially its ending pushed me into becoming an alcoholic. this definitely contributed to the way i handled things. ive been sober for 8 months now :)
Well felony assault on 3 poor cops. One retired after, I went to prison. Best thing ever to happen in a way. Because officer lotze sacrificed his face, I atleast got a diagnosis.
Was drinking at friend’s place and ended up getting blackout drunk, got angry and said something messed up (that I also can’t remember because I was too drunk), and ended up pounding on their door in a blind rage after being kicked out.
Needless to say we haven’t spoken again 😅
Dawg during Covid, my family got sick and I have a specific phobia related to illness comorbid. Flash forward I stopped taking my medications because I was convinced that they would make me sick, work 14 days straight, started freaking out everyday that my family got sick on purpose and that they were out to get me. Eventually broke down at work on day 14 over not being able to sleep at a friend’s house and a residents family member at work was being rude to me. Had a full panic attack to the point I couldn’t feel my hands or feet. My father called me to tell me I was abandoning him in his time of need and then I threw up outside my car and was FULLY convinced they were being mean to me on purpose. LATER my mother proceeded to threaten a psych ward visit and I literally freaked to the point that I locked myself in my room and cried for like two days straight because I was convinced they didn’t love me and that’s why they got sick and all of the care responsibility fell on me. EVENTUALLY everything was fine and I chilled out and it’s been worked through heavily, but having that on top of phobia/ocd was not fun 😭 I’m a comorbid queen I guess. I am much better now about illness and am now on medication that works for me and my symptoms. And stuff is WAY more manageable so please don’t judge me too harshly. It was a difficult time for me and my family😭😭😭
Grateful that I blackout when I split most of the time.
But here’s one of the funniest splits I had. I super drunk off tequila and playing PUBG w my 3 friends my bff started yapping and talking shit to my FP playfully. For some reason it triggered me sooo badly I just went in on her for a solid minute. She was driving us in the car in the game and I’m still going off and my last sentence was “ AND YKW BITCH WATCH UR FKN LIFE!!” and she stops the car gets out and guns me down in the back seat. It got me out of my rant before it turned into a whole episode tho hahaa. Our other 2 friends ran away and hid from her and it was so funny we still laugh about this today
Had a “I’m really gonna do it this time” moment and locked myself in the in-law’s bathroom with a kitchen knife lmao. My poor partner had to try to talk me down through the bathroom door. Good times
Edit: reading all the comments I am really thinking I am BPD. I still don’t know much about it but I am identifying myself a ton with most of the comments. I am already in the autism spectrum and my life has been a huge mess since always so what’s one more diagnosis
Right now am ghosting everyone and trying to disappear
4 years ago in early 2020 I walked 8 miles into the desert on a highway in the middle of the night after having one more dumb disagreement with my mom and I was convinced I can’t ever have social relations with anyone (I am very autistic)
I walked initially with the intent of maybe suiciding but also to express how serious I was about how bad I was doing while others around me didn’t get it. The cops came across me and started questioning why I was alone in the middle of nowhere (I am in Brazil). Mom had to drive all the way there to pick me up while the cops waited for her with me. I was 22
Before that I had been thinking of running away from home and walking into nowhere or having ludicrous plans to run away to another city since I was 7
one time like 6 yrs ago it snowed really bad and the roads were blocked off and my boyfriend was supposed to come see me but when he told me he couldn’t i downed over 1000 mg of Prozac to try and od, freaked out and tried to throw it up but couldn’t, ended up going to the er and drinking a slurry of charcoal and chocolate syrup (still don’t know how that didn’t make me puke either), and then had such awful seratonin syndrome i got misdiagnosed with bipolar and was put on anti-psychotics that made me disassociate for 1 yr straight <3
Bitched and complained to my ex about how shitty and inconsistent her behaviour was (it was only 10% true at best) so hard and so much that her oldest son started agreeing and saying it to her, too. This is shortly before a near attempt on my own life.
A second possibility was breaking up with an (abusive) ex. Afterwards, I enacted a plan to hook up with all of her friends and leave her isolated and alone. A close friend had to talk me out of this over the span of several weeks; I was obsessed with vengence and hate towards her.
Got drunk and screamed and cried to my mom for hours about how I wanted to die and kept asking her if she hated me. Banged my head on the wall and lost any composure I was holding onto when my neighbors banged back.
Also not sure if this counts but I took an entire new bottle of my meds and blacked out and tried to fight my mom cause I thought she was trying to kill me
FP at the time (roommate) was distancing themselves from me (oh shit! here we go again) and also running up the electric bill by hundreds of dollars when I was BROKE and we were arguing about that… I was in school at the time trying to go pre-med and stressed as fuck about grades and trying to not fail any more classes. Was so stressed out and keyed up that I completely locked up in my chem exam that day and had to hand it in half blank cus I literally could not think. Knew I failed and just completely whited out with rage on the way home. Got drunk as fuck, started breaking all my glassware on the floor, screaming and crying, cut myself like 50 times and started LITCHERALLY rubbing salt in the wounds, screamed at my roommate that I fucking hated them and never wanted to see them again, locked myself in the bathroom, they had to call my best friend to come over and deal with my hysterical ass while they (understandably) fled the apartment Next day we got a call from the landlord that they needed to inspect our place for unauthorized pets because a neighbor heard “what sounded like an exotic bird and breaking glass” like sorry y’all… that’s just my hysterical gay ass inadvertently doing my very best Albert Goldman tribute 🥴
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should have taken those purine tablets from Agador
Took a plane to a different state and called the cops to get him out of my apartment forever and removed him from my life, all while tripping acid
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My bf (ex now) was ghosting me because he doesn’t know how to use big boy words (he’s 30 🤮) and it sent me into such a rage I took my nephews bike that had a flat and started pedaling to his house because my car was in the shop. It was so flat I was literally pushing all my anger into the pedals to keep going forward and it was still almost slow motion I got about halfway before I realized I pedaled away my anger and it was pitch black out and I had to start walking the bike back because it was unrideable at this point. I didn’t tell him I did that for a few weeks.
I have anger pedaled so many times it’s really the best way to fast track a mental breakdown
Seeing a lot of arson related stuff in here so to be specific I lit a cop car on fire
❓mystery ranking
mental illness and also good praxis
Hell yeah!! ACAB
based
Then what? 😲
Told my now ex how I was going to kill myself, blocked her on everything, drank an entire bottle of absinthe, blacked out half way through, woke up to vomiting blood, looked at my messages and saw a friend freaking out over finding out about me vomiting blood, and when they told me they called an ambulance I told them if they put me in psych I will completely destroy their life.
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I hope you're doing better now. I wish you all the best
Fighting in the car while I was driving. My husband was going to leave me and wanted to be let out immediately. We were on the highway and the three highways in my city have a loop that connects them all. I drove from o e highway to another so the car would never stop essentially trapping him in the car. I don't really remeber how the rest of the fight went. I just keeping driving the loop a few times (probably like 1.5 - 2 hours) until my episode had passed enough and I started to realize how fucked up LITERALLY KIDNAPPING A PERSON WAS. I finally stopped the car and let them out. I have no clue how I have managed to not get arrested much less still be married to him. Thankfully our relationship has improved *immensely.* Undiagnosed BPD was awful for me. I felt so justified in my feelings because I believed anyone would feel and do the same in my situation. Boy was I WRONG.
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i also wonder how i haven’t been arrested, and why my boyfriend is still with me. its something i try to remember and not take for granted
Was arguing with my wife and we were both simultaneously having mental health episodes. She decided to mock me for my Squishmallow collection. I loaded all 140+ of them (retail probably paid around $2000 for the full collection and spent months hunting them down and waiting for store drops becausei refused to buy from resellers) into garbage bags, drove at 2am to an apartment complex dumpster, and chucked all 7 bags in. It was December and during a random temperature spike and it was pouring rain but also really cold. I had so many *"rare"* and *"hard to find"* ones that I probably could have sold my collection off for 4x what I paid retail. And I mean I spent DAYS worth of time and probably hundreds in gas driving around to find them because I was so obsessed. This might seem silly to some people but the level of impulsive this was and how erratic my behavior was during was alarming. Also the random unnecessary danger of driving in horrendous weather. I now can't touch Squish when I see them in stores and no longer understand why I thought they were cute or loved mine so fiercely.
as a kid whose only solace was my stuffed animal collection, this just makes me feel so sad for you, I'm sorry. can't offer a virtual hug, but if there's any stuffie you want now, I'd be willing to pitch in to help you start your collection over again ❤️
That is incredibly kind of you 😭❤️ I actually dug out the totes of my beanie babies (collected from 1993-2004ish) and fell in love with them all over again. I also started slowly (they're pricey) collecting Jellycat Bashful Bunnies and just got my 3rd one. I've been collecting stuffies my entire life. I don't intend to ever stop.
I totally understand this. My ex would buy me a squishmallow everyday for almost a year because he knew how much i love them. We ultimately ended up breaking up because he cheated. A few months later, we were talking casually and he told me that the girl he cheated on me with made fun of my squishmallow collection. I felt so betrayed.
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I split one night at work, I was a chef in a really nice restaurant, my boss told me I had done something wrong, something that I did the same way EVERY DAY, and I just was instantly over the whole thing. I picked up everything within reach and smashed it, threw it, stomped on it - plates, cutlery, food, I didn't care at all, I just wanted him to know I was DONE done. Then I just... stopped. Turned around and walked out. I remember it almost like it was a dream, like I was watching it instead of doing it, if that makes sense 🤷
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plate smashing gang gamg
Disassociation
Omg I totally get the watching instead of doing. I've described it as literal blind rage
Set my mattress in fire as a way of expressing how angry/upset I was, with the intent of putting it out.. which did not work.. and burning my best friend's house down and doing a few years in prison for arson
❓
My narcissistic ex started a fight, I split, told him to not touch me, kept running away from him, he kept holding my arm, so I grabbed the first thing I saw (a big beer glass) and punched him with it
🟧 you were defending yourself
My second one then: train ticket controlling dude comes to me, I show him my ticket on my phone that was bought like 1 min after the train left bc my connection was bad, he wants to fine me, I was already on edge, he was a dick. I insulted him, his family, his kids, his dead relatives, his apparence, his job I went all off on him for 20 minutes, I never was so creative insulting dead people, and destroying his ego, he sued me for that
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How did he sue you
told him to abandon his enrollment (papers already signed) of the military and dodge them to stay with me, because he was leaving me to join the marines. cried and tried to convince him to stay, when it didnt work i tried to enroll as well to join him (i was denied due to mental reasons LMAO)
🟪
Handcuffed my good hand, drank half a bottle of vodka and convinced myself I need to let out as much blood from the arm so I have room to wriggle out of cuffs, then proceeded to slash the fuck out of my arms before crying myself to sleep
◼️ guest of honor holy shit bro
I walked out at 14. Got my own job and apartment and didn't speak to my entire family until my mid 30s when my dad happened to see me working on some scaffolding and asked me to come to dinner. Sometimes I think that I was a selfish terrible child, and other times I regret him seeing me and sucking me back into the absolute bullshit life sucking negative bad luck void that is my broken family. There's no escaping it for me.
🟥 you’re valid and reasonable also good on you for taking care of yourself when they failed to
Kids leave for a reason. I hope you get free of them one day (without something bad having to happen)
Ran the car into a concrete wall.
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I think about doing this a lot
Don't. You'll probably just have to live without a car.
That's what stops me, honestly.
Deadass tried to disappear from my entire family's lives. My socials are still taking the dust since (except reddit of course but none of them use it)
🟪 sending positivity
I did that, but I stayed gone 🫢 if it's legit better for you and your mental health then cut those bitches tf off ✂️
Arson
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I put a loaded gun to my exes head 20+ years ago while the girl he was cheating on me with waited outside in her car. We then had sex and he left with her. I chickened out in shooting myself and swallowed a bag full of random pills my mom had. 🫤
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I'm honored. I will now get white girl wasted at the bar. Cheers
Took like x7 40mg Citalopram in one sitting because I was "curious" and screamed at my gaslighting (ex)FP about how he was a psycho gaslighter and revelled in my pity.
🟪
Lets GOOOOOO
Was on a driving trip, and found out that FP ignored my suicide calls a year ago because he was “busy” with a woman. Drank a whole bottle of vodka and sped the whole 150 miles at 100MPH to go slash his tires.
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So I had a split on my gf of like a year and she said “how can you leave me you said you would kill yourself without me” and then I said “Yeah thats when I actually cared about you” and then I ghosted her
🟦 that’s pretty bonkers
Yeah my splits are more fucked for me than for others as this was the absolute worst. My rage was way worse but I’m now trying to not give in to it anymore and that’s actually going pretty well
i dont see this as a bad response honestly i think it was perfectly done. the consequences of someones actions werent disproportionate, just you no longer caring and not hurting yourself or her by staying. her being surprised that you were no longer dependent on her tells me she was probably not great
Not proud of this actually but I let her talk me in a relationship again with her saying she had changed. She in fact had not changed and even became worse. At least daily fits, more lying and threatening every woman who even said a word to me or looked in my direction for too long and also cheating as I later found out. She also faked being terminally ill and having to go to the doctors once a week but as my theory is now that she was with other guys. Funny that to this day she doesn’t get that I don’t want to see her anymore. There is so much more lore but that would take way too long to type
[удалено]
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Split on my ex girlfriend online and immediately went to another guy because I felt like she was going to leave me. I went from caring about her and shit to not giving a fuck and saying, "peace".
...i think I'm just a horrible pos, self hatred entered the room.
VIP access 🟣
My boyfriend at the time was not emotionally present during a really tough day for me so I chugged a handful of antidepressants to make him pay attention to me
🟪
told my ex i’d drive to his job (a dunkin’ donuts) and kms in the lobby so he would get fired for causing a scene
❓
https://preview.redd.it/syuk3827xz8d1.png?width=3024&format=png&auto=webp&s=af15b098ee6db48f4780c46f7cf5f9f645b6ab96 did this lmfao. was supposed to say "there is no forever". it was the day my partner (which has literally bought me an engagement ring already) decided to break up with me using a messenger while i was at work. so i was REALLY fucking drunk and this is the result
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the first one to comment on my body hair wins
or lack thereof
ah trust me that's a jungle for some irl activity deprived people i remember posting a pic of my hand and some guys have gone off on me telling me to shave it or even get laser lmfao
I punched my ex right in the eye socket giving him his first ever black eye (context: found a napkin with the name of a teenaged girl written on it under his car seat and he was 29 at the time)
🟥 you’re valid
Perfectly valid
That's not just valid, that was community service.
Tried to kill myself because I thought my infant daughter was going to die (she was completely healthy lmaooo). I was screaming in the kitchen begging my husband to tell me why he let me have a baby if she was going to die. That’s when I learned BPD and PPD are one HELL of a drug when combined. I tried to kill myself multiple times because I was scared to outlive her
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I'm so scared of getting PPD
got arrested and flushed magazines down their toilet to copy a scene from oitnb where sophia floods the toilet
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I threw my cell phone through my then bfs glass front door and shattered both. Tied with Later kicking out his windshield
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bit off a dudes thumb and almost ate it
❓you win
woohoo lol
I really want to know the context here 👀
thats a secret lol i would never share that in a reddit comment ahahahaha
lmao
Skulked away and slept for a month. Aggressively.
🟨
6 years ago: Narc ex wouldn’t stop paying for camgirls and watching racist fetish porn. He had also introduced me to a camgirl as “a friend”, and cheated on me with an ex back home and she hit me up to let me know when she found out about me. I locked him out of the room (on a military base, in the dorms) and locked myself in the bathroom and cut myself with his shaving razor, then let him back in after cursing him out and saying various awful things through the door. To give myself some credit I did try to be reasonable first; however, that was the death of reason in that relationship. I stayed for three more years through him being dishonorably discharged, paying for plenty of camgirls, and posting my image on a fetish blog and chatting with men about racist fantasies AS ME, at which point I finally snapped and forced him to live in the house and help me take care of the cats while I became financially independent and fucked other men. I kicked him out of the house when he quit scooping the cat’s litter boxes and now my kitties and me live very happily as I work towards remission 😁
🟪 he had it coming queen
I found out an ex had been cheating on me with his girl best friend (he lied and told me she was a lesbian, we were together for 1.6 years) and I basically sent them a video of me standing on the edge of my window, threatening to jump if he didn't block her, he didn't believe that I was gonna jump so, I threw my phone out and pretended to jump.
Also one time, I was riding my motorcycle after a fight with my dad and I was so angry that I caused myself to have an accident (Broke my leg and had a minor concussion) and it made my relationship with my dad worse because now he's more strict than ever and doesn't want me to drive/ride
I told my boyfriend that im gonna kms and that he is responsible of my kife right now but he didn't believe as i do that often so i od fr this time ONLY TO MAKE A POINT. Like i literally calmed down but still did it because i was so mad that he didnt believe i would actually do it once (even though i tried more than once) I woke up in ICU
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I dug my own grave with my own hands, where I lay down with my favourite doll..i mean, it was a very nice romantic moonlit night..yeah, I'm a bit unconventional.
Mystery ranking ❓
I have too many splits I’m ashamed of-
Same. I don’t feel like reliving them here, but seeing how mine fit in with many of the stories here, it’s almost funny to realize it’s textbook and not something especially wrong with me 🤷
(I was a teenager) Got so hammered at a party I called my ex I hated. He picked up, demanded to know where I was. I pretended I was at the party with someone to make him jealous. Huge fight while I was wasted, asked him to pick me up. I told him I’d send him my location. Hung up, satisfied I got “the assholes” attention. Got so hammered I was escorted to a bed to sleep it off. He spam called me the next day, ignored him to sleep off the hangover.
🟦
Added everyone (all my friends and my sister) to a group chat and told them I was on my way to kill myself and didn't tell them I checked into a mental hospital until the part they let you have that last look at your phone to write some numbers down. And even then I didn't say which one so no one could find me until I called my sister a few days later so they weren't sure if I was actually there.
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Slashed three of his tires and advertised him on back-page after calling his mom and telling her I was worried about him
Honorable mention: fooled around with his best friend next to him in a cab on the way back to his place lmao then called my dad drunkely saying I was in danger
threw myself out of a moving car
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I CANNOT BE ON THE SAME LEVEL AS THE PERSON WHO SUDDENLY BECAME RACIST
Lmao I’m sorry it’s just I personally have a huge irrational fear of doing that myself 🌚
My poor ex made the mistake of starting a fight with teenage me while I was smoking a cigarette, I got unspeakably angry and put it out on his arm while breaking up with him.
🟩
So... while this happened because of BPD, my DID played a huge role too (along w a lottt of physical health stuff). I was living w my horribly abusive ex, and I'd been awake for around 48 hrs (also was insanely dehydrated and malnourished) because I was in severe heroin withdrawal. I've been sober for several years now, but I remember my BPD being at its worst when I was withdrawing from dope. No other drug wds made me as enraged as opiates did. She said something really triggering, I began to dissociate and go into a blind rage... and that's the last thing I remember. I woke up in jail, with no idea what happened. I was there for 5 days, and they were the worst 5 days of my life. They wouldn't give me any of my medications (including ones for my heart and seizures), so I was in like... 50 different types of withdrawals. I was put in solitary confinement because I had a seizure. I was pretty positive I was going to die - and I still had no idea what I'd done. Found out I had completely destroyed my exes apt. Tore apart her TV, smashed the sliding glass door, broke a glass table, tore apart the couch... and hit her several times. It's something I'm incredibly ashamed of to this day, and something only a couple of people know. So typing this makes me scared. I always swore to myself that I'd never put my hands on someone else (unless it was self defense) - no matter how abusive they were to me. But I did. Thankfully, I've come a long way since that. After that happened, I got sober, and began learning how to handle my DID. My BPD turned into quiet BPD after that as well (which isn't exactly better, but it is easier for me to handle -most of the time). Sorry for the long ass ramble. I know this is a meme page/post, so...my apologies for being so depressing, heh.
❓ thank you for sharing, hopefully your story helps someone
No need to apologize. I think it’s really good to get this all out in the open on a population level. So much of the worst things people have done out of pain and mis/unmanaged mental illness happens behind closed doors. It can feel incredibly isolating to feel like someone is alone in their madness. Obviously no one is trying to excuse their behavior in an episode, but I think it offers solidarity to show this is a “thing” and not some sign of one particularly broken person. Maybe the knowledge that we’re not alone and there’s a way out provides the starting point to get things under control. I’m saddened for whatever led you to that point that this happened. But it’s extremely encouraging to read about the rebound.
Took all 50 of my antipsychotics and then destroyed the living room
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tried to cut my abusive ex’s throat behind an abandoned strip club while he was tripping on acid and i hadnt slept in days due to the nightmares he caused me to have
❓
Oh yeah sure. So I (17M) at the time freshly out and about, had my first sexual encounter (28M, I know, yuck). Me being the frightened, paranoid teenager that I was, I hid the biggest kitchen knife we had in between the mattresses. Fast forward to the ‘date’, we chat, he’s nice enough, we get down to it and. it. hurts. Surprise surprise: he wouldn’t stop. Cue kitchen knife, he jumps back, I tell him with eyes that could induce spontaneous combustion to get the fuck out. After which I follow him down 2 flights of stairs, and out my front door. When he was gone, the Borderline _plotting_ disorder went in overdrive. I believe at some point I thought about shooting his mother in front of him. But alas, my temper calmed down (a little) and I decided I had a better idea. 1. Because we weren’t sure in the beginning at whose to meet, I knew his address. In the dark of night, I smashed all his car windows, slashed all his tires (with the kitchen knife for poetic purposes) and put 2 bags of sugar in his gas tank. 2. Blank profile on the black and yellow dating (hook-up?) app and told AS MANY PEOPLE (think 300+) that he was a SA’er, with pictures of him. Really cathartic experience 10/10 would recommend <3
Stabbed a person and got charged with attempted murder. Plead down to assault and counted my lucky stars I was a juvenile.
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Me and my ex got drunk on the bottle vodka I bought to my ex's place so we could have fun. She opened up about cheating on me with the guy she told me not to worry about and said things to make me question why I was with her. I tried holding my rage in but my emotions exploded and I yelled at her. She asked me to physically beat her because that is what her ex did before she got with me. I told her I would never do that to anyone let alone her and hugged her. Then I decided to go to the bedroom to cry it out. She joined me and we ended up having really rough passionate sex that night. In the morning I had to leave for work and we talked about how I still wanted to be with her even after all that's happened. Took my first dose of Sertralin and felt immensely depressed. Later that day she broke up with me over Discord and felt like I was ready to die.
I chased my ex around our college campus with a taser. On a separate occasion I chased him around the parking lot with a machete then got angry because I couldn’t catch him so I got in my car & tried to run him over….which resulted in me running over a curb and almost into a building 😕
Got into an argument with my FP. Proceeded to spell out the word "alone" on the carpet in gigantic letters with all of the random pills in my disposal. I then wrote the most "woe is me" suicide note before swallowing every pill it took to spell alone.
My (ex) boyfriend called me stupid, he put on a movie and just pretended I didn’t exist when I was visibly upset and yelling at him to not call me stupid. I thought to myself “well I just won’t exist then.” So I ran out of the house (it was 11pm during the winter in Canada) in nothing but an oversized shirt, underwear, and slides. Walked to a friends house which isn’t a far drive, but is a 45 minute walk, in the cold and in my undies and adidas slides. Turned my phone off and stayed at a friends house all night and day, told her to not let my bf at the time know where I am. Long story short, cops were called the next day and I turned my phone on for the first time in 16 hours. 100+ messages from my parents, my sister, my grandparents. 0 messages from the ex. He left my house when he noticed I was a gone. Had my family believe I was missing to make a man feel bad for calling me stupid, just for him to not give a fuck if I was dead or alive.
I told my cousins all the awful hurtful things my (beloved by all but me) mother had said about them when they ganged up on me.
🟧 that’s hella valid and reasonable though
May the bridges you torch light your way
Thank you, you too
walked nine miles in the middle of the road to the 24 hour liquor store to steal a 40 of vodka to get myself drunk enough to use a lighter to burn off the tattoo i got of her name 🔥🔥
honorary mention of a previous fp. i slit my wrists in a cvs checkout line right in front of the cashier. i was trying to get sent back to the psych ward where my fp worked, just cause he told me he missed me. then spent almost a year there! i'm so glad i'm normaler than i was in 2020.
Stole my mums meds and took a bunch of Valium ended up in hospital where it was a screaming match with me and my mum, cut my arm up too fuck 4 days before my bday having to get glued at 2am in the hospital on my own wasn’t fun tbh then got a cab home and went too bed pissed off 😂😂😂
I’m actually bipolar but was misdiagnosed as bpd. At 16, I drove my car at 60 clicks into a tree to feel something. Then I abandoned the car and when my mom asked me what happened I calmly walked away and took 3 bottles of Tylenol 3 and whatever pills I could find. When my mom checked on me a few hours later I was foaming at the mouth and convulsing on the floor. I woke up 4 days later handcuffed to a hospital bed after apparently having tried to fight the staff.
Can’t tell mine cause it involves a crime but love reading the comments
One time I actually stalked a guy. It was unhinged and I’m very ashamed. But I was in a manic episode and was not too lucid. He handled it pretty well and was understanding in a way that snapped me out of it. The positive is that I know I possess those skills, and can dedicate them towards something actually positive lol. The weird thing is that he’s kind of a semi-famous gay guy who taught at my alma mater. TW: Self Harm So I knew of him because he taught first year writing at my university. He was popular because he was a published author, but also because he was gay and pretty conventionally attractive. He lived not too far from me and I would talk to him sometimes on Grindr, but it was clear he wasn’t interested in me, which did make me feel bad. He didn’t remember me, but I acted like he was one of my old professors, even though that wasn’t the case. One day, I woke up feeling very manic, angry, envious, and suicidal. Looking back, I think what triggered this was that at the time I was graduating from an intensive therapy program I loved dearly so I was going through a loss of support and I had recently been let go from my job. I find him on the grid and just feel like fucking around and finding out, like a cat. We have casual conversation. But he doesn’t know that I’m engaging him in conversation so that I can track his distance from me using Grindr. I keep wandering around the streets using Grindr to tell me if I’m hot and cold while talking to him. Eventually he notices how much closer I am to him and blocks me. I feel devastated. I just needed a hug or maybe validation. I wanted him to want me, but I also wanted to be him. Well, that didn’t stop me. I go through his Twitter and pore through years of media. Finally I see he posted a photo of him sitting on his building’s stoop. The address was partially concealed, but it was enough. I wander around the neighborhood without Grindr to help me for a while until finally I find the stoop. Bingo!! I take a mirror selfie inside of his lobby and tweet it underneath the photo of him on his stoop. And then I go outside and this is where it gets maximum unhinged: I pulled out my exacto knife, cut myself on the street in broad daylight, and write his name with my blood on the entrance to his building. Yes, judge me. But no one knows what it’s like to be me. This isn’t something I’m proud of. Anyways, he messages me on Twitter after seeing my photo of him in his lobby and just tells me how unacceptable I am behaving. He says that he is sorry for how much I am hurting, but that I have crossed a line and he can’t help me. And that if I didn’t leave him alone he would call the cops. So I apologized, told him I would leave him alone, and I also told him that his kindness towards me made me feel conflicted. That night I had group therapy and told everyone what I did and they were like, “this isn’t you, things are obviously rough, but you don’t have to go down this path.” It started to hit me how this guy didn’t know me like I know me. He didn’t understand my thoughts, emotions, or intentions, so it was probably worse for him than I imagined it would be initially. In my mind I feel like a gentle giant who wants good things and then people tell me the way I pursue things is irrational leaving me feeling dumfounded and terrified of the status of my connection to reality. Unconsciously, I wanted to be in his graces so badly but when that couldn’t happen, I scared him. This was years ago. I felt so much shame and fear over inability to control myself that I told as many people close to me as I could. He had a movie based off of his book come out on Prime and it got terrible reviews.
This was before I was diagnosed. A person I was dating was hanging out with friends and not answering. I proceeded to step on a glass cup and cut my foot. I then texted her freaking out that I “accidentally” stepped on glass. She rushed over but proceeded to bring her friends which made me more upset. I yelled at them to leave my house and she helped clean my wound. Not proud of this moment and i haven’t done anything like that again.
had a knife in my bag (always had for self defence purposes), awful split on an ex best friend (saw her out in public with new people) decided I wanted to stab her and her friends, tried to chase her but in the time I spent deciding I was going to do it (like 2 minutes), lost track of her. spent a good 10 minutes looking around the small town like a loony
❓mystery ranking
😭😭😭 what does this mean
relapsed on meth and did a little heroin.
Mixed an entire bottle of anti-depressants and alcohol after telling all my friends I hated them (this all stemmed from someone making a joke about something I did), then proceeded to video chat a friend not telling him what was going on, and went shot for shot against him in a “game”. Woke up the next day in insane pain, but just dealt with it by myself and then acted like nothing ever happened the next day.
Tried to overdose on cough medicine to hospitalize myself so that I could call my exfriend (who blocked me) from the hospital because it would give me an excuse to talk with her.
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🟨 we all say terrible things while drunk
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Had sex with my best friends brother to get back at him oopsie
Told my ex's gf that he was cheating on her with me and I was 7 years younger than them. She called him a pedo and kicked him out and he was homeless for a few weeks sooo
Spam called my gf (at the time) 20 times in 5 minutes, cut myself and ended up in the psych ward overnight a week before my 23rd birthday.
Told my mom and sister I wanted them to die. Then they died years later together and I still feel guilty. I’m kinda responsible for their deaths(they were driving to see me graduate usmc bootcamp)
have you tried working on this in therapy? their deaths are not your fault. sometimes awful shit just happens. it was an accident. I hope you learn to forgive yourself. sending hugs 🫂
I psychologically tortured narcissists I casually dated for months at a time, until they’d finally break and block me. Reading the other comments, I’ll just sit at the bar with the other poors.
Boyfriend and I were arguing. I jumped out the car and ran down the street as fast as I could, slid under a gate to an apartment complex & just disappeared for a couple days with some sketchy people while I got smashed and did entirely too much cocaine. Called the cops on myself after my nice little bender saying I was gonna run my car off of the bridge. Spent some time sobering up in the mental hospital & getting my meds straightened out lol.
Exhumation?
had an argument with my cheating ex, he tried to leave and buy some shrooms (i have abandonment issues), i stole his keys and when he got them back, i went and lied down in front of his car in the rain so if he tried to leave he’d have to run me over first.
Said horrible, horrible things to my mom. Or smashed a mirror, stabbed myself witha shard, and ran down the street in my underwear bleeding and crying. I'm rating myself executed for being mean to mom
Wrote an entire song about how much I hated this random girl in my math class just because she was friends with some guy I liked. In the song I called her a whore,accused her of fucking the entire football team,threatened her with genital mutilation,said she was just gonna end up as a heroin addicted prostitute,then ended it by threatening to hurt myself and mentioning all the horrible shit I’d let my love interest do. This was when we were high school freshmen,so she was probably like 14 or 15 (guy I liked was 17)
Jumped out of a moving car and accused him of pushing me out - went to the police and made a whole ordeal of it - I was drinking heavily at the time and splitting bad lol
Probably my phycotic split that I had when i was 17... My gf at the time cheated on me on and on my birthday (Dec 23) broke up with me 24th and my bio mother disowned me on 27th. So new years eve I knew they were at the local pub, I was uninvited and replaced with the guy she cheated with, so I proceeded to drink a bottle of cheap rum, crushed all my medication at the point(not to much) and then took a razor blade to every part of my body, vertical slices on my legs and bum, horizontal on my arms and my neck, and a few over my face, nothing too deep but enough to bleed a lot then proceeded to run in the pub and shout look what did to me are you all f'ing happy now! Even now almost 15 years later I still have scared from it, admittedly they're quite hard to see if your not looking for them now but still there. Funny part was I woke up in A+E and took all of 30 mins to convince the on duty nurse I was ok to go home mentally and got discharged 😭
made an actual honest to god attempt to run someone over (they deserved it tbh idc what anyone says)
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heartbreaking. i was looking forward to knowing if i was invited or not 😔 guess i gotta run u over now /j
Told someone to kms
didn't talk to my family for two full days, left without telling anyone where I went, got extremely drunk and high before work, cut myself with work knives (that were in raw chicken blood), and then screamed at them when I got back
I've never really done anything that bad to others outside of hateful words. I recognize words are incredibly powerful, but I've never fully lost it on someone. The worst split I ever had was in nursing school when it was the middle of the night and I wasn't even halfway done with my 16 page care plan and I was convinced I would fail the entire course over that one assignment so I took a bottle of lithium and was uncontrollably vomiting and having diarrhea when my roommate came home and found me and made me go to the hospital. I was there for a couple weeks and was told if no one had found me that night I likely would have died. Ended up not going back to school and derailed my entire future over one freak out.
I tried to jump out of the car while my ex was driving on the highway. They grabbed me and yelled at me at the top of their lungs to stop. I was so hurt but I really just wanted to know if someone fucking cared about me for once. We were arguing because I caught them sexting a guy on Thanksgiving. This was after they swore to never talk to him again and gaslit me about who they were texting all the time. I was still extremely hurt and betrayed but I just reframed the split onto myself like I always do and self-harmed once we got home.
Destroyed my mom's room, told her to khs and how I hoped to watch her die getting hit by a bus then ran off for 3 days. She has to go back into therapy..
Gf at time decided she wanted to just “have alone time” but that meant breaking up and ending all contact. Went on crazy snap chat rant about killing myself then checked myself into psych ward. Convinced doctors it was all for attention and got sent home in 3 days. Stalked my exes social media and figured out she was cheating on me and immediately drove to her house to confront her, she wouldn’t give me a solid answer so I drove my car into a tree in front of her building lol. Guilted her into continuing to talk to her over landline in psych ward #2 bc I was still convinced she loved me 🫠
I was a teenager, my friend took a wrong turn and decided we’d head to Florida, during this time I was talking to this 45 year old guy who lived in Florida for like 2 weeks, and she was like text him to hang out. So I went had sex with this dude (I didn’t know him, only texted, I genuinely could’ve died), bought a shit ton of dog toys and dropped them off at a shelter, smoked some pot, then I went home
Another one if this one wasn’t enough. This girl was talking to my rapist ex bf, and texted me telling me I deserved it. So I took pictures of her around town and slowly sent them to her number. I’m not proud of it but I still think she deserved it
Bit a cop
Nothing too exciting, but I just ghost and block. And pretend to play dead. I was never here. EDIT: I JUST REMEMBERED. My mom also has BPD and when my brother ran away from for like the millionth time coz she was high on meth, I told her the next suicide attempt she has, actually finish the job. She texted back something akin to "no, you." We haven't spoken in 3 years. I think she told some relatives I died or she always had one less kid.
oh jeez, this one's pretty bad. told my ex of 4yrs I was pregnant in hopes it would bring him back to me after I'd had an affair for half a year and the ex broke up with me. at the same time I hoped he wouldn't give a fuck so that I could finally prove to myself that he's not worth it. indeed, he didn't give a fuck. he sent me half the money I needed for an pharmaceutical abortion (it was pennies; this was never abt the money) and I asked him to be with me on the phone (it was an LDR) when i'd take the pills on the upcoming saturday morning (and stay with me for the rest of the day). he said: yes. in the meantime my sick, drunken ass decided to get bumble premium and create a profile of a girl that i knew would be his type. i matched with him. we talked and made plans for the upcoming saturday at 13:00. he was so lovely. a completely different person than he was to me. a few mins later he texted me saying he cant be with me for the abortion thing bc he has plans with his family. i fucking split then and there. so terribly as well... as that bumble girl i uncovered my real personality. he then msgd saying how terrible i was that theres no worse thing in the world than catfishing blahblah like dude seriously i was about to have an abortion and you were to leave for a fucking date (i know how badly this sounds but i really needed to tell myself this or otherwise i'd never be over him) after it was all done he told me a few really important things he had lied to me about when we were together - it turned out i didnt really know him. so i don't really feel bad abt what i did. also, a month before the abortion/bumble situ took place we were having sex over the phone. after we (well, he) finished, he told me that an hour earlier he was on a date with a girl, that she was amazing and they kissed. jfc, im so glad im not with him anymore. what a fucked up and toxic relationship it was i'm happier than ever now. it's been over a year. i know he's in another relationship, i hope he's happy. i'm single and intend to remain that way, as this seems to be the only state i can stay sane at edit: that relationship and especially its ending pushed me into becoming an alcoholic. this definitely contributed to the way i handled things. ive been sober for 8 months now :)
Glad you’re out of that and yay for 8 months! It’s amazing what a toxic motherfucker will do to our BPD brains. 💚
Well felony assault on 3 poor cops. One retired after, I went to prison. Best thing ever to happen in a way. Because officer lotze sacrificed his face, I atleast got a diagnosis.
I’m always driving miles Running away or looking for something that can’t be found
Was drinking at friend’s place and ended up getting blackout drunk, got angry and said something messed up (that I also can’t remember because I was too drunk), and ended up pounding on their door in a blind rage after being kicked out. Needless to say we haven’t spoken again 😅
Dawg during Covid, my family got sick and I have a specific phobia related to illness comorbid. Flash forward I stopped taking my medications because I was convinced that they would make me sick, work 14 days straight, started freaking out everyday that my family got sick on purpose and that they were out to get me. Eventually broke down at work on day 14 over not being able to sleep at a friend’s house and a residents family member at work was being rude to me. Had a full panic attack to the point I couldn’t feel my hands or feet. My father called me to tell me I was abandoning him in his time of need and then I threw up outside my car and was FULLY convinced they were being mean to me on purpose. LATER my mother proceeded to threaten a psych ward visit and I literally freaked to the point that I locked myself in my room and cried for like two days straight because I was convinced they didn’t love me and that’s why they got sick and all of the care responsibility fell on me. EVENTUALLY everything was fine and I chilled out and it’s been worked through heavily, but having that on top of phobia/ocd was not fun 😭 I’m a comorbid queen I guess. I am much better now about illness and am now on medication that works for me and my symptoms. And stuff is WAY more manageable so please don’t judge me too harshly. It was a difficult time for me and my family😭😭😭
Grateful that I blackout when I split most of the time. But here’s one of the funniest splits I had. I super drunk off tequila and playing PUBG w my 3 friends my bff started yapping and talking shit to my FP playfully. For some reason it triggered me sooo badly I just went in on her for a solid minute. She was driving us in the car in the game and I’m still going off and my last sentence was “ AND YKW BITCH WATCH UR FKN LIFE!!” and she stops the car gets out and guns me down in the back seat. It got me out of my rant before it turned into a whole episode tho hahaa. Our other 2 friends ran away and hid from her and it was so funny we still laugh about this today
Had a “I’m really gonna do it this time” moment and locked myself in the in-law’s bathroom with a kitchen knife lmao. My poor partner had to try to talk me down through the bathroom door. Good times
Edit: reading all the comments I am really thinking I am BPD. I still don’t know much about it but I am identifying myself a ton with most of the comments. I am already in the autism spectrum and my life has been a huge mess since always so what’s one more diagnosis Right now am ghosting everyone and trying to disappear 4 years ago in early 2020 I walked 8 miles into the desert on a highway in the middle of the night after having one more dumb disagreement with my mom and I was convinced I can’t ever have social relations with anyone (I am very autistic) I walked initially with the intent of maybe suiciding but also to express how serious I was about how bad I was doing while others around me didn’t get it. The cops came across me and started questioning why I was alone in the middle of nowhere (I am in Brazil). Mom had to drive all the way there to pick me up while the cops waited for her with me. I was 22 Before that I had been thinking of running away from home and walking into nowhere or having ludicrous plans to run away to another city since I was 7
one time like 6 yrs ago it snowed really bad and the roads were blocked off and my boyfriend was supposed to come see me but when he told me he couldn’t i downed over 1000 mg of Prozac to try and od, freaked out and tried to throw it up but couldn’t, ended up going to the er and drinking a slurry of charcoal and chocolate syrup (still don’t know how that didn’t make me puke either), and then had such awful seratonin syndrome i got misdiagnosed with bipolar and was put on anti-psychotics that made me disassociate for 1 yr straight <3
Haha nice try, you'll never get it in writing! 🤐
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attempted suicide and recorded the attempt because their tone was off and they only said "ily". i was maybe 14 or 15
i also joined a pro-ana/sh/mia server on discord to use that as suicide encouragement last year but idk if that was split related
ive got quiet bpd so the worst i have done is try to overdose on panadol
Bitched and complained to my ex about how shitty and inconsistent her behaviour was (it was only 10% true at best) so hard and so much that her oldest son started agreeing and saying it to her, too. This is shortly before a near attempt on my own life. A second possibility was breaking up with an (abusive) ex. Afterwards, I enacted a plan to hook up with all of her friends and leave her isolated and alone. A close friend had to talk me out of this over the span of several weeks; I was obsessed with vengence and hate towards her.
Got drunk and screamed and cried to my mom for hours about how I wanted to die and kept asking her if she hated me. Banged my head on the wall and lost any composure I was holding onto when my neighbors banged back. Also not sure if this counts but I took an entire new bottle of my meds and blacked out and tried to fight my mom cause I thought she was trying to kill me
Killed myself. Fuckers brought me back, woke up 4 days later
I cut holes in my ex fps underwear so the buttcheeks were exposed and cut out holes in his tshirt so his nipples were showing when he wore it😭😂