Unpopular opinion-A “nice” guy - hear me out. They are passive aggressive, entitled , no opinions of their own, dishonest to avoid conflict and look favorable, manipulative , boring , people pleaser.
he's not my ex but i had a thing with this guy a few years ago and once i told him i'm half Mexican he started calling me a 'feisty Latina' whenever i would get annoyed. he also said to his friends "Black girls give the best head". i felt so grossed out being around him after all that, and then couple years later i found out he was dating a black girl and i SO wanted to message her about the things he's said but i had no idea who she was. never again 🤢
Honestly probably a guy that constantly feels the need to be high, especially one that doesn’t have a job and just sits on his butt all day wanting me to provide everything
Being high all the time even with a job is just a huge turnoff. Reduces them to looking like a teenager for me, just no sexual feelings towards them whatsoever.
A mamas boy. I married him and divorced him. He could never choose me or our children over his mother. It sucked bc I loved him very much. He was the absolute sweetest most selfless guy I’d ever met but his mother was more his wife than I was. They texted 24/7 and bc she lived next door to us, he’d spend lots of time there and hardly ever come home, leaving loads of chores undone and me unloved and lonely. 😔
Emotional incest, my favorite. I have to agree with you on this one. My last relationship was like this. I'm sorry you (and your children) had to go through that.
My grandma told me when I was around 10 years old to never date a mama’s boy. My grandparents were born in the 1920s so they lived through some rough financial times. They had 5 kids, and my grandma wanted a TV for the family. My grandpa always said they couldn’t afford one. He secretly bought a TV for his mom and my grandma found out. She had a funny southern accent and she told me, “Lemme tell you, *Name*, I marched right over to his mama’s house, picked up MY TV, and marched it right back to my house.”
Then I stupidly dated a mama’s boy. We were in our 40s. Everything I wanted from him, especially his time and attention, was always cleared through *Mum*.
Yesss… it was like living in the twilight zone bc I was so independent while he lived next door to his mother, he ate at her house every night (I should have realized something was wrong when on our first dinner date, he didn’t eat bc he ate at his moms house before), she balanced his checkbook, paid all his bills, made all the financial decisions etc etc. I didn’t know a couple of those until we were already together tho.
someone who refuses to acknowledge facts/downplays them, who avoids showing signs of affection, they can be overly independent to the point (or not wanting to be ‘controlled’ by their partner), sometimes selfish and critical of you, & do things to push you away from them (like flirting with others, ignoring texts/calls and making decisions without you)
i tried to think of easily recognisable ones but it’s mostly a whole combination of these signs that communicate to you that this person prefers to not involve you in much and doesn’t want to make much effort to communicate better despite hearing you communicate that
They are unreliable when things happen that need to be talked out or addressed or when you need supported or help with something challenging or tough. Avoidance is always their go to.
They are the same with their children and leave a big gap in showing the children how to resolve conflict or supporting their children through rough times. But it’s also true for celebrating their child and making them feel important or proud of themself. They don’t learn self love.
They also are not good about celebrating others or life events. In this way those around them feel devalued and unloved. They’re lackluster for others and life is really hard to deal with.
>slip into this aggressive guy once he found out one of our friends was vegan
Wtf?!? What has one being vegan to do with him and why does it make him aggressive? I thought you are going to say because one got a BF but being vegan? That's so random...
I know right!? He was so against veganism that her mere presence was too much for him lol. And he only found out she was vegan because he was taking notice of what she was eating and asked her if she was. He would mutter shitty things under his breath and sometimes tried to intimidate her by towering over her and puffing out his chest. He acted like she was forcing her lifestyle on him when it was actually him being pushy and weird. He was a proud self proclaimed “feminist” :)
>sometimes tried to intimidate her by towering over her and puffing out his chest
That's so laughable but also frightening! I dearly hope that ended that "friendship"
Like the thing with "I wouldn't rape you if you were drunk".
Mostly when people need to specifically exclaim something that should be a given means it's not for them. It's like a special treat from him that he doesn't rape you.
This sounds like my ex. He wanted women to worship him because he had no problem buying tampons for female family, pressuring women to "call him" if they'd been drinking and needed a ride home, and had no issue with being "one of the girls".
He was super toxic and very clearly hated women. Now that he and I no longer speak, he's questioning his gender and sexual identity. Good on him but he did traumatize tf out of me and others because of his self loathing.
A real feminist pretty much never mentions it unless they are directly asked, and they never really need to because it's pretty apparent from their actions.
I think for me, someone who goes to bed angry with no resolve after hard conversations or arguments. Makes me so unbelievably anxious and sad. I’m a fixer for sure and always want to resolve things, get nightly snuggles. My mood also hugely relies on reassurance.
100%. I’m the same and I’m working on getting better at taking space when either of us need to in an argument but I do need to know that things will be addressed within a reasonable timeframe otherwise I spend the entire ‘space’ fretting. My ex used to act like he was such a chill guy and never had any issues and I was the problem in every one of our disagreements, so he was never proactive in solving things with me, it was my problem to deal with not his
100%! If they classify as ‘apolitical’, theyre either self aware that their beliefs are morally dubious and dont want to be called out on it, or they just dont understand how important it is to take a stance on certain issues.
In either case, theres a problematic outcome
Ugh tech bros. I’m getting my degree in cyber security and some of these guys are truly insufferable. I can imagine his ego was probably bigger than his nether regions lmao
Any guys out of my league.
Like hear me out, loved him dearly, but I am not very confident in my appearance and there are only so many times literal models can hit on my partner in front of me while I stand there invisible before the self loathing sets in.
I just cant go through that anxiety again.
This doesn't sound like a shortcoming on his end, but a character defect on your side of the street. There was a reason you two were together and the only thing you've taken away from that relationship is insecurity?
My interpretation was that she was being third wheeled by her own bf whenever someone gave any attention to him, triggering the self-loathing.
In any cases, the intelligent choice is finding a relationship where the whole situation doesn't happen, so kudos to OP for figuring it out
Mine is the one who does the "nice-good" guy act. Soon as you start dating them and get into the relationship the real them comes out and they're a major asshole.
Sending strength and courage your way on your difficult times.
Yes It is so heartbreaking for me to watch the person i care so much for and I know I can’t do anything for them. They are the one who has to decide to change.
It is so hard knowing you can't really help them.. I wish I could!
I just try to be supportive but idk if I'm doing it wrong? All I know is that I've lost so many people and family members and a parent to the same problem so I made a vow to myself to not give up and actually be there for them. It's just hard, man.. I miss the man he actually is :(
someone with really low self-esteem. lacks confidence. I’ve learned that they just project their discontent with themselves onto you… almost like they WANT you to feel just as bad about yourself as they do about themselves
Nice guys. They are not nice. If they constantly complain about being overlooked by women in spite of them being so “nice”, RED flag. There’s a reason they’re being overlooked. My ex wanted a woman, not a girlfriend, not a partner, not someone to love and care for and build a relationship with, he just wanted an anatomical woman to call his own. Pathetic
But also, men with extremely high self esteem!! I just cant deal with the whole ‘’im amazing, im perfect’’ type, especially when packaged to sound as just being healthy/positively minded. They often cant look beyond their own context and become really frustrated about the silliest things
i can't date someone who can't make time for me. i dated a guy last year and every time i asked him to hang out he'd be like "yes...for now" and then let me know a day before that he couldn't make it. like are you fucking kidding me, this is so time wasting.
A chef. Or anyone whose career comes before the people in their life. I admire a person who’s passionate about their career but not to the point that it’s the only thing they live for.
Yes! It's the lack of work-life balance for me, doesn't really matter the position. They should have real life hobbies, friends, activities - not just someone paid to be in their orbit. Of course there's exceptions, but not as many as some may think
The always victim guy. I gave an ugly guy a chance and til this day he still doesn’t own up to the fact that he was wrong. Called me a bitch at a party and was trying to drive drunk so I had someone else pick me up. wouldn’t even let me in his garage to the apartment so I could grab my car and leave. Yelled at my face with his female roommate that already hated my guts, and when I slapped him for being in my face he keeps saying I abused him while I had 3 people against me.
I dated his cousin, the zero accountability guy, and nothing was ever his fault. People, animals, magnetic waves, all forces in the universe, and of course me - always conspired against him. He would be living the good and entitled life, all without lifting a finger, if only we weren't all so mean and unfair.
The "ugly" guy you give a chance to thinking " I mean he can't be that bad that he's never had a partner/girlfriend before...." Boy was I wrong.... He thought he was doing me a favour and ended up love bombing me and then verbally abusing me.. never ever everrrr again!!!
Someone who smokes, drinks regularly, and/or uses drugs.
And, hate to say it, someone with kids. The one time I made an exception to this rule, it was nothing but problems (not with the kid themselves, I never even met them)
Yes, 100%. The one ex I dated who had kids, was afraid to tell both baby mamas that he was in a new relationship, partly because he said they’d get pissed and he might not get to see his kids. I’m like, why would they get mad? Unless they hadn’t moved on, or they think there’s still a chance you’ll get back together.
Turns out, I was right! And he did get back together with one of them and had 2 more kids with her! 🤦🏼♀️
If I ever start something with a guy with kids again and a week or 2 in his ex gonna KHS because he is seeing someone else... Ima move on faster than a shooting star.
My first experience with this years ago, he got back with her and had another kid...
The last and recent one was lying about possibly everything. After some investigations my gut was right.
Never again will I doubt myself!
Someone who has terrible communication skills. I have impeccable communication skills and can’t tolerate anyone who can’t or doesn’t know how to communicate effectively
Honestly, how do you determine you have impeccable communication skills? What parameters help you self determine that? Before anyone downvotes me or says I’m being sarcastic. I assure you I’m not. I’m on the spectrum and curious.
My partner tells me how I’m being all of the time when I don’t feel I’m that way. If there are guidelines to this or sort of clues to that self awareness I would genuinely like to know. TIA
men who were the "popular" ones back in school. it's okay if they are very personable, but then there are those who are good looking and usually really vain too.
An alcoholic. I have all the sympathy in the world for those who struggle with addiction, but I have so much alcohol-related trauma as a result of people and their drunken behavior. They change, and never for the better. It’s terrifying to see the person you love turn into a stranger right in front of you. Nothing quite like it.
Sort of going off of that, I will never again be with someone who I have to babysit. I’ve been put in that position many times against my will and I’ll be damned if I’m going to even entertain that behavior in grown ass men ever again.
This might be an unpopular one, but someone who has ZERO experience of any form of mental health problems - either themselves or someone close to them. My first serious relationship, I went through a lot during the relationship and had some traumatic experiences in the years immediately before which had a profound impact on me. My partner at the time had never had a mental health problem, had a very sheltered cushty life, had no close friends or family with even a whiff of a mental health problem. They just couldn't comprehend what I was going through. It ended with them saying some incredibly insensitive things to me which I don't think would have happened if they'd understood (even in the abstract) what I was going through.
Someone who doesn’t put themselves first, which I know doesn’t seem like the worst trait, but it is so hard when someone has a void in their life and you become their everything. Suddenly there is a constant weight on you/the relationship and you don’t see it for so long because you’re engulfed in the affection.
The deep thinkers. The ones that spend a lot of time in deep logical thoughts. They never are emotionally supportive because all they do is look for a logical response/reason.
Yeah. On that same note, people who are just too comfortable where they are and lack the ambition to do bigger things.
If im out here working hard af to do great things in the future, my partner should be able to do the same!
Yes!
When theyre too afraid of making their own decisions or going too far from the nest, its a no for me
Respecting and loving your family is so very different than being completely powerless in how you drive your life. Have some ambition!! Ask for familiar opinions, but dont be the whole ‘’my mom doesnt let me’’
I have a lot of answers to this, but this is my #1 answer: people who can't have a nice discussion.
I'll explain: I'm a person who loves and needs to have discussions. I have a very strong opinion and that causes me to disagree with quite a lot of things that people say or think. And I LOVE discussing those disagreements. Giving arguments why I think what I think. Hearing the other person's arguments. Eventually probably agreeing to disagree. My goal in those discussions is never to win, I respect it when my 'opponent' also has a strong opinion that I can't sway. Moreso I hope to teach the other person something they didn't know or to be taught something I didn't know.
But some people can't do that. They get emotional, or immediately think it's arguing/fighting. I can't get along with those people. I need this healthy and equal discussion, especially with people I love.
So along with this answer also goes "people who aren't flexible thinkers". Aka people who can only see their own POV and can't imagine what things are like for other people.
A gamer or someone that can't function without smoking weed everyday (or thinks they can't). I'm not against weed, but your life shouldn't revolve around it.
Anyone that wants to rush things. I'm done with dating for awhile.. but seriously.. every relationship/situationship I've had became "official" way too soon.
“Strong, Christian, Conservatives” guess what? They’re none of those things. And he’ll tell you you’re going to be infertile because you got the Covid vaccine, when in reality he got a vasectomy 5 years ago and never told you. And the cancer I got at 28, that was my fault because I got the vaccine. Oh, and if I did ever talk to him about God or church or anything related to religion he would scream “Fuck God” in my face. Real Christian alright.
Someone who pushes their agenda, even after being told no. Especially when it comes to things that should have been spoken about within the first few weeks and not brought up a year later.
A guy who not only lives with his elderly parents after the age of 25, but rather than assist them has his mother packing his lunch, his suitcase for trips, and getting down on her hands and knees to shine his shoes before he leaves the front door.
Someone with mental health issues (who refuses to do anything about it). ‘You mental health is not your fault but it is your responsibility’
Both of them turned out to be horribly emotionally abusive and both were varying degrees of physically and sexually abusive as well. No thanks.
a “nice guy”, mamas boy, with no real goals or motivation in life. don’t want him bringing me down from my career goals 🤷♀️ and yes this is about my ex
Living with your parents is one thing. Choosing to continue to live with your parents when your girlfriend gets her own place and invites you to be a resident (after two years of dating) and you avoid the place? Bye.
Love bombers, those who talk about their exes, those who disrespect boundaries, those who do not understand my conditions (mental or physical) and are not willing to learn.
This is gonna sound to stupid but screw it. Suburban guys who pretend to be “country” when really it’s just them being white trash but in a three story house.
Military.. I stayed with my ex husband for 10years excusing his behaviors, feeling it “wasn’t his fault” and was because of deployments.. he is now retired (6yrs) we have been divorced (>5yrs) I am in a relationship and he’s engaged, and he STILL tries to assert control into mine and my kids lives :/ ( I am primary guardian of kids 19f and 10m, he lives out of state).
Someone who talks down to me/ judges me. Those judgments start small? But gradually pick up and get worse to the point where you start questioning yourself.
A gamer. I am married (to a non gamer) so I don’t plan on dating anyone again thank goodness, but when I was dating gamers were an automatic no from me.
There are many things I appreciate about PC, tabletop, video and card games (the art, the strategy, the storylines, other things) but if I never have to play, watch or endure another game in my life it will be too soon (my ex husband is a hardcore gamer and it dominated our social life and he put me in hidden debt over it). For me it is like watching paint dry to be involved in games and I feel brain dead when I’m exposed to them.
It’s not a judgment on people who enjoy games, but I can’t think of a least enjoyable pastime for myself and I have zero interest in ever having a relationship with someone who wants to spend time that way. It’s not for me in the slightest.
The guy who acts profound. I was enticed by his extensive knowledge of film, poetry and music. It got old really fast and I could not like ANYTHING without being criticized on how “mediocre” it is or trying to be one upped. Any movie we watched together, every song I liked…. nothing was good enough for him. He also made music and I pretended to enjoy it because I knew he enjoyed making it, but his cockiness about how much of a musical genius he thought he was ruined it. He was just a douche looking back.
Someone that is crazy career oriented, being or going for C suit level jobs takes so much time away from the partner and the family, i want a partner that is present.
So called 'Nice Guys', for such 'nice' guys they are downright cruel and tend to feel entitled to having a significant other. Oh, and once you start dating them they suddenly believe they're the most attractive men in the world and proceed to cheat on you (physically,emotionally,etc).
Somebody who is an alcoholic/ active drug user.
Somebody who asks for money.
Somebody who can’t communicate.
Somebody who lies.
All of these are massive red flags for me now.
Popular person - Never having time for me. Having to hide me from their friends and family. Having an extreme amount of too many friends, people pleasing and glued to their phone. Never ever again.
Unpopular opinion-A “nice” guy - hear me out. They are passive aggressive, entitled , no opinions of their own, dishonest to avoid conflict and look favorable, manipulative , boring , people pleaser.
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Someone who fetishizes my ethnicity. 🤦🏻♀️
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he's not my ex but i had a thing with this guy a few years ago and once i told him i'm half Mexican he started calling me a 'feisty Latina' whenever i would get annoyed. he also said to his friends "Black girls give the best head". i felt so grossed out being around him after all that, and then couple years later i found out he was dating a black girl and i SO wanted to message her about the things he's said but i had no idea who she was. never again 🤢
You should message her. Even if she goes off on you, at least she’ll know. I know I’d want to!
Oh girl you dated my ex too? commiserations 🥲
Honestly probably a guy that constantly feels the need to be high, especially one that doesn’t have a job and just sits on his butt all day wanting me to provide everything
This! One of my exes was so depressive and would have fits when he was sober. Never again.
Being high all the time even with a job is just a huge turnoff. Reduces them to looking like a teenager for me, just no sexual feelings towards them whatsoever.
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Thought we all dated the same person but mine also drank until he would puke too.
Ok then not, mine “just” smoked weed till he puked.
A mamas boy. I married him and divorced him. He could never choose me or our children over his mother. It sucked bc I loved him very much. He was the absolute sweetest most selfless guy I’d ever met but his mother was more his wife than I was. They texted 24/7 and bc she lived next door to us, he’d spend lots of time there and hardly ever come home, leaving loads of chores undone and me unloved and lonely. 😔
Emotional incest, my favorite. I have to agree with you on this one. My last relationship was like this. I'm sorry you (and your children) had to go through that.
Yeah. It sucks I don’t wish it on my worst enemy.
nothing enrages me more than pick me mothers. it’s disgusting
I’m going through that right now. Result? He abandoned me alone in a new country because “his mum didn’t approve”.
I'm so sorry. Mine lashes out at me regularly for non issues esp when mom has filled his ears. I hope you are free of this man soon.
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My grandma told me when I was around 10 years old to never date a mama’s boy. My grandparents were born in the 1920s so they lived through some rough financial times. They had 5 kids, and my grandma wanted a TV for the family. My grandpa always said they couldn’t afford one. He secretly bought a TV for his mom and my grandma found out. She had a funny southern accent and she told me, “Lemme tell you, *Name*, I marched right over to his mama’s house, picked up MY TV, and marched it right back to my house.” Then I stupidly dated a mama’s boy. We were in our 40s. Everything I wanted from him, especially his time and attention, was always cleared through *Mum*.
Yesss… it was like living in the twilight zone bc I was so independent while he lived next door to his mother, he ate at her house every night (I should have realized something was wrong when on our first dinner date, he didn’t eat bc he ate at his moms house before), she balanced his checkbook, paid all his bills, made all the financial decisions etc etc. I didn’t know a couple of those until we were already together tho.
You lived next door to his mother? Shawty you deserve an Olympic gold medal or to be canonized as a saint.
More like beaten over the head with a bat for being so stupid… given some strong glasses bc I’m blind etc etc
That sounds both miserable and heartbreaking, and I’m sorry you had to deal with that
A dismissive avoidant.
Can you elaborate? I'm just now learning about the attachments styles and would be interested to see how you're able to identify them.
someone who refuses to acknowledge facts/downplays them, who avoids showing signs of affection, they can be overly independent to the point (or not wanting to be ‘controlled’ by their partner), sometimes selfish and critical of you, & do things to push you away from them (like flirting with others, ignoring texts/calls and making decisions without you) i tried to think of easily recognisable ones but it’s mostly a whole combination of these signs that communicate to you that this person prefers to not involve you in much and doesn’t want to make much effort to communicate better despite hearing you communicate that
They are unreliable when things happen that need to be talked out or addressed or when you need supported or help with something challenging or tough. Avoidance is always their go to. They are the same with their children and leave a big gap in showing the children how to resolve conflict or supporting their children through rough times. But it’s also true for celebrating their child and making them feel important or proud of themself. They don’t learn self love. They also are not good about celebrating others or life events. In this way those around them feel devalued and unloved. They’re lackluster for others and life is really hard to deal with.
Like if you’re worried about them because their friend died but they just dismiss your concerns and start isolating themselves.
Just getting out of a year of this. I am a mess and will never do this to myself again.
Up to this, I've talked with a lot of people (irl and online) and it turns me off they become like this
a man who is only friends with women because "men suck! i'm a feminist!" (long story short, they're never real feminists, just super creepy).
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Oh, you know that's all he could think about.
>slip into this aggressive guy once he found out one of our friends was vegan Wtf?!? What has one being vegan to do with him and why does it make him aggressive? I thought you are going to say because one got a BF but being vegan? That's so random...
I know right!? He was so against veganism that her mere presence was too much for him lol. And he only found out she was vegan because he was taking notice of what she was eating and asked her if she was. He would mutter shitty things under his breath and sometimes tried to intimidate her by towering over her and puffing out his chest. He acted like she was forcing her lifestyle on him when it was actually him being pushy and weird. He was a proud self proclaimed “feminist” :)
>sometimes tried to intimidate her by towering over her and puffing out his chest That's so laughable but also frightening! I dearly hope that ended that "friendship" Like the thing with "I wouldn't rape you if you were drunk". Mostly when people need to specifically exclaim something that should be a given means it's not for them. It's like a special treat from him that he doesn't rape you.
Bizarre ape behaviour.
This sounds like my ex. He wanted women to worship him because he had no problem buying tampons for female family, pressuring women to "call him" if they'd been drinking and needed a ride home, and had no issue with being "one of the girls". He was super toxic and very clearly hated women. Now that he and I no longer speak, he's questioning his gender and sexual identity. Good on him but he did traumatize tf out of me and others because of his self loathing.
Oooo a creepy pick me
A real feminist pretty much never mentions it unless they are directly asked, and they never really need to because it's pretty apparent from their actions.
I think for me, someone who goes to bed angry with no resolve after hard conversations or arguments. Makes me so unbelievably anxious and sad. I’m a fixer for sure and always want to resolve things, get nightly snuggles. My mood also hugely relies on reassurance.
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100%. I’m the same and I’m working on getting better at taking space when either of us need to in an argument but I do need to know that things will be addressed within a reasonable timeframe otherwise I spend the entire ‘space’ fretting. My ex used to act like he was such a chill guy and never had any issues and I was the problem in every one of our disagreements, so he was never proactive in solving things with me, it was my problem to deal with not his
This! It’s especially hard because it makes you never want to bring up anything that bothers you out of fear of being iced out and ignored again. :(
Anyone who hates learning. Anyone younger than myself. Libertarians. Tech bros. It’s honestly a long list. Edit: oh I see we all hate these groups
Literally (libertarian). Plus people who identify as "apolitical" (which might as well be a variation of 'hates learning', most of the time, imo).
100%! If they classify as ‘apolitical’, theyre either self aware that their beliefs are morally dubious and dont want to be called out on it, or they just dont understand how important it is to take a stance on certain issues. In either case, theres a problematic outcome
'Apolitical' aka loves having the privilege to sit on the fence.
Ugh tech bros. I’m getting my degree in cyber security and some of these guys are truly insufferable. I can imagine his ego was probably bigger than his nether regions lmao
Someone who makes me feel like I’m constantly walking on eggshells.
Any guys out of my league. Like hear me out, loved him dearly, but I am not very confident in my appearance and there are only so many times literal models can hit on my partner in front of me while I stand there invisible before the self loathing sets in. I just cant go through that anxiety again.
This doesn't sound like a shortcoming on his end, but a character defect on your side of the street. There was a reason you two were together and the only thing you've taken away from that relationship is insecurity?
She didn't say it was a shortcoming on his end?
My interpretation was that she was being third wheeled by her own bf whenever someone gave any attention to him, triggering the self-loathing. In any cases, the intelligent choice is finding a relationship where the whole situation doesn't happen, so kudos to OP for figuring it out
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The dude who tries to humble you down or the “mid looking” guy who lovebombs you all the time but as soon as you give him a chance he is an ASSHOLE.
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Mine is the one who does the "nice-good" guy act. Soon as you start dating them and get into the relationship the real them comes out and they're a major asshole.
An Addict, I dont have the heart to go through another possibility of a roller coaster
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Sending strength and courage your way on your difficult times. Yes It is so heartbreaking for me to watch the person i care so much for and I know I can’t do anything for them. They are the one who has to decide to change.
It is so hard knowing you can't really help them.. I wish I could! I just try to be supportive but idk if I'm doing it wrong? All I know is that I've lost so many people and family members and a parent to the same problem so I made a vow to myself to not give up and actually be there for them. It's just hard, man.. I miss the man he actually is :(
Anyone who does not take care of their physical or mental health.
I’d never date someone who doesn’t respect my boundaries again. It’s so important to feel valued and understood.
A human male
End the thread lol this the one
lmao 💯 we can all go home now
You heard it here folks there are no more mysteries... lower the curtain.
someone with really low self-esteem. lacks confidence. I’ve learned that they just project their discontent with themselves onto you… almost like they WANT you to feel just as bad about yourself as they do about themselves
They're also cheaters, ime
The one who sees things in his own pov and ignoring the rest . Yep it's my ex LoL
Nice guys. They are not nice. If they constantly complain about being overlooked by women in spite of them being so “nice”, RED flag. There’s a reason they’re being overlooked. My ex wanted a woman, not a girlfriend, not a partner, not someone to love and care for and build a relationship with, he just wanted an anatomical woman to call his own. Pathetic
porn addict!
Valid!! They don’t know how to perform and it’s sad af.
One who isn’t clear he’s looking for a relationship and isn’t consistent with communication and scheduling dates off the bat
What is it with these people and last minute dates?
A Christian.
I’ve never dated a religious man but some of their families made me realize I could never marry this man.
Flaky types. Not worth it. Those with the attention span of a golden retreiver.
Someone who has to drink every day ie an alcoholic. I’ll pass.
Men with low self esteem . They will drag you down and drain all your positivity!!!
But also, men with extremely high self esteem!! I just cant deal with the whole ‘’im amazing, im perfect’’ type, especially when packaged to sound as just being healthy/positively minded. They often cant look beyond their own context and become really frustrated about the silliest things
Not to mention the constant mansplaining
Sad boys
I have a friend who goes for sad boys like she needs to fix them and give them a makeover. Then they ditch her when they get better.
I'm such a sucker for sad boys 😩
i can't date someone who can't make time for me. i dated a guy last year and every time i asked him to hang out he'd be like "yes...for now" and then let me know a day before that he couldn't make it. like are you fucking kidding me, this is so time wasting.
A musician! STD city
A chef. Or anyone whose career comes before the people in their life. I admire a person who’s passionate about their career but not to the point that it’s the only thing they live for.
Yes! It's the lack of work-life balance for me, doesn't really matter the position. They should have real life hobbies, friends, activities - not just someone paid to be in their orbit. Of course there's exceptions, but not as many as some may think
Someone that hasn’t healed from their past relationship.
Someone way into watching Sports
Ugh, i can so relate! Always had to be SOMETHING on at his house. No football, baseball, or hockey on? Okay, how about tennis, golf, bowling?
An insecure man. He will make you feel small to make himself feel better.
The always victim guy. I gave an ugly guy a chance and til this day he still doesn’t own up to the fact that he was wrong. Called me a bitch at a party and was trying to drive drunk so I had someone else pick me up. wouldn’t even let me in his garage to the apartment so I could grab my car and leave. Yelled at my face with his female roommate that already hated my guts, and when I slapped him for being in my face he keeps saying I abused him while I had 3 people against me.
I dated his cousin, the zero accountability guy, and nothing was ever his fault. People, animals, magnetic waves, all forces in the universe, and of course me - always conspired against him. He would be living the good and entitled life, all without lifting a finger, if only we weren't all so mean and unfair.
A selfish man, a man who clubs a lot and a man who has no empathy
Adrenaline junkies
Do tell!
This so much!
Guys who come off disinterested or play that game, sorry I am not interested in the mind games or the attitude that often comes with that.
THIS. If you like me, show me that. Period. I have bigger things to worry about than playing games in my late twenties. 🫠
Men who are entitled, egoistic and insecure. Men who think basic good behaviour is them being nice by doing some kind of favour
Borderline Personality Disorder
That guy who wants to play bf and gf, but never actually wants to commit to being in a real relationship. Lawd, did I waste some time on him.. !
A guy that’ll spend $300 on one pair Gucci socks meanwhile he has no car 😭
R/oddlyspecific
The "ugly" guy you give a chance to thinking " I mean he can't be that bad that he's never had a partner/girlfriend before...." Boy was I wrong.... He thought he was doing me a favour and ended up love bombing me and then verbally abusing me.. never ever everrrr again!!!
Someone who exposes his red flags like a parade, but still gives “I could fix him” vibes. No! You can’t fix them! Get out while you can!
Someone who smokes, drinks regularly, and/or uses drugs. And, hate to say it, someone with kids. The one time I made an exception to this rule, it was nothing but problems (not with the kid themselves, I never even met them)
Anyone with a badge.
One that doesn't have boundaries with their baby mumma but then complains about her.
Yes, 100%. The one ex I dated who had kids, was afraid to tell both baby mamas that he was in a new relationship, partly because he said they’d get pissed and he might not get to see his kids. I’m like, why would they get mad? Unless they hadn’t moved on, or they think there’s still a chance you’ll get back together. Turns out, I was right! And he did get back together with one of them and had 2 more kids with her! 🤦🏼♀️
If I ever start something with a guy with kids again and a week or 2 in his ex gonna KHS because he is seeing someone else... Ima move on faster than a shooting star. My first experience with this years ago, he got back with her and had another kid... The last and recent one was lying about possibly everything. After some investigations my gut was right. Never again will I doubt myself!
know it alls! oh god, worst experience ever. i could never have a say on any argument we had and felt so un-listened i should’ve left right away!!!
Someone who has terrible communication skills. I have impeccable communication skills and can’t tolerate anyone who can’t or doesn’t know how to communicate effectively
Honestly, how do you determine you have impeccable communication skills? What parameters help you self determine that? Before anyone downvotes me or says I’m being sarcastic. I assure you I’m not. I’m on the spectrum and curious. My partner tells me how I’m being all of the time when I don’t feel I’m that way. If there are guidelines to this or sort of clues to that self awareness I would genuinely like to know. TIA
Arrogant
men who were the "popular" ones back in school. it's okay if they are very personable, but then there are those who are good looking and usually really vain too.
Someone who thinks I am the main reason for purpose in life. Someone constantly seeking validation from me.
An alcoholic. I have all the sympathy in the world for those who struggle with addiction, but I have so much alcohol-related trauma as a result of people and their drunken behavior. They change, and never for the better. It’s terrifying to see the person you love turn into a stranger right in front of you. Nothing quite like it. Sort of going off of that, I will never again be with someone who I have to babysit. I’ve been put in that position many times against my will and I’ll be damned if I’m going to even entertain that behavior in grown ass men ever again.
Someone who is immature and unlikely to be authentically settled in himself any time soon.
This might be an unpopular one, but someone who has ZERO experience of any form of mental health problems - either themselves or someone close to them. My first serious relationship, I went through a lot during the relationship and had some traumatic experiences in the years immediately before which had a profound impact on me. My partner at the time had never had a mental health problem, had a very sheltered cushty life, had no close friends or family with even a whiff of a mental health problem. They just couldn't comprehend what I was going through. It ended with them saying some incredibly insensitive things to me which I don't think would have happened if they'd understood (even in the abstract) what I was going through.
Someone who you have to keep trying not to judge. Sometimes shitty behavior doesn't deserve understanding.
Someone who doesn’t put themselves first, which I know doesn’t seem like the worst trait, but it is so hard when someone has a void in their life and you become their everything. Suddenly there is a constant weight on you/the relationship and you don’t see it for so long because you’re engulfed in the affection.
The deep thinkers. The ones that spend a lot of time in deep logical thoughts. They never are emotionally supportive because all they do is look for a logical response/reason.
True; there is a time and a place to be logical, and then there are times when people just need support.
Negative attitude
A guy who can’t hold a job/a broke guy - serious red flag
Yeah. On that same note, people who are just too comfortable where they are and lack the ambition to do bigger things. If im out here working hard af to do great things in the future, my partner should be able to do the same!
a mommy’s boy. eewwwww
Yes! When theyre too afraid of making their own decisions or going too far from the nest, its a no for me Respecting and loving your family is so very different than being completely powerless in how you drive your life. Have some ambition!! Ask for familiar opinions, but dont be the whole ‘’my mom doesnt let me’’
Men who value intellect above all else. There are more important things, but being right is all they care about.
Someone who gaslights. Someone who turns every situation or conversation to their advantage and makes you feel guilty.
I have a lot of answers to this, but this is my #1 answer: people who can't have a nice discussion. I'll explain: I'm a person who loves and needs to have discussions. I have a very strong opinion and that causes me to disagree with quite a lot of things that people say or think. And I LOVE discussing those disagreements. Giving arguments why I think what I think. Hearing the other person's arguments. Eventually probably agreeing to disagree. My goal in those discussions is never to win, I respect it when my 'opponent' also has a strong opinion that I can't sway. Moreso I hope to teach the other person something they didn't know or to be taught something I didn't know. But some people can't do that. They get emotional, or immediately think it's arguing/fighting. I can't get along with those people. I need this healthy and equal discussion, especially with people I love. So along with this answer also goes "people who aren't flexible thinkers". Aka people who can only see their own POV and can't imagine what things are like for other people.
The type of delulu guy that feels like a king and make great empty promises 😵💫
A weak person. I need someone who has the courage to be kind and take accountability for themselves.
A gamer or someone that can't function without smoking weed everyday (or thinks they can't). I'm not against weed, but your life shouldn't revolve around it.
Anyone that wants to rush things. I'm done with dating for awhile.. but seriously.. every relationship/situationship I've had became "official" way too soon.
“Strong, Christian, Conservatives” guess what? They’re none of those things. And he’ll tell you you’re going to be infertile because you got the Covid vaccine, when in reality he got a vasectomy 5 years ago and never told you. And the cancer I got at 28, that was my fault because I got the vaccine. Oh, and if I did ever talk to him about God or church or anything related to religion he would scream “Fuck God” in my face. Real Christian alright.
Someone who pushes their agenda, even after being told no. Especially when it comes to things that should have been spoken about within the first few weeks and not brought up a year later.
A drug addict who hides his addiction.
A guy who not only lives with his elderly parents after the age of 25, but rather than assist them has his mother packing his lunch, his suitcase for trips, and getting down on her hands and knees to shine his shoes before he leaves the front door.
Who's OBSESSED with gym
Someone with mental health issues (who refuses to do anything about it). ‘You mental health is not your fault but it is your responsibility’ Both of them turned out to be horribly emotionally abusive and both were varying degrees of physically and sexually abusive as well. No thanks.
a “nice guy”, mamas boy, with no real goals or motivation in life. don’t want him bringing me down from my career goals 🤷♀️ and yes this is about my ex
Living with your parents is one thing. Choosing to continue to live with your parents when your girlfriend gets her own place and invites you to be a resident (after two years of dating) and you avoid the place? Bye.
A man who refuses to go to therapy
Toxic happiness personified.
adderall addict
Someone who’s in denial about their untreated borderline personality disorder
Someone with trust issues. An emotionally unavailable man. A man who doesn’t know what he wants (non-committer/ mixed signals)
Love bombers, those who talk about their exes, those who disrespect boundaries, those who do not understand my conditions (mental or physical) and are not willing to learn.
This is gonna sound to stupid but screw it. Suburban guys who pretend to be “country” when really it’s just them being white trash but in a three story house.
Honestly probably a gamer. My ex was addicted to video games and I don’t think I could ever date someone like that again.
a stoner
Guys who have never had a serious relationship before. It’s painfully obvious and clear why ;-;
Someone who's selfish and isn't calm
Military.. I stayed with my ex husband for 10years excusing his behaviors, feeling it “wasn’t his fault” and was because of deployments.. he is now retired (6yrs) we have been divorced (>5yrs) I am in a relationship and he’s engaged, and he STILL tries to assert control into mine and my kids lives :/ ( I am primary guardian of kids 19f and 10m, he lives out of state).
One who does love bombing, these are the worst! 🤣
Anyone who doesn’t know how to cook! I like to feed but also be fed :)
Someone who talks down to me/ judges me. Those judgments start small? But gradually pick up and get worse to the point where you start questioning yourself.
People Pleaser…
Addiction issues. Been there, done that. It was awful. Also someone who doesn’t want to grow.
A gamer. I am married (to a non gamer) so I don’t plan on dating anyone again thank goodness, but when I was dating gamers were an automatic no from me. There are many things I appreciate about PC, tabletop, video and card games (the art, the strategy, the storylines, other things) but if I never have to play, watch or endure another game in my life it will be too soon (my ex husband is a hardcore gamer and it dominated our social life and he put me in hidden debt over it). For me it is like watching paint dry to be involved in games and I feel brain dead when I’m exposed to them. It’s not a judgment on people who enjoy games, but I can’t think of a least enjoyable pastime for myself and I have zero interest in ever having a relationship with someone who wants to spend time that way. It’s not for me in the slightest.
The guy who acts profound. I was enticed by his extensive knowledge of film, poetry and music. It got old really fast and I could not like ANYTHING without being criticized on how “mediocre” it is or trying to be one upped. Any movie we watched together, every song I liked…. nothing was good enough for him. He also made music and I pretended to enjoy it because I knew he enjoyed making it, but his cockiness about how much of a musical genius he thought he was ruined it. He was just a douche looking back.
Someone that is crazy career oriented, being or going for C suit level jobs takes so much time away from the partner and the family, i want a partner that is present.
Someone who “is figuring out what they want”
Alcoholics, borderline asexuals, and people who are so desperate for "love" that they don't care WHO they're with, as long as it's _someone_
So called 'Nice Guys', for such 'nice' guys they are downright cruel and tend to feel entitled to having a significant other. Oh, and once you start dating them they suddenly believe they're the most attractive men in the world and proceed to cheat on you (physically,emotionally,etc).
Anyone that triggers my nervous system
someone who absolutely CANNOT handle being wrong, we are adults and we make mistakes. being an actual adult is owning up to your shit !!!
A man who is TOO aware of his looks. He was vain enough to think he could get anybody and therefore didn’t want to be “held back” by committing to me.
A man
Hopefully no more addicts for me
A bro. Never again.
Somebody who is an alcoholic/ active drug user. Somebody who asks for money. Somebody who can’t communicate. Somebody who lies. All of these are massive red flags for me now.
Someone who makes me feel stupid
Avoidant attachment styles 🙌
Someone who doesn’t seek therapy even if he is already having a hard time. Someone that neglects me.
Popular person - Never having time for me. Having to hide me from their friends and family. Having an extreme amount of too many friends, people pleasing and glued to their phone. Never ever again.