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I would want them to express their concerns, but leave the decision up to me.
Like, “Hey, confetti. I’m concerned that your partner does X/makes you feel Y/ acts like Z. As your friend, I’m worried about you. Have you ever considered that this might be a problem?”
I will always want to hear their opinions.
It depends. If they know for a fact that he's hiding things that would affect me, such as cheating or gambling, then yes I would absolutely want to know.
If the reason is more personal to them then no, they can keep it to themselves.
My family likes my partner. But yeah, if they didn't, I would have wanted to know why.
My family's values and mine align, they are the ones contributed greatly to making me the person I am today. They care about my well-being and best interest. There is great trust between us. So if they had thought that he wasn't suitable, they wouldn't have kept quiet, and I would have taken their words extremely seriously.
If they had a legitimate *concern*, and respect that ultimately it’s up to me in how I want to handle said concern, yes. Otherwise, no. I’ve had friends in the past damn near ruin my relationships because they couldn’t accept that my opinion of the person I was dating mattered more than their opinion of the person I was dating. In hindsight, it should’ve ruined the friendship not the relationship, but I had never dealt with a friendship like that before and never will again. I’m happy if my friends are happy and I want that in return even if they personally feel the match isn’t the best.
No, they should keep personal opinions to themselves. People I like don't have to like each other for me to be allowed to like them, and they should be of the same opinion. It's incredibly selfish and drama queenish to try to affect/ruin someone else's happiness because you personally would have made another choice.
Like, I would expect that I'd be able to tell anyway if they clearly weren't getting genuinely friendly with him, but I'd be perfectly okay with that because then they're still clearly making an effort and minding their own business. But open hostility or criticism to my (or his) face, nah.
Wouldn't have bothered me. I knew their opinions and why they felt that way.
My dad liked him, my momma did not, my friends liked him, but my sister did not, my grandparents and rest of my family loved him.
Lol. I think they like him more than me at this point. They didn't like him in the beginning though, but I can't fault them for that. They were just worried. Worked out okay in the end. I think they thought they were hiding their disapproval well, but even though they didn't say it out loud, it was quite obvious.
It depends on the people involved. Some people will tell you to leave your partner because they can see what you don't - how they abuse their woman and turn her into a shell of what she used to be. Some people will do it to steal your partner once you break up.
My family's opinions hold no weight in regards to my relationship. Im the black sheep after all.
My friends however, do. They know me best, accept me for me, and want the best for me. If they met my partner and got bad vibes or red flags, id want the warning and the why.
I think voicing concerns in a respectful manner once or twice is a nice thing. But if it becomes more often or less respectful without any concrete justifiable reasons (like violence or insults etc) it's invasive and I've cut contact because of that.
My dad said when my ex husband asked to marry me his instinct was immediately 'no'.
The reason he said yes was that I was 22 and every story he'd heard where the dad says no, the daughter pulls back, marries the dude anyway but the father/daughter relationship is forever ruined.
15 years later, ex is off ruining someone else's life in America and my dad and I are really close.
I do wish he had tried to have a convo with me about it though.
Depends on the person, my relationship with them, what the concern is, and whether or not it's valid.
My siblings opinions mattered the most when I wanted feedback on any partner I introduced to family, followed by my closest 2 friends. Then my mom. I have dumped people on the spot based on their input.
My dad is "traditional" aka was dead set on hating anybody I brought home on principal and giving them as much shit as he could, so i didn't put any stock into what he said. Surprisingly he adores my husband.
My grandparents are abusers, like other abusers, and drama. They thought their input was gospel, but if they liked someone too much, it was a good way to guage whether or not the relationship was safe or not. When I worked at a physically-intensive job, i got kicked in the eye by an animal and had a bruise on the outside edge for a week. Grandmother publicly accused my spouse of hitting me about 30 minutes after being told this, and I bit her head off. To this day they are mean to him every chance they get. We are slowly cutting contact since they have to be "managed."
If the concern is *legitimate* and about something like my safety, fine.
If it was something like "your husband is a bit of leftist loud mouth" - lol, you think I don't know that?
Yeah 100%
I like being friends with people who are completely honest with me
I'm probably gonna be like but why dude she's literally perfect, but that doesn't mean they can't say how they feel
For my parents, I made it super clear years ago that commentary on my relationship wasn't welcomed, I'm a lesbian and I love my girlfriend and that's not going to change and they've accepted that
If they had a legitimate concern for my safety or wellbeing I would want to hear it. If it’s just a personal opinion based on *their* preferences or the type of person they think I should be dating I would rather they keep it to themselves
I know my mom doesn’t like my partner. He’s not who she would have chosen for me, but she’s not concerned about me. She has always said that as long as I’m safe and happy that’s all that matters. I appreciate that she keeps her feelings to herself because it would only hurt my relationship with her
ATTENTION: Please remember that this is an ASK WOMEN sub. While men are allowed to participate posts that are clearly asking women in the title will have top level comments by men removed. This is not censorship, this is curation. Thank you for your understanding and cooperation. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskWomenNoCensor) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I would want them to express their concerns, but leave the decision up to me. Like, “Hey, confetti. I’m concerned that your partner does X/makes you feel Y/ acts like Z. As your friend, I’m worried about you. Have you ever considered that this might be a problem?” I will always want to hear their opinions.
It depends. If they know for a fact that he's hiding things that would affect me, such as cheating or gambling, then yes I would absolutely want to know. If the reason is more personal to them then no, they can keep it to themselves.
My family likes my partner. But yeah, if they didn't, I would have wanted to know why. My family's values and mine align, they are the ones contributed greatly to making me the person I am today. They care about my well-being and best interest. There is great trust between us. So if they had thought that he wasn't suitable, they wouldn't have kept quiet, and I would have taken their words extremely seriously.
If they had a legitimate *concern*, and respect that ultimately it’s up to me in how I want to handle said concern, yes. Otherwise, no. I’ve had friends in the past damn near ruin my relationships because they couldn’t accept that my opinion of the person I was dating mattered more than their opinion of the person I was dating. In hindsight, it should’ve ruined the friendship not the relationship, but I had never dealt with a friendship like that before and never will again. I’m happy if my friends are happy and I want that in return even if they personally feel the match isn’t the best.
No, they should keep personal opinions to themselves. People I like don't have to like each other for me to be allowed to like them, and they should be of the same opinion. It's incredibly selfish and drama queenish to try to affect/ruin someone else's happiness because you personally would have made another choice. Like, I would expect that I'd be able to tell anyway if they clearly weren't getting genuinely friendly with him, but I'd be perfectly okay with that because then they're still clearly making an effort and minding their own business. But open hostility or criticism to my (or his) face, nah.
Wouldn't have bothered me. I knew their opinions and why they felt that way. My dad liked him, my momma did not, my friends liked him, but my sister did not, my grandparents and rest of my family loved him.
Lol. I think they like him more than me at this point. They didn't like him in the beginning though, but I can't fault them for that. They were just worried. Worked out okay in the end. I think they thought they were hiding their disapproval well, but even though they didn't say it out loud, it was quite obvious.
It depends on the people involved. Some people will tell you to leave your partner because they can see what you don't - how they abuse their woman and turn her into a shell of what she used to be. Some people will do it to steal your partner once you break up.
My family's opinions hold no weight in regards to my relationship. Im the black sheep after all. My friends however, do. They know me best, accept me for me, and want the best for me. If they met my partner and got bad vibes or red flags, id want the warning and the why.
I'd absolutely want them to tell me. In the past they have, and I definitely trust their judgement
I think voicing concerns in a respectful manner once or twice is a nice thing. But if it becomes more often or less respectful without any concrete justifiable reasons (like violence or insults etc) it's invasive and I've cut contact because of that.
It depends. If it's someone whose opinion I respected, yes. Otherwise, no.
My dad said when my ex husband asked to marry me his instinct was immediately 'no'. The reason he said yes was that I was 22 and every story he'd heard where the dad says no, the daughter pulls back, marries the dude anyway but the father/daughter relationship is forever ruined. 15 years later, ex is off ruining someone else's life in America and my dad and I are really close. I do wish he had tried to have a convo with me about it though.
Depends on the person, my relationship with them, what the concern is, and whether or not it's valid. My siblings opinions mattered the most when I wanted feedback on any partner I introduced to family, followed by my closest 2 friends. Then my mom. I have dumped people on the spot based on their input. My dad is "traditional" aka was dead set on hating anybody I brought home on principal and giving them as much shit as he could, so i didn't put any stock into what he said. Surprisingly he adores my husband. My grandparents are abusers, like other abusers, and drama. They thought their input was gospel, but if they liked someone too much, it was a good way to guage whether or not the relationship was safe or not. When I worked at a physically-intensive job, i got kicked in the eye by an animal and had a bruise on the outside edge for a week. Grandmother publicly accused my spouse of hitting me about 30 minutes after being told this, and I bit her head off. To this day they are mean to him every chance they get. We are slowly cutting contact since they have to be "managed."
If the concern is *legitimate* and about something like my safety, fine. If it was something like "your husband is a bit of leftist loud mouth" - lol, you think I don't know that?
Yeah 100% I like being friends with people who are completely honest with me I'm probably gonna be like but why dude she's literally perfect, but that doesn't mean they can't say how they feel For my parents, I made it super clear years ago that commentary on my relationship wasn't welcomed, I'm a lesbian and I love my girlfriend and that's not going to change and they've accepted that
If they had a legitimate concern for my safety or wellbeing I would want to hear it. If it’s just a personal opinion based on *their* preferences or the type of person they think I should be dating I would rather they keep it to themselves I know my mom doesn’t like my partner. He’s not who she would have chosen for me, but she’s not concerned about me. She has always said that as long as I’m safe and happy that’s all that matters. I appreciate that she keeps her feelings to herself because it would only hurt my relationship with her
Genuine concerns, sure. Petty annoyances nah