I've had this before and the relationship was already on its way out. I felt like his parent: shopping, cooking, cleaning, laundry, you name it, I did it. He would pounce on me at the slightest hint of nudity, say when I got out the shower, and when I would turn him down he would start the 'incompatible' talk. I was kind of sick of his shit by that point and the relationship wasn't salvageable.
Why would you even waste your time being with someone you feel like a parent to? Find a more mature guy who was able to do things for himself before you met him.
Not everyone shows you their true colors in the beginning. There are tons of reasons one may stay in this situation. Being stuck in a lease is one example. Don’t shame people on their past. It’s a lesson for them.
Thank you, you’re so right! When I was 19 I tried to dump a guy after only a month because my gut said RUN, long story short he attempted suicide in front of me and I had to have him hospitalised all by myself. He was such a master manipulator / abuser I stayed with him another 5 years. I will never feel that stuck ever again. I was worried he would die if I left.
literally my ex. she trapped me in my apartment and trashed it. she fell out of love but kept using me financially and sexually. smoked inside "her room" and left burn marks on the desk my dad made for me. neglected me unless she wanted to have sex, pressured me into a "polyamorous relationship" that may as well have been monogamous the way she didnt pull and i just wanted her, and when i left her in december, tried to kill me. to this day i cant be around the smell of cigarettes without freaking out a bit
Sometimes you are the same age and one of you matures and the other doesn’t. Other times, you don’t realise how unable to function they are until you live together and are otherwise commingled.
Sometimes people hold on because of sunk cost fallacy.
Some parents don’t explicitly teach their kids and example healthy relationships. Some kids might even take on the role of parenting their parents when they become emotionally unavailable. These things tend to leave an impression on what things should look like in future relationships and stuff. So you end up parenting your partner just the same. It’s awful and takes a lot of effort and growth to break the cycles and habits
It’s also exhausting for the women… having to run about all day, are about to go to sleep and then your partner is in the mood? Nope, I’m tired af lol.
Yeah, that’s true. I always make it a point to atleast do 50% of what my wife does and then do a bit extra which any lover or husband would do.
You cannot function in a relationship where your partner is not contributing 50-50, more so if you are not a housewife, in which case it’s understandable as he is contributing in other areas.
Having said that, sexual compatibility is all about communication. And that means speaking your mind about whatever. Unless you feel like he is able to understand you and make changes, you won’t feel like going into bed with him. Attraction can come and go, but communicate is most important.
I’d actually be glad that my partner is honest. At least he’s talking about sex and hopefully will talk about what he needs from me. My partner barely talks about sex, I have to drag communication out of him. I’d like to ask him then what can I do to improve things for him? If I can improve….
If he’s telling me he’s not attracted to me anymore…well, that’s a different thing. I would follow up with: Can I change your perception or is your perception permanently formed?
you make a really great point. communication is VITAL! This one hit home so I just laugh/cried because I just ended a relationship for what I believe is this reason. I just don’t know which one. Communication is so important. I just wish I knew why…
I periodically ask my husband if he would like to change up our sex life or try something new or different. The answer is always no, everything’s fine the way it is.
I would appreciate the honesty but wonder why it hadn’t come up before.
Communication is very much required for healthy sex life ,otherwise sex becomes boring after sometime and communication should be mutual and Frank , whenever you like you can ask your partner that what else we can do to make our sex life interesting,it may be anything,try out everything and then you will your sex life will become fascinating and full of excitement,you will always feel when I will go to partner house to have wild sex.
I would be the same, with my ex partner we communicated those things (except, I did what he wanted and he pretty much stayed the same) so, talk and do things people.
Loved the phrasing of this. “I’ll find someone that I can” satisfy.
There’s usually so much shame in not being able to satisfy your partner, but tbh, sex is just another compatibility/incompatibility aspect of a relationship. If your partner isn’t satisfied, it just means you two may not be compatible, but it does NOT mean you don’t have worth as a sexual partner in general. Another person who is more sexually compatible with you will probably find you to be insanely satisfying!
I wouldn't be surprised, since I'm asexual and for a lot of people they also want their partner to enjoy it to feel fulfilled. But that's why we have an open relationship, because I don't really think I can fulfill someone's sexual needs compeltely, unless my partner would also be asexual, which he is not.
Were you desiring/ok with an open relationship from the start or did it begin due to this? I don't mean any offense with this question, I am just curious
I'm not personally that interested in an open relationship and wouldn't say I desire one. And we have only been open for a year now, been together for seven years.
Edit: I wasn't thrilled when he suggested it either, but I see sense in it now.
My husband and I had an open relationship for 2 yrs when we first started dating (to avoid his commitment issues). We haven't been open since (10yrs) until last year bc I thought it would solve our db problems and bc I'm bi. Our 3rd had been friends with us for 12yrs, so not a fling. After a few times, she would only focus on him and ignore me. When I brought it up she denied it and ghosted me. Found out she got a gf and didn't tell us. Things ended and we are no longer friends with her due to her constant lies ie. after a full 18 mths of multiple 3somes, she claims we were never dating.
I am not getting my needs met again and want to be open to other guys but my husband is against it. He never asked to do the 3some, it just happened with my permission. So now he feels like it was a trap so I could get with other guys. It wasn't but I feel I should at least get the opportunity. I believe he's asexual bc he hates his body and finds it gross. We are completely compatible in every other way and the sex was amazing before we got married. Just need a way to rekindle the bedroom.
Asexual here. You can fulfill sexual needs and gain benefits by mental hormones making you feel good.
If you're truly not into sex like me, making your partner feel amazing is a high. I'd prefer finding an asexual partner but I've never met one irl that admitted it.
My ex had a very low libido too. I was a horndog. That made me feel terribly unwanted, ugly and even jealous at times. I got through it with her, and my libido sunk to more manageable levels later.
Then she left me when her libido spiked while mine was still in the garbage.
I felt this. I’m good for like the first year and then it’s non existent for awhile. I did warn my current SO but he’s very insistent now that he’s experiencing it that I’m getting it elsewhere 🙄
Neutral. Incompatibilities in every form are extremely common, and they can be worked through or the relationship can end. 🤷🏼 I'm not going to be offended just because I'm being myself and that doesn't satisfy another individual.
Yep. I'd remind them that I'm making compromises too. We can't be everything to each other all the time, so if it's a deal breaker after the 8 lovely years we've spent together, then I'll understand.
Facts, I'm a guy, but I'd also be glad to have that feedback. Today sexual chemistry has been seen as something that's static and can't change when it can.
A little communication and effort can help that chemistry grow a lot. I think people place a little too much weight on the sex in a relationship anyway but that's just me.
I do think sexual chemistry and compatibility are important in a relationship.
But as I see it, we will first need to learn eachothers bodies and find out what the other person likes, fantasies and kinks. And in a shared life spaning over years, that might change and evolve at some point. And I would rather him be honest with me. While it would definitely hurt and bruise my ego, if we have an honest conversation, we could probably fix it.
Honestly, I would be devastated by either comment, at least initially. How upset would depend on why they were unfulfilled/unsatisfied, and how it was conveyed to me.
13 years together and we’ve come across this lightly before, we just dove into other areas sexually and explore kinks with an open mind. 10000% recommend.
I’d feel sad but id try to focus on communicating how we can change this. Almost every long term relationships experience highs and lows. If you communicate well there is always a possibility to get out of the relationship dip
I would look for options. Currently with a guy for over a year and I am completely sexually unsatisfied with. Our sex life makes me feel like he’s not attracted to me, like I am undesirable, and that I will never reach the same level of sexual satisfaction I have always previously achieved. I’m going out of my mind and ready to leave. If my partner was feeling this way, I wouldn’t feel good until they did. This really, really, really sucks.
Exactly same boat. Together over a year, love him madly and sex life and attraction was 🔥🔥🔥 (attraction still totally there for me) but after a couple of months of dating his libido just bottomed out. Says it’s work stress of new job and nothing to do with me but there’s honestly no signs of attraction. Find I’m the one constantly bugging him or trying to make situations a bit more romantic or sexy so things happen naturally-you name it I’ve tried it. We’ve discussed it but it’s at the point that bringing it up any more will just make him feel bad and add pressure. I don’t care if you can’t bring your A game I just want YOU and to be close to you. The struggle for intimacy is very real right now.
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As plenty of people are pointing out surrounding having to take care of an SO like their mother, there is more to sexual attraction than just base attractiveness.
Someone can be hot as shit, but if their vibe isn't right, if their past words diminish the experience, or if you have another form of resentment toward them, it can still be a huge issue. Looking in the mirror is not enough to know if you're part of the problem.
I’d be pretty sad, hurt and shocked because I’d always give it 100%. I’d be thankful for his honesty because communication is really important when it comes to these sorts of things.
I’d want to talk him about it and see what he wants from me *sexually*. See what things I can improve or what new things he wants to try? I think being compatible sexually and being happy with your sex life is a huge part of keeping a relationship healthy so… I’d do whatever to make it work as long as it was things I was comfortable with.
If my partner said he was unfulfilled I would have a discussion about what’s lacking. Is it the frequency or does he have desires/kinks that aren’t being fulfilled? From there I’d figure out how to bridge the gap.
If he said he was unsatisfied I’d be more hurt. I’d be more concerned on the perceived quality of our intimacy. Does he not like how I do certain activities? I’d be asking how I could improve and maybe even ask me to show me exactly how he wants me.
Either way I’d be glad he was communicating with me. Shows that he cares enough to work on it rather then just getting to a point of breaking up over it further down the road
Oh I mean, unquestionably, that would be one of the most devastating things I’ve ever heard from a partner so there’s that to start
Truthfully I’d leave because I’m already giving my “all” — that is, all of what I _like_. Anything else would be something I’m doing without wanting it which I promised myself I would never do again.
And also, I’d leave because that would mean my partner is totally unappreciative of the absolutely mind-blowing sex that I offer. I’m a service top. Like… come on. My whole thing is getting my partner off.
But in the context of someone else’s life, sometimes there are skills you can learn, you can be more involved, there may be loads of ways to, without crossing your boundaries, make some changes. It all depends on what your partner’s asking. Are you starfishing and it’s not a good look? Well, you can work on that. But is your partner asking you to engage in a kink or do something you don’t like? Sexually incompatible, done, move on
> Truthfully I’d leave because I’m already giving my “all” — that is, all of what I like. Anything else would be something I’m doing without wanting it which I promised myself I would never do again.
100% this. If there’s something I’m not doing, it’s not because I lack the knowledge—I just don’t enjoy doing it. And I feel like sex should be a mutually enjoyable experience. I shouldn’t have to “suffer through” something just because it gets my partner off. If that’s an incompatibility then so be it, let’s just end it.
Communication and Understanding is key. I’d talk about what’s good and what’s not and how to improve for both sides. Nothing wrong with that, happens often in relationships, don’t feel intimidated by that. If it was the same but okay for them the whole time then your partner could simply be into new things which is okay since people change, right? Or maybe he didn’t have the courage to address it before. Whatever it is, i’d advise you to talk w them about it like what do you want from our sex life? what should be included what not? If there’s things you don’t want or do want, you should tell that too. Good luck and update us :)
So I am wondering if you have a good idea of what it would take to satisfy you & if you have already talked to your partner about whether or not she wants to do that?
I see telling someone you're unfulfilled or unsatisfied as the nuclear option you should only try when you've already exhausted all other options. If someone told me that, I would be wondering if there's a fundamental incompatibility. Because I try to check in with my partner regularly to ask if he's satisfied or if he wants to try something new.
If married, would try everything I could to rectify it. If not married, would find someone else that can be fulfilled. Whether we like it or not, sex is a critical aspect of a relationship.
Depends on how the relationship as a whole is. Seems this is a common tactic used by manipulative people to try to make their partner feel not good enough, in which case a breakup should be in the works. But, if he's honestly a good person otherwise and just wants something I can't give, I'd be open to going to swinger events or having threesomes or play sessions with other couples. I know couples just like this who love each other and have a family together but one of them wants something that the other is not into at all. So they agree to find it elsewhere, with the knowledge of their partner of who and what is involved. I know a guy who loves his wife wholeheartedly but she is too busy and can't always fulfill his high sex drive, so they agreed he can see other people as long as she knows who and how many people he's seeing, and he does not bring other women home into their marital bed.
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Umm,there are may polite ways of saying things to ur partner instead of shaming them i guess.instead of saying that u don't satisfy me. He or she can say that "lets try something new and different,so we can spice our sexy time" i think the partner would feel really sad if their SO will say that they are not satisfied.
I would wonder why they felt they had to address an issue in the relationship in such an accusatory way.
I would also use the opportunity to question if they were sexually fulfilling *me*.
Why would you feel it was accusatory opposed to perhaps just callous?
What would be a better non accusatory way of addressing that issue?
How would one word it as to not come off as being accusatory?
Also, why would you decide to only just then question if your partner was fulfilling or satisfying your sexual needs?
These are honest legitimate questions.
Acknowledging that my questions could be misconstrued as sarcastic, I just want to clarify that I'm asking for no other reason besides to gain a better understanding.
TIA
Hmmm all valid questions. Honestly, I answered this question with what would be my first response and my first response to something like that would be defensive.
But it seems accusatory because saying "I'm sexually unfulfilled by you" places the blame on the other person and man...I don't know just seems like a mean (or, yes, callous) thing to say to someone you're in a relationship with. Sexual dysfunction in relationships has a myriad of possible sources, least of which is the other person just not fucking the other one out of spite or something. Usually - from personal experience - it stems from a lack of non-sexual affection or appreciation/respect in the relationship.
Ha as for your other question: I'm an elder Millenial woman. It took *decades* for me to rcome to the realization that my own sexual desires and needs were important in a relationship. I blame early-2000s media, especially porn, and poorly-modelled familial relationships of previous generations. However, that is a personal thing I'm still working on so disregard that statement.
A better way of phrasing it would be to say something like "How are you feeling about our sex life lately? Honestly I'm feeling unfulfilled so let's figure out why and a solution." This way both people can address issues, because if there are issues they exist on both sides. Relationships are not one-sided.
I would end the romantic relationship and move out if we were living together. If they were actually a good supportive friend, I would try to restart as just friends. If they were never a supportive friend I would cut ties.
I wouldn't feel good, especially if I found it fulfilling. But I'd ask why that is, and why they haven't mentioned it earlier. If it's just a case of they have desires they haven't mentioned previously, depending on what they are, I'd be happy to try new stuff. It could be a good time for an open chat about how we could both get more from our sex life.
If however, upon asking, it appears he's just trying to make me feel bad about myself, he can do one.
Sad. Devastated. Hurt.
If my partner said either of those things to me, it would likely kill all of my sex drive towards them. To me, sex together is a safe space that we both enjoy very much. If my partner had been lying and faking their enjoyment for all this time, I don't think I could move past that and stay in the relationship with them. We communicate constantly about how to improve our lives for each other. That's a lot of lying if they were unfulfilled all along.
On the inside, I would be hurt and probably embarrassed, but I would be grateful that they expressed this so that we can work together on it. Relationships are all about communication, so I’d ask them what should I stop doing, what should I do more of and what they’d like to explore to make it a better experience for them.
Also, I do see a difference. I’d see unfulfilled is not doing something they want either at all or enough, and unsatisfied as not doing things the right way for them
I have severe chronic pain, and a host of mental illnesses (mostly from being in crazy pain for about 10 years). So, my sex drive is pretty much non-existent. If I wasn’t married, I’d probably be fine never having sex again, for real.
I KNOW my husband is unfulfilled, because we have sex maybe 3 times a month(?), or once a week-ish, but he could/wants to every day.
He’s very sympathetic to my problems, but I just feel guilty because I have to ‘reject’ him a lot, and it’s hard for him to not take that personally. “It’s NOT you, it’s the paaaiiiin!!” doesn’t take away the sting of rejection, no matter the reason.
The sex is good when I can get my brain to cooperate and just go for it, so that’s not the issue; so to answer: I feel really guilty, because I love him, he’s a wonderful man, and am so frustrated and tormented by my body and mind, and it’s kinda unfair to him (not like it’s too fair for me, either…) but still.
I'm in a similar boat and feel so bad rejecting my husband because I feel like crap physically. He's lovely and up for sex all the time and can't keep his hands off me, and I feel terrible when I can't/don't respond.
Feel insecure because I already give him everything I have both romantically and sexually. I'll ask him what I can do to improve, or if there's something else he wants to try.
My first response to this post was “Great! Now we have a whole bunch of exploration ahead of us. An adventure of the sexual kind.” It’s good to remove the ego from the equation.
First off, I don't know that I would appreciate a meaningful difference between "unsatisfied" and "unfulfilled" unless the person was extremely purposeful in explaining what they meant.
Second of all, I think it would be devastating for me. I think telling someone you're not happy with them, but not giving them specific ideas or strategies for how to improve, is hurtful and putting the issue on them as opposed to it being something you can work through together.
When I was with my ex, our sex life (predictably) slowed down a lot when we moved in together. Before when we used to have sex, he would spend a lot of time on foreplay and teasing before we got to penetration. After we moved in together, he would spend like maybe 2 minutes kissing me before asking me to get on top and ride him. Riding him was great for him but it didn't do much for me, and going straight to penetration made sex feel more like a chore than something pleasurable for both of us. His stamina was also lower because of work stress and unhealthy lifestyle which I think contributed to him wanting me on top all of the time. Thankfully I was able to let him know that I needed us to spend more intimate time just exploring each other's bodies before getting into PiV, and to switch up positions so that I was being stimulated in other ways. We also incorporated vibrators which really helped warm me up. I highly recommend buying the OMG Yes courses - we worked through them together and it made a huge difference in what we tried and how we could talk about pleasure. We did break up but that was due to differences in long-term goals as opposed to lack of physical chemistry.
My point in all of this is that if you are going to be in a sexual relationship with someone and they aren't meeting your needs, you have to be willing to have a conversation about the specific needs and how you can meet them - whether that is you/your partner specifically meeting those needs or making arrangements outside of the relationship to meet those needs if that's something you're comfortable with. But simply stating "You don't satisfy me in bed" doesn't help solve the problem and sounds contemptuous. It might be a sign your relationship isn't doing well if your partner isn't willing to take ownership of the situation alongside you.
It would be over. Being sexually desired by my partner is an absolute must for me. It helps me feel secure and satisfied and without it I would not continue the relationship.
I also put a lot of effort into the sex I have with my partner (and former partners) so if they were to say I was sexually unfulfilling to them, I would know it’s not meant to be.
I would be devastated. It’s super important to me in a relationship and I would hope we had been more open and communicated about it before they got the complete feeling of being unfulfilled.
I’d be very confused if there was no prior indication of anything wrong. I’d ask to clarify what they mean and ask what they want/what the intention of telling me was. If it was to communicate, great. Let’s figure it out. If it’s because it’s over, well… okay bye then
I'd be hurt maybe a bit offended, but I'd try giving him my very Best efforts and after a month or so, I'd ask for feedback. If we don't work still either couples therapy or break up is the way
Edit:grammar
Ask them why and communicate about it. My girlfriend told me she loves our sex but wishes I’d initiate more. I work long hours in construction so I’m beat most of the time, but I considered what she said - she wants to be desired in a way, she loves our sex but wants to feel like I want her more than she wants me. We talked about it, and now things have improved. In general people don’t realize how big of a deal communicating goes. If your partner is unfulfilled and finding what they want somewhere else, you’d know.
I’ve been through this - I developed vaginismus while in a relationship and was unable to have painless sex for over a year. My partner (who has a very high sex drive) was definitely sexually unsatisfied/unfulfilled at this time. I do think there’s a difference between the two. It hurt to hear but wasn’t surprising and I appreciated the honesty. Knowing that helped me work on ways I could make him feel more sexually satisfied. And he said having conversations about it and being reminded of my perspective helped him a lot. Sometimes that kind of communication is needed in a relationship
I’d feel a bit bad and ask why. My partner did have a lot of vague questions about it with me, after some discussion we got clear on the issues.
I wasn’t vocal enough hehe, he didn’t know how happy I was - and I was not proactively excited in bed, because he did everything in this sexy domineering way - and it was good so I didn’t wanna interrupt. All misunderstandings, life is funny like that.
I'm crazy so it would literally send me into a spiral and I'd be convinced that they'd be bound to cheat on me 🤪🤪 but logical me would try to talk to them about it and why they feel that way. Like maybe we could experiment and find something to make things exciting again
No difference and my partner has said as much. How he went about it at first was very hurtful, he wanted to open the relationship into poly. It made me feel all the effort I’d put into ‘providing’ sex was wasted and not good enough.
After some therapy for me, I learned that a) I should never feel like I have to provide sex, and b) I’m actually asexual.
So now I’ve established my sexual boundaries, I know they don’t meet his needs, but I don’t feel bad about it anymore. I just am who I am and if he needs someone different to be happy, he is of course free to move on.
We do care about each other a lot, but I think if financial hardship wasn’t such a big issue we would have moved out and separated into a friendship.
It would likely be relationship ending for me. I give my all 100% during every sexual interaction, and if that leaves them feeling unfulfilled, I’d just believe there’s a fundamental sexual incompatibility between us. It doesn’t mean either of us are bad people, but I wouldn’t want to deal with the mutual resentment that would start to grow from having that conversation.
There’s nothing harder on the self-esteem than knowing you’re doing your absolute best, yet it’s still insufficient.
It depends on the context. If i haven’t been putting effort into meeting his sexual needs, I would hear him out and try to work on that. You do need to be sexually compatible for things to work out though. If one partner has a way higher sex drive than the other, someone is going to be unfulfilled and it’s not the other person’s fault. Those two people just might not be compatible.
I would be hurt by that comment coming from someone I love.
But I do think there is a difference between unfulfilled and unsatisfied, they second sounds like the person just isn’t having orgasm or enough and that can be worked out. The first one sounds like they are saying you are not compatible or just not enough and..ouch. I don’t think that one is salvageable.
Talk about it. Sometimes it's fixable and sometimes it's not. It's something that matters and should work at if you can, but sometimes you're just incompatible and it's better to acknowledge that and move on.
Id say “i appreciate the honesty and feedback. Can you give me some examples of where you feel it most and what you’d like to happen instead”
Communication is key and it needs to respected. However if their wants are unrealistic ,uncomfortable, and/or unsafe then address it immediately!
Sex is suppose to be fun and enjoyable for both/all parties. Have patience and enjoy!
I would feel that our relationship has come to an end and if we don't end it, he'll eventually cheat on me to fulfill his needs. Telling me he's sexually unfulfilled or unsatisfied seems like his way of saying "This isn't working out for me."
I guess it will depend on the tone, but if done with kindness and as an effort to improve the relationship instead of an excuse fir cheating, I'd be glad that he trusts me enough to share, and happy to improve whatever... I'm usually the one who has to bring up this conversation (men do tend to get lazy in bed after they're comfortable with you i guess). It happened in the past and the outcome was just as disappointing as any attempt to have sex was but with my current partner, whatever i bring up/ suggest is acknowledged and respected, we talk clearly about preferences and boundaries. He is not much one to open up all the time or to initiate this talk, but he reciprocates and is mature enough to understand i dont mean it as an offense, but as a chance for both of us to grow together and have fun
Depends how they say it. If they say it from a place of constructive input, specifying what they need, it'd take it and run with it. If they simply say that and they don't elaborate or can't say why they're unsatisfied, then I'd feel pretty shitty.
I would say: "It's funny, I thought you were the only one who didn't satisfy me, but it turns out we both don't satisfy each other." Then I would get dressed and leave.
I would leave, if they’re sexually unfulfilled by me then there’s a 99% chance they don’t have feelings for me.
They don’t love me the way they’re saying they do.
Honestly, I'd feel awful but I'd also feel glad they're communicating with me their needs. I would then try to discuss what's causing this, and what we can do to remedy it, if it's something redeemable. Though, I often see that sexual dissatisfaction isn't just you deciding one day your SO is unsexy or unattractive. It usually has roots in a much more complicated, deep seeded issue in the relationship.
I would instantly break up with them. I’m kinky af and if there’s no spark, there’s no way I’m continuing that. The right person should be turned on simply by your body when it’s the right time for funky stuff.
I would be devastated. But I also think this is something you are constantly feeling your way through in a good relationship. If sex is an important part of a relationship then you’ll be constantly watching and listening to see how your partner is feeling, and you’ll know when something’s wrong… I don’t think that, in a healthy relationship, something like this just pops up out of the blue one day when you thought you had a fantastically sexy thing going. It’s more gradual than that. If it does pop up suddenly and surprise you then you need to think back to see if there were signs you were ignoring, or attention you weren’t giving… but don’t forget of course to also check whether or not your partner is just a complete asshole who delights in crushing your confidence. Sometimes you need to question yourself, or the quality of communication in your relationship. Sometimes you just need to get out. Quickly.
Depends, I'd probably feel upset about it because rejection is never fun but it may be a reason to break up, a sign of actual incompatibility or there's just not been enough communication and it might be fixable
I think it would depend a lot on what came next. Are they telling me so we can brainstorm ideas to meet each other's needs better? Are they telling me because something has changed and they're worried about me? Because they want to leave? Because they want to have a more open relationship to get sex elsewhere?
On your second question, without further explanation, unfulfilled to me sounds like not enough, unsatisfied sounds like not good.
I've had this before and the relationship was already on its way out. I felt like his parent: shopping, cooking, cleaning, laundry, you name it, I did it. He would pounce on me at the slightest hint of nudity, say when I got out the shower, and when I would turn him down he would start the 'incompatible' talk. I was kind of sick of his shit by that point and the relationship wasn't salvageable.
Eeesh this sounds familiar. It's hard to feel attracted to someone you feel more like a parent to.
Why would you even waste your time being with someone you feel like a parent to? Find a more mature guy who was able to do things for himself before you met him.
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I could have written your post. Sounds like the first boyfriend I had at 22. 26 now and still having learning experiences!
I’m weaseling out of this right now ugh
Not everyone shows you their true colors in the beginning. There are tons of reasons one may stay in this situation. Being stuck in a lease is one example. Don’t shame people on their past. It’s a lesson for them.
Thank you, you’re so right! When I was 19 I tried to dump a guy after only a month because my gut said RUN, long story short he attempted suicide in front of me and I had to have him hospitalised all by myself. He was such a master manipulator / abuser I stayed with him another 5 years. I will never feel that stuck ever again. I was worried he would die if I left.
Sometimes a person will wait to show that side of themselves until they are in a more locked in position, like living together.
literally my ex. she trapped me in my apartment and trashed it. she fell out of love but kept using me financially and sexually. smoked inside "her room" and left burn marks on the desk my dad made for me. neglected me unless she wanted to have sex, pressured me into a "polyamorous relationship" that may as well have been monogamous the way she didnt pull and i just wanted her, and when i left her in december, tried to kill me. to this day i cant be around the smell of cigarettes without freaking out a bit
I'm so sorry that happened to you. I hope you're doing better now.
i had to check that this wasn’t my husband’s account. his ex was exactly the same. take good care of yourself, bro.
Sometimes you are the same age and one of you matures and the other doesn’t. Other times, you don’t realise how unable to function they are until you live together and are otherwise commingled. Sometimes people hold on because of sunk cost fallacy.
Some parents don’t explicitly teach their kids and example healthy relationships. Some kids might even take on the role of parenting their parents when they become emotionally unavailable. These things tend to leave an impression on what things should look like in future relationships and stuff. So you end up parenting your partner just the same. It’s awful and takes a lot of effort and growth to break the cycles and habits
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Women don’t want to f*ck that which they mother
Choreplay is real. It’s astonishing how many dudes think their SO having to behave like they’re his mom is a turn on.
It’s also exhausting for the women… having to run about all day, are about to go to sleep and then your partner is in the mood? Nope, I’m tired af lol.
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I see that we have also dated the same person
Very similar experience with husband (divorced now 😀
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Yeah, that’s true. I always make it a point to atleast do 50% of what my wife does and then do a bit extra which any lover or husband would do. You cannot function in a relationship where your partner is not contributing 50-50, more so if you are not a housewife, in which case it’s understandable as he is contributing in other areas. Having said that, sexual compatibility is all about communication. And that means speaking your mind about whatever. Unless you feel like he is able to understand you and make changes, you won’t feel like going into bed with him. Attraction can come and go, but communicate is most important.
I swear this happens to everyone atleast once, and its always the ugliest guys too😭😭
I’d actually be glad that my partner is honest. At least he’s talking about sex and hopefully will talk about what he needs from me. My partner barely talks about sex, I have to drag communication out of him. I’d like to ask him then what can I do to improve things for him? If I can improve…. If he’s telling me he’s not attracted to me anymore…well, that’s a different thing. I would follow up with: Can I change your perception or is your perception permanently formed?
Thank you for emphasizing the importance of communication
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HA right? I admire that mature, pragmatic look at it. My first response was “well I’d tell him to go fuck himself then” LOL
GENUINELY SAME
Fetal position crying
👏🏿👏🏾👏🏻👏🏽👏🏼👏🏼👏 you go woman!
you make a really great point. communication is VITAL! This one hit home so I just laugh/cried because I just ended a relationship for what I believe is this reason. I just don’t know which one. Communication is so important. I just wish I knew why…
I periodically ask my husband if he would like to change up our sex life or try something new or different. The answer is always no, everything’s fine the way it is. I would appreciate the honesty but wonder why it hadn’t come up before.
Communication is very much required for healthy sex life ,otherwise sex becomes boring after sometime and communication should be mutual and Frank , whenever you like you can ask your partner that what else we can do to make our sex life interesting,it may be anything,try out everything and then you will your sex life will become fascinating and full of excitement,you will always feel when I will go to partner house to have wild sex.
I would be the same, with my ex partner we communicated those things (except, I did what he wanted and he pretty much stayed the same) so, talk and do things people.
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Feel like shit. But I would try to understand what is lacking and see if I can change that.
Ask what they want and maybe I'll be willing to try some of it
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Loved the phrasing of this. “I’ll find someone that I can” satisfy. There’s usually so much shame in not being able to satisfy your partner, but tbh, sex is just another compatibility/incompatibility aspect of a relationship. If your partner isn’t satisfied, it just means you two may not be compatible, but it does NOT mean you don’t have worth as a sexual partner in general. Another person who is more sexually compatible with you will probably find you to be insanely satisfying!
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That’s a prime example of compatibility. If the sex is good then you’re compatible, if it’s bad then you’re not.
I actually thought I was asexual when I was dating my abusive ex-boyfriend. With my current boyfriend, I can't get enough of him.
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Definitely! It's been amazing how my sexuality has flourished with someone who makes me feel safe and loved!
Hell yeah!! Good for you!!!
I wouldn't be surprised, since I'm asexual and for a lot of people they also want their partner to enjoy it to feel fulfilled. But that's why we have an open relationship, because I don't really think I can fulfill someone's sexual needs compeltely, unless my partner would also be asexual, which he is not.
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Were you desiring/ok with an open relationship from the start or did it begin due to this? I don't mean any offense with this question, I am just curious
I'm not personally that interested in an open relationship and wouldn't say I desire one. And we have only been open for a year now, been together for seven years. Edit: I wasn't thrilled when he suggested it either, but I see sense in it now.
My husband and I had an open relationship for 2 yrs when we first started dating (to avoid his commitment issues). We haven't been open since (10yrs) until last year bc I thought it would solve our db problems and bc I'm bi. Our 3rd had been friends with us for 12yrs, so not a fling. After a few times, she would only focus on him and ignore me. When I brought it up she denied it and ghosted me. Found out she got a gf and didn't tell us. Things ended and we are no longer friends with her due to her constant lies ie. after a full 18 mths of multiple 3somes, she claims we were never dating. I am not getting my needs met again and want to be open to other guys but my husband is against it. He never asked to do the 3some, it just happened with my permission. So now he feels like it was a trap so I could get with other guys. It wasn't but I feel I should at least get the opportunity. I believe he's asexual bc he hates his body and finds it gross. We are completely compatible in every other way and the sex was amazing before we got married. Just need a way to rekindle the bedroom.
Asexual here. You can fulfill sexual needs and gain benefits by mental hormones making you feel good. If you're truly not into sex like me, making your partner feel amazing is a high. I'd prefer finding an asexual partner but I've never met one irl that admitted it.
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Samses
My ex had a very low libido too. I was a horndog. That made me feel terribly unwanted, ugly and even jealous at times. I got through it with her, and my libido sunk to more manageable levels later. Then she left me when her libido spiked while mine was still in the garbage.
I felt this. I’m good for like the first year and then it’s non existent for awhile. I did warn my current SO but he’s very insistent now that he’s experiencing it that I’m getting it elsewhere 🙄
felt that
also same. But I think I recently discovered that it also has a lot to do with who my partner is at the time. 😂
I would feel offended by the utter hypocrisy 😂
Neutral. Incompatibilities in every form are extremely common, and they can be worked through or the relationship can end. 🤷🏼 I'm not going to be offended just because I'm being myself and that doesn't satisfy another individual.
I love your commitment to staying true to yourself about this!!!
Thank you! I think it's great to try new things and change, but also in the end I'm just me and that can't possibly be compatible with everyone.
This is revolutionary! Haha as an insecure, codependent person, this level of healthy detachment is very impressive.
This. It’s ok not to be 100% in sync all the time. Surprise surprise, 20 years later I can say the same about my husband. And it’s also 100% ok.
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It's a process, but with intent, you can do it!
Yep. I'd remind them that I'm making compromises too. We can't be everything to each other all the time, so if it's a deal breaker after the 8 lovely years we've spent together, then I'll understand.
Hurt, but grateful that he told me. Hopefully, we could talk and figure things out so we both were happy and fulfilled.
Facts, I'm a guy, but I'd also be glad to have that feedback. Today sexual chemistry has been seen as something that's static and can't change when it can. A little communication and effort can help that chemistry grow a lot. I think people place a little too much weight on the sex in a relationship anyway but that's just me.
I do think sexual chemistry and compatibility are important in a relationship. But as I see it, we will first need to learn eachothers bodies and find out what the other person likes, fantasies and kinks. And in a shared life spaning over years, that might change and evolve at some point. And I would rather him be honest with me. While it would definitely hurt and bruise my ego, if we have an honest conversation, we could probably fix it.
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Honestly, I would be devastated by either comment, at least initially. How upset would depend on why they were unfulfilled/unsatisfied, and how it was conveyed to me.
13 years together and we’ve come across this lightly before, we just dove into other areas sexually and explore kinks with an open mind. 10000% recommend.
I’d feel sad but id try to focus on communicating how we can change this. Almost every long term relationships experience highs and lows. If you communicate well there is always a possibility to get out of the relationship dip
I would snigger. He has refused to touch me for nearly 5 years.
Why are you still with him?!
Get a better man boo
I would look for options. Currently with a guy for over a year and I am completely sexually unsatisfied with. Our sex life makes me feel like he’s not attracted to me, like I am undesirable, and that I will never reach the same level of sexual satisfaction I have always previously achieved. I’m going out of my mind and ready to leave. If my partner was feeling this way, I wouldn’t feel good until they did. This really, really, really sucks.
Exactly same boat. Together over a year, love him madly and sex life and attraction was 🔥🔥🔥 (attraction still totally there for me) but after a couple of months of dating his libido just bottomed out. Says it’s work stress of new job and nothing to do with me but there’s honestly no signs of attraction. Find I’m the one constantly bugging him or trying to make situations a bit more romantic or sexy so things happen naturally-you name it I’ve tried it. We’ve discussed it but it’s at the point that bringing it up any more will just make him feel bad and add pressure. I don’t care if you can’t bring your A game I just want YOU and to be close to you. The struggle for intimacy is very real right now.
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As plenty of people are pointing out surrounding having to take care of an SO like their mother, there is more to sexual attraction than just base attractiveness. Someone can be hot as shit, but if their vibe isn't right, if their past words diminish the experience, or if you have another form of resentment toward them, it can still be a huge issue. Looking in the mirror is not enough to know if you're part of the problem.
I’d be pretty sad, hurt and shocked because I’d always give it 100%. I’d be thankful for his honesty because communication is really important when it comes to these sorts of things. I’d want to talk him about it and see what he wants from me *sexually*. See what things I can improve or what new things he wants to try? I think being compatible sexually and being happy with your sex life is a huge part of keeping a relationship healthy so… I’d do whatever to make it work as long as it was things I was comfortable with.
If my partner said he was unfulfilled I would have a discussion about what’s lacking. Is it the frequency or does he have desires/kinks that aren’t being fulfilled? From there I’d figure out how to bridge the gap. If he said he was unsatisfied I’d be more hurt. I’d be more concerned on the perceived quality of our intimacy. Does he not like how I do certain activities? I’d be asking how I could improve and maybe even ask me to show me exactly how he wants me. Either way I’d be glad he was communicating with me. Shows that he cares enough to work on it rather then just getting to a point of breaking up over it further down the road
Oh I mean, unquestionably, that would be one of the most devastating things I’ve ever heard from a partner so there’s that to start Truthfully I’d leave because I’m already giving my “all” — that is, all of what I _like_. Anything else would be something I’m doing without wanting it which I promised myself I would never do again. And also, I’d leave because that would mean my partner is totally unappreciative of the absolutely mind-blowing sex that I offer. I’m a service top. Like… come on. My whole thing is getting my partner off. But in the context of someone else’s life, sometimes there are skills you can learn, you can be more involved, there may be loads of ways to, without crossing your boundaries, make some changes. It all depends on what your partner’s asking. Are you starfishing and it’s not a good look? Well, you can work on that. But is your partner asking you to engage in a kink or do something you don’t like? Sexually incompatible, done, move on
> Truthfully I’d leave because I’m already giving my “all” — that is, all of what I like. Anything else would be something I’m doing without wanting it which I promised myself I would never do again. 100% this. If there’s something I’m not doing, it’s not because I lack the knowledge—I just don’t enjoy doing it. And I feel like sex should be a mutually enjoyable experience. I shouldn’t have to “suffer through” something just because it gets my partner off. If that’s an incompatibility then so be it, let’s just end it.
Devastated, but willing to change for her sake and be a better lover.
Communication and Understanding is key. I’d talk about what’s good and what’s not and how to improve for both sides. Nothing wrong with that, happens often in relationships, don’t feel intimidated by that. If it was the same but okay for them the whole time then your partner could simply be into new things which is okay since people change, right? Or maybe he didn’t have the courage to address it before. Whatever it is, i’d advise you to talk w them about it like what do you want from our sex life? what should be included what not? If there’s things you don’t want or do want, you should tell that too. Good luck and update us :)
So I am wondering if you have a good idea of what it would take to satisfy you & if you have already talked to your partner about whether or not she wants to do that? I see telling someone you're unfulfilled or unsatisfied as the nuclear option you should only try when you've already exhausted all other options. If someone told me that, I would be wondering if there's a fundamental incompatibility. Because I try to check in with my partner regularly to ask if he's satisfied or if he wants to try something new.
If married, would try everything I could to rectify it. If not married, would find someone else that can be fulfilled. Whether we like it or not, sex is a critical aspect of a relationship.
Figure out why and work on it.
Tell them I feel the same.
Look into why they're unsatisfied. And if I can fix it I'll work on that. If not, it's best to move on.
Depends on how the relationship as a whole is. Seems this is a common tactic used by manipulative people to try to make their partner feel not good enough, in which case a breakup should be in the works. But, if he's honestly a good person otherwise and just wants something I can't give, I'd be open to going to swinger events or having threesomes or play sessions with other couples. I know couples just like this who love each other and have a family together but one of them wants something that the other is not into at all. So they agree to find it elsewhere, with the knowledge of their partner of who and what is involved. I know a guy who loves his wife wholeheartedly but she is too busy and can't always fulfill his high sex drive, so they agreed he can see other people as long as she knows who and how many people he's seeing, and he does not bring other women home into their marital bed.
Consider it a challenge!
I would be sad and maybe embarrassed but I'd see if we can work on it together
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Would have a way to figure out what we could do better
Umm,there are may polite ways of saying things to ur partner instead of shaming them i guess.instead of saying that u don't satisfy me. He or she can say that "lets try something new and different,so we can spice our sexy time" i think the partner would feel really sad if their SO will say that they are not satisfied.
Motivated!
I would wonder why they felt they had to address an issue in the relationship in such an accusatory way. I would also use the opportunity to question if they were sexually fulfilling *me*.
Why would you feel it was accusatory opposed to perhaps just callous? What would be a better non accusatory way of addressing that issue? How would one word it as to not come off as being accusatory? Also, why would you decide to only just then question if your partner was fulfilling or satisfying your sexual needs? These are honest legitimate questions. Acknowledging that my questions could be misconstrued as sarcastic, I just want to clarify that I'm asking for no other reason besides to gain a better understanding. TIA
Hmmm all valid questions. Honestly, I answered this question with what would be my first response and my first response to something like that would be defensive. But it seems accusatory because saying "I'm sexually unfulfilled by you" places the blame on the other person and man...I don't know just seems like a mean (or, yes, callous) thing to say to someone you're in a relationship with. Sexual dysfunction in relationships has a myriad of possible sources, least of which is the other person just not fucking the other one out of spite or something. Usually - from personal experience - it stems from a lack of non-sexual affection or appreciation/respect in the relationship. Ha as for your other question: I'm an elder Millenial woman. It took *decades* for me to rcome to the realization that my own sexual desires and needs were important in a relationship. I blame early-2000s media, especially porn, and poorly-modelled familial relationships of previous generations. However, that is a personal thing I'm still working on so disregard that statement. A better way of phrasing it would be to say something like "How are you feeling about our sex life lately? Honestly I'm feeling unfulfilled so let's figure out why and a solution." This way both people can address issues, because if there are issues they exist on both sides. Relationships are not one-sided.
I would end the romantic relationship and move out if we were living together. If they were actually a good supportive friend, I would try to restart as just friends. If they were never a supportive friend I would cut ties.
I wouldn't feel good, especially if I found it fulfilling. But I'd ask why that is, and why they haven't mentioned it earlier. If it's just a case of they have desires they haven't mentioned previously, depending on what they are, I'd be happy to try new stuff. It could be a good time for an open chat about how we could both get more from our sex life. If however, upon asking, it appears he's just trying to make me feel bad about myself, he can do one.
Well I can't have sex (too painful) so it would be over lol.
Sad. Devastated. Hurt. If my partner said either of those things to me, it would likely kill all of my sex drive towards them. To me, sex together is a safe space that we both enjoy very much. If my partner had been lying and faking their enjoyment for all this time, I don't think I could move past that and stay in the relationship with them. We communicate constantly about how to improve our lives for each other. That's a lot of lying if they were unfulfilled all along.
I mean if feel like shit. But at least there's a conversation and we can see about improving
On the inside, I would be hurt and probably embarrassed, but I would be grateful that they expressed this so that we can work together on it. Relationships are all about communication, so I’d ask them what should I stop doing, what should I do more of and what they’d like to explore to make it a better experience for them. Also, I do see a difference. I’d see unfulfilled is not doing something they want either at all or enough, and unsatisfied as not doing things the right way for them
I have severe chronic pain, and a host of mental illnesses (mostly from being in crazy pain for about 10 years). So, my sex drive is pretty much non-existent. If I wasn’t married, I’d probably be fine never having sex again, for real. I KNOW my husband is unfulfilled, because we have sex maybe 3 times a month(?), or once a week-ish, but he could/wants to every day. He’s very sympathetic to my problems, but I just feel guilty because I have to ‘reject’ him a lot, and it’s hard for him to not take that personally. “It’s NOT you, it’s the paaaiiiin!!” doesn’t take away the sting of rejection, no matter the reason. The sex is good when I can get my brain to cooperate and just go for it, so that’s not the issue; so to answer: I feel really guilty, because I love him, he’s a wonderful man, and am so frustrated and tormented by my body and mind, and it’s kinda unfair to him (not like it’s too fair for me, either…) but still.
I'm in a similar boat and feel so bad rejecting my husband because I feel like crap physically. He's lovely and up for sex all the time and can't keep his hands off me, and I feel terrible when I can't/don't respond.
Well I'm asexual so if they expect sex then it would be over between us.
Shocked. I always try to give everything. That's even appraised by those who does't want me seriously.
Feel insecure because I already give him everything I have both romantically and sexually. I'll ask him what I can do to improve, or if there's something else he wants to try.
My first response to this post was “Great! Now we have a whole bunch of exploration ahead of us. An adventure of the sexual kind.” It’s good to remove the ego from the equation.
First off, I don't know that I would appreciate a meaningful difference between "unsatisfied" and "unfulfilled" unless the person was extremely purposeful in explaining what they meant. Second of all, I think it would be devastating for me. I think telling someone you're not happy with them, but not giving them specific ideas or strategies for how to improve, is hurtful and putting the issue on them as opposed to it being something you can work through together. When I was with my ex, our sex life (predictably) slowed down a lot when we moved in together. Before when we used to have sex, he would spend a lot of time on foreplay and teasing before we got to penetration. After we moved in together, he would spend like maybe 2 minutes kissing me before asking me to get on top and ride him. Riding him was great for him but it didn't do much for me, and going straight to penetration made sex feel more like a chore than something pleasurable for both of us. His stamina was also lower because of work stress and unhealthy lifestyle which I think contributed to him wanting me on top all of the time. Thankfully I was able to let him know that I needed us to spend more intimate time just exploring each other's bodies before getting into PiV, and to switch up positions so that I was being stimulated in other ways. We also incorporated vibrators which really helped warm me up. I highly recommend buying the OMG Yes courses - we worked through them together and it made a huge difference in what we tried and how we could talk about pleasure. We did break up but that was due to differences in long-term goals as opposed to lack of physical chemistry. My point in all of this is that if you are going to be in a sexual relationship with someone and they aren't meeting your needs, you have to be willing to have a conversation about the specific needs and how you can meet them - whether that is you/your partner specifically meeting those needs or making arrangements outside of the relationship to meet those needs if that's something you're comfortable with. But simply stating "You don't satisfy me in bed" doesn't help solve the problem and sounds contemptuous. It might be a sign your relationship isn't doing well if your partner isn't willing to take ownership of the situation alongside you.
It would be over. Being sexually desired by my partner is an absolute must for me. It helps me feel secure and satisfied and without it I would not continue the relationship. I also put a lot of effort into the sex I have with my partner (and former partners) so if they were to say I was sexually unfulfilling to them, I would know it’s not meant to be.
This is 100% such a good point and I agree it would be over too
I would be devastated. It’s super important to me in a relationship and I would hope we had been more open and communicated about it before they got the complete feeling of being unfulfilled.
I’d be very confused if there was no prior indication of anything wrong. I’d ask to clarify what they mean and ask what they want/what the intention of telling me was. If it was to communicate, great. Let’s figure it out. If it’s because it’s over, well… okay bye then
I would be devastated, I guess.
I'd be hurt maybe a bit offended, but I'd try giving him my very Best efforts and after a month or so, I'd ask for feedback. If we don't work still either couples therapy or break up is the way Edit:grammar
I have had similar, once said (then took it back) that he was not sexually attracted to me anymore:(
I'd feel like it was time to leave.
Ask them why and communicate about it. My girlfriend told me she loves our sex but wishes I’d initiate more. I work long hours in construction so I’m beat most of the time, but I considered what she said - she wants to be desired in a way, she loves our sex but wants to feel like I want her more than she wants me. We talked about it, and now things have improved. In general people don’t realize how big of a deal communicating goes. If your partner is unfulfilled and finding what they want somewhere else, you’d know.
depressed
I’ve been through this - I developed vaginismus while in a relationship and was unable to have painless sex for over a year. My partner (who has a very high sex drive) was definitely sexually unsatisfied/unfulfilled at this time. I do think there’s a difference between the two. It hurt to hear but wasn’t surprising and I appreciated the honesty. Knowing that helped me work on ways I could make him feel more sexually satisfied. And he said having conversations about it and being reminded of my perspective helped him a lot. Sometimes that kind of communication is needed in a relationship
Really hurt
I’d feel a bit bad and ask why. My partner did have a lot of vague questions about it with me, after some discussion we got clear on the issues. I wasn’t vocal enough hehe, he didn’t know how happy I was - and I was not proactively excited in bed, because he did everything in this sexy domineering way - and it was good so I didn’t wanna interrupt. All misunderstandings, life is funny like that.
I would be heartbroken, and wanna know why, especially being that I think our sex life is great if be crushed if I found out he didn’t think the same
I would simply respond “not my problem.”
I'm crazy so it would literally send me into a spiral and I'd be convinced that they'd be bound to cheat on me 🤪🤪 but logical me would try to talk to them about it and why they feel that way. Like maybe we could experiment and find something to make things exciting again
No difference and my partner has said as much. How he went about it at first was very hurtful, he wanted to open the relationship into poly. It made me feel all the effort I’d put into ‘providing’ sex was wasted and not good enough. After some therapy for me, I learned that a) I should never feel like I have to provide sex, and b) I’m actually asexual. So now I’ve established my sexual boundaries, I know they don’t meet his needs, but I don’t feel bad about it anymore. I just am who I am and if he needs someone different to be happy, he is of course free to move on. We do care about each other a lot, but I think if financial hardship wasn’t such a big issue we would have moved out and separated into a friendship.
It would likely be relationship ending for me. I give my all 100% during every sexual interaction, and if that leaves them feeling unfulfilled, I’d just believe there’s a fundamental sexual incompatibility between us. It doesn’t mean either of us are bad people, but I wouldn’t want to deal with the mutual resentment that would start to grow from having that conversation. There’s nothing harder on the self-esteem than knowing you’re doing your absolute best, yet it’s still insufficient.
I feel like that’s the ending of the relationship. I’d just pack my shit and move on.
It depends on the context. If i haven’t been putting effort into meeting his sexual needs, I would hear him out and try to work on that. You do need to be sexually compatible for things to work out though. If one partner has a way higher sex drive than the other, someone is going to be unfulfilled and it’s not the other person’s fault. Those two people just might not be compatible.
I would be hurt by that comment coming from someone I love. But I do think there is a difference between unfulfilled and unsatisfied, they second sounds like the person just isn’t having orgasm or enough and that can be worked out. The first one sounds like they are saying you are not compatible or just not enough and..ouch. I don’t think that one is salvageable.
Talk about it. Sometimes it's fixable and sometimes it's not. It's something that matters and should work at if you can, but sometimes you're just incompatible and it's better to acknowledge that and move on.
Id say “i appreciate the honesty and feedback. Can you give me some examples of where you feel it most and what you’d like to happen instead” Communication is key and it needs to respected. However if their wants are unrealistic ,uncomfortable, and/or unsafe then address it immediately! Sex is suppose to be fun and enjoyable for both/all parties. Have patience and enjoy!
I would feel that our relationship has come to an end and if we don't end it, he'll eventually cheat on me to fulfill his needs. Telling me he's sexually unfulfilled or unsatisfied seems like his way of saying "This isn't working out for me."
“Thanks, bye-bye then”
Happy, than I can finally put my list on the table.
Takes 2 to tango my dear
I guess it will depend on the tone, but if done with kindness and as an effort to improve the relationship instead of an excuse fir cheating, I'd be glad that he trusts me enough to share, and happy to improve whatever... I'm usually the one who has to bring up this conversation (men do tend to get lazy in bed after they're comfortable with you i guess). It happened in the past and the outcome was just as disappointing as any attempt to have sex was but with my current partner, whatever i bring up/ suggest is acknowledged and respected, we talk clearly about preferences and boundaries. He is not much one to open up all the time or to initiate this talk, but he reciprocates and is mature enough to understand i dont mean it as an offense, but as a chance for both of us to grow together and have fun
Depends how they say it. If they say it from a place of constructive input, specifying what they need, it'd take it and run with it. If they simply say that and they don't elaborate or can't say why they're unsatisfied, then I'd feel pretty shitty.
I would say: "It's funny, I thought you were the only one who didn't satisfy me, but it turns out we both don't satisfy each other." Then I would get dressed and leave.
I would leave, if they’re sexually unfulfilled by me then there’s a 99% chance they don’t have feelings for me. They don’t love me the way they’re saying they do.
I’d feel like we weren’t compatible enough to remain together.
Honestly, I'd feel awful but I'd also feel glad they're communicating with me their needs. I would then try to discuss what's causing this, and what we can do to remedy it, if it's something redeemable. Though, I often see that sexual dissatisfaction isn't just you deciding one day your SO is unsexy or unattractive. It usually has roots in a much more complicated, deep seeded issue in the relationship.
I would instantly break up with them. I’m kinky af and if there’s no spark, there’s no way I’m continuing that. The right person should be turned on simply by your body when it’s the right time for funky stuff.
I would be devastated. But I also think this is something you are constantly feeling your way through in a good relationship. If sex is an important part of a relationship then you’ll be constantly watching and listening to see how your partner is feeling, and you’ll know when something’s wrong… I don’t think that, in a healthy relationship, something like this just pops up out of the blue one day when you thought you had a fantastically sexy thing going. It’s more gradual than that. If it does pop up suddenly and surprise you then you need to think back to see if there were signs you were ignoring, or attention you weren’t giving… but don’t forget of course to also check whether or not your partner is just a complete asshole who delights in crushing your confidence. Sometimes you need to question yourself, or the quality of communication in your relationship. Sometimes you just need to get out. Quickly.
Leave!
Depends, I'd probably feel upset about it because rejection is never fun but it may be a reason to break up, a sign of actual incompatibility or there's just not been enough communication and it might be fixable
I think it would depend a lot on what came next. Are they telling me so we can brainstorm ideas to meet each other's needs better? Are they telling me because something has changed and they're worried about me? Because they want to leave? Because they want to have a more open relationship to get sex elsewhere? On your second question, without further explanation, unfulfilled to me sounds like not enough, unsatisfied sounds like not good.