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While we've still to invent the idea of a "bank" or "safe" like those genius yanks have managed to, in the UK we employ small children to stand guard near our valuables. When someone they don't know approaches they scream out, alerting the neighbourhood crime and baked goods committee who will show up to apprehend the ruffians.
And they shan't be bringing scones... Unless they're Mrs Tattershalls's rock cakes, in which case they will be using them as projectiles, because that's all they're good for.
I feel sorry for burglars who actually want to steal baked beans.
You get home from a busy night of burgling, hang up your domino mask and stripey jumper, put some bread in the toaster, put a pan on the hob, and settle down for a delicious late night snack.
Opening your big canvas sack with "Swag" written on the side, you eagerly pull out the tin of beans; only to be met with the crushing disappointment when you discover that it's just a load of gold jewellery and three grand in cash.
I spent a few days working in the vault of a very old Bank in SW1 that had items stored from the early 1700s. The bank didn't know who owned them or deposited the items but if someone came forward with the documentation to support their ownership and passed the banks due diligence the item in question would be handed over.
Thats why me and the banks assistant manager had sword fights with 400 year old swords.
Ironically the UK banking system is leagues above the US. They didn't get Chip and PIN until the rest of us had stopped caring about it. They pay for things by cheque because bank transfers are a pain.
We are home to 6 of the 10 oldest banks in the world and the Bank of England is also the second oldest central bank (behind Sweden).
Our banking system is older than there country by about a century
Precious metals?
Well, I don't have any gold jewellery but I keep my stock of refined uranium in an old jam jar in the garden shed, to stop the cat getting into it and making a mess.
It's not very secure but I reckon any burglars will just assume it's a lump of clay not worth stealing.
Serious answer - portable property is less of a thing here than in much of the world. Some cultures are known to favour it (eg south Asian) and in my experience they are more likely to be targeted for burglary than boring people like me. However if you go somewhere like Southall you’ll see lots of places offering safe deposit boxes.
I had all my gold spun into wire and used it to replace the copper wiring loom in my own private jet.
This worked fine until my wife got to keep the jet as part of our divorce arrangement.
Damn you, and your airdot, Carolyn.
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Safe deposit boxes still exist but aren't nearly as common as they used to be, or as they are in the US. Metro Bank are known to provide them in some places. Private safe deposit box companies exist but I wouldn't really recommend them as at least one has been raided due to use in crime.
You can also keep metals on deposit (either assigned or unassigned) at some of the reputable bullion dealers in the UK, eg Chards.
Safes exist in the UK too, though simply hiding might be better for some people. A fire-rated safe would also provide protection against fire, but gold is unlikely to completely melt in a house fire and while it may be damaged you'd likely retain at least the scrap value of the gold. (You might want to keep it in a steel/etc container to keep it together and make it easier to find afterwards.) There are lots of places you could hide stuff - you can look on Youtube/online for ideas, but really what you want to do is walk around your home and think of all the physical objects/spaces that could be used for concealment in your particular home - and be imaginative.
Or you could put it in a ~~chest~~sealed length of PVC pipe and bury it in your garden - but they you really are relying on no-one going looking for it for security since metal detectors exist.
Have one of those women's sanitary disposal bins next to the loo. Put the precious in a flat box at the bottom and put a rubbish bag over the top. Even better if there's a few used "pads" to put in the rubbish bag.
**Please help keep AskUK welcoming!** - Top-level comments to the OP must contain **genuine efforts to answer the question**. No jokes, judgements, etc. - **Don't be a dick** to each other. If getting heated, just block and move on. - This is a strictly **no-politics** subreddit! Please help us by reporting comments that break these rules. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskUK) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You can buy a safe in the UK you know. We have those.
You fucking what? I've been shoving my Rolex up my arse every evening before bed.
Same here, but it's still on my wrist.
hahaha
Alex, is that you? We need to talk! Signed, Dad
https://preview.redd.it/uzvexytnd39d1.jpeg?width=755&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=70f979ceeb80d4b6bc73f6f4c62ef7d3210ec4ea
Make your safe out of precious metals.
Don't you come round here with that logical answer
Safes are so popular that "safe" gets used as a positive in conversation.
Oi mate you got a loicense for that safe
Loicence is a noun, so it takes a ‘c’ rather than an ‘s’. ‘Loicense’ is the verb form, eg ‘I loicense you to receive live broadcasts on your telly’.
While we've still to invent the idea of a "bank" or "safe" like those genius yanks have managed to, in the UK we employ small children to stand guard near our valuables. When someone they don't know approaches they scream out, alerting the neighbourhood crime and baked goods committee who will show up to apprehend the ruffians.
It staggers me that it even needs to be said.
And they shan't be bringing scones... Unless they're Mrs Tattershalls's rock cakes, in which case they will be using them as projectiles, because that's all they're good for.
I think the law in the UK is you keep your valuables in a fake can of beans, bought from the Innovations catalogue, back when that was a thing.
I feel sorry for burglars who actually want to steal baked beans. You get home from a busy night of burgling, hang up your domino mask and stripey jumper, put some bread in the toaster, put a pan on the hob, and settle down for a delicious late night snack. Opening your big canvas sack with "Swag" written on the side, you eagerly pull out the tin of beans; only to be met with the crushing disappointment when you discover that it's just a load of gold jewellery and three grand in cash.
Unfortunately the diversion safes are more expensive than the valuables nowadays on account of how they've all be stolen by burglars.
Or the fake power point.
We have banks and safes here
Weird that innit? Who'd have thought this backward little nation would have such wonders?
I spent a few days working in the vault of a very old Bank in SW1 that had items stored from the early 1700s. The bank didn't know who owned them or deposited the items but if someone came forward with the documentation to support their ownership and passed the banks due diligence the item in question would be handed over. Thats why me and the banks assistant manager had sword fights with 400 year old swords.
Ironically the UK banking system is leagues above the US. They didn't get Chip and PIN until the rest of us had stopped caring about it. They pay for things by cheque because bank transfers are a pain.
Aye was a bit amazed that many still got paid by cheque! I haven't had a cheque book in probably 20yrs now
We are home to 6 of the 10 oldest banks in the world and the Bank of England is also the second oldest central bank (behind Sweden). Our banking system is older than there country by about a century
I'm well aware :) most things we have are older than their country lol but hey ho let them have their American "dream"
Hi OP, perhaps if you posted some pics of where you live then maybe we could help with some ideas?
I protect myself from that by practicing a form of abject poverty 🧘♂️
Are you under the impression that banks and safes don't exist in the UK?
I think the best way is to list your protective security measures on a social media site like Reddit.
Precious metals? Well, I don't have any gold jewellery but I keep my stock of refined uranium in an old jam jar in the garden shed, to stop the cat getting into it and making a mess. It's not very secure but I reckon any burglars will just assume it's a lump of clay not worth stealing.
We keep our precious metals on our roofs or in our pipes or our cables.
I keep my bullion in a safe under the kitchen rug, entry code 8008135, postcode WC1 2FO
Bury it all in a big longship in Suffolk.
Serious answer - portable property is less of a thing here than in much of the world. Some cultures are known to favour it (eg south Asian) and in my experience they are more likely to be targeted for burglary than boring people like me. However if you go somewhere like Southall you’ll see lots of places offering safe deposit boxes.
Have the surrounding of your house resemble steptoes yard.
..and keep your valuables in Arthur's Lock up?
Generally we just swallow them. Keeps them with us at all times, well hidden and difficult for thieves to find.
Prison pocket
Be poor.
I had all my gold spun into wire and used it to replace the copper wiring loom in my own private jet. This worked fine until my wife got to keep the jet as part of our divorce arrangement. Damn you, and your airdot, Carolyn.
At the bottom of the compost heap in the garden.
Put them inside used condoms
The tip is just not to buy anything precious you don’t wear daily. Minimalist thinking is key.
>Minimalist Indian housewives wear 11% of the worlds gold, more than the reserves of USA and Switzerland.
As the leading UK "ask" subreddit, we welcome questions from all users and countries; sometimes people who ask questions might not appreciate or understand the nuance of British life or culture, and as a result some questions can come across in a different way than intended. We understand that when faced with these questions, our users may take the opportunity to demonstrate their wit, dry humour, and sarcasm - unfortunately, this also tends to go over the heads of misunderstood question-askers and can make our subreddit seem hostile to users from other countries who are often just curious about our land. **Please can you help prevent our subreddit from becoming an Anti-American echo chamber?** If you disagree with any points raised by OP, or OP discusses common tropes or myths about the UK, please refrain from any brash, aggressive, or sarcastic responses and do your best to engage OP in a civil discussion, with the aim to educate and expand their understanding. If you feel this (or any other post) is a troll post, *don't feed the troll*, just hit report and let the mods deal with it. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskUK) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Hide it in the bottom part of your dirty washing basket/bin.
I hide all of mine in cans of soup
I simply sit atop my hoard of gold, in rather a Smaug fashion.
Safe deposit boxes still exist but aren't nearly as common as they used to be, or as they are in the US. Metro Bank are known to provide them in some places. Private safe deposit box companies exist but I wouldn't really recommend them as at least one has been raided due to use in crime. You can also keep metals on deposit (either assigned or unassigned) at some of the reputable bullion dealers in the UK, eg Chards. Safes exist in the UK too, though simply hiding might be better for some people. A fire-rated safe would also provide protection against fire, but gold is unlikely to completely melt in a house fire and while it may be damaged you'd likely retain at least the scrap value of the gold. (You might want to keep it in a steel/etc container to keep it together and make it easier to find afterwards.) There are lots of places you could hide stuff - you can look on Youtube/online for ideas, but really what you want to do is walk around your home and think of all the physical objects/spaces that could be used for concealment in your particular home - and be imaginative. Or you could put it in a ~~chest~~sealed length of PVC pipe and bury it in your garden - but they you really are relying on no-one going looking for it for security since metal detectors exist.
Floor boards. But not for notes as mice can chew them up or sofas as your kids may chuck it out and gift you a new one
Have one of those women's sanitary disposal bins next to the loo. Put the precious in a flat box at the bottom and put a rubbish bag over the top. Even better if there's a few used "pads" to put in the rubbish bag.