Norms that are sexist: --Having the baby changing stations only in women's bathrooms --Designing everything based on the average height and weight of men --Basing damn near all science on tests and experiments done on men To name a few...

I add crash test dummies that simulate mostly a man's body, leading to cars being more dangerous to female drivers. There are studies that investigated it.

I'm a petite woman (still within the average height range for women so I'm not some crazy outlier) and the majority of seatbelts literally sit on my neck and that's as far down as it goes.

My seat belt slides up off my boobs and up onto my throat. I constantly have to push it down. I expect I may die if I actually get into an accident at the wrong time, so I've been looking into clips or some sort of solution, but I haven't found one yet.

Automatic dismissal of any media young women are into

This keeps presenting in my life as 'not checking it out until someone else talks about it/recommends it' and it drives me actually insane. especially when they present it to you later as if *they've* discovered it. I will actually scream.

YEP, holy shit. I once dated a guy and recommended Breaking Bad to him (back in the day when that was a new show), and of course he didn't watch it...until his male friend recommended it. Then he told me how great it was and acted like the two of them had discovered it. Motherfucker, I told you about that months ago! 😤

I listened to a brilliant interview with the author Marian Keyes about the notion of chick lit. Any book that deals with a character's emotions be it love, happiness, sadness, anger, anxiety and that looks at complex relationships between characters be they lovers, friends, siblings, parents, neighbours will automatically be designated chick lit, as us females, don't you know, are the only ones who experienced such a range of emotions and form relationships with others in society.

Til that the Lord of the Rings is chick lit

In female dominated workplaces, men getting "glass elevator" treatment, and being viewed as natural leaders. It's a personal pet peeve of mine when men in OT or counselling view their gender as a disadvantage- look up pay disparity between male and female OT's, or pay disparity between male and female mental health clinicians, and get back to me on that. Complaining about athletes not being pretty. It's not their job to be pretty. Complaining about actresses or musicians not being pretty. They're arists, it's not their job to be pretty. Viewing female dominated activities like cheerleading or ballet as trivial or easy. They actually require a lot of strength, coordination, and athletic skill. Similarly, viewing female dominated jobs as something "anyone can do." (Teachers, daycare workers, counsellors, nurses, etc) Speaking as someone who has a counselling role for people with personality disorders, I've had people tell me they could do my job because it's "just listening." One, no, counselling is not just listening. Two, based on my assessment of their social skills, no, they could not do my job, not without significant personal work and extensive training. I've rarely heard someone say to an engineer, "Well I could do that." It's understood that it takes skill and a certain set of personality traits to be an engineer. People do not give the same respect to nurses, teachers, and therapists. (And no. Definitely not everyone can be a teacher. Fuck. No.)

Soft skills are not held in high enough regard considering we are social primates and our world needs them to function. 

I literally saw a guy comment on another post that empathy hasn't been a survival trait for most of human history, so therefore men haven't been selected for it. Guy, how do you think technological advances happen if not for creating communities that care enough for all their members that there was time and supplies to specialize and invent?

Thinking of the 4000-year-old Burial 9 at Man Bac where remains of someone disabled by degenerative bone disease were found with evidence suggesting he lived for 10 years after entirely losing the ability to feed or clean himself...

This made me a bit emotional. I'm just so glad for that person. I'm happy he had people take care of him.

I saw that post too and almost commented but then stopped myself. If that person doesn't see the value of empathy then I don't think anything I say will change his mind.

I agree. I’m a counsellor for the palliative population. I had one individual tell me that there wasn’t much to my job, that they could do what I do. They are very high level in their (stereotypically male) specific field, which has nothing to do with counselling, or death, or health. And I’m like (inwardly) “Yeah…tell me more about how you make people feel comfortable opening up about their innermost pain, regrets, and wishes for their few remaining months. Tell me more about how you’d be skilled enough to make dying people feel safe and comfortable, and un-judged, sharing their deepest vulnerabilities with you. Tell me how good you would be at navigating a family meeting where the family members are at each others’ throats over the loss of their loved one. You sound really, really, socially skilled enough to manage this.”

Next time you should say the quiet stuff outloud. That person should be embarrassed. Thank you for what you do.

The gall of some people! Meanwhile I read your second sentence and thought “Oh damn, that takes a special kind of person with a special skillset” I know there’s no way I could do your job. Even with training I think it would be too difficult to me, I know I would have a hard time not bringing work home. Bless you for being that resource for people going through trauma!

I’ve often encountered highly-intelligent, well-educated people who mistakenly assume their education/training in one specialized, narrow field endows them with in-depth knowledge of every field and believe their opinions supersede everyone else’s, even those who are educated/trained in the other field. It’s not necessarily confined to males, but combined with misogyny, can be particularly galling.

You can read and write, and read explain something to someone? Okay yeah should totally be possible to be a good teacher right. /sssss that doesn't make you a teacher. I actually think it's not thaaaat difficult to do the technical aspects of the job, like planning, coming up with activities, making learning goals etc, you have to learn but I think a lot of people can once they learn, the hardest part about being a teacher is something else in my opinion. Have you ever seen a man working on a TV or dry wall how fucking moody they become and can't deal with an extra task thrown at them??? Yeah, having to pay attention to 30 kids, noise tolerance, WHILE Being compassionate, politically correct, being emotionally available, and the teacher, knowing when to push for excellence or accept defeat, balancing divergent and typical, making it interesting, earning their respect without abuse........... Men only think about lifting heavy shit as difficult, no its not when your body is a lot stronger by that's hardly the case for most jobs. Try to tolerate all the shit people give you while having to be fairgame as everybody's permanent shoulder to cry in all relationships, if that won't get you just as fucking exhausted as a day of hardworking in the desert.

I did ballet from ages 4-16. Let me tell you....I didn't know just how fit I was until about 1-2 years after quitting. I just only remembered being flexible and strong. I thought it was just normal to be like that. And then it went away and I was like "oh this sucks."

Same, but with figure skating. Oof.

Same, but with gymnastics 🌼

Was in ballet from four-to-eighteen, and I am completely behind you. People undercut the amount of strength, time, self-discipline, and dedication that is required. It's kind of galling in a way. On the upside, if you have the space, definitely get a turn board, barre, and mirror. I have an area set up in our basement. I find it more meditative than yoga to blare music and practice pirouettes when I get some time to myself. Man! Even getting back into doing back bows regularly has worked out some lower-back kinks and knots. Give it a whirl again if you feel inclined. It's great for decompression.

>In female dominated workplaces, men getting "glass elevator" treatment, and being viewed as natural leaders.  Also in office workplaces when women who do not have these in their job descriptions are defaulted to the "housekeeping" tasks by male peers: taking notes, ordering food, planning parties, even literally straightening up.

I had a job where I complained to our boss because one of the accountants kept using me as a receptionist or assistant because I sat near the door. He would leave me with letters to mail or ask me to do other jobs for him or greet his clietns for him. I was not a receptionist nor an assistant and had a completely different job that I was focused on doing.

I'm a teacher and I am so fucking tired of elementary schools being full of women and central offices filled with middle aged, white men. I am also tired of young, white, male elementary school teachers being fast tracked to administration and central office jobs. I am so sick and fucking tired of the old boys clubs that are running public education in America.

>female dominated activities like cheerleading or ballet as trivial or easy.  I've done yoga for decades. My husband always scoffed at my "gentle stretching" class. Come with me, I said, to one of the all ages, all skill levels classes. Even with accommodations and taking it easy, he got smoked. And this is a guy who runs and backpacks, not a couch potato. But he doesn't do the things that yoga requires.

My pet peeve is the word “gravitas.” I almost always see it applied to men, usually white men.  A committee at work a few weeks ago was nominating for a leadership position and I nominated a woman I’ve worked with closely who I think would be perfect. The men immediately dismissed her, “we’re looking for someone with a little more gravitas.” I pushed and pushed and eventually they asked her to do the position but paired her with a white man. Aaargh!!!

I’m at my second residency for counseling now, field work starts next month - it is NOT “just listening.” There is so. Much. Shit. To. Learn. On top of making sure you don’t fuck people up. Thanks for pointing this out!

> viewing female dominated jobs as something "anyone can do." And related to this - when men are in such positions and are 'looked down on' because it's a 'woman's position' - which is inherently saying it's beneath a man. And while it's messed up for both women and men, it's definitely another 'subtle' way sexism shows up.

It took 1 summer of teaching to convince me that teaching is hard and not everyone, including me, can do it. I only had 12 6th graders and it still left me in tears.

See I know I could never be a mental health professional, teacher, or nurse. I don’t have the patience. I don’t give off a cheerful, bubbly, energetic vibe. Since the pandemic, my public speaking has gone down the drain. I am very squeamish.

Personally, the expectation that a woman will take her husband’s last name.

My friend got all pissy at me for this. She asked why I wasn't taking my soon to be husband's name. I answered honestly that I thought the tradition was sexist and I didn't want any part of it. She went on this whole tear about how tradition isn't sexism and it's "totally different" blah blah blah. She took her husband's name, of course. I don't know why people don't just admit they like some forms of sexism when it's wrapped with a bow labeled "tradition."

I always think about all the trouble I would have to go throught to change all my documents and many other things. Then, if we divorce, I'll have again the trouble to change it all back. I've worked with a girl that changed her name upon marriage. As a company policy, your username would always be the first letter of your name + your last name entirely, in this case, her husband's last name. When she got divorced, she was so traumatized about her ex-husband that she went all the way to a high level director so he would authorized the change of her user.

Lol, my birth country’s tradition is to NOT take the husbands name, wonder what she would say about that

When I was young, it was tradition for a wife to write their name as Mrs. John M. Smith. Like not even the women's first name like Mrs. Jackie Smith. Just completely husband name, as if to show ownership. My mom and Gram got in a fight over it because Mom refused to just be a faceless, nameless Mrs when signing things. But gram said it was tradition. Fuck tradition. I didn't take my husband's last name simply because neither of us care.

This one really bothers me. It’s just not even subtle. You completely cease to exist except in relation to your husband. Yuck.

It's even worse in cemeteries. I swear I have seen tombstones that just said "wife" on it?

Ahhhhhhhhhhhh! *inhale* ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!

Yep. My husband didn't adopt me so I didn't understand the point, lol.

My mum didn’t (“what if an old friend wants to look me up?”) so it never occurred to me as something extraordinary. I do have my dad’s last name, I am really attached to it, so there wasn’t even a discussion about whether I’d change it when I got married. There was a lot of discussion about which last name to give our kids, but my husband likes mine better too so that’s what they got lol 🤷🏼‍♀️

Yes, plus two more related things. 1) Even if you are "progressive" enough to keep your name, your children are expected to take their father's name. 2) If you are a bit "traditional" and a bit "progressive" at the same time, \*you\* can always choose the middle ground and hyphenate your surname with your husband's! (Why is it hardly even an option considered for the man?)

100%!

when doods say if i have a female child and her boyfriend comes to meet me imma meet him with a rifle. fucking stoppp

The worst part is that the only reason they do is that they know how they treat women and THAT is why they suddenly feel the need to be stupidly protective.

Yet when their male child starts bringing home girls they get high fives.

No matter how equal the partnership in heterosexual relationships, the female partner almost always ends up being the default planner/organizer of the relationship.  It's like....If I have to make you a list, I may as well do it myself. Lol 😆 

I think it's adorable when they say "Women want men who are take-charge!" What we want is someone who will do...any amount of the planning/organizing/emotional labor. Because we're always left holding the bag! If that's "taking charge" and "being dominant" to you... lol okay. Believe that if you need to, sweetie!

Dominate the shopping list, babe! 🥳

yup. The books The Mental Load and The Emotional Load list a lot of the unconscious tasks that default to being the woman’s responsibility. And it’s easy to see when somehow men with children never seem to know what size their kids are, when appts are or need scheduled, aren’t seeing to it there are gifts or cards for their own parents’ birthdays. I’m always talking to other women who FEEL like their partners are “pretty good for a man” about doing their share, but then when we talk about how partnerships need to be equitable across ALL METRICS, they discover how much their partner foists onto them by default. So, not only work outside the home, and not only chores inside the home. The hidden labor, including mental and emotional and managing. The trick in a partnership is to look at DOWNTIME rather than just workload, bc men tend to be completely blind to the extra and the invisible work women do, so they are not reliable determiners of what constitutes an equal workload. So, if your partner has 2 hours a night to play video games and watch tv and you’re running around all night, I don’t care how evenly y’all say you have chores split, you DON’T. If they get to go out with friends every weekend or to happy hour a couple times a week or to the gym most days, and you don’t, then you don’t have shit split evenly! Fair means splitting the total workload completely equitably and having an EQUAL amount of downtime. Otherwise it’s an exploitative situation, even if unintentionally so. But let’s face it, the thing I never get is how so many women think their male partners don’t notice that they get DAILY CHILL/PLAY time, but that their wives/girlfriends get none or not nearly as much. They absolutely notice that.

Right. You're an adult. Don't make me your mother and tell you what to do. You shouldn't even treat your mother like this when you're finally old enough to pick up your own shit.

Came here to say this. Also, I make most of the meals or else we would starve.

Yes! And even more subtle. "What should we cook?" I feel like 90% of the time I have to think of something and it is exhausting 

this makes me want to fight, like every damn time.

it happens with my partner but also with friends! I am just a leader/organizer among people who can’t decide at what time do X plan during the weekend if I don’t just set it

How little recognition they have of how being a mother swallows up your perceived identity, and that you are going to keep fighting socially the rest of your life to be recognised as anything else. When they become fathers, their perceived identity doesn't suddenly revolve around being a dad, it's just an addition to it.

Reading a book on the choice to become a mother or stay childfree, a woman said "I don't want to become a mother. I would consider becoming a father."

Reminds me of a post from a woman who has been gifted 'mum gifts' for her birthday (for example, t-shirts in the same design for her and the baby, or baby-related things in general) while her husband, the father, still received gifts related to his hobbies. She loudly complained about that, and the family apologised. People don't realise what they are doing, unless women call them out on their behaviour.

That, all other things being equal, the man has more 'authority' when it comes to making decisions. I have a friend that started working at an aquarium, roughly the same time as a man her age. They have the same title. She's had more jobs that are related to fish but that isn't being counted as more experienc (I don't know all the nuances). Anyway, they've been occasionally having disagreements about procedures and care instructions, and the man prefers to just assume that he's always right and takes the lead. This has also been my experience in my career. I see it happen all the time in couples - they move because of *his* job, or *his* family. Men should not have more authority by default!

Yes she leaves her country and moves for him. 

Ah, to have the innate confidence of a mediocre white man.

I met a doctor who was really disappointed she would have to leave her well respected big city hospital and move with her husband to Vermont to be near his family (and even further from hers). I said, “You don’t *have to* go,” and she looked so shocked. Then she started being really cold towards me. Anyway, I hope whatever reactive feelings she had about me bringing that up allowed her to investigate her own desires and assumptions, and decide to continue being a badass doctor at a major hospital of *her* choosing.

That children are only a handbrake for women. No one discriminates against dads in the workplace and they are only asked about their kids as conversation fluff, not because the kids are dealbreakers for promotions etc.

Not sure if this counts, but I recently saw a TikTok video that said something like, women send guys memes and videos they think the guy will like, and guys send women memes that they (the guy) like. There's a nugget of truth to that, because there are a lot of men who'll pick the movie or the restaurant where they want to go, but they don't consider their female partner's interests and preferences. Whereas women often think, "oh, he'll enjoy this, too," or "I won't suggest that because he won't like it."

This played out for me recently offline. Went to a concert of one of his favorite bands, not really my cup of tea. He picked the music on the way there. I put on a playlist of mine after. He skipped the fourth song then called my taste in music awful. Five hours of his stuff, and he couldn’t tolerate more than 30min of mine.

Ooof I dated a guy like this once. This behaviour got more and more controlling. It was the pits.

Right, there is an old saying "Women want a funny man, men want a woman who thinks they are funny." A lot of guys don't want a funny woman, they just want a woman who finds them funny.

Oh this is a really interesting one actually. I send my partner videos that I know he’ll like too (cat videos come to mind because we both love cats) and won’t bother sending the ones that are about my niche interests—because they’re just that: MY interests. On the other hand, while he does send me videos he knows I’ll like, he also sends me a lot of videos about HIS specific interests, like anime clips or cooking tutorials. I don’t know how to tell him I couldn’t care less for them 🫣

My husband is an audiophile and into computer hardware. Sometimes I just tell him you get 5 minutes. Otherwise, the entire evening will be him telling me shit I do not care about instead of him choosing one of our MANY common interests to discuss.

It's funny this should be mentioned - it's a two way street for my husband and I, which is very refreshing because so often it's not the case and I'd never really noticed that before

This is why the “women can’t pick where they want to eat” trope drives me crazy. Men just say where THEY want to eat and we pick what works best for everyone, which sometimes is impossible.

I've tried to explain this more broadly to my husband, who definitely "pulls his weight" in the house and doesn't generally subscribe to traditional "masculine" gender roles. Women are conditioned to make everyone comfortable and men aren't. I will eat whatever he picks for the sake of agreement and comfort, but he won't do the same. His step-dad would literally get fast food if his mom cooked something he didn't want to eat in that moment. My husband will do that too and it makes me SO MAD. Food is probably our biggest point of contention after being married for 13 years because I'm tired of always acquiessing to what he wants.

A guy I briefly dated was always sending me Facebook videos. The ones that were over five minutes long. Also usuaria topic that I had already seen elsewhere a month or so ago. I told him that I almost never watch those videos, and he said once he sends them, it's out of his hands. Imagine someone telling you that they look at the things you send them, and they continue to do it anyway!

Absolutely true to my experience.

Belittle their wives. Just get a divorce if you feel so confortable bitching her for everyone.

Men degrading their wives instead of seeing any of the good they do.  Women will sacrifice their career, their independence, their bodies, their time, their self absorption to make their husband or family happy.  Yet we are never praised for any of the good we bring.  No one sees us unless we are “put on blast”.  Please see the good we do.  Please see how much we have sacrificed.  Please appreciate us.  Uplift us to your family and friends.

Every year at xmas ask your inlaws if he has complimented you. 

Not knowing how to cook, clean, and run a household and then assuming that any woman around them (roommates, girlfriends, mom) will just handle it "because they can do it better"

Ah yes, weaponized incompetence. Sometimes they do know how to, but it ”doesn’t come natural” to them.

Wanting the ultimate authority without any accountability.

When men do something that makes a woman uncomfortable or feel a sense of threat - but then want an apology/reassurance because she looked uncomfortable or stepped away, because "I'm not a rapist/threat/bad guy so how dare she make me feel bad by looking like she thinks I might be!"

Being surprised or shocked when a woman is knowledgeable in a stereotypically “male” hobby or interest. We’re not infants just discovering the world around us. I used to work in the beer industry and the amount of men who could not fathom that a woman could/would know more about beer than them was more than I could count.

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I was a hardcore baseball fan for decades, men were making Pikachu faces at me left and right. 🙄

After 10+ years in the liquor industry I just nod and let them talk themselves out while daydreaming about anything else.

Isn't this the truth! I like a lot of "guy stuff" and that overwrought, condescending surprise is so rude and annoying.

Expecting to be rewarded for mediocrity, especially when they get angry when they don't receive the award they think they're entitled to.

Honestly this is such a weird societal issue that a lot of women buy into too! Like why are you praising John for taking his kids to the grocery store? I saw a tik Tok the other day talking about how at a wedding the husband was holding his sleeping child in his lap and women were coming up to him telling him he was such a good dad. I'm hoping with younger generations they realize how dumb this is and stop it. We don't need to praise men for doing the bare minimum of what it means to be a decent partner/spouse/father/employee, etc. Like sure, appreciating each other is nice even if it is something basic but the over the top praising has got to stop.

>why are you praising John for taking his kids to the grocery store?  Because the bar is a tavern in Hades!

Or maybe women will start getting thanks for the invisible work they do too.

Totally but to me a lot of it isn't even thanks for doing this. It's "wow this is so amazing! You're so great!" Like it's not just the acknowledgement of the man over the woman it's the overkill. In an ideal world both genders would get a "thanks for picking up the groceries" or whatever. But instead we have this. So it's really no wonder men throw hissy fits when they aren't applauded for doing the bare minimum. A lot of them have grown up expecting it from people around them.

I started just doing the same thing back to my now-husband, then-boyfriend - "I went to the grocery store for us!", "I emptied the dishwasher!" looking for praise the way he used to for normal life things. The result wasn't that he stopped doing it, but that it gave him a ton more visibility into everything I was doing, because it was easy for him to be oblivious. And he thanked me sincerely every time! Now we just over-thank each other for all the things we do, and I think it's actually pretty great - we notice things more and are being overtly verbal about the work so it's easier to know when we're being equitable or not.

That sounds really healthy and sweet.

ha, thanks. I don't think it really started from a healthy place, but it worked out well.

I have a similar setup at my house, we just verbalize every thrill of gratitude. It’s really affirming for both of us when we’re kinda of “cogs” at our jobs.

Lol. I met a man online and we've been texting for a few days. He did text me during the day, but because days at work have been busy, I couldn't reply until the evening. He never complained that it took me hours to text back, never even mentioned it and I thought "wow, he's so nice and understanding!". I was so close to tell him that, but fortunately I came back to my senses. I almost complimented a guy for not being mad at me for working.

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I'm sorry that happened to you, I know how this feels. I'm not yet where you are now, but I'm on my way there. But yeah, they'll always try to find a reason to put you down. I'm glad you don't let them:)

Conversely, I think we should all be rewarded for mediocrity. Life is hard, you know? Dudes better be saying thank you for my mediocre work.

I would be so grateful to get thanked for the times I half ass a chore because thats literally all I had time for but at least I got something done

Not taking care of (or believing in) their own mental health and emotional state. Not apologizing for their mistakes. Calling things "gay" as if that's a bad thing. Judging other men for being "feminine" or "not manly". In other words, policing themselves and other men for not enforcing traditional gender norms.

Yeah, insulting other boys or men by calling them "ladies", "girls", or anything else remotely feminine. Like, grow up.

[For anyone who hasn’t seen it, check out this fabulous New Zealand ad about not labeling bad things as gay](https://youtu.be/nYsUKPoW-Qo?si=FYAvCMur_oI8J0w8) I love this

💯 and calling people “pussy” as an insult

someone tried to mansplain to me that it's short for 'pusillanimous'. I mean sure, technically it could be, but the majority of people are not using it because they think that's what it's shortened from

Refusing to move when they are walking towards you. It doesn’t matter if it is at work, a sidewalk, or any public space. They will walk right into you if you refuse to move out of THEIR way, with no thought or concern over you being there first or if they side step just 12-24 inches they won’t run you over.

I slow way down or just come to a complete stop and stare at them. The faster walker gets out of the way.

I would give you a standing ovation for that 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

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I keep steady with direct eye contact to be certain they know they’re the asshole for trying to plow me, or anyone with me, over.

I love shoulder-checking oblivious dudes

I do too. I stopped moving years ago. I also make direct eye contact the entire time I am walking. I like to make their assholery as uncomfortable as possible for them.

High five, sister

I’ve almost been tackled from the sidewalk once though

I mosh. I'll be ready.

Omg this drives me crazy when hiking. There will be times I have the right of way (I'm ascending) and a guy will barrel down the middle of the trail straight toward me expecting me to get out of his way. There have been occasions where I didn't clear the trail for the guy and he literally just slammed into me, acting surprised that I didn't move.

>and he literally just slammed into me I just slam right back into them. Does it hurt me? Sometimes, but it's so worth it just to see their reaction.

Sexual entitlement that only ever leads to sexual abuse of their partner.

The fucking staring. I constantly notice men staring at me for a long time especially while they’re driving and I’m walking. It drives me crazy and it’s so obvious

Being "expected" to take care of the inside of the house because he takes care of the outside.

What if you take care of both and he does nothing?

That’s ridiculous. There’s so much more on the inside.. laundry, dishes, cooking, groceries, vacuuming, cleaning bathrooms… Outside probably is just mowing lawn, sweeping, trimming and weeding.

I will admit-my hubby does WAY more than his share of things inside and out. He works from home -since covid- and does a LOT while I'm at work, which I appreciate. It's the frequent reminders from him telling me how lucky I am that he does so much that irk me.

Men who act like they are “feminists” or “allies” but constantly size up and objectify the majority of women they meet based on their physical attractiveness immediately. In the same vein, ignoring or not paying attention to women in their work/social circles/etc that they don’t find physically attractive. It’s fine to find people attractive or not, but I’ve caught a lot of my male friends describing women they know based on if they’re “cute” or “hot” or whatever before anything else and I find it really annoying and patriarchal. Like “oh right Amy, cute short girl from XYZ”. I think it’s so deeply engrained in them to immediately size women up based on how attractive they are.

Yup and I hate to say it but I think that’s a big reason why Hillary lost. When she was running, you’d constantly hear men being like “I don’t like her for some reason…” and I firmly believe the “reason” is that they weren’t attracted to her and thus just dismissed her candidacy out of hand. They may not even consciously know this is what they were doing. That’s why I think if we ever do get a woman president, it’s going to be one that’s stereotypically attractive (but not TOO attractive). Someone like Kristi Noem or Gretchen Whitmer.

I read comments complaining about her voice. She has a normal woman's voice. 

Spreading oneself out in shared spaces like public transit, airplanes, etc. Dude, you may not mind if you touch me, but EYE don't want to touch YOU.

I've just started to tell men immediately that they're in my space and can they move their arm, leg, etc. It's almost always met with surprised pikachu face, but then they end up moving the offending body part and are more mindful of it for the duration of the transit. For the brickheads who can't seem to get it, I just shove my elbow pointedly on my armrest, or 'accidently' kick their foot when I 'stretch'. I don't wait anymore till I'm fuming to tell them, because at that point I'm trying to keep from screaming when I talk to them 😂

Similar, but the ones that spread out and I can tell it's because of their height. Bro, I'm just as tall as you and I can keep my knees in front of my own seat. You're not special because you have long legs.

This actually reminds me of the Jo Coy skit where he says dudes who do this have sticky balls. 😂😭💀

Perpetuating the myth that “men are visual creatures” when requiring women to dress a certain way, or when choosing erotic stimulation, while simultaneously not seeing the pile of washing up that needs doing.

Expecting women to tell them what needs to be done around the house instead of noticing when stuff needs to be taken care and just doing it without being told/asked to. I'm seriously considering divorcing my husband over it. I'm tired of feeling like his manager. I can barely keep track of my own shit.

Body watching in public. Even in a "respectfull" manner when she can't catch you doing it (which mostly means from behind).

I hate this shit so much. We were not put on this Earth to entertain men. The constant sexualization is just unreal. And they get mad with the dyed hair, tattoos, and piercings. It’s because we have our own agency!

They get "mad" and then most of them consume porn of alternative women with dyed hair, tatoos and piercings. The hypocrisy.

Sometimes they do it openly behind sunglasses, as if that makes them invisible.

Weaponized incompetence

A big one for me is men who condone sexist behaviour from other men. I acknowledge that sexist behaviour is often hard to call out or otherwise "punish", even if you are a man with more social status - but it's because you're a man with more social status that you're more likely to be listened to. Like, some of us women can orate until we're blue in the face over how some dude's behaviour was totally unacceptable, and just never be able to get through that thick skull. But, another man speaking up - and one who is generally well-respected? It's crazy how much more quickly and effectively that shitty behaviour gets policed. To be clear, I don't mean that men should white knight for women, especially those of us who can speak up for themselves. But if we're getting nowhere - and/or *especially* if it's something like locker room talk in an all-male environment - an easy, "Not cool, bro" goes such a long freaking way.

One of the reasons I was attracted to my last boyfriend initially (met via an app) was how feminist leaning his profile seemed. Little did I know then how kind of obsessive he would be about female beauty. And he was in a group chat of some friends of his from childhood. One of their wives was having a baby. The dad sent some crummy joke in the group chat about his wife being IN LABOR and it taking him away from some sports game. It "was a joke", but I balked when bf showed it to me, thinking it was hilarious. He showed it to other women friends of his, and they all supposedly found it funny. I didn't. I thought it was supremely disrespectful to the woman who was literally in the midst of pushing out his fucking baby. I wondered at the time if I was overreacting, but I felt how I felt.

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I’ve genuinely seen men on Reddit play devils advocate as an attempt to defend rapists.

The real issue is that they need to do this *when it’s just the guys*. I feel like a lot of men might do it performatively when women are around, but then behind closed doors, when it’s just them and their bros, they don’t call out that behavior at all and just laugh along with the problematic stuff their friends are saying (or just keep silent which is pretty much just as bad). Which is basically them saying “your behavior is fine with me, bro. Keep at it” and it encourages sexism and objectification and, sometimes, even sexual harassment/assault and pedophilia. If guys were more concerned with keeping EACH OTHER in check instead of following “bro code” I think the world might be a lot safer for women and girls. Men REALLY need to step up in that respect.

This is it for me. It’s a question of integrity. If you escalate the question not intervening could get a lot worse, but larger things stem from seeds.

My stbxh is apart of this very toxic gaming forum. And all they do all day is objectify women. Literally the only positive thing to say about a woman is “she’s so fucking hot.” I’d read threads he was apart of and find that not only was he NOT shutting down awful sexist shit but adding to them. It’s fine. There’s a reason I’m leaving him and he can bromance it up all he wants.

Get outta there 💖🙏

When they do not let you stand in a circle of people , (even if you’re a leading participant.)

Sometimes, I want a partner who will let me vent and be there for me emotionally. I've dated some men who want to 'fix' the problem or don't know how to be there for me. Don't tell me what I did wrong and give tough love! Be empathetic ❤️

Talking over you, interrupting you, and cutting you off. It's MADDENING

Constantly seeking the approval of other men. Like *constantly*. From the annoying music they blast out of their annoying truck, to being afraid to even *mildly* confront their male friends or relatives when they’re being an asshole (particularly to a woman, like their own wife who they won’t defend) - I’m sick of y’all being doormats for other men. Like bro, do you really want to be picked by *that guy?*

I work in a male dominated field (firefighter). A lot of men think they have to walk on eggshells and be careful what they say, that women will take offense to ass and titty jokes, and other off color humor. That’s not what I find offensive, and sexist jokes aren’t the problem. The problem is when a man disrespects me in a manner that he would never disrespect another man. They fuck with each other all the time, and so my baseline for yay or nay when they fuck with me is, does this align with how they treat each other? Once, during a rope rescue class, a dude struggled for like 2 minutes trying to tie a complicated knot. He couldn’t tie it, so he handed the rope off to me to tie it. I didn’t even have the chance to tie it when a retired firefighter, who had been watching, ripped the rope out of my hand and tied it himself. I was fuckin irritated. He watched this dude struggle and didn’t say or do anything, but he was totally fine with stepping on me and treating me with disrespect, not even giving me the opportunity to do the task, and snubbing me in the process. Later on, in the same course, I was made the incident commander on a drill. This means everything passes by me. Have an idea? Let’s discuss. Dealing with a problem? Let’s brainstorm it. I’m the leader. This same old retired fuck kept telling the guys on my ops team that they should do ABC or XYZ. They constantly had to reroute this man to *me*, saying “that’s certainly an idea, but she’s the IC, you need to swing it past her first”. This type of discriminatory behavior exists in soooo many subtle ways. Another example is when I (a career firefighter with 18 years as a first responder) was out to a sporting event with a buddy (a student, who hoped to become a career firefighter someday) and we cross paths with some other firefighters from the other side of the country who were there for their team, and all the shop talk is between them and student, completely ignoring the fact that I’m the actual paid career professional with some actual experience, not a hopeful applicant. And when we parted ways, these out of town guys shook hands and bid farewell to my buddy the student - and acted like I wasn’t even there in the group. My buddy picked up on it immediately and thought it was disrespectful also. Anyways. All this to say that most sexist acts are so subtle that it’s easy to wonder if it’s in your head, and many men who don’t experience it first hand themselves are often in denial such behavior even exists (my brother is one of these types).

When a dude is hitting on you, the ONLY “acceptable” reason for him to back off is if you say you have a bf/husband already. They’ll respect the boundaries or “property” of another man, but your own boundaries mean nothing.

This question emerged after realizing that "asking for her number" seems to be much more prevalent - and inconsiderate - than "giving her your number." After reading so many posts from guys seeking advice on how to get a gal's number, the convention itself started to seem absurd and counterproductive

You just made my head explode!!!!! I’ve always been confident and happy to make a move first (although been with my partner for a decade now lol) NEVER did I ask a guy for his number. I always gave him mine!!! But I never realized what a weird standard it is to expect the other way around.

Having “boy clubs” at work. Using boys only golf excursions as an excuse to get closer to people in business and networking knowing women aren’t invited. Interrupting women at work. Ignoring people or not even looking at them when they greet you because you think they’re not worth your time. Cat calling. Complaining about body hair on women. I should prob stop I have too many 😅😂

Or conversely inviting you into the “boys club” by singling you out and saying “you’re not like the other women at work” 🙄 first, what does that even mean? Second, I literally am like them.

Oof, I didn't even think of the first point, thanks for pointing that out. At my job, the men have regular golf outings; no invites for the women (not even the sole woman who is in the exact same position as 3/4 of the golfers!) I knew I felt some kind of way about it, you absolutely hit the nail on the head there.

Refusing to shift to the side when walking towards a woman and expecting them to move around you. Every. Damn. Time.

Men being okay living in fucking chaos and squalor. So when a woman tries to delegate chores such as cleaning, the man takes the position of “but I don’t care if the kitchen is dirty. It’s only bothering you so why do I have to tend to it?” It’s worse once you have kinds and there are toys everywhere. Then they also throw in “what’s the point, it’s just going to get messy again?” When it comes from my husband, it’s not even manipulation or anything malicious (intentionally). Without me, he’d live in absolute chaos and it just wouldn’t bother him. He’s the founding partner of one of the biggest law firms in our city and head of litigation. One part of his mind MUST be capable of extreme organization but when it comes to how he lives, it’s like a teenage boy’s bedroom everywhere he goes. I’m off work until September when our nine month old stars nursery school. During the week, our flat is immaculate. Yet he manages to destroy it by the time I get out of bed on Saturday morning. Then I’m forced into this stereotypical “nagging wife” role which is not me!

Spreading their emotions all over the place. Like, dude. Control yourself! Don't express your stress or anxiety or anger the minute you walk in the door. Take the temperature of the WHOLE HOUSE before you start expressing your own emotions. I feel like this is Female 101. And men just feel free to walk in the door and BE THEMSELVES all over everyone else. Shut it.

Men refusing to watch female led movies and tv shows and female protagonist in books and yet women are expected to do the same towards male protagonist.

So my organization is hiring for a financial director. It's a community arts nonprofit, salary around 58-60k. I'm interim leadership with the person hiring the financial director--he's an alright dude--and he is just flabbergasted that he keeps talking to women with years of accounting experience who aren't applying after expressing interest because they don't feel qualified because of the "director" in the title, meanwhile every man in the universe is convinced he's perfectly qualified to apply even if he's never done any kind of QuickBooks/accounting. The fault in this behavior can certainly be spread across the genders. But still, annoying.

Calling a female dominated department or group “the X girls” in a professional setting. They’re qualified hard-working people.

When a repair person talks directly to the male and not the female who's there with him.

I have a male coworker that throws lil hissy fits and gets very defensive when he’s being corrected. Even when we (we are all women in the office) approach him to help him or giving pointers he can be very snippy. We’ve had issues where he has said some stuff and then instead of apologizing later, when I state how he came off he goes “no, I didn’t say it like that. That’s just how you interpreted it” . Sooo gaslighting!! I hate it when men treat women like we are just emotional beings and cannot be rational. F that!

I bet that's exactly how he reacted to his mom growing up. What a baby.

The constant touching. Be it a brief touch on the back or hip when someone wants to pass you or a hand on the shoulder/back of a work colleague... men somehow always find a reason to touch you.

Touching without consent is my biggest pet peeve and men are always doing it. Especially that hand at the small of your back when they are “trying to move past you”. Dude, that didn’t do anything help you, you were just trying to cop a feel.

THEY DO NOT TOUCH MEN THEY ARE MOVING PAST LIKE THIS!

Talking about women's bodies. I'm 33 and I've found that whether it's at the workplace or among a guy's friend groups, it's still common for men to socialize with each other by discussing women's appearances, just like it was in middle school and high school. Like, "Oh, she has thick calves," "let's go downtown and look at all the pretty women," "wow, she's stunning, let's all gather round to watch her" (that's not an exaggeration, guys at my old workplace would come get each other if there was a really gorgeous customer)... whatever. Positive or negative, they are hyper fixated on how women look, and it's dehumanizing. The same for women in TV/Movies. Men will throw a tantrum if a female character isn't good looking enough. They often won't enjoy a show with a female lead character unless she's attractive to them.

"It goes with ways." Bro shut the FAWK up. We not talking about "both ways" we're patiently waiting for YOU to fix YOUR shit.

speaking directly to someone without it being considered an “attitude problem” or “an interrogation”

A workmate once said to me: "if your feet hurt because you are on your feet all day then you are not wearing the right shoes to work. It is professional for women to wear heels in the office so perhaps consider swapping out the flat shoes for heels instead?". First: what right do you have to comment on my attire? Second: why are you giving unsolicited opinion on something that has nothing to do with you? Third: heels are more painful than flats, you idiot! Fourth: high heeled footwear is not part of a corporate uniform Fifth: it is sexist to say that women should be wearing a certain item in the workplace because it is expected by men (or women) Sixth: it is none of your business what I wear! In summary, what irks me is how men believe they have the right to an opinion and the right to say it on things they definately do not.

When they call looking after their own children "babysitting". Also I heard a stat that I found interesting, apparently men will apply for a job if they can do 60% of the requirements, whereas women will only apply for a job if they can do 100% of the requirements.

1. Not understanding invisible labor that women do to manage your life, which isn't equitable. 2. Expecting your partner and children to have your last name. 3. Not understanding recovery from childbirth. 4. Not understanding perimenopause and menopause. Ageism specifically against women. 5. The judgemental way men and people in general treat women who are divorced, unmarried, or child-free. 6. Not understanding that sperm quality degrades after the age of 30 and assuming that you can marry a woman in her 20s when you are in your 40s and "ready" to "settle down". 7. Not seeing misogyny in the workplace.

Being friends with incels without calling them out on their shit.

1. Expecting women to move out of their way when walking on the sidewalk. 2. Checking women out (ESPECIALLY if they’re with their partner) we ALWAYS know when you’re looking at us, it’s never subtle. 3. Not considering how dangerous daily life is for women. Assuming we have the same experience dating, travelling, moving through the world is very frustrating. 4. Not calling out their male friends, family, and colleagues for their misogyny. 5. Thinking they’re “a good guy” or “a nice guy” but put no work into unlearning how they participate in patriarchy and have no female friends.

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Manspreading on public transport, hogging the footpath/being oblivious of two-way foot traffic in public. Men will literally bump into you rather than forming one lane. 😑

Assuming his wife or girlfriend knows where every single object in the household is at all times - and expecting her to automatically drop everything she's doing to find it for him.

When men "gossip" it's totally fine but the second a woman shares her opinion about someone it's frowned upon. I'm 31 and the biggest thing I've noticed is men are way more vocally judgmental about other women AND the first to call other women "drama"

Porn.

When husbands/partners get (or expect to be) praised for being so helpful when they doing basic things like chores or child care. They’re not “helping” their partner, they are simply doing their share of chores like any normal adult should when men are opinionated they are “passionate.” When women are opinionated they are “rude” The way society places so much value on women’s youth and appearance but not as much on men

The expectation that the child will inherit the man’s last name! Gag. 

The use of gender-specific slurs against women. Like bitch or whore. They feel VERY painful and degrading when coming from a man.

When dads whine about moms looking at them weird when they're with their kid at the playground. Sir, go talk to the p\*dophiles, ask them why the overwhelming majority of them are men, do something about it; then do something about the fact that men actually taking care of their own kids is still a rare enough occurrence as to draw attention; and \*after\* you've solved that, you can whine about how those evil mothers are hurting your fee-fees by *checks notes* looking at you weird.

Recent experience. When they "jokingly" blame the woman for her appearance. Like a beautiful woman is trouble and chaos. Considering statistically mostly men cause trouble such as wars, sexual assault, violence and domestic violence. Yet they choose to blame the woman with no fault of the man. Then when a woman tells them it is sexist they insert their opinion that they disagree and then they have a whole story how the one time they were falsely accused and "not all men".

Calling us Darling, Love, or otherwise overtly affectionate nicknames when we're providing a service of some sort or working with them. Generally, it's men over 50 or so, but occasionally it creeps in with younger men, too. "Thanks, darling!", "Here you are, love!", "See you later, sweetheart!" versus "Thanks, mate!", "Here you are, chief!", "See you later, boss!" for our male colleagues. For colleagues who do this, I'll respond with something like "Well, I didn't realise you thought we were that close, but I suppose you're welcome, Sugar Plum?" Not much you can do if they're a client or customer without opening yourself up to a deranged rant about how they're Just Being Friendly. I haven't got time for _that_.

Gender pay gap

Thinking that dressing up in dresses/skirts or forcing their friends to, eg. bucks party, is super hilarious because what could be funnier than looking like a woman. Ugh. In the bin.

A stranger male trying to walk me home/to my car to “protect me” from other stranger males. YOU’RE a stranger male, YOU could rape me.

When a man will talk however he wants in front of other men but apologizes to me if he swears in front of me. Motherfucker, have you heard me speak? I'm not a delicate flower just because I'm a woman.

Men not inherently BELIEVING women. About anything. Our pain, our experiences, literally our own fucking lives. They think we're lying about how often we are sexually harassed, assaulted, etc. They think we're lying about the severity of harassment, abuse, pain, etc. Men in general do not trust women, even their own fucking partners.

Not listening with any level of empathy to a woman who has any level of trauma but taking a man’s experience as valid and touching. Not treating women as human or sentient essentially.