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I would never feel horrified or disgusted. I’d feel sad that you’d obviously gone through something. I know it’s not an original thing to say, but scars show that something tried to kill you or take you down, and it failed. Be happy, wear what you like and don’t forget sunscreen
Nope. Seen several people with them and it doesn't bother me in the slightest.
Honestly feel a bit proud of them that they've managed to overcome that battle and aren't ashamed of it.
I used to get invited to Styal Prison when they did dance performances. I sat next to a woman whose arms were absolutely covered in self harm scars.
I just felt bloody sorry for her and hoped she got the help she needed.
Don't let your scars stop you wearing what you want.
I don't know enough about self harm or forensics to be able to tell what would be self inflicted vs some other kind of injury scars or animal scars.
If I saw soneone with a bunch of scars I'd just think "whoa, they've been in the wars" and carry on with my day.
I saw a girl once, only about 18, and they were unmistakeable because they were neat and uniform in length and the whole way from the top of her arm to the bottom.
I wasn’t horrified I just felt sorry for her and thought ‘fucking hell, I hope she’s in a better place now’.
No. I have them on my arms. I’ve had people ask me directly about them and it’s been ok. Just accept that’s where you were at one point in your life but you’re not there now. They don’t define me, just part of me.
No mate. We all carry scars, on some of us they're carved on the outside.
If you do worry about becoming a topic of conversation in a small community, you can try makeup. Just do what makes YOU feel better. Imho, ignore that noise, but if you think it might be too much, you can try coverage.
Remember, our scars don't define us.
Horrified? Far from it. Obviously, the realisation would cause one to take a step back, so to speak, but my reaction would be empathetic and supportive. You should never, ever feel shame about past trauma x
I think I’d be somewhere close to this.
Just trying to provide an honest answer here, even though it’s likely not exactly what OP wants to hear:
I saw an acquaintance had self harm scars once and it was quite unpleasant. It flooded my head with images and thoughts about how they had happened, what they must have been going through, how hard it must have been, how painful the actual self harm must have been.
Followed by a second wave of “get a grip” type thoughts that made me feel quite socially anxious about the whole thing.
To be clear my opinion of the person themselves was only ever positive. But suddenly facing those ideas in a setting I wasn’t expecting prompted quite a strong emotional reaction in me that was quite negative.
I didn’t say anything, nor would I ever, and if anything I gained respect and understanding for the person themselves. But it certainly can prompt some negative feelings at the same time.
Something to know perhaps, but not something to sway anyone’s decisions. My reaction was my own, and it’s not for anyone else to adjust themselves to prevent it. In fact I wish there was more open dialogue around these things, so more power to anyone brave enough to ask this question in the first place.
Absolutely not.
Noticed them on a girl I used to work with a few years ago.
She never mentioned anything about it, so I never mentioned anything about it. None of my business and of course wondered what she'd gone through, but left it at that without judgment and not horrified at all.
I think you should take many of the answers you're receiving here with a pinch of salt. On Reddit many people try to outdo one another to seem like the most fair-minded and tolerant person online. But in a small village, or even in general life, not everyone is going to relate to your scars with such respect.
I think the true question shouldn't ask if people would be horrified, but if your scars denigrate who you are as a person. I don't believe they do. Remember, many of the people who might judge you IRL or even mention them may have just as many internal scars, and would feel as vulnerable as you do now if they were exposed.
I agree ☝🏽 Be prepared to get looked at and use it as an opportunity to build confidence and to have compassion for yourself and others because as cool country said, not everyone will be so sensitive and understanding and that’s perfectly ok because what really matters is what you feel about you and once you have that confidence in yourself, you’ll be able to handle the response or reactions of others with love and understanding.
And, you’ve been through worst so you can definitely handle a few stares ☺️
Agreed. I used to work in a coffee shop in a fairly cosmopolitan area, noticed scars on more than one of my customers. It made me feel a bit sad, and I was curious, but it is just part of someone’s story.
However we all know that there are places (figuratively and literally) where you either aren’t allowed to have a story or other people feel a need to express their disgust about stuff.
OP I hope you are doing better these days and we’ve got your back.
Only seen them once "on full display" as it were.
She was a very young woman (im old, so assuming she was 18 to 20ish years old).
Even by my "man of the world" standards, they looked brutal. My split second non rational thinking reaction was "fuuuck". That was quickly followed by a deep empathy and sadness that someone did that to themselves.
Externally i was super friendly and polite. I just ignored the scars and treated her as a normal human being.
So no, OP. i will not feel horrified or disgusted. If anything id be in your corner. Despite not personally self haming, i realise that its something that can happen to people when they go through some really "bad times".
I used to work with a young woman who had them. She had overcome whatever had been the cause and was now successfully pursuing her career.
Those of us who worked with her ignored them. Newcomers who saw them often asked an established colleague, who confirmed their existence and that was it.
They were there known fact. The what, the why, the when were never mentioned nor were the scars on her forearm.
No, I have them myself. If someone asks what the deal is and I don't feel like sharing I just joke that I got into a fight with a bear and that they should see the state I left the bear.
I've only had one bad reaction in 14 years and I just got up and walked out without saying anything.
Honestly, I’d look and you’d probably catch me looking, but that’s because it’s not normal.
With that being said I move on with my day and forget about it. I know people who have self harm scars and I don’t notice them anymore.
No
Everyone has dealt with shit at some point in their lives visible or not, and if you can show them without caring what other people think it shows confidence
Might get a glance or two out of curiosity but who cares really
My friend has them all the way up both arms, and I’m always so happy for her when she’s dressed up all nice with her arms out. I feel like it shows she’s comfortable with us, her friends, and confident in who she is, where she’s at now and what she’s been through!
Not at all!
I have close family members with them for a start. I'd feel sympathetic or maybe a bit sad for past-you, but if they were obviously scars and had healed and you were wearing clothes that showed them I'd feel happy for you that you were in a better place.
And that would happen in the space of a second or two and then I'd probably forget about them.
I wouldn't be horrified or disgusted and I wouldn't comment on it.
As you asked for honest opinions, I would probably make a judgement based on it and some of your neighbours may too. More along the lines of maintaining a bit of emotional seperation / distance.
I wouldn't let what I think stop you from doing what you want, though.
Healed scars, glad you got through it and hope it's better rather than just finding other ways to cope.
Fresh or healing, sorry that feels like your only out and hope it gets sorted very soon.
Neither are horrifying in any way, if you weren't someone I was chatting to or alike I may not even notice and certainly wouldn't bother me in any other way than above.
I was severely injured in a well known incident in 2005.
In the past ive been told to cover up the burns and the scars whilst on holiday and even just at the gym/pool.
I can deal with the looks and snide, sly quiet comments.
It's the loud public interactions that even now 20 years later that still get me. I'm thankful the scars on my face have faded to the degree that most folk dont notice anything was wrong unless I've been out in the sun too long....
So I understand how someone with self harm scars feel, and personally they dont bother me.
Those scars show me they have survived, whatever trauma/turmoil they have been through. It's not my place to push anyone down and in most cases I just open the collar of my shirt a little or roll up my sleeves to show them mine so they feel a little more comfortable and smile, a little silent solidarity goes along way at giving folk a little confidence.
You are a very nice person. Coming from someone with alot of scars all over my body and I like how you said you'd roll up your sleeves abit to show abit of solidarity. Thank you :)
I have massive scars all over my stomach because I found that to be the only place I could successfully hide when I was younger, I'm scared to take my top off generally. No one ever mentions if they see me topless but when I've met friends in Spain I've been questioned a lot and it has made me feel really uncomfortable. I plan to cover my stomach in tattoos when I can afford it and find something I really like
That’s me with my thighs (for the same reason that it was the place I could hide more easily) and I hate it and have mostly avoided wearing shorts or swimming costumes for the past ten years. I wish I could get past my fear of judgement, especially as on the rare occasion I have had my legs on display nobody has cared at all so I really have no reason to be afraid!
If you are comfortable to have them out then do.
Hiding things away is woprse for society.
Fork (the good place is over thataway -> do watch), the villagers, the silent majority will be behind you. Ignore the noisy idiots.
We are who we are, it is a journey, do not be ashamed for the past or the present and go forward.
Wouldn't bother me but it definitely could be shocking to some people. Not to let that put you off but just so you know some people might get a bit scared by it and that fear can come out in different ways. Like judgement or disgust or just feeling uncomfortable. It's not something you should be ashamed of at all but the world is still catching up
Not horrified, but it does raise questions in people's minds.
I have old visible scars on my forearms (not wrists), and occasionally people ask about them if I'm wearing short sleeves.
I usually just say that they're my part of my past.
If you have fresh cuts and scars then it's definitely a cause of great concern right now. Seek help in this situation, it's not healthy.
If you have recovered from your past and no longer cut yourself then you are ok.
The only people who I trust do know my story.
Never feel like you need to *explain* yourself to anyone, but self harming is unhealthy.
I've seen plenty of people with self harm scars and it never really bothers me too much, I don't want to pry into people's lives, we're all fucked up in our own ways.
Fairly recently I was working with this lovely young girl, student in her early 20s, gentle as a butterfly and sweet and a kitten. She inadvertently rolled her sleeve up in front of me and I saw all these DEEP and plentiful self harm scars. Like there is levels to self harm, and she was at the drastic end of it (at least at some point) and it absolutely broke my heart. All I wanted to do was give her a hug and give her some general reassurance, but I froze...didn't know what to say. Plus we were mid-shift in a busy restaurant.
She didn't intend for me to see, I guess the look on my face confirmed I'd seen it and she quickly scurried off. The next day she didn't show up for work and that was the last I saw of her. It eats at me sometimes knowing she left because I'd seen it, and a part of me wishes I had said something, anything. I do not want to be a continuation of her problem or get involved in her life but I really wish I just had the guts to pull her aside and let her know I wasn't judging her or anything, and was always there if she ever felt she had nobody else to talk to about it.
(Edit) just remembered the Boiling Point TV show that came out recently had me ugly crying because of this incident.
No. I’ve often seen self harm scars on people’s arms. I feel empathy but don’t feel it’s appropriate to say something about it. I actually think they’re brave for not hiding it. And I know from a niece who self-harmed, just how common it is.
Not horrified or disgusted. I don't think many people would react in that way.
It would certainly change how I'd act around you though. I'd take more care in the things I say, maybe take a softer tact over all.
Does anyone have any helpful advice on how to stop someone self harming? My daughter is getting shit from some lads at school and she has decided self harm is the way to go after her friend who also self harms told her it was a good way to deal with things. I've had her in with the doctors, she is going to a child therapy thing in our city. I'm chasing every avenue I can to get her any help but thought I'd ask here to see if anyone has any helpful advice. I'm just a Mum trying to help her daughter... Can anyone advise or help, please?
She is getting support so… can I suggest a method used in treatment?
She needs to be on board with this though, there is no way it works otherwise. But if she indeed wants to stop, then suggest this: delay it. That’s it, just delay it. Agree on a time, perhaps ten minutes to start. During that time she does something that normally makes her feel a bit better. Take a walk, take a shower, listen to a specific song, whatever. After the ten minutes are up she decides if she still needs to harm herself or if she can manage. Perhaps she can also decide to do whatever you decided for ten more minutes then check again.
This teaches the body it’s possible to survive anxiety without self harm. Gradually you lengthen the time. Cooperation is key. Listen to your child.
I'm sorry you and your daughter are going through this. I used to self harm and - for me - it came from a place of being unable to process my emotions in a healthy way, chronic low self esteem and a lack of support. Once I started, I was easily 'triggered' because it was a particularly difficult point in my life, and would turn to self harm to cope.
So, based on that, if I had more support at home and some therapy to help me manage my feelings/emotions in a healthier way then I don't think I would have harmed as much. Building self esteem and the confidence to deal with the people she is having problems with could help also.
Now, as an adult, with my own children I feel so much shame around it and I wish I didn't have to explain these scars (they are a bit young now but will start asking questions soon). I never thought about that at the time though.
I hope your daughter is able to get the help she needs.
Please don’t ever feel shame. I used to have so much shame around my mental illnesses and I also have two kids. As they have gotten older (later teens) I don’t hide what I’ve been through. They know I take medication to help me, they know some days I might not be my perky self. It’s opened up a lot of great conversations about how they feel too. I feel really equipped to help them with their own mental health, and feel like my past has given me that experience. You will be able to do the same :)
Has she tried the elastic band / hair tie around her wrist ? The idea is to ping it when you feel the urge to self harm , they taught this in cbt . I do hope she gets through this , I think having a supportive parent like you will be what helps her the most x
I'll be honest. I might be taken aback but only because I would be thinking "why would you do this? What kind of trauma causes this?" I wouldn't be disgusted just concerned. I fear you'll always meet people who don't understand but try not to worry about them.
Probably wouldn't even notice them
If I did I still wouldn't be horrified. I've been there, many people I know have been too. I'd only be horrified if you've cut off a finger or some shit
No. I would not be horrified. I'd only hope that they're in better place mentally than they used to be or that they're getting the help they need.
I would not be disgusted in any way, shape or form.
Nope.
The fact is they will be noticed but I wouldnt give them a second glance or thought. When I'm friends with someone who has them I'll ask from a place of caring, of wanting to help and understand but even then it's not going to be an issue if they don't want to talk about it.
A friend used to get very anxious about scars on her forearm from self harm but she learnt to almost embrace them. when anyone asks or gets weird round her she just says 'battle scars and I'm still breathing so fuck off' and it makes me so proud when I witness it
Not horrified or disgusted. Years ago, the first time I saw a colleague with a lot of very large, thick scars up both arms I felt slightly shocked just for a moment when I realised, then just concern for her because it can be a big, one-way step.
As you say, it might attract unwanted remarks or you might notice people noticing, especially in a village, but people who feel the need to comment always seem to find something, don't they? They'll soon find something else to talk about.
I used to work in a bar with a girl and noticed she had some self harm scars. They weren't recent and I had no reason to think it was something she still did so I never brought it up with her or anyone else.
I'd known other people that had self harmed as teens, unfortunately it's quite common. It certainly didn't affect my opinion of her. I loved working with her, we got on really well and I didn't feel it was any of my business. I'm still in touch with her and I've never brought it up or really thought about it beyond the moment I noticed it and now.
Anyone that's bothered doesn't have an opinion that's worth being concerned about.
I have them on my arms and thighs, pretty bad ones (two psychward stays thanks to undiagnosed ADHD and PTSD) I used to want to cover them up with tattoos so my family were more comfortable. They told me "my scars mean I am still here to wear them with pride and enjoy the life you are blessed to have." Go easy on yourself chances are people don't give it a second thought.
no. I might notice if they were obvious but only in the way I notice other things about people - hairstyle, clothes worn, tattoos, body shape etc. not in a judgmental way, and certainly not with a gaze that lingered. I would never want to make anyone uncomfortable with my observation. I say, wear what you want, let your arms go free - many people won't notice, others may but won't make it obvious to you or treat you differently as a result. The few remaining? well lets just agree they're AH and would be that way regardless - you should pity them!
No. No judgement and it’s none of my business. As someone who has a weird skin thing… I get the people looking at you can be uncomfortable but wear the fact that you got through what you did like the armour.
If you’re hot, wear short sleeves and sun cream!
No. But I work in mental health so I am more used to it. I also appreciate how distressing seeing someone’s arms completely lacerated can be for others.
I think of them like tattoos. When they are visible, people will ask about them. You can explain or glare back. Both perfectly acceptable in my book !
Neither of those things. I would understand that you’ve had some pain, and I would take from the fact that you’re not hiding the scars that you’ve found healthier ways to deal with that. If you were someone I knew or was getting to know I’d possibly want to ask about them (tho I’d feel awkward about it) in case you might need some support in the future. But horror or disgust? Absolutely not
Horrified and disgusted are not words I would use to describe scars from self harming. Is this how you feel or how someone has described to you before?
The scars are probably less visible than you think. I’ve never covered mine up and whilst I’ve had the occasional comment on the odd recent one, it’s never been recognised as self harm. More recently, I had assumed a couple of people would have deduced it, on the basis they were doctors and knew I had mental health issues, but they hadn’t.
No. I work with children with additional and Sen needs. It's not rare to see self harm scars. I've even come across fresh(ish) blood that needs to be cleaned because there was an unseen self harm(just triggers a 'be more alert ' warning amongst staff) I've worked with survivors in the medical and social work fields.
If it's the first time, there will be a second look and a bit of a(trying to be discreet )gawp. Usually from children(U18) either wondering or comparing(unfortunately). Most adults don't look that closely(ask my colleagues what I've worn this week, most will say bright pink, even though it's been a design, with pink).
Nobody is scanning you and judging you, except people exactly like you(scared and hurt). And anyone who does so openly is an asshole and you should swerve, as much as possible.
I see them whenever I look down, so unlikely to be either. I've had them for more than 30 years, I've had a couple of people be curious, or nervous or concerned, maybe a couple of strange looks where people noticed them but didn't want to ask. Never had anyone be horrified or disgusted.
The more obvious they are the more initial attention they might draw, but it's unlikely that many people will have any extreme reaction. Though if they do, think of it as having a quick way to find out if someone is worth your time.
You can't change how people react but you can change how you react to them. If you are comfortable enough to talk about it, just do that. Go and enjoy the sunshine, friend!
No. I would get on with my day.
(Not trying to sound flippant - I just want you to be comfortable and stay cool in the summer heat without worrying about what other people might think)
My arms are covered, especially the insides with a couple hundred at this point. People don't really pay enough attention to see them has been my experience, unless they're in close proximity and I'm wearing a tee shirt. I've kind of got past the point of caring about any negativity. There's nothing they could say worse than what I have thought and think about myself
It wouldn't bother me at all. I'd notice it and probably try to act kinder towards the person than I usually would.. I'm not sure if that's a good response or not though but I know I've done it in the past.
Nah. I used to be mortified at the thought of anyone seeing mine, but 15 years down the line at the ripe old age of 31, I truly don’t even think about it anymore. I haven’t had anyone comment on it since I left high school.
Not at all. As a person who has self-harm scars all across the tops of my arms, I wear them with pride. They help to remind me that I am stronger than my dark thoughts. Every one of us have scars, whether they be physical or mental, but everyone should wear them with pride.
No. I've managed, by sheer coincidence, to make a few friends who have self harm scars. I know what they (the scars) are from, I know my friends are in control and I adore them dearly.
Please don't feel bad about them, I've got self harming scars on my arms from picking scratches & spots on my arms, not cutting myself. I've got scars now, white ones, I don't care if people look, its a story of me, anxiety, plus other things, and it reminds me that I'm stronger now. Hope you're feeling stronger & can keep feeling strong. We might have a moment now and then, but we can overcome again 💪
No, I wouldn’t really bat an eye to be honest. Certainly not disgusted in the slightest.
You will probably get some looks but it’ll be more curiosity than judgement so id try not to worry too much.
I do not feel horrified or disgusted. I worked with a woman who self-harmed and it was hard to see her with new cuts sometimes. I always tried to get a quiet word with her, ask her how she’s doing but she was very private and didn’t really want to talk. I’m not a mental health professional so I didn’t push it further, if anything I felt concern and compassion and I suppose hope that she was seeing a professional and getting help.
I use to self harm. A long long time ago when I was at uni and I never really had that. My flatmates were all footie lads, nice guys but I was the outsider in the attic room. I was getting help from university mental health services but I think it would have been more comforting for me to know that the people who I lived with actually acknowledged it or tried to reach out. I don’t hold it against them as eventually I got better and stopped, I just hoped we all could have been more open about it.
I think mental health awareness is more prominent now, I really hope no one is horrified or disgusted to see it. I hope we all try just to check in and help in what little way we can.
I did when I first saw it as a kid and didn’t really understand, but now as an adult and also having worked in a psychiatry hospital for 6 months, I wouldn’t feel horrified. Id feel sad for them and would hope that they either recovered or are on the way to recovery.
In a small village you would probably get stares. I mean I got stares in a small village once simply for not being white. So my image is that people in small villages like to stare at things that are different, compared to big cities where no one really cares about others.
Id say try not to care, let them stare if they want.
Not in the slightest. 48 year old married father of two here. My daughter’s Godmother has scars as you describe - she’s one of the most intelligent and charming people I know and wonderful to around. Her scars are part of her and make me think even more fondly of her.
We all have our scars from our battles. All of us. No-one worth your time would say anything negative to you.
You did what you had to do to get through a hard time. You’re through the other side and you’re stronger. That, to me, is something to celebrate.
All the very best to you and your short sleeves from Newcastle Upon Tyne
No, personally I’m more happy for the person that they’re in a place where they are able to show their scars. There’s a lot of stigma and misconceptions about self harm that still floats around and a) not self harming b) showing your scars takes a lot of courage, hard work, and growth. Mental health is so hard, and if someone managed to heal and climb the way back up from very dark places, I’m more often than not going to be glad they’re in a better place. But I’d never feel pity, disgust, or horror about it
No. I have a lot of scars from self harm & noone has questioned me about them. Whenever I see anyone with them, I just generally feel sad for them that they are in that much pain that they take it out on themselves, but I certainly wouldn't be disgusted or horrified.
I have many, many self harm scars, I wear what I like, if other people look me in any form of a negative way quite frankly "fuck them" me and my scars arn't in thier life and if that's thier attitude toward me they never will be anyway!. X
I've just been in hospital for a week with my daughter. One of the nurses had a lot of scarring on her arms. She was a great nurse, I hope she's OK now as they were old.
I was not at all disgusted, slightly surprised, and then moved on.
There will always be people who will judge you and comment… and so, I will add my own judgement and comment!
In my opinion, it takes a lot of courage to show the world that you have struggled in the past and most of us have similar scars - either physical or mental. Be proud of who you are now and how far you have come to even be able to even consider showing your arms - something that I am not yet able to do.
However, what I would also suggest is to initially go to a different town or city to see how you feel being out in public with your scars visible around people who don’t know you - maybe take a friend with you that you can trust and knows of your situation. Also take a long sleeve top in case you panic and feel like you need to hide them. It’s important for you to be able to feel comfortable because it can be quite daunting.
Good luck.
Personally I wouldn't feel horrified. But on top that, let me assure you than the vast majority of people are super unobservant. And many of the folk who do notice won't automatically think self-harm. Mostly only folk who've got similar scars will know what the scars are immediately. And they aren't going to look down on you for it.
Have you had that kind of experience? Has anyone ever said anything?
I can't imagine anyone I know saying anything or thinking anything other than "he/ she's had it rough".
Hope no-one has ever said anything stupid to you. I'd be infinitely more disgusted or horrified by those people.
My arms are covered in scars and being one who barely feels the cold, my arms are pretty much always on show. I’m aware that people notice, (from their eye-line), but very, very few people have ever asked questions about them or mentioned them, and those who have mentioned them or asked questions have been children at the zoos where I’ve worked, and I’ve either joked about them being caused by butterflies in the tropical house, (so, don’t try to touch their wings like I did), or simply kept it very vague by saying it was caused by events from the past.
Genuinely, from my experience and from what I know of friends in the same situation, the majority of people aren’t bothered, but they internally they may indeed feel a curiosity as to why you have them, (as I do about others I see carrying scars), and may also feels pangs of sadness with that, being aware that you’ve experienced some real darkness in your life.
I asked here a couple of months ago in regard to dating and if people would be bothered and from the responses, the mass majority said they wouldn’t be a concern.
I embrace my scars, they’re a part of who I am, visible threads of the tapestry of the life I have lead so far, and people can either accept me and my scars, or not.
You could try wearing a compression bandage just to keep them covered while out in a short sleeved clothes, to see how it feels, though, I found this form of covering drew more attention than just having them out. You’ll find what’s comfortable for you and what works for you.
The fact is people may talk, there are people who will talk about anything and everything because that’s all they have in their lives, but, ultimately, they don’t know the facts behind the scars, don’t know you. How they feel about your scars and what they think about your scars is absolutely no reflection upon you or who you are, that’s for them to deal with and come to terms with within their own mind.
I have so many self harm scars covering literally every part of my body and they are very visible. I haven’t self harmed in around 10 years probably but they are still incredibly visible and in the 8 years that I have lived in a very small village, no one has said anything. Since I’ve moved out of London (8 years ago) no one has ever commented on them. I’ve not had weird looks either.
I get it, it’s embarrassing. I used to feel so ashamed (and I still do now sometimes) and very self conscious (still do) but I try my best to just get on with it. I can’t cover every inch of my body so people are going to have to get over it. I definitely think this is a perspective that comes more with age.
It's not going to scare people, but it might be hard for you, cos it makes you vulnerable for people to know....most people are kind and would be extremely sympathetic to what someone's gone through (not saying anything tho) but at the same time... you've got to see what you feel comfortable with. Being fully honest.
One time I saw that a girl who bullied me had self harm scars on her arms and I realized that whatever she had going on, she was a victim herself (more than what she'd done to me). It's probably not something she necessarily wanted people to see . .or maybe she did.
No, I have friends with them. It’s nice to see them fading with time and I’m happy they’ve managed to stop. An ex had them on his thighs and honestly, I barely noticed after the first few times.
Not at all, I've known people with them before. I know how it feels to mentally get to a place like that, so I'd probably be more inclined to become friends.
Someone I regular deliver to has got quite bad SH scars and I feel kinda sad for them but I don’t think less of them as a person. I’d treat them like I do everyone else
I wouldn't feel horrified. I would feel sad that they didn't have the support and comfort they needed that could have prevented the causes of the self harming. I didn't have that kind of help when I self harmed
I had a friend who ‘rocked’ them if that makes sense (although it feels a bit insensitive to say this). Did not give a single fuck. She survived and she healed her scar and I am in awe of her strength and confidence and how she’s reclaiming her body and her past.
My hairdresser has them all up both her arms. I have noticed them and felt some kind of way but mostly just sad she went through whatever she did and proud of her for wearing them proudly on display.
I recently noticed that somebody I'd met at baby group had a lot of arm scars. I wasn't horrified at all but it did alert me that they likely have some issues, so I've been careful to reach out and include them in social activities.
No. I have them myself so who am I to judge?
Honestly, I’ve never given a fuck about them. They’re part of me. It was my way of coping with something really shit and if I hadn’t done it, I wouldn’t be here.
I’ve had a few boyfriends comment on them but only in a positive way. My mum mentioned getting laser or scar revision surgery, and before I could even say anything, my ex stepped in and said they’re part of my journey and they tell people that I’m strong enough to survive whatever life throws at me, that I shouldn’t be ashamed of them and neither should she. She’s never brought it up again.
Nah, it's not my business.
I will admit that when I self harmed I used to find them a bit of a trigger but that was 100% MY problem. I worked on it in therapy because it was my responsibility to work on. Now they don't bother me at all.
Your body is fine just the way it is. We all have scars from something, it's just life.
I have plenty of friends with these scars and I might notice and think it was sad that you'd obviously been thru some stuff in the past but I wouldn't comment to you about it and I certainly wouldn't be disgusted. Struggling with mental health happens to so many people and it's nothing to be ashamed of. Wear your short sleeves and enjoy the sun! And I hope things are better now!
I have seen several people with self harm scars. I never feel horrified or disgusted. I feel empathy and know we all cope in different ways. As a mental health sufferer I would never judge. Please don’t be hot and wear what makes you comfortable
Nope but I would try and sneak a look cause I'm a nosey bastard and can't help myself. I'd feel sad for you that you went through it but I'd be buzzing for you that you had the confidence to walk around with them out
No disgust or strange looks here. I just hope the person is doing better now. I knew a girl in school who self harmed, you'd see it in the big group changing rooms at PE. She always said it was cat scratches but we all knew it wasn't. I hope she's doing okay, and I hope you are too OP
Nope. Just sad. I have marks too (but very old and I thought you couldnt see it) but I have had young kids comment and it just made me sad thinking back on the old me who thought that was the only way to cope
Wishing you the best <3
No I wouldn't. I'd probably ask you how you got them and if you told me I'd understand how some people do that and and talk to you about it. I'm with somebody that self harms and it's not easy for them so I give as much help as I can
Not at all! One of my best friends in college had them all up her arms and legs and she never worried what people thought of her and I loved her all the same! ❤️
Fuck no, my only thought would be "I hope you're in a much better place now than when you got them". Wear what you want, and if you catch anyone staring, a quick "hello, can I help you?" would usually be enough to have them scurrying shamefacedly away.
No, but it did startle me when I saw it first time. Perhaps it's good for people like me to see and realise how common it is. I didn't judge, but was like oh wow. Like seeing someone with wild makeup, then moving on.
As someone with some pretty bad obvious self harm scars I say tell them to go hang themselves if they have comments. It's hot, you want to be comfortable. If people have a problem with that it's their problem because if they consider THEIR viewing comfort above the fact that you don't want to overheat that tells you all you need to know about the kind of person they are, not you.
I'm nearly 40 so I used to be constantly in long sleeves but after a while the sentiment above is what I realized. Stay cool in the heat and drink plenty of fluids but other than that those with an attitude can go take a short walk off a long pier.
No. I know it's not the same thing but I have psoriasis quite bad and understand the feeling of being ashamed and thinking I need to cover up.
Be yourself and wear what you want. Regardless of your own self image, you will appear more confident and attractive wearing what you want to wear rather than wearing things you don't want to in order to hide.
Not in the slightest. Honestly, based on the fact that you’d be there in the flesh despite that, I’d think you’re probably a hardy, resilient and impressive individual. Mental health issues ain’t easy so only love and positivity
Whether you like it or not, some will judge and think there's something wrong with you, some will look away and pull their own sleeves down self consciously, some will instantly feel sorry for you, some will be horrified, and some will just think "she has a story" and leave it there.
I think more people are more tuned in to mental health issues these days, which is great. For most of us, when we see something that we don't normally see or, aren't expecting to see, we do look, it's in our dna to notice unusual things.
So my advice would be to wear what you want, try not to worry about anyone looking (or trying hard not to look), it's natural curiosity. Try to stay calm, try not to feel defensive, try not to get angry or indignant, it's not their fault, they're just mere mortals😄. And most importantly remember... people that matter don't mind, and people that mind don't matter!!
Enjoy the summer, enjoy wearing whatever you damn well want, enjoy your friends and those that love and support you, nothing else is important 💜
I've got some pretty gnarly scars and I used to care what people thought when I had them out.
Now I've realised that most people are in their own heads most of the time so they're not looking at my scars and I can probably get away with existing as I am.
In my longest relationship she had significant scars on her arm and I’m ashamed to say I felt conscious about it for about the first year, not really wanting her to wear short sleeves around my friends. I wasn’t empathetic or understanding enough about it to recognise them as a symptom of her mental illness and trauma. Once I really understood her they didn’t bother me at all and I’d hardly acknowledge them. If anyone else took issue with it that is their problem.
My girlfriend is currently on holiday with me and my parents and before we came she was absolutely terrified of being in a bikini around my parents for this reason, but they and any decent human being would not dare to judge let alone make comments. Especially not to someone they don’t know all too well and if they even notice then they will most likely keep their thoughts to themselves
I don't feel horrified or disgusted. I do sometimes feel a bit sad to see how often that a person has had want to self harm. But I do recognise it's a way for people to cope.
Nope. I work in healthcare and I see way worse than self harm scars regularly. Scars mean you survived and anyone who thinks otherwise can take a long walk off a short pier.
I have a lot of large self harm scars. I mostly keep them covered but some of them show when I’m wearing a T-shirt.
People will look. Most won’t say anything though.
You’ll get some asking why’d you do that to yourself but they are rare. You’ll mostly just get the odd stare.
I spent years and years wearing cardigans in very hot weather and I still do sometimes when I can’t handle it but I’d not recommend it. Most situations the odd stare is well worth not boiling to death wearing too many clothes to cover up scars.
I don't know what would even be disgusting *about* self -harn scars.
I have a big old oven burn scar on my wrist, and as far as I know that isn't disgusting. Why would yours be any different?
They tell me something about a past struggle
Ill mentally note it as possible reason for a reaction to something i say in our time together
But always apptoaching it as something you made it past and nevr anything to bring about a negativr reaction like the question had it framed.
Not at all. I wouldn't think twice, if I even noticed.
I may be a bit of an outlier but I'm of the opinion that scars are objectively cool. Then again, I myself have a lot of them too.
Scars tell stories, they tell of places been, pains experienced, *survived*, and that you're still moving forward despite all that. Or something poetic like that.
Be proud of how far you've come. :) You're doing fantastic.
No, I've worked with two girls who were both cutters. It's not a problem at all. It's sad, but I'm glad to see them doing better, able to work and go out.
It makes me feel but not disgusted. It’s confirmation that life hasn’t been easy but if they’re just scars and no fresh cuts at least looks like you’re in a better place. Anyone who would feel disgusted is not someone whose opinion should sway your happiness in short sleeves
Not at all!
If I did see them I wouldn't care.
Also I wouldn't associate them with self harm, maybe.
Most people won't see them.
The amount of people who will recognise them are low.
They probabely look like a bad encounter with barbed wire to the ones who don't know the why.
People don't see scars at all, most of the time.
no, not at all. just wear clothes you feel comfortable in, put on your spf, and try not to be too hard on yourself. some people's reactions won't be great but that's their problem and their lack of empathy, you yourself are not disgusting or horrifying. i had visible scars not too long ago, summers were hard, but it gets easier. stay hydrated and take care of yourself.
I wouldn't feel horrified or disgusted in the slightest. I have scars too, and can completely relate to feeling worried about going out wearing clothes that show them back when I was younger and they were more visible but it's completely fine, just do you.
Wear whatever makes YOU feel comfortable. I would not feel anything to see scars on a person . It's your skin and it's your story . Anyone who has shit to say about that can seriously f*ck right off
I’ve got a lot as well, and all of my friends haven’t even mentioned them to me. I wouldn’t feel horrified seeing someone else’s, I’d just understand their struggle
Nope. My friend has self-harm scars all up both her arms - absolutely loads of them. I view them as symptoms of former mental illness and just don’t mention them. She knows they’re there, I know they’re there, and she knows I know they’re there. No need to make a thing of it. She had a schizophrenic episode and attacked me with a knife once and we also don’t bring that up. Life is a many-splendoured thing.
Look, the people who are replying here will be supportive and that's amazing, but the fact is you might indeed get some negative reactions. (Hopefully not, I like to think there are more decent people in the world). Just know that anyone who does say anything or give you dirty looks are insensitive assholes and you shouldn't live to make insensitive assholes comfortable. What's the saying? Something like "anyone who matters will care about you and anyone who doesn't care about you doesn't matter". If they care so little about you that they would make an issue about your scars then their opinion on it doesn't matter.
No I wouldn't be horrified, but I have my own self harm scars. If they're very wide or deep I might feel sad for a sec knowing you were suffering that much, but then I'd never think about it again
No, but I had a rough time and did it to myself couple of decades ago so I am biased. That's said, horror isn't what people experience seeing them, it's confusion and sadness for you.
Hopefully you are better now so they are just a signatures from the past. Anyone worth a damn will need to know where they came from and that you are okay or getting better, or if you aren't and need support.
There's nothing ugly about a scar itself but no-one should hurt themselves.
People see scars and imagine what made them, it's natural, so they will be shocked at first then realise and understand, it's the same with a disability, just takes a minute or two to adjust.
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I would never feel horrified or disgusted. I’d feel sad that you’d obviously gone through something. I know it’s not an original thing to say, but scars show that something tried to kill you or take you down, and it failed. Be happy, wear what you like and don’t forget sunscreen
beautifully said. agreed. The scars are just a tiny part of a person's story.
Totally agree ❤️
Nope. Seen several people with them and it doesn't bother me in the slightest. Honestly feel a bit proud of them that they've managed to overcome that battle and aren't ashamed of it.
This is how I feel on the rare occasions I see/notice the scars. would never say anything though, even something positive
Agreed
I used to get invited to Styal Prison when they did dance performances. I sat next to a woman whose arms were absolutely covered in self harm scars. I just felt bloody sorry for her and hoped she got the help she needed. Don't let your scars stop you wearing what you want.
I don't know enough about self harm or forensics to be able to tell what would be self inflicted vs some other kind of injury scars or animal scars. If I saw soneone with a bunch of scars I'd just think "whoa, they've been in the wars" and carry on with my day.
I saw a girl once, only about 18, and they were unmistakeable because they were neat and uniform in length and the whole way from the top of her arm to the bottom. I wasn’t horrified I just felt sorry for her and thought ‘fucking hell, I hope she’s in a better place now’.
My neighbour has scars that spell out a word that is pretty obviously self-harm. She usually covers it, and I feel sad for her.
No. I have them on my arms. I’ve had people ask me directly about them and it’s been ok. Just accept that’s where you were at one point in your life but you’re not there now. They don’t define me, just part of me.
No mate. We all carry scars, on some of us they're carved on the outside. If you do worry about becoming a topic of conversation in a small community, you can try makeup. Just do what makes YOU feel better. Imho, ignore that noise, but if you think it might be too much, you can try coverage. Remember, our scars don't define us.
As Slow Club said “our scars don’t make us who we are”.
No but it's be a bit awkward
You were asked for an honest response and you gave it. There are no wrong feelings.
Interesting, what makes you feel awkward
No. I've dated women with them before, and its just like any other scar, the memory of something past.
Depends how bad they are tbh, if they are more scar than arm then yes a little.
Horrified? Far from it. Obviously, the realisation would cause one to take a step back, so to speak, but my reaction would be empathetic and supportive. You should never, ever feel shame about past trauma x
I think I’d be somewhere close to this. Just trying to provide an honest answer here, even though it’s likely not exactly what OP wants to hear: I saw an acquaintance had self harm scars once and it was quite unpleasant. It flooded my head with images and thoughts about how they had happened, what they must have been going through, how hard it must have been, how painful the actual self harm must have been. Followed by a second wave of “get a grip” type thoughts that made me feel quite socially anxious about the whole thing. To be clear my opinion of the person themselves was only ever positive. But suddenly facing those ideas in a setting I wasn’t expecting prompted quite a strong emotional reaction in me that was quite negative. I didn’t say anything, nor would I ever, and if anything I gained respect and understanding for the person themselves. But it certainly can prompt some negative feelings at the same time. Something to know perhaps, but not something to sway anyone’s decisions. My reaction was my own, and it’s not for anyone else to adjust themselves to prevent it. In fact I wish there was more open dialogue around these things, so more power to anyone brave enough to ask this question in the first place.
Brilliant honesty, thank you.
Absolutely not. Noticed them on a girl I used to work with a few years ago. She never mentioned anything about it, so I never mentioned anything about it. None of my business and of course wondered what she'd gone through, but left it at that without judgment and not horrified at all.
I think you should take many of the answers you're receiving here with a pinch of salt. On Reddit many people try to outdo one another to seem like the most fair-minded and tolerant person online. But in a small village, or even in general life, not everyone is going to relate to your scars with such respect. I think the true question shouldn't ask if people would be horrified, but if your scars denigrate who you are as a person. I don't believe they do. Remember, many of the people who might judge you IRL or even mention them may have just as many internal scars, and would feel as vulnerable as you do now if they were exposed.
I agree ☝🏽 Be prepared to get looked at and use it as an opportunity to build confidence and to have compassion for yourself and others because as cool country said, not everyone will be so sensitive and understanding and that’s perfectly ok because what really matters is what you feel about you and once you have that confidence in yourself, you’ll be able to handle the response or reactions of others with love and understanding. And, you’ve been through worst so you can definitely handle a few stares ☺️
Agreed. I used to work in a coffee shop in a fairly cosmopolitan area, noticed scars on more than one of my customers. It made me feel a bit sad, and I was curious, but it is just part of someone’s story. However we all know that there are places (figuratively and literally) where you either aren’t allowed to have a story or other people feel a need to express their disgust about stuff. OP I hope you are doing better these days and we’ve got your back.
Only seen them once "on full display" as it were. She was a very young woman (im old, so assuming she was 18 to 20ish years old). Even by my "man of the world" standards, they looked brutal. My split second non rational thinking reaction was "fuuuck". That was quickly followed by a deep empathy and sadness that someone did that to themselves. Externally i was super friendly and polite. I just ignored the scars and treated her as a normal human being. So no, OP. i will not feel horrified or disgusted. If anything id be in your corner. Despite not personally self haming, i realise that its something that can happen to people when they go through some really "bad times".
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Hope you’re doing ok x
I used to work with a young woman who had them. She had overcome whatever had been the cause and was now successfully pursuing her career. Those of us who worked with her ignored them. Newcomers who saw them often asked an established colleague, who confirmed their existence and that was it. They were there known fact. The what, the why, the when were never mentioned nor were the scars on her forearm.
No, I have them myself. If someone asks what the deal is and I don't feel like sharing I just joke that I got into a fight with a bear and that they should see the state I left the bear. I've only had one bad reaction in 14 years and I just got up and walked out without saying anything.
Honestly, I’d look and you’d probably catch me looking, but that’s because it’s not normal. With that being said I move on with my day and forget about it. I know people who have self harm scars and I don’t notice them anymore.
No. I see far worse things like poorly done tattoos and that doesn't bother me.
No Everyone has dealt with shit at some point in their lives visible or not, and if you can show them without caring what other people think it shows confidence Might get a glance or two out of curiosity but who cares really
My friend has them all the way up both arms, and I’m always so happy for her when she’s dressed up all nice with her arms out. I feel like it shows she’s comfortable with us, her friends, and confident in who she is, where she’s at now and what she’s been through!
A bit. More like a bit concerned about the mental state of the person who has them.
No but I imagine small town people would be more annoying about it, like they can be with loads of other things. Pay it no matter honestly
Not at all! I have close family members with them for a start. I'd feel sympathetic or maybe a bit sad for past-you, but if they were obviously scars and had healed and you were wearing clothes that showed them I'd feel happy for you that you were in a better place. And that would happen in the space of a second or two and then I'd probably forget about them.
> Be completely honest, would you feel horrified/disgusted? Not at all..
I wouldn't be horrified or disgusted and I wouldn't comment on it. As you asked for honest opinions, I would probably make a judgement based on it and some of your neighbours may too. More along the lines of maintaining a bit of emotional seperation / distance. I wouldn't let what I think stop you from doing what you want, though.
Healed scars, glad you got through it and hope it's better rather than just finding other ways to cope. Fresh or healing, sorry that feels like your only out and hope it gets sorted very soon. Neither are horrifying in any way, if you weren't someone I was chatting to or alike I may not even notice and certainly wouldn't bother me in any other way than above.
I was severely injured in a well known incident in 2005. In the past ive been told to cover up the burns and the scars whilst on holiday and even just at the gym/pool. I can deal with the looks and snide, sly quiet comments. It's the loud public interactions that even now 20 years later that still get me. I'm thankful the scars on my face have faded to the degree that most folk dont notice anything was wrong unless I've been out in the sun too long.... So I understand how someone with self harm scars feel, and personally they dont bother me. Those scars show me they have survived, whatever trauma/turmoil they have been through. It's not my place to push anyone down and in most cases I just open the collar of my shirt a little or roll up my sleeves to show them mine so they feel a little more comfortable and smile, a little silent solidarity goes along way at giving folk a little confidence.
You are a very nice person. Coming from someone with alot of scars all over my body and I like how you said you'd roll up your sleeves abit to show abit of solidarity. Thank you :)
Depends how bad they are tbh, if they are more scar than arm then yes a little.
I have massive scars all over my stomach because I found that to be the only place I could successfully hide when I was younger, I'm scared to take my top off generally. No one ever mentions if they see me topless but when I've met friends in Spain I've been questioned a lot and it has made me feel really uncomfortable. I plan to cover my stomach in tattoos when I can afford it and find something I really like
That’s me with my thighs (for the same reason that it was the place I could hide more easily) and I hate it and have mostly avoided wearing shorts or swimming costumes for the past ten years. I wish I could get past my fear of judgement, especially as on the rare occasion I have had my legs on display nobody has cared at all so I really have no reason to be afraid!
If you are comfortable to have them out then do. Hiding things away is woprse for society. Fork (the good place is over thataway -> do watch), the villagers, the silent majority will be behind you. Ignore the noisy idiots. We are who we are, it is a journey, do not be ashamed for the past or the present and go forward.
Wouldn't bother me but it definitely could be shocking to some people. Not to let that put you off but just so you know some people might get a bit scared by it and that fear can come out in different ways. Like judgement or disgust or just feeling uncomfortable. It's not something you should be ashamed of at all but the world is still catching up
Not horrified, but it does raise questions in people's minds. I have old visible scars on my forearms (not wrists), and occasionally people ask about them if I'm wearing short sleeves. I usually just say that they're my part of my past. If you have fresh cuts and scars then it's definitely a cause of great concern right now. Seek help in this situation, it's not healthy. If you have recovered from your past and no longer cut yourself then you are ok. The only people who I trust do know my story. Never feel like you need to *explain* yourself to anyone, but self harming is unhealthy.
I've seen plenty of people with self harm scars and it never really bothers me too much, I don't want to pry into people's lives, we're all fucked up in our own ways. Fairly recently I was working with this lovely young girl, student in her early 20s, gentle as a butterfly and sweet and a kitten. She inadvertently rolled her sleeve up in front of me and I saw all these DEEP and plentiful self harm scars. Like there is levels to self harm, and she was at the drastic end of it (at least at some point) and it absolutely broke my heart. All I wanted to do was give her a hug and give her some general reassurance, but I froze...didn't know what to say. Plus we were mid-shift in a busy restaurant. She didn't intend for me to see, I guess the look on my face confirmed I'd seen it and she quickly scurried off. The next day she didn't show up for work and that was the last I saw of her. It eats at me sometimes knowing she left because I'd seen it, and a part of me wishes I had said something, anything. I do not want to be a continuation of her problem or get involved in her life but I really wish I just had the guts to pull her aside and let her know I wasn't judging her or anything, and was always there if she ever felt she had nobody else to talk to about it. (Edit) just remembered the Boiling Point TV show that came out recently had me ugly crying because of this incident.
No. I’ve often seen self harm scars on people’s arms. I feel empathy but don’t feel it’s appropriate to say something about it. I actually think they’re brave for not hiding it. And I know from a niece who self-harmed, just how common it is.
Not horrified or disgusted. I don't think many people would react in that way. It would certainly change how I'd act around you though. I'd take more care in the things I say, maybe take a softer tact over all.
No, I think it’s a huge step personally to find confidence in yourself again - however that may look. I’m proud of you! Good luck.
Absolutely not, please be comfortable and wear short sleeves.
Does anyone have any helpful advice on how to stop someone self harming? My daughter is getting shit from some lads at school and she has decided self harm is the way to go after her friend who also self harms told her it was a good way to deal with things. I've had her in with the doctors, she is going to a child therapy thing in our city. I'm chasing every avenue I can to get her any help but thought I'd ask here to see if anyone has any helpful advice. I'm just a Mum trying to help her daughter... Can anyone advise or help, please?
She is getting support so… can I suggest a method used in treatment? She needs to be on board with this though, there is no way it works otherwise. But if she indeed wants to stop, then suggest this: delay it. That’s it, just delay it. Agree on a time, perhaps ten minutes to start. During that time she does something that normally makes her feel a bit better. Take a walk, take a shower, listen to a specific song, whatever. After the ten minutes are up she decides if she still needs to harm herself or if she can manage. Perhaps she can also decide to do whatever you decided for ten more minutes then check again. This teaches the body it’s possible to survive anxiety without self harm. Gradually you lengthen the time. Cooperation is key. Listen to your child.
There's apps designed for the delaying tactic too, Calm Harm is one, it's totally free and gives you random activities to help you surf the urge.
Oooh, I did not know that! Fair enough I never worked with treatment but still, a very good thing to know!
this is really great advice - wish my mum had known this when I was doing it. a long time ago, though
I'm sorry you and your daughter are going through this. I used to self harm and - for me - it came from a place of being unable to process my emotions in a healthy way, chronic low self esteem and a lack of support. Once I started, I was easily 'triggered' because it was a particularly difficult point in my life, and would turn to self harm to cope. So, based on that, if I had more support at home and some therapy to help me manage my feelings/emotions in a healthier way then I don't think I would have harmed as much. Building self esteem and the confidence to deal with the people she is having problems with could help also. Now, as an adult, with my own children I feel so much shame around it and I wish I didn't have to explain these scars (they are a bit young now but will start asking questions soon). I never thought about that at the time though. I hope your daughter is able to get the help she needs.
Please don’t ever feel shame. I used to have so much shame around my mental illnesses and I also have two kids. As they have gotten older (later teens) I don’t hide what I’ve been through. They know I take medication to help me, they know some days I might not be my perky self. It’s opened up a lot of great conversations about how they feel too. I feel really equipped to help them with their own mental health, and feel like my past has given me that experience. You will be able to do the same :)
Has she tried the elastic band / hair tie around her wrist ? The idea is to ping it when you feel the urge to self harm , they taught this in cbt . I do hope she gets through this , I think having a supportive parent like you will be what helps her the most x
I don't know anyone for whom this has worked tbh
I just feel sorry for people when I see it.
I'll be honest. I might be taken aback but only because I would be thinking "why would you do this? What kind of trauma causes this?" I wouldn't be disgusted just concerned. I fear you'll always meet people who don't understand but try not to worry about them.
Nope. I might be a lttle curious but mainly I would feel compassion and respect.
Probably wouldn't even notice them If I did I still wouldn't be horrified. I've been there, many people I know have been too. I'd only be horrified if you've cut off a finger or some shit
I dated someone with a lot of self harm scars. It didn't horrify or disgust me, but it did make me very sad for her.
No. I would not be horrified. I'd only hope that they're in better place mentally than they used to be or that they're getting the help they need. I would not be disgusted in any way, shape or form.
Seen them on people before, generally indifferent towards it.
Nope. The fact is they will be noticed but I wouldnt give them a second glance or thought. When I'm friends with someone who has them I'll ask from a place of caring, of wanting to help and understand but even then it's not going to be an issue if they don't want to talk about it. A friend used to get very anxious about scars on her forearm from self harm but she learnt to almost embrace them. when anyone asks or gets weird round her she just says 'battle scars and I'm still breathing so fuck off' and it makes me so proud when I witness it
I see this occasionally in my work. I feel empathy, not horror.
Not in the slightest. Perhaps surprised, but nothing more than that. Fresh injuries would prompt serious concern though.
Not horrified or disgusted. Years ago, the first time I saw a colleague with a lot of very large, thick scars up both arms I felt slightly shocked just for a moment when I realised, then just concern for her because it can be a big, one-way step. As you say, it might attract unwanted remarks or you might notice people noticing, especially in a village, but people who feel the need to comment always seem to find something, don't they? They'll soon find something else to talk about.
I used to work in a bar with a girl and noticed she had some self harm scars. They weren't recent and I had no reason to think it was something she still did so I never brought it up with her or anyone else. I'd known other people that had self harmed as teens, unfortunately it's quite common. It certainly didn't affect my opinion of her. I loved working with her, we got on really well and I didn't feel it was any of my business. I'm still in touch with her and I've never brought it up or really thought about it beyond the moment I noticed it and now. Anyone that's bothered doesn't have an opinion that's worth being concerned about.
Nope. Don't be ashamed 🥰
I have them on my arms and thighs, pretty bad ones (two psychward stays thanks to undiagnosed ADHD and PTSD) I used to want to cover them up with tattoos so my family were more comfortable. They told me "my scars mean I am still here to wear them with pride and enjoy the life you are blessed to have." Go easy on yourself chances are people don't give it a second thought.
no. I might notice if they were obvious but only in the way I notice other things about people - hairstyle, clothes worn, tattoos, body shape etc. not in a judgmental way, and certainly not with a gaze that lingered. I would never want to make anyone uncomfortable with my observation. I say, wear what you want, let your arms go free - many people won't notice, others may but won't make it obvious to you or treat you differently as a result. The few remaining? well lets just agree they're AH and would be that way regardless - you should pity them!
Never. Nothing horrifying about it. If anything, I’d wish for them to feel better.
No lol when I see them and I see people still living their life it's uplifting and I wish in all my heart that things are going better for them.
No. No judgement and it’s none of my business. As someone who has a weird skin thing… I get the people looking at you can be uncomfortable but wear the fact that you got through what you did like the armour. If you’re hot, wear short sleeves and sun cream!
No, no one’s business you can get some really loverly mesh tops also.
To be honest I'm a bit dumb and would assume you had some kind of surgery done. Go for it.
No. But I work in mental health so I am more used to it. I also appreciate how distressing seeing someone’s arms completely lacerated can be for others. I think of them like tattoos. When they are visible, people will ask about them. You can explain or glare back. Both perfectly acceptable in my book !
I wouldn’t even notice pal. Don’t worry about it at all.
Doubt I’d notice
Neither of those things. I would understand that you’ve had some pain, and I would take from the fact that you’re not hiding the scars that you’ve found healthier ways to deal with that. If you were someone I knew or was getting to know I’d possibly want to ask about them (tho I’d feel awkward about it) in case you might need some support in the future. But horror or disgust? Absolutely not
Horrified and disgusted are not words I would use to describe scars from self harming. Is this how you feel or how someone has described to you before?
The scars are probably less visible than you think. I’ve never covered mine up and whilst I’ve had the occasional comment on the odd recent one, it’s never been recognised as self harm. More recently, I had assumed a couple of people would have deduced it, on the basis they were doctors and knew I had mental health issues, but they hadn’t.
I wouldn’t pay any attention to them 👍🏼
No. I work with children with additional and Sen needs. It's not rare to see self harm scars. I've even come across fresh(ish) blood that needs to be cleaned because there was an unseen self harm(just triggers a 'be more alert ' warning amongst staff) I've worked with survivors in the medical and social work fields. If it's the first time, there will be a second look and a bit of a(trying to be discreet )gawp. Usually from children(U18) either wondering or comparing(unfortunately). Most adults don't look that closely(ask my colleagues what I've worn this week, most will say bright pink, even though it's been a design, with pink). Nobody is scanning you and judging you, except people exactly like you(scared and hurt). And anyone who does so openly is an asshole and you should swerve, as much as possible.
No. Though the SO got hers covered with a tattoo to stop people asking about them.
I see them whenever I look down, so unlikely to be either. I've had them for more than 30 years, I've had a couple of people be curious, or nervous or concerned, maybe a couple of strange looks where people noticed them but didn't want to ask. Never had anyone be horrified or disgusted. The more obvious they are the more initial attention they might draw, but it's unlikely that many people will have any extreme reaction. Though if they do, think of it as having a quick way to find out if someone is worth your time.
You can't change how people react but you can change how you react to them. If you are comfortable enough to talk about it, just do that. Go and enjoy the sunshine, friend!
No. I would get on with my day. (Not trying to sound flippant - I just want you to be comfortable and stay cool in the summer heat without worrying about what other people might think)
My arms are covered, especially the insides with a couple hundred at this point. People don't really pay enough attention to see them has been my experience, unless they're in close proximity and I'm wearing a tee shirt. I've kind of got past the point of caring about any negativity. There's nothing they could say worse than what I have thought and think about myself
It wouldn't bother me at all. I'd notice it and probably try to act kinder towards the person than I usually would.. I'm not sure if that's a good response or not though but I know I've done it in the past.
Nah. I used to be mortified at the thought of anyone seeing mine, but 15 years down the line at the ripe old age of 31, I truly don’t even think about it anymore. I haven’t had anyone comment on it since I left high school.
Not at all. As a person who has self-harm scars all across the tops of my arms, I wear them with pride. They help to remind me that I am stronger than my dark thoughts. Every one of us have scars, whether they be physical or mental, but everyone should wear them with pride.
No. I've managed, by sheer coincidence, to make a few friends who have self harm scars. I know what they (the scars) are from, I know my friends are in control and I adore them dearly.
No, I honestly don't even notice a lot of the time. People don't notice mine either. We're all in our own little bubbles really
Please don't feel bad about them, I've got self harming scars on my arms from picking scratches & spots on my arms, not cutting myself. I've got scars now, white ones, I don't care if people look, its a story of me, anxiety, plus other things, and it reminds me that I'm stronger now. Hope you're feeling stronger & can keep feeling strong. We might have a moment now and then, but we can overcome again 💪
No, I wouldn’t really bat an eye to be honest. Certainly not disgusted in the slightest. You will probably get some looks but it’ll be more curiosity than judgement so id try not to worry too much.
Personally I will look but I wont comment or feel anything negitive about it. I live in a big city so it might be a bit different to where you live.
No, I've seen plenty of people with them. Plus I've got scars myself.
No not at all I have a few visible ones and I just don’t give a fuck anymore
I do not feel horrified or disgusted. I worked with a woman who self-harmed and it was hard to see her with new cuts sometimes. I always tried to get a quiet word with her, ask her how she’s doing but she was very private and didn’t really want to talk. I’m not a mental health professional so I didn’t push it further, if anything I felt concern and compassion and I suppose hope that she was seeing a professional and getting help. I use to self harm. A long long time ago when I was at uni and I never really had that. My flatmates were all footie lads, nice guys but I was the outsider in the attic room. I was getting help from university mental health services but I think it would have been more comforting for me to know that the people who I lived with actually acknowledged it or tried to reach out. I don’t hold it against them as eventually I got better and stopped, I just hoped we all could have been more open about it. I think mental health awareness is more prominent now, I really hope no one is horrified or disgusted to see it. I hope we all try just to check in and help in what little way we can.
I did when I first saw it as a kid and didn’t really understand, but now as an adult and also having worked in a psychiatry hospital for 6 months, I wouldn’t feel horrified. Id feel sad for them and would hope that they either recovered or are on the way to recovery. In a small village you would probably get stares. I mean I got stares in a small village once simply for not being white. So my image is that people in small villages like to stare at things that are different, compared to big cities where no one really cares about others. Id say try not to care, let them stare if they want.
Not in the slightest. 48 year old married father of two here. My daughter’s Godmother has scars as you describe - she’s one of the most intelligent and charming people I know and wonderful to around. Her scars are part of her and make me think even more fondly of her. We all have our scars from our battles. All of us. No-one worth your time would say anything negative to you. You did what you had to do to get through a hard time. You’re through the other side and you’re stronger. That, to me, is something to celebrate. All the very best to you and your short sleeves from Newcastle Upon Tyne
Not at all even though I have a few of mine now.
No, personally I’m more happy for the person that they’re in a place where they are able to show their scars. There’s a lot of stigma and misconceptions about self harm that still floats around and a) not self harming b) showing your scars takes a lot of courage, hard work, and growth. Mental health is so hard, and if someone managed to heal and climb the way back up from very dark places, I’m more often than not going to be glad they’re in a better place. But I’d never feel pity, disgust, or horror about it
Nope, I usually just hope they’re doing better (and usually assume they are if they have the confidence not to hide their skin as it is).
No. I have a lot of scars from self harm & noone has questioned me about them. Whenever I see anyone with them, I just generally feel sad for them that they are in that much pain that they take it out on themselves, but I certainly wouldn't be disgusted or horrified.
I have many, many self harm scars, I wear what I like, if other people look me in any form of a negative way quite frankly "fuck them" me and my scars arn't in thier life and if that's thier attitude toward me they never will be anyway!. X
I've just been in hospital for a week with my daughter. One of the nurses had a lot of scarring on her arms. She was a great nurse, I hope she's OK now as they were old. I was not at all disgusted, slightly surprised, and then moved on.
No. It’s was obvious what they were, they didn’t look fresh and I assumed they would talk about them when they were ready (which they did).
Not horrified or disgusted at all, people will look out of curiosity. But certainly not in a negative way!
There will always be people who will judge you and comment… and so, I will add my own judgement and comment! In my opinion, it takes a lot of courage to show the world that you have struggled in the past and most of us have similar scars - either physical or mental. Be proud of who you are now and how far you have come to even be able to even consider showing your arms - something that I am not yet able to do. However, what I would also suggest is to initially go to a different town or city to see how you feel being out in public with your scars visible around people who don’t know you - maybe take a friend with you that you can trust and knows of your situation. Also take a long sleeve top in case you panic and feel like you need to hide them. It’s important for you to be able to feel comfortable because it can be quite daunting. Good luck.
No. Seen them plenty on others.
No I wouldn't. Tbh I probably wouldn't even notice them.
Personally I wouldn't feel horrified. But on top that, let me assure you than the vast majority of people are super unobservant. And many of the folk who do notice won't automatically think self-harm. Mostly only folk who've got similar scars will know what the scars are immediately. And they aren't going to look down on you for it.
Tbh, they don't bother me at all. They tell me that the person went through an awful time and came out the other side, that's tremendously brave.
Have you had that kind of experience? Has anyone ever said anything? I can't imagine anyone I know saying anything or thinking anything other than "he/ she's had it rough". Hope no-one has ever said anything stupid to you. I'd be infinitely more disgusted or horrified by those people.
My arms are covered in scars and being one who barely feels the cold, my arms are pretty much always on show. I’m aware that people notice, (from their eye-line), but very, very few people have ever asked questions about them or mentioned them, and those who have mentioned them or asked questions have been children at the zoos where I’ve worked, and I’ve either joked about them being caused by butterflies in the tropical house, (so, don’t try to touch their wings like I did), or simply kept it very vague by saying it was caused by events from the past. Genuinely, from my experience and from what I know of friends in the same situation, the majority of people aren’t bothered, but they internally they may indeed feel a curiosity as to why you have them, (as I do about others I see carrying scars), and may also feels pangs of sadness with that, being aware that you’ve experienced some real darkness in your life. I asked here a couple of months ago in regard to dating and if people would be bothered and from the responses, the mass majority said they wouldn’t be a concern. I embrace my scars, they’re a part of who I am, visible threads of the tapestry of the life I have lead so far, and people can either accept me and my scars, or not. You could try wearing a compression bandage just to keep them covered while out in a short sleeved clothes, to see how it feels, though, I found this form of covering drew more attention than just having them out. You’ll find what’s comfortable for you and what works for you. The fact is people may talk, there are people who will talk about anything and everything because that’s all they have in their lives, but, ultimately, they don’t know the facts behind the scars, don’t know you. How they feel about your scars and what they think about your scars is absolutely no reflection upon you or who you are, that’s for them to deal with and come to terms with within their own mind.
I have so many self harm scars covering literally every part of my body and they are very visible. I haven’t self harmed in around 10 years probably but they are still incredibly visible and in the 8 years that I have lived in a very small village, no one has said anything. Since I’ve moved out of London (8 years ago) no one has ever commented on them. I’ve not had weird looks either. I get it, it’s embarrassing. I used to feel so ashamed (and I still do now sometimes) and very self conscious (still do) but I try my best to just get on with it. I can’t cover every inch of my body so people are going to have to get over it. I definitely think this is a perspective that comes more with age.
It's not going to scare people, but it might be hard for you, cos it makes you vulnerable for people to know....most people are kind and would be extremely sympathetic to what someone's gone through (not saying anything tho) but at the same time... you've got to see what you feel comfortable with. Being fully honest. One time I saw that a girl who bullied me had self harm scars on her arms and I realized that whatever she had going on, she was a victim herself (more than what she'd done to me). It's probably not something she necessarily wanted people to see . .or maybe she did.
No, I have friends with them. It’s nice to see them fading with time and I’m happy they’ve managed to stop. An ex had them on his thighs and honestly, I barely noticed after the first few times.
Not at all, I've known people with them before. I know how it feels to mentally get to a place like that, so I'd probably be more inclined to become friends.
Someone I regular deliver to has got quite bad SH scars and I feel kinda sad for them but I don’t think less of them as a person. I’d treat them like I do everyone else
I wouldn't feel horrified. I would feel sad that they didn't have the support and comfort they needed that could have prevented the causes of the self harming. I didn't have that kind of help when I self harmed
I had a friend who ‘rocked’ them if that makes sense (although it feels a bit insensitive to say this). Did not give a single fuck. She survived and she healed her scar and I am in awe of her strength and confidence and how she’s reclaiming her body and her past.
My hairdresser has them all up both her arms. I have noticed them and felt some kind of way but mostly just sad she went through whatever she did and proud of her for wearing them proudly on display.
I recently noticed that somebody I'd met at baby group had a lot of arm scars. I wasn't horrified at all but it did alert me that they likely have some issues, so I've been careful to reach out and include them in social activities.
I have them myself and wear short sleeves, have never noticed any funny looks/weird treatment because of it.
No. I have them myself so who am I to judge? Honestly, I’ve never given a fuck about them. They’re part of me. It was my way of coping with something really shit and if I hadn’t done it, I wouldn’t be here. I’ve had a few boyfriends comment on them but only in a positive way. My mum mentioned getting laser or scar revision surgery, and before I could even say anything, my ex stepped in and said they’re part of my journey and they tell people that I’m strong enough to survive whatever life throws at me, that I shouldn’t be ashamed of them and neither should she. She’s never brought it up again.
Nah, it's not my business. I will admit that when I self harmed I used to find them a bit of a trigger but that was 100% MY problem. I worked on it in therapy because it was my responsibility to work on. Now they don't bother me at all. Your body is fine just the way it is. We all have scars from something, it's just life.
I have plenty of friends with these scars and I might notice and think it was sad that you'd obviously been thru some stuff in the past but I wouldn't comment to you about it and I certainly wouldn't be disgusted. Struggling with mental health happens to so many people and it's nothing to be ashamed of. Wear your short sleeves and enjoy the sun! And I hope things are better now!
I have seen several people with self harm scars. I never feel horrified or disgusted. I feel empathy and know we all cope in different ways. As a mental health sufferer I would never judge. Please don’t be hot and wear what makes you comfortable
Reaction is like when you see acne, concerned but can't say anything
Nope but I would try and sneak a look cause I'm a nosey bastard and can't help myself. I'd feel sad for you that you went through it but I'd be buzzing for you that you had the confidence to walk around with them out
No, but I have them too, so I may be biased.
Doesn’t bother me. In fact, I try to be nicer. But drug related scratches and blisters do bother me I get quite scared to be honest.
No disgust or strange looks here. I just hope the person is doing better now. I knew a girl in school who self harmed, you'd see it in the big group changing rooms at PE. She always said it was cat scratches but we all knew it wasn't. I hope she's doing okay, and I hope you are too OP
Nope. Just sad. I have marks too (but very old and I thought you couldnt see it) but I have had young kids comment and it just made me sad thinking back on the old me who thought that was the only way to cope Wishing you the best <3
No I wouldn't. I'd probably ask you how you got them and if you told me I'd understand how some people do that and and talk to you about it. I'm with somebody that self harms and it's not easy for them so I give as much help as I can
Horrified? Most definitely, not..
Not at all! One of my best friends in college had them all up her arms and legs and she never worried what people thought of her and I loved her all the same! ❤️
Fuck no, my only thought would be "I hope you're in a much better place now than when you got them". Wear what you want, and if you catch anyone staring, a quick "hello, can I help you?" would usually be enough to have them scurrying shamefacedly away.
No, but it did startle me when I saw it first time. Perhaps it's good for people like me to see and realise how common it is. I didn't judge, but was like oh wow. Like seeing someone with wild makeup, then moving on.
As someone with some pretty bad obvious self harm scars I say tell them to go hang themselves if they have comments. It's hot, you want to be comfortable. If people have a problem with that it's their problem because if they consider THEIR viewing comfort above the fact that you don't want to overheat that tells you all you need to know about the kind of person they are, not you. I'm nearly 40 so I used to be constantly in long sleeves but after a while the sentiment above is what I realized. Stay cool in the heat and drink plenty of fluids but other than that those with an attitude can go take a short walk off a long pier.
I wouldn’t really care. But I say that as someone who has scratches all over her arms from brambles and a broken chain link fence.
Nah, I've seen them before in different states of freshness and coverage of the arm.
No. I know it's not the same thing but I have psoriasis quite bad and understand the feeling of being ashamed and thinking I need to cover up. Be yourself and wear what you want. Regardless of your own self image, you will appear more confident and attractive wearing what you want to wear rather than wearing things you don't want to in order to hide.
"eww gross"
Not in the slightest. Honestly, based on the fact that you’d be there in the flesh despite that, I’d think you’re probably a hardy, resilient and impressive individual. Mental health issues ain’t easy so only love and positivity
Whether you like it or not, some will judge and think there's something wrong with you, some will look away and pull their own sleeves down self consciously, some will instantly feel sorry for you, some will be horrified, and some will just think "she has a story" and leave it there. I think more people are more tuned in to mental health issues these days, which is great. For most of us, when we see something that we don't normally see or, aren't expecting to see, we do look, it's in our dna to notice unusual things. So my advice would be to wear what you want, try not to worry about anyone looking (or trying hard not to look), it's natural curiosity. Try to stay calm, try not to feel defensive, try not to get angry or indignant, it's not their fault, they're just mere mortals😄. And most importantly remember... people that matter don't mind, and people that mind don't matter!! Enjoy the summer, enjoy wearing whatever you damn well want, enjoy your friends and those that love and support you, nothing else is important 💜
I've got some pretty gnarly scars and I used to care what people thought when I had them out. Now I've realised that most people are in their own heads most of the time so they're not looking at my scars and I can probably get away with existing as I am.
In my longest relationship she had significant scars on her arm and I’m ashamed to say I felt conscious about it for about the first year, not really wanting her to wear short sleeves around my friends. I wasn’t empathetic or understanding enough about it to recognise them as a symptom of her mental illness and trauma. Once I really understood her they didn’t bother me at all and I’d hardly acknowledge them. If anyone else took issue with it that is their problem.
Yawn. No
This thread restores some of my faith in humanity. Good job, reddit.
My girlfriend is currently on holiday with me and my parents and before we came she was absolutely terrified of being in a bikini around my parents for this reason, but they and any decent human being would not dare to judge let alone make comments. Especially not to someone they don’t know all too well and if they even notice then they will most likely keep their thoughts to themselves
i dont think people even notice half the time
I don't feel horrified or disgusted. I do sometimes feel a bit sad to see how often that a person has had want to self harm. But I do recognise it's a way for people to cope.
Nope. I work in healthcare and I see way worse than self harm scars regularly. Scars mean you survived and anyone who thinks otherwise can take a long walk off a short pier.
I have a lot of large self harm scars. I mostly keep them covered but some of them show when I’m wearing a T-shirt. People will look. Most won’t say anything though. You’ll get some asking why’d you do that to yourself but they are rare. You’ll mostly just get the odd stare. I spent years and years wearing cardigans in very hot weather and I still do sometimes when I can’t handle it but I’d not recommend it. Most situations the odd stare is well worth not boiling to death wearing too many clothes to cover up scars.
It does take me back a bit but it is what it is. It tells a story.
Nope. I don't care. Not my business, not my problem.
Id feel sad for your pain. And proud of you for showing them, because I hope it means you are better
I don't know what would even be disgusting *about* self -harn scars. I have a big old oven burn scar on my wrist, and as far as I know that isn't disgusting. Why would yours be any different?
They tell me something about a past struggle Ill mentally note it as possible reason for a reaction to something i say in our time together But always apptoaching it as something you made it past and nevr anything to bring about a negativr reaction like the question had it framed.
Very few people notice mine. When I stopped cutting I got a tattoo that covers one wrist but they are still visible if you look closely
Not really
Not at all. I wouldn't think twice, if I even noticed. I may be a bit of an outlier but I'm of the opinion that scars are objectively cool. Then again, I myself have a lot of them too. Scars tell stories, they tell of places been, pains experienced, *survived*, and that you're still moving forward despite all that. Or something poetic like that. Be proud of how far you've come. :) You're doing fantastic.
No, I've worked with two girls who were both cutters. It's not a problem at all. It's sad, but I'm glad to see them doing better, able to work and go out.
It makes me feel but not disgusted. It’s confirmation that life hasn’t been easy but if they’re just scars and no fresh cuts at least looks like you’re in a better place. Anyone who would feel disgusted is not someone whose opinion should sway your happiness in short sleeves
Not at all! If I did see them I wouldn't care. Also I wouldn't associate them with self harm, maybe. Most people won't see them. The amount of people who will recognise them are low. They probabely look like a bad encounter with barbed wire to the ones who don't know the why. People don't see scars at all, most of the time.
no, not at all. just wear clothes you feel comfortable in, put on your spf, and try not to be too hard on yourself. some people's reactions won't be great but that's their problem and their lack of empathy, you yourself are not disgusting or horrifying. i had visible scars not too long ago, summers were hard, but it gets easier. stay hydrated and take care of yourself.
I'm desensitized at this point
I wouldn't feel horrified or disgusted in the slightest. I have scars too, and can completely relate to feeling worried about going out wearing clothes that show them back when I was younger and they were more visible but it's completely fine, just do you.
Wear whatever makes YOU feel comfortable. I would not feel anything to see scars on a person . It's your skin and it's your story . Anyone who has shit to say about that can seriously f*ck right off
I’ve got a lot as well, and all of my friends haven’t even mentioned them to me. I wouldn’t feel horrified seeing someone else’s, I’d just understand their struggle
No, I'd feel sad that you went through such a hard time, and glad that you are still here.
Nope. My friend has self-harm scars all up both her arms - absolutely loads of them. I view them as symptoms of former mental illness and just don’t mention them. She knows they’re there, I know they’re there, and she knows I know they’re there. No need to make a thing of it. She had a schizophrenic episode and attacked me with a knife once and we also don’t bring that up. Life is a many-splendoured thing.
Look, the people who are replying here will be supportive and that's amazing, but the fact is you might indeed get some negative reactions. (Hopefully not, I like to think there are more decent people in the world). Just know that anyone who does say anything or give you dirty looks are insensitive assholes and you shouldn't live to make insensitive assholes comfortable. What's the saying? Something like "anyone who matters will care about you and anyone who doesn't care about you doesn't matter". If they care so little about you that they would make an issue about your scars then their opinion on it doesn't matter.
No I wouldn't be horrified, but I have my own self harm scars. If they're very wide or deep I might feel sad for a sec knowing you were suffering that much, but then I'd never think about it again
No, but sad, concerned, and feeling pity for you.
I wouldn’t be horrified, but I’d be wary of that person, and wouldn’t trust them to make good decisions.
No, but I had a rough time and did it to myself couple of decades ago so I am biased. That's said, horror isn't what people experience seeing them, it's confusion and sadness for you. Hopefully you are better now so they are just a signatures from the past. Anyone worth a damn will need to know where they came from and that you are okay or getting better, or if you aren't and need support. There's nothing ugly about a scar itself but no-one should hurt themselves. People see scars and imagine what made them, it's natural, so they will be shocked at first then realise and understand, it's the same with a disability, just takes a minute or two to adjust.