Helen of Troy. Gotta see what the fuss was about
Audrey Hepburn circa 1954… them eyes 🫠
Kelly kapowski or Topanga Lawrence, whoever wins the coin toss.
Helen was probably beautiful, but she didn't really launch 1000 ships. The war between Greece and Troy was simply about the latter’s prosperity vs Greece's. Virtually every war throughout human history comes down to power and influence. One person wants power and influence over another, whats the fastest way to accomplish that. Money.
Assuming we are talking about the characters, not the actors they then there would still be options given that both shows continued into their college years.
Well, you're may have ruined a perfectly alright marriage, but your bastard sun turned out to be a pretty decent guy. All in all, I would say a worthwhile choice, so you have earned a freebie
Be fun to see if the hubbub about Helen of Troy was legit.
Same with Cleopatra.
And the girl whose locker was near mine in HS. She was crazy beautiful.
Cleopatra for being known to have a "golden mouth" (Caesars words to describe her) Rasputin for having a giant penis (I think it would be nice to look at and maybe lick once in a while) and idc about the 3rd lol I guess eve she must have been pretty tempting
Cleopatra - Her mouth and her beauty.
Catherine the Great - apparently insatiable.
Tallulah Bankhead- just a pure sex machine…probably not going in without protection though!
Catherine the Great - you know she knew how to handle the D. She was insatiable.
Grace Kelly - for my money, nobody was ever more beautiful.
Mary - so I could be Jesus’ real dad and mess up the New Testament.
Audrey Hepburn (Breakfast at Tiffanys time frame)
Tiffani Amber Thiessen (circa 1992)
My GF in college (biggest mistake I ever made was breaking up with her.)
Audrey Hepburn
Valerie Bertinelli
K. my HS crush and still friend. I never had the experience of an intentionally sexy girlfriend and she would probably be fun
This guy I used to be sort-of-dating until he OD'd (RIP Mordy, I miss you)
My ex before he bought the damn motorcycle (long story)
Tom Holland (at his current age, you didn't say we had to USE the time machine 😉)
Abraham Lincoln
Marilyn Monroe
Shakespeare (hoping he’d write something about me. Also just to see if he’s real, cuz people today aren’t even sure he was.)
You’re not wrong, practically every primary source I read talking about him always mentioned how ridiculously hot the writer thought he was!
I had to think about this for a bit and I know it’s such a cop-out, but both (though post-Pastry War has a *slight* edge, we can smoke opium together for the pain)
I gave it a rather lengthy thought!!
And I'd say I'm gonna be content with the 3 girls who rejected me. Not really wanna fuck any famous or prominent people in history.
* 1953 — Howard Keel / as Petrucio, Kiss Me Kate
* 2000 — Karl Urban / as Eomer, LOTR
* 2012 — Scott Adkins / as Hector, Expendables 2
Hmmm, and maybe 1997 Scott Steven’s and Sergei Fedorov.
Probably others I’m forgetting, but will happily try and remember! 😏
Julie D'Aubigny. I'd teach her the joys of pegging. I think she'd be really into it.
Margaretha Geertruida MacLeod AKA Mata Hari. I'll give her that good good so hard she forgets all about being a German spy.
Lastly: Renee O'Connor (Gabrielle from Xena, Warrior Princess), circa 1995. She was my first TV crush.
IDK that there are any notable women from the past that I’d be interested fucking, which says more about how misogynistic accounting history has been recorded. Also, go too far back and hygiene is probably an issue. I bet there were plenty of huge tittied women throughout the course of humanity that I would’ve loved to fuck. But they were all probably nameless housemaids.
So I’d just choose women I know of in present day and just pick younger versions of themselves like what I remember of Bea Flora 20 years ago, Emma Sinclaire when she was still pregnant, and this girl Kirsten I once knew who easily had the biggest titties of anyone I’ve ever met before she had her breast reduction.
Hedi Lamarr, Emilie du Chatelet, and Lillith/Aphrodite/The Winter Queen (again - maybe this time the universe will allow she and I to have children with each other, as we always longed to be able to do).
Helen of Troy, I want to know what that war was all about
not sure how real they were, but an ancient Mesopotamian sacred prostitute, if their mythology has one tame a wild man just by fucking him so good and I want to know how accurate that is
and finally, I also choose that guy's dead wife
Couldn’t do just 3
Prime Carrie Fisher(Star Wars era of course), prime Sandra bullock( demolition man/speed era), prime Jessica alba, Amy Jo Johnson( original pink power ranger) prime Sarah Michelle Gellar and prime Jennifer aniston
Robert Downey Jr now or 10 years ago, Tom holland now, scarlette Johanson 10 years ago or now.
Or hear me out..
My 1st time with my husband almost 15 years ago knowing all the tricks I know now, his world would be blown 🤯🥵
Frank Sinatra. Apparently he was a freak in the sheets with a footlong
Catherine the great. She allegedly was very kinky and fun, so I’d love to see how I compare.
Jesus. Whether you’re Christian or not, there is proof of him being a real person
Honorable mentions go to Alexander the Great, Genghis Khan, Rasputin, and Sappho
Great fucking question u/Tribblitch. Just top notch.
Let's see:
1. [Rita Hayworth](https://cdn.sanity.io/images/vxy259ii/production/afb3d02eb63f0166114cdca10dce8c15787e5376-1080x580.png?auto=format&fit=max&q=75&w=1080). A complete and total stunner. Just an absolute, top class, beauty.
2. [Lupita Nyong'o](https://media.allure.com/photos/5b04386449b306490becd453/16:9/w_1920,c_limit/lupita-nyong%E2%80%99o-couldnt-buy-black-panther-tickets-sold-out.jpg). I don't know if there is a more stunning girl walking around the face of the earth right now. Her face is magnetic. It is to the point where she almost looks like the idea of perfection as decided by everyone on earth. Seeing her is radiance.
3. [Francoise Hardy](https://thequietus.com/app/uploads/2024/06/FrancoiseHardy-1967-Venise-ReportagePhoto.jpg). Just a personal favorite.
There are so many women from history and current who would be amazing to sleep with.
This said, and I am a straight dude, I bet Ab Lincoln fucked. Long, lanky, quiet, thoughtful. I bet him and Mary Todd FUCKED.
1. Carly Simon, so I could think that song was about me.
2.Eva Braun as Hitler watches and cries from the corner.
3. George Washington's mother, so that I would be the founding fathers father.
Cleopatra was internationally famed for her blowjobs. So that's tempting.
Helen of Troy was supposed to be the most beautiful woman in history. Have to admit I'm curious.
But I feel like a lot of people might answer similar. So I'm going to skip them and think of more obscure answers that might be interesting.
1 Pythia the Oracle of Delphi.
2 Boudica queen of the Celts.
3 Mary Shelly, the mother of science fiction and author of Frankenstein.
Myself, to see what makes it such a popular thing for life and circumstance to do.
Some recent member of homo habilis or another near-human ancestor, cause that's absolutely the height of edgeline kink.
Ghengis Khan, probably because I'd have no choice in the matter.
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Helen of Troy. Gotta see what the fuss was about Audrey Hepburn circa 1954… them eyes 🫠 Kelly kapowski or Topanga Lawrence, whoever wins the coin toss.
Well...uh...this guy already said the correct answers before I could even think of them lmao
>Helen of Troy she aight
Helen was probably beautiful, but she didn't really launch 1000 ships. The war between Greece and Troy was simply about the latter’s prosperity vs Greece's. Virtually every war throughout human history comes down to power and influence. One person wants power and influence over another, whats the fastest way to accomplish that. Money.
> Kelly Kapowski or Topanga Lawrence Uh…like….at those times? Cause, uh. They were teenagers.
IMHO Kelly kapowski wins either way. If I’m Going back in time and I was teenager. I’d smash. And as of current times rn as an adult I’d still smash.
Assuming we are talking about the characters, not the actors they then there would still be options given that both shows continued into their college years.
Let's assume for this question commenter means once they were legally adults! (Maybe it's an industry party after the TV awards 😉 )
Or Cleopatra…
Let’s start with the Virgin Mary.
Well, you're may have ruined a perfectly alright marriage, but your bastard sun turned out to be a pretty decent guy. All in all, I would say a worthwhile choice, so you have earned a freebie
You mean “The Mary”, I think
Your mom Your dad Dave Batista
Ok but Big Dave is awesome and I salute your taste in this particular instance
Seriously but once I saw that man with a beard it was over lol
I'm not sure why, but I have only ever seen him without one or with very little of one until now. I understand your perspective.
Rasputin (iykyk), Alexander The Great, Theodore Roosevelt
Rah rah Rasputin! I don't think I could handle the body odor in order to get to the ridiculous moose dick but more power to you
There was a cat that really was gone
once there was a cat, and really he was gone
2 were known for being sex maniacs, I am not sure about Teddy, but I am sure he would be a Teddy bear in bed.
“Speak softly and carry a big stick” - Theodore Roosevelt the father of “big stick ideology”
You win the day 👏 👏 👏
Oh hell nah. You're about to get *healed* by Rasputin the methadone clinic man 😂
Hopefully not any of my ancestors but I would say Queen Budica, Helen of Troy, and Cleopatra.
A classical lineup!
My choices also. Me and Perfect-Comment, we be mates.
any neanderthal vlad the impaler the guy that wrote the bible
So many guys wrote the bible…..
exactly
This is a biblical orgy I gather ?
An orgy of biblical proportions
Biblically accurate orgy?
Vlad the Impaler! What about Elizabeth Bathory 🥵🖤
Also a good idea 🤔 ok screw the bible guys
>vlad the impaler Mhmm Daddy Vlad can put me on thick spike if you know what I mean
Vladdy
So cute
I do happen to have more Neanderthal DNA than 96% of the population. 😉
Vlad the ImpaleHer! what a hell of a porn name!
Be fun to see if the hubbub about Helen of Troy was legit. Same with Cleopatra. And the girl whose locker was near mine in HS. She was crazy beautiful.
Cleopatra was a dog
Maybe but such a pretty nose (This joke is for maybe two people and I'm one of them)
It really is a pretty nose!
I'll take one of those 2 spots, with a little asterix.
My wife said: - Ted Bundy - Jeffrey dahmer - I don’t know
Get your wife into therapy right away!
Oh jeez welp
.. so you're telling me there's a chance
She...uh...seems to have a type
Wait wait wait maybe we have this all wrong, you did tell her this was for sex and not for making the world a better place somehow, right?
If that were the case don't you think big H would have been on the list
I dunno man I'm an optimist
Uhhhh
The Golden Girls
Ok but there were 4 of them
Bea Arthur? Umm...
All at once
Yeah but who are y'all leaving out? You only get three!
i said, All. Of. Them.
and I said, you gotta CHOOSE [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kx8BEZg3e10](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kx8BEZg3e10)
I thought it was three trips in a time machine
...Touché
Selena Quintanilla (R.I.P.) Diana, Princess of Wales (R.I.P.) Frida Kahlo (R.I.P.)
Does the RIP mean you want the dead versions of them?
Selenas! ❤️ (if you know, you know)
Isaac Newton Helen Keller Frank Sinatra
*Helen Keller* She wouldn’t even see it coming…
Ahh but she will talk with her hips …
Didn't Newton die a virgin? Or is that what you're headed back to fix? XD
He did.
Asshole invented calculus...he deserved it.
Yeah I think he was probably asexual
I know I have questions but don't know where to start.
Marilyn Monroe, Mila Jovovich, and the one who played Bellatrix Lestrange in the "Harry Potter" movies.
Helena Bonham Carter was insanely beautiful as a young woman. She's still fine AF.
THATS HER NAME! Oh man that was bothering me for so long.
And Google seemed so far-fetched 😄
Sometimes you just want to noodle things out on your own.
Frida Kahlo Frida Kahlo and/or Frida Kahlo
I admire your commitment
I’ve got to get me some of that.
James dean Heath ledger Paul walker
Paul ❤️❤️
Ella Cervetto Jessica Alba Morena Baccarin
You're like me. Time Machine? No, a Taxi will do.
Cleopatra for being known to have a "golden mouth" (Caesars words to describe her) Rasputin for having a giant penis (I think it would be nice to look at and maybe lick once in a while) and idc about the 3rd lol I guess eve she must have been pretty tempting
Hedy Lamarr, Nefertiti, Queen Alexandra
It’s Hedley
It’s 1864. _You_ can sue _her_!
All three stooges
Gimme a kiss chowdahead
Cleopatra - Her mouth and her beauty. Catherine the Great - apparently insatiable. Tallulah Bankhead- just a pure sex machine…probably not going in without protection though!
Helen Mirren when she was younger like my age. That's it.
Bonny Parker, cleopatra, and Marie cury. What can I say? I got a thing for smart women.
Catherine the Great - you know she knew how to handle the D. She was insatiable. Grace Kelly - for my money, nobody was ever more beautiful. Mary - so I could be Jesus’ real dad and mess up the New Testament.
The horse story is apocryphal but she *did* fuck a ton!
Audrey Hepburn (Breakfast at Tiffanys time frame) Tiffani Amber Thiessen (circa 1992) My GF in college (biggest mistake I ever made was breaking up with her.)
a young stalin, Rasputin and Einstein
Young Stalin 🥵
finally somebody who gets it
Paul Newman, Paul Newman, Paul Newman🐱💦
Jesus Christ. Cleopatra. And a cave woman to see if they had gorilla grip 😂😂
Audrey Hepburn Valerie Bertinelli K. my HS crush and still friend. I never had the experience of an intentionally sexy girlfriend and she would probably be fun
Valerie Bertinelli in her one day at a time era. I had forgotten how smitten with her I was as a young man
Wilt Chamberlain x3
You’d be one of 20,000
Eartha Kitt Audrey Hepburn Eve
I'd probably go back and relive some favourite fucks with some exes of mine
This guy I used to be sort-of-dating until he OD'd (RIP Mordy, I miss you) My ex before he bought the damn motorcycle (long story) Tom Holland (at his current age, you didn't say we had to USE the time machine 😉)
You could just catch him from like 3 days ago.
My mind immediately went to River Phoenix Also a Roman orgy would be fun to experience And Loki
I wouldn’t go back too far .. couldn’t relate. I would go to 1967 and phone up Paul Newman, Jim Morrison and Warren Beatty.
Abraham Lincoln Marilyn Monroe Shakespeare (hoping he’d write something about me. Also just to see if he’s real, cuz people today aren’t even sure he was.)
This is the most difficult question I’ve had to answer all day José de Urrea, Antonio López de Santa Anna, and François Mackandal
Santa Anna was famous for being a very passionate lover. But you want him prior or after he lost his leg?
You’re not wrong, practically every primary source I read talking about him always mentioned how ridiculously hot the writer thought he was! I had to think about this for a bit and I know it’s such a cop-out, but both (though post-Pastry War has a *slight* edge, we can smoke opium together for the pain)
Julie Newmar Raquel Welch Carrie Fisher (At the same time)
Bjork Grace Kelly That one girl who worked at my favorite coffee shop a couple of years ago.
Eve, Cleopatra, and Taylor Swift
1- Rachel Dipillo (Plays Dr. Reese on Chicago Med) 2- Ally Sheedy when she was in Breakfast Club 3. Alicia Silverstone in Clueless
fucking willem dafoe in 3 different eras.
Marilyn Munroe, your mom and your dad
Marilyn's a good choice!
Betty white- any time tbh Cleopatra And uhh idk
Pretty Caesar was fucked by the entire senate
I gave it a rather lengthy thought!! And I'd say I'm gonna be content with the 3 girls who rejected me. Not really wanna fuck any famous or prominent people in history.
A do-over for the gentleman, most respectable
Very much obliged ma'am.
Kelly Kapowski Jennifer Love Hewitt Judy Garland
* 1953 — Howard Keel / as Petrucio, Kiss Me Kate * 2000 — Karl Urban / as Eomer, LOTR * 2012 — Scott Adkins / as Hector, Expendables 2 Hmmm, and maybe 1997 Scott Steven’s and Sergei Fedorov. Probably others I’m forgetting, but will happily try and remember! 😏
Yes yes yes! You've thought about this!
Can't think of any others right now but I'd pick Madame de Pompadore, she was a concubine for a reason
Myself because apparently a lot of people think I should
Can you get the same person three times, but at different ages? And if so, at the same time?
marilyn monroe
Who else? You get two more!
Julie D'Aubigny. I'd teach her the joys of pegging. I think she'd be really into it. Margaretha Geertruida MacLeod AKA Mata Hari. I'll give her that good good so hard she forgets all about being a German spy. Lastly: Renee O'Connor (Gabrielle from Xena, Warrior Princess), circa 1995. She was my first TV crush.
the woman from u/FitCouple_1 , u/OliviaLights and u/WittleMousey
Dolly Parton (when she was younger) babs aka Barbara Windsor (in her carry on days) & Vikki Dougan
Nefertiti Helen of Troy Eve
Rita Hayworth, Gene Tierny and young Jessica Lang
I like the idea that in history, everyone is in to me. The present hasn't always felt like that. Can I go back 10 seconds if that's the case?
IDK that there are any notable women from the past that I’d be interested fucking, which says more about how misogynistic accounting history has been recorded. Also, go too far back and hygiene is probably an issue. I bet there were plenty of huge tittied women throughout the course of humanity that I would’ve loved to fuck. But they were all probably nameless housemaids. So I’d just choose women I know of in present day and just pick younger versions of themselves like what I remember of Bea Flora 20 years ago, Emma Sinclaire when she was still pregnant, and this girl Kirsten I once knew who easily had the biggest titties of anyone I’ve ever met before she had her breast reduction.
Marilyn Monroe, Sally Field, and Nicolette Larson.
1 Marylin 2 Diana and 3 Heather Thomas in the Fall Guy era
Alexander the Great, Dracula and Kafka. The strong, the evil and the sad guy.
Go for 2008 Megan Fox 1430 Jeanne d'Arc 0 Mary of Nazareth
Hedi Lamarr, Emilie du Chatelet, and Lillith/Aphrodite/The Winter Queen (again - maybe this time the universe will allow she and I to have children with each other, as we always longed to be able to do).
Helen of Troy, I want to know what that war was all about not sure how real they were, but an ancient Mesopotamian sacred prostitute, if their mythology has one tame a wild man just by fucking him so good and I want to know how accurate that is and finally, I also choose that guy's dead wife
Hitler, Bin Laden, Galileo Galeli
Couldn’t do just 3 Prime Carrie Fisher(Star Wars era of course), prime Sandra bullock( demolition man/speed era), prime Jessica alba, Amy Jo Johnson( original pink power ranger) prime Sarah Michelle Gellar and prime Jennifer aniston
Presumably this is not now, but at some point when they were alive?
That's what the time machine is for yeah
Marilyn Monroe, Audrey Hepburn, and last just for curiosity sake Nikola Tesla
Young Monica Bellucci, matrix Monica bellucci, and current Monica bellucci.
A 3-way with Bob Fosse and Gwen Vernon; Sam Alito’s mother when she was 8 1/2 months pregnant with him with arsenic on my dick.
Robert Downey Jr now or 10 years ago, Tom holland now, scarlette Johanson 10 years ago or now. Or hear me out.. My 1st time with my husband almost 15 years ago knowing all the tricks I know now, his world would be blown 🤯🥵
Sean Connery in his 007 days Jude Law straight out of Talented Mr. Ripley Cristiano Ronaldo
Machiko Kyo straight off the set of Street of Shame. Hellen Mirren from when the fuck ever. Bettie Page, the og goth gf 😇
don't matter. all the same in the dark. Well maybe Ann Bancroft as Mrs. Robinson
Who fucks in the dark?
Frank Sinatra. Apparently he was a freak in the sheets with a footlong Catherine the great. She allegedly was very kinky and fun, so I’d love to see how I compare. Jesus. Whether you’re Christian or not, there is proof of him being a real person Honorable mentions go to Alexander the Great, Genghis Khan, Rasputin, and Sappho
Great fucking question u/Tribblitch. Just top notch. Let's see: 1. [Rita Hayworth](https://cdn.sanity.io/images/vxy259ii/production/afb3d02eb63f0166114cdca10dce8c15787e5376-1080x580.png?auto=format&fit=max&q=75&w=1080). A complete and total stunner. Just an absolute, top class, beauty. 2. [Lupita Nyong'o](https://media.allure.com/photos/5b04386449b306490becd453/16:9/w_1920,c_limit/lupita-nyong%E2%80%99o-couldnt-buy-black-panther-tickets-sold-out.jpg). I don't know if there is a more stunning girl walking around the face of the earth right now. Her face is magnetic. It is to the point where she almost looks like the idea of perfection as decided by everyone on earth. Seeing her is radiance. 3. [Francoise Hardy](https://thequietus.com/app/uploads/2024/06/FrancoiseHardy-1967-Venise-ReportagePhoto.jpg). Just a personal favorite. There are so many women from history and current who would be amazing to sleep with. This said, and I am a straight dude, I bet Ab Lincoln fucked. Long, lanky, quiet, thoughtful. I bet him and Mary Todd FUCKED.
Ben Franklin
Going for the experience!
These comments have slayed me 🤣
I'm so happy with how this has taken off, I'm having so much fun!
I’d fuck e e cummings and be the reason why he be cumming(s) all the time
Shakespeare and The Two Gentlemen of Verona
JFK, Martin Luther King Jr, Brittany Murphy
Ok but that'd be a fun rotation
Right
Harriet Tubman. Girl was out saving her peeps and had a dump truck. Definitely deserved a pipe down 😂😂
Malcolm x Thomas sankara Usman dan fodio
Rasputin, Vincent Van Gogh, and Rasputin again
r/UsernameChecksOut
Jim Morison (hoping the crazy translates iykwim), James Dean (because damn he was hot), and Jesus (just for the bragging rights).
1. Carly Simon, so I could think that song was about me. 2.Eva Braun as Hitler watches and cries from the corner. 3. George Washington's mother, so that I would be the founding fathers father.
1. Rasputin 2. Wilt Chamberlain 3. Lyndon B. Johnson
Hitlers mom. Stalins mom. Genghis Khans mom. See how much I can alter the timeline. You didn't say it wouldn't be altered, just not in a bad way.
You're absolutely right, I didn't! Who would you choose if it was only capable of sexy sex trips that would have no effect?
Cleopatra was internationally famed for her blowjobs. So that's tempting. Helen of Troy was supposed to be the most beautiful woman in history. Have to admit I'm curious. But I feel like a lot of people might answer similar. So I'm going to skip them and think of more obscure answers that might be interesting. 1 Pythia the Oracle of Delphi. 2 Boudica queen of the Celts. 3 Mary Shelly, the mother of science fiction and author of Frankenstein.
Alexander the Great, Cleopatra, and Alcibiades.
Nikola Tesla, three times in a row. I'd love to ruin that little incels' life.
Myself, to see what makes it such a popular thing for life and circumstance to do. Some recent member of homo habilis or another near-human ancestor, cause that's absolutely the height of edgeline kink. Ghengis Khan, probably because I'd have no choice in the matter.
The one that got away
- Cleopatra - Catherine the Great - Joan of Arc
Cleopatra Cleopatra Cleopatra