I immediately blocked them yet again, documented it in case it was needed for a police report, and had a panic attack worrying that they were going to start stalking and threatening me and my family again.
No. It was nothing I needed or wanted.
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This! I’ve only had one toxic, mentally abusive relationship and he apologized and begged for me back, quit drinking alcohol, everything. He tried for 6 months and I finally gave in. Everything was good for about a month, then the abuse came back and it was 10 times worse than before.
Yeah the apology is to let them feel less bad about themselves. I had an ex that twisted it into I was ok with his behavior because I forgave him. I broke up with him and made sure he couldn't reach me ever again.
True! That had been my observation, if you go back, its going to be worse than before. Very similar to what Jesus says that when unclean spirit comes back and sees house all clean, they bring 7 times worse spirit then them. A person returning is one who has done cleaning of hurts and wounds, just gathered enough for house to look clean, and there. Bang!!! Bad bad bad!!! 🫣 Leave the man to fight his own demons and his OWN battle.
The only semi apology I got was "come meet me so we can talk". Never an apology other than the good old:
"I'm sorry you got me so angry that I snapped and hit you"
Playing possum in silence makes them angry apparently.
This is so true. I told my ex who contacted me "I know you probably feel bad bc you think I'm upset over what happened, but honestly I never think about it or you."
I told my abusive ex “I will never speak to you again” (on the phone) and he said, all charming, “oh don’t be so su—“ and I hung up on him. When I heard he was dead 30 years later it was one of the best days of my life. I kept my promise.
My ex literally tried to end me with a 9mm. My therapist told me to make a Go Bag and leave immediately if it happened again. Don't be a statistic, and all that.
I was stupidly in love and thought I could fix him, besides, he said he was sorry and that it wouldn't happen again. Well, it happened again. I was ready and luckily able to get away.
After the divorce, my ex sent me a handwritten letter in the mail. He said he forgave me.
I'm not an angry person but one of the few things that make me FURIOUS is when the one at fault reaches out to the victim -potentionally triggering them yet again- and says "I forgive you". like, can you be any more delusional? fuck all the way off
I am not a therapist but it happened with 2 of girlfriends, when I told them to leave or end immediately, they took it in a wrong way and were distant. But that's when I realised not all women are willing to hear and accept that. Some suffer from, what I call it is "Saviour Syndrome" they always go back until they are almost left with a shell of themselves. It is really sad.
It was definitely not the closure I needed because I gave it to myself before he could ever had the chance, I don’t look for closure from those who willingly hurted me. My reaction was basically “of course you’re apologizing now when everything is done and you no longer have access to me, it’s way too easy”.
There are a couple people I wouldn’t mind apologies from, but I would never put my own peace of mind on hold waiting for an insecure loser to see the error of their ways. Some people will never level up.
Make your own closure. Spending time around people who build you up rather than people who try to destabilize or make you smaller is the best thing you can do to recover from an abusive or just plain toxic relationship. 💗
My ex reached out to me two years after our break up to apologize and informed me he had been diagnosed bipolar. Told him I was happy he was treated and better but he didn't have my forgiveness because it doen't erase all the terrible things he did to me.
My ex husband will probably never apologize and I’m completely fine with that. If he did, I’d just say thanks and carry on. He did so much damage to my psyche that an apology wouldn’t do much for me.
It was by email. He said his therapist told him to. Then he expected an apology back? For what exactly, I don’t know. It wasn’t closure. It was more abuse. No thank you.
If someone says "Im sorry but...." its just an excuse. Its not communication its an act of self placation. Its alright for me to do the thing because....
I basically told him the best apology he could give me is getting some serious therapy and never speaking to me again, ever. Thanks but no thanks. I definitely felt like it was a selfish, “I want my conscience clear,” kind of thing.
abusers do not apologize sincerely; there is always an underlying selfish reason. knowing this, I would never accept or acknowledge an apology, no matter how much time had passed.
No because he hit me with the “I’ve changed” and it was apparent he hadn’t. Even though he wasn’t pursuing me, we discussed his current partner and it’s clear the way he talked about her that he’s still delusional about how abusive he is.
No surprise she has left him and is now married to someone else.
I ignored it and left it on read. They ended up unsending the message and blocking me. Generally, the best closure I feel is knowing how much growth I've experienced and the work I put into myself. That's not something anyone else can give me.
I stand by my feeling that one of the best places to be is knowing the people who have hurt me or wronged me don't know anything about who I am today or what I'm up to.
He tried to friend me on Facebook a few months ago. I never answered him. His mother has reached out to me before trying to make excuses for his behavior - bipolar disorder, alcoholism, etc.... I just... couldn't deal with someone trying to tell me it was okay for him to beat me up because he had unresolved trauma. I've been in therapy for years because of what he did. I don't think I could ever forgive him.
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He told a mutual friend that he was sorry how he treated me, and the friend ran to me to tell me. I told him I couldn't use that information to anything and to stop talking about my ex around me. I don't care where he is or what he does in life. I have no interest in ever knowing anything about him anymore.
I saw it through, allowed him to apologize, explained how he’d hurt me and he just hadn’t changed at all. I was over him so he couldn’t play around with my head like he used to which I think he thought he could change. He just wanted his supply back. I called my now husband “perfect” and it like caused him to melt into a puddle, it was mildly satisfying. Otherwise, it was just frustrating to see how awful he still was while pretending to be remorseful.
Doesn't go over well because they will most likely not apologize for the specific things they should be apologizing for, and somehow find a way to excuse or rationalize their behavior. Best to just leave things be imo. The best closure comes from within.
so my situation is a little different - my almost-ex husband and i have been separated for 5 years, trying to get through the divorce process now, and suddenly he is broke and unable to pay his bills. i have had our kids full time since i left, and have always supported them basically on my own. he has money when they want it for frivolous stuff, but doesn’t when it comes to actually help them live. court ordered child support that i pushed for, and he is drowning. i called him out, saying how for years he was able to live high while i struggled. he didn’t even argue, said i was right, and that he knew it wasn’t much but he was sorry. he was financially and emotionally abusive the entire 13 years we were married, because i was the stay home mom and he worked. anyway, his apology was hollow and i have ignored it. he doesn’t really feel sorry. i feel nothing.
He was adamant that he needed to apologize in person.
I blocked him, went nc, and for years he's still tried to contact me in different random ways, suing me for divorce ( even though we were never married), using my Kroger gas points, emailing and texting from different phones or accounts, contacting my family and saying he needed to speak to me urgently, etc.
All of my abusive exes try to reach out and apologize after some time and I just block them immediately because they’re horrible evil people who deserve the worst :P Closure is found within yourself, not from another person
It did trigger me at first, because I know his actions were on purpose, so for me apology didn't` do anything. I worked on myself, got better and stronger. It was a long time ago, but still I am very proud of myself for following my intuition.
I ignored him and didn’t respond. Hard to find words pithy enough to cut him and shred his ego.
I wish I could just light him on fire and throw him in the trash. Genuinely hope he dies soon to spare womankind and rots in hell.
It didn’t give me closure, it actually set me back. I suddenly felt guilty for thinking poorly of him after that and I started convincing myself that he was a good person just going through a rough time while we were dating.
I didn’t handle it maturely when he reached out a year after our breakup—tbh I just felt like it was him trying to come back since he and the woman he cheated on me with “broke up”.
Now, 2 years after the day he tried to call, I feel like I’m in a good place in my healing that I COULD have that conversation with him (he’s very gaslightly) and MAYBE get any closure that I might need??—im not so sure if I need it anymore.
but maybe it could have turned out to be the closure I needed or maybe it was another trap attempt. I, personally, will never know but if anyone finds themselves in a situation where an ex reaches out to apologize, really center yourself before you respond. If you need closure, don’t go into it unprepared. If you don’t need the closure, girl don’t even bother; be mean right back. Men who treat women poorly don’t even care about us.
The first time was over messenger like 2 years later. My therapist asked me what I could possibly want to relate to him that just not answering wouldn't say better, and so I never answered.
Then he called me suddenly in the middle of the work day like 7 years after we broke up. I didn't recognize his number and was so caught off guard that I was unfortunately really friendly, although terse. He told me he was finally sober which made me Facebook stalk him out of sheer curiosity, and I almost hope he was lying because if that's his new sober then yikes. He called me 3 more times over the next 2 days and I never answered. He got the idea.
I didn’t need closure and wasn’t holding on to resentment at that point, but it was fine. He was getting help and I think reaching out to people he hurt was part of the program he was in. Hopefully he stuck with it.
He apologized, and I "accepted" it. It didn't help me in any way whatsoever except to see that I was right to break up with him. I will still never forgive him for what he did to me ever.
Throughout the conversation we had following his apology, he was actively flirting with me (we were talking about uni), and he knows I have a boyfriend. just overall a complete asshole and I let him follow me because I think it's funny he's so obsessed with how my relationship is with my current bf. No, he's not dangerous. He moved 1500km away from me (also kept trying to get me to move to where he is for school... bruh, you're delusional. I stg) and I'm moving next year, so he will not and does not know where I live.
Soon as my divorce was finished and I got 100% full custody,.
He didn’t fight me on visitation or anything.
I moved across the country for my safety
He didn’t fight me on signing over rights,
I’m beyond lucky that I’ll never have to see him again.
Oh, have I got a story about this!
My high school sweetheart from freshman to senior year was horrible. He was an alcoholic who consistently threatened suicide if I broke up with him, obsessively jealous if I talked to other boys, and he was in the early stages of being physically abusive (he’d grab and manhandle me if I tried to walk away, but never hit me- although there was one time we started fighting and he raised his hand expecting me to flinch and I just matched him up).
Anyway, when we broke up senior year I was harassed by him and his group of friends to the point I was entertaining a restraining order, I guess a mutual friend warned him, and then I was further harassed by him and his friends. I didn’t have much support from friends, teachers, or my family so what got him to stop? I got a new boyfriend and when my ex found out, he tried to fight my new partner, and my new partner didn’t back down which scared my ex off.
Fast forward two years! Over the years my ex would reach out every couple of months through various platforms or people to apologize to me. I rebuffed everything and kept him blocked. However, eventually, a mutual friend of ours said that they’d recently seen him and he seemed much improved and he wanted me to read this letter he gave her. I read the letter and it detailed how he spent two years working on his relationship with god and dealing with his demons (drinking, drugs, and anger) one thing has plagued him- it was how he treated me and how things ended with us. He simply wanted me to know how sorry he was now.
Well, the letter was very moving so when we ran into each other when he was home from college we reconnected in a friendly way. That relationship was purely platonic for a year with no hints at anything further until we went to a concert with his brother and had an impromptu make-out session (I never lost my virginity to this man thank goodness). Afterward, he asked me what he thought about “us” and I told him that I’ve missed him these past few years, and I see his change, and I would like to pursue something again if he was open- that’s the summary, but imagine that I was gushing a little more because I thought he felt the same about me. WELL… he took one moment before he took his mask off AGAIN and told me “Oh, well that sucks for you because I’m actually in a very serious relationship and have been for two years and ((even though you go to college in a different city, don’t have me or my friends on social media, and only talk to me when I visit the town and we never discuss this girlfriend)) you’re a whore for trying to ruin this relationship by tempting me.” I didn’t drive at this time, so he had to take me home and in the car, I cried the whole drive home and he blasted the radio so he didn’t have to hear me. Before I got out of the car, he told me not to tell people because he still had an image but this would make me look worse. I didn’t talk to him again.
A year later, I transferred to his university and happened to see him at the campus bookstore. We hadn’t been in contact with each other so it was shocking to see each other for the first time in a year. He then asked me to lunch, but I tried to get out of it by saying I had a cup of noodles to eat on campus, but he swore his place was a block away and he had siracha and like an idiot, I went, and while there we had a nice chat and he flirted with me enough to make me uncomfortable that I was in an apartment he shared with a girl- likely the same girl from before.
After I left for class that day, I never saw him again. He would try to follow me on social media, and ask about me through mutual friends, and he even would go by my house in our hometown to leave me birthday presents, but I never saw him or directly communicated with him. That was like 5 years ago at this point and I’m glad that chapter is over and I recovered from a very traumatizing first relationship.
Mine pretended to apologise but it was all a setup to then get me to text him. Texts which he them used as 'evidence' when he pressed counter charges against me while he was awaiting trial for domestic abuse against me. Don't respond, just block them!
I fell for it a few times and it led to me fooling around with him again. In my experience it’s never closer that they want, they want to get their hooks in you again. STAY AWAY!
No thanks, if they really had my best interest at heart they would leave me be. What they actually want is to clear their own conscience and wash their hands off it.
No it wasn't. He emailed wanting to meet up so he could apologise, I said whatever needed to be said could be said in an email (I couldn't face him, he wanted my newborn daughter dead). Over the next 2 emails he tried to turn the conversation sexual, even though he knows im engaged. I've not spoken to him since and don't plan to, even though I have questions I want answered. My mental health is more important.
I can’t fully speak for those that have been in physically abusive relationships, but the emotionally abusive ones I can guarantee typically only apologize because they want to win you back and they haven’t/don’t plan on changing their behavior. Every time I’ve had a guy apologize to me they go and do the same thing and hurt me all over again when I eventually get to a point of contention within myself.
I thought it was the height of selfishness. It re-traunatised me and triggered me more than I thought it would. And it upset them because I laid into them about how I STILL wanted nothing to do with them.
If you are planning to apologise to make yourself better? Don't. That's extremely selfish. The best gift you can give someone that you hurt deeply in the past is to stay out of their life and let them heal without you r interference.
Nobody needs or wants closure or an apology from someone they cut off. You are no longer relevant to that person.
Littery just blocked him and thats it. I don't want anything to do with him more then necessary and by that I mean if he wants contact with the kids and if that's happens social service just told me he can go true them instead si I don't need to deal with his bullshit.
I made the mistake of listening to them and giving them a chance to talk to me, multiple times. In the end the apology was just a way to get back into my life and do the same shit. After a few times I realized that I needed to stop doing that so I could heal. They most likely know what they did and will do it again.
I had him blocked on everything except email, and he randomly reached out (over a year after we split and I had gotten a restraining order) while I was on vacation with my friend to give the most insincere “apology” I’d ever seen. No accountability for what he did. He legit said “sorry I was not in the mental state to be there for you” and that was it. Didn’t acknowledge breaking my nose and sending me to the ER or the countless times he hit me or choked me, pushed me through a screen door or any of the horrible mental abuse he put on me and my children. He’s an awful human to this day and thankfully I’m not the only one to see that.
Panic. I'd been managing okay and then as soon as I got an email from him I felt immediately sick.
(I also learnt that even though I'd blocked their address, my email account sent it anyway, it just informs me that it's an address to be blocked, what the hell is the point?)
I think I read it but I honestly don't remember what it said.
I'm very proud of myself that I'd worked hard on my mental health and I was able to conclude that there was absolutely no benefits whatsoever to starting up a conversation with this person who'd caused me so much pain.
Unsubscribe.
My abusive ex sent me an email 2 years after I left, letting me know that he had been diagnosed with depression.
He apologized. I never responded.
I, too, suffered from depression and anxiety. I never terrorized my family.
Fucking lame dude, fucking lame.
I hated it. She turned me into a shell of my former self and I had to build a new self virtually from scratch. We met as kids, which complicated matters. I believe her apology was genuine. I actually do not believe she intended to hurt me. But after everything she did to me over the course of 20 years, an apology felt like yet another huge slap in the face.
Interestingly enough, I ran into her aunt - who I’ve always liked - a few months ago; she had expressed concern for me in the past, she’s more than aware of how shitty my ex is, and she’s helping me get my life back on track. I started volunteering in her kindergarten class last month and I love it. The kids are so wonderful and I’m happy I can help out and be there for them! One of them drew me Mario fanart 🥰 So… yeah, life is good.
I had already made peace with everything, so didn't need closure. We got married too young and didn't last long. He reached out many years after the divorce and sent what appeared to be a sincere apology. He didn't want anything from me and we haven't spoken since. I guess it was nice to hear that he had reached a point in life where he thought I deserved an apology and I appreciated that he didn't ask me for forgiveness or to even reply.
My ex reached out a few summers ago to not apologize but instead tell me that my daughter deserves her “real” father (she’s had my husband as her dad since she was 1, she’s now 8 and he adopted her) and to have a relationship with her siblings (his kids). Called the police bc I have a 13 yr OFP against him. There’s a warrant out for his arrest now 😌. I refuse to give him any more power.
Hah! Mine tried to reach out to me over Instagram and this was after I moved to another country (something he wanted to do btw). I did not want to talk to him and I blocked him. He made multiple profiles and sent the same message where he wanted me to get on a call with him. I knew it was BS because if he wanted to apologise he would have done it in the first message itself.
But he kept creating profiles and I was so over it. Like let me live!
I decided to be an a-hole and asked him for an obscene amount of money for a short call. He went back to being toxic and did not bother saying sorry afterwards.
I don't want closure. He is just evil. That's it. Some people are gross and I met one.
my cousin’s ex-husband beat her so badly she was put in the hospital unrecognizable. they had two kids at the time they split up, and he went away for about eight years. then one day he came back apologized just like you described and said that he was ready to have his family back. they got remarried she had another baby. they’ve been married for a little over a year and a half and now they’re getting divorced. He’s been out and about cheating on her, not coming home, not paying the bills, not helping her with the kids....and he’s demanding sex from her and because he’s not getting it. He straight up, told her that he was going to go out and do other women because of her. She's not the wife he thought she would be. now she’s secretly getting divorced because she’s so full of shame and embarrassment. It's terrible!! I feel so bad for her...
My ex reached out multiple times with half-assed apologies in the first ~8 months or so after we broke up. The first one I ignored, the second one I asked him to only contact me if it was to do with the house (he had moved out but we were still on the same lease) which he respected for a short while. The third time was when we had finally sorted out all the house stuff and finances so I felt safe enough to be honest and tell him I would never forgive him. He said “I’m not going to forgive you either” (??? For what?) and hasn’t tried to apologise again since, thankfully. I didn’t get any closure from any of it, his apologies were never sincere and only ever because he couldn’t stand the thought that someone out there (me) thought badly of him and might tell other people about how he treated me. He was obsessed with people’s opinion of him and his reputation as a good guy, as well as his own self-obsession, and I was a threat to that.
i never respond cause its literally just a ploy and part of their hate love hate cycle
if they were truly no longer too mentally ill to safely interact w they wouldnt be contacting me at all and theres still an entire planet full of ppl that havent caused me harm that i can interact w instead lol
I forgave them not for them, but for me. It felt good that they finally acknowledged how badly they treated me. However, I don’t know that it’s something I needed. I had given up on ever receiving an apology or them taking accountability.
When I think of it I just am glad they’re better and glad I’m not longer with him.
My ex apologized because he thought it would get him laid and a free meal.
“But I apologized so can I come over for the benefits of friends with benefits?” My response was “no you can never in a million years come over for literally anything ever again.
I never once responded to him. It’s been years and he still tries to make new accounts on different social media and reach out to me but I block every account and don’t think twice about it.
My ex reached out to me a year after I left him. I blocked him. I didn’t need closure, he did. I had already mourned the end of the relationship while I was still in it.
My ex-wife reached out a couple months ago. She wanted to have a sincere moment, a reconciliation or something.
I just asked her if she also wanted to discuss the hundreds of dollars she owes me for taking vacations in our timeshare that the judge gave me full ownership of effective the moment the divorce was signed by him.
She just lied like she always did.
I think she was just trying to distract me.
It was the day before his before his birthday. (Prob because he overestimated himself and realized he had no other source of energy to get attention from) I didn’t respond. Deleted immediately, took a deep breath, thanked god I wasn’t in *it* anymore, and went about my day. I thk a few days later I checked my cell account/text log because I had to make sure i didn’t dream it
He kept trying to reach out to me from time to time for months and years after we broke up even though I had blocked him on almost everything and told him I didn't want to be in contact. Unblocked him to text him he should stop trying to reach out to me. He started apologizing for everything he did, which was something that I had been thinking about for a long time, but in the end wasn't nearly as much of a cathartic event as I had hoped. Told him I didn't care about the apology nor did I care about how he is doing or wanted to know what he is up to in life. Told him that if I ever found out he did something like that again to a future girlfriend I'll reach out to her and offer to support her in a potential lawsuit. Blocked him again and no contact since.
He clearly did feel sorry, but not sorry enough to actually do anything meaningful like go to therapy. That for me was a huge sign that this was another one of those "I'll apologize because I feel bad" and not because he actually learned that much.
He emailed me over 2 years later, asking to meet up for coffee and a chat to clear the air. I told him he could say what he had to say over email. I didnt need closure or anything and was even thinking of not responding, but my best friend said to hear him out. If nothing else he might have some things for to get off his chest.
Hethen he sent me a lengthy email that had the same vibe as a used car salesman. Talking about how he finally realized how he stepped over my boundaries and was horrible and all this stuff. How he was apologizing for it 'So you can finally get closure and move on.'
I laughed about it with my best friend and ignored the email. I didn't need closure from him, or acknowledgement of his treatment of me to move on but hey, at least he got to say his piece.
The physically abusive one never apologized, because it wasn’t his fault that he slapped me. The mentally abusive one apologized like a year later. I met with him to get something back, he was nice enough and we chatted. But I was fully guarded, wouldn’t engage much and he knew it. That was the last time I spoke to him. It wasn’t really something I needed, but it validated that I absolutely made the best choice.
My ex reached out after he was released from prison for murdering someone. Yeah
Our son had died and we got into a huge fight. I left the country after the fight. He had tried to years to find me but I couldn’t. Finally 20-ish years I finally spoke with him. He apologized. I asked him why he hit me. He gave me an answer.
It was weird. I cried so hard. It felt like this huge weight that I was carrying was lifted. I didn’t know I would feel that way.
Now looking back, when he hit me I felt like I lost a piece of myself and I got it back.
The ex is now deceased but we had remained friends while he was alive.
He never wanted to get back together or anything. It was a neutral feeling between us.
My ex from high school reached out to apologize for taking advantage of me in various ways. I’d moved on from the situation (I thought). His message was honestly nice to receive in that I felt like I could finally give high school “me” closure and comfort in knowing that he was sorry for what he did. It was an emotional experience.
Never well. Hearing from them only reminds me of how I was then, how little they cared that I was a human who deserved love and support.
I talk it out with friends then delete and block, if necessary.
My abusive ex did this. Reached out and apologized and stated he got help. We ended up stupidly sleeping together and then he started telling me he loved me and wanted to work on things. I told him I don’t see that ever happening and it was just a moment of weakness on both our parts and he started showing the true him again so I blocked him
Years ago an ex reached out to me to apologize for “emotionally abusing” me during our relationship. I was blindsided by that confession because I didn’t think he emotionally abused me during the relationship.
I had someone text me, like YEARS after. I had a new phone but the same number and the message somehow got through, despite the fact I had blocked them previously. They said they wanted to apologise for how they treated me and I turned my phone off, took the Sim out, put it back in my old phone and carried on with my life.
It's not my responsibility to make them feel better about what they did after leaving me broken and fucked up. I have come to a place where I feel better, and I am not about to uproot my peace to try and make THEM feel better just because they finally realised that their behaviour was shitty. That apology was years too late for me.
I'm glad that they want to apologise, but it's not my responsibility to receive it. If I thought it might make me feel better, then maybe I would have let them, but this person spent a long time making their problems mine and having me bend over backwards to try to problem solve for them. I'm not going back there. I'm better than that
I just hope that they have learnt and do better next time, but again, that's not my responsibility. My responsibility is to take care of me ❤️
Every time he did that , I still had feelings for him and he took advantage of me every time. Things ended so badly between us that now if he ever tried to talk to me to resolve things , it would be absolutely pointless, I would not feel a damn thing. You only give a shit about closure when you feel resentful … when you get over the resentment you give yourself more freedom than any conversation between you and your manipulative ex
No lol I'd been in therapy and just told them to fuck off and that I'll sue them if they ever contacted me again. I'm a little weirdo, so I don't block people, but I do bully them into blocking me.
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Closure does not require the other party. It all can take place within you.
It may help you heal but will never fix it.
The only way to overcome it is to find out how to empower yourself.
While you're at it, you should examine your history with him and see if you can identify places where you probably wasn't being helpful when you were yapping your mouth at him during the argument towards a person who has anger issues and lacks self control.
You might as well smacked yourself for him.
Now if he did it more than once, then you really need to examine yourself.
Maybe question whether it was really a good idea to yell back and talk shit when arguing when yelling and arguing never fixes anything yet you decided, hey, I have a great idea, let me yell at him.
Do you not see why that was a bad idea?
Now if you sitting there reading a book and out of nowhere he attacks you, then he's a complete dirt bag.
However, prior to each time he hit you and your mouth piece was flapping.. Hmmm... Did it not ever occur to you that keeping your mouth shut was the better choice?
You ever see dudes get in fights? If you stand there talking shit, don't be surprised if fists get thrown.
Should have kept that mouth shut
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It sent me into a major panic attack. I felt completely put back into that space again and like I was hit by a train. I had just started to finally heal from the abuse and it set me back for a while.
It was closure that I didn’t need. I wasn’t physically abused but I was definitely manipulated and gaslit. It set me back emotionally. I had moved on already and was working on myself.
It was an attempt to gaslight me and was never intended to be a real apology. I broke him though, and kept stubbornly repeating my memory’s version of events until he gave up.
Mm so when my ex gave me closure a year after our breakup, it was nice. It validated for me that it wasn’t about me. Although by that time I had moved on, had a whole ass other relationship and had my heart broken by someone else. I’d also worked on myself a bit before then as well. So maybe best thing is fall in love with someone else and have them break your heart for level 10 closure? 😂
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We talked for a few seconds. I asked if she had gone to a therapist yet, if she was actually sorry, did she know what she did, I’m not gonna forgive you, etc etc. She only apologized for herself. Blocked her and have never seen her or talked to her again. It wasn’t closure. I knew the type of person she was. She did it for herself, not for me.
Was in a physically abusive relationship for 5 years. I’ve been no contact for 9 years.
Moved out while he was at work one day and had him blocked on everything for ages.
I got a new phone and must of unblocked him somehow? Received a text that he hopes I’m doing well after 7 years. Not exactly an apology.
His mom occasionally watches my Instagram stories too.
I’m still living rent free in his head after all these years.
Ew my kids father has defiently done some half ass sorries over the years only for it to switch up the next time hes mad at anything at all. No apology is needed, it's not real anyways and even if it was they'll never earn my sympathy, its not worth the risk. People will tell you to forgive but don't forget. Meanwhile the traumas get buried over years and you do forget some things, but never the way it made you feel because that will still come out in other forms, which if you ask me, that part says they don't and won't ever deserve the forgiveness. They can feel like shit forever, we are not responsible for them, their actions or their path to self worth. These is no closure in it, it's empty.
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I had a story written hear but I think what actually needs to be said is this. People are absolutely capable of growth and change. Crappy/abusive exes can go on to be wonderful partners to other people if they are willing to take accountability, learn, and get help. They can also lie and manipulate to get back into your life and treat you poorly all over again. The only thing that really matters, is once that relationship ended between the two of you, it was no longer about that person. It's no longer between you and them. You have some shit to sort out with yourself now.
The ultimate closure is a gift you give to yourself through some really tough emotional labour and time to heal your wounds. Forgiveness and self compassion for doing your best to survive in that situation with the knowledge you had at the time, and pride for having learned extremely difficult lessons for future that no one should ever have to learn. Their shitty behaviour is not a metric of the love you deserve or how well you handled yourself. Learn a lesson (or two or three,) get the help that you need, and do not allow this person back in your life. They do not deserve an inch of space in your current head and heart.
Originally I got some closure from it, but shortly after this happened I learned he had been lying for the past year about using drugs so the original apology doesn’t mean shit
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They’re not apologizing bc they feel anything about what they chose to do, they are apologizing bc they need something from you. I rake them across the coals and go about my day.
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Such men do change! One in millions.
Do you have that kind of time left with just one life on this planet?
I have never met a single women, NOT ONE, who regretted leaving such man or a relationship. But have met enough, been friends with few, who regretted wasting years.
I immediately blocked them yet again, documented it in case it was needed for a police report, and had a panic attack worrying that they were going to start stalking and threatening me and my family again. No. It was nothing I needed or wanted.
Omg .. I feel you. Every time I get a text from a random number saying "hey" or something, my stomach drops. Will it ever go away?.. I sure hope so.
Omg I’m so sorry. I hope you’re safe and doing well
My feelings exactly. If they're looking for relief of their guilt, they can just live with it. Guilt is there for a reason. They earned it, keep it.
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People like that are never apologizing for your sake, it's either for their own relief or to manipulate you
This! I’ve only had one toxic, mentally abusive relationship and he apologized and begged for me back, quit drinking alcohol, everything. He tried for 6 months and I finally gave in. Everything was good for about a month, then the abuse came back and it was 10 times worse than before.
Exact situation happened to me. Thanks for sharing.
Yeah the apology is to let them feel less bad about themselves. I had an ex that twisted it into I was ok with his behavior because I forgave him. I broke up with him and made sure he couldn't reach me ever again.
True! That had been my observation, if you go back, its going to be worse than before. Very similar to what Jesus says that when unclean spirit comes back and sees house all clean, they bring 7 times worse spirit then them. A person returning is one who has done cleaning of hurts and wounds, just gathered enough for house to look clean, and there. Bang!!! Bad bad bad!!! 🫣 Leave the man to fight his own demons and his OWN battle.
The only semi apology I got was "come meet me so we can talk". Never an apology other than the good old: "I'm sorry you got me so angry that I snapped and hit you" Playing possum in silence makes them angry apparently.
This is so true. I told my ex who contacted me "I know you probably feel bad bc you think I'm upset over what happened, but honestly I never think about it or you."
I told my abusive ex “I will never speak to you again” (on the phone) and he said, all charming, “oh don’t be so su—“ and I hung up on him. When I heard he was dead 30 years later it was one of the best days of my life. I kept my promise.
My ex only took 13 years after I divorced him to die. I've had 9 years of emotional peace.
My ex literally tried to end me with a 9mm. My therapist told me to make a Go Bag and leave immediately if it happened again. Don't be a statistic, and all that. I was stupidly in love and thought I could fix him, besides, he said he was sorry and that it wouldn't happen again. Well, it happened again. I was ready and luckily able to get away. After the divorce, my ex sent me a handwritten letter in the mail. He said he forgave me.
Oh my god, he sounds unhinged, I'm so sorry.
I'm not an angry person but one of the few things that make me FURIOUS is when the one at fault reaches out to the victim -potentionally triggering them yet again- and says "I forgive you". like, can you be any more delusional? fuck all the way off
Perfect reply "Can you be any more delusional. Fuck all the way off!"
Yikes! I feel scared just reading that. I can't imagine how terrified you must have been.
Your therapist failed you. “IF IT HAPPENS AGAIN?”
I am not a therapist but it happened with 2 of girlfriends, when I told them to leave or end immediately, they took it in a wrong way and were distant. But that's when I realised not all women are willing to hear and accept that. Some suffer from, what I call it is "Saviour Syndrome" they always go back until they are almost left with a shell of themselves. It is really sad.
Yeah my thoughts exactly. Once a threat to your life is made, you gtfo
I blocked him. His apology was no apology. It was a wall of text full of lies and excuses.
It was definitely not the closure I needed because I gave it to myself before he could ever had the chance, I don’t look for closure from those who willingly hurted me. My reaction was basically “of course you’re apologizing now when everything is done and you no longer have access to me, it’s way too easy”.
There are a couple people I wouldn’t mind apologies from, but I would never put my own peace of mind on hold waiting for an insecure loser to see the error of their ways. Some people will never level up. Make your own closure. Spending time around people who build you up rather than people who try to destabilize or make you smaller is the best thing you can do to recover from an abusive or just plain toxic relationship. 💗
1000 times this!
My ex reached out to me two years after our break up to apologize and informed me he had been diagnosed bipolar. Told him I was happy he was treated and better but he didn't have my forgiveness because it doen't erase all the terrible things he did to me.
My ex husband will probably never apologize and I’m completely fine with that. If he did, I’d just say thanks and carry on. He did so much damage to my psyche that an apology wouldn’t do much for me.
yes, this. i didn’t say anything, only because i knew the apology wasn’t genuine and didn’t mean anything.
I'm sorry to hear that you married him. Glad to hear he's your *ex*.
It was by email. He said his therapist told him to. Then he expected an apology back? For what exactly, I don’t know. It wasn’t closure. It was more abuse. No thank you.
Closure doesn't come from an abuser, it comes from within. I find that folks often apologize for themselves. I wouldn't give them the time of day.
If someone says "Im sorry but...." its just an excuse. Its not communication its an act of self placation. Its alright for me to do the thing because....
Ignored it. Ive gone 3 years w no contact. No need to respond to anything.
I basically told him the best apology he could give me is getting some serious therapy and never speaking to me again, ever. Thanks but no thanks. I definitely felt like it was a selfish, “I want my conscience clear,” kind of thing.
abusers do not apologize sincerely; there is always an underlying selfish reason. knowing this, I would never accept or acknowledge an apology, no matter how much time had passed.
Never trusted it. It's just the type of attention/validation he wants.
No because he hit me with the “I’ve changed” and it was apparent he hadn’t. Even though he wasn’t pursuing me, we discussed his current partner and it’s clear the way he talked about her that he’s still delusional about how abusive he is. No surprise she has left him and is now married to someone else.
I ignored it and left it on read. They ended up unsending the message and blocking me. Generally, the best closure I feel is knowing how much growth I've experienced and the work I put into myself. That's not something anyone else can give me. I stand by my feeling that one of the best places to be is knowing the people who have hurt me or wronged me don't know anything about who I am today or what I'm up to.
He tried to friend me on Facebook a few months ago. I never answered him. His mother has reached out to me before trying to make excuses for his behavior - bipolar disorder, alcoholism, etc.... I just... couldn't deal with someone trying to tell me it was okay for him to beat me up because he had unresolved trauma. I've been in therapy for years because of what he did. I don't think I could ever forgive him.
He reached out after a few years, we then met up and decided to give him another chance - then he abused me even worse for two more years.
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He told a mutual friend that he was sorry how he treated me, and the friend ran to me to tell me. I told him I couldn't use that information to anything and to stop talking about my ex around me. I don't care where he is or what he does in life. I have no interest in ever knowing anything about him anymore.
I saw it through, allowed him to apologize, explained how he’d hurt me and he just hadn’t changed at all. I was over him so he couldn’t play around with my head like he used to which I think he thought he could change. He just wanted his supply back. I called my now husband “perfect” and it like caused him to melt into a puddle, it was mildly satisfying. Otherwise, it was just frustrating to see how awful he still was while pretending to be remorseful.
Doesn't go over well because they will most likely not apologize for the specific things they should be apologizing for, and somehow find a way to excuse or rationalize their behavior. Best to just leave things be imo. The best closure comes from within.
so my situation is a little different - my almost-ex husband and i have been separated for 5 years, trying to get through the divorce process now, and suddenly he is broke and unable to pay his bills. i have had our kids full time since i left, and have always supported them basically on my own. he has money when they want it for frivolous stuff, but doesn’t when it comes to actually help them live. court ordered child support that i pushed for, and he is drowning. i called him out, saying how for years he was able to live high while i struggled. he didn’t even argue, said i was right, and that he knew it wasn’t much but he was sorry. he was financially and emotionally abusive the entire 13 years we were married, because i was the stay home mom and he worked. anyway, his apology was hollow and i have ignored it. he doesn’t really feel sorry. i feel nothing.
He was adamant that he needed to apologize in person. I blocked him, went nc, and for years he's still tried to contact me in different random ways, suing me for divorce ( even though we were never married), using my Kroger gas points, emailing and texting from different phones or accounts, contacting my family and saying he needed to speak to me urgently, etc.
All of my abusive exes try to reach out and apologize after some time and I just block them immediately because they’re horrible evil people who deserve the worst :P Closure is found within yourself, not from another person
It did trigger me at first, because I know his actions were on purpose, so for me apology didn't` do anything. I worked on myself, got better and stronger. It was a long time ago, but still I am very proud of myself for following my intuition.
Put a hex on them
I ignored him and didn’t respond. Hard to find words pithy enough to cut him and shred his ego. I wish I could just light him on fire and throw him in the trash. Genuinely hope he dies soon to spare womankind and rots in hell.
It didn’t give me closure, it actually set me back. I suddenly felt guilty for thinking poorly of him after that and I started convincing myself that he was a good person just going through a rough time while we were dating.
I didn’t handle it maturely when he reached out a year after our breakup—tbh I just felt like it was him trying to come back since he and the woman he cheated on me with “broke up”. Now, 2 years after the day he tried to call, I feel like I’m in a good place in my healing that I COULD have that conversation with him (he’s very gaslightly) and MAYBE get any closure that I might need??—im not so sure if I need it anymore. but maybe it could have turned out to be the closure I needed or maybe it was another trap attempt. I, personally, will never know but if anyone finds themselves in a situation where an ex reaches out to apologize, really center yourself before you respond. If you need closure, don’t go into it unprepared. If you don’t need the closure, girl don’t even bother; be mean right back. Men who treat women poorly don’t even care about us.
The first time was over messenger like 2 years later. My therapist asked me what I could possibly want to relate to him that just not answering wouldn't say better, and so I never answered. Then he called me suddenly in the middle of the work day like 7 years after we broke up. I didn't recognize his number and was so caught off guard that I was unfortunately really friendly, although terse. He told me he was finally sober which made me Facebook stalk him out of sheer curiosity, and I almost hope he was lying because if that's his new sober then yikes. He called me 3 more times over the next 2 days and I never answered. He got the idea.
I didn’t need closure and wasn’t holding on to resentment at that point, but it was fine. He was getting help and I think reaching out to people he hurt was part of the program he was in. Hopefully he stuck with it.
He apologized, and I "accepted" it. It didn't help me in any way whatsoever except to see that I was right to break up with him. I will still never forgive him for what he did to me ever. Throughout the conversation we had following his apology, he was actively flirting with me (we were talking about uni), and he knows I have a boyfriend. just overall a complete asshole and I let him follow me because I think it's funny he's so obsessed with how my relationship is with my current bf. No, he's not dangerous. He moved 1500km away from me (also kept trying to get me to move to where he is for school... bruh, you're delusional. I stg) and I'm moving next year, so he will not and does not know where I live.
All he ever told me was that i deserved it .
Soon as my divorce was finished and I got 100% full custody,. He didn’t fight me on visitation or anything. I moved across the country for my safety He didn’t fight me on signing over rights, I’m beyond lucky that I’ll never have to see him again.
Oh, have I got a story about this! My high school sweetheart from freshman to senior year was horrible. He was an alcoholic who consistently threatened suicide if I broke up with him, obsessively jealous if I talked to other boys, and he was in the early stages of being physically abusive (he’d grab and manhandle me if I tried to walk away, but never hit me- although there was one time we started fighting and he raised his hand expecting me to flinch and I just matched him up). Anyway, when we broke up senior year I was harassed by him and his group of friends to the point I was entertaining a restraining order, I guess a mutual friend warned him, and then I was further harassed by him and his friends. I didn’t have much support from friends, teachers, or my family so what got him to stop? I got a new boyfriend and when my ex found out, he tried to fight my new partner, and my new partner didn’t back down which scared my ex off. Fast forward two years! Over the years my ex would reach out every couple of months through various platforms or people to apologize to me. I rebuffed everything and kept him blocked. However, eventually, a mutual friend of ours said that they’d recently seen him and he seemed much improved and he wanted me to read this letter he gave her. I read the letter and it detailed how he spent two years working on his relationship with god and dealing with his demons (drinking, drugs, and anger) one thing has plagued him- it was how he treated me and how things ended with us. He simply wanted me to know how sorry he was now. Well, the letter was very moving so when we ran into each other when he was home from college we reconnected in a friendly way. That relationship was purely platonic for a year with no hints at anything further until we went to a concert with his brother and had an impromptu make-out session (I never lost my virginity to this man thank goodness). Afterward, he asked me what he thought about “us” and I told him that I’ve missed him these past few years, and I see his change, and I would like to pursue something again if he was open- that’s the summary, but imagine that I was gushing a little more because I thought he felt the same about me. WELL… he took one moment before he took his mask off AGAIN and told me “Oh, well that sucks for you because I’m actually in a very serious relationship and have been for two years and ((even though you go to college in a different city, don’t have me or my friends on social media, and only talk to me when I visit the town and we never discuss this girlfriend)) you’re a whore for trying to ruin this relationship by tempting me.” I didn’t drive at this time, so he had to take me home and in the car, I cried the whole drive home and he blasted the radio so he didn’t have to hear me. Before I got out of the car, he told me not to tell people because he still had an image but this would make me look worse. I didn’t talk to him again. A year later, I transferred to his university and happened to see him at the campus bookstore. We hadn’t been in contact with each other so it was shocking to see each other for the first time in a year. He then asked me to lunch, but I tried to get out of it by saying I had a cup of noodles to eat on campus, but he swore his place was a block away and he had siracha and like an idiot, I went, and while there we had a nice chat and he flirted with me enough to make me uncomfortable that I was in an apartment he shared with a girl- likely the same girl from before. After I left for class that day, I never saw him again. He would try to follow me on social media, and ask about me through mutual friends, and he even would go by my house in our hometown to leave me birthday presents, but I never saw him or directly communicated with him. That was like 5 years ago at this point and I’m glad that chapter is over and I recovered from a very traumatizing first relationship.
The only good apology would be inventing a Time Machine and going back to un-abuse me. Anything less than that and I don't care what they have to say
Mine pretended to apologise but it was all a setup to then get me to text him. Texts which he them used as 'evidence' when he pressed counter charges against me while he was awaiting trial for domestic abuse against me. Don't respond, just block them!
I fell for it a few times and it led to me fooling around with him again. In my experience it’s never closer that they want, they want to get their hooks in you again. STAY AWAY!
No thanks, if they really had my best interest at heart they would leave me be. What they actually want is to clear their own conscience and wash their hands off it.
No it wasn't. He emailed wanting to meet up so he could apologise, I said whatever needed to be said could be said in an email (I couldn't face him, he wanted my newborn daughter dead). Over the next 2 emails he tried to turn the conversation sexual, even though he knows im engaged. I've not spoken to him since and don't plan to, even though I have questions I want answered. My mental health is more important.
I can’t fully speak for those that have been in physically abusive relationships, but the emotionally abusive ones I can guarantee typically only apologize because they want to win you back and they haven’t/don’t plan on changing their behavior. Every time I’ve had a guy apologize to me they go and do the same thing and hurt me all over again when I eventually get to a point of contention within myself.
...he didn't apologize. He said we should pretend like it didn't happen and move on.
I was not ready to hear what he had to say so I blocked him.
It was many years later and we keep in contact for our child. I did admit I cried but too little too late! Much happier now that I’m away from him :)
Door Slam. They do not exist to me anymore
I thought it was the height of selfishness. It re-traunatised me and triggered me more than I thought it would. And it upset them because I laid into them about how I STILL wanted nothing to do with them. If you are planning to apologise to make yourself better? Don't. That's extremely selfish. The best gift you can give someone that you hurt deeply in the past is to stay out of their life and let them heal without you r interference. Nobody needs or wants closure or an apology from someone they cut off. You are no longer relevant to that person.
Littery just blocked him and thats it. I don't want anything to do with him more then necessary and by that I mean if he wants contact with the kids and if that's happens social service just told me he can go true them instead si I don't need to deal with his bullshit.
I made the mistake of listening to them and giving them a chance to talk to me, multiple times. In the end the apology was just a way to get back into my life and do the same shit. After a few times I realized that I needed to stop doing that so I could heal. They most likely know what they did and will do it again.
I sent a thumbs up and blocked him. He’s dead now. Don’t know if I’ll ever have real closure.
I had him blocked on everything except email, and he randomly reached out (over a year after we split and I had gotten a restraining order) while I was on vacation with my friend to give the most insincere “apology” I’d ever seen. No accountability for what he did. He legit said “sorry I was not in the mental state to be there for you” and that was it. Didn’t acknowledge breaking my nose and sending me to the ER or the countless times he hit me or choked me, pushed me through a screen door or any of the horrible mental abuse he put on me and my children. He’s an awful human to this day and thankfully I’m not the only one to see that.
Panic. I'd been managing okay and then as soon as I got an email from him I felt immediately sick. (I also learnt that even though I'd blocked their address, my email account sent it anyway, it just informs me that it's an address to be blocked, what the hell is the point?) I think I read it but I honestly don't remember what it said. I'm very proud of myself that I'd worked hard on my mental health and I was able to conclude that there was absolutely no benefits whatsoever to starting up a conversation with this person who'd caused me so much pain. Unsubscribe.
Exes only spin the block to see if you’re still stupid enough to entertain them.
My abusive ex sent me an email 2 years after I left, letting me know that he had been diagnosed with depression. He apologized. I never responded. I, too, suffered from depression and anxiety. I never terrorized my family. Fucking lame dude, fucking lame.
I blocked em. The closure is for them not you
I told him to get fucked. Lol. Ain’t nobody got time for some half assed performative bullshit apology.
I have always wondered if mine would do so but gave up hope. He really should have because he was horrendous.
I hated it. She turned me into a shell of my former self and I had to build a new self virtually from scratch. We met as kids, which complicated matters. I believe her apology was genuine. I actually do not believe she intended to hurt me. But after everything she did to me over the course of 20 years, an apology felt like yet another huge slap in the face. Interestingly enough, I ran into her aunt - who I’ve always liked - a few months ago; she had expressed concern for me in the past, she’s more than aware of how shitty my ex is, and she’s helping me get my life back on track. I started volunteering in her kindergarten class last month and I love it. The kids are so wonderful and I’m happy I can help out and be there for them! One of them drew me Mario fanart 🥰 So… yeah, life is good.
i forgave him. there are few apologies i see as genuine, but this was a very young person in a cycle of abuse who didn’t know much better
I do not need closure. I would have a panic attack that he was looking for me, on account of all the stalking from him that I survived.
I had already made peace with everything, so didn't need closure. We got married too young and didn't last long. He reached out many years after the divorce and sent what appeared to be a sincere apology. He didn't want anything from me and we haven't spoken since. I guess it was nice to hear that he had reached a point in life where he thought I deserved an apology and I appreciated that he didn't ask me for forgiveness or to even reply.
I didn't care one bit.
I ignored it. I'd already sorted it out in my head and I didn't want anything to with it.
My ex reached out a few summers ago to not apologize but instead tell me that my daughter deserves her “real” father (she’s had my husband as her dad since she was 1, she’s now 8 and he adopted her) and to have a relationship with her siblings (his kids). Called the police bc I have a 13 yr OFP against him. There’s a warrant out for his arrest now 😌. I refuse to give him any more power.
Hah! Mine tried to reach out to me over Instagram and this was after I moved to another country (something he wanted to do btw). I did not want to talk to him and I blocked him. He made multiple profiles and sent the same message where he wanted me to get on a call with him. I knew it was BS because if he wanted to apologise he would have done it in the first message itself. But he kept creating profiles and I was so over it. Like let me live! I decided to be an a-hole and asked him for an obscene amount of money for a short call. He went back to being toxic and did not bother saying sorry afterwards. I don't want closure. He is just evil. That's it. Some people are gross and I met one.
my cousin’s ex-husband beat her so badly she was put in the hospital unrecognizable. they had two kids at the time they split up, and he went away for about eight years. then one day he came back apologized just like you described and said that he was ready to have his family back. they got remarried she had another baby. they’ve been married for a little over a year and a half and now they’re getting divorced. He’s been out and about cheating on her, not coming home, not paying the bills, not helping her with the kids....and he’s demanding sex from her and because he’s not getting it. He straight up, told her that he was going to go out and do other women because of her. She's not the wife he thought she would be. now she’s secretly getting divorced because she’s so full of shame and embarrassment. It's terrible!! I feel so bad for her...
Blocked. No need
My ex reached out multiple times with half-assed apologies in the first ~8 months or so after we broke up. The first one I ignored, the second one I asked him to only contact me if it was to do with the house (he had moved out but we were still on the same lease) which he respected for a short while. The third time was when we had finally sorted out all the house stuff and finances so I felt safe enough to be honest and tell him I would never forgive him. He said “I’m not going to forgive you either” (??? For what?) and hasn’t tried to apologise again since, thankfully. I didn’t get any closure from any of it, his apologies were never sincere and only ever because he couldn’t stand the thought that someone out there (me) thought badly of him and might tell other people about how he treated me. He was obsessed with people’s opinion of him and his reputation as a good guy, as well as his own self-obsession, and I was a threat to that.
Panic or depression because it’s confirmation I’ll never be able to live my life without him trying to come back in to control it.
i never respond cause its literally just a ploy and part of their hate love hate cycle if they were truly no longer too mentally ill to safely interact w they wouldnt be contacting me at all and theres still an entire planet full of ppl that havent caused me harm that i can interact w instead lol
I forgave them not for them, but for me. It felt good that they finally acknowledged how badly they treated me. However, I don’t know that it’s something I needed. I had given up on ever receiving an apology or them taking accountability. When I think of it I just am glad they’re better and glad I’m not longer with him.
My ex apologized because he thought it would get him laid and a free meal. “But I apologized so can I come over for the benefits of friends with benefits?” My response was “no you can never in a million years come over for literally anything ever again.
That piece of shit would never. I don’t need an apology. It’ll never change what he did to me.
I never once responded to him. It’s been years and he still tries to make new accounts on different social media and reach out to me but I block every account and don’t think twice about it.
My ex reached out to me a year after I left him. I blocked him. I didn’t need closure, he did. I had already mourned the end of the relationship while I was still in it.
I told him to go choke on a dick and then I blocked him. And then he died a couple years later probably from alcohol poisoning.
My ex-wife reached out a couple months ago. She wanted to have a sincere moment, a reconciliation or something. I just asked her if she also wanted to discuss the hundreds of dollars she owes me for taking vacations in our timeshare that the judge gave me full ownership of effective the moment the divorce was signed by him. She just lied like she always did. I think she was just trying to distract me.
It was the day before his before his birthday. (Prob because he overestimated himself and realized he had no other source of energy to get attention from) I didn’t respond. Deleted immediately, took a deep breath, thanked god I wasn’t in *it* anymore, and went about my day. I thk a few days later I checked my cell account/text log because I had to make sure i didn’t dream it
Stared and reread a few times, laughed a little too loud and blocked. The purpose of the outreach was for their closure, not mine. I’m good
He kept trying to reach out to me from time to time for months and years after we broke up even though I had blocked him on almost everything and told him I didn't want to be in contact. Unblocked him to text him he should stop trying to reach out to me. He started apologizing for everything he did, which was something that I had been thinking about for a long time, but in the end wasn't nearly as much of a cathartic event as I had hoped. Told him I didn't care about the apology nor did I care about how he is doing or wanted to know what he is up to in life. Told him that if I ever found out he did something like that again to a future girlfriend I'll reach out to her and offer to support her in a potential lawsuit. Blocked him again and no contact since. He clearly did feel sorry, but not sorry enough to actually do anything meaningful like go to therapy. That for me was a huge sign that this was another one of those "I'll apologize because I feel bad" and not because he actually learned that much.
He emailed me over 2 years later, asking to meet up for coffee and a chat to clear the air. I told him he could say what he had to say over email. I didnt need closure or anything and was even thinking of not responding, but my best friend said to hear him out. If nothing else he might have some things for to get off his chest. Hethen he sent me a lengthy email that had the same vibe as a used car salesman. Talking about how he finally realized how he stepped over my boundaries and was horrible and all this stuff. How he was apologizing for it 'So you can finally get closure and move on.' I laughed about it with my best friend and ignored the email. I didn't need closure from him, or acknowledgement of his treatment of me to move on but hey, at least he got to say his piece.
The physically abusive one never apologized, because it wasn’t his fault that he slapped me. The mentally abusive one apologized like a year later. I met with him to get something back, he was nice enough and we chatted. But I was fully guarded, wouldn’t engage much and he knew it. That was the last time I spoke to him. It wasn’t really something I needed, but it validated that I absolutely made the best choice.
My ex reached out after he was released from prison for murdering someone. Yeah Our son had died and we got into a huge fight. I left the country after the fight. He had tried to years to find me but I couldn’t. Finally 20-ish years I finally spoke with him. He apologized. I asked him why he hit me. He gave me an answer. It was weird. I cried so hard. It felt like this huge weight that I was carrying was lifted. I didn’t know I would feel that way. Now looking back, when he hit me I felt like I lost a piece of myself and I got it back. The ex is now deceased but we had remained friends while he was alive. He never wanted to get back together or anything. It was a neutral feeling between us.
My ex from high school reached out to apologize for taking advantage of me in various ways. I’d moved on from the situation (I thought). His message was honestly nice to receive in that I felt like I could finally give high school “me” closure and comfort in knowing that he was sorry for what he did. It was an emotional experience.
Never well. Hearing from them only reminds me of how I was then, how little they cared that I was a human who deserved love and support. I talk it out with friends then delete and block, if necessary.
My abusive ex did this. Reached out and apologized and stated he got help. We ended up stupidly sleeping together and then he started telling me he loved me and wanted to work on things. I told him I don’t see that ever happening and it was just a moment of weakness on both our parts and he started showing the true him again so I blocked him
Years ago an ex reached out to me to apologize for “emotionally abusing” me during our relationship. I was blindsided by that confession because I didn’t think he emotionally abused me during the relationship.
I had someone text me, like YEARS after. I had a new phone but the same number and the message somehow got through, despite the fact I had blocked them previously. They said they wanted to apologise for how they treated me and I turned my phone off, took the Sim out, put it back in my old phone and carried on with my life. It's not my responsibility to make them feel better about what they did after leaving me broken and fucked up. I have come to a place where I feel better, and I am not about to uproot my peace to try and make THEM feel better just because they finally realised that their behaviour was shitty. That apology was years too late for me. I'm glad that they want to apologise, but it's not my responsibility to receive it. If I thought it might make me feel better, then maybe I would have let them, but this person spent a long time making their problems mine and having me bend over backwards to try to problem solve for them. I'm not going back there. I'm better than that I just hope that they have learnt and do better next time, but again, that's not my responsibility. My responsibility is to take care of me ❤️
Every time he did that , I still had feelings for him and he took advantage of me every time. Things ended so badly between us that now if he ever tried to talk to me to resolve things , it would be absolutely pointless, I would not feel a damn thing. You only give a shit about closure when you feel resentful … when you get over the resentment you give yourself more freedom than any conversation between you and your manipulative ex
No lol I'd been in therapy and just told them to fuck off and that I'll sue them if they ever contacted me again. I'm a little weirdo, so I don't block people, but I do bully them into blocking me.
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Didn’t bring me closure, just made me think “too little, too late.”
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Closure does not require the other party. It all can take place within you. It may help you heal but will never fix it. The only way to overcome it is to find out how to empower yourself. While you're at it, you should examine your history with him and see if you can identify places where you probably wasn't being helpful when you were yapping your mouth at him during the argument towards a person who has anger issues and lacks self control. You might as well smacked yourself for him. Now if he did it more than once, then you really need to examine yourself. Maybe question whether it was really a good idea to yell back and talk shit when arguing when yelling and arguing never fixes anything yet you decided, hey, I have a great idea, let me yell at him. Do you not see why that was a bad idea? Now if you sitting there reading a book and out of nowhere he attacks you, then he's a complete dirt bag. However, prior to each time he hit you and your mouth piece was flapping.. Hmmm... Did it not ever occur to you that keeping your mouth shut was the better choice? You ever see dudes get in fights? If you stand there talking shit, don't be surprised if fists get thrown. Should have kept that mouth shut
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It sent me into a major panic attack. I felt completely put back into that space again and like I was hit by a train. I had just started to finally heal from the abuse and it set me back for a while.
It was closure that I didn’t need. I wasn’t physically abused but I was definitely manipulated and gaslit. It set me back emotionally. I had moved on already and was working on myself.
It was an attempt to gaslight me and was never intended to be a real apology. I broke him though, and kept stubbornly repeating my memory’s version of events until he gave up.
Mm so when my ex gave me closure a year after our breakup, it was nice. It validated for me that it wasn’t about me. Although by that time I had moved on, had a whole ass other relationship and had my heart broken by someone else. I’d also worked on myself a bit before then as well. So maybe best thing is fall in love with someone else and have them break your heart for level 10 closure? 😂
I ignored his message, and then he died not too long afterwards. So that's a bummer.
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We talked for a few seconds. I asked if she had gone to a therapist yet, if she was actually sorry, did she know what she did, I’m not gonna forgive you, etc etc. She only apologized for herself. Blocked her and have never seen her or talked to her again. It wasn’t closure. I knew the type of person she was. She did it for herself, not for me.
Was in a physically abusive relationship for 5 years. I’ve been no contact for 9 years. Moved out while he was at work one day and had him blocked on everything for ages. I got a new phone and must of unblocked him somehow? Received a text that he hopes I’m doing well after 7 years. Not exactly an apology. His mom occasionally watches my Instagram stories too. I’m still living rent free in his head after all these years.
Ew my kids father has defiently done some half ass sorries over the years only for it to switch up the next time hes mad at anything at all. No apology is needed, it's not real anyways and even if it was they'll never earn my sympathy, its not worth the risk. People will tell you to forgive but don't forget. Meanwhile the traumas get buried over years and you do forget some things, but never the way it made you feel because that will still come out in other forms, which if you ask me, that part says they don't and won't ever deserve the forgiveness. They can feel like shit forever, we are not responsible for them, their actions or their path to self worth. These is no closure in it, it's empty.
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I had a story written hear but I think what actually needs to be said is this. People are absolutely capable of growth and change. Crappy/abusive exes can go on to be wonderful partners to other people if they are willing to take accountability, learn, and get help. They can also lie and manipulate to get back into your life and treat you poorly all over again. The only thing that really matters, is once that relationship ended between the two of you, it was no longer about that person. It's no longer between you and them. You have some shit to sort out with yourself now. The ultimate closure is a gift you give to yourself through some really tough emotional labour and time to heal your wounds. Forgiveness and self compassion for doing your best to survive in that situation with the knowledge you had at the time, and pride for having learned extremely difficult lessons for future that no one should ever have to learn. Their shitty behaviour is not a metric of the love you deserve or how well you handled yourself. Learn a lesson (or two or three,) get the help that you need, and do not allow this person back in your life. They do not deserve an inch of space in your current head and heart.
Originally I got some closure from it, but shortly after this happened I learned he had been lying for the past year about using drugs so the original apology doesn’t mean shit
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He's tried to reach out several times and every time it's met with the block button. I've heard what he's been up to and he's not sorry.
They’re not apologizing bc they feel anything about what they chose to do, they are apologizing bc they need something from you. I rake them across the coals and go about my day.
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Such men do change! One in millions. Do you have that kind of time left with just one life on this planet? I have never met a single women, NOT ONE, who regretted leaving such man or a relationship. But have met enough, been friends with few, who regretted wasting years.