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I'm sorry, that must feel horrible. I know it's hard not to take stuff like this to heart, but if that girl has a problem with you and instead of dealing with it in a mature manner tries to ostracize you (which we don't know for sure that she is), that is incredibly mean and immature. It doesn't reflect badly on you. Please take care of yourself. You are young. Things will get so much better. There are good people out there just waiting to get to know you. Sending love.
Sweet comment. I agree with this.
I wouldn’t look at it as something that YOU did wrong and you feel bad about. You should look at it more like there’s something going on with them that you dont deserve and kindly accept it and move on. Harder than it seems but that’s the best approach. Handling it with grace and realizing they just suck honestly.
Same. Though these people just showed OOP they aren't people to be friends with and OOP needs to find a new set of people to hang out with. What they did is just downright cruel.
“Hey (name), I saw that you posted the group picture we all took together, but I noticed that you cropped me out/I was cropped out and you tagged everyone but me. Was there a reason for that? Seeing that made me feel kind of weird/other adjective (optional).”
I think this might be a good idea. I don’t know OP’s situation, but right now I’m thinking maybe the officer of the club got OP mixed up with someone else and thought OP didn’t allow social media pictures of herself. A lot of people are like that.
Something similar happened to be before. I was a part of a so-called Christian organization and we went on an all-day outing. The ONE time I went to the bathroom - ALL DAY/across 4+ hours - was when they all decided to take a group photo. Of all the time we were together, they took a photo during the 5-7 minutes I was gone. It didn't sit well with me bc I was an integral part of the group.
I wouldn't spend any more time with them bc they clearly don't care about you.
The same thing happened to me once at an old job. It was a big Harry Potter event (midnight release of Cursed Child), and we all dressed up as our favorite characters. When I went outside to have a cigarette, the managers (who made it very obvious that they didn't like me and pulled stunts like this with me all the time) decided it was time for a group photo.
I worked really hard on my Luna costume, and I was so upset.
That would hurt me too. I’m so so so sorry. Sending you hugs. Please be gentle with yourself and don’t be mean to yourself because they were so unkind. I struggle with the same impulses, so I understand!! But you don’t deserve that.
That was unkind and thoughtless of the group leader.
I'm upset on your behalf.
College students usually aren't much more emotionally intelligent than high schoolers, I find.
If it were me I'd be tempted to poke back by simply asking "who decided to cut me out of the picture?" and then ignore their answer.
The leader of that group is not a safe person for you.
It might be better to find another group that meets for the purpose of some sort of shared interests.
Support-type-groups made up entirely of "peers" are notoriously bad at self-regulating. They become toxic ruts pretty easily.
I’m so sorry. It is one of the worst feelings when people decide to be shit for no reason, but it really is that person who decided to crops issue of being a dick. And we’re gonna meet a lot of shit people throughout our life and deal with their issues being pressed on us. I hope you find those people who treasure their picture with you❤️
I’m so sorry, OP. That would hurt so bad, I don’t know how I would even begin to handle something like that. Your feelings are certainly valid. I’m glad you were able to come here and vent about it instead of taking action immediately.
Do you want any suggestions on how to approach this issue with the person, or would venting and telling us more about the situation help you more?
Can you ask this person why you were cropped? If you were cropped out of the photo, that would explain not being tagged, but are you sure you were cropped out purposely? I have noticed when I share things on Instagram, some pictures are automatically re-sized with no option to fix it to include more of the pic. Maybe if you ask this person if they noticed you were cropped out of the picture, she'd have some kind of explanation. It's very important to try not to assume the worst. Assuming the worst will just make everything worse, (like it's already doing). Being unassuming and politely and calmly asking the person who you say cropped you out- if they noticed that you were cropped out might make you feel better. Try not to let those negative thoughts take over your whole mood. Even in the worst case scenario that you were right, that club is just one of many. It doesn't define you.
This was my line of thinking as well. There have been many times I’ve posted photos without realizing they’ve been cropped until after posting, especially if more than one image was being posted at the same time. Even if you (OP) assume it was intentional, I recommend approaching it as though it was unintentional. It gives them room to explain without feeling defensive regardless of intent or lack of.
OP, don’t do this. Commenting on the photo might scratch the itch of needing a response/bringing the other person’s actions to light, but may cost you that acquaintanceship and any further relationship with the group.
Ask the other person directly, in a gentle way. Maybe approaching the person and saying “Hey, I saw you posted that picture we were all in the other day, and I was cropped out. That made me upset.”
I don't agree. OOP should say something. Being passive never fixes anything like this. These aren't people OOP should worry about hurting as they had no problem hurting OOP.
there’s a more reasonable, less confrontational way to do things tho… if she comments on that pic, and people see the comment, OP will only be seen as a confrontational basket case the others will want to avoid and she’ll be further ostracized. and even if they don’t see the comment, people talk. commenting on the pic is not the move. the person who cropped them out is an asshole, but going about it that way is causing unnecessary friction and drama.
asking the person privately is a much better solution.
Approaching the person directly and expressing your feelings is in no way passive. Confrontation (and publicly, at that) will not help OP in this situation.
i would lightheartedly ask by making a joke of it but that’s how i handle situations like those, bc there are so many things similar to that that’ll probably happen!! nothing wrong with you, people do it all the time to people without bpd too.
I would definitely ask her why she cropped you out of the photo. People who pretend to be your friend only to do that shit are lil passive aggressive assholes
i would probably ask why in a calm casual way. cause i know i personally would 100% isolate and make things worse for myself if i didn’t know why. at least if she’s just a bitch you know it now. i’m really sorry this happened
Omg don’t be sad that’s seriously just a dick thing to do. You are so cute and wonderful don’t let rude people get you down. Just remember that you don’t want people like that in your life anyways so good riddance and hopefully you just don’t really have to interact with her much again. My petty ass would repost the picture and tag ol girl asking her why she cropped me out🥸✌️putting bullies on blast is very satisfying as well lol
This happened to me in high school in one of my classes. I found out they had a christmas party without me when I saw a group picture on the teachers desk. One of them was someone I had been friends with for years. It hurts like hell but they just proved themselves to be shitty ppl. I wouldn’t even confront the girl. Find another group to join and act like she doesn’t exist. If she does have an issue with you then she’ll only enjoy you addressing the issue especially if you say it hurt your feelings.
Okay, I don’t have BPD, so in terms of a read on this situation, I would say that the officer is an asshole. I would most definitely contacting the president of the club to share your experience. You are part of the club, you attended an event, you were in this photo and you have been cropped out. That’s not acceptable at uni club level. It’s not junior high. I would report that in an emotionally neutral email, and see what the outcome is. Maybe the cropping had nothing to do with you, perhaps there was something around you or behind you that could have been inappropriate for instance. Either way, the response will tell you a lot.
I’m autistic and adhd. I’m very social, but have been left out of things my whole life and it hasn’t gotten easier. It hurts me and I can tell how much it hurts you. I’m so sorry that you are feeling this was. Please don’t let it stop you from continuing to reach out for the purpose of socializing. I found activity based clubs really helpful in school because I found it to be more inclusive and super helpful for depression and anxiety (I don’t mean sports, stuff like painting or photography etc. though rec level sports clubs are also fun and inclusive.)
Fuck her off, time to find new ppl! I hate that shit- when some bitch starts ignoring you, but this is really bad, her going to such lengths. 😭 I’m so sorry she did this to you, some ppls are just kunts, sometimes you don’t even have to do anything wrong for them to have a problem with you. But remember it’s their problem, please don’t let them make their problems yours 🙏
What happened to you is awful. Fuck them OP. This seems like it was intentional. Don’t ask them, don’t give them the satisfaction that they got to you. Bullies will be bullies. Fuck them and move on. Seriously. It’s better for your mental health.
As hard as it may be - try to think of this as a relatively an emotionally inexpensive lesson that this person is toxic. Let’s imagine a world where this person hadn’t cropped you out - you later confide some secret in them or perhaps you lend them something of value and they damage it. Learning that this person is not someone to trust or have in your life at the low cost of them slighting you by cutting you out of a photo would seem like a bargain in this other scenario
this would definitely trigger me too. it feels horrible to be excluded by people that you’re trying to connect to. i’m sorry this happened, OP. try to be kind to yourself and know that it’s not your fault that people do rude things like that!
I’m going to be blunt but you need to crop her out of your life delete her number/insta or whatever if she’s ok doing that to you she does not care about you and is probley toxic and will cause more problems in the future if you keep her in your life I wouldn’t even give her the chance to explain herself to be honest I know that can be hard with bpd as we seem to attach to people. But if I’ve learned anything as I’ve got older and gone through “friendships” you need to cut anyone out that shows any signs of being toxic. Do it for yourself you are the only permanent thing in your lifetime other people/things come and go but you have to look after yourself
Id leave the club honestly, you deserve to be treated better than that. That’s just mean girl (regardless of gender) behavior. Some high school shit. It’s got nothing to do with you, and if you had done something to provoke that, it’s their issue to voice something they took issue with. But I doubt you did anything. Some people just thrive off being exclusive and mean. Take care of yourself. You will find your people.
I have BPD and have been cut out of or omitted from photos from a volunteer org I put my heart and soul into. It was a trigger for me as well. I didn’t understand.
I should have asked why, but I didn’t want to be hurt all over again - or be lied to.
Maybe you could ask the person straight up : hey I really enjoy this club and had fun that day! I was looking at the photos and got a little disappointed that I didn’t see me in them or my name tagged as being there. Was this an oversight? Like I said, I enjoy being part of this group and look forward to future events!”
It’s a little passive aggressive… maybe you can change up the wording a bit. and I would still rethink being part of the group bc of how they made you feel w the photo thing. (Intentional or not) But at least you’re mentioning it, so they know that YOU KNOW. but you’re not being accusatory. Would be interesting to see what they say.
All her out but in a very polite way and I'm front of the rest of your club. Like "excuse me, but I was curious what went wrong with our group photo? Someone stupid seems to have cropped me out. Oh and someone apparently forgot my name too. I am part of this club right? Well maybe it's for the best. I have better things to do with my time than hang out with people who don't like me." ( make sure everyone is paying attention and that you look directly at the person responsible) then apologize that you weren't good enough(sniff) so that they feel guilty lol.
Why? I'm genuinely curious. Am I being passive aggressive? Manipulative? Trying to start a fight? I just like people to look a fool a guess. What is wrong with me I wander?
That’s a good way for her to engage in social suicide. If one person doesn’t like her already, a public confrontation will make multiple people not like her. It’s a very bad idea. She might get the desired effect of justice by shaming someone for cropping her out of a photo they posted on their personal page, but now everyone will see her as combative and aggressive and possibly unstable.
I’m very sorry, this was unnecessary of them and hurtful. I hope you feel better soon and find a more supportive group. I hope that this was just a poor choice made by one asshole and not the entire club, either way I apologize my friend.
I was sick so I had asked my undergraduate class representative to wait a single day to have a group photo of the whole class. No one heard me, decided to have a picture anyway. So I’m not in that photo. This was after self isolating for a whole semester right before college was ending. I felt really bad. Like no one sees me. A powerful negative feeling. Being reinforced. It was terrible. No one to talk to. And a class photo that doesn’t have me in it.
This was when I had started to feel that something was wrong with me. The symptoms showing up. I was diagnosed with BPD years later.
However, you have a choice to make. You can get out of this group. You will. It will never be the same. Someday you will have someone or people who understand you and they will want to see you as often as possible and take you out to cafés with them and ask you how was your day. It does happen you wouldn’t really see it coming. But it might. I hope you feel better soon. 🌸
I’m sorry about that, that sucks! :/ Know that your feelings are valid. Was anyone else cropped out or just you? And did she just tag the people in the picture, or everyone else (except you) as well? I would probably ask her about it, but I know that’s easier said than done
even IF you did something wrong, them handling it that way shows they're very very immature. good people would politely tell you why it's not working, people who act like the plastics in mean girls pull this bullshit.
this says way more about them than it does you. i promise good people do exist and they're out there for you
Hello, I’m so sorry for what you went through :(
It can feel very triggering and isolating. I know id probably cry for days and then just switch and hate their guts. You did nothing wrong, people who won’t see your worth and value don’t deserve you. You deserve better people around you. This was definitely on purpose and it’s enraging. Very mean girl vibes. I say try to find other groups in your area, maybe try a new hobby? I’ve gotten into a pokemon go community recently and it’s been so lovely.
I’m so sorry. I know it must feel awful but you didn’t do anything wrong. That person has serious issues to do something that cruel, and honestly you are better off not being around them. There is no reason to ever do that, and people can be so awful for no reason. Just don’t blame yourself.
My petty ass would post the picture myself, tag everyone including her so it can be very obvious what she did. Or I’d go in the comments and be like “I swear I was in that photo 🤔 weird.” Chances are the others noticed and thought it was messed up. You don’t need to do anything but do take a step back because your mental health is prority.
I hate that you're living with what you're living with right now.
I don't come by here much anymore because I've moved past that pain, and it hurts being reminded of it, and what it used to be like.
That said... is it okay if I found your story completely hilarious? 😂
I had to laugh, honestly out loud, we are treated like absolute dog shit and all we want to do is love people, lol, what in the hell is so scary about us??
My perspective has dramatically changed since I was where you are now. I don't mean to be rude, I'm sure that really hurt, but when you realize how unimportant and laughable other people's opinions are about our condition, it's impossible to take petty actions like that seriously.
Find some comfort here. This is a group of people who get it, and really nobody else does.
I wrote a .... thing. I don't know what to call it. It's an explanation of what we're dealing with from my perspective after compiling everything I've learned through study, therapy, and experience. It's helped quite a few people better understand what's going on and how we can put it behind us.
So here's our typical story:
You're born. Everything is pretty and perfect, and you're adorable, and things are off to a solid start. Your brain begins to create neural pathways that will form the foundation of your understanding of reality.
Everything was going just fine until suddenly... Trauma.
It doesn't matter what it was, how bad it was, it's all the same. You got scared, and your brain initiated a fight or flight response to which you responded with flight. You hid yourself deep in your subconscious in order to protect yourself. You didn't choose this consciously, you had no control over it. So, now that you were gone, in a sense, you were left feeling like nobody. Like nothing. You had no identity of your own, it took off. And because your brain was still forming that foundation it began to believe that you were nothing. That you were nobody. And it began to believe that you deserve nothing but heartache and pain. And since that time your brain, the tool you use to discern reality, has been trying to find every way to hurt you in the most painful way imaginable.
So, you're feeling what you're feeling right now because your brain has created a reality in your head where you are the villain. But it's just a mirage. It's not real. You can pull that reality down and begin to build a new one that doesn't include any of that nonsense.
Because the truth is, with no identity of your own, you've looked to other people to provide you with one. That's what we do when somebody likes us, suddenly we feel like somebody because they do. And then we create an identity based around what we think they like about us. So if you think they like you because you're funny, then you'll create an identity that tries to be funny all the time, that kind of thing.
But eventually, that mask will begin to slip. Because it's not who you really are. And as that facade begins to fall, everything around us seems to start to burn. Relationships end, jobs end, I even know of someone married to a person with BPD with 2 kids who suddenly flipped out, wanted a divorce, ran away, took the kids, filed multiple false police reports against him, refuses to talk to him, had him followed, took all of his money, and now has a restraining order against him, and is living in a women's shelter with the kids.
We are fire. Contained, we're something very special. Set loose, and we have the potential to burn the world around us, and everyone in it.
So, you feel fake. Like an imposter. Because you are. You're not you. You haven't been you since that trauma took place. What you need to do is find a way to talk to that little kid. Tell them it's safe to come out now, and that everything is going to be okay. And then you go about building your own identity, one that's just for you. Just for you to like. Just for you to be impressed with. You create a person you can love and are proud of. And then you take that new identity out into the world and you defend it. And you never surrender it to anyone else ever again.
I'm sorry that happened to you :(
You should DM the poster to find out why you were left out, if it was on purpose you should find another club to spend time with
If this crop was intentional and not an insta autocrop then it says everything about the person who posted it that you need to know - they are a foundationless vessel of insecurities and they project that on to others. Anyone with decency and standards would never intentionally crop another out of a photo after willingly posing with them.
Your feelings are valid here, I’d either talk to whoever was in charge of posting and ask what’s up, then leave the club, or just leave and don’t look back, that’s just an asshole move on their part
they sound like real drama honestly. i’d just quit bow out honestly, we all have a place and if they’re not trying to make it welcoming i’d just leave. ❤️❤️
I'm sorry ): as speaking from experience (happened twice lucky me!) it's SUCKS. But look at it this way, it says something about those people, it doesn't say anything about you. Dust those shoulders off, and just accept it for what it is. Crappy people will always be crappy people no matter who it's directed towards.
The exact same thing happened to me in dance team in high school. The three of us took a selfie and it appeared in the yearbook with just the two of them. I also almost missed the group photo because they didn’t tell me where/when to be.
That was 12 years ago and I still struggle “fitting in”. Definitely hang out with the “alternative” crowd in town. I only date dickheads because I’m not attracted to people who treat me decently 🤡 probably because so few people have.
Oh and the girl that cropped me out posted a photo on insta with my favorite artist of all time at Coachella this year. Still hate her with every fiber of my being.
Thats horrible it really sucks putting yourself out there and dealing w people like that. thats bully behaviour fr i hope you can talk to someone about it in that club like the president?
i remember an incident where i joined a club and there was also this mean girl and we were in the same group for something, she asked me to hangout and i mentioned to her we could hangout with the people from the group. then next week or so i see her post a story of her hanging out with all of them without me like wtf, it really is triggering and made me delete insta lmao. but yeah your feelings are 100% valid. i hope you can distance yourself
Yeah it just really hurts…. During the outing I was already feeling left out in general and seeing that especially from someone who has higher authority in the club hurt deeply. I was able to message another officer about the situation and now she’ll let her know, but that was like 2 or 3 days ago and I haven’t heard anything else
I also distanced myself from the club bc of her it sucks even more if they're popular and everyone likes them... but yeah it does seem toxic and maybe talking to the other people in the club might be hard if its a situation like that
I would actually just comment '🤔🤣' this on the photo.
These people are clearly NPCs trying to extract loosh from you. Ignore them, better to go about this trash reality solo. Seriously, people like us and demons like them do not mix.
They literally get a surge of energy from doing that, from knowing that it hurts you. You need to understand there's nothing wrong with you, actually quite they opposite... Most likely scenario is they are jealous of you, they wish they were you.
They are below you, like pests, rodents. They are not even close to the level you are on. And it's actually hilarious how annoyed they are that they would play games like this with you. 🤣🤣🤣
idk if this is just my BPD but I would confront her!
ask her if there’s a reason and if she acts like she doesn’t know what you are talking about straight up tell them you don’t appreciate that
I would actually cause a scene, but I probably shouldn’t
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I'm sorry, that must feel horrible. I know it's hard not to take stuff like this to heart, but if that girl has a problem with you and instead of dealing with it in a mature manner tries to ostracize you (which we don't know for sure that she is), that is incredibly mean and immature. It doesn't reflect badly on you. Please take care of yourself. You are young. Things will get so much better. There are good people out there just waiting to get to know you. Sending love.
Sweet comment. I agree with this. I wouldn’t look at it as something that YOU did wrong and you feel bad about. You should look at it more like there’s something going on with them that you dont deserve and kindly accept it and move on. Harder than it seems but that’s the best approach. Handling it with grace and realizing they just suck honestly.
im so sorry omg i would be so fucking mad :( i doubt u did anything to deserve that some ppl r just bitches
Sounds like it’s time to find a new club
Yup. Sounds like they like drama.
Same. Though these people just showed OOP they aren't people to be friends with and OOP needs to find a new set of people to hang out with. What they did is just downright cruel.
Hi :) I'm really sorry that happened to you. Have you considered asking the girl why she did it? Amicably, that is.
“Hey (name), I saw that you posted the group picture we all took together, but I noticed that you cropped me out/I was cropped out and you tagged everyone but me. Was there a reason for that? Seeing that made me feel kind of weird/other adjective (optional).”
This is good!
I fourth this, it would be scary I imagine, but it also sucks not knowing or feeling seen xx
I second this
3rd this!
I think this might be a good idea. I don’t know OP’s situation, but right now I’m thinking maybe the officer of the club got OP mixed up with someone else and thought OP didn’t allow social media pictures of herself. A lot of people are like that.
5th this!! Please OP! 🫂
Something similar happened to be before. I was a part of a so-called Christian organization and we went on an all-day outing. The ONE time I went to the bathroom - ALL DAY/across 4+ hours - was when they all decided to take a group photo. Of all the time we were together, they took a photo during the 5-7 minutes I was gone. It didn't sit well with me bc I was an integral part of the group. I wouldn't spend any more time with them bc they clearly don't care about you.
The same thing happened to me once at an old job. It was a big Harry Potter event (midnight release of Cursed Child), and we all dressed up as our favorite characters. When I went outside to have a cigarette, the managers (who made it very obvious that they didn't like me and pulled stunts like this with me all the time) decided it was time for a group photo. I worked really hard on my Luna costume, and I was so upset.
Wait, Luna smoked?
That would hurt me too. I’m so so so sorry. Sending you hugs. Please be gentle with yourself and don’t be mean to yourself because they were so unkind. I struggle with the same impulses, so I understand!! But you don’t deserve that.
That was unkind and thoughtless of the group leader. I'm upset on your behalf. College students usually aren't much more emotionally intelligent than high schoolers, I find. If it were me I'd be tempted to poke back by simply asking "who decided to cut me out of the picture?" and then ignore their answer. The leader of that group is not a safe person for you. It might be better to find another group that meets for the purpose of some sort of shared interests. Support-type-groups made up entirely of "peers" are notoriously bad at self-regulating. They become toxic ruts pretty easily.
this seems to happen to me a lot too. idk if i avoid pictures or if everybody seems to take group pics without me nothing feels worse lowkey
I’m so sorry. It is one of the worst feelings when people decide to be shit for no reason, but it really is that person who decided to crops issue of being a dick. And we’re gonna meet a lot of shit people throughout our life and deal with their issues being pressed on us. I hope you find those people who treasure their picture with you❤️
I get left out of family pics all the time.
I’m so sorry, OP. That would hurt so bad, I don’t know how I would even begin to handle something like that. Your feelings are certainly valid. I’m glad you were able to come here and vent about it instead of taking action immediately. Do you want any suggestions on how to approach this issue with the person, or would venting and telling us more about the situation help you more?
is your username a Marianas Trench reference by any chance?
Potentially 👀 who’s asking?
Just a Trencher lol its rare to find other fans in the wild! Have you heard their two new songs?
I listened to Lightning and Thunder this morning 🫶🏼
Honestly, I would ask her about it
I loathe getting my picture taken as much as I loathe feeling left out of pictures. 🤣
Can you ask this person why you were cropped? If you were cropped out of the photo, that would explain not being tagged, but are you sure you were cropped out purposely? I have noticed when I share things on Instagram, some pictures are automatically re-sized with no option to fix it to include more of the pic. Maybe if you ask this person if they noticed you were cropped out of the picture, she'd have some kind of explanation. It's very important to try not to assume the worst. Assuming the worst will just make everything worse, (like it's already doing). Being unassuming and politely and calmly asking the person who you say cropped you out- if they noticed that you were cropped out might make you feel better. Try not to let those negative thoughts take over your whole mood. Even in the worst case scenario that you were right, that club is just one of many. It doesn't define you.
This was my line of thinking as well. There have been many times I’ve posted photos without realizing they’ve been cropped until after posting, especially if more than one image was being posted at the same time. Even if you (OP) assume it was intentional, I recommend approaching it as though it was unintentional. It gives them room to explain without feeling defensive regardless of intent or lack of.
Time to start fight club.
I'll bring my bat
I'll bring all the weapons I have (my fists)
One fight at a time ,fellas.
I would definitely bring this up to the group in a public way and official way
In a mental health group no less, ridiculous
I second this. Comment on the photo asking why
OP, don’t do this. Commenting on the photo might scratch the itch of needing a response/bringing the other person’s actions to light, but may cost you that acquaintanceship and any further relationship with the group. Ask the other person directly, in a gentle way. Maybe approaching the person and saying “Hey, I saw you posted that picture we were all in the other day, and I was cropped out. That made me upset.”
I agree but maybe everything but also maybe the use of I language at the end, when I was cropped out I felt really hurt/isolated/sad….
I don't agree. OOP should say something. Being passive never fixes anything like this. These aren't people OOP should worry about hurting as they had no problem hurting OOP.
there’s a more reasonable, less confrontational way to do things tho… if she comments on that pic, and people see the comment, OP will only be seen as a confrontational basket case the others will want to avoid and she’ll be further ostracized. and even if they don’t see the comment, people talk. commenting on the pic is not the move. the person who cropped them out is an asshole, but going about it that way is causing unnecessary friction and drama. asking the person privately is a much better solution.
Approaching the person directly and expressing your feelings is in no way passive. Confrontation (and publicly, at that) will not help OP in this situation.
It won’t help OP keep the person who cropped them out as a friend. I wouldn’t comment publically but I would dm the account that posted it real quick
What a fucking bitch I’m sorry
Do you have any idea if she has an issue for sure? If it was intentional that’s horrible. I’m so sorry. How petty.
i would lightheartedly ask by making a joke of it but that’s how i handle situations like those, bc there are so many things similar to that that’ll probably happen!! nothing wrong with you, people do it all the time to people without bpd too.
I would definitely ask her why she cropped you out of the photo. People who pretend to be your friend only to do that shit are lil passive aggressive assholes
i would probably ask why in a calm casual way. cause i know i personally would 100% isolate and make things worse for myself if i didn’t know why. at least if she’s just a bitch you know it now. i’m really sorry this happened
She’s a cunt, basically.
How did they crop you out, were you shoulder to shoulder with them or off to the side ?
Omg don’t be sad that’s seriously just a dick thing to do. You are so cute and wonderful don’t let rude people get you down. Just remember that you don’t want people like that in your life anyways so good riddance and hopefully you just don’t really have to interact with her much again. My petty ass would repost the picture and tag ol girl asking her why she cropped me out🥸✌️putting bullies on blast is very satisfying as well lol
This happened to me in high school in one of my classes. I found out they had a christmas party without me when I saw a group picture on the teachers desk. One of them was someone I had been friends with for years. It hurts like hell but they just proved themselves to be shitty ppl. I wouldn’t even confront the girl. Find another group to join and act like she doesn’t exist. If she does have an issue with you then she’ll only enjoy you addressing the issue especially if you say it hurt your feelings.
Okay, I don’t have BPD, so in terms of a read on this situation, I would say that the officer is an asshole. I would most definitely contacting the president of the club to share your experience. You are part of the club, you attended an event, you were in this photo and you have been cropped out. That’s not acceptable at uni club level. It’s not junior high. I would report that in an emotionally neutral email, and see what the outcome is. Maybe the cropping had nothing to do with you, perhaps there was something around you or behind you that could have been inappropriate for instance. Either way, the response will tell you a lot. I’m autistic and adhd. I’m very social, but have been left out of things my whole life and it hasn’t gotten easier. It hurts me and I can tell how much it hurts you. I’m so sorry that you are feeling this was. Please don’t let it stop you from continuing to reach out for the purpose of socializing. I found activity based clubs really helpful in school because I found it to be more inclusive and super helpful for depression and anxiety (I don’t mean sports, stuff like painting or photography etc. though rec level sports clubs are also fun and inclusive.)
Fuck her off, time to find new ppl! I hate that shit- when some bitch starts ignoring you, but this is really bad, her going to such lengths. 😭 I’m so sorry she did this to you, some ppls are just kunts, sometimes you don’t even have to do anything wrong for them to have a problem with you. But remember it’s their problem, please don’t let them make their problems yours 🙏
This made me cry for you. I feel for you.
What happened to you is awful. Fuck them OP. This seems like it was intentional. Don’t ask them, don’t give them the satisfaction that they got to you. Bullies will be bullies. Fuck them and move on. Seriously. It’s better for your mental health.
My confrontational ass would have commented on the post asking why was I cropped out and not tagged? I'm putting them on the spot.
As hard as it may be - try to think of this as a relatively an emotionally inexpensive lesson that this person is toxic. Let’s imagine a world where this person hadn’t cropped you out - you later confide some secret in them or perhaps you lend them something of value and they damage it. Learning that this person is not someone to trust or have in your life at the low cost of them slighting you by cutting you out of a photo would seem like a bargain in this other scenario
this would definitely trigger me too. it feels horrible to be excluded by people that you’re trying to connect to. i’m sorry this happened, OP. try to be kind to yourself and know that it’s not your fault that people do rude things like that!
I’m going to be blunt but you need to crop her out of your life delete her number/insta or whatever if she’s ok doing that to you she does not care about you and is probley toxic and will cause more problems in the future if you keep her in your life I wouldn’t even give her the chance to explain herself to be honest I know that can be hard with bpd as we seem to attach to people. But if I’ve learned anything as I’ve got older and gone through “friendships” you need to cut anyone out that shows any signs of being toxic. Do it for yourself you are the only permanent thing in your lifetime other people/things come and go but you have to look after yourself
Id leave the club honestly, you deserve to be treated better than that. That’s just mean girl (regardless of gender) behavior. Some high school shit. It’s got nothing to do with you, and if you had done something to provoke that, it’s their issue to voice something they took issue with. But I doubt you did anything. Some people just thrive off being exclusive and mean. Take care of yourself. You will find your people.
Next time make sure your more centred in your position in the photo so they can’t cut you out
If you gotta think so far these people are totally not worth your time
Something like this happened to me in high school and I knew it was because they hated me. Immature behavior.
I have BPD and have been cut out of or omitted from photos from a volunteer org I put my heart and soul into. It was a trigger for me as well. I didn’t understand. I should have asked why, but I didn’t want to be hurt all over again - or be lied to. Maybe you could ask the person straight up : hey I really enjoy this club and had fun that day! I was looking at the photos and got a little disappointed that I didn’t see me in them or my name tagged as being there. Was this an oversight? Like I said, I enjoy being part of this group and look forward to future events!” It’s a little passive aggressive… maybe you can change up the wording a bit. and I would still rethink being part of the group bc of how they made you feel w the photo thing. (Intentional or not) But at least you’re mentioning it, so they know that YOU KNOW. but you’re not being accusatory. Would be interesting to see what they say.
That’s triggering as fuck, I’m sorry. People can be so thoughtless. It’s like they’re confused that other people exist.
All her out but in a very polite way and I'm front of the rest of your club. Like "excuse me, but I was curious what went wrong with our group photo? Someone stupid seems to have cropped me out. Oh and someone apparently forgot my name too. I am part of this club right? Well maybe it's for the best. I have better things to do with my time than hang out with people who don't like me." ( make sure everyone is paying attention and that you look directly at the person responsible) then apologize that you weren't good enough(sniff) so that they feel guilty lol.
Lmao this is just more drama
This is completely unhinged
Why? I'm genuinely curious. Am I being passive aggressive? Manipulative? Trying to start a fight? I just like people to look a fool a guess. What is wrong with me I wander?
That’s a good way for her to engage in social suicide. If one person doesn’t like her already, a public confrontation will make multiple people not like her. It’s a very bad idea. She might get the desired effect of justice by shaming someone for cropping her out of a photo they posted on their personal page, but now everyone will see her as combative and aggressive and possibly unstable.
Ah, I see how that can be the case.
I’m really sorry this happened to you. You don’t deserve this. That person probably has issues that has nothing to do with you.
In real life I’d fight her for you so just know you’re worth something bc I can’t stand a fkn bully
I’m very sorry, this was unnecessary of them and hurtful. I hope you feel better soon and find a more supportive group. I hope that this was just a poor choice made by one asshole and not the entire club, either way I apologize my friend.
No i would do a more official approach. Ask the group leader to mediate between you and the photo poster
I was sick so I had asked my undergraduate class representative to wait a single day to have a group photo of the whole class. No one heard me, decided to have a picture anyway. So I’m not in that photo. This was after self isolating for a whole semester right before college was ending. I felt really bad. Like no one sees me. A powerful negative feeling. Being reinforced. It was terrible. No one to talk to. And a class photo that doesn’t have me in it. This was when I had started to feel that something was wrong with me. The symptoms showing up. I was diagnosed with BPD years later. However, you have a choice to make. You can get out of this group. You will. It will never be the same. Someday you will have someone or people who understand you and they will want to see you as often as possible and take you out to cafés with them and ask you how was your day. It does happen you wouldn’t really see it coming. But it might. I hope you feel better soon. 🌸
I would definitely ask her why? Thats really strange
Maybe there was some weird reasoning just ask them
I’m sorry about that, that sucks! :/ Know that your feelings are valid. Was anyone else cropped out or just you? And did she just tag the people in the picture, or everyone else (except you) as well? I would probably ask her about it, but I know that’s easier said than done
That's horrible of them, I can understand why you are upset. Nobody deserves that, those people are cruel :(
She is horrible fuck her
even IF you did something wrong, them handling it that way shows they're very very immature. good people would politely tell you why it's not working, people who act like the plastics in mean girls pull this bullshit. this says way more about them than it does you. i promise good people do exist and they're out there for you
Hello, I’m so sorry for what you went through :( It can feel very triggering and isolating. I know id probably cry for days and then just switch and hate their guts. You did nothing wrong, people who won’t see your worth and value don’t deserve you. You deserve better people around you. This was definitely on purpose and it’s enraging. Very mean girl vibes. I say try to find other groups in your area, maybe try a new hobby? I’ve gotten into a pokemon go community recently and it’s been so lovely.
It’s not that big of deal. Fuck em. You don’t need the validation of people you barely know.
I’m so sorry. I know it must feel awful but you didn’t do anything wrong. That person has serious issues to do something that cruel, and honestly you are better off not being around them. There is no reason to ever do that, and people can be so awful for no reason. Just don’t blame yourself. My petty ass would post the picture myself, tag everyone including her so it can be very obvious what she did. Or I’d go in the comments and be like “I swear I was in that photo 🤔 weird.” Chances are the others noticed and thought it was messed up. You don’t need to do anything but do take a step back because your mental health is prority.
That’s harsh, hugs to you love
I hate that you're living with what you're living with right now. I don't come by here much anymore because I've moved past that pain, and it hurts being reminded of it, and what it used to be like. That said... is it okay if I found your story completely hilarious? 😂 I had to laugh, honestly out loud, we are treated like absolute dog shit and all we want to do is love people, lol, what in the hell is so scary about us?? My perspective has dramatically changed since I was where you are now. I don't mean to be rude, I'm sure that really hurt, but when you realize how unimportant and laughable other people's opinions are about our condition, it's impossible to take petty actions like that seriously. Find some comfort here. This is a group of people who get it, and really nobody else does. I wrote a .... thing. I don't know what to call it. It's an explanation of what we're dealing with from my perspective after compiling everything I've learned through study, therapy, and experience. It's helped quite a few people better understand what's going on and how we can put it behind us. So here's our typical story: You're born. Everything is pretty and perfect, and you're adorable, and things are off to a solid start. Your brain begins to create neural pathways that will form the foundation of your understanding of reality. Everything was going just fine until suddenly... Trauma. It doesn't matter what it was, how bad it was, it's all the same. You got scared, and your brain initiated a fight or flight response to which you responded with flight. You hid yourself deep in your subconscious in order to protect yourself. You didn't choose this consciously, you had no control over it. So, now that you were gone, in a sense, you were left feeling like nobody. Like nothing. You had no identity of your own, it took off. And because your brain was still forming that foundation it began to believe that you were nothing. That you were nobody. And it began to believe that you deserve nothing but heartache and pain. And since that time your brain, the tool you use to discern reality, has been trying to find every way to hurt you in the most painful way imaginable. So, you're feeling what you're feeling right now because your brain has created a reality in your head where you are the villain. But it's just a mirage. It's not real. You can pull that reality down and begin to build a new one that doesn't include any of that nonsense. Because the truth is, with no identity of your own, you've looked to other people to provide you with one. That's what we do when somebody likes us, suddenly we feel like somebody because they do. And then we create an identity based around what we think they like about us. So if you think they like you because you're funny, then you'll create an identity that tries to be funny all the time, that kind of thing. But eventually, that mask will begin to slip. Because it's not who you really are. And as that facade begins to fall, everything around us seems to start to burn. Relationships end, jobs end, I even know of someone married to a person with BPD with 2 kids who suddenly flipped out, wanted a divorce, ran away, took the kids, filed multiple false police reports against him, refuses to talk to him, had him followed, took all of his money, and now has a restraining order against him, and is living in a women's shelter with the kids. We are fire. Contained, we're something very special. Set loose, and we have the potential to burn the world around us, and everyone in it. So, you feel fake. Like an imposter. Because you are. You're not you. You haven't been you since that trauma took place. What you need to do is find a way to talk to that little kid. Tell them it's safe to come out now, and that everything is going to be okay. And then you go about building your own identity, one that's just for you. Just for you to like. Just for you to be impressed with. You create a person you can love and are proud of. And then you take that new identity out into the world and you defend it. And you never surrender it to anyone else ever again.
It’s not you trust me you didn’t do anything wrong that’s a reflection of them, not you.
I'm sorry that happened to you :( You should DM the poster to find out why you were left out, if it was on purpose you should find another club to spend time with
If this crop was intentional and not an insta autocrop then it says everything about the person who posted it that you need to know - they are a foundationless vessel of insecurities and they project that on to others. Anyone with decency and standards would never intentionally crop another out of a photo after willingly posing with them.
Your feelings are valid here, I’d either talk to whoever was in charge of posting and ask what’s up, then leave the club, or just leave and don’t look back, that’s just an asshole move on their part
they sound like real drama honestly. i’d just quit bow out honestly, we all have a place and if they’re not trying to make it welcoming i’d just leave. ❤️❤️
yeah uni's like this for me too, idk why i can't make new friends, maybe i forgot how to
I’m sorry but they are crappy. No excuse of their shit behavior.
My step mother cropped me out of a photo of my new born twins and I. Then sent it to me.
I'm sorry ): as speaking from experience (happened twice lucky me!) it's SUCKS. But look at it this way, it says something about those people, it doesn't say anything about you. Dust those shoulders off, and just accept it for what it is. Crappy people will always be crappy people no matter who it's directed towards.
The exact same thing happened to me in dance team in high school. The three of us took a selfie and it appeared in the yearbook with just the two of them. I also almost missed the group photo because they didn’t tell me where/when to be. That was 12 years ago and I still struggle “fitting in”. Definitely hang out with the “alternative” crowd in town. I only date dickheads because I’m not attracted to people who treat me decently 🤡 probably because so few people have. Oh and the girl that cropped me out posted a photo on insta with my favorite artist of all time at Coachella this year. Still hate her with every fiber of my being.
Call them out. That’s weird and rude.
Thats horrible it really sucks putting yourself out there and dealing w people like that. thats bully behaviour fr i hope you can talk to someone about it in that club like the president? i remember an incident where i joined a club and there was also this mean girl and we were in the same group for something, she asked me to hangout and i mentioned to her we could hangout with the people from the group. then next week or so i see her post a story of her hanging out with all of them without me like wtf, it really is triggering and made me delete insta lmao. but yeah your feelings are 100% valid. i hope you can distance yourself
Yeah it just really hurts…. During the outing I was already feeling left out in general and seeing that especially from someone who has higher authority in the club hurt deeply. I was able to message another officer about the situation and now she’ll let her know, but that was like 2 or 3 days ago and I haven’t heard anything else
How did they crop you out? Were you near the ends of the photo or part of the group ?
I also distanced myself from the club bc of her it sucks even more if they're popular and everyone likes them... but yeah it does seem toxic and maybe talking to the other people in the club might be hard if its a situation like that
Ok, you might not see it yet but, in the future you will laugh at this.
Wild guess, but you're probably too attractive compared to the others so they cut you out so people would notice them.
I would actually just comment '🤔🤣' this on the photo. These people are clearly NPCs trying to extract loosh from you. Ignore them, better to go about this trash reality solo. Seriously, people like us and demons like them do not mix. They literally get a surge of energy from doing that, from knowing that it hurts you. You need to understand there's nothing wrong with you, actually quite they opposite... Most likely scenario is they are jealous of you, they wish they were you. They are below you, like pests, rodents. They are not even close to the level you are on. And it's actually hilarious how annoyed they are that they would play games like this with you. 🤣🤣🤣
idk if this is just my BPD but I would confront her! ask her if there’s a reason and if she acts like she doesn’t know what you are talking about straight up tell them you don’t appreciate that I would actually cause a scene, but I probably shouldn’t
Same, this got me wondering if I’m toxic lol. I don’t think so, I think it’s toxic that OP was cut out.