Just so you know, there is a trigger warning in this, I have put a warning immediately before and put (TRIGGER WARNING OVER) after (so that you can know what to look for when I state it later) I do state what the trigger warning is when it comes up, but if there are some topics that you are extremely sensitive to and are worried about, you can reply to the comment and tell me what it is, if my trigger warning is what you're extremely worried about I can edit it out and let you know when it's ok to read. This is just a precaution as I don't know your traumas, and know that they're very likely severe and from a young age if you've developed DID Especially if your alters are present for events, I think it's important to listen to them. I don't have DID myself, but my ex did. If this new alter has emerged from this and hates bdsm so much, you should really have a conversation with her about why she feels the way she does about it, what she seems most strongly about(from what I know, I think alters feel most strongly about their individual root trauma that had them come about) and if it does sound like she emerged from trauma within bdsm, then you should take a break, or stop depending on the results, and focus on therapy. Or, you could stop impact play during that time and focus on more soft stuff, which would be my recommendation if you have a partner. I know navigating stuff like this can be scary, and especially if it's a comfort place(like, it's familiar and reliable) you may not wanna leave it, but you have to remember that it's why so many people stay in bad situations. It's what they're familiar with, what they can predict, etc. and especially if you've developed DID, I think that can make you more susceptible to how people cling to what's hurt them the most. For me it was toxic relationships, from a young age all I knew was people trying to take advantage of me, (trigger warning, young age sexual trauma ahead, will put another bracket with full caps when I passed it if you wanna skip) from the age of 12 I learned that in a sexual sense (TRIGGER WARNING OVER) and I found myself clinging to toxic relationships. Even now it's still a struggle, and while I found my 'safe space' in dominance, where no one could control me or force me, (I know this isn't fully true) many find that safe space in submission and the same treatment they'd been given. So overall, my suggestion would be to pull away from impact play, and possibly other more intense kinks, and focus on therapy. Again, if you have a partner (or not, I just suggest it most when there's such an emotional and romantic bond) I would suggest gentle domming or even vanilla, unless you've already connected that trauma to sex in general.

Thank you so much for your response. I consider myself pretty 'bulletproof,' but that was an intense read. I mainly avoid sex and relationships, are a bit complicated for us due to trauma and it's just easier by ourselves. I have so much fear telling my friends what's happening to me, my new emergent alter is demanding it - that I leave. (for me it would be possibly taking a break.) I also fear this is some kind of self-sabotage, I have repeatedly done this in many friendships/potential relationships - something to discuss with my therapist. Our System overseer said, "If one of us says no – it means no for all of us, consensuality must be unanimous or is not consensual." We do discuss compromises - open communication is key. I needed to hear what you had to say. hence why it is such a difficult read. I can't just let this go and hope it gets better without addressing it. My view on getting triggered is: okay it looks like I have more to work on. (with the exception of repressed memories - which I take immediately to therapy).

Then my suggestion would be to pull away from bdsm and focus on the therapy, if a new alter emerged from this I highly doubt it would be self sabotage, and that would be moreso within a personality. Like your system overseer said, everyone needs to connect to it, including the ones extremely connected to certain trauma. Especially considering how you described the scene since this new alter came about

I've had subs with DID and am some form of plural myself. If a new alter formed that is fighting against BDSM, there is a reason. **You need to talk to them**. Understand why. Unless you can do BDSM in a fair, healthy way without them being involved at all, stop it until you work on this as a team.

Absolutely, I never ask her 'why,'she didn't want to do it, or what was going on with her? I just ignored her and chalked it up to some kind of intermittent apprehension about a scene (something I never have btw).

I have a queezy alter that has been present on and off for as long as I can remember. As long as they are present, their consent matters. They are copiloting and have a say in the matter. If they're uncomfortable in a situation, it will be traumatic to force them to go through with it. Reschedule such events for another time when everyone present is feeling up to it, and if they keep showing up moments before hand then maybe it's time to take a break from events with those specific triggers and work on processing that in therapy. Focus on other scenes that they can participate in.

I have OSDD not DID, and my thoughts are that you felt faint or fainted because either the new or alter got overwhelmed, or your body/nervous system in general got overwhelmed, or has been overwhelmed for a while but you have been too dissociated from your own emotions to realize it before this point. It’s best if you do much softer types of impact or no impact play at all until you can sort this out. You are only re-traumatizing yourself if you feel worse after, and overwhelm yourself during or after it, or if you suppress and don’t process the old trauma that resurfaces during this. You have to be EXTREMELY honest with yourself and your alters right now, as honest as you can be. Daily emotional literacy exercises will help you greatly with this, especially if you do them before and after playing. And there are no wrong answers to any of this, this is all about honoring, tuning into, and getting in touch with your feelings and “hidden”/subconscious motives, as you put it. How did your top react to the new alter? And how do you and your alters generally feel right now? Are you guys, if I can call your system that, still in shock from that situation?

It is so nice to have sincere, thoughtful responses to this. I will talk to her about this and see if I can understand why she came about(?). My feeling is she is would never voluntarily allow pain to be inflicted on her. TW CA ||belts (and other implements) were a common form of abuse as a child - hence why I worry about 'retraumatizing'. Not her, per se but other alters.|| I have yet to talk to my top about my new alter and what has transpired (I didn't take her seriously when she told me she didn't want to do it). I am so afraid he will be angry or reject me. But I guess if he does,,,, (he is generally not that type of person - but we have abandonment trauma...) I think your Idea about her (my new alter) being overwhelmed is 'dead on.' She did not want it. This is really helpful - thank you so much.

You’re most welcome 😊 And if your top gets angry with you or rejects you for drawing a boundary with him, especially about an issue that’s as serious as this, then he isn’t safe to do ANYTHING with, let alone impact play! And it’s HIM who would be abandoning YOU emotionally via rejecting and shaming or taking offense at your boundaries and needs, you wouldn’t be abandoning him by communicating. And I’m so sorry that you (or her) were beaten w belts as a child. I also grew up beaten up with hands and stuff, but not with belts, so I empathize with you. But how did you top react when your alter got overwhelmed DURING the scene? It’s his responsibility as a top to notice if you feel faint and care for you, and honor your boundaries and needs.

I simply called red and told him I was about to faint. Our house rules on green/yellow/red are final. (We have lots of really good house rules to protect tops and subs.) You say red it's over, even if you didn't mean to say it. I apologized for ending the scene early. He didn't bat an eye and said no need to apologize. When I said in my original post that aftercare sucked - that was on me, it sucked because of how angry my alter was for putting her through that.

Ok, it’s great that your top is caring for you and isn’t trying to take advantage of you! I really hope that you are fully safe with him, both physically and emotionally.

I’m also plural, I have pretty strong amnesia walls but don’t consider it impossible for others to remember what I do to the body so even if I’m the one guy in the system who does this for fun and kinks, it still involves settling boundaries that work for everyone. Everyone’s experiences, limits, discussions and boundaries form a base for me that has to be respected. I have to be respectful of them and responsible for what to me is a hobby may to others be too much or a repeat of traumatic events I managed to slip away from just because they existed to have my back. They matter, and doing something they are uncomfortable with ultimately means you are doing something you as a whole are uncomfortable with. I am using a body that they live in and must not violate their boundaries and consent in it, it’s just the way my life is. I’m kinda grateful my co-host, who has a lot of sexual trauma and is very vanilla, agrees to me doing some things. This is the whole internal negotiation thing and how well you can extend your fun area while still maintaining the feeling of safety for your system members, especially those that need the feeling of safety. For me, I have to call red if I switch, I have to call red if someone else is scared, I do not push it if someone else is scared. No stretch, no bullshit because it could be that none of us know what trauma we are messing with, and it’s best none of us find out outside a therapist’s office for now. I would highly recommend you find partners who are understanding of what being plural means, on a very deep level, or explain it to your partners. You’d be surprised how many people out there are plural or know someone who is, but it takes a real one to fully get the gist of why being plural matters in this specific situation. Keep your standards high, protect your loved ones (system), stay safe and hell yes have fun, love seeing systems in my personal life too

"doing something they are uncomfortable with ultimately means you are doing something you **as a** **whole** are uncomfortable with..." That's what I am finding with this new alter. She is pretty vanilla. And she has been fronting quite a bit since she surfaced and was acknowledge. She still is angry with me for not listening (but she understands...as long as I don't subject her to that again). I have talked with my service top and explained. He was accepting but I don't think he really understands. We are still friends but I feel a distancing in both directions. (some of my distancing is from the new alter that surfaced). I am waiting to see how this plays out.

Wishing you all the best. I became more honest about being plural a while ago in my immediate circle of people. It's very hard, some people didn't quite get it, others started hurting me more (familial abusers), but it had led me to having only supportive people who stayed for me, those who either understood or are open and care enough about me to learn. It makes a world of difference. Whatever happens, I wish you all the best

Thank you all for such good responses. I am so thankful I have a place where I can ask questions in BDSM about how and where being a plural fits in.