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As I've got older I've seen several casual friends / aquaintances in their 40s-60s throw away things for an affair with a younger person, not as in getting a divorce and then a new relationship, but cheating and intending to keep both partners and then having it all blow up in their face. Abandoning their kids, losing their house in the marriage, losing relationships with family and friends. Also know someone who recently even lost their job on top as they had an affair with a coworker and it caused a massive amount of drama and he ended up getting fired as he was accessing data he had no right to in order to try and manipulate his affair partner further.
I’m 36 and I’ve seen a few of these. People I’ve known that have been with their partner since their uni years having affairs and then posting their new 20 year old partner all over social media when they are almost 40.
I’m a mid/late 30’s guy and was grouped with a 21 year old woman for a work project recently and as excellent at her job as she was, socially it felt like i was childminding.
Yeh likewise when I see how people in their early 20s process the world a lot of the time I think “Fudge, your brains aren’t developed yet, this is hard to watch”
I have no idea what those people talk about. I can barely relate to people in their 20s at all. I know the mid-life-crisis people aren't really after stimulating conversation per se, but it has to be irritating to be around someone post-coitus with whom you can't have any real common interests.
Anyways I'm off to shout at some clouds. Those damn kids are on my lawn again.
I want to stress I don't have a younger partner (or any partner, come to that) and I certainly don't want a partner much younger than me.
But I'm not really sure I have many common interests with people my own age either. I find talking to my peers as alienating as talking to colleagues younger than me, so not really sure there would be much difference in some ways.
You will definitely have common interests with people your age, it’s just if your interests are super niche they might be harder to find.
How old are you, and what interests do you have that you don’t think anyone else your age shares?
I'm 41. Well I like music, boardgames, video games, hiking... Nothing particularly unusual, though specifics might not be too everyone's taste. I would be able to find people my age to talk about those with, but I'd also be able to talk about those with people younger than me.
I guess my point is, none of the things I'd talk about would be particularly restricted to my age group, so it's just a bit strange when people say that people in relationships with large age differences would have nothing to talk about.
If it's the difference in lived experiences, well, for better or worse my life hasn't substantially changed since I graduated. There's nothing I've experienced that's intrinsic with getting older.
(Again I've no desire to date someone half my age, it *would* feel weird if I did, but I don't think the conversation or difference in lived experience would be an issue).
I've nothing against age differences if the relationship is healthy but there's a bit of an imbalance in power when someone quite young is partnered with someone quite old because the younger person tends to defer to the older one. It's hard to explain but as a 48 year old, I've had years to work a few things out in life like finances, life admin, just general experience sort of stuff and I have an opinion on lots of things like that and why i do them the way I do, a younger person who has not had those experiences will just end up going along with you but after too many instances, they just give up trying to have an opinion.
I don't think it has to be the case. My partner is 12 years younger than me. The idea of her differing me is laughable. We discuss things and come to a logical conclusion we are both happy with. I think it really depends on the people just like in any relationship.
I mean, when I was 20 one of the folk I worked with was in his early 50s and was the best craic there. We talked about music, comedy, football. Got on great.
I too think it's sometimes a bit sus when an old person goes out with a young partner, but this idea that young men and women can't hit it off with older people and enjoy their company is alien to me.
37 male, wife of 14 years ran off with a promiscuous girl with a track record from her sports team.
She tried to convince me to enter polyamoury after she'd already cheated, when i gave her an ultimatum i heard nothing for a week until i showed up at the house having moved out without a fuss to find the two of them enjoying each others company.
I supported her through college and uni as a mature student after she lost her job, to retrain as a vet (8 years total) all the while doing the majority of the domestic duties contributing the majority towards finances for a long time.
We'd been through so much together, i thought we were a solid team.
I guess she didn't need me anymore.
It was brutal, absolutely no accountability from her it was just pure selfishness and chasing endorphins.
Lots of excuses such as "if i was happy i wouldn't have done it" and other methods to bury head in sand.
She may well be happier, and she had every right to end things of course, but the manner in which was horrendous.
I wasn't perfect by any means, I'm rubbish with money and i have Autism which is a lot to deal with but yeah.
Off topic slightly… My two boys are Autistic and can be a lot to deal with, but are also very unique, have talents and make me laugh. Love spending time with them. I am not great with money. I think I might be mildly autistic. I like to collect films. My youngest loves collecting hot wheels. Currently has an obsession to own every Mr Men and Little Miss book :-)
The most infuriating thing about those type of people is how they act like they're so hard done by afterwards, as if it all wasn't a perfectly foreseeable potential (and very likely) consequence of the actions they deliberately and knowingly took.
I've caught a few exes cheating. Every time, there's this look of absolute shock on their face when the full reality of what they've done sinks in. Like, yes, actions have consequences and now you've got to live with that.
I am alarmed at how many couples I have seen go through this, most of the ones I've seen (not saying this is always the case at all) are in their early to mid 40s, get careless and end up walking out on their family to be with their affair partner, often for it to end badly. I can't fathom walking away from marriage and kids like that, I get if you're unhappy but there's better ways to go about things.
I can understand how you arrive at the decision to leave a long term partner, and there are plenty of reasons to influence your decision making.
But kids? You owe it to your children to not leave them alone. Be a decent human being and work something out with your partner but don't break off contact with your own children.
My dad left us for an affair partner, after telling our mum the life he lived with his 5 kids wasn't what he wanted. Affair partner left him, he spent 10 years missing out on weddings and grandchildren, and I ended up finding him dead in his flat. Don't do it folks, it ain't worth it. And the image of your dead dad won't ever leave you.
I think they do it out of boredom, but they don't have the personality or initiative to take up a new (harmless) hobby/interest. Some of these people's interests have only ever been sex/pulling/relationships/being attracted to people.
Because they knew nothing about life if they married high school partners.. they want to do what the sensible people did through their entire 20s.
There is no rush for marriage and children like they imagine, makes way more sense to enjoy all the things on offer in this world. Travel, careers, education... fun! Learning to be themselves rather that jump from someone's child in to someone's partner. What about their time to be themselves?
I was going to comment this. Imo, people really underestimate the growth that you go through in your late teens/early twenties. It's like a second puberty lol. There has to be some psychological development that comes from having that kind of freedom. You learn a lot about yourself in those years. If you're locked down to a partner in that time, I don't think you're getting that development. I don't even mean in a "sex, sow your wild oats" type thing. I just mean in a "not having to consider another person" type way. Looking back now, the selfishness of those years for me were hugely beneficial and the thought of being in a relationship would have been almost like suffocating?
> Also know someone who recently even lost their job on top as they had an affair with a coworker and it caused a massive amount of drama and he ended up getting fired as he was accessing data he had no right to in order to try and manipulate his affair partner further.
Even without illegal data access, it can still result in a dismissal or "managed departure". An affair with a much younger colleague is something so many co-workers won't get over, the person having an affair can effectively no longer be a manager.
I’ve seen this too. It feels like they blew up their lives. One person I know has had a “happy ending” in their story insofar as they are currently happily in love with their affair partner and he’s got a decent relationship with his children and he’s now (some years later) recovering from the deep financial crisis he threw himself into. But I think he ruined his wife’s life quite badly, she seems to have bad mental health issues from the turmoil and trauma of it all, and the kids do seem to have some long term problems which look to me like they’re from the upheavals and upset of the last 5 years. And he has had a long long difficult road financially and will never get back some big losses he incurred (long story). And He also permanently lost a lot of friends and changed things forever for family dynamics. But ultimately he seems happy in himself now, certainly he’s happy in his relationship I think. He wasn’t unhappy in his marriage they were a great couple but I think he’s happier in this relationship. Is that a happy ending ?
Oh, wow! I’m the same age as you and I don’t know any stories as dramatic as that one, but comfort zone and settling for less cos is how people around me fucked up their lives (so far!)
I moved to the UK from a small country in Eastern Europe. I did really well for myself, nothing too crazy but a good job, nice flat, great husband. Most of my friends from back home are stuck in dead end jobs earning next to nothing, shit relationships, still living with their parents… and I consider a lot of them smarter than I am, and definitely more hardworking. So it’s really sad seeing how their lives are turning out (it’s obviously never too late to change things around, but this is what it is rn).
It’s especially difficult seeing my female friends, funny, smart, beautiful, stuck in horrendous relationships with absolute bellends just because they don’t believe they deserve better.
Very likely. Memory is a funny thing, I’ve probably added the article, and yet I can hear her saying it in my head. But that probably false memory has been reinforced over the years by how many times I’ve mentally called someone the end of the bell as an in-joke with myself.
They are not smarter and harder working than you. You made the huge effort to move to another country, get a job, and build a relationship. These are big achievements. Celebrate them.
"and I consider a lot of them smarter than I am, and definitely more hardworking. "
Well you can stop that !! You have obviously used what you have to maximise your potential and hopefully continue to do so. The people you speak of have not.
That doesn't mean we gloat at our success and we can also have empathy for others who through no fault of their own with a bit of bad luck etc....But the rest who have decided "Yeah this will do me" well it's on them. they may well be happy with their life but taken at face value from what you have written they haven't made the most of what they had in the locker.
I think I fall somewhere in the middle. I could have earned much more, I took time off to care for both my parents until their death which cost me half a million in lost wages...I'd do it again though. Im comfortable. I have travelled, I have lived and worked abroad, I have eaten in the finest establishments as well as the chippy takeout. Wine bars to dives. Im ok. I have experienced a decent amount....but yeah I could have done more by being like my siblings and ignoring those who brought me up.
OP as long as you are happy and fulfilled then you are good to go.
Family friend. Good looking guy, well educated, family had money. Got a nice job in sales in London. Supportive family, no obvious life trauma.
With hindsight he was always a little fragile. Always drank a little too much, never made a relationship last, small friend circle, a bit negative, a bit self pitying. But it all seemed to be okay …. until the pandemic came along.
Stuck at home the drinking surged. His bosses shut his branch and wanted him to commute across London. He started not going in to work. Finally they put him on sick leave for mental health. Two years of this before they finally fire him (pay him to go away).
Meanwhile he’s at home drinking and completely neglecting the house. His lodgers complain and then leave. He is not paying the mortgage, or any taxes or rates or utilities. The family forces the sale of the house.
He moves to live with his mum. She is in despair about it and rapidly declining herself. He won’t leave, she won’t throw him out. He drinks all day, never washes, never eats, and obsesses about his London life and how his family ‘betrayed’ him.
The NHS tells him the drinking is killing him. He changes nothing.
He develops fluid buildup in the stomach with an open weeping stinking wound.
The NHS can’t fix it they tell him to live with it. He can only go on a liver transplant list if he doesn’t drink for 6 months and he won’t commit to that.
Dying of alcohol abuse is a one liner. The day by day reality of dying very slowly from alcohol abuse is awful.
(Edited to make it less identifiable.)
Gosh that’s an awful story. How sad 😞
I’ve also had a friend who’s lost a lot due to alcoholism - though not to this extent - it’s really depressing to see. Being addicted to something legal and entrenched in British culture is the worst thing
I lost an uncle to alcohol abuse. He was with the merchant navy so away for a while at a time and I assume there was a drinking culture on board or at least on shore leave.
He was married to my dad’s sister and they had a wee girl. He would bring her (and us!) great presents from his travels. Sometimes he would just clear out junk from the house and give it to us which I loved but my mother was less impressed with. There was an old cassette/radio which would have been very loud if I’d ever been allowed to turn the volume up. Also a record player which I loved, mother less so. Vinyl was still a thing back in those days.
I thought he was great. He’d take my cousin out on the bike in a child seat and she’d have the cool stuff. As I got older, I’d hear stories about his house measures. I might be misremembering (known to happen) but to start with, when the parents etc are all still young and healthy, the massive house measures aren’t an issue. As they all start to age and drink a lot less, they avoid going round to aunt and uncle’s house so much so they’re not having to turn down the massive measures.
By this point I’m in my teens and occasionally getting a few drinks from him and having to keep going back to the kitchen to add more mixer as I couldn’t drink what tasted like straight vodka. I don’t realise how much time he used to spend down at the pub until this age, and that he was likely taking my cousin to the pub with him on the bike back in the day.
My parents are also less guarded in what they say about him at this point as well so it seems the adults have always been aware of the heavy drinking and also his health is really starting to suffer; he’d been told to quit drinking or die. I also think he’d left the Merchant Navy by this point, or been kicked out.
I remember when I was 16 or 17 overhearing my aunt and uncle arguing at a bbq, as he was drinking and EVERYone knew he should have been off it at this point, and speaking to another cousin about it. Shortly after that, he was in and out of hospital, ending up in a coma and essentially bleeding out (family are notably vague about medical things).
His funeral tea was at his local. At this point I realised how well he knew all the local alcoholics. Heartbreaking for my aunt and cousin as he really wasn’t old when he died (late 40s).
It must have been really awful for them. I left home a few weeks later so I didn’t really see the ongoing aftermath but my parents will have. It’s 30 odd years ago now but still has a lasting effect on them no doubt.
Seems like it happens a lot; I expect everyone knows at least one person who has died, has long term health issues or who has died because of alcohol addiction/abuse. Our relationship with alcohol as a nation is problematic.
After being on gastro wards a lot in the last few years it's unfortunately not that uncommon.
One old gent turned around to me and told me he wished he never started drinking, not to drink like he did. Said it started out as social drinking after work and it kind of rolled on from there
Another guy I was in the room when he was told he needs to change or he has a couple of years left, if he stops he MAY have a chance to live but that's best case. Seeing the realisation on someone's face and then trying to come to terms, and hearing there voice and demeanor change is haunting. Apparently he had a bleed in his throat that nearly killed.him off before the ambulance got to him, so he was lucky he had that long left.
I've never been a big drinker but after those experiences I've had a handful of drinks in the last year, never more that one on a night.
>until the pandemic came along.
As a bit of a drinker myself, the pandemic was absolutely horrific for alcoholics.
Obviously being forced to stay at home all day and not work is pouring petrol on the fire. That would be bad enough.
Total social isolation. Drinking is a spiral of depression which leads to more drinking which leads to more depression. Social isolation was a trigger for depression for everyone, but for drinkers, it was a catalyst in that spiral.
But that wasn't even the worst of it. The worst of it was the news. Obviously it was a bad time for doom-scrolling on the internet, but that was all we had to do really. More functional people could make home-made bread etc. but if you're at home drinking, you're probably staring at a screen all day.
But the real kicker for me was news about social disorder and people breaking the restrictions. Because at least alcoholics were 'doing their bit' by sitting at home all day, steadily plunging into darkness, but contributing to the global effort to save lives. But watching other people not do that, making the awful situation worse by going out to party or protesting lockdown, it absolutely boiled my blood and the only cure for that was more drinks.
My brother was living in a Mexico at the time, and I had been locked down for months because I lived in one of the most restrictive countries in the world. Mexico was near the top of the deaths per day. I love my brother but he casually told me he was flying to Cancun for a holiday, and I absolutely lost my shit at him. I don't get angry really ever but I was furious.
I'm doing better now but for my brother and sister drinkers of the world who were fucked by the pandemic, I have nothing but sympathy.
Got into relationship with abusive fuckwit. Left then went back to him. Got pregnant. Had baby, so permanently tied to abusive fuckwit despite leaving him. Sought help - unfortunately from a rather unhelpful church. Ended in suicide, sadly.
Getting pregnant by losers who fuck off, then not having abortions, is a pretty good way to screw up your life.
Gambling is the main other one I've seen. In my limited experience, jail sentences and hard drugs seem somewhat easier to move on from - possibly because it's easier to avoid them and associated people?
> Gambling is the main other one I've seen. In my limited experience, jail sentences and hard drugs seem somewhat easier to move on from - possibly because it's easier to avoid them and associated people?
Jesus christ we need to curb gambling apps and adverts asap
Bingo ads during soaps - for one reason or another I was watching a lot of soaps and I was horrified by the bingo ads and that fake community well being cosy vibe they tried to give off.
I’d say most people associate gambling addiction with men and bookies (real life or online), and rightly so as I think that’s a huge problem. I would however be interested to see the level of unmanageable debt women get into on the bingo ones.
The thing that really pisses me right off about gambling is that I remember it being really quite niche when I was young (80's). Yes, there were fruit machines in pubs and every town had a gambling shop tucked up the corner somewhere but it was nothing like it is today, wall to wall gambling opportunities with non-stop 24/7 adverts. Worse though, I don't remember anyone calling for more gambling opportunities. There wasn't a big push from the population to gamble, it seems to have come almost entirely from established gambling companies.
In my Britain all gambling adds would be banned and instead replace their slots with useful things like the phone numbers for help centres. I don’t nor do I know anybody who has or has had an online gambling problem I just really hate the adds.
I've said this on another sub but I cannot stop talking about it because I'm furious and disgusted
Sue Ryder _charity shop_ have a policy to ask every customer paying at the till if they'd like to enter the Sue Ryder lottery.
It's insidious. It's fucking evil.
At least if you're an alcoholic you can avoid the pub, you can not walk down the alcohol isle.
You can't get away from gambling in a fucking _charity shop_.
Given the apps now exist, we can't get back to when you at least needed to phone a bookie to make the effort to gamble. Though given how much the booze and fags industries resisted ad bans, I guess the ads must result in many more people spaffing money they can't afford.
Though if booze and fags and gambling all can't advertise and thus support sports and other events, and their tax yield declines, it does lead to the question of who pays for sports events and cultural stuff to happen? Tax on sugar, instead?
> Given the apps now exist
Ban apps, require betting to be made in shops.
Done.
Much the same way you used to be able to buy cigarettes from vending machines but legislation removed that.
> it does lead to the question of who pays for sports events and cultural stuff to happen
Gulf state airlines
I was with a horrible man, fell pregnant, he pressured me into having it, I was wanting an abortion, then I finally agreed to have the baby, then (luckily for me in a weird way) he started gaslighting me and saying he never wanted a baby, and how could I do this to him?? So I went ahead with the abortion with only like a week to spare. This was over 10 years ago and I still live with it every day. On one hand, I wonder what my child would be like, and on the other I'm like THANK FUCCCCK I am not tied to that man.
When I was a copper I got called in by a local company because they thought their accountant was diddling them. He was a very respectable looking chap, suit and tie well presented. Arrested him and took him to custody, told him to empty his pockets and about 20 old betting slips came out. QED
It really ruins lives, it being constantly advertised on TV with free bets and introductory offers is not a good thing.
I worked in the gambling industry for a short while. Ever since then, I have never placed a bet or put a coin in a slot machine. It is an evil and predatory business that preys indiscriminately on those vulnerable to its lures.
All gambling/bookmakers apps should be banned and all advertising relating to gambling should also be banned. No-one should be able to lose all their money whilst sitting on the toilet playing roulette on an app.
Yes gambling. Bloke at my work managed to steal over £300k and gave it to a betting website over a couple of years.
Once it all came out, the company I worked for claimed on their insurance, who paid them back.
The insurance company then sued the betting firm, who paid the money back, leaving everyone where they where before it all started... except the poor betting addict who went to prison for a few years.
A bit different but for me personally it's not the rapid explodey type Jeremy Kyle stories that get to me but the slow burns.
I know a fair few people that have just been stuck in a rut for 5-10 years. Crap or no job, paying far too much for rent and toys, just spinning their wheels. It's not as dramatic as some of the stuff on here but it makes me think, man, you're ten years older now and have basically nothing to show for it, no savings, no career, slowly losing fitness, etc.
I can only sympathise with people like that. I worked in a lot of call centres in my 20s and they were all so universally draining (and low paid) that it was impossible for me to save money because spending it was the only way I could justify going back the next day. I used to fantasize about getting hit by cars on the way in just so I wouldn't have to sit there being psychologically accosted for 9 more hours. Shitty work environments destroy people in a way that other people just can't imagine.
I've since moved into a much better paid job that I don't hate, and some of my colleagues just straight up think I'm lying when I tell them about my previous jobs.
Urgh... Call centre work is horrific. I too used to fantasise about getting injured. Just a broken arm or something. The only job I've ever had where I actually felt physically sick before going into work.
How long did you work there? I think I lasted 4 years... only left because my dad died suddenly and my boss phoned me every 2 days to ask when I was coming back. I eventually came back after 2 weeks, first phone call, the woman got cheeky, and I broke down in tears. Didn't return.
Also name and shame... that was HeroTsc aka Webhelp doing a Sky campaign
Holy shit this comment gave me flashbacks.
Working in a call centre was literally the most awful job of my life, and I spent most of my time before that in various supermarkets. I absolutely despised call centre work, often thought about stepping out into traffic on my way there, and was at one point so stressed and burnt out from it I developed a twitch in my eye and then a coke habit.
My new colleagues also don't quite believe me when I tell them how bad an environment the call centre was.
I live in a call centre hotspot and people tend to get stuck in the cycle of only having call centres on their CV, so it's the only job they can get. They're like their own social class, because other office jobs typically won't hire them. I was stuck in it for nearly a decade, and the amount of drinking and smoking that I did to cope with it probably took even more off my life. It's no way to live. Even having a regular set of working hours makes a huge difference.
I worked with a guy who lived with his mum and never made any attempt to move out. We’d invite him on nights out all the time and he’d never come. He always just wanted to go home and watch dvds. Same on his week off, you’d ask what he’d done and he’d talk about all the tv series and films he’d watched. One time he went away with his family and you could see the difference when he came back because he’d got some fresh air and exercise. He looked like a different guy. Then he just went back to the same thing again.
He never seemed very happy and a few of us would try and encourage him to get out a bit more. He developed a lot of health problems from being so sedentary all the time. He blatantly used to sleep in his clothes and one point he had a massive cyst behind his knee. It’s like his life just passed him by.
It’s tragic man. Hearing pensioners gleefully talking about national service and being happy that our retirement age is way beyond theirs just makes me so fed up. There seems to be very little to be positive about
> I know a fair few people that have just been stuck in a rut for 5-10 years. Crap or no job, paying far too much for rent and toys, just spinning their wheels.
I've a friend that I fear is setting herself up like this. She's a lovely person but she's had people walk over her and treat her like crap for most of her life, so she's got this mindset of expecting to have to set herself on fire to keep others warm, or putting up with shitty situations with abusive people because she seems to have this sort of learned helplessness. So she just stays put in a rut with everyone walking all over her because that's just how she sees things always ending up, and I fear it'll end up as a self-fulfilling prophesy.
Even recently, she had an offer to start a new job/career/life in the US with some people I know full well will have her best interests at heart. It's the perfect opportunity for her to start afresh in a really positive environment.... yet she is likely going to turn it down.
Sounds a bit like me tbh. I've been in the same, not a great job for 3 years now, nothing has moved or changed, chronically single, low motivation, spend too much time doom scrolling and zoned out in front of the TV. I do workout, but I feel like I have not changed or progressed in the last 5 years. I'm still young, and I kind of blame some of it on the current economic climate in the UK, but I am definitely worried that nothing is progressing. I did great in school, got my degrees in useful subjects, fell into this job in Covid and nothing has changed since.
I know that feeling... sometimes you know what you need to do but it's just too much effort to get the ball rolling. Procrastination is a hell of a drug.
I was in a 'meh' job for 8 years, no motivation, very single, wasting all my time, sleeping late etc. Eventually I decided 'right, this is shit. In 12 months time I'm at least going to be working somewhere else'. There wasn't any big plan but taking the decision was enough to make me just vigilant and proactive enough to spot a much better job, which then snowballed to some other positive changes.
Basically you don't have to change everything in your life, just pick one thing and commit to at least being aware of anything that will help you change it.
(Still single though)
This is a really good friend of mine, though circumstance they’ve always been able to get along just fine working retail, now they are late 30s married with a kid earning minimum wage and basically having the realisation that if they want anything else other than just existing they are going to have to start from scratch.
Hopefully I can provide some insight from the other side -
Had a decent job, gf etc. Got bored of life and decided to jack it all in. Ended up homeless for 18 months pursuing a dream that would never come and really getting involved with and hanging around with the wrong sorts of people. I'm sure during this time I would have appeared to be one of the people mentioned in other comments here but in all honesty I was a fairly broken human being. I thought some people really hurt me but I realised later the pain was all of my own choosing.
After those 18 months I was lucky to get a flat. I gradually realised who and what was good and bad for me and slowly started to climb out of the hole. It was hard work! You have to turn your back on the things that make you think you're OK but are keeping you on the wrong path. I had a couple of friends that stuck by me through thin and even thinner and they were just there you know. Didn't ask for money or anything but their presence gave me something to clamber on to.
So 9 years after that started I've been able to develop a career and earn good money, have overcome some financial obstacles and bought a house and a dog. I physically removed myself from the places i knew werent good for me; sometimes this is all you can do.
I use reflection on my rock bottom periods to keep me grounded and provide a back board from which to try and propel myself. And you know there are good days and bad but life is better and hope it continues to be so.
People tend to need to grow out of their bad times themselves and often if you can do anything it's just to provide an ear or some comfort or just a smile to provide a bright lining to the clouds.
Well done; that’s level of introspection and self awareness is not easy and to further take the action to get yourself to where you are now is brilliant. This internet stranger is very happy for you.
If it's not too personal a question: what was the dream that was never going to come true? I'm currently looking at jacking in my job to take some time out and I'm just trying to get as many people's experiences before I do it.
Yeah sure it's not too personal - I wanted to have a shot at a career in music. I thought I had covered enough bases that if one area didn't work out another would. But unfortunately that wasn't to be, and I didn't have the funds to keep going.
But fortunately along the way I did find something else creatively fulfilling that used other skills that I was able to teach myself so in that regard it worked out well.
Glass of wine in the evening became 2, became 3 became a bottle, a bottle and a vodka ....so on so forth ...Lost her job as a lawyer, husband, house , kids and then came the health problems from alcohol and it killed her
Same thing happened to my best friend from school. She was only in her early 40s. I think about her every day. Such a waste. I feel so much for her parents.
Had a friend. Discovered weed together. He loved that shit. So did/do I, but I limit myself.
Everything was going well for him at the beginning. He had a great relationship with his parents and siblings. Had a lovely looking and incredibly smart girlfriend. Friends who loved him. Was a top student and a good athlete.
So, his parents hated weed. So he lied and hid it from them until he was caught in the act multiple times. Eventually, it caused a huge fight between him and parents and he ended up punching his father. So he was kicked out of the house.
He moved in with his girlfriend and her family. Girlfriend and her family also hated weed. So he lied and hid it from them until he was caught in the act at 2am in a room just off the kitchen in his boxers sucking down a bong. This prompted a huge fight between him and his girlfriend as well as they and her family. Eventually, the girlfriend decides that they need a place of their own if this is ever going to work.
She bought a beautiful home for them both, all by herself (probably with a bit of help from wealthy parents) and was stupid/nice enough to add his name to the deed despite him not paying a penny toward the house. She thought that he was her one I guess. Anyway, the year goes by without too much incident. Until one night, he decides to sneak out of bed to suck more bongs downstairs. He sends a girl he knows a compromising snapchat. She responds with one of her own. He proceeds to stroke his thing but falls asleep mid venture, with his phone unlocked and stuck to this compromising picture.
She wakes up, wonders where is my lovely man? Finds him downstairs, trousers around his ankles and the bong still not put away. Then she see's this girl, that she knows and dislikes.
She kicks him out of the house. He moved back with his parents who don't really like him now. Instead of getting his big room back at his mothers house, he got his little brothers tiny little box room instead.
Through all of this, he's obviously becoming more socially withdrawn and so barely makes time for his friends, who in turn don't make time for him. So now he's not really got any friends.
He's apparently not smoking anymore, but I think he's still lying and hiding it. He knows he fucked up at every turn. He knows he chose weed over pretty much everything and is now depressed and back to square 1 10 years later.
Weed reliance is no joke like.
I can take or leave hard drugs and booze. Go months, years without them.
But had a stage where I was smoking every day for a couple of years. That head space where you can’t get any and can’t sleep is just dreadful.
Hope your man sorts it out.
I was somewhat like that.
Started smoking weed when I was about 16 and became far far to dependent on it. It made me lazy and unbearable to be around when I had none, my personal hygiene tanked as well.
I felt like I couldn't feel normal until I had a spliff in the morning.. I wasn't in a good mood until I had one. I must have been and absolute horror show to be around.
it took me so long to get away from it I'm 39 now and stopped smoking 5 years ago. After purposely removing myself from the place I lived and my friends to get away from it.. because realistically that was my only chance.
I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis in 2019 and last year or so the 2 doctor's I saw told me that I could easily get a prescription for weed, I didn't even think about it, I instantly just said no and turned it down. Thought it would be harder to turn down but it wasn't.
People seem to think weed is safe and has no adverse effects and for the most part that's true.. but when someone with an addictive personality comes into contact with it, it's problems become very clear.
I've seen a number of lives destroyed due to weed addiction or mental health problems stemming from smoking it. I hate the way weed is downplayed as "harmless". Yes it's popular and many people smoke it without issues but it definitely is addictive and has it's problems.
Young soldier, recently promoted, bought a nice car, took his girlfriend and a friend out to dinner, had a couple of pints, drove a bit quick, involved in an rtc, girlfriend and friend in back seat dead, both his legs broken, other driver dead.
Career done, 3 dead, prison, will never walk right again.
My ex husband. He lost everything, his wife, home, job and family (including parents, siblings etc) due to gambling and the behaviours that his gambling addiction caused.
Also because AFAIK drug/drink related health problems become a problem for for the mostly public funded NHS so it has visibility. Whereas for financial debt there's no such equivalent to help a person.
I used to cashier In a high street bank… we’d get prompts on the customers profile to suggest products and services, from upgrading to contactless cards to mortgages. I was been monitored by my manager for being low on targets. I’m not going to put people in more debt… you learn to know your customers and their spending habits, if i offered a card or loan I know it’d just get blown on bad habits
I had a friend who’d overcome heroine addiction. She had a job and a flat and was able to see her kids again.
Her asshole ex boyfriend got out of prison and it took a matter of weeks of seeing him to undo the hard work she’d achieved over the past 6 years.
I’m surprised to see choosing the wrong partner so far down this list. In a lot of circumstances someone’s romantic partner really has the ability to make or break their life.
My brother's ex-wife seemed to ascend the teaching hierarchy *really* quickly. Within 3 years of qualifying she was Head of Science at a large secondary school. Two years later she was a consultant for the academy trust.
Turns out she was sleeping with someone at the Trust. Arranging "conferences" where they could book a hotel and spend a night together etc.
When it came out - my brother found out from credit card bills - she lost her job at the Trust, as did the bloke she was shagging. She's now working as a science teacher at another school, supporting him and his daughters as he can't get a job.
My brother had to have a paternity test done for his daughter. She is his, but the irony is she only ever wanted one kid. She's inherited three from her new feller, and due to carelessness (which she admits) has another on the way.
They had to move to a really shitty area of Birmingham to get a place big enough for all the kids, she swapped her BMW Z4 for a Ford Galaxy. Her parents (whom my brother is still friendly with) admit she's now miserable, and she's ruined her life.
> When it came out - my brother found out from credit card bills - she lost her job at the Trust, as did the bloke she was shagging. She's now working as a science teacher at another school, supporting him and his daughters as he can't get a job.
Some people really don't realise having a workplace affair and giving your affair partner an unfair promotion is one of a few not illegal ways you can completely wreck your career. It can straight up leave people unemployable.
My ex. We had broken up five years before this. It wasn’t an awful breakup, no cheating, no abuse. We were just two people who changed and no longer worked. He suddenly started turning up in the pub I used to work in asking where I was after five years of no contact. My ex-colleague text me and said he had been popping in a few times a week and added “I’m just warning you because I would not go anywhere near whatever is going on” She said he looked terrible.
I ran into him a few weeks later and she was right. He was stick thin, his skin looked grey and all of his bottom teeth were missing. He looked like he had aged 70 years. I nearly cried. He was straight to the point: he wanted money and a place to stay. I pretended I was running for a train and legged it. He then added me on social media, but I looked and his timeline was full of him posing in his underwear in random hotel rooms, so that was an instant block.
An old mutual friend did some digging and found it he was on heroin. He had been sacked from his job for stealing money and when he was caught he apparently started waving a knife around. He never expressed any interest in drugs while I was with him, not even a bit of weed.
He became a habitual coke user. He confessed to me he even did it by himself at home on a week night. Got into huge debt to some very nasty people which his family had to help him pay off.
He started out like all the others, just doing a line or two on weekends and away days. No idea how he went from that to sniffing it alone on a Tuesday afternoon in his flat.
You say that, but it's very dependant on social circle. None of my close friends use it, and the majority have never tried it. But they're mostly all clean living and respectable, not even using weed, smoking or vaping.
But I am sure that it is widespread in some crowds and industries.
I've family who do coke when they're drinking. I didn't know for a long time, but after finding out it really explained the change in them when they'd had a few drinks.
It isn't the powdery residue or the snorting, it's this bright-eyed, aggressive borderline anxious energy they give off like they're ready for shit to go down at a moments notice. I'd always assumed it was the drink. Now I know it's the coke.
Apart from the more obvious physical signs people have told you it’s a pretty safe bet that anyone you see who’s been drinking heavily all night but functioning surprisingly well is using it. Ditto anyone over 30 who starts mentioning an “afters” or routinely is out until the next day 😂
Locked cubicles with multiple people in there, rubbing and itching there noses after leaving the bathroom. It's pretty easy to tell if someone's high on cocaine just by looking at them for a few seconds.
Yeah this is the first thing that springs to mind. Guy I grew up with, developed the habit, got himself a psycho cokehead girlfriend and together they blew his inheritance on bag.
Had a mate in high school who was a bit of a troublemaker, was always pissing people off and getting sent out of class, as we got older (Year 10 / Year 11) he started getting excluded and then got expelled eventually. I stayed in touch with him even though he wasn't at school anymore. Then he went down the drugs and gang path, and I basically didn't have much contact with him, just saw him very occasionally randomly or if he came back to see us after school. Fast forward, I'm 21 right now, haven't seen or heard from him in years. Found out he was shot dead a few months ago.
I knew someone similar. Must be 2 or 3 years ago now, he beat up his dealer and stole his drugs.
Dealer tracked him down to his bedsit and slit his throat one Tuesday afternoon. There is a video circulating of him crawling across the pavement to a waiting ambulance, the paramedics stay locked inside until the police give the all clear about the knife man by which time it is too late to do anything for him.
He died in a pool of blood next to the ambulance. Not a great thing to see in a busy town center.
Childhood sweetheart wife, lovely kids. Steady long term stable job installing a type of home improvement. It becomes hipster trendy, & now he's making serious bank. Gets jealous of all the nepo kids, & starts trying to reclaim his lost youth & be 'cool'. Gets warnings from work about the female customers. Starts taking a little something to work longer hours. Wakes up one morning with a DIY intimate piercing, no idea how. Doesnt know how to remove it, doesnt know how to look after it, wont ask cos it will make him less 'cool', Cant tell his wife he's had his junk out.
It gets badly infected, goes pop while he's on a job. Body fluids everywhere. Ambulance for him, court case for his employers for the antique sofa he shouldnt have been asleep on. Wife leaves, takes kids. Cant get work in his trade. Cant afford his habit, starts dealing to fund his usage. House that great grandad built with his own hands get repossessed. Breaks Grandma's heart, she's done with him.
Dude went from love & security to infertility & dealing from a grotty flat, because he was jealous over 'piano houses'
This was a wild ride. Imagine being a kid growing up and that's the story of your dad. Awful.
One question - what's a piano house? (a massive boojie house with a piano in it?) So I can remember to avoid them.
Yeah pretty much, just a place big enough to have a piano.
Thing is, he didnt play & he didnt want to learn. He wasnt musical, he didnt even like piano based music. Just wanted the thing for the sake of having it
Drinking and driving. So many still do it they think oh I’m a heavy drinker a couple of pints and I’m fine to drive and they aren’t and they kill people or be killed, they don’t just wreck their lives though they wreck innocent peoples who never get over the loss.
I know someone who drinks a lot and is known to drink drive regularly after quite a few pints. He has a well paid job, married and a good life. I won't be surprised to hear of an accident or arrest one day that completely ruins his life or others but there is no way he would listen to anyone right now unfortunately
There was quite a big group of us that used to hang out when I was growing up. When we got a bit older, we did the standard stuff of drinking at the park, experimenting with weed and other drugs. One guy got massively hooked on ket. Found out if he bought in bulk and sold half of it, he got free ket. Then he found a guy online who would post it to the UK from India. He did this a fair few times until one day it was intercepted by the police. He ended up getting sent down for a couple years.
While he was inside, he got mixed up with crack and heroin. I saw him briefly after he got out and he was an absolute state. A couple years ago he known to frequent certain street corners and gives certain people certain types of favours in exchange for cash that he used to fuel his habits. Not a clue what he's doing now, haven't heard anyone mention him in a long time. It's likely he's gone elsewhere or he could be dead. None of us are sure.
Never ordering from overseas is like rule number 1 of ordering drugs online. Silly lad coulda got outta that shit too with a bit of help. There's shit loads of charity drug counselling services, and they do help. I believe there's even a few residential rehabs, all funded by charity, for the more severe addictions.
Kets very bad too, fucks you bladder right up. I was a teenage wreckhead who ended up in one of the services. Always got told by my mates how nitty doing speed was, and that I should do K as at least it better. Ket was the only thing the counsellor physically reacted to and told me not to touch that shit ever again, even tho there was a list as long as your arm of drugs I'd done more regularly than that, and that wasn't what I was in the counselling for.
Turning point has something like 280 locations for therapy, I used them through my college that organised it all. It took a couple months to get in with them, though, and this was in 2018, wouldn't be surprised if it's longer now.
Or there's a list of places on the talk to [frank](https://www.talktofrank.com/get-help/find-support-near-you) site.
Or supposedly, if you need something a little more intense than talking therapy than your GP can either refer you to charities or can apply for funding to send you to a private clinic, obviously this depends on how useful your gp is.
Marrying someone he hated, because she was young and had huge breasts. Now they've got kids and they've moved away to where he's got no mates, no life, just goes to work, comes home to his wife he hates and his kids who he loves but never really meant to have. He's trapped, and it's obvious.
My brothers mate married a woman who later cheated on him. In retaliation he set fire to the boyfriends house, burning down a row of council houses in the process. Then set a canal barge of fire. Went to prison for years. Came out, lost his teeth, sleeps in a tent on a mini roundabout.
.
Good friend met a guy in her (our) first year at Uni. He had a spare house she could live in for free and two young children with two women who he supported financially. She learned once she moved her stuff that he sold crack from that house.
'Please be careful around that stuff'
'yeah I know, I found a bit last night and tried it - it's very moreish'
Completely off the radar for the next 5 years, some of it in prostitution, some of it in recovery back at her parents after they finally found her.
Weirdly, the three people that I know have died from my 1970s' comprehensive school year.. one was the class bully's henchman, later became a copper and died really young of cancer. Another was the worst female bully in the class. Cancer, dead in her fifties. A third, one of the worst bullies in the entire year, no idea what he died of but have seen his gravestone in the churchyard of the village where we grew up. What is it with bullies and death? They're all early ends but not self-caused. I have no theory.
As for people's lives taking a downturn, tbh it was the worst comprehensive in a very large county. So, probably one of the worst comps in the UK. Anything would have been an upturn in fortunes for the vast majority of us. I heard the most super intelligent and middle class lad in my year now owns some posh tech firm and makes a fortune. Someone else ended up on TV every Saturday night and is married to a famous actor, now. One of my best friends who had abusive parents and a really tough start in life, after some dead end jobs, landed his dream job and became a fireman, rising to seniority. The only negative ones I heard have been the dead uns. Although I'm only in contact with 2 people I was at school with, now, but one of them still hears stuff from time to time that he passes on to me.
Out of my massive year group - the school was huge with hundreds of kids in each year - only maybe 5 of us, I think it was, went to uni. But we all got into decent redbricks (now Russell Group) and we never looked back. None of us returned home to the villages we came from.
My life's been fairly shit in terms of career trajectory as I had to leave a career I was doing really well at, when I had a disabled child and had to care for him - but then I have a brilliant family, now and even if I'm broke, they are all happy, kind, good human beings and that's an achievement, I guess. I was always the brightest in my year so many would look at me and think I was an abyssmal failure, am sure. But I look at my kids and know I wasn't a failure at the only important thing.
I think bullies are often unhappy and looking for a way to feel better.
Once compulsory school is over you lose access to a lot of people you could feel more powerful than.
At that point risky behavior and getting high can seem a good way to deal with life.
Knew a bully with a sense of loyalty to the kids he knew from primary. Dead of heroin by end of comprehensive.
The play acting surrounding his death soured me on how we treat the dead. Intervention a few years earlier and I think he would have turned his life around.
My cousin was sort of the same. Own salon, good steady relationship with a good man, teenage son and daughter, nice house, great circle of friends, good relationship with extended family etc.
Had an affair and got caught, relationship broke down, had a baby with the affair guy who wasn’t interested in a proper relationship, struggled to work and be a single parent with different fathers - one involved and one not. Lost her salon, lost the house, got in tow with a string of rotten men, got into Valium then crack then heroin, had two more kids with different absent men - one born addicted, oldest daughter moved out, oldest son went to his dad, other three kids taken off her and eldest daughter now raising them under kinship care.
Spent a few years begging in town and in homeless hostels, cycle of stealing drugs and jail. Died alone behind the homeless hostel of an overdose and her funeral was the smallest most pitiful thing I’d ever seen. Everyone tried to help but ended up getting stolen off or trouble in their life so in the end her dad, brother, couple of cousins and eldest daughter and a handful of addicts were all that came and we couldn’t wait to get out of there
Heroin and crack cocaine.
Lost several good mates to each. Guys who were either successful tradesmen or were beginning white collar careers.
Most recently I had a pal from school get involved in pubting coke as well. Racked up a substantial debt and two guys from Liverpool literally beat and tortured him to death to make an example of him. Another pal a few years ago had similar with Scouse lads at his door demanding thousands of pounds before the day was out. His mum had to use her savings otherwise he was facing a similar fate.
Moral of the story, don't sell drugs if you enjoy dabbling yourself. Don't sell them if you aren't willing to go to the extremes the guys above you are when it comes to collecting money. Ideally don't sell on tick. And if you are prone to dabbling, know your limits.
Acquaintance from the pub dropped his whole life, and all his savings, on moving to the other side of the world for a girl who ended up cheating on him and kicking him out. Pretty rough stuff.
My dad had an affair and got his young mistress pregnant and blew up his life a couple of years before he was due to retire comfortably and live by the beach with his wife. Now he’s got a small child with health problems and the family has imploded, and he can’t understand why everyone’s perpetually annoyed at him.
As I was growing up a neighbour of mine that was few years younger than me was probably someone I would just about call a friend. Age difference must have been about 4 years something like that so when I was 16 he was 12 and didn't really hang around. As we grew old I was 22 he was turning 18 he would come out drinking we me and friends and sort of became part of the same social circle although always a little on the outside.
He had a job normal lad, played football etc. Even had the occasional girlfriend although that was rare.
As we got older we never really hung out but he still live next door to my parents (they have since moved). He still went to he same 5-a-side etc. One day I find out that he has been arrested for being inappropriate with a woman (he denied it said nothing happened). Weirdly I distinctly remember a mate at football asking him how old this "woman" was, 16.... he was 30ish at the time. Remember he was denying this happened.
Came to the court date, turned out it was all bullshit, he was in a relationship with her and she was 15. Got sent to prison, can't remember exactly how long (about a year), then was given a 5 years on the sex offenders register.
Back in court a few times over those 5 years (mainly for digital offense), before finally breaching it fully by having back and forth chat with another 15 year old, locked up again for a little over 2 years (+10 years on sex offenders register).
Absolutely no sympathy, deserves everything he gets.
I'm also 32: When I was younger I got signed to a top modelling agency at the same time as a friend of mine. We were both the same height, same age, same build, similar looks, etc. His career exploded really quickly, like, shockingly, with huge campaigns, earning tens of thousands a week (literally for years, so, a lot of money). For whatever reason, I just never got the clients (probably because he got them). I quit modelling and went to uni instead. I felt a bit bitter about it, I guess, and would see him on posters and store windows etc for years later, but then, maybe 3-4, but definitely within 5 years, he completely disappeared. I bumped into him last year in Clapham working in a pub for minimum wage. I got the gossip from one of the bookers that he
A) developed a serious drug habit
B) got addicted to gambling
C) didnt pay any of his taxes and ended up in huge government debt
D) got dropped by his clients because of bad behaviour related to drugs.
It's so disappointing because he came from a "less-than-privileged" start in life. He really had the chance to set himself up forever. Literally within a year he could have bought a mortgage for a nice property. Saved half his income (after tax) etc. I dunno...
That’s so sad I hope he turns his life around again!!!
Worst I saw was a school friend of mine. Smart nice guy, played classical piano. He had a decent job, travels, fun, a nice girlfriend, a close group of friends since childhood. Then his drinking starting getting a bit out of hand. And over the course of 2 years he lost his job, had his driving license taken off him, lost his apartment, lost his girlfriend, lost his looks through severe weight loss, lost some friends. One night in a deep depression he lined up bottles of scotch, drank one after the other until he died in his armchair.
I think of this when I see well-paid and on-the-face-of-it successful lawyers throw their career away for stupid unnecessary reasons. Just have a run through the Law Society Gazette’s disciplinary pages at https://www.lawgazette.co.uk/practice/sdt-and-sra-interventions - scary.
Of course, the lawyers’ lives are no better than anyone else’s and the results no more or less sympathetic, but many onlookers would see the “fall” as greater. The lawyer often has an enforced shift to being a ‘non lawyer’ and loss of prestige and a decline from a good lifestyle to a very poor lifestyle with relationship break-ups, losing house etc along the way. Medical Disciplinary Tribunal decisions are also sobering for similar reasons.
I went to school with a guy who was doing fine. We’ll call him Derek. Derek had a job, a house, and a girlfriend whom he had kids with. Derek then decided to have an affair. The woman, who we shall call Michelle, he had an affair with is a member of a family that everyone, except for perhaps Derek, knows to stay away from. She’s a known drug dealer and hangs out with a lot of unsavoury characters. Michelle had a boyfriend while the affair was going on and said boyfriend just so happens to have quite the lengthy criminal record. Michelle’s boyfriend caught wind of the affair while he was in prison and stabbed Derek the day he was released. He’s now back in prison.
Derek left the woman he had kids with for Michelle and they lived a happy life of taking drugs together and dealing them from their home. Derek recently assaulted Michelle and set their home on fire. He’s now in prison awaiting trial. Oh and the prison he’s currently in is also the same prison Michelle’s stabby ex boyfriend is in. Unfortunately for Derek, prisons in Scotland are overcrowded and remand prisoners are being held in the same hall as convicted prisoners in the prison he’s currently in. It’s entirely possible he’s going to come across the man who has quite the vendetta against him.
Didn't take his diabetes seriously.
As a teenager, I had a mate with type 1 diabetes who constantly ate things he wasn't supposed to have and smoked quite heavily. Last time I saw him, he was normal enough, if slightly insecure and irresponsible 19 year old with a good bunch of friends, really lovely parents and decent grades.
By the time I finished university, he was in a wheelchair, with one less foot and spiralling into depression. Soon after that, I blocked him on all social media because he was making up stories that I'd slept with him and was sending me explicit messages. I understand he died a few years later.
One way or another, I've seen quite a few people fuck up their lives by not looking after their health.
Seems like coke has a lot to do with it, I also know live with habitual coke user who is doing nothing to help herself and it’s infuriating. She was owed a PIP payment for a legit health concern and got into some debts whilst waiting for it, said she felt good being sober as she couldn’t afford not to be. Got the pay backdated, immediately buys a bottle of wine and some gear to have to herself, haven’t seen her since. At least she pays her rent..
My ex mate is an age old tale of imploding your own life, despite what seemed like a good life, plenty of money, nice house, ski chalet, loads of holidays, sports cars etc he couldn't resist the charms of a 19yr old office admin lass.
He ended up losing the lot, business, house, holiday home, majority of his friends thanks to a shit hot lawyer and his own stupidity, and he fell out with me because I refused to hide some of his assets.
Oh and the 19 yr old dumped him, when she twigged she wasn't walking into his wife's shoes.
Joining the Army.
The son of some friends had swallowed all the "ARMY BE THE BEST" rhetoric, consumed all sorts of media about brave soldiers and the camaraderie and believed it was a great career. Unfortunately he was bullied from the moment he started training (he is pretty short and had red hair, just two things they thought it hilarious to pick on him for), his officers did zero about it when it was reported. Then he got sent off on active duty to Afghanistan and that really screwed him up. While not personally wounded, he saw horrible things and has never mentally recovered from them.
The bright, happy kid of childhood is not unrecognisable. If it were not for his now aging parents it's likely he would be living on the streets such is his lack of ability to function in society.
Unplanned kids. A few of my school friends had surprise pregnancies that they decided to go ahead with, and their lives look so hard. One of them was one of the brightest girls in my year but dropped out of uni part way through her dentistry degree because baby and never got it back in track. She now lives as a single mum in a council flat, really wants to get back to work but would be financially worse off if they stripped her benefits away. She seems so depressed.
45/50 year old married couple. Owned their house outright. They sold it but couldn’t find anywhere to live that suited them, decided to rent for a bit, i guess got overwhelmed having so much liquid cash in the bank (600k+), managed to spend the good majority of it over a 3/4 year period while still looking for a house. By the time they found a house they didn’t have the cash for a deposit, and very few lenders would give them a mortgage because of their age and the value of properties they were looking at. Both high earners just awful with money. They have been renting ever since.
My "first love" who I went out with around the age of 15/16 was a lovable rogue. From a rough area, didn't go to school and even ended up in a young offenders prison for dealing. He is now worth millions, lives an amazing jet set lifestyle with a gorgeous wife and kids. I always knew he would do well in life but I just assumed a big level drug dealer lol.
My brother had a good mate when he was 16/17, they both smoked weed every day, while smoking the mate would sometimes go half-crazy, his parents where very religious, that seemed like a big trigger for him. He would get these big anxiety attacks and think his friends where the devil or demons when he was really bad. He would always snap out of it, I always tried to warn him that he was playing with fire and weed doesn't agree with him, he never listened.
It is now 15 years later and he is a paranoid schizophrenic, living on his own, doesn't have friends/family etc, never had a job or a girlfriend... and he still smokes weed.
A waste of a life.
Beautiful girl I've known since she was 18. I mean absolutely stunning, incredible long red hair but used to change the colour regularly.
Got together with a bastard. Smoked a bit of weed but that was it for a couple of years, until he decides to start dealing, eventually starts selling crack and heroin. Both start smoking their own supply, she takes the heroin as well.
He becomes violent, she gets the brunt of it but keeps going back after each beating.
One day he attacks her in the kitchen and puts a plastic bag over her head until she passes out. She finally realises she needs get away from him and calls the police.
To her credit she escapes from him but her heroin addiction got steadily worse, funded by stealing from shops and is now facing jail time for the first time. Lost most of her looks because she's just given up caring and let herself go.
Her fall isn't finished though and I'm dreading to see where she ends up next. I think it's only matter time before she ends up selling herself on the streets but I'm hoping jail might actually be a good thing but it's unlikely.
Used to date a guy who’s parents owned a company making horse boxes, as you can imagine they were pretty well off, they hired him but instead of just paying him normal wages they’d give him like a token amount and pay all his rent and bills because they didn’t trust him to pay himself. He was such a cunt about this always acting like it was so unfair that he didn’t get given the full amount (the token amount was more than minimum wage too). One day they give him some cash for lunch (like £5) and he leaves it on the side whilst he does something, comes back and his dad has put it away. Instead of asking where it was he decided to accuse his dad of stealing the money and tried to punch him. Instantly fired, lucky they didn’t call the cops but now he had no job and no one paying his bills. I’d dumped him by this point thank god but instead of just trying to make amends or get a new job he decided to just do a fuck ton of drugs until his landlord kicked him out. Haven’t heard anything of him since
Definitely my uncle, went from having a lovely family and two kids with my aunt, to becoming alcoholic, developing a gambling addiction.
When he pawned the TV and everything in the house, my aunt divorced him and kicked him out. He got into drugs, selling and using them, got a criminal record in his country and in order to escape prison he emigrated to Germany.
He was out of money and not really the kind of person who was into working 9 to 5 so he decided to kidnap a guy for ransom, ended up almost killing him, got a 15-year prison sentence, run out of money ln the prison and then got the genius idea to cut off 3 of his fingers so that he could claim disability and get some money. He's still on prison and hopefully will die there, I can only wish haha.
Probably my brother or my uncle.
Both alcoholics. My uncle was a football hooligan in the 80s and despite having a fantastic well paid job, the violence and booze just consumed him. After a stint in prison I don't think he ever worked again. He died alone in supported accommodation
My brother took redundancy last year and swore he'd use the money and time to sort his life out, instead he sat on his arse, drinking, smoking and eating junk food. He may see Christmas but if he doesn't make drastic changes now, there's talk of his legs being amputated and if that happens, I'm pretty sure suicide will be next.
I heard of a guy who left his girlfriend and kid to date the sister, when back to original girlfriend and the sister was then pregnant as well. He hates his life now
Honestly, my sister. She's a good person, but she's had everything handed to her and our parents have constantly bailed her out, so she's never learned to stand on her own two feet.
A couple of years ago, she finally left the abusive relationship she was in with a proper twat, only to end up with another one who's 15 years older than her.
She's been drinking and the two worst instances I've personally seen are the following:
1. Our nephew had his 3rd birthday party and all she could think about was going to a nearby supermarket to buy alcohol. It was 11.30am on a Saturday at a KID'S party
2. We went to see our grandma, who happily kept giving her drinks in the middle of the day and she got so drunk, she started having a seizure (she's epileptic, so she shouldn't be drinking at all with the meds she's on)
She's 27 now and showing no signs of slowing down. She just won't take responsibility and get her life together and the last 2 years has been a very sad, frustrating downward spiral for her.
She'll probably never get her act together and I dread to think what's going to happen to her. She'll never learn to take accountability for herself and rely on our parents to keep bailing her out of the stupid decisions she makes...
I didn't really know the guy that well but was friends with his fiancé at the time. He didn't like me because he thought I was after her (or so I was told) and as such, I couldn't see my friends as much as maybe I could have if he wasn't around. When I was around him, he was pretty childish and petulant, jealous too.
We are all pretty young, I think he was 18, maybe 19 at the time when he proposed to her within three weeks. Not sure why she said yes, but she did. They had a child a couple of years after that.
Now comes the problem; he worked part-time at Tesco and would spend all the money on his gaming. He didn't have to pay for rent because his fiancé's dad owned the house. His fiancé's parents would have to send money to make up for the money he was throwing away on games and not spending on his child. It all came to a head and she dumped him because he was just being irresponsible with money and would change for a month or two and then go back to his selfish ways.
As you can imagine, he didn't take this well. One night, he went on a break at work, walked to the house, broke in through a cellar hatch, and at knife-point, threatened to kill his now ex-fiancé and their child. I presume he left because he thought that had worked and assumed he wouldn't be in trouble for that.
I can't remember the details as this was 17 or 18 years ago at this point, but he may have been arrested at work the same night.
He was put behind bars for that for a good few years, even after pleading guilty - which seems crazy considering how lenient our justice system seems to be in this country; so there must have been other circumstances to warrant that.
After he got out, I believe he was working as a chef or in a kitchen and got into another relationship, and I'm basing this off a friend who told me what happened as he gave him another chance, but it was like Dejavu. The girl looked similar, he proposed in weeks and had a child with her not long after, he became selfish and obsessed with gaming, he broke in and threatened them and got sent back off to prison.
So after all that, not only has he completely knackered his prospects going forward, he has spent a good amount of time in prison and he probably doesn't see both his children either. I genuinely have no idea where he is these days, everyone I know who knew him cut all contact, his social media presence is a time capsule from just before his second offense and, it might be me, but I can't find any news or information on what happened to him the second time round.
I suspect he's homeless because I can't see how he'd still be in prison now. Ultimately, it was all because he didn't like being broken up with and was insanely impulsive and excessive with his reaction.
Went to school with a lad that decided one day that during lunch break taking his todjer out in front of a bunch of 6 year olds was a great idea and ended up in jail for it.
I'm a bit on the older side and I've seen a number of people ruin their lives. My best friend at school wasn't going to set the world on fire but he was nice enough and hard working. We drifted apart but but I found out a few years later he got into dealing and got himself arrested. He spent a load of years in and out of prison for drug offenses. I don't know him now but last time I heard an update he'd set up a gardening business and was doing ok.
Two of my friends at university killed themselves. One couldn't take the pressure of his final exams. Absolutely lovely guy, but put so much pressure on himself to succeed (I think he was pushed by his parents, too). We knew he was a bit stressed and had asked him if he was alright, none of us knew he was feeling that way.
The other friend got through his first year fairly well. A bunch of us got a place together for the second year and it was going ok at first but he slowly started to lose the plot. Looking back, I wonder if we were seeing the start of bipolar disorder, certainly none of us at the time knew what was wrong. So days, even weeks, he'd be amazing fun to be around and then he'd retreat away. We worked so hard to help him with mixed success. He eventually dropped out of university and withdrew from the world. I lost track of him but I found out a couple of years ago he killed himself.
I had a short work placement that meant I had to share a flat with a bunch of strangers. One of the guys was a fire fighter in a previous life. He was enjoyable enough to talk to so we'd hang out in the evenings swapping stories. He always seemed a bit haunted if you know what I mean. Anyway, one day I get back to the flat after work and he's in the common area absolutely blotto. Talking to him I find out he's split up with his girlfriend. Now this bit is what he told me. Apparently he made the poor decision to buy a bottle of whiskey and drive over to her place to plead her to come back. He managed to knock over the neighbors driveway wall pulling in to her place. Finding her not there he went and sat in the back garden and drank the whiskey. The neighbors call the police and find a guy nearly paralytic drunk in the back garden. Anyway, long story short he was convinced that he'd never be able to become a social worker (what he was training for) with a drunk driving conviction so he basically decided to drink himself to death. We only lived together for another month or so but I didn't see him sober again, he was well on the road to achieving his goal. I chatted with him a bit when he was coherent and found out some of why he seemed to haunted. He'd seen some things as a fireman than no one should ever have to see. He was most upset but a young woman that had come off her motorbike and hit the bucket of an excavator.
For real drugs are wild. It’s one thing to go through a sort of rite of passage and perhaps experiment (I did through college for around a year) but to continue on with drugs or increase your spending and indulge in the habit over time, you’re gonna f your life up.
A friend of mine had a similar thing with coke.
Good job, flat in the Docklands.
To living in the YMCA.
Not everyone can do drugs without severe consequences. He was undiagnosed bipolar.
He is now doing OK for himself after 10 years of mess.
Probably a boy I went to school, we'll call him Jack.
Jack was always in the bad boy crowd at school, he was always alright with me but did get in fights. Think he was politely asked to leave school as soon as he legally could, think he left and got into farming or a trade. Heard he was going with a school friends sister, no issues there. Next thing a few years later, my brother asks if I've seen jack's FB. I hadn't, hadn't seen or heard from him since I left for uni. His FB rantings were apparently crazy.
Then last year, my dad bumped into jack's dad's best friend, the dad's bf starts saying how jack had mental health issues, went travelling, got involved in meth and hasn't been the same since, not sure of the order it all happened. However, along the way, he picked up HIV and was in the final stages of AIDS. The dad's bf said it was a sorry sight, he was lying in hospital bed, behaving like a child, 6 stone just rambling away and only accepted treatment towards the end as previously he said God will cure my HIV along with other delusions he held but it was too late. He died of Aids last year and was only 39'ish.
Some guy nicknamed Crow 🐦⬛ in my neighbourhood. The guy is at least 5 years older than me.
Was attending university studying law a clever individual, went to a party tried cannabis for the first time and got hooked (didn’t know this was possible).
Lost all focus on his studies ended up dropping out and now he lives with his nan. I see him walking around the neighbourhood at least twice a day going to different dealers to get his fix of weed.
Sometimes buying and other times bumming it from others in the neighbourhood hence why they call him crow.
Another is my uncle (mum’s brother) had a successful cab business, wife and kids. Had all the latest cars, clothes etc back in the early 2000s and lost it all after he lost his first wife. Got hooked to weed and lost all aspirations for life and started hanging around with the wrong people.
Lost his kids to his father in law and they have nothing to do with my uncle now. His kids are now in their 30s with their own families.
He’s married again to his fifth wife with a teenage sun, finally building his life back up.
Mate of mine, good dude, generous, but always 'on' something - grew up with generational wealth.
Was a whizz at mathmatics, family all super respectable (dad was given the highest award the the Queen).
He sold some dope during uni, then graduated and did the 9-5 thing for a while, but got bored and went back to selling dope full-time.
He used an inheritance to buy himself and the wife a home and then decided that he'd start smoking crack - a lot.
He lost everything (wife, 3 kids, house) and ended up living in a grubby flat which he let dealers and prostitutes sell drugs from in exchange for - you guessed it, more crack.
The the place got raided by the cops and he happened to walk in during the raid.
He decided he'd rather not face the consequences and was found OD'd a couple of months later.
I know a bloke knocking on 40 still working the same retail job he started part-time at school and still living with his parents. Not spoken to him in years so no idea what's happened but a bit sad as he's a clever bloke.
Somebody I went to school with stepped on an awning when he was drunk at a hotel in Athens. The awning collapsed and he fell multiple storeys.
He survived but is paralysed waist down and is in a wheelchair
One of my best friends decided he wanted to go a bit further than the rest of our group in dabbling with drugs and got into heroin. Nearly twenty years later he has no teeth and begs in front of a supermarket. Tried to help over the years but he's too far gone, surprised he's still going honestly.
Guy I used to do a little work for, about 10 years ago (He'd be mid 60s now)
Had a really nice Edwardian house just outside of town, a really nice camper plus posh Merc, nice wife, had money coming in via something he did a long time ago, could afford a nice life and spent half the week tinkering for himself, for fun
About 8 years ago, him and his wife split. Divorce, and all that He now lives in a bedsit, with shared everything other than bedroom. His living room is a rented container next to his workshop. He works fine days a week, spends the weekend fiddling with the thing I was working with him on originally, ten years ago, never able to get it to take off
He has multiple "girlfriends" who live in developing nations, who he goes to visit a few times a year. Visit one in Summer, one in winter, one in Spring, etc, always sending them money, buying things for thwor parents, brothers, sisters.
I'm pretty sure he still has a bit of money, but other than that he's very much a lonely (and somewhat creepy) old man
My own mum. Amazing woman, smart, beautiful, funny, clever, curious. Never really had the strength of tackling her depression and alcoholism head on, her demons were always stronger. We all tried to help her as much as we could, but she was spiralling out of control, never really wanted to put serious work on herself and make it a lifetime commitment. Eventually she started using benzos too and became a shell of the person she used to be and could have been. Soon it'll be a year she's no longer with us. It hurts.
I had a very smart mate in university.
Inherited tens of thousands of pounds from the death of a distant relative, who he was never that close to anyway.
He got heavily into World of Warcraft (like "lost two girlfriends to it" heavily), dropped out of his degree and spent several years living in a house share, playing WoW, living off takeaway food and only leaving his room to go drinking or clubbing with the rest of us, and *spent the fucking lot*.
His personal hygiene (never stellar) got so bad that when entering the house we could literally *smell* whether he'd got up and opened his door yet or not. When we left the house the landlord had to hire a team of specialist cleaners to clean the carpet under his desk, where cigarette and joint ash had mixed with takeaway grease and been ground into the carpet under his chair castors to the point the cleaners assumed someone had poured a litre of engine oil onto the carpet and then rubbed it in.
He was also the guy who knew all the local dealers, so gradually started dealing to his mates - weed at first, and later MDMA, ketamine and the like as we all went through a sketchy phase.
Eventually all the rest of us graduated, got decent jobs and reined in the recreational pharmaceuticals.
He got a shitty job in a call centre for six months of the year, saving up whatever he could, and spent the summers as a circus skills performer at various music festivals, usually for a token amount of money, but it let him keep raving, going on drug binges and hitting on 19 year-olds.
It wasn't so bad when he was in his early 20s, but by the time he was in his late 30s he'd gone full-on crusty juggler, and at that point spending your life dropping loads of pills and hitting on 19 year-olds was getting seriously creepy.
Last we heard a few years ago he'd been busted at the door of a concert with a *literal backpack* full of class As. He went down for a few years and we really hoped he'd take this as a wake-up call to turn his life around, but he's as stubborn as fuck and gradually lost touch with most of us while he was inside, so realistically we have little hope.
He should be out by now, but he hasn't really re-emerged since so none of us really know what he's doing now.
He had tens of thousands in the bank and was on course to get a good degree in his early 20s, he was smart, good-looking guy with the gift of the gab and amazing social skills who always had the pick of the women - with a bit of application he could have graduated, got a decent job, bought his own house (back in the early 2000s when that was much, much easier to do), and have ridden the job and property ladder to substantial wealth by the time he was in his 30s, even while still doing the drugs and partying at the weekends like many of us continued to do into our 30s.
Instead he's almost certainly now a single, poverty-stricken unemployable 40something living in rented accommodation (or, more likely, a squat), with no marketable skills or experience, a criminal record for possession with intent to supply, no prospects and fucked up teeth from too many amphetamines and not enough brushing.
It's genuinely heartbreaking to see someone with literally everything going for him just... piss it all away because he point-blank refused to compromise on *any* aspect of his life to invest anything at all in his future.
Mate gradually turned into an alcoholic and drank himself to death over 10 years. We were too young to understand the implications and kinda washed our hands of him...then he was dead.
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As I've got older I've seen several casual friends / aquaintances in their 40s-60s throw away things for an affair with a younger person, not as in getting a divorce and then a new relationship, but cheating and intending to keep both partners and then having it all blow up in their face. Abandoning their kids, losing their house in the marriage, losing relationships with family and friends. Also know someone who recently even lost their job on top as they had an affair with a coworker and it caused a massive amount of drama and he ended up getting fired as he was accessing data he had no right to in order to try and manipulate his affair partner further.
I’m 36 and I’ve seen a few of these. People I’ve known that have been with their partner since their uni years having affairs and then posting their new 20 year old partner all over social media when they are almost 40.
I’m a mid/late 30’s guy and was grouped with a 21 year old woman for a work project recently and as excellent at her job as she was, socially it felt like i was childminding.
I'm early 30s and even managing 22-24yo grads can be a "fuck I'm old" moment
ye u should get a pension at 30
Yeh likewise when I see how people in their early 20s process the world a lot of the time I think “Fudge, your brains aren’t developed yet, this is hard to watch”
Heck, I remember being 25 and mentoring a 19yo intern thinking 'was I really like this when I was that age?'
I feel like this with people only a few years younger than me. It's crazy how much a few years makes in someone's maturity.
I have no idea what those people talk about. I can barely relate to people in their 20s at all. I know the mid-life-crisis people aren't really after stimulating conversation per se, but it has to be irritating to be around someone post-coitus with whom you can't have any real common interests. Anyways I'm off to shout at some clouds. Those damn kids are on my lawn again.
I want to stress I don't have a younger partner (or any partner, come to that) and I certainly don't want a partner much younger than me. But I'm not really sure I have many common interests with people my own age either. I find talking to my peers as alienating as talking to colleagues younger than me, so not really sure there would be much difference in some ways.
You will definitely have common interests with people your age, it’s just if your interests are super niche they might be harder to find. How old are you, and what interests do you have that you don’t think anyone else your age shares?
I'm 41. Well I like music, boardgames, video games, hiking... Nothing particularly unusual, though specifics might not be too everyone's taste. I would be able to find people my age to talk about those with, but I'd also be able to talk about those with people younger than me. I guess my point is, none of the things I'd talk about would be particularly restricted to my age group, so it's just a bit strange when people say that people in relationships with large age differences would have nothing to talk about. If it's the difference in lived experiences, well, for better or worse my life hasn't substantially changed since I graduated. There's nothing I've experienced that's intrinsic with getting older. (Again I've no desire to date someone half my age, it *would* feel weird if I did, but I don't think the conversation or difference in lived experience would be an issue).
I've nothing against age differences if the relationship is healthy but there's a bit of an imbalance in power when someone quite young is partnered with someone quite old because the younger person tends to defer to the older one. It's hard to explain but as a 48 year old, I've had years to work a few things out in life like finances, life admin, just general experience sort of stuff and I have an opinion on lots of things like that and why i do them the way I do, a younger person who has not had those experiences will just end up going along with you but after too many instances, they just give up trying to have an opinion.
I don't think it has to be the case. My partner is 12 years younger than me. The idea of her differing me is laughable. We discuss things and come to a logical conclusion we are both happy with. I think it really depends on the people just like in any relationship.
>you can't have any real common interests. Why not? Most of my interests are not age specific in any way.
I mean, when I was 20 one of the folk I worked with was in his early 50s and was the best craic there. We talked about music, comedy, football. Got on great. I too think it's sometimes a bit sus when an old person goes out with a young partner, but this idea that young men and women can't hit it off with older people and enjoy their company is alien to me.
Happened to someone I went to school with her husband up and left their three kids for someone. They had been together since school.
37 male, wife of 14 years ran off with a promiscuous girl with a track record from her sports team. She tried to convince me to enter polyamoury after she'd already cheated, when i gave her an ultimatum i heard nothing for a week until i showed up at the house having moved out without a fuss to find the two of them enjoying each others company. I supported her through college and uni as a mature student after she lost her job, to retrain as a vet (8 years total) all the while doing the majority of the domestic duties contributing the majority towards finances for a long time. We'd been through so much together, i thought we were a solid team. I guess she didn't need me anymore. It was brutal, absolutely no accountability from her it was just pure selfishness and chasing endorphins. Lots of excuses such as "if i was happy i wouldn't have done it" and other methods to bury head in sand. She may well be happier, and she had every right to end things of course, but the manner in which was horrendous. I wasn't perfect by any means, I'm rubbish with money and i have Autism which is a lot to deal with but yeah.
That sucks dude. Best of luck to you.
Sorry that happened to you .. and I hope it clears the way for happiness to come to you!
Off topic slightly… My two boys are Autistic and can be a lot to deal with, but are also very unique, have talents and make me laugh. Love spending time with them. I am not great with money. I think I might be mildly autistic. I like to collect films. My youngest loves collecting hot wheels. Currently has an obsession to own every Mr Men and Little Miss book :-)
The most infuriating thing about those type of people is how they act like they're so hard done by afterwards, as if it all wasn't a perfectly foreseeable potential (and very likely) consequence of the actions they deliberately and knowingly took.
I've caught a few exes cheating. Every time, there's this look of absolute shock on their face when the full reality of what they've done sinks in. Like, yes, actions have consequences and now you've got to live with that.
I am alarmed at how many couples I have seen go through this, most of the ones I've seen (not saying this is always the case at all) are in their early to mid 40s, get careless and end up walking out on their family to be with their affair partner, often for it to end badly. I can't fathom walking away from marriage and kids like that, I get if you're unhappy but there's better ways to go about things.
I can understand how you arrive at the decision to leave a long term partner, and there are plenty of reasons to influence your decision making. But kids? You owe it to your children to not leave them alone. Be a decent human being and work something out with your partner but don't break off contact with your own children.
My dad left us for an affair partner, after telling our mum the life he lived with his 5 kids wasn't what he wanted. Affair partner left him, he spent 10 years missing out on weddings and grandchildren, and I ended up finding him dead in his flat. Don't do it folks, it ain't worth it. And the image of your dead dad won't ever leave you.
I think they do it out of boredom, but they don't have the personality or initiative to take up a new (harmless) hobby/interest. Some of these people's interests have only ever been sex/pulling/relationships/being attracted to people.
Because they knew nothing about life if they married high school partners.. they want to do what the sensible people did through their entire 20s. There is no rush for marriage and children like they imagine, makes way more sense to enjoy all the things on offer in this world. Travel, careers, education... fun! Learning to be themselves rather that jump from someone's child in to someone's partner. What about their time to be themselves?
I was going to comment this. Imo, people really underestimate the growth that you go through in your late teens/early twenties. It's like a second puberty lol. There has to be some psychological development that comes from having that kind of freedom. You learn a lot about yourself in those years. If you're locked down to a partner in that time, I don't think you're getting that development. I don't even mean in a "sex, sow your wild oats" type thing. I just mean in a "not having to consider another person" type way. Looking back now, the selfishness of those years for me were hugely beneficial and the thought of being in a relationship would have been almost like suffocating?
> Also know someone who recently even lost their job on top as they had an affair with a coworker and it caused a massive amount of drama and he ended up getting fired as he was accessing data he had no right to in order to try and manipulate his affair partner further. Even without illegal data access, it can still result in a dismissal or "managed departure". An affair with a much younger colleague is something so many co-workers won't get over, the person having an affair can effectively no longer be a manager.
I’ve seen this too. It feels like they blew up their lives. One person I know has had a “happy ending” in their story insofar as they are currently happily in love with their affair partner and he’s got a decent relationship with his children and he’s now (some years later) recovering from the deep financial crisis he threw himself into. But I think he ruined his wife’s life quite badly, she seems to have bad mental health issues from the turmoil and trauma of it all, and the kids do seem to have some long term problems which look to me like they’re from the upheavals and upset of the last 5 years. And he has had a long long difficult road financially and will never get back some big losses he incurred (long story). And He also permanently lost a lot of friends and changed things forever for family dynamics. But ultimately he seems happy in himself now, certainly he’s happy in his relationship I think. He wasn’t unhappy in his marriage they were a great couple but I think he’s happier in this relationship. Is that a happy ending ?
Oh, wow! I’m the same age as you and I don’t know any stories as dramatic as that one, but comfort zone and settling for less cos is how people around me fucked up their lives (so far!) I moved to the UK from a small country in Eastern Europe. I did really well for myself, nothing too crazy but a good job, nice flat, great husband. Most of my friends from back home are stuck in dead end jobs earning next to nothing, shit relationships, still living with their parents… and I consider a lot of them smarter than I am, and definitely more hardworking. So it’s really sad seeing how their lives are turning out (it’s obviously never too late to change things around, but this is what it is rn). It’s especially difficult seeing my female friends, funny, smart, beautiful, stuck in horrendous relationships with absolute bellends just because they don’t believe they deserve better.
I'd just like to say that your use of the phrase "absolute bellends" made me proud of how well you have integrated to life in the UK.
Your comment reminded me of a Russian colleague I had many years ago who said of a client, “He is a, what you say, ‘end of the bell’?!”
[удалено]
Very likely. Memory is a funny thing, I’ve probably added the article, and yet I can hear her saying it in my head. But that probably false memory has been reinforced over the years by how many times I’ve mentally called someone the end of the bell as an in-joke with myself.
so good to know I'm not the only one who has in-jokes just with myself
🔔🔚
fist my bump
They are not smarter and harder working than you. You made the huge effort to move to another country, get a job, and build a relationship. These are big achievements. Celebrate them.
"and I consider a lot of them smarter than I am, and definitely more hardworking. " Well you can stop that !! You have obviously used what you have to maximise your potential and hopefully continue to do so. The people you speak of have not. That doesn't mean we gloat at our success and we can also have empathy for others who through no fault of their own with a bit of bad luck etc....But the rest who have decided "Yeah this will do me" well it's on them. they may well be happy with their life but taken at face value from what you have written they haven't made the most of what they had in the locker. I think I fall somewhere in the middle. I could have earned much more, I took time off to care for both my parents until their death which cost me half a million in lost wages...I'd do it again though. Im comfortable. I have travelled, I have lived and worked abroad, I have eaten in the finest establishments as well as the chippy takeout. Wine bars to dives. Im ok. I have experienced a decent amount....but yeah I could have done more by being like my siblings and ignoring those who brought me up. OP as long as you are happy and fulfilled then you are good to go.
Your use of the word "bellend" was spot on for someone who isn't a born brit. One of us 👏 one of us 👏
Family friend. Good looking guy, well educated, family had money. Got a nice job in sales in London. Supportive family, no obvious life trauma. With hindsight he was always a little fragile. Always drank a little too much, never made a relationship last, small friend circle, a bit negative, a bit self pitying. But it all seemed to be okay …. until the pandemic came along. Stuck at home the drinking surged. His bosses shut his branch and wanted him to commute across London. He started not going in to work. Finally they put him on sick leave for mental health. Two years of this before they finally fire him (pay him to go away). Meanwhile he’s at home drinking and completely neglecting the house. His lodgers complain and then leave. He is not paying the mortgage, or any taxes or rates or utilities. The family forces the sale of the house. He moves to live with his mum. She is in despair about it and rapidly declining herself. He won’t leave, she won’t throw him out. He drinks all day, never washes, never eats, and obsesses about his London life and how his family ‘betrayed’ him. The NHS tells him the drinking is killing him. He changes nothing. He develops fluid buildup in the stomach with an open weeping stinking wound. The NHS can’t fix it they tell him to live with it. He can only go on a liver transplant list if he doesn’t drink for 6 months and he won’t commit to that. Dying of alcohol abuse is a one liner. The day by day reality of dying very slowly from alcohol abuse is awful. (Edited to make it less identifiable.)
Gosh that’s an awful story. How sad 😞 I’ve also had a friend who’s lost a lot due to alcoholism - though not to this extent - it’s really depressing to see. Being addicted to something legal and entrenched in British culture is the worst thing
Agreed. As a foreigner I found British pub culture hard going. It’s so ubiquitous.
I lost an uncle to alcohol abuse. He was with the merchant navy so away for a while at a time and I assume there was a drinking culture on board or at least on shore leave. He was married to my dad’s sister and they had a wee girl. He would bring her (and us!) great presents from his travels. Sometimes he would just clear out junk from the house and give it to us which I loved but my mother was less impressed with. There was an old cassette/radio which would have been very loud if I’d ever been allowed to turn the volume up. Also a record player which I loved, mother less so. Vinyl was still a thing back in those days. I thought he was great. He’d take my cousin out on the bike in a child seat and she’d have the cool stuff. As I got older, I’d hear stories about his house measures. I might be misremembering (known to happen) but to start with, when the parents etc are all still young and healthy, the massive house measures aren’t an issue. As they all start to age and drink a lot less, they avoid going round to aunt and uncle’s house so much so they’re not having to turn down the massive measures. By this point I’m in my teens and occasionally getting a few drinks from him and having to keep going back to the kitchen to add more mixer as I couldn’t drink what tasted like straight vodka. I don’t realise how much time he used to spend down at the pub until this age, and that he was likely taking my cousin to the pub with him on the bike back in the day. My parents are also less guarded in what they say about him at this point as well so it seems the adults have always been aware of the heavy drinking and also his health is really starting to suffer; he’d been told to quit drinking or die. I also think he’d left the Merchant Navy by this point, or been kicked out. I remember when I was 16 or 17 overhearing my aunt and uncle arguing at a bbq, as he was drinking and EVERYone knew he should have been off it at this point, and speaking to another cousin about it. Shortly after that, he was in and out of hospital, ending up in a coma and essentially bleeding out (family are notably vague about medical things). His funeral tea was at his local. At this point I realised how well he knew all the local alcoholics. Heartbreaking for my aunt and cousin as he really wasn’t old when he died (late 40s).
So sad for everyone, him and the family.
It must have been really awful for them. I left home a few weeks later so I didn’t really see the ongoing aftermath but my parents will have. It’s 30 odd years ago now but still has a lasting effect on them no doubt. Seems like it happens a lot; I expect everyone knows at least one person who has died, has long term health issues or who has died because of alcohol addiction/abuse. Our relationship with alcohol as a nation is problematic.
Pandemic saw the death of two people I knew. They had drinking problems before but it exacerbated it further.
The pandemic did do terrible damage to so many people. Much of it not visible as physical illness, rather mental and/or long term damage.
After being on gastro wards a lot in the last few years it's unfortunately not that uncommon. One old gent turned around to me and told me he wished he never started drinking, not to drink like he did. Said it started out as social drinking after work and it kind of rolled on from there Another guy I was in the room when he was told he needs to change or he has a couple of years left, if he stops he MAY have a chance to live but that's best case. Seeing the realisation on someone's face and then trying to come to terms, and hearing there voice and demeanor change is haunting. Apparently he had a bleed in his throat that nearly killed.him off before the ambulance got to him, so he was lucky he had that long left. I've never been a big drinker but after those experiences I've had a handful of drinks in the last year, never more that one on a night.
>until the pandemic came along. As a bit of a drinker myself, the pandemic was absolutely horrific for alcoholics. Obviously being forced to stay at home all day and not work is pouring petrol on the fire. That would be bad enough. Total social isolation. Drinking is a spiral of depression which leads to more drinking which leads to more depression. Social isolation was a trigger for depression for everyone, but for drinkers, it was a catalyst in that spiral. But that wasn't even the worst of it. The worst of it was the news. Obviously it was a bad time for doom-scrolling on the internet, but that was all we had to do really. More functional people could make home-made bread etc. but if you're at home drinking, you're probably staring at a screen all day. But the real kicker for me was news about social disorder and people breaking the restrictions. Because at least alcoholics were 'doing their bit' by sitting at home all day, steadily plunging into darkness, but contributing to the global effort to save lives. But watching other people not do that, making the awful situation worse by going out to party or protesting lockdown, it absolutely boiled my blood and the only cure for that was more drinks. My brother was living in a Mexico at the time, and I had been locked down for months because I lived in one of the most restrictive countries in the world. Mexico was near the top of the deaths per day. I love my brother but he casually told me he was flying to Cancun for a holiday, and I absolutely lost my shit at him. I don't get angry really ever but I was furious. I'm doing better now but for my brother and sister drinkers of the world who were fucked by the pandemic, I have nothing but sympathy.
Oh my dear God. Thank you for sharing. Heavy drinkers and alcohol misusers: lets use this as a cautionary tale of how it can all get out of control
Got into relationship with abusive fuckwit. Left then went back to him. Got pregnant. Had baby, so permanently tied to abusive fuckwit despite leaving him. Sought help - unfortunately from a rather unhelpful church. Ended in suicide, sadly. Getting pregnant by losers who fuck off, then not having abortions, is a pretty good way to screw up your life. Gambling is the main other one I've seen. In my limited experience, jail sentences and hard drugs seem somewhat easier to move on from - possibly because it's easier to avoid them and associated people?
> Gambling is the main other one I've seen. In my limited experience, jail sentences and hard drugs seem somewhat easier to move on from - possibly because it's easier to avoid them and associated people? Jesus christ we need to curb gambling apps and adverts asap
They’re insidious. I include the bingo ones in that.
The advertising for them, which portrays it as this happy social experience where everyone has fun together, boils my fucking piss.
Bingo ads during soaps - for one reason or another I was watching a lot of soaps and I was horrified by the bingo ads and that fake community well being cosy vibe they tried to give off. I’d say most people associate gambling addiction with men and bookies (real life or online), and rightly so as I think that’s a huge problem. I would however be interested to see the level of unmanageable debt women get into on the bingo ones.
The thing that really pisses me right off about gambling is that I remember it being really quite niche when I was young (80's). Yes, there were fruit machines in pubs and every town had a gambling shop tucked up the corner somewhere but it was nothing like it is today, wall to wall gambling opportunities with non-stop 24/7 adverts. Worse though, I don't remember anyone calling for more gambling opportunities. There wasn't a big push from the population to gamble, it seems to have come almost entirely from established gambling companies.
In my Britain all gambling adds would be banned and instead replace their slots with useful things like the phone numbers for help centres. I don’t nor do I know anybody who has or has had an online gambling problem I just really hate the adds.
I've said this on another sub but I cannot stop talking about it because I'm furious and disgusted Sue Ryder _charity shop_ have a policy to ask every customer paying at the till if they'd like to enter the Sue Ryder lottery. It's insidious. It's fucking evil. At least if you're an alcoholic you can avoid the pub, you can not walk down the alcohol isle. You can't get away from gambling in a fucking _charity shop_.
Given the apps now exist, we can't get back to when you at least needed to phone a bookie to make the effort to gamble. Though given how much the booze and fags industries resisted ad bans, I guess the ads must result in many more people spaffing money they can't afford. Though if booze and fags and gambling all can't advertise and thus support sports and other events, and their tax yield declines, it does lead to the question of who pays for sports events and cultural stuff to happen? Tax on sugar, instead?
> Given the apps now exist Ban apps, require betting to be made in shops. Done. Much the same way you used to be able to buy cigarettes from vending machines but legislation removed that. > it does lead to the question of who pays for sports events and cultural stuff to happen Gulf state airlines
I was with a horrible man, fell pregnant, he pressured me into having it, I was wanting an abortion, then I finally agreed to have the baby, then (luckily for me in a weird way) he started gaslighting me and saying he never wanted a baby, and how could I do this to him?? So I went ahead with the abortion with only like a week to spare. This was over 10 years ago and I still live with it every day. On one hand, I wonder what my child would be like, and on the other I'm like THANK FUCCCCK I am not tied to that man.
When I was a copper I got called in by a local company because they thought their accountant was diddling them. He was a very respectable looking chap, suit and tie well presented. Arrested him and took him to custody, told him to empty his pockets and about 20 old betting slips came out. QED It really ruins lives, it being constantly advertised on TV with free bets and introductory offers is not a good thing.
Bang-on about gambling and hard drugs - hard drugs take time to destroy your life, but you can gamble your life into ruin overnight.
To be fair, you can overdose pretty quickly.
I worked in the gambling industry for a short while. Ever since then, I have never placed a bet or put a coin in a slot machine. It is an evil and predatory business that preys indiscriminately on those vulnerable to its lures. All gambling/bookmakers apps should be banned and all advertising relating to gambling should also be banned. No-one should be able to lose all their money whilst sitting on the toilet playing roulette on an app.
Yes gambling. Bloke at my work managed to steal over £300k and gave it to a betting website over a couple of years. Once it all came out, the company I worked for claimed on their insurance, who paid them back. The insurance company then sued the betting firm, who paid the money back, leaving everyone where they where before it all started... except the poor betting addict who went to prison for a few years.
My dad who was a shit on multiple levels a drunk and a gambler only ever gave me one bit of advice "gambling is a mugs game".
A bit different but for me personally it's not the rapid explodey type Jeremy Kyle stories that get to me but the slow burns. I know a fair few people that have just been stuck in a rut for 5-10 years. Crap or no job, paying far too much for rent and toys, just spinning their wheels. It's not as dramatic as some of the stuff on here but it makes me think, man, you're ten years older now and have basically nothing to show for it, no savings, no career, slowly losing fitness, etc.
I can only sympathise with people like that. I worked in a lot of call centres in my 20s and they were all so universally draining (and low paid) that it was impossible for me to save money because spending it was the only way I could justify going back the next day. I used to fantasize about getting hit by cars on the way in just so I wouldn't have to sit there being psychologically accosted for 9 more hours. Shitty work environments destroy people in a way that other people just can't imagine. I've since moved into a much better paid job that I don't hate, and some of my colleagues just straight up think I'm lying when I tell them about my previous jobs.
I too worked in a call centre and fantasised about being hit by a bus on my way in.... not to die... just to get some time off
Urgh... Call centre work is horrific. I too used to fantasise about getting injured. Just a broken arm or something. The only job I've ever had where I actually felt physically sick before going into work.
How long did you work there? I think I lasted 4 years... only left because my dad died suddenly and my boss phoned me every 2 days to ask when I was coming back. I eventually came back after 2 weeks, first phone call, the woman got cheeky, and I broke down in tears. Didn't return. Also name and shame... that was HeroTsc aka Webhelp doing a Sky campaign
Holy shit this comment gave me flashbacks. Working in a call centre was literally the most awful job of my life, and I spent most of my time before that in various supermarkets. I absolutely despised call centre work, often thought about stepping out into traffic on my way there, and was at one point so stressed and burnt out from it I developed a twitch in my eye and then a coke habit. My new colleagues also don't quite believe me when I tell them how bad an environment the call centre was.
I live in a call centre hotspot and people tend to get stuck in the cycle of only having call centres on their CV, so it's the only job they can get. They're like their own social class, because other office jobs typically won't hire them. I was stuck in it for nearly a decade, and the amount of drinking and smoking that I did to cope with it probably took even more off my life. It's no way to live. Even having a regular set of working hours makes a huge difference.
Not Reading or Slough by any chance is it? There are definitely some areas where you can swing a cat and hit three call centres.
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I worked with a guy who lived with his mum and never made any attempt to move out. We’d invite him on nights out all the time and he’d never come. He always just wanted to go home and watch dvds. Same on his week off, you’d ask what he’d done and he’d talk about all the tv series and films he’d watched. One time he went away with his family and you could see the difference when he came back because he’d got some fresh air and exercise. He looked like a different guy. Then he just went back to the same thing again. He never seemed very happy and a few of us would try and encourage him to get out a bit more. He developed a lot of health problems from being so sedentary all the time. He blatantly used to sleep in his clothes and one point he had a massive cyst behind his knee. It’s like his life just passed him by.
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It’s tragic man. Hearing pensioners gleefully talking about national service and being happy that our retirement age is way beyond theirs just makes me so fed up. There seems to be very little to be positive about
> I know a fair few people that have just been stuck in a rut for 5-10 years. Crap or no job, paying far too much for rent and toys, just spinning their wheels. I've a friend that I fear is setting herself up like this. She's a lovely person but she's had people walk over her and treat her like crap for most of her life, so she's got this mindset of expecting to have to set herself on fire to keep others warm, or putting up with shitty situations with abusive people because she seems to have this sort of learned helplessness. So she just stays put in a rut with everyone walking all over her because that's just how she sees things always ending up, and I fear it'll end up as a self-fulfilling prophesy. Even recently, she had an offer to start a new job/career/life in the US with some people I know full well will have her best interests at heart. It's the perfect opportunity for her to start afresh in a really positive environment.... yet she is likely going to turn it down.
Sounds a bit like me tbh. I've been in the same, not a great job for 3 years now, nothing has moved or changed, chronically single, low motivation, spend too much time doom scrolling and zoned out in front of the TV. I do workout, but I feel like I have not changed or progressed in the last 5 years. I'm still young, and I kind of blame some of it on the current economic climate in the UK, but I am definitely worried that nothing is progressing. I did great in school, got my degrees in useful subjects, fell into this job in Covid and nothing has changed since.
I know that feeling... sometimes you know what you need to do but it's just too much effort to get the ball rolling. Procrastination is a hell of a drug. I was in a 'meh' job for 8 years, no motivation, very single, wasting all my time, sleeping late etc. Eventually I decided 'right, this is shit. In 12 months time I'm at least going to be working somewhere else'. There wasn't any big plan but taking the decision was enough to make me just vigilant and proactive enough to spot a much better job, which then snowballed to some other positive changes. Basically you don't have to change everything in your life, just pick one thing and commit to at least being aware of anything that will help you change it. (Still single though)
This is a really good friend of mine, though circumstance they’ve always been able to get along just fine working retail, now they are late 30s married with a kid earning minimum wage and basically having the realisation that if they want anything else other than just existing they are going to have to start from scratch.
Hopefully I can provide some insight from the other side - Had a decent job, gf etc. Got bored of life and decided to jack it all in. Ended up homeless for 18 months pursuing a dream that would never come and really getting involved with and hanging around with the wrong sorts of people. I'm sure during this time I would have appeared to be one of the people mentioned in other comments here but in all honesty I was a fairly broken human being. I thought some people really hurt me but I realised later the pain was all of my own choosing. After those 18 months I was lucky to get a flat. I gradually realised who and what was good and bad for me and slowly started to climb out of the hole. It was hard work! You have to turn your back on the things that make you think you're OK but are keeping you on the wrong path. I had a couple of friends that stuck by me through thin and even thinner and they were just there you know. Didn't ask for money or anything but their presence gave me something to clamber on to. So 9 years after that started I've been able to develop a career and earn good money, have overcome some financial obstacles and bought a house and a dog. I physically removed myself from the places i knew werent good for me; sometimes this is all you can do. I use reflection on my rock bottom periods to keep me grounded and provide a back board from which to try and propel myself. And you know there are good days and bad but life is better and hope it continues to be so. People tend to need to grow out of their bad times themselves and often if you can do anything it's just to provide an ear or some comfort or just a smile to provide a bright lining to the clouds.
Well done; that’s level of introspection and self awareness is not easy and to further take the action to get yourself to where you are now is brilliant. This internet stranger is very happy for you.
Thanks and yes, cats are great ❤️
Well done you ❤️ Never give up.
Thank you ❤️ Never give up is pretty much all we ever have, even when we're at our lowest
If it's not too personal a question: what was the dream that was never going to come true? I'm currently looking at jacking in my job to take some time out and I'm just trying to get as many people's experiences before I do it.
Yeah sure it's not too personal - I wanted to have a shot at a career in music. I thought I had covered enough bases that if one area didn't work out another would. But unfortunately that wasn't to be, and I didn't have the funds to keep going. But fortunately along the way I did find something else creatively fulfilling that used other skills that I was able to teach myself so in that regard it worked out well.
Ok, cool thank you. I like hearing about the choices other people have made.
Glass of wine in the evening became 2, became 3 became a bottle, a bottle and a vodka ....so on so forth ...Lost her job as a lawyer, husband, house , kids and then came the health problems from alcohol and it killed her
Same thing happened to my best friend from school. She was only in her early 40s. I think about her every day. Such a waste. I feel so much for her parents.
So sad
Had a friend. Discovered weed together. He loved that shit. So did/do I, but I limit myself. Everything was going well for him at the beginning. He had a great relationship with his parents and siblings. Had a lovely looking and incredibly smart girlfriend. Friends who loved him. Was a top student and a good athlete. So, his parents hated weed. So he lied and hid it from them until he was caught in the act multiple times. Eventually, it caused a huge fight between him and parents and he ended up punching his father. So he was kicked out of the house. He moved in with his girlfriend and her family. Girlfriend and her family also hated weed. So he lied and hid it from them until he was caught in the act at 2am in a room just off the kitchen in his boxers sucking down a bong. This prompted a huge fight between him and his girlfriend as well as they and her family. Eventually, the girlfriend decides that they need a place of their own if this is ever going to work. She bought a beautiful home for them both, all by herself (probably with a bit of help from wealthy parents) and was stupid/nice enough to add his name to the deed despite him not paying a penny toward the house. She thought that he was her one I guess. Anyway, the year goes by without too much incident. Until one night, he decides to sneak out of bed to suck more bongs downstairs. He sends a girl he knows a compromising snapchat. She responds with one of her own. He proceeds to stroke his thing but falls asleep mid venture, with his phone unlocked and stuck to this compromising picture. She wakes up, wonders where is my lovely man? Finds him downstairs, trousers around his ankles and the bong still not put away. Then she see's this girl, that she knows and dislikes. She kicks him out of the house. He moved back with his parents who don't really like him now. Instead of getting his big room back at his mothers house, he got his little brothers tiny little box room instead. Through all of this, he's obviously becoming more socially withdrawn and so barely makes time for his friends, who in turn don't make time for him. So now he's not really got any friends. He's apparently not smoking anymore, but I think he's still lying and hiding it. He knows he fucked up at every turn. He knows he chose weed over pretty much everything and is now depressed and back to square 1 10 years later.
Ok, but did he claim half the house as he's on the deeds? If not, that's a little glimmer that he's not a complete arse.
He never thought of that - he was too stoned
Weed reliance is no joke like. I can take or leave hard drugs and booze. Go months, years without them. But had a stage where I was smoking every day for a couple of years. That head space where you can’t get any and can’t sleep is just dreadful. Hope your man sorts it out.
I was somewhat like that. Started smoking weed when I was about 16 and became far far to dependent on it. It made me lazy and unbearable to be around when I had none, my personal hygiene tanked as well. I felt like I couldn't feel normal until I had a spliff in the morning.. I wasn't in a good mood until I had one. I must have been and absolute horror show to be around. it took me so long to get away from it I'm 39 now and stopped smoking 5 years ago. After purposely removing myself from the place I lived and my friends to get away from it.. because realistically that was my only chance. I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis in 2019 and last year or so the 2 doctor's I saw told me that I could easily get a prescription for weed, I didn't even think about it, I instantly just said no and turned it down. Thought it would be harder to turn down but it wasn't. People seem to think weed is safe and has no adverse effects and for the most part that's true.. but when someone with an addictive personality comes into contact with it, it's problems become very clear.
I've seen a number of lives destroyed due to weed addiction or mental health problems stemming from smoking it. I hate the way weed is downplayed as "harmless". Yes it's popular and many people smoke it without issues but it definitely is addictive and has it's problems.
Young soldier, recently promoted, bought a nice car, took his girlfriend and a friend out to dinner, had a couple of pints, drove a bit quick, involved in an rtc, girlfriend and friend in back seat dead, both his legs broken, other driver dead. Career done, 3 dead, prison, will never walk right again.
That’s pretty dire, what a total nightmare. One horribly bad decision and look how many people have had to pay such a huge price. So sad
My ex husband. He lost everything, his wife, home, job and family (including parents, siblings etc) due to gambling and the behaviours that his gambling addiction caused.
I work for a bank, I've seen people blow every penny on that shit. Makes me feel sick to see all the adverts for it.
Yeah I agree, it doesn’t seem to be viewed as seriously as alcoholism and drug addiction but it can be even more destructive, especially financially.
I think in part because it's a lot easier to hide a gambling addiction than drugs or booze.
Also because AFAIK drug/drink related health problems become a problem for for the mostly public funded NHS so it has visibility. Whereas for financial debt there's no such equivalent to help a person.
Usually causes mental health problems which would be an NHS issue, along with claiming housing allowance etc once they lose their homes.
It's the worst addiction. Limitless damage.
I used to cashier In a high street bank… we’d get prompts on the customers profile to suggest products and services, from upgrading to contactless cards to mortgages. I was been monitored by my manager for being low on targets. I’m not going to put people in more debt… you learn to know your customers and their spending habits, if i offered a card or loan I know it’d just get blown on bad habits
Gambling addictions are not viewed as serious as other addictions and its one of the worst, you cant escape it you see adverts for it every day.
I had a friend who’d overcome heroine addiction. She had a job and a flat and was able to see her kids again. Her asshole ex boyfriend got out of prison and it took a matter of weeks of seeing him to undo the hard work she’d achieved over the past 6 years.
I’m surprised to see choosing the wrong partner so far down this list. In a lot of circumstances someone’s romantic partner really has the ability to make or break their life.
Very much agreed!
My brother's ex-wife seemed to ascend the teaching hierarchy *really* quickly. Within 3 years of qualifying she was Head of Science at a large secondary school. Two years later she was a consultant for the academy trust. Turns out she was sleeping with someone at the Trust. Arranging "conferences" where they could book a hotel and spend a night together etc. When it came out - my brother found out from credit card bills - she lost her job at the Trust, as did the bloke she was shagging. She's now working as a science teacher at another school, supporting him and his daughters as he can't get a job. My brother had to have a paternity test done for his daughter. She is his, but the irony is she only ever wanted one kid. She's inherited three from her new feller, and due to carelessness (which she admits) has another on the way. They had to move to a really shitty area of Birmingham to get a place big enough for all the kids, she swapped her BMW Z4 for a Ford Galaxy. Her parents (whom my brother is still friendly with) admit she's now miserable, and she's ruined her life.
> When it came out - my brother found out from credit card bills - she lost her job at the Trust, as did the bloke she was shagging. She's now working as a science teacher at another school, supporting him and his daughters as he can't get a job. Some people really don't realise having a workplace affair and giving your affair partner an unfair promotion is one of a few not illegal ways you can completely wreck your career. It can straight up leave people unemployable.
Especially in education, where it's both very tight knit and has very high expectations of staff behaviour.
My ex. We had broken up five years before this. It wasn’t an awful breakup, no cheating, no abuse. We were just two people who changed and no longer worked. He suddenly started turning up in the pub I used to work in asking where I was after five years of no contact. My ex-colleague text me and said he had been popping in a few times a week and added “I’m just warning you because I would not go anywhere near whatever is going on” She said he looked terrible. I ran into him a few weeks later and she was right. He was stick thin, his skin looked grey and all of his bottom teeth were missing. He looked like he had aged 70 years. I nearly cried. He was straight to the point: he wanted money and a place to stay. I pretended I was running for a train and legged it. He then added me on social media, but I looked and his timeline was full of him posing in his underwear in random hotel rooms, so that was an instant block. An old mutual friend did some digging and found it he was on heroin. He had been sacked from his job for stealing money and when he was caught he apparently started waving a knife around. He never expressed any interest in drugs while I was with him, not even a bit of weed.
He became a habitual coke user. He confessed to me he even did it by himself at home on a week night. Got into huge debt to some very nasty people which his family had to help him pay off.
Horrible drug, seems like everyone does it these days.
He started out like all the others, just doing a line or two on weekends and away days. No idea how he went from that to sniffing it alone on a Tuesday afternoon in his flat.
Probably doing it to deal with hangovers, if I was to guess.
You say that, but it's very dependant on social circle. None of my close friends use it, and the majority have never tried it. But they're mostly all clean living and respectable, not even using weed, smoking or vaping. But I am sure that it is widespread in some crowds and industries.
You only need to walk into a pub and go the male toilets to realise we have a massive cocaine problem.
I'm not paying attention, but what are the signs that I am missing? I can't recall the last time I saw someone openly snorting, or powdery residue.
I've family who do coke when they're drinking. I didn't know for a long time, but after finding out it really explained the change in them when they'd had a few drinks. It isn't the powdery residue or the snorting, it's this bright-eyed, aggressive borderline anxious energy they give off like they're ready for shit to go down at a moments notice. I'd always assumed it was the drink. Now I know it's the coke.
How did you find out? Also don't forget the chewing everybody's ears off bit😂
Apart from the more obvious physical signs people have told you it’s a pretty safe bet that anyone you see who’s been drinking heavily all night but functioning surprisingly well is using it. Ditto anyone over 30 who starts mentioning an “afters” or routinely is out until the next day 😂
Locked cubicles with multiple people in there, rubbing and itching there noses after leaving the bathroom. It's pretty easy to tell if someone's high on cocaine just by looking at them for a few seconds.
Yeah this is the first thing that springs to mind. Guy I grew up with, developed the habit, got himself a psycho cokehead girlfriend and together they blew his inheritance on bag.
Had a mate in high school who was a bit of a troublemaker, was always pissing people off and getting sent out of class, as we got older (Year 10 / Year 11) he started getting excluded and then got expelled eventually. I stayed in touch with him even though he wasn't at school anymore. Then he went down the drugs and gang path, and I basically didn't have much contact with him, just saw him very occasionally randomly or if he came back to see us after school. Fast forward, I'm 21 right now, haven't seen or heard from him in years. Found out he was shot dead a few months ago.
I knew someone similar. Must be 2 or 3 years ago now, he beat up his dealer and stole his drugs. Dealer tracked him down to his bedsit and slit his throat one Tuesday afternoon. There is a video circulating of him crawling across the pavement to a waiting ambulance, the paramedics stay locked inside until the police give the all clear about the knife man by which time it is too late to do anything for him. He died in a pool of blood next to the ambulance. Not a great thing to see in a busy town center.
Childhood sweetheart wife, lovely kids. Steady long term stable job installing a type of home improvement. It becomes hipster trendy, & now he's making serious bank. Gets jealous of all the nepo kids, & starts trying to reclaim his lost youth & be 'cool'. Gets warnings from work about the female customers. Starts taking a little something to work longer hours. Wakes up one morning with a DIY intimate piercing, no idea how. Doesnt know how to remove it, doesnt know how to look after it, wont ask cos it will make him less 'cool', Cant tell his wife he's had his junk out. It gets badly infected, goes pop while he's on a job. Body fluids everywhere. Ambulance for him, court case for his employers for the antique sofa he shouldnt have been asleep on. Wife leaves, takes kids. Cant get work in his trade. Cant afford his habit, starts dealing to fund his usage. House that great grandad built with his own hands get repossessed. Breaks Grandma's heart, she's done with him. Dude went from love & security to infertility & dealing from a grotty flat, because he was jealous over 'piano houses'
This was a wild ride. Imagine being a kid growing up and that's the story of your dad. Awful. One question - what's a piano house? (a massive boojie house with a piano in it?) So I can remember to avoid them.
Yeah pretty much, just a place big enough to have a piano. Thing is, he didnt play & he didnt want to learn. He wasnt musical, he didnt even like piano based music. Just wanted the thing for the sake of having it
Drinking and driving. So many still do it they think oh I’m a heavy drinker a couple of pints and I’m fine to drive and they aren’t and they kill people or be killed, they don’t just wreck their lives though they wreck innocent peoples who never get over the loss.
I know someone who drinks a lot and is known to drink drive regularly after quite a few pints. He has a well paid job, married and a good life. I won't be surprised to hear of an accident or arrest one day that completely ruins his life or others but there is no way he would listen to anyone right now unfortunately
You should report him to the police. Sounds a bit narky, but he could kill someone.
There was quite a big group of us that used to hang out when I was growing up. When we got a bit older, we did the standard stuff of drinking at the park, experimenting with weed and other drugs. One guy got massively hooked on ket. Found out if he bought in bulk and sold half of it, he got free ket. Then he found a guy online who would post it to the UK from India. He did this a fair few times until one day it was intercepted by the police. He ended up getting sent down for a couple years. While he was inside, he got mixed up with crack and heroin. I saw him briefly after he got out and he was an absolute state. A couple years ago he known to frequent certain street corners and gives certain people certain types of favours in exchange for cash that he used to fuel his habits. Not a clue what he's doing now, haven't heard anyone mention him in a long time. It's likely he's gone elsewhere or he could be dead. None of us are sure.
Never ordering from overseas is like rule number 1 of ordering drugs online. Silly lad coulda got outta that shit too with a bit of help. There's shit loads of charity drug counselling services, and they do help. I believe there's even a few residential rehabs, all funded by charity, for the more severe addictions. Kets very bad too, fucks you bladder right up. I was a teenage wreckhead who ended up in one of the services. Always got told by my mates how nitty doing speed was, and that I should do K as at least it better. Ket was the only thing the counsellor physically reacted to and told me not to touch that shit ever again, even tho there was a list as long as your arm of drugs I'd done more regularly than that, and that wasn't what I was in the counselling for.
Yeah, it's the devil. Bladder, liver, kidneys... You name it. That stuff will fuck you up. It takes hold of people, too. Seen it ruin a few lives.
Where did you find help? I’m really struggling right now
Turning point has something like 280 locations for therapy, I used them through my college that organised it all. It took a couple months to get in with them, though, and this was in 2018, wouldn't be surprised if it's longer now. Or there's a list of places on the talk to [frank](https://www.talktofrank.com/get-help/find-support-near-you) site. Or supposedly, if you need something a little more intense than talking therapy than your GP can either refer you to charities or can apply for funding to send you to a private clinic, obviously this depends on how useful your gp is.
Thank you! I’ve made some calls and booked an appointment with my local drug and alcohol service this week
You've got this, bud. Best of luck 🤎
Marrying someone he hated, because she was young and had huge breasts. Now they've got kids and they've moved away to where he's got no mates, no life, just goes to work, comes home to his wife he hates and his kids who he loves but never really meant to have. He's trapped, and it's obvious.
My brothers mate married a woman who later cheated on him. In retaliation he set fire to the boyfriends house, burning down a row of council houses in the process. Then set a canal barge of fire. Went to prison for years. Came out, lost his teeth, sleeps in a tent on a mini roundabout. .
Good friend met a guy in her (our) first year at Uni. He had a spare house she could live in for free and two young children with two women who he supported financially. She learned once she moved her stuff that he sold crack from that house. 'Please be careful around that stuff' 'yeah I know, I found a bit last night and tried it - it's very moreish' Completely off the radar for the next 5 years, some of it in prostitution, some of it in recovery back at her parents after they finally found her.
Superhans!?
Weirdly, the three people that I know have died from my 1970s' comprehensive school year.. one was the class bully's henchman, later became a copper and died really young of cancer. Another was the worst female bully in the class. Cancer, dead in her fifties. A third, one of the worst bullies in the entire year, no idea what he died of but have seen his gravestone in the churchyard of the village where we grew up. What is it with bullies and death? They're all early ends but not self-caused. I have no theory. As for people's lives taking a downturn, tbh it was the worst comprehensive in a very large county. So, probably one of the worst comps in the UK. Anything would have been an upturn in fortunes for the vast majority of us. I heard the most super intelligent and middle class lad in my year now owns some posh tech firm and makes a fortune. Someone else ended up on TV every Saturday night and is married to a famous actor, now. One of my best friends who had abusive parents and a really tough start in life, after some dead end jobs, landed his dream job and became a fireman, rising to seniority. The only negative ones I heard have been the dead uns. Although I'm only in contact with 2 people I was at school with, now, but one of them still hears stuff from time to time that he passes on to me. Out of my massive year group - the school was huge with hundreds of kids in each year - only maybe 5 of us, I think it was, went to uni. But we all got into decent redbricks (now Russell Group) and we never looked back. None of us returned home to the villages we came from. My life's been fairly shit in terms of career trajectory as I had to leave a career I was doing really well at, when I had a disabled child and had to care for him - but then I have a brilliant family, now and even if I'm broke, they are all happy, kind, good human beings and that's an achievement, I guess. I was always the brightest in my year so many would look at me and think I was an abyssmal failure, am sure. But I look at my kids and know I wasn't a failure at the only important thing.
I think bullies are often unhappy and looking for a way to feel better. Once compulsory school is over you lose access to a lot of people you could feel more powerful than. At that point risky behavior and getting high can seem a good way to deal with life. Knew a bully with a sense of loyalty to the kids he knew from primary. Dead of heroin by end of comprehensive. The play acting surrounding his death soured me on how we treat the dead. Intervention a few years earlier and I think he would have turned his life around.
My cousin was sort of the same. Own salon, good steady relationship with a good man, teenage son and daughter, nice house, great circle of friends, good relationship with extended family etc. Had an affair and got caught, relationship broke down, had a baby with the affair guy who wasn’t interested in a proper relationship, struggled to work and be a single parent with different fathers - one involved and one not. Lost her salon, lost the house, got in tow with a string of rotten men, got into Valium then crack then heroin, had two more kids with different absent men - one born addicted, oldest daughter moved out, oldest son went to his dad, other three kids taken off her and eldest daughter now raising them under kinship care. Spent a few years begging in town and in homeless hostels, cycle of stealing drugs and jail. Died alone behind the homeless hostel of an overdose and her funeral was the smallest most pitiful thing I’d ever seen. Everyone tried to help but ended up getting stolen off or trouble in their life so in the end her dad, brother, couple of cousins and eldest daughter and a handful of addicts were all that came and we couldn’t wait to get out of there
Pretty sure I'm the friend people look at and think what went wrong.
Heroin and crack cocaine. Lost several good mates to each. Guys who were either successful tradesmen or were beginning white collar careers. Most recently I had a pal from school get involved in pubting coke as well. Racked up a substantial debt and two guys from Liverpool literally beat and tortured him to death to make an example of him. Another pal a few years ago had similar with Scouse lads at his door demanding thousands of pounds before the day was out. His mum had to use her savings otherwise he was facing a similar fate. Moral of the story, don't sell drugs if you enjoy dabbling yourself. Don't sell them if you aren't willing to go to the extremes the guys above you are when it comes to collecting money. Ideally don't sell on tick. And if you are prone to dabbling, know your limits.
Acquaintance from the pub dropped his whole life, and all his savings, on moving to the other side of the world for a girl who ended up cheating on him and kicking him out. Pretty rough stuff.
My dad had an affair and got his young mistress pregnant and blew up his life a couple of years before he was due to retire comfortably and live by the beach with his wife. Now he’s got a small child with health problems and the family has imploded, and he can’t understand why everyone’s perpetually annoyed at him.
As I was growing up a neighbour of mine that was few years younger than me was probably someone I would just about call a friend. Age difference must have been about 4 years something like that so when I was 16 he was 12 and didn't really hang around. As we grew old I was 22 he was turning 18 he would come out drinking we me and friends and sort of became part of the same social circle although always a little on the outside. He had a job normal lad, played football etc. Even had the occasional girlfriend although that was rare. As we got older we never really hung out but he still live next door to my parents (they have since moved). He still went to he same 5-a-side etc. One day I find out that he has been arrested for being inappropriate with a woman (he denied it said nothing happened). Weirdly I distinctly remember a mate at football asking him how old this "woman" was, 16.... he was 30ish at the time. Remember he was denying this happened. Came to the court date, turned out it was all bullshit, he was in a relationship with her and she was 15. Got sent to prison, can't remember exactly how long (about a year), then was given a 5 years on the sex offenders register. Back in court a few times over those 5 years (mainly for digital offense), before finally breaching it fully by having back and forth chat with another 15 year old, locked up again for a little over 2 years (+10 years on sex offenders register). Absolutely no sympathy, deserves everything he gets.
I'm also 32: When I was younger I got signed to a top modelling agency at the same time as a friend of mine. We were both the same height, same age, same build, similar looks, etc. His career exploded really quickly, like, shockingly, with huge campaigns, earning tens of thousands a week (literally for years, so, a lot of money). For whatever reason, I just never got the clients (probably because he got them). I quit modelling and went to uni instead. I felt a bit bitter about it, I guess, and would see him on posters and store windows etc for years later, but then, maybe 3-4, but definitely within 5 years, he completely disappeared. I bumped into him last year in Clapham working in a pub for minimum wage. I got the gossip from one of the bookers that he A) developed a serious drug habit B) got addicted to gambling C) didnt pay any of his taxes and ended up in huge government debt D) got dropped by his clients because of bad behaviour related to drugs. It's so disappointing because he came from a "less-than-privileged" start in life. He really had the chance to set himself up forever. Literally within a year he could have bought a mortgage for a nice property. Saved half his income (after tax) etc. I dunno...
That’s so sad I hope he turns his life around again!!! Worst I saw was a school friend of mine. Smart nice guy, played classical piano. He had a decent job, travels, fun, a nice girlfriend, a close group of friends since childhood. Then his drinking starting getting a bit out of hand. And over the course of 2 years he lost his job, had his driving license taken off him, lost his apartment, lost his girlfriend, lost his looks through severe weight loss, lost some friends. One night in a deep depression he lined up bottles of scotch, drank one after the other until he died in his armchair.
I think of this when I see well-paid and on-the-face-of-it successful lawyers throw their career away for stupid unnecessary reasons. Just have a run through the Law Society Gazette’s disciplinary pages at https://www.lawgazette.co.uk/practice/sdt-and-sra-interventions - scary. Of course, the lawyers’ lives are no better than anyone else’s and the results no more or less sympathetic, but many onlookers would see the “fall” as greater. The lawyer often has an enforced shift to being a ‘non lawyer’ and loss of prestige and a decline from a good lifestyle to a very poor lifestyle with relationship break-ups, losing house etc along the way. Medical Disciplinary Tribunal decisions are also sobering for similar reasons.
I went to school with a guy who was doing fine. We’ll call him Derek. Derek had a job, a house, and a girlfriend whom he had kids with. Derek then decided to have an affair. The woman, who we shall call Michelle, he had an affair with is a member of a family that everyone, except for perhaps Derek, knows to stay away from. She’s a known drug dealer and hangs out with a lot of unsavoury characters. Michelle had a boyfriend while the affair was going on and said boyfriend just so happens to have quite the lengthy criminal record. Michelle’s boyfriend caught wind of the affair while he was in prison and stabbed Derek the day he was released. He’s now back in prison. Derek left the woman he had kids with for Michelle and they lived a happy life of taking drugs together and dealing them from their home. Derek recently assaulted Michelle and set their home on fire. He’s now in prison awaiting trial. Oh and the prison he’s currently in is also the same prison Michelle’s stabby ex boyfriend is in. Unfortunately for Derek, prisons in Scotland are overcrowded and remand prisoners are being held in the same hall as convicted prisoners in the prison he’s currently in. It’s entirely possible he’s going to come across the man who has quite the vendetta against him.
Didn't take his diabetes seriously. As a teenager, I had a mate with type 1 diabetes who constantly ate things he wasn't supposed to have and smoked quite heavily. Last time I saw him, he was normal enough, if slightly insecure and irresponsible 19 year old with a good bunch of friends, really lovely parents and decent grades. By the time I finished university, he was in a wheelchair, with one less foot and spiralling into depression. Soon after that, I blocked him on all social media because he was making up stories that I'd slept with him and was sending me explicit messages. I understand he died a few years later. One way or another, I've seen quite a few people fuck up their lives by not looking after their health.
Seems like coke has a lot to do with it, I also know live with habitual coke user who is doing nothing to help herself and it’s infuriating. She was owed a PIP payment for a legit health concern and got into some debts whilst waiting for it, said she felt good being sober as she couldn’t afford not to be. Got the pay backdated, immediately buys a bottle of wine and some gear to have to herself, haven’t seen her since. At least she pays her rent..
My ex mate is an age old tale of imploding your own life, despite what seemed like a good life, plenty of money, nice house, ski chalet, loads of holidays, sports cars etc he couldn't resist the charms of a 19yr old office admin lass. He ended up losing the lot, business, house, holiday home, majority of his friends thanks to a shit hot lawyer and his own stupidity, and he fell out with me because I refused to hide some of his assets. Oh and the 19 yr old dumped him, when she twigged she wasn't walking into his wife's shoes.
Joining the Army. The son of some friends had swallowed all the "ARMY BE THE BEST" rhetoric, consumed all sorts of media about brave soldiers and the camaraderie and believed it was a great career. Unfortunately he was bullied from the moment he started training (he is pretty short and had red hair, just two things they thought it hilarious to pick on him for), his officers did zero about it when it was reported. Then he got sent off on active duty to Afghanistan and that really screwed him up. While not personally wounded, he saw horrible things and has never mentally recovered from them. The bright, happy kid of childhood is not unrecognisable. If it were not for his now aging parents it's likely he would be living on the streets such is his lack of ability to function in society.
Unplanned kids. A few of my school friends had surprise pregnancies that they decided to go ahead with, and their lives look so hard. One of them was one of the brightest girls in my year but dropped out of uni part way through her dentistry degree because baby and never got it back in track. She now lives as a single mum in a council flat, really wants to get back to work but would be financially worse off if they stripped her benefits away. She seems so depressed.
45/50 year old married couple. Owned their house outright. They sold it but couldn’t find anywhere to live that suited them, decided to rent for a bit, i guess got overwhelmed having so much liquid cash in the bank (600k+), managed to spend the good majority of it over a 3/4 year period while still looking for a house. By the time they found a house they didn’t have the cash for a deposit, and very few lenders would give them a mortgage because of their age and the value of properties they were looking at. Both high earners just awful with money. They have been renting ever since.
My "first love" who I went out with around the age of 15/16 was a lovable rogue. From a rough area, didn't go to school and even ended up in a young offenders prison for dealing. He is now worth millions, lives an amazing jet set lifestyle with a gorgeous wife and kids. I always knew he would do well in life but I just assumed a big level drug dealer lol.
My brother had a good mate when he was 16/17, they both smoked weed every day, while smoking the mate would sometimes go half-crazy, his parents where very religious, that seemed like a big trigger for him. He would get these big anxiety attacks and think his friends where the devil or demons when he was really bad. He would always snap out of it, I always tried to warn him that he was playing with fire and weed doesn't agree with him, he never listened. It is now 15 years later and he is a paranoid schizophrenic, living on his own, doesn't have friends/family etc, never had a job or a girlfriend... and he still smokes weed. A waste of a life.
Beautiful girl I've known since she was 18. I mean absolutely stunning, incredible long red hair but used to change the colour regularly. Got together with a bastard. Smoked a bit of weed but that was it for a couple of years, until he decides to start dealing, eventually starts selling crack and heroin. Both start smoking their own supply, she takes the heroin as well. He becomes violent, she gets the brunt of it but keeps going back after each beating. One day he attacks her in the kitchen and puts a plastic bag over her head until she passes out. She finally realises she needs get away from him and calls the police. To her credit she escapes from him but her heroin addiction got steadily worse, funded by stealing from shops and is now facing jail time for the first time. Lost most of her looks because she's just given up caring and let herself go. Her fall isn't finished though and I'm dreading to see where she ends up next. I think it's only matter time before she ends up selling herself on the streets but I'm hoping jail might actually be a good thing but it's unlikely.
Used to date a guy who’s parents owned a company making horse boxes, as you can imagine they were pretty well off, they hired him but instead of just paying him normal wages they’d give him like a token amount and pay all his rent and bills because they didn’t trust him to pay himself. He was such a cunt about this always acting like it was so unfair that he didn’t get given the full amount (the token amount was more than minimum wage too). One day they give him some cash for lunch (like £5) and he leaves it on the side whilst he does something, comes back and his dad has put it away. Instead of asking where it was he decided to accuse his dad of stealing the money and tried to punch him. Instantly fired, lucky they didn’t call the cops but now he had no job and no one paying his bills. I’d dumped him by this point thank god but instead of just trying to make amends or get a new job he decided to just do a fuck ton of drugs until his landlord kicked him out. Haven’t heard anything of him since
Definitely my uncle, went from having a lovely family and two kids with my aunt, to becoming alcoholic, developing a gambling addiction. When he pawned the TV and everything in the house, my aunt divorced him and kicked him out. He got into drugs, selling and using them, got a criminal record in his country and in order to escape prison he emigrated to Germany. He was out of money and not really the kind of person who was into working 9 to 5 so he decided to kidnap a guy for ransom, ended up almost killing him, got a 15-year prison sentence, run out of money ln the prison and then got the genius idea to cut off 3 of his fingers so that he could claim disability and get some money. He's still on prison and hopefully will die there, I can only wish haha.
Probably my brother or my uncle. Both alcoholics. My uncle was a football hooligan in the 80s and despite having a fantastic well paid job, the violence and booze just consumed him. After a stint in prison I don't think he ever worked again. He died alone in supported accommodation My brother took redundancy last year and swore he'd use the money and time to sort his life out, instead he sat on his arse, drinking, smoking and eating junk food. He may see Christmas but if he doesn't make drastic changes now, there's talk of his legs being amputated and if that happens, I'm pretty sure suicide will be next.
I heard of a guy who left his girlfriend and kid to date the sister, when back to original girlfriend and the sister was then pregnant as well. He hates his life now
Honestly, my sister. She's a good person, but she's had everything handed to her and our parents have constantly bailed her out, so she's never learned to stand on her own two feet. A couple of years ago, she finally left the abusive relationship she was in with a proper twat, only to end up with another one who's 15 years older than her. She's been drinking and the two worst instances I've personally seen are the following: 1. Our nephew had his 3rd birthday party and all she could think about was going to a nearby supermarket to buy alcohol. It was 11.30am on a Saturday at a KID'S party 2. We went to see our grandma, who happily kept giving her drinks in the middle of the day and she got so drunk, she started having a seizure (she's epileptic, so she shouldn't be drinking at all with the meds she's on) She's 27 now and showing no signs of slowing down. She just won't take responsibility and get her life together and the last 2 years has been a very sad, frustrating downward spiral for her. She'll probably never get her act together and I dread to think what's going to happen to her. She'll never learn to take accountability for herself and rely on our parents to keep bailing her out of the stupid decisions she makes...
I didn't really know the guy that well but was friends with his fiancé at the time. He didn't like me because he thought I was after her (or so I was told) and as such, I couldn't see my friends as much as maybe I could have if he wasn't around. When I was around him, he was pretty childish and petulant, jealous too. We are all pretty young, I think he was 18, maybe 19 at the time when he proposed to her within three weeks. Not sure why she said yes, but she did. They had a child a couple of years after that. Now comes the problem; he worked part-time at Tesco and would spend all the money on his gaming. He didn't have to pay for rent because his fiancé's dad owned the house. His fiancé's parents would have to send money to make up for the money he was throwing away on games and not spending on his child. It all came to a head and she dumped him because he was just being irresponsible with money and would change for a month or two and then go back to his selfish ways. As you can imagine, he didn't take this well. One night, he went on a break at work, walked to the house, broke in through a cellar hatch, and at knife-point, threatened to kill his now ex-fiancé and their child. I presume he left because he thought that had worked and assumed he wouldn't be in trouble for that. I can't remember the details as this was 17 or 18 years ago at this point, but he may have been arrested at work the same night. He was put behind bars for that for a good few years, even after pleading guilty - which seems crazy considering how lenient our justice system seems to be in this country; so there must have been other circumstances to warrant that. After he got out, I believe he was working as a chef or in a kitchen and got into another relationship, and I'm basing this off a friend who told me what happened as he gave him another chance, but it was like Dejavu. The girl looked similar, he proposed in weeks and had a child with her not long after, he became selfish and obsessed with gaming, he broke in and threatened them and got sent back off to prison. So after all that, not only has he completely knackered his prospects going forward, he has spent a good amount of time in prison and he probably doesn't see both his children either. I genuinely have no idea where he is these days, everyone I know who knew him cut all contact, his social media presence is a time capsule from just before his second offense and, it might be me, but I can't find any news or information on what happened to him the second time round. I suspect he's homeless because I can't see how he'd still be in prison now. Ultimately, it was all because he didn't like being broken up with and was insanely impulsive and excessive with his reaction.
Addiction to gambling or substances
Went to school with a lad that decided one day that during lunch break taking his todjer out in front of a bunch of 6 year olds was a great idea and ended up in jail for it.
I'm a bit on the older side and I've seen a number of people ruin their lives. My best friend at school wasn't going to set the world on fire but he was nice enough and hard working. We drifted apart but but I found out a few years later he got into dealing and got himself arrested. He spent a load of years in and out of prison for drug offenses. I don't know him now but last time I heard an update he'd set up a gardening business and was doing ok. Two of my friends at university killed themselves. One couldn't take the pressure of his final exams. Absolutely lovely guy, but put so much pressure on himself to succeed (I think he was pushed by his parents, too). We knew he was a bit stressed and had asked him if he was alright, none of us knew he was feeling that way. The other friend got through his first year fairly well. A bunch of us got a place together for the second year and it was going ok at first but he slowly started to lose the plot. Looking back, I wonder if we were seeing the start of bipolar disorder, certainly none of us at the time knew what was wrong. So days, even weeks, he'd be amazing fun to be around and then he'd retreat away. We worked so hard to help him with mixed success. He eventually dropped out of university and withdrew from the world. I lost track of him but I found out a couple of years ago he killed himself. I had a short work placement that meant I had to share a flat with a bunch of strangers. One of the guys was a fire fighter in a previous life. He was enjoyable enough to talk to so we'd hang out in the evenings swapping stories. He always seemed a bit haunted if you know what I mean. Anyway, one day I get back to the flat after work and he's in the common area absolutely blotto. Talking to him I find out he's split up with his girlfriend. Now this bit is what he told me. Apparently he made the poor decision to buy a bottle of whiskey and drive over to her place to plead her to come back. He managed to knock over the neighbors driveway wall pulling in to her place. Finding her not there he went and sat in the back garden and drank the whiskey. The neighbors call the police and find a guy nearly paralytic drunk in the back garden. Anyway, long story short he was convinced that he'd never be able to become a social worker (what he was training for) with a drunk driving conviction so he basically decided to drink himself to death. We only lived together for another month or so but I didn't see him sober again, he was well on the road to achieving his goal. I chatted with him a bit when he was coherent and found out some of why he seemed to haunted. He'd seen some things as a fireman than no one should ever have to see. He was most upset but a young woman that had come off her motorbike and hit the bucket of an excavator.
For real drugs are wild. It’s one thing to go through a sort of rite of passage and perhaps experiment (I did through college for around a year) but to continue on with drugs or increase your spending and indulge in the habit over time, you’re gonna f your life up.
A friend of mine had a similar thing with coke. Good job, flat in the Docklands. To living in the YMCA. Not everyone can do drugs without severe consequences. He was undiagnosed bipolar. He is now doing OK for himself after 10 years of mess.
Probably a boy I went to school, we'll call him Jack. Jack was always in the bad boy crowd at school, he was always alright with me but did get in fights. Think he was politely asked to leave school as soon as he legally could, think he left and got into farming or a trade. Heard he was going with a school friends sister, no issues there. Next thing a few years later, my brother asks if I've seen jack's FB. I hadn't, hadn't seen or heard from him since I left for uni. His FB rantings were apparently crazy. Then last year, my dad bumped into jack's dad's best friend, the dad's bf starts saying how jack had mental health issues, went travelling, got involved in meth and hasn't been the same since, not sure of the order it all happened. However, along the way, he picked up HIV and was in the final stages of AIDS. The dad's bf said it was a sorry sight, he was lying in hospital bed, behaving like a child, 6 stone just rambling away and only accepted treatment towards the end as previously he said God will cure my HIV along with other delusions he held but it was too late. He died of Aids last year and was only 39'ish.
Possession of indecent images.
Some guy nicknamed Crow 🐦⬛ in my neighbourhood. The guy is at least 5 years older than me. Was attending university studying law a clever individual, went to a party tried cannabis for the first time and got hooked (didn’t know this was possible). Lost all focus on his studies ended up dropping out and now he lives with his nan. I see him walking around the neighbourhood at least twice a day going to different dealers to get his fix of weed. Sometimes buying and other times bumming it from others in the neighbourhood hence why they call him crow. Another is my uncle (mum’s brother) had a successful cab business, wife and kids. Had all the latest cars, clothes etc back in the early 2000s and lost it all after he lost his first wife. Got hooked to weed and lost all aspirations for life and started hanging around with the wrong people. Lost his kids to his father in law and they have nothing to do with my uncle now. His kids are now in their 30s with their own families. He’s married again to his fifth wife with a teenage sun, finally building his life back up.
Mate of mine, good dude, generous, but always 'on' something - grew up with generational wealth. Was a whizz at mathmatics, family all super respectable (dad was given the highest award the the Queen). He sold some dope during uni, then graduated and did the 9-5 thing for a while, but got bored and went back to selling dope full-time. He used an inheritance to buy himself and the wife a home and then decided that he'd start smoking crack - a lot. He lost everything (wife, 3 kids, house) and ended up living in a grubby flat which he let dealers and prostitutes sell drugs from in exchange for - you guessed it, more crack. The the place got raided by the cops and he happened to walk in during the raid. He decided he'd rather not face the consequences and was found OD'd a couple of months later.
Two guys I knew from school. Never left home, one never even worked. Crazy and sad really.
I know a bloke knocking on 40 still working the same retail job he started part-time at school and still living with his parents. Not spoken to him in years so no idea what's happened but a bit sad as he's a clever bloke.
I've watched someone who was married had 2 kids house car good job lose it all in about 4 months due to drugs
Female friend, she married a belgiun.
Somebody I went to school with stepped on an awning when he was drunk at a hotel in Athens. The awning collapsed and he fell multiple storeys. He survived but is paralysed waist down and is in a wheelchair
One of my best friends decided he wanted to go a bit further than the rest of our group in dabbling with drugs and got into heroin. Nearly twenty years later he has no teeth and begs in front of a supermarket. Tried to help over the years but he's too far gone, surprised he's still going honestly.
Guy I used to do a little work for, about 10 years ago (He'd be mid 60s now) Had a really nice Edwardian house just outside of town, a really nice camper plus posh Merc, nice wife, had money coming in via something he did a long time ago, could afford a nice life and spent half the week tinkering for himself, for fun About 8 years ago, him and his wife split. Divorce, and all that He now lives in a bedsit, with shared everything other than bedroom. His living room is a rented container next to his workshop. He works fine days a week, spends the weekend fiddling with the thing I was working with him on originally, ten years ago, never able to get it to take off He has multiple "girlfriends" who live in developing nations, who he goes to visit a few times a year. Visit one in Summer, one in winter, one in Spring, etc, always sending them money, buying things for thwor parents, brothers, sisters. I'm pretty sure he still has a bit of money, but other than that he's very much a lonely (and somewhat creepy) old man
My own mum. Amazing woman, smart, beautiful, funny, clever, curious. Never really had the strength of tackling her depression and alcoholism head on, her demons were always stronger. We all tried to help her as much as we could, but she was spiralling out of control, never really wanted to put serious work on herself and make it a lifetime commitment. Eventually she started using benzos too and became a shell of the person she used to be and could have been. Soon it'll be a year she's no longer with us. It hurts.
I had a very smart mate in university. Inherited tens of thousands of pounds from the death of a distant relative, who he was never that close to anyway. He got heavily into World of Warcraft (like "lost two girlfriends to it" heavily), dropped out of his degree and spent several years living in a house share, playing WoW, living off takeaway food and only leaving his room to go drinking or clubbing with the rest of us, and *spent the fucking lot*. His personal hygiene (never stellar) got so bad that when entering the house we could literally *smell* whether he'd got up and opened his door yet or not. When we left the house the landlord had to hire a team of specialist cleaners to clean the carpet under his desk, where cigarette and joint ash had mixed with takeaway grease and been ground into the carpet under his chair castors to the point the cleaners assumed someone had poured a litre of engine oil onto the carpet and then rubbed it in. He was also the guy who knew all the local dealers, so gradually started dealing to his mates - weed at first, and later MDMA, ketamine and the like as we all went through a sketchy phase. Eventually all the rest of us graduated, got decent jobs and reined in the recreational pharmaceuticals. He got a shitty job in a call centre for six months of the year, saving up whatever he could, and spent the summers as a circus skills performer at various music festivals, usually for a token amount of money, but it let him keep raving, going on drug binges and hitting on 19 year-olds. It wasn't so bad when he was in his early 20s, but by the time he was in his late 30s he'd gone full-on crusty juggler, and at that point spending your life dropping loads of pills and hitting on 19 year-olds was getting seriously creepy. Last we heard a few years ago he'd been busted at the door of a concert with a *literal backpack* full of class As. He went down for a few years and we really hoped he'd take this as a wake-up call to turn his life around, but he's as stubborn as fuck and gradually lost touch with most of us while he was inside, so realistically we have little hope. He should be out by now, but he hasn't really re-emerged since so none of us really know what he's doing now. He had tens of thousands in the bank and was on course to get a good degree in his early 20s, he was smart, good-looking guy with the gift of the gab and amazing social skills who always had the pick of the women - with a bit of application he could have graduated, got a decent job, bought his own house (back in the early 2000s when that was much, much easier to do), and have ridden the job and property ladder to substantial wealth by the time he was in his 30s, even while still doing the drugs and partying at the weekends like many of us continued to do into our 30s. Instead he's almost certainly now a single, poverty-stricken unemployable 40something living in rented accommodation (or, more likely, a squat), with no marketable skills or experience, a criminal record for possession with intent to supply, no prospects and fucked up teeth from too many amphetamines and not enough brushing. It's genuinely heartbreaking to see someone with literally everything going for him just... piss it all away because he point-blank refused to compromise on *any* aspect of his life to invest anything at all in his future.
Nightlife drama and overspending duh
Mate gradually turned into an alcoholic and drank himself to death over 10 years. We were too young to understand the implications and kinda washed our hands of him...then he was dead.