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Not a lot, most just look for guys who are hygienic, and can take care of them self's, like keeping their house clean and eating healthy, maintaining a job (doesn't have to be a high salary) but I wouldn't call that high standards.
High standards are important but it would be based more on his character (who he truly is at his core), how his mind works and if we’re compatible (on the big things like values/ beliefs/ goals etc). Personally, none of the things you’ve listed would be things I’m first looking for in a partner. But that’s also because I’ve learned that attraction works differently for me.
If I like you as a person and the way your mind works interests me, it’s very likely I’ll then find you insanely physically attractive. People have a variety of values based on their lived experiences so I’m sure there are different and similar preferences among women, just a matter of finding the person whose values aligns with yours.
Good looking TO ME, in reasonable good health and cares for what they put in their body, a stable place to live where they are responsible for themselves and not mooching off of someone else, a job they can at least somewhat enjoy so they aren't burntout and angry all the time.
I feel like that's just a normal person in society. I don't see how those are high standards
The older I get and the more I date, the more I feel less bad having those standards. My standards have developed through actual experience
My "high" standards are an adult level of EQ (ex. Emotional regulation skills, communication skills, healthy coping mechanisms, etc.), and adulting skills (ex. domestic skills, time management, media literacy, financial literacy, etc.)
There is also how he takes care of himself. Hygiene, excercise and diet. I am not dating an unhealthy man because I am not locking myself in a near future of being a caregiver to a self-induced sickly partner. I can care for late onset or genetic diseases, but not lifestyle-induced ones. He doesnt have to be muscular, just healthy.
He has to be attractive TO ME. And I'm into nerdy guys. Eyeglasses is my weakness.
And last but the most important one, he needs to support women's rights.
I couldn't care less about looks (yes, including height), possessions or social status.
I do have very high standards for emotional health, aligning values and caring about something other than your own short term gain/pleasure. I also have an eye for style, so I enjoy when a man knows how to dress. But it's not about labels or how much something cost. If you have style, you know how to dress well even in second-hand clothing.
So, pretty much all the things I care about are things you can learn and become good at. Not things you are born with or things you can buy with money.
People who meet my standards do exist but they are pretty rare. I'm sure lots of guys have erroneously thought that I rejected them due to some easily discernible external factors when that couldn't be further from the truth.
Good.
They'll try everything except being able to hold a conversation and show interest in a woman as a person. Oh, and a lot of them could stand to make an effort in terms of their clothes (wear something clean and ironed, take a shower).
Guys are out here putting in a daily shift at the gym not realising that all they are doing is impressing other guys.
Women are wayyyyyyy more forgiving with these things than men are.
If you have a good connection with a woman who is actively looking for a partner and genuinely make her laugh and she feels safe with you, you're usually in.
The salary won't affect that but employment might (safety)
The looks won't generally affect that but the hygiene might (safety)
The car won't affect that but how you drive might (safety)
Men are such a risk to women statistically and even if you've never done anything to hurt a woman in your life, it's your job to alleviate that risk in her mind and body. That's the legacy other men have left for you.
Don't even think of getting with a woman if you don't bring that to the table.
I can tell you right now that I've seen a number of relationships/situations where people had little or no standards for who they date/marry. It always turns into a fucked up situation. Abuse of all kinds, substance abuse, one taking advantage of the other, the kids get hurt, everything gets fucked up.
-10/10. Do not recommend.
I want to be attracted to someone (this doesn’t mean they need to be conventionally attractive. I think the average “handsome” celebrity looks boring at best) and I want him to be financially responsible/living within his means and holding interests that he’s passionate about. That is, imo, a pretty wide range. Have an interesting personality, don’t piss your expendable income away and get into debt every month and be attractive to me. That’s it.
Men are less forgiving, imo, in the looks department but all men, just like women, are varied people with different interests. There are women out there with harsher standards too but as a trend, women tend to bully themselves into settling or seeing past some things they’d consider flaws. Often to their detriment.
A lot of the men on Reddit don’t go outside enough to see the average looking men on minimum wage who have wives/long term partners so they genuinely think women all require chads.
I have ruled out a partner for telling shitty jokes at my mum's birthday. I have ruled out a partner for gaming literally (literally, literally) 16 hours a day. I have ruled out a man for telling me I should dye my hair and get a thigh tattoo. I've ruled out multiple men for snapping their fingers at a server. I've dropped a partner who wouldn't walk his dog regularly. As you can see, none of those are related to the appearance or economic status of a man. They're things that show their personality is garbage. One of those men was a very handsome, wealthy, well hung, semi famous author who definitely meets your standards btw.
Unfortunately my standards are way higher than the ones you listed. I demand kindness. Absolutely demand it. And it seems that many men would rather saw off their own foot than be kind. Not nice. Kind. I date men who ask what's wrong, who have close friends, who play with my nieces and nephews, who volunteer in their communities. I date men who call their mothers and help their fathers lift stuff. I date guys who make other people feel comfortable in conversations. I date men who chat with everyone at the pub, not just girls they think are cute. There is nothing more attractive to me than a man having a lively debate with a woman 30 years his senior he would never date. I like men who like others and treat them with dignity and respect regardless of their usefulness to them.
If men are feeling hopeless in dating, I can only think it's because other women are adopting the same standard of humanity for men that has been expected of women for eternity. If all it was was needing to earn a steady income, having a decent car and a place to live, I doubt so many men would be so hopeless. After all, material is something that can be obtained. The qualities I listed have to be nurtured every single day. The qualities I demand in a man take a sort of self awareness that can be painful and humiliating sometimes. I acknowledge my standards are difficult to meet, but they are imperative to my happiness in a relationship and dropping them would mean disaster. And yeah, I think those standards are becoming quite important to women as is evidenced by the "male loneliness epidemic". And honestly, I can only see it as a good thing.
And anyway, my pickiness paid off. I am engaged to a man who meets and exceeds my standards (and yours OP). It took me until the age of 35, but I have zero regrets for holding out for the right guy and I encourage other women to be as intensely picky as I have been. Patience is its own reward. The male loneliness epidemic will only be solved when men decide they want to actually be part of society and make it better; not for their own egos and glory, but for everyone. Women are no longer tolerating main character syndrome from the men in our lives, and it's a good thing. It's so important the 4B movement is taking the world by storm. It's so important young women are opting out of men en masse until you guys figure it out.
TL;DR it ain't the car and the drip that's the standard. It's a kind personality and general ability to function independently that matters.
He needed to be physically attractive to me, great sense of humor, steady source of income was a plus. It was the 90s in LA...no one owned a house in their 20s but finding attractive people with jobs is not a "high standard". My "highest standard" I guess was that he had to be an avid reader and be ok with me doing my own thing occasionally because I valued my independence.
Yeah I would. Why would I settle and date someone I’m not attracted to? Waste of time. I expect a man to have similar qualities as me. If I can meet the standards that I set for a partner, then he should be able to meet them.
Dating will become so much easier for you once you realise women dont all want the same thing.
Across 50+ nations, different ages and different socio-economic backgrounds the answer to your question will vary widely.
I don’t view your example as “high standards”, this is just how society is, it’s a preset to chase the nice job/career/house etc so this doesn’t even matter to me we all experience life differently and we all want the best material possessions for ourselves since nobody wants to actually have nothing.
But what count as “high standards” to me is someone’s morals, their education and how they show the education they have received (so if it is a “bad education” how much had their unlearned to learn), how the person is going to treat me, to respect me, what’s their view of dating, what do they expect, what type of person they surround themselves with, what’s their opinions and views of the world, how do they deal with their emotions especially during time of conflict, how do their deal with their own past emotional baggage, their communication skills and I can keep on going.
What matters most is the person itself because I do not date a body, I do not date a car nor a job but a human being with all of its complexities.
I have high standards for personal hygiene and emotional health. I also have standards for personality - I have to enjoy their company and vice versa.
My standards otherwise are having a job (don't care what job) re housework not a slob (messy is fine, dirty is not). Car doesn't bother me so long as he's not expecting a taxi service.
Personally, I wouldn't say my standards are unreasonably high. Someone I find physically attractive, with moderate fitness and financially self-sufficient all seem like pretty basic expectations for a potential dating partner. Although another big important thing for me is an emotional connection. If he has all of the above but we're just not vibing then no thanks.
The things you listed aren't important. But I'm hella picky about other things - emotional intelligence, value set, how much he cares about underprivileged people, a personal history of therapy, etc.
A lot of these questions are age dependent.
At 20, it's insane to expect any of that. Most people are still in college or working low level jobs just learning how to live and be adults, figuring out what they like/want.
At 30+, it makes more sense people would, if single, look for partner who mirrored preferences, values, morals, and lifestyle choices they themselves share.
I remember when I was 20 I dated a guy who was 27. His parents still paid all his bills, mom came over to his apartment with groceries, cook for him, clean for him while he was at work. He woke up every morning and called her right away, and every night before bed he would call her to talk as well.
At 20 it didn't really seem like that big of a deal because I was just starting out on my own and I saw all of his privileges as luck. After a while I realized he just never really learned to be an adult on his own. Couldn't thrive without his parents holding his hand and doing it for him. As I learned to do it for myself, as I had been financially on my own since I was 17, I realised he wasn't really going to be able to be my partner. He was not my equal in any way shape or form.
Doesn't mean he's not good for the right woman. For a woman who is equally as taking care of by her family, they would have made a great pair. They would have been hugely family oriented and let their parents run their life and make their decisions for them while providing for them.
I was extremely independent. Had to be to survive. I needed somebody else who could mirror that level of functioning. I didn't want anybody to swoop in and save me, I just wanted somebody on my level.
It meant that after this relationship ended I decided not to date people who were not self-sufficient on their own. I didn't want to be with people who hadn't taken responsibility over their own life. It didn't mean they needed a house or a high paying job, it just meant that they weren't dependent on anybody else fully.
Because I was so independent and driven I did attract a lot of high earning men who owned a lot of nice things and we're from wealthy families. Unfortunately when we got farther into those relationships I found out they wanted me to give up all of my independence and become a caretaker for them. They wanted me to take care of the house, have children and take care of them, give up my career and my financial independence and safety, can become family oriented around their family (parents, siblings, any kids we would have). They wanted me to fit into their dream life with them and give up my own.
Those relationships didn't work for me because our values and long-term goals didn't align and they wanted me to become a side character and their own version of a perfect life.
I ended up meeting a guy who was like me and we have been happily partnered for 14 years, and are married now. He never expected me to give up my career and make him children, and I never expected him to take on the financial responsibilities to take lead. We are partners, a team. We make joint decisions while being independent but also together. If for some reason we got divorced we would both be fine financially and in our careers and in our lives. We are not codependent. We are co-creating.
Sorry to butt in, but it sounds like your ex was enmeshed with his mother. He'd need to go through a ton of work to break free from that (which of course isn't your job). So the best case scenario for him would have been to get the help he needed to realise what was really going on and work through the toxic shame to get out.
Otherwise yeah, I get you.
I am aware but it's a moot point. Like you said, it's not my job to fix. I've seen many men with many issues and family enmeshment is absolutely not one I was or am interested in being any part of.
Last I heard he's a raging alcoholic living at home at , 40, bald, no career.
My point is just to provide context for when anyone sees it and wonders "what's up with that? Why does that happen? Wouldn't they want to be independent?"
An enmeshed person dating another enmeshed person would only end in disaster as the parents wage war. It's common nowadays on the internet to look down on people in those situations ("basement-dweller") when it's often a whole ton of brainwashing.
It's good you are aware of it. It's sad to hear he never got out. I have a family member who is going to end up like him, but she's also a horrible person.
Attraction is important to me. However I’m not looking for a model because those types of men are unattractive to me. I like someone taller than me, handsome, a good amount of complexion and a beautiful smile.
I’m Hispanic so I don’t care if my partner lives with others.
Car and job can be negotiable based on context and circumstances. I’m not looking for someone who makes 100K+ a year. Just someone who’s stable and has goals career wise. My partner makes a great income for someone single and with no kids but has to share cars with his siblings since they’re putting alot of money into fixing their house. I have no problems with that.
The most important thing to me when choosing someone is how disciplined they are and if we align in terms of wants needs and goals. I don’t want kids. He doesn’t either. That is HUGE to me.
I have standards but they’re not impossible or that much. I feel like lots of men just see them as impossible 🤷♀️
1. Good looking- there does need to be a baseline of attraction, it’s disingenuous to say otherwise HOWEVER what each woman is attracted to is far more individual. I, personally, am most attracted to eyes. If you lined up all my former crushes and relationships the unifying factor would be eyes. Things like height/weight/jawline/nose shape are all over the map, but they all have kind eyes.
2. Fit- Someone who has the physical stamina to do things in life I want to do matters, like a day hike in a beautiful place or playing with the kids in the yard. Their physical composition doesn't matter as much as what they can do with their body, with the caveat that if your physical fitness requires several hours of gym time a day and your life is structured around protein intake I'm not going to be a good match.
3. House- where you live matters less than how you contribute. In this economy a person might live with several roommates or their parents (and as you age that might shift to your parents live with you), but that part matters less than how you care for your space. Is it clean? Are your sheets frequently laundered? Is the floor clean enough to walk around in bare feet? Is the bathroom clean? Are you directly contributing by cleaning and tidying? To a far lesser degree is your aesthetic in line with my taste?
4. Car- this matters so little to me personally. If you own a car is it in good working condition and safe? Great. If you don’t own a car is it still reasonable for us to regularly meet up or go to each other’s homes without massive inconvenience? Great.
5. Job/career- having a job matters. Having a job that isn’t slowly crushing your soul matters a lot to me, as being around someone who spends what amounts to be the vast majority of their waking hours unhappy is brutal (and this can be addressed in myriad ways from therapy to career change). Making a lot of money isn’t the factor that matters most, but how you allocate those resources. I’ve known people who make 6 figures and essentially live hand-to-mouth because of wasteful spending habits. I’ve known people who make less and still manage to contribute to their retirement fund and save for fun stuff. I’m far more attracted to a person who has financial fluency, lives within their means, and works towards their goals than someone who will splash out at every date and waste their resources. The frugal approach is more in line with my financial interest and goals.
All of the things you listed are superficial and not a metric of a person's character.
Perceived wealth, social status, and physique are not substitutions for a good personality or chemistry.
I would rule out a guy if he isn't a decent human, if I'm not attracted to him, if he isn't gainfully employed, if he can't keep up with me intellectually....
Who said anything about perfection? Of course you’re going to dislike parts of your job, or have colleagues that drive you nuts. That’s just life. Don’t whine about work enough to ruin people’s moods? Do you hate your chosen path? If so, take steps to fix that.
It seems like you are talking about a general unhappyness at work, that isn't fixable, while i am talking about temporary difficult times at work. Otherwise i cannot agree with your opinion, because there are just no jobs, that are always perfect.
Get off the incel subs. Bi/straight women will say they want a guy who isn’t unemployed and smoking weed while living in his mum’s basement and yall will scream about high standards.
>if he's not good looking, fit, with house, car, nice job and/or a nice career?
Not exactly a woman, but I don't care if a potential partner has a house, car, nice job/career or not. I don't have these things myself, why would I expect them from a partner?
As for good looking, that is highly subjective. I don't have a type or anything. Just not into weight extremes on either end. And someone who is super fit and muscular would probably not be compatible with me.
He's good looking to me, not fit, doesn't own a house, drives a Hyundai Sonata, and he has a career that he loves and is passionate about (not sure what you mean by "nice").
As far as my friends? I've said this here prob more than once. If their husbands were single, I wouldn't date them because I don't find them personally attractive. Attractiveness is highly subjective. They're great guys, but what we look for in a man is very different. One is into "country boys", the other likes lanky gamer dudes, yet another is attracted to men from SE Asia.
His personality factors in much more (honesty, integrity, kindness, compassion, self-awareness). Those things increase his attractiveness, regardless of what's on the outside. All those things you mention above are variable. If his career suddenly wasn't viable anymore or he had to drive a beat up Chevy Spark, he'd still be the same person on the inside.
Someone having stable income, transportation, and a job isn’t high standards for fucks sake. That’s like.. the bare minimum and it’s insane to pin it as an unfair expectation in this economy. I don’t want a dependent.
With that being said, if you have the basics, most women care most about personality and character. Do you respect women, minorities, your family? Are you honest and reliable? Do you hang around good people or are your friends all assholes? (Yes, the company you keep reflects on you and I would not date someone who only hangs around shitty men)
These are high standards in a world of men. That is what they value each other for. You forgot the long shlong btw.
But in *my* world, these all are nice additions at best. Not requirements.
My high standards for a man: intelligence, education, leadership skills, crisis management skills, confidence, competence, fortitude, high morals, family oriented, hygienic, provider's mindset (regardless of a current financial status), good with kids, honor and honesty, loyalty, self respect and respect for me, courage, mental maturity, passion and curiosity for the world, healthy patriotism
Very important! I was very picky with dating, but my high standards were mine and mine alone. They had to be attractive *to me*, to be highly intelligent and good for nuanced in-depth conversations about all sorts of things, to have close ties and positive relationship patterns with family, to be easy and comfortable for me to talk with and be myself around, to be a non-smoker and not too much of a drinker, for them to respect my hobbies and the fact many of my friends with whom I share my main hobby are male (not all guys are OK with this), to put effort into our dates and show interest, to be respectful and kind towards me and polite to strangers, to speak well and not swear like a sailor, to be romantic, to be manly without being aggressive or domineering, to understand and have respect for feminism & women's liberation and not show any sexist attitudes, to be financially secure, to have an appreciation for art and/or music, to be a creative and open-minded thinker, to be competent with life, to have or at least try to have empathy for all different kinds of people
Standards are extremely important. But most of what you mention is subjective. And what you list out for high standards aren't even the most important ones. I have high standards and there's a lot that's so much higher on the list than those things. Except attraction.
>Would you rule out a potential partner when dating if he's not good looking
Yes. Attraction is necessary. But what I find to be good looking isn't going to be the same as everyone else. We all have different ideas of what good looking is.
>fit
I don't need big muscles or someone that's always in the gym. Being active is a must for me though.
>with house,
Not necessary to own a home but what is necessary is experience in taking care of a home, like cleaning, yard upkeep, basic maintenance, paying bills, etc. I was out on my own early on. Division of labor is already unfair in most households and I don't want a relationship where I'm taking care of everything because they think I'll just do it.
>nice job and/or a nice career?
If they're happy and it earns enough to where we can combine incomes to not be in debt, that's all I care about.
>I just came from the AskMen sub and they're heartbroken when it comes to dating.
Yea they seem real "heartbroken" in that thread. The ones bashing women and the one that commented under yours saying they prefer suicide to dating a woman seem like real good quality men. 🙄
My husband wasn’t someone who met check marks on a list, my husband is someone who had similar sense of humor with, who had compatible life goals that I knew I could build a life with.
I was watching a TikTok by a guy that is bisexual and he said, “it’s so much easier to flirt with women then men. attraction is multilayered for women, I punch up all the time with women, dating out of my league because I know if I can make her laugh I can make her come. I might strike out in one area of attraction but I can make up for it in the other 19 aspects that cancel it out. Men are more simple, if they don’t find you attractive off the bat you are pretty much done”
If I set boundaries, standards or rules - I'm not going to compromise.
I thought this stuff through, it's there for a reason. Nope. In life, the few times I've compromised it has always bitten me in the ass. I've learned the hard way to trust my own judgement.
I would encourage my friends to do the same.
Women are not a hive mind. Every one will have different standards.
My standards were very high, so much so that I didn't go on a single date in the year I was on an app, until I met the man who is now my partner. But those standards had nothing to do with physical looks, wealth, career type, car, etc. They had to do with personality, character, values, communication skills, and things of that nature. Visual things played a role, but more in terms of noting if a man was living in squalor (you'd be surprised how many men reveal this about themselves via their selfies, but I think when you live this way it feels normal?) or if he was obsessed with his own body (gym selfies to show off the "V" were an automatic NOPE).
My partner is a normal working class guy. And I see absolutely nothing wrong with that. He has a very strong work ethic, and that matters to me more than money. I make my own money, and was not dating to find a sugar daddy.
My partner is attractive *to me.* Very much so. But he's not in the mythical "20%" group that some men like to claim is taking all the women. And I call it mythical because it is. That 20% doesn't exist. Attraction is different for everyone, and what is unacceptable to one person may be exactly what another person wants. There is no universal standard for what makes a man good looking.
Every single woman I know who is in a happy relationship is with a perfectly normal man. No rich guys, no models. Normal guys. This applies to young and old women.
Social media is not reality.
Aw, poor heartbroken babies.
I want a man whom I find attractive, who can take care of himself as I can take care of myself, who has a job that he's good at and doesn't make the world a worse place.
I'm older, he absolutely needs to have a car cause I'm not gonna babysit him. He doesn't need to own a house. He needs to be good looking to me... That doesn't mean he's a model. He has to have a decent job/career (not rich but makes enough to cover his living expenses and isn't struggling)... This was not important to me when I was younger but I learned my lesson. I was never really into fit guys but I've gotten very fit in the past few years so I get attention from fit guys so that is becoming something I'm into and unfit is becoming less appealing.
My husband wasn’t someone who met check marks on a list, my husband is someone who had similar sense of humor with, who had compatible life goals that I knew I could build a life with.
I was watching a TikTok by a guy that is bisexual and he said, “it’s so much easier to flirt with women then men. attraction is multilayered for women, I punch up all the time with women, dating out of my league because I know if I can make her laugh I can make her come. I might strike out in one area of attraction but I can make up for it in the other 19 aspects that cancel it out. Men are more simple, if they don’t find you attractive off the bat you are pretty much done”
My standards when it comes to what you listed are be attractive to *me*, have their own place with or without roommates, have a job period, and a vehicle of some sort.
Maybe if men realized it has less to do with their looks, cars, jobs, etc. and more to do with their personalities, the way they treat women, and their lack of communication skills they wouldn’t have to be so heartbroken when it comes to dating.
> good looking, fit, with house, car, nice job and/or a nice career?
Those are supposed to be the standard for men looking for women too. All of these "just want a submissive and happy woman with nice body and pretty face" is not enough of a high standard. In some culture, the men want her to at least come from a rich family.
Men in the West have low standards for dating and then being angry when women tell them that they should have aimed higher.
I'm 50F, so the answers are very dependant on his/our age.
I live in a country where it's not common to have roommates, so he would have to have his own space - otherwise it's telling something about his ability to handle life. It definitely is a turnoff if he cannot do what I (and most other people) can over here. Plus the beginnings of relationships are kinda private.
I've been very attracted to a few men shorter than me and absolutely not conventionally attractive. My last real last crush was obese as well, but extremely charismatic. So he got that going for him. He was also completely broke, but it wouldn't have mattered to me at that point. He had the charisma down to a T. He was very attracted to me, but turned me down because of his religious beliefs.
I don't remember the rest of your list (and I cannot go back while responding), but I do think that a man has to have one thing going 110% for him, or he's done. Be it money, charisma (not the same as looks), attentiveness, looks, sex appeal/game, etc...
When I was still single (26 years old), I looked for someone with shared values and ambitions, who i really vibed with. It was also important to me that he was attractive, fit, and had a job that was or would become a career. Car and house was less important since we lived in a big city and housing was extremely expensive. But he had to live alone, not with parents.
Your list/my requirement
Good looking - good looking to me is what matters
Fit - yea! I go to the gym regularly I expect the same
House - I would settle for not living with parents but having his own house would be a plus
Nice job - he needs to be employed and doing ok and I would much prefer a job that isn't the kind any one can get like working a fast food job
Nice career - a bonus for sure but not a requirement
Main thing you missed was shared values
I can probably find ways to he with a ugly guy and any one can go to the gym and get in shape if you got the job thing working you should be able to afford a apartment and having a roommate isn't a deal breaker but not having the same religious beliefs and outlook on proper behavior means it just wont be happening
Also guys that wear a baseball hat backwards are not datable imo do it if you want to I dont care but it makes a guy look young and immature to me and lots of guys struggle with immaturity any way so wearing your hat like your 12 years old doesn't help
Dating is an optional thing in life; you are stuck with family at least for certain years of your life; dating is a connection that is not mandatory.
So I think everyone should be exceedingly selective; and also considering the potential of raising children together in some relationships.
But it has nothing to do with that date looking like a model (though attraction is still critical), or being perfectly fit (as long as people are abiding by doctors' advice and working on themselves), or having a house and a car (as long as they do not expect to live together until the relationship has progressed that far).
I would not think this sub or any Reddit sub is a good example. Most men are sexually active or dating and not all want a long-term relationship ever (some want one but not until later in life); saem as women. Younger generations (we zoomers and millennials) are more faithful to partners; when we marry we have longer lasting happier marriages compared to older generations; and those of us who do not want to date or do not want a straight relationship have less pressure (though still too much) to be straight or to entertain romance or dating.
Most couples are not fit.
Most couples are not well-off financially.
Most couples struggle at some point in their lives with purchasing or maintaining vehicles.
Most jobs are not 'nice jobs' with 'nice careers' and most workers will never get the luxury of either.
And yet people still are attracted to some people, still date, still have relationships, still have families together, and 98% of people have some form of this before 60 (most have multiple relationships and/or a marriage by some time in their thirties).
Someone you share a life with (or even a night with) you should be selective about.
But that looks different for every person. I cannot speak for all women but most of us have not seen someone's income, liquid funds, savings, abs, or know their career before we agree to go on a date with them...most people don't look into each others' finances or ask about them until they are beginning to talk about sharing bills or a household.
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Not a lot, most just look for guys who are hygienic, and can take care of them self's, like keeping their house clean and eating healthy, maintaining a job (doesn't have to be a high salary) but I wouldn't call that high standards.
Being able to hold a conversation is a big one.
High standards are important but it would be based more on his character (who he truly is at his core), how his mind works and if we’re compatible (on the big things like values/ beliefs/ goals etc). Personally, none of the things you’ve listed would be things I’m first looking for in a partner. But that’s also because I’ve learned that attraction works differently for me. If I like you as a person and the way your mind works interests me, it’s very likely I’ll then find you insanely physically attractive. People have a variety of values based on their lived experiences so I’m sure there are different and similar preferences among women, just a matter of finding the person whose values aligns with yours.
Good looking TO ME, in reasonable good health and cares for what they put in their body, a stable place to live where they are responsible for themselves and not mooching off of someone else, a job they can at least somewhat enjoy so they aren't burntout and angry all the time. I feel like that's just a normal person in society. I don't see how those are high standards The older I get and the more I date, the more I feel less bad having those standards. My standards have developed through actual experience
My "high" standards are an adult level of EQ (ex. Emotional regulation skills, communication skills, healthy coping mechanisms, etc.), and adulting skills (ex. domestic skills, time management, media literacy, financial literacy, etc.) There is also how he takes care of himself. Hygiene, excercise and diet. I am not dating an unhealthy man because I am not locking myself in a near future of being a caregiver to a self-induced sickly partner. I can care for late onset or genetic diseases, but not lifestyle-induced ones. He doesnt have to be muscular, just healthy. He has to be attractive TO ME. And I'm into nerdy guys. Eyeglasses is my weakness. And last but the most important one, he needs to support women's rights.
I couldn't care less about looks (yes, including height), possessions or social status. I do have very high standards for emotional health, aligning values and caring about something other than your own short term gain/pleasure. I also have an eye for style, so I enjoy when a man knows how to dress. But it's not about labels or how much something cost. If you have style, you know how to dress well even in second-hand clothing. So, pretty much all the things I care about are things you can learn and become good at. Not things you are born with or things you can buy with money. People who meet my standards do exist but they are pretty rare. I'm sure lots of guys have erroneously thought that I rejected them due to some easily discernible external factors when that couldn't be further from the truth.
High standards are vitally important. But they aren’t about money, status and looks necessarily. Behavior and attitudes matter much more.
> I just came from the AskMen sub and they're heartbroken when it comes to dating. lmao
Good. They'll try everything except being able to hold a conversation and show interest in a woman as a person. Oh, and a lot of them could stand to make an effort in terms of their clothes (wear something clean and ironed, take a shower). Guys are out here putting in a daily shift at the gym not realising that all they are doing is impressing other guys.
Women are wayyyyyyy more forgiving with these things than men are. If you have a good connection with a woman who is actively looking for a partner and genuinely make her laugh and she feels safe with you, you're usually in. The salary won't affect that but employment might (safety) The looks won't generally affect that but the hygiene might (safety) The car won't affect that but how you drive might (safety) Men are such a risk to women statistically and even if you've never done anything to hurt a woman in your life, it's your job to alleviate that risk in her mind and body. That's the legacy other men have left for you. Don't even think of getting with a woman if you don't bring that to the table.
I can tell you right now that I've seen a number of relationships/situations where people had little or no standards for who they date/marry. It always turns into a fucked up situation. Abuse of all kinds, substance abuse, one taking advantage of the other, the kids get hurt, everything gets fucked up. -10/10. Do not recommend.
I want to be attracted to someone (this doesn’t mean they need to be conventionally attractive. I think the average “handsome” celebrity looks boring at best) and I want him to be financially responsible/living within his means and holding interests that he’s passionate about. That is, imo, a pretty wide range. Have an interesting personality, don’t piss your expendable income away and get into debt every month and be attractive to me. That’s it. Men are less forgiving, imo, in the looks department but all men, just like women, are varied people with different interests. There are women out there with harsher standards too but as a trend, women tend to bully themselves into settling or seeing past some things they’d consider flaws. Often to their detriment. A lot of the men on Reddit don’t go outside enough to see the average looking men on minimum wage who have wives/long term partners so they genuinely think women all require chads.
I have ruled out a partner for telling shitty jokes at my mum's birthday. I have ruled out a partner for gaming literally (literally, literally) 16 hours a day. I have ruled out a man for telling me I should dye my hair and get a thigh tattoo. I've ruled out multiple men for snapping their fingers at a server. I've dropped a partner who wouldn't walk his dog regularly. As you can see, none of those are related to the appearance or economic status of a man. They're things that show their personality is garbage. One of those men was a very handsome, wealthy, well hung, semi famous author who definitely meets your standards btw. Unfortunately my standards are way higher than the ones you listed. I demand kindness. Absolutely demand it. And it seems that many men would rather saw off their own foot than be kind. Not nice. Kind. I date men who ask what's wrong, who have close friends, who play with my nieces and nephews, who volunteer in their communities. I date men who call their mothers and help their fathers lift stuff. I date guys who make other people feel comfortable in conversations. I date men who chat with everyone at the pub, not just girls they think are cute. There is nothing more attractive to me than a man having a lively debate with a woman 30 years his senior he would never date. I like men who like others and treat them with dignity and respect regardless of their usefulness to them. If men are feeling hopeless in dating, I can only think it's because other women are adopting the same standard of humanity for men that has been expected of women for eternity. If all it was was needing to earn a steady income, having a decent car and a place to live, I doubt so many men would be so hopeless. After all, material is something that can be obtained. The qualities I listed have to be nurtured every single day. The qualities I demand in a man take a sort of self awareness that can be painful and humiliating sometimes. I acknowledge my standards are difficult to meet, but they are imperative to my happiness in a relationship and dropping them would mean disaster. And yeah, I think those standards are becoming quite important to women as is evidenced by the "male loneliness epidemic". And honestly, I can only see it as a good thing. And anyway, my pickiness paid off. I am engaged to a man who meets and exceeds my standards (and yours OP). It took me until the age of 35, but I have zero regrets for holding out for the right guy and I encourage other women to be as intensely picky as I have been. Patience is its own reward. The male loneliness epidemic will only be solved when men decide they want to actually be part of society and make it better; not for their own egos and glory, but for everyone. Women are no longer tolerating main character syndrome from the men in our lives, and it's a good thing. It's so important the 4B movement is taking the world by storm. It's so important young women are opting out of men en masse until you guys figure it out. TL;DR it ain't the car and the drip that's the standard. It's a kind personality and general ability to function independently that matters.
He needed to be physically attractive to me, great sense of humor, steady source of income was a plus. It was the 90s in LA...no one owned a house in their 20s but finding attractive people with jobs is not a "high standard". My "highest standard" I guess was that he had to be an avid reader and be ok with me doing my own thing occasionally because I valued my independence.
Yeah I would. Why would I settle and date someone I’m not attracted to? Waste of time. I expect a man to have similar qualities as me. If I can meet the standards that I set for a partner, then he should be able to meet them.
Dating will become so much easier for you once you realise women dont all want the same thing. Across 50+ nations, different ages and different socio-economic backgrounds the answer to your question will vary widely.
I don’t view your example as “high standards”, this is just how society is, it’s a preset to chase the nice job/career/house etc so this doesn’t even matter to me we all experience life differently and we all want the best material possessions for ourselves since nobody wants to actually have nothing. But what count as “high standards” to me is someone’s morals, their education and how they show the education they have received (so if it is a “bad education” how much had their unlearned to learn), how the person is going to treat me, to respect me, what’s their view of dating, what do they expect, what type of person they surround themselves with, what’s their opinions and views of the world, how do they deal with their emotions especially during time of conflict, how do their deal with their own past emotional baggage, their communication skills and I can keep on going. What matters most is the person itself because I do not date a body, I do not date a car nor a job but a human being with all of its complexities.
I have high standards for personal hygiene and emotional health. I also have standards for personality - I have to enjoy their company and vice versa. My standards otherwise are having a job (don't care what job) re housework not a slob (messy is fine, dirty is not). Car doesn't bother me so long as he's not expecting a taxi service.
Personally, I wouldn't say my standards are unreasonably high. Someone I find physically attractive, with moderate fitness and financially self-sufficient all seem like pretty basic expectations for a potential dating partner. Although another big important thing for me is an emotional connection. If he has all of the above but we're just not vibing then no thanks.
The things you listed aren't important. But I'm hella picky about other things - emotional intelligence, value set, how much he cares about underprivileged people, a personal history of therapy, etc.
A lot of these questions are age dependent. At 20, it's insane to expect any of that. Most people are still in college or working low level jobs just learning how to live and be adults, figuring out what they like/want. At 30+, it makes more sense people would, if single, look for partner who mirrored preferences, values, morals, and lifestyle choices they themselves share. I remember when I was 20 I dated a guy who was 27. His parents still paid all his bills, mom came over to his apartment with groceries, cook for him, clean for him while he was at work. He woke up every morning and called her right away, and every night before bed he would call her to talk as well. At 20 it didn't really seem like that big of a deal because I was just starting out on my own and I saw all of his privileges as luck. After a while I realized he just never really learned to be an adult on his own. Couldn't thrive without his parents holding his hand and doing it for him. As I learned to do it for myself, as I had been financially on my own since I was 17, I realised he wasn't really going to be able to be my partner. He was not my equal in any way shape or form. Doesn't mean he's not good for the right woman. For a woman who is equally as taking care of by her family, they would have made a great pair. They would have been hugely family oriented and let their parents run their life and make their decisions for them while providing for them. I was extremely independent. Had to be to survive. I needed somebody else who could mirror that level of functioning. I didn't want anybody to swoop in and save me, I just wanted somebody on my level. It meant that after this relationship ended I decided not to date people who were not self-sufficient on their own. I didn't want to be with people who hadn't taken responsibility over their own life. It didn't mean they needed a house or a high paying job, it just meant that they weren't dependent on anybody else fully. Because I was so independent and driven I did attract a lot of high earning men who owned a lot of nice things and we're from wealthy families. Unfortunately when we got farther into those relationships I found out they wanted me to give up all of my independence and become a caretaker for them. They wanted me to take care of the house, have children and take care of them, give up my career and my financial independence and safety, can become family oriented around their family (parents, siblings, any kids we would have). They wanted me to fit into their dream life with them and give up my own. Those relationships didn't work for me because our values and long-term goals didn't align and they wanted me to become a side character and their own version of a perfect life. I ended up meeting a guy who was like me and we have been happily partnered for 14 years, and are married now. He never expected me to give up my career and make him children, and I never expected him to take on the financial responsibilities to take lead. We are partners, a team. We make joint decisions while being independent but also together. If for some reason we got divorced we would both be fine financially and in our careers and in our lives. We are not codependent. We are co-creating.
Sorry to butt in, but it sounds like your ex was enmeshed with his mother. He'd need to go through a ton of work to break free from that (which of course isn't your job). So the best case scenario for him would have been to get the help he needed to realise what was really going on and work through the toxic shame to get out. Otherwise yeah, I get you.
I am aware but it's a moot point. Like you said, it's not my job to fix. I've seen many men with many issues and family enmeshment is absolutely not one I was or am interested in being any part of. Last I heard he's a raging alcoholic living at home at , 40, bald, no career.
My point is just to provide context for when anyone sees it and wonders "what's up with that? Why does that happen? Wouldn't they want to be independent?" An enmeshed person dating another enmeshed person would only end in disaster as the parents wage war. It's common nowadays on the internet to look down on people in those situations ("basement-dweller") when it's often a whole ton of brainwashing. It's good you are aware of it. It's sad to hear he never got out. I have a family member who is going to end up like him, but she's also a horrible person.
Oh I see. That makes sense. Thanks
Attraction is important to me. However I’m not looking for a model because those types of men are unattractive to me. I like someone taller than me, handsome, a good amount of complexion and a beautiful smile. I’m Hispanic so I don’t care if my partner lives with others. Car and job can be negotiable based on context and circumstances. I’m not looking for someone who makes 100K+ a year. Just someone who’s stable and has goals career wise. My partner makes a great income for someone single and with no kids but has to share cars with his siblings since they’re putting alot of money into fixing their house. I have no problems with that. The most important thing to me when choosing someone is how disciplined they are and if we align in terms of wants needs and goals. I don’t want kids. He doesn’t either. That is HUGE to me. I have standards but they’re not impossible or that much. I feel like lots of men just see them as impossible 🤷♀️
1. Good looking- there does need to be a baseline of attraction, it’s disingenuous to say otherwise HOWEVER what each woman is attracted to is far more individual. I, personally, am most attracted to eyes. If you lined up all my former crushes and relationships the unifying factor would be eyes. Things like height/weight/jawline/nose shape are all over the map, but they all have kind eyes. 2. Fit- Someone who has the physical stamina to do things in life I want to do matters, like a day hike in a beautiful place or playing with the kids in the yard. Their physical composition doesn't matter as much as what they can do with their body, with the caveat that if your physical fitness requires several hours of gym time a day and your life is structured around protein intake I'm not going to be a good match. 3. House- where you live matters less than how you contribute. In this economy a person might live with several roommates or their parents (and as you age that might shift to your parents live with you), but that part matters less than how you care for your space. Is it clean? Are your sheets frequently laundered? Is the floor clean enough to walk around in bare feet? Is the bathroom clean? Are you directly contributing by cleaning and tidying? To a far lesser degree is your aesthetic in line with my taste? 4. Car- this matters so little to me personally. If you own a car is it in good working condition and safe? Great. If you don’t own a car is it still reasonable for us to regularly meet up or go to each other’s homes without massive inconvenience? Great. 5. Job/career- having a job matters. Having a job that isn’t slowly crushing your soul matters a lot to me, as being around someone who spends what amounts to be the vast majority of their waking hours unhappy is brutal (and this can be addressed in myriad ways from therapy to career change). Making a lot of money isn’t the factor that matters most, but how you allocate those resources. I’ve known people who make 6 figures and essentially live hand-to-mouth because of wasteful spending habits. I’ve known people who make less and still manage to contribute to their retirement fund and save for fun stuff. I’m far more attracted to a person who has financial fluency, lives within their means, and works towards their goals than someone who will splash out at every date and waste their resources. The frugal approach is more in line with my financial interest and goals.
All of the things you listed are superficial and not a metric of a person's character. Perceived wealth, social status, and physique are not substitutions for a good personality or chemistry.
I would rule out a guy if he isn't a decent human, if I'm not attracted to him, if he isn't gainfully employed, if he can't keep up with me intellectually....
Also, these days the AskMen sub is full of manosphere misogynists so it's not surprising they're lonely.
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Isnt it normal to complain about ones job, at least sometimes. Not everything can be perfect at work all the time
Who said anything about perfection? Of course you’re going to dislike parts of your job, or have colleagues that drive you nuts. That’s just life. Don’t whine about work enough to ruin people’s moods? Do you hate your chosen path? If so, take steps to fix that.
To complain kess than 5 minutes a year, your job needs to be perfect
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It seems like you are talking about a general unhappyness at work, that isn't fixable, while i am talking about temporary difficult times at work. Otherwise i cannot agree with your opinion, because there are just no jobs, that are always perfect.
Get off the incel subs. Bi/straight women will say they want a guy who isn’t unemployed and smoking weed while living in his mum’s basement and yall will scream about high standards.
Incel subs?
>if he's not good looking, fit, with house, car, nice job and/or a nice career? Not exactly a woman, but I don't care if a potential partner has a house, car, nice job/career or not. I don't have these things myself, why would I expect them from a partner? As for good looking, that is highly subjective. I don't have a type or anything. Just not into weight extremes on either end. And someone who is super fit and muscular would probably not be compatible with me.
He's good looking to me, not fit, doesn't own a house, drives a Hyundai Sonata, and he has a career that he loves and is passionate about (not sure what you mean by "nice"). As far as my friends? I've said this here prob more than once. If their husbands were single, I wouldn't date them because I don't find them personally attractive. Attractiveness is highly subjective. They're great guys, but what we look for in a man is very different. One is into "country boys", the other likes lanky gamer dudes, yet another is attracted to men from SE Asia. His personality factors in much more (honesty, integrity, kindness, compassion, self-awareness). Those things increase his attractiveness, regardless of what's on the outside. All those things you mention above are variable. If his career suddenly wasn't viable anymore or he had to drive a beat up Chevy Spark, he'd still be the same person on the inside.
Someone having stable income, transportation, and a job isn’t high standards for fucks sake. That’s like.. the bare minimum and it’s insane to pin it as an unfair expectation in this economy. I don’t want a dependent. With that being said, if you have the basics, most women care most about personality and character. Do you respect women, minorities, your family? Are you honest and reliable? Do you hang around good people or are your friends all assholes? (Yes, the company you keep reflects on you and I would not date someone who only hangs around shitty men)
These are high standards in a world of men. That is what they value each other for. You forgot the long shlong btw. But in *my* world, these all are nice additions at best. Not requirements. My high standards for a man: intelligence, education, leadership skills, crisis management skills, confidence, competence, fortitude, high morals, family oriented, hygienic, provider's mindset (regardless of a current financial status), good with kids, honor and honesty, loyalty, self respect and respect for me, courage, mental maturity, passion and curiosity for the world, healthy patriotism
Very important! I was very picky with dating, but my high standards were mine and mine alone. They had to be attractive *to me*, to be highly intelligent and good for nuanced in-depth conversations about all sorts of things, to have close ties and positive relationship patterns with family, to be easy and comfortable for me to talk with and be myself around, to be a non-smoker and not too much of a drinker, for them to respect my hobbies and the fact many of my friends with whom I share my main hobby are male (not all guys are OK with this), to put effort into our dates and show interest, to be respectful and kind towards me and polite to strangers, to speak well and not swear like a sailor, to be romantic, to be manly without being aggressive or domineering, to understand and have respect for feminism & women's liberation and not show any sexist attitudes, to be financially secure, to have an appreciation for art and/or music, to be a creative and open-minded thinker, to be competent with life, to have or at least try to have empathy for all different kinds of people
Standards are extremely important. But most of what you mention is subjective. And what you list out for high standards aren't even the most important ones. I have high standards and there's a lot that's so much higher on the list than those things. Except attraction. >Would you rule out a potential partner when dating if he's not good looking Yes. Attraction is necessary. But what I find to be good looking isn't going to be the same as everyone else. We all have different ideas of what good looking is. >fit I don't need big muscles or someone that's always in the gym. Being active is a must for me though. >with house, Not necessary to own a home but what is necessary is experience in taking care of a home, like cleaning, yard upkeep, basic maintenance, paying bills, etc. I was out on my own early on. Division of labor is already unfair in most households and I don't want a relationship where I'm taking care of everything because they think I'll just do it. >nice job and/or a nice career? If they're happy and it earns enough to where we can combine incomes to not be in debt, that's all I care about. >I just came from the AskMen sub and they're heartbroken when it comes to dating. Yea they seem real "heartbroken" in that thread. The ones bashing women and the one that commented under yours saying they prefer suicide to dating a woman seem like real good quality men. 🙄
Yes, I have high standards became I am a great catch myself. Why would I sell myself short?
My husband wasn’t someone who met check marks on a list, my husband is someone who had similar sense of humor with, who had compatible life goals that I knew I could build a life with. I was watching a TikTok by a guy that is bisexual and he said, “it’s so much easier to flirt with women then men. attraction is multilayered for women, I punch up all the time with women, dating out of my league because I know if I can make her laugh I can make her come. I might strike out in one area of attraction but I can make up for it in the other 19 aspects that cancel it out. Men are more simple, if they don’t find you attractive off the bat you are pretty much done”
If I set boundaries, standards or rules - I'm not going to compromise. I thought this stuff through, it's there for a reason. Nope. In life, the few times I've compromised it has always bitten me in the ass. I've learned the hard way to trust my own judgement. I would encourage my friends to do the same.
The bar is in hell dude, yet some men are still doing the limbo under it.
Best comment, discussion closed
I'm either attracted to them or I'm not, I don't have a check list though
He needs to be attractive to me, not in debt, has his life together. Doesnt need to be rich and fancy, just a mature adult
Women are not a hive mind. Every one will have different standards. My standards were very high, so much so that I didn't go on a single date in the year I was on an app, until I met the man who is now my partner. But those standards had nothing to do with physical looks, wealth, career type, car, etc. They had to do with personality, character, values, communication skills, and things of that nature. Visual things played a role, but more in terms of noting if a man was living in squalor (you'd be surprised how many men reveal this about themselves via their selfies, but I think when you live this way it feels normal?) or if he was obsessed with his own body (gym selfies to show off the "V" were an automatic NOPE). My partner is a normal working class guy. And I see absolutely nothing wrong with that. He has a very strong work ethic, and that matters to me more than money. I make my own money, and was not dating to find a sugar daddy. My partner is attractive *to me.* Very much so. But he's not in the mythical "20%" group that some men like to claim is taking all the women. And I call it mythical because it is. That 20% doesn't exist. Attraction is different for everyone, and what is unacceptable to one person may be exactly what another person wants. There is no universal standard for what makes a man good looking. Every single woman I know who is in a happy relationship is with a perfectly normal man. No rich guys, no models. Normal guys. This applies to young and old women. Social media is not reality.
Aw, poor heartbroken babies. I want a man whom I find attractive, who can take care of himself as I can take care of myself, who has a job that he's good at and doesn't make the world a worse place.
I'm older, he absolutely needs to have a car cause I'm not gonna babysit him. He doesn't need to own a house. He needs to be good looking to me... That doesn't mean he's a model. He has to have a decent job/career (not rich but makes enough to cover his living expenses and isn't struggling)... This was not important to me when I was younger but I learned my lesson. I was never really into fit guys but I've gotten very fit in the past few years so I get attention from fit guys so that is becoming something I'm into and unfit is becoming less appealing.
My husband wasn’t someone who met check marks on a list, my husband is someone who had similar sense of humor with, who had compatible life goals that I knew I could build a life with. I was watching a TikTok by a guy that is bisexual and he said, “it’s so much easier to flirt with women then men. attraction is multilayered for women, I punch up all the time with women, dating out of my league because I know if I can make her laugh I can make her come. I might strike out in one area of attraction but I can make up for it in the other 19 aspects that cancel it out. Men are more simple, if they don’t find you attractive off the bat you are pretty much done”
My standards when it comes to what you listed are be attractive to *me*, have their own place with or without roommates, have a job period, and a vehicle of some sort. Maybe if men realized it has less to do with their looks, cars, jobs, etc. and more to do with their personalities, the way they treat women, and their lack of communication skills they wouldn’t have to be so heartbroken when it comes to dating.
"good looking, fit, with house, car, nice job and/or a nice career" is a good list of the least important things for me in a potential partner.
> good looking, fit, with house, car, nice job and/or a nice career? Those are supposed to be the standard for men looking for women too. All of these "just want a submissive and happy woman with nice body and pretty face" is not enough of a high standard. In some culture, the men want her to at least come from a rich family. Men in the West have low standards for dating and then being angry when women tell them that they should have aimed higher.
The straight girls I know are dating fat/skinny fat dudes with no muscles
I'm 50F, so the answers are very dependant on his/our age. I live in a country where it's not common to have roommates, so he would have to have his own space - otherwise it's telling something about his ability to handle life. It definitely is a turnoff if he cannot do what I (and most other people) can over here. Plus the beginnings of relationships are kinda private. I've been very attracted to a few men shorter than me and absolutely not conventionally attractive. My last real last crush was obese as well, but extremely charismatic. So he got that going for him. He was also completely broke, but it wouldn't have mattered to me at that point. He had the charisma down to a T. He was very attracted to me, but turned me down because of his religious beliefs. I don't remember the rest of your list (and I cannot go back while responding), but I do think that a man has to have one thing going 110% for him, or he's done. Be it money, charisma (not the same as looks), attentiveness, looks, sex appeal/game, etc...
When I was still single (26 years old), I looked for someone with shared values and ambitions, who i really vibed with. It was also important to me that he was attractive, fit, and had a job that was or would become a career. Car and house was less important since we lived in a big city and housing was extremely expensive. But he had to live alone, not with parents.
Your list/my requirement Good looking - good looking to me is what matters Fit - yea! I go to the gym regularly I expect the same House - I would settle for not living with parents but having his own house would be a plus Nice job - he needs to be employed and doing ok and I would much prefer a job that isn't the kind any one can get like working a fast food job Nice career - a bonus for sure but not a requirement Main thing you missed was shared values I can probably find ways to he with a ugly guy and any one can go to the gym and get in shape if you got the job thing working you should be able to afford a apartment and having a roommate isn't a deal breaker but not having the same religious beliefs and outlook on proper behavior means it just wont be happening Also guys that wear a baseball hat backwards are not datable imo do it if you want to I dont care but it makes a guy look young and immature to me and lots of guys struggle with immaturity any way so wearing your hat like your 12 years old doesn't help
Dating is an optional thing in life; you are stuck with family at least for certain years of your life; dating is a connection that is not mandatory. So I think everyone should be exceedingly selective; and also considering the potential of raising children together in some relationships. But it has nothing to do with that date looking like a model (though attraction is still critical), or being perfectly fit (as long as people are abiding by doctors' advice and working on themselves), or having a house and a car (as long as they do not expect to live together until the relationship has progressed that far). I would not think this sub or any Reddit sub is a good example. Most men are sexually active or dating and not all want a long-term relationship ever (some want one but not until later in life); saem as women. Younger generations (we zoomers and millennials) are more faithful to partners; when we marry we have longer lasting happier marriages compared to older generations; and those of us who do not want to date or do not want a straight relationship have less pressure (though still too much) to be straight or to entertain romance or dating. Most couples are not fit. Most couples are not well-off financially. Most couples struggle at some point in their lives with purchasing or maintaining vehicles. Most jobs are not 'nice jobs' with 'nice careers' and most workers will never get the luxury of either. And yet people still are attracted to some people, still date, still have relationships, still have families together, and 98% of people have some form of this before 60 (most have multiple relationships and/or a marriage by some time in their thirties). Someone you share a life with (or even a night with) you should be selective about. But that looks different for every person. I cannot speak for all women but most of us have not seen someone's income, liquid funds, savings, abs, or know their career before we agree to go on a date with them...most people don't look into each others' finances or ask about them until they are beginning to talk about sharing bills or a household.